May 5, 2025 • 33 mins
This week we’re talking about support, the real kind.
Not football teams or fake "you got this" messages.
We’re talking about the kind of support that keeps you standing when everything else is crumbling.
- What real support actually looks like (and why it’s not just about cuddles)
- Why asking for help is harder than people think
- Therapy: when it helps, when it hurts, and why it’s not a magic fix
- How not feeling supported can wreck you without you even realising it
- Why men bottle it up — and how that ends badly
- How our escapes — from golf to motorbikes to music — are keeping us sane
We got honest about how badly we need support, what happens when we don’t have it, and how much little things like a cuddle, a kind word, real listening, it can change everything.
No polish, no bullshit — just three blokes trying to make sense of it all.
If you’ve ever felt alone even when you weren’t, this one’s for you.
🔔 New episodes every Tuesday.
📲 Follow us on Instagram & TikTok: @UNTOLDPodcast.official
🎟️ Join us live at the Des Hamilton Roadshow — 30th May, Manchester. Tickets on sale now!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This week we are talking about support.
When you go to therapy, youhave to put the work in.
The therapist isn't just goingto unlock these things, the
deepest, darkest secrets in thispart of your brain that you
aren't even aware of yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
It's your own fault you're feeling depressed.
It's your own fault, you'reoverweight.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I just can't.
I've tried so many times.
That basically means it's crap.
I am crap.
How about you mate?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
It's a hard one for me, really.
Quite a big question, to befair.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
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Let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
This week we are talking about support, and I
don't mean the sort of supportthat Aston Villa are going to
get when they beat CrystalPalace in the FA Cup next week.
It's what support actuallylooks like, because we as
geezers actually need a cuddleand a nice word every now and
then.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
So you've just had one off of us.
I'm not giving you a cuddle, sothat's a shame.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
oh no, look what I did with a nice word I've
exploited it.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Do you know what I'm going to butt in now?
It is honestly the nicest.
You said about it earlier.
It is the nicest thing in theworld.
When my missus just comes up tome and gives me a cuddle, I
wonder what he's going to say toyou.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
I don't have to do that.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Skydive Ash you don't you don't have to do it.
What have we not forgot aboutthe skydive?
I thought we might have forgotabout the bloody skydive oh dear
, but no, you're right you'reright.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
So what does support look like to you?
Speaker 2 (01:59):
support to me looks like people, people my voice is
gone.
Support to me looks like peoplejust listening to you, just
listening and understanding.
Like that to me is everythinglike we're trying to do.
We're not trying.
We're doing this podcast, whichis going to be really
successful, and it's reallyimportant to me that my wife and
(02:20):
my kids and my family and thepeople around me support me to
do it and that's just likeencouraging me, telling me no,
you're going off the rails,you've got like.
We all support each other in it, in everything we do.
I support Chris on going on hislives on the TikTok just to
give him a bit of banter whilehe's on there, to brighten up
(02:40):
his night because he's beenthere for three hours.
But no, do you know what I mean?
To brighten up his nightbecause he's been there for
three hours?
But no, do you know what I mean?
Support, I think, is justsupport and having a support
network of people that you cantalk to, people that will listen
and they will be honest withyou in their replies.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Yeah, nice.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I think that's for me , that's support.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
How about you mate?
Speaker 3 (03:03):
I was going to say exactly what I said a minute ago
.
It's a hard one for me, really,A chair.
It is a difficult.
I think that's quite a biganswer, big question, to be fair
.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
It varies, doesn't it , on what you need at any given
time.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I mean, my missus is my biggest support.
She always has been, and I havehad some stupid ideas over the
last 15 years, from starting asnowplow company when we don't
have any snow.
That's not even a joke, we weregoing to call it snow problem To
(03:39):
just literally buying thousandsof pounds worth of drones and
pretending that I'm going tohave a drone business and never
actually doing anything with itJust everything I've always done
.
She's let me do it because shebelieves that one day I'll throw
enough shit at the wall andsomething will stick.
But like you, really, I supposeit's not.
That doesn't necessarily feelsupportive in a certain way.
(04:02):
You just want, I think, it'smore to be appreciated.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Not supported.
Is that so?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Maybe, maybe.
But I think if that supportfrom your other halves went away
, you would notice it.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Oh, a hundred percent , a hundred percent, I'd be an
absolute stupid idiot.
I wouldn't be making a snowplow company, I'd be making a,
I'd be trying to buy anaeroplane company or something
with 50p, yeah, and I'd live ina in a cardboard box somewhere.
Probably you know what I mean,but no, it's I think.
I think it's the appreciationof things like but to show your
(04:42):
appreciation just with a cuddle,just with a thank you.
I said to you boys earlier onthat I got home from work the
other day and my missus said tome, come in, give me a cuddle.
And I was like what's going onhere?
Why does she want a cuddle?
And she said I watchedsomething on TikTok about how
women don't appreciate whatactually men do for them and I
really appreciate you and thatwas probably the most nicest
thing that she's done for a longtime as far as I'm concerned.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
It's little things like that, though, that fucking
fill you up.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
You could be having the worst day in the world.
Give you that little warm,fuzzy feeling inside.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, it's tough isn't it Because?
We go around.
I can just say this from usthree, but I'm going to say all
men, I'm going to put half thepopulation in this
generalisation here but we don'tgo out asking for support, do
we?
We don't go out asking forpraise or thanks, but when it
(05:33):
comes, you think to yourselfthat was nice.
You know you do, don't you?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I do, though I always want praise.
I go out fishing for it as muchas I can have you not listened
to his voice notes.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Sorry, yeah, you're right, you're right.
Thanks for the military.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I'm joking, I'm joking yeah, chris didn't even
wear it.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Well, no, no, but you look at you look at some of the
reviews we've had from thevoice notes that we've shared
around, like from people aboutthe podcast already you know,
like you tell me that youhaven't listened to those those
voice notes more than once.
No, yeah, exactly the one thatyou sent, I think, not yesterday
I listened to that like fivetimes.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Yeah, should we share around?
That was from jemma yeah, yeah,amazing.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
You should.
You know what you shouldactually do.
You should actually, we shouldactually play one of them on the
podcast one day.
We should do.
Yeah, I think that'd be quite agood.
Uh, little thank you to thepeople that do those actually.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So if you want to leave us a review, we might
actually sort of pin some ofthose up in the in the future
episodes and that's massive forme, like what I I think I've
always noted you back sayingthat's amazing, that's proper
filled, that's proper filled.
My buckets up today of like,like pride in what we're doing,
yeah, and why we're doing it.
(06:42):
Obviously I know we're doingyeah and why we're doing it.
Obviously I know we're allfinding our feet.
We don't know each other.
Two months ago we didn't knoweach other from adam, so we're
finding our feet.
The banter's coming out, um,and hearing stuff like that from
people is amazing, yeah it'samazing I'm not, I can't.
Yeah, there's no two ways aboutit.
That is support.
That is, that is support.
(07:03):
Now here's the question what doyou do?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
when the support from your other half and I've got to
say as well, my Claire isamazing, amazing.
I've had relationships where Ididn't have support and there is
no way I'd be where I am now ifit wasn't for Claire.
Yeah, likewise, it's almostjust that blind faith and that
trust that the mental thingsthat we're trying are going to
benefit them eventually, thatthe mental things that we're
trying are going to benefit themeventually, and it also gives
(07:25):
us the freedom.
But the question is really iswhat do you do when the support
from your other half or whateversupport you've got at this
level cannot answer the questionthat you're asking?
If you need a level ofexpertise, if you need therapy,
for example, how would you goabout getting that?
(07:47):
Are you guys adverse to that,or is that something that you
both go down?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Oh yeah, 100%.
I think there's certain thingsin life that you need an
outsider's perspective on it.
You need a professional.
There are people out there.
There's a reason they'reprofessionals in what they do.
There's a reason that that istheir job, and I think that it's
really important that there'scertain things.
Business coaches, for example.
If you're starting a business,it is advisable to have a
(08:15):
business coach to help you.
If you want to get fit, youhire a fitness coach.
