Send me a message or any questions!
We celebrate 11 years in the officiating business by sharing milestones in our podcast journey and revealing the scams targeting wedding vendors. This bonus episode combines gratitude for our growing international audience with practical warnings about common industry fraud schemes that nearly ended our career.
• Our podcast has reached 622 listens across 22 episodes with international listeners from the Netherlands, Estonia, Australia, Lebanon, Brazil, Germany, Turkey, and Italy
• Preparing for an upcoming wedding marathon of six ceremonies in 36 hours
• Warning signs of wedding vendor scams include rushed timelines, no consultation calls, and payment amounts that exceed quotes
• Detailed account of a check fraud scam where we were asked to deposit an oversized check and forward money to other "vendors"
• Tips for wedding professionals to protect themselves from fraud through contracts and verification processes
• Advice for couples on researching vendors thoroughly and recognizing suspicious behavior
If you have questions you'd like answered on the podcast, send an email to theweddingwherepodcast@gmail.com, and if you need officiating services, reach out to officiatingbyamanda@gmail.com.
Thank you for sharing the podcast with others who may enjoy it! Share your funny wedding stories with me at theweddingwherepodcast@gmail.com. Any links referenced are on linktree.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amanda (00:10):
Welcome to the Wedding Wear with officiating by Amanda.
Welcome back to the wedding,where this is going to be a
bonus episode to celebrate 11years of me in this role and in
(00:32):
this realm, being an officiant.
I'm really excited to kind ofjump in on this.
I'm laughing because I'm doingthis on the fly.
It's a Tuesday night and thiswill go out, oh gosh, friday or
(00:52):
maybe even Monday morning Withthe move that my husband and I
have coming up.
My schedule has been absolutelycrazy.
And then we add in the weddings, and then we add in the
weddings, and then we add injust kind of everything else.
So I know I've got to put out afew more episodes and, knowing
that I just had my anniversaryrecently, I really wanted to
(01:17):
capitalize on that, put out someadditional information and
tidbits.
I know I've got a poll going onthe Facebook right now for a
future bonus episode.
I think I might save that forwhen I hit 1,000 listens.
The episode I just put out thisweek.
I had done some really greatshout outs for international
(01:40):
listens and I talked about thewedding where the groom had a
black eye and how that reallydidn't make me feel good and
safe and I questioned a lot ofhow I judge, if I should judge,
if it's my place to judge.
So for this bonus episode here,I'm going to give you an update
(02:00):
on how International Listenshave been going since I recorded
that episode last month and totalk about another situation or
circumstance that doesn't makeme feel good.
It actually really angers me,and that is scams scammers
within the wedding andofficiating industry, and I'll
(02:23):
share my experience with a scamwhen I was, oh gosh, probably my
second or third yearofficiating weddings.
It was just such a hassle Ialmost I almost stopped.
It was really annoying, and howI've gotten to notice the signs
for them, how I deal with themand how I still I still get them
(02:46):
and I navigate through it.
So let me first by diving in.
When I recorded that episode, Iwas not even at 500 lifetime
listens yet and as of therecording of this, which again
is mere days before it goes out,I am at 622 listens across 22
(03:12):
episodes.
So I'm really excited to hitthe 25 episode milestone.
I'm excited to hit 750 listens.
I think I'll do something kindof big for a thousand maybe that
maybe I'll add in video.
I'll get myself a map and startplacing all the little dots of
where everyone's been listeningfrom.
(03:34):
I think that that would be afun undertaking certainly an
undertaking that I can do if myhusband and I are still in
between the the house huntingmarket and realm that we are
currently in, because I can makeit mobile and take it with me,
and I've really been trying todo a little more of my content
(03:56):
on TikTok and social media.
So I think it might be time toadd in some video and see where
we go from there.
See if you guys like staring atmy face while I talk to you
about weddings.
I don't think I've got the facefor this, though.
I think I should probably juststick with podcasting.
(04:17):
But in the last episode thatjust went out, I was
highlighting some of myinternational listens and at
that time I have like fourdifferent countries that had
listened and each one had had alisten or two.
Nothing, ground shaking, earthbreaking.
Since I recorded that a monthago oh, my goodness, I don't
(04:41):
know what friends I made.
I would love it if you wouldstep into the light, identify
yourself, tell me who you are,send me an email, a text, a
tweet and anything, and let meknow if you are listening from
one of these internationalplaces that I'm going to shout
out.
I am just absolutely floored.
(05:04):
In the last month I had 15listens from the Netherlands.
Let me pull up the exact cityhere.
That would be Limburg, inEgelsjonhoven.
I'm sure I absolutely butcheredthat, but it's looking like it
was probably one person and theyjust started working their way
(05:27):
through my catalog.
Absolutely astonished, I wokeup one day and it was like, oh,
like, three listens from theNetherlands and next thing you
know just so many.
So if that is you, please let'sstart being pen pals, let's
friends.
I'm obsessed with your royalfamily.
I'm obsessed with all royalfamilies, but I love the A team.
(05:48):
Would love your opinion on thattoo.
Please, oh please, let's befriends, let's be in touch.
And additionally, I have gottenlistens from Estonia.
Let me see if I can find theexact town there.
Some of these and going backthrough my log, it's a little
(06:09):
rough because they like pop upfrom older episodes.
I have to go back through themaster listing, so it looks like
I've got two listens in fromTalin T-A-L-L-I-N-N in Estonia.
I did get to talk to a reallywonderful fellow podcaster who
is from Estonia, so I might makethe assumption that this is her
(06:32):
.
But that's just.
It's so cool.
I cannot wait for this map.
I still have my one listen fromBrisbane, australia.
I am still at.
One listen from Beirut, lebanon.
One listen from Sao Paulo,brazil.
I think I've got a formerclassmate that's in Brazil.
(06:54):
I don't think that she's in SaoPaulo, though, another place I
absolutely love to check out andvisit.
I do have one listen fromcertainly a place I cannot
pronounce.
That's in North RhineWestphalia, which is Germany.
Really, please, if that is you,please tell me how I pronounce
(07:15):
your actual town name, becausethere's an O was it the double
dot above the O?
The umlaut.
There's an umlaut over the O,and I didn't take German, I took
Spanish.
I'm not even going to try.
