April 7, 2025 • 28 mins
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Wedding planning involves countless decisions, expectations, and potential pitfalls. Drawing from my extensive experience officiating ceremonies, I'm sharing fifteen essential wedding tips that can transform your planning process and wedding day experience.
The absolute must-dos begin with having realistic backup plans. While you can't anticipate everything, thinking through alternatives for weather, timing delays, and unexpected hiccups provides crucial peace of mind. Equally important is the contract process – couples should thoroughly read and understand agreements, while vendors need clear documentation of services, policies, and procedures. Personalizing your ceremony creates meaningful memories that endure long after the celebration ends, while managing your energy and building positive vendor relationships contribute significantly to a smooth, joyful experience.
Beyond these fundamentals, consider your budget priorities carefully, communicate attire expectations clearly but respectfully, and plan thoughtfully around family dynamics. Every wedding experiences some unexpected chaos – it's how you respond that determines whether these moments become cherished stories or lasting disappointments. Perhaps most importantly, know when to say no – to unreasonable requests, family pressures that contradict your vision, or proceeding with marriage if significant doubts exist.
Equally valuable is understanding what to avoid. Don't make assumptions about what your partner or clients want without explicit discussion. Never rely solely on couples for wedding day logistics, and don't recycle generic ceremony scripts when each celebration deserves personalization. Pay attention to warning signs during the planning process, whether communication issues, payment concerns, or contractual problems. Most critically, amid all the planning and details, don't forget to stay present and enjoy this extraordinary milestone.
Whether you're a couple planning your celebration or a vendor serving them, these practical insights can help navigate the complexities of wedding planning while preserving the joy that should define this significant life event. What unexpected wedding wisdom has shaped your approach to celebrations? Share your experiences and let's continue building a community of supportive wedding professionals and informed couples.
Thank you for sharing the podcast with others who may enjoy it! Share your funny wedding stories with me at theweddingwherepodcast@gmail.com. Any links referenced are on linktree.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amanda (00:04):
Welcome to the Wedding Where with officiating by Amanda
.
Hello, and welcome back to thewedding where I'm amanda, and
(00:36):
surprise bonus episode here.
tomorrow, april 8th, isactually my birthday, so I
decided that I'd put out alittle extra content to go along
with your day as a celebration.
So this is just some advice andtake it or leave it for what
it's worth.
I tried to think in theheadspace of couples, family
(01:00):
members, other vendors, you knowif you're a bridal party person
, and this is just a hodgepodgeof everything.
So some of these probably won'tpertain, but others, I hope,
definitely do and will.
Let me dive on in.
So I wanted to give you fivethings to do like seriously,
(01:23):
definitely do them.
Five things to do likeseriously, definitely do them,
do them, do them.
And five things to consider andfive things to not do.
And, like I said, this is ahodgepodge for who it's for.
So whenever I can, I might tryto, you know, adjust it for both
ends of the spectrum, whetheryou're a couple or you're a
vendor, especially an officiant.
(01:52):
So the top thing to do and Iknow it's easier said than done
and it's hard and you can't planfor everything but always have
a backup plan.
So for couples, this is justthinking.
At least one derivative, onederivation of something went
wrong.
So you start time and thinkingyour head just one step.
(02:13):
What if it doesn't start ontime?
Okay, cool, what's the backupfor that?
Think about weather, especiallyif you're having it outdoors,
especially if it's winter, andeven if you're indoors, what
additional conditions might dofor the roads for your guests
getting there If it's a summerand it's hot?
(02:35):
I was at a wedding incrediblyhot, and fans and AC could not
keep us cool enough.
We all had to go by like littlepocket fans.
That was something that in the11th hour, I know that the bride
was like oh my gosh, I shouldhave ordered fans.
That should have been the favorand the giveaway.
(02:56):
Again, the thoughts that wehave in the moment would have
always suited us better a fewmonths prior, but it's better to
have them than to not have themat all.
Just always think through whatyour backup plan is and in that
mind, also think about is itrealistic and feasible to pull
(03:17):
off with the time that you have?
There are a lot of things thatI have seen couples try to pull
off.
They come up with a decisionthe night before their wedding
because of something we talkedabout in rehearsal or they
totally forgot to do it and itdoesn't come together.
And it's kind of a sore spotwhen I show up the next day for
(03:39):
the wedding and it hasn't cometogether.
So please, oh please, berealistic with the backup plans
that you can create.
The second thing to do iscontracts From the vendor side.
Build one out.
It can be just as simplisticand easy and, as you grow your
business over time, add to it.
(04:00):
I've got a whole episode.
I've teased it several times.
Now I'm going through mycontract and kind of giving some
of the insight behind why Ihave this clause or why that
came to be.
Because all of them werelessons learned For couples.
Sign contracts, read them Athousand percent.
Read them, sign them.
(04:22):
If you are working with avendor who, in any way, shape,
shape or form, touts themselvesas a professional, they will
have something for you to fillout and sign.
My first contract was reallysimply just additional language
(04:43):
in the body of an email, wasreally simply just additional
language in the body of an email, but it made the email really
really long.
But it was all there.
All of the clauses, all of theelements were there.
Definitely have a contract.
