April 9, 2025 • 36 mins
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What makes wedding officiants silently cringe during your special day? Amanda and guest officiant Tristan pull back the curtain on the pet peeves that haunt even the most professional ceremony leaders in this milestone 250-listener bonus episode.
Nothing throws an officiant off quite like the jarring visual of a bride in a $10,000 designer dress at an otherwise casual backyard barbecue. This conversation dives deep into budget imbalances that leave guests confused and vendors questioning. The hosts share candid thoughts about wedding priorities and how couples might better distribute their spending for a more cohesive experience.
Ever wonder what happens when you hand your officiant a ring box with no warning moments before the ceremony? Tristan recounts her nightmare experience juggling unexpected duties while Amanda speaks to the frustration of arriving at venues where no one has considered the officiant's role. Their practical advice on communication might save your ceremony from awkward pauses and logistical disasters.
Perhaps most cringe-worthy are the vows frantically written at 2 AM (often after several drinks) that lead to everything from pronunciation struggles to inappropriate jokes that fall flat. The officiants offer genuine guidance for creating meaningful vows without last-minute panic, and address the uncomfortable dynamics of over-respect versus disrespect that they frequently navigate. Their stories range from eye-opening to hilarious, providing valuable insights for anyone planning a wedding ceremony.
Want to work with Amanda or Tristan? Contact officiatingbyamanda@gmail.com for booking inquiries or send podcast questions to theweddingwearpodcast@gmail.com. Your dream ceremony awaits – just avoid these pet peeves!
Thank you for sharing the podcast with others who may enjoy it! Share your funny wedding stories with me at theweddingwherepodcast@gmail.com. Any links referenced are on linktree.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amanda (00:04):
Welcome to the Wedding Where with Officiating by Amanda
.
Officiant Pet Peeves.
So today's episode of thewedding wear with Officiating by
(00:33):
Amanda is actually the 250listener bonus episode.
Thank you so much to everyonewho's listened.
We've been on for less thanthree months, met this just shy
of two months in.
We hit the milestone and soI've been working on getting
this together.
Thank you to everyone on theFacebook page officiating by
Amanda, who submitted in votesfor what content they wanted to
(00:55):
have for this bonus episode, andit was decided on Officiant pet
peeves.
The little irksome things thatfrom along the ways and journeys
, have made me go oh that again.
Or you know, this is justsomething that when I leave a
wedding, it still sticks in theback of my mind, and I'm very
fortunate today being joined bya fellow officiant, Tristan, so
(01:18):
I'm going to let her introherself a little bit here, and
then we've got a list of somepet peeves that we're just going
to go through, maybe share afew examples of when these have
happened to us or how they madeour list somewhere along the way
.
Tristen (01:33):
Yeah, hi, so I'm Tristan.
I know Amanda by a lot ofdifferent categories too many to
list, honestly but essentiallyI became an officiant under her
so I helped her at a few of herwedding expos and then I
essentially decided to startofficiating myself.
(01:54):
So it was about a six monthprocess for me to get my first
one and then, you know, actuallyofficiate the wedding.
So, yeah, I've done six overall.
But, yeah, super happy to behere and celebrate all these
milestones with Amanda.
Yeah, and it just it cametogether.
Amanda (02:12):
We reached the milestone and you were coming in and
Tristen and I worked together ina previous life and world and
so she's used to hearing me saylike, oh, take notes.
And I was like I got to come upwith pet peeves, like take
notes.
And as we were chatting theseover, you know she's like well,
that wedding, I had this happento me.
I'm like, oh, you're so right,that is entirely a pet peeve.
(02:32):
So, yeah, again, fulldisclaimer if you are a couple
that you know has done this oryou're planning to do this,
please know that we are notsaying you know you're horrible
or we don't like you or we don'twant to work with you, it's
just, again, these are thingsthat, for some chemistry within
our head or some background inour experiences, yeah, they just
(02:53):
they're not our favorite thing.
We're not going to do thempersonally.
We don't judge.
We still do the weddings.
We still are actively booking.
If you want Tristan, hit her up.
She's around and available.
Handling a lot of SouthernPennsylvania, Maryland panhandle
, Virginia is a little tricky attimes with their laws on
officiating, but she's there,and some of West Virginia as
(03:16):
well, but I don't know whattheir laws look like, so we'd
have to see on that one ExactlyPerfect.
So why don't you pick one offof our list and just talk about
why it's a pet peeve?
Tristen (03:26):
Why don't we start with the one that you came up with
first?
So one category out of price?
Amanda (03:33):
Yeah, it is.
It's like one of these thingsis not like the other.
One of these things just don'tbelong.
And a lot of weddings, you know,they recommend.
You know if you're setting, say, a $10,000 budget for your
wedding, which very few peoplecan pull off these days, but
they say you know 50% is goingto your venue, especially if
(03:53):
it's a venue with food, and thenyou know 25% is going to drinks
and decorations.
Decorations yeah, they havewhole recommended breakdowns for
no matter what your budget is,how you're relatively supposed
to be spending that budget sothat everything is taken care of
, but taken care ofrealistically, financially
(04:14):
feasibly and in an aestheticsense.
All kind of looks parallel, butI get really in my head and
constantly thinking about itwhen it's a backyard wedding.
So again, venue was not at acost, totally fine.
Love backyard weddings, nojudgment.
The food was maybe a pulledpork barbecue or something the
(04:38):
aunt made it.
Grandma made her homemadedessert.
Everyone did like have apotluck and some really good
sides Again, no judgment.
And some really good sidesAgain, no judgment.
Really really good food.
The groom is in a new button-upshirt Okay, old, maybe it's
(05:00):
going to turn into a work shirtlater on.
We love elements for a weddingthat have dual focus.
And the bride walks down theaisle and she looks stunning,
she looks beautiful, she looksgorgeous.
You know she did her hair.
I saw one of her bridesmaidsdoing her makeup.
You know, just absolutelyfantastic.
The dress and the shoes andagain, I have no, no knowledge
(05:23):
on if it was a thrifted store orwhatnot, but the dress and the
shoes were $10,000 on their own.
Like custom-made dress,high-end.
The shoes, you know, the redLouboutin heels, like at a
backyard wedding, it just itseems so out of place, not just
from a budgetary standpoint ofyou spent all your money here,
(05:45):
but it just doesn't kind of fitthe vibe and the theme, and so
that's something again, I just Iget a little oh what I want,
you know, to almost kind of goup to the couples and be like,
so how'd this happen?
Like what were you thinking?
Like, tell me the backstory.
Like right, did you find thedress at a great price?
Was just a, you had to have it?
Have you saved your entire lifeto be able to get that dress?
(06:07):
And then your husband's like,well, I just want to back your
barbecue, and so you had to finda way to marry the two.
Like whatever it is, it justleaves me with a lot more
questions than answers,
Tristen (06:16):
and so that's why it makes my list is like, yeah,
it's a little bit peppy, stillgonna do it, but it's a yeah,
and like, even if it is like thesituation, like where she's
saved up her whole life for thisdress, let's just say in this
example, that's great for you,but also, why isn't it included
somewhere then?
Or like you know it, just it'sout of place, like if you're not
(06:40):
drawing attention to it in someway, and the balance also is so
off.
Amanda (06:46):
Yeah, and I come from a place where you know the one
versus the many.
You know both from a historyperspective from my work in
fundraising.
A lot of times the work that Ido, you know you seek it.
You seek smaller gifts from themany versus a large gift from
the one, and so similar expenses.
(07:08):
You know, if it was the groomwho got a brand new tux not
rented like, bought a brand newtux everything was a lot of
focus and energy went for theone person and then you kind of
get some of the horror story oflike they expected us to
actually pay for our McDonald'smeal type of plate.
