April 28, 2025 • 30 mins
We sat down thinking this episode would be about how men are the rocks of the family — the providers, the strong ones, the ones who don't break.
But somewhere along the conversation, something shifted.
We realised...
We’re not the real rocks.
The women in our lives — our wives, our partners, our mums — they are.
They’re the ones carrying the invisible weight every single day, holding the family together, picking up the pieces we don’t even realise we’re dropping.
In this brutally honest episode, we talk about:
- The silent pressure men feel to never break down
- Why “I’m fine” is usually the biggest lie we tell
- The guilt we carry for taking even an hour for ourselves
- How most men are one bottled-up emotion away from breaking
- Why real strength is being vulnerable — not silent
- And how the people we thought we were protecting have actually been protecting us all along.
We don’t come at this with fake solutions or polished speeches.
Just three blokes, being honest about how hard it is, how much we’ve got wrong — and how much we’ve learned.
If you're a man who's been struggling in silence, or a woman trying to understand the silent battles your partner is fighting,
this episode will open your eyes — and maybe, if you let it, start to heal something inside you.
🔔 Subscribe to the UNTOLD Podcast for real conversations every Tuesday.
📲 Follow us on Instagram & TikTok: @UNTOLDPodcast.official
🎟️ Join us live at the Des Hamilton Roadshow, 30th May, Manchester — tickets available now!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
The pressure to be a rock Relationship, friendship
business.
How do you take that?
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Put yourself in someone else's shoes, understand
what it is they're goingthrough.
It's more a case of whatthey've sacrificed in order to
do that.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Yeah, but is that the big problem?
Is that the problem?
Speaker 3 (00:21):
It doesn't mean you're weak at all.
I think it makes you a betterman, to be fair.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
You bottle it up, bottle it up, you bottle it up,
bottle it up.
Where's the point that youbreak?
Speaker 2 (00:29):
I genuinely do feel the pressure to be the rock.
Yeah, and it is brutal.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
This is already my favorite episode the untold
podcast is proudly sponsored byaura surfaces, specialists in
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That's why we had to get behindthis podcast.
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Let's get into it.
(00:55):
Hello everybody, welcome backto the Untold Podcast.
A rare occurrence all three ofus are back together this week.
Chris and Des, how are youdoing boys?
All good, mate, all good.
Very well, like your top.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Yeah, how you doing boys, all good mate Very well,
like your top.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?
Oh, we have to give a shout-out.
Actually, elkson's Workwearprovided us with these beautiful
gilets and hoodies and jumpers.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
I'm sorry you didn't pay for them.
I did pay for them.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
He's made out, he's given us.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
he said Do you want to see the receipt.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I'll show you the invoice.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
No, unfortunately it's not a sponsored episode by
Elksons.
Maybe the next one will be, butthey do do some really nice
work where I've used it for allmy business stuff and it's good,
the embroidery's good, all mineat the pub the other weekend
actually.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Yeah, proper, representing.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Representing the brand.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
These untold pants are really comfortable.
Yeah, I know they are.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Mine and my front side are a bit small.
A bit small, no such thing.
So, boys, today I thought we'dtalk about the pressure to
always be the rock.
As men, I feel that there's apressure to be the rock Whether
that's just me thinking that,because that's the way I think.
What do you think you alwaysfeel pressure to?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
be the Rock.
I'm talking about WWE.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
I'm glad you said that, because all I want to do
is go.
Can you smell what the Rock iscooking?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
that's what I say when I walk in every night.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I didn't even think of that.
Is he even called the Rock?
I suppose he'll always be knownas the Rock yeah, he's the
final boss, the people'schampion.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah, the Brahma ball .
Can you tell I'm a wrestling?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
fan.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
We know you're a wrestling fan Desdemonda the
destroyer yeah we are going toget your wrestling outfit if you
want to podcast on that.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I genuinely do feel the pressure to be the rock.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yeah, that's why, maybe that could be his charity
challenge.
Des has got to become awrestler.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Well, I've actually got one actually has got to
become a wrestler.
Well, I've actually got one,actually.
Let's just break the mould aminute.
Let's just stop what we'redoing in a minute one second.
I listened to about 15 minutesof your podcast from the other
week today when I was driving.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You must have been really busy not to listen to all
of it.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Yeah, I turned it off afterwards because I wasn't in
it.
There's no point in melistening to it.
But what?
Why don't we go one step up anddo a skydive?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
I would prefer a skydive to a bungee jump.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Would you yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
I feel safer with a parachute and I'll do a bit of
elastic on my ankles.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Yeah, I've done one, so I'm quite comfortable that I
can do it again.
I'm up for it.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Yeah, yeah yeah, what a skydive.
Yeah, oh look, I keep accusingyou of something.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
I saw what it's been.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Maybe I should have mentioned this upstairs earlier
on my buddy who's in theparachute regiment must have
done I don't know hundreds andhundreds of jumps, and I shit
myself even the thought of it.
I shit myself.
Don't like heights, though,don't like being up a ladder
three rounds.
I shit myself.
Yeah, like that.
Well, that'll be a good episode.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
We'll record it as well, yeah it will be a good
episode.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
I know someone else that's supposed to be doing a
charity skydive.
Maybe we'll get him on board,because I sponsored him to do it
and it was too windy and he'snot done it, so let's see if we
can do it with him.
No names yet.
There you go.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
I'll tell you later.
Voice from Ash for the nextfive minutes no, no, he still
hasn't stopped twiddling hisfingers.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Oh, I always twiddle my fingers.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Boys don't know it's nothing to do with the skydive.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I can't wait for the whatsapp chat when we finish
this podcast.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I mean later in this episode.
I was going to ask when's thelast time you cried?
Speaker 3 (04:15):
mine was when you suggested doing, doing the
skydiving.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
This is already my favourite episode.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
So, yeah right, the pressure to be a rock, whether
it's relationship, friendship,business, how do you take?
Speaker 3 (04:33):
that.
I think it's quite easy.
Actually, I'm not like itdepends on the way you look at
it, I suppose.
But but for me I'm quite atraditional person.
So back in the day the men wasalways the men that went out and
worked and looked after theirfamily, and obviously blokes
didn't talk to each other.
They know, which is differentto what it is now, but I quite
like the feeling of being a rockto my friends.
(04:54):
I've mentioned it before.
I've had a couple of mates thatstruggled recently.
When they've reached out to me,it's made me feel amazing about
myself, because they'reactually comfortable enough to
do that.
And that's what you want in aperson is your own person.
You want people to rely on youbecause it means you're doing
something right in life.
I think, yeah, um, with familywise.
So I'm traditional.
(05:14):
You know I was always brought upthat the man was the man of the
house yeah um, sometimes it'sdifficult, you know, when the
money's, when the money's notquite trickling in as quick as
it used to.
Or get a £401 water bill fromSouth East Water because
apparently you've had 807 bathsin the last three months True
story, you know and you wonder,well, where am I going to get
(05:37):
that £400 from?
I've not budgeted for that.
It becomes difficult.
But, yeah, it's not reallysomething that stresses me out
because it's kind of what Iexpect.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yeah, and I would agree with you.
I feel a lot of pressure to bethe rock and I don't know why I
don't know whether that's a mething just because that's what I
want to do.
I want to provide for my kids.
I want my kids to not reallywant for anything.
I want to be able to pay.
When you've got staff,obviously you've got to be a
(06:10):
rock because you've got to leadby example when you put yourself
in an entrepreneurial position.
I don't even think it's anentrepreneurial thing.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
No, no, I talked about this in the roadshow in
Brighton.
We've got a new roadshow comingup, we've got a roadshow.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, in Manchester yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
The Untold podcast has come in.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
If you can get babysitters, yeah, no pressure,
no pressure.