Make sure you're signing acontract.
Know how you can get out of acontract, know under what
grounds money could be returned,understand what elements might
(05:06):
be additional charges and please, oh please, don't try to be
sneaky and just add it inanyways.
I would much rather haveconversations with couples as
they're going through theirwedding planning process and
saying, oh, you know, we knowour quote doesn't have unity, we
weren't thinking about it, butwe really would like it.
(05:27):
I would.
I'm in a much better positionto work with you, to talk with
you, to edit the script, than towalk in blind, as I have
sometimes, and see a unitycandle sitting there at the top
of the aisle and go, oh, what'sthat?
And be told they're doing UnityCandle.
Well, that wasn't in the script, that wasn't in my plans and
(05:51):
for those of you that know mepersonally, you know that I can
have a touch of the tism if theplan doesn't come to be.
So it's a lot to process thosefly-by-the-moment elements,
which is why contracts areimportant.
Quotes for services areimportant.
(06:12):
My next to-do is definitelypersonalize the ceremony.
Couples particularly, thinkabout how much personalization
you want and where you want thatto shine through, whether
that's in the ceremony or it'swithin the reception, or you're
(06:32):
going to make sure the speeches,the dances you know.
There is no reason that yourwedding shouldn't be personally
yours in every little aspect.
I say that with the caveat ofknow when to draw the line,
because there are certainlythings that the whole wide world
does not need to know andthere's almost a too much
(06:54):
overshare For vendors.
Let them, if it's going to takeadditional time or talent of
yours, add that into the quoteof hey.
Personalization equals this,and so long as it's not
drastically out, far of what younormally do, for example, if
you're a photographer and younormally shoot with a certain
(07:17):
kind of style and lighting, andfor one or two pictures the
couple is really wanting to tryX, y, z, because it makes sense
to them or because it was thatfirst picture they had together
back 10 years ago, try it.
Let them personalize Again.
Respectfully, draw the linewhen it's something you can't do
(07:40):
, but every single element thatyou are able to say yes to and
to let a couple include is allthe more special.
It is the thing that they'regoing to remember and it makes
up for maybe some of theelements that didn't come
together.
I know, for my wedding myphotographer, contract-wise, was
(08:02):
to have a second shooter andthey were going to bring a newer
photographer to kind of learnthe ropes.
The second shooter was pregnantand unfortunately had to go to
the hospital with some pregnancycomplications Again outside of
anybody's control, outside ofwhat we're able to do and what
we're able to kind of strategizea backup plan for the morning
(08:25):
of and in the moment.
But my photographer stayingsome extra time working with us
on pulling off the surpriseengagement that we had at the
wedding.
That levels up so much higherin the stories that I tell about
the day.
So always take that intoaccount, putting in special
(08:47):
touches, working with the coupleto have it be what they're
hoping it will be.
It gets goodwill and it canreally evaporate little hiccups.
I'm not saying it totallyundoes big errors, but it can
undo little hiccups very quicklyor they're not even remembered.
(09:10):
The fourth thing to do is energy.
This is for the couple.
You're going to be stressed,but as much as you can be
conscious of your energy.
Everyone coming in and everyonearound is excited.
You don't necessarily have tofeed off that excitement to take
your excitement up to 150, butyou certainly should feed a
(09:34):
little bit on the excitement sothat you aren't standing there
going, yes, I'm getting married,very just stressed, but not in
it For the bridal party orfriends that might be listening
to this.
Do what you can to keep thecouple at ease.
If you're a person who likes tohelp and you say, oh my gosh,
(09:56):
what can I do, be prepared thatthat question might open on
bigger can of worms than youwere ready for.
You know where do you want me?
What can I do?
I'm gonna stand here and if youthink of anything, just let me
know.
You can be very casual with itinstead of demanding a task.
(10:16):
And for the vendors, keep thecouple at ease.
Pretend like it's a nervousparent or something dropping
their kid off at kindergarten.
Only bring the highest ofhigh-level things.
Bring the solutions, not theproblems.
Everything gets better when youhave a little bit of humor, a
little positivity.
(10:37):
You can handle it with a smileand a laugh.
I've always found and my lastbig thing to do is definitely
the other vendors.
So, as a vendor network withthem, build up those friendships
.
It definitely makes the day runsmoother.
And if you show up right awayand kind of I don't want to say
(10:58):
repeat your resume, but extolyour confidences and your
professionalism to them.
They will go cool.
They will go cool.
You've got this.
Let me mic you up, let me tellyou where to stand, let me
double check with the bride onthis, but we're good to go and
(11:19):
let you live in your space.
A lot of vendors have seenother vendors drop the ball
significantly, and so there is apart of all of us as vendors
who are prepared to step in andto micromanage a bit more.
I know that when I work withevent coordinators or day of
coordinators, and especially ifthey're new, it takes every
(11:42):
fiber of my being to not step inand run the show.
That's their job.
But I've also seen a fairamount flounder and so that's a
realm I'm prepared in For yourcouple.
You know you don't really needto do all that much networking
with your vendors.
You kind of did it before, Ihope, when you booked them, but
(12:05):
just making sure that you touchbase at least once with them
throughout the event and timeleast once with them throughout
the event and time.
