May 7, 2025 • 15 mins
Send me a message or any questions!
Weddings are days full of emotions, especially nerves, and as an officiant I often step in to calm anxious couples, attendants, and family members before the ceremony begins.
• Nerves stem from the significant time, money, and planning invested in creating the perfect day
• Helping calm nerves can involve everything from reassuring flower girls to tying ties for shaking fathers
• Humor, particularly "clean dirty jokes," can be especially effective with nervous grooms
• The "12-inch pianist" joke has become my go-to for breaking tension with groom's parties
• An unexpected encounter with a curious 10-year-old boy added an extra layer of humor to the joke
• Situational humor must be appropriate to the audience and consider religious and family dynamics
• My philosophy: "If you can laugh at yourself, you'll be fine; if you can allow others to laugh with you, you'll be great"
• Flexibility to add or remove elements from the ceremony in the moment enhances the wedding experience
Send me your favorite "clean dirty jokes" that might work for wedding day situations via email at theweddingwearpodcast@gmail.com or reach out about officiating services at officiatingbyamanda@gmail.com.
Thank you for sharing the podcast with others who may enjoy it! Share your funny wedding stories with me at theweddingwherepodcast@gmail.com. Any links referenced are on linktree.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Free audio.
Post production by Alphoniccom.
Welcome to the Wedding Wear,with officiating by Amanda the
Wedding Wear.
(00:21):
I call them the groom's nerves,with a dirty joke.
We all know that weddings aredays full of emotions,
especially nerves, and there's alot of reasons for nerves.
(00:42):
One there's a lot of time andmoney and energy and planning
that has gone into the day andeverybody wants it to go off
without a hitch.
For the couple specifically,there's a lot put into.
This is the beginning of yourlife together.
This is, you know, you're goingto see each other for the first
(01:05):
time at the end of the aisleand kind of a build-up of
momentum.
If there are personal vowsbeing shared, you're going to
have to speak.
Just a lot with nerves and I hadbeen very proud put it on as my
minister, plus titling.
I've been more than pleased tocalm nerves, to remind flower
(01:30):
girls and ring bearers you know,a few minutes before we go down
the aisle, that they're goingto do great and what they're
supposed to do.
Walk through yet again withgroomsmen walking a good speed,
not being crazy, getting theirhands out of their pockets,
little reminders and tips.
I've gotten to tie the tie fora father of the bride because
(01:53):
his hands were shaking so bad.
I have taken words of advicefrom grandparents as they're,
you know, preparing for the day,and just listened, just
listened, provided whatever Icould to calm in the situation,
giving you know, type A bridesmore of a check-in like, hey,
(02:15):
this has been done, I'm doingthis next.
I'm following up with you Justso that there's maintained
control for those that want itsare often the hardest.
Thankfully, a lot of timestheir groomsmen have keeping
them calm, in check andsometimes it doesn't go so well
(02:36):
because there's a fair amount ofdrinks.
But there have been other timeswhere I have I've stepped in a
little bit more and worked tocalm grooms down and I really do
(02:57):
think of it as an honor to beasked, you know, not even asked,
but just in the situation whereI could help that way.
And I have found jokes are great, especially if they are
slightly off humor and a littlemore thinky.
(03:18):
You know, don't spell it out,don't use improper language, you
know, make you really thinkabout how the joke is a little
dirty.
You can think my father.
I grew up with a very diversegroup of men.
I got to hang around as mydad's friends and co-workers and
(03:39):
I learned the jokes from them.
I learned the jokes from themand they live in my head,
rent-free.
They are in my back pocket.
I have at times better judgedthe situations to when to pull
them out and on the day ofAmanda and Tito's wedding I
really knew that this was whatwas needed.
(04:00):
You know, we were all circledup.
The groomsmen are saying don'tworry, man, it'll be fine.
I've been married before andthat's not seeming to do
anything.
To ease his nerves.
He had a lot riding on it.
A lot of family came in.
He knew his daughter wasgetting carried down the aisle,
his wife was beautiful, they hada lot of really personal and
(04:22):
sentimental touches in for theday and just everything else
wasn't really panning out quiteyet to ease his nerves.
So, with all the fellowgroomsmen around, I decided I
was going to tell the followingjoke that I will tell you all I
want to preface with.
(04:43):
If you're listening with kids,please know that this is a
thinking joke, no foul language,so you don't have to change the
episode on that.
But to quote the wenches at theRenaissance Fair, if your kid
goes to public school, ask themto explain the joke to you
because they will probably getit, and if your child laughs at
(05:04):
the joke and you don't, you know, take that for what it's worth.
