October 21, 2025 • 34 mins
What if the hardest conversation you’ll ever have is the one in the mirror? We sit down with consultant and podcast host Varsey Laurelle to unpack how radical honesty, emotional intelligence, and a refusal to hide behind small talk can transform a life, a relationship, and even an organization’s culture. Her story moves from the weight of being the eldest daughter to building a chosen community, from a near-death birth to the clarity that ended her marriage, and from shame-filled self-talk to daily practices of forgiveness, integrity, and courage.
Varsey brings a rare mix of candor and warmth. She shows how humor helps people open up, why difficult conversations are acts of love, and how to set boundaries without burning bridges. We walk through her step-by-step framework for “brave, uncomfortable AF” talks: start with facts, name the story you’re telling yourself, share the feelings, create space for their perspective, and listen to understand. Along the way, we dig into acceptance—of ourselves, of parents who may never change, and of friends who show us who they are through consistency more than words.
If you’ve felt stuck in people-pleasing, exhausted by surface-level connections, or torn between peace and truth, this conversation is a compass. Expect insights on self-love, empathy, clear communication, and why proximity to you should be earned by behavior, not history. You’ll leave with language for hard moments, rituals for reflection, and the mantra that threads it all together: you are entirely up to you. If this resonated, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs courage today, and leave a quick review so more people can find these conversations.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dalia (00:12):
Welcome to the She Suite Society, a community where women
from all backgrounds cometogether, share their stories,
support one another, and revealthe unfiltered reality of our
lives.
I'm your host and empowermentSherpa, Dahlia, and this podcast
exists to give voice and spaceto women whose experiences might
otherwise go unheard.
Today I'm joined by VarsetLorel, founder of Varsey
(00:33):
Laurelle Consulting, host of theRecorded Vulnerabilities
Podcast, and someone who's builther career around transforming
organizational cultures throughtrust, empathy, and action.
With a BA in masscommunications and marketing
from Wright State University andan MBA from Ashland University,
Varset combines businesspsychology with human-centered
strategies to help leaders andteams unlock their full
(00:56):
potential.
But what makes Farse trulyremarkable isn't just her
impressive credentials or herwork curating transformational
workshops.
It's her radical authenticityand her aversion to small talk
that she's turned into a genuinesuperpower.
Her story is one of braveconversations.
She's mastered the art ofhaving the difficult discussions
most people avoid.
(01:16):
What makes Farse's insights sopowerful is her understanding
that difficult conversations areacts of love.
Through therapy, divorce, anddeep self-discovery work, she's
learned that authenticity isn'tabout being comfortable.
It's about being real, evenwhen it makes you sweat.
Her journey offers a roadmapfor anyone trying to stop living
(01:36):
for others and start living forthemselves.
Whether you're struggling withsetting boundaries, navigating a
major life transition, orsimply tired of pretending
everything's fine when it's not,Farse's wisdom about emotional
intelligence, clearcommunication, and the ongoing
journey of self-love willresonate deeply.
So let's start.
Varsey Laurelle (01:55):
Where'd you grow up?
Um I would say mostly Columbus,Ohio.
This question is always veryconvoluted.
It's never simple.
Um in South Florida.
But I went to school heremostly.
Here mostly?
Here mostly.
Columbus, Ohio, here mostly.
So I'm a Midwestern Southerngirl.
Very nice.
(02:17):
And do you have siblings?
I do.
I am the oldest daughter.
I am the sixth generationoldest daughter on my mom's
side.
And so, um, trauma.
No, I'm just playing.
So I have a uh younger sisteruh who's seven years younger.
And then I have uh on my dad'sside, I have a younger brother
(02:38):
and sister who are 10 and 7years younger than me.
Dalia (02:42):
Very nice.
Varsey Laurelle (02:43):
By far.
Dalia (02:43):
Are you all close?
Varsey Laurelle (02:46):
Define close.
I mean, that it's not how Iwould want it to be, ideally,
the idea in my head of what asister and brother are, but
we're we always have eachother's back and support each
other.
And um we visit each other, um,but we're not in each other's
daily life.
Dalia (03:05):
Okay.
Varsey Laurelle (03:06):
Yeah.
Dalia (03:07):
So who is in your daily life?
Varsey Laurelle (03:11):
My kiddos, my babies.
Um, I have an I have an11-year-old daughter, and I have
a six-year-old son.
Um, so they are in my lifedaily.
Um, I have a best friend fromcollege who lives in Houston.
She is a part of my daily life,and daily, not literally, but
(03:33):
just like we keep in touch.
We know what's going on.
Um, I have a couple of closefriends here locally.
That again, you know, asadults, you can't see people too
much.
You can't talk to them much.
There's lots of group texts andscreenshots.
And, you know, we celebrate andwe celebrate each other.
We're really good at that.
Really good at that, andsupporting another, I guess.
(03:55):
100%.
Yeah.
With that, it's so funnybecause yeah, you're right.
I guess I think of celebrationas support too.
But yeah, it's celebration andsupport.
And my grandma, my grandma is89 years old.
She is the love of my life, andshe is local as well.
So she's in she's in my dailylife.
Dalia (04:15):
So that's nice.
So you have a good network offolks that you're around or have
in your energy.
Varsey Laurelle (04:22):
I have I have a great community of people.
How'd you get them?
I chose them.
I handpicked them.
Dalia (04:30):
You handpicked them.
Varsey Laurelle (04:33):
Oh, honey.
Learning myself and what I needin community and learning what
I can give in community andbeing okay with all those
things.
So, like getting rid of theshoulds, Dahlia.
Right.
(04:54):
Like, that I had that I havelike oh, because we've been
friends so long, or you know,like no, no more of that.
Dalia (05:06):
Yeah, the time doesn't matter.
Varsey Laurelle (05:08):
It does not, it does not quality, it's the
quality of where you are inlife, and that changes.
You know, I used to say no newfriends, but all of my friends
currently that I'm in communitywith, except for my hype my
college friend, I've known forless than seven years.
Yeah, they're new friends, butthey feel like a lifetime.
Um, yeah, so I think for me itwas very much about identifying
(05:33):
what do I need and thenaccepting people as they are.
You know, like not putting theexpectation of a friend does
this and a friend does that, oryou have to be have to be able
to kick it with you at the barand have deep conversation.
Like it's not all the things.
Dalia (05:48):
Yeah, they can all have different roles within your
life.
Varsey Laurelle (05:51):
Yeah.
Dalia (05:51):
You feel that you have different roles in all their
lives.
Varsey Laurelle (06:00):
I'd be interested to hear what they say
because I I think, you know, asI'm like scanning my brain, I
think I show up for everyone thesame.
Um I'm the I'm the coach, likeI'm the guide, like I'm the
like, oh, let's get some wisdomand some insight.
Like, that's what people leanon me for.
I'm also the fun vibes.
(06:21):
So like you can call me and belike, hey, let's go to the club,
let's go to the bar.
Like, yes, I'm still that girl,like party girl forever.
Um I'm I'm not the friendthat's gonna be like babysit
your kids.
I'm probably not that friend.
I mostly only like my kids.
Uh, but I think I show up foreveryone consistently.
(06:43):
I don't know, I gotta put it inthe group chat.
I'm gonna ask now.
Dalia (06:46):
I just wondered.
No, you're pretty self-aware,and I know that it's fun, it's
sometimes you do have not you,but one has that same thing that
they bring to each group thatthey're because that's the
that's what they need.
That's what the energy costs.
Varsey Laurelle (06:59):
Right.
Dalia (06:59):
So what do you what is a day in the life of Varsai look
like now?
What do you do?
What do you do for work?
What do you do for fun?
Varsey Laurelle (07:12):
Let's see.