That way when you're leavingreviews later you are actually
able to say yes, I did, I sawthem, I spoke with them and all
of my information isn't justcoming secondhand from my guests
(12:26):
who said that the music was tooloud or that they really liked
the food.
You know, you have your ownpersonal recollection with it.
You have your own personalrecollection with it.
My top five things to consider Italk a lot about budgets,
couples setting budgets,thinking about your budget,
especially for officiants.
So, couples definitely budget,budget, budget.
(12:49):
I know you hear it so much inthe process, but always think
about your budget.
Think about what you would payfor, what you wouldn't pay for,
what you might pay a little bitmore for if it takes it off your
plate.
In all the realms, but in myspace, certainly for the
ceremony and for vendors, yeah,what do you charge?
(13:11):
How much should you charge forit?
Your time is valuable and it'sworth an amount.
I should not be the person whodefines what that amount is, so
I'm not going to tell you whatyou need to charge, but figure
it out, stick to it, be flexibleand feasible when you can if
(13:31):
there's unique circumstances,and just grow and have fun with
it.
Another element to consider isattire.
So I had the one episode abouta month ago about everyone in
their bathing suits and wetalked a lot about attire of
bridal party, of the guests,sometimes of me as the officiant
(13:54):
, and how.
If you are looking for acertain outfit type and attire
expectation, you need to be veryclear as a couple when setting
that up, without beingbridezilla-y or groomzilla-y or
couplezilla-y, you need to bevery clear hey, we want the
(14:15):
entire bridal party in shades ofblue.
We want floor length for thedress, we want a jacket for the
guys.
But set your own price points,set your own expectation.
I'm chuckling right now becausein my sorority experience when
I was a new member, we had whitechecks where we were all able
(14:38):
to go out and buy our own whitedresses that we needed for
ceremonies.
Have a whites check whereeveryone would have to bring
their whites and just get theones over to make sure that it
wasn't a see-through, asee-through bathing suit
(15:01):
cover-up or that it wasn'tactually yellow in color.
So that is something maybe tothink about if you're giving
your bridal party a lot moreleeway so that they're able to
shop within their budget andwithin their preferences and
their style setting up a.
But hey, I really do wantshades of blue as the theme and
(15:23):
I really, really do want to makesure that we look a certain way
.
Can we please do like a?
This is your bye-bye date and Iwant a photo.
This is your bye-bye date and Iwant a photo and for guests,
definitely letting them know weare all black and this is why we
are requesting that you doformal attire and this is why,
the more you can respectfullycommunicate, do and don't take
(15:49):
it personally.
When somebody forgets it'sabsolutely a pain in the ass but
it'll be okay In that realm.
Pain in the assness.
Family dynamics yeah, hopefullyfor vendors you don't have to
worry about this as much.
But for couples think about whomight've been married to who.
(16:13):
Think about who's engaged towho but not quite married to who
.
Think about who plays nice inthe sandbox with others.
I know for my wedding we had alittle bit of fun.
We got married right before theelection, so we organized the
families a little bit, but thenwe took into account knowing
(16:34):
where some of them were verystrong, politically leaning, and
while we did not want politicaldiscourse at the wedding,
sometimes it's just the topic orit's just what comes up.
Divorced We've had some who aredealing with alcoholism.
(16:57):
We have some who should havebrought their significant other
but then we were notified thattheir significant other is no
longer with them.
Family members who are VPS andthen don't come.
There's going to be a lot inthe day.
So just kind of think aboutthis will matter, this won't
matter.
One, no call, no show, doesn'tmatter.
15 doesn't matter.
(17:19):
Just be prepared.
Somebody's going to have alittle bit of a problem with
something else.
Some brother of the bride mightforget his pants, what?
Just think about how you wantto keep everything in the
forefront because it is your day, but also don't sweat it.
(17:43):
Number four is kind of similarAny big wedding day chaos, and I
don't want you dreaming up theabsolute worst things that could
happen, but there's alwaysgoing to be one little thing,
and I tell couples, in all theweddings I've done, I maybe have
had one wedding that went wrong, but every single wedding has
(18:06):
had something go not to plan,and it's how you as a couple
deal with it that makes it,whether it's the funny story
told forever or not evenremembered by others, or right,
oh my gosh, and did you hearabout what went wrong at Sarah's
wedding?
(18:26):
Another thing to consider iswhen to say no and this is very,
very open-ended.
So for couples, when to say noto a vendor because what they're
offering sounds great butthere's things they're missing
that you really really want, sayno.
(18:49):
Say no to family members,bridal party guests when they
have desires and expectationsthat aren't matching up with
what you want.
You can say no.
You have to be ready for theaftermath, but you can say no.
You can say no to gettingmarried.
(19:09):
I know that that's like thedeepest and darkest of it all,
like oh my gosh, I can't believeit.
But it's far, far lessexpensive to put together a
wedding, a party, a celebration,not go through with a formal
(19:32):
and legal marriage becauseyou're still working to figure
things out, then to do the wholegosh darn thing and then deal
with divorce proceedings.
You can say no and on thevendor side remember, we can say
no to couples and to weddings,to things that don't feel good
(19:57):
or right.
