July 8, 2025 • 28 mins
Have you ever noticed how everyone rushes to tell the inspirational ending while skipping over the painful journey? The victory testimonies sound great, but they often leave those who are still struggling feeling like their faith isn't strong enough.
Ebony Blue cuts through spiritual platitudes in this raw, unfiltered exploration of finding God in life's darkest valleys. Drawing from the biblical story of Job, she challenges the common practice of emphasizing restoration while glossing over the brutal reality of suffering. Through her personal story of homelessness, abandonment at age 13, and fighting seemingly impossible battles—including regaining custody of her children from a closed adoption—Ebony demonstrates that divine presence is often most powerful precisely when we feel most broken.
"Being abandoned by humans doesn't mean you've been abandoned by your Father," Ebony reminds us, weaving her personal trials with profound spiritual insights. She argues that focusing solely on testimony creates false expectations, while honoring the trial itself reveals how God works within our darkest moments. Rather than offering prosperity promises or quick fixes, she provides something far more valuable: permission to be weary, acknowledgment of pain, and the assurance that divine love operates powerfully in our most broken places.
Whether you're questioning your faith during difficult times or seeking a more authentic spiritual perspective, this episode offers both comfort and challenge. Join this safe space where healing is encouraged without sugarcoating, where real talk leads to real growth, and where you'll discover that sometimes the trial itself is the most powerful testimony of all.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey y'all.
It's your girl, ebony Blue, andwelcome to the Real Spell.
I just want to thank you forjoining me in my space, where we
encourage healing and we don'tsugarcoat and we don't glamorize
.
We keep it real because that'swhere the healing starts.
Today's episode is a raw one.
We're diving into something Icall the Trial is the Testimony,
(00:25):
because sometimes the trial isthe message.
So grab your tea, sit back orstand in your truth.
Let's talk.
When I picked up my Bible thismorning, the verse jumped out at
me Isaiah 4 and 3.
When you pass through thewaters, I will be with you, and
when you pass through the rivers, I will be with you, and when
you pass through the rivers,they will not sweep over you.
(00:48):
I felt it kind of like whisperto my soul.
God reminded me I am here andyou will rise.
And suddenly I realized beingabandoned by humans don't mean
that you're broken.
It doesn't mean that you havebeen abandoned by your father
either.
You know, I used to wonder whypeople didn't really see me Like
(01:11):
I had worked hard, achievedthings.
I kept pushing, so why didn'tit feel like enough?
Somewhere along the line Irealized that I was attaching my
values to what I accomplished,not to who I was, not my love,
not my morals, my integrity, myfaith.
(01:32):
Everybody talks about beinghonest, but who really out here,
living in that truth?
They say God has forgiven him,but they still walk around in
shame.
They call it privacy, butreally it's fear, fear of being
(02:00):
known and fear of being judged.
They say I've leaned on God,but have you, did you lean on
him in your lowest moment, whenall you had was a scripture, a
scripture you barely understood,because me, I loved him, even
when I didn't know him, evenwhen all I had was a promise and
pain.
Let me tell you a story, a realone, a piece of my trial.
Hey y'all, and welcome to theReal Spill.
(02:26):
My name is Ebony Blue and I'llbe your host.
This is a very safe space and aprivate space where you can
come and just hear real shit.
No sugarcoating, no glamorizing, just real life shit.
(02:48):
And today I want to talk aboutJob.
I have been on YouTube, tiktok,churches, and everybody would
like to tell the story of Job.
Everybody would like to tellthe story of Job and they tell
you about how the devil justtook away everything.
(03:10):
Oh, job had everything takenaway from him.
He lost his kids, he lost hismoney, poor little sheep, you
feel me.
And they talk about, for abrief second, how he had
affliction put upon him, butmost of the time they're talking
(03:31):
about the testimony of Job, howGod restored him, how the
blessing was given back to him.
I hear all these pastors, thesemessengers, because I don't want
to glamorize the mess more thanthe message, because you never
(03:56):
know who God is using and whenhe's using it, how he's using it
right.
So I'm not going to take awaythat.
So I'm not going to take awaythat, but what I take away is,
if you're going to share themessage, please share the
message, because see me as aperson I have been without.
(04:17):
I've been without a mother, afather, a stable grandparent, my
siblings, aunties, uncles.
I have been robbed of barbecuesand birthdays and Christmases,
(04:40):
like I have been robbed of somuch right, and I have lacked so
much.
I have lacked so much.
I have lacked direction,education and, with that being
said, like growing up as a childand not having direction, like
and I mean direction, like yonobody taught me how to like
brush my teeth.