So for work, what I do is ummostly public speaking.
So um I'm in this shift where Iam leaning more on the comedy
aspect of my public speaking.
Um, and that's been reallyexciting.
And so lots of uh publicspeaking, MCing, workshops, all
(07:33):
around like clarity, curiosity,um, intentionality, but like
laughter and joy.
Um, that's what I do for work.
Um, I have a podcast, I have anewsletter, so it's a lot of
speaking, which is fun.
Dalia (07:48):
Let's talk about your podcast.
It's called ReportedVulnerabilities, right?
Varsey Laurelle (07:52):
Yes.
Dalia (07:52):
And what do you talk about on that?
Besides actual vulnerabilities.
Varsey Laurelle (07:58):
Yeah.
I mean, so it's it's me forabout 20 to 30 minutes, really
kind of unpacking scenarios thathave happened in my life that
normally don't get talked aboutout loud.
So it's really me trying tonormalize our humanness and
create a safe place where peoplecan see themselves in me and
(08:20):
relate and hopefully like healthe world through community.
Dalia (08:24):
Yeah.
Varsey Laurelle (08:25):
You know?
Um, that's yeah, it's it'sbrought a lot of joy and it's
brought a lot of healing for meas well.
It's been it's been reallybeautiful.
Um, and so, you know, fun, funlooks like sometimes it's
hanging on the couch, watchingLove is Blind, which I'm really
late to when I just got into,but it's like I'm obsessed.
(08:46):
It's obsessive, I think.
Oh my god, I'm so obsessed.
Um, and then sometimes it's umgoing on walks with friends.
I like to hike, I like to drinkwine.
Did I already say that?
Um I like to um be I love beingin community having really real
(09:10):
ass conversations.
Like I like that is so fun tome.
Small talk isn't easy for you.
Oh, I don't like small talk.
How'd you know it?
Oh, it's so cringe.
Well, you know what whensomebody tries to do small talk
with you?
It's so funny because Iliterally can't do it.
So the version, my authenticself, I don't even try.
(09:30):
My small talk is like peoplelaugh at me all the time.
Like, Barcy small talk is like,so what happened to you in your
life?
Like, why are you this way?
Like, I'm going deep.
And I know I've met my people,my community, because they can
they can match that, right?
Like, we're all of a suddenvibing within five minutes.
Dalia (09:50):
Yeah, because small talk is just a waste of air in
everybody's talk.
What is that anyway?
Why are you being so nice?
It's either you won't face yourown demons or you won't face
yourself in the mirror.
It's like you cannot somehowlive in whatever version of
reality you've created foryourself because of why too
scary?
Varsey Laurelle (10:10):
That's so interesting.
That you're right.
I've never associated smalltalk with kind of like a
dissociation, essentially, iswhat I'm hearing.
That's how I feel.
Dalia (10:17):
What I feel is there another reason people would
engage in small talk?
I I really don't get that.
Varsey Laurelle (10:24):
You nailed it.
You nailed it because I havenever thought of that.
But when I think about thepeople that are really good at
small talk, surface.
They're surface people.
Dalia (10:35):
Yeah.
I genuinely don't know anybodythat does small talk.
Maybe I do, but I don't talk tothem, so I wouldn't know.
Yeah.
But it's because I'm so averseto that.
I don't, I don't want to talkto you.
Maybe you're the same way too.
I don't want to talk to you ifyou can't face yourself in some
(10:58):
capacity.
Varsey Laurelle (10:59):
100%.
So, so you know, I'm I'm gonnaput, you know, I put my business
out there, but like recordedvulnerabilities.
The first person I thought ofwas my biological dad.
He is a master at small talk.
Like everyone knows him, but noone knows him.
Dalia (11:13):
Wow.
Say a little bit more.
Nothing more to say.
Nothing more to say.
That's the that's full set andstop.
Like, when did you realize thatabout him?
Like, when did that become areality for you?
Varsey Laurelle (11:28):
Last year I really dug deep into therapy.
And I thought, well, a coupleyears ago, I thought it was just
about grief because I wasreally having a hard time fully
releasing my divorce and andwhat was and the reality of it.
And grief.
Grief is very connected toacceptance, if you don't know
that.
So it was it it morphed intoaccepting what the fuck is.
(11:52):
Like this is what it is.
And you need to accept the ex,the mom, the sister, yourself,
the dad.
And so I realized that I was,you know, back to your sibling
question.
I realized that I had all theselike fake characteristics, like
I call them Cosby showcharacteristics of like what a
dad should be, what a mom shouldbe.
(12:12):
Not because I saw it in reallife, not because that's what
they were.
It was just my idea in my head.
And then people fell short ofthat, and now they're a bad
this, they're a bad that,including myself.
And when I unpacked withtherapy who my dad was, that's
when I realized, oh, wait aminute.
(12:32):
I'm doing a disservice to himand our relationship by not just
accepting what this man hasshown me to be for 44 years,
right?
Like he has been consistentlyhimself, and I have been
consistently rejecting it andfighting it, right?
So, like, what is it, you know?
So, like, this is what he is.
(12:53):
And that's when I realized, oh,this is why I can't get
community with him.
Because I don't talk small.
I talk big, and my big talkfrustrates him.
His small talk frustrates me.
And I would get frustratedbecause he lives in South
Florida.
So I'd go down there andeveryone knows him.
You know, we're in the store orthe gas station.
People would come into town,man, your dad was the best.
(13:14):
And I'm like, how is he thebest?
I'm like, oh, because you'regetting these little drops of
like he's an extrovert.
Like, I definitely get mypersonality.
Dalia (13:24):
You know what's funny?
It's like everybody knows him,but doesn't really know him
saying, but I feel like you haveeverybody knows you, but they
actually know you.
Come on now.
What a difference, like, howcrazy is that?
Do you think if he everunderstood, do you think he
could ever understand how to dowhat you do?
Varsey Laurelle (13:46):
No, I don't think so.
You know, I mean, I I what'sthe likelihood?
What's the probability?
You know, I mean, I think he'slike 70 plus now.
It doesn't matter.
I'm just gonna accept who he isand what we are.
Dalia (14:04):
Yeah, you're not gonna worry about it.
It's not my nothing to worryabout, but if he catches on,
good for him.
If he doesn't, it's no, itdoesn't matter either way.
You've accepted.
So you attribute the fact ofyou learning to accept
everything and everyone forexactly as they are in the
situations as they are, mostlyto therapy that you've gone to I
(14:28):
think I would say so.
Varsey Laurelle (14:29):
And I'm not saying, now listen, don't get me
wrong, I'm not saying all thatyou said.
I'm not accepting everythingand everyone or a journey.
That's the goal.
Yeah.
Right?
And I think it I think it'll bea lifetime journey.
Oh, yeah.
Because people are harder than,and I got my traumas that I
bring to it, and it's somethings I just can't accept.
And you just won't be incommunity with me, right?
(14:50):
Because that's where I am.
Um, but you know what you knowwhat those boundaries are.
100%.
Dalia (14:56):
I think that's hard.
Yeah.
Maybe that's where you start.
Like, what is the hard line?
And then everything's fromthere.
You can start.
Oh, I love that.
Yeah, yeah.
Varsey Laurelle (15:04):
And for me, it's consistency, truth telling,
and um self-awareness, whatreally just emotional
intelligence, right?
Because that's gonna take upempathy, social awareness, and
self-awareness.
So those are my those are mybaseline needs.
Dalia (15:26):
Do you ask that of your close friends and your family?
Or is it more you you holdyourself to those standards and
then just sort of accepteverybody else that you've
chosen to accept?
Varsey Laurelle (15:40):
That's a really good question.
So I hold myself to thosestandards 100%.
And uh, it's kind of like atuning, right?
