What do I really want? With Michaelann Gardner

What do I really want? It’s a question that sounds simple—until you try to answer it with your whole life. Diana and Mallory spoke with writer Michaelann Gardner, author of the new book Sovereign, about the quiet, sometimes heartbreaking work of discerning our most sacred desires and being true to them. Once we can fully see what we want, it gets easier to build a life of alignment. And if life won’t allow that to happen, we are better prepared to grieve and let go.

In this conversation, Michaelann shares her decision to pursue motherhood on her own, without a partner, after so long of waiting for the typical family set up to arrive. "I had to ask myself, what if the life I thought I was supposed to have just… doesn’t come? What if this is it?” Her story becomes a gateway into a deeper exploration of what it means to live the real life in front of us, rather than living for a life not here.

Together, they discuss how growing up in a religious context can train us to ignore or outsource desire, and what it takes to unlearn that habit without losing our faith. They reflect on the cost of honesty, the subtle difference between surrender and avoidance, and the strange holiness of longing that doesn’t resolve. This is an episode for anyone standing at a crossroads—wondering if it’s time to wait longer, grieve deeper, or finally choose. And it’s a conversation that gently insists: your real life is worth wanting.

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