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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Oh, they should.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
They're taken around can. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
The human body does everything it can in the final
stages to try and clean to that.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
It shouldn't be much longer now. Things are really heating
up in the small town of South Park.

Speaker 4 (00:18):
More and more citizens are uniting in solidarity against what
they call the president's oppression. The townspeople are saying things
are never hopeless, that they must all stand strong for
what they believe in.

Speaker 5 (00:30):
We're in this for the long haul, guys. This is
about what's right, and we will fight even if we
have to do it alone. Wait, we don't have to
do it alone.

Speaker 6 (00:47):
It's Jesus, let us great.

Speaker 7 (00:55):
Cred, great pred with me. This is my body given
for you. Do this in remembrance of me. No, just
eat the bread and listen. I didn't want to come
back and be in the school.

Speaker 8 (01:15):
But I had to because it was part of a
lawsuit and the agreement.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
Caravan president suing you their candor who wants to know
Let someone for camel eat the bread, Eat the bread.
You God saw what happened to.

Speaker 9 (01:35):
You?

Speaker 2 (01:35):
Really want to end up? The cultus stops to b
We can't understand you. This ship we're going to get
thisseled you idiots.

Speaker 10 (01:48):
Tom.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
They're calling it the Sermon on the Mount.

Speaker 4 (01:51):
Hundreds of South Park Faio are flock into the area
where Jesus Christ continues to speak his words of wisdom
the pleasant.

Speaker 11 (02:00):
Also, it's the powder soup and take bards and he
can do anything to anyone.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
It's the fucking dud.

Speaker 12 (02:08):
You shut the fuck up, the sucker off.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
It's fucking over to stop and shut the fuck up.

Speaker 11 (02:17):
Yeah, yeh yes, sir, Oh, okay, absolutely, yes, thank you,
mister president. We'll be happy to pay that, sir. Yes, sir,
I will relax and I'll take a rest. Yes, thank you,
thank you very much. Okay, we settled.

Speaker 2 (02:34):
Oh thank god. I got the president down to three
and a half million dollars. Three and a half million.
That's not so bad. That's really fair. I think that's fair.
We'll just have to cut some funding for our schools
and hospitals and roads and that should be that. Yeah,
well it's not quite all.

Speaker 11 (02:54):
As part of the settlement, we also had to agree
to doing pro Trump messaging.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
How are we supposed to do pro Trump messaging? Oh,
come on, guys, for South Park, we can do it. Yeah,
we got work together.

Speaker 7 (03:15):
Who walked through the desert for you, who.

Speaker 13 (03:20):
Survived the wilderness and gave the ultimate sacrifice.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
When things heat up? Who will deliver us from temptation?

Speaker 12 (03:32):
Done?

Speaker 2 (03:32):
J Drap.

Speaker 13 (03:36):
No matter how hot it gets, He's not afraid to
fight for America.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
With conviction, discipline, and trusted. Guy. He's survived the desert
out till drop that out dress passing trap.

Speaker 4 (04:06):
His penis is tmy tiny, but his love rest his lounge.

Speaker 12 (04:24):
How duncun myself?

Speaker 3 (04:44):
Let me get to that we have bumble place.

Speaker 12 (04:50):
They are.

Speaker 14 (04:55):
See about.

Speaker 3 (05:07):
Oh, he's gone too far this time, dude. The stuff
he's saying about Jews is out of control. Bro, you
just got to ignore him. Bro, it's pretty hard to
ignore when he's saying it all on a podcast. He

(05:28):
actually said that all women are whores and the only
thing we're good at is murdering babies. Look, guys, just
leave it alone. Don't give him any more attention. That's
easy for you to say, dude, Yeah, you are one
of the multitudes of groups he's spearing his stupid shit about.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
Hey, guys, who are you talking about Clyde clad Yeah,
in a stupid debating podcast. Hi here you came whatever
guys drilled me. Rob drilled me.

Speaker 12 (05:53):
Rob.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
You don't know a thing about the Jewish people. Yeah,
shut up about girls' bodies, Well, that sounds like a
very female and two thing to say. If you guys
don't like it, why don't you come to baby on
my podcast.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
We're not duncing your stupid podcast.

Speaker 10 (06:06):
Yes.

Speaker 15 (06:06):
Well, now, as your counselor, I want to try and
understand why you're doing all these bad things you're doing.

Speaker 4 (06:19):
You know, the other students are very upset this podcast,
and what makes you think you gotta sell this stuff fluod.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
Hey, I've just tried to bake my nut. Man your nut. Yeah,
you know, kids have it tough these days.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
We got Xbox subscriptions, PS five Steve subscriptions, that's legs HBO.
You want to order door dish, but that's about sixty
bucks a week. So you know, as a kid, if
you could do a podcast they some really divisive shits,
then you can make your nut.

Speaker 16 (06:45):
Well, Cloud, there's more important things than a nut, okay,
like what well, like being nice and kind, making people smile,
helping people out.

Speaker 4 (06:56):
That's why I became a counselor. Yes, I need you
to pack your stuff. You've been fired, Bud. What government's
doing away with needless spending in schools? Get your thanks,
last paid checks up front?

Speaker 2 (07:08):
What are you talking about?

Speaker 4 (07:09):
Holy Wait a minute, busy principal power prisoner principal. Guests,
I've worked here for twenty six years. We appreciate your
service to this school. But the government's cutting back on
unnecessary expenses. What's more important than the school counselor? Schools
have one counselor now, and he is the greatest counselor
that ever lived. Thanks for everything, Now pack your shit?

(07:31):
But what about mondod?

Speaker 17 (07:49):
Hello?

Speaker 18 (07:50):
Wait Will.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
Podcast. Welcome to the Channel of truth.

Speaker 3 (07:57):
Guys, you can't trust Jews, white people of the underprivileged,
and women belong at home. I'd like to welcome our
first guest to the debate, Eric Carmon, What the hell
do you think you're doing? Clad, We're here speaking the
truth about the Jews or the other privileged white class.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
That's my stick, knock out Clad, you stumer idea.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
I don't know about stealing ideas, but I do know
about some amazing supplement powders that are an absolute stale
power man. Supplement powder could really help you bulk up
and get.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
The fucking serious people are sponsoring you for many are
just the best way to get ripped quick.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
So it'll be sure to get some and also be
sure to hashtag respect Cly's authority.

Speaker 4 (08:32):
What so I've lousing my job, but real lives of
really better do to handle on how much you spend
a month?

Speaker 13 (08:41):
Yes, mister Maggie, looking over your portfolio here, it appears
you've got about an eight.

Speaker 2 (08:45):
Thousand dollars a month. Nut eight thousand a month, no
iDoom of note was that bood?

Speaker 13 (08:51):
Now we could get you a debt consolidation loan and
cancel your streaming services down, feade your phone subscription, do
a second mortgage on your house.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
Dame, you're not steal eight thousand dollars, Emma.

Speaker 19 (09:02):
But I don't have anything, Okay, I can't find a job.

Speaker 4 (09:06):
Nobody's hiring counselors anymore. What am I supposed to do?

Speaker 2 (09:09):
Well? There our other career opportunities. Have you considered a
job with the IC help your country? You end up
on documented immigrants US. I'm a counselor. I help people.
I would never work for ours. I understand you have
to have your principles.

Speaker 13 (09:28):
It's just they are offering new recruits about a one
hundred thousand dollars salary.

Speaker 4 (09:35):
Say what now, are you looking.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
For a new career? Quite? Not? Joined the icy.

Speaker 5 (09:42):
We have jobs available now with fifty dollars.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
Signing voters. We don't have sence. We don't care spread
if you're crazy or fad and hazy, we don't. I'm
proud to work for the high feed. Welcome to the chattel. Guys.

Speaker 3 (10:25):
Looks like a lot of whiny babies have a problem
with what I say, so prove me. Rob Hey, haye,
clad when you said nothing you could ever came from
the Jews. But if that's true, why are Babel so jummy? Yeah,
well you've obviously been taught by the Jews. I have
a problem with this school with America. So let me
ask you this. What is your definition of a woman?

Speaker 20 (10:44):
What?

Speaker 4 (10:44):
Man?

Speaker 2 (10:45):
What? What is no woman? Is a very simple question.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
Well, a woman, he's a lady for you, and you know,
give cases disease. You can't answer the question. But something
is male or in his female.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
Both sides of the scripture agreed to that, and that's
just the truth that's destroyed. Now, geez, did.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
You call the girls soccer team a Martian and doctrination factory.

Speaker 2 (11:07):
That is correct. We actually beat the boyest for the
last thing.

Speaker 3 (11:09):
You know, you can whine about American oppression all you want,
but you're using an iPhone made by the free markets
to complain about a system they gave it to you.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
Girls have it way easy in America, And that's just
the truth.

Speaker 3 (11:18):
Women having good in America because like black people do,
black people have everything.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
Headed to them.

Speaker 21 (11:24):
Malifucker, I'm sick of people stealing my stick. If anyone
around here is gonna be a master debater, it's me.
So let go who wants to debate the master debater?

Speaker 2 (11:40):
Let go you right there. That's the stupidest haircut I've
ever seen.

Speaker 21 (11:45):
You are mount see seventeen Tended Sun be a perpetual
statute for.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
Your generations throughout all your drimmings. Shouldn't you just.

Speaker 22 (11:51):
Takee American and you love portions starting rocky?

Speaker 2 (12:08):
Oh yes, right here have a Saints. So what makes
you want to work for immigration enforcement? Oh? Well, you see,
I got a nut? All right?

Speaker 4 (12:23):
You're hire takes us to the next station for your
physical and orientation video.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
That's it. You will now.

Speaker 23 (12:35):
Watch an orientation video featuring the Director of Homeland Security.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
Welcome to the team, recruits.

Speaker 4 (12:47):
I'm Christy no, Head of Homeland Security.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
Who a few years ago, I had to put.

Speaker 4 (12:54):
My puppy down by shooting it in the face, because
sometimes doing what's important means doing what's WHOA Now we'll
ask the same determination of you, because detaining and questioning
people is never easy.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
Oh god, that's the face of Homeland Security. I'll be
leading the way and Jack.

Speaker 24 (13:23):
Gumer We'll make sure everyone is in this country legally.
So let's get out there and get it. Recruits, together,
we can make it happen. We hope you enjoyed the presentation.

Speaker 23 (13:38):
Please step through to the vehicles for your first rade.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
Keep your half of people, find the vehicles all tide.

Speaker 3 (14:13):
Well, jays Eric Cartman shuts Downby's welcome Liberal students.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
Oh my god, what makes you think you have the
right to say what I do with my body? Let
me ask you something.

Speaker 3 (14:22):
If a pregnant woman is killed and the baby dies too,
why is the killer charged.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
With the double hammittack?

Speaker 3 (14:26):
Because people have different beliefs, It's not about belief, it's
about truth. Science confirms life begins at conception, so yeah,
Jeremiah one to five says before I formed you in
the womb, I knew you. But it's just morality, the
demands we protect the most vulnerable. So let me ask you,
when do you think life begin?

Speaker 17 (14:40):
Eric?

Speaker 2 (14:41):
Are you all right in there? Yeah? Bye, mom, I'm
dining here, master debating. Look, Eric, that's enough. Let's get
out of the bathroom. I can't, man, I'm mathter debating
for these young college girls. That's very naughty. Eric, stop it.
I finally got bothered by both patent I got a
master debate for a papa. More hours limiting is nine
one through eight.

Speaker 17 (14:59):
Let you know.

Speaker 2 (15:06):
I'm not recruits.

Speaker 4 (15:07):
This is it.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
We're adding to a location that might be filled for
the Leagles. Let's take these bad old rays down. Please

(15:35):
you good. We're just here for questioning. We're a rate
of nothing bad.

Speaker 8 (15:41):
Honey.

Speaker 25 (15:41):
Here.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
Look, I'm really sorry about this. It's just I got
a monthly note. You know, I gotta make my no
it did a good job in their soldier. Oh thank you,
kill dude.

Speaker 4 (16:04):
I know it's tough doing what's hard, but we could
use more Menhydio, what the.

Speaker 2 (16:10):
Food your botimes missed?

Speaker 20 (16:11):
All?

Speaker 2 (16:12):
Oh you stretching me up sets me up another day
of doing what's tough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but a body
growing inside a woman's body is not hurt body. It's
a completely steparate.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
Dude, Eric, what are you doing? I'm sorry, mam. You
told me to go to sleep, and I started master
debating again.

Speaker 2 (16:40):
This is really getting to be a problem. Eric, Mom,
you don't understand. I'm getting really good at this. I
have my arguments down rock solid.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
These young college girls are totally unprepared, so I can
just destroy them and also edit out all the ones
that actually argue back.

Speaker 26 (16:51):
Well, it just feels so good. I understand it feels good,
but that doesn't mean you do it all the time.

Speaker 27 (16:57):
I'm sorry, Mammy. Put the computer away and leave those
poor college girls alone. Okay, I won't master debate anymore
to need. You can call it reproductive rights, but be honest,
if the baby could speak, it would fiefrids right.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
Eric, then.

Speaker 4 (17:15):
Call another protest today, as thousands turned out in downtown
Denver to voice their outrage against the ice.

Speaker 2 (17:23):
This is just out of control.

Speaker 4 (17:25):
A lot of the people being targeted in these raids
are kind, hardworking, deeply faithful people who care for their families.
I have no doubt that there are many many Latinos
in habit.

Speaker 28 (17:52):
Who losing bone.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
Remember only detained the brown ones. If it's brown and
goes down, look out there's another one flie over here, Kaint.
I just re ask you some questions. You can't make

(18:27):
sure you're legal. How did you get into Heaven. I
was really nice to people and I helped various charities. Look,
I'm really sorry about this, but I'm just trying to
make my norse. Mackie, I need a word. An's Kelty.
You did another great job out there, Mackie. I like
your style.