You went nervous then, like hedid with the start, he'll be on
the stage with us, mate, he will, yeah, he will.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
We'll bring the rock in, we, yeah we talked when
people get to a certaincrossroads in their life,
usually around midlife crisistime, isn't it really?
But even going through yourpartner saying, actually that's
not fair.
You and your partner areagreeing to have a child Because
(07:00):
all of a sudden you go down toone paycheck, don't you
Statutory maternity?
You get a maternity packagethat lasts about six weeks.
Then you cut your wages and allof a sudden it's the geezer
that is responsible, or, sorry,the working parent these days is
responsible for bringing in themoney, while the other parent
at home is responsible for thechild.
You both change in thatinstance and you're completely
(07:20):
unaware of it.
No one ever talks about this bitwhen it comes to actually
raising a child.
Unaware of it.
No one ever talks about thisbit when it comes to actually
raising a child, do they?
But instantly the guy becomesthe paycheck and resentment
eventually kicks in, because theguy is not only the paycheck,
he's also the one not seeing thechild, mm-hmm.
And then the lady, the mum, isthe person that's all of a
sudden given up their career,given up their independence, and
(07:41):
they've got a label of being amum which is now dominating
their entire personality, andthey're losing themselves as
well.
And these are the roles that wetake on now.
So the mum I say the mum, butmajority of the time it is the
mum who all of a sudden takesthat responsibility and resents
losing their former life, whilethe guy goes away and becomes
(08:02):
the person that is solelyresponsible for the financial
upkeep, the roof above thebleeding house, the food on the
table.
And it is brutal because it'sunexpected and it's not talked
about, because, once again, herewe are talking about something
that no one fucking talks about,and it's hard.
There's a lot of pressure andthere's a lot of resentment.
I went out for beers the othernight and I even did a post on
(08:23):
this, saying Claire's at homewith the kids.
This was in the diary.
It wasn't a surprise.
She was supportive Go out andenjoy yourself.
I wanted to go out and let myhead down and have a couple of
drinks.
I still felt guilty.
You do, didn't you?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, we spoke about that,didn't we?
Yeah, I don't remember.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
I can't remember anything from last week.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
No, I'm joking.
I'm joking, and now you've saidthat as well.
I reckon it'd be interesting toknow if the females feel the
same as the men.
But we don't talk.
I guarantee they do.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Yeah, I guarantee they do.
I suppose there's differentreasons, isn't there?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Yeah, different reasons, like you're the rock of
the childcare, the rock of thehome, and then there's like the
rock of the finances.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
That's it, and.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
I guess that path sort of it's very sort of set,
isn't it Like you either do?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
that or that.
That's it.
And my wife Nell, nell, shedoesn't work, she's relying on
me paying her, and that must behard.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Yeah, this is a really difficult thing.
I know that my missus struggleswith this really badly.
She hates asking for money.
Yeah, you know everything thatI've always done since I mean
mostly since we had our littleboy three years ago everything
that I've done has been for thetwo of them.
Obviously for myself as well,but every penny that I earn is
not my money, it's our money.
I've always said it's our money.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
And I find it really difficult.
That's one of the stressesactually.
You say like being a rock.
One of the main things for meis, if I'm trying to provide for
my family and it's not beingasked for, I don't know whether
it's needed, do you?
Do you know what I mean?
So you sort, you give yourselfthis checklist that you've got
to do on a daily basis, butthere's loads more actually that
your wife needs, or that yourlittle kid needs, or whatever
that you don't know that theyneed.
(10:04):
I put some money into her bankaccount the other day and she
was so grateful and I said toher well, you said you didn't
have any money.
Well, yeah, but I'm not going.
I think they have to understandthat we're not doing it just
because we want to be a man andwe want to be strong.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
We're doing it because that's what we want to
do.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
We want to support, you know.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
And we want them to be happy.
Yeah, exactly, and I'm sure thatthey feel exactly the same way,
exactly the same.
You know you look at home,right, you've both got kids.
We go to work.
I mean, des, you don't reallygo.
(10:44):
You know, we go, we go to work,right, the wives stay at home.
They might have part-time jobsor whatever.
They have to come home.
So my wife does a cleaning jobtwo days a week right now.
She finishes her work, shecomes home, she has her lunch,
then she's going to pick littleboy up from nursery and then
he's either giving her griefwhen she picks him up, so
stressful straight away.
She brings him home, she has todeal with him.
Mummy, mummy, you know what athree-year-old kid's like.
Yeah, yeah, constantly on yourcase.
Shit all over the house,because he's got millions of
(11:07):
toys all over the place.
She's stressing out I'm goingto come home and I'm going to
moan about the house clean.
I've got to make lunches, I'vegot to get dinner ready, I've
got to do this, got to do that.
So it.
Although we talk about menbeing rocks, it must be really
(11:28):
hard for women as well yeah, no,I'm sure cut the brownie points
out.
I think, I think I've what doyou mean?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
yeah, I'm the one that started this, but yeah, but
I took over because I thoughtyeah, I'm having this one as
much as I say.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I always say to my missus, like you would not swap
with me.
I'm like, yeah, I would.
Three days a week, two days aweek, one day a week, I'll
happily do the school run.
But it's what.
She pointed something out to me.
She's like, yeah, it's all goodand well, I have those hours
between like half nine and halftwo, but what can you really fit
into that space and it must beso difficult.
They want to go to work, butwhat job's going to employ you
(12:04):
from half nine to half two?
What job's going to do that?
Allow you to do that.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Especially after you've had three years of having
no employment, of a career.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Yeah, and then you need the holidays off six weeks
in the summer.
You need all this time off.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
All you should have to write when you go to a job
interview is CV, mum, Mum yeah,because you've done pretty much
everything for the last Godknows how many years.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, yeah, and I agree with her.
I do.
It's taken me a while to admitit, but I wouldn't want to swap
what she has to do every day forwhat I do every day.
Yeah, it's a nice, it's apleasure for me to take the kids
to school and pick them up acouple of days a week yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
So the question is how do you feel?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
about being the rock.
It's not, and it's again.
It's having this conversationthat we're opening our eyes to.
Well, actually hold on a minute.
Yeah, you may feel like therock, but I bet your missus also
feels like the rock.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Oh, exactly, we need them more than they do us.
100%.
It's again when you think who'sthe bedrock of a family home?
Always the mum, yeah, alwaysthe dad is the one that comes
and goes, but again, it's alsothe dad that's the one that's
(13:23):
been told to shut up.
Get your head down.
That's your role.
You are nothing but a pay slipfor the next 30 years.
I've seen male family members ofmy own family grow into
themselves after retirement.
You find out there's apersonality that you hadn't seen
of them their whole life andyou find out the person that
they were and you understand whyyour parents might have got
together in the first place.
You know what I mean.
It's lovely, but the pressureof running a family, running a
(13:46):
home on both sides, is brutal,and this is why it's so
important just to actually putyourself in someone else's shoes
, understand what it is.
They're going through.
Not just they do the packedlunches, they do the washing.
They do going through.
Not just they do the petlunches, they do the washing,
they do the cleaning.
It's more a case of whatthey've sacrificed in order to
do that.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Yeah, yeah, it is a big sacrifice, isn't it, being a
full-time parent, because yousacrifice your career, you
sacrifice lots of things, and Ithink.
But the other thing is is themen won't talk to each other
about it, where the women willhave WhatsApp groups.
I mean, they'll sit there forthree hours in the evening
(14:26):
chatting to each other on thesofa.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
I've plenty of times seen my missus writing her a
WhatsApp group.
Yeah, my Chris is a bastard.
He's what you say.
What are you writing?
Oh, no, no, chris used to be inthe bar steward.
He used to be a bar steward.
He used to work in a bar.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
But a lot of times they give up a lot of their sort
of previous life in terms oftheir friends as well and stuff
like that, don't they?
