June 20, 2025 • 25 mins
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Wedding traditions carry the weight of generations past, but do they still serve today's couples? That's the exciting journey we embark on in this episode of The Wedding Ware, where we explore how time-honored customs can be reimagined, refreshed, and sometimes respectfully retired.
From the classic "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" to the father walking his daughter down the aisle, we dive into the origins of these traditions and how they've evolved. Did you know the practice of "giving away" the bride dates back to times when marriages were essentially property exchanges? Yet today's couples are transforming this moment into meaningful family involvement or even powerful "group giveaways" where the entire community affirms their support of the union. The beauty lies not in rigid adherence to tradition, but in how we can breathe new life into these rituals to reflect our values.
Reception traditions receive equal attention as we discuss the fading popularity of bouquet and garter tosses, alternatives to traditional cake cutting (Twinkies, anyone?), and regional customs like dollar dances. The episode emphasizes that there are no mandatory components to your wedding day—not even religious elements like "dearly beloved" or Bible readings, though many couples include them to honor family traditions. Whether you're planning to have bridesmen, best women, grandparent flower people, or completely reimagined ceremonies, what matters most is that you're creating a day that feels authentically yours.
Have you personalized a wedding tradition in a creative way? I'd love to hear your story! Share how you made these rituals your own, and you might even be invited on a future episode to inspire other couples looking to craft ceremonies that truly represent their unique relationships.
Thank you for sharing the podcast with others who may enjoy it! Share your funny wedding stories with me at theweddingwherepodcast@gmail.com. Any links referenced are on linktree.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Wedding Ware, with officiating
by Amanda.
Welcome back to the Wedding Ware.
We're going to do a littlebonus today on some wedding
traditions how they've shown up,how, if I know anything of how
(00:28):
they even got into our, ournetwork, our realm, how they've
evolved and how I've seen somecouples make them their own.
Now, mind you, with any ofthese you can totally shelve
them.
They're not needed.
The only thing that's needed istwo consenting adults, a
marriage license if you wouldlike a legal marriage and three
(00:52):
legal lines said In the state ofPennsylvania, that's it.
Well, and to me, to sign it.
Unless you get a self-unitinglicense, which is another whole
thing, I'll have a whole episodeabout the Quaker license in
Pennsylvania, whole thing.
I'll have a whole episode aboutthe Quaker license in
Pennsylvania.
But all the more specialtouches you put in the
traditions of the years gone by,they all are really good little
(01:18):
tie-ins, even if it's not tosomething you necessarily
believe in, because it's alittle misogynistic or it's
old-fashioned, even just attimes, knowing it was the same
thing that was done at yourparents wedding or your
grandparents weddings, or yoursiblings, or like those tie-ins
of and that's the same that itwas for them.
(01:39):
There's something really nicethat it's it's almost a
ritualistic process that reallygives you a good common feel to
it.
I do have to laugh.
I did a wedding a few weeks agoand in vows, probably since
early on, I have cut the wordobey, love, honor, cherish love
(02:02):
and cherish love and honor.
Cut the word obey.
It's a personal preference.
It's been a requested thing bya few couples.
It's just very antiquated andold-fashioned to say that you're
going to obey your partner andso I don't have it.
It's not legally needed, great.
And I had a groom who'd beenmarried for 39 years as of that
(02:26):
day and he's like they didn'tsay obey.
Oh, I had to say obey in mine.
And so as we go through and astraditions change, words adjust
over time to be more inclusiveand more fitting, there are
going to be differences overeras and people will almost be
able to pinpoint like oh right,we don't say that anymore, so
(02:50):
we're gonna kind of do a highlevel of the whole day.
And these are just some.
I would love to kind of dive ina little bit more and maybe do
a whole episode on like themorning of and the ceremony.
Gosh, I could do like 10episodes on rituals and
traditions and a ceremony, andwe'll go through the reception,
(03:10):
because every part of a weddingis packed with these, and some
are centuries old, some arebrand new, some were found on
TikTok and thought gosh, isn'tthat just awesome?
And are from other cultures,and others are blended.
You know, a little old and alittle new, but by and large,
(03:32):
these traditions and ritualsmake the wedding feel personal
to the couple as they take eachof these and add them in.
It breathes life into them andmakes them their own.
Take each of these and add themin.
It breathes life into them andmakes them their own.
So, starting out with some ofthe things of the morning of,
(03:56):
like the wedding prep, themorning of and the ceremony, so
again, a really great traditionis something old, new, borrowed
and blue for the bride, and I'veseen a lot of people go and,
you know, have the spouses ofthe groomsmen be their something
(04:20):
blue crew and they ask thosewomen to wear blue dresses.
It's not a wedding color butit's a pop out of color in the
audience.
It makes them feel a littlespecial.
Again, you're the significantother of a groomsman, or my gosh
.
Why not?
Why stop there?
Why not make it the husband ofbridesmaids?
And just that's your something,blue crew, so that on your
(04:45):
dress itself you don't have tomaybe add in an additional color
?
Old could be really anything.
It could be the veil, it couldbe jewelry from a family member.