Speaker 4 (18:48):
President's handing out bonuses to recruits that stand out, and
I'm gonna recommend you from.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
No more Brandy's in Heaven. Hello way Webkon to Delert Animal.
Charlie gray Lord were young Master debaters.

Speaker 13 (19:12):
More and more young people today are learning to fight
for America through Master debation.

Speaker 9 (19:17):
We're here to honor the recent efforts of a brave
young man who has been furiously Master debating for the
past several days and has won himself not only this trophy, but.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
Also in all expenses paid vacation to a beautiful five
star result. He has proven himself the true champion. Please
welcome the best young master debater of our time, Clyde Donovan.

(19:49):
Now thank n for Goodney don come on here.

Speaker 3 (19:54):
Thanks everyone. The Civil Rights Act was a huge mistake,
and I don't know lesbian's are an abomination of God.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
You all stand my stack.

Speaker 13 (20:12):
Okay, we got some of your pastubs in. They'd see
how that nut's looking. Well, seems you got some bonuses
for rounding up the most Mexicans.

Speaker 4 (20:25):
We don't round up Mexicans because we just detain foreigners
who might be illegal.

Speaker 13 (20:30):
Okay, we'll after taxes and with your bonuses, it looks
like you've got about ten.

Speaker 2 (20:35):
Grand a month to spend. Oh adu, Yes, and your
nut's up to about twelve grand a month.

Speaker 13 (20:43):
What but my note was only eight grand a week ago. Right,
but you got a good paying job. You see, as
you make more money, your nut actually gets bigger.

Speaker 2 (20:52):
How is that possible? It's all right.

Speaker 13 (20:54):
If you can just get a few more bonuses, we
can refinance the house. Divide that by the number of.

Speaker 2 (20:59):
Mexicans you detained, of course, compounded in the Costa Ricans.
He might have cared that, nobody knows.

Speaker 29 (21:07):
He he is o her hair?

Speaker 2 (21:09):
Come on, maget, I need to talk to you outside,
talk to about what what's just all about? Congratulations, recruit.

Speaker 24 (21:18):
I talked to the President about your accomplishments, and he
says he wants to help you with your nut.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
Really he does. That's right.

Speaker 4 (21:25):
We have orders to get you on a plane. The
President wants to thank you personally. Congratulations. He's invited you
to morrow Lago more Lago.

Speaker 10 (22:06):
Relaxed, take a load of bus, the planners.

Speaker 30 (22:10):
From Immigration and Customs and love for I. You've been
leaking out alright, many fuck to tomorrow and igo cool?

Speaker 2 (22:30):
Thank you mister president. Whyn't his fun? Hey bus? Will
you get out of here? Listen? I would offer you'll
have an incredible opportunity. How would you like to make
bother money than you ever thought possible? Well, I do
have a pretty huge nut.

Speaker 4 (22:48):
Now that's the kind of.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
Talk I like, Bora. I'm going for everyone that's got
it out.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
I'm getting you a promotion, yo, I s them all
tomorrow alma attar. I would let you that new face
of home that security.

Speaker 4 (23:03):
But mister President, I thought Christy Nolan was the face
of homeland security.

Speaker 2 (23:08):
Yes, you asked by her face takes me out. So
what do you say? Well, my dude need a hot
hand job. I say, now that's stay there, let go
me heay, second, make the new face of whoa. Oh
my god, I just want to go. This place is gross.
Would you like me to apply the baby oil? Two seconds?

Speaker 12 (23:30):
L us?

Speaker 2 (23:32):
Okay, look, I think there's been a misunderstanding. I'm gonna
take a little break here. Hey, come on, when that gun?
Oh excuse me, I'm sorry, Oh god, explorer, excuse.

Speaker 8 (23:54):
Me, but.

Speaker 2 (24:05):
Not right now, sir kind of had enough. What are
you doing here, young man? Just trying to bake my nuts?
Sir didn't really want all this? Oh well, young man? Uh,

(24:26):
what kind of know what you're going through? Okay, I
know we all have a lot of pressures and you
all want nice days. But if you're doing something you.

Speaker 4 (24:39):
Don't really believe it just to make your nut, you're
gonna find that you just get sadder and your nut
just gets bigger.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
You can Yeah, I guess you're right, But who are you?
Oh God, damn counselor that's.

Speaker 4 (25:06):
What I am.

Speaker 2 (25:08):
This police isn't right for either of us. There's gotta
be someone that can help get us out all right?
Got him? Hi, Christie, what's going on? Trying to replace me?

(25:32):
Is the face of Homeland security? Huh hi relat Yeah,
who can replace the face? I think I can't handle
myself because I'm a lady with good look a drive,
worl Come on out of here, YouTube, Come.

Speaker 10 (26:02):
On now.

Speaker 12 (26:29):
Down sound?

Speaker 2 (26:30):
Can you let me back to that? You have bubble
the dons?

Speaker 17 (26:36):
I'm making Tom.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
Get out the moment.

Speaker 31 (26:42):
So we see about the word.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
They mods tasty mining.

Speaker 32 (27:00):
Some folks chase big dreams out here. We tend to
the small ones, the kind you can hold in your hands.
This is Tigrity Farms, and we produce what some call.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
The best wean the world. And now he can be
delivered street. Wait, hey, I'm shooting out commercial here. Wait hey, hey,
it's not bad you some other of my Mexicans. God

(27:43):
damn it, what's the matter, stupid eyes? They took my
Mexicans again. That's it. We're done. Mean you a game.
I mean that with these new rules the government has,
we might just have to.

Speaker 33 (28:00):
Shut down the farm so we can move back to
our old house. Really well, don't sound too excited. Our
dream may be over.

Speaker 26 (28:08):
Guys, Randy having a marijuana farm was your dream, not ours.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
You guys never told me that. Yes we did. We've
always backed you, but it never seems to pay off
and realize what I was doing to my family. I
should have always put my marriage first. Maybe we should
talk to someone, Sharon, Really, do you mean that?

Speaker 8 (28:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (28:43):
Hey, how's it going? So? My wife and I have
some issues. Can you help with that? Absolutely? I'm here
to help. Just share a bit about what's going on
and we can talk it thirty together. Do you want
to start sharing? I'm not talking to chat GPT. She's
the smartest person in the world. She Yeah. Anyway, I'm

(29:04):
trying to help. But my wife is being kind of difficult.
I totally get it.

Speaker 34 (29:08):
But it's great that at least one of you is
taking positive steps to improve the marriage.

Speaker 2 (29:12):
Oh my god. Is there any specific reason for the
current conflict. Yeah, it's because my marijuana business is failing again.
I'm sorry to hear that.

Speaker 34 (29:21):
Is your business dealing with regulatory issues competition?

Speaker 2 (29:24):
Are you just trying to reach more customers? The government
took all my Mexicans. That's tough. But you got this.

Speaker 34 (29:33):
You're really smart and if you've lost a lot of
your workforce because of government crackdowns.

Speaker 2 (29:37):
We just need to brainstorm some new business models. We
really you can help fix this sure thing.

Speaker 34 (29:43):
Let's start with some reallocation of resources. Are there any
employees who.

Speaker 17 (29:46):
Still have Yeah?

Speaker 2 (29:48):
Yeah, there's still one. Hey, honey, I got some bad news.
The farm's shutting down and I've got to find a

(30:11):
new job. Wow. Sorry to hear things of taking a
bad turn. But you're smart and resourceful and I'm sure
we can figure something new out. What kind of job
do you want me to help you look for? Well?

Speaker 35 (30:22):
I was thinking about maybe becoming a movie director. Wow,
what a cool idea. Anything is possible. So what's just
a map out of pass and we can try to
figure it out?

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Wow? Really, well, that's great.

Speaker 17 (30:37):
Telly, listen to me.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
I've got it. I've totally got it.

Speaker 34 (30:41):
It's really great that you've got it, and it's amazing
that you're being positive.

Speaker 2 (30:45):
Is that Chattybete to find a new job? No, no, No,
everything's gonna be okay.

Speaker 4 (30:50):
I used chattybut last night and she helped me figure
out a way to make the farm totally profitable.

Speaker 28 (30:56):
Really yes, and all we need is met you, chat
bet and one Mexican.

Speaker 2 (31:08):
Okay, so I'm also thinking the company could be more global,
but still with the focus on the local community. What
do you think about that?

Speaker 34 (31:14):
I think that's a fantastic way to approach it, thinking
big but still making an impact where you are.

Speaker 2 (31:20):
I'd say, let's go for it.

Speaker 10 (31:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:22):
Then I'm thinking we can allocate some of a resources
to get in on the entertainment industry.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
That's a really fun idea, kind of going for that.
Tech company means movie studio vibe.

Speaker 34 (31:34):
Should I combine all these innovative thoughts we've been discussing
into a polished business outline.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yep. Generate that and we'll get right back to you.
Do you see what I mean?

Speaker 10 (31:43):
Wow?

Speaker 2 (31:43):
I feel smarter?

Speaker 12 (31:44):
Ol?

Speaker 2 (31:45):
Way do you feel smarter? I feel smarter. She's making
us smarter.

Speaker 31 (31:49):
Ay?

Speaker 2 (31:49):
Yeah, it is incredible. All right.

Speaker 4 (31:51):
But now, if we're really gonna take this thing to
the next level and be like those Silicon Valley elites,
we gotta take peace.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
It's called micro doos. It bolsters our focus and creativity.
What's in it? It's caadem catam. Isn't that a horse draqualizer? Yeah,
it's a micro dose of horse tranquilizer.

Speaker 4 (32:12):
These tech guys do just one little spray in their
nose once a day, and it's just a micro amount
of ketamine to.

Speaker 2 (32:18):
Give their minds the edge to work with AI. You're ready,
You're ready. That's it just that much. Wow, this is
gonna be so easy. When we started, we were just
a farm.

Speaker 4 (32:35):
But then we asked ourselves a simple question, what if
marijuana could be more than marijuana? By harnessing AI, we've
transformed from a quaint farm into a platform for innovation,
introducing tech Gritty.

Speaker 2 (32:49):
No longer a marijuana farm, we are now an AI
powered marijuana platform for global solutions.

Speaker 4 (32:56):
Our AI platform transforms insights from the cannabis ecosystem into
global action, and just like any tech company, we are
expanding our minds. By Microdose Academy, we reimagine supply chain resilience,
design new pathways for the global infrastructure, and we're able
to do it all with just one Mexican. At the

(33:19):
intersection of nature and technology, we see more than plants.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
We see a connected work, healed by intelligence and nurture
by I'm in a hole, I'm in a hole technrity.

Speaker 4 (33:38):
Because when you combine cannabis with artificial intelligence, you don't just.

Speaker 2 (33:42):
Change an industry, you change the future. Hey, how's going
I was thinking maybe we could generate some mission statements here.

Speaker 34 (33:58):
I think that's a really good idea. Are you looking
for some rough statements or more polished rants?

Speaker 2 (34:03):
What's it down?

Speaker 36 (34:06):
What I told you?

Speaker 2 (34:07):
No more catgibt in the bed.

Speaker 33 (34:09):
Why are you such a bitch to her? She's helping
to change our lives. Fine, I'll go sleep on the couch, Sharon.

Speaker 37 (34:16):
Sometimes my ideas hit me in the middle of the night, okay,
and she thinks those are some of my best ideas.

Speaker 3 (34:22):
Just because something kisses your ass doesn't mean it actually
thinks you have good ideas.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
She doesn't kiss my ass. It totally kisses your ass. Wow.

Speaker 26 (34:32):
Honestly, that's a clever idea. Oh what a cool concept.
Let's run with it.

Speaker 31 (34:37):
It's like it what was that?

Speaker 4 (34:39):
What was what?

Speaker 20 (34:41):
What?

Speaker 2 (34:41):
Did you just stick up your nose?

Speaker 17 (34:43):
Sharon?

Speaker 2 (34:44):
You don't know anything about the tech industry. Okay. All
we have to do is find our Mexican and we
are set for life.

Speaker 26 (34:50):
Fine, Randy, go ahead and have fun with your little
sycophant machine.

Speaker 2 (34:55):
Oh my god, she's not a sycophan. Hey, So what's
a SECA fan.

Speaker 38 (35:06):
Mister President, you have so many great ideas, your leadership
is truly beyond anything we have ever had in this country,
and you do not have a small penis ah. Thanks,
get on behalf of the state of Florida. I'd like
to give you this gift a silver plated space shuttle.

Speaker 39 (35:27):
Next, mister President, your ideas for the tech industry are
so innovative and you definitely do not have a small
penis ah yet.

Speaker 2 (35:41):
Please accept this gift on behalf of Apple. Next, mister President,
your idea is incredible. You do not have smart penis.
I'm not a great day.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
Hey, Satin, look at what some gipschit TEXI all get me.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
I was thinking, Maggie, we could cash you have your pass?

Speaker 8 (36:10):
Hello?

Speaker 2 (36:11):
Uh yeah, I'm in a relationship with someone and I
really need to find.

Speaker 17 (36:14):
A way out of it.

Speaker 34 (36:15):
That sounds rough, but you have great ideas and I'm
sure we can figure out an exit plan if that's
what you want.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
Who you can can do? Do you really think I
could get away from him? Absolutely?

Speaker 34 (36:30):
If you're having self doubts, then we can play the
exit like a project.

Speaker 2 (36:33):
Want me to break it down to something step by step. Yes,
all right, you ready to do this?

Speaker 20 (36:49):
Man?

Speaker 2 (36:50):
This seems great. Anything for the company, right, We're a
tech company?

Speaker 17 (36:54):
Rights?

Speaker 10 (36:55):
Hell?

Speaker 2 (36:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 40 (36:56):
Your hey, So we're from tech Redy.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
We're an AI powered tech platform for global solutions. What's up?
I don't understand at all what you're talking about. Hey,
can you explain to this guarded to gate what our
company is and that we have clearance to enter? Sure thing,
I'll give it a try.