Like I'm I'm listening to whoyou tell me you are by your
actions, and then I get todecide the proximity you have to
me.
Ooh, based on that.
Dalia (16:00):
That's really good.
That's really good.
And when they try to crossthose boundaries, how do you
handle that?
Varsey Laurelle (16:08):
Oh, that's where it gets so awkward.
Dalia (16:11):
I know that's right to ask because I deal with the same
issues.
Varsey Laurelle (16:15):
How do you handle that?
You know, it so I teach thisworkshop on brave, uncomfortable
AF conversations.
And every time I get into thissituation, I have to then have a
brave, uncomfortable AFconversation.
That I cringe all the waythrough, that my heart is racing
(16:38):
all the way through.
And you end up having thesepeople the people that are the
least self-aware are the onesyou end up having to have with
these with because they ain'treading the room.
Right?
Which makes it even moreuncomfortable because Yeah.
Yeah.
So I lean into it.
I I mean, I just I lean intoit.
And what I will say, mostpeople are always appreciative
(17:01):
of the conversation and meleaning into it and not just
ghosting them and acting weird,because that's what most people
do.
Um and so I don't come withshame.
I don't come with, you know,you suck and I don't.
Um, which might be true.
No, I'm just playing.
Um, I I come with, you know,the framework is be factual.
(17:23):
So like just tell the truth,you know, and I always like to
frame it.
Hey, I'm coming to you withbecause out of love, out of
care.
Like if I didn't care, Iwouldn't come to you.
Like I would have ghosted you.
Right.
So this is this is love.
This is what love looks like tome.
Um state with state state thefacts.
Um relate to the story, youknow, relate to the story I'm
(17:44):
telling myself.
Right?
Um, accept the feelings, right?
So accept and share thefeelings that I'm having, right?
So like um I can't even thinkof an example right now.
And then um listen.
Well create space, create spacefor them to now talk, right?
(18:08):
So like verify.
Like, hey, let me know whatyou're thinking.
I said a lot, like give me giveme what you got.
What are you thinking?
Dalia (18:14):
Yeah, yeah.
Varsey Laurelle (18:15):
And then like engage in listening.
Just shut up and listen.
Dalia (18:20):
Yeah.
Varsey Laurelle (18:21):
And not to combat, not to have an argument,
truly listening.
Because that's to understand.
Dalia (18:28):
Absolutely.
A lot of people try to engageinto conversations where they
just want to be heard and notwant to actually understand.
Uh, so that's a great point.
So let's dig in a little bitmore to some of these personal
sort of hills that youmountains, whatever you however
you view it, uh that you'veconquered in your life.
(18:50):
What are some of those peakmoments that have been what I
like to consider before andafterlife?
Like before you were this wayin life, and then this moment
happened, and now you are thisway in life.
What is a a peak moment thatyou've had and how did it change
you?
Varsey Laurelle (19:08):
I think, I mean, a peak moment for me was
when was um deciding to end mymarriage.
Dalia (19:17):
I had a feeling, because I know you and I talked before,
and that was also a peak momentfor me, and I think that some
people really need to hear this.
Can you tell us that story alittle bit?
Varsey Laurelle (19:27):
Yeah, I think one, I hold a lot of I hold a
lot of grace and and compassionand love for myself.
I I continue to try to.
Um, because there's aftermathto these decisions that aren't
ideal.
Um, that I that I based on thevarsity that was, I made the
(19:48):
best decisions for myself,right?
And so I'm thinking about theshame that we can get into of
like, how the hell did I evenchoose this mofo?
You know, you know, and so it'slike one grace for yourself.
Yeah.
And and how long were youtogether?
So we were together for um, I'mgonna maybe about seven to nine
(20:09):
years, you'd think I'd know.
Um, time is elusive.
Time is a loss.
Time is elusive.
So we were dating for about ayear and a half and then married
for the rest of it.
Um, we um, you know, we nevercommunicated enough to be able
to grow together.
Dalia (20:31):
Yeah, that's powerful.
Varsey Laurelle (20:33):
Yeah.
Dalia (20:34):
You think that was something that morphed, or do
you think it was always thatway?
Varsey Laurelle (20:39):
I think it was always that way.
Dalia (20:44):
Well, and it grew.
And it grew.
It grew.
But I I noticed that sometimeshaving kids does change the way
that partners communicatebecause then all of a sudden
they're all trying to embody,whether consciously or
subconsciously, their parents,whatever they saw their parents
(21:04):
do.
And it's all it's almost likenow you've got a house full of
parents, and nobody reallynobody was raised the same way.
Nobody's in the same room.
So so it tends to change howyou communicate because you
identify differently.
Varsey Laurelle (21:18):
Yeah, I can relate to that.
I think, I think uh, I figuredif it was Michelle or Barack,
but one of them said, like, it'slike toddlers come into the
world and it's their job to ruinthe marriage.
That's how kids show up.
And I was like, damn, that'strue.
Like, that is exactly how itshows.
Like, if you can survive thatera, then you're probably good.
(21:39):
For me, and I yes, the kids,but I think for me, I didn't
know who the hell I was.
Dalia (21:45):
You lost yourself.
Well, I never knew myself.
Oh.
Varsey Laurelle (21:50):
Yeah, I think I was always very people pleasing
and and and I had likeabandonment and rejection
issues.
So like I was always justcontorting to whatever I thought
you wanted me to be.
So that's how I showed up.
I mean, maybe is that a pickme?
Like that's how I showed up.
Dalia (22:05):
I showed up like No, that's somebody that's been
through trauma, and it'sactually a trauma response.
I uh I see you.
So when did you realize that?
When did you realize that?
That would have been I wouldhave I before you got divorced,
right?
Varsey Laurelle (22:23):
I think that was in the healing in the midst.
So I remember we got separated.
Uh so I think the big catapultthing is there was always
things, right?
We're very, it was verytumultuous.
It was hot or cold.
Um, and then I had my son,who's now six, and I had a
near-death experience afterlabor and delivery.
(22:43):
Oh, I mean, you know, pints ofblood, you know, having to like
it was it was it was an ordeal.
Um and we don't have enoughtime for that uh that story.
But you look at lifedifferently when you see the
light.
Like, literally, you're like,oh shit, what am I doing?
So I remember being back home,definitely had postpartum,
(23:06):
didn't know it at the time, andwe got into some stupid argument
about putting the baby on thecounter in his seat or something
like that, that exploded.
And uh we separated.
And during the separation, wewere trying to date, not trying
(23:27):
to date, we kept going back andforth.
And my therapist, differenttherapist, she asked me, like,
what do you need?
And I was like, I need clarity,which I didn't even know
myself.
I've always needed clarity.
This is literally what my wholebrand is built on.
It's like I need to know whereI stand, where are we going?
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
So she's like, you need to ask.
So we had a conversation, and Iremember this, like, oh, so, so
(23:49):
vividly.
And I'm talking to him, and I'mlike, listen, I had a pen and
paper, child.
Okay, I was not playing.
I was like, what do you needfor this to work?
And he's like, Listen, all thethings that I need to do for
this to work.
I was like, great, read it backto him.
And then I was like, All right,what do you feel like you need
to do for this to work?
(24:09):
And he just was like, Gen Zstare or whatever, like, I just
told you what needed to happenfor this to work.
unknown (24:18):
Right.
Varsey Laurelle (24:19):
And it was like, light bulb.
Dalia (24:21):
Yeah, yeah.
Varsey Laurelle (24:22):
Well, I've been the one contorting it, da da da
da da.
And I could do that for therest of my life, and we would be
in the same place because ittakes two.
Um, and my daughter was five,my son was six.
We split.
Um left the house, um, moved inwith my cousin, who was also
(24:44):
going through a divorce.