(07:28):
You know what did that do forthe many?
There's definitely balances tobe struck for the experience you
have as a couple to make sureit's a special day for you and
that you are beautiful becauseit is your day, but also a focus
for the many because it is yourday, but also a focus for the
many.
Yeah, like spread the lovearound a little bit to all the
(07:50):
other areas.
And also like another thingthat I again with the dress
example that I go back to whywouldn't you spend it on your
honeymoon?
An experience versus one day?
Yeah, like one dress one daythat might only fit you this one
particular size and time inyour life?
Yeah, and if you don't have adaughter, are you handing it
down?
Yeah, a lot of dresses sit inclosets.
They end up in thrift stores,where I got mine from Perfect.
(08:14):
All right, let me see whatwe've got next on the list here.
Okay, so one we have as a petpeeve of ours and, Tristan, give
me your thoughts on it is noplan for the officiant.
We kind of show up on site withjust blank stares and if there
is a plan, it's not a thoughtout one.
Tristen (08:36):
Yeah, so I brought up this idea because I have this,
the most recent wedding that Idid.
I showed up that day and I'dbeen asking them like for kind
of a day of plan breakdown, likewhat was I responsible for,
like what kind of the ceremonywas going to look like with
everyone else in it, and Iwasn't really getting a lot back
(08:57):
, and so I was just like, well,I guess I'll just show up.
I have the script written, soit's fine.
So I show up and I can't evenfind anyone to begin.
We're in this house,multi-leveled, and I just I
can't even find anyone.
It's a nightmare.
And I get there, find thepeople I'm supposed to, and
they're like okay, well, you'realso going to walk the rings
(09:18):
down.
And I was like, well, okay, I'malso the ring bearer now, okay.
And so the whole time walkingfrom like this house to where
the ceremony is in, like anadjacent barn, I just keep
thinking to myself where theheck am I gonna put this gosh
darn ring box, because it's justlike a perfectly cubed box from
?
I think it was k jewelers and Iwas just honky to fit in your
(09:41):
pants pocket, but you'reprobably wearing a dress,
exactly, I was wearing ajumpsuit that didn't have
pockets and I had a bag, but itwas white, so I wasn't going to
bring it on to like the actualceremony because, no, no, and I
wouldn't even bring my baganyway to begin with.
And so all I really have islike my black binder and this
ring box.
And so you know, I'm likestanding on the side of the
(10:04):
venue.
They don't want me to walk down, they just want me to walk in
from the side.
And I was like, okay, well,they have like these, like
floral, like arches, and kind oflike a box holder for each of
them.
Maybe I can just set it on thesides, but no, couldn't even do
that.
So the whole ceremony, I amholding this ring box in my hand
with this binder and I'mstruggling to flip pages.
My hand is in pain.
(10:25):
So it's just like when there isno plan, there's no thought
behind, like your ceremony, andit's just like, okay, let's get
to the after.
Like that drives me up a walland not knowing the plan either
until, like, I get there andthen like they just bombard you.
Amanda (10:41):
Yeah, and there's there's some who hyper focus on
the plan, where if it doesn't goaccording to plan, there's some
problems.
But then there's definitelylike the under performers and
you and I, you know, areslightly different with you know
kind of the information we seekto have at a start.
And maybe it's because I'vebeen doing this so long and hey,
(11:02):
go ahead, throw a ring box atme.
I've held them before, I'llhold them again.
I don't.
I don't need to know the fulllandscape and layout.
In fact, sometimes I reallyneed to know when you want me to
get there.
A lot of venues come withcoordinators, which is a godsend
.
A lot of couples are, you knowworking with someone to do
(11:24):
planning or even just day ofexecution, which is wonderful
and helpful and so great, and Iwant to respect the role that
those people have, so like I'mnot going to come stepping on
their toes in those situationsand be like, so who's walking
down the aisle?
Where I did just get off thephone with a couple the other
day married in gosh a few shortweeks and they asked you know,
(11:46):
like, okay, like the littleflower girls and the ring bears,
do they stand, do they sit?
And I get a lot of questionslike that I'm sure you do too
where they ask us what's done,there's a couple different
answers.
There's what's traditionallybeen done, there's what
typically has been done, whichis what I use, like my own past,
like, oh well, typically thecouples I've seen.
And then there's option three,which is whatever the couple
(12:11):
wants.
And I think that, with coupleswho struggle to figure out how
to best use an officiant, theyfall into that third category.
They maybe don't have a parenttelling them, you know, oh well,
my wedding or grandma's weddingor Aunt Susie's wedding a
parent telling them, you know,oh well, my wedding or grandma's
wedding or Aunt Susie's wedding, the tradition.
They might not have acoordinator who's telling them
the typical, so they're justrelying in that blank land of
(12:33):
like, oh well, the race will getdown there somehow, like
however we want, and coming upwith the solutions themselves
without necessarily thinking of,like practicality.
But I agree with you, I wouldalways rather be asked on
something rather than assumed onsomething.
So then handing your room boxand be like, oh, we'll carry
these down, I'd be like me andwhat army and what pocket?
Or you know, I try to come upwith a better solution or
(12:54):
alternative.
But I've also found the weddingswhere the couple's been
literally staring at the ringbox going like, oh my gosh, how
did we get this down the aisle?
Oh my gosh, how do we get thisdown the aisle?
And in those moments I'm like,yeah, this is where I can help.
So I'd rather be offered thanjust assumed.
And right, I'd love for them toknow what my role is, but I
(13:17):
don't need it fully detailed.
They can still, you know, haveconcepts of a plan, concepts of
a thought with it, and I'll workwith them on it.
But it certainly is a.
It's different.
Every wedding is so differentand you can tell influences of
who helps in planning.
You know, is it the bride alone?
Or you know friends or sistersthat have been in a lot of
(13:39):
weddings.
Parental influence you knowmoms and dads and grandparents
who all said, well, how aboutthis and how about that?
I've shown up at rehearsals.
I don't think the bride andgroom get a word in.
Edgewise it is mom and grandmaand mother-in-law and the dads
have a.
But what about this?
And it's tough because it'stheir day.
(14:03):
But, as you know, in a lot ofways it's everybody's shining
moment.
It's a great time ofcelebration for families and
that gets lost sometimes.
Tristen (14:15):
Want to move on to our next one?
Yeah, all right.
So our next one is vows writtenin the 11th hour or last minute
.
Amanda (14:23):
Yeah, this gets me and I'll bundle this up a little bit
.
I'll have a different episodeon why I offer vow writing
assistance the way I do.
But if you like to write yourown vows, it's a great option if
you feel that you can find thewords for it.
If you need help finding thewords, sometimes there's a
(14:45):
wonderful fishing friends thatwill help.
Or, you know, shouting out chatgpt, it can be good.
Try it out.
Don't wait until the lastminute.
I don't want to say do it superearly.
It's also the reason I don'twrite my script super early is
because life happens and yourrelationship, especially in the
(15:06):
wedding planning process, isgoing to adjust and change.
You're going to have to come upwith compromise.
So if you wrote vows the dayyou got engaged, chances are
you're promising some reallygreat stuff, but you're not
promising as much as you wouldcloser to the end of the process
, where you've gotten over somebig hurdles, like discussing
finances, like discussingprenups and kids and who's going
(15:29):
to take in who's sick elderlymom when the time comes.
There's a lot of growth thathappens in the wedding planning
process.
So if you're going to writeyour vows, my recommendation to
avoid it being on my pet peoplelist is start out like a month
six weeks to a month before yourwedding.
Write a draft, fix a draft, readit over, make a few more
(15:53):
adjustments to the draft.
Really think about you knowwhat sort of contents in there.
If you are expecting a laugh, Ilike to ask people who are you
expecting a laugh from?