It could be a brooch, like Jessour one bride story where she
had a brooch that was gifted toher that was her maid of honors
grandmother's brooch like ourJess our one bride story where
she had a brooch that was giftedto her.
(05:06):
That was her maid of honor'sgrandmother's brooch.
Something new, that's easy.
I mean the number of thingsthat couples are gifted in
preparation for weddings.
Yeah, it's not hard to findsomething new to incorporate
into your outfit on the weddingday.
I laugh because I've had a fewbrides who have recently become
(05:28):
moms and, yeah, the new was thebaby, the baby's new.
And then there is somethingborrowed and once again borrowed
.
It's more symbolic maybe whoyou're borrowing it from than it
is what exactly is borrowed andwhere it goes.
Another tradition in the morningof is the six pence in a shoe,
(05:56):
and that refers to the oldBritish tradition of putting a
six pence, a coin, into a brideshoe for wealth and prosperity.
I actually for my wedding.
I'm all right, full disclosure.
I'm obsessed with the Britishroyal family.
I'm obsessed with all royalfamilies and all royalty.
(06:17):
I like things with the lineage.
I'm weird, I don't care, but Ifound an Etsy store that does
six pence anklets and so I hadone done in lavender, so
lavender pearls, and then on theanklet was a beautiful sixpence
(06:42):
of Queen Elizabeth II and itwas minted for the wedding date,
the year and everything.
So that was really, really cooland as much as King Charles is
fine, I'm very glad that mysixpence was of the Queen,
because, yeah, of the queen,because, yeah, let me see
(07:12):
another tradition is the brideand groom not seeing each other
before the wedding.
I've seen this do all sorts ofeverything, everything from we
will have zero contact and wewill not see each other the
night before to.
I mean, I can see him up to thepoint where I get dressed
because it's more of him seeingme in the dress, all different
(07:35):
iterations of it, and it's alltraditionally wise.
It's all a bit of superstitionof you know.
Don't see him before you're atthe aisle.
What if he runs back to theantiquated times where you
almost, like, had an arrangedmarriage, or you stole the bride
, and what if the groom didn'tagree?
It's really not needed.
(07:56):
It does add a fair amount ofanticipation for the groom at
the end of the aisle and for thebride as she walks down oh,
he's gonna see me.
Room at the end of the aisle.
And for the bride as she walksdown I go oh, he's going to see
me.
But I would say, just thinkabout how you would do with that
, how your anxiety might be withthat, or how the anxiety of
(08:20):
your other person might be withthat.
Because, yeah, there's a lot, alot of stress that's already
going on and if it's going to bemore stress than it's worth to
be separated, don't do it.
Or they will do, they'll doshared notes or something, or
(08:48):
they'll each send each otherlike a picture of just their
face through text messagemorning, of like just knowing
I'm still here, I still love you, I'm here.
I see at the end of the aisledon't you worry about it that
that little touch to providesome support and some comfort
can be really, really key.
So let's see.
So I want to move a little bitthrough these because, like I
(09:09):
said, I could spend days on eachof them, but I just wanted to
do a little overview.
So, traditionally, a bride iswalked down the aisle way and a
(09:31):
lot of times it's asked you knowwho presents this woman?
Who is giving away this woman?
In fact it's even called thegiveaway, for when there used to
be an exchange of the bride fora goat or whatever.
That payment or dowry was tothe family isn't done anymore,
but it is still a really greataspect for involving family
members, and I say familymembers instead of the father of
(09:52):
the bride, because that isn'twho has to walk you down the
aisle.
It could be your kids, it couldbe your parents, both of them.
It could be just your mom, itcould be you yourself, it could
be the best man, it could be theminister, it could be anybody
(10:12):
you want, if you want somebodyat all.
And so, starting with thattradition of kind of the
giveaway, I just did a weddingwhere the couple bride walked
down with her dad.
Only to maybe about 50%.
It was like a staircase andthen the aisle.
So dad walked her down thestaircase probably smart because
(10:34):
you know heels, dress, yeah.
But when she hit the bottom ofthe staircase, her dad hugged
her, he went to his seat and shecontinued on by herself Strong,
independent woman she was, andthey loved it.
I got to work with the groom onwhen to have him turn around to
get to see her, and that'sreally wonderful.
(10:54):
I will do a whole episode on thetimes where I feel very
powerful in weddings and I loveit.
And when the two of them got tothe front of the aisle I had
them turn around and face outand everyone was still standing
because I had them and I askedfor a group giveaway.
(11:17):
I said, hey, the answer to thisquestion is we are Okay.
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Who is here today incelebration of this marriage?
And they all yelled we are, andit was great.
And then they all sat down andit was a group giveaway.
So taking that kind oftradition of the exchange of
bride for property then becomesokay.
Let's involve everybody in themoment.
(11:39):
It's not just one person andit's no longer exchanging
property as much as it iscelebration.
And who is here for thiswonderful moment and this
achievement?
In which case we all are.
It's a really, really fun thingand definitely a space where
you can make it your own and dowhat you want to do with it.
I could go on for days and daysabout UND ceremonies and I will
(12:05):
, and I will, and I will and Iwill.