So it's like two-bedroom,two-bath apartment.
Me and my kids, my friend gaveme a king bed, me and my kids
are sleeping in the same bed.
You know, she's on the couch,her teenage son's in a room.
It was not ideal.
From outward appearances, itfelt like failing.
Dalia (25:01):
I know, right?
Varsey Laurelle (25:02):
COVID hit, school's closed, daycare's
closed.
Um, and I ended up getting in asituation where I um had
experienced some uh suicidalthoughts of like harming me and
my kids.
Dalia (25:24):
Oh no.
Varsey Laurelle (25:25):
And I remember God, who who's you know, my
guide, just was like this momentof him just being like, okay,
so this is where you where yougot yourself.
Can I have a turn?
And I just I've been I havereleased control of my life ever
since.
I just I just tried after that.
(25:49):
I mean, yeah, so I was yeah, soI ended up looking in the
mirror at myself, literally.
Yeah, you know, and kind of wasjust like, okay, girl, you
cute, like, okay, this, youknow, and then like moving,
still looking and just bustedout crying because it was the
first time that I allowed myselfto see all the things, you
(26:14):
know, the ugly parts, like, ohyeah, well, you manipulated
people, so that's how you gothere.
You know, you just tellingpeople what they want to hear,
you're not following it up byany action.
Um you know, you fear hasstopped you from doing
everything, like you'reterrified of everything, like,
yeah, life has just beenhappening to you.
(26:34):
And it was just this momentthat I was like, okay, these
things are true.
And then self-forgiveness wasthe first thing I remember
leaning into because I ashamedmyself.
Like, I remember I was on thepoll with my mom one day, and I
was just frustrated aboutsomething, and she heard me
(26:54):
talking to myself out loud forthe first time.
She's like, Varsi, like, do youtalk to yourself like that?
And I was like, What?
What are you talking about?
She's like, You just said I waslike, oh, that's I just I
always say that.
Um so it it I really wentthrough a self-love journey that
(27:15):
I'm still on.
But I think a lot of it wasforgiveness.
I leaned into truth telling.
Like I always said I hadintegrity, but child, I ain't
had no integrity.
It sounded good, but I didn'thave any integrity.
So leaning into, okay, but doyou want integrity?
All right, so let's lean intothe opportunities that life
(27:35):
gives you to be integral, right?
Those hard decisions, the hardconversations, forgiving.
And then from all the thingsthat I did for myself, I started
to treat others like that.
unknown (27:47):
Right?
Varsey Laurelle (27:47):
So now I now I'm forgiving, I'm forgiving
myself, so I'm forgiving others.
I'm loving myself, I'm lovingothers.
I'm accepting myself, I'maccepting others.
I'm telling the truth tomyself, I'm telling the truth to
others.
Like, and it has just been aconstant calibration of just
trying to be more, would I say,just more spiritual and less
(28:10):
flesh.
Dalia (28:11):
How hard is that to balance your own healing when
you have to navigate somethingso complex and emotionally
tangling as divorce?
Varsey Laurelle (28:26):
You know, I had to build in systems into my
life, reflection systems orsystems for myself, time with me
and God, um saying no, havingboundaries.
Um, and then and then and thenhaving grace with myself because
this is you know how it is.
It's not like a oh yeah, I'm ona path and it's always forward.
(28:48):
No, honey.
No, sometimes I will curse youout.
Like if you push me too far,you're gonna get the old
varsity.
Like she's still in there.
Um like, you know, so um it'shard.
Dalia (29:01):
Yeah.
Varsey Laurelle (29:02):
It's hard, and you know what, you know what
makes it so hard that I'm stillunpacking.
I literally had this thoughtthis morning.
I'm still unpacking.
Damn, I could be best friendswith a tree.
unknown (29:15):
You hear me?
Varsey Laurelle (29:16):
Me and that tree could be tight.
I'm borrowing leaves to make adress, you know, I'm getting it
water, like, but oh my god, thisperson that I married or that
fell in love with, or decided tohave kids with, hates me.
Dalia (29:32):
Like, we can't be in community, like you can't you
can't choose that.
Varsey Laurelle (29:41):
Yeah.
Dalia (29:42):
And you just have to live.
I think that I think that uhthis self love journey and this
forgiveness journey and healingjourney, I think it's something
that all of us end up findingthat we are are always going to
be until we die.
That's just once you start torealize you need to treat
(30:03):
yourself really well, it's ait's a lifelong thing.
You can't even really call it ajourney.
That is just life.
And it's just well, it's theit's the it's the more peaceful,
the more calm, the morecommunity driven.
Because you can only do whatyou can do when you are yourself
at that spot.
(30:23):
And you're there.
You've reached that.
You're in the BC part of yourlife in the good way.
Where you pay it for now's whenyou pay it forward, like you
said.
And I'm sure it's opened up aton of doors for you to help
continue to pay it forward.
That's your podcast, yournewsletters, the work that you
do now.
Uh, it's just part of thatjourney.
(30:44):
It's it's life.
Varsey Laurelle (30:46):
I guess it's like I hate calling it a journey
because it's life.
Life is a journey, though.
Life is the journey.
I don't think you're saying it.
But I'm saying journey is life.
Yes, the journey is life.
The journey is life.
Dalia (30:56):
Yes, exactly.
You and I can talk forever.
Varsey Laurelle (30:59):
I know.
I was like, dang, how is itdirty?
Dalia (31:01):
It's already 30 minutes.
Varsey Laurelle (31:03):
So we had to cut out the beginning, though.
Dalia (31:06):
Yes, exactly.
But that's why we're taking itfor this next part.
I end every episode exactly thesame.
And though the entire episodeends up being advice, uh what
advice do you have to give,whether it be personal,
professional, whether it beabout life or whatnot?
What advice can you give to thelisteners that more than likely
(31:30):
resonated with this episodethat they can take and apply to
themselves?
Varsey Laurelle (31:41):
You are entirely up to you.
I just saw it on Instagram.
I was like, I'm witness on thewall.
This is exceptional.
You are entirely up to you.
It's you, it's your life.
Make it happen.
Dalia (32:02):
Yeah, take control.
Varsey Laurelle (32:02):
Do the work, lean in, stop blaming everyone,
stop having excuses.
You are entirely up to you.
Go forth and conquer.
Dalia (32:12):
What strikes me most about Farsay's story is her
unflinching commitment to truth,even when that truth is
uncomfortable, messy, orchallenges everything she
thought she knew about herself.
Her understanding that we can'thave deep connections without
brave conversations speaks tosomething many of us avoid.
Real intimacy requires realvulnerability.
I'm particularly moved by herjourney from a moment of wanting
(32:36):
to give up to embracing radicalself-forgiveness.
Her reminder that self-loveisn't a destination, but an
ongoing practice, one thatrequires grace, reflection, and
the willingness to keep showingup for yourself, offers hope for
anyone in the middle of theirown transformation.
Barsa's advice to stop makingexcuses and take control of your
life isn't harsh.
(32:56):
It's empowering.
It's the truth we sometimesneed to hear from someone who's
walked through the fire and comeout stronger on the other side.
Her work with organizationsbuilding bragworthy cultures
rooted in trust and empathy is adirect reflection of the deep
listening skills andauthenticity she brings to every
aspect of her life, fromcoaching executives to
championing local communities.
(33:17):
For those of you navigatingdifficult transitions, learning
to set boundaries, or simplytrying to figure out who you are
beyond the roles you've beenplaying, Varset's story proves
that the journey ofself-discovery, while not always
linear, is always worth it.
Connect with Varset.
Learn more about Varset LaurelConsulting and her
transformational workshops.
Listen to her podcasts,Recorded Vulnerabilities, where
(33:39):
she normalizes human emotionsthrough vulnerable
conversations.
