The Thread Between Us

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Summary

In this episode, Dr. Nashay Lowe explores the themes of transformation, self-reflection, and the cost of performing in various aspects of life. Through reflections from the stories of different guests, she highlights the importance of authenticity, the journey of self-discovery, and the need to redefine success on one's own terms. The conversation emphasizes that true growth comes from understanding oneself and embracing the quiet conflicts we face internally, rather than seeking external validation or perfection.

Key Takeaways

• The most powerful takeaways come from patterns in stories.
• Transformation begins when we stop performing who we think we're supposed to be.
• We need a new relationship with our bodies, not just new diets.
• Change should come from care, not shame.
• Growth doesn't have to come from self-criticism.
• Career paths can become cages built on others' expectations.
• It's not too late to pivot and rewrite your life.
• Power can come from being true to oneself, not just being loud.
• Confidence can be quiet and still powerful.
• Resolution often starts with internal questions rather than external conversations.

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Episode Transcript

Dr. Shay (00:01):
Welcome back to The Resolution Room, where we turn

(00:22):
tension into transformationthrough clarity, connection, and
consistency.
I'm your host, Dr.
Nashay Lowe, and this is aspace where we explore what's
really underneath the momentsthat challenge us and how they
can lead to something morehonest, more human, and more
whole.
So let's get into it.
Sometimes the most powerfultakeaways don't come from what's

(00:42):
said directly, but from thepatterns that repeat across
stories.
In this episode, I want to pulltogether a thread that's been
quietly running through severalof our Season 1 conversations.
You've heard from Jeremy Atkin,who teaches discipline and
humility through jujitsu.
Jessica Lasisch, who's helpingpeople rethink the stories

(01:03):
they've internalized abouthealth.
Cara Tyrrell, who's teachingparents to show up more
intentionally.
Deana Chukwuemeka, who helpedus reflect on the crossroads of
our passion and purpose.
Brendalyn Carpenter-Player, whohonors her quiet nature
unapologetically.
And from Jay DeVorre, whoteaches us that confidence isn't

(01:26):
about volume, it's aboutalignment.
These guests came fromcompletely different worlds, but
when we zoom out, we can seethe same lessons underneath.
Real transformation begins whenwe stop performing who we think
we're supposed to be and startpaying attention to who we are,
who we've been, and who we'reallowed to become when we give

(01:47):
ourselves the time andpermission to really reflect.
Let's start with the cost ofperforming.
Performing isn't alwaysdramatic or deceptive.
Sometimes it's subtle.
It's staying in the job becauseit looks good on paper.
It's pretending you don't needrest because you're used to
being the strong one.

(02:07):
It's putting on confidenceinstead of building it.
Jessica talks about how we'reoften sold new diets when what
we really need is a newrelationship with our bodies.
And that reframe isn't justabout food, It's about
everything.
So many of us are taught totreat change as punishment.

(02:27):
We think we have to earn rest,earn joy, earn confidence.
We try to force ourselves intonew habits through guilt instead
of asking, what would changelook like if it came from care,
not shame?
That question stayed with me,not because it offers a quick
fix, but because it invites adifferent kind of honesty.

(02:50):
And that's what I hope you takeaway from Jessica's story, that
growth doesn't have to comefrom self-criticism.
Sometimes the most sustainabletransformation starts with
learning how to be inrelationship with yourself, not
just how to improve yourself.
Deana reminded us that careerpaths can become cages,
especially when they're built onother people's expectations.

(03:11):
It's easy to get caught in therhythm of achievement, the next
title, the next promotion, thenext thing that looks good on
your resume.
But at some point, the questionshifts from what's next to does
any of this still fit?
Deana chose to disrupt thescript, even when it was
uncomfortable.

(03:32):
And that's the deeperinvitation her story offers, to
pause long enough to ask notjust what we're good at, but
what still feels right.
This isn't about abandoningambition.
It's about redefining successin your own terms.
And for anyone listening whofeels like they've outgrown the
roles that they used to reachfor, her story is a reminder

(03:55):
that it's not too late to pivot,and it's not too late to
rewrite the job description foryour own life.
These aren't stories ofovernight change.
They're stories of unlearning.
Now let's pay attention towhat's really going on
underneath the surface.
Brendalyn's story challenged alot of assumptions, especially
about what it means to bepowerful.