I have one lesson from Istanbul,turkey, and just this past week
I woke up one morning and therewere two listens from Italy,
(07:40):
and so I was like, oh my gosh,I've got someone in Italy who's
joining, and maybe it'll be justlike the Netherlands, and
they're working their waythrough the catalog, and when I
looked at it, I realized thatit's actually two separate
locations.
I don't know how far they arefrom each other one is in Milan
and one is in Caserta, so it maybe two new new friends, but I'm
(08:06):
so incredibly thankful I sharein a text message with my mom
and my husband, my mother-in-law, every time I get a new
international listen and I putthe flag and I let them try to
guess their flags and guess thegeography of it all.
Guess their flags and guess thegeography of it all.
(08:30):
I'm excited for continuedlessons and to expand the reach
and again, like I said, athousand.
Maybe I'll do up a map projectand I'll have to make it a
little bit bigger than just theUnited States so that I can
really put a dot where I knoweverybody is listening from and
that will give me motivation tokind of keep going for the weeks
when my life is crazy and Idon't think I can do this.
(08:53):
We've got the Memorial Dayweekend holiday where this
episode will most likely go outand yes, it will be an episode
later on.
I am doing six weddings in 36hours.
It's a marathon, just like Iswear I would never do ever
again, but I can't say no.
Three of them are kind of yourtypical traditional 100 guests,
(09:18):
200 guests, a reception, arehearsal ceremony type deal and
the other three are elopements.
Either paperwork signing goesor about five minutes, no more
than 10, very small, very simple.
So the other part of thisepisode that I want to do is
talking about scams.
(09:40):
As a business owner, I'm notimmune to them.
So not only do I get thetelemarketer calls and not only
do I get the email your invoiceis overdue with a link that says
it's from Google with like fourO's, invoices overdue with a
(10:01):
link that says it's from Googlewith like four O's I also get
scammers related to the businessand it sucks, it's annoying,
it's frustrating because I don'tlike to say no and I know that
people are in a lot of differentcircumstances and situations
(10:22):
and much like we talked about inthe last episode, where I
really strive hard not to judgeI try not to.
You know the couple that wantsto book quick and pay in advance
and doesn't have a location yet, doesn't have a set date.
You know those could all seemreally scammy, but I also know
(10:42):
that that's situations thatcouples I have had have been in.
I've had couples whose parentsor friends or family members,
godparents, have paid for theofficiant services, have paid
for the officiant services.
So it's not uncommon to hearthat somebody else is going to
(11:03):
pay me money wherein that couldbe a red flag for, and should be
a red flag for, a lot ofindividuals in this industry.
I have couples who just givenwhere they live or the work
schedules of one or the otherthey really are not available
for a consult call Again.
(11:24):
I've put that now in as aprotection for myself.
But sometimes it doesn't happenand it doesn't mean that
they're a scam.
It could just be that they're areally busy couple and I've had
weddings that I have beenabsolutely assured, from when I
issued the quote, that they werea scam and I've put in the
(11:47):
strong legal language that I wasadvised to use several years
ago after this first scamhappened, and they haven't
wavered and that's normally agood sign on the litmus test,
but not always.
So I definitely advise anybodyrunning a business or you know,
(12:09):
when you do your bookings,primarily online, put in the
safeguards that make sense toyou.
I know it takes a little bit oftime and extra effort and
energy and I know it would justbe so easy to say nope.
You know this is the red flagand this is the line in the sand
and I'm not going past it and Irespect that and I get it.
(12:32):
I just also know that formyself.
I've drawn that line a time ortwo, gotten rid of that line a
time or two and for the mostpart it's worked out.
But I still get a little littletriggered with certain things
like wait, smell scammy.
So I was early on in my realm asan officiant.
(12:55):
I probably had about 10, 10 to15 weddings under my belt.
I was just trying to really getmore into.
Let me have a Facebook page forthe business.
Let me see about having anemail.
Let me send out real quotesthat are formatted in a nice
kind of way.
Let's make sure that I haveconsult calls.
And no, I don't need to doevery consult call in person
(13:19):
because it might not make sensefor budget and scheduling for me
to drive to them or them driveto me or try to find a decent
middle of the way place.
I just I'd run out of DunkinDonuts, especially since I don't
do coffee.
It it's it's a little rough tomake that make sense of.
(13:40):
Oh yeah, sure, I'll meet youthere, because I don't normally
hang out there.
I had a couple who emailedSpecifically.
It was a groom, which is kindof a red flag for me.
Nine times out of ten it is notthe groom that is in charge of
booking the officiant.
The grooms typically have notspent their entire life thinking
(14:03):
about ceremony and I know thatthat might be a little sexist of
an assumption to make, but thathas been my experience that
most times I'm in communicationwith the bride and then the
groom joins in or comes alongfor the ride.
Very rarely has it been thegroom and in the times where it
(14:25):
has been the groom there hasbeen an increase in the
shadiness and the potentialscamminess.
So groom had reached out and wasworking to move very fast.
They gave an address inPhiladelphia, said it was a
friend's house that they weregoing to be married in.
(14:48):
They found me through mywebsite.
They wanted my highest package.
You know, sight unseen, noconsult needed.
We already looked, we alreadydid it and I thought that's
awesome, like cool, I can savemyself some time and they just
want to book me for like $600.
That's amazing, plus then thetravel down to Philly.
(15:08):
Like I was making all of theseplans.
They were not available for aconsult call and they didn't
need it, they said, because theyalready knew what they wanted.
I put together a quote and I putit together, you know, as
needed, as expected for a rushwedding, because it was under a
(15:31):
month between the time ofoutreach and the time of the
ceremony.
Time of outreach and the timeof the ceremony, the travel down
to Philly, the package thatthey wanted, all the inclusions.
They wanted an hour-longceremony, they wanted rehearsal.
It started feeling very rushed.
I think I had the day free so Iwas like, okay, cool, I can be
(15:53):
on my email constantly, but Ididn't like it.
Right away they were like, okay,well, we're going to send you a
check.
Please give us your phonenumber and your mailing address.
And I kind of was like thatinformation is out there
publicly.
You know, it is my phonenumbers on the Facebook for the
(16:14):
business and the Google for thebusiness and mailing address was
actually in the quote about youknow what I needed to share
with them should they be sendingme their payment, because I do
accept personal checks again.