Follow her journey as shecontinues hiking, traveling, and
making an impact incommunities.
If this conversation resonatedwith you, here's how you can
support the She Suite Society.
You can subscribe and review.
Leave us a five-star review onApple Podcasts and Spotify.
Share this episode.
You can send it to a friend whoneeds to hear the messages that
(34:02):
we spread.
Join our community or become asponsor.
Remember, SheSuite Societyexists because of listeners like
you who believe that women'sauthentic stories deserve to be
heard and amplified.
Until next time, this is yourhost Dahlia, reminding you that
your life is your message to theworld.
Why not make it extraordinary?
Welcome to the She Suite Society, a community where women
from all backgrounds cometogether, share their stories,
support one another, and revealthe unfiltered reality of our
lives.
I'm your host and empowermentSherpa, Dahlia, and this podcast
exists to give voice and spaceto women whose experiences might
otherwise go unheard.
Today I'm joined by VarsetLorel, founder of Varsey
(00:33):
Laurelle Consulting, host of theRecorded Vulnerabilities
Podcast, and someone who's builther career around transforming
organizational cultures throughtrust, empathy, and action.
With a BA in masscommunications and marketing
from Wright State University andan MBA from Ashland University,
Varset combines businesspsychology with human-centered
strategies to help leaders andteams unlock their full
(00:56):
potential.
But what makes Farse trulyremarkable isn't just her
impressive credentials or herwork curating transformational
workshops.
It's her radical authenticityand her aversion to small talk
that she's turned into a genuinesuperpower.
Her story is one of braveconversations.
She's mastered the art ofhaving the difficult discussions
most people avoid.
(01:16):
What makes Farse's insights sopowerful is her understanding
that difficult conversations areacts of love.
Through therapy, divorce, anddeep self-discovery work, she's
learned that authenticity isn'tabout being comfortable.
It's about being real, evenwhen it makes you sweat.
Her journey offers a roadmapfor anyone trying to stop living
(01:36):
for others and start living forthemselves.
Whether you're struggling withsetting boundaries, navigating a
major life transition, orsimply tired of pretending
everything's fine when it's not,Farse's wisdom about emotional
intelligence, clearcommunication, and the ongoing
journey of self-love willresonate deeply.
So let's start.
Varsey Laurelle (01:55):
Where'd you grow up?
Um I would say mostly Columbus,Ohio.
This question is always veryconvoluted.
It's never simple.
Um in South Florida.
But I went to school heremostly.
Here mostly?
Here mostly.
Columbus, Ohio, here mostly.
So I'm a Midwestern Southerngirl.
Very nice.
(02:17):
And do you have siblings?
I do.
I am the oldest daughter.
I am the sixth generationoldest daughter on my mom's
side.
And so, um, trauma.
No, I'm just playing.
So I have a uh younger sisteruh who's seven years younger.
And then I have uh on my dad'sside, I have a younger brother
(02:38):
and sister who are 10 and 7years younger than me.
Dalia (02:42):
Very nice.
Varsey Laurelle (02:43):
By far.
Dalia (02:43):
Are you all close?
Varsey Laurelle (02:46):
Define close.
I mean, that it's not how Iwould want it to be, ideally,
the idea in my head of what asister and brother are, but
we're we always have eachother's back and support each
other.
And um we visit each other, um,but we're not in each other's
daily life.
Dalia (03:05):
Okay.
Varsey Laurelle (03:06):
Yeah.
Dalia (03:07):
So who is in your daily life?
Varsey Laurelle (03:11):
My kiddos, my babies.
Um, I have an I have an11-year-old daughter, and I have
a six-year-old son.
Um, so they are in my lifedaily.
Um, I have a best friend fromcollege who lives in Houston.
She is a part of my daily life,and daily, not literally, but
(03:33):
just like we keep in touch.
We know what's going on.
Um, I have a couple of closefriends here locally.
That again, you know, asadults, you can't see people too
much.
You can't talk to them much.
There's lots of group texts andscreenshots.
And, you know, we celebrate andwe celebrate each other.
We're really good at that.
Really good at that, andsupporting another, I guess.
(03:55):
100%.
Yeah.
With that, it's so funnybecause yeah, you're right.
I guess I think of celebrationas support too.
But yeah, it's celebration andsupport.
And my grandma, my grandma is89 years old.
She is the love of my life, andshe is local as well.
So she's in she's in my dailylife.
Dalia (04:15):
So that's nice.
So you have a good network offolks that you're around or have
in your energy.
Varsey Laurelle (04:22):
I have I have a great community of people.
How'd you get them?
I chose them.
I handpicked them.
Dalia (04:30):
You handpicked them.
Varsey Laurelle (04:33):
Oh, honey.
Learning myself and what I needin community and learning what
I can give in community andbeing okay with all those
things.
So, like getting rid of theshoulds, Dahlia.
Right.
(04:54):
Like, that I had that I havelike oh, because we've been
friends so long, or you know,like no, no more of that.
Dalia (05:06):
Yeah, the time doesn't matter.
Varsey Laurelle (05:08):
It does not, it does not quality, it's the
quality of where you are inlife, and that changes.
You know, I used to say no newfriends, but all of my friends
currently that I'm in communitywith, except for my hype my
college friend, I've known forless than seven years.
Yeah, they're new friends, butthey feel like a lifetime.
Um, yeah, so I think for me itwas very much about identifying
(05:33):
what do I need and thenaccepting people as they are.
You know, like not putting theexpectation of a friend does
this and a friend does that, oryou have to be have to be able
to kick it with you at the barand have deep conversation.
Like it's not all the things.
Dalia (05:48):
Yeah, they can all have different roles within your
life.
Varsey Laurelle (05:51):
Yeah.
Dalia (05:51):
You feel that you have different roles in all their
lives.
Varsey Laurelle (06:00):
I'd be interested to hear what they say
because I I think, you know, asI'm like scanning my brain, I
think I show up for everyone thesame.
Um I'm the I'm the coach, likeI'm the guide, like I'm the
like, oh, let's get some wisdomand some insight.
Like, that's what people leanon me for.
I'm also the fun vibes.
(06:21):
So like you can call me and belike, hey, let's go to the club,
let's go to the bar.
Like, yes, I'm still that girl,like party girl forever.
Um I'm I'm not the friendthat's gonna be like babysit
your kids.
I'm probably not that friend.
I mostly only like my kids.
Uh, but I think I show up foreveryone consistently.
(06:43):
I don't know, I gotta put it inthe group chat.
I'm gonna ask now.
Dalia (06:46):
I just wondered.
No, you're pretty self-aware,and I know that it's fun, it's
sometimes you do have not you,but one has that same thing that
they bring to each group thatthey're because that's the
that's what they need.
That's what the energy costs.
Varsey Laurelle (06:59):
Right.
Dalia (06:59):
So what do you what is a day in the life of Varsai look
like now?
What do you do?
What do you do for work?
What do you do for fun?
Varsey Laurelle (07:12):
Let's see.
So for work, what I do is ummostly public speaking.
So um I'm in this shift where Iam leaning more on the comedy
aspect of my public speaking.
Um, and that's been reallyexciting.
And so lots of uh publicspeaking, MCing, workshops, all
(07:33):
around like clarity, curiosity,um, intentionality, but like
laughter and joy.
Um, that's what I do for work.
Um, I have a podcast, I have anewsletter, so it's a lot of
speaking, which is fun.
Dalia (07:48):
Let's talk about your podcast.
It's called ReportedVulnerabilities, right?
Varsey Laurelle (07:52):
Yes.
Dalia (07:52):
And what do you talk about on that?
Besides actual vulnerabilities.