Because, again, it's the womenthat make friends with the
school mums.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Yeah, I don't make friends with the school dads, do
you?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
No, I've got Get out.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Yeah, that's my kid's school.
It's not my friendship place.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah, that's a big thing yeah.
That's a big thing.
And they come and talk to youand you're like if I wanted to
be friends with you.
I've got a friend of mine Hiskids go to quite a nice school
and he was saying to me theother day she's made friends.
Now we're inviting the mums anddads over for barbecues and
they're sitting there drinkingrosé.
He's like I don't see my ownfriends enough.
(15:22):
I don't want new friends fromthe school.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
This is my point, time's limited enough.
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
So when you see these posts, it's always on Facebook,
isn't it?
Sorry, I just had a flashback.
Those posts on Facebook.
Happy birthday to Mike, let'scall him Dave.
Happy birthday to Dave.
He's a fucking wanker.
I hate him all the world, but Ido love him really.
Like that is.
I would hate to receive amessage like that.
That's a different conversationthe one where they say happy
(15:49):
birthday to Dave, you are myrock, you are this, this, this
and this 99% of the time.
I'm sure it just meansemotionally, sam, can you stop
posting birthday things to meplease.
Happy birthday to my bellendChris.
But yeah, I'm pretty sure whenthey say rock, it's emotional
support, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Yeah, I think it is, and that's the thing.
Now we've unpacked this whole,what's the rock?
What the fuck does that evenmean anymore?
Now we've sat down.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Well, life's changed, hasn't it?
You look at the last 30 years.
I mean, I don't know what yourfamily lives are like, but I'm
pretty much sure that they'rethe same as mine.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
You'd have known if you'd listened to the podcast.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Well yeah, but don't forget, I've got a really bad
memory.
I've actually got a reason, butyou know, 30 years ago it was
one parent went to work.
You know, your dad went to work.
Your mum stayed at home whenyou got home from school, your
mum was there when you, whenyour dad got home from work, his
dinner was on the table.
You know, it was all like atraditional family, yeah, and
(16:44):
now that that rock has gonereally isn't it?
It's because everybody is now Imean most most people.
People live in a two-parentincome household, you know,
where they don't have any choiceto go out and work because the
government have shafted us somuch that everyone needs to earn
money.
So it's a completely differentdynamic to what it was.
It is and again, we are Gen X.
Me and you are Generation X-ish.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
I think you two may be, Actually you two might be
millennials.
But it's the same thing Ourkids.
Sorry, we are the product ofparents that instilled those
values in us, but they alsoinstilled this new level of
independence in women that neverhappened before.
Throughout the late 90s, girlpower right Everyone.
So the average age of a ladyhaving a baby now is something
(17:30):
like 35 to 37 years old.
Their first ever child which isunheard of.
I was the third born, and mymum was 23.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
Yeah, my missus was 39.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
No, she wasn't 37.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Is it really?
Is it?
I was the third born and my mumwas 23.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Yeah, my missus was 39.
Yeah, no, she wasn't 37.
Is it really?
Is it really that old?
Yeah, I did not know that Goddig them out.
That old, Do you hear that?
I know?
No, but that old Spit it off,shall we Jesus?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
Sorry, ladies, if you're listening.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Yeah, but I can.
Eldest is 11, my youngest is 7and I'm 38.
Yeah, do you know what I mean?
That's a big, that's a bigchange.
Yeah, in those years I don'tmean they're that old, because
I'm the same age as that.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
What I can't imagine is just forget about that
comment.
We won't cut that out we won'tcut that out.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
We won't cut that out , we won't cut that out, but
yeah, it is.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
So that is a long life of independence before
deciding.
You know what.
I'm going to have a kid, andthen you want to instill the
same thing in them as well.
It's funny, isn't it?
Me and Claire sat down lastnight and neither of what were
we watching.
We were watching Tribe withBruce Parry.
Have you ever seen that?
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I think, parry, you ever seen that.
But, oh my god, he goes.
I think it's finished now, buthe literally goes and lives with
a tribe somewhere in the worldfor three weeks.
Must be a gen x program must beyeah, and he basically does
everything that this tribe does.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
It's amazing, but on one of them he's talking about
what death means to them,because they're all very
spiritual, aren't they in thetribes?
And I said to claire, when I'mnot scared of death at all, the
only only thing I'm gutted aboutis FOMO.
I want to see how my kid'sstory ends and we're never, ever
going to get to.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
No, but I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
No, there's that.
There's that as well.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
That would be the worst thing in the world, I
think, to go through in yourlife.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Oh my God, yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah.
That unimaginable, but it's thecase of when.
So Olivia is, she's just comeup to two, so when she's 40,.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
I'm going to be full 84.
That's old.
I mean, that's really old, not38.
Yeah, shut up.
I try not to think about it toomuch, I'm petrified.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I'm not going to lie, yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
No, it's it's.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I've said it six times a day I was going to say
yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Quite a lot yeah, it's mad, isn't it?
You had a pound for it, you'dbe a millionaire, wouldn't?
Speaker 2 (19:50):
you?
Yeah, why do we do it, though?
There was a post by Jack today.
He went to see Hormozy in Vegasyesterday and he said that.
He said you could earn as muchmoney as you possibly imagine In
20 years' time.
You will still look back totoday and give it all up to have
the mind, body and energy thatyou've got right now.
So live it now.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Yeah, that's why I keep saying to you don't live in
the past.
I don't think you can no pointin worrying about yesterday
because it's finished.
You can't do nothing to controlanything that happened in it.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
And there's no point looking to the future in fear
either.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Yeah, you might never come, you might never wake up
in the morning.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Yeah well, while you're looking to the future,
you can look at it with joy, andthat's what I think we've got
to enjoy every day.
You've got to look at today.
What can you do today to makeyour tomorrow better?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
I'm going to go home and tell my wife I love her and
buy her a bunch of flowers andsay thank you for looking after
the children while I go and talkshit with probably will make
life tomorrow better as well.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
To be fair, it would probably be allowed out of the
pub.
It would, it would, but thatsaying, I'm alright, it's easier
to just say that isn't it.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
It's easier to say that otherwise you've just got
to unpack everything and you'relike that's it, yeah, but is
that the big problem?
Speaker 1 (20:59):
is that the problem like we, we're quite good
because we'll have chats Willsay in the WhatsApp group lads,
I'm feeling fucking shit today.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
People don't like listening though, do they?
No, Still, to this day, peopledon't like listening.
No, you have a conversationwith someone and go well,
they're like listening aboutthemselves.
But then, when they ask you,you'll go oh, actually, mate,
I'm not too good.
And then they'll go oh about ityeah it's like, okay, well, why
bother asking me if you'reactually not that bothered?
Speaker 2 (21:27):
yeah, you know what I mean and I know I'm a bit of a
prick when I'm in a mood and allI'm not yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
So if you say what's wrong?
Speaker 2 (21:34):
I'll end up being a nod to someone else who don't
deserve it.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I think there's different, though.
Yeah, I'm fine as in.
I'm fucking crumbling inside iswhat it is.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
I hate that phrase.
That's the saying.
That's the saying, that'sproper love is what it is.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
No, but it is.
It is what it is, isn't it?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
like something that you can't like, something that
you've done wrong or whatever,and you're fuming about it and
you're really worried about itis what it is.
That means I can't be fucked toworry about it because I'm not
going to be able to make anydifference.
All it's going to do is can eatme up inside.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, and that's it, the people that say it is what
it is.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
They're the ones that are just festering it inside.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Festering it inside?
Yeah, and they shut down forhours.
Nothing, ever happens.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Yeah, days, weeks, months, years, yeah.
Whereas if I feel, if you getsomething thing, out if, if we
had beef between each other, I'mone of these people.
You better have that barbecue.