But other traditions a lot ofcouples think that they have to
have something religious.
I'm here to burst that prettybubble.
You do not need dearly beloved,you do not need God bless you,
you do not need amen, you do notneed 1 Corinthians, you don't
(12:26):
need to do the tying of thethree chords with the passage
about you know, not going tosleep alone because you would
freeze to death.
Nope, if you want them, I'vegot a whole arsenal.
I'll sprinkle them in, I'll putthem in whatever you'd like,
but you do not need it.
Those are all traditions that,if based upon your faith, are
(12:50):
really wonderful add-ins, andI've gotten a lot of couples
whom it might not necessarily betheir religiosity to want a
bible reading, but they knowwhat it means to their parents
or their grandparents, and sothat's where we go back to kind
of that.
It's a ritual that now stemslarger than just their wedding.
(13:13):
It ties into the wedding thattheir parents had, the wedding
that their grandparents had, andit's that common thread that
comes down in and that's where alot of times I'll get a couple
that will say we're not reallyreligious, but we want 1
Corinthians 13,.
Love is patient, love is kind.
But we want 1 Corinthians 13,.
Love is patient, love is kind.
(13:33):
My mom had a hanging of it ather house or my grandparents had
it in their wedding ceremony.
It does mean something withinour family and, even though we
don't need the whole blessingwithin the Bible, we want that
bit because that's a traditionthat has taken on a different
life and meaning to us.
Let's do it, let's go.
(13:54):
Let me think what are some othertraditions, or even just
adjustments to traditions?
No, bridal parties have been afar larger thing.
Without having anybody stand upthere next to you Really
awesome.
Without having anybody stand upthere next to you Really
awesome.
I've loved seeing grandparentsserve as the flower people, just
like I've loved seeingbridesmen and best gals and kind
(14:19):
of have your people and havethem in the roles that make
sense to them.
There was one wedding I did andthe groom had like three of his
best girls all on his side andall of the guys were in these
sharp black suits.
These ladies looked gorgeous inthese black suits.
(14:44):
They looked phenomenal.
Yeah, it was great.
I kind of wish the entirebridal party, both sides, was
just sharp and well-dressedladies, because they looked
really, really good.
And that that's a personalchoice.
I mean, I'm sure he easilycould have said to his bride hey
(15:04):
, would you mind putting them onyour side, because that's where
the women stand, or he couldhave had them in black dresses
to match the black suits thatthe groomsmen were wearing.
But instead it's a hey.
This is what I'm thinking andthat is a spin on traditions to
make it work best for the coupleand make it work best for their
(15:25):
friends and their family.
So, going into the reception,there's a lot of traditional
things that, depending on whereyou're located, they might not
even be traditionally.
So I'm in NortheastPennsylvania and dollar dances
are pretty big up here, and Itry to say it without any sort
(16:01):
of insinuation.
But fire hall weddings, churchbasement weddings, typically not
happening at like a countryclub venue, have dollar dances
where there are two buckets onefor the bride, one for the groom
and for the length of about twosongs or so.
As a guest you can come up andpay some money two bucks, five
bucks, ten bucks, however muchyou want for a little bit of
(16:21):
time to dance with the bride andgroom, which is really nice
because the day flies by.
You hardly ever get to see thecouple, let alone some time
alone with them.
But then you know it could be alittle creepy.
People dancing after severaldrinks get a little touchy, you
know.
I left.
(16:42):
My husband really wanted to doa dollar dance.
We had seen it at a friend'swedding and he's like that's so
cool.
Him, mr Anxiety, and I'm likewedding and he's like that's so
cool.
Him, mr anxiety, and I'm like Iwork in fundraising.
I do enough for money on aregular basis.
I don't need to be dancing formoney.
But that is certainly somethingthat I think is a little more
(17:02):
locationally based.
Can you think of any receptiontraditions that are really big
in your area, in your vicinity,and I've seen a lot of
adjustments in the last 10 yearsGarters and bouquets have been
very traditional.
They're on their way out.
You might still have a garter.
(17:25):
It's not getting taken off yourleg and tossed.
Or again, it's less and lesslikely.
Same thing with a bouquet.
You're going to have a bouquet,but if you toss it one, it's
not going to be your realbouquet.
And two, look at your bridalparty, look at your friends and
how do you then define single?
(17:46):
Is that you are single, singledon't have anybody, or you are
just not married.
There's lots of different ways.
There's been first dances.
Couples who've been verynervous about being the center
of attention have done likethey're dancing at the same time
that their parents are dancingwith each other, so kind of like
a smaller couple's dance.
(18:06):
But that way it's not all onthe couple, not all eyes are on
them.
It.
It really startles me sometimesjust how, how big, some
weddings can be for a couplethat is so shy and not wanting
the limelight.
I I think I probably need todig into it a lot more to learn
(18:27):
more, but I really am like, wow,okay, and yet you planned a
wedding and you, you did thiswhole big day with a 30-minute
ceremony and you won't do adance with just the two of you
because you really don't want tobe in the limelight.
Certainly something to researchinto more.
