May 21, 2025 • 23 mins
Send me a message or any questions!
Ever wonder where wedding officiants draw their ethical lines? That dilemma sits at the heart of this raw, unflinching look at one of my most challenging ceremonies - a wedding where the groom showed up sporting a fresh black eye.
The journey began with troubling signs: a bride who initially canceled because "the groom hit her," only to reconcile weeks later claiming a "misunderstanding." As someone educated in domestic violence dynamics, I found myself wrestling with whether to proceed. When I arrived at the venue (a converted auto body shop rather than the originally mentioned Knights of Columbus hall) to find the groom visibly injured, that internal struggle intensified. The flimsy explanation that "decorations fell on him" didn't match what I observed, yet there I stood, facing a profound question: Was this my place to judge?
My guiding philosophy as an officiant has always been meeting couples where they are without imposing personal judgments. I've conducted ceremonies in prisons and commitment ceremonies for couples awaiting divorce decrees. Yet this situation pushed me to define clearer boundaries. It taught me that maintaining professional distance is sometimes necessary - I don't need to befriend every couple or track their marital outcomes. While I maintain firm limits (I won't marry teenagers or people to their pets), I recognize that adults make their own choices, however questionable they might seem to outsiders.
What lines have you drawn in your professional life? How do you balance judgment with respect for others' autonomy? I'd love to hear your thoughts on navigating these murky ethical waters. Share your experiences or reach out if you'd like some Wedding Wearer swag - I'm always thrilled to connect with listeners!
Thank you for sharing the podcast with others who may enjoy it! Share your funny wedding stories with me at theweddingwherepodcast@gmail.com. Any links referenced are on linktree.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amanda (00:10):
Welcome to the Wedding Where, with officiating by
Amanda.
the Wedding Where, the groomhad a black eye.
Welcome back to the Weddingwhere! I have a few
(00:33):
announcements before we dive oninto today's episode.
But I really have a prettylarge disclaimer as we start off
.
Disclaimer as we start off.
This is one of my most oftentold stories to my friends and
family and peers, and it is moreso to highlight the situations
(00:58):
that I've seen and to highlightthat I come from a place of not
judging couples.
I also use it to show thegrowth that I've had in personal
safety and being able to say nowhen situations don't seem
(01:19):
smart or great.
But with this whole episode, Iwant you in your head going we
listen and we don't judge.
Okay, it's gonna be very key,all right.
So before we dive in, I do wantto do some geographic shout
outs Again.
I really, really wish I couldsee like individual names of who
(01:41):
supports and who listens.
I think it'd be really, reallyfun, but I don't quite have that
access yet.
Please let me know if you'relistening in and where you're
listening from.
If you want to DM me or privatemessage me or anything, email
me even your mailing address.
I'd love to send you some theWedding Wearer swag.
(02:02):
We've got stickers.
Please, oh please.
I would love to celebrate youand how you've helped me get to
this point.
So, as of the recording of this, mind you, it might be a month
before you actually hear it.
We've got some really greatshout outs.
We have four internationallistens at this point Beirut,
(02:25):
lebanon, sao Paulo, brazil,turkey, istanbul, turkey and
then Brisbane, australia.
Would love to know if any ofthose are you.
Thank you, where are you?
Who are you?
As a lot of you know, when I seethe numbers climb up on these
(02:45):
different locations, I try tothink, oh, who do I know there
and who do I know there?
Yeah, there's some of these.
I really, really don't know and, unlike last time where I
shouted out the top 10, I'mactually going to go to the
bottom of the list and I'm goingto shout out some of the
locations that only have onelisten.
If you are hearing this fromyour place, please know you're
(03:11):
helping the listener count.
Go up to at least two, butshare it out.
I would love to see some ofthese numbers climb.
I hope that's not just you know, someone who is a one-time
listener decided it wasn't forthem.
So let's help grow some ofthese numbers up.
These are all of the placeswhere there's been one listen,
(03:31):
and there's quite a bit of them,so I'm going to rattle them off
here.
All right, going to Menifee,california, aldermont Springs,
florida, quakertown,pennsylvania, bossier City,
louisianaiana, I think, bossierbluebell, pennsylvania it's
(03:51):
better than blue ball, let'sjust say that, but pennsylvania
has that too.