(05:00):
You know, like a lot of y'allbrush your teeth.
Do you know why you get up andbrush your teeth?
You get up and you brush yourteeth.
Do you know why you get up andbrush your teeth?
You get up and you brush yourteeth?
Because your mama got up withyour ass and brush your teeth
and taught you how, everymorning, saying it's time to
brush your teeth, brush yourteeth before you go to school.
So it was instilled in you tobrush your teeth, right?
(05:20):
So now it's a natural thing.
You know to brush your teeth,wash your face, wash your ass
Right, it's nature.
But what if you grew uphomeless?
What if you grew up withparents who were addicts, who
put a crack pipe before they put, teaching you how to brush your
teeth Before they wake up everyevery morning and say, hey,
(05:45):
let's brush your teeth, let'swash your face, let's get you
ready for school, right?
So now you don't know how to dothose things you tossed out in
these streets, you don't?
It's the testimony moreimportant than the trial?
(06:07):
Because if the testimony wasmore important than the trial,
then why would God even put youthrough the trial or allow you
to walk through it, however youwant to say it, if it was your
free will, or God already knowsyour plan and he has already
ordered your steps and healready knows who you are and
(06:28):
you know what you was doing.
So, however you want to put it,is the testimony more important
than the trial?
Because everywhere I turn Ihear testimony.
But what if I didn't even knowhow to get on here and record
(06:52):
myself and make a podcast?
Can you tell me how hard itwould be to second guess
yourself at every turn, to notbelieve in yourself, to have
(07:14):
every person in your life totell you that you was not worthy
enough and that you were notdeserving enough and that, like,
you're not even smart enough?
So imagine the things that youhave in you.
So even if you did tellyourself that I can do this, how
would you do it if you didn'teven know where to start?
You would be broken, you wouldbe discouraged.
More than likely you would quit.
(07:36):
Even if you had 10 people onyour side telling you you got
this and you can do that, itdidn't matter, because what is
already impression?
Impression on the heart.
So I want to give you a littlebit of trial.
I'm going to give you a wholelot of trial and a little bit of
testimony, because God is mytestimony.
(07:58):
Being able to walk through thetrial is the testimony.
Walk through the trial is thetestimony.
So what if you was a child whogrew up and you were actually
homeless, with your family,brothers and sisters, mom and
(08:19):
dad?
What if, everywhere you went,somebody just gave you away and
left you, leaving you to feelabandoned, unwanted?
What if you were put out at theage of 13 and told to, told to
fend for yourself, literally,and everybody want to pop that
(08:41):
shit like oh, I got, I got it, Ican do it.
But do you really know whatit's like to be a 13-year-old
girl with nowhere to go?
Or maybe even a boy?
But we talking about me, a13-year-old girl with nowhere to
go.
A gangbanger brought me in andtaught me how to sell drugs and
(09:05):
keep myself.
That same man had to teach meabout my psycho.
He had enough smarts to atleast take me to his woman so
that she could teach me, butstill he was there.
Can you imagine the shame thatI had?
(09:25):
My mom was somewhere runningaround getting high with the
people in the neighborhood.
So let's talk about some trials,how God can take you from one
place.
Let's talk about Job right,because when they tell the story
(09:47):
story, they don't remind youthat you are Job.
The reason why we have theBible is the basic instructions
before leaving earth, and theseparables and these stories are
to relate to you, so that youcould connect, so that you can
plug into a source, so that youcould never feel alone, because
(10:14):
everyone out here in this world,they'll leave you to feel alone
while using God.
While using God, they will leadyou into places that you can't
even find your way out of.
Let's talk about how, how Jobturned to all of his friends and
(10:39):
he asked them why.
Surely you know the first thingout of their mouth is surely you
did something?
Surely you must have not didthis and not did that.
You must have angered them insome way.
But how could you anger yourGod, a God that basically sent
(10:59):
himself here so that he couldnot be angry with you, so that
he could have understanding andgrace upon you, your God that
walked in your shoes, in yourshoes, people spitting on him
and beating on him and tellinghim that he ain't the son of God
(11:23):
, even though he was there inthe beginning, one with God?
So when you talk about Job, jobdid go to his friends and Job
did feel sorry, job did feelabandoned, job did feel like God
(11:49):
had forgotten or God didn'thave mercy.
But your God does not condemnyou, because when they tell that
story they forget to tell thepart where it was like God was
(12:09):
like yo.
You see, my boy Joe, surely heis a good man.
Satan said why would he be?
