The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck

What begins with a loud bang and fears of the apocalypse quickly turns into another perfectly normal day in Bootstuck: old ladies crashing into buildings, philosophical discussions about black holes, and a town-wide effort to secretly redistribute excess snow under cover of darkness. Between warnings about being stretched apart in space, debates over the ideal Christmas color palette, and deeply confusing traffic logic, the hosts a...

A simple attempt to discuss “ideas that make sense” quickly collapses into a Bootstuck philosophy: if it doesn’t make money, why bother making sense at all? This sparks a wildly misguided dive into nonprofits (or “no profits”), leading to a charity built entirely around collecting scrap metal… somehow resulting in wheelchairs, though no one is quite sure how—or for whom. As logic continues to unravel, the conversation veers into go...

A strange noise sparks a deeply confusing (and possibly supernatural?) discussion about Philip—a long-missing Bootstuck resident who may or may not still be wandering around carrying random objects and smelling up the back-back-back woods. As the hosts try to piece together Philip’s timeline (pre-plane, pre-everyone, possibly pre-logic), they uncover a bigger mystery: Shed #14 has vanished… along with its highly questionable conten...

A bizarre car commercial leads into a discussion about Bootstuck’s newest vehicle: a peanut-shaped car supposedly bought from Mr. Peanut and powered by decidedly non-almond fuel.

Elsewhere, credit cards are applied for via the “social media flyer” and mailed off as paper airplanes, while a new town fitness initiative is led by someone named Jim… or possibly the concept of a gym itself.

With an amusement park in the works and “sticky ...

A discussion about proper plumbing quickly unravels into a full-blown Bootstuck renovation crisis, as the town debates the future of its deeply questionable bathroom setup — including a permanently yellow “formerly white” toilet rug and a carpeted seat that may or may not be worth saving for winter.

With no real oversight beyond the self-appointed Arts and Craft Council (comprised entirely of the people having the conversation), pla...

This week’s call to Bootstuck begins with a surprisingly large audience gathered to listen in — though most of them quietly leave through the back door before being counted. Conversation turns to local cuisine, including a house mustard recipe featuring red dirt, pine clover, and enough mystery spice to apparently represent half of Asia.

Plans are also underway for the next big Bootstuck reunion, where traditional games include egg-...

A routine call to Bootstuck quickly turns into a tour of the town’s rapidly expanding art scene. With Caleb busy hanging pictures “upside down but sideways,” it’s revealed that Bootstuck has recently welcomed an artist — and the results are… unconventional. Caleb’s latest project involves painting the outside view on the inside walls of the house and the inside of the house on the outside, creating what may be either a groundbreaki...

A noticeable drop in “whoops” leads to the revelation that Dave’s bout of whooping cough forced a temporary ban on celebratory noises — and some very questionable problem-solving methods. Bootstuck turns its attention to spring entertainment, including a seatless bicycle race through the forest and ongoing recruitment efforts to lure visitors north using a maze of travel instructions and social media flyers.

Local “discoveries” incl...

Tape 65 kicks off with excitement over an incoming Dropbox delivery, triggered into action by a green flag that probably means “go.” Spring maintenance follows, including rotating the tires on Dave’s car — which hasn’t moved — with a confident “half quarter turn.”

Bootstuck (now officially rebranded as “The Stuck”) also unveils its next big attraction: a travel show where visitors are blindfolded, spun around, and released somewhere...

When asked a simple question about rain, Bootstuck responds the only way it knows how: with large-scale tarp engineering and aggressively sticky-tacked grocery bags. Why spend $800 on a rain shell when you can fashion one from leftover Piggly Wiggly plastic and optimism? Spring has arrived, which means it’s time to string up old military tarps between trees, relocate the outhouse five feet to the left (or left), and reconsider the ...

Tape 63 begins with an earnest attempt to advocate for dark matter, quickly pivoting into a passionate defense of Pluto, now rebranded as “Dwarfy,” a misunderstood ice dwarf traveling the wrong way and apparently deserving emotional support. A surprise interruption by Neil deGrasse Tyson does little to clarify matters, as Pluto’s size, temperature, and relationship to the sun are debated with mixed metaphors and diminishing patienc...

Tape 62 opens with a discussion of silliness that quickly spirals into confusion over string, strength, and a much-anticipated “stripper” coming to town—revealed to be strictly for removing paint, not clothing. From there, spring preparations begin in earnest, including plans to repaint fallen leaves and reattach them to trees with Caleb’s help, sometime between now and mid-May.

Seasonal activities in Bootstuck include off-leash Cal...

Tape 61 begins as a rambling voicemail about making a very urgent personal decision, before veering into a rescue operation involving a lost baby raccoon, an upside-down milk container, and Caleb acting as both lookout and chair. Along the way, concerns are raised about Caleb’s homemade cigarettes, soup sandwiches, and whether bagels are named for what they are or the bags they come in.

The conversation drifts into ambitious plans t...

In this episode, Bootstuck checks off another major cultural milestone after finally finishing Who’s the Boss—though it takes some time to determine whether the title refers to the vacuum man, the working woman, or the elderly authority figure who “likes a lot of sex and tells everybody what to do.” Confident they’ve solved it, the group prepares to move on to Perfect Strangers, pluralized for safety.

The conversation shifts to spri...

The episode opens with a chaotic voicemail and quickly spirals into a very Bootstuck conversation about frozen rivers, rubber-banding birds to make them quieter, and the town’s proudly nonsensical “fish maze.” As the caller tries (and fails) to get a coherent answer from Bootstuck’s resident rambler, the discussion veers into Valentine’s Day preparations, including a contest involving hearts hidden around town — some carved, some h...

This tape begins as an attempt to discuss traffic conditions in Bootstuck and immediately collapses into a strange meditation on Dave’s “back 40,” which turns out not to be land at all, but a graveyard of empty bottles and 14 immobile cars. Before the conversation can gain any structure, Jonathan Frakes drunkenly bursts into the recording, mutters something unintelligible, and disappears—an event the Bootstuck resident barely ackno...

In this tape, two residents attempt to solve problems they clearly do not understand, beginning with the collapse of the township’s food supply and spiraling into Dave’s catastrophic “shed incident” involving a porcupine, several gallons of maple syrup, and far too much confidence. What follows is a wandering, deeply unhelpful conversation covering toilet paper hoarding, black licorice optimism, dangerous transportation ideas, and ...

This tape opens with what sounds like a cheap local radio ad for World of Bowling — a chaotic pitch about “hard or soft balls” that fades into a conversation so derailed it feels like a hallucination in real time. The interviewer tries to talk about bowling, but in Bootstuck, “bowling” apparently involves rolling people down a hill and occasionally throwing Caleb at the problem.

From there, the discussion drifts through roosters in ...

The tape begins with a voicemail — a jumble of static, mumbling, and the distinct sound of someone explaining how to “fix” a cassette with a pencil and a wiggle. From there, the conversation slides straight into Bootstuck logic: juice made from pinecones, acorns, and possibly corn itself.

Soon the townsfolk are preoccupied with a new community effort — putting up lost cat posters around town. The posters, placed two feet high so the...