The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck

Tape 65 kicks off with excitement over an incoming Dropbox delivery, triggered into action by a green flag that probably means “go.” Spring maintenance follows, including rotating the tires on Dave’s car — which hasn’t moved — with a confident “half quarter turn.”

Bootstuck (now officially rebranded as “The Stuck”) also unveils its next big attraction: a travel show where visitors are blindfolded, spun around, and released somewhere...

When asked a simple question about rain, Bootstuck responds the only way it knows how: with large-scale tarp engineering and aggressively sticky-tacked grocery bags. Why spend $800 on a rain shell when you can fashion one from leftover Piggly Wiggly plastic and optimism? Spring has arrived, which means it’s time to string up old military tarps between trees, relocate the outhouse five feet to the left (or left), and reconsider the ...

Tape 63 begins with an earnest attempt to advocate for dark matter, quickly pivoting into a passionate defense of Pluto, now rebranded as “Dwarfy,” a misunderstood ice dwarf traveling the wrong way and apparently deserving emotional support. A surprise interruption by Neil deGrasse Tyson does little to clarify matters, as Pluto’s size, temperature, and relationship to the sun are debated with mixed metaphors and diminishing patienc...

Tape 62 opens with a discussion of silliness that quickly spirals into confusion over string, strength, and a much-anticipated “stripper” coming to town—revealed to be strictly for removing paint, not clothing. From there, spring preparations begin in earnest, including plans to repaint fallen leaves and reattach them to trees with Caleb’s help, sometime between now and mid-May.

Seasonal activities in Bootstuck include off-leash Cal...

Tape 61 begins as a rambling voicemail about making a very urgent personal decision, before veering into a rescue operation involving a lost baby raccoon, an upside-down milk container, and Caleb acting as both lookout and chair. Along the way, concerns are raised about Caleb’s homemade cigarettes, soup sandwiches, and whether bagels are named for what they are or the bags they come in.

The conversation drifts into ambitious plans t...

In this episode, Bootstuck checks off another major cultural milestone after finally finishing Who’s the Boss—though it takes some time to determine whether the title refers to the vacuum man, the working woman, or the elderly authority figure who “likes a lot of sex and tells everybody what to do.” Confident they’ve solved it, the group prepares to move on to Perfect Strangers, pluralized for safety.

The conversation shifts to spri...

The episode opens with a chaotic voicemail and quickly spirals into a very Bootstuck conversation about frozen rivers, rubber-banding birds to make them quieter, and the town’s proudly nonsensical “fish maze.” As the caller tries (and fails) to get a coherent answer from Bootstuck’s resident rambler, the discussion veers into Valentine’s Day preparations, including a contest involving hearts hidden around town — some carved, some h...

This tape begins as an attempt to discuss traffic conditions in Bootstuck and immediately collapses into a strange meditation on Dave’s “back 40,” which turns out not to be land at all, but a graveyard of empty bottles and 14 immobile cars. Before the conversation can gain any structure, Jonathan Frakes drunkenly bursts into the recording, mutters something unintelligible, and disappears—an event the Bootstuck resident barely ackno...

In this tape, two residents attempt to solve problems they clearly do not understand, beginning with the collapse of the township’s food supply and spiraling into Dave’s catastrophic “shed incident” involving a porcupine, several gallons of maple syrup, and far too much confidence. What follows is a wandering, deeply unhelpful conversation covering toilet paper hoarding, black licorice optimism, dangerous transportation ideas, and ...

This tape opens with what sounds like a cheap local radio ad for World of Bowling — a chaotic pitch about “hard or soft balls” that fades into a conversation so derailed it feels like a hallucination in real time. The interviewer tries to talk about bowling, but in Bootstuck, “bowling” apparently involves rolling people down a hill and occasionally throwing Caleb at the problem.

From there, the discussion drifts through roosters in ...

The tape begins with a voicemail — a jumble of static, mumbling, and the distinct sound of someone explaining how to “fix” a cassette with a pencil and a wiggle. From there, the conversation slides straight into Bootstuck logic: juice made from pinecones, acorns, and possibly corn itself.

Soon the townsfolk are preoccupied with a new community effort — putting up lost cat posters around town. The posters, placed two feet high so the...

Bootstuck receives another baffling shipment — one that somehow contains blank coins with holes, six violins (or possibly chair parts), an unidentified handled object, and an alarming number of beans. Between coughing up a real frog mid-conversation and debating how to “screw violins together,” the townsfolk attempt to make sense of their new supplies. They even claim to have a refrigerator — though it doesn’t run and functions mos...

A confused caller accidentally goes live on the air and immediately loses his composure, setting the tone for another chaotic dispatch from Bootstuck. Between jam jars, smoke-filled air, and impromptu fire dances, the locals’ musical ambitions get derailed by missing spoons, homemade concerts, and a mysterious old man who may—or may not—have threatened someone’s life. When the tape recorder clicks on, we hear the chilling voice of ...

A torrential downpour hits Bootstuck, and the townsfolk treat it like an Olympic event. Our narrator excitedly describes his tactical methods for “dodging raindrops” and “putting out buckets,” before proudly announcing the formation of a brand-new body of water—Bootstuck Lake—created (apparently) by the rain itself. In between weather reports, Hat Guy makes a slippery return after tumbling down the stairs on a pile of sports magazi...

In this installment, the documenteur’s patience continues to erode as Bootstuck introduces yet another baffling innovation: the Personal Walking Association (or “PWA”). According to the locals, it’s an organized fitness initiative led by a man named Uber who walks people around “places.” Membership numbers stretch into the millions, and no one seems entirely sure what it’s for — except that it involves walking, sometimes sideways, ...

The documenteur, once again hanging by a thread of patience, tries to have a reasonable conversation while the residents of Bootstuck crawl around town “looking for scraps” and debating the difference between beets and beats. What begins as small talk about sore knees quickly dissolves into confusion about dance parties, water suppliers named River, and the discovery of Bootstuck’s newest local celebrity — Waving Tony, a man whose ...

The documenteur once again attempts to establish a thread of logic in Bootstuck, only to be derailed immediately by talk of sleep aids — ranging from chamomile tea to the rather more concerning chloroform and carbon monoxide. Dave, it seems, has been missing for six weeks, but nobody’s alarmed; apparently, he was just “sleeping under a tree."

When pressed about education in Bootstuck, the locals reveal their belief that everyon...

The recording begins with confusion over who’s actually speaking—Dave has stepped away to rescue yet another burned pot of porridge, leaving the conversation in the hands of Hat Guy. What follows is an increasingly unhelpful brainstorming session about Post-it notes. Dave has been scattering them across fields, hoping the mysterious “Dropbox guy” might deliver peanuts. Suggestions arise that maybe, instead of begging for legumes, t...

This tape drifts between nonsense poetry, snack offerings, and unexpected town updates, stitched together by interference and interruptions. It opens with a ramble about dandelions, wishes, and snow cones, before a voice insists on offering the interviewer a peanut butter sandwich through the radio. Things derail into complaints about “wave and Tony,” which is either a person, a product, or both, depending on when you tune in.

The c...