Why would he be anything otherthan a good man?
Because everything is good.
And I tell people like this inmy life on an everyday basis,
because you know, everybody wantto be like oh well, it was like
(12:30):
this and it was like that.
But no, my nigga, we was cool,we were really cool, we were in
a great space, so everything wascool when we had that
conversation.
So there was no friction.
But now that there's friction,you're not understanding.
You want to be quick to anger.
(12:51):
You feel me.
So when everything is good, howcould you, how could you ask
for any credit or any kudos orany accolades or any of those
things for my lack of betterwords right now when you didn't
(13:12):
have a trial, when you were notstanding in the midst of
something, you did not rise tothe occasion, everything was
good.
So back to my boy Job.
Satan says man you bugging.
Of course he praising you, ofcourse he loving you, of course
he worshiping you.
Know why he worshiping you?
Because everything is good.
(13:32):
God turned and looked at thatnigga and was like well then,
guess what?
Chief, keep bug up on him, letme see what you can do.
Go ahead and do anything thatyou can do, but do not touch a
hair on his head, do not harm myanointed.
But go ahead, let me see whatyou got.
(13:53):
Throw your best at him.
Remember he said the weapon.
He didn't say it wouldn't befor him, but he said it shall
not prosper.
That's what he said.
So, even though he told Satanto go ahead and do whatever he
(14:14):
was going to do, right, heallowed Satan to go ahead and do
whatever he was going to do,right?
He allowed Satan to go aheadand do whatever he was going to
do.
Don't take his breath, becausethat is mine.
So that's how the bad timesfell upon Job.
(14:34):
The bad times fell upon Jobbecause Satan went after him.
With the grace of God, and eventhough he had did all of those
(14:57):
things to Job, god was likewhat's up with my boy Joe?
Satan was like oh well, surelythat wasn't nothing, that was
just a little house, a littlefew people.
You feel me?
He got help.
Of course he would praise you.
Why wouldn't he?
He still can walk, he still cantalk, he's still out here
(15:19):
looking good, you feel me?
So God said surely go on and dowhat you need to do then,
because I know me and Job isright.
So it didn't matter how manytimes Job questioned or asked
his friends like what do youthink?
(15:39):
Or da-da-da-da-da, he went andrenewed himself with his Lord,
Despite what, he was goingaround, running his mouth,
talking about his feet, wasbeating another, walking to
another beat.
So I sit here as a woman who hasbeen raped, robbed, kidnapped,
shot at.
(15:59):
I've had my children taken fromme while I had given them to
somebody.
I sit here with being able toachieve full custody of my
children from a closed adoption,something that they say is
completely impossible, and Ifelt that way.
(16:25):
I went inside that courtroomevery week, every month, anytime
I thought I could do it,anytime I got out of self and
then I got into my life.
I went up there and tried tofind a way, but you know what
they told me?
Ain't no way, girl, get up outof here.
(16:45):
Get up out of here.
And I just want to talk to y'allabout how good God is and like
how he works.
So when you tell the story ofJob, please tell the story of
the trial and not the testimony,because you're all out here
trying to gain off the story ofJob and somebody's trials.
(17:07):
You're trying to give themfalse hope because us, as human
beings, we go around, we look at, we go shopping, because we be
looking for that thing that'stangible, instead of truly
filling them with the word ofGod.
And I don't need you to go andquote the Bible, because I can
read the Bible for myself.
(17:28):
And in that Bible are thestories of the people who went
through the trials, real trialswhere there was a murderer,
there was a man looking to killJesus, and you know what he did
(17:55):
Turned him into a prophet.
What he did Turned him into aprophet.
Let's talk about the anguish ofthat Knowing that you sought
after to kill him and now youhave to walk with him.
Come on, somebody.
Is the trial greater than thetestimony?
(18:16):
Yes, yes indeed, because I needto relate, I need to understand
, I need to feel so if you'regoing to be out here giving a
message of hope.
If you want to be the messenger, if you want to help bridge the
(18:38):
gap between the church andJesus himself, then please lead
with your heart and not withyour mind.
I have been through all of thethings that Job had been through
.
I have been through all of thethings that Job had been through
(19:04):
.
I have been stripped offinances.
I lived in a motel for like 10years.
Not one cousin, not one auntie,not one godmother, not one
person said hey, honey, you beenout there in the streets, you
want to spend a night?
Can I fix you a meal?
My great granny told me thatYou're the only one we don't
(19:29):
have to worry about becauseyou're going to figure it out.
