November 4, 2024 • 38 mins
Navigating Challenges and Embracing Empowerment: Single Moms Share Their Journeys
In this episode of 'Single Mom Glow Up,' host Bri Bri (@bribri.core) and guest Anna (@align.with.Anna) delve into the intricacies of single motherhood, covering topics like overcoming childcare challenges, maintaining self-care, and dating advice. Ana shares her personal story of navigating childcare as a single mom and offers profound insights into trusting one's intuition, setting boundaries, and the importance of communal support. The episode is filled with honest conversations, practical tips, and inspiring messages to empower single moms on their journey.
00:00 Welcome to the Single Mom Glow Up Podcast
00:35 Continuing from the Cliffhanger
01:31 Challenges of Childcare as a Single Mom
04:15 Trusting Childcare and Finding Support
05:47 Balancing Work and Motherhood
07:25 The Struggles of Modern Motherhood
10:22 Dating as a Single Mom
14:48 The Importance of Community and Support
19:23 Leveraging AI for Easier Living
19:50 The Ever-Changing Nature of Motherhood
20:52 Trusting Your Intuition in Dating
23:00 Setting Boundaries and Honoring Yourself
24:47 Evaluating Relationships and Personal Growth
30:11 The Importance of Self-Trust and Small Wins
35:12 Balancing Grace and Boundaries
37:35 Final Thoughts and Staying Connected
Thanks so much for tuning in today! If you’re feeling inspired to set boundaries that truly work for you, be sure to check out my Boundaries Blueprint. It’s packed with practical steps to help you protect your energy and thrive as a single mom. And if you're ready to dive deeper into dating with confidence, I’ve got two resources you’ll love: The Single Mom Dating Profile Creation Guide to help you stand out authentically, and The Dating Confidence Workbook, which is all about showing up as your best self. You can find links to all of these in the show notes. Until next time, keep embracing your journey and remember—you’re not alone in this!
✨ Stay Connected!
Submit your questions here:
https://briannasanders.com/pages/podcast-questions or email thesinglemomglowup@gmail.com
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Gain access to a supportive community of single moms where we share tips, advice, and encouragement.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to the single momglow up the podcast where we're
spilling all the tea on singlemotherhood self care and dating.
I'm Bree, Bree, your host andfellow single mom, navigating
life love and everything inbetween.
Wherever you are on your singlemom journey this is a place
(00:20):
where you'll find real stories,honest advice, and a community
that just gets it.
So grab your favorite drink, getcomfy and let's dive into some
juicy conversations that willinspire inspire empower and keep
it all the way real.
So if your joining us in thisepisode from last episode you
(00:40):
will know that you are resuminga cliffhanger.
And so if you happen to bejoining and you're starting here
at episode four.
Um, you may want to go back toepisode three and listen to that
first and then come right backover over here to listen to the
rest of this story.
Because, uh, Me and Ana ordefinitely getting into some
(01:03):
deep stuff in this episode codeis actually a lot longer than
that first episode.
Because we just kept goingbecause the conversation was so
wonderful and profound.
So I'm going to stop talking andlet you listen to the rest of
the conversation.
Bri Bri (01:24):
Okay.
So I want to get into that firstquestion.
What is the biggest challengethat you've faced as a single
mom?
Anna (01:39):
The biggest challenge for me was childcare.
And that was because I live awayfrom home and I'm not from here.
So at the time I knew I wasgoing to be a single mom, like
at conception basically.
And so when the baby was born, Iwas like, okay, Anna, um, you
(02:00):
want to detox because you had aC section and you don't like all
these chemicals and stuff.
So you're going to do 30 days ofhot yoga.
I'm a yoga girl.
And I was so you're going tochallenge yourself.
You're going to ask for 30 daysin a row of child care so you
can complete this challenge.
And it was something like, youknow, it was something that I
(02:25):
wanted to do.
To force myself to speak upthroat chakra.
Number one, number two, toeliminate any shame around
asking for help.
And then number three, honestly,to like, see who was really
there for me.
I knew that these ass, like Ihad to ask over like 100 people
in these 30 days and I got somany no's.
(02:48):
I got so many no's and I waslike, I don't give a fuck.
Like I'm a mom.
I, I need support.
You know what I'm saying?
I know the right people aregoing to help me.
And I completed it.
I completed the whole 30 days.
And after that, like I tell thempeople, yeah.
And I'm like, yo, if you're onyour own, like challenge
yourself.
Challenge yourself to ask forhelp.
(03:10):
And then from there, it was somuch easier.
I made friends who could help mein other moments who had kids or
nieces and nephews.
They just connected me withbabysitters.
It was like the ball was rollingafter that.
I solved so many problems bychallenging myself.
Bri Bri (03:27):
You cleared that you clear, you did it.
Like you did the whole thing.
Yeah.
Mm hmm.
Wow.
Yeah, that is.
I've been blessed that, youknow, I was like, well, it's,
it's a blessing, but it's alsokind of, I also like despise
being like, mom, can I go to,like, I feel like a teenager.
(03:50):
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
Um, now my kids are both schoolage though.
Like I just align things forwhen they're at school.
Yeah.
But before that, which literallywas, well, my son was in school
last year cause we have a pre Kprogram here.
(04:10):
Um, but yeah, that childcarepiece.
Um, and it's, it's like youasked hun, uh, you said a
hundred or hundreds.
Yeah, like it was more than ahundred.
Anna (04:22):
It was over a hundred.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And over a hundred people.
Bri Bri (04:27):
And it's like, it's one thing to ask people and to find
people and to do that,especially when you're not used
to advocating for yourself inthat way or for asking for help
in that way.
And then it's another thing tobe like, okay, like it worked.
Here's this person who's goingto watch my kid and I'm going to
leave my kid with this personthat I found out of a pool of a
(04:51):
hundred something people, like,what is that?
Anna (04:57):
Yeah, the ultimate faith, the ultimate trust and
vulnerability, you know, and I'mnot asking for an eight hour
shift.
I'm asking for like two hours soI can go and shower and like, I
would shower there and just comestraight home, you know, just so
I can have my driving time tomake it.
But.
Yeah.
That's it.
Girl.
Yeah.
(05:17):
And then I think besides, youknow, the initial baby phase,
it's like trusting the rightchildcare centers, you know,
they are, oh my God, girl,there's such a range in, you
know, who is really like childcentered.
I really advocate for likegentle parenting.
I finally got my youngest inMontessori.
(05:37):
He just started this year.
It's a blessing, right?
Like, I just kind of like you,like I got all these blessings
that just like dropped in my lapand I was like, Hey, right.
And then when you're like insurvival mode and you're just
trying to work, like I broughtmy baby to all of my meetings, I
knew that like entrepreneurshipwas the only lane for me because
I'm here by myself.
(05:58):
There's no fucking way that Ican do a salary job and have,
there's no fucking way, youknow?
And so, yeah.
Yeah, I just knew that that wasit.
And it starts now, you know, um,and I think in hindsight,
perhaps I would have done alittle bit more research or
prepared a little bit more maybewhile I was pregnant.
(06:20):
Um, but yeah, that was my lastday at school.
I used to work in juveniledetention.
I was a special education,education, teacher behavior was
my jam, mostly high school kids,but you know, like when I had my
emergency C section, that was mylast day at work, literally.
And I, like, I'm not going backfor like 14 something an hour.
Like what?
Bri Bri (06:40):
Yeah.
It's not worth the trade offwhen you're losing, you're not
just losing your own time, butyou're losing time that you can
never get back with your child.
Anna (06:51):
Yeah, and I learned that like first responders and a lot
of doctors and hospitals have achild care center at their job
site.
And I was like, what?
Yeah, like literally they canjust go to work and drop off
their kids at the nurses orwhatever.
They have like, a private centerfor the people that work there.
And I was like, Oh,
Bri Bri (07:11):
that's wonderful.
Anna (07:12):
Yeah.
And I was like, well, whydoesn't everybody else have
this?
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Bri Bri (07:16):
That should be the norm.
Anna (07:17):
The standard.
And women have been havingchildren since the beginning of
time.
Like how have we not figured outchildcare by now?
Like this is because
Bri Bri (07:25):
it's like a prop because women are supposed to
stay home and watch the childwhile the man goes to work.
And it's like, but that's.
If
Anna (07:32):
he
Bri Bri (07:32):
does.
That's not happening anymorebecause the economy doesn't
allow for it.
And so if a woman is working andhas kids, it's, why aren't you
with your kids?
But if a woman is working, isnot working and spends all her
time with her kids, it's like,why are you not working?
We just hate, we just hatewomen, apparently.
(07:52):
Do you remember, did you see theBarbie movie?
I actually didn't.
Like, oddly enough, I just nevergot around to seeing it.
Anna (08:00):
Okay, well, like, it's good.
It's funny.
It's weird.
It's kind of stupid.
Ferrera, she said, as a woman,you're too fat, you're too ugly,
you're too this, you're toothat.
Like, nothing is good enough,you know?
And I just like, Feel it.
