When the Mirror Doesn’t Match the Memory

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Summary

In this episode, Dr. Nashay Lowe explores the dissonance between our self-perception and reality, emphasizing the importance of updating our self-image to reflect who we truly are today. She discusses how our identities are shaped by external influences and how familiarity can distort our understanding of ourselves. Through grounding practices, listeners are encouraged to reflect on their current selves and release outdated identities.

Key Takeaways

• Many of us see ourselves through outdated blueprints.
• The disconnect between our current reality and self-image can be jarring.
• Our self-image is often shaped by others' perceptions.
• We internalize distorted reflections from our past.
• Cognitive dissonance can keep us stuck in old identities.
• Change can feel threatening to our established self-concept.
• We must pause to reintroduce ourselves to ourselves.
• Grounding practices can help clarify our current identity.
• You're allowed to evolve beyond past identities.
• Self-acceptance is about recognizing who you are now.

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🎙 Episode Brought to You By:

Dr. Nashay Lowe, Founder of Lowe Insights Consulting

🌐 www.loweinsights.com | 📧 [e-mail] | 🔗 Connect on here!

If you’d like me to bring this conversation to your stage, let’s connect at www.loweinsights.com/speaking-engagements-thought-leadership

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Episode Transcript

Dr. Shay (00:01):
Welcome back to The Resolution Room, where we turn

(00:22):
tension into transformationthrough clarity, connection, and
consistency.
I'm your host, Dr.
Nashay Lowe, and this is aspace where we explore what's
really underneath the momentsthat challenge us and how they
can lead to something morehonest, more human, and more
whole.
So let's get into it.
Have you ever caught a glimpseof yourself in a mirror, a
photo, or even your own voiceand felt like something didn't

(00:44):
quite line up?
This episode explores the quietdissonance between who we used
to be and who we've actuallybecome.
Not because we lack confidence,but because many of us are
still seeing ourselves throughoutdated blueprints built by
past experiences, oldidentities, or someone else's
reflection of who we were.
And the next four segments willunpack how these inner mirrors

(01:08):
get formed, how familiarity canfool us into mistaking it for
the truth, and why even the mostgrounded among us sometimes
carry versions of ourselves thatno longer fit.
This isn't about fixing yourself-esteem.
It's more about updating thepicture and giving yourself
permission to see who you arenow with more clarity,
alignment, and self-recognition.

(01:30):
Segment one, the dissonance ofseeing yourself now through an
outdated lens.
Let's begin with the quietmoment.
You catch a reflection in awindow or see a photo someone
tags you in or hear your ownvoice recorded.
Currently my daily struggle.

(01:50):
And sometimes it just doesn'tland.
It's not that you dislike it,it's that it doesn't match how
you imagine yourself.
There's a mismatch, a quietdissonance.
The person you're looking atseems older than the version in
your head, or quieter, orsofter, or maybe stronger, more

(02:11):
certain, and that's unfamiliartoo.
This is the disconnect.
When your current realitydoesn't align with your internal
snapshot, of who you think youare.
And it's not vanity.
It's not about surface-levelimage.
It's about identity, about thesubtle lag between how we've

(02:33):
grown and what we've updated.
Because here's the thing.
Most of us don't update ourself-image in real time.
We carry around an oldblueprint, one shaped years ago,
often under pressure and oftenthrough someone else's lens.
So when we evolve but don'trevise the image, we end up

(02:54):
looking in the mirror and seeingthe past, not the present.
Segment two.
Who helps build that mirror andwhat they might have gotten
wrong?
So let's talk about thatblueprint.
Who taught you how to seeyourself?
Not just in the literal mirror,but in your body, your tone,

(03:15):
and your worth.
Chances are that mirror wasbuilt by more than one person.
Parents, siblings, teachers,religious leaders, media.
Maybe a moment in adolescencethat stuck harder than it should
have.
And here's what's important.
Those reflections weren'talways accurate.

(03:36):
They were filtered throughother people's pain,
preferences, or projections.
A parent who saw emotions asweakness taught you to hide your
sensitivity.
A teacher who dismissed yourquestions taught made you think
you weren't smart.
And a partner who resented yourindependence made you think you
were too much.

(03:56):
Those moments stick, andeventually we internalize them.
Not because they're true, butbecause they were repeated.
As psychologist AlbertBandura's social learning theory
suggests, we learn who we areby watching how others respond
to us.
But if their lens is distorted,so is our reflection.

(04:19):
So we must ask, are you stillcarrying someone else's version
of you?
Segment three, how we confusefamiliarity with truth.
There's another layer to this.
We confuse what's familiar tous with the quote-unquote truth.

(04:41):
We say things like, I've alwaysbeen this way.
I've never been good at that.
That's just who I am.
But is that true?
Or is it just that's whatyou've rehearsed?
Cognitive behavioral researchshows that the brain favors
consistency.
It wants your thoughts,feelings, and behaviors to match

(05:03):
up, even if the pattern isn'thealthy.
It's called cognitivedissonance reduction.
And that's why change feels sojarring, because it threatens
the script.
So even when we grow, ourself-concept doesn't always keep
up.
We keep defaulting to theidentity we've known the

(05:24):
longest, even if it's outdated.
You might still be thinkinglike the overachiever, even
though you've found peace inslowing down, or still bracing
like the underdog, even thoughpeople now look to you for your
leadership.
We confuse what we've practicedwith what's true.
And unless we pause toreintroduce ourselves to

(05:46):
ourselves, we stay stuck in theecho of who we used to be.
Segment four, a groundingpractice to reflect who you are
now, not just who you've been.
Let's slow this down with thepractice.
Find a quiet space, nodistractions, and take a breath.

(06:09):
Now ask yourself, who am Itoday?
Not who I was in that hardseason, not who I became to
survive, not who I was told tobe, Who am I now based on my
current values, relationships,and daily choices?
Write down five words thatdescribe your current self, not

(06:35):
idealized, just present.
Then write five words thatdescribe how others used to see
you.
Compare the two.
What's changed?
What's still true?
This isn't about erasing thepast.
It's about releasing identitiesthat no longer fit.
You're allowed to change yourmind about who you are.

(06:59):
And you're allowed to becomesomeone new, even if the people
who helped shape you wouldn'trecognize you anymore.
Let your reflection catch up toyour reality.
That's not ego.
That's clarity.
As always, thank you forjoining me today in the
Resolution Room.
I'm grateful you're here doingthis work alongside me.

(07:19):
If this episode spoke to you,I'd love for you to please
share.
And until next time, keepbuilding in the quiet because
that's what will carry youforward.