Birmingham, alabama, losangeles, california, denville,
new jersey, vancouver,washington and this is even
before my Alaska trip.
So I'm like who's there?
Who's there?
Great Grand Prairie, texas, stJohn's, florida, trenton, new
(04:14):
Jersey, cincinnati, ohio, nanuet, new York, matamoros,
pennsylvania, which I'm assumingis one of my family members,
dre, drexel Hill, pennsylvania,boardman, oregon, san Francisco,
california, clark Summit,pennsylvania, marcus Hook,
pennsylvania, kingston,pennsylvania, nazareth,
(04:36):
pennsylvania, irvington, newJersey, ashburn, virginia,
roseville, california, chester,pennsylvania, florham Park, new
Jersey, portland, connecticut,ocala, florida, gatlin,
tennessee, bethlehem,pennsylvania, memphis, tennessee
(04:59):
, lehighton, pennsylvania, holly, pennsylvania, glassboro, new
Jersey, sinking Spring,pennsylvania, scranton,
pennsylvania.
And rounding us out with onelesson so far Chicago, illinois.
So thank you, thank you all tothe regular listeners who've
helped climb the charts up foryour respective cities.
(05:21):
I'm going to aim over thesummer to do like a fun little.
You know where all thelisteners, little geographic oh
gosh, that's going to be aproject but I'm so excited for
it.
So, diving back in today, I'mgoing to need a little Celsius
for this.
The wedding wear the groom had ablack eye.
(05:42):
So I don't really say no tocouples.
I work very hard not to judgebased on finances, circumstances
, appearances, requests forceremony.
I don't.
(06:03):
That's how I've married peoplein unique locations like prisons
.
That's how I've done commitmentceremonies when they're both
still getting their divorcedecrees.
I really work very hard to putaside any judgment levels that I
have because I really probablyhad it with this couple from
(06:25):
from the beginning.
A little bit older, a littlebit, you know, hey, backwoodsy,
which again I am.
I grew up in the Poconos, daddid deer processing.
I can be a little bit of aroughneck kind of girl.
There were just some red flagsfrom the very beginning and all
(06:48):
along the entire time of thiswedding I had to keep asking
myself like are you sure youstill want to do this?
You know, don't make judgmentson the couple, don't assume that
they're just going to cancel orend in divorce.
So the first really big redflag in this was that the bride
had booked me, paid the finalbalance and about a week after
(07:10):
paying the final balance, hadrequested a refund of the final
balance because the groom hither.
Yeah and yikes.
And the domestic violence andcriminology co-major in me was
like, okay.
Co-major in me was like, okay,cool, refunded what I was able
(07:35):
to and was like cool, cross thewedding off the list.
About a month later, get anemail, a misunderstanding.
We're going to work things out.
He's going to therapy, yeah.
So I had to.
I had to make a call in thatmoment of whether I was going to
stick with it or whether I wasgoing to say nope.
(07:56):
I think once someone hits you,they'll always hit you and I
don't want to be a part of thisand really struggled within
myself but had to say it's not,it's not my place to make that
judgment for anyone else.
When her and I talked last, Igave her all the resources I
knew of.
Adults are adults and when youprovide them with the resources,
(08:21):
it is then balls in their courtto do what they can or what
they will.
And I won't pretend to know allof the situations or
circumstances.
It's never right to hitsomebody male, female, parent,
kid, spouse, a grandparent,anything like you, just don't.
(08:41):
But then I also know that I'mthe girl that hears something
funny and like I slap someone onthe arm, knock it off.
You know, touches are betterdefined by the people
experiencing them and with themversus anybody of an outsider.
Like if my husband were to sayto someone oh, my wife hits me,
(09:05):
I don't even want to think ofyou know they go.
Oh, my gosh, she hits you.
Or sometimes I, you know I havea bruise and it's like oh, you
know, my husband bruised me.
It's not, it's not in that way,it really isn't.
I bruise easily, like a peach,like he could pinch my cheek and
say, oh, you look so cute todayand I guarantee I'll end up
(09:25):
with a bruise.
And when he says I hit him,like I slapped him on the
backside and said get up off thecouch please.
You know, move your feet please.
And actions are better definedby the people living in them
than by the people who may behearing what was going on.