There is cake cutting.
(18:47):
Obviously is a tradition, butnot everyone eats cake, so I've
seen that switched out a lot ora few other things like feeding
each other cookies or oh my gosh, what was the one couple?
The one couple did Twinkies.
They each like unwrapped aTwinkie and fed each other a
Twinkie.
That was pretty cute.
And again, do you save the toplayer of your cake?
(19:08):
Does your freezer have room forit?
Did you even get a piece ofyour cake to know?
If you like your cake to wantto put it into a freezer for a
year, as we heard about in theepisode with Verlin on, the
bride denied the groom cake?
Certainly, listen to that, ifyou haven't the risk with some
(19:28):
couples about, okay, cakecutting could be a cute little
nice thing and you feed eachother and it's, you know,
symbolic of the two of youproviding for and supporting
each other, taking care of eachother, versus you know, okay,
I'm going to smash cake in yourface, or I'm going to deny you
cake, or I swear.
(19:49):
If anyone smashed cake in myface after I paid good money for
my hair and makeup to be done,oh, would not have gone well.
All in all, the traditions thatare built into a wedding, even
some of the ones that are alittle more antiquated, are a
beautiful starting off point.
If you want them, put them in.
(20:11):
If you want it just as is, asit always has been, as your
grandparents had it.
Just click the button and sayyes If you think you might want
it.
You want to learn more?
You want to adjust it?
Great, click yes, startcustomizing, play it around.
The one thing I will say withadjustments for things that are
(20:33):
traditional is make thoseadjustments early and make sure
you let people know, like yourdj, your photographer, if you
want crazier things in ceremony.
You're efficient, your venueperson, we're all kind of your
venue person.
We're all kind of trained to dothings either traditionally or
(20:56):
typically.
So, for example, the couplethat I've mentioned before who
had a group giveaway they let meknow from pretty early on the
bride's walking herself down theaisle Awesome, cool, because if
not, the bride's walkingherself down the aisle Awesome
cool, because if not, I'm goingto go in and start writing a
script that is about the fatherof the bride walks the bride
(21:19):
down Because traditionally andtypically, that's what I've seen
.
Now, if they were like, oh,some old walker down, cool, I'll
just leave it that there's aindividual giveaway.
The more I can know earlier ofsomething that's going to be
different, unique, slightly offthe standard, let me know.
(21:40):
And same thing for, like yourdj, if you aren't doing a garter
and bouquet toss, let them knowas soon as you can.
That way they can strike it,they can make it work out.
If not, if you don't let usknow, we might operate on the
assumption.
I know what we say aboutassumptions, but we might
(22:00):
operate on the assumption that,well, yeah, it's a given, it's
typical, it's traditional.
We might just think you want tohave it done Photographers with
first looks or just think youwant to have it done,
photographers with first looks,or that you're not seeing each
other ahead of the wedding.
They might make that assumptionif you don't spell out to them
what you're doing.
That is atypical or anadjustment from tradition.
(22:23):
No two weddings are ever goingto look exactly the same.
Even if you hit copy paste,it's not the same.
The couple is different andthat's why I think, as vendors,
we need to be kind of open to nomatter how big or small that
adjustment is between weddingsand couples.
That things are are differentWords, vibes, energies, feelings
(22:45):
, requirements, songs played.
You should not be hitting copypaste.
You can start off with copypaste but then you got to edit.
Make sure you make your editsand lastly, as you personalize
some of these traditions, askingwhat feels true to us.
Are we having this just to havethis?
Do we want this?
(23:06):
Do we need this?
Is there going to be a pictureof it?
Is there going to be a video ofit?
Is it just a memory for us?
You know what?
Does it going to be a pictureof it?
Is there going to be a video ofit?
Is it just a memory for us?
You know what does it mean tous in the long run?
And where does it go after thewedding?
Or what is it worth?
After the wedding, I think aboutmyself with the sixpence for my
(23:26):
shoe.
I'm not really a shoe person.
I didn't really.
I like the shoes I bought formy wedding.
Let's just say that.
But I didn't go crazy.
I didn't need anything superspecial.
I might not keep even the shoeslonger than this next move, but
I wanted that six pence.
But I didn't want it in a shoebecause I'm like, where am I
(23:46):
going to do that after?
It's in my shoe all night andI've got sweaty feet?
I even had a shoe change.
I'm like, oh, this is not gonnago.
Well, finding it on an ankletokay, that makes sense to me.
That's a bigger win finding itwith the queen huge win, finding
it with lavender pearls, whichwas one of the wedding colors.
(24:06):
I didn't really get to tie in alot of places because I did a
lot more with blue.
Win, win, win, win, win,perfect, and it's now a forever
piece of jewelry versus justsixpence.
And yeah, so what feels true toyou, what makes sense to you,
and I'd be interested to hear,please I know we talked more,
(24:28):
you know, let me know what othertraditions you want me to go
through and talk about, but whatdid you take at your wedding?
Did you grab a tradition orsomething that was a normal
ritual?
How did you adjust it?
Please, let me know, and if youever want to come on and tell
me more about it, I would beglad to have you here.