What's wrong with hiringsomeone to help your brain?
What's wrong with hiring thatperson to I don't know to help
you to ground you?
Yeah, we do it, for we hire acleaner because we want a
cleaner.
We hire a gardener because wewant a gardener, but people are
so reluctant to hire someone tohelp them internally yeah, it's
(08:40):
a good point.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
I think I think mental health should be treated
the same way as physical health.
Now, I am mentally healthierthan I am physically, I will say
that.
But I'm on top of my mentalhealth much more than I'm on top
of my physical health.
I read mental health books.
I read self-help books.
I sit a call every week thatusually has about 60 people in
(09:02):
it, where we all talk about themindset it takes to go.
Basically, stay in a growthmindset, not a fixed mindset,
cause if you're not growing,you're not moving.
Ash, I think you need someonelike a therapist or someone you
can talk to or some sort ofchannel where you can actually
(09:24):
exercise your mental wellbeingin order to keep on top of it.
I think that's vital and Ithink that's one of the reasons
why what we do is go in so well,chris, isn't it?
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, I mean, I think it.
First of all, I think therapyneeds to be more accessible to
everybody.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Because it's too expensive.
If you go to a private person,I know they're very well trained
and they deserve the money theycharge.
But I think a lot of peoplethink that a therapy session is
an unnecessary burdenfinancially Because you can't
just go once.
You have to go back and backand back and back, Otherwise
there's no point in going.
So I think that's what puts alot of people off.
(10:02):
And it and back, otherwisethere's no point in going.
So I think that's what puts alot of people off, and it goes
back to what we said in lastweek's episode, didn't it the
men that be strong?
They don't talk to people, sothe last thing they're going to
go and do is spend their hardearned money sitting in front of
someone that 100% I don't givea toss who you are is going to
make you cry because of you thatyou didn't even believe was
still there.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Oh, mate, my nose was running oh mate.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
I went to therapy.
Thankfully, my missus forced meto go to therapy years ago
after my health scare.
I was in bits within 30 secondsof being there in bits and bits
and bits for weeks and then Istopped going because I couldn't
go through it anymore.
Really, yeah, it just destroyedme.
It was going because I couldn'tgo through it anymore.
Really, yeah, it just destroyedme.
It was something that Icouldn't cope with.
(10:48):
I felt it better to deal withit myself than to go to a
therapist, because I didn't likethe way it made me feel.
Every week I didn't lookforward to going to the
therapist because I knew I'dfeel like shit when I left,
right, right, but that's myunpacking.
That doesn't mean it's going tobe like that for everybody.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
No, because I felt the opposite.
Yeah, I came away from thecrying thinking I never knew
that about me.
I'm going to work on that.
How long ago was that, Chris?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
four years.
Yeah, see, how do you thinkyou'd feel now?
Probably not like I'm feelingnow in a previous episode you
said about 18 months ago youstarted opening up and talking
yeah, yeah, different, becauseI'm obviously talking to a mate
rather than somebody that Idon't know, I don't, I feel.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
I'm not going to hypnotise you.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
I feel I feel a bit uncomfortable talking to people
about my things, that you wouldtalk to a therapist, to
strangers or to friends.
I've never spoken to my friendsabout what I spoke to a
therapist.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I think that's the thing when you go to therapy
again.
It's the unpacking mate.
You've got to meet them.
You have to put the work in.
The therapist isn't just goingto unlock these things.
You have to work, don't you?
Yeah, yeah, and you have toopen up and you have to trust
this absolute stranger with thedeepest, darkest secrets and
(12:13):
this part of your brain that youaren't even aware of yourself.
It's a big deal.
You're right, mate.
You're right.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
I just didn't like the.
I hated the fact that I had topay for it, because I've always
paid for things that feel good.
I go to the pub and buy beerbecause I like the way it makes
me feel.
I go for a restaurant and buy anice dinner because it makes me
feel good.
I go to the fair and I pay themand I walk away from there
feeling like an emotionallybattered and bruised person.
You know, just it, just didn'tI probably.
I know I could benefit fromgoing back to another one now.
(12:44):
Um, you actually sent mesomebody's name, didn't you?
Speaker 1 (12:47):
I did and again, she's brilliant, she's very
reasonable, and I went for sixweeks and on the last one she
said you don't need to come backhere for a while, so when
things get bad again or ifyou're finding it was a limiting
belief that started me there.
It was this fact I think I'vetalked about this before I felt
that my attitude towards society, life, money was the thing that
(13:09):
was stopping me from gettingout of it, and it was her.
Then, basically, what we did dois that we unpacked a lot of
the reasons why I felt like thatby going back in time.
Yeah, and I was a wreck,because it turned out there was
limiting beliefs, subconsciously, that I was completely unaware
of or born out of, this feelingof not being worthy.
(13:30):
But it made me work on that andif I ever have any problems,
I'll go back to it.
100%, 100% and I can'trecommend it enough.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yeah, yeah, I've never done independent therapy,
obviously, me and my wife.
When I saw a therapist aboutsort of relationship and
communication with each other,more, um, I turned to.
I've said in another episode, Iturned to mindfulness and a
mindfulness course Cause a lotof the shit that was going on in
my head was never going to cometo fruition.
(14:01):
It was just my brain telling methe worst case scenario.
And doing that mindfulness and,of course, with different
people, has changed the way Ithink about it and the way I
think about things and the way Iinterpret lots of different
things.
Emotional I don't really act onemotion anymore, I act on sort
(14:23):
of logic, whereas before I usedto things.
Emotional I don't really act onemotion anymore, I act on sort
of logic, whereas before I usedto be very emotional.
If you said something nasty tome, I'd take it in personally
and be like, oh, my God hedoesn't like me, whereas now I'd
be like hold on.
why is he saying that?
And then try and put somecontext behind it.
What have I done?
Et cetera, and I think that forme, that changed everything.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
for me, yeah, but again there's a line, isn't
there?
Really, you don't want to gotoo far down that road because
you end up self-sabotaging well,that's it.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
That's it, and I think that a lot of these
courses are made byprofessionals to not take you
too far.
You can do more if you want.
You can do less if you want.
It's kind of I don't know.
I think like I would like to goand see a therapist.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Just, you're right, it's about finding, it's about
finding the thing that's beenholding you back and then
addressing it rather thanlaboring on it.
Yeah, yeah, I completely agree,because the thing that wrecked
me in that first session.
We touched on it again, butnever at the same angle.
You know what I mean.
It was more a case of right nowis an opportunity to better
yourself, because you know nowhow that made you feel.
(15:26):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, why do you feel the way you feel?
What can you do?
What can you do to put thingsin place, to or to understand it
?
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Exactly, and my, it was my approach to many
relationships that had sort ofeither inbuilt resentment, and
it was the therapist thatactually said to me these are
all your problems, mate.
This is on you to change youropinion on why you're feeling
like that towards them.
And if you want to talk tothese people about it, talk to
them about it, but if you don't,don't but learn to live with it
(15:59):
, because it's not their faultthat you feel like this.
Yeah, yeah, because it's nottheir fault that you feel like
this.
Yeah, yeah, and it's reallyinteresting.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
It is interesting.
It is interesting how weinternalise quite a lot.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
We internalise our feelings and we think that it's
actually someone else's fault,when it's not at all it's your
own fault.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
It's your own fault you're feeling depressed.
It's your own fault that you'reoverweight.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Comes back to the same old thing, mate.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
If I have a joke that offends you, it's a you problem
, isn't?
Speaker 2 (16:25):
it.
That's your choice to beoffended.
That's it, Unless you'repersonally at someone saying
like you're a four-eyed specklyfat, Do you?
Speaker 3 (16:32):
know what I mean.
That's a little bit.
No, I'm the only one wearingglasses in this room.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Don't worry, it's not you do you know what I mean?
It is alright, specky fat whatI was joking.
I was joking, it was a joke.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Come on, don't be offended it was a joke, I'm
still going to.
Can I book a session?
Speaker 3 (16:52):
but yeah, I mean, I just want to say I've been
sitting here thinking about whatI just said about therapists,
like it's really important.