You're gonna do, mate.
You have lots of beef there,mate.
Different kind of beef, though.
Um, I'd be like, right, lads,come on, let's out it now,
because I can't dwell on it,because it could be nothing and
(22:40):
it gets worse as well, doesn'tit?
Speaker 3 (22:42):
that's the?
That's the worst.
It gets worse, and you justright, what's up, what's wrong?
Speaker 1 (22:46):
oh no, I was just sorry, mate.
I was busy.
I'm in my own world at themoment, in my own bubble.
I've got my own shit going on.
It was nothing towards you.
Alright, what's up, des, can wehelp?
Oh well, yeah, actually, I'mthis, this I'm trying to sort
this road trip out.
I need a bit of help.
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (23:02):
and then you end up.
Which bit of help, yeah, well,that's it that's it.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Well, we need a venue first.
We do need a bleeding venue butno, you're right.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Well, what's really nice as well having come from an
employment to now carving outthis business I want another
thing.
One of the things I'm mostproud of is that I'm now
surrounded by people that haveall got that mindset.
There's no one that would justbottle something up.
All of us whether it's thispodcast, whether it's us,
whether it's this podcast,whether it's the agency, whether
it's my wife we're all in theposition where we go right, we
(23:32):
need a chat here, and nobodyharbours it.
You know what I mean.
Everyone moves on, get it outon the table and move on.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
I've never been to talk.
I'm 42.
Probably the only last I'd say18 months is when I've actually
started talking about things.
That's my missus.
Like I used to get home fromwork, I'd sit on the sofa and I
wouldn't speak because I'd bemulling things over in my head
constantly.
And then about 18 months ago,my best mate reached out to me.
He's really struggling.
He asked me for some help and Idon't know what it did.
(24:00):
It's just switched something inmy brain.
Hang on a minute.
If he's talking to me becausehe's worrying about something,
because he's feeling a bit shitabout things, maybe I need to do
that.
Maybe I need to talk more.
And you do start talking moreand it does make you feel better
.
It really does help All theseblokes out there.
We talk about being the rock,but a lot of men still to this
day they think that they cannottalk about their problems
(24:22):
because it makes them feel weak.
I've got two best mates thatknow exactly who they are.
One and I've got two best mates.
They know exactly who they are.
One's a talker and one is not atalker at all.
He will struggle in silence andI don't give a toss what he
says.
Sometimes he struggles.
We can see it, but he won'ttalk about it, and I know for a
fact, if he mentioned what theproblem was, he'd have three or
four people that would be aroundhim instantly having a chat and
(24:43):
he'd feel a hundred timesbetter about himself, you know.
So, for anyone that islistening, that is struggling,
don't bottle it up.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Speak to somebody and you're not going to be judged
by your mates and if you arejudged by your mates, get rid of
them.
Exactly, yeah, and the thing isas well.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
You bottle it up, bottle it up.
Where's the point that youbreak?
What happens then?
What happens when you'vebottled, saying up so much that
you finally do break?
Do you go on a drug binge?
Do you take your own life?
Do you know what I mean?
Do you hurt someone else?
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Do you hurt someone else?
Speaker 1 (25:09):
It's a serious, serious thing, like speak open,
and I know that we'll preachthis in a lot of episodes, but
it's because it fucking works.
It is really hard, though.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
It is hard.
We sit here and we telleveryone to talk to people.
But it's so difficult If you'venever done it before and you've
just been drummed into yourhead that men need to be strong.
They don't talk.
If you talk, if you cry, you'reweak.
It doesn't mean you're weak atall.
So I think it makes you abetter man to be fair, because
if you show your feelings andthis is difficult for me to talk
about because I've never, ever,shown my feelings Even just
(25:42):
talking about it now makes mefeel emotional, like emotional,
like it don't if you, I was tothe point where, like a few
years ago, I'd bottled so muchstuff up that I was at breaking
point.
My missus said to me I'm soworried about you that you're
gonna, the switch is gonna go.
Um, I'm getting uncomfortablenow.
Um, and then I just startedtalking.
(26:02):
You know, and thanks to my mate, if I hadn't, I probably would
have flipped that switch and Iprobably I don't know what I
wouldn't have I wouldn't haveended, ended myself, because
that's not about me.
But, um, you know, you do getto the point where you're nearly
on that, that seesaw.
You know, you 100, you have tosort yourself out.
I mean, I was, I was strugglingthe other week when I because I
(26:23):
just couldn't deal with all thepressures of everything that
was going on my head and Ireached out to you and it we sat
and had breakfast, didn't we?
And it and it sorted my headout.
But if you don't talk, you arefucked.
Yeah, yeah, totally fucked.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Well, look, this is a prime example.
A few years ago, me and mymissus had a.
Basically I moved out.
I moved out and I could not forthe life of me work out what
was going on.
I was fucked, I wasn't sleeping, I was staying in a hotel, then
(26:58):
going to see my mate here anddo it, trying to keep myself
busy.
I was going to the gym likeseven days a week just to try
and take my mind off of it.
And eventually we went to see acounsellor and the counsellor
sat us down and basically saidyou're doing this and you're
doing this, you need to have aconversation.
We had a conversation and,touch wood, that was five
(27:20):
christmases ago, so fourchristmases ago last year, I
don't think.
In all those years we, we havegone to bed pissed off of each
other because we change thedynamic of, yeah, we, we out the
problems there and then wedon't fizz up and then explode
yeah, amazing, isn't it?
And it's honestly it changedover.
We wouldn't.
If we hadn't done that therapy,I don't think that we would
(27:41):
still be together and now we'resort of we're quite strong.
We are a very, quite a strongcouple.
We're a very strong, quite astrong couple.
We're a very strong couple.
We don't row and we celebratearound every Christmas time.
Another year of no rowing, yeahnice.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
No, obviously we have bickering and we'll say it you
don't celebrate the birth ofJesus Christ.
No, I don't.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Definitely not.
Mate, Definitely not.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Sorry.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
I don't know why I said that.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Oh, I don't know what I said there?
Oh well, we've just lost themlisteners.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
We've just lost them listeners there's so much I want
to say no, don't listen.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
We brand ourselves on saying what we think so well,
that's it.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
That's it.
I don't believe in it.
There you go.
I said what I think I do.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
I celebrate Christmas Do you?
Speaker 1 (28:30):
What are you looking at Easter?
Speaker 3 (28:31):
Eating some chocolate .
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm going to Ireland, yeah, to um
yeah, to celebrate Easter.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
To see how they do it over there With a nice pint of
Guinness.
Yeah, you open the egg up.
There's a nice pint of Guinnessin the middle, or something
they should do.
Quite possibly it must be on agimbal or something, so they
don't actually rock over as well, and in a fridge.
It's an expensive Easter egg,isn't it?
Speaker 2 (28:56):
I'm beginning to see some flaws in this.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
I'm not sure.
Let's park that idea.
Let's park that idea.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
I love that we've started with.
How do I go from being DwayneJohnson to how do I get Guinness
inside an Easter egg?
Speaker 3 (29:07):
yeah the mind wonders .
Well, we say this something foreveryone in this podcast, don't
we?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
the mind wonders, variety is the spice of life.
The mind wonders.
But yeah, no, well, that wasabout being the rock.
I enjoyed that, boys.
I think we've, yeah, I thinkwe've completely smashed.
We're not the rock in therelationship no, no our wives
are the rocks in therelationship and our girlfriends
, I don't know about you boys.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
I'm going home for a session of wrestling on TV in a
pot of Guinness mate it'sWrestlemania this weekend, is it
yeah?
Excellent, I'm not paying 20quid no, watch it on no you
can't, it's all on.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Netflix.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, comeround, mine, I'll be up one
o'clock in the morning give me alift home yeah, war Raiders are
starting with the new day.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Well, we're going again, aren't we?