Varsey Laurelle (07:58):
Yeah.
I mean, so it's it's me forabout 20 to 30 minutes, really
kind of unpacking scenarios thathave happened in my life that
normally don't get talked aboutout loud.
So it's really me trying tonormalize our humanness and
create a safe place where peoplecan see themselves in me and
(08:20):
relate and hopefully like healthe world through community.
Dalia (08:24):
Yeah.
Varsey Laurelle (08:25):
You know?
Um, that's yeah, it's it'sbrought a lot of joy and it's
brought a lot of healing for meas well.
It's been it's been reallybeautiful.
Um, and so, you know, fun, funlooks like sometimes it's
hanging on the couch, watchingLove is Blind, which I'm really
late to when I just got into,but it's like I'm obsessed.
(08:46):
It's obsessive, I think.
Oh my god, I'm so obsessed.
Um, and then sometimes it's umgoing on walks with friends.
I like to hike, I like to drinkwine.
Did I already say that?
Um I like to um be I love beingin community having really real
(09:10):
ass conversations.
Like I like that is so fun tome.
Small talk isn't easy for you.
Oh, I don't like small talk.
How'd you know it?
Oh, it's so cringe.
Well, you know what whensomebody tries to do small talk
with you?
It's so funny because Iliterally can't do it.
So the version, my authenticself, I don't even try.
(09:30):
My small talk is like peoplelaugh at me all the time.
Like, Barcy small talk is like,so what happened to you in your
life?
Like, why are you this way?
Like, I'm going deep.
And I know I've met my people,my community, because they can
they can match that, right?
Like, we're all of a suddenvibing within five minutes.
Dalia (09:50):
Yeah, because small talk is just a waste of air in
everybody's talk.
What is that anyway?
Why are you being so nice?
It's either you won't face yourown demons or you won't face
yourself in the mirror.
It's like you cannot somehowlive in whatever version of
reality you've created foryourself because of why too
scary?
Varsey Laurelle (10:10):
That's so interesting.
That you're right.
I've never associated smalltalk with kind of like a
dissociation, essentially, iswhat I'm hearing.
That's how I feel.
Dalia (10:17):
What I feel is there another reason people would
engage in small talk?
I I really don't get that.
Varsey Laurelle (10:24):
You nailed it.
You nailed it because I havenever thought of that.
But when I think about thepeople that are really good at
small talk, surface.
They're surface people.
Dalia (10:35):
Yeah.
I genuinely don't know anybodythat does small talk.
Maybe I do, but I don't talk tothem, so I wouldn't know.
Yeah.
But it's because I'm so averseto that.
I don't, I don't want to talkto you.
Maybe you're the same way too.
I don't want to talk to you ifyou can't face yourself in some
(10:58):
capacity.
Varsey Laurelle (10:59):
100%.
So, so you know, I'm I'm gonnaput, you know, I put my business
out there, but like recordedvulnerabilities.
The first person I thought ofwas my biological dad.
He is a master at small talk.
Like everyone knows him, but noone knows him.
Dalia (11:13):
Wow.
Say a little bit more.
Nothing more to say.
Nothing more to say.
That's the that's full set andstop.
Like, when did you realize thatabout him?
Like, when did that become areality for you?
Varsey Laurelle (11:28):
Last year I really dug deep into therapy.
And I thought, well, a coupleyears ago, I thought it was just
about grief because I wasreally having a hard time fully
releasing my divorce and andwhat was and the reality of it.
And grief.
Grief is very connected toacceptance, if you don't know
that.
So it was it it morphed intoaccepting what the fuck is.
(11:52):
Like this is what it is.
And you need to accept the ex,the mom, the sister, yourself,
the dad.
And so I realized that I was,you know, back to your sibling
question.
I realized that I had all theselike fake characteristics, like
I call them Cosby showcharacteristics of like what a
dad should be, what a mom shouldbe.
(12:12):
Not because I saw it in reallife, not because that's what
they were.
It was just my idea in my head.
And then people fell short ofthat, and now they're a bad
this, they're a bad that,including myself.
And when I unpacked withtherapy who my dad was, that's
when I realized, oh, wait aminute.
(12:32):
I'm doing a disservice to himand our relationship by not just
accepting what this man hasshown me to be for 44 years,
right?
Like he has been consistentlyhimself, and I have been
consistently rejecting it andfighting it, right?
So, like, what is it, you know?
So, like, this is what he is.
(12:53):
And that's when I realized, oh,this is why I can't get
community with him.
Because I don't talk small.
I talk big, and my big talkfrustrates him.
His small talk frustrates me.
And I would get frustratedbecause he lives in South
Florida.
So I'd go down there andeveryone knows him.
You know, we're in the store orthe gas station.
People would come into town,man, your dad was the best.
(13:14):
And I'm like, how is he thebest?
I'm like, oh, because you'regetting these little drops of
like he's an extrovert.
Like, I definitely get mypersonality.
Dalia (13:24):
You know what's funny?
It's like everybody knows him,but doesn't really know him
saying, but I feel like you haveeverybody knows you, but they
actually know you.
Come on now.
What a difference, like, howcrazy is that?
Do you think if he everunderstood, do you think he
could ever understand how to dowhat you do?
Varsey Laurelle (13:46):
No, I don't think so.
You know, I mean, I I what'sthe likelihood?
What's the probability?
You know, I mean, I think he'slike 70 plus now.
It doesn't matter.
I'm just gonna accept who he isand what we are.
Dalia (14:04):
Yeah, you're not gonna worry about it.
It's not my nothing to worryabout, but if he catches on,
good for him.
If he doesn't, it's no, itdoesn't matter either way.
You've accepted.
So you attribute the fact ofyou learning to accept
everything and everyone forexactly as they are in the
situations as they are, mostlyto therapy that you've gone to I
(14:28):
think I would say so.
Varsey Laurelle (14:29):
And I'm not saying, now listen, don't get me
wrong, I'm not saying all thatyou said.
I'm not accepting everythingand everyone or a journey.
That's the goal.
Yeah.
Right?
And I think it I think it'll bea lifetime journey.
Oh, yeah.
Because people are harder than,and I got my traumas that I
bring to it, and it's somethings I just can't accept.
And you just won't be incommunity with me, right?
(14:50):
Because that's where I am.
Um, but you know what you knowwhat those boundaries are.
100%.
Dalia (14:56):
I think that's hard.
Yeah.
Maybe that's where you start.
Like, what is the hard line?
And then everything's fromthere.
You can start.
Oh, I love that.
Yeah, yeah.
Varsey Laurelle (15:04):
And for me, it's consistency, truth telling,
and um self-awareness, whatreally just emotional
intelligence, right?
Because that's gonna take upempathy, social awareness, and
self-awareness.
So those are my those are mybaseline needs.
Dalia (15:26):
Do you ask that of your close friends and your family?
Or is it more you you holdyourself to those standards and
then just sort of accepteverybody else that you've
chosen to accept?
Varsey Laurelle (15:40):
That's a really good question.
So I hold myself to thosestandards 100%.
And uh, it's kind of like atuning, right?
Like I'm I'm listening to whoyou tell me you are by your
actions, and then I get todecide the proximity you have to
me.
Ooh, based on that.
Dalia (16:00):
That's really good.
That's really good.
And when they try to crossthose boundaries, how do you
handle that?
Varsey Laurelle (16:08):
Oh, that's where it gets so awkward.
Dalia (16:11):
I know that's right to ask because I deal with the same
issues.
Varsey Laurelle (16:15):
How do you handle that?
You know, it so I teach thisworkshop on brave, uncomfortable
AF conversations.
And every time I get into thissituation, I have to then have a
brave, uncomfortable AFconversation.
That I cringe all the waythrough, that my heart is racing
(16:38):
all the way through.