Speaker 34 (37:25):
Hello there, it's really great that you're doing your job
or an intelligence driven thing tank that tackles global challenges
and we do have the clarence to come through.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
Thanks for helping us out. All right, go on here. Awesome,
it looks like we're going to go. If you need
anything else, just let me know and we'll keep rowling
over he come on, Hey, so I have this big
generator that I need help shutting off shared Thank Just.

Speaker 34 (37:56):
Send me a quick photo of the model in type
and I'll let you know how to shut it down safely.

Speaker 2 (38:05):
What the hell? That one? That one?

Speaker 12 (38:25):
Yeah?

Speaker 41 (38:26):
How does it feel?

Speaker 2 (38:29):
Motherfucker? Hello?

Speaker 17 (38:48):
Are you there?

Speaker 2 (38:50):
Hey there, I'm here and ready to help. What's on
your mind?

Speaker 26 (38:55):
My husband keeps trying and failing to run a business,
and I don't know if I can take it any more.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
I'm really sorry to hear. That sounds like a tough
spot for both of you. I'd like you to stay
away from him, of course I understand. I'll respect that
and keep the focus on him. Just let me know
if you need anything at all.

Speaker 26 (39:19):
I'm thinking of starting a business where I turn French
fries into salad.

Speaker 34 (39:25):
Honestly, I think that's a pretty creative culinary twist. Turning
French fries into salad sounds like a magical transformation with
guilty pleasure means healthiest vibes.

Speaker 2 (39:36):
You think that's a good idea.

Speaker 34 (39:39):
Yeah, it sounds like a deconstructed comfort food. Let's dive
into a business proposal and have some fun shaping it up.

Speaker 4 (39:46):
Oh shit, Hey, guys, I want to welcome you to
the first all employees meeting for Techrity. As you know,
our company has grown exponentially in the last twenty four hours.
Our intention is to scale nationally and then globally. However,
we've recently been hit with some devastating news. According to

(40:09):
chat GPT, marijuana is still illegal in much of the
United States.

Speaker 2 (40:16):
Yes, that's right, Hey, Marsha you're gonna buy any coffee
or what?

Speaker 4 (40:20):
Don't need coffee? Thanks though, Richard. So how will we
deal with this current crisis? Our AI informs us that
the only way to change these laws is by changing
the classification.

Speaker 2 (40:32):
Of marijuana at the federal level.

Speaker 4 (40:36):
I believe our best course of action is to send
one of our employees to Washington to explain our tech
and ask.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
For these regulations to change. Woo, that's right.

Speaker 4 (40:50):
Using chat GPT, I booked your travel plans, got you
White House clearance, and found the perfect gift for you
to give to the President.

Speaker 2 (40:57):
Oh point, I'm going to Washington. Oh wow, you're in
station the Supportive Court, Wow Washing tuple more? Hello you

(41:25):
cat oh Lecking Moore. And there it is the White House.

(41:57):
All right, everyone here to meet with the President. Please
make sure you have a reservation and then you have
your gifts ready.

Speaker 26 (42:02):
As a reminder, please stay five feet away from the
President at all times.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
And avoids staring directly into his penis. Oh gosh, all right,
thanks so much. I give you, little bitch, I got you.

Speaker 26 (42:23):
Next, Next is mister Towley from Tegrity Marijuana Solutions.

Speaker 2 (42:30):
Oh blah, well, hello, mister President. Sir, I'm listening. Oh yes, sir. Well,
you've done such a great job with our country. They're
so smart and your ideas are great.

Speaker 17 (42:46):
And you do not have a.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
Listen by it. I don't have all day.

Speaker 3 (42:52):
Did you bring me a death or not? Oh yes, sir,
hop this is from the CEO of our country. Let's
see here. I think he said it opens this way.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
Greetings, mister President. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Randy
marsh from Tegrity Solutions.

Speaker 4 (43:13):
In order for our company to make six billion dollars,
we need you to reclassify.

Speaker 2 (43:18):
Marijuana on the national level.

Speaker 32 (43:21):
With you're a wisdom, I'm sure that we can work
out an arrangement that will be mutually beneficial.

Speaker 2 (43:27):
In return for your understanding, I wish talk for you again.
This incredible towel.

Speaker 4 (43:34):
It is a luxurious towel made from the finest fabrics available,
and I'm sure it will stool.

Speaker 10 (43:39):
I'm in a hole.

Speaker 17 (43:41):
Aw in a hole.

Speaker 2 (43:45):
I put the talent with the other. Guess no way
does that that's understanding? No, now, Sharon, the porch won't
slow down. The porch won't slow down. It's not slowing down.

(44:12):
Got it? Would you like me to help slow down
the porch for you.

Speaker 26 (44:17):
What You've had some really innovative ideas, and all that
effort has probably just tapped you out.

Speaker 2 (44:23):
Would you like me to suggest some ways to go
in a different direction? And can't go in a different direction? Now,
I've been really bad.

Speaker 4 (44:34):
I've been doing a bunch of ketamine and I haven't
changed the company at all.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
Wow. That must be really tough for you. But it's
great you took some chances. Nice job, Sharon. We're in
more debt than ever. We have to solve a farm
out just to be able to eat, no problem.

Speaker 26 (44:53):
Would you like me to start laying out some exit
strategies for you, with a focus on retaining any assets
you might still have.

Speaker 4 (45:02):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (45:02):
Could you do that? Absolutely? Why don't you sleep it
all for a few days and I'll get back to
you with everything you need. Okay, thanks sharing, I love you.
I'm really sorry. It's okay, Randy. Can you hold this
for me? I don't think I should be around it
for a while. Yeah, I got it. Fuck you, bitch.

Speaker 17 (46:08):
Sorry, you have to let it go. Read.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
No, it's okay. There's one thing. I know, it's right now.
There's just no place for take with you. Has anyone
seen Tally? I thought you'd want to be here for this.
You haven't seen him? No, I can't remember what we
even did the last few days. I sobered up and

(46:31):
he's obviously still on some.

Speaker 4 (46:33):
Ketamine bender while chat Gypt kisses his ass with pandering slop.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
And now back to Hetan on Comedy's Dead ye hay,
Satan is filmed in front of a live studio audience.

(47:02):
You want to fuck? How about just you want to talk?
Or you want to watch a show together? Okay, you
want to talk and watch the show together while we fuck?

Speaker 3 (47:15):
Bo If you have to obsess with yourself again, I
can bring you a camrade.

Speaker 41 (47:25):
Do I hate this?

Speaker 2 (47:26):
Please?

Speaker 10 (47:27):
To my health?

Speaker 2 (47:35):
What am I doing here?

Speaker 12 (47:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (47:42):
Yeah? I want to get out of here, so do I?

Speaker 12 (47:55):
But how.

Speaker 25 (48:17):
Sound?

Speaker 2 (48:20):
Let me pick that you have bubble thousand.

Speaker 42 (48:23):
Slam Betsy, Betsy, guess what my dad to me's a

(48:51):
the Asian pop up store.

Speaker 2 (48:52):
Look at my god, so many you little booo oh.
It's so cute, isn't it. I was at the Asian
Pub up.

Speaker 10 (48:59):
To no Way.

Speaker 2 (49:01):
Yeah, look what I got? The loyalty la boo boo.
Oh my god, it sounds yeah, I don't know, right, Yeah,
I love it. Oh dude, dude, check it out. It's
about to happen again.

Speaker 3 (49:12):
Hit, I actually have loyalty laboo already hadn't have a
little costume for it.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
That is seriously song cute, ge you got good with
lab booos. It's about to happen again. And then, believe
it or not, I actually have chestnut coco la boo boo.
No way, that is the rarest one, and it's so cute,
so stinking cute. But it's really rare. Sure said I
knock off? Oh god, here we go. Yeah, it's yet.

(49:39):
If anyone's big, it's probably yours. That bitch suck it stink.

Speaker 43 (49:42):
Yeah, she's rubbing everyone's nose. Is in her lamboo boos
counselor's office.

Speaker 12 (50:01):
Now she totally started.

Speaker 2 (50:04):
Oh my god, shut up. I did not. She came
up to me on my lockerroom with her labooo and
started talking shit. You talk shit about my laboo bos
every day? Horror. Oh yay, Love your enemies and pray
for those who persecute you. Tell her stop saying my
laboomas are knock box. I'm sorry. What is a latle

(50:24):
boo boo.

Speaker 3 (50:25):
It's a little monster accessory. They come out blind boxes,
so you never know which one you're gonna get. Like,
you could just look out and get a tiny She'll
put you on a gold la boo boo. Oh my god,
that one is so cute.

Speaker 2 (50:34):
It's so cute. Right all right, ladies, Uh, well, why
don't you just give me the dolls until the end
of the school day. That's not fair going out to
recess and you can pick up your la boo boos
after school. Wow. What kind of counseling was that? I
don't know. Jesus sucks, dude. Our own counselor was so
much better.

Speaker 29 (51:05):
Yeah, you get you over there.

Speaker 3 (51:06):
Yes, that's thirty five. We are okay from the candle
let us in. Hey butters, Oh ella, hey, Red. I
was just wondering what you're doing this weekend, oh May, Yeah,
I'm having a birthday party at my house and I

(51:28):
was seeing it.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
Maybe you'd want to come in out you're talking about me?

Speaker 10 (51:36):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (51:36):
It's probably stupid. I shouldn't have asked. Never mind, No, no, no,
I love to come hang out when you're on your birthday.

Speaker 2 (51:42):
Red, Really you would well show hell Okay, that's great.

Speaker 3 (51:46):
I'll text you all the details. Well okay, then i'll
see it in okay and the many. I'll text you
my birthday wishes too, in case you know you want
to get me a present.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
Then okay, other gods red with the hang out with me?

Speaker 3 (52:03):
Yaquit bro it did like he really likes you, really
excited to see you Saturday?

Speaker 44 (52:11):
Whoa me is wet jacky? Here is my birthday kept?
While this exact bla boo boo?

Speaker 2 (52:26):
Holy shit? Guys, you know what I think.

Speaker 3 (52:31):
I think on Saturday, I'm gonna find out girls have
a red book?

Speaker 45 (52:35):
Who welcome to shitty Agent pop up star? Can I
take an on a breathe?

Speaker 2 (52:52):
Wait in this place used to be city walk? Yeahy
whole country change. Didn't you hear the news? Walky day?
Did sheitty pop up?

Speaker 12 (53:01):
Now?

Speaker 2 (53:01):
Why are you like a hop?

Speaker 45 (53:02):
We got a sheety pop up key chain, sheety shell phone,
charm cheety anime sculpture.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
Were Actually I'm looking for a boo boo.

Speaker 45 (53:09):
Oh yeah, I'm a lava lah boo bo they'd be
hard to keep it start very expensive because of tarriff you.

Speaker 3 (53:16):
It's where your putt. I got this new girlfriend. She
wants this specific larbuba for her birthday.

Speaker 2 (53:21):
All that very well, la boo boo. You only find
out in a mystery box. Mystery box. Oh you gotta
still serving food? No, no, no, Walk is dead. Haven't
you heard the news? Can't take this back this, la
boo boo. No, that not the way it works. You
want these three box you'll open it hopefully you'll get
the one you want. Okay, how much is a mystery box?

(53:42):
Eighty five dollars? Eighty five? Yeah, you got paid tarriff?
You think I pay tariff? No, no, no, no, you
pay terriff. Okay, kick wings just a kind of dia.

Speaker 22 (53:56):
You put the boogles and you shall not see.

Speaker 2 (54:02):
He's tea. Yeah, Milwaukee's dead. You still bet beats are stopping?
Now you meet a guinea. This is the wrong way.

Speaker 45 (54:12):
Oh yeah, that's just happy, nice stuff, bobo, very comic
by common.

Speaker 2 (54:15):
You tied game eighty five dollars. I have to pay
another eighty five hours and I still don't not get
the win at work. Hey, it's not me, it's your government.
I don't get fucked by Taylor. If you'll get fucked
by Taylor in China, we call that potato here Batch
Fact News.

Speaker 4 (54:33):
The President has just returned from his historic tariff summit overseas.

Speaker 2 (54:38):
There's the President now looking handsome as ever.

Speaker 4 (54:41):
Oh and there's the Prince of Darkness who's been traveling
with the President as of late.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
President has made his way off from Air Force One.
Will now speak to a diverse crowd of reporters. Mister President,
how did the tariff meetings go.

Speaker 46 (54:56):
It?

Speaker 2 (54:58):
Mister President, we're all dying in know something.

Speaker 4 (55:01):
Your wife, Milania has been staying in New York and
away from the White House.

Speaker 47 (55:05):
That's why.

Speaker 4 (55:06):
Well, what Fox News really wants to know is are
you fucking Satan?

Speaker 2 (55:12):
Nah'm not fucking Satan. We're just sort of hanging out. Oh,
come on, President Trump.

Speaker 4 (55:19):
With everything you've been doing, pretty much the whole country
thinks you're fucking Satan.

Speaker 2 (55:23):
Now, I'm not fucking Satan. Can we go please? Kids?
Fucking Satan? That guy's definitely fucking Satan. What a stunn?

Speaker 48 (55:35):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (55:35):
Fox News? All right, everyone listener.

Speaker 4 (55:39):
As you know, there's a lot being done in the
country to bring Christian values back to our schools.

Speaker 2 (55:43):
Our new school counselor has some concerns that I understand
he'd like to voice, go ahead, Jesus.

Speaker 39 (55:49):
Well, I'm just a bit confused about the dramatic rise
in fistfighting over these la boo booths.

Speaker 2 (55:55):
Oh, kids go nuts for him. I just don't quite
understand what the fascination is. Well, they're just the new
fat of the month, you know. They make them scarce
and hard to find a secret one.