After these experiences in mytime, I really should probably
consider eliminating that as anoption.
(16:35):
But for the couples that reallydo have grandma providing this
as a service for them, I don'twant to eliminate that as an
option.
That's how grandma pays.
Plus, it's cheaper than creditcard processing fees or getting
dinged with a percentage onPayPal, venmo or Cash App.
(16:56):
So they asked phone number andemail mailing address and I gave
that to them and they thenstated that they were sending a
check, that they were going toovernight a check for the
deposit.
I was like, okay, cool, awesome.
My deposit is $100.
(17:17):
I was like, okay, cool, awesome, my deposit is a hundred
dollars.
That is great.
Their entire bill was likeeight hundred and fifty dollars.
All I needed was a hundred forthe deposit.
The rest could be paid 10 daysbefore the ceremony, and this
was in the days before I hadcontracts.
This is one of the reasons whyI now have contracts to just
spell out what the financialexpectations are and the payment
(17:40):
expectations and what I willand will not do with payments.
About two, three days later Iget the check in the mail and it
came as like overnight deliveryfrom Atlanta.
Weird, because the wedding's inPhilly.
I have an address for where thewedding is in Philly and I'm
(18:02):
starting to put pieces togetherand I do.
I do have a phone number forthe groom and I have an email
address and I open up the checkand it is for like $1,500.
Like $1,500, and I'm astonished.
(18:24):
And came from Wells Fargo, likeeverything's looking a little
interesting on it but lookingvery legitimate.
The only thing that was reallygetting to me was that the
addresses were not lining up.
The address of the wedding isin Philly, the address that
mailed this was Atlanta.
The address of the personissuing the check, who the groom
(18:49):
claimed, was, oh, a gift fromhis boss.
So where the boss's bank waswas in Chicago, in Chicago.
And then there was anotherfourth address, now related to
this as well.
And no, I had said to the groomthat I would let him know when
(19:11):
the check came in and depositand all that jazz to keep him in
the loop.
So I emailed and said, hey, Igot this in.
However, it is not for thecorrect amount.
Oh, my goodness, no, woe is me,replied back in the email.
My boss kindly offered to payfor your services and the DJ's
services.
Oh, he must have only cut onecheck.
(19:34):
I am so sorry, my apologies.
Kindly help me in thissituation.
I am out of the country now andI don't want to insult my boss
by going back to him to ask himto recut a check.
You deposit and you forward theremainder to the DJ to be his
(19:59):
deposit.
So you cash this.
You know you can keep yourentire balance the entire 850,
but then the rest of it we needfor you to forward to the DJ.
That pissed me off.
Nope, nope, nope.
Smelled scammy, sounded scammy,acted scammy.
(20:20):
I had been like 16 and someonetried to hire me as a nanny and
said I get paid, you know,$2,500 a week, but I had to also
pay the others in the householdand I thought it was so great
and my parents were like no,you're not, you're not doing
(20:55):
this.
So this aspect of oh well, youcash the check and then you
submit payment, it is a scam.
It is one of the often usedbiggest sc that there could even
be some extra money in it forthem, especially if they're
struggling and say yeah, sure,okay, that makes total sense not
(21:21):
doing that.
I know it might be really roughfor you to go back to your boss
.
However, you're going to haveto.
I am insistent upon my owncheck.
I will not be forwarding thebalance.
I mean, if you want, I'll cashthe whole check and just keep it
all for me but there would beadditional fees should the check
pounds.
I was bombarded with phone callsand text messages from the
(21:44):
groom because, again, they didnow have my phone number.
You know, you're the only onewho can help us.
How dare you?
We need this, we need youAround.
The same time I'd gotten on withWeddingWire because that's a
site that I use, and I said I'mso confused, like, what do I do?
(22:05):
What light do I have to standon?
And they said, yep, this is acommon scam that happens through
the website and they find youonline too.
They connect the dots over.
They're not dumb, they're justcriminals.
And here's what we wouldrecommend that you respond.
You know, if you mention a sortof ramifications with legal,
(22:29):
they often dispel.
They know that you can't beplayed with and the more reviews
that you have, the more realcouples that you can showcase on
your profile.
It helps to build up the yearsthat you've been in business and
that you're savvy and thatyou're not going to fall for
(22:50):
things like this, and they won'teven often waste their time if
you have an established businessand profile.
So I took that advice and Iresponded back.
I'm like yeah, no, this is notgoing to work.
I spoke with my legal counsel,total Fib.
I spoke with my legal counseland they have advised me that
(23:12):
this is a common scam and I needto protect myself in this
matter.
Here are your options.
You can have me destroy thischeck.
You can issue me one for mypayment, my payment alone.
I'll give you some leeway ofdays to do that and upon receipt
of it, I will confirm and beavailable for your wedding.
(23:35):
Option two I will destroy thischeck and we can call this the
conclusion of our business and Iwill not be officiating your
wedding and we will need youknow you'll have to figure
something else out.
What I will not be doing underany circumstances is cashing
(23:56):
this check as it sits right nowand I will not be forwarding any
further payments.
Again got a barrage of you don'tunderstand.
Why won't you help us?
Really playing upon a lot ofwoe is me, sadness,
sensitivities.
In the meantime of that, I wasgoogling some of the addresses
(24:18):
and I found out that thePhiladelphia address of the
wedding is actually.
In the meantime of that, I wasGoogling some of the addresses
and I found out that thePhiladelphia address of the
wedding is actually in themiddle of a body of water.
It is like a dock.
It is not real.
I was just tracking downinformation.
Nothing was panning out,nothing was making sense.
So I wrote void on the check inblack Sharpie and took a picture
of it.
(24:39):
I ripped up the check and tooka picture of that.
I sent all of that to the groomand said legal says I can't
like, don't be mad at me, I'mnot the bad guy you know, as
they didn't actually book me inthrough one of the sites, they
weren't able to leave any sortof review, which is another
thing I verified with the notwedding wire Cause I didn't want
(25:00):
to have a bad review when Ididn't even do the service.
I fight it.
I fight it to the death of me.
And since then, yeah, probablyonce, twice a year, I get
reached out.
Oh, we would love your services.
We can't do a consult call.
We want your highest package.