So suffice it to say I was likeokay, you've rescheduled.
(09:50):
Cool, here is, here's the finalpayment I now need back again.
The wedding was originallysupposed to be at a knights of
columbus.
I did not look up the typed outaddress, like number and street
name that they gave me toverify that it was Somewhere
(10:14):
along the way.
I guess the venue had changed,probably around the same time
that the date changed and it wasno longer a Knights of Columbus
.
So as I started driving andrealizing I'm going further and
further away from civilization,like a busy two-lane highway and
(10:35):
then some back roads, I feltvery uneasy, called my mom I'm
like just stay on the phone withme here because rehearsal was
not a Knights of Columbus andneither was the wedding going to
be.
It was in a former auto bodyshop that they, I will say,
(10:56):
beautifully transformed.
Like the outside looked rough,the inside looked really nice,
looked really really nice.
So again had to just dispel myjudgments once again of what
kind of wedding will this be?
What kind of marriage is thisLike?
Put all that aside, amanda,you're not there to judge, gosh.
(11:17):
We listen and we don't judge.
We show up for weddings and wedon't judge.
We don't judge when the groomonly has a few teeth left.
We don't judge when all of thebridesmaids are some version of
pregnant.
We don't judge when the littlekids are running around carrying
(11:38):
the beer to the adults.
We don't judge.
It's not our place.
We don't judge.
We did the rehearsal, all wasfine, all was good.
I was like sure I will still behere tomorrow.
They invited me to stay forrehearsal dinner as well as
reception dinner and I politelydeclined both Again, not a
(12:03):
situation where I was needed norwhere I wanted to stay, so I
drove home.
Okay, some of these things nowcheck out.
Some of these things make moresense.
But we're going to do the workpaid of us.
We listen and we don't judgeand what will be will be.
(12:24):
I've had other divorces before.
I've had couples I didn't thinkwould make it and I'm glad I
never said it out loud becausethey have and I would hate to be
wrong.
So we just let it go and let itbe all of gosh, not even 24
(12:50):
hours later.
So if I left at like seveno'clock from the rehearsal and I
got back around 2 30 for threeo'clocks yep, not even 24 hours
the groom had a fresh and shinyblack eye.
He got a.
He got a.
Good hit is what he got.
(13:11):
I was told that decorations hadfallen upon the groom in the
morning, that he'd been puttingthem up.
There were no decorations, kindof hanging or even draped, that
could have like.
There's like tinsel.
Tinsel doesn't cause bruiseanywho, we listen and we don't
(13:34):
judge.
However, we do make sure thatwe get a picture, because no one
would believe me if I didn't.
However, that is a personal,private use picture and for when
I tell the story in person itis not going out on the internet
.
So sorry, friends, you're justgonna have to use your own
imagination.
But yeah, my initial andinternal reaction upon seeing
(13:56):
that was like ah ha ha.
I wonder what happened lastnight.
I wonder if the the boys hadgone out to a bar and gotten
into a disagreement.
I wonder if the couplethemselves had gotten into a
little bit more of a physicaldisagreement, because men aren't
(14:18):
the only people who can hit,women also hit.
It happens.
And once again, an internalstruggle of do I do this, do I
officiate this wedding, whenthere's clearly some things
going on here that are above my,my pay grade, above my
(14:41):
profession, because I'm by nomeans a marriage counselor, a
therapist, a shrink it would bemy major in history and I got
ordained online.
What?
What do I do?
And if I decided to back out ofthis, what would I think about
myself if I backed out of doingthis wedding and how would that
(15:03):
speak to my business, you know?
Would there be a bad reviewleft?
How would the couple word itand spin it?
Do I really want to get intoonline conversations?
Well, no, I canceled because I,quite frankly, at times did not
feel safe being in a brokendown former auto body shop on a
divided highway with a groom ofthe black eye that the bride had
(15:27):
previously told me hit her whatto do.
I did it.
I married them, I wished themwell, signed the license,
thanked them for their time andI left.
And that was one of theoccasions that really started me
in real conversation.
(15:48):
On, I don't have to be friendswith every couple I've ever
married.
I don't need to keep track onif they're still married or not.
I don't need to be Facebookfriends with them.
I don't need to send themholiday cards.