And you end up having thesepeople the people that are the
least self-aware are the onesyou end up having to have with
these with because they ain'treading the room.
Right?
Which makes it even moreuncomfortable because Yeah.
Yeah.
So I lean into it.
I I mean, I just I lean intoit.
And what I will say, mostpeople are always appreciative
(17:01):
of the conversation and meleaning into it and not just
ghosting them and acting weird,because that's what most people
do.
Um and so I don't come withshame.
I don't come with, you know,you suck and I don't.
Um, which might be true.
No, I'm just playing.
Um, I I come with, you know,the framework is be factual.
(17:23):
So like just tell the truth,you know, and I always like to
frame it.
Hey, I'm coming to you withbecause out of love, out of
care.
Like if I didn't care, Iwouldn't come to you.
Like I would have ghosted you.
Right.
So this is this is love.
This is what love looks like tome.
Um state with state state thefacts.
Um relate to the story, youknow, relate to the story I'm
(17:44):
telling myself.
Right?
Um, accept the feelings, right?
So accept and share thefeelings that I'm having, right?
So like um I can't even thinkof an example right now.
And then um listen.
Well create space, create spacefor them to now talk, right?
(18:08):
So like verify.
Like, hey, let me know whatyou're thinking.
I said a lot, like give me giveme what you got.
What are you thinking?
Dalia (18:14):
Yeah, yeah.
Varsey Laurelle (18:15):
And then like engage in listening.
Just shut up and listen.
Dalia (18:20):
Yeah.
Varsey Laurelle (18:21):
And not to combat, not to have an argument,
truly listening.
Because that's to understand.
Dalia (18:28):
Absolutely.
A lot of people try to engageinto conversations where they
just want to be heard and notwant to actually understand.
Uh, so that's a great point.
So let's dig in a little bitmore to some of these personal
sort of hills that youmountains, whatever you however
you view it, uh that you'veconquered in your life.
(18:50):
What are some of those peakmoments that have been what I
like to consider before andafterlife?
Like before you were this wayin life, and then this moment
happened, and now you are thisway in life.
What is a a peak moment thatyou've had and how did it change
you?
Varsey Laurelle (19:08):
I think, I mean, a peak moment for me was
when was um deciding to end mymarriage.
Dalia (19:17):
I had a feeling, because I know you and I talked before,
and that was also a peak momentfor me, and I think that some
people really need to hear this.
Can you tell us that story alittle bit?
Varsey Laurelle (19:27):
Yeah, I think one, I hold a lot of I hold a
lot of grace and and compassionand love for myself.
I I continue to try to.
Um, because there's aftermathto these decisions that aren't
ideal.
Um, that I that I based on thevarsity that was, I made the
(19:48):
best decisions for myself,right?
And so I'm thinking about theshame that we can get into of
like, how the hell did I evenchoose this mofo?
You know, you know, and so it'slike one grace for yourself.
Yeah.
And and how long were youtogether?
So we were together for um, I'mgonna maybe about seven to nine
(20:09):
years, you'd think I'd know.
Um, time is elusive.
Time is a loss.
Time is elusive.
So we were dating for about ayear and a half and then married
for the rest of it.
Um, we um, you know, we nevercommunicated enough to be able
to grow together.
Dalia (20:31):
Yeah, that's powerful.
Varsey Laurelle (20:33):
Yeah.
Dalia (20:34):
You think that was something that morphed, or do
you think it was always thatway?
Varsey Laurelle (20:39):
I think it was always that way.
Dalia (20:44):
Well, and it grew.
And it grew.
It grew.
But I I noticed that sometimeshaving kids does change the way
that partners communicatebecause then all of a sudden
they're all trying to embody,whether consciously or
subconsciously, their parents,whatever they saw their parents
(21:04):
do.
And it's all it's almost likenow you've got a house full of
parents, and nobody reallynobody was raised the same way.
Nobody's in the same room.
So so it tends to change howyou communicate because you
identify differently.
Varsey Laurelle (21:18):
Yeah, I can relate to that.
I think, I think uh, I figuredif it was Michelle or Barack,
but one of them said, like, it'slike toddlers come into the
world and it's their job to ruinthe marriage.
That's how kids show up.
And I was like, damn, that'strue.
Like, that is exactly how itshows.
Like, if you can survive thatera, then you're probably good.
(21:39):
For me, and I yes, the kids,but I think for me, I didn't
know who the hell I was.
Dalia (21:45):
You lost yourself.
Well, I never knew myself.
Oh.
Varsey Laurelle (21:50):
Yeah, I think I was always very people pleasing
and and and I had likeabandonment and rejection
issues.
So like I was always justcontorting to whatever I thought
you wanted me to be.
So that's how I showed up.
I mean, maybe is that a pickme?
Like that's how I showed up.
Dalia (22:05):
I showed up like No, that's somebody that's been
through trauma, and it'sactually a trauma response.
I uh I see you.
So when did you realize that?
When did you realize that?
That would have been I wouldhave I before you got divorced,
right?
Varsey Laurelle (22:23):
I think that was in the healing in the midst.
So I remember we got separated.
Uh so I think the big catapultthing is there was always
things, right?
We're very, it was verytumultuous.
It was hot or cold.
Um, and then I had my son,who's now six, and I had a
near-death experience afterlabor and delivery.
(22:43):
Oh, I mean, you know, pints ofblood, you know, having to like
it was it was it was an ordeal.
Um and we don't have enoughtime for that uh that story.
But you look at lifedifferently when you see the
light.
Like, literally, you're like,oh shit, what am I doing?
So I remember being back home,definitely had postpartum,
(23:06):
didn't know it at the time, andwe got into some stupid argument
about putting the baby on thecounter in his seat or something
like that, that exploded.
And uh we separated.
And during the separation, wewere trying to date, not trying
(23:27):
to date, we kept going back andforth.
And my therapist, differenttherapist, she asked me, like,
what do you need?
And I was like, I need clarity,which I didn't even know
myself.
I've always needed clarity.
This is literally what my wholebrand is built on.
It's like I need to know whereI stand, where are we going?
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
So she's like, you need to ask.
So we had a conversation, and Iremember this, like, oh, so, so
(23:49):
vividly.
And I'm talking to him, and I'mlike, listen, I had a pen and
paper, child.
Okay, I was not playing.
I was like, what do you needfor this to work?
And he's like, Listen, all thethings that I need to do for
this to work.
I was like, great, read it backto him.
And then I was like, All right,what do you feel like you need
to do for this to work?
(24:09):
And he just was like, Gen Zstare or whatever, like, I just
told you what needed to happenfor this to work.
unknown (24:18):
Right.
Varsey Laurelle (24:19):
And it was like, light bulb.
Dalia (24:21):
Yeah, yeah.
Varsey Laurelle (24:22):
Well, I've been the one contorting it, da da da
da da.
And I could do that for therest of my life, and we would be
in the same place because ittakes two.
Um, and my daughter was five,my son was six.
We split.
Um left the house, um, moved inwith my cousin, who was also
(24:44):
going through a divorce.
So it's like two-bedroom,two-bath apartment.
Me and my kids, my friend gaveme a king bed, me and my kids
are sleeping in the same bed.
You know, she's on the couch,her teenage son's in a room.
It was not ideal.
From outward appearances, itfelt like failing.
Dalia (25:01):
I know, right?
Varsey Laurelle (25:02):
COVID hit, school's closed, daycare's
closed.
Um, and I ended up getting in asituation where I um had
experienced some uh suicidalthoughts of like harming me and
my kids.
Dalia (25:24):
Oh no.
Varsey Laurelle (25:25):
And I remember God, who who's you know, my
guide, just was like this momentof him just being like, okay,
so this is where you where yougot yourself.