We want all the add-ins, wewant this.
We cannot do a consult call.
(25:20):
We want your highest package,we want all the add-ins, we want
this.
We cannot do a consult call.
We will not be able to meetwith you until before.
Oh, don't, don't.
No, no, premarital counselingand no, whatever script you
think is best.
They're very wanting you todecide.
They talk a high game, they'llpay you a high price.
Oh, we're flexible on the date.
Oh, yes, we can move it to here.
Oh, but we have a location.
(25:40):
Things don't line up, theydon't make sense.
They sound really good but theyfall like a house of cards very
quickly with a single blow.
I actually kind of admire thescammers that want to stick on
with me for a little bit becausego ahead, think you're wasting
my time?
I'll turn right around and I'llwaste yours.
I love the TikTokers that doscam or scamming.
(26:04):
The scammers Heroes, unsungheroes.
They're doing the Lord's workthere.
Recently I had another scamreach out and they actually I
made them sign the contract.
I put them with a quote atreally high code.
I think it was like again,$1,500.
Nowadays, given the priceincreases and that they want
(26:26):
this and they want that and Iknow how it plays, so go ahead,
$1,500.
And I spelled out in the quotethat I only take certified
checks, bank check, not personalchecks.
Again, for a normal couple I do, but when I suspect scammer, no
, no, it must be a certifiedcheck.
And that I spell out both inthe quote email as well, as
(26:50):
detailed in my contract that Imake them sign before anything
else, that I will only acceptchecks made out for me and
solely for me, and any thingbeing paid above my fees is
going to be considered as a giftfor services.
It will not be forwarded cashchecks will, I'm sorry, bounce
(27:14):
checks, will immediately voidall services and a few other
nice legal words that I'vepicked up along the way, and
that normally stops them, but Ido have one right now.
That is still not.
They're so insistent.
Oh, my goodness, our uncle isis going to be sending too much.
The check has already beenmailed.
(27:35):
We can't stop it from reachingyou.
They claim they're in Australiaright now in business and that
they don't need any help gettinga US marriage license.
They only need me for theceremony.
Yeah, okay, yep, yep, yep.
So I can't wait to keep playingaround with that one.
And you know, just stay savvy.
(27:56):
Stay savvy in all aspects.
Whether you are a couple andthe vendor seems a little fishy.
Do your research, ask forreviews?
No, no, don't ask them forreviews.
Go, search out reviews.
Go on to any of the Facebookgroups that are for brides or
(28:16):
for vendors and make yourselfanonymous if you have to and
just ask do they want to usethis person?
What can you tell me about them?
How was their communication?
Were they professional?
Were they on time?
Did the amount that you paidfor services match?
Were there undisclosed feeslater on?
Do your homework, do yourresearch.
(28:39):
If things sound fishy orsketchy, any reputable business
will appreciate that you aredoing your due diligence versus
just making assumptions.
If you are a vendor, smallvendor, be careful of the scams,
the couples that aren't real,or even the couples that are
(29:04):
real and they book you and oh,we'll pay you later, we'll pay
you later.
You do services, you don't getpaid, or you get paid with a
check and then it bounces,bounces or what the couple asked
of you is in the contract, butthen they had day of requests
(29:25):
that aren't written downanywhere and in the end, what
they asked of you in the momentday of is what they ultimately
are mad for pushing back on.
You know I've seen a lot withphotographers on both sides that
couples have had a photographernot show up, or show up and not
take the pictures, or take thepictures and not deliver the
(29:45):
pictures, or not add thepictures, and vice versa.
You know photographers thatwill show up and you know
payment is still needed, butthey take the pictures because
you can't not have the picturesof the moment.
It only happens once, but thenthere's still no payment.
The couple uses photos withoutwatermark, without permission,
(30:09):
kind of violating contract, orthat there are shots that the
couple asked to try out that arenot in the aesthetic or normal
provision of the photographer.
I have my friend, jocelyncoming on in about a month or so
for an episode about thewedding wear from a photography
(30:31):
perspective and some storiesthat she's gotten from there.
And again, aesthetic is one ofthe main things you pick with a
photographer, but if theiraesthetic isn't matching, you
shouldn't go with them.
You shouldn't be seeking themto adjust their aesthetic to fit
you.
Though, right, try outsomething new.
(30:52):
Okay, we've all heard of it,but the unfortunate I won't call
it scam the unfortunatesituations at times is that a
couple has such an image intheir mind and they ask their
photographer like, oh, and canwe try this?
Or oh, this would be so lovelyto do and it's not in the
photographer's normal aesthetic.
And it gets done, and thenthat's the picture that a couple
(31:14):
says, oh, my gosh and look athow horribly this came or this
was what was wrong and kind ofhurting the image when, from the
get-go, that was not what thatphotographer was hired to do.
You didn't hire them to playaround with trying out other
types of images.
You should have booked them andpaid them for the type of
(31:34):
images that they already do andalready have in their portfolio.
What are some other scams in thewedding industry that you know
of or have been a part of?
Is it venues that close?
Is it vendors that are alwayssick or always putting off
(31:59):
calling in their subs, askingfor coverage, but yet you don't
get kicked your fair share whenyou were the person who covered
it?
It frustrates me to no end andI think if I'd actually fallen
for this scam, I probably wouldhave hung it up.
I probably would have stoppedit.
It's saddening, it'sfrustrating, it's annoying and
my heart just breaks for thepeople who fall for it or are
(32:20):
impacted by it.
And this is just in businessand in a wedding world.
We all, as people, are gettinghit with these constantly, and
how do others not you know fallfor them?
How do people stay savvy onwhat's going on?
Well, thank you so much.
It's been a pleasure tocelebrate 11 years and I'm
(32:45):
excited for everything elsethat's going to come our way.
I'm working to keep gettingepisodes out weekly.
I might have some that we skipa week or so on.
I might try to schedule myselfwith a break.
What A break?
No, never.
But until I actually make thatdecision and do it, this is what
(33:09):
I'll be doing.
Thank you so much for listening, and here's to 11 years.
And here's to the upcoming sixweddings in 36 hours and here's
to many, many more.
Thank you for listening to theWedding Wear with Officiating by
(33:29):
Amanda.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and found some
inspiration or insight for yourown special day.