They can just be weddings.
Some of the couples can just beweddings, because it's better
(16:09):
that way, because if you were myfriend, I do have more space to
personally judge and to makeopinions in my head, or even
make opinions known.
If you're not, if you're just aclient, okay, I have no space,
I have no room.
You hired me for a purpose.
I'm doing said purpose and awayI go.
So that is what I did marriedthem.
(16:32):
I have no clue if they arestill together or not.
I guess I could always do aquick little google.
I mean, google is google, is awild, wild ride, and that is
something, especially as I'vegotten into prison.
Weddings I very consciously donot.
(16:55):
I do not Google, I I elect notto Google, I just don't, I just
don't want to, I don't want tobe conflicted with what,
whatever's going on.
Yeah, that was a wedding whereI had to work a lot not to judge
(17:18):
, and it hasn't been the onlyone since.
I've had few where the groomhas said things, bride has
mentioned things.
I just kind of got to take itin because I don't know the full
story, I don't know the fullrelationship.
I don't want to fully knowAdults are doing adult things.
(17:40):
There are only two types ofweddings that I will say no to,
and anything else I really tryto abide by Let go, let go, let
God.
It's not my place if the countysaid that they can do it, if
you know they're consentingadults and sober when they say I
(18:03):
do, fine, it's not bad.
So the two types of weddings Iwill not do is teenagers,
whether it's marrying anotherteenager, whether your parent is
consent, no, I I don't.
Even if you have a situationwhere you have to get married,
or you're 16 and he's 18 andhe's going to the army, I will
(18:24):
not do it.
I'm so sorry.
You are so not ready to makethat decision.
And no, you find yourselvespregnant and you are seeking to
get married before the baby'shere.
Please don't, that's just myown icky wicket that someone
(18:46):
else will marry you.
Don't worry, there's plenty ofpeople.
Somebody else will marry you.
It won't be me, it's just oneof my hard lines in the sand.
And the other wedding I willnot do is people marrying their
pets, marrying inanimate objects.
That's just a different kind ofdifferent.
(19:09):
And while I'm sure that there'sa market there, that is not a
market.
I plan, nor want to plan.
So no, thank you.
I do the prison weddings.
I've just got my first checkfrom an actual prison and an
inmate used his account at youknow what 10 cents an hour to
(19:30):
save up the money to pay me,which is really crazy.
I have to cash it and I'm like,wow, I don't know if I want to
cache it or frame it.
It's kind of unique, but Idon't.
I don't Google the couple, Idon't Google the inmate.
I really strive my hardest notto judge in those spaces and
places.
(19:51):
Now, after I send in themarriage license and it's all
done on my end, do I talk withmy mother, who has super
soothing skills Shout out to you, martha and she finds out what
they were incarcerated for?
Yes, yes, I do.
Sharing is caring sometimes andhave there been a few that oh,
(20:16):
went away for some very, veryicky things?
Yes, and I'm really glad that Ididn't know about it before I
did the wedding, because if Idid, it would have changed it a
bit for me.
I would have tried very hardnot to let it change anything
outwardly, in a professionalsetting, but in my own head and
(20:37):
in my own heart, yeah, it wouldchange things and it would have
made me really question things,just like I did at the wedding
where the groom had a black eye.
So thank you for listening onthat wild ride with me.
Where do you fall in judgment?
(20:58):
I love good tea, I love goodgossip, but when it comes to
your work jobs that you're hiredto do.
Do you judge, do you passjudgment?
Do you turn them down and say,nope, not doing that, they seem
like icky people.
You turn them down and say,nope, not doing that, they seem
like icky people.
How has your business surviveddoing that?
(21:20):
I certainly now that I want toaim to get to a place where I
say no to business, but Ihonestly don't want to be in a
situation again where I'mstruggling with myself a lot.
So, please, if you've got abusiness small business, one
that is forward-facing,people-facing one, where you
(21:43):
can't really afford a bad review, how do you turn down things
that just make you go, no, thankyou, especially if a few months
before you had been yeah, thissounds, sounds great.
How do you make that turn andpivot?
I would love to know.
Please drop me a line.
Thank you so much for listeningand until next time.
(22:07):
We've got some great interviewslined up, we've got some more,
the wedding wares, and I'mexcited for all of these next
adventures with you.