And she's just like, I'm doingmy best every fucking day.
We don't need any morecompetition.
We don't need any more sideeyes.
(08:21):
We don't need any more likebacktalk, like gossip, like what
the fuck we're all in here doingthe same thing.
Bri Bri (08:29):
Yep.
Yeah, yeah, it's like if you'renot one if it's not something
that can be changed like in twoseconds Just be quiet.
Yes And two if you're not goingto do anything to help or to
change it Because sayingsomething isn't usually in most
(08:51):
cases saying something isn'thelping and it isn't going to
change it Yeah, say it like justmind yours
Anna (08:57):
Mind yours.
Yeah, and I think something thatI keep in mind is like will this
matter five years from now?
Bri Bri (09:04):
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a big one.
That's just so that's so goodfor prioritizing when especially
when it feels like everything isjust Like everything feels like
a priority.
Anna (09:17):
Yeah.
Like what's worth fighting forwhat's worth investing my time
in and like circling back andlike advocating for yourself.
For me at schools, 100%, I'malways going to advocate for
schools.
I'm always going to advocate forhealthcare, the right providers
for my babies.
That's going to matter in fiveyears.
That's going to fundamentallyshape my babies.
Bri Bri (09:38):
Yes.
Anna (09:39):
Um, but some of this other shit, like, you know, your
clothing or your hair or, youknow, what you're eating, like
that shit is not going to matterin five years, you know,
Bri Bri (09:48):
you know, a hundred percent.
Like there's so much pressure onus to be perfect.
Whether that pressure isinternal or external and just
keeping it prioritized orkeeping your priority straight,
which.
Isn't like something where it'slike, okay, my priorities are
(10:09):
straight.
Let me just keep going.
Like, no, sometimes that can bea daily practice, depending on
how wild things.
Anna (10:16):
100%.
Bri Bri (10:18):
So, okay.
Let's get into this nextquestion.
So what, well, first of all, areyou currently dating?
Anna (10:26):
I am sporadically.
Bri Bri (10:28):
Okay.
Okay.
And so what would be one pieceof advice you'd give to single
moms about dating?
Anna (10:35):
Single moms about dating.
Trust your intuition.
Don't waste time.
Talk to them on the phone first.
You can handle so much with aphone call.
Like before I even hire ababysitter and invest for real,
like we need to talk on thephone period.
Um, I also, I think I reallywant another father, you know, I
(11:00):
have dated single folks.
Some of them are kid friendly,but like, I think at the end of
the day, they don't reallyunderstand the demands that
we're under and, um, you know,like decision fatigue, right?
Like a mom has to make like ahundred decisions before she
even leaves the front door inthe morning.
(11:23):
So if you can't, um, readbetween the lines.
Like I'm not, I'm not adding youinto my life.
Yeah.
Bri Bri (11:33):
No, that's, that's a good one.
That is so important.
My, uh, my most recent ex, um,we actually, what day is it?
We've been broken up for like amonth and a half, so it's still
a little fresh.
It was amicable, just life gotin the way in a way that, you
know, we've been doing betterapart, which is good for both of
(11:56):
us.
Yeah.
It still, it still hurts.
Um, but no, he um, he doesn'thave any kids of his own.
You know, other than the dog weadopted together.
Um, but he's kind of similar toyou in that he's like worked
with kids.
(12:16):
A lot.
Um, and so he understands themreally well.
And so he was really good aboutwhat you just mentioned, which
was like, he lightened the, whenhe could, you know, like I said,
life started to get in the way,but when he could like, he would
just watch what I did.
(12:38):
And then once he got it, hewould step in and do that.
Especially, you know, like, youknow, I'm kind of chilling right
now, but like this morning I hada full blown autistic meltdown.
And so I was like, Oh my gosh,like I need to do this and do
that.
And was freaking out, but likestill doing the thing.
(12:59):
And I was like, man, this wouldbe a great time for, you know,
if he was here, he would juststep in.
Anna (13:05):
Hmm.
Bri Bri (13:07):
And he would do the things because he knows what to
do and he's not going to sitthere and be it, you know,
asking me a question while I'mlike freaking out.
He just knows what to do.
Yeah.
So he was an absolute blessing.
It was, I was, it was sorefreshing to meet someone like
that because I know of peoplewho have their own kids
Anna (13:25):
and
Bri Bri (13:26):
they don't, you know, They just don't.
Anna (13:31):
Yeah.
It's not always the tell allit's not always accurate, you
know?
Um, but yeah, I, yeah, I justthink trust your intuition, be
very upfront.
Like I'm like, I have two kidslike immediately, you know what
I mean?
Like I'm divorced.
Like I keep it like a thousand,like,
Bri Bri (13:51):
yeah,
Anna (13:51):
you know,
Bri Bri (13:53):
chase away the wrong guys.
Like if someone gets chasedaway, so many people are like,
Oh my gosh, but I don't wantthem to run away before they
like, let them run away.
Bye.
Yeah, it's okay.
You do not want someone whowould run away because you had
kids Because you have kids.
Anna (14:09):
Yeah, there's no shortage of men out here.
There's so many men, likeperiod.
So many.
Yeah.
It's just about like, which oneis aligned for you?
Which one, just like you said,is observing, is watching, is
like, you know, thinking ahead,right?
Like, I don't want another baby,you know?
And like, When I was in mymarriage, it was like another
baby.
(14:29):
And I was like, look, man, like,if you're not going to do some
grocery shopping and you're notgoing to help me pick up and
drop off, like, what the fuckare you here for?
Bri Bri (14:37):
Right.
Right.
And, you know, a lot of men willbe like, well, who the booze?
And it's like, so do I, like,what are you here for
Anna (14:44):
again?
Yes, girl.
Yeah.
And keeping the faith, you know,I think there's such a stigma,
especially online.
There's a lot of haters, youknow, like about single
motherhood and just keep thefaith.
There's a lot of good people outhere.
And I think in 2024, this islike the age of awakening, you
know, like.
Like we're about to hitAquarius, you know, the age of
(15:06):
Aquarius and, you know, afterCorona, like there's been so
much change, so much change and,um, yeah, the ones who are
really like on it are grounded,they're grounded and they're
solid and they can see the dayto day and they know like, I'm
not gonna, I'm not gonna step toa single mom if I don't come
(15:28):
correct.
Bri Bri (15:29):
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
A hundred percent.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, they are out there.
There are also a lot of, uh, alot of fools.
You just need one.
You just need one.
Anna (15:42):
You just need one.
Bri Bri (15:43):
Unless you're poly.
In
Anna (15:45):
which case, do you girl,
Bri Bri (15:47):
you still only need one.
Anna (15:49):
Yeah.
You still, and then you can,
Bri Bri (15:51):
you can just like add, you know, you can go from there.
Like once you have the one, youknow, you still have, you just
need one.
And then you're like, okay, Iknow.
All right.
Like this is affirming.
Like, you know, people don'thate single moms.
Now, you know,
Anna (16:05):
I have some friends that are poly and they're married,
but like, I'm there, they'relike open, you know, and I'm
like, I think they want me,like, I think they want me.
Bri Bri (16:18):
But like, are they going to say it?
Like, do you say, cause you feelit, but do you say
Anna (16:24):
something?
Yeah.
But like.
What is the village?
Really?
You know what I mean?
Like, yeah, how can the villagereally be?
And like, it would be kind ofcool.
Like, I know some other folksare like, okay, well, I'm a
single mom and I've been dating,but nothing's happening.
So I'm just going to buy a housewith like another single mom.
And we're going to raise ourkids together, like co co
living, co habitating.
(16:46):
And I'm like, dude, that wouldbe fucking amazing.
Cause some of these women aregoing to be your ride or dies.
Right?
Like, yeah.
They're going to give you somuch more love than like any of
the men you've ever seen, right?
Bri Bri (16:55):
Exactly.
Until you
Anna (16:56):
find, you know, bae.
But like, in the meantime, I'mopen, you know, and I'm just
like, uh, keeping the faith,trusting, but surrounding myself
with really good people thatunderstand the village
mentality.
Bri Bri (17:10):
Yes, yeah, I think some people are calling them Mamuns.
Ooh,
Anna (17:18):
I love that.
I mean, where's bad?
Like you can still date peopleif you want to, but like my
date, like, okay, one mom'sdoing dinner.
The other mom's taking them tothe park.
Okay.
The other one's going to do artsand crafts.
Okay.
Dance upstairs, you know,
Bri Bri (17:35):
like what's cleaning.
Like, yes, I was just havingthis conversation with a single
mom, friend of mine.
And I'm like, she's, what didshe say?
Oh, she said if she could justafford to hire a private chef,
she would just have a privatechef all the time.
And I like, I would never.
hire a private chef, but I surewould hire someone to do the
cleaning for me.
(17:56):
Right.
And so we both she's like, I'lldo the cleaning.
I just don't want to do thecooking.
And so it's just, it's likefinding people who align in
those ways.
It's like, I don't know.