Obviously the whole intentionis to help people.
Don't think for one minute thata therapist is going to be shit
for you.
Yeah, because the reason that Ididn't like it was because of
the unpacking.
It was nothing else, it was the, the unpacking, the big, dirty,
(17:12):
great, big dark box in my headthat I've put everything in well
, like you said, it's not thetherapist, is it?
yeah, um, once you've unpackedthat, I'm sure it'll be fucking
brilliant and you'll get loadsout of it.
But I just really did not enjoy, at that particular moment in
time, just the unpackingprocedure but that's alright,
because it was so so difficultbut then you've gone and found
other ways to get support.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Yeah, I have.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Yeah yeah, but I just , you know a therapist is a good
thing, 100%.
I just I'd hate for somebody tobe listening out of the 26
people and genuinely think thatI meant do not go and see a
therapist, because that's notreally what I meant.
It was just giving myperspective at the time.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
I know people that have been to a therapist once
and it's changed everything.
They've literally managed tounpack.
There was one little thing thatwas holding them back in life.
There was that one tiny littlething could have been childhood,
and they've gone to see atherapist once and it's changed
everything, so it works.
But again, what works for oneperson won't necessarily work
for another.
It's like going back to support.
(18:12):
What is support for you?
Support could be someone givingyou a hug when you're feeling
down.
Support could be your matepushing you to do that Hydrox
thing.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
It could be the Hydrox itself.
A lot of people go to exercisefor therapy, don't they?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (18:29):
and it does work.
But I'm now on a completelyopposite trajectory, because if
I weigh over 16 stone, I can'tdo a skydive.
So watch this space, is that?
Speaker 3 (18:37):
what it is.
Well, I'll be watching from thesidelines as well.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
I'm on the cusp.
Here we go.
You've lost weight, mate.
You must be about 13 stone now.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Surely see if I take these glasses off but yeah, I
think there are so manydifferent versions of support do
you know, what I love when Iget home from work is my support
.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
The most support I ever ever get is to walk through
my front door and my missus gohi darling, and the little boy
to go daddy, not darling.
Oh, what's up with him, don'ttalk to me.
That's.
That's like oh, I've had such ahard day at work, I'm so glad
I'm home.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Take that bit out actually my little girl's in
that lovely phase at the momentwhere she could go 20 minutes
without seeing us.
And if I, my little girl's inthat lovely phase at the moment
where she could go 20 minuteswithout seeing us, and if I was
to walk down the stairs, hi,daddy, hi, hi, and the big
little wave, like that is solovely, it's so lovely.
I love this little age.
I mean she's a moo, but yeah,she is lovely.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Oh, yeah, but my, my seven year old one minute she
can be, and you'll meet her soonand you'll think, oh, but I
won't melt.
Oh, she's such an adorablelittle girl, until she doesn't
get her own way.
And you'll be like what I heardschoolteachers, they're like no
, she's not like that.
Yeah, well, you wait, but she'sthe cutest kid.
(19:56):
The other night she said well,come on, it's bedtime, it's nine
o'clock, I need some water.
And you can't shout at that no.
You can't shout at that.
She's got a little onesie onand she's doing a little dance
across the thing Before you evensay what are you doing up?
(20:17):
You should be in bed.
She knows what's coming.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
She's like.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
I need some water and it's like you little.
But yeah kids are a big form ofsupport.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
What's your biggest form of escapism?
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Oh, what's your biggest form of escapism?
Oh, my biggest form of escapismis doing something for myself
the motorbike in the summer.
Yeah, the motorbike in thesummer Last summer was a bit
naff, but it's like a Sundaymorning thing or a Saturday
morning thing and I've got amate who we ride with and, to be
(20:52):
fair, it stopped me drinking aswell.
Because if I know I'm going outon the bike on a Saturday
morning thing and I've got amate who we ride with and it to
be fair, it stopped me drinkingas well, because if I know I'm
going out on the bike on aSunday morning, I won't drink on
Saturday night.
So we get up early six half six, weather's nice and we'll go
somewhere, just have a breakfastand then we're normally back by
10 half 10 and then you'vestill got the day.
Yeah, I like that.
I've started playing golf,which my mates absolutely love.
(21:14):
Golf, they play it 24 hours aday, seven days a week.
For me it's a nice escape, bitof exercise out in the fresh air
.
Only when the weather's nice,though, I'm one of these fair
weather golfers.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
I'd really like to get into golf.
I just can't.
I've tried.
I've tried so many times.
That basically means it's crap,I am crap, I'm crap and I'm too
old now to learn something newand not be very good at it,
especially something that hurtsand lasts hours on a night file.
I'm in pain and I've gotanother.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
I'm only halfway through you've run out of golf
balls by now.
That's what it is.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Definitely my mate did like 36 holes in two days or
something, wow.
He did like 18 in the morningand 18 one evening.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
That's what the pros do, right, they do the mornings
and an afternoon.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Yeah, yeah, I'd like to do it.
I do enjoy it Like golf is atthe moment.
I enjoy it when it's good.
Golf is good.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Ash was thinking about doing a sponsored golf day
.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Now he's doing a sponsored skydive, dive, yeah,
yeah, yeah, I was gonna do agolf day before we get a few
people together, we'll do a nicelittle.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
I'd rather charity, yeah, um, but no, yeah, that's,
that's my escapism.
What about you, chris?
What do you do to escape?
Speaker 3 (22:20):
I don't really have one.
To be fair now, what's golf?
Gave it up to work harder andlook how happy you are.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Yeah, um, ask me that in six months time yeah, six
months time because when we methat in six months time because
when we're in Australia thistime next week it'll be my last
week at work, so I'm hoping tohave more time to my hands, so
we'll see then.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
But it was golf, I'd say probably.
I always, I always used to havethis thing where once a year I
would do something stupid.
So I'd do a stupid, so I'd do askydive, I'd do London Marathon
, I'd do a bungee jump or dosomething.
I mean we were supposed to goand-.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
I love it.
London Marathon once a year.
It's four months of training.
We were supposed to row thelocks the entire length of
Scotland.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
The other three years ago, two years ago, my mate's
done it but I haven't.
I haven't done anything stupidfor a couple of years, so hence
the idea of the skydive.
But yeah, you always used to bethat because I'd either have to
lose weight so I'd have toforce myself into running, or,
yeah, we'd have to justsomething.
It would be something really todo with, I suppose, fitness,
(23:25):
because bungee jumps, skydiving,you need to lose weight.
Exercise, I suppose, is quite agood thing, because I just used
to like to punish myself alittle bit.
Really, yeah, fair enough, thething is for me as well, like
setting a challenge.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Setting a task is the way that I will do exercise.
I won't just go to.
I won't just go and exercisebecause I know I should.
I need to have something towork towards, so yeah, actually
day out of the football.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
This is it.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
I'm amazed you didn't say day out of the football.
This is it.
I'm amazed you didn't sayfootball day out of the football
, it's because I've known it forso long.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
That's what it is.
Yeah, it's true hopefully nextSaturday hopefully next Saturday
will be my release day.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yeah, weeks after that, as well, but yeah,
football, mate football itdoesn't even have to be a day
out.
It can be football on the telly, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
But for me it's yeah, football, definitely.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
I love the wrestling.
Still WrestleMania weekend thisweekend.
Cody Rhodes, john Cena, anyway,we got I love going to a local
park I think I said this to youbefore on Voice Notes Like a
Sunday morning.
We've got a big park wherearound I live with like football
pitches and rugby pitches andtennis courts and you with like
football pitches and rugbypitches and tennis courts and
you go there on a Saturday orSunday morning and it is heaving
with activity.
Love that, just walking the dogaround, just taking in
(24:38):
everything.
Be careful walking around thepark, though I know over and
over again, yeah, that bigoverall hoodie that I wear.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
Get some looks, just wear the wear the dry robe not
the match.
Don't wear that grey match yougot.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
But mostly it's music .
Yeah, it's music.
I have to have music everywhere, everywhere, even when I'm not
listening to music.