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
So another thing to prefacewith before I tell this joke,
which has been often told joke,and ever since I've told it at
Amanda and Tito's wedding, I'vealso let people know.
Put yourself in my shoes Midwaythrough telling this joke.
(05:32):
On this wedding day I had a10-year-old walk up for his dad
to ask a question and in themoment I had to make the
decision whether to tell thejoke or to stop or to pivot,
change up the joke.
Please know that I told thejoke and I will also tell you
what the 10-year-old said andhow we get into this whole gosh
darn thing.
So nervous groom, groomsmen nothelping yet to really ease the
(05:57):
nerve, and I come up and I said,all right, I've, I've got a
joke.
So there's a guy, local yokel,at the end of a bar.
He's sitting there and he justgot done working like 60 hours
at the factory.
His life is absolute,absolutely in shambles, hates
his job, not happy with his life, wife left him, you know all of
(06:19):
these things and he's drinkinga beer and just wanting that
kind of peace and calm at theend of a work week.
Just to drown out his sorrows,in walks another guy who's
carrying a big box almost totebin size if you will and he puts
it on the bar top and he liftsthe lid of it all.
And I'm laughing, because ifyou were watching this but I
(06:43):
don't have video you would seeme narrating out with physical
actions.
This was try.
I'm sure I do every time I tellthis joke.
So big tote box with holes inthe top is laid on this table
and he hoists out this smallpiano I mean it fits a decent
(07:04):
length on the bar top and hepulls out a bench and he picks
up and plucks with his fingers alittle guy.
I mean he's not know, he's nottall, he's not as long as a baby
, he's small.
But he's dressed head to toetop hat, coat, tails, black
tuxedo, the nines Looksimmaculate.
(07:26):
And the little guy sits on downat the piano little bench and
starts playing Do, do, do, do,do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do.
Everybody in the bar thinksthat this is amazing and so they
are all night long buying thisguy and the little piano man
(07:46):
drinks Any drink, all the drinks, free drinks around.
They're taking song requests,they're having a great time and
with each passing song thecurmudgeon at the end of the bar
is just getting madder andmadder and madder, because this
guy's getting all the attention,this guy's getting everything
he wanted, he's getting, youknow, compliments, he's getting
(08:09):
free drinks.
He seems to have this greatlife.
He's got, obviously, acompanion with the little, you
know little, maestro.
So last call comes, end of thenight and the curmudgeon has
finally had enough of this.
So he walks up to the other guyand goes man, dude, what, what
(08:29):
the heck is this?
What?
What do you think?
Coming in here like this andbringing you know your sideshow
act and everything, and the guygoes oh, you know, I'm sorry,
man, I'm sorry.
You know, it's how I get by,it's how I do what I do.
You know it all came aboutbecause I have a magic lamp.
Dude, you have a magic lamp.
Oh, my gosh, what I wouldn'tgive for a magic lamp.
(08:52):
It would solve all my problems.
The guy chuckles and he goes.
Well, you know what I carriedin my back pocket?
It wasn't a big lamp.
He pulls it out, hands it tothe curmudgeon.
Life just got infinitesimallybetter.
He is so excited so he takesthe magic lamp and he runs to
(09:13):
like the back corner of the barhe doesn't want anyone to steal
his wish or to hear him oranything like that and he rubs
the lamp and goes I wish, oh, oh, how I wish, I wish I had a
million bucks.
Bing, boom, clap, about ahundred ducks show up in this
bar.
Okay, he now just went fromzero back down to 100.
(09:38):
He is zero.
He went from zero to 100.
He is furious.
Once again comes back to theguy at the bar yelling and
screaming what the heck, this isrigged, it's broken, it's you
ripped me off.
And the guy laughs and he saysyeah, of course it's broken.
(10:01):
Dude, do you really think Iwished for a 12 inch pianist?
Think it, think it, laugh it.
Hopefully you get it.
So in the wedding at the, Ididn't say in the wedding, we
are going to change that.
In the wedding, I didn't say inthe wedding, we are going to
change that.
Talking to the groom and thegroomsmen ahead of the wedding,
(10:22):
it was a great joke.
They laughed, they got it.
The 10-year-old remember.
There's a 10-year-old in all ofthis.
The 10-year-old says Dad, whydid the minister just say
pianist?
She didn't, son, she saidpianist.
Well, what the heck is apianist?
(10:43):
A pianist is a piano player.
Then why is the joke funny?
Well, son, the joke is funnybecause pianist sounds like
penis.
But she didn't say that.
No, she didn't say that.
And again, just having toexplain the joke to your kid in
(11:04):
front of me, in front of thegroomsmen and the groom, it
added a little something specialto the day.