I think you're so right with,you know, the age changing and,
you know, people are changing.
And I think we're going to see alot of unconventional stuff
happening.
Anna (18:15):
Yes.
Yes.
Bri Bri (18:17):
Yeah.
A good unconventional I'm hopingpositive, uplifting,
unconventional, but you know,everything has a light side and
a shadow side.
So
Anna (18:27):
it does.
Right.
Wait, look, we just needboundaries.
If we're going over here, westill need to have some
boundaries.
Right.
Um, but yeah, we're communalpeople.
Man does not live on an island,you know, for everyone to have
their own house and their ownrefrigerator, their own
electricity, their own liketransportation.
It's like, it's wasteful, youknow, like it's hurting the
(18:47):
earth.
Right.
Right.
It's hurting your pockets, likeit's stressing you out, you
know, you're isolated.
Your kids are not really gettinglike the multi generational, the
elders, the like, sisters andcousins, like there's a lot of
problems with that.
And that was like Capricorn,that's the Capricorn like CEO
boss thing.
But if we're moving fromCapricorn to Aquarius, Aquarius
(19:09):
is about the collective.
It's about sharing, but alsousing like technology.
Aquarius is kind of a nerd, youknow?
Bri Bri (19:16):
My dad's in Aquarius, so.
Anna (19:19):
Very different, very outlandish, very like unique and
kind of rebellious.
But we can use tech like AI tolike help us, you know what I'm
saying?
Like, can we, what can weautomate?
What, what shit can be like, um,delegated to make our lives
easier?
Not everything, obviously,because the human touch and
mothers, you know, nobody's likea mother.
(19:40):
A, a machine will never replaceus.
Yeah,
Bri Bri (19:45):
that'll be, I can't even like fathom that.
Yeah, because motherhood is justchanging, like it's just always
changing in the moment.
I was just saying this, what wasthat yesterday, two days ago,
um, how it's like, it doesn'tlike your kid today is not going
(20:10):
to be the same tomorrow, thenext, I mean, and maybe it feels
like it, but like, there's goingto be a shift.
And you don't know when that'sgoing to happen.
You don't know how it's going tohappen.
You don't know how long it'll befor like, they're always
changing.
And both kids are different.
Like, as much as you want to saylike, Oh, I raised both my kids
exactly the same.
Like, if you're doing that,you're probably doing harm to
(20:30):
one of them because they'redifferent people.
Anna (20:33):
They're different and time passes, you know, like Every day
we learn something new if you'repaying attention.
Bri Bri (20:41):
Yes, that's the key, right?
Because if you're in survivalmode, it's very difficult to
kind of pay attention outwardlyif all your attention is focused
on survival.
Anna (20:51):
Yeah.
Bri Bri (20:52):
So there was something else that you said, oh, that I
wanted it that the trusting yourintuition while dating is like a
major key.
I can't tell you the number oftimes.
Not so much recently, I finallybroke out of it, but the number
of times where I was datingsomeone and something happened
(21:12):
in the early stages and Ioverlooked it, my intuition was
like, you should like cut thingsoff right now.
And I was like, well, let's see,And that's a slippery slope.
And it became a slippery slopeand much worse things happened
down the line.
And then, you know, they, inboth cases, they ended up
breaking up with me or both.
(21:33):
cases that resulted in arelationship, they ended up
breaking up with me.
And I could go back months andbe like, right there is where I
should have cut things off rightthere is with where this major
red flag was a tiny red flagthat I should have just handed
things over.
And so, you know, all theinteractions I've had and all
the stories that I've heard ofother single moms, like I see,
(21:56):
first of all, I see thosemoments happening.
I'm like, This is it.
Like, this is that thing that ifyou keep going, you're gonna
look back in a few months or afew years and be like, I
should've stopped it right here.
Or I ask that.
I'm like, is this something thatif you were to look back after a
breakup, you'd be like, Ishould've ended things here?
Yeah, because sometimes weoverride our intuition.
(22:16):
Right.
And I think a lot of, a lot ofdating and relational, not even
just like specifically romanticrelationships, but relational in
general advice to women is tooverride that intuition, right?
Like, like that email that I gottoday, right?
Like I started off, my initialreaction was like, this is
weird.
Right.
But then I started to do thewhole like, well, maybe I should
(22:40):
give her a chance or maybe dah,dah, dah.
And it's like, no, it's.
There's something off about it.
My intuition don't like it,right?
Like Yeah.
Let me just, I don't have to dothis.
Anna (22:51):
Yeah.
And I don't need all theinformation.
Like I don't need to make up astory about why, you know,
that's really scarcity at theend of the day.
It's the people pleaser, youknow, it's thinking that you
need to be polite and likeagreeable, like don't be a
bitch, but it's like, am I, oram I just like intuitive where,
yeah.
(23:12):
You know, like I have what Ineed now to know that this is
not it.
Bri Bri (23:16):
Yeah, it's not bitchy to say no, thank you.
Yeah.
Like, it's just, it's just asimple boundary.
Like, Hey, no, thank you.
We're done.
Yeah.
Anna (23:28):
It's honoring your culture.
Yeah.
And when you're a single mom,it's you.
Like no one is going to step inand be like, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
You know, it's you and your kidsare looking at you.
If you let that slide, who isyour, your child going to date
when they get older?
Bri Bri (23:42):
100%.
Anna (23:43):
Right?
Like I've been single for threeyears since my divorce and I'm
so cutthroat, you know, likeyou're not meeting my babies
unless we're gonna make itofficial.
Right?
And then I have cut people offthat at that time.
And I'm like, Nope, thatinteraction was not it.
You know?
So you just like, I went back tolike, My ex husband, like you
(24:03):
might be cool alone, but thenlike with the kids, it can be
completely different, you know?
And so we need to see people indifferent environments.
We need to see people when theplans don't go, um, according to
plan, you know, like, how do youhandle, um, inconveniences?
You know, like, how are you whenyou're stressed out?
(24:24):
How are you with your family?
Okay.
How are you, what are yourfriends like, you know, like,
What does your house look like?
Are you like a hoarder?
Do you have like a bunch ofweird shit at your house?
You know, like I need, we need,time needs to happen and like
make people work for it.
You know what I'm saying?
And there's nothing wrong.
That's, that's what the exchangeis about.
(24:45):
Like it needs to be mutuallybeneficial.
And like, People hate the wordtransactional, but like, Hey
man, is this, is this reallylike not only efficient and like
effective, but is it likebeneficial for us all?
Bri Bri (25:00):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think transactional gets whereit gets people is like when it
gets down to like the, what's itcalled?
The teensy details or where it'slike, where it's used as a
manipulation tool basically.
But like it should it should beequal and it doesn't have to be
equal 100 percent of the timeright because everybody has good
(25:22):
days everybody has bad days.
And so you know, you may behaving a good day someone else
may be having a bad day you mayboth be having a bad day or
whatever.
But you're right like I think alot of times we're used to.
We're used to not my brain'slike going everywhere right now
it's like it like jumped toanother analogy.
(25:45):
But it's like, especially in theearly stages, you know, you're
taught or I don't know, when arewe taught this?
A lot of people focus on whetheror not the person that they're
dating likes them.
Right.
And so when you get into likethat transaction piece, it's
like, okay, I have to make thisperson like me.
Like, what can I do?
What can I give?
What can I, uh, how can I bedifferent?
(26:09):
Like how can I be what theywant?
Right.
Anna (26:11):
Right.
Bri Bri (26:11):
Okay.
Um, but it's like, do you evenlike them or do you like the
attention that they're givingyou?
Yes.
And so that's where thattransactional piece, I think
come to, at least in the earlythat it gets, it gets different
as you get deeper intorelationships, but
Anna (26:30):
yeah,
Bri Bri (26:30):
early stages, especially where it's like, how
much have you given into this?
Like what's, what's the ratio ofyour texts, your text messages
to their texts?
Right.
Yeah.
Like you need to look at that tosee how much energy you're
giving to the connection and isit equal Cause if it's not,
(26:52):
that's how it's going to be.
Like if you want it to be likethat forever, we're going to get
Anna (26:55):
worse, right?
Like the beginning is supposedto be the best.
The beginning is supposed to beamazing.
Right?
If we got these problems upfront, don't you dare commit?
Don't you dare move in?
Don't you dare invest like that?
Like going
Bri Bri (27:12):
to make him change if anything, the only change you're
going to see is him digging hisheels into the same behavior.
Unless he decides to change,
Anna (27:22):
right.
Bri Bri (27:23):
But there is nothing that someone else can do to make
him come to that decision.
Anna (27:27):
Yeah.
Bri Bri (27:28):
Ever.
That's between him and, youknow, God, whoever he believes
in, like, that's, That's a
Anna (27:37):
personal, that's a personal journey.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bri Bri (27:41):
That's you being the perfect woman in his eyes.
Or you making yourself, youcontorting yourself into what
you think is his perfect woman.
Is not going to make a shifting,
Anna (27:55):
like, girl, what like, you know, I'm right.