This podcast is hosted onBuzzsprout and can be found on
all major platforms.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe, like, comment and
share to help us reach even morelisteners who might laugh a
little at the wedding wear.
For the links referenced in theshow, visit Linktree at
(33:51):
Officiating by Amanda.
You can also follow thebusiness on Facebook WeddingWire
and the Knot to stay up to dateon everything going on.
If you have a question you'dlike me to answer on the podcast
, just send an email totheweddingwirepodcast at
gmailcom and if you're ready toinquire about officiating
services for your own big day,you can reach me at
(34:11):
officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom.
Thank you so much for tuning inand until next time.
This has been Amanda.
Welcome to the Wedding Wear with officiating by Amanda.
Welcome back to the wedding,where this is going to be a
bonus episode to celebrate 11years of me in this role and in
(00:32):
this realm, being an officiant.
I'm really excited to kind ofjump in on this.
I'm laughing because I'm doingthis on the fly.
It's a Tuesday night and thiswill go out, oh gosh, friday or
(00:52):
maybe even Monday morning Withthe move that my husband and I
have coming up.
My schedule has been absolutelycrazy.
And then we add in the weddings, and then we add in the
weddings, and then we add injust kind of everything else.
So I know I've got to put out afew more episodes and, knowing
that I just had my anniversaryrecently, I really wanted to
(01:17):
capitalize on that, put out someadditional information and
tidbits.
I know I've got a poll going onthe Facebook right now for a
future bonus episode.
I think I might save that forwhen I hit 1,000 listens.
The episode I just put out thisweek.
I had done some really greatshout outs for international
(01:40):
listens and I talked about thewedding where the groom had a
black eye and how that reallydidn't make me feel good and
safe and I questioned a lot ofhow I judge, if I should judge,
if it's my place to judge.
So for this bonus episode here,I'm going to give you an update
(02:00):
on how International Listenshave been going since I recorded
that episode last month and totalk about another situation or
circumstance that doesn't makeme feel good.
It actually really angers me,and that is scams scammers
within the wedding andofficiating industry, and I'll
(02:23):
share my experience with a scamwhen I was, oh gosh, probably my
second or third yearofficiating weddings.
It was just such a hassle Ialmost I almost stopped.
It was really annoying, and howI've gotten to notice the signs
for them, how I deal with themand how I still I still get them
(02:46):
and I navigate through it.
So let me first by diving in.
When I recorded that episode, Iwas not even at 500 lifetime
listens yet and as of therecording of this, which again
is mere days before it goes out,I am at 622 listens across 22
(03:12):
episodes.
So I'm really excited to hitthe 25 episode milestone.
I'm excited to hit 750 listens.
I think I'll do something kindof big for a thousand maybe that
maybe I'll add in video.
I'll get myself a map and startplacing all the little dots of
where everyone's been listeningfrom.
(03:34):
I think that that would be afun undertaking certainly an
undertaking that I can do if myhusband and I are still in
between the the house huntingmarket and realm that we are
currently in, because I can makeit mobile and take it with me,
and I've really been trying todo a little more of my content
(03:56):
on TikTok and social media.
So I think it might be time toadd in some video and see where
we go from there.
See if you guys like staring atmy face while I talk to you
about weddings.
I don't think I've got the facefor this, though.
I think I should probably juststick with podcasting.
(04:17):
But in the last episode thatjust went out, I was
highlighting some of myinternational listens and at
that time I have like fourdifferent countries that had
listened and each one had had alisten or two.
Nothing, ground shaking, earthbreaking.
Since I recorded that a monthago oh, my goodness, I don't
(04:41):
know what friends I made.
I would love it if you wouldstep into the light, identify
yourself, tell me who you are,send me an email, a text, a
tweet and anything, and let meknow if you are listening from
one of these internationalplaces that I'm going to shout
out.
I am just absolutely floored.
(05:04):
In the last month I had 15listens from the Netherlands.
Let me pull up the exact cityhere.
That would be Limburg, inEgelsjonhoven.
I'm sure I absolutely butcheredthat, but it's looking like it
was probably one person and theyjust started working their way
(05:27):
through my catalog.
Absolutely astonished, I wokeup one day and it was like, oh,
like, three listens from theNetherlands and next thing you
know just so many.
So if that is you, please let'sstart being pen pals, let's
friends.
I'm obsessed with your royalfamily.
I'm obsessed with all royalfamilies, but I love the A team.
(05:48):
Would love your opinion on thattoo.
Please, oh please, let's befriends, let's be in touch.
And additionally, I have gottenlistens from Estonia.
Let me see if I can find theexact town there.
Some of these and going backthrough my log, it's a little
(06:09):
rough because they like pop upfrom older episodes.
I have to go back through themaster listing, so it looks like
I've got two listens in fromTalin T-A-L-L-I-N-N in Estonia.
I did get to talk to a reallywonderful fellow podcaster who
is from Estonia, so I might makethe assumption that this is her
(06:32):
.
But that's just.
It's so cool.
I cannot wait for this map.
I still have my one listen fromBrisbane, australia.
I am still at.
One listen from Beirut, lebanon.
One listen from Sao Paulo,brazil.
I think I've got a formerclassmate that's in Brazil.
(06:54):
I don't think that she's in SaoPaulo, though, another place I
absolutely love to check out andvisit.
I do have one listen fromcertainly a place I cannot
pronounce.
That's in North RhineWestphalia, which is Germany.
Really, please, if that is you,please tell me how I pronounce
(07:15):
your actual town name, becausethere's an O was it the double
dot above the O?
The umlaut.
There's an umlaut over the O,and I didn't take German, I took
Spanish.
I'm not even going to try.
I have one lesson from Istanbul,turkey, and just this past week
I woke up one morning and therewere two listens from Italy,
(07:40):
and so I was like, oh my gosh,I've got someone in Italy who's
joining, and maybe it'll be justlike the Netherlands, and
they're working their waythrough the catalog, and when I
looked at it, I realized thatit's actually two separate
locations.
I don't know how far they arefrom each other one is in Milan
and one is in Caserta, so it maybe two new new friends, but I'm
(08:06):
so incredibly thankful I sharein a text message with my mom
and my husband, my mother-in-law, every time I get a new
international listen and I putthe flag and I let them try to
guess their flags and guess thegeography of it all.