And that is one of many, manythat I have told to grooms when
they are a little nervous Brides.
I haven't found one quitefitting.
I'm sure that they would alllove kind of similar dirty jokes
(11:28):
, but the guys just seem to loveit a lot more and I'll keep it
with them.
Humor can be a really, reallygreat tool in high stakes
moments.
Certainly assess who you aretalking to and who you're
talking with, whether the humorwould be appreciated, whether it
(11:51):
, you know if it might beinsensitive.
I don't know.
If any of the groomsmen wereactually piano players, that
would have been really, reallyfunny or kind of interesting.
If you're not too sure wherethey fall with their religious
beliefs, family beliefs, youknow, maybe some jokes are best
(12:12):
kept in your back pocket so thatyou are not alienating.
Certainly if you are doing morereligious studying, I wouldn't
walk in, being like a bishop orrabbi and a prophet walk into a
bar, maybe not.
I like to make sure that there'slaughter when fitting within
(12:33):
the wedding process and I oftengo back to the quote of if you
can laugh at yourself, you'regoing to be fine.
If you can allow others tolaugh with you, you're going to
be great.
So that's the model I like touse, especially with situational
humor, especially with you know, seeing how puns, jokes,
(12:59):
metaphors, all of that couldland not just with the couple
but with the wider audience andleaning in.
I am not afraid to cut out thescript in the moment.
I'm also not afraid to add inwithin the moment and so far I
haven't had any couples be like,wow, crickets, that was not
(13:21):
good, so hoping I've judgedeverything really, really well.
But do you have a favorite,favorite joke of this category,
of this nature, slightly offkilter?
I call them clean, dirty jokes.
You know, I don't say foullanguage, I don't say anything
bad.
You really gotta think aboutthem a little bit to be like oh,
(13:42):
that's what it is, so let letme know.
Send me a message, an email, avideo and anything.
Let me know what some of yourfavorites are.
Maybe I will learn them too.
Add them to my arsenal and makesure that you tune in next time
.
We're getting really, reallyclose to a bonus episode, so I'm
(14:02):
hoping that we will have thathit sooner rather than later.
Thank you so much.
Thank you for listening to theWedding Wear with Officiating by
Amanda.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and found some
inspiration or insight for yourown special day.
This podcast is hosted onBuzzsprout and can be found on
all major platforms.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe, like, comment and
(14:25):
share to help us reach even morelisteners who might laugh a
little at the Wedding Wear.
For the links referenced in theshow, visit Linktree at
Officiating by Amanda.
You can also follow thebusiness on Facebook,
weddingwire and the Knot to stayup to date on everything going
on.
If you have a question you'dlike me to answer on the podcast
, just send an email totheweddingwearpodcast at
(14:47):
gmailcom, and if you're ready toinquire about officiating
services for your own big day,you can reach me at
officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom.
Thank you so much for tuning inand until next time.
This has been Amanda.
Free audio.
Post production by Alphoniccom.
Welcome to the Wedding Wear,with officiating by Amanda the
Wedding Wear.
(00:21):
I call them the groom's nerves,with a dirty joke.
We all know that weddings aredays full of emotions,
especially nerves, and there's alot of reasons for nerves.
(00:42):
One there's a lot of time andmoney and energy and planning
that has gone into the day andeverybody wants it to go off
without a hitch.
For the couple specifically,there's a lot put into.
This is the beginning of yourlife together.
This is, you know, you're goingto see each other for the first
(01:05):
time at the end of the aisleand kind of a build-up of
momentum.
If there are personal vowsbeing shared, you're going to
have to speak.
Just a lot with nerves and I hadbeen very proud put it on as my
minister, plus titling.
I've been more than pleased tocalm nerves, to remind flower
(01:30):
girls and ring bearers you know,a few minutes before we go down
the aisle, that they're goingto do great and what they're
supposed to do.
Walk through yet again withgroomsmen walking a good speed,
not being crazy, getting theirhands out of their pockets,
little reminders and tips.
I've gotten to tie the tie fora father of the bride because
(01:53):
his hands were shaking so bad.
I have taken words of advicefrom grandparents as they're,
you know, preparing for the day,and just listened, just
listened, provided whatever Icould to calm in the situation,
giving you know, type A bridesmore of a check-in like, hey,
(02:15):
this has been done, I'm doingthis next.
I'm following up with you Justso that there's maintained
control for those that want itsare often the hardest.
Thankfully, a lot of timestheir groomsmen have keeping
them calm, in check andsometimes it doesn't go so well
(02:36):
because there's a fair amount ofdrinks.