I know?
Speaker 1 (29:53):
so long, everyone right cheers everyone.
If you liked this episode, giveus some feedback, give us some
comments like it, subscribe toit, do whatever you've got to do
, but get us Get us up thoserankings, help us get more
listeners.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Give us a review.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Yeah, give us a review.
The reviews really help, andthen we know how you feel about
what we're talking about, andthen it will help us get better,
because that's what it's allabout.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
Yeah, more Guinness to the Easter egg chat.
More Guinness to the Easter eggchat.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Anyway, we'll see you next time.
So long Bye-bye.
The pressure to be a rock Relationship, friendship
business.
How do you take that?
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Put yourself in someone else's shoes, understand
what it is they're goingthrough.
It's more a case of whatthey've sacrificed in order to
do that.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Yeah, but is that the big problem?
Is that the problem?
Speaker 3 (00:21):
It doesn't mean you're weak at all.
I think it makes you a betterman, to be fair.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
You bottle it up, bottle it up, you bottle it up,
bottle it up.
Where's the point that youbreak?
Speaker 2 (00:29):
I genuinely do feel the pressure to be the rock.
Yeah, and it is brutal.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
This is already my favorite episode the untold
podcast is proudly sponsored byaura surfaces, specialists in
luxury surfaces forextraordinary spaces.
Like creating dream homes,building a dream life takes work
.
That's why we had to get behindthis podcast.
Real stories, real challengesand real success.
Let's get into it.
(00:55):
Hello everybody, welcome backto the Untold Podcast.
A rare occurrence all three ofus are back together this week.
Chris and Des, how are youdoing boys?
All good, mate, all good.
Very well, like your top.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Yeah, how you doing boys, all good mate Very well,
like your top.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?
Oh, we have to give a shout-out.
Actually, elkson's Workwearprovided us with these beautiful
gilets and hoodies and jumpers.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
I'm sorry you didn't pay for them.
I did pay for them.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
He's made out, he's given us.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
he said Do you want to see the receipt.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I'll show you the invoice.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
No, unfortunately it's not a sponsored episode by
Elksons.
Maybe the next one will be, butthey do do some really nice
work where I've used it for allmy business stuff and it's good,
the embroidery's good, all mineat the pub the other weekend
actually.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Yeah, proper, representing.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Representing the brand.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
These untold pants are really comfortable.
Yeah, I know they are.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Mine and my front side are a bit small.
A bit small, no such thing.
So, boys, today I thought we'dtalk about the pressure to
always be the rock.
As men, I feel that there's apressure to be the rock Whether
that's just me thinking that,because that's the way I think.
What do you think you alwaysfeel pressure to?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
be the Rock.
I'm talking about WWE.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
I'm glad you said that, because all I want to do
is go.
Can you smell what the Rock iscooking?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
that's what I say when I walk in every night.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I didn't even think of that.
Is he even called the Rock?
I suppose he'll always be knownas the Rock yeah, he's the
final boss, the people'schampion.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah, the Brahma ball .
Can you tell I'm a wrestling?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
fan.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
We know you're a wrestling fan Desdemonda the
destroyer yeah we are going toget your wrestling outfit if you
want to podcast on that.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I genuinely do feel the pressure to be the rock.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yeah, that's why, maybe that could be his charity
challenge.
Des has got to become awrestler.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Well, I've actually got one actually has got to
become a wrestler.
Well, I've actually got one,actually.
Let's just break the mould aminute.
Let's just stop what we'redoing in a minute one second.
I listened to about 15 minutesof your podcast from the other
week today when I was driving.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You must have been really busy not to listen to all
of it.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Yeah, I turned it off afterwards because I wasn't in
it.
There's no point in melistening to it.
But what?
Why don't we go one step up anddo a skydive?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
I would prefer a skydive to a bungee jump.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Would you yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
I feel safer with a parachute and I'll do a bit of
elastic on my ankles.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Yeah, I've done one, so I'm quite comfortable that I
can do it again.
I'm up for it.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Yeah, yeah yeah, what a skydive.
Yeah, oh look, I keep accusingyou of something.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
I saw what it's been.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Maybe I should have mentioned this upstairs earlier
on my buddy who's in theparachute regiment must have
done I don't know hundreds andhundreds of jumps, and I shit
myself even the thought of it.
I shit myself.
Don't like heights, though,don't like being up a ladder
three rounds.
I shit myself.
Yeah, like that.
Well, that'll be a good episode.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
We'll record it as well, yeah it will be a good
episode.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
I know someone else that's supposed to be doing a
charity skydive.
Maybe we'll get him on board,because I sponsored him to do it
and it was too windy and he'snot done it, so let's see if we
can do it with him.
No names yet.
There you go.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
I'll tell you later.
Voice from Ash for the nextfive minutes no, no, he still
hasn't stopped twiddling hisfingers.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Oh, I always twiddle my fingers.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Boys don't know it's nothing to do with the skydive.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I can't wait for the whatsapp chat when we finish
this podcast.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I mean later in this episode.
I was going to ask when's thelast time you cried?
Speaker 3 (04:15):
mine was when you suggested doing, doing the
skydiving.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
This is already my favourite episode.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
So, yeah right, the pressure to be a rock, whether
it's relationship, friendship,business, how do you take?
Speaker 3 (04:33):
that.
I think it's quite easy.
Actually, I'm not like itdepends on the way you look at
it, I suppose.
But but for me I'm quite atraditional person.
So back in the day the men wasalways the men that went out and
worked and looked after theirfamily, and obviously blokes
didn't talk to each other.
They know, which is differentto what it is now, but I quite
like the feeling of being a rockto my friends.
(04:54):
I've mentioned it before.
I've had a couple of mates thatstruggled recently.
When they've reached out to me,it's made me feel amazing about
myself, because they'reactually comfortable enough to
do that.
And that's what you want in aperson is your own person.
You want people to rely on youbecause it means you're doing
something right in life.
I think, yeah, um, with familywise.
So I'm traditional.
(05:14):
You know I was always brought upthat the man was the man of the
house yeah um, sometimes it'sdifficult, you know, when the
money's, when the money's notquite trickling in as quick as
it used to.
Or get a £401 water bill fromSouth East Water because
apparently you've had 807 bathsin the last three months True
story, you know and you wonder,well, where am I going to get
(05:37):
that £400 from?
I've not budgeted for that.
It becomes difficult.
But, yeah, it's not reallysomething that stresses me out
because it's kind of what Iexpect.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yeah, and I would agree with you.
I feel a lot of pressure to bethe rock and I don't know why I
don't know whether that's a mething just because that's what I
want to do.
I want to provide for my kids.
I want my kids to not reallywant for anything.
I want to be able to pay.
When you've got staff,obviously you've got to be a
(06:10):
rock because you've got to leadby example when you put yourself
in an entrepreneurial position.
I don't even think it's anentrepreneurial thing.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
No, no, I talked about this in the roadshow in
Brighton.
We've got a new roadshow comingup, we've got a roadshow.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, in Manchester yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
The Untold podcast has come in.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
If you can get babysitters, yeah, no pressure,
no pressure.
You went nervous then, like hedid with the start, he'll be on
the stage with us, mate, he will, yeah, he will.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
We'll bring the rock in, we, yeah we talked when
people get to a certaincrossroads in their life,
usually around midlife crisistime, isn't it really?
But even going through yourpartner saying, actually that's
not fair.
You and your partner areagreeing to have a child Because
(07:00):
all of a sudden you go down toone paycheck, don't you
Statutory maternity?
You get a maternity packagethat lasts about six weeks.
Then you cut your wages and allof a sudden it's the geezer
that is responsible, or, sorry,the working parent these days is
responsible for bringing in themoney, while the other parent
at home is responsible for thechild.