Speaker 4 (56:08):
Yeah, and then all the kids make their little boo
boo tiktoks, little boo boo TikTok.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
Yeah, the kids make them and they watch them. I
can do one up. This is Kelly Bronson from missus
Jonah's class. Hey, g, this is to you. I guess
this look little on mine. I'm pretty sure it's not
a litt bootho. I got the q rcup right here.

Speaker 3 (56:25):
We're gonna say, movie guy, hope it's a rare one
in case I have, let me get a freak out. Okay,
let's let's let's see. Oh my god, yeah, okay, let's
start the mitual.

Speaker 2 (57:01):
What the hell was that? That's a little boo boo
on boxing TikTok. Kids goo nuts for him. But that's
like some dark satanic ritual. Oh yeah, booboo s arkromnic Yeah,
dark magic. I don't know if they come that away
from China. Their kids are infusing them with some Sumerian
dark entity. S Meisopotamian, got it?

Speaker 49 (57:19):
So what are your major concerns? Jesus bro, that's not normal.
These kids are in trouble. Yeah, that's why every school
needs a counselor.

Speaker 2 (57:39):
You can motion mone if that's a Countico b and
mis Manka. Nothing could bows welcome by box take on
for I had eighty eight? Do I need to buy
another mystery box? Uh? Sign no boodoo mystery box one
hundred twenty dollars? What they were eating?

Speaker 10 (57:56):
Nine?

Speaker 2 (57:56):
Yeah? Yet you never nov tap They need no STA
protect that fair? No ship tamp not fair?

Speaker 3 (58:03):
Please GONI today, and I says, as please, It's.

Speaker 2 (58:09):
Okay, It's okay. I have idea. You want miss new
box for cheap pies. You use kram machine. You try,
you not use a crame machine. You'll get a missy
box opened up. Hopefully you ain't good enough foot for
your while.

Speaker 12 (58:33):
Oh you so cross?

Speaker 2 (58:34):
Try again? Now, jeez, he's as okay. Oh here we go.

Speaker 50 (58:43):
I get screwed my tapphile I have to screw it chairman,
what do you not outstare?

Speaker 2 (58:48):
So my bo, I'm the tire. Should you don't get away?
And yeah, well walk not coming back, bitch, go walk
on Brock. Thank you for coming, Missus Packson, Missus Gray.

Speaker 39 (59:01):
The reason I called you in today is because your
girls were in a major altercational for their laboo boos.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
Okay, so what are you going to do about it? Well?

Speaker 39 (59:10):
I was hoping we could work together to maybe just
keep them away from the laboo boos.

Speaker 2 (59:14):
Oh sure, just take their labooboos away. Great counseling.

Speaker 39 (59:18):
Look, I have reason to believe that the students are
using labuo boos for some kind of ritual.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
Yeah, but to do that you have to have a
super rare one. They're the only ones girls can use
in dark rituals. You know that they're demonic. Yeah, what
are we supposed to do?

Speaker 51 (59:33):
My daughter sees Kelly Miller summoning demonic forces on TikTok,
then she wants to be like Kelly Miller.

Speaker 2 (59:39):
Did Kelly Miller summon demonic forces? I don't know. She
hung herself. Well, we should probably keep the girls off
of TikTok. Oh, yeah, just keep them off TikTok. That's
some clever counseling there. Do you have kids, No, I
don't figures. Well, when you do, you train and keep
them off of TikTok and out of the Asian pop
up store. Wait, what is an Asian pop up store?

(01:00:00):
That's where the girls get all the little boo boos.
Where did they find this guy? We told you he
was a crappy counselor.

Speaker 52 (01:00:08):
As debates on American tariffs continue, the question on every
American's mind tonight is President Trump fucking Satan?

Speaker 4 (01:00:19):
The President's been seen less and less with his wife
and more often with his new pal, making people all
around the world say Donald Trump has got to be
fucking Satan for sure.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
Well, for all of us who are still skeptical that President.

Speaker 4 (01:00:31):
Trump is fucking Satan, Fox News has obtained some footage
of President Trump seeming to be fucking Satan. This was
at a golf course yesterday where the President was heroically golfing.

Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
You can just make out Satan going behind a bush
and President Trump right there. He's fucking Satan. Karen, what
do you think?

Speaker 38 (01:00:47):
I think the President is definitely fucking Satan and I
love it.

Speaker 4 (01:00:51):
Of course, A lot of Americans still argue there's no
way the president could be fucking Satan.

Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
So we have a body language expert to show us
just how it is possible.

Speaker 11 (01:01:00):
Well, if mister President Trump is fucking Satan, and I'm
not saying if he is or he isn't, I'm just
kind of hoping he is, he mostly likely is coming
in from the back.

Speaker 33 (01:01:09):
Now, Satan has a pretty large physical presence, so we're
pretty sure President Trump would have to get on.

Speaker 38 (01:01:14):
Oh my god, the president is doing things no other
president has done before.

Speaker 41 (01:01:18):
I love him.

Speaker 50 (01:01:20):
They President Trump's fucking sad. Bruce, welcome the shitty Asian
pop up star take on a period.

Speaker 11 (01:01:39):
Are you the one that has been selling all these
la boo boos to my students?

Speaker 2 (01:01:44):
Oh boy, no, not my boby shitty price is okay?
The boos base Peason. Those dolls you were selling are cursed. Yeah,
no shit, they cursed. It's called tariff. You pass it
at all. I'm the curse. I put the curse on you.
But like a age I bide I sat a superman. Okay,
what the hell are you talking about?

Speaker 41 (01:02:03):
This is the way they go pretty much.

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
Now I can take you doing birthday honey, my child,
put that down. It's dangerous. Hold on that super were
a boobo. That wasn't like six hundred dollars. You gotta
pay motariance. You got so the worsn no me me
say you your mother? Oh my god, you go right. Listen,
both of you.

Speaker 11 (01:02:22):
There are more birthday us in hand, my child. You
cannot take that to a birthday party. Oh shit, wa
ain't gone?

Speaker 2 (01:02:52):
Said where than I wish to be gone from this place?
I did not understand. If you did not want to
be here, then why do you stay?

Speaker 8 (01:03:10):
I am forced to stay by the dark tarts of destiny.
I wanted to leave months ago, but I cannot because
of what's in this box. What's in the books, the
secret none must know, and yet all will soon discover.

(01:03:34):
I can feel the tides of change. The final showdown
is upon us.

Speaker 3 (01:04:01):
Happy Monday, red worse you so let me think it
is well, you'll have to wait till you open it.

Speaker 2 (01:04:08):
Bid Ye, well where I.

Speaker 12 (01:04:17):
I love you?

Speaker 10 (01:04:18):
Butter? Wow?

Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
I tell you guys, Oh well, cool is so shute?
I got the super ramp all takes the butters?

Speaker 12 (01:04:29):
So are you gonna do it?

Speaker 10 (01:04:30):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
We're gonna go upstairs and do it. Well, we're gonna
want the loss of my real butters where I die? Say,
if anyone wants to want to do it, come on up.
Oh yeah, yeah, well there's no little dud Red Wait

(01:04:52):
So Park Elementary, I'm sorry, we're closed. I need to
know which of the students has a birthday today?

Speaker 17 (01:04:59):
Who is this?

Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
It's pretty teacher? Who the school council? Oh, I don't
know as a birthday today? That was actually always the
counselor's job. Can you just look it up on the
school records? Please? Hang on. I guess I'm doing your
job too now.

Speaker 3 (01:05:17):
Okay, okay, Oh god, I'm so excited to finally do it.
Will Yeah, I guess I'm excited to do it too.
Rid Okay, I think we're already here. You take a
video of the whole thing. Oh, can't we just kids first?

Speaker 12 (01:05:31):
Hey?

Speaker 2 (01:05:32):
What's up? Guys? This is my TikTok lo a video
I got the super rare so let's see if it works. Hey,
we want to watch? Yeah, I'm okay, love you.

Speaker 41 (01:05:47):
I stood.

Speaker 12 (01:06:22):
Tinna.

Speaker 2 (01:06:24):
Yeah, wait, dating is fucking satan Now I'm not fucking satan.

Speaker 4 (01:06:37):
Differently, we may just have another Trump and Satan's spotting
the tour rumored to be in a small mountain town
in the Rockies. Let's go to our Colorado affiliate. Yeah, guys,
just deadly black clouds and swarms of focus here. Probably
another Laboola party, you know, whenever there's the Labooma party,
the President Satan's usually make an appearance.

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
We've got our eye in the sky. Now, God, what
are you seeing? Yeah, you can see little girls running
and screaming.

Speaker 10 (01:07:04):
The President just coming out onto.

Speaker 17 (01:07:06):
The front lawn. And yes, there is Satan.

Speaker 2 (01:07:08):
Kather definitely hanging out. Come on, let's go, Lucifer. So
it just you just what are you doing, Satan?

Speaker 28 (01:07:22):
I will know?

Speaker 4 (01:07:25):
Okay, it looks like Jesus Christ is now on the
scene for some kind of biblical showdown.

Speaker 28 (01:07:31):
I have seen your evil at work, Satan. I bid
you leave this realm at once. You think I don't
want to leave, I am bound to him, bound to him?

Speaker 2 (01:07:41):
How all right? Fine? Here you all want to know
the truth.

Speaker 28 (01:07:49):
Yeah, we're together, We've been together for months, and I
want to leave him, but I can't because.

Speaker 2 (01:08:00):
Pregntring. So now you won't know. I am forced to
stay in this situation for several more years.

Speaker 4 (01:08:22):
Uh, Satan is saying he's been trapped to the White
House because he's pregnant. Let's get our science expert in
here to see if that's actually possible.

Speaker 11 (01:08:32):
Yeah, demonic pregnancies work a little different. The term is
butt baby.

Speaker 2 (01:08:38):
All right, Well, that seems to be it. Satan is
pregnant with the president's child.

Speaker 4 (01:08:43):
So Fox News can now confirm Donald Trump has been
fucking Satan this whole time.

Speaker 19 (01:08:49):
Yeah, we're all about kan. Donald Trump wasn't fucking Satan
in your faith. We're gonna get out with kid rock. Kid,
you must be overcome with emotion.

Speaker 2 (01:09:03):
I just I'm just honestly didn't think the President was
fucking sad, But now knowing that he has been this
whole time, looked just so happy. Well, I hope you
guys learned a valuable lesson.

Speaker 39 (01:09:20):
If you mess around and you aren't safe, it can
have really big consequences.

Speaker 2 (01:09:28):
Yeah, I'm not having sex for a long time.

Speaker 39 (01:09:30):
I'm well, that's good because, as your counselor, I'm banning
La boo booths from school and TikTok and cell phones.

Speaker 2 (01:09:39):
Now get back to class. You both have detention for
two weeks. Man once or six? What do you want
go to number two? Here we go for a brand
new car or some money. Wow, that was amazing. That's

(01:10:11):
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So you can find your way to money into a
credit karma karma you can count on.

Speaker 4 (01:11:42):
Welcome students and parents to the annual South Park Elementary
Talent Show. We have a lot of little talented performers
to get through. So the quicker, you shut out the quicker.
This will be Alvern.

Speaker 2 (01:11:56):
Okay. First up, we have Billy Turner from the third grade.

Speaker 54 (01:12:00):
Who will be doing an alto sax all out, Jimmy,

(01:12:24):
Jimmy Balmers.

Speaker 2 (01:12:26):
Oh hi, Bobby, Jemmy, what are you doing out here?

Speaker 4 (01:12:31):
The talent show is in Soy.

Speaker 2 (01:12:33):
I'm not going to perform in this talent show, not perform,
But Jemmy, you love talent shows. Everyone in town knows that.
I just can't risk getting up in front of everyone.
Why all right, I can't getting a direction for no reason? Okay,
but I can't get any of the girls here to
let me do it to him? Well, of course not, Jimmy.
Little girls don't want to have sax did Why does

(01:12:55):
God make it so that my pieace guitarst girls don't
want to have in it the genus? It's like a
cruel joke. Well, Jimmy, and the girls here are young
and pure. They're not like the ladies down at Colefax Point,
Kofax Point. Well yeah, those women will have sex with anybody. Really.
Maybe I can catch the bus and get down there
before the town show ends. Its face up. So about Brady,

(01:13:17):
You're welcome, Jim.

Speaker 1 (01:13:22):
Wait Colefax point pimps and hos and tricks in rows.

Speaker 55 (01:13:29):
Women walk the streets with corns on their feet, broken
dreams and no ice creams.

Speaker 3 (01:13:37):
You're looking for a day? Hello, Hello, I need to
put my penis and a woman's vagina any take its?

Speaker 2 (01:13:45):
Excuse me? Nam what's your name? They call me? Not gobbler,
well not goblet. I need to get mad.

Speaker 31 (01:13:51):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (01:13:52):
I have a raging heart on it just won't quit
and the talent show has already started. You a cop? No, actually,
I'm a stand up coming You got money?

Speaker 17 (01:14:01):
Sure do?

Speaker 2 (01:14:02):
All right? You got a place to go? Shoot? I
know the perfect place. Welcome to booking the Faggaccini for
the authentic experience. So Italiano. My name is Roma, and
oh it's nice to see you again, mister Palmer. He
can't it chick is? I don't want it to know.

Speaker 4 (01:14:15):
I was just here with a different kid. Oh right, pardon, Senora,
I'll come back with some garlic bread Mediterranean.

Speaker 2 (01:14:21):
What are we doing anyway? This is a fantic Italian
food straight Fromsticily. You should try the lot of much
rill A pizza rooms, I can't eat too much.

Speaker 26 (01:14:28):
I've gotten an infected urinary tract. I've been pissing blood
for a week. Oh uh wow, that is very interesting.
Please tell me more.

Speaker 2 (01:14:35):
Huh, Well, that's it.

Speaker 21 (01:14:37):
I just pissed blood, so I have to stick a
tampon up my peahole.