Bri Bri (28:00):
I might sound a bit shady, but like, I I'm saying
all this as someone who has beenthat I've done that.
Okay.
So I'm not judging.
I'm speaking to a former versionof myself.
All right, but if it hits, ithits.
Okay.
Because like I, you know, like Isaid, I had my daughter at 19.
(28:23):
I was,
Anna (28:25):
I was
Bri Bri (28:25):
naive, man.
And then I was with her dad forlike seven years.
I spent most of my earlyadulthood when most people are
just messing around, having fun,learning how to date.
Right.
I spent that with a baby andthen another baby.
Anna (28:42):
Yeah.
So like when
Bri Bri (28:44):
that ended and I started dating,
Anna (28:46):
Oh
Bri Bri (28:47):
my God, I didn't know what the heck I was doing.
Anna (28:50):
Yeah, I feel like that too.
I feel like a baby dater.
Bri Bri (28:54):
Yeah.
You know, like in my current Youare super grounded though.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You're not falling for the BSand stuff.
I fell for everything.
I literally had one guy tell me,he's like, I'm going to ruin
your life.
And I was like, is that a goodthing?
Like I texted my boyfriend, isthat a good thing?
Like, does that mean that hewants to marry me?
Like, no, he literally pointblank told me he was going to
(29:16):
ruin my life.
Anna (29:18):
Yeah, and I
Bri Bri (29:19):
entertained it for a while.
It looks so bad.
Anna (29:26):
So bad girl.
Yeah, girl.
I know.
I know.
Um, but yeah, a lot of the stuffthe hard way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And life is hard enough, youknow, single mom.
Bri Bri (29:38):
Life is hard enough.
Yeah,
Anna (29:41):
we don't need to make anything any harder.
Like, okay, your intuition sawwhat you saw, you know what I
mean?
Like, don't gaslight yourself.
You saw what you saw, you know,you're in charge of your own
destiny here.
Like,
Bri Bri (29:56):
Yeah, trust it.
And if you have trouble trustingit, cause I had trouble.
I used to struggle to listen tomy intuition, it was there, but
like, I didn't know, like Isaid, you know, I was so young.
And like, I just didn't know howto listen to my intuition.
And so one of my biggest, one ofthe things I say all the time is
like to learn to trust yourselfby just, you know, doing a
(30:18):
little, like the small, I thinkthe first small promise I made
to myself every day was like,I'm going to drink one cup of
water.
Cause like I struggled to drinkenough water.
Um, and I was like, you know, ifI do that every day, it means I
made a promise to myself in themorning and I kept that promise.
Right.
And so the smaller it is,especially, you know, cause I
was like deep in depression atthat point.
(30:39):
So make it smaller, depending onwhat your capacity is.
Don't do something big.
Like, Oh, I'm going to work likeyour 30 day hot yoga.
It's impressive.
Don't get me wrong, but I don'tknow if I can do that now, but
like, it's great.
And it's an amazingaccomplishment.
Um, And I'm glad that you havethe capacity for it and you did
(31:00):
it like that's amazing like I'mvery much like a let's let the
baby step it my system is verymuch like a baby step kind of
system.
And so, that's okay, I'm sayingall that say that's okay too
it's just building, because it'sone thing to hear your intuition
and it's another thing to beable to listen to it against
(31:21):
what your programming has beenyour whole life.
And so that's a
Anna (31:25):
girl.
Bri Bri (31:26):
You just got to practice it.
Like you, you gon slip up, yougon make mistakes.
You gon fall for the same dumbline a few more times maybe if
you're as hard headed as I am.
But like, you'll be okay.
You'll figure it out.
No, you'll figure it out.
Or you won't, and like, that'llbe your life.
But like, that's also notnecessarily the ending.
Yeah.
Like, some people live perfectlyokay, mostly happy lives, but
(31:51):
they also are still in kind oflike a not great relationship.
But they find other things tofulfill.
I say all that to sayrelationships aren't the end all
be all.
Like I can talk about them allday because that's, you know,
like my autistic specialinterest, but they are not the
end all be all.
Even though a lot of people growup with, like, you grew up
knowing that you wanted to be amother, right?
(32:12):
Like I grew up knowing that Iwanted to be in a relationship
and married and like kids werepart of that, right?
Like,
Anna (32:20):
okay.
I don't even want to
Bri Bri (32:21):
say, you know, as much as I can't stand their dad,
like, I don't regret being withhim because if I wasn't with
him, I wouldn't have them.
Anna (32:30):
Yeah.
And I wouldn't be who I amtoday.
I wouldn't have learned theselessons, you know, and sometimes
your intuition sharpens when thebaby comes, right?
Mother's intuition, like,
Bri Bri (32:39):
yes.
Anna (32:39):
It's not even that loud sometimes until the baby comes.
Cause the baby's super loud.
Bri Bri (32:45):
Yep.
Or the opposite.
I will hyper focus like I, youcan, if I'm focused on some
actually, I may have always beenlike this.
Nevermind.
I'm very good at tuning out likethe sounds of children unless
they sound a certain way that'swhen that intuition kicks in but
when they're just like screamingfor fun or like for drama I'm
like I don't even hear itsometimes but then other times
(33:07):
if it has a certain quality toit I'm immediately like
Anna (33:11):
Is everyone okay?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And like the greatestrelationship is the one with
yourself.
Bri Bri (33:19):
Yeah.
Anna (33:19):
Yeah.
At the end of the day, like, youknow, you're the one that has to
live in your own body.
You're the one that has to like,you know, call the shots for
you.
So like honor you, these smallwins, right?
Like, What's going to make mesuccessful?
Okay.
Well, maybe journaling every dayis a good start.
Maybe like a friend once a weekjust to decompress is a good
(33:40):
start.
You know, maybe going for awalk.
That's my start.
Action builds confidence.
Bri Bri (33:46):
It does.
It does the same way that, youknow, this is, this is my
Scorpio Mercury speaking, um,the same way that I'm very much
in actions.
What's it?
Actions over words kind ofperson after, you know, years of
being with someone who wouldgive me words and words and
words and the actions didn'tmatch.
Um, that, that counts foryourself too.
(34:11):
Like if you're sitting there andsaying like, you know, like
affirmations can be great, butif you're not acting on them,
you're gaslighting yourself.
And so, you know, that kind ofthing of like, that's why, you
know, if you need to.
And even if you start with abigger promise and you realize
it's too big, you know, if youneed to make it bite size, make
it like the tiniest nibble size,um, because the goal is to do it
(34:36):
right.
The goal isn't to set the goal.
The goal is to do it
Anna (34:40):
right.
So you gotta,
Bri Bri (34:43):
you gotta do it so that you can, like you said, so that
you take care of yourself.
Anna (34:50):
Yeah.
One of my friends who helped mewhen I was a single mom and then
she became a single mom yearslater was like, this is not a
race.
It's a marathon.
And she would just repeat thatto me.
And I was like, Ooh, girl, likeyou're my wise ass.
Like I always wanted, you know,and yeah, like I'm so grateful,
(35:11):
like be gentle.
There's a fine line betweengrace and like, overextending
people pleasing, you know whatI'm saying?
Like, you're, you know, um,compassion, great softness, you
know, space.
Um, allowing people to like,unfold in their own time,
(35:31):
honoring that, um, but also likemaintaining your boundaries.
Like for me, that doesn't workfor me.
Or for me, that's a nonnegotiable, you know, just like
practicing, keeping thosepromises to yourself, you know?
Bri Bri (35:46):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just because.
you know why someone is doingsomething or just because you
know that they did I mean that'skind of like that's kind of the
uh I guess ultimatum not quitethat had led to the end of my
most recent relationships likejust because You understand why
someone is going throughsomething and treating you a
(36:07):
certain way or not treating youa certain way and it is valid,
right?
They have every reason to bebehaving that way doesn't mean
that you also have to put upwith it Like there's this thing
that it's like, you know Becauseyou're extending grace means
that you have to put up with itIt's like no you can extend
grace and you can send love andyou can send Positivity and all
(36:27):
that stuff and you can also walkaway
Anna (36:30):
Yeah, that's yours.
That's not mine.
Yeah.
And then when you do commit,like, what am I willing to
commit to?
Like, nobody's perfect, right?
Like, what flaws, air quotes, amI willing to sign up for and
which ones are a hell no.
Bri Bri (36:47):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cause you're right.
Nobody's perfect.
Um, and you know, thealternative, right.
If you don't want to deal withanyone's flaws,
Anna (36:56):
you can just be single.
Yeah.
Just be single.
That's always an
Bri Bri (37:00):
option
Anna (37:02):
until you have more grace for yourself.
You're probably doing it to youtoo, girl, you know,
Bri Bri (37:08):
big time, probably more so than other people.
Anna (37:12):
Yeah, like in your head, just this critic that's like
running and it's like, girl,when you get out of your own
way, when you like, escape fromyour own prison, like, it's
freedom.
It's liberation.
You know, it's, it's space tobreathe.