You both change in thatinstance and you're completely
(07:20):
unaware of it.
No one ever talks about this bitwhen it comes to actually
raising a child.
Unaware of it.
No one ever talks about thisbit when it comes to actually
raising a child, do they?
But instantly the guy becomesthe paycheck and resentment
eventually kicks in, because theguy is not only the paycheck,
he's also the one not seeing thechild, mm-hmm.
And then the lady, the mum, isthe person that's all of a
sudden given up their career,given up their independence, and
(07:41):
they've got a label of being amum which is now dominating
their entire personality, andthey're losing themselves as
well.
And these are the roles that wetake on now.
So the mum I say the mum, butmajority of the time it is the
mum who all of a sudden takesthat responsibility and resents
losing their former life, whilethe guy goes away and becomes
(08:02):
the person that is solelyresponsible for the financial
upkeep, the roof above thebleeding house, the food on the
table.
And it is brutal because it'sunexpected and it's not talked
about, because, once again, herewe are talking about something
that no one fucking talks about,and it's hard.
There's a lot of pressure andthere's a lot of resentment.
I went out for beers the othernight and I even did a post on
(08:23):
this, saying Claire's at homewith the kids.
This was in the diary.
It wasn't a surprise.
She was supportive Go out andenjoy yourself.
I wanted to go out and let myhead down and have a couple of
drinks.
I still felt guilty.
You do, didn't you?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, we spoke about that,didn't we?
Yeah, I don't remember.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
I can't remember anything from last week.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
No, I'm joking.
I'm joking, and now you've saidthat as well.
I reckon it'd be interesting toknow if the females feel the
same as the men.
But we don't talk.
I guarantee they do.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Yeah, I guarantee they do.
I suppose there's differentreasons, isn't there?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Yeah, different reasons, like you're the rock of
the childcare, the rock of thehome, and then there's like the
rock of the finances.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
That's it, and.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
I guess that path sort of it's very sort of set,
isn't it Like you either do?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
that or that.
That's it.
And my wife Nell, nell, shedoesn't work, she's relying on
me paying her, and that must behard.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Yeah, this is a really difficult thing.
I know that my missus struggleswith this really badly.
She hates asking for money.
Yeah, you know everything thatI've always done since I mean
mostly since we had our littleboy three years ago everything
that I've done has been for thetwo of them.
Obviously for myself as well,but every penny that I earn is
not my money, it's our money.
I've always said it's our money.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
And I find it really difficult.
That's one of the stressesactually.
You say like being a rock.
One of the main things for meis, if I'm trying to provide for
my family and it's not beingasked for, I don't know whether
it's needed, do you?
Do you know what I mean?
So you sort, you give yourselfthis checklist that you've got
to do on a daily basis, butthere's loads more actually that
your wife needs, or that yourlittle kid needs, or whatever
that you don't know that theyneed.
(10:04):
I put some money into her bankaccount the other day and she
was so grateful and I said toher well, you said you didn't
have any money.
Well, yeah, but I'm not going.
I think they have to understandthat we're not doing it just
because we want to be a man andwe want to be strong.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
We're doing it because that's what we want to
do.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
We want to support, you know.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
And we want them to be happy.
Yeah, exactly, and I'm sure thatthey feel exactly the same way,
exactly the same.
You know you look at home,right, you've both got kids.
We go to work.
I mean, des, you don't reallygo.
(10:44):
You know, we go, we go to work,right, the wives stay at home.
They might have part-time jobsor whatever.
They have to come home.
So my wife does a cleaning jobtwo days a week right now.
She finishes her work, shecomes home, she has her lunch,
then she's going to pick littleboy up from nursery and then
he's either giving her griefwhen she picks him up, so
stressful straight away.
She brings him home, she has todeal with him.
Mummy, mummy, you know what athree-year-old kid's like.
Yeah, yeah, constantly on yourcase.
Shit all over the house,because he's got millions of
(11:07):
toys all over the place.
She's stressing out I'm goingto come home and I'm going to
moan about the house clean.
I've got to make lunches, I'vegot to get dinner ready, I've
got to do this, got to do that.
So it.
Although we talk about menbeing rocks, it must be really
(11:28):
hard for women as well yeah, no,I'm sure cut the brownie points
out.
I think, I think I've what doyou mean?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
yeah, I'm the one that started this, but yeah, but
I took over because I thoughtyeah, I'm having this one as
much as I say.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I always say to my missus, like you would not swap
with me.
I'm like, yeah, I would.
Three days a week, two days aweek, one day a week, I'll
happily do the school run.
But it's what.
She pointed something out to me.
She's like, yeah, it's all goodand well, I have those hours
between like half nine and halftwo, but what can you really fit
into that space and it must beso difficult.
They want to go to work, butwhat job's going to employ you
(12:04):
from half nine to half two?
What job's going to do that?
Allow you to do that.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Especially after you've had three years of having
no employment, of a career.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Yeah, and then you need the holidays off six weeks
in the summer.
You need all this time off.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
All you should have to write when you go to a job
interview is CV, mum, Mum yeah,because you've done pretty much
everything for the last Godknows how many years.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, yeah, and I agree with her.
I do.
It's taken me a while to admitit, but I wouldn't want to swap
what she has to do every day forwhat I do every day.
Yeah, it's a nice, it's apleasure for me to take the kids
to school and pick them up acouple of days a week yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
So the question is how do you feel?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
about being the rock.
It's not, and it's again.
It's having this conversationthat we're opening our eyes to.
Well, actually hold on a minute.
Yeah, you may feel like therock, but I bet your missus also
feels like the rock.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Oh, exactly, we need them more than they do us.
100%.
It's again when you think who'sthe bedrock of a family home?
Always the mum, yeah, alwaysthe dad is the one that comes
and goes, but again, it's alsothe dad that's the one that's
(13:23):
been told to shut up.
Get your head down.
That's your role.
You are nothing but a pay slipfor the next 30 years.
I've seen male family members ofmy own family grow into
themselves after retirement.
You find out there's apersonality that you hadn't seen
of them their whole life andyou find out the person that
they were and you understand whyyour parents might have got
together in the first place.
You know what I mean.
It's lovely, but the pressureof running a family, running a
(13:46):
home on both sides, is brutal,and this is why it's so
important just to actually putyourself in someone else's shoes
, understand what it is.
They're going through.
Not just they do the packedlunches, they do the washing.
They do going through.
Not just they do the petlunches, they do the washing,
they do the cleaning.
It's more a case of whatthey've sacrificed in order to
do that.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Yeah, yeah, it is a big sacrifice, isn't it, being a
full-time parent, because yousacrifice your career, you
sacrifice lots of things, and Ithink.
But the other thing is is themen won't talk to each other
about it, where the women willhave WhatsApp groups.
I mean, they'll sit there forthree hours in the evening
(14:26):
chatting to each other on thesofa.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
I've plenty of times seen my missus writing her a
WhatsApp group.
Yeah, my Chris is a bastard.
He's what you say.
What are you writing?
Oh, no, no, chris used to be inthe bar steward.
He used to be a bar steward.
He used to work in a bar.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
But a lot of times they give up a lot of their sort
of previous life in terms oftheir friends as well and stuff
like that, don't they?
Because, again, it's the womenthat make friends with the
school mums.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Yeah, I don't make friends with the school dads, do
you?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
No, I've got Get out.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Yeah, that's my kid's school.
It's not my friendship place.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah, that's a big thing yeah.
That's a big thing.
And they come and talk to youand you're like if I wanted to
be friends with you.
I've got a friend of mine Hiskids go to quite a nice school
and he was saying to me theother day she's made friends.
Now we're inviting the mums anddads over for barbecues and
they're sitting there drinkingrosé.
He's like I don't see my ownfriends enough.