I've got those pictures behindmy head.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
It's a really good point actually, that is a really
good point.
Music, music is everywhere,isn't it, yeah, and you don't
realise how much music canaffect your mind.
So when I do my lives on TikTok, I actually play techno, do you
?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Yeah, really random.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
You have to, though, wouldn't you?
Speaker 3 (25:18):
But it really does keep me way more upbeat.
I try to put relaxing music onand it just kills me.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yeah, right A bit of a push-pull thing, yeah, music
one.
Actually music is life again,because when you're in a room
and there's no music on bloodyhow you know, is it?
Speaker 2 (25:35):
yeah, you, really, when you, when we come in here
in the mornings, first thing Ido alexa plays the music have to
yeah and it's just, yeah, it's.
Uh, it is a big big, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (25:43):
when you drive anywhere.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
I can't drive the car without having some sort of
music.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
I have to listen to a bloody podcast now.
This is the thing I've triedpodcasts.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
I've tried audio books in the car, but I can't do
it.
I know that I'll get more, butyou should, everybody yeah, you
should, especially this one,especially the Untold podcast if
you say something that fuelsyour soul.
I know I get more enjoyment frommusic than I would do an audio
book, for example, but it is,yeah, it is interesting.
And the other thing for me andagain, you only notice it when
(26:12):
it's not there.
I go weird if there's not abody of water somewhere in my
one mile radius of where I am.
That is a bit weird to be fair,isn't it.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I thought he was going to say a body of water in
the cup holder in the car.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
I haven't got something to drink around me.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
No, honestly, I don't know whether it's growing up in
Brighton or what, but I needthe sea.
If I can't have the sea, I needa river or a lock or something.
I love the sea.
I have to.
Yeah, I go weird, I hate it.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Do you?
There's my disagreement I lovethe sea.
The sea's good for one thing,and one thing only.
What's that Getting wet?
I was going to say weaning Jetskis, that is it.
I'll go on a jet ski, but youwill not find me swimming in the
sea.
Not a chance.
I don't want to get eaten by amonster, Not necessarily in
England but anywhere, anywhere,mate, I'll go like knee-high.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I don't want to get eaten by a monster.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
But there's monsters in there.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
There are.
When we went to Lanzarote acouple of years ago, we rented a
boat out and we we were justswimming off the back of the
boat, my kids were fishing and Iwas like I'm going to go
swimming and there was this raylike honestly, it must've been
75 foot across, like literallyabove my feet, and I was like,
and I was like hold on a minute,like and I just got the snorkel
(27:24):
goggles and just was justwatching this ray Like I love to
see.
I absolutely love to see.
Like I love the sea.
I absolutely love the sea.
It's my happy place being up,bobbing around on a boat.
When I was young, I wasprivileged enough that my
parents bought a little boat, alittle weekender boat, lovely,
instead of a caravan.
We had a boat down atChichester, that's nice.
It had a dinghy and we had thedinghy as well.
(27:47):
I used to love it Like bombingaround the Chichester Marina on
the dinghy, but that is my.
My happy places out at sea,like when I go on holiday, first
thing I do.
What boat trip can I book thisweek?
Where can I go on a boat?
And I managed to get.
My missus will go in the sea ona paddle board and she's very
much like you.
She thinks there's monstersthat are going to eat.
(28:10):
I couldn't think of anythingworse.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
I would like to do it .
Not only are you on the sea inthe middle of nowhere, I'd want
one of those cabins under thewater, a giant octopus covered
with cucumber swallowing theboat A giant octopus.
But if you are surrounded by abunch of pricks, you're
surrounded by pricks.
You can't get away from thesepeople, no why would you want to
go there?
At least if you're on land, youcould just go down the beach
somewhere else or something, butoh god, doing a cruise.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
It's something I want to go back to, where his
default was a giant octopus ofall the things that could get
you in the sea, climb up theside of the boat and surround it
Speaker 2 (28:44):
this giant fucking cruise ship, oh dear.
No, yeah, I love the sea.
It is my to be fair, that wouldbe like escapism.
If I could, would just like thepaddleboard.
I remember I went on a holidayonce and, uh, I went on holiday
with a lady friend at the timeand after two days I could not
(29:04):
stand to even breathe the sameair as her like being on a
cruiser.
So I went and hired a kayak andsaid can I wait for the whole
day?
He's like being on a cruiser,isn't it?
So I went and hired a kayak andsaid can I have it for the
whole day?
he's like you want it for thewhole day I was like yeah and I
just literally just out on thekayak, just up and down like
bobbing around at the sea, justthinking any holiday, whether
it's a lads holiday or a holidaywith the family.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
I don't want a swimming pool.
Are you doing?
Speaker 2 (29:29):
that there's monsters in the swimming pool.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
They live in them little filters, the chlorine
gets them, doesn't it?
Speaker 2 (29:33):
yeah, so that's what the chlorine's for.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
You didn't know it's not to get rid of your waist.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Kill the monsters that's kill the monsters.
My boy having a pony, that'sthe only monster in the swimming
pool.
I don't necessarily believe inNildis, but just curious.
What star sign are you Aquarius?
Yeah, mate, that's interesting.
So I'm Cancer.
They're both water signs,aren't they?
What are you?
Are they Gemini?
No, I don't.
Two-faced bastards, carefulboys yeah yeah, interesting,
(30:02):
isn't it?
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Interesting.
Yeah, no, I love to see is aswell.
I walk in just walking along abeach.
I can walk for miles and milesand miles and not get bored on
my own just walking along thebeach like feet in the water
when you know when it comes upand it's all nice and sandy.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
I'll do that.
I don't mind that I'll brew youthat one definitely.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Yeah, love a walk on a beach so, if we bring this
back, wrap it up the old, theold adage is true, isn't it?
Men are very simple creatures,aren't we?
Speaker 3 (30:33):
Well, we are.
Humanity is simple, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (30:35):
We've just made life difficult, yeah that's true, but
so far all we really need is acuddle every now and then, some
form of sport, some form ofholiday.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
And a day out with the lads.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Yeah, yeah, that sounds like a dream, doesn't it?
Oh, and meat and meat, yeah,yeah, yeah.
And beer, yeah, meat and beer.
Actually, we need quite a lotto be fair.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
We do need quite a lot.
Yeah, yeah and other things,yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
I was going to say I don't know what I was saying
WrestleMania, yeah, WrestleMania.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
I was saying that Good, good, but no yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
When it comes to support, there are so many
different methods of support.
Isn't there.
You might need financialsupport, you might need
emotional support, you mightneed mental support.
You might need someone justputting their foot up your ass
telling you to sort your shitout.
That's it.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
I feel like we talk about partners a lot in our
podcast because we've all gotother halves and we've all got
misses in that.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Support must be difficult for people that don't
have a household of people to gohome to I think that's the
takeaway in it, because eventhough we're all saying roughly
the same things, it all varieson you as a person to know what
you enjoy the most.
So where you said motorbikes, Imean what you said football
football, that's right and minewas mostly music it's Football,
(31:49):
football, that's right, and minewas mostly music.
It's find the thing, find thething that makes you happy.
It sounds so simple and do that.
It really does, doesn't it.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Make time for it.
Yeah, that's it.
Make time for it.
We spoke about it.
Don't feel guilty because youwant to do something for
yourself for an hour a week.
Yeah, don't Just do it, that'strue, an hour Next Saturday.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
I'm leaving my house at eight in the morning.
I'm getting home at midnight.
Miserable, that is not an hourand I'll be probably unhappy.
All right.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Find the time to do the thing you love.
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Because it's good for the soul.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
And encourage the people in your life To do the
same.
To do the same.
Your missus, your parents, goand enjoy yourself.
We only get one life that's itdon't feel guilty for doing the
things that you want to do.
Yeah, that's it, unless you'rebeing a prick about it don't be
a prick about it, alright?
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I think that's the best way to wrap it up, boys
don't be a prick.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Don't be a prick, don't be a prick.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Thank you everybody for coming back.
Please leave reviews.
If you've made it this far, I'mguessing you liked it, so
please give us a review.