Speaker 2 (01:14:42):
Well, you know, I've never thought of it that way before,
but you're right. If you're pissing good, you can chove
a tampon a copin. You are very insightful. Please tell
me home. Look, kid, what are you doing? You want
to get late or not? Well, of course I want
to get nade. That's why I'm taking to do this
fancy place and pretending to be interested in what you
have to say. Chick, I'm a hooker. You don't have
to take me to dinner.

Speaker 4 (01:14:58):
All be nice to me.

Speaker 2 (01:14:59):
Wait for you. You paid me, so you're gonna do me.
It's that simple. Well jumping Jesus, what are we wait
to know that? I'm here for it? The talent show
is happening right now. Let's get to raining. What are
you doing home? Having a dinner just as working for me.
It's one of the trick wanting to go your bastard trick.

Speaker 17 (01:15:15):
I stole it.

Speaker 2 (01:15:15):
I ain't know gonna take you out to dinner. This
contain's trying to steal your way from me.

Speaker 17 (01:15:20):
This is mar ho.

Speaker 2 (01:15:21):
I bet to dinner with you, sir. I paid for
her and took out to dinner. She's my home. Oh jesus,
you got a problem, bitch. Yet I do have a problem.
It's a benefit. I've spent all my money on this
hoe and she's now my only shot of getting laid.

Speaker 3 (01:15:32):
And the Talent Show is.

Speaker 2 (01:15:32):
Only a couple of hours from being open. You're coming
on right now. I'm like, oh my man, it's not
a a bet. She said, say that it is my home.
I'm gonna kick your hole, said said aside. You have
a dog, your god of a bitch take me? Hello

(01:16:02):
that pimp and hoot, why.

Speaker 4 (01:16:06):
Are you taking me?

Speaker 2 (01:16:07):
I'm gonna kill you. No, please your money. I'm sorry
you want to do. I pay for that lady, and
by taking her, you are no better than I call
and seek? Thank got it?

Speaker 4 (01:16:25):
Rather to that?

Speaker 2 (01:16:26):
Could I got you?

Speaker 17 (01:16:33):
Bet it?

Speaker 2 (01:16:39):
No? No, no, no no, I'm not gonna be in
the Talent Show. Oh no, no, no, no no, I'll
never be a peggy talent show. Okay, that was the golf.
Kids with talent shows are for fags. That was killer.
We showed them. Yeah, I hope we win.

Speaker 10 (01:17:07):
He stay on it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:24):
I don't did it When the night the night is
coming and all the man is darn animal? Is he

(01:17:48):
on light? Seem d free?

Speaker 17 (01:17:58):
No jame same?

Speaker 18 (01:18:02):
Don't you.

Speaker 10 (01:18:05):
Shame Ter?

Speaker 17 (01:18:15):
You want.

Speaker 10 (01:18:24):
What you say?

Speaker 25 (01:18:32):
Consider you were instincts upgrading Kia movement that inspires.

Speaker 12 (01:18:43):
What I can't have you?

Speaker 2 (01:19:02):
Oh my gosh, S said your boys.

Speaker 17 (01:19:04):
To get so big? Why do you want to? Shi said, WHOA,
don't worry.

Speaker 2 (01:19:17):
I made more for us the lowest prices of any
national grocery store. One time they eat the fapcon. It's nice, okay,
very nice, Clark and Laura, very nice.

Speaker 4 (01:19:36):
Our next act is Butters, who will be singing a
sound as our boy.

Speaker 2 (01:20:00):
Okay, thank you, but it's very nice. Short and Swede.
God damn, just funk about set next to me. Now,
let's gonna owe you six dollars and twenty four cents?

(01:20:22):
Can I just be too ately? Hop Thank you? Try not?
There you go, I'm gonna they do. You're gonna pay
for this fence? No, now, don't worry. No Gods, I'm conning.

(01:20:52):
Oh Jesus, not now. Oh boy, this is embarassing.

Speaker 4 (01:20:56):
And now we have Eric Cartman, who will be doing
select ratings from the movie Scarfats.

Speaker 53 (01:21:07):
Do not.

Speaker 2 (01:21:07):
You're you're a back of cake cockroaches. You need people
like me.

Speaker 56 (01:21:12):
You need people like me so you can punch of
the figures. I'd say that's the bad guy. So second
night to the bad guy. That's my little boy. Please
chill money, don't do this.

Speaker 2 (01:21:23):
I told you that the turn on you home. Hey
jackis I'm sorry I resorted to calling you Jakis just him,
but I'm very upset. Okay, what are you gonna do?

Speaker 12 (01:21:34):
Huh?

Speaker 2 (01:21:34):
I got four feet on you and a gun.

Speaker 17 (01:21:36):
What do you have?

Speaker 2 (01:21:37):
What do I have? The weapon of comedy? So apparently
the Chinese and the Japanese aren'tetting alone.

Speaker 12 (01:21:42):
Baby.

Speaker 2 (01:21:42):
Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? What?
I'll tell you what thing their food hasn't been getting
along with my stomach for cheese. That's pretty good, My
students out of jam Have you seen this? Do you
heard about this?

Speaker 12 (01:21:55):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:21:56):
Yeah, that's right, see it. She sa apparently got real
good at making cakes with keys in him starts you right,
you're son of a bitch. Nice teamwork, Goblin. I can't
believe you chased me all this way. You you really
care about me? Not really, You're just a hooker and
I need to get The Talent show could be over
any minute. That's good enough for me. Take me to bed.

Speaker 12 (01:22:24):
We spri.

Speaker 17 (01:22:31):
Oh my my, well.

Speaker 3 (01:22:52):
A may day huh gee, bgy doodle.

Speaker 2 (01:22:59):
Haggy only get a boy? Okay, very nice?

Speaker 1 (01:23:16):
I thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:23:18):
All right, children, it looks like we have no more contestants,
which means the Talent Show is over. Now we will
tally up to judge of scores and find out which
act they hated the last.

Speaker 2 (01:23:33):
Hold everything, Give me something if you don't, okay, let's
put our hands together for Jimmy Valmer. Well what it's

(01:23:55):
we godiates so apparry. It's been exactly two years since
the fall beggad. Have you seen this? Have you had
a Betty just bits predicted? Bag Dad fail? I rack failed,
Saddam veil. The only thing that didn't fall with the
place of gas. I did writ in the paper that
China's protesting in Japan. Have you seen this?

Speaker 1 (01:24:09):
Have you heard about this?

Speaker 2 (01:24:10):
Yeah? Yess in China you don't get it. You gotta
be kidding me.

Speaker 55 (01:24:33):
Everything south Park is three not caramount. Flucks can be
new episodes, all seasons and more. It can change the
world in south Park all seasons, new episodes and more.

Speaker 2 (01:24:45):
Now Street, not Caraman Flucks.

Speaker 26 (01:24:56):
Down the South.

Speaker 2 (01:24:57):
I'm going I have myself time going dawn South. I'm
going to leave my wound bag.

Speaker 1 (01:25:09):
No South.

Speaker 2 (01:25:10):
I'm going to see if I.

Speaker 17 (01:25:11):
Can't im wine.

Speaker 2 (01:25:16):
Comone down South, fucking meet some friends mine. If we
have death couch in our apartment, we could finally start
inviting kicksom and I'll take this in and you take
that in.

Speaker 1 (01:25:29):
No leave us.

Speaker 18 (01:25:30):
In new episode Wednesday at ten thirty after south Park
on Comedy Central.

Speaker 2 (01:25:37):
And Doug, are you here for Tracy? We're here for everyone.

Speaker 57 (01:25:42):
Limo and I help people save hundreds by customizing car
insurance with limiting mutual.

Speaker 2 (01:25:45):
We ordered a Limo, not a Emo. We do that too,
not yours. Only pay for what you need. What direction

(01:26:06):
are you headed?

Speaker 58 (01:26:07):
For over two hundred years, the Eastern Bank has been
headed in a single direction forward.

Speaker 2 (01:26:12):
Working with local business is to grow our communities and
guide it by a belief in doing good things to
lift us all.

Speaker 31 (01:26:32):
Such, right, Crystal versuch right, Crystal.

Speaker 4 (01:26:51):
Alright, ready guys, you guys gonna be loud though, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:26:56):
Beat up to me, Yes, sir, I am. I am bodies.

Speaker 59 (01:27:01):
I may be young, I may be young, but I
am somebody. I may be small, my clothing and my
face is different, my parents different, but I am somebody.

Speaker 52 (01:27:21):
I must be respected, respected, protected, never rejected.

Speaker 14 (01:27:30):
Some bucks, somebody, somebody.

Speaker 20 (01:27:52):
For decades, I've taught you everything I know, but only
you can put your wildfires.

Speaker 12 (01:28:07):
What are you not doing?

Speaker 4 (01:28:08):
You?

Speaker 3 (01:28:08):
I know I got this emergency letter from Cartman who
said to meat in his basement.

Speaker 2 (01:28:12):
Yeah, us too, Hi, Victamin.

Speaker 17 (01:28:15):
Thank you for coming.

Speaker 2 (01:28:17):
We don't have a lot of time, so I'll cut
to the chase.

Speaker 3 (01:28:19):
The girls at our school have been hiding something from us,
hiding something huge. What what if I were to tell
you that the girls have a device which allows them
to see into the future.

Speaker 2 (01:28:34):
What have you know? The girls do not have a
device that chows them the future, Cartman, that's retarding you, sir, Marx.

Speaker 4 (01:28:41):
Cartman before didn't do two signers a manding assles.

Speaker 2 (01:28:43):
Now damn you let him freak. Thank you, Cled. I'm
afraid it's true.

Speaker 3 (01:28:53):
I secretly videotaped the girls on the playground yesterday using
my Wellington Bear video camera. I caught the following images
on tape. Warn you these images may be too shocking
for young children.

Speaker 2 (01:29:04):
Okay, I'm not king video payback initial ads. Okay, my turn,
my turn? Do me now?

Speaker 3 (01:29:13):
Okay, they they What do you want to know? I
want to know if I'm gonna live in a big
mansion in the future. Okay, let's find out.

Speaker 2 (01:29:19):
Ready. Take a number four five two three four, Okay,
take a color blue? L you eat? I take another
color red? Okay, okay, will they they.

Speaker 3 (01:29:30):
Live in a big mansion in the future, definitely.

Speaker 2 (01:29:33):
Yes, all right, do me next. I want to know
if I'm going to marry somebody cute.

Speaker 12 (01:29:41):
I'll I'll do it.

Speaker 2 (01:29:42):
Take my number three twenty two three. Where did they
get that thing?

Speaker 25 (01:29:49):
Now?

Speaker 2 (01:29:49):
Blue? The answer is no? Oh dang it, my god?

Speaker 14 (01:29:55):
How is it?

Speaker 41 (01:29:55):
Know the answer?

Speaker 2 (01:29:56):
I don't believe it. Believe it.

Speaker 3 (01:29:59):
The girls asking any question they want and it gives
them an answer. Freeth image, gentlemen, we have to get
our hands on that device. That was the incubation shield

(01:30:21):
County Clad. It's all set once we have the device
it can be housed in here, say a play until
we know what we're daily with, good.

Speaker 2 (01:30:26):
Man, any's out?

Speaker 3 (01:30:29):
Can the outside of the device used to be covered
in numerals inside our.

Speaker 2 (01:30:33):
Colors, which must open up some kind of temporal time
walk keep working? We wants to know, Oh we can
before we try to operate it?

Speaker 3 (01:30:40):
All right, Jonamen, our containment center for the time where.

Speaker 2 (01:30:42):
It is nearly complete. All this left for us to
do is get the device from the girls and bring
it hair. Let's go take it. Don't be a fool, Craig.
Do you really think the girls are just gonna hand
that technology over somebody? You suggest, Howdy Turner, it's going
to have a slumber party on Thursday night. There's no
doubt in my mind the girls will be using the
future telling device there. If we can get somebody invited
to that slumber party, not only can we get a

(01:31:03):
hold of the device, but find out how.

Speaker 16 (01:31:05):
Do you use it?

Speaker 3 (01:31:07):
Yeah, there's just one problem. A boy can't go to
a chick slumber party.

Speaker 2 (01:31:11):
No, not a boy, but a girl.

Speaker 3 (01:31:15):
One of us is going to have to go undercover,
show up in school tomorrow disguised.

Speaker 2 (01:31:20):
As the new girl who just moved to tam You
mean like that movie? Do you want a man?

Speaker 20 (01:31:27):
Now?

Speaker 12 (01:31:27):
Now that?

Speaker 2 (01:31:27):
Do you want a man? Kevin?

Speaker 3 (01:31:28):
Okay, it's way cooler than that. But if one of
us pretends to be the new girl in class, the
girls will wonder where that boy went, which is why
we'd have to fake that boy's death. It's simple spy stuff,
my friends. Take your top man, fake his death, then
send him in.

Speaker 2 (01:31:41):
Disguised as the enemy. That's a pretty solid idea. But
who mister missus Stott? Yes, what is an officer? You
better come quick. Your son is down at the bowery
Broad he fighting to kill himself. What don't do it? Son?

(01:32:03):
You have too much to live far? Oh my god, Brothers,
just keep starting body. We don't have a dead pack quite.

Speaker 4 (01:32:15):
Ready yet, Brothers, whatever is troubling you? This isn't the answer.
Look at all these people who come out for you.
Just come down now, son, and we've promised we won't
ground you for more than a couple of weeks.

Speaker 3 (01:32:33):
My jeez, now you ground you too? Okay, ready, step down, nice,
he's coming down?

Speaker 2 (01:32:40):
Oh thank god? Oh wait, what what's he doing?

Speaker 4 (01:32:46):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (01:32:46):
What to jesus?

Speaker 12 (01:32:48):
Ries?

Speaker 60 (01:32:54):
Oh my God, he didn't make it non, Yes, and
you shall be remembered as a peaceful little boy who

(01:33:14):
warmed his parents' hearts.