I really make it a practice notto say no for particular
reasons, because I don't want tobe that judge person, but there
are times where it doesn't feelsmart, it doesn't feel safe for
myself or for either member inthe wedding, in the couple.
(20:18):
Things to consider what are thehard lines and when do you say
no?
So getting a little lighter,things not to do.
do.
Don't make assumptions.
So, as a bride or groom, do notmake an assumption of what your
significant other wants in thewedding.
Ask them, talk to them, letthem know that their opinion
(20:42):
matters as well.
And for vendors, do not assumethat you know what the couple
wants if you didn't talk to themabout it.
Some things, especially day of,aren't going to matter.
Talk to them about it.
Some things, especially day of,aren't going to matter.
Map balloons versus shinyballoons Okay, make that
decision, make the executivecall, but don't make the
(21:08):
overall assumption.
I've officiants who havereached out and, you know,
looked at my website and said,oh my gosh, we want probably
your platinum package.
And I could have just said,like sounds great, but I require
a consult call with everybooking.
And instead Igot on and said, hey, I would
love that you would want thehighest package, but what are we
talking about?
Like, what do you actually want?
And by asking a few morequestions and having that
(21:30):
conversation versus justassuming that a couple could
look at a website and knowexactly that's what they want I
was able to say you're a muchbetter fit for one of these
packages.
It's going to fit what you'relooking for a lot better.
Do not rely solely on thecouple for logistics.
(21:54):
Love the couple.
They have a lot going on andvery easily can the plans for
the rehearsal dinner getslightly confused with the plans
for the reception dinner or thebreakfast, while everyone's
getting ready, get confused withthe morning after brunch
breakfast, while everyone'sgetting ready, get confused
(22:15):
with the morning after brunch.
A lot of things are happeningand up in the air.
So anytime that there is acoordinator, a planner, a day of
person, a written out timeline,work and consult with that very
, very much.
So For my fellow fishy ants, donot get comfortable with your
(22:36):
script.
Each wedding is unique.
Each wedding needs to be uniqueand there's a lot that you can
do on the fly if you'recomfortable leaning into the
situational occurrences andhappenings, leaning into the
situational occurrences andhappenings.
Another thing not to do is donot ignore red flags in the
(23:03):
search process.
So for couples, it's a vendornot getting back to you Normally
again 48 hours, or, dependingon if it is the weekend in the
(24:46):
consult calls wedding season,you could probably give up to 72
, but do they communicate withyou?
Do they have regular means tocommunicate with you that aren't
whatsapp or that aren't justfacebook messenger?
Have you met them in person orgotten on a video with them to
know that they're there?
Do prices change?
Do things that you talk aboutnot seem to matter to them
anymore?
Realistically, we all knoweveryone is living a life.
Your wedding is going to be apoint of importance for them,
but it's not the most importantthing to them.
So definitely give some grace.
If you know, from the firstinteraction to the second,
there's a couple things lost outof the memory bank, like they
don't remember that you wantthis specific quote from Harry
Potter, but they know that youwere looking at quotes.
Specific quote from HarryPotter, but they know that you
were looking at quotes.
Give a little grace, but thereare definitely some very big red
flags that you should notignore.
If things seem weird with howthey want to be paid the
deposits, if their cancellationclauses lean very, very heavily
on, they're the only one who cancancel.
They don't spell out your legalrights.
Don't ignore that.
And for vendors, same thing.
Does the couple get back to you?
Do they set up council callsand then reschedule three or
four times.
Do you really need to bechasing down them for their
payment, their script selection,their final details?
Are they reasonably reachable?
Are they paying in full all atonce with a cashier's check?
(25:08):
Oh well, actually it was anoverpayment and we need you to
send it to the other vendor.
Yeah, that's been scammedbefore and there's some things
that just don't sit right.
Don't ignore those.
You will not have a fun time andthe final thing to not do is
(25:34):
probably the same one.
I set up a thing to do.
But do not forget to enjoy theexperience.
Take it all in.
It goes by insanely fast.
The hours of planning are notequal to the hours of actually
being there in the wedding andin the moment.
Enjoy, soak up your experience,soak up everyone else's
(25:58):
experience.
Laugh, take some pictures.
As a vendor, I always, when Ican make sure I don't just fly
out of there.
Okay, bye, everyone, see you.
I make sure to touch base witha few of the vendors on my way
out and let themknow hey, this was great working
(27:52):
Wedding Where with with.
I leave my card, let's network.
I will let one of the parentsyou know, father of the bride,
mother of the license to keep.
If they have any questions,they've got my number, but let
them just enjoy the day.
There's nothing more they needto do with me and I normally
talk to at least one or twoguests or bridal party members
just getting some feedback.
I really like to bask in thecompliments of that went well or
we, we enjoyed, or that wasfunny.
So as a vendor, I soak those in, but certainly as a couple,
take it all.
Take it all in.
That's a lot to take intoaccount and to consider and to
do and to not do, and you canthrow it all out with the
bathwater if you want and justsay, yeah, okay, amanda recorded
an episode and it really didnothing for me, but maybe it did
.
Let me know.
Let me know if any of thisrings true or if there's any
other considerations you make orthings that you think other
couples or vendors should know.