(04:16):
She didn't show up trying to belouder or more visible.
She showed up as herself,fully, intentionally, and
without apology.
And in doing that, she remindedus that power doesn't have to
come from speaking the most ortaking up the most space.
Sometimes it comes from knowingyourself deeply and refusing to

(04:37):
shrink or stretch to meetsomeone else's comfort.
For anyone who has ever beentold that they're too quiet, too
reserved, or too different,Brendalynn offered another
model.
One where honoring your naturalrhythm isn't a flaw to fix, but
a strength to trust.
Her story is a reminder thatconfidence doesn't always

(04:59):
announce itself.
Sometimes it whispers.
And if you're willing tolisten, it will lead you back to
yourself.
Jay offered something that manypeople overlook when they talk
about confidence.
She reminded us that it doesn'thave to be loud.
It doesn't have to look likecharisma, and it doesn't have to
look like control.

(05:19):
Real confidence often shows upas quiet certainty, a line
between what you believe, whatyou need, and how you move
through the world.
In a culture that consciouslypushes us to show up bigger,
Jay's story was a reminder thatsometimes the most powerful
thing you can do is to show uptruer.

(05:40):
For anyone listening who hasconfused confidence with
performance, or has felt likethey were falling short because
they didn't match someone else'sversion of bold, this
conversation was an invitationto stop performing and start
aligning.
Confidence isn't something youput on.
It's something you uncoverpiece by piece when you start

(06:02):
living in agreement withyourself.
Jeremy's episode stayed with mebecause it framed conflict in
such a tangible, embodied way.
Through jujitsu, he teachesthat conflict isn't always
something to overcome, It'ssomething to understand.
He talked about the disciplineof staying present and how
grappling with another personforces you to slow down and feel

(06:23):
your way through, not fightyour way out.
And in that is a deeper truth.
That conflict, whether internalor relational, isn't just about
winning.
It's about learning how to staycentered in the midst of
pressure.
For anyone who tends to freezeor fight when things get hard,
Jeremy's story is a reminderthat there's another way.

(06:45):
That resolution isn't alwaysclean or immediate.
Sometimes it's messy, physical,breath-to-breath work.
And maybe the lesson here isthat we don't have to fear
conflict.
We have to learn how to movewith it rather than against it.
Kara brought us into a spacethat so many people live in

(07:07):
daily but rarely name, the quietconflict of parenting.
Not just the logistics of thechaos, but the internal wrestle
between who you want to be foryour child and the parts of
yourself you're still figuringout.
She spoke about parenting notas perfection, but as presence.
As a series of imperfectchoices made in real time where

(07:30):
repair matters more thanperfection and curiosity matters
more than control.
For anyone carrying guilt abouthow they've shown up or fear
about getting it wrong, Cara'sstory offered relief.
Because the truth is, parentingis its own kind of mirror.
And when we allow ourselves toreflect honestly instead of

(07:51):
react defensively, we get togrow with our kids, not just
raise them.
Her episode was a reminder thatresolution in families isn't
about eliminating conflict.
It's about staying connectedthrough it.
So what does this all mean?
When I look back at each ofthese episodes...
These conversations I've hadwith Jeremy, Jessica, Cara,

(08:14):
Deana, Brendalyn, and Jay.
I see different lives, maybeeven different languages,
different lessons, but beneaththem all, I see the same
heartbeat.
Each guest was telling thetruth about a turning point.
A moment when they chose tostop performing, stop deferring,
stop shrinking, and startpaying attention.

(08:35):
Paying attention to what theirbodies were saying, to what
their values were calling for,to what no longer fit, and what
might be possible if they movedifferently.
And that's what the resolutionroom is meant to be about.
Not perfect solutions orone-size-fits-all answers, not
even just conflict betweenpeople, but the space to

(08:58):
reflect.
And within that reflection,maybe most importantly, remind
us that the resolution we'relooking for externally usually
starts with the questions we'renot asking internally.
It's about the quiet conflictswe carry inside between who we
are, who we've been told to be,and who we're becoming.
It's where we give ourselvespermission to change, not just

(09:22):
reactively, but intentionally.
If you're listening to this andsomething in you feels like
it's shifting, know that you'renot alone.
And know that resolutiondoesn't always start with the
conversation between people,Sometimes it starts with the one
we've been avoiding withourselves.
Thank you so much forlistening, for thinking deeper,

(09:44):
and for letting these storiessit with you.
Season one is only abouthalfway through, and this is
just the beginning.
Let's keep listeningdifferently and doing this work
together.
As always, thank you forjoining me today in the
Resolution Room.
I'm grateful you're here doingthis work alongside me.
If this episode spoke to you,I'd love for you to please

(10:05):
share.
And until next time, keepbuilding in the quiet because
that's what will carry youforward.