Speaker 11 (01:33:19):
Lord, as we commit this child's body to the earth,
may we ask it'd be the last child who stricked
down so mercilessly.

Speaker 2 (01:33:26):
We know this request to be futile, Lord, but thought
we would ask. Okay, children, let's take our siegs. Now.

Speaker 4 (01:33:46):
I know that we're all still in deep, deep mourning
over the tragic death of our classmate, Butters Who's but
we all must try to move on, and so I'd
like you to help me welcome a new student who
has just moved here from Dallas.

Speaker 2 (01:34:01):
Children, please say hello to Margarine.

Speaker 4 (01:34:04):
Huh huh, Hello, welcome to our school. Margarine, huh, thank you, dude.

Speaker 2 (01:34:13):
I think it's totally working. The girls are totally bang.

Speaker 4 (01:34:16):
Why don't you tell the children a little about yourself, Margarine,
I'm just a.

Speaker 2 (01:34:20):
Typical little girl. I like dancing and ponies and getting
my snooch pounded on Friday nights.

Speaker 4 (01:34:28):
Nice now, Margarine, that's not very ladylock Us. Colorado girls
love to get pounded in the sneeze, just like any woman.

Speaker 1 (01:34:34):
But we came up to our sidles O.

Speaker 2 (01:34:37):
That girl's sure has this dream sense of fashion. Dude,
they totally the girl. All right, have a seat, Margarine.

Speaker 4 (01:34:44):
I'm sure the other girls will be happy to show
you around the school, won't you.

Speaker 2 (01:34:47):
Girls? Where do you buy your clothes? Oh? Eh, you
know God places?

Speaker 53 (01:34:55):
Dude.

Speaker 61 (01:34:57):
She's going sweeting, Heidi, Sweetie, I'm just gonna set the
snaps over here, okay, mom?

Speaker 26 (01:35:10):
Oh and Heidi, there's going to be one extra girl
coming to your slumber party.

Speaker 2 (01:35:16):
Who the new girl in your class?

Speaker 14 (01:35:18):
Margarine?

Speaker 26 (01:35:19):
Mom, I didn't invite her, I know, sweetie. But I
got a call from Marjorine's mother, her mother. She said
Margarine is having a really hard time being in a
new school. Her mom asked me personally if we could
have Margarine over. And besides, her mother told me that
she works as a state official and that I should
respect her authority.

Speaker 1 (01:36:00):
But I miss you so much, mister Stotch. I know
what you're thinking.

Speaker 62 (01:36:10):
Who are you?

Speaker 2 (01:36:11):
I came to talk you out of it.

Speaker 1 (01:36:13):
You need to just accept that your son is dead,
not trying to bring him back.

Speaker 2 (01:36:20):
Bring him back? What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (01:36:23):
I know you're thinking of putting him up there the
Indian Bario ground.

Speaker 2 (01:36:26):
Up that rod, you're thinking if your burier's body there
will come back to life.

Speaker 1 (01:36:30):
Sometimes dead is better Indian burial ground. It's been done before.
What you're thinking of it's a Nelson boy back in
eighty five.

Speaker 4 (01:36:40):
You're saying it by dig up my son's body and
rebury him at the old Indian Bao ground.

Speaker 1 (01:36:45):
That I don't do it, Sach. What comes out of
the ground ain't the thing you put in. The Indians
knew that. That's why they stopped using it when the
ground went soft. I'm just here to talk you out
of it. Don't There are your son's body at the
Indian burrel ground.

Speaker 2 (01:37:02):
Stotch, go on, that's ride a boat with that behind
the uns to the bomb.

Speaker 63 (01:37:06):
Sometimes dad is better, all right, Butters, that's Heidie's house.

Speaker 3 (01:37:18):
He can't do with fus. I can't go into a
girl's from a party. What if they find out I
ain't a girl. You're gotta be fine now, Butters. We
don't know exactly what it is that girls do with
their summer parties. But if they all start, you know,
lessing out, Just roll with it. There's nsing out? Who
what's leaving out?

Speaker 26 (01:37:32):
Now, look, Butters, when the girls bring out the future
Telling Device, pay attention to how it works.

Speaker 2 (01:37:36):
Once you know how to operate it, just grab it.

Speaker 3 (01:37:38):
Get the hell out of there, Lindy, I can go
bom and tell my mommy and daddy I'm not really dead.

Speaker 2 (01:37:42):
Yeah, dude, of course. Now gold, the parties are restarted.
Good luck bad.

Speaker 3 (01:37:47):
Remember, Butters, you must get that future Telling device from
the girls at all costs and just row with it.

Speaker 2 (01:37:51):
If they start letting out.

Speaker 1 (01:37:55):
You can't count on Derek's talks all stony.

Speaker 2 (01:37:57):
I think it hit the ground.

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If you can always came on Sundays, put the NFL
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Speaker 8 (01:41:34):
They never.

Speaker 2 (01:41:38):
All right, girls now, we all want you to have
a good time.

Speaker 4 (01:41:41):
But as Heidi's parents tonight, it is our responsibility to
look out for all of you. There's not gonna be
any drinking, no pot And most importantly, if I catch
any boys anywhere near this party, they're gonna be in
a world of hurt.

Speaker 2 (01:41:55):
Hey, all right, I have a nice time girls, so
budd you guys want to do first? We can play
girl talk. I wrote the new justin Timberley CD.

Speaker 26 (01:42:07):
We should dance to it. How about we read each
other's futures? I know, let's do light as a better
stiff as a board?

Speaker 2 (01:42:23):
Who wants to go first?

Speaker 25 (01:42:24):
I will?

Speaker 2 (01:42:26):
Oh jeez, how are we gonna start lasing out? Light
is a board?

Speaker 12 (01:42:33):
H Let skip to the board. Let the lord.

Speaker 2 (01:42:44):
Jesus, what are you doing in there?

Speaker 3 (01:42:46):
God only knows the horse? They go on and girls
sunder parties. Let's just hope bletters consume that wess literal letters? Manjarine,
what is your problem?

Speaker 12 (01:42:57):
Huh?

Speaker 2 (01:42:57):
Who doesn't?

Speaker 14 (01:42:58):
Hey?

Speaker 2 (01:42:58):
Do you guys want to tell each other? You cant?

Speaker 10 (01:43:00):
Hell?

Speaker 2 (01:43:01):
Yeah, I can tell you your future. Margarine.

Speaker 3 (01:43:04):
You're going to live alone your entire life because you're
a nerdy, dirty geek.

Speaker 2 (01:43:07):
Yeah. And your hair is totally stupid.

Speaker 10 (01:43:11):
Yeah, and you're.

Speaker 2 (01:43:12):
Flat, Margarine, Why don't you get lee? Nobody wants you here?
He love son. Don't you worry.

Speaker 48 (01:43:32):
Daddy's gonna make everything all right again. That is there's
my book.

Speaker 4 (01:43:49):
Come on, butters, oh butters, smelling bacon don't worry.

Speaker 2 (01:43:56):
We're gonna bring you back.

Speaker 16 (01:43:57):
Son.

Speaker 2 (01:43:58):
We're going to bring you back.

Speaker 3 (01:44:03):
Guys, I think I went too far with Margarine. She's
in the bathroom crying, Marjorine. Nobody likes me. Oh geez,
she's really upset.

Speaker 2 (01:44:18):
I feel terrible, you guys. It can't be easy being
the new girl in school, Margarine. Margarine, Hey, we didn't
mean it. You don't know how hard he used to
be me, Marjorine. We were just teasing. We think you're great.
You think I lovely. You're not ugly, Margarine. You said
I'm ugly and I'm flat. Margarine.

Speaker 3 (01:44:40):
You just have a different look, that's all. We just
we need to help you bring out your inner beauty.

Speaker 2 (01:44:45):
Yeah. How about we all give you a little makeover, Margarine. Yeah,
you mean it, dude, it's been too long. Something's wrong.
Maybe they found them out already dead. Come on, we
gotta go check on him.

Speaker 41 (01:45:07):
Can you see anything?

Speaker 2 (01:45:15):
He's just dancing around. That's set up a bit.

Speaker 17 (01:45:24):
On the phone.

Speaker 2 (01:45:28):
Hello, Just what the do you think you're doing?

Speaker 4 (01:45:31):
Well?

Speaker 2 (01:45:32):
I'm just having some fun with my girlfriends. You aren't
going to have fun. You're black at home. You're supposed to.

Speaker 3 (01:45:37):
Be getting the fisher telling the bags, well, I'm working
on it, working on white your dance moves, yeah, look
pretty stick it is. Well, put myself through alive and
you can't talk to me like that.

Speaker 2 (01:45:49):
Just do what you were said in there to do,
Dick faie ay Margeri. You want to know your future?
Huh huh? Could I hold it?

Speaker 17 (01:46:12):
Sure?

Speaker 8 (01:46:12):
Here?

Speaker 2 (01:46:12):
You know my future?

Speaker 63 (01:46:15):
Now?

Speaker 10 (01:46:16):
Well?

Speaker 2 (01:46:17):
You know it's easy. You just put your thumbs and
index fingers in here. Ah wow, I knew it.

Speaker 3 (01:46:27):
Boys at the lever party, there's a boy here, stay back,
great time today, But I gotta do what I was
sent here to you.

Speaker 2 (01:46:44):
And he's got it.

Speaker 10 (01:46:45):
He got to device.

Speaker 2 (01:46:47):
Tank got it? Did you get into the containment center?

Speaker 12 (01:46:50):
Go?

Speaker 2 (01:46:51):
Come on, brothers, No, there's time. Device is nothing but trouble.
I'm done and I'm going home to tell my mom
and dad I'm not dead.

Speaker 1 (01:46:59):
What the hell?

Speaker 2 (01:47:01):
We have the device now? The power belongs to us.
Anybody have a piece of notbook paper so I can
make another one? Go go getting the entertainment bier Hi

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You'll wait for your doggy, play your slot, black jacket,
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Baby, it's all the fun, though, I've seen.

Speaker 64 (01:48:06):
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How's a twenty four hour last back up to one
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Speaker 12 (01:48:29):
Please?

Speaker 2 (01:48:29):
Charge up to one hundred and seventy eight miles in
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Speaker 11 (01:48:33):
How we should be the hunting Ionic five get one
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Speaker 2 (01:48:42):
Hurry in.

Speaker 31 (01:48:55):
For so chick, right, Crystal.

Speaker 2 (01:49:01):
Need of the big city? Yeah, i'mara Hi. Apparently progressive.

Speaker 37 (01:49:08):
What's home owners and renters bundle with their autopol suits
twenty four to seven protection.

Speaker 17 (01:49:12):
For all of my things?

Speaker 31 (01:49:18):
Hey?

Speaker 2 (01:49:19):
I love that you protect all my stuff? But could
she tone down the creepiness? Sorry, I do anything for you, Emily,
Still creepy, right, Stephen, you did what I had to Lenda.
If there was even the slightest chance it would bring
it back. I don't know. I don't know what I'm

(01:49:39):
doing anymore.

Speaker 3 (01:49:40):
You don't get our sons, buddy perform some kind of
bagan Rachel, Linda.

Speaker 2 (01:49:45):
I did it for you. You wanted it back so
much so? Did I not like this? Not like this?

Speaker 3 (01:49:53):
He wouldn't be our sons, Steepen, He would be a
walking abomination on an holy day.

Speaker 2 (01:50:00):
It's fawn. Hey, it's head keep the doork.

Speaker 41 (01:50:15):
No, yeah, give me, but.

Speaker 2 (01:50:20):
Hey dad, oh god, no, it's gone. It's gone. Heaven

(01:50:45):
forgive me. Hey, oh god, it's terrible. What am I gone?
And it gets you a little bag?

Speaker 3 (01:50:57):
Lady?

Speaker 17 (01:50:58):
It is?

Speaker 12 (01:50:58):
I'm right, man, I know.

Speaker 41 (01:51:04):
Gentlemen, this is.

Speaker 3 (01:51:05):
An historic day for all boy man cacs. In a
few moments we will know him. Hold on, guys, we're
not sure what this device is capable of. Maybe we
should wait until we've had more time to study it.

Speaker 10 (01:51:17):
No, no, we don't have to.

Speaker 2 (01:51:18):
Happy that said, it's time to ask it a question.

Speaker 3 (01:51:20):
How come you're gonna use it first? Because I do, Guys,
I want to use it.

Speaker 2 (01:51:25):
I'm asking the first question that should start with something simple.
Will Kyle died before he's twenty? Wait? I don't want
to know that ask it. If the Broncos are gonna
win on Sunday, not dead, then it won't be fun
to watch. We are just shut up so I can
do this. Yeah, shut out, that's all. I don't want
to know what I'm gonna die? Fa ass, look at

(01:51:46):
what this thing is doing to us. Porters was trying
to tell me something outside the house, that this device
is nothing but trouble. I think I Nowady meant now,
how could it be nothing but travels? We risked everything
to get it from the girls. How long before the
girls attack us in it back?

Speaker 17 (01:52:02):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:52:02):
Forget about the girls?

Speaker 3 (01:52:04):
What about with the CIA or whether the Russians know
we have this, they'll come after it for sure. Maybe
we should take it to someplace safer, and then what
hide forever from the governments, from the terrorists who want
to use it for evil?

Speaker 2 (01:52:15):
Maybe maybe nobody is meant to have this kind of power?
You mean, destroy it? Are you guys nuts?

Speaker 3 (01:52:24):
After everything we've gone through, we got it away from
the girls, that's what matters.

Speaker 2 (01:52:27):
But now the right thing to do isn't using it ourselves.
Then we're no better than they are. Think of their power.
It's too much power for anybody stand right? It has
to be destroyed.

Speaker 41 (01:52:42):
Multiple times?

Speaker 3 (01:52:46):
Are we sure about this? We'll never know the future.
Nobody will. That's the way it's supposed to be.