If it's just your significantother, that's awesome.
If you're trying to play to theaudience or crowd, you might
need to like dumb the joke downa little bit.
They don't know your insidejokes, they're not going to know
(16:13):
if you're being sarcastic ornot, and half of them are your
family members and friends.
They're your spouse's familymember and friends.
They're not going to know thatit's okay to laugh at slash with
you if that is the vibe youwere going for.
And those are some of the keythings that really are missed in
consideration when you elect towrite vows the morning of the
(16:37):
wedding, midnight the nightbefore, after many Coors Lights
or Coronas or Jäger bombs Don't.
I would almost rather if youwere planning to do your own
vows and you said we don't needany help, but the muse didn't
(16:57):
come to you.
The words never appeared intoyour face, letting me know, damn
, as an officiant I can do a lotto pivot.
I could even help you with somestuff.
I could adjust up some of thetraditional vows and work with
you to have it in your hands,versus watch you stumble through
(17:18):
what you scribbled in anotebook at 2 am using some big
words that you thought werereally good the night before
that.
Now you're having a hard timepronouncing.
I've seen some really tragicpersonal doubts.
I've seen amazing ones,disclaimers, but I've seen some
really, really tragic ones, andso it just like I almost take it
(17:42):
as a personal job, like I couldhave helped.
Please, why won't you let mehelp you?
And that's why it's a pet peeveof mine, like, please, let me
either write your vows yourselfand practice them and be ready.
Or option two ask me for help,let's talk about them, let's
practice.
Like I can come in at whateverstep in the process you're
you're in sooner rather thanlater would be great.
(18:03):
Or option three nix the plan,scrap it.
No vows is okay.
Tristen (18:10):
Yeah, I think something that comes for me with this,
like last minute vow writing.
So the first thing that poppedin my head while you were
chatting was when couples don'tdiscuss their vows with each
other and one person writes anentire eulogy and an entire book
series and then the otherperson writes maybe a paragraph
(18:30):
and it's so unbalanced itdoesn't have a good feel to it
in a ceremony.
For me, it doesn't have a goodfeel standing there, I'm just
like oh gosh
Amanda (18:51):
Or when one lays heavy into the humor and the other
lays heavy into the sincerityand there is no nice blend
between the two and and there'sa fine line, especially with
humor, of playable humor versusyou went too far.
So I think about the video ofthe one bride who they'd been
engaged like 10 years orsomething.
(19:11):
So when she pulled out her vowsshe like like blew baking soda,
baking powder off of it.
To you know, it had dust on itfor a split second, that's what
it was, and everyone had had alaugh.
And then she went on with hervows and they were personal and
they were great.
Good example of humor.
Relationship related humortells the little bit of the
(19:31):
story of who you are withouthaving to say a word fantastic.
Then you've got the differentviral situation where, oh gosh,
I don't want to give thisepisode an explicit content
warning but the groom thought itwould be totally fine as vows
to say something like we'll begetting along great if you keep
(19:53):
my stomach full and my ballsempty, comfortably so.
And there was another, anotherexample where someone kind of
said the joke but then kept thejoke going like, hey, you're,
you got to be good in thekitchen, in the bedroom.
Well, you're only good in oneof them so far.
Like, do not be disparaging inyour vows at all, don't mention
(20:15):
body parts, whether it'spositive or negative, unless
it's like their eyes, their hair, their smile.
Those are about it.
Like, do not.
There's a lot of pitfalls youcould have with vows, which is
why I really do not recommendwaiting to the last minute and I
recommend you get someone toproofread it I don't care who,
just please, please,
Tristen (20:37):
yes, yes, someone who has not had multiple Jäger bombs
so not the night before Likesomeone who is in their sane
right mind and ready to read it.
And the last thing I'll add tothis last minute topic is that
last minute before your wedding,you should be enjoying that
with your person and with yourfriends and family, especially
(20:57):
if you guys are all at the samevenue and you guys are all doing
a stay-in thing.
That's a moment that you shouldbe spending with family and
your partner.
You shouldn't be in a back room, in a bathroom, in the back of
the bar, somewhere, writing yourvows like a manic person.
You should be enjoying thattime and being .
Amanda (21:17):
, or, like with my wedding, drinking four bottles
of wine the night before.
Don't worry, my vows werealready written and printed and
ready to go and having thingscrossed off my list it just
meant I got to relax and reallybe ready for the next day, not
fretting over some of the lastminute things, yeah, awesome.
(21:40):
So let's see what else we havehere, and so I think this is
certainly one for both of us asa pet peeve.
I'll let you take a first stabwith it Booking too far in
advance and again, you've movedaround a fair amount of bit.
So right now, as I'm looking tomigrate some couples from one
(22:03):
region to another region, I'mlike, oh my gosh, I don't know
where life is even going to takeme.
How have you managed to likebalance that out?
Tristen (22:11):
Yeah, I mean, I just kind of take it with a grain of
salt.
I mean, I love traveling, Ilove the crazy chaos part of
life.
So for me it's, you know, aslong as I have a bed and a place
to stay, I'll make it work LikeI'll figure it out, I'll do
what I got to do, I'll travelwhere I got to travel.
I mean, with my job right nowit is a little difficult, but I
(22:36):
do make sure to prioritize theofficiating part of my life as
well.
And if I have said like I'mgoing to be there, I've made a
commitment to be there.
Not only you know, contractualobligation.
But, like just for myselfpersonally, I will be there.
So even if I book a little bittoo far in advance for someone,
I will go, you know, over helland high water to try to get
there and do what I can andaccommodate.
(22:56):
But it kind of goes back towhat you were saying.
Actually, with writing scripts,that's what becomes difficult,
because you can't really startwriting or becoming involved in
that process so much later.
So it's like it just goes onthe back burner and that's where
I run into a problem.
I forget about them.
Well, disclaimer, not forgetabout the wedding, but you
(23:17):
forget some of the particularsof the couple, or their vibe,
their sense, the themes theywanted.
Yes, yes, and my thought withthe booking in advance is I used
to totally be a thousand tenpercent, and then I'm trying
this thing years straight, andthen I was booking weddings at a
year, year and a half, almosttwo years out for some of them,
(24:08):
weddings at a year, year and ahalf, almost two years out for
some of them.
And next thing, you know, myentire second half of July,
august and September were packed.
So I had to turn down some ofthe bigger family experiences
and that's.
That was kind of hard.
I've worked now to get someclauses into contract to take
care of that.
But with advanced booking Ithink the harder one the more
(24:29):
Pet peeve of mine is I love agood plan, I am a planner, I am
all for the couple that wants totalk a year in advance, two
years in advance, heck, threeyears in advance.
But if you don't have a venue,you don't have a wedding.
If you don't have a date, youdo not have a wedding planned.
(24:54):
You are still in planning Venuedate at the absolute minimum
before you get too far into theweeds with all of the rest of
your vendors, because that's howvendors really end up
inadvertently.
Double booking is that you know.
You talk to them at an expo andsaid, oh my gosh, yeah, you
(25:16):
know, december, maybe we'rethinking late fall, early winter
of 2027.
They're like, yeah, yeah, thecalendar's open sounds great.
I'll send you a quote.
You book the premium platinumpackage and you do, and then you
(25:36):
know six months later somebodycomes along with more of a
finite date that you don't haveset yet and as numbers start to
crunch and things start to workout, it can be a real headache.
I had a bride recently say like, oh my gosh, I'm getting
married spring a real headache.
I had a bride recently say likeoh my gosh, I'm getting married
spring of 28, but I don't havea date and I don't have a venue
(25:57):
and I'm like those are huge,huge questions, even though it's
2028 and a while from now.
I'm not holding that space open.