Bri Bri (37:31):
Yeah, yeah, this is great.
This is like way more than Icould have ever expected or
asked for, uh, but thank you somuch, uh, for your time and for
your energy and for your wisdomand for your experience.
Um, definitely should definitelystay connected.
(37:52):
Um, If not to have you back onhere, but just like, this was
just cool.
It was nice vibing with you.
Thank you so much for listening.
And if you.
Resonated with anything sharedtoday, make sure to hit that
follower.
Lower subscribe button.
So you don't miss futureepisodes or.
We'll dive deep into navigatingsingle motherhood and glowing up
(38:12):
in.
Every area of life.
I'd love to hear your story,Sophia.
Feel free to connect with me onInstagram, or TikTok, or
threads.
@bribri.core.
And if you want to connect withAnna her information will be in
the description, but it isalign.with.Anna on the three
(38:34):
platforms that I just listed andjoin our amazing community and
if you want to take control ofyour life and start at your own
glow up journey don't forget totext the word"glow" to
667-222-3798.
And I will see you in the nextepisode.
Take care!
Welcome back to the single momglow up the podcast where we're
spilling all the tea on singlemotherhood self care and dating.
I'm Bree, Bree, your host andfellow single mom, navigating
life love and everything inbetween.
Wherever you are on your singlemom journey this is a place
(00:20):
where you'll find real stories,honest advice, and a community
that just gets it.
So grab your favorite drink, getcomfy and let's dive into some
juicy conversations that willinspire inspire empower and keep
it all the way real.
So if your joining us in thisepisode from last episode you
(00:40):
will know that you are resuminga cliffhanger.
And so if you happen to bejoining and you're starting here
at episode four.
Um, you may want to go back toepisode three and listen to that
first and then come right backover over here to listen to the
rest of this story.
Because, uh, Me and Ana ordefinitely getting into some
(01:03):
deep stuff in this episode codeis actually a lot longer than
that first episode.
Because we just kept goingbecause the conversation was so
wonderful and profound.
So I'm going to stop talking andlet you listen to the rest of
the conversation.
Bri Bri (01:24):
Okay.
So I want to get into that firstquestion.
What is the biggest challengethat you've faced as a single
mom?
Anna (01:39):
The biggest challenge for me was childcare.
And that was because I live awayfrom home and I'm not from here.
So at the time I knew I wasgoing to be a single mom, like
at conception basically.
And so when the baby was born, Iwas like, okay, Anna, um, you
(02:00):
want to detox because you had aC section and you don't like all
these chemicals and stuff.
So you're going to do 30 days ofhot yoga.
I'm a yoga girl.
And I was so you're going tochallenge yourself.
You're going to ask for 30 daysin a row of child care so you
can complete this challenge.
And it was something like, youknow, it was something that I
(02:25):
wanted to do.
To force myself to speak upthroat chakra.
Number one, number two, toeliminate any shame around
asking for help.
And then number three, honestly,to like, see who was really
there for me.
I knew that these ass, like Ihad to ask over like 100 people
in these 30 days and I got somany no's.
(02:48):
I got so many no's and I waslike, I don't give a fuck.
Like I'm a mom.
I, I need support.
You know what I'm saying?
I know the right people aregoing to help me.
And I completed it.
I completed the whole 30 days.
And after that, like I tell thempeople, yeah.
And I'm like, yo, if you're onyour own, like challenge
yourself.
Challenge yourself to ask forhelp.
(03:10):
And then from there, it was somuch easier.
I made friends who could help mein other moments who had kids or
nieces and nephews.
They just connected me withbabysitters.
It was like the ball was rollingafter that.
I solved so many problems bychallenging myself.
Bri Bri (03:27):
You cleared that you clear, you did it.
Like you did the whole thing.
Yeah.
Mm hmm.
Wow.
Yeah, that is.
I've been blessed that, youknow, I was like, well, it's,
it's a blessing, but it's alsokind of, I also like despise
being like, mom, can I go to,like, I feel like a teenager.
(03:50):
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
Um, now my kids are both schoolage though.
Like I just align things forwhen they're at school.
Yeah.
But before that, which literallywas, well, my son was in school
last year cause we have a pre Kprogram here.
(04:10):
Um, but yeah, that childcarepiece.
Um, and it's, it's like youasked hun, uh, you said a
hundred or hundreds.
Yeah, like it was more than ahundred.
Anna (04:22):
It was over a hundred.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And over a hundred people.
Bri Bri (04:27):
And it's like, it's one thing to ask people and to find
people and to do that,especially when you're not used
to advocating for yourself inthat way or for asking for help
in that way.
And then it's another thing tobe like, okay, like it worked.
Here's this person who's goingto watch my kid and I'm going to
leave my kid with this personthat I found out of a pool of a
(04:51):
hundred something people, like,what is that?
Anna (04:57):
Yeah, the ultimate faith, the ultimate trust and
vulnerability, you know, and I'mnot asking for an eight hour
shift.
I'm asking for like two hours soI can go and shower and like, I
would shower there and just comestraight home, you know, just so
I can have my driving time tomake it.
But.
Yeah.
That's it.
Girl.
Yeah.
(05:17):
And then I think besides, youknow, the initial baby phase,
it's like trusting the rightchildcare centers, you know,
they are, oh my God, girl,there's such a range in, you
know, who is really like childcentered.
I really advocate for likegentle parenting.
I finally got my youngest inMontessori.
(05:37):
He just started this year.
It's a blessing, right?
Like, I just kind of like you,like I got all these blessings
that just like dropped in my lapand I was like, Hey, right.
And then when you're like insurvival mode and you're just
trying to work, like I broughtmy baby to all of my meetings, I
knew that like entrepreneurshipwas the only lane for me because
I'm here by myself.
(05:58):
There's no fucking way that Ican do a salary job and have,
there's no fucking way, youknow?
And so, yeah.
Yeah, I just knew that that wasit.
And it starts now, you know, um,and I think in hindsight,
perhaps I would have done alittle bit more research or
prepared a little bit more maybewhile I was pregnant.
(06:20):
Um, but yeah, that was my lastday at school.
I used to work in juveniledetention.
I was a special education,education, teacher behavior was
my jam, mostly high school kids,but you know, like when I had my
emergency C section, that was mylast day at work, literally.
And I, like, I'm not going backfor like 14 something an hour.
Like what?
Bri Bri (06:40):
Yeah.
It's not worth the trade offwhen you're losing, you're not
just losing your own time, butyou're losing time that you can
never get back with your child.
Anna (06:51):
Yeah, and I learned that like first responders and a lot
of doctors and hospitals have achild care center at their job
site.
And I was like, what?
Yeah, like literally they canjust go to work and drop off
their kids at the nurses orwhatever.
They have like, a private centerfor the people that work there.
And I was like, Oh,
Bri Bri (07:11):
that's wonderful.
Anna (07:12):
Yeah.
And I was like, well, whydoesn't everybody else have
this?
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Bri Bri (07:16):
That should be the norm.
Anna (07:17):
The standard.
And women have been havingchildren since the beginning of
time.
Like how have we not figured outchildcare by now?
Like this is because
Bri Bri (07:25):
it's like a prop because women are supposed to
stay home and watch the childwhile the man goes to work.
And it's like, but that's.
If
Anna (07:32):
he
Bri Bri (07:32):
does.
That's not happening anymorebecause the economy doesn't
allow for it.
And so if a woman is working andhas kids, it's, why aren't you
with your kids?
But if a woman is working, isnot working and spends all her
time with her kids, it's like,why are you not working?
We just hate, we just hatewomen, apparently.
(07:52):
Do you remember, did you see theBarbie movie?
I actually didn't.
Like, oddly enough, I just nevergot around to seeing it.
Anna (08:00):
Okay, well, like, it's good.
It's funny.
It's weird.
It's kind of stupid.
Ferrera, she said, as a woman,you're too fat, you're too ugly,
you're too this, you're toothat.
Like, nothing is good enough,you know?
And I just like, Feel it.
And she's just like, I'm doingmy best every fucking day.
We don't need any morecompetition.
We don't need any more sideeyes.
(08:21):
We don't need any more likebacktalk, like gossip, like what
the fuck we're all in here doingthe same thing.
Bri Bri (08:29):
Yep.
Yeah, yeah, it's like if you'renot one if it's not something
that can be changed like in twoseconds Just be quiet.
Yes And two if you're not goingto do anything to help or to
change it Because sayingsomething isn't usually in most
(08:51):
cases saying something isn'thelping and it isn't going to
change it Yeah, say it like justmind yours
Anna (08:57):
Mind yours.
Yeah, and I think something thatI keep in mind is like will this
matter five years from now?
Bri Bri (09:04):
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a big one.
That's just so that's so goodfor prioritizing when especially
when it feels like everything isjust Like everything feels like
a priority.
Anna (09:17):
Yeah.
Like what's worth fighting forwhat's worth investing my time
in and like circling back andlike advocating for yourself.
For me at schools, 100%, I'malways going to advocate for
schools.