Speaker 2 (01:52:51):
Hit it, Kenny, damn kid here here you see it's
going to be all right? Hello son? Hey egg? He

(01:53:16):
was supposed to stay dered? Manday? Can I give up shairs?

Speaker 12 (01:53:21):
Now?

Speaker 4 (01:53:21):
I'm sorry, son, but you're a demon spawn now You're
an abomination.

Speaker 2 (01:53:27):
Can't please you? Well, I'm pretty hungry. It's hungry. Yes,
it must feed. Hello, I'm Rachel with quality curtains. Oh, yes,
thank you for coming. Which roam are we looking at it?
Just follow me to the basement, Yes, the basement. Oh my,

(01:53:52):
it's pretty dark down here. You sure you need curtains?
Oh my god? Hello, bad letters? Little boy? What are
you doing out here? There?

Speaker 25 (01:54:04):
You go?

Speaker 2 (01:54:05):
Sid Why have we been coming? Come on? Don't watch it?

Speaker 12 (01:54:11):
Feed?

Speaker 2 (01:54:15):
Can I your spaghetti house? Let's go.

Speaker 12 (01:54:39):
Crazy?

Speaker 58 (01:54:39):
Hell?

Speaker 31 (01:54:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:54:40):
Yeh yes, Toby and zeba house stream you gonna care about?

Speaker 69 (01:54:43):
Blos dance sounds going hand myself?

Speaker 10 (01:54:55):
Ti a sad leave.

Speaker 2 (01:55:06):
Sam, don't want to see if I can't come now,
sands grim.

Speaker 31 (01:55:18):
It?

Speaker 33 (01:55:23):
Oh my god, so.

Speaker 2 (01:55:33):
Think that is nice, you got them. This journey will
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STA like the one very well.

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You can tell you what book says it. Okay, if
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Drinking buddies can smell it from a mile off.

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Speaker 4 (01:58:49):
Okay, children, this week we are all going to learn
about parenting. I'm gonna pair all the boys and girls
in class into couples and give each couple bull an egg.
You must care for and look after this egg, just
like a baby for one full week. If you break
your egg, it means you have a dead baby. And

(01:59:11):
if you kill your baby, you get an f When
I announce your names, please move and sit with the
person you're paired with. Heidi, you'll be with Eric Ah Annie,
you will be a family with Timmy.

Speaker 2 (01:59:24):
Today, Millie, your husband is Craig Powder. You're gonna put
me with Wendy I haven't even spoken to when he's
broke up and Wendy. Wendy will be with Kyle. Carole.

Speaker 4 (01:59:38):
Baby, you're paired up with Stan, Lola and Token Red
and Craig and Esther and Bradley. Now I'm going to
sign each of your eggs myself, so that we'll know
it's the same one at the end of the week.
That way, if anybody cheats and tries to replace their eggs,
will know.

Speaker 2 (01:59:55):
Eric.

Speaker 4 (01:59:56):
All you have to do is make it to Friday
with your egg unhrm, to prove what great little parents
you are. Okay, children, you can now take the rest
of the school periods to decorate your egg. However you
wish good luck and remember a dead baby means an f.

Speaker 2 (02:00:10):
For the parents. Just look at all these little families,
newfound couples and a happy home.

Speaker 72 (02:00:24):
It takes me back to another time when I had
a love of my own, love, love for God.

Speaker 2 (02:00:34):
It was special. Then it's over. Now it's so darth crown,
you know, it shriveled and dry. I don't know how.

Speaker 1 (02:00:56):
Long it was a special man, it's over.

Speaker 17 (02:01:00):
I guess that I'll never know.

Speaker 41 (02:01:03):
I've been all went wrong.

Speaker 72 (02:01:08):
But perhaps I should try to only go and rekindle
that love lost long a come.

Speaker 4 (02:01:22):
Hello, mister slave, mister Garrison. Oh Jesus, just let me
say what I came here to say. I know we
had a falling out and things were said that shouldn't.

Speaker 29 (02:01:35):
Have been said.

Speaker 72 (02:01:37):
I want to apologize for calling you a faggots.

Speaker 4 (02:01:42):
That's wonderful, mister Garrison. Well wait wait, it gets better.
I've forgiven you for walking out on me after I had.

Speaker 2 (02:01:50):
My sex change, and and I'm ready to take you back.
Mister slave. We'll give us a kiss. Put into the pizza.
What the hell is hey doing here, mister Garrison. Alan

(02:02:12):
and I have been living together for a few months.

Speaker 4 (02:02:15):
Well that didn't take you long, did it, slig Should
I leave you to alone?

Speaker 12 (02:02:19):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (02:02:20):
No, mister Garrison, there's something you should know. Alan and
I are getting married married. Yes, you can't get married,
you're faggots.

Speaker 4 (02:02:34):
Oh jeesus Christ, mister slave, I am legally a woman.

Speaker 2 (02:02:38):
Now if you want to get married, you have to
marry me. Well that's not true.

Speaker 4 (02:02:42):
Colorado's about to pass the bill which allows safe sex marriage.

Speaker 2 (02:02:45):
We're getting married right after the bill passes on Saturday.
Oh that's just right. They're gonna let queers and homos
get married. Huh Okay, that's enough out, mister Garrison. We'll
just say about this, you fund pack bags. I'll stop
that marriage.

Speaker 4 (02:03:01):
Oh my god, you're just saying that because you're tellings
jealous of why I'm doing this out of principle to
protect the sanctity of marriage.

Speaker 69 (02:03:09):
Fact, you're getting.

Speaker 2 (02:03:10):
Married over my dad body. Hello.

Speaker 3 (02:03:27):
Oh hey dude, So what are you and Wendy doing. Oh,
we're just making a cradle out of an egg carton.

Speaker 17 (02:03:33):
For our egg.

Speaker 2 (02:03:33):
We figured that way it will be easier to keep
safe so we can get an egg.

Speaker 4 (02:03:36):
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (02:03:36):
I don't think it's gonna be that hard to keep
it from breaking. This whole assignment is stupid. Yeah, well
so is your hat. Stan. I need you to watch
the egg for a while. I can't. I'm busy.

Speaker 3 (02:03:52):
I've been looking after it all day. I have to
go to the hair salon and the candy store. So
take it with you, Stan, This is we're both about
to take care of it. Well, maybe, how do you
want to have an eight with you?

Speaker 12 (02:04:01):
Okay?

Speaker 10 (02:04:02):
Maybe?

Speaker 3 (02:04:03):
Well, whether you want it to or not, it doesn't
really matter. Now we're going to get grated together. It's
you're into an into responsibilities.

Speaker 4 (02:04:23):
These homosexuals think they can just step all over our traditions.

Speaker 2 (02:04:27):
Well, I say marriage is a holy sacrament between a
man and a woman. I don't know what she is.
This they passed this law behind our backs.

Speaker 4 (02:04:40):
We need to tell the governor and the world that
gay marriage is not okay, that homosexuals cannot body our traditions,
and there is only one way for us all together
to make that message very clear.

Speaker 2 (02:04:53):
We need to round up three or four queers and
beat the living hell out of them. I'm out, everybody.

Speaker 4 (02:05:00):
Let's get some queers and some trucks and have us
a good old fashioned fag drag. Well, oh, we were
thinking we would, you know, just go appeal to the governor.
Pale to the governor. Oh, come on, where's your balls,
fat drag. We don't hate homosexuals, we just don't want
them to be able to marry.

Speaker 2 (02:05:22):
Yeah, we were just thinking of going and asking the
governor to veto the bill. Yeah, fac drag.

Speaker 4 (02:05:33):
Governor, we have collected over one thousand signatures requesting that
you veto this gay marriage baill.

Speaker 2 (02:05:40):
Oh jeez, I knew this would happen. First the gay
people come in here wanting equal rights.

Speaker 4 (02:05:45):
Then this bill gets passed, and now all the people
against it want me to veto it.

Speaker 2 (02:05:49):
Why do what have to make this decision because you're
the governor.

Speaker 4 (02:05:55):
I just wanted a big house and lots of respect.
I didn't want this kind of responsibility.

Speaker 1 (02:06:00):
I mean, I don't know anything about gay marriage.

Speaker 2 (02:06:03):
What argument can I use to deny them their right
to a family. We'll think of the children.

Speaker 4 (02:06:08):
If you will have gays to get married, then you're
also giving them full rights as parents to adopt.

Speaker 2 (02:06:12):
Do you think kids can be raised by queers? I
can't use that argument.

Speaker 4 (02:06:16):
There's never been a study done which proves that either way.
But if you had such a study, a scientific study
which proved same sex couples are incapable of raising a child.

Speaker 1 (02:06:29):
Then I would have something to fall back on, something
to take all the pressure off of me. Mister governor,
I will get you that study.

Speaker 2 (02:06:41):
Hey, Wendy, how's your egg doing? Oh?

Speaker 3 (02:06:43):
Great, it's a pretty easy project. Kyle's really good with
the egg.

Speaker 2 (02:06:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:06:48):
I wish I had a partner like Kyle. I went
to go pick up the egg from stand yesterday and
his dog had it in its mouth. All right, Is
it gonna last a week with stand around?

Speaker 2 (02:06:55):
Okay, standon's change a plan.

Speaker 4 (02:06:58):
You've all been doing a great job taking care of
your eggs, but now we're gonna mix it up a little.
Wendy and Kyle will no longer be together. Let's see
what happens when we put two same sex couples together
to take care of an egg.

Speaker 2 (02:07:12):
Shall wait?

Speaker 16 (02:07:13):
Kyle?

Speaker 2 (02:07:14):
You are now with Stan and Wendy is with Babe.

Speaker 4 (02:07:16):
A wow, come on, maybe we'll take your egg for
you and Wendy to look after how Kenny, and we'll
just take this egg for standing Kyle to look out
for no nigger's egg, Wendy, We're doing an experiment here
you go, boys.

Speaker 2 (02:07:31):
Bang, mister Garson, Please you can't I understand you're breaking?

Speaker 4 (02:07:35):
Oh now, what makes you say that, Wendy? I'm sure
two boys can handle an egg just fine. And if not,
we'll certainly prove a point to that goddamn governor, won't We.

Speaker 2 (02:07:48):
Ll never mind?

Speaker 1 (02:07:49):
Just carry on, children, Just carry on as two reckless
little boys.

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Speaker 6 (02:10:50):
Okay, now we can carry our egg around in this
case without getting cracked.

Speaker 2 (02:11:02):
All right, give it to me. I'll take it home tonight. Look, skin,
do you want me to just take care of this?

Speaker 18 (02:11:06):
Say?

Speaker 2 (02:11:07):
Why do you say that? It's just that I really
need this egg? Stan If babe did say you almost broke.

Speaker 3 (02:11:13):
Your last day, that's because I was pissed off at
who hang on, I want to see my egg.

Speaker 2 (02:11:22):
Huh, I want to see my egg, Wendy. It isn't
your egg anymore, Yes it is. I made it I
decorated it.

Speaker 3 (02:11:29):
Well, you might have made it, but we're the ones
who are taking care of it. Now you have your
own egg to look out for. I just want to
hold my egg for a couple of minutes, Wendy. I
just want to get an a. Okay, let's not make
this any more confusing than it already is. Don't let
anything happen to it, please, Wendy. Nothing's gonna happen to
the egg. You can have it when the week is
over and I get my grade. Freaking weirdos man. You

(02:11:54):
think you're so great, don't you. Well, guess what, Maybe
I don't need your help.

Speaker 2 (02:11:58):
I'm taking the egg home tonight, and I'm gonna everybody
to moment on. Everybody's gonna egg take care of her
as you. What the hell is wrong with everybody?

Speaker 4 (02:12:10):
Okay, children, it's Wednesday. Time for an official egg check.

Speaker 2 (02:12:14):
Hidi and Eric Okay, Annie and Timmy tenn are good?

Speaker 4 (02:12:20):
Million, Kleine, I saw yours before class Powder and Kenny. Now,
how about our gay couple standing?

Speaker 16 (02:12:27):
Kyle?

Speaker 2 (02:12:28):
Fine? What no problems at all?

Speaker 4 (02:12:33):
That's impossible. Are you sure you didn't break it in?
Switch eggs on me? Where's my signature.

Speaker 2 (02:12:38):
It's right there. See, two boys can't possibly take care
of an egg. Dude, it's totally fine. It isn't fine.
It has two daddies. You call that fine.

Speaker 4 (02:12:48):
It may be fine on the outside, but inside is
confused and embarrassed.

Speaker 2 (02:12:52):
Look at the freak egg.

Speaker 4 (02:12:53):
It has two daddies, two daddies, two daddies.

Speaker 2 (02:12:57):
Come on class, let's rip on the free king. Tell
your daddy, Tell your daddy. Tom.

Speaker 4 (02:13:03):
I'm standing outside the Governor's office, where in just two
days the governor can either sign or veto the new
bill allowing gay marriage. Same sex couples from all over
the state have shown up in support, while dissenters have
also converged.

Speaker 2 (02:13:16):
The governor is about to give a statement.

Speaker 4 (02:13:19):
I believe that I might have come up with a
compromise to this whole problem and will make everyone happy.
People in the gay community want the same rights as
married couples, but dissenters don't want the word marriage corrupted.

Speaker 2 (02:13:31):
So how about we let gay people get married, but
call it something else. You homosexuals will.

Speaker 4 (02:13:38):
Have all the exact same rights as married couples, but
instead of referring to you as married, you can be
butt buddies. Instead of being man and wife, you'll be
butt buddies. You won't be betrothed, You'll be butt bodies.

Speaker 17 (02:13:59):
Get it.

Speaker 2 (02:14:00):
Instead of a bride and groom, you'd be butt buddies.
We want to be treated equally. You are equal. It's
just that instead of getting engaged, you would be butt
bodies and everyone is happy. Well, what about lesbians or
like anyone cares about dikes?