I'm going to live my life andplan what I got to plan and do
what I got to do.
I'm not comfortable putting outa price quote without knowing
at least a generalized vicinityof a venue, because it could be
a night and day difference.
Am I driving down intoPhiladelphia?
(26:19):
Am I in Harrisburg?
Am I in the Poconos or goodness, as you get throughout the
eastern border of Pennsylvania,you could be in New York, new
Jersey, pennsylvania, delaware,maryland, virginia and West
Virginia and Ohio let's justname all six in the state that
border Pennsylvania.
Why don't we?
Each of them is different, withtheir marriage laws, with their
(26:39):
timeline on things.
I love a good planner, but don'tcome book an officiant,
especially until you really havea plan.
Officiants are often the lastor the second to last booked
vendor and I've gotten more okaywith that over the years.
I used to be really annoyedwith it but, honestly, I've got
my schedule set.
(27:00):
I know what it is.
So coming to me at two monthsout sometimes is a lot easier
for me to say yes, let's moveforward, or nope, I'm so sorry,
I'm booked and move you along towhat's next in your journey,
than two years out with a lot ofquestion marks.
Yeah, okay, what do you got for our last one, last one?
(27:22):
Over-respect or disrespect?
Oh my gosh.
So I think in a seasoned world,I'll, I'll take over respect if
you'll take disrespect.
Yeah, yeah, that sounds good.
Amanda (27:34):
So I am not a god, I am not anything more than human.
I'm good human, but I'm notsuper special.
I am not the be-all end.
All the world should not stop.
When I walk into a room andit's a little, it's a shocking
(27:56):
the first time it happens, butthen it gets a little like oh
gosh, right, all right Time toput on the Amanda.
When it happens more than onceor constantly, and that is, it's
nothing.
There's nothing wrong with it.
It's just treat me human.
(28:16):
You don't need to over respectme.
You do not need to, you know,put a pedestal at my feet.
I am not a bishop, pope, priest.
I not a king, a lord, I'm noneof that.
Yeah, so just when people arelike, oh my gosh, like, is that
(28:37):
okay with you, what do you think?
Like they're seeking myblessing, they're seeking a lot
of additional validation fortheir choices of it, and that's
funny, I don't't need that.
Or when they feel likeconversations have to stop.
When I walk into a room or aspace, oh the number of
groomsmen that have sworn infront of me and then instantly
like, apologize, I'm so sorry,and it wasn't.
(28:59):
I'm so sorry because you are alady.
It's, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
You're the minister.
Dude, I spent four years in afraternity basement.
Let's keep those jokes going.
So a fair level of respect andappreciation is totally fine.
Please do not, you know, caterto me, make me the sun, moon,
(29:22):
stars.
It's not about me.
And again, unless I'm coming inat four hours notice to perform
a wedding and really, you know,quote, save the day, I don't
need much more than a few simplelike oh, that was so wonderful,
thank you so much.
We loved hearing what you said.
That's it.
I'm simple in that way andother officiants out there could
(29:44):
totally be like no, I love therespect and the additional, you
know, overappreciation, I don'tneed it.
Thank me, let me go.
Tristen (29:55):
Yeah, and I'm in the same category with that.
You can just thank me and letme go.
I don't need the stars, moon oranything else.
I am not a part of the church.
I'm good, so for disrespect.
(30:17):
The thing with this is I'm notjust some like random Joe Schmo
.
You pulled off the sidewalk onsome random street to officiate
you.
You clicked one random buttononce and thought, ooh, that
might be fun.
You actually researched quite alot, yeah, and I did expos
beforehand I had assisted withscript writing with you.
You were at what age youshadowed Exactly.
I did my due diligence.
I do have professional opinionsand professional expertise to
(30:41):
lend to me A being here, b beingable to be booked by you, and C
to just to have my licenseperiod.
Like, there are things that Iknow and am respected in for
that.
I'm not just some random person.
So, like you know, if I'mmaking recommendations to you,
(31:02):
if you asked for them or youknow, I'm a little shocked
because you're doing somethingthat way, like, and someone
comes at me with a lot ofdefensiveness or very much like
no, it just for me.
It gives either very bridezillaor it just makes me feel like
I'm being undervalued and likeI'm not being treated the best,
(31:23):
and those are situations that Ipersonally really don't like
I had a wedding that was verymuch that way, and I didn't even
get a thank you from the brideand groom after I didn't get fed
.
They literally just let me goand like I handed them the
paperwork and that was it, andthe bride essentially rolled her
eyes at me when I left.
So it was pretty bad.
I find it hard at times.
Amanda (31:44):
I don't get as much disrespect Drunken groomsmen
aside I don't get a ton ofdisrespect from the couple.
Obviously, I talked to them, Iconsulted with them, we came in
on a similar level.
They're the ones I've beendealing with the whole time.
Sometimes it's the parents yeah, I get that too Of you.
(32:05):
Know, gosh, why are you doingit this way, especially when
we're at a rehearsal or we'retrying to do lineup and they're
like the mother of the bride issupposed to come second.
It's like, hey, I'm not goingto.
And they address it to me.
They look at me and say to meone, I didn't plan your layout,
this walking layout.
(32:25):
The couple did that, or theircoordinator did that.
Two, it's what the couplewanted or what the venue or
coordinator would haverecommended, given industry,
traditions, standards, typical.
And three, okay, yeah.
I answer a lot with that likeoh, okay, yeah, you don't like
(32:48):
that.
You are walking second to yourex-husband and his wife.
I don't know what to tell you.
Okay, um and and again.
Just some questions of I don'tunderstand why this couldn't be
in a church.
It was a fine ceremony but itcould have been better if you
were xyz of a person or if youwere.
(33:10):
I was literally told once thatI shouldn't have done the
ceremony, I should have let apriest do it and I should have
been a reader.
The couple was very specificthat they did not want secular
hands anywhere near theirwedding and so, yeah, that one.
(33:31):
I was just like, oh, okay, likethank you for that.
But after gosh, I think I'll hit200 weddings by the end of the
year.
A lot of it.
I've come to be you know what.
I don't have to be Prince.
We don't have to be close.
We don't have to follow eachother.
I used to.
I used to follow every bride,every couple.
(33:53):
Unfortunately, got to see someof the divorces play out on
social media.
Now it's okay.
You know, even if it's a greatwedding, it's still okay.
You've got your wedding, I didmy service, we're all good, yeah
.
Wedding I did my service, we'reall good,
Tristen (34:08):
yeah And with the families too, especially the
religious stuff, like Icompletely understand if that's
important to you, but pleasedon't project your wishes onto
the bride and the groom, a and b.
Then don't go as far as toproject it onto me, the
officiant, who's not even a partof any of that.
Like there are better placesthat you can address that with
(34:32):
other people and you know thefamilial line and stuff like
that.
Don't take it up with me.
I have no place, no space inthat
Perfect .
Well, it has been over 250listens, over 10 episodes less
than three months in.
So here's hoping that we canpass that 500.
(34:52):
Oh my gosh, that would besurreal to surpass it like
towards the end or verybeginning of like month four.
That would just be really great.
So I'll kind of kick it to you,tristan any farewell wishes,
any sign-offs.
If anyone wants to find you forthings, they hit you up, they
find you through me.
You want her Essentially, yeah.
(35:13):
Yeah, you want Tristan, youcome through me.
Yeah, I'm still open for booking.
I don't do it as much as I usedto, but I am still open to
perform weddings.
You can reach me through Amanda.
That's probably the best placeto rally me, just because when I
am not here, I'm very much inmy management life.
(35:34):
I run a jewelry store, funnilyenough that I ended up selling
engagement rings right afterbecoming an officiant.
But yeah, probably the best wayis to find me through amanda.