The Wedding Wear.
(24:48):
Thank you for listening to theWedding Wear with Officiating by
Amanda.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and found some
inspiration or insight for yourown special day.
This podcast is hosted onBuzzsprout and can be found on
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If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe, like, comment and
share to help us reach even morelisteners who might laugh a
(25:09):
little at the wedding wear.
For the links referenced in theshow.
Visit linktree atofficiatingbyamanda.
You can also follow thebusiness on Facebook,
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on.
If you have a question you'dlike me to answer on the podcast
, just send an email totheweddingwearpodcast at
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(25:31):
services for your own big day,you can reach me at officiating
by Amanda at gmailcom.
Thank you so much for tuning inand until next time.
This has been Amanda.
Welcome to the Wedding Ware, with officiating
by Amanda.
Welcome back to the Wedding Ware.
We're going to do a littlebonus today on some wedding
traditions how they've shown up,how, if I know anything of how
(00:28):
they even got into our, ournetwork, our realm, how they've
evolved and how I've seen somecouples make them their own.
Now, mind you, with any ofthese you can totally shelve
them.
They're not needed.
The only thing that's needed istwo consenting adults, a
marriage license if you wouldlike a legal marriage and three
(00:52):
legal lines said In the state ofPennsylvania, that's it.
Well, and to me, to sign it.
Unless you get a self-unitinglicense, which is another whole
thing, I'll have a whole episodeabout the Quaker license in
Pennsylvania, whole thing.
I'll have a whole episode aboutthe Quaker license in
Pennsylvania.
But all the more specialtouches you put in the
traditions of the years gone by,they all are really good little
(01:18):
tie-ins, even if it's not tosomething you necessarily
believe in, because it's alittle misogynistic or it's
old-fashioned, even just attimes, knowing it was the same
thing that was done at yourparents wedding or your
grandparents weddings, or yoursiblings, or like those tie-ins
of and that's the same that itwas for them.
(01:39):
There's something really nicethat it's it's almost a
ritualistic process that reallygives you a good common feel to
it.
I do have to laugh.
I did a wedding a few weeks agoand in vows, probably since
early on, I have cut the wordobey, love, honor, cherish love
(02:02):
and cherish love and honor.
Cut the word obey.
It's a personal preference.
It's been a requested thing bya few couples.
It's just very antiquated andold-fashioned to say that you're
going to obey your partner andso I don't have it.
It's not legally needed, great.
And I had a groom who'd beenmarried for 39 years as of that
(02:26):
day and he's like they didn'tsay obey.
Oh, I had to say obey in mine.
And so as we go through and astraditions change, words adjust
over time to be more inclusiveand more fitting, there are
going to be differences overeras and people will almost be
able to pinpoint like oh right,we don't say that anymore, so
(02:50):
we're gonna kind of do a highlevel of the whole day.
And these are just some.
I would love to kind of dive ina little bit more and maybe do
a whole episode on like themorning of and the ceremony.
Gosh, I could do like 10episodes on rituals and
traditions and a ceremony, andwe'll go through the reception,
(03:10):
because every part of a weddingis packed with these, and some
are centuries old, some arebrand new, some were found on
TikTok and thought gosh, isn'tthat just awesome?
And are from other cultures,and others are blended.
You know, a little old and alittle new, but by and large,
(03:32):
these traditions and ritualsmake the wedding feel personal
to the couple as they take eachof these and add them in.
It breathes life into them andmakes them their own.
Take each of these and add themin.
It breathes life into them andmakes them their own.
So, starting out with some ofthe things of the morning of,
(03:56):
like the wedding prep, themorning of and the ceremony, so
again, a really great traditionis something old, new, borrowed
and blue for the bride, and I'veseen a lot of people go and,
you know, have the spouses ofthe groomsmen be their something
(04:20):
blue crew and they ask thosewomen to wear blue dresses.
It's not a wedding color butit's a pop out of color in the
audience.
It makes them feel a littlespecial.
Again, you're the significantother of a groomsman, or my gosh
.
Why not?
Why stop there?
Why not make it the husband ofbridesmaids?
And just that's your something,blue crew, so that on your
(04:45):
dress itself you don't have tomaybe add in an additional color
?
Old could be really anything.
It could be the veil, it couldbe jewelry from a family member.
It could be a brooch, like Jessour one bride story where she
had a brooch that was gifted toher that was her maid of honors
grandmother's brooch like ourJess our one bride story where
she had a brooch that was giftedto her.
(05:06):
That was her maid of honor'sgrandmother's brooch.
Something new, that's easy.
I mean the number of thingsthat couples are gifted in
preparation for weddings.
Yeah, it's not hard to findsomething new to incorporate
into your outfit on the weddingday.
I laugh because I've had a fewbrides who have recently become
(05:28):
moms and, yeah, the new was thebaby, the baby's new.
And then there is somethingborrowed and once again borrowed
.
It's more symbolic maybe whoyou're borrowing it from than it
is what exactly is borrowed andwhere it goes.
Another tradition in the morningof is the six pence in a shoe,
(05:56):
and that refers to the oldBritish tradition of putting a
six pence, a coin, into a brideshoe for wealth and prosperity.