Yeah, because I'm going tosleep in the street, because I'm
not coming to ask you fornothing.
I'm going to rely on my Lord.
If I got to sleep in the street, if I got to sleep in the car
tonight, if I got to eat out ofthe trash, can?
(19:50):
I'm not coming to you fornothing because you cannot
suffice me into you for nothing,because you cannot suffice me,
especially if you can't tell thetruth.
(20:10):
They speak with their tongue,praising the testimony of how
good God was because they soweda seed of belief.
Because they sowed a seed ofbelief.
So now we're exchanging, right,we're bartering with God, like
if you do this with me and thenI'm going to do that for you,
you don't have to do that,because he already promised you
(20:33):
a life that he already knows.
So every time you feel bad oryou think you have messed up,
just repent, because he alreadyforgave you, because he is
(20:55):
perfect.
How could someone who isperfect have to forgive you?
Why would I have to forgive you?
Because I've already forgivenyou.
I am perfect.
So I don't condemn you.
(21:15):
I do not judge you.
Am I mad sometimes that youdon't choose me?
Are you mad because sometimesyou think I don't hear you?
So when we tell the story of Job, can we remind people that it's
okay to be weary?
Can we stop telling peopledon't be weary?
(21:36):
It's okay to be weary.
Can we stop telling peopledon't be weary?
The part that makes you humanis that you will fall weary.
He said I am at my best whenyou are at your meekest, in
(22:00):
layman terms, when your dog assain't got shit and nothing.
That is when I prevail the most.
That is when you see the gracethat I have placed upon your
head, man.
I want to talk about Job,because when I hear Job I'm
(22:24):
reminded that I am blessed, I amanointed, and just because I
fall short doesn't mean I'mgoing to fall short of his glory
, because as long as I can finda way to call on him and ask him
(22:52):
, then I have already beenpromised to be all right.
It breaks my heart to hear thatwe so ready to get through the
(23:15):
trial.
I think it's first James, right, and it's two and four, and I
am going to just paraphrase here.
He says to like not worry whenyou're going through the trials
Of many kinds.
It says, because through thosetrials comes perseverance to you
(23:40):
, and surely perseverance willmake you mature and complete and
be without lacking.
So the trial is very much moreimportant than the testimony.
(24:03):
I don't want to hear about yourcar, or I don't want you getting
on here sitting in your rentedAirbnb space for the day, making
me believe that you are out ofyour trial, because until the
(24:29):
day that you are resting and youare in Abraham's bosom waiting
like the rest of us, even Satanain't in hell.
Even Satan still got to wait onthe big dude so that he might
(24:52):
be judged.
So don't allow the ruckus andthe chaos of what is going on
distract you from the goodnessand the mercy of God.
So, after the devil put theafflictions on Job and he was
(25:17):
walking around with them big oldboils, what would you do?
And he didn't go through thatto be restored because, remember
, job already had these things.
So life will just life you, butyou need to be prepared.
(25:55):
I really don't have much to saytoday besides leaving you with
that.
This is just.
I really don't have much to saytoday besides leaving you with
that.
This is just an introduction towho I am and what I stand for.
And if you are afraid to bereal about the ill, and if you
(26:23):
can't spill, then you can'treceive.
So I just want to thank youguys for spending this time with
me and getting to know me, andhopefully I have inspired you or
touched your heart in some waythat you are able to go and
(26:51):
renew yourself.
And if I haven't, it's okay.
It's okay.
This isn't a place where we wantto force religion or politics
or sexualities on anyone.
This is a place where I'm goingto come here and I'm going to
(27:15):
share my truths, my trials and alittle bit of testimony,
because the proof is in thepudding.
When you go and Google me andyou look at my work and you see
the progress from one place tothe next, when you see that I
(27:38):
came from being what they callthe product of your environment,
growing up, gangbanging,selling your body to any man
(28:07):
that will promise you anything ahope, a dream, a few minutes,
some cash.
It didn't matter.
I was so starved, I was sodesperate, I was looking, I was
alone, I was afraid and therewere more people seeking to
devour me than there was seekingto lead me, guide me and teach
(28:29):
me.
But because I had the faith thesize of a freaking mustard seed
, god watered it for me and whenI could only take one step, he
took two Because I showed up.
So if you show up here, Ipromise that we will pour
(28:53):
encouragement, we will instilllove principles and help you
decide what your morals and yourethics and what your integrity
is.
We will support you in any waythat we can.
(29:14):
This is a safe space.
This is a safe space, a safespace, and I'm just so fired up
that I had enough courage tocome and share my truths with
you, that I was able to show upand not worry about being seen
(29:40):
visually, spiritually oremotionally.