I'm always going to advocate forhealthcare, the right providers
for my babies.
That's going to matter in fiveyears.
That's going to fundamentallyshape my babies.
Bri Bri (09:38):
Yes.
Anna (09:39):
Um, but some of this other shit, like, you know, your
clothing or your hair or, youknow, what you're eating, like
that shit is not going to matterin five years, you know,
Bri Bri (09:48):
you know, a hundred percent.
Like there's so much pressure onus to be perfect.
Whether that pressure isinternal or external and just
keeping it prioritized orkeeping your priority straight,
which.
Isn't like something where it'slike, okay, my priorities are
(10:09):
straight.
Let me just keep going.
Like, no, sometimes that can bea daily practice, depending on
how wild things.
Anna (10:16):
100%.
Bri Bri (10:18):
So, okay.
Let's get into this nextquestion.
So what, well, first of all, areyou currently dating?
Anna (10:26):
I am sporadically.
Bri Bri (10:28):
Okay.
Okay.
And so what would be one pieceof advice you'd give to single
moms about dating?
Anna (10:35):
Single moms about dating.
Trust your intuition.
Don't waste time.
Talk to them on the phone first.
You can handle so much with aphone call.
Like before I even hire ababysitter and invest for real,
like we need to talk on thephone period.
Um, I also, I think I reallywant another father, you know, I
(11:00):
have dated single folks.
Some of them are kid friendly,but like, I think at the end of
the day, they don't reallyunderstand the demands that
we're under and, um, you know,like decision fatigue, right?
Like a mom has to make like ahundred decisions before she
even leaves the front door inthe morning.
(11:23):
So if you can't, um, readbetween the lines.
Like I'm not, I'm not adding youinto my life.
Yeah.
Bri Bri (11:33):
No, that's, that's a good one.
That is so important.
My, uh, my most recent ex, um,we actually, what day is it?
We've been broken up for like amonth and a half, so it's still
a little fresh.
It was amicable, just life gotin the way in a way that, you
know, we've been doing betterapart, which is good for both of
(11:56):
us.
Yeah.
It still, it still hurts.
Um, but no, he um, he doesn'thave any kids of his own.
You know, other than the dog weadopted together.
Um, but he's kind of similar toyou in that he's like worked
with kids.
(12:16):
A lot.
Um, and so he understands themreally well.
And so he was really good aboutwhat you just mentioned, which
was like, he lightened the, whenhe could, you know, like I said,
life started to get in the way,but when he could like, he would
just watch what I did.
(12:38):
And then once he got it, hewould step in and do that.
Especially, you know, like, youknow, I'm kind of chilling right
now, but like this morning I hada full blown autistic meltdown.
And so I was like, Oh my gosh,like I need to do this and do
that.
And was freaking out, but likestill doing the thing.
(12:59):
And I was like, man, this wouldbe a great time for, you know,
if he was here, he would juststep in.
Anna (13:05):
Hmm.
Bri Bri (13:07):
And he would do the things because he knows what to
do and he's not going to sitthere and be it, you know,
asking me a question while I'mlike freaking out.
He just knows what to do.
Yeah.
So he was an absolute blessing.
It was, I was, it was sorefreshing to meet someone like
that because I know of peoplewho have their own kids
Anna (13:25):
and
Bri Bri (13:26):
they don't, you know, They just don't.
Anna (13:31):
Yeah.
It's not always the tell allit's not always accurate, you
know?
Um, but yeah, I, yeah, I justthink trust your intuition, be
very upfront.
Like I'm like, I have two kidslike immediately, you know what
I mean?
Like I'm divorced.
Like I keep it like a thousand,like,
Bri Bri (13:51):
yeah,
Anna (13:51):
you know,
Bri Bri (13:53):
chase away the wrong guys.
Like if someone gets chasedaway, so many people are like,
Oh my gosh, but I don't wantthem to run away before they
like, let them run away.
Bye.
Yeah, it's okay.
You do not want someone whowould run away because you had
kids Because you have kids.
Anna (14:09):
Yeah, there's no shortage of men out here.
There's so many men, likeperiod.
So many.
Yeah.
It's just about like, which oneis aligned for you?
Which one, just like you said,is observing, is watching, is
like, you know, thinking ahead,right?
Like, I don't want another baby,you know?
And like, When I was in mymarriage, it was like another
baby.
(14:29):
And I was like, look, man, like,if you're not going to do some
grocery shopping and you're notgoing to help me pick up and
drop off, like, what the fuckare you here for?
Bri Bri (14:37):
Right.
Right.
And, you know, a lot of men willbe like, well, who the booze?
And it's like, so do I, like,what are you here for
Anna (14:44):
again?
Yes, girl.
Yeah.
And keeping the faith, you know,I think there's such a stigma,
especially online.
There's a lot of haters, youknow, like about single
motherhood and just keep thefaith.
There's a lot of good people outhere.
And I think in 2024, this islike the age of awakening, you
know, like.
Like we're about to hitAquarius, you know, the age of
(15:06):
Aquarius and, you know, afterCorona, like there's been so
much change, so much change and,um, yeah, the ones who are
really like on it are grounded,they're grounded and they're
solid and they can see the dayto day and they know like, I'm
not gonna, I'm not gonna step toa single mom if I don't come
(15:28):
correct.
Bri Bri (15:29):
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
A hundred percent.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, they are out there.
There are also a lot of, uh, alot of fools.
You just need one.
You just need one.
Anna (15:42):
You just need one.
Bri Bri (15:43):
Unless you're poly.
In
Anna (15:45):
which case, do you girl,
Bri Bri (15:47):
you still only need one.
Anna (15:49):
Yeah.
You still, and then you can,
Bri Bri (15:51):
you can just like add, you know, you can go from there.
Like once you have the one, youknow, you still have, you just
need one.
And then you're like, okay, Iknow.
All right.
Like this is affirming.
Like, you know, people don'thate single moms.
Now, you know,
Anna (16:05):
I have some friends that are poly and they're married,
but like, I'm there, they'relike open, you know, and I'm
like, I think they want me,like, I think they want me.
Bri Bri (16:18):
But like, are they going to say it?
Like, do you say, cause you feelit, but do you say
Anna (16:24):
something?
Yeah.
But like.
What is the village?
Really?
You know what I mean?
Like, yeah, how can the villagereally be?
And like, it would be kind ofcool.
Like, I know some other folksare like, okay, well, I'm a
single mom and I've been dating,but nothing's happening.
So I'm just going to buy a housewith like another single mom.
And we're going to raise ourkids together, like co co
living, co habitating.
(16:46):
And I'm like, dude, that wouldbe fucking amazing.
Cause some of these women aregoing to be your ride or dies.
Right?
Like, yeah.
They're going to give you somuch more love than like any of
the men you've ever seen, right?
Bri Bri (16:55):
Exactly.
Until you
Anna (16:56):
find, you know, bae.
But like, in the meantime, I'mopen, you know, and I'm just
like, uh, keeping the faith,trusting, but surrounding myself
with really good people thatunderstand the village
mentality.
Bri Bri (17:10):
Yes, yeah, I think some people are calling them Mamuns.
Ooh,
Anna (17:18):
I love that.
I mean, where's bad?
Like you can still date peopleif you want to, but like my
date, like, okay, one mom'sdoing dinner.
The other mom's taking them tothe park.
Okay.
The other one's going to do artsand crafts.
Okay.
Dance upstairs, you know,
Bri Bri (17:35):
like what's cleaning.
Like, yes, I was just havingthis conversation with a single
mom, friend of mine.
And I'm like, she's, what didshe say?
Oh, she said if she could justafford to hire a private chef,
she would just have a privatechef all the time.
And I like, I would never.
hire a private chef, but I surewould hire someone to do the
cleaning for me.
(17:56):
Right.
And so we both she's like, I'lldo the cleaning.
I just don't want to do thecooking.
And so it's just, it's likefinding people who align in
those ways.
It's like, I don't know.
I think you're so right with,you know, the age changing and,
you know, people are changing.
And I think we're going to see alot of unconventional stuff
happening.
Anna (18:15):
Yes.
Yes.
Bri Bri (18:17):
Yeah.
A good unconventional I'm hopingpositive, uplifting,
unconventional, but you know,everything has a light side and
a shadow side.
So
Anna (18:27):
it does.
Right.
Wait, look, we just needboundaries.
If we're going over here, westill need to have some
boundaries.
Right.
Um, but yeah, we're communalpeople.
Man does not live on an island,you know, for everyone to have
their own house and their ownrefrigerator, their own
electricity, their own liketransportation.
It's like, it's wasteful, youknow, like it's hurting the
(18:47):
earth.
Right.
Right.
It's hurting your pockets, likeit's stressing you out, you
know, you're isolated.
Your kids are not really gettinglike the multi generational, the
elders, the like, sisters andcousins, like there's a lot of
problems with that.
And that was like Capricorn,that's the Capricorn like CEO
boss thing.