Can I have a turn?
And I just I've been I havereleased control of my life ever
since.
I just I just tried after that.
(25:49):
I mean, yeah, so I was yeah, soI ended up looking in the
mirror at myself, literally.
Yeah, you know, and kind of wasjust like, okay, girl, you
cute, like, okay, this, youknow, and then like moving,
still looking and just bustedout crying because it was the
first time that I allowed myselfto see all the things, you
(26:14):
know, the ugly parts, like, ohyeah, well, you manipulated
people, so that's how you gothere.
You know, you just tellingpeople what they want to hear,
you're not following it up byany action.
Um you know, you fear hasstopped you from doing
everything, like you'reterrified of everything, like,
yeah, life has just beenhappening to you.
(26:34):
And it was just this momentthat I was like, okay, these
things are true.
And then self-forgiveness wasthe first thing I remember
leaning into because I ashamedmyself.
Like, I remember I was on thepoll with my mom one day, and I
was just frustrated aboutsomething, and she heard me
(26:54):
talking to myself out loud forthe first time.
She's like, Varsi, like, do youtalk to yourself like that?
And I was like, What?
What are you talking about?
She's like, You just said I waslike, oh, that's I just I
always say that.
Um so it it I really wentthrough a self-love journey that
(27:15):
I'm still on.
But I think a lot of it wasforgiveness.
I leaned into truth telling.
Like I always said I hadintegrity, but child, I ain't
had no integrity.
It sounded good, but I didn'thave any integrity.
So leaning into, okay, but doyou want integrity?
All right, so let's lean intothe opportunities that life
(27:35):
gives you to be integral, right?
Those hard decisions, the hardconversations, forgiving.
And then from all the thingsthat I did for myself, I started
to treat others like that.
unknown (27:47):
Right?
Varsey Laurelle (27:47):
So now I now I'm forgiving, I'm forgiving
myself, so I'm forgiving others.
I'm loving myself, I'm lovingothers.
I'm accepting myself, I'maccepting others.
I'm telling the truth tomyself, I'm telling the truth to
others.
Like, and it has just been aconstant calibration of just
trying to be more, would I say,just more spiritual and less
(28:10):
flesh.
Dalia (28:11):
How hard is that to balance your own healing when
you have to navigate somethingso complex and emotionally
tangling as divorce?
Varsey Laurelle (28:26):
You know, I had to build in systems into my
life, reflection systems orsystems for myself, time with me
and God, um saying no, havingboundaries.
Um, and then and then and thenhaving grace with myself because
this is you know how it is.
It's not like a oh yeah, I'm ona path and it's always forward.
(28:48):
No, honey.
No, sometimes I will curse youout.
Like if you push me too far,you're gonna get the old
varsity.
Like she's still in there.
Um like, you know, so um it'shard.
Dalia (29:01):
Yeah.
Varsey Laurelle (29:02):
It's hard, and you know what, you know what
makes it so hard that I'm stillunpacking.
I literally had this thoughtthis morning.
I'm still unpacking.
Damn, I could be best friendswith a tree.
unknown (29:15):
You hear me?
Varsey Laurelle (29:16):
Me and that tree could be tight.
I'm borrowing leaves to make adress, you know, I'm getting it
water, like, but oh my god, thisperson that I married or that
fell in love with, or decided tohave kids with, hates me.
Dalia (29:32):
Like, we can't be in community, like you can't you
can't choose that.
Varsey Laurelle (29:41):
Yeah.
Dalia (29:42):
And you just have to live.
I think that I think that uhthis self love journey and this
forgiveness journey and healingjourney, I think it's something
that all of us end up findingthat we are are always going to
be until we die.
That's just once you start torealize you need to treat
(30:03):
yourself really well, it's ait's a lifelong thing.
You can't even really call it ajourney.
That is just life.
And it's just well, it's theit's the it's the more peaceful,
the more calm, the morecommunity driven.
Because you can only do whatyou can do when you are yourself
at that spot.
(30:23):
And you're there.
You've reached that.
You're in the BC part of yourlife in the good way.
Where you pay it for now's whenyou pay it forward, like you
said.
And I'm sure it's opened up aton of doors for you to help
continue to pay it forward.
That's your podcast, yournewsletters, the work that you
do now.
Uh, it's just part of thatjourney.
(30:44):
It's it's life.
Varsey Laurelle (30:46):
I guess it's like I hate calling it a journey
because it's life.
Life is a journey, though.
Life is the journey.
I don't think you're saying it.
But I'm saying journey is life.
Yes, the journey is life.
The journey is life.
Dalia (30:56):
Yes, exactly.
You and I can talk forever.
Varsey Laurelle (30:59):
I know.
I was like, dang, how is itdirty?
Dalia (31:01):
It's already 30 minutes.
Varsey Laurelle (31:03):
So we had to cut out the beginning, though.
Dalia (31:06):
Yes, exactly.
But that's why we're taking itfor this next part.
I end every episode exactly thesame.
And though the entire episodeends up being advice, uh what
advice do you have to give,whether it be personal,
professional, whether it beabout life or whatnot?
What advice can you give to thelisteners that more than likely
(31:30):
resonated with this episodethat they can take and apply to
themselves?
Varsey Laurelle (31:41):
You are entirely up to you.
I just saw it on Instagram.
I was like, I'm witness on thewall.
This is exceptional.
You are entirely up to you.
It's you, it's your life.
Make it happen.
Dalia (32:02):
Yeah, take control.
Varsey Laurelle (32:02):
Do the work, lean in, stop blaming everyone,
stop having excuses.
You are entirely up to you.
Go forth and conquer.
Dalia (32:12):
What strikes me most about Farsay's story is her
unflinching commitment to truth,even when that truth is
uncomfortable, messy, orchallenges everything she
thought she knew about herself.
Her understanding that we can'thave deep connections without
brave conversations speaks tosomething many of us avoid.
Real intimacy requires realvulnerability.
I'm particularly moved by herjourney from a moment of wanting
(32:36):
to give up to embracing radicalself-forgiveness.
Her reminder that self-loveisn't a destination, but an
ongoing practice, one thatrequires grace, reflection, and
the willingness to keep showingup for yourself, offers hope for
anyone in the middle of theirown transformation.
Barsa's advice to stop makingexcuses and take control of your
life isn't harsh.
(32:56):
It's empowering.
It's the truth we sometimesneed to hear from someone who's
walked through the fire and comeout stronger on the other side.
Her work with organizationsbuilding bragworthy cultures
rooted in trust and empathy is adirect reflection of the deep
listening skills andauthenticity she brings to every
aspect of her life, fromcoaching executives to
championing local communities.
(33:17):
For those of you navigatingdifficult transitions, learning
to set boundaries, or simplytrying to figure out who you are
beyond the roles you've beenplaying, Varset's story proves
that the journey ofself-discovery, while not always
linear, is always worth it.
Connect with Varset.
Learn more about Varset LaurelConsulting and her
transformational workshops.
Listen to her podcasts,Recorded Vulnerabilities, where
(33:39):
she normalizes human emotionsthrough vulnerable
conversations.
Follow her journey as shecontinues hiking, traveling, and
making an impact incommunities.
If this conversation resonatedwith you, here's how you can
support the She Suite Society.
You can subscribe and review.
Leave us a five-star review onApple Podcasts and Spotify.
Share this episode.
You can send it to a friend whoneeds to hear the messages that
(34:02):
we spread.
Join our community or become asponsor.
Remember, SheSuite Societyexists because of listeners like
you who believe that women'sauthentic stories deserve to be
heard and amplified.
Until next time, this is yourhost Dahlia, reminding you that
your life is your message to theworld.
Why not make it extraordinary?
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