Amanda (35:43):
Perfect, thank you all so much and until next time .
This has been amanda and thewedding Where wear.
Thank you for listening to theWedding Where with wedding with
officiating by amanda.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and found some
inspiration or insight for yourown special day.
This podcast is hosted onbuzzsprout and can be found on
(36:03):
all major platforms.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe, like, comment and
share to help us reach even morelisteners who might laugh a
little at the Wedding Wear.
For the links referenced in theshow, visit Linktree at
Officiating by Amanda.
You can also follow thebusiness on Facebook,
weddingwire and the Knot to stayup to date on everything going
(36:23):
on.
If you have a question you'dlike me to answer on the podcast
, just send an email totheweddingwearpodcast at
gmailcom, and if you're ready toinquire about officiating
services for your own big day,you can reach me at
officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom.
Thank you so much for tuning inand until next time.
This has been Amanda.
Welcome to the Wedding Where with Officiating by Amanda
.
Officiant Pet Peeves.
So today's episode of thewedding wear with Officiating by
(00:33):
Amanda is actually the 250listener bonus episode.
Thank you so much to everyonewho's listened.
We've been on for less thanthree months, met this just shy
of two months in.
We hit the milestone and soI've been working on getting
this together.
Thank you to everyone on theFacebook page officiating by
Amanda, who submitted in votesfor what content they wanted to
(00:55):
have for this bonus episode, andit was decided on Officiant pet
peeves.
The little irksome things thatfrom along the ways and journeys
, have made me go oh that again.
Or you know, this is justsomething that when I leave a
wedding, it still sticks in theback of my mind, and I'm very
fortunate today being joined bya fellow officiant, Tristan, so
(01:18):
I'm going to let her introherself a little bit here, and
then we've got a list of somepet peeves that we're just going
to go through, maybe share afew examples of when these have
happened to us or how they madeour list somewhere along the way
.
Tristen (01:33):
Yeah, hi, so I'm Tristan.
I know Amanda by a lot ofdifferent categories too many to
list, honestly but essentiallyI became an officiant under her
so I helped her at a few of herwedding expos and then I
essentially decided to startofficiating myself.
(01:54):
So it was about a six monthprocess for me to get my first
one and then, you know, actuallyofficiate the wedding.
So, yeah, I've done six overall.
But, yeah, super happy to behere and celebrate all these
milestones with Amanda.
Yeah, and it just it cametogether.
Amanda (02:12):
We reached the milestone and you were coming in and
Tristen and I worked together ina previous life and world and
so she's used to hearing me saylike, oh, take notes.
And I was like I got to come upwith pet peeves, like take
notes.
And as we were chatting theseover, you know she's like well,
that wedding, I had this happento me.
I'm like, oh, you're so right,that is entirely a pet peeve.
(02:32):
So, yeah, again, fulldisclaimer if you are a couple
that you know has done this oryou're planning to do this,
please know that we are notsaying you know you're horrible
or we don't like you or we don'twant to work with you, it's
just, again, these are thingsthat, for some chemistry within
our head or some background inour experiences, yeah, they just
(02:53):
they're not our favorite thing.
We're not going to do thempersonally.
We don't judge.
We still do the weddings.
We still are actively booking.
If you want Tristan, hit her up.
She's around and available.
Handling a lot of SouthernPennsylvania, Maryland panhandle
, Virginia is a little tricky attimes with their laws on
officiating, but she's there,and some of West Virginia as
(03:16):
well, but I don't know whattheir laws look like, so we'd
have to see on that one ExactlyPerfect.
So why don't you pick one offof our list and just talk about
why it's a pet peeve?
Tristen (03:26):
Why don't we start with the one that you came up with
first?
So one category out of price?
Amanda (03:33):
Yeah, it is.
It's like one of these thingsis not like the other.
One of these things just don'tbelong.
And a lot of weddings, you know,they recommend.
You know if you're setting, say, a $10,000 budget for your
wedding, which very few peoplecan pull off these days, but
they say you know 50% is goingto your venue, especially if
(03:53):
it's a venue with food, and thenyou know 25% is going to drinks
and decorations.
Decorations yeah, they havewhole recommended breakdowns for
no matter what your budget is,how you're relatively supposed
to be spending that budget sothat everything is taken care of
, but taken care ofrealistically, financially
(04:14):
feasibly and in an aestheticsense.
All kind of looks parallel, butI get really in my head and
constantly thinking about itwhen it's a backyard wedding.
So again, venue was not at acost, totally fine.
Love backyard weddings, nojudgment.
The food was maybe a pulledpork barbecue or something the
(04:38):
aunt made it.
Grandma made her homemadedessert.
Everyone did like have apotluck and some really good
sides Again, no judgment.
And some really good sidesAgain, no judgment.
Really really good food.
The groom is in a new button-upshirt Okay, old, maybe it's
(05:00):
going to turn into a work shirtlater on.
We love elements for a weddingthat have dual focus.
And the bride walks down theaisle and she looks stunning,
she looks beautiful, she looksgorgeous.
You know she did her hair.
I saw one of her bridesmaidsdoing her makeup.
You know, just absolutelyfantastic.
The dress and the shoes andagain, I have no, no knowledge
(05:23):
on if it was a thrifted store orwhatnot, but the dress and the
shoes were $10,000 on their own.
Like custom-made dress,high-end.
The shoes, you know, the redLouboutin heels, like at a
backyard wedding, it just itseems so out of place, not just
from a budgetary standpoint ofyou spent all your money here,
(05:45):
but it just doesn't kind of fitthe vibe and the theme, and so
that's something again, I just Iget a little oh what I want,
you know, to almost kind of goup to the couples and be like,
so how'd this happen?
Like what were you thinking?
Like, tell me the backstory.
Like right, did you find thedress at a great price?
Was just a, you had to have it?
Have you saved your entire lifeto be able to get that dress?
(06:07):
And then your husband's like,well, I just want to back your
barbecue, and so you had to finda way to marry the two.
Like whatever it is, it justleaves me with a lot more
questions than answers,
Tristen (06:16):
and so that's why it makes my list is like, yeah,
it's a little bit peppy, stillgonna do it, but it's a yeah,
and like, even if it is like thesituation, like where she's
saved up her whole life for thisdress, let's just say in this
example, that's great for you,but also, why isn't it included
somewhere then?
Or like you know it, just it'sout of place, like if you're not
(06:40):
drawing attention to it in someway, and the balance also is so
off.
Amanda (06:46):
Yeah, and I come from a place where you know the one
versus the many.
You know both from a historyperspective from my work in
fundraising.
A lot of times the work that Ido, you know you seek it.
You seek smaller gifts from themany versus a large gift from
the one, and so similar expenses.
(07:08):
You know, if it was the groomwho got a brand new tux not
rented like, bought a brand newtux everything was a lot of
focus and energy went for theone person and then you kind of
get some of the horror story oflike they expected us to
actually pay for our McDonald'smeal type of plate.
(07:28):
You know what did that do forthe many?
There's definitely balances tobe struck for the experience you
have as a couple to make sureit's a special day for you and
that you are beautiful becauseit is your day, but also a focus
for the many because it is yourday, but also a focus for the
many.
Yeah, like spread the lovearound a little bit to all the
(07:50):
other areas.
And also like another thingthat I again with the dress
example that I go back to whywouldn't you spend it on your
honeymoon?
An experience versus one day?
Yeah, like one dress one daythat might only fit you this one
particular size and time inyour life?
Yeah, and if you don't have adaughter, are you handing it
down?
Yeah, a lot of dresses sit inclosets.
They end up in thrift stores,where I got mine from Perfect.
(08:14):
All right, let me see whatwe've got next on the list here.
Okay, so one we have as a petpeeve of ours and, Tristan, give
me your thoughts on it is noplan for the officiant.