Thank you for listening to theWedding Wear with Officiating by
Amanda.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and found some
inspiration or insight for yourown special day.
(22:27):
This podcast is hosted onBuzzsprout and can be found on
all major platforms.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe, like, comment and
share to help us reach even morelisteners who might laugh a
little at the Wedding Wear.
For the links referenced in theshow, visit Linktree at
Officiating by Amanda.
You can also follow thebusiness on Facebook,
(22:47):
weddingwire and the Knot to stayup to date on everything going
on.
If you have a question you'dlike me to answer on the podcast
, just send an email totheweddingwearpodcast at
gmailcom, and if you're ready toinquire about officiating
services for your own big day,you can reach me at
officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom.
Thank you so much for tuning inand until next time.
(23:08):
This has been Amanda.
Welcome to the Wedding Where, with officiating by
Amanda.
the Wedding Where, the groomhad a black eye.
Welcome back to the Weddingwhere! I have a few
(00:33):
announcements before we dive oninto today's episode.
But I really have a prettylarge disclaimer as we start off
.
Disclaimer as we start off.
This is one of my most oftentold stories to my friends and
family and peers, and it is moreso to highlight the situations
(00:58):
that I've seen and to highlightthat I come from a place of not
judging couples.
I also use it to show thegrowth that I've had in personal
safety and being able to say nowhen situations don't seem
(01:19):
smart or great.
But with this whole episode, Iwant you in your head going we
listen and we don't judge.
Okay, it's gonna be very key,all right.
So before we dive in, I do wantto do some geographic shout
outs Again.
I really, really wish I couldsee like individual names of who
(01:41):
supports and who listens.
I think it'd be really, reallyfun, but I don't quite have that
access yet.
Please let me know if you'relistening in and where you're
listening from.
If you want to DM me or privatemessage me or anything, email
me even your mailing address.
I'd love to send you some theWedding Wearer swag.
(02:02):
We've got stickers.
Please, oh please.
I would love to celebrate youand how you've helped me get to
this point.
So, as of the recording of this, mind you, it might be a month
before you actually hear it.
We've got some really greatshout outs.
We have four internationallistens at this point Beirut,
(02:25):
lebanon, sao Paulo, brazil,turkey, istanbul, turkey and
then Brisbane, australia.
Would love to know if any ofthose are you.
Thank you, where are you?
Who are you?
As a lot of you know, when I seethe numbers climb up on these
(02:45):
different locations, I try tothink, oh, who do I know there
and who do I know there?
Yeah, there's some of these.
I really, really don't know and, unlike last time where I
shouted out the top 10, I'mactually going to go to the
bottom of the list and I'm goingto shout out some of the
locations that only have onelisten.
If you are hearing this fromyour place, please know you're
(03:11):
helping the listener count.
Go up to at least two, butshare it out.
I would love to see some ofthese numbers climb.
I hope that's not just you know, someone who is a one-time
listener decided it wasn't forthem.
So let's help grow some ofthese numbers up.
These are all of the placeswhere there's been one listen,
(03:31):
and there's quite a bit of them,so I'm going to rattle them off
here.
All right, going to Menifee,california, aldermont Springs,
florida, quakertown,pennsylvania, bossier City,
louisianaiana, I think, bossierbluebell, pennsylvania it's
(03:51):
better than blue ball, let'sjust say that, but pennsylvania
has that too.
Birmingham, alabama, losangeles, california, denville,
new jersey, vancouver,washington and this is even
before my Alaska trip.
So I'm like who's there?
Who's there?
Great Grand Prairie, texas, stJohn's, florida, trenton, new
(04:14):
Jersey, cincinnati, ohio, nanuet, new York, matamoros,
pennsylvania, which I'm assumingis one of my family members,
dre, drexel Hill, pennsylvania,boardman, oregon, san Francisco,
california, clark Summit,pennsylvania, marcus Hook,
pennsylvania, kingston,pennsylvania, nazareth,
(04:36):
pennsylvania, irvington, newJersey, ashburn, virginia,
roseville, california, chester,pennsylvania, florham Park, new
Jersey, portland, connecticut,ocala, florida, gatlin,
tennessee, bethlehem,pennsylvania, memphis, tennessee
(04:59):
, lehighton, pennsylvania, holly, pennsylvania, glassboro, new
Jersey, sinking Spring,pennsylvania, scranton,
pennsylvania.