It really matters because itdrives the algorithm.
It gets us in front of morepeople.
Everybody wins well, us threein this room.
But we also then have got theability to start bringing in
guests and start decking thisout with more clobber and
(33:11):
actually start growing, growing,growing and making differences,
because that's what we want todo, right?
Everybody say goodbye, goodbyeeverybody, everybody see you
next time.
This week we are talking about support.
When you go to therapy, youhave to put the work in.
The therapist isn't just goingto unlock these things, the
deepest, darkest secrets in thispart of your brain that you
aren't even aware of yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
It's your own fault you're feeling depressed.
It's your own fault, you'reoverweight.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I just can't.
I've tried so many times.
That basically means it's crap.
I am crap.
How about you mate?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
It's a hard one for me, really.
Quite a big question, to befair.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
The Untold Podcast is proudly sponsored by Aura
Surfaces, specialists in luxurysurfaces for extraordinary
spaces Like creating dream homes.
Building a dream life takeswork.
That's why we had to get behindthis podcast.
Real stories, real challengesand real success.
Let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
This week we are talking about support, and I
don't mean the sort of supportthat Aston Villa are going to
get when they beat CrystalPalace in the FA Cup next week.
It's what support actuallylooks like, because we as
geezers actually need a cuddleand a nice word every now and
then.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
So you've just had one off of us.
I'm not giving you a cuddle, sothat's a shame.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
oh no, look what I did with a nice word I've
exploited it.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Do you know what I'm going to butt in now?
It is honestly the nicest.
You said about it earlier.
It is the nicest thing in theworld.
When my missus just comes up tome and gives me a cuddle, I
wonder what he's going to say toyou.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
I don't have to do that.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Skydive Ash you don't you don't have to do it.
What have we not forgot aboutthe skydive?
I thought we might have forgotabout the bloody skydive oh dear
, but no, you're right you'reright.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
So what does support look like to you?
Speaker 2 (01:59):
support to me looks like people, people my voice is
gone.
Support to me looks like peoplejust listening to you, just
listening and understanding.
Like that to me is everythinglike we're trying to do.
We're not trying.
We're doing this podcast, whichis going to be really
successful, and it's reallyimportant to me that my wife and
(02:20):
my kids and my family and thepeople around me support me to
do it and that's just likeencouraging me, telling me no,
you're going off the rails,you've got like.
We all support each other in it, in everything we do.
I support Chris on going on hislives on the TikTok just to
give him a bit of banter whilehe's on there, to brighten up
(02:40):
his night because he's beenthere for three hours.
But no, do you know what I mean?
To brighten up his nightbecause he's been there for
three hours?
But no, do you know what I mean?
Support, I think, is justsupport and having a support
network of people that you cantalk to, people that will listen
and they will be honest withyou in their replies.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Yeah, nice.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I think that's for me , that's support.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
How about you mate?
Speaker 3 (03:03):
I was going to say exactly what I said a minute ago
.
It's a hard one for me, really,A chair.
It is a difficult.
I think that's quite a biganswer, big question, to be fair
.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
It varies, doesn't it , on what you need at any given
time.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I mean, my missus is my biggest support.
She always has been, and I havehad some stupid ideas over the
last 15 years, from starting asnowplow company when we don't
have any snow.
That's not even a joke, we weregoing to call it snow problem To
(03:39):
just literally buying thousandsof pounds worth of drones and
pretending that I'm going tohave a drone business and never
actually doing anything with itJust everything I've always done
.
She's let me do it because shebelieves that one day I'll throw
enough shit at the wall andsomething will stick.
But like you, really, I supposeit's not.
That doesn't necessarily feelsupportive in a certain way.
(04:02):
You just want, I think, it'smore to be appreciated.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Not supported.
Is that so?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Maybe, maybe.
But I think if that supportfrom your other halves went away
, you would notice it.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Oh, a hundred percent , a hundred percent, I'd be an
absolute stupid idiot.
I wouldn't be making a snowplow company, I'd be making a,
I'd be trying to buy anaeroplane company or something
with 50p, yeah, and I'd live ina in a cardboard box somewhere.
Probably you know what I mean,but no, it's I think.
I think it's the appreciationof things like but to show your
(04:42):
appreciation just with a cuddle,just with a thank you.
I said to you boys earlier onthat I got home from work the
other day and my missus said tome, come in, give me a cuddle.
And I was like what's going onhere?
Why does she want a cuddle?
And she said I watchedsomething on TikTok about how
women don't appreciate whatactually men do for them and I
really appreciate you and thatwas probably the most nicest
thing that she's done for a longtime as far as I'm concerned.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
It's little things like that, though, that fucking
fill you up.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
You could be having the worst day in the world.
Give you that little warm,fuzzy feeling inside.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, it's tough isn't it Because?
We go around.
I can just say this from usthree, but I'm going to say all
men, I'm going to put half thepopulation in this
generalisation here but we don'tgo out asking for support, do
we?
We don't go out asking forpraise or thanks, but when it
(05:33):
comes, you think to yourselfthat was nice.
You know you do, don't you?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I do, though I always want praise.
I go out fishing for it as muchas I can have you not listened
to his voice notes.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Sorry, yeah, you're right, you're right.
Thanks for the military.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I'm joking, I'm joking yeah, chris didn't even
wear it.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Well, no, no, but you look at you look at some of the
reviews we've had from thevoice notes that we've shared
around, like from people aboutthe podcast already you know,
like you tell me that youhaven't listened to those those
voice notes more than once.
No, yeah, exactly the one thatyou sent, I think, not yesterday
I listened to that like fivetimes.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Yeah, should we share around?
That was from jemma yeah, yeah,amazing.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
You should.
You know what you shouldactually do.
You should actually, we shouldactually play one of them on the
podcast one day.
We should do.
Yeah, I think that'd be quite agood.
Uh, little thank you to thepeople that do those actually.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So if you want to leave us a review, we might
actually sort of pin some ofthose up in the in the future
episodes and that's massive forme, like what I I think I've
always noted you back sayingthat's amazing, that's proper
filled, that's proper filled.
My buckets up today of like,like pride in what we're doing,
yeah, and why we're doing it.
(06:42):
Obviously I know we're doingyeah and why we're doing it.
Obviously I know we're allfinding our feet.
We don't know each other.
Two months ago we didn't knoweach other from adam, so we're
finding our feet.
The banter's coming out, um,and hearing stuff like that from
people is amazing, yeah it'samazing I'm not, I can't.
Yeah, there's no two ways aboutit.
That is support.
That is, that is support.
(07:03):
Now here's the question what doyou do?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
when the support from your other half and I've got to
say as well, my Claire isamazing, amazing.
I've had relationships where Ididn't have support and there is
no way I'd be where I am now ifit wasn't for Claire.
Yeah, likewise, it's almostjust that blind faith and that
trust that the mental thingsthat we're trying are going to
benefit them eventually, thatthe mental things that we're
trying are going to benefit themeventually, and it also gives
(07:25):
us the freedom.
But the question is really iswhat do you do when the support
from your other half or whateversupport you've got at this
level cannot answer the questionthat you're asking?
If you need a level ofexpertise, if you need therapy,
for example, how would you goabout getting that?
(07:47):
Are you guys adverse to that,or is that something that you
both go down?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Oh yeah, 100%.
I think there's certain thingsin life that you need an
outsider's perspective on it.
You need a professional.
There are people out there.
There's a reason they'reprofessionals in what they do.
There's a reason that that istheir job, and I think that it's
really important that there'scertain things.
Business coaches, for example.
If you're starting a business,it is advisable to have a
(08:15):
business coach to help you.
If you want to get fit, youhire a fitness coach.
What's wrong with hiringsomeone to help your brain?
What's wrong with hiring thatperson to I don't know to help
you to ground you?
Yeah, we do it, for we hire acleaner because we want a
cleaner.
We hire a gardener because wewant a gardener, but people are
so reluctant to hire someone tohelp them internally yeah, it's
(08:40):
a good point.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
I think I think mental health should be treated
the same way as physical health.