(15:22):
I don't want new friends fromthe school.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
This is my point, time's limited enough.
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
So when you see these posts, it's always on Facebook,
isn't it?
Sorry, I just had a flashback.
Those posts on Facebook.
Happy birthday to Mike, let'scall him Dave.
Happy birthday to Dave.
He's a fucking wanker.
I hate him all the world, but Ido love him really.
Like that is.
I would hate to receive amessage like that.
That's a different conversationthe one where they say happy
(15:49):
birthday to Dave, you are myrock, you are this, this, this
and this 99% of the time.
I'm sure it just meansemotionally, sam, can you stop
posting birthday things to meplease.
Happy birthday to my bellendChris.
But yeah, I'm pretty sure whenthey say rock, it's emotional
support, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Yeah, I think it is, and that's the thing.
Now we've unpacked this whole,what's the rock?
What the fuck does that evenmean anymore?
Now we've sat down.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Well, life's changed, hasn't it?
You look at the last 30 years.
I mean, I don't know what yourfamily lives are like, but I'm
pretty much sure that they'rethe same as mine.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
You'd have known if you'd listened to the podcast.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Well yeah, but don't forget, I've got a really bad
memory.
I've actually got a reason, butyou know, 30 years ago it was
one parent went to work.
You know, your dad went to work.
Your mum stayed at home whenyou got home from school, your
mum was there when you, whenyour dad got home from work, his
dinner was on the table.
You know, it was all like atraditional family, yeah, and
(16:44):
now that that rock has gonereally isn't it?
It's because everybody is now Imean most most people.
People live in a two-parentincome household, you know,
where they don't have any choiceto go out and work because the
government have shafted us somuch that everyone needs to earn
money.
So it's a completely differentdynamic to what it was.
It is and again, we are Gen X.
Me and you are Generation X-ish.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
I think you two may be, Actually you two might be
millennials.
But it's the same thing Ourkids.
Sorry, we are the product ofparents that instilled those
values in us, but they alsoinstilled this new level of
independence in women that neverhappened before.
Throughout the late 90s, girlpower right Everyone.
So the average age of a ladyhaving a baby now is something
(17:30):
like 35 to 37 years old.
Their first ever child which isunheard of.
I was the third born, and mymum was 23.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
Yeah, my missus was 39.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
No, she wasn't 37.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Is it really?
Is it?
I was the third born and my mumwas 23.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Yeah, my missus was 39.
Yeah, no, she wasn't 37.
Is it really?
Is it really that old?
Yeah, I did not know that Goddig them out.
That old, Do you hear that?
I know?
No, but that old Spit it off,shall we Jesus?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
Sorry, ladies, if you're listening.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Yeah, but I can.
Eldest is 11, my youngest is 7and I'm 38.
Yeah, do you know what I mean?
That's a big, that's a bigchange.
Yeah, in those years I don'tmean they're that old, because
I'm the same age as that.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
What I can't imagine is just forget about that
comment.
We won't cut that out we won'tcut that out.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
We won't cut that out , we won't cut that out, but
yeah, it is.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
So that is a long life of independence before
deciding.
You know what.
I'm going to have a kid, andthen you want to instill the
same thing in them as well.
It's funny, isn't it?
Me and Claire sat down lastnight and neither of what were
we watching.
We were watching Tribe withBruce Parry.
Have you ever seen that?
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I think, parry, you ever seen that.
But, oh my god, he goes.
I think it's finished now, buthe literally goes and lives with
a tribe somewhere in the worldfor three weeks.
Must be a gen x program must beyeah, and he basically does
everything that this tribe does.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
It's amazing, but on one of them he's talking about
what death means to them,because they're all very
spiritual, aren't they in thetribes?
And I said to claire, when I'mnot scared of death at all, the
only only thing I'm gutted aboutis FOMO.
I want to see how my kid'sstory ends and we're never, ever
going to get to.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
No, but I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
No, there's that.
There's that as well.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
That would be the worst thing in the world, I
think, to go through in yourlife.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Oh my God, yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah.
That unimaginable, but it's thecase of when.
So Olivia is, she's just comeup to two, so when she's 40,.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
I'm going to be full 84.
That's old.
I mean, that's really old, not38.
Yeah, shut up.
I try not to think about it toomuch, I'm petrified.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I'm not going to lie, yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
No, it's it's.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I've said it six times a day I was going to say
yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Quite a lot yeah, it's mad, isn't it?
You had a pound for it, you'dbe a millionaire, wouldn't?
Speaker 2 (19:50):
you?
Yeah, why do we do it, though?
There was a post by Jack today.
He went to see Hormozy in Vegasyesterday and he said that.
He said you could earn as muchmoney as you possibly imagine In
20 years' time.
You will still look back totoday and give it all up to have
the mind, body and energy thatyou've got right now.
So live it now.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Yeah, that's why I keep saying to you don't live in
the past.
I don't think you can no pointin worrying about yesterday
because it's finished.
You can't do nothing to controlanything that happened in it.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
And there's no point looking to the future in fear
either.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Yeah, you might never come, you might never wake up
in the morning.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Yeah well, while you're looking to the future,
you can look at it with joy, andthat's what I think we've got
to enjoy every day.
You've got to look at today.
What can you do today to makeyour tomorrow better?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
I'm going to go home and tell my wife I love her and
buy her a bunch of flowers andsay thank you for looking after
the children while I go and talkshit with probably will make
life tomorrow better as well.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
To be fair, it would probably be allowed out of the
pub.
It would, it would, but thatsaying, I'm alright, it's easier
to just say that isn't it.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
It's easier to say that otherwise you've just got
to unpack everything and you'relike that's it, yeah, but is
that the big problem?
Speaker 1 (20:59):
is that the problem like we, we're quite good
because we'll have chats Willsay in the WhatsApp group lads,
I'm feeling fucking shit today.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
People don't like listening though, do they?
No, Still, to this day, peopledon't like listening.
No, you have a conversationwith someone and go well,
they're like listening aboutthemselves.
But then, when they ask you,you'll go oh, actually, mate,
I'm not too good.
And then they'll go oh about ityeah it's like, okay, well, why
bother asking me if you'reactually not that bothered?
Speaker 2 (21:27):
yeah, you know what I mean and I know I'm a bit of a
prick when I'm in a mood and allI'm not yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
So if you say what's wrong?
Speaker 2 (21:34):
I'll end up being a nod to someone else who don't
deserve it.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I think there's different, though.
Yeah, I'm fine as in.
I'm fucking crumbling inside iswhat it is.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
I hate that phrase.
That's the saying.
That's the saying, that'sproper love is what it is.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
No, but it is.
It is what it is, isn't it?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
like something that you can't like, something that
you've done wrong or whatever,and you're fuming about it and
you're really worried about itis what it is.
That means I can't be fucked toworry about it because I'm not
going to be able to make anydifference.
All it's going to do is can eatme up inside.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, and that's it, the people that say it is what
it is.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
They're the ones that are just festering it inside.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Festering it inside?
Yeah, and they shut down forhours.
Nothing, ever happens.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Yeah, days, weeks, months, years, yeah.
Whereas if I feel, if you getsomething thing, out if, if we
had beef between each other, I'mone of these people.
You better have that barbecue.
You're gonna do, mate.
You have lots of beef there,mate.
Different kind of beef, though.
Um, I'd be like, right, lads,come on, let's out it now,
because I can't dwell on it,because it could be nothing and
(22:40):
it gets worse as well, doesn'tit?
Speaker 3 (22:42):
that's the?
That's the worst.
It gets worse, and you justright, what's up, what's wrong?
Speaker 1 (22:46):
oh no, I was just sorry, mate.
I was busy.
I'm in my own world at themoment, in my own bubble.
I've got my own shit going on.
It was nothing towards you.
Alright, what's up, des, can wehelp?