Guess their flags and guess thegeography of it all.
(08:30):
I'm excited for continuedlessons and to expand the reach
and again, like I said, athousand.
Maybe I'll do up a map projectand I'll have to make it a
little bit bigger than just theUnited States so that I can
really put a dot where I knoweverybody is listening from and
that will give me motivation tokind of keep going for the weeks
when my life is crazy and Idon't think I can do this.
(08:53):
We've got the Memorial Dayweekend holiday where this
episode will most likely go outand yes, it will be an episode
later on.
I am doing six weddings in 36hours.
It's a marathon, just like Iswear I would never do ever
again, but I can't say no.
Three of them are kind of yourtypical traditional 100 guests,
(09:18):
200 guests, a reception, arehearsal ceremony type deal and
the other three are elopements.
Either paperwork signing goesor about five minutes, no more
than 10, very small, very simple.
So the other part of thisepisode that I want to do is
talking about scams.
(09:40):
As a business owner, I'm notimmune to them.
So not only do I get thetelemarketer calls and not only
do I get the email your invoiceis overdue with a link that says
it's from Google with like fourO's, invoices overdue with a
(10:01):
link that says it's from Googlewith like four O's I also get
scammers related to the businessand it sucks, it's annoying,
it's frustrating because I don'tlike to say no and I know that
people are in a lot of differentcircumstances and situations
(10:22):
and much like we talked about inthe last episode, where I
really strive hard not to judgeI try not to.
You know the couple that wantsto book quick and pay in advance
and doesn't have a location yet, doesn't have a set date.
You know those could all seemreally scammy, but I also know
(10:42):
that that's situations thatcouples I have had have been in.
I've had couples whose parentsor friends or family members,
godparents, have paid for theofficiant services, have paid
for the officiant services.
So it's not uncommon to hearthat somebody else is going to
(11:03):
pay me money wherein that couldbe a red flag for, and should be
a red flag for, a lot ofindividuals in this industry.
I have couples who just givenwhere they live or the work
schedules of one or the otherthey really are not available
for a consult call Again.
(11:24):
I've put that now in as aprotection for myself.
But sometimes it doesn't happenand it doesn't mean that
they're a scam.
It could just be that they're areally busy couple and I've had
weddings that I have beenabsolutely assured, from when I
issued the quote, that they werea scam and I've put in the
(11:47):
strong legal language that I wasadvised to use several years
ago after this first scamhappened, and they haven't
wavered and that's normally agood sign on the litmus test,
but not always.
So I definitely advise anybodyrunning a business or you know,
(12:09):
when you do your bookings,primarily online, put in the
safeguards that make sense toyou.
I know it takes a little bit oftime and extra effort and
energy and I know it would justbe so easy to say nope.
You know this is the red flagand this is the line in the sand
and I'm not going past it and Irespect that and I get it.
(12:32):
I just also know that formyself.
I've drawn that line a time ortwo, gotten rid of that line a
time or two and for the mostpart it's worked out.
But I still get a little littletriggered with certain things
like wait, smell scammy.
So I was early on in my realm asan officiant.
(12:55):
I probably had about 10, 10 to15 weddings under my belt.
I was just trying to really getmore into.
Let me have a Facebook page forthe business.
Let me see about having anemail.
Let me send out real quotesthat are formatted in a nice
kind of way.
Let's make sure that I haveconsult calls.
And no, I don't need to doevery consult call in person
(13:19):
because it might not make sensefor budget and scheduling for me
to drive to them or them driveto me or try to find a decent
middle of the way place.
I just I'd run out of DunkinDonuts, especially since I don't
do coffee.
It it's it's a little rough tomake that make sense of.
(13:40):
Oh yeah, sure, I'll meet youthere, because I don't normally
hang out there.
I had a couple who emailedSpecifically.
It was a groom, which is kindof a red flag for me.
Nine times out of ten it is notthe groom that is in charge of
booking the officiant.
The grooms typically have notspent their entire life thinking
(14:03):
about ceremony and I know thatthat might be a little sexist of
an assumption to make, but thathas been my experience that
most times I'm in communicationwith the bride and then the
groom joins in or comes alongfor the ride.
Very rarely has it been thegroom and in the times where it
(14:25):
has been the groom there hasbeen an increase in the
shadiness and the potentialscamminess.
So groom had reached out and wasworking to move very fast.
They gave an address inPhiladelphia, said it was a
friend's house that they weregoing to be married in.
(14:48):
They found me through mywebsite.
They wanted my highest package.
You know, sight unseen, noconsult needed.
We already looked, we alreadydid it and I thought that's
awesome, like cool, I can savemyself some time and they just
want to book me for like $600.
That's amazing, plus then thetravel down to Philly.
(15:08):
Like I was making all of theseplans.
They were not available for aconsult call and they didn't
need it, they said, because theyalready knew what they wanted.
I put together a quote and I putit together, you know, as
needed, as expected for a rushwedding, because it was under a
(15:31):
month between the time ofoutreach and the time of the
ceremony.
Time of outreach and the timeof the ceremony, the travel down
to Philly, the package thatthey wanted, all the inclusions.
They wanted an hour-longceremony, they wanted rehearsal.
It started feeling very rushed.
I think I had the day free so Iwas like, okay, cool, I can be
(15:53):
on my email constantly, but Ididn't like it.
Right away they were like, okay,well, we're going to send you a
check.
Please give us your phonenumber and your mailing address.
And I kind of was like thatinformation is out there
publicly.
You know, it is my phonenumbers on the Facebook for the
(16:14):
business and the Google for thebusiness and mailing address was
actually in the quote about youknow what I needed to share
with them should they be sendingme their payment, because I do
accept personal checks again.
After these experiences in mytime, I really should probably
consider eliminating that as anoption.
(16:35):
But for the couples that reallydo have grandma providing this
as a service for them, I don'twant to eliminate that as an
option.
That's how grandma pays.
Plus, it's cheaper than creditcard processing fees or getting
dinged with a percentage onPayPal, venmo or Cash App.
(16:56):
So they asked phone number andemail mailing address and I gave
that to them and they thenstated that they were sending a
check, that they were going toovernight a check for the
deposit.
I was like, okay, cool, awesome.
My deposit is $100.