But there have been other timeswhere I have I've stepped in a
little bit more and worked tocalm grooms down and I really do
(02:57):
think of it as an honor to beasked, you know, not even asked,
but just in the situation whereI could help that way.
And I have found jokes are great, especially if they are
slightly off humor and a littlemore thinky.
(03:18):
You know, don't spell it out,don't use improper language, you
know, make you really thinkabout how the joke is a little
dirty.
You can think my father.
I grew up with a very diversegroup of men.
I got to hang around as mydad's friends and co-workers and
(03:39):
I learned the jokes from them.
I learned the jokes from themand they live in my head,
rent-free.
They are in my back pocket.
I have at times better judgedthe situations to when to pull
them out and on the day ofAmanda and Tito's wedding I
really knew that this was whatwas needed.
(04:00):
You know, we were all circledup.
The groomsmen are saying don'tworry, man, it'll be fine.
I've been married before andthat's not seeming to do
anything.
To ease his nerves.
He had a lot riding on it.
A lot of family came in.
He knew his daughter wasgetting carried down the aisle,
his wife was beautiful, they hada lot of really personal and
(04:22):
sentimental touches in for theday and just everything else
wasn't really panning out quiteyet to ease his nerves.
So, with all the fellowgroomsmen around, I decided I
was going to tell the followingjoke that I will tell you all I
want to preface with.
(04:43):
If you're listening with kids,please know that this is a
thinking joke, no foul language,so you don't have to change the
episode on that.
But to quote the wenches at theRenaissance Fair, if your kid
goes to public school, ask themto explain the joke to you
because they will probably getit, and if your child laughs at
(05:04):
the joke and you don't, you know, take that for what it's worth.
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
So another thing to prefacewith before I tell this joke,
which has been often told joke,and ever since I've told it at
Amanda and Tito's wedding, I'vealso let people know.
Put yourself in my shoes Midwaythrough telling this joke.
(05:32):
On this wedding day I had a10-year-old walk up for his dad
to ask a question and in themoment I had to make the
decision whether to tell thejoke or to stop or to pivot,
change up the joke.
Please know that I told thejoke and I will also tell you
what the 10-year-old said andhow we get into this whole gosh
darn thing.
So nervous groom, groomsmen nothelping yet to really ease the
(05:57):
nerve, and I come up and I said,all right, I've, I've got a
joke.
So there's a guy, local yokel,at the end of a bar.
He's sitting there and he justgot done working like 60 hours
at the factory.
His life is absolute,absolutely in shambles, hates
his job, not happy with his life, wife left him, you know all of
(06:19):
these things and he's drinkinga beer and just wanting that
kind of peace and calm at theend of a work week.
Just to drown out his sorrows,in walks another guy who's
carrying a big box almost totebin size if you will and he puts
it on the bar top and he liftsthe lid of it all.
And I'm laughing, because ifyou were watching this but I
(06:43):
don't have video you would seeme narrating out with physical
actions.
This was try.
I'm sure I do every time I tellthis joke.
So big tote box with holes inthe top is laid on this table
and he hoists out this smallpiano I mean it fits a decent
(07:04):
length on the bar top and hepulls out a bench and he picks
up and plucks with his fingers alittle guy.
I mean he's not know, he's nottall, he's not as long as a baby
, he's small.
But he's dressed head to toetop hat, coat, tails, black
tuxedo, the nines Looksimmaculate.
(07:26):
And the little guy sits on downat the piano little bench and
starts playing Do, do, do, do,do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do.
Everybody in the bar thinksthat this is amazing and so they
are all night long buying thisguy and the little piano man
(07:46):
drinks Any drink, all the drinks, free drinks around.
They're taking song requests,they're having a great time and
with each passing song thecurmudgeon at the end of the bar
is just getting madder andmadder and madder, because this
guy's getting all the attention,this guy's getting everything
he wanted, he's getting, youknow, compliments, he's getting
(08:09):
free drinks.
He seems to have this greatlife.
He's got, obviously, acompanion with the little, you
know little, maestro.
So last call comes, end of thenight and the curmudgeon has
finally had enough of this.
So he walks up to the other guyand goes man, dude, what, what
(08:29):
the heck is this?
What?
What do you think?
Coming in here like this andbringing you know your sideshow
act and everything, and the guygoes oh, you know, I'm sorry,
man, I'm sorry.
You know, it's how I get by,it's how I do what I do.
You know it all came aboutbecause I have a magic lamp.
Dude, you have a magic lamp.
Oh, my gosh, what I wouldn'tgive for a magic lamp.
(08:52):
It would solve all my problems.
The guy chuckles and he goes.