We kind of show up on site withjust blank stares and if there
is a plan, it's not a thoughtout one.
Tristen (08:36):
Yeah, so I brought up this idea because I have this,
the most recent wedding that Idid.
I showed up that day and I'dbeen asking them like for kind
of a day of plan breakdown, likewhat was I responsible for,
like what kind of the ceremonywas going to look like with
everyone else in it, and Iwasn't really getting a lot back
(08:57):
, and so I was just like, well,I guess I'll just show up.
I have the script written, soit's fine.
So I show up and I can't evenfind anyone to begin.
We're in this house,multi-leveled, and I just I
can't even find anyone.
It's a nightmare.
And I get there, find thepeople I'm supposed to, and
they're like okay, well, you'realso going to walk the rings
(09:18):
down.
And I was like, well, okay, I'malso the ring bearer now, okay.
And so the whole time walkingfrom like this house to where
the ceremony is in, like anadjacent barn, I just keep
thinking to myself where theheck am I gonna put this gosh
darn ring box, because it's justlike a perfectly cubed box from
?
I think it was k jewelers and Iwas just honky to fit in your
(09:41):
pants pocket, but you'reprobably wearing a dress,
exactly, I was wearing ajumpsuit that didn't have
pockets and I had a bag, but itwas white, so I wasn't going to
bring it on to like the actualceremony because, no, no, and I
wouldn't even bring my baganyway to begin with.
And so all I really have islike my black binder and this
ring box.
And so you know, I'm likestanding on the side of the
(10:04):
venue.
They don't want me to walk down, they just want me to walk in
from the side.
And I was like, okay, well,they have like these, like
floral, like arches, and kind oflike a box holder for each of
them.
Maybe I can just set it on thesides, but no, couldn't even do
that.
So the whole ceremony, I amholding this ring box in my hand
with this binder and I'mstruggling to flip pages.
My hand is in pain.
(10:25):
So it's just like when there isno plan, there's no thought
behind, like your ceremony, andit's just like, okay, let's get
to the after.
Like that drives me up a walland not knowing the plan either
until, like, I get there andthen like they just bombard you.
Amanda (10:41):
Yeah, and there's there's some who hyper focus on
the plan, where if it doesn't goaccording to plan, there's some
problems.
But then there's definitelylike the under performers and
you and I, you know, areslightly different with you know
kind of the information we seekto have at a start.
And maybe it's because I'vebeen doing this so long and hey,
(11:02):
go ahead, throw a ring box atme.
I've held them before, I'llhold them again.
I don't.
I don't need to know the fulllandscape and layout.
In fact, sometimes I reallyneed to know when you want me to
get there.
A lot of venues come withcoordinators, which is a godsend
.
A lot of couples are, you knowworking with someone to do
(11:24):
planning or even just day ofexecution, which is wonderful
and helpful and so great, and Iwant to respect the role that
those people have, so like I'mnot going to come stepping on
their toes in those situationsand be like, so who's walking
down the aisle?
Where I did just get off thephone with a couple the other
day married in gosh a few shortweeks and they asked you know,
(11:46):
like, okay, like the littleflower girls and the ring bears,
do they stand, do they sit?
And I get a lot of questionslike that I'm sure you do too
where they ask us what's done,there's a couple different
answers.
There's what's traditionallybeen done, there's what
typically has been done, whichis what I use, like my own past,
like, oh well, typically thecouples I've seen.
And then there's option three,which is whatever the couple
(12:11):
wants.
And I think that, with coupleswho struggle to figure out how
to best use an officiant, theyfall into that third category.
They maybe don't have a parenttelling them, you know, oh well,
my wedding or grandma's weddingor Aunt Susie's wedding a
parent telling them, you know,oh well, my wedding or grandma's
wedding or Aunt Susie's wedding, the tradition.
They might not have acoordinator who's telling them
the typical, so they're justrelying in that blank land of
(12:33):
like, oh well, the race will getdown there somehow, like
however we want, and coming upwith the solutions themselves
without necessarily thinking of,like practicality.
But I agree with you, I wouldalways rather be asked on
something rather than assumed onsomething.
So then handing your room boxand be like, oh, we'll carry
these down, I'd be like me andwhat army and what pocket?
Or you know, I try to come upwith a better solution or
(12:54):
alternative.
But I've also found the weddingswhere the couple's been
literally staring at the ringbox going like, oh my gosh, how
did we get this down the aisle?
Oh my gosh, how do we get thisdown the aisle?
And in those moments I'm like,yeah, this is where I can help.
So I'd rather be offered thanjust assumed.
And right, I'd love for them toknow what my role is, but I
(13:17):
don't need it fully detailed.
They can still, you know, haveconcepts of a plan, concepts of
a thought with it, and I'll workwith them on it.
But it certainly is a.
It's different.
Every wedding is so differentand you can tell influences of
who helps in planning.
You know, is it the bride alone?
Or you know friends or sistersthat have been in a lot of
(13:39):
weddings.
Parental influence you knowmoms and dads and grandparents
who all said, well, how aboutthis and how about that?
I've shown up at rehearsals.
I don't think the bride andgroom get a word in.
Edgewise it is mom and grandmaand mother-in-law and the dads
have a.
But what about this?
And it's tough because it'stheir day.
(14:03):
But, as you know, in a lot ofways it's everybody's shining
moment.
It's a great time ofcelebration for families and
that gets lost sometimes.
Tristen (14:15):
Want to move on to our next one?
Yeah, all right.
So our next one is vows writtenin the 11th hour or last minute
.
Amanda (14:23):
Yeah, this gets me and I'll bundle this up a little bit
.
I'll have a different episodeon why I offer vow writing
assistance the way I do.
But if you like to write yourown vows, it's a great option if
you feel that you can find thewords for it.
If you need help finding thewords, sometimes there's a
(14:45):
wonderful fishing friends thatwill help.
Or, you know, shouting out chatgpt, it can be good.
Try it out.
Don't wait until the lastminute.
I don't want to say do it superearly.
It's also the reason I don'twrite my script super early is
because life happens and yourrelationship, especially in the
(15:06):
wedding planning process, isgoing to adjust and change.
You're going to have to come upwith compromise.
So if you wrote vows the dayyou got engaged, chances are
you're promising some reallygreat stuff, but you're not
promising as much as you wouldcloser to the end of the process
, where you've gotten over somebig hurdles, like discussing
finances, like discussingprenups and kids and who's going
(15:29):
to take in who's sick elderlymom when the time comes.
There's a lot of growth thathappens in the wedding planning
process.
So if you're going to writeyour vows, my recommendation to
avoid it being on my pet peoplelist is start out like a month
six weeks to a month before yourwedding.
Write a draft, fix a draft, readit over, make a few more
(15:53):
adjustments to the draft.
Really think about you knowwhat sort of contents in there.
If you are expecting a laugh, Ilike to ask people who are you
expecting a laugh from?
If it's just your significantother, that's awesome.
If you're trying to play to theaudience or crowd, you might
need to like dumb the joke downa little bit.
They don't know your insidejokes, they're not going to know
(16:13):
if you're being sarcastic ornot, and half of them are your
family members and friends.
They're your spouse's familymember and friends.
They're not going to know thatit's okay to laugh at slash with
you if that is the vibe youwere going for.
And those are some of the keythings that really are missed in
consideration when you elect towrite vows the morning of the
(16:37):
wedding, midnight the nightbefore, after many Coors Lights
or Coronas or Jäger bombs Don't.
I would almost rather if youwere planning to do your own
vows and you said we don't needany help, but the muse didn't
(16:57):
come to you.
The words never appeared intoyour face, letting me know, damn
, as an officiant I can do a lotto pivot.