I actually for my wedding.
I'm all right, full disclosure.
I'm obsessed with the Britishroyal family.
I'm obsessed with all royalfamilies and all royalty.
(06:17):
I like things with the lineage.
I'm weird, I don't care, but Ifound an Etsy store that does
six pence anklets and so I hadone done in lavender, so
lavender pearls, and then on theanklet was a beautiful sixpence
(06:42):
of Queen Elizabeth II and itwas minted for the wedding date,
the year and everything.
So that was really, really cooland as much as King Charles is
fine, I'm very glad that mysixpence was of the Queen,
because, yeah, of the queen,because, yeah, let me see
(07:12):
another tradition is the brideand groom not seeing each other
before the wedding.
I've seen this do all sorts ofeverything, everything from we
will have zero contact and wewill not see each other the
night before to.
I mean, I can see him up to thepoint where I get dressed
because it's more of him seeingme in the dress, all different
(07:35):
iterations of it, and it's alltraditionally wise.
It's all a bit of superstitionof you know.
Don't see him before you're atthe aisle.
What if he runs back to theantiquated times where you
almost, like, had an arrangedmarriage, or you stole the bride
, and what if the groom didn'tagree?
It's really not needed.
(07:56):
It does add a fair amount ofanticipation for the groom at
the end of the aisle and for thebride as she walks down oh,
he's gonna see me.
Room at the end of the aisle.
And for the bride as she walksdown I go oh, he's going to see
me.
But I would say, just thinkabout how you would do with that
, how your anxiety might be withthat, or how the anxiety of
(08:20):
your other person might be withthat.
Because, yeah, there's a lot, alot of stress that's already
going on and if it's going to bemore stress than it's worth to
be separated, don't do it.
Or they will do, they'll doshared notes or something, or
(08:48):
they'll each send each otherlike a picture of just their
face through text messagemorning, of like just knowing
I'm still here, I still love you, I'm here.
I see at the end of the aisledon't you worry about it that
that little touch to providesome support and some comfort
can be really, really key.
So let's see.
So I want to move a little bitthrough these because, like I
(09:09):
said, I could spend days on eachof them, but I just wanted to
do a little overview.
So, traditionally, a bride iswalked down the aisle way and a
(09:31):
lot of times it's asked you knowwho presents this woman?
Who is giving away this woman?
In fact it's even called thegiveaway, for when there used to
be an exchange of the bride fora goat or whatever.
That payment or dowry was tothe family isn't done anymore,
but it is still a really greataspect for involving family
members, and I say familymembers instead of the father of
(09:52):
the bride, because that isn'twho has to walk you down the
aisle.
It could be your kids, it couldbe your parents, both of them.
It could be just your mom, itcould be you yourself, it could
be the best man, it could be theminister, it could be anybody
(10:12):
you want, if you want somebodyat all.
And so, starting with thattradition of kind of the
giveaway, I just did a weddingwhere the couple bride walked
down with her dad.
Only to maybe about 50%.
It was like a staircase andthen the aisle.
So dad walked her down thestaircase probably smart because
(10:34):
you know heels, dress, yeah.
But when she hit the bottom ofthe staircase, her dad hugged
her, he went to his seat and shecontinued on by herself Strong,
independent woman she was, andthey loved it.
I got to work with the groom onwhen to have him turn around to
get to see her, and that'sreally wonderful.
(10:54):
I will do a whole episode on thetimes where I feel very
powerful in weddings and I loveit.
And when the two of them got tothe front of the aisle I had
them turn around and face outand everyone was still standing
because I had them and I askedfor a group giveaway.
(11:17):
I said, hey, the answer to thisquestion is we are Okay.
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Who is here today incelebration of this marriage?
And they all yelled we are, andit was great.
And then they all sat down andit was a group giveaway.
So taking that kind oftradition of the exchange of
bride for property then becomesokay.
Let's involve everybody in themoment.
(11:39):
It's not just one person andit's no longer exchanging
property as much as it iscelebration.
And who is here for thiswonderful moment and this
achievement?
In which case we all are.
It's a really, really fun thingand definitely a space where
you can make it your own and dowhat you want to do with it.
I could go on for days and daysabout UND ceremonies and I will
(12:05):
, and I will, and I will and Iwill.
But other traditions a lot ofcouples think that they have to
have something religious.
I'm here to burst that prettybubble.
You do not need dearly beloved,you do not need God bless you,
you do not need amen, you do notneed 1 Corinthians, you don't
(12:26):
need to do the tying of thethree chords with the passage
about you know, not going tosleep alone because you would
freeze to death.
Nope, if you want them, I'vegot a whole arsenal.
I'll sprinkle them in, I'll putthem in whatever you'd like,
but you do not need it.
Those are all traditions that,if based upon your faith, are
(12:50):
really wonderful add-ins, andI've gotten a lot of couples
whom it might not necessarily betheir religiosity to want a
bible reading, but they knowwhat it means to their parents
or their grandparents, and sothat's where we go back to kind
of that.
It's a ritual that now stemslarger than just their wedding.