And yeah, thank you guys somuch for being on this with me.
I'm really excited to celebratebirthday tomorrow, got a lot
going on in the personal spaceand we'll get everything set
from there.
Have a great day.
Thank you for listening to theWedding Wear with Officiating by
Amanda.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and found some
inspiration or insight for yourown special day.
This podcast is hosted onBuzzsprout and can be found on
all major platforms.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe, like, comment and
share to help us reach even morelisteners who might laugh a
little at the Wedding Wear.
For the links referenced in theshow, visit Linktree at
(28:16):
Officiating by Amanda.
You can also follow thebusiness on Facebook,
weddingwire and the Knot to stayup to date on everything going
on.
If you have a question you'dlike me to answer on the podcast
, just send an email totheweddingwearpodcast at
gmailcom, and if you're ready toinquire about officiating
services for your own big day,you can reach me at
(28:36):
officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom.
Thank you so much for tuning inand until next time.
This has been Amanda.
Welcome to the Wedding Where with officiating by Amanda
.
Hello, and welcome back to thewedding where I'm amanda, and
(00:36):
surprise bonus episode here.
tomorrow, april 8th, isactually my birthday, so I
decided that I'd put out alittle extra content to go along
with your day as a celebration.
So this is just some advice andtake it or leave it for what
it's worth.
I tried to think in theheadspace of couples, family
(01:00):
members, other vendors, you knowif you're a bridal party person
, and this is just a hodgepodgeof everything.
So some of these probably won'tpertain, but others, I hope,
definitely do and will.
Let me dive on in.
So I wanted to give you fivethings to do like seriously,
(01:23):
definitely do them.
Five things to do likeseriously, definitely do them,
do them, do them.
And five things to consider andfive things to not do.
And, like I said, this is ahodgepodge for who it's for.
So whenever I can, I might tryto, you know, adjust it for both
ends of the spectrum, whetheryou're a couple or you're a
vendor, especially an officiant.
(01:52):
So the top thing to do and Iknow it's easier said than done
and it's hard and you can't planfor everything but always have
a backup plan.
So for couples, this is justthinking.
At least one derivative, onederivation of something went
wrong.
So you start time and thinkingyour head just one step.
(02:13):
What if it doesn't start ontime?
Okay, cool, what's the backupfor that?
Think about weather, especiallyif you're having it outdoors,
especially if it's winter, andeven if you're indoors, what
additional conditions might dofor the roads for your guests
getting there If it's a summerand it's hot?
(02:35):
I was at a wedding incrediblyhot, and fans and AC could not
keep us cool enough.
We all had to go by like littlepocket fans.
That was something that in the11th hour, I know that the bride
was like oh my gosh, I shouldhave ordered fans.
That should have been the favorand the giveaway.
(02:56):
Again, the thoughts that wehave in the moment would have
always suited us better a fewmonths prior, but it's better to
have them than to not have themat all.
Just always think through whatyour backup plan is and in that
mind, also think about is itrealistic and feasible to pull
(03:17):
off with the time that you have?
There are a lot of things thatI have seen couples try to pull
off.
They come up with a decisionthe night before their wedding
because of something we talkedabout in rehearsal or they
totally forgot to do it and itdoesn't come together.
And it's kind of a sore spotwhen I show up the next day for
(03:39):
the wedding and it hasn't cometogether.
So please, oh please, berealistic with the backup plans
that you can create.
The second thing to do iscontracts From the vendor side.
Build one out.
It can be just as simplisticand easy and, as you grow your
business over time, add to it.
(04:00):
I've got a whole episode.
I've teased it several times.
Now I'm going through mycontract and kind of giving some
of the insight behind why Ihave this clause or why that
came to be.
Because all of them werelessons learned For couples.
Sign contracts, read them Athousand percent.
Read them, sign them.
(04:22):
If you are working with avendor who, in any way, shape,
shape or form, touts themselvesas a professional, they will
have something for you to fillout and sign.
My first contract was reallysimply just additional language
(04:43):
in the body of an email, wasreally simply just additional
language in the body of an email, but it made the email really
really long.
But it was all there.
All of the clauses, all of theelements were there.
Definitely have a contract.
Make sure you're signing acontract.
Know how you can get out of acontract, know under what
grounds money could be returned,understand what elements might
(05:06):
be additional charges and please, oh please, don't try to be
sneaky and just add it inanyways.
I would much rather haveconversations with couples as
they're going through theirwedding planning process and
saying, oh, you know, we knowour quote doesn't have unity, we
weren't thinking about it, butwe really would like it.
(05:27):
I would.
I'm in a much better positionto work with you, to talk with
you, to edit the script, than towalk in blind, as I have
sometimes, and see a unitycandle sitting there at the top
of the aisle and go, oh, what'sthat?
And be told they're doing UnityCandle.
Well, that wasn't in the script, that wasn't in my plans and
(05:51):
for those of you that know mepersonally, you know that I can
have a touch of the tism if theplan doesn't come to be.
So it's a lot to process thosefly-by-the-moment elements,
which is why contracts areimportant.
Quotes for services areimportant.
(06:12):
My next to-do is definitelypersonalize the ceremony.