Now, I am mentally healthierthan I am physically, I will say
that.
But I'm on top of my mentalhealth much more than I'm on top
of my physical health.
I read mental health books.
I read self-help books.
I sit a call every week thatusually has about 60 people in
(09:02):
it, where we all talk about themindset it takes to go.
Basically, stay in a growthmindset, not a fixed mindset,
cause if you're not growing,you're not moving.
Ash, I think you need someonelike a therapist or someone you
can talk to or some sort ofchannel where you can actually
(09:24):
exercise your mental wellbeingin order to keep on top of it.
I think that's vital and Ithink that's one of the reasons
why what we do is go in so well,chris, isn't it?
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, I mean, I think it.
First of all, I think therapyneeds to be more accessible to
everybody.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Because it's too expensive.
If you go to a private person,I know they're very well trained
and they deserve the money theycharge.
But I think a lot of peoplethink that a therapy session is
an unnecessary burdenfinancially Because you can't
just go once.
You have to go back and backand back and back, Otherwise
there's no point in going.
So I think that's what puts alot of people off.
(10:02):
And it and back, otherwisethere's no point in going.
So I think that's what puts alot of people off, and it goes
back to what we said in lastweek's episode, didn't it the
men that be strong?
They don't talk to people, sothe last thing they're going to
go and do is spend their hardearned money sitting in front of
someone that 100% I don't givea toss who you are is going to
make you cry because of you thatyou didn't even believe was
still there.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Oh, mate, my nose was running oh mate.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
I went to therapy.
Thankfully, my missus forced meto go to therapy years ago
after my health scare.
I was in bits within 30 secondsof being there in bits and bits
and bits for weeks and then Istopped going because I couldn't
go through it anymore.
Really, yeah, it just destroyedme.
It was going because I couldn'tgo through it anymore.
Really, yeah, it just destroyedme.
It was something that Icouldn't cope with.
(10:48):
I felt it better to deal withit myself than to go to a
therapist, because I didn't likethe way it made me feel.
Every week I didn't lookforward to going to the
therapist because I knew I'dfeel like shit when I left,
right, right, but that's myunpacking.
That doesn't mean it's going tobe like that for everybody.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
No, because I felt the opposite.
Yeah, I came away from thecrying thinking I never knew
that about me.
I'm going to work on that.
How long ago was that, Chris?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
four years.
Yeah, see, how do you thinkyou'd feel now?
Probably not like I'm feelingnow in a previous episode you
said about 18 months ago youstarted opening up and talking
yeah, yeah, different, becauseI'm obviously talking to a mate
rather than somebody that Idon't know, I don't, I feel.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
I'm not going to hypnotise you.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
I feel I feel a bit uncomfortable talking to people
about my things, that you wouldtalk to a therapist, to
strangers or to friends.
I've never spoken to my friendsabout what I spoke to a
therapist.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I think that's the thing when you go to therapy
again.
It's the unpacking mate.
You've got to meet them.
You have to put the work in.
The therapist isn't just goingto unlock these things.
You have to work, don't you?
Yeah, yeah, and you have toopen up and you have to trust
this absolute stranger with thedeepest, darkest secrets and
(12:13):
this part of your brain that youaren't even aware of yourself.
It's a big deal.
You're right, mate.
You're right.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
I just didn't like the.
I hated the fact that I had topay for it, because I've always
paid for things that feel good.
I go to the pub and buy beerbecause I like the way it makes
me feel.
I go for a restaurant and buy anice dinner because it makes me
feel good.
I go to the fair and I pay themand I walk away from there
feeling like an emotionallybattered and bruised person.
You know, just it, just didn'tI probably.
I know I could benefit fromgoing back to another one now.
(12:44):
Um, you actually sent mesomebody's name, didn't you?
Speaker 1 (12:47):
I did and again, she's brilliant, she's very
reasonable, and I went for sixweeks and on the last one she
said you don't need to come backhere for a while, so when
things get bad again or ifyou're finding it was a limiting
belief that started me there.
It was this fact I think I'vetalked about this before I felt
that my attitude towards society, life, money was the thing that
(13:09):
was stopping me from gettingout of it, and it was her.
Then, basically, what we did dois that we unpacked a lot of
the reasons why I felt like thatby going back in time.
Yeah, and I was a wreck,because it turned out there was
limiting beliefs, subconsciously, that I was completely unaware
of or born out of, this feelingof not being worthy.
(13:30):
But it made me work on that andif I ever have any problems,
I'll go back to it.
100%, 100% and I can'trecommend it enough.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yeah, yeah, I've never done independent therapy,
obviously, me and my wife.
When I saw a therapist aboutsort of relationship and
communication with each other,more, um, I turned to.
I've said in another episode, Iturned to mindfulness and a
mindfulness course Cause a lotof the shit that was going on in
my head was never going to cometo fruition.
(14:01):
It was just my brain telling methe worst case scenario.
And doing that mindfulness and,of course, with different
people, has changed the way Ithink about it and the way I
think about things and the way Iinterpret lots of different
things.
Emotional I don't really act onemotion anymore, I act on sort
(14:23):
of logic, whereas before I usedto things.
Emotional I don't really act onemotion anymore, I act on sort
of logic, whereas before I usedto be very emotional.
If you said something nasty tome, I'd take it in personally
and be like, oh, my God hedoesn't like me, whereas now I'd
be like hold on.
why is he saying that?
And then try and put somecontext behind it.
What have I done?
Et cetera, and I think that forme, that changed everything.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
for me, yeah, but again there's a line, isn't
there?
Really, you don't want to gotoo far down that road because
you end up self-sabotaging well,that's it.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
That's it, and I think that a lot of these
courses are made byprofessionals to not take you
too far.
You can do more if you want.
You can do less if you want.
It's kind of I don't know.
I think like I would like to goand see a therapist.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Just, you're right, it's about finding, it's about
finding the thing that's beenholding you back and then
addressing it rather thanlaboring on it.
Yeah, yeah, I completely agree,because the thing that wrecked
me in that first session.
We touched on it again, butnever at the same angle.
You know what I mean.
It was more a case of right nowis an opportunity to better
yourself, because you know nowhow that made you feel.
(15:26):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, why do you feel the way you feel?
What can you do?
What can you do to put thingsin place, to or to understand it
?
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Exactly, and my, it was my approach to many
relationships that had sort ofeither inbuilt resentment, and
it was the therapist thatactually said to me these are
all your problems, mate.
This is on you to change youropinion on why you're feeling
like that towards them.
And if you want to talk tothese people about it, talk to
them about it, but if you don't,don't but learn to live with it
(15:59):
, because it's not their faultthat you feel like this.
Yeah, yeah, because it's nottheir fault that you feel like
this.
Yeah, yeah, and it's reallyinteresting.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
It is interesting.
It is interesting how weinternalise quite a lot.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
We internalise our feelings and we think that it's
actually someone else's fault,when it's not at all it's your
own fault.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
It's your own fault you're feeling depressed.
It's your own fault that you'reoverweight.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Comes back to the same old thing, mate.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
If I have a joke that offends you, it's a you problem
, isn't?
Speaker 2 (16:25):
it.
That's your choice to beoffended.
That's it, Unless you'repersonally at someone saying
like you're a four-eyed specklyfat, Do you?
Speaker 3 (16:32):
know what I mean.
That's a little bit.
No, I'm the only one wearingglasses in this room.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Don't worry, it's not you do you know what I mean?
It is alright, specky fat whatI was joking.
I was joking, it was a joke.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Come on, don't be offended it was a joke, I'm
still going to.
Can I book a session?
Speaker 3 (16:52):
but yeah, I mean, I just want to say I've been
sitting here thinking about whatI just said about therapists,
like it's really important.
Obviously the whole intentionis to help people.
Don't think for one minute thata therapist is going to be shit
for you.
Yeah, because the reason that Ididn't like it was because of
the unpacking.
It was nothing else, it was the, the unpacking, the big, dirty,
(17:12):
great, big dark box in my headthat I've put everything in well
, like you said, it's not thetherapist, is it?
yeah, um, once you've unpackedthat, I'm sure it'll be fucking
brilliant and you'll get loadsout of it.