(17:17):
I was like, okay, cool, awesome, my deposit is a hundred
dollars.
That is great.
Their entire bill was likeeight hundred and fifty dollars.
All I needed was a hundred forthe deposit.
The rest could be paid 10 daysbefore the ceremony, and this
was in the days before I hadcontracts.
This is one of the reasons whyI now have contracts to just
spell out what the financialexpectations are and the payment
(17:40):
expectations and what I willand will not do with payments.
About two, three days later Iget the check in the mail and it
came as like overnight deliveryfrom Atlanta.
Weird, because the wedding's inPhilly.
I have an address for where thewedding is in Philly and I'm
(18:02):
starting to put pieces togetherand I do.
I do have a phone number forthe groom and I have an email
address and I open up the checkand it is for like $1,500.
Like $1,500, and I'm astonished.
(18:24):
And came from Wells Fargo, likeeverything's looking a little
interesting on it but lookingvery legitimate.
The only thing that was reallygetting to me was that the
addresses were not lining up.
The address of the wedding isin Philly, the address that
mailed this was Atlanta.
The address of the personissuing the check, who the groom
(18:49):
claimed, was, oh, a gift fromhis boss.
So where the boss's bank waswas in Chicago, in Chicago.
And then there was anotherfourth address, now related to
this as well.
And no, I had said to the groomthat I would let him know when
(19:11):
the check came in and depositand all that jazz to keep him in
the loop.
So I emailed and said, hey, Igot this in.
However, it is not for thecorrect amount.
Oh, my goodness, no, woe is me,replied back in the email.
My boss kindly offered to payfor your services and the DJ's
services.
Oh, he must have only cut onecheck.
(19:34):
I am so sorry, my apologies.
Kindly help me in thissituation.
I am out of the country now andI don't want to insult my boss
by going back to him to ask himto recut a check.
You deposit and you forward theremainder to the DJ to be his
(19:59):
deposit.
So you cash this.
You know you can keep yourentire balance the entire 850,
but then the rest of it we needfor you to forward to the DJ.
That pissed me off.
Nope, nope, nope.
Smelled scammy, sounded scammy,acted scammy.
(20:20):
I had been like 16 and someonetried to hire me as a nanny and
said I get paid, you know,$2,500 a week, but I had to also
pay the others in the householdand I thought it was so great
and my parents were like no,you're not, you're not doing
(20:55):
this.
So this aspect of oh well, youcash the check and then you
submit payment, it is a scam.
It is one of the often usedbiggest sc that there could even
be some extra money in it forthem, especially if they're
struggling and say yeah, sure,okay, that makes total sense not
(21:21):
doing that.
I know it might be really roughfor you to go back to your boss
.
However, you're going to haveto.
I am insistent upon my owncheck.
I will not be forwarding thebalance.
I mean, if you want, I'll cashthe whole check and just keep it
all for me but there would beadditional fees should the check
pounds.
I was bombarded with phone callsand text messages from the
(21:44):
groom because, again, they didnow have my phone number.
You know, you're the only onewho can help us.
How dare you?
We need this, we need youAround.
The same time I'd gotten on withWeddingWire because that's a
site that I use, and I said I'mso confused, like, what do I do?
(22:05):
What light do I have to standon?
And they said, yep, this is acommon scam that happens through
the website and they find youonline too.
They connect the dots over.
They're not dumb, they're justcriminals.
And here's what we wouldrecommend that you respond.
You know, if you mention a sortof ramifications with legal,
(22:29):
they often dispel.
They know that you can't beplayed with and the more reviews
that you have, the more realcouples that you can showcase on
your profile.
It helps to build up the yearsthat you've been in business and
that you're savvy and thatyou're not going to fall for
(22:50):
things like this, and they won'teven often waste their time if
you have an established businessand profile.
So I took that advice and Iresponded back.
I'm like yeah, no, this is notgoing to work.
I spoke with my legal counsel,total Fib.
I spoke with my legal counseland they have advised me that
(23:12):
this is a common scam and I needto protect myself in this
matter.
Here are your options.
You can have me destroy thischeck.
You can issue me one for mypayment, my payment alone.
I'll give you some leeway ofdays to do that and upon receipt
of it, I will confirm and beavailable for your wedding.
(23:35):
Option two I will destroy thischeck and we can call this the
conclusion of our business and Iwill not be officiating your
wedding and we will need youknow you'll have to figure
something else out.
What I will not be doing underany circumstances is cashing
(23:56):
this check as it sits right nowand I will not be forwarding any
further payments.
Again got a barrage of you don'tunderstand.
Why won't you help us?
Really playing upon a lot ofwoe is me, sadness,
sensitivities.
In the meantime of that, I wasgoogling some of the addresses
(24:18):
and I found out that thePhiladelphia address of the
wedding is actually.
In the meantime of that, I wasGoogling some of the addresses
and I found out that thePhiladelphia address of the
wedding is actually in themiddle of a body of water.
It is like a dock.
It is not real.
I was just tracking downinformation.
Nothing was panning out,nothing was making sense.
So I wrote void on the check inblack Sharpie and took a picture
of it.
(24:39):
I ripped up the check and tooka picture of that.
I sent all of that to the groomand said legal says I can't
like, don't be mad at me, I'mnot the bad guy you know, as
they didn't actually book me inthrough one of the sites, they
weren't able to leave any sortof review, which is another
thing I verified with the notwedding wire Cause I didn't want
(25:00):
to have a bad review when Ididn't even do the service.
I fight it.
I fight it to the death of me.
And since then, yeah, probablyonce, twice a year, I get
reached out.
Oh, we would love your services.
We can't do a consult call.
We want your highest package.
We want all the add-ins, wewant this.
We cannot do a consult call.
(25:20):
We want your highest package,we want all the add-ins, we want
this.
We cannot do a consult call.
We will not be able to meetwith you until before.
Oh, don't, don't.
No, no, premarital counselingand no, whatever script you
think is best.
They're very wanting you todecide.
They talk a high game, they'llpay you a high price.
Oh, we're flexible on the date.
Oh, yes, we can move it to here.
Oh, but we have a location.
(25:40):
Things don't line up, theydon't make sense.
They sound really good but theyfall like a house of cards very
quickly with a single blow.