Couples particularly, thinkabout how much personalization
you want and where you want thatto shine through, whether
that's in the ceremony or it'swithin the reception, or you're
(06:32):
going to make sure the speeches,the dances you know.
There is no reason that yourwedding shouldn't be personally
yours in every little aspect.
I say that with the caveat ofknow when to draw the line,
because there are certainlythings that the whole wide world
does not need to know andthere's almost a too much
(06:54):
overshare For vendors.
Let them, if it's going to takeadditional time or talent of
yours, add that into the quoteof hey.
Personalization equals this,and so long as it's not
drastically out, far of what younormally do, for example, if
you're a photographer and younormally shoot with a certain
(07:17):
kind of style and lighting, andfor one or two pictures the
couple is really wanting to tryX, y, z, because it makes sense
to them or because it was thatfirst picture they had together
back 10 years ago, try it.
Let them personalize Again.
Respectfully, draw the linewhen it's something you can't do
(07:40):
, but every single element thatyou are able to say yes to and
to let a couple include is allthe more special.
It is the thing that they'regoing to remember and it makes
up for maybe some of theelements that didn't come
together.
I know, for my wedding myphotographer, contract-wise, was
(08:02):
to have a second shooter andthey were going to bring a newer
photographer to kind of learnthe ropes.
The second shooter was pregnantand unfortunately had to go to
the hospital with some pregnancycomplications Again outside of
anybody's control, outside ofwhat we're able to do and what
we're able to kind of strategizea backup plan for the morning
(08:25):
of and in the moment.
But my photographer stayingsome extra time working with us
on pulling off the surpriseengagement that we had at the
wedding.
That levels up so much higherin the stories that I tell about
the day.
So always take that intoaccount, putting in special
(08:47):
touches, working with the coupleto have it be what they're
hoping it will be.
It gets goodwill and it canreally evaporate little hiccups.
I'm not saying it totallyundoes big errors, but it can
undo little hiccups very quicklyor they're not even remembered.
(09:10):
The fourth thing to do is energy.
This is for the couple.
You're going to be stressed,but as much as you can be
conscious of your energy.
Everyone coming in and everyonearound is excited.
You don't necessarily have tofeed off that excitement to take
your excitement up to 150, butyou certainly should feed a
(09:34):
little bit on the excitement sothat you aren't standing there
going, yes, I'm getting married,very just stressed, but not in
it For the bridal party orfriends that might be listening
to this.
Do what you can to keep thecouple at ease.
If you're a person who likes tohelp and you say, oh my gosh,
(09:56):
what can I do, be prepared thatthat question might open on
bigger can of worms than youwere ready for.
You know where do you want me?
What can I do?
I'm gonna stand here and if youthink of anything, just let me
know.
You can be very casual with itinstead of demanding a task.
(10:16):
And for the vendors, keep thecouple at ease.
Pretend like it's a nervousparent or something dropping
their kid off at kindergarten.
Only bring the highest ofhigh-level things.
Bring the solutions, not theproblems.
Everything gets better when youhave a little bit of humor, a
little positivity.
(10:37):
You can handle it with a smileand a laugh.
I've always found and my lastbig thing to do is definitely
the other vendors.
So, as a vendor network withthem, build up those friendships
.
It definitely makes the day runsmoother.
And if you show up right awayand kind of I don't want to say
(10:58):
repeat your resume, but extolyour confidences and your
professionalism to them.
They will go cool.
They will go cool.
You've got this.
Let me mic you up, let me tellyou where to stand, let me
double check with the bride onthis, but we're good to go and
(11:19):
let you live in your space.
A lot of vendors have seenother vendors drop the ball
significantly, and so there is apart of all of us as vendors
who are prepared to step in andto micromanage a bit more.
I know that when I work withevent coordinators or day of
coordinators, and especially ifthey're new, it takes every
(11:42):
fiber of my being to not step inand run the show.
That's their job.
But I've also seen a fairamount flounder and so that's a
realm I'm prepared in For yourcouple.
You know you don't really needto do all that much networking
with your vendors.
You kind of did it before, Ihope, when you booked them, but
(12:05):
just making sure that you touchbase at least once with them
throughout the event and timeleast once with them throughout
the event and time.
That way when you're leavingreviews later you are actually
able to say yes, I did, I sawthem, I spoke with them and all
of my information isn't justcoming secondhand from my guests
(12:26):
who said that the music was tooloud or that they really liked
the food.
You know, you have your ownpersonal recollection with it.
You have your own personalrecollection with it.
My top five things to consider Italk a lot about budgets,
couples setting budgets,thinking about your budget,
especially for officiants.
So, couples definitely budget,budget, budget.
(12:49):
I know you hear it so much inthe process, but always think
about your budget.
Think about what you would payfor, what you wouldn't pay for,
what you might pay a little bitmore for if it takes it off your
plate.
In all the realms, but in myspace, certainly for the
ceremony and for vendors, yeah,what do you charge?
(13:11):
How much should you charge forit?
Your time is valuable and it'sworth an amount.
I should not be the person whodefines what that amount is, so
I'm not going to tell you whatyou need to charge, but figure
it out, stick to it, be flexibleand feasible when you can if
(13:31):
there's unique circumstances,and just grow and have fun with
it.