But if we're moving fromCapricorn to Aquarius, Aquarius
(19:09):
is about the collective.
It's about sharing, but alsousing like technology.
Aquarius is kind of a nerd, youknow?
Bri Bri (19:16):
My dad's in Aquarius, so.
Anna (19:19):
Very different, very outlandish, very like unique and
kind of rebellious.
But we can use tech like AI tolike help us, you know what I'm
saying?
Like, can we, what can weautomate?
What, what shit can be like, um,delegated to make our lives
easier?
Not everything, obviously,because the human touch and
mothers, you know, nobody's likea mother.
(19:40):
A, a machine will never replaceus.
Yeah,
Bri Bri (19:45):
that'll be, I can't even like fathom that.
Yeah, because motherhood is justchanging, like it's just always
changing in the moment.
I was just saying this, what wasthat yesterday, two days ago,
um, how it's like, it doesn'tlike your kid today is not going
(20:10):
to be the same tomorrow, thenext, I mean, and maybe it feels
like it, but like, there's goingto be a shift.
And you don't know when that'sgoing to happen.
You don't know how it's going tohappen.
You don't know how long it'll befor like, they're always
changing.
And both kids are different.
Like, as much as you want to saylike, Oh, I raised both my kids
exactly the same.
Like, if you're doing that,you're probably doing harm to
(20:30):
one of them because they'redifferent people.
Anna (20:33):
They're different and time passes, you know, like Every day
we learn something new if you'repaying attention.
Bri Bri (20:41):
Yes, that's the key, right?
Because if you're in survivalmode, it's very difficult to
kind of pay attention outwardlyif all your attention is focused
on survival.
Anna (20:51):
Yeah.
Bri Bri (20:52):
So there was something else that you said, oh, that I
wanted it that the trusting yourintuition while dating is like a
major key.
I can't tell you the number oftimes.
Not so much recently, I finallybroke out of it, but the number
of times where I was datingsomeone and something happened
(21:12):
in the early stages and Ioverlooked it, my intuition was
like, you should like cut thingsoff right now.
And I was like, well, let's see,And that's a slippery slope.
And it became a slippery slopeand much worse things happened
down the line.
And then, you know, they, inboth cases, they ended up
breaking up with me or both.
(21:33):
cases that resulted in arelationship, they ended up
breaking up with me.
And I could go back months andbe like, right there is where I
should have cut things off rightthere is with where this major
red flag was a tiny red flagthat I should have just handed
things over.
And so, you know, all theinteractions I've had and all
the stories that I've heard ofother single moms, like I see,
(21:56):
first of all, I see thosemoments happening.
I'm like, This is it.
Like, this is that thing that ifyou keep going, you're gonna
look back in a few months or afew years and be like, I
should've stopped it right here.
Or I ask that.
I'm like, is this something thatif you were to look back after a
breakup, you'd be like, Ishould've ended things here?
Yeah, because sometimes weoverride our intuition.
(22:16):
Right.
And I think a lot of, a lot ofdating and relational, not even
just like specifically romanticrelationships, but relational in
general advice to women is tooverride that intuition, right?
Like, like that email that I gottoday, right?
Like I started off, my initialreaction was like, this is
weird.
Right.
But then I started to do thewhole like, well, maybe I should
(22:40):
give her a chance or maybe dah,dah, dah.
And it's like, no, it's.
There's something off about it.
My intuition don't like it,right?
Like Yeah.
Let me just, I don't have to dothis.
Anna (22:51):
Yeah.
And I don't need all theinformation.
Like I don't need to make up astory about why, you know,
that's really scarcity at theend of the day.
It's the people pleaser, youknow, it's thinking that you
need to be polite and likeagreeable, like don't be a
bitch, but it's like, am I, oram I just like intuitive where,
yeah.
(23:12):
You know, like I have what Ineed now to know that this is
not it.
Bri Bri (23:16):
Yeah, it's not bitchy to say no, thank you.
Yeah.
Like, it's just, it's just asimple boundary.
Like, Hey, no, thank you.
We're done.
Yeah.
Anna (23:28):
It's honoring your culture.
Yeah.
And when you're a single mom,it's you.
Like no one is going to step inand be like, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
You know, it's you and your kidsare looking at you.
If you let that slide, who isyour, your child going to date
when they get older?
Bri Bri (23:42):
100%.
Anna (23:43):
Right?
Like I've been single for threeyears since my divorce and I'm
so cutthroat, you know, likeyou're not meeting my babies
unless we're gonna make itofficial.
Right?
And then I have cut people offthat at that time.
And I'm like, Nope, thatinteraction was not it.
You know?
So you just like, I went back tolike, My ex husband, like you
(24:03):
might be cool alone, but thenlike with the kids, it can be
completely different, you know?
And so we need to see people indifferent environments.
We need to see people when theplans don't go, um, according to
plan, you know, like, how do youhandle, um, inconveniences?
You know, like, how are you whenyou're stressed out?
(24:24):
How are you with your family?
Okay.
How are you, what are yourfriends like, you know, like,
What does your house look like?
Are you like a hoarder?
Do you have like a bunch ofweird shit at your house?
You know, like I need, we need,time needs to happen and like
make people work for it.
You know what I'm saying?
And there's nothing wrong.
That's, that's what the exchangeis about.
(24:45):
Like it needs to be mutuallybeneficial.
And like, People hate the wordtransactional, but like, Hey
man, is this, is this reallylike not only efficient and like
effective, but is it likebeneficial for us all?
Bri Bri (25:00):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think transactional gets whereit gets people is like when it
gets down to like the, what's itcalled?
The teensy details or where it'slike, where it's used as a
manipulation tool basically.
But like it should it should beequal and it doesn't have to be
equal 100 percent of the timeright because everybody has good
(25:22):
days everybody has bad days.
And so you know, you may behaving a good day someone else
may be having a bad day you mayboth be having a bad day or
whatever.
But you're right like I think alot of times we're used to.
We're used to not my brain'slike going everywhere right now
it's like it like jumped toanother analogy.
(25:45):
But it's like, especially in theearly stages, you know, you're
taught or I don't know, when arewe taught this?
A lot of people focus on whetheror not the person that they're
dating likes them.
Right.
And so when you get into likethat transaction piece, it's
like, okay, I have to make thisperson like me.
Like, what can I do?
What can I give?
What can I, uh, how can I bedifferent?
(26:09):
Like how can I be what theywant?
Right.
Anna (26:11):
Right.
Bri Bri (26:11):
Okay.
Um, but it's like, do you evenlike them or do you like the
attention that they're givingyou?
Yes.
And so that's where thattransactional piece, I think
come to, at least in the earlythat it gets, it gets different
as you get deeper intorelationships, but
Anna (26:30):
yeah,
Bri Bri (26:30):
early stages, especially where it's like, how
much have you given into this?
Like what's, what's the ratio ofyour texts, your text messages
to their texts?
Right.
Yeah.
Like you need to look at that tosee how much energy you're
giving to the connection and isit equal Cause if it's not,
(26:52):
that's how it's going to be.
Like if you want it to be likethat forever, we're going to get
Anna (26:55):
worse, right?
Like the beginning is supposedto be the best.
The beginning is supposed to beamazing.
Right?
If we got these problems upfront, don't you dare commit?
Don't you dare move in?
Don't you dare invest like that?
Like going
Bri Bri (27:12):
to make him change if anything, the only change you're
going to see is him digging hisheels into the same behavior.
Unless he decides to change,
Anna (27:22):
right.
Bri Bri (27:23):
But there is nothing that someone else can do to make
him come to that decision.
Anna (27:27):
Yeah.
Bri Bri (27:28):
Ever.
That's between him and, youknow, God, whoever he believes
in, like, that's, That's a
Anna (27:37):
personal, that's a personal journey.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bri Bri (27:41):
That's you being the perfect woman in his eyes.
Or you making yourself, youcontorting yourself into what
you think is his perfect woman.
Is not going to make a shifting,
Anna (27:55):
like, girl, what like, you know, I'm right.
Bri Bri (28:00):
I might sound a bit shady, but like, I I'm saying
all this as someone who has beenthat I've done that.
Okay.
So I'm not judging.
I'm speaking to a former versionof myself.
All right, but if it hits, ithits.
Okay.
Because like I, you know, like Isaid, I had my daughter at 19.
(28:23):
I was,
Anna (28:25):
I was
Bri Bri (28:25):
naive, man.
And then I was with her dad forlike seven years.
I spent most of my earlyadulthood when most people are
just messing around, having fun,learning how to date.
Right.
I spent that with a baby andthen another baby.
Anna (28:42):
Yeah.
So like when
Bri Bri (28:44):
that ended and I started dating,
Anna (28:46):
Oh
Bri Bri (28:47):
my God, I didn't know what the heck I was doing.
Anna (28:50):
Yeah, I feel like that too.
I feel like a baby dater.
Bri Bri (28:54):
Yeah.
You know, like in my current Youare super grounded though.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You're not falling for the BSand stuff.
I fell for everything.