I could even help you with somestuff.
I could adjust up some of thetraditional vows and work with
you to have it in your hands,versus watch you stumble through
(17:18):
what you scribbled in anotebook at 2 am using some big
words that you thought werereally good the night before
that.
Now you're having a hard timepronouncing.
I've seen some really tragicpersonal doubts.
I've seen amazing ones,disclaimers, but I've seen some
really, really tragic ones, andso it just like I almost take it
(17:42):
as a personal job, like I couldhave helped.
Please, why won't you let mehelp you?
And that's why it's a pet peeveof mine, like, please, let me
either write your vows yourselfand practice them and be ready.
Or option two ask me for help,let's talk about them, let's
practice.
Like I can come in at whateverstep in the process you're
you're in sooner rather thanlater would be great.
(18:03):
Or option three nix the plan,scrap it.
No vows is okay.
Tristen (18:10):
Yeah, I think something that comes for me with this,
like last minute vow writing.
So the first thing that poppedin my head while you were
chatting was when couples don'tdiscuss their vows with each
other and one person writes anentire eulogy and an entire book
series and then the otherperson writes maybe a paragraph
(18:30):
and it's so unbalanced itdoesn't have a good feel to it
in a ceremony.
For me, it doesn't have a goodfeel standing there, I'm just
like oh gosh
Amanda (18:51):
Or when one lays heavy into the humor and the other
lays heavy into the sincerityand there is no nice blend
between the two and and there'sa fine line, especially with
humor, of playable humor versusyou went too far.
So I think about the video ofthe one bride who they'd been
engaged like 10 years orsomething.
(19:11):
So when she pulled out her vowsshe like like blew baking soda,
baking powder off of it.
To you know, it had dust on itfor a split second, that's what
it was, and everyone had had alaugh.
And then she went on with hervows and they were personal and
they were great.
Good example of humor.
Relationship related humortells the little bit of the
(19:31):
story of who you are withouthaving to say a word fantastic.
Then you've got the differentviral situation where, oh gosh,
I don't want to give thisepisode an explicit content
warning but the groom thought itwould be totally fine as vows
to say something like we'll begetting along great if you keep
(19:53):
my stomach full and my ballsempty, comfortably so.
And there was another, anotherexample where someone kind of
said the joke but then kept thejoke going like, hey, you're,
you got to be good in thekitchen, in the bedroom.
Well, you're only good in oneof them so far.
Like, do not be disparaging inyour vows at all, don't mention
(20:15):
body parts, whether it'spositive or negative, unless
it's like their eyes, their hair, their smile.
Those are about it.
Like, do not.
There's a lot of pitfalls youcould have with vows, which is
why I really do not recommendwaiting to the last minute and I
recommend you get someone toproofread it I don't care who,
just please, please,
Tristen (20:37):
yes, yes, someone who has not had multiple Jäger bombs
so not the night before Likesomeone who is in their sane
right mind and ready to read it.
And the last thing I'll add tothis last minute topic is that
last minute before your wedding,you should be enjoying that
with your person and with yourfriends and family, especially
(20:57):
if you guys are all at the samevenue and you guys are all doing
a stay-in thing.
That's a moment that you shouldbe spending with family and
your partner.
You shouldn't be in a back room, in a bathroom, in the back of
the bar, somewhere, writing yourvows like a manic person.
You should be enjoying thattime and being .
Amanda (21:17):
, or, like with my wedding, drinking four bottles
of wine the night before.
Don't worry, my vows werealready written and printed and
ready to go and having thingscrossed off my list it just
meant I got to relax and reallybe ready for the next day, not
fretting over some of the lastminute things, yeah, awesome.
(21:40):
So let's see what else we havehere, and so I think this is
certainly one for both of us asa pet peeve.
I'll let you take a first stabwith it Booking too far in
advance and again, you've movedaround a fair amount of bit.
So right now, as I'm looking tomigrate some couples from one
(22:03):
region to another region, I'mlike, oh my gosh, I don't know
where life is even going to takeme.
How have you managed to likebalance that out?
Tristen (22:11):
Yeah, I mean, I just kind of take it with a grain of
salt.
I mean, I love traveling, Ilove the crazy chaos part of
life.
So for me it's, you know, aslong as I have a bed and a place
to stay, I'll make it work LikeI'll figure it out, I'll do
what I got to do, I'll travelwhere I got to travel.
I mean, with my job right nowit is a little difficult, but I
(22:36):
do make sure to prioritize theofficiating part of my life as
well.
And if I have said like I'mgoing to be there, I've made a
commitment to be there.
Not only you know, contractualobligation.
But, like just for myselfpersonally, I will be there.
So even if I book a little bittoo far in advance for someone,
I will go, you know, over helland high water to try to get
there and do what I can andaccommodate.
(22:56):
But it kind of goes back towhat you were saying.
Actually, with writing scripts,that's what becomes difficult,
because you can't really startwriting or becoming involved in
that process so much later.
So it's like it just goes onthe back burner and that's where
I run into a problem.
I forget about them.
Well, disclaimer, not forgetabout the wedding, but you
(23:17):
forget some of the particularsof the couple, or their vibe,
their sense, the themes theywanted.
Yes, yes, and my thought withthe booking in advance is I used
to totally be a thousand tenpercent, and then I'm trying
this thing years straight, andthen I was booking weddings at a
year, year and a half, almosttwo years out for some of them,
(24:08):
weddings at a year, year and ahalf, almost two years out for
some of them.
And next thing, you know, myentire second half of July,
august and September were packed.
So I had to turn down some ofthe bigger family experiences
and that's.
That was kind of hard.
I've worked now to get someclauses into contract to take
care of that.
But with advanced booking Ithink the harder one the more
(24:29):
Pet peeve of mine is I love agood plan, I am a planner, I am
all for the couple that wants totalk a year in advance, two
years in advance, heck, threeyears in advance.
But if you don't have a venue,you don't have a wedding.
If you don't have a date, youdo not have a wedding planned.
(24:54):
You are still in planning Venuedate at the absolute minimum
before you get too far into theweeds with all of the rest of
your vendors, because that's howvendors really end up
inadvertently.
Double booking is that you know.
You talk to them at an expo andsaid, oh my gosh, yeah, you
(25:16):
know, december, maybe we'rethinking late fall, early winter
of 2027.
They're like, yeah, yeah, thecalendar's open sounds great.
I'll send you a quote.
You book the premium platinumpackage and you do, and then you
(25:36):
know six months later somebodycomes along with more of a
finite date that you don't haveset yet and as numbers start to
crunch and things start to workout, it can be a real headache.
I had a bride recently say like, oh my gosh, I'm getting
married spring a real headache.
I had a bride recently say likeoh my gosh, I'm getting married
spring of 28, but I don't havea date and I don't have a venue
(25:57):
and I'm like those are huge,huge questions, even though it's
2028 and a while from now.
I'm not holding that space open.
I'm going to live my life andplan what I got to plan and do
what I got to do.
I'm not comfortable putting outa price quote without knowing
at least a generalized vicinityof a venue, because it could be
a night and day difference.
Am I driving down intoPhiladelphia?
(26:19):
Am I in Harrisburg?
Am I in the Poconos or goodness, as you get throughout the
eastern border of Pennsylvania,you could be in New York, new
Jersey, pennsylvania, delaware,maryland, virginia and West
Virginia and Ohio let's justname all six in the state that
border Pennsylvania.
Why don't we?
Each of them is different, withtheir marriage laws, with their
(26:39):
timeline on things.
I love a good planner, but don'tcome book an officiant,
especially until you really havea plan.
Officiants are often the lastor the second to last booked
vendor and I've gotten more okaywith that over the years.
I used to be really annoyedwith it but, honestly, I've got
my schedule set.