But I just really did not enjoy, at that particular moment in
time, just the unpackingprocedure but that's alright,
because it was so so difficultbut then you've gone and found
other ways to get support.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Yeah, I have.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Yeah yeah, but I just , you know a therapist is a good
thing, 100%.
I just I'd hate for somebody tobe listening out of the 26
people and genuinely think thatI meant do not go and see a
therapist, because that's notreally what I meant.
It was just giving myperspective at the time.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
I know people that have been to a therapist once
and it's changed everything.
They've literally managed tounpack.
There was one little thing thatwas holding them back in life.
There was that one tiny littlething could have been childhood,
and they've gone to see atherapist once and it's changed
everything, so it works.
But again, what works for oneperson won't necessarily work
for another.
It's like going back to support.
(18:12):
What is support for you?
Support could be someone givingyou a hug when you're feeling
down.
Support could be your matepushing you to do that Hydrox
thing.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
It could be the Hydrox itself.
A lot of people go to exercisefor therapy, don't they?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (18:29):
and it does work.
But I'm now on a completelyopposite trajectory, because if
I weigh over 16 stone, I can'tdo a skydive.
So watch this space, is that?
Speaker 3 (18:37):
what it is.
Well, I'll be watching from thesidelines as well.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
I'm on the cusp.
Here we go.
You've lost weight, mate.
You must be about 13 stone now.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Surely see if I take these glasses off but yeah, I
think there are so manydifferent versions of support do
you know, what I love when Iget home from work is my support
.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
The most support I ever ever get is to walk through
my front door and my missus gohi darling, and the little boy
to go daddy, not darling.
Oh, what's up with him, don'ttalk to me.
That's.
That's like oh, I've had such ahard day at work, I'm so glad
I'm home.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Take that bit out actually my little girl's in
that lovely phase at the momentwhere she could go 20 minutes
without seeing us.
And if I, my little girl's inthat lovely phase at the moment
where she could go 20 minuteswithout seeing us, and if I was
to walk down the stairs, hi,daddy, hi, hi, and the big
little wave, like that is solovely, it's so lovely.
I love this little age.
I mean she's a moo, but yeah,she is lovely.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Oh, yeah, but my, my seven year old one minute she
can be, and you'll meet her soonand you'll think, oh, but I
won't melt.
Oh, she's such an adorablelittle girl, until she doesn't
get her own way.
And you'll be like what I heardschoolteachers, they're like no
, she's not like that.
Yeah, well, you wait, but she'sthe cutest kid.
(19:56):
The other night she said well,come on, it's bedtime, it's nine
o'clock, I need some water.
And you can't shout at that no.
You can't shout at that.
She's got a little onesie onand she's doing a little dance
across the thing Before you evensay what are you doing up?
(20:17):
You should be in bed.
She knows what's coming.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
She's like.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
I need some water and it's like you little.
But yeah kids are a big form ofsupport.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
What's your biggest form of escapism?
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Oh, what's your biggest form of escapism?
Oh, my biggest form of escapismis doing something for myself
the motorbike in the summer.
Yeah, the motorbike in thesummer Last summer was a bit
naff, but it's like a Sundaymorning thing or a Saturday
morning thing and I've got amate who we ride with and, to be
(20:52):
fair, it stopped me drinking aswell.
Because if I know I'm going outon the bike on a Saturday
morning thing and I've got amate who we ride with and it to
be fair, it stopped me drinkingas well, because if I know I'm
going out on the bike on aSunday morning, I won't drink on
Saturday night.
So we get up early six half six, weather's nice and we'll go
somewhere, just have a breakfastand then we're normally back by
10 half 10 and then you'vestill got the day.
Yeah, I like that.
I've started playing golf,which my mates absolutely love.
(21:14):
Golf, they play it 24 hours aday, seven days a week.
For me it's a nice escape, bitof exercise out in the fresh air
.
Only when the weather's nice,though, I'm one of these fair
weather golfers.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
I'd really like to get into golf.
I just can't.
I've tried.
I've tried so many times.
That basically means it's crap,I am crap, I'm crap and I'm too
old now to learn something newand not be very good at it,
especially something that hurtsand lasts hours on a night file.
I'm in pain and I've gotanother.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
I'm only halfway through you've run out of golf
balls by now.
That's what it is.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Definitely my mate did like 36 holes in two days or
something, wow.
He did like 18 in the morningand 18 one evening.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
That's what the pros do, right, they do the mornings
and an afternoon.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Yeah, yeah, I'd like to do it.
I do enjoy it Like golf is atthe moment.
I enjoy it when it's good.
Golf is good.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Ash was thinking about doing a sponsored golf day
.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Now he's doing a sponsored skydive, dive, yeah,
yeah, yeah, I was gonna do agolf day before we get a few
people together, we'll do a nicelittle.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
I'd rather charity, yeah, um, but no, yeah, that's,
that's my escapism.
What about you, chris?
What do you do to escape?
Speaker 3 (22:20):
I don't really have one.
To be fair now, what's golf?
Gave it up to work harder andlook how happy you are.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Yeah, um, ask me that in six months time yeah, six
months time because when we methat in six months time because
when we're in Australia thistime next week it'll be my last
week at work, so I'm hoping tohave more time to my hands, so
we'll see then.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
But it was golf, I'd say probably.
I always, I always used to havethis thing where once a year I
would do something stupid.
So I'd do a stupid, so I'd do askydive, I'd do London Marathon
, I'd do a bungee jump or dosomething.
I mean we were supposed to goand-.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
I love it.
London Marathon once a year.
It's four months of training.
We were supposed to row thelocks the entire length of
Scotland.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
The other three years ago, two years ago, my mate's
done it but I haven't.
I haven't done anything stupidfor a couple of years, so hence
the idea of the skydive.
But yeah, you always used to bethat because I'd either have to
lose weight so I'd have toforce myself into running, or,
yeah, we'd have to justsomething.
It would be something really todo with, I suppose, fitness,
(23:25):
because bungee jumps, skydiving,you need to lose weight.
Exercise, I suppose, is quite agood thing, because I just used
to like to punish myself alittle bit.
Really, yeah, fair enough, thething is for me as well, like
setting a challenge.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Setting a task is the way that I will do exercise.
I won't just go to.
I won't just go and exercisebecause I know I should.
I need to have something towork towards, so yeah, actually
day out of the football.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
This is it.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
I'm amazed you didn't say day out of the football.
This is it.
I'm amazed you didn't sayfootball day out of the football
, it's because I've known it forso long.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
That's what it is.
Yeah, it's true hopefully nextSaturday hopefully next Saturday
will be my release day.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yeah, weeks after that, as well, but yeah,
football, mate football itdoesn't even have to be a day
out.
It can be football on the telly, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
But for me it's yeah, football, definitely.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
I love the wrestling.
Still WrestleMania weekend thisweekend.
Cody Rhodes, john Cena, anyway,we got I love going to a local
park I think I said this to youbefore on Voice Notes Like a
Sunday morning.
We've got a big park wherearound I live with like football
pitches and rugby pitches andtennis courts and you with like
football pitches and rugbypitches and tennis courts and
you go there on a Saturday orSunday morning and it is heaving
with activity.
Love that, just walking the dogaround, just taking in
(24:38):
everything.
Be careful walking around thepark, though I know over and
over again, yeah, that bigoverall hoodie that I wear.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
Get some looks, just wear the wear the dry robe not
the match.
Don't wear that grey match yougot.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
But mostly it's music .
Yeah, it's music.
I have to have music everywhere, everywhere, even when I'm not
listening to music.
I've got those pictures behindmy head.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
It's a really good point actually, that is a really
good point.
Music, music is everywhere,isn't it, yeah, and you don't
realise how much music canaffect your mind.
So when I do my lives on TikTok, I actually play techno, do you
?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Yeah, really random.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
You have to, though, wouldn't you?
Speaker 3 (25:18):
But it really does keep me way more upbeat.