(13:13):
It ties into the wedding thattheir parents had, the wedding
that their grandparents had, andit's that common thread that
comes down in and that's where alot of times I'll get a couple
that will say we're not reallyreligious, but we want 1
Corinthians 13,.
Love is patient, love is kind.
But we want 1 Corinthians 13,.
Love is patient, love is kind.
(13:33):
My mom had a hanging of it ather house or my grandparents had
it in their wedding ceremony.
It does mean something withinour family and, even though we
don't need the whole blessingwithin the Bible, we want that
bit because that's a traditionthat has taken on a different
life and meaning to us.
Let's do it, let's go.
(13:54):
Let me think what are some othertraditions, or even just
adjustments to traditions?
No, bridal parties have been afar larger thing.
Without having anybody stand upthere next to you Really
awesome.
Without having anybody stand upthere next to you Really
awesome.
I've loved seeing grandparentsserve as the flower people, just
like I've loved seeingbridesmen and best gals and kind
(14:19):
of have your people and havethem in the roles that make
sense to them.
There was one wedding I did andthe groom had like three of his
best girls all on his side andall of the guys were in these
sharp black suits.
These ladies looked gorgeous inthese black suits.
(14:44):
They looked phenomenal.
Yeah, it was great.
I kind of wish the entirebridal party, both sides, was
just sharp and well-dressedladies, because they looked
really, really good.
And that that's a personalchoice.
I mean, I'm sure he easilycould have said to his bride hey
(15:04):
, would you mind putting them onyour side, because that's where
the women stand, or he couldhave had them in black dresses
to match the black suits thatthe groomsmen were wearing.
But instead it's a hey.
This is what I'm thinking andthat is a spin on traditions to
make it work best for the coupleand make it work best for their
(15:25):
friends and their family.
So, going into the reception,there's a lot of traditional
things that, depending on whereyou're located, they might not
even be traditionally.
So I'm in NortheastPennsylvania and dollar dances
are pretty big up here, and Itry to say it without any sort
(16:01):
of insinuation.
But fire hall weddings, churchbasement weddings, typically not
happening at like a countryclub venue, have dollar dances
where there are two buckets onefor the bride, one for the groom
and for the length of about twosongs or so.
As a guest you can come up andpay some money two bucks, five
bucks, ten bucks, however muchyou want for a little bit of
(16:21):
time to dance with the bride andgroom, which is really nice
because the day flies by.
You hardly ever get to see thecouple, let alone some time
alone with them.
But then you know it could be alittle creepy.
People dancing after severaldrinks get a little touchy, you
know.
I left.
(16:42):
My husband really wanted to doa dollar dance.
We had seen it at a friend'swedding and he's like that's so
cool.
Him, mr Anxiety, and I'm likewedding and he's like that's so
cool.
Him, mr anxiety, and I'm like Iwork in fundraising.
I do enough for money on aregular basis.
I don't need to be dancing formoney.
But that is certainly somethingthat I think is a little more
(17:02):
locationally based.
Can you think of any receptiontraditions that are really big
in your area, in your vicinity,and I've seen a lot of
adjustments in the last 10 yearsGarters and bouquets have been
very traditional.
They're on their way out.
You might still have a garter.
(17:25):
It's not getting taken off yourleg and tossed.
Or again, it's less and lesslikely.
Same thing with a bouquet.
You're going to have a bouquet,but if you toss it one, it's
not going to be your realbouquet.
And two, look at your bridalparty, look at your friends and
how do you then define single?
(17:46):
Is that you are single, singledon't have anybody, or you are
just not married.
There's lots of different ways.
There's been first dances.
Couples who've been verynervous about being the center
of attention have done likethey're dancing at the same time
that their parents are dancingwith each other, so kind of like
a smaller couple's dance.
(18:06):
But that way it's not all onthe couple, not all eyes are on
them.
It.
It really startles me sometimesjust how, how big, some
weddings can be for a couplethat is so shy and not wanting
the limelight.
I I think I probably need todig into it a lot more to learn
(18:27):
more, but I really am like, wow,okay, and yet you planned a
wedding and you, you did thiswhole big day with a 30-minute
ceremony and you won't do adance with just the two of you
because you really don't want tobe in the limelight.
Certainly something to researchinto more.
There is cake cutting.
(18:47):
Obviously is a tradition, butnot everyone eats cake, so I've
seen that switched out a lot ora few other things like feeding
each other cookies or oh my gosh, what was the one couple?
The one couple did Twinkies.
They each like unwrapped aTwinkie and fed each other a
Twinkie.
That was pretty cute.
And again, do you save the toplayer of your cake?
(19:08):
Does your freezer have room forit?
Did you even get a piece ofyour cake to know?
If you like your cake to wantto put it into a freezer for a
year, as we heard about in theepisode with Verlin on, the
bride denied the groom cake?
Certainly, listen to that, ifyou haven't the risk with some
(19:28):
couples about, okay, cakecutting could be a cute little
nice thing and you feed eachother and it's, you know,
symbolic of the two of youproviding for and supporting
each other, taking care of eachother, versus you know, okay,
I'm going to smash cake in yourface, or I'm going to deny you
cake, or I swear.