I literally had one guy tell me,he's like, I'm going to ruin
your life.
And I was like, is that a goodthing?
Like I texted my boyfriend, isthat a good thing?
Like, does that mean that hewants to marry me?
Like, no, he literally pointblank told me he was going to
(29:16):
ruin my life.
Anna (29:18):
Yeah, and I
Bri Bri (29:19):
entertained it for a while.
It looks so bad.
Anna (29:26):
So bad girl.
Yeah, girl.
I know.
I know.
Um, but yeah, a lot of the stuffthe hard way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And life is hard enough, youknow, single mom.
Bri Bri (29:38):
Life is hard enough.
Yeah,
Anna (29:41):
we don't need to make anything any harder.
Like, okay, your intuition sawwhat you saw, you know what I
mean?
Like, don't gaslight yourself.
You saw what you saw, you know,you're in charge of your own
destiny here.
Like,
Bri Bri (29:56):
Yeah, trust it.
And if you have trouble trustingit, cause I had trouble.
I used to struggle to listen tomy intuition, it was there, but
like, I didn't know, like Isaid, you know, I was so young.
And like, I just didn't know howto listen to my intuition.
And so one of my biggest, one ofthe things I say all the time is
like to learn to trust yourselfby just, you know, doing a
(30:18):
little, like the small, I thinkthe first small promise I made
to myself every day was like,I'm going to drink one cup of
water.
Cause like I struggled to drinkenough water.
Um, and I was like, you know, ifI do that every day, it means I
made a promise to myself in themorning and I kept that promise.
Right.
And so the smaller it is,especially, you know, cause I
was like deep in depression atthat point.
(30:39):
So make it smaller, depending onwhat your capacity is.
Don't do something big.
Like, Oh, I'm going to work likeyour 30 day hot yoga.
It's impressive.
Don't get me wrong, but I don'tknow if I can do that now, but
like, it's great.
And it's an amazingaccomplishment.
Um, And I'm glad that you havethe capacity for it and you did
(31:00):
it like that's amazing like I'mvery much like a let's let the
baby step it my system is verymuch like a baby step kind of
system.
And so, that's okay, I'm sayingall that say that's okay too
it's just building, because it'sone thing to hear your intuition
and it's another thing to beable to listen to it against
(31:21):
what your programming has beenyour whole life.
And so that's a
Anna (31:25):
girl.
Bri Bri (31:26):
You just got to practice it.
Like you, you gon slip up, yougon make mistakes.
You gon fall for the same dumbline a few more times maybe if
you're as hard headed as I am.
But like, you'll be okay.
You'll figure it out.
No, you'll figure it out.
Or you won't, and like, that'llbe your life.
But like, that's also notnecessarily the ending.
Yeah.
Like, some people live perfectlyokay, mostly happy lives, but
(31:51):
they also are still in kind oflike a not great relationship.
But they find other things tofulfill.
I say all that to sayrelationships aren't the end all
be all.
Like I can talk about them allday because that's, you know,
like my autistic specialinterest, but they are not the
end all be all.
Even though a lot of people growup with, like, you grew up
knowing that you wanted to be amother, right?
(32:12):
Like I grew up knowing that Iwanted to be in a relationship
and married and like kids werepart of that, right?
Like,
Anna (32:20):
okay.
I don't even want to
Bri Bri (32:21):
say, you know, as much as I can't stand their dad,
like, I don't regret being withhim because if I wasn't with
him, I wouldn't have them.
Anna (32:30):
Yeah.
And I wouldn't be who I amtoday.
I wouldn't have learned theselessons, you know, and sometimes
your intuition sharpens when thebaby comes, right?
Mother's intuition, like,
Bri Bri (32:39):
yes.
Anna (32:39):
It's not even that loud sometimes until the baby comes.
Cause the baby's super loud.
Bri Bri (32:45):
Yep.
Or the opposite.
I will hyper focus like I, youcan, if I'm focused on some
actually, I may have always beenlike this.
Nevermind.
I'm very good at tuning out likethe sounds of children unless
they sound a certain way that'swhen that intuition kicks in but
when they're just like screamingfor fun or like for drama I'm
like I don't even hear itsometimes but then other times
(33:07):
if it has a certain quality toit I'm immediately like
Anna (33:11):
Is everyone okay?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And like the greatestrelationship is the one with
yourself.
Bri Bri (33:19):
Yeah.
Anna (33:19):
Yeah.
At the end of the day, like, youknow, you're the one that has to
live in your own body.
You're the one that has to like,you know, call the shots for
you.
So like honor you, these smallwins, right?
Like, What's going to make mesuccessful?
Okay.
Well, maybe journaling every dayis a good start.
Maybe like a friend once a weekjust to decompress is a good
(33:40):
start.
You know, maybe going for awalk.
That's my start.
Action builds confidence.
Bri Bri (33:46):
It does.
It does the same way that, youknow, this is, this is my
Scorpio Mercury speaking, um,the same way that I'm very much
in actions.
What's it?
Actions over words kind ofperson after, you know, years of
being with someone who wouldgive me words and words and
words and the actions didn'tmatch.
Um, that, that counts foryourself too.
(34:11):
Like if you're sitting there andsaying like, you know, like
affirmations can be great, butif you're not acting on them,
you're gaslighting yourself.
And so, you know, that kind ofthing of like, that's why, you
know, if you need to.
And even if you start with abigger promise and you realize
it's too big, you know, if youneed to make it bite size, make
it like the tiniest nibble size,um, because the goal is to do it
(34:36):
right.
The goal isn't to set the goal.
The goal is to do it
Anna (34:40):
right.
So you gotta,
Bri Bri (34:43):
you gotta do it so that you can, like you said, so that
you take care of yourself.
Anna (34:50):
Yeah.
One of my friends who helped mewhen I was a single mom and then
she became a single mom yearslater was like, this is not a
race.
It's a marathon.
And she would just repeat thatto me.
And I was like, Ooh, girl, likeyou're my wise ass.
Like I always wanted, you know,and yeah, like I'm so grateful,
(35:11):
like be gentle.
There's a fine line betweengrace and like, overextending
people pleasing, you know whatI'm saying?
Like, you're, you know, um,compassion, great softness, you
know, space.
Um, allowing people to like,unfold in their own time,
(35:31):
honoring that, um, but also likemaintaining your boundaries.
Like for me, that doesn't workfor me.
Or for me, that's a nonnegotiable, you know, just like
practicing, keeping thosepromises to yourself, you know?
Bri Bri (35:46):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just because.
you know why someone is doingsomething or just because you
know that they did I mean that'skind of like that's kind of the
uh I guess ultimatum not quitethat had led to the end of my
most recent relationships likejust because You understand why
someone is going throughsomething and treating you a
(36:07):
certain way or not treating youa certain way and it is valid,
right?
They have every reason to bebehaving that way doesn't mean
that you also have to put upwith it Like there's this thing
that it's like, you know Becauseyou're extending grace means
that you have to put up with itIt's like no you can extend
grace and you can send love andyou can send Positivity and all
(36:27):
that stuff and you can also walkaway
Anna (36:30):
Yeah, that's yours.
That's not mine.
Yeah.
And then when you do commit,like, what am I willing to
commit to?
Like, nobody's perfect, right?
Like, what flaws, air quotes, amI willing to sign up for and
which ones are a hell no.
Bri Bri (36:47):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cause you're right.
Nobody's perfect.
Um, and you know, thealternative, right.
If you don't want to deal withanyone's flaws,
Anna (36:56):
you can just be single.
Yeah.
Just be single.
That's always an
Bri Bri (37:00):
option
Anna (37:02):
until you have more grace for yourself.
You're probably doing it to youtoo, girl, you know,
Bri Bri (37:08):
big time, probably more so than other people.
Anna (37:12):
Yeah, like in your head, just this critic that's like
running and it's like, girl,when you get out of your own
way, when you like, escape fromyour own prison, like, it's
freedom.
It's liberation.
You know, it's, it's space tobreathe.
Bri Bri (37:31):
Yeah, yeah, this is great.
This is like way more than Icould have ever expected or
asked for, uh, but thank you somuch, uh, for your time and for
your energy and for your wisdomand for your experience.
Um, definitely should definitelystay connected.
(37:52):
Um, If not to have you back onhere, but just like, this was
just cool.
It was nice vibing with you.
Thank you so much for listening.
And if you.
Resonated with anything sharedtoday, make sure to hit that
follower.
Lower subscribe button.
So you don't miss futureepisodes or.
We'll dive deep into navigatingsingle motherhood and glowing up
(38:12):
in.
Every area of life.
I'd love to hear your story,Sophia.
Feel free to connect with me onInstagram, or TikTok, or
threads.
@bribri.core.
And if you want to connect withAnna her information will be in
the description, but it isalign.with.Anna on the three
(38:34):
platforms that I just listed andjoin our amazing community and
if you want to take control ofyour life and start at your own
glow up journey don't forget totext the word"glow" to
667-222-3798.
And I will see you in the nextepisode.
Take care!
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