Not worry about being seenVisually, spiritually or
emotionally.
I could have set this up a bunchof different ways.
I could have had an awesomeintro.
I could have went to a studioand paid for all these things
(30:02):
and had to do it perfect.
But where do you see perfectbesides God?
So remember that when we shareGod's love, when we share
(30:22):
testimonies and not the trial.
Thank you, guys for joining mehere at the Real Spill.
Have a great evening, peace.
That's a podcast, that's abroadcast.
I told you you can do it,didn't?
(30:44):
I tell you nothing's perfectand you did a good, awesome job.
Thank you, best friend.
Hey y'all.
It's your girl, ebony Blue, andwelcome to the Real Spell.
I just want to thank you forjoining me in my space, where we
encourage healing and we don'tsugarcoat and we don't glamorize
.
We keep it real because that'swhere the healing starts.
Today's episode is a raw one.
We're diving into something Icall the Trial is the Testimony,
(00:25):
because sometimes the trial isthe message.
So grab your tea, sit back orstand in your truth.
Let's talk.
When I picked up my Bible thismorning, the verse jumped out at
me Isaiah 4 and 3.
When you pass through thewaters, I will be with you, and
when you pass through the rivers, I will be with you, and when
you pass through the rivers,they will not sweep over you.
(00:48):
I felt it kind of like whisperto my soul.
God reminded me I am here andyou will rise.
And suddenly I realized beingabandoned by humans don't mean
that you're broken.
It doesn't mean that you havebeen abandoned by your father
either.
You know, I used to wonder whypeople didn't really see me Like
(01:11):
I had worked hard, achievedthings.
I kept pushing, so why didn'tit feel like enough?
Somewhere along the line Irealized that I was attaching my
values to what I accomplished,not to who I was, not my love,
not my morals, my integrity, myfaith.
(01:32):
Everybody talks about beinghonest, but who really out here,
living in that truth?
They say God has forgiven him,but they still walk around in
shame.
They call it privacy, butreally it's fear, fear of being
(02:00):
known and fear of being judged.
They say I've leaned on God,but have you, did you lean on
him in your lowest moment, whenall you had was a scripture, a
scripture you barely understood,because me, I loved him, even
when I didn't know him, evenwhen all I had was a promise and
pain.
Let me tell you a story, a realone, a piece of my trial.
Hey y'all, and welcome to theReal Spill.
(02:26):
My name is Ebony Blue and I'llbe your host.
This is a very safe space and aprivate space where you can
come and just hear real shit.
No sugarcoating, no glamorizing, just real life shit.
(02:48):
And today I want to talk aboutJob.
I have been on YouTube, tiktok,churches, and everybody would
like to tell the story of Job.
Everybody would like to tellthe story of Job and they tell
you about how the devil justtook away everything.
(03:10):
Oh, job had everything takenaway from him.
He lost his kids, he lost hismoney, poor little sheep, you
feel me.
And they talk about, for abrief second, how he had
affliction put upon him, butmost of the time they're talking
(03:31):
about the testimony of Job, howGod restored him, how the
blessing was given back to him.
I hear all these pastors, thesemessengers, because I don't want
to glamorize the mess more thanthe message, because you never
(03:56):
know who God is using and whenhe's using it, how he's using it
right.
So I'm not going to take awaythat.
So I'm not going to take awaythat, but what I take away is,
if you're going to share themessage, please share the
message, because see me as aperson I have been without.
(04:17):
I've been without a mother, afather, a stable grandparent, my
siblings, aunties, uncles.
I have been robbed of barbecuesand birthdays and Christmases,
(04:40):
like I have been robbed of somuch right, and I have lacked so
much.
I have lacked so much.
I have lacked direction,education and, with that being
said, like growing up as a childand not having direction, like
and I mean direction, like yonobody taught me how to like
brush my teeth.
(05:00):
You know, like a lot of y'allbrush your teeth.
Do you know why you get up andbrush your teeth?
You get up and you brush yourteeth.
Do you know why you get up andbrush your teeth?
You get up and you brush yourteeth?
Because your mama got up withyour ass and brush your teeth
and taught you how, everymorning, saying it's time to
brush your teeth, brush yourteeth before you go to school.
So it was instilled in you tobrush your teeth, right?
(05:20):
So now it's a natural thing.
You know to brush your teeth,wash your face, wash your ass
Right, it's nature.
But what if you grew uphomeless?