And rounding us out with onelesson so far Chicago, illinois.
So thank you, thank you all tothe regular listeners who've
helped climb the charts up foryour respective cities.
(05:21):
I'm going to aim over thesummer to do like a fun little.
You know where all thelisteners, little geographic oh
gosh, that's going to be aproject but I'm so excited for
it.
So, diving back in today, I'mgoing to need a little Celsius
for this.
The wedding wear the groom had ablack eye.
(05:42):
So I don't really say no tocouples.
I work very hard not to judgebased on finances, circumstances
, appearances, requests forceremony.
I don't.
(06:03):
That's how I've married peoplein unique locations like prisons
.
That's how I've done commitmentceremonies when they're both
still getting their divorcedecrees.
I really work very hard to putaside any judgment levels that I
have because I really probablyhad it with this couple from
(06:25):
from the beginning.
A little bit older, a littlebit, you know, hey, backwoodsy,
which again I am.
I grew up in the Poconos, daddid deer processing.
I can be a little bit of aroughneck kind of girl.
There were just some red flagsfrom the very beginning and all
(06:48):
along the entire time of thiswedding I had to keep asking
myself like are you sure youstill want to do this?
You know, don't make judgmentson the couple, don't assume that
they're just going to cancel orend in divorce.
So the first really big redflag in this was that the bride
had booked me, paid the finalbalance and about a week after
(07:10):
paying the final balance, hadrequested a refund of the final
balance because the groom hither.
Yeah and yikes.
And the domestic violence andcriminology co-major in me was
like, okay.
Co-major in me was like, okay,cool, refunded what I was able
(07:35):
to and was like cool, cross thewedding off the list.
About a month later, get anemail, a misunderstanding.
We're going to work things out.
He's going to therapy, yeah.
So I had to.
I had to make a call in thatmoment of whether I was going to
stick with it or whether I wasgoing to say nope.
(07:56):
I think once someone hits you,they'll always hit you and I
don't want to be a part of thisand really struggled within
myself but had to say it's not,it's not my place to make that
judgment for anyone else.
When her and I talked last, Igave her all the resources I
knew of.
Adults are adults and when youprovide them with the resources,
(08:21):
it is then balls in their courtto do what they can or what
they will.
And I won't pretend to know allof the situations or
circumstances.
It's never right to hitsomebody male, female, parent,
kid, spouse, a grandparent,anything like you, just don't.
(08:41):
But then I also know that I'mthe girl that hears something
funny and like I slap someone onthe arm, knock it off.
You know, touches are betterdefined by the people
experiencing them and with themversus anybody of an outsider.
Like if my husband were to sayto someone oh, my wife hits me,
(09:05):
I don't even want to think ofyou know they go.
Oh, my gosh, she hits you.
Or sometimes I, you know I havea bruise and it's like oh, you
know, my husband bruised me.
It's not, it's not in that way,it really isn't.
I bruise easily, like a peach,like he could pinch my cheek and
say, oh, you look so cute todayand I guarantee I'll end up
(09:25):
with a bruise.
And when he says I hit him,like I slapped him on the
backside and said get up off thecouch please.
You know, move your feet please.
And actions are better definedby the people living in them
than by the people who may behearing what was going on.
So suffice it to say I was likeokay, you've rescheduled.
(09:50):
Cool, here is, here's the finalpayment I now need back again.
The wedding was originallysupposed to be at a knights of
columbus.
I did not look up the typed outaddress, like number and street
name that they gave me toverify that it was Somewhere
(10:14):
along the way.
I guess the venue had changed,probably around the same time
that the date changed and it wasno longer a Knights of Columbus
.
So as I started driving andrealizing I'm going further and
further away from civilization,like a busy two-lane highway and
(10:35):
then some back roads, I feltvery uneasy, called my mom I'm
like just stay on the phone withme here because rehearsal was
not a Knights of Columbus andneither was the wedding going to
be.
It was in a former auto bodyshop that they, I will say,
(10:56):
beautifully transformed.
Like the outside looked rough,the inside looked really nice,
looked really really nice.