I try to put relaxing music onand it just kills me.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yeah, right A bit of a push-pull thing, yeah, music
one.
Actually music is life again,because when you're in a room
and there's no music on bloodyhow you know, is it?
Speaker 2 (25:35):
yeah, you, really, when you, when we come in here
in the mornings, first thing Ido alexa plays the music have to
yeah and it's just, yeah, it's.
Uh, it is a big big, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (25:43):
when you drive anywhere.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
I can't drive the car without having some sort of
music.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
I have to listen to a bloody podcast now.
This is the thing I've triedpodcasts.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
I've tried audio books in the car, but I can't do
it.
I know that I'll get more, butyou should, everybody yeah, you
should, especially this one,especially the Untold podcast if
you say something that fuelsyour soul.
I know I get more enjoyment frommusic than I would do an audio
book, for example, but it is,yeah, it is interesting.
And the other thing for me andagain, you only notice it when
(26:12):
it's not there.
I go weird if there's not abody of water somewhere in my
one mile radius of where I am.
That is a bit weird to be fair,isn't it.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I thought he was going to say a body of water in
the cup holder in the car.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
I haven't got something to drink around me.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
No, honestly, I don't know whether it's growing up in
Brighton or what, but I needthe sea.
If I can't have the sea, I needa river or a lock or something.
I love the sea.
I have to.
Yeah, I go weird, I hate it.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Do you?
There's my disagreement I lovethe sea.
The sea's good for one thing,and one thing only.
What's that Getting wet?
I was going to say weaning Jetskis, that is it.
I'll go on a jet ski, but youwill not find me swimming in the
sea.
Not a chance.
I don't want to get eaten by amonster, Not necessarily in
England but anywhere, anywhere,mate, I'll go like knee-high.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I don't want to get eaten by a monster.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
But there's monsters in there.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
There are.
When we went to Lanzarote acouple of years ago, we rented a
boat out and we we were justswimming off the back of the
boat, my kids were fishing and Iwas like I'm going to go
swimming and there was this raylike honestly, it must've been
75 foot across, like literallyabove my feet, and I was like,
and I was like hold on a minute,like and I just got the snorkel
(27:24):
goggles and just was justwatching this ray Like I love to
see.
I absolutely love to see.
Like I love the sea.
I absolutely love the sea.
It's my happy place being up,bobbing around on a boat.
When I was young, I wasprivileged enough that my
parents bought a little boat, alittle weekender boat, lovely,
instead of a caravan.
We had a boat down atChichester, that's nice.
It had a dinghy and we had thedinghy as well.
(27:47):
I used to love it Like bombingaround the Chichester Marina on
the dinghy, but that is my.
My happy places out at sea,like when I go on holiday, first
thing I do.
What boat trip can I book thisweek?
Where can I go on a boat?
And I managed to get.
My missus will go in the sea ona paddle board and she's very
much like you.
She thinks there's monstersthat are going to eat.
(28:10):
I couldn't think of anythingworse.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
I would like to do it .
Not only are you on the sea inthe middle of nowhere, I'd want
one of those cabins under thewater, a giant octopus covered
with cucumber swallowing theboat A giant octopus.
But if you are surrounded by abunch of pricks, you're
surrounded by pricks.
You can't get away from thesepeople, no why would you want to
go there?
At least if you're on land, youcould just go down the beach
somewhere else or something, butoh god, doing a cruise.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
It's something I want to go back to, where his
default was a giant octopus ofall the things that could get
you in the sea, climb up theside of the boat and surround it
Speaker 2 (28:44):
this giant fucking cruise ship, oh dear.
No, yeah, I love the sea.
It is my to be fair, that wouldbe like escapism.
If I could, would just like thepaddleboard.
I remember I went on a holidayonce and, uh, I went on holiday
with a lady friend at the timeand after two days I could not
(29:04):
stand to even breathe the sameair as her like being on a
cruiser.
So I went and hired a kayak andsaid can I wait for the whole
day?
He's like being on a cruiser,isn't it?
So I went and hired a kayak andsaid can I have it for the
whole day?
he's like you want it for thewhole day I was like yeah and I
just literally just out on thekayak, just up and down like
bobbing around at the sea, justthinking any holiday, whether
it's a lads holiday or a holidaywith the family.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
I don't want a swimming pool.
Are you doing?
Speaker 2 (29:29):
that there's monsters in the swimming pool.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
They live in them little filters, the chlorine
gets them, doesn't it?
Speaker 2 (29:33):
yeah, so that's what the chlorine's for.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
You didn't know it's not to get rid of your waist.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Kill the monsters that's kill the monsters.
My boy having a pony, that'sthe only monster in the swimming
pool.
I don't necessarily believe inNildis, but just curious.
What star sign are you Aquarius?
Yeah, mate, that's interesting.
So I'm Cancer.
They're both water signs,aren't they?
What are you?
Are they Gemini?
No, I don't.
Two-faced bastards, carefulboys yeah yeah, interesting,
(30:02):
isn't it?
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Interesting.
Yeah, no, I love to see is aswell.
I walk in just walking along abeach.
I can walk for miles and milesand miles and not get bored on
my own just walking along thebeach like feet in the water
when you know when it comes upand it's all nice and sandy.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
I'll do that.
I don't mind that I'll brew youthat one definitely.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Yeah, love a walk on a beach so, if we bring this
back, wrap it up the old, theold adage is true, isn't it?
Men are very simple creatures,aren't we?
Speaker 3 (30:33):
Well, we are.
Humanity is simple, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (30:35):
We've just made life difficult, yeah that's true, but
so far all we really need is acuddle every now and then, some
form of sport, some form ofholiday.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
And a day out with the lads.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Yeah, yeah, that sounds like a dream, doesn't it?
Oh, and meat and meat, yeah,yeah, yeah.
And beer, yeah, meat and beer.
Actually, we need quite a lotto be fair.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
We do need quite a lot.
Yeah, yeah and other things,yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
I was going to say I don't know what I was saying
WrestleMania, yeah, WrestleMania.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
I was saying that Good, good, but no yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
When it comes to support, there are so many
different methods of support.
Isn't there.
You might need financialsupport, you might need
emotional support, you mightneed mental support.
You might need someone justputting their foot up your ass
telling you to sort your shitout.
That's it.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
I feel like we talk about partners a lot in our
podcast because we've all gotother halves and we've all got
misses in that.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Support must be difficult for people that don't
have a household of people to gohome to I think that's the
takeaway in it, because eventhough we're all saying roughly
the same things, it all varieson you as a person to know what
you enjoy the most.
So where you said motorbikes, Imean what you said football
football, that's right and minewas mostly music it's Football,
(31:49):
football, that's right, and minewas mostly music.
It's find the thing, find thething that makes you happy.
It sounds so simple and do that.
It really does, doesn't it.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Make time for it.
Yeah, that's it.
Make time for it.
We spoke about it.
Don't feel guilty because youwant to do something for
yourself for an hour a week.
Yeah, don't Just do it, that'strue, an hour Next Saturday.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
I'm leaving my house at eight in the morning.
I'm getting home at midnight.
Miserable, that is not an hourand I'll be probably unhappy.
All right.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Find the time to do the thing you love.
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Because it's good for the soul.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
And encourage the people in your life To do the
same.
To do the same.
Your missus, your parents, goand enjoy yourself.
We only get one life that's itdon't feel guilty for doing the
things that you want to do.
Yeah, that's it, unless you'rebeing a prick about it don't be
a prick about it, alright?
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I think that's the best way to wrap it up, boys
don't be a prick.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Don't be a prick, don't be a prick.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Thank you everybody for coming back.
Please leave reviews.
If you've made it this far, I'mguessing you liked it, so
please give us a review.
It really matters because itdrives the algorithm.
It gets us in front of morepeople.
Everybody wins well, us threein this room.
But we also then have got theability to start bringing in
guests and start decking thisout with more clobber and
(33:11):
actually start growing, growing,growing and making differences,
because that's what we want todo, right?
Everybody say goodbye, goodbyeeverybody, everybody see you
next time.
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