What if you grew up withparents who were addicts, who
put a crack pipe before they put, teaching you how to brush your
teeth Before they wake up everyevery morning and say, hey,
(05:45):
let's brush your teeth, let'swash your face, let's get you
ready for school, right?
So now you don't know how to dothose things you tossed out in
these streets, you don't?
It's the testimony moreimportant than the trial?
(06:07):
Because if the testimony wasmore important than the trial,
then why would God even put youthrough the trial or allow you
to walk through it, however youwant to say it, if it was your
free will, or God already knowsyour plan and he has already
ordered your steps and healready knows who you are and
(06:28):
you know what you was doing.
So, however you want to put it,is the testimony more important
than the trial?
Because everywhere I turn Ihear testimony.
But what if I didn't even knowhow to get on here and record
(06:52):
myself and make a podcast?
Can you tell me how hard itwould be to second guess
yourself at every turn, to notbelieve in yourself, to have
(07:14):
every person in your life totell you that you was not worthy
enough and that you were notdeserving enough and that, like,
you're not even smart enough?
So imagine the things that youhave in you.
So even if you did tellyourself that I can do this, how
would you do it if you didn'teven know where to start?
You would be broken, you wouldbe discouraged.
More than likely you would quit.
(07:36):
Even if you had 10 people onyour side telling you you got
this and you can do that, itdidn't matter, because what is
already impression?
Impression on the heart.
So I want to give you a littlebit of trial.
I'm going to give you a wholelot of trial and a little bit of
testimony, because God is mytestimony.
(07:58):
Being able to walk through thetrial is the testimony.
Walk through the trial is thetestimony.
So what if you was a child whogrew up and you were actually
homeless, with your family,brothers and sisters, mom and
(08:19):
dad?
What if, everywhere you went,somebody just gave you away and
left you, leaving you to feelabandoned, unwanted?
What if you were put out at theage of 13 and told to, told to
fend for yourself, literally,and everybody want to pop that
(08:41):
shit like oh, I got, I got it, Ican do it.
But do you really know whatit's like to be a 13-year-old
girl with nowhere to go?
Or maybe even a boy?
But we talking about me, a13-year-old girl with nowhere to
go.
A gangbanger brought me in andtaught me how to sell drugs and
(09:05):
keep myself.
That same man had to teach meabout my psycho.
He had enough smarts to atleast take me to his woman so
that she could teach me, butstill he was there.
Can you imagine the shame thatI had?
(09:25):
My mom was somewhere runningaround getting high with the
people in the neighborhood.
So let's talk about some trials,how God can take you from one
place.
Let's talk about Job right,because when they tell the story
(09:47):
story, they don't remind youthat you are Job.
The reason why we have theBible is the basic instructions
before leaving earth, and theseparables and these stories are
to relate to you, so that youcould connect, so that you can
plug into a source, so that youcould never feel alone, because
(10:14):
everyone out here in this world,they'll leave you to feel alone
while using God.
While using God, they will leadyou into places that you can't
even find your way out of.
Let's talk about how, how Jobturned to all of his friends and
(10:39):
he asked them why.
Surely you know the first thingout of their mouth is surely you
did something?
Surely you must have not didthis and not did that.
You must have angered them insome way.
But how could you anger yourGod, a God that basically sent
(10:59):
himself here so that he couldnot be angry with you, so that
he could have understanding andgrace upon you, your God that
walked in your shoes, in yourshoes, people spitting on him
and beating on him and tellinghim that he ain't the son of God
(11:23):
, even though he was there inthe beginning, one with God?
So when you talk about Job, jobdid go to his friends and Job
did feel sorry, job did feelabandoned, job did feel like God
(11:49):
had forgotten or God didn'thave mercy.
But your God does not condemnyou, because when they tell that
story they forget to tell thepart where it was like God was
(12:09):
like yo.
You see, my boy Joe, surely heis a good man.
Satan said why would he be?
Why would he be anything otherthan a good man?
Because everything is good.
And I tell people like this inmy life on an everyday basis,
because you know, everybody wantto be like oh well, it was like
(12:30):
this and it was like that.
But no, my nigga, we was cool,we were really cool, we were in
a great space, so everything wascool when we had that
conversation.
So there was no friction.
But now that there's friction,you're not understanding.
You want to be quick to anger.
(12:51):
You feel me.
So when everything is good, howcould you, how could you ask
for any credit or any kudos orany accolades or any of those
things for my lack of betterwords right now when you didn't
(13:12):
have a trial, when you were notstanding in the midst of
something, you did not rise tothe occasion, everything was
good.