Well, you know what I carriedin my back pocket?
It wasn't a big lamp.
He pulls it out, hands it tothe curmudgeon.
Life just got infinitesimallybetter.
He is so excited so he takesthe magic lamp and he runs to
(09:13):
like the back corner of the barhe doesn't want anyone to steal
his wish or to hear him oranything like that and he rubs
the lamp and goes I wish, oh, oh, how I wish, I wish I had a
million bucks.
Bing, boom, clap, about ahundred ducks show up in this
bar.
Okay, he now just went fromzero back down to 100.
(09:38):
He is zero.
He went from zero to 100.
He is furious.
Once again comes back to theguy at the bar yelling and
screaming what the heck, this isrigged, it's broken, it's you
ripped me off.
And the guy laughs and he saysyeah, of course it's broken.
(10:01):
Dude, do you really think Iwished for a 12 inch pianist?
Think it, think it, laugh it.
Hopefully you get it.
So in the wedding at the, Ididn't say in the wedding, we
are going to change that.
In the wedding, I didn't say inthe wedding, we are going to
change that.
Talking to the groom and thegroomsmen ahead of the wedding,
(10:22):
it was a great joke.
They laughed, they got it.
The 10-year-old remember.
There's a 10-year-old in all ofthis.
The 10-year-old says Dad, whydid the minister just say
pianist?
She didn't, son, she saidpianist.
Well, what the heck is apianist?
(10:43):
A pianist is a piano player.
Then why is the joke funny?
Well, son, the joke is funnybecause pianist sounds like
penis.
But she didn't say that.
No, she didn't say that.
And again, just having toexplain the joke to your kid in
(11:04):
front of me, in front of thegroomsmen and the groom, it
added a little something specialto the day.
And that is one of many, manythat I have told to grooms when
they are a little nervous Brides.
I haven't found one quitefitting.
I'm sure that they would alllove kind of similar dirty jokes
(11:28):
, but the guys just seem to loveit a lot more and I'll keep it
with them.
Humor can be a really, reallygreat tool in high stakes
moments.
Certainly assess who you aretalking to and who you're
talking with, whether the humorwould be appreciated, whether it
(11:51):
, you know if it might beinsensitive.
I don't know.
If any of the groomsmen wereactually piano players, that
would have been really, reallyfunny or kind of interesting.
If you're not too sure wherethey fall with their religious
beliefs, family beliefs, youknow, maybe some jokes are best
(12:12):
kept in your back pocket so thatyou are not alienating.
Certainly if you are doing morereligious studying, I wouldn't
walk in, being like a bishop orrabbi and a prophet walk into a
bar, maybe not.
I like to make sure that there'slaughter when fitting within
(12:33):
the wedding process and I oftengo back to the quote of if you
can laugh at yourself, you'regoing to be fine.
If you can allow others tolaugh with you, you're going to
be great.
So that's the model I like touse, especially with situational
humor, especially with you know, seeing how puns, jokes,
(12:59):
metaphors, all of that couldland not just with the couple
but with the wider audience andleaning in.
I am not afraid to cut out thescript in the moment.
I'm also not afraid to add inwithin the moment and so far I
haven't had any couples be like,wow, crickets, that was not
(13:21):
good, so hoping I've judgedeverything really, really well.
But do you have a favorite,favorite joke of this category,
of this nature, slightly offkilter?
I call them clean, dirty jokes.
You know, I don't say foullanguage, I don't say anything
bad.
You really gotta think aboutthem a little bit to be like oh,
(13:42):
that's what it is, so let letme know.
Send me a message, an email, avideo and anything.
Let me know what some of yourfavorites are.
Maybe I will learn them too.
Add them to my arsenal and makesure that you tune in next time
.
We're getting really, reallyclose to a bonus episode, so I'm
(14:02):
hoping that we will have thathit sooner rather than later.
Thank you so much.
Thank you for listening to theWedding Wear with Officiating by
Amanda.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and found some
inspiration or insight for yourown special day.
This podcast is hosted onBuzzsprout and can be found on
all major platforms.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe, like, comment and
(14:25):
share to help us reach even morelisteners who might laugh a
little at the Wedding Wear.
For the links referenced in theshow, visit Linktree at
Officiating by Amanda.
You can also follow thebusiness on Facebook,
weddingwire and the Knot to stayup to date on everything going
on.
If you have a question you'dlike me to answer on the podcast
, just send an email totheweddingwearpodcast at
(14:47):
gmailcom, and if you're ready toinquire about officiating
services for your own big day,you can reach me at
officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom.
Thank you so much for tuning inand until next time.
This has been Amanda.
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