(27:00):
I know what it is.
So coming to me at two monthsout sometimes is a lot easier
for me to say yes, let's moveforward, or nope, I'm so sorry,
I'm booked and move you along towhat's next in your journey,
than two years out with a lot ofquestion marks.
Yeah, okay, what do you got for our last one, last one?
(27:22):
Over-respect or disrespect?
Oh my gosh.
So I think in a seasoned world,I'll, I'll take over respect if
you'll take disrespect.
Yeah, yeah, that sounds good.
Amanda (27:34):
So I am not a god, I am not anything more than human.
I'm good human, but I'm notsuper special.
I am not the be-all end.
All the world should not stop.
When I walk into a room andit's a little, it's a shocking
(27:56):
the first time it happens, butthen it gets a little like oh
gosh, right, all right Time toput on the Amanda.
When it happens more than onceor constantly, and that is, it's
nothing.
There's nothing wrong with it.
It's just treat me human.
(28:16):
You don't need to over respectme.
You do not need to, you know,put a pedestal at my feet.
I am not a bishop, pope, priest.
I not a king, a lord, I'm noneof that.
Yeah, so just when people arelike, oh my gosh, like, is that
(28:37):
okay with you, what do you think?
Like they're seeking myblessing, they're seeking a lot
of additional validation fortheir choices of it, and that's
funny, I don't't need that.
Or when they feel likeconversations have to stop.
When I walk into a room or aspace, oh the number of
groomsmen that have sworn infront of me and then instantly
like, apologize, I'm so sorry,and it wasn't.
(28:59):
I'm so sorry because you are alady.
It's, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
You're the minister.
Dude, I spent four years in afraternity basement.
Let's keep those jokes going.
So a fair level of respect andappreciation is totally fine.
Please do not, you know, caterto me, make me the sun, moon,
(29:22):
stars.
It's not about me.
And again, unless I'm coming inat four hours notice to perform
a wedding and really, you know,quote, save the day, I don't
need much more than a few simplelike oh, that was so wonderful,
thank you so much.
We loved hearing what you said.
That's it.
I'm simple in that way andother officiants out there could
(29:44):
totally be like no, I love therespect and the additional, you
know, overappreciation, I don'tneed it.
Thank me, let me go.
Tristen (29:55):
Yeah, and I'm in the same category with that.
You can just thank me and letme go.
I don't need the stars, moon oranything else.
I am not a part of the church.
I'm good, so for disrespect.
(30:17):
The thing with this is I'm notjust some like random Joe Schmo
.
You pulled off the sidewalk onsome random street to officiate
you.
You clicked one random buttononce and thought, ooh, that
might be fun.
You actually researched quite alot, yeah, and I did expos
beforehand I had assisted withscript writing with you.
You were at what age youshadowed Exactly.
I did my due diligence.
I do have professional opinionsand professional expertise to
(30:41):
lend to me A being here, b beingable to be booked by you, and C
to just to have my licenseperiod.
Like, there are things that Iknow and am respected in for
that.
I'm not just some random person.
So, like you know, if I'mmaking recommendations to you,
(31:02):
if you asked for them or youknow, I'm a little shocked
because you're doing somethingthat way, like, and someone
comes at me with a lot ofdefensiveness or very much like
no, it just for me.
It gives either very bridezillaor it just makes me feel like
I'm being undervalued and likeI'm not being treated the best,
(31:23):
and those are situations that Ipersonally really don't like
I had a wedding that was verymuch that way, and I didn't even
get a thank you from the brideand groom after I didn't get fed
.
They literally just let me goand like I handed them the
paperwork and that was it, andthe bride essentially rolled her
eyes at me when I left.
So it was pretty bad.
I find it hard at times.
Amanda (31:44):
I don't get as much disrespect Drunken groomsmen
aside I don't get a ton ofdisrespect from the couple.
Obviously, I talked to them, Iconsulted with them, we came in
on a similar level.
They're the ones I've beendealing with the whole time.
Sometimes it's the parents yeah, I get that too Of you.
(32:05):
Know, gosh, why are you doingit this way, especially when
we're at a rehearsal or we'retrying to do lineup and they're
like the mother of the bride issupposed to come second.
It's like, hey, I'm not goingto.
And they address it to me.
They look at me and say to meone, I didn't plan your layout,
this walking layout.
(32:25):
The couple did that, or theircoordinator did that.
Two, it's what the couplewanted or what the venue or
coordinator would haverecommended, given industry,
traditions, standards, typical.
And three, okay, yeah.
I answer a lot with that likeoh, okay, yeah, you don't like
(32:48):
that.
You are walking second to yourex-husband and his wife.
I don't know what to tell you.
Okay, um and and again.
Just some questions of I don'tunderstand why this couldn't be
in a church.
It was a fine ceremony but itcould have been better if you
were xyz of a person or if youwere.
(33:10):
I was literally told once thatI shouldn't have done the
ceremony, I should have let apriest do it and I should have
been a reader.
The couple was very specificthat they did not want secular
hands anywhere near theirwedding and so, yeah, that one.
(33:31):
I was just like, oh, okay, likethank you for that.
But after gosh, I think I'll hit200 weddings by the end of the
year.
A lot of it.
I've come to be you know what.
I don't have to be Prince.
We don't have to be close.
We don't have to follow eachother.
I used to.
I used to follow every bride,every couple.
(33:53):
Unfortunately, got to see someof the divorces play out on
social media.
Now it's okay.
You know, even if it's a greatwedding, it's still okay.
You've got your wedding, I didmy service, we're all good, yeah
.
Wedding I did my service, we'reall good,
Tristen (34:08):
yeah And with the families too, especially the
religious stuff, like Icompletely understand if that's
important to you, but pleasedon't project your wishes onto
the bride and the groom, a and b.
Then don't go as far as toproject it onto me, the
officiant, who's not even a partof any of that.
Like there are better placesthat you can address that with
(34:32):
other people and you know thefamilial line and stuff like
that.
Don't take it up with me.
I have no place, no space inthat
Perfect .
Well, it has been over 250listens, over 10 episodes less
than three months in.
So here's hoping that we canpass that 500.
(34:52):
Oh my gosh, that would besurreal to surpass it like
towards the end or verybeginning of like month four.
That would just be really great.
So I'll kind of kick it to you,tristan any farewell wishes,
any sign-offs.
If anyone wants to find you forthings, they hit you up, they
find you through me.
You want her Essentially, yeah.
(35:13):
Yeah, you want Tristan, youcome through me.
Yeah, I'm still open for booking.
I don't do it as much as I usedto, but I am still open to
perform weddings.
You can reach me through Amanda.
That's probably the best placeto rally me, just because when I
am not here, I'm very much inmy management life.
(35:34):
I run a jewelry store, funnilyenough that I ended up selling
engagement rings right afterbecoming an officiant.
But yeah, probably the best wayis to find me through amanda.
Amanda (35:43):
Perfect, thank you all so much and until next time .
This has been amanda and thewedding Where wear.
Thank you for listening to theWedding Where with wedding with
officiating by amanda.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and found some
inspiration or insight for yourown special day.
This podcast is hosted onbuzzsprout and can be found on
(36:03):
all major platforms.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe, like, comment and
share to help us reach even morelisteners who might laugh a
little at the Wedding Wear.
For the links referenced in theshow, visit Linktree at
Officiating by Amanda.
You can also follow thebusiness on Facebook,
weddingwire and the Knot to stayup to date on everything going
(36:23):
on.
If you have a question you'dlike me to answer on the podcast
, just send an email totheweddingwearpodcast at
gmailcom, and if you're ready toinquire about officiating
services for your own big day,you can reach me at
officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom.
Thank you so much for tuning inand until next time.
This has been Amanda.
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