So back to my boy Job.
Satan says man you bugging.
Of course he praising you, ofcourse he loving you, of course
he worshiping you.
Know why he worshiping you?
Because everything is good.
(13:32):
God turned and looked at thatnigga and was like well then,
guess what?
Chief, keep bug up on him, letme see what you can do.
Go ahead and do anything thatyou can do, but do not touch a
hair on his head, do not harm myanointed.
But go ahead, let me see whatyou got.
(13:53):
Throw your best at him.
Remember he said the weapon.
He didn't say it wouldn't befor him, but he said it shall
not prosper.
That's what he said.
So, even though he told Satanto go ahead and do whatever he
(14:14):
was going to do, right, heallowed Satan to go ahead and do
whatever he was going to do,right?
He allowed Satan to go aheadand do whatever he was going to
do.
Don't take his breath, becausethat is mine.
So that's how the bad timesfell upon Job.
(14:34):
The bad times fell upon Jobbecause Satan went after him.
With the grace of God, and eventhough he had did all of those
(14:57):
things to Job, god was likewhat's up with my boy Joe?
Satan was like oh well, surelythat wasn't nothing, that was
just a little house, a littlefew people.
You feel me?
He got help.
Of course he would praise you.
Why wouldn't he?
He still can walk, he still cantalk, he's still out here
(15:19):
looking good, you feel me?
So God said surely go on and dowhat you need to do then,
because I know me and Job isright.
So it didn't matter how manytimes Job questioned or asked
his friends like what do youthink?
(15:39):
Or da-da-da-da-da, he went andrenewed himself with his Lord,
Despite what, he was goingaround, running his mouth,
talking about his feet, wasbeating another, walking to
another beat.
So I sit here as a woman who hasbeen raped, robbed, kidnapped,
shot at.
(15:59):
I've had my children taken fromme while I had given them to
somebody.
I sit here with being able toachieve full custody of my
children from a closed adoption,something that they say is
completely impossible, and Ifelt that way.
(16:25):
I went inside that courtroomevery week, every month, anytime
I thought I could do it,anytime I got out of self and
then I got into my life.
I went up there and tried tofind a way, but you know what
they told me?
Ain't no way, girl, get up outof here.
(16:45):
Get up out of here.
And I just want to talk to y'allabout how good God is and like
how he works.
So when you tell the story ofJob, please tell the story of
the trial and not the testimony,because you're all out here
trying to gain off the story ofJob and somebody's trials.
(17:07):
You're trying to give themfalse hope because us, as human
beings, we go around, we look at, we go shopping, because we be
looking for that thing that'stangible, instead of truly
filling them with the word ofGod.
And I don't need you to go andquote the Bible, because I can
read the Bible for myself.
(17:28):
And in that Bible are thestories of the people who went
through the trials, real trialswhere there was a murderer,
there was a man looking to killJesus, and you know what he did
(17:55):
Turned him into a prophet.
What he did Turned him into aprophet.
Let's talk about the anguish ofthat Knowing that you sought
after to kill him and now youhave to walk with him.
Come on, somebody.
Is the trial greater than thetestimony?
(18:16):
Yes, yes indeed, because I needto relate, I need to understand
, I need to feel so if you'regoing to be out here giving a
message of hope.
If you want to be the messenger, if you want to help bridge the
(18:38):
gap between the church andJesus himself, then please lead
with your heart and not withyour mind.
I have been through all of thethings that Job had been through
.
I have been through all of thethings that Job had been through
(19:04):
.
I have been stripped offinances.
I lived in a motel for like 10years.
Not one cousin, not one auntie,not one godmother, not one
person said hey, honey, you beenout there in the streets, you
want to spend a night?
Can I fix you a meal?
My great granny told me thatYou're the only one we don't
(19:29):
have to worry about becauseyou're going to figure it out.
Yeah, because I'm going tosleep in the street, because I'm
not coming to ask you fornothing.
I'm going to rely on my Lord.
If I got to sleep in the street, if I got to sleep in the car
tonight, if I got to eat out ofthe trash, can?
(19:50):
I'm not coming to you fornothing because you cannot
suffice me into you for nothing,because you cannot suffice me,
especially if you can't tell thetruth.
(20:10):
They speak with their tongue,praising the testimony of how
good God was because they soweda seed of belief.
Because they sowed a seed ofbelief.
So now we're exchanging, right,we're bartering with God, like
if you do this with me and thenI'm going to do that for you,
you don't have to do that,because he already promised you
(20:33):
a life that he already knows.