So again had to just dispel myjudgments once again of what
kind of wedding will this be?
What kind of marriage is thisLike?
Put all that aside, amanda,you're not there to judge, gosh.
(11:17):
We listen and we don't judge.
We show up for weddings and wedon't judge.
We don't judge when the groomonly has a few teeth left.
We don't judge when all of thebridesmaids are some version of
pregnant.
We don't judge when the littlekids are running around carrying
(11:38):
the beer to the adults.
We don't judge.
It's not our place.
We don't judge.
We did the rehearsal, all wasfine, all was good.
I was like sure I will still behere tomorrow.
They invited me to stay forrehearsal dinner as well as
reception dinner and I politelydeclined both Again, not a
(12:03):
situation where I was needed norwhere I wanted to stay, so I
drove home.
Okay, some of these things nowcheck out.
Some of these things make moresense.
But we're going to do the workpaid of us.
We listen and we don't judgeand what will be will be.
(12:24):
I've had other divorces before.
I've had couples I didn't thinkwould make it and I'm glad I
never said it out loud becausethey have and I would hate to be
wrong.
So we just let it go and let itbe all of gosh, not even 24
(12:50):
hours later.
So if I left at like seveno'clock from the rehearsal and I
got back around 2 30 for threeo'clocks yep, not even 24 hours
the groom had a fresh and shinyblack eye.
He got a.
He got a.
Good hit is what he got.
(13:11):
I was told that decorations hadfallen upon the groom in the
morning, that he'd been puttingthem up.
There were no decorations, kindof hanging or even draped, that
could have like.
There's like tinsel.
Tinsel doesn't cause bruiseanywho, we listen and we don't
(13:34):
judge.
However, we do make sure thatwe get a picture, because no one
would believe me if I didn't.
However, that is a personal,private use picture and for when
I tell the story in person itis not going out on the internet
.
So sorry, friends, you're justgonna have to use your own
imagination.
But yeah, my initial andinternal reaction upon seeing
(13:56):
that was like ah ha ha.
I wonder what happened lastnight.
I wonder if the the boys hadgone out to a bar and gotten
into a disagreement.
I wonder if the couplethemselves had gotten into a
little bit more of a physicaldisagreement, because men aren't
(14:18):
the only people who can hit,women also hit.
It happens.
And once again, an internalstruggle of do I do this, do I
officiate this wedding, whenthere's clearly some things
going on here that are above my,my pay grade, above my
(14:41):
profession, because I'm by nomeans a marriage counselor, a
therapist, a shrink it would bemy major in history and I got
ordained online.
What?
What do I do?
And if I decided to back out ofthis, what would I think about
myself if I backed out of doingthis wedding and how would that
(15:03):
speak to my business, you know?
Would there be a bad reviewleft?
How would the couple word itand spin it?
Do I really want to get intoonline conversations?
Well, no, I canceled because I,quite frankly, at times did not
feel safe being in a brokendown former auto body shop on a
divided highway with a groom ofthe black eye that the bride had
(15:27):
previously told me hit her whatto do.
I did it.
I married them, I wished themwell, signed the license,
thanked them for their time andI left.
And that was one of theoccasions that really started me
in real conversation.
(15:48):
On, I don't have to be friendswith every couple I've ever
married.
I don't need to keep track onif they're still married or not.
I don't need to be Facebookfriends with them.
I don't need to send themholiday cards.
They can just be weddings.
Some of the couples can just beweddings, because it's better
(16:09):
that way, because if you were myfriend, I do have more space to
personally judge and to makeopinions in my head, or even
make opinions known.
If you're not, if you're just aclient, okay, I have no space,
I have no room.
You hired me for a purpose.
I'm doing said purpose and awayI go.
So that is what I did marriedthem.
(16:32):
I have no clue if they arestill together or not.
I guess I could always do aquick little google.
I mean, google is google, is awild, wild ride, and that is
something, especially as I'vegotten into prison.
Weddings I very consciously donot.
(16:55):
I do not Google, I I elect notto Google, I just don't, I just
don't want to, I don't want tobe conflicted with what,
whatever's going on.
Yeah, that was a wedding whereI had to work a lot not to judge
(17:18):
, and it hasn't been the onlyone since.
