Why Does Watching Others Reconcile HURT So Badly?

Have you ever felt a wave of grief after seeing a mother and child reunite—especially when your own child still won’t speak to you? You’re not alone. In this heartfelt video, I’m opening up about why watching reconciliation stories can hurt so deeply for estranged moms.

We’ll talk about the emotional rollercoaster of comparison, the silent grief that gets triggered by social media, and how to protect your heart while still holding on to hope. If you’ve ever thought, “Why them and not me?” or blamed yourself for the distance in your relationship, this video is for you.

It’s okay to be happy for someone else while still hurting for yourself. You can honor your pain and your journey without shame. And I’ll share how you can begin to cope with those big feelings in a healthy way.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Have you ever seen or heard of a momand her child embracing after years
separated and instead of feeling hopeor happiness for them, your heart sinks.
You are happy for them, but italso feels like a punch to the gut.
You know, if you've ever cried afterscrolling past a reconciliation
story online or read an article,you know you're not alone.

(00:23):
Today I wanna talk about somethingthat many moms silently carry.
And I know this because that wasme, as well as many of my clients,
and while watching others reconcilecan hurt, I wanna talk to you
about what to do with that pain.
I have four points for youtoday, so let's dive right in.

(00:50):
Number one is it remindsyou of what you've lost.
or maybe still don't have, whether you areestranged from your son or your daughter.
I know that every photo or story ofreconnection, well, I believe you
truly are happy for that person,you grief is outweighing any of that

(01:13):
happiness, and so that reconnectionstory can cut deeper for that reason.
it's not just a momentof someone else's joy.
It mirrors back to you your own loss.
I think that's where the pain comesin, and I want you to know that
I do not believe it's jealousy,
This is grief.

(01:34):
The kind that doesn't always come with afuneral, but still leaves you mourning.
in that grief, it's easy to askyourself, what did I do wrong?
But you have to remember thatsomeone else's reunion doesn't
mean you failed, Your situation.
has no hope anymore.
That's not what it means.
Your story, their storyis still being written.

(01:57):
So I don't want you to thinkyou missed your moment because
someone else has some joy.
You're just simply noton the same chapter yet.
Never compare yourself to someone else's.
Chapter number two is comparison.
You know, it's almost likeemotional whiplash, right?
You feel hopeful one minute, andthen you're devastated the next.

(02:18):
And that's the rollercoasterof the comparison trap.
And I don't want you stuck in that.
Talk a lot about social media.
My last video talked about it, but Iwant you to know that especially in the
healing journeys, if you're seeing itonline, you're seeing the end result.
You're seeing the miracle momentof someone else's journey.

(02:41):
What you're not seeing in that photoor article is the years of pain, the
counseling, the coaching, the distance,the family arguments, the tears.
So while you feel triggered, Iwant you to pause and really turn
that comparison into curiosity.
What can I learn from this?

(03:03):
What do I need right nowto care for my heart?
And if you're tired of walking thisalone, I want to invite you to take
the next step in your own healing.
I have a discovery call.
It is not a coaching call, it is aconsultation, so spots are limited.
please do sign up when you're seriousabout prioritizing your own wellbeing,

(03:24):
and you and I get to have a conversationabout what's going on, how it's
affecting you, and I can let youknow how I might be able to help you.
Number three is youstart blaming yourself.
Okay, so we all know we do that, right?
But that's a trap.
And you might be thinking, when yousee these other moms reconcile, why

(03:44):
can't I fix this What's wrong with me?
this isn't just sadness, it'sthe self blame that kind of
sneaks in through the back door.
healing is never one sided.
It takes two willing people to rebuild,trust, communication, and connection.
Any relationship takes two people.
if it's one sided and they're notready yet, or if your adult child

(04:09):
isn't emotionally safe at thistime, they're not ready or willing,
it's not a reflection of you.
You are allowed to behealing even if they're not.
So you need to stay focusedon your part of the journey
because you can't control theirs.
lastly, number four isguarding your heart online.

(04:31):
Like I mentioned earlier, you know, Iwant you to really, really consider this.
I don't think people realize
the detriment of how.
Online can really affect people.
I think it affects all of usto some extent, but when you're
in a bad place, that's the lastplace you should be going, right?

(04:55):
You scroll into some miracle momentwithout warning someone else's
miracle moment, and then you startspiraling and you're home alone.
You're sitting there on your phone.
You may or may not even know these people.
You know nothing about their journey, buteverything looks perfect now, doesn't it?
this doesn't mean you're weak.
It just means that you need boundariesfor your own emotional health.

(05:18):
muting or unfollowing those accountsif someone doesn't bring you joy.
If someone doesn't lift you up, if someonethat you're following doesn't encourage
you, then you need to delete them.
Trust me, I've done a lot of that.
I have very few people that I follow.
You need to have a safescroll list, right?
People that lift yourspirit, not crush it.

(05:41):
And so just be intentionalabout it, you know?
Your phone should never have morepower than your peace or your faith.
You are allowed to protect these things.
You are allowed to protect yourheart and your healing by what
you see and do and experience.
And so I just wanna remind you thatif you are watching others reconcile,

(06:02):
if it makes your chest tightenand, tears fall, you're not broken.
You're a mom with a deep well of love,even if your story has not reached the
healing chapter Yet it is still unfolding.
It is still unfolding.
And so I just wanna encourageyou, there is no deadline on
this and there's always hope

(06:26):
I hope this blessed you today.
I will see you in the next episode.
God bless.