Oh well, yeah, actually, I'mthis, this I'm trying to sort
this road trip out.
I need a bit of help.
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (23:02):
and then you end up.
Which bit of help, yeah, well,that's it that's it.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Well, we need a venue first.
We do need a bleeding venue butno, you're right.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Well, what's really nice as well having come from an
employment to now carving outthis business I want another
thing.
One of the things I'm mostproud of is that I'm now
surrounded by people that haveall got that mindset.
There's no one that would justbottle something up.
All of us whether it's thispodcast, whether it's us,
whether it's this podcast,whether it's the agency, whether
it's my wife we're all in theposition where we go right, we
(23:32):
need a chat here, and nobodyharbours it.
You know what I mean.
Everyone moves on, get it outon the table and move on.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
I've never been to talk.
I'm 42.
Probably the only last I'd say18 months is when I've actually
started talking about things.
That's my missus.
Like I used to get home fromwork, I'd sit on the sofa and I
wouldn't speak because I'd bemulling things over in my head
constantly.
And then about 18 months ago,my best mate reached out to me.
He's really struggling.
He asked me for some help and Idon't know what it did.
(24:00):
It's just switched something inmy brain.
Hang on a minute.
If he's talking to me becausehe's worrying about something,
because he's feeling a bit shitabout things, maybe I need to do
that.
Maybe I need to talk more.
And you do start talking moreand it does make you feel better
.
It really does help All theseblokes out there.
We talk about being the rock,but a lot of men still to this
day they think that they cannottalk about their problems
(24:22):
because it makes them feel weak.
I've got two best mates thatknow exactly who they are.
One and I've got two best mates.
They know exactly who they are.
One's a talker and one is not atalker at all.
He will struggle in silence andI don't give a toss what he
says.
Sometimes he struggles.
We can see it, but he won'ttalk about it, and I know for a
fact, if he mentioned what theproblem was, he'd have three or
four people that would be aroundhim instantly having a chat and
(24:43):
he'd feel a hundred timesbetter about himself, you know.
So, for anyone that islistening, that is struggling,
don't bottle it up.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Speak to somebody and you're not going to be judged
by your mates and if you arejudged by your mates, get rid of
them.
Exactly, yeah, and the thing isas well.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
You bottle it up, bottle it up.
Where's the point that youbreak?
What happens then?
What happens when you'vebottled, saying up so much that
you finally do break?
Do you go on a drug binge?
Do you take your own life?
Do you know what I mean?
Do you hurt someone else?
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Do you hurt someone else?
Speaker 1 (25:09):
It's a serious, serious thing, like speak open,
and I know that we'll preachthis in a lot of episodes, but
it's because it fucking works.
It is really hard, though.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
It is hard.
We sit here and we telleveryone to talk to people.
But it's so difficult If you'venever done it before and you've
just been drummed into yourhead that men need to be strong.
They don't talk.
If you talk, if you cry, you'reweak.
It doesn't mean you're weak atall.
So I think it makes you abetter man to be fair, because
if you show your feelings andthis is difficult for me to talk
about because I've never, ever,shown my feelings Even just
(25:42):
talking about it now makes mefeel emotional, like emotional,
like it don't if you, I was tothe point where, like a few
years ago, I'd bottled so muchstuff up that I was at breaking
point.
My missus said to me I'm soworried about you that you're
gonna, the switch is gonna go.
Um, I'm getting uncomfortablenow.
Um, and then I just startedtalking.
(26:02):
You know, and thanks to my mate, if I hadn't, I probably would
have flipped that switch and Iprobably I don't know what I
wouldn't have I wouldn't haveended, ended myself, because
that's not about me.
But, um, you know, you do getto the point where you're nearly
on that, that seesaw.
You know, you 100, you have tosort yourself out.
I mean, I was, I was strugglingthe other week when I because I
(26:23):
just couldn't deal with all thepressures of everything that
was going on my head and Ireached out to you and it we sat
and had breakfast, didn't we?
And it and it sorted my headout.
But if you don't talk, you arefucked.
Yeah, yeah, totally fucked.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Well, look, this is a prime example.
A few years ago, me and mymissus had a.
Basically I moved out.
I moved out and I could not forthe life of me work out what
was going on.
I was fucked, I wasn't sleeping, I was staying in a hotel, then
(26:58):
going to see my mate here anddo it, trying to keep myself
busy.
I was going to the gym likeseven days a week just to try
and take my mind off of it.
And eventually we went to see acounsellor and the counsellor
sat us down and basically saidyou're doing this and you're
doing this, you need to have aconversation.
We had a conversation and,touch wood, that was five
(27:20):
christmases ago, so fourchristmases ago last year, I
don't think.
In all those years we, we havegone to bed pissed off of each
other because we change thedynamic of, yeah, we, we out the
problems there and then wedon't fizz up and then explode
yeah, amazing, isn't it?
And it's honestly it changedover.
We wouldn't.
If we hadn't done that therapy,I don't think that we would
(27:41):
still be together and now we'resort of we're quite strong.
We are a very, quite a strongcouple.
We're a very strong, quite astrong couple.
We're a very strong couple.
We don't row and we celebratearound every Christmas time.
Another year of no rowing, yeahnice.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
No, obviously we have bickering and we'll say it you
don't celebrate the birth ofJesus Christ.
No, I don't.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Definitely not.
Mate, Definitely not.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Sorry.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
I don't know why I said that.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Oh, I don't know what I said there?
Oh well, we've just lost themlisteners.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
We've just lost them listeners there's so much I want
to say no, don't listen.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
We brand ourselves on saying what we think so well,
that's it.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
That's it.
I don't believe in it.
There you go.
I said what I think I do.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
I celebrate Christmas Do you?
Speaker 1 (28:30):
What are you looking at Easter?
Speaker 3 (28:31):
Eating some chocolate .
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm going to Ireland, yeah, to um
yeah, to celebrate Easter.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
To see how they do it over there With a nice pint of
Guinness.
Yeah, you open the egg up.
There's a nice pint of Guinnessin the middle, or something
they should do.
Quite possibly it must be on agimbal or something, so they
don't actually rock over as well, and in a fridge.
It's an expensive Easter egg,isn't it?
Speaker 2 (28:56):
I'm beginning to see some flaws in this.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
I'm not sure.
Let's park that idea.
Let's park that idea.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
I love that we've started with.
How do I go from being DwayneJohnson to how do I get Guinness
inside an Easter egg?
Speaker 3 (29:07):
yeah the mind wonders .
Well, we say this something foreveryone in this podcast, don't
we?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
the mind wonders, variety is the spice of life.
The mind wonders.
But yeah, no, well, that wasabout being the rock.
I enjoyed that, boys.
I think we've, yeah, I thinkwe've completely smashed.
We're not the rock in therelationship no, no our wives
are the rocks in therelationship and our girlfriends
, I don't know about you boys.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
I'm going home for a session of wrestling on TV in a
pot of Guinness mate it'sWrestlemania this weekend, is it
yeah?
Excellent, I'm not paying 20quid no, watch it on no you
can't, it's all on.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Netflix.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, comeround, mine, I'll be up one
o'clock in the morning give me alift home yeah, war Raiders are
starting with the new day.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Well, we're going again, aren't we?
I know?
Speaker 1 (29:53):
so long, everyone right cheers everyone.
If you liked this episode, giveus some feedback, give us some
comments like it, subscribe toit, do whatever you've got to do
, but get us Get us up thoserankings, help us get more
listeners.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Give us a review.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Yeah, give us a review.
The reviews really help, andthen we know how you feel about
what we're talking about, andthen it will help us get better,
because that's what it's allabout.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
Yeah, more Guinness to the Easter egg chat.
More Guinness to the Easter eggchat.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Anyway, we'll see you next time.
So long Bye-bye.
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Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.