Your Child’s Battles Are NOT YOURS TO FIGHT

Are you carrying your adult child’s battles on your back—losing sleep, feeling helpless, and wondering where you went wrong? Whether they’re struggling with addiction, anxiety, depression, or just completely shut you out… it’s crushing. But here’s the truth: you were never meant to carry what only God can heal.

In this video, we’re talking about the painful but holy act of surrender—letting go without giving up, and trusting God to fight the battles you can’t fix. You’ll walk away with encouragement AND practical steps you can take today to start living in peace, even if your child is still far from you.

READY TO TAKE YOUR FIRST STEP? Book a discovery call for a consultation.👇 Discovery call link: https://calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Have you ever watched your childwrestle with anxiety, addiction,
toxic relationships, maybe evendepression, or maybe they've pulled
away shut you out completely.
What happens?
Your heart wants to step in.
We want to rescue them.
We want to fix the mess, right?
But here's the truth.

(00:21):
You're not their savior.
This battle is not yours to fight.
It's God's.
Today I wanna talk to the momwho's carrying what God never asked
her to carry because that was me.
we're gonna talk about a faithfulsurrender, but also what does it
practically look like to releasecontrol without walking away in shame?

(00:47):
Today, I have four pointsfor you in regards to this,
and so let's dive right in.
Number one is love without control.
You know, as moms, I think we're wired tonurture and to guide and to protect them.
And as you know, this was ourrole for many, many years.

(01:09):
But when your child is an adult andtheir struggles become deeper than
that scrape knee or the, the fightswith the best friends, you know, the
rules change and so does your role.
you might think, oh, but if Icould just say the right thing,
they're gonna snap out of it.
You know, if I don't keep textingor checking in with them, they're

(01:29):
gonna think, I don't care.
How many of you have dealt with that?
Sometimes trying to helpturns into trying to control.
We get so wrapped up in thesituation, but really that's not love.
It's fear disguised as love.
So practically, what if you werepraying behind the scenes Even if

(01:53):
you can't show up in person, maybethey're not in your world right now.
Don't rush every silence witha solution or a sermon, right?
Let's be honest here.
You don't need to preach to them.
You don't need to solve the problems.
You don't need to give them a solutionto everything that they're going through.

(02:16):
some of this, they're gonna have to figureout on their own, just like you and I did.
Let that love of yours that you havefor them be steady, not smothering.
if you are in communication with themyou could even text them and say,
hey, I'm thinking of you that saysmore than this three paragraph
message that they don't wanna read.

(02:38):
But we need to learn when to releasebecause when we release, God takes over.
Ultimately, I think he is a much betterparent than you or I could ever be.
And so I don't know about you, but I wanthim taken over because I don't wanna be
responsible for this, and frankly, it'snot my responsibility and it's not yours.

(03:00):
So let's dive into number two.
Surrender is not giving up.
Like I said, it's giving it over.
Surrender isn't weakness, it's wisdom.
It truly is.
And yet so many moms feel like they'rebetraying their child by stepping back.
You know, like, if I don'tfight for them, who will?
And are there situations andtimes where we need to step in?

(03:22):
Of course there is,
but what I'm seeing is a lot of momsnavigating every little, conversation
and every mistake or every situationtrying to solve the problems.
You stop controlling evenif it's outta love, right?

(03:45):
It's basically just saying, God, Itrust you to go where I can't reach,
what I can't heal, what I can't.
replace that worry.
Maybe you're a journaler.
Get all those, get allthose thoughts down.
Some limits on how much energy youspend trying to track their life.

(04:06):
That doesn't mean indifference.
It really just means guarding your ownpeace, which many of you are not doing,
I would love to see So many of you stopacting impulsively because when you can
take a breath and take a step back andmake sure that the timing is right, get
a second opinion Don't always just gowith our gut in the sense of I really

(04:30):
wanna reach out to them, but maybeyou're sending that three paragraph
message rather than, I'm thinking of you.
if you're sitting here thinking, yep,this is me, this is hard, and I don't know
how to do this on my own, then I inviteyou to book a discovery call with me.
It's not a coaching session, but it's aconversation where you and I are gonna

(04:52):
talk about where you're at, what you'vetried, and how myself, and whether it be
one-on-one coaching, group coaching, howany of that might be able to support you.
We'll see if it's a good fit.
if you're interested, clickthe link in the show notes
below for the discovery call.
Spots are limited, so pleasejust sign up when you're serious
about prioritizing yourself.

(05:13):
You do not have to go throughthis alone, and I would love to
help you find that path forward.
number three is you weren'tmeant to carry this alone.
So how many of you feel like your child'sstruggle has become your emotional prison?
All areas of your life suffer.
if you're obsessing over theirnext move, you're not enjoying

(05:34):
your own life, you lose the abilityto rest in what God has for you.
Maybe you don't even know what thatlooks like, but for those of you that
do you know what it's like to lose it?
To feel that he's not close, to feellike he's just left you, but he hasn't.
We're the ones that move.

(05:56):
carrying that emotional weight is gonnaburn you out, and it doesn't save them.
It just breaks you.
So rather, I would love to see youagain, whether it's the surrender,
it's journaling, some people willmake a God to-do list the things
you're waiting for God to do andthen trust and believe in it.

(06:16):
I think many of us need tolearn to recognize the signs
that when you're carrying toomuch could be trouble sleeping.
Maybe you're irritable, maybeyou're isolating yourself.
pay attention to how you'refeeling physically and emotionally
and remember that this doesn'tmean that you stop loving.
It just means that youstop trying to carry.
Their situations.

(06:38):
And lastly, walk in faith.
Not Fear.
Fear is telling you, the enemy'stelling you what if they never change?
What if this never gets better?
Faith can say, even when I can't see it,I know God's working behind the scenes.
It's persistence.
It's choosing to stand firm in peace.
Even when the storm hasn't passed,you're still in that messy middle.

(06:59):
You're still navigating thehardship, I would love to help
you practice that every day,
Giving you tips on that.
But you're the one that has to do the workI encourage you to get out of isolation.
Join a support group.
Someone that realizes that you are seen,supported, and prayed for, whether it's

(07:21):
me or someone else, you need support.
And so I want you tostart doing something.
Think of one thing that youcan bring back to your life.
Maybe it's walking, maybe it'smusic, maybe it is journaling.
Maybe it's just laughing again,
and when your child reachesout, don't overthink it.

(07:43):
Don't rush in with, ohmy gosh, what happened?
Or why, why are you reaching out now?
Just, just breathe and tell themthat you're glad to hear from them.
We don't need to give them the 50questions, even though I know that
that is what's going through your mind.
God's gonna work all that out, I promise.

(08:04):
those conversations aregonna end up flowing.
Just remember your child's story isstill being written and so is yours
and their battles don't define you.
Let God be God and you be mom.
sometimes we try to be at all, don't we?
I hope that helps you today.

(08:25):
I will see you in the next episode.
God bless.