(19:49):
If anyone smashed cake in myface after I paid good money for
my hair and makeup to be done,oh, would not have gone well.
All in all, the traditions thatare built into a wedding, even
some of the ones that are alittle more antiquated, are a
beautiful starting off point.
If you want them, put them in.
(20:11):
If you want it just as is, asit always has been, as your
grandparents had it.
Just click the button and sayyes If you think you might want
it.
You want to learn more?
You want to adjust it?
Great, click yes, startcustomizing, play it around.
The one thing I will say withadjustments for things that are
(20:33):
traditional is make thoseadjustments early and make sure
you let people know, like yourdj, your photographer, if you
want crazier things in ceremony.
You're efficient, your venueperson, we're all kind of your
venue person.
We're all kind of trained to dothings either traditionally or
(20:56):
typically.
So, for example, the couplethat I've mentioned before who
had a group giveaway they let meknow from pretty early on the
bride's walking herself down theaisle Awesome, cool, because if
not, the bride's walkingherself down the aisle Awesome
cool, because if not, I'm goingto go in and start writing a
script that is about the fatherof the bride walks the bride
(21:19):
down Because traditionally andtypically, that's what I've seen
.
Now, if they were like, oh,some old walker down, cool, I'll
just leave it that there's aindividual giveaway.
The more I can know earlier ofsomething that's going to be
different, unique, slightly offthe standard, let me know.
(21:40):
And same thing for, like yourdj, if you aren't doing a garter
and bouquet toss, let them knowas soon as you can.
That way they can strike it,they can make it work out.
If not, if you don't let usknow, we might operate on the
assumption.
I know what we say aboutassumptions, but we might
(22:00):
operate on the assumption that,well, yeah, it's a given, it's
typical, it's traditional.
We might just think you want tohave it done Photographers with
first looks or just think youwant to have it done,
photographers with first looks,or that you're not seeing each
other ahead of the wedding.
They might make that assumptionif you don't spell out to them
what you're doing.
That is atypical or anadjustment from tradition.
(22:23):
No two weddings are ever goingto look exactly the same.
Even if you hit copy paste,it's not the same.
The couple is different andthat's why I think, as vendors,
we need to be kind of open to nomatter how big or small that
adjustment is between weddingsand couples.
That things are are differentWords, vibes, energies, feelings
(22:45):
, requirements, songs played.
You should not be hitting copypaste.
You can start off with copypaste but then you got to edit.
Make sure you make your editsand lastly, as you personalize
some of these traditions, askingwhat feels true to us.
Are we having this just to havethis?
Do we want this?
(23:06):
Do we need this?
Is there going to be a pictureof it?
Is there going to be a video ofit?
Is it just a memory for us?
You know what?
Does it going to be a pictureof it?
Is there going to be a video ofit?
Is it just a memory for us?
You know what does it mean tous in the long run?
And where does it go after thewedding?
Or what is it worth?
After the wedding, I think aboutmyself with the sixpence for my
(23:26):
shoe.
I'm not really a shoe person.
I didn't really.
I like the shoes I bought formy wedding.
Let's just say that.
But I didn't go crazy.
I didn't need anything superspecial.
I might not keep even the shoeslonger than this next move, but
I wanted that six pence.
But I didn't want it in a shoebecause I'm like, where am I
(23:46):
going to do that after?
It's in my shoe all night andI've got sweaty feet?
I even had a shoe change.
I'm like, oh, this is not gonnago.
Well, finding it on an ankletokay, that makes sense to me.
That's a bigger win finding itwith the queen huge win, finding
it with lavender pearls, whichwas one of the wedding colors.
(24:06):
I didn't really get to tie in alot of places because I did a
lot more with blue.
Win, win, win, win, win,perfect, and it's now a forever
piece of jewelry versus justsixpence.
And yeah, so what feels true toyou, what makes sense to you,
and I'd be interested to hear,please I know we talked more,
(24:28):
you know, let me know what othertraditions you want me to go
through and talk about, but whatdid you take at your wedding?
Did you grab a tradition orsomething that was a normal
ritual?
How did you adjust it?
Please, let me know, and if youever want to come on and tell
me more about it, I would beglad to have you here.
The Wedding Wear.
(24:48):
Thank you for listening to theWedding Wear with Officiating by
Amanda.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and found some
inspiration or insight for yourown special day.
This podcast is hosted onBuzzsprout and can be found on
all major platforms.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe, like, comment and
share to help us reach even morelisteners who might laugh a
(25:09):
little at the wedding wear.
For the links referenced in theshow.
Visit linktree atofficiatingbyamanda.
You can also follow thebusiness on Facebook,
weddingwire and the Knot to stayup to date on everything going
on.
If you have a question you'dlike me to answer on the podcast
, just send an email totheweddingwearpodcast at
gmailcom, and if you're ready toinquire about officiating
(25:31):
services for your own big day,you can reach me at officiating
by Amanda at gmailcom.
Thank you so much for tuning inand until next time.
This has been Amanda.
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