I've had few where the groomhas said things, bride has
mentioned things.
I just kind of got to take itin because I don't know the full
story, I don't know the fullrelationship.
I don't want to fully knowAdults are doing adult things.
(17:40):
There are only two types ofweddings that I will say no to,
and anything else I really tryto abide by Let go, let go, let
God.
It's not my place if the countysaid that they can do it, if
you know they're consentingadults and sober when they say I
(18:03):
do, fine, it's not bad.
So the two types of weddings Iwill not do is teenagers,
whether it's marrying anotherteenager, whether your parent is
consent, no, I I don't.
Even if you have a situationwhere you have to get married,
or you're 16 and he's 18 andhe's going to the army, I will
(18:24):
not do it.
I'm so sorry.
You are so not ready to makethat decision.
And no, you find yourselvespregnant and you are seeking to
get married before the baby'shere.
Please don't, that's just myown icky wicket that someone
(18:46):
else will marry you.
Don't worry, there's plenty ofpeople.
Somebody else will marry you.
It won't be me, it's just oneof my hard lines in the sand.
And the other wedding I willnot do is people marrying their
pets, marrying inanimate objects.
That's just a different kind ofdifferent.
(19:09):
And while I'm sure that there'sa market there, that is not a
market.
I plan, nor want to plan.
So no, thank you.
I do the prison weddings.
I've just got my first checkfrom an actual prison and an
inmate used his account at youknow what 10 cents an hour to
(19:30):
save up the money to pay me,which is really crazy.
I have to cash it and I'm like,wow, I don't know if I want to
cache it or frame it.
It's kind of unique, but Idon't.
I don't Google the couple, Idon't Google the inmate.
I really strive my hardest notto judge in those spaces and
places.
(19:51):
Now, after I send in themarriage license and it's all
done on my end, do I talk withmy mother, who has super
soothing skills Shout out to you, martha and she finds out what
they were incarcerated for?
Yes, yes, I do.
Sharing is caring sometimes andhave there been a few that oh,
(20:16):
went away for some very, veryicky things?
Yes, and I'm really glad that Ididn't know about it before I
did the wedding, because if Idid, it would have changed it a
bit for me.
I would have tried very hardnot to let it change anything
outwardly, in a professionalsetting, but in my own head and
(20:37):
in my own heart, yeah, it wouldchange things and it would have
made me really question things,just like I did at the wedding
where the groom had a black eye.
So thank you for listening onthat wild ride with me.
Where do you fall in judgment?
(20:58):
I love good tea, I love goodgossip, but when it comes to
your work jobs that you're hiredto do.
Do you judge, do you passjudgment?
Do you turn them down and say,nope, not doing that, they seem
like icky people.
You turn them down and say,nope, not doing that, they seem
like icky people.
How has your business surviveddoing that?
(21:20):
I certainly now that I want toaim to get to a place where I
say no to business, but Ihonestly don't want to be in a
situation again where I'mstruggling with myself a lot.
So, please, if you've got abusiness small business, one
that is forward-facing,people-facing one, where you
(21:43):
can't really afford a bad review, how do you turn down things
that just make you go, no, thankyou, especially if a few months
before you had been yeah, thissounds, sounds great.
How do you make that turn andpivot?
I would love to know.
Please drop me a line.
Thank you so much for listeningand until next time.
(22:07):
We've got some great interviewslined up, we've got some more,
the wedding wares, and I'mexcited for all of these next
adventures with you.
Thank you for listening to theWedding Wear with Officiating by
Amanda.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and found some
inspiration or insight for yourown special day.
(22:27):
This podcast is hosted onBuzzsprout and can be found on
all major platforms.
If you haven't already, pleasesubscribe, like, comment and
share to help us reach even morelisteners who might laugh a
little at the Wedding Wear.
For the links referenced in theshow, visit Linktree at
Officiating by Amanda.
You can also follow thebusiness on Facebook,
(22:47):
weddingwire and the Knot to stayup to date on everything going
on.
If you have a question you'dlike me to answer on the podcast
, just send an email totheweddingwearpodcast at
gmailcom, and if you're ready toinquire about officiating
services for your own big day,you can reach me at
officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom.
Thank you so much for tuning inand until next time.
(23:08):
This has been Amanda.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.