Another element to consider isattire.
So I had the one episode abouta month ago about everyone in
their bathing suits and wetalked a lot about attire of
bridal party, of the guests,sometimes of me as the officiant
(13:54):
, and how.
If you are looking for acertain outfit type and attire
expectation, you need to be veryclear as a couple when setting
that up, without beingbridezilla-y or groomzilla-y or
couplezilla-y, you need to bevery clear hey, we want the
(14:15):
entire bridal party in shades ofblue.
We want floor length for thedress, we want a jacket for the
guys.
But set your own price points,set your own expectation.
I'm chuckling right now becausein my sorority experience when
I was a new member, we had whitechecks where we were all able
(14:38):
to go out and buy our own whitedresses that we needed for
ceremonies.
Have a whites check whereeveryone would have to bring
their whites and just get theones over to make sure that it
wasn't a see-through, asee-through bathing suit
(15:01):
cover-up or that it wasn'tactually yellow in color.
So that is something maybe tothink about if you're giving
your bridal party a lot moreleeway so that they're able to
shop within their budget andwithin their preferences and
their style setting up a.
But hey, I really do wantshades of blue as the theme and
(15:23):
I really, really do want to makesure that we look a certain way
.
Can we please do like a?
This is your bye-bye date and Iwant a photo.
This is your bye-bye date and Iwant a photo and for guests,
definitely letting them know weare all black and this is why we
are requesting that you doformal attire and this is why,
the more you can respectfullycommunicate, do and don't take
(15:49):
it personally.
When somebody forgets it'sabsolutely a pain in the ass but
it'll be okay In that realm.
Pain in the assness.
Family dynamics yeah, hopefullyfor vendors you don't have to
worry about this as much.
But for couples think about whomight've been married to who.
(16:13):
Think about who's engaged towho but not quite married to who
.
Think about who plays nice inthe sandbox with others.
I know for my wedding we had alittle bit of fun.
We got married right before theelection, so we organized the
families a little bit, but thenwe took into account knowing
(16:34):
where some of them were verystrong, politically leaning, and
while we did not want politicaldiscourse at the wedding,
sometimes it's just the topic orit's just what comes up.
Divorced We've had some who aredealing with alcoholism.
(16:57):
We have some who should havebrought their significant other
but then we were notified thattheir significant other is no
longer with them.
Family members who are VPS andthen don't come.
There's going to be a lot inthe day.
So just kind of think aboutthis will matter, this won't
matter.
One, no call, no show, doesn'tmatter.
15 doesn't matter.
(17:19):
Just be prepared.
Somebody's going to have alittle bit of a problem with
something else.
Some brother of the bride mightforget his pants, what?
Just think about how you wantto keep everything in the
forefront because it is your day, but also don't sweat it.
(17:43):
Number four is kind of similarAny big wedding day chaos, and I
don't want you dreaming up theabsolute worst things that could
happen, but there's alwaysgoing to be one little thing,
and I tell couples, in all theweddings I've done, I maybe have
had one wedding that went wrong, but every single wedding has
(18:06):
had something go not to plan,and it's how you as a couple
deal with it that makes it,whether it's the funny story
told forever or not evenremembered by others, or right,
oh my gosh, and did you hearabout what went wrong at Sarah's
wedding?
(18:26):
Another thing to consider iswhen to say no and this is very,
very open-ended.
So for couples, when to say noto a vendor because what they're
offering sounds great butthere's things they're missing
that you really really want, sayno.
(18:49):
Say no to family members,bridal party guests when they
have desires and expectationsthat aren't matching up with
what you want.
You can say no.
You have to be ready for theaftermath, but you can say no.
You can say no to gettingmarried.
(19:09):
I know that that's like thedeepest and darkest of it all,
like oh my gosh, I can't believeit.
But it's far, far lessexpensive to put together a
wedding, a party, a celebration,not go through with a formal
(19:32):
and legal marriage becauseyou're still working to figure
things out, then to do the wholegosh darn thing and then deal
with divorce proceedings.
You can say no and on thevendor side remember, we can say
no to couples and to weddings,to things that don't feel good
(19:57):
or right.
I really make it a practice notto say no for particular
reasons, because I don't want tobe that judge person, but there
are times where it doesn't feelsmart, it doesn't feel safe for
myself or for either member inthe wedding, in the couple.
(20:18):
Things to consider what are thehard lines and when do you say
no?
So getting a little lighter,things not to do.
do.
Don't make assumptions.
So, as a bride or groom, do notmake an assumption of what your
significant other wants in thewedding.
Ask them, talk to them, letthem know that their opinion
(20:42):
matters as well.
And for vendors, do not assumethat you know what the couple
wants if you didn't talk to themabout it.
Some things, especially day of,aren't going to matter.
Talk to them about it.
Some things, especially day of,aren't going to matter.
Map balloons versus shinyballoons Okay, make that
decision, make the executivecall, but don't make the
(21:08):
overall assumption.
I've officiants who havereached out and, you know,
looked at my website and said,oh my gosh, we want probably
your platinum package.
And I could have just said,like sounds great, but I require
a consult call with everybooking.