I actually kind of admire thescammers that want to stick on
with me for a little bit becausego ahead, think you're wasting
my time?
I'll turn right around and I'llwaste yours.
I love the TikTokers that doscam or scamming.
(26:04):
The scammers Heroes, unsungheroes.
They're doing the Lord's workthere.
Recently I had another scamreach out and they actually I
made them sign the contract.
I put them with a quote atreally high code.
I think it was like again,$1,500.
Nowadays, given the priceincreases and that they want
(26:26):
this and they want that and Iknow how it plays, so go ahead,
$1,500.
And I spelled out in the quotethat I only take certified
checks, bank check, not personalchecks.
Again, for a normal couple I do, but when I suspect scammer, no
, no, it must be a certifiedcheck.
And that I spell out both inthe quote email as well, as
(26:50):
detailed in my contract that Imake them sign before anything
else, that I will only acceptchecks made out for me and
solely for me, and any thingbeing paid above my fees is
going to be considered as a giftfor services.
It will not be forwarded cashchecks will, I'm sorry, bounce
(27:14):
checks, will immediately voidall services and a few other
nice legal words that I'vepicked up along the way, and
that normally stops them, but Ido have one right now.
That is still not.
They're so insistent.
Oh, my goodness, our uncle isis going to be sending too much.
The check has already beenmailed.
(27:35):
We can't stop it from reachingyou.
They claim they're in Australiaright now in business and that
they don't need any help gettinga US marriage license.
They only need me for theceremony.
Yeah, okay, yep, yep, yep.
So I can't wait to keep playingaround with that one.
And you know, just stay savvy.
(27:56):
Stay savvy in all aspects.
Whether you are a couple andthe vendor seems a little fishy.
Do your research, ask forreviews?
No, no, don't ask them forreviews.
Go, search out reviews.
Go on to any of the Facebookgroups that are for brides or
(28:16):
for vendors and make yourselfanonymous if you have to and
just ask do they want to usethis person?
What can you tell me about them?
How was their communication?
Were they professional?
Were they on time?
Did the amount that you paidfor services match?
Were there undisclosed feeslater on?
Do your homework, do yourresearch.
(28:39):
If things sound fishy orsketchy, any reputable business
will appreciate that you aredoing your due diligence versus
just making assumptions.
If you are a vendor, smallvendor, be careful of the scams,
the couples that aren't real,or even the couples that are
(29:04):
real and they book you and oh,we'll pay you later, we'll pay
you later.
You do services, you don't getpaid, or you get paid with a
check and then it bounces,bounces or what the couple asked
of you is in the contract, butthen they had day of requests
(29:25):
that aren't written downanywhere and in the end, what
they asked of you in the momentday of is what they ultimately
are mad for pushing back on.
You know I've seen a lot withphotographers on both sides that
couples have had a photographernot show up, or show up and not
take the pictures, or take thepictures and not deliver the
(29:45):
pictures, or not add thepictures, and vice versa.
You know photographers thatwill show up and you know
payment is still needed, butthey take the pictures because
you can't not have the picturesof the moment.
It only happens once, but thenthere's still no payment.
The couple uses photos withoutwatermark, without permission,
(30:09):
kind of violating contract, orthat there are shots that the
couple asked to try out that arenot in the aesthetic or normal
provision of the photographer.
I have my friend, jocelyncoming on in about a month or so
for an episode about thewedding wear from a photography
(30:31):
perspective and some storiesthat she's gotten from there.
And again, aesthetic is one ofthe main things you pick with a
photographer, but if theiraesthetic isn't matching, you
shouldn't go with them.
You shouldn't be seeking themto adjust their aesthetic to fit
you.
Though, right, try outsomething new.
(30:52):
Okay, we've all heard of it,but the unfortunate I won't call
it scam the unfortunatesituations at times is that a
couple has such an image intheir mind and they ask their
photographer like, oh, and canwe try this?
Or oh, this would be so lovelyto do and it's not in the
photographer's normal aesthetic.
And it gets done, and thenthat's the picture that a couple
(31:14):
says, oh, my gosh and look athow horribly this came or this
was what was wrong and kind ofhurting the image when, from the
get-go, that was not what thatphotographer was hired to do.
You didn't hire them to playaround with trying out other
types of images.
You should have booked them andpaid them for the type of
(31:34):
images that they already do andalready have in their portfolio.
What are some other scams in thewedding industry that you know
of or have been a part of?
Is it venues that close?
Is it vendors that are alwayssick or always putting off
(31:59):
calling in their subs, askingfor coverage, but yet you don't
get kicked your fair share whenyou were the person who covered
it?
It frustrates me to no end andI think if I'd actually fallen
for this scam, I probably wouldhave hung it up.
I probably would have stoppedit.
It's saddening, it'sfrustrating, it's annoying and
my heart just breaks for thepeople who fall for it or are
(32:20):
impacted by it.
And this is just in businessand in a wedding world.
We all, as people, are gettinghit with these constantly, and
how do others not you know fallfor them?
How do people stay savvy onwhat's going on?
Well, thank you so much.
It's been a pleasure tocelebrate 11 years and I'm
(32:45):
excited for everything elsethat's going to come our way.
I'm working to keep gettingepisodes out weekly.
I might have some that we skipa week or so on.
I might try to schedule myselfwith a break.
What A break?
No, never.
But until I actually make thatdecision and do it, this is what
(33:09):
I'll be doing.
Thank you so much for listening, and here's to 11 years.
And here's to the upcoming sixweddings in 36 hours and here's
to many, many more.
Thank you for listening to theWedding Wear with Officiating by
(33:29):
Amanda.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and found some
inspiration or insight for yourown special day.
This podcast is hosted onBuzzsprout and can be found on
all major platforms.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe, like, comment and
share to help us reach even morelisteners who might laugh a
little at the wedding wear.
For the links referenced in theshow, visit Linktree at
(33:51):
Officiating by Amanda.
You can also follow thebusiness on Facebook WeddingWire
and the Knot to stay up to dateon everything going on.
If you have a question you'dlike me to answer on the podcast
, just send an email totheweddingwirepodcast at
gmailcom and if you're ready toinquire about officiating
services for your own big day,you can reach me at
(34:11):
officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom.
Thank you so much for tuning inand until next time.
This has been Amanda.
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