So every time you feel bad oryou think you have messed up,
just repent, because he alreadyforgave you, because he is
(20:55):
perfect.
How could someone who isperfect have to forgive you?
Why would I have to forgive you?
Because I've already forgivenyou.
I am perfect.
So I don't condemn you.
(21:15):
I do not judge you.
Am I mad sometimes that youdon't choose me?
Are you mad because sometimesyou think I don't hear you?
So when we tell the story of Job, can we remind people that it's
okay to be weary?
Can we stop telling peopledon't be weary?
(21:36):
It's okay to be weary.
Can we stop telling peopledon't be weary?
The part that makes you humanis that you will fall weary.
He said I am at my best whenyou are at your meekest, in
(22:00):
layman terms, when your dog assain't got shit and nothing.
That is when I prevail the most.
That is when you see the gracethat I have placed upon your
head, man.
I want to talk about Job,because when I hear Job I'm
(22:24):
reminded that I am blessed, I amanointed, and just because I
fall short doesn't mean I'mgoing to fall short of his glory
, because as long as I can finda way to call on him and ask him
(22:52):
, then I have already beenpromised to be all right.
It breaks my heart to hear thatwe so ready to get through the
(23:15):
trial.
I think it's first James, right, and it's two and four, and I
am going to just paraphrase here.
He says to like not worry whenyou're going through the trials
Of many kinds.
It says, because through thosetrials comes perseverance to you
(23:40):
, and surely perseverance willmake you mature and complete and
be without lacking.
So the trial is very much moreimportant than the testimony.
(24:03):
I don't want to hear about yourcar, or I don't want you getting
on here sitting in your rentedAirbnb space for the day, making
me believe that you are out ofyour trial, because until the
(24:29):
day that you are resting and youare in Abraham's bosom waiting
like the rest of us, even Satanain't in hell.
Even Satan still got to wait onthe big dude so that he might
(24:52):
be judged.
So don't allow the ruckus andthe chaos of what is going on
distract you from the goodnessand the mercy of God.
So, after the devil put theafflictions on Job and he was
(25:17):
walking around with them big oldboils, what would you do?
And he didn't go through thatto be restored because, remember
, job already had these things.
So life will just life you, butyou need to be prepared.
(25:55):
I really don't have much to saytoday besides leaving you with
that.
This is just.
I really don't have much to saytoday besides leaving you with
that.
This is just an introduction towho I am and what I stand for.
And if you are afraid to bereal about the ill, and if you
(26:23):
can't spill, then you can'treceive.
So I just want to thank youguys for spending this time with
me and getting to know me, andhopefully I have inspired you or
touched your heart in some waythat you are able to go and
(26:51):
renew yourself.
And if I haven't, it's okay.
It's okay.
This isn't a place where we wantto force religion or politics
or sexualities on anyone.
This is a place where I'm goingto come here and I'm going to
(27:15):
share my truths, my trials and alittle bit of testimony,
because the proof is in thepudding.
When you go and Google me andyou look at my work and you see
the progress from one place tothe next, when you see that I
(27:38):
came from being what they callthe product of your environment,
growing up, gangbanging,selling your body to any man
(28:07):
that will promise you anything ahope, a dream, a few minutes,
some cash.
It didn't matter.
I was so starved, I was sodesperate, I was looking, I was
alone, I was afraid and therewere more people seeking to
devour me than there was seekingto lead me, guide me and teach
(28:29):
me.
But because I had the faith thesize of a freaking mustard seed
, god watered it for me and whenI could only take one step, he
took two Because I showed up.
So if you show up here, Ipromise that we will pour
(28:53):
encouragement, we will instilllove principles and help you
decide what your morals and yourethics and what your integrity
is.
We will support you in any waythat we can.
(29:14):
This is a safe space.
This is a safe space, a safespace, and I'm just so fired up
that I had enough courage tocome and share my truths with
you, that I was able to show upand not worry about being seen
(29:40):
visually, spiritually oremotionally.
Not worry about being seenVisually, spiritually or
emotionally.
I could have set this up a bunchof different ways.
I could have had an awesomeintro.
I could have went to a studioand paid for all these things
(30:02):
and had to do it perfect.
But where do you see perfectbesides God?
So remember that when we shareGod's love, when we share
(30:22):
testimonies and not the trial.
Thank you, guys for joining mehere at the Real Spill.
Have a great evening, peace.
That's a podcast, that's abroadcast.
I told you you can do it,didn't?
(30:44):
I tell you nothing's perfectand you did a good, awesome job.
Thank you, best friend.
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