And instead Igot on and said, hey, I would
love that you would want thehighest package, but what are we
talking about?
Like, what do you actually want?
And by asking a few morequestions and having that
(21:30):
conversation versus justassuming that a couple could
look at a website and knowexactly that's what they want I
was able to say you're a muchbetter fit for one of these
packages.
It's going to fit what you'relooking for a lot better.
Do not rely solely on thecouple for logistics.
(21:54):
Love the couple.
They have a lot going on andvery easily can the plans for
the rehearsal dinner getslightly confused with the plans
for the reception dinner or thebreakfast, while everyone's
getting ready, get confused withthe morning after brunch
breakfast, while everyone'sgetting ready, get confused
(22:15):
with the morning after brunch.
A lot of things are happeningand up in the air.
So anytime that there is acoordinator, a planner, a day of
person, a written out timeline,work and consult with that very
, very much.
So For my fellow fishy ants, donot get comfortable with your
(22:36):
script.
Each wedding is unique.
Each wedding needs to be uniqueand there's a lot that you can
do on the fly if you'recomfortable leaning into the
situational occurrences andhappenings, leaning into the
situational occurrences andhappenings.
Another thing not to do is donot ignore red flags in the
(23:03):
search process.
So for couples, it's a vendornot getting back to you Normally
again 48 hours, or, dependingon if it is the weekend in the
(24:46):
consult calls wedding season,you could probably give up to 72
, but do they communicate withyou?
Do they have regular means tocommunicate with you that aren't
whatsapp or that aren't justfacebook messenger?
Have you met them in person orgotten on a video with them to
know that they're there?
Do prices change?
Do things that you talk aboutnot seem to matter to them
anymore?
Realistically, we all knoweveryone is living a life.
Your wedding is going to be apoint of importance for them,
but it's not the most importantthing to them.
So definitely give some grace.
If you know, from the firstinteraction to the second,
there's a couple things lost outof the memory bank, like they
don't remember that you wantthis specific quote from Harry
Potter, but they know that youwere looking at quotes.
Specific quote from HarryPotter, but they know that you
were looking at quotes.
Give a little grace, but thereare definitely some very big red
flags that you should notignore.
If things seem weird with howthey want to be paid the
deposits, if their cancellationclauses lean very, very heavily
on, they're the only one who cancancel.
They don't spell out your legalrights.
Don't ignore that.
And for vendors, same thing.
Does the couple get back to you?
Do they set up council callsand then reschedule three or
four times.
Do you really need to bechasing down them for their
payment, their script selection,their final details?
Are they reasonably reachable?
Are they paying in full all atonce with a cashier's check?
(25:08):
Oh well, actually it was anoverpayment and we need you to
send it to the other vendor.
Yeah, that's been scammedbefore and there's some things
that just don't sit right.
Don't ignore those.
You will not have a fun time andthe final thing to not do is
(25:34):
probably the same one.
I set up a thing to do.
But do not forget to enjoy theexperience.
Take it all in.
It goes by insanely fast.
The hours of planning are notequal to the hours of actually
being there in the wedding andin the moment.
Enjoy, soak up your experience,soak up everyone else's
(25:58):
experience.
Laugh, take some pictures.
As a vendor, I always, when Ican make sure I don't just fly
out of there.
Okay, bye, everyone, see you.
I make sure to touch base witha few of the vendors on my way
out and let themknow hey, this was great working
(27:52):
Wedding Where with with.
I leave my card, let's network.
I will let one of the parentsyou know, father of the bride,
mother of the license to keep.
If they have any questions,they've got my number, but let
them just enjoy the day.
There's nothing more they needto do with me and I normally
talk to at least one or twoguests or bridal party members
just getting some feedback.
I really like to bask in thecompliments of that went well or
we, we enjoyed, or that wasfunny.
So as a vendor, I soak those in, but certainly as a couple,
take it all.
Take it all in.
That's a lot to take intoaccount and to consider and to
do and to not do, and you canthrow it all out with the
bathwater if you want and justsay, yeah, okay, amanda recorded
an episode and it really didnothing for me, but maybe it did
.
Let me know.
Let me know if any of thisrings true or if there's any
other considerations you make orthings that you think other
couples or vendors should know.
And yeah, thank you guys somuch for being on this with me.
I'm really excited to celebratebirthday tomorrow, got a lot
going on in the personal spaceand we'll get everything set
from there.
Have a great day.
Thank you for listening to theWedding Wear with Officiating by
Amanda.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and found some
inspiration or insight for yourown special day.
This podcast is hosted onBuzzsprout and can be found on
all major platforms.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe, like, comment and
share to help us reach even morelisteners who might laugh a
little at the Wedding Wear.
For the links referenced in theshow, visit Linktree at
(28:16):
Officiating by Amanda.
You can also follow thebusiness on Facebook,
weddingwire and the Knot to stayup to date on everything going
on.
If you have a question you'dlike me to answer on the podcast
, just send an email totheweddingwearpodcast at
gmailcom, and if you're ready toinquire about officiating
services for your own big day,you can reach me at
(28:36):
officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom.
Thank you so much for tuning inand until next time.
This has been Amanda.
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