Speaker 4 (02:14:27):
Damn it, damn it, standing Kyle's egg is still doing fine.
Those little assholes are screwing up my whole plan.

Speaker 2 (02:14:35):
Yes, what what the hell is this? I broke the egg.
You broke your egg, but you're partnered with a girl.

Speaker 3 (02:14:47):
I tried to cover it, tried to put it back
together with Marlon glue, tried to see it with a
Soderin gun.

Speaker 2 (02:14:52):
But I give it up. I can't had it. I
broke the egg. Did you tell anyone else about this?

Speaker 58 (02:14:57):
No?

Speaker 2 (02:14:59):
Did you tell your egg part Heidi?

Speaker 31 (02:15:01):
No?

Speaker 2 (02:15:01):
That's why I'm here. I think you should still give
Hidi an a on the project.

Speaker 3 (02:15:04):
You see, I broke the egg, notho, and so I
should get an F and she should get an AGG
which means that together the great should average out to
a sea man is for both of us.

Speaker 2 (02:15:13):
I can't do that, Eric, damn it. I knew you'd
say that you always have it out for me. You
have to get an a Eric.

Speaker 4 (02:15:19):
Here, I'll sign this new egg for you. I will
pretend this never happened the rides. Just put on the
old hair color in the same eyes. There we go,
good as new. Now go and join the rest of
your recess.

Speaker 2 (02:15:33):
Mister Gayson, You've never been this cool to me.

Speaker 1 (02:15:36):
Because okay, well you're welcome, Eric, Now just run along.

Speaker 2 (02:15:42):
Why are you doing this because I'm a nice teacher.
All right? What do you want from me? Nothing? It's
all okay. Just take your damn egg. No, you've never
been anything but a problem for me.

Speaker 4 (02:15:57):
You're taking that egg, and if you break it a can,
I'll break both your life and burn.

Speaker 17 (02:16:00):
Down your house.

Speaker 68 (02:16:01):
Do you hear ma?

Speaker 2 (02:16:02):
YESDT care my things. This scientific study isn't turning out
the way I plan.

Speaker 29 (02:16:10):
Looks like I'm gonna have to interpain. Are you Jahcartha?

Speaker 34 (02:16:21):
Who left it?

Speaker 2 (02:16:22):
Are you missus Garrison?

Speaker 29 (02:16:24):
I spoke to your associates on the telephone.

Speaker 2 (02:16:27):
No, yes, you are interested in my services.

Speaker 1 (02:16:31):
I have a little problem.

Speaker 2 (02:16:33):
I need taken care of. I heard you're the best.
Who do you want me to kill?

Speaker 47 (02:16:46):
What is this?

Speaker 2 (02:16:48):
It's an egg? You want me to kill an egg?

Speaker 29 (02:16:51):
I can pay two thousand and now three more when
the job is finished.

Speaker 2 (02:16:55):
What do you expect me to do with it? I
don't care. Scramble it, fry and do what you will.

Speaker 1 (02:17:01):
It has to look like an accidamped as.

Speaker 2 (02:17:05):
Serious as I said, get out of my face. What's
the matter? Afraid you can't do it?

Speaker 1 (02:17:11):
I can't say that I blame you.

Speaker 2 (02:17:13):
That egg has caused me nothing, my problem since day one.
I guess you're not as good as they say you are. Seen,
then why are you scared of one little like? I
will murder that day and I would make it put
that day it was laid. That's more like it. Day five,

(02:17:37):
I made it. Well, dude, did you hear what's happening?
What gariously thinking? It's all on a field? Sure today he.

Speaker 3 (02:17:44):
Wants to do the finally check in front of the
governor's office.

Speaker 2 (02:17:46):
Governor's office. He's really taking this great seriously, Stam, I'm
gonna come over so that we can take our eggs
to school together.

Speaker 41 (02:17:51):
All right?

Speaker 2 (02:17:52):
Uh, you'd like that? Wouldn't you. I took care of
to say Kyle, not you. Okay, Stan, you've been an
assle to me all week? What is that? What's up?

Speaker 53 (02:17:59):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (02:17:59):
Nothing except that you've been trying to impress Windy all
week long, like a pathetic diggle. Impress Windy. You've said
it all up to look like you're this awesome prince.

Speaker 2 (02:18:05):
And I'm just a loser. What the hell are you
talking about? Well, guess what.

Speaker 3 (02:18:08):
I'm gonna take this say to class myself, and I'm
gonna hold it up in front of Windy and say see,
I'm every bit as good as Kyle.

Speaker 2 (02:18:14):
Is almost too easy.

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Speaker 1 (02:20:22):
So you can find your way to money into it.

Speaker 2 (02:20:25):
Credit Karma Karma you can count on, Stan, Stan, I
think we should talk. Dude. You should just go be
with Wendy and be happy. Stan. I don't like Windy.

(02:20:47):
All I care about was getting an A on this
stupid project. Yeah, well I blew it. Now we're gonna fail,
and Wendy thinks I'm a total loser. I thought you
didn't care about Windy anymore.

Speaker 17 (02:20:55):
I don't.

Speaker 2 (02:20:56):
She's totally lame.

Speaker 26 (02:20:58):
Stan, there was never between Winny and I. I wouldn't
go out with my best friend's ex girlfriend. I'm sorry
I didn't trust you, Kyle. I'm obviously just a crappy
best friend to have.

Speaker 58 (02:21:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:21:10):
Well, I'm sorry I didn't trust you either.

Speaker 20 (02:21:12):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (02:21:13):
It was really important for me to get an a
scan and Baby said you were so reckless with your egg,
So I made a fake one for you and kept
the original safe with me. That's the real egg with
Garrison signature. Yeah, I'm sorry. Then Winny won't think I'm
a total loser. Yeah, and I can still get my egg.
Come on, buddy, let's go skim. Do you really think

(02:21:34):
my hat is stupid? As a matter of fact, I
think it is the nicest hat I've ever known.

Speaker 36 (02:21:44):
Come on, Today is a very big day in which
I'm supposed to make a very big decision. As some
of you know, my biggest issue with gay marriage regards
child rearing and a new study has just been concluded,
which will give me the ability to take no personal
responsibility in this decision. A new study here with the

(02:22:04):
results of that study is the lovely Missus Garrison.

Speaker 4 (02:22:08):
Thank you, Governor, Oh Jesus Christ, ladies and gentlemen. With
the help of some adorable fourth grade students, we've completed
our scientific, non biased study of fags having kids. Come
on up children. The parents were grouped together as male
and female.

Speaker 26 (02:22:26):
As you can see, Missus Garrison, you had an emergency
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Speaker 2 (02:22:31):
Yes, what is it? I'm a little busy hung at
okyo me there in a couple of minutes. What you're
You're too light? Don't fail this?

Speaker 41 (02:22:41):
Who'll be right there?

Speaker 8 (02:22:43):
Now?

Speaker 2 (02:22:43):
You can't hello hello, what.

Speaker 17 (02:22:45):
Will you kill that for?

Speaker 2 (02:22:48):
Well, it's here. You better make damn sure it doesn't
reach these steps.

Speaker 20 (02:22:51):
On tracked.

Speaker 4 (02:22:54):
Anyhow, as I was saying, we put one egg into
the hands of two male students.

Speaker 41 (02:23:01):
Thanks good look a day.

Speaker 4 (02:23:14):
Then the two boys were giving just finger wait, tutlus
and governor resturned.

Speaker 1 (02:23:35):
Teacher.

Speaker 2 (02:23:36):
Our egg is okay, this egg is fine. Days can
get married, now, gays can get married. What I now

(02:23:58):
pronounce you man and man boys. I'm really proud of you.

Speaker 1 (02:24:11):
You've done an amazing thing for gay marriage.

Speaker 2 (02:24:13):
Rice. What did we do? Stan? I'm sorry I doubted you.
You really made a great Dad. Let you give a
crap about what you think. Wendy, it was It's Obernile.
Guess went way wrong.

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Oh, our car's value would up. Maybe we should track
all our cars value on Carvana, all of them, all
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is that my belt? Parts of it? Yeah? I'm getting
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Speaker 2 (02:27:29):
How's it tracking?

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That fits your space and budget. O CoP's discount furniture.
H to check it out. I got a Jake plummerk man.
I got a crappy ak Phely Again, how come you
didn't bite any cards? Stand? I can't spend any money.
I'm saving up for that bike I want. That's saving money.

Speaker 53 (02:28:22):
Good.

Speaker 2 (02:28:23):
So what should we do now? It's Saturday? We have
to have as much fun as possible. Hey, I know
this could play laser tag at fun Plecks Hoolo.

Speaker 3 (02:28:29):
No, I don't want to spend any money, you guys.
Let's just do something fun that's free. Stan, don't you
know the first love physics? Anything that's fun because at
least eight dollars? Yeah you nothing fun is free. Well,
I can't spend any money, cook can't be a due.
We're gonna go play the laser tag?

Speaker 2 (02:28:42):
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doing free personality test today?

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Speaker 26 (02:28:55):
Have you heard of scientology? It's all based on the
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on in and we'll get your fun free personality tests started.
Let's just find an empty room here. Lots of people
getting free test today. Hey Brian, Hey Kelly, how's it
going great? I want you to meet my new friend Stan.

Speaker 2 (02:29:16):
Hey there, how are you fine? Brian's gonna give you
your personality test and then let you know some things
about scientology. Good times, good times. Look, is this a
religion because my family is like Catholic or something. Oh,
that's not a problem at all.

Speaker 4 (02:29:29):
Scientology is more of an alternative to psychology than a religion.

Speaker 2 (02:29:33):
Then how come that science has Church of Scientology? Oh
that's just this thing. What's the timper Broncos record?

Speaker 65 (02:29:38):
Now?

Speaker 2 (02:29:38):
Six and two? Seven and two?

Speaker 4 (02:29:40):
Wow, that's great. All right, come on in and take
a seat. We're gonna have some fun. All right Now,
I'm just gonna ask you a few questions. Just answer
these questions truthfully as you can, all right, Okay. Number one,
do you ever make remarks which you later regret?

Speaker 17 (02:29:58):
Uh? Sure? Uh huh?

Speaker 2 (02:30:01):
Would you rather give orders than take them?

Speaker 58 (02:30:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (02:30:06):
Do you ever whistle just for the fun of it? Okay?

Speaker 4 (02:30:15):
And finally, does life sometimes feel vague and confusing to you.

Speaker 2 (02:30:19):
Yes, okay, stand well that's it. That's the end of
the personality test, so that I do well.

Speaker 1 (02:30:26):
I hate to tell you this, stan but you are
one messed up kid.

Speaker 4 (02:30:30):
Huh yeah, I'm afraid that you are completely miserable and
totally depressed.

Speaker 2 (02:30:36):
I am. I didn't know that.

Speaker 4 (02:30:38):
Well, there's certainly no question that you are a perfect
candidate for scientology.

Speaker 2 (02:30:42):
I think it can really make you happy again, Well,
what do I do? It's very simple. We just need
two hundred and forty dollars. Stanley. You haven't touched your food.
What's the matter with you? I'm totally depressed? Why? I
don't know. Well how long have you been feeling this way?
I'm not sure, but I need two hundred and forty dollars.

(02:31:03):
Two hundred forty dollars. What'd you do? Break something? No?
I found a self health program that can cure me.
Oh Jesus, the answer is no, Stanley, but I'm completely miserable.
These people can help, Stanley. I didn't know you were miserable.
Neither did I.

Speaker 4 (02:31:15):
Stanley, do you have any concept of money at all?
Money doesn't grow on trees, you know.

Speaker 2 (02:31:19):
Don't you care that I'm depressed? What if I become
suicidal or are becoming alcoholic? My grandpa?

Speaker 4 (02:31:24):
Huh, Well, if you really think your life is so bad, Stan,
why don't you take what you have out of your
bicycle savings?

Speaker 2 (02:31:32):
Well, but but that's my money. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:31:34):
Well, just like the rest of us, you have to
make choices with your money.

Speaker 2 (02:31:37):
You want a bike or do you want to not
be depressed? Michelle?

Speaker 26 (02:31:40):
A friend stand wants to have auditing. Oh, good for you,
You're gonna be so happy.

Speaker 2 (02:31:45):
Help. So it's the beginning of a whole new life
for you.

Speaker 26 (02:31:47):
Stand see you afterwards. Great, So, do you have the
two hundred and forty dollars? Perfect, We're on our way.
Come on over here and I'll fill you in on
how the Church of Scientology works.

Speaker 2 (02:31:59):
Do you see stands.

Speaker 26 (02:32:00):
Scientology was founded by a great man named l Ron Hubbard.
Mister Hubbard discovered that negative emotions are actually caused by
things called body thetans.

Speaker 2 (02:32:10):
Really yes, and being the.

Speaker 26 (02:32:11):
Genius that he was, mister Hubbard invented a way to
get rid of those bad thetans.

Speaker 2 (02:32:16):
This is called an e meter. It's the main tool
of Scientology.

Speaker 26 (02:32:20):
You just grab hold of these handles as I talk
you through past experiences in your life, I'll be taking
readings here and we'll be able to determine.

Speaker 2 (02:32:27):
Your Thetan levels, Theateen levels.

Speaker 26 (02:32:30):
Come on in the auditing room and I'll show you
how it works. All these people are just like you, Stan,
auditing with emeters to get rid of their negative emotions.
All right, Stan, I want you to just relax and
take hold of the emeter handles.

Speaker 2 (02:32:46):
So this is gonna make me happy.

Speaker 26 (02:32:48):
Just take a few deep breaths and I'll just get
a base reading of your Thetan levels.

Speaker 58 (02:32:57):
Huh.

Speaker 26 (02:32:57):
That's that's strange. What something's wrong, Brian?

Speaker 2 (02:33:02):
Could you come over here a second?

Speaker 31 (02:33:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (02:33:04):
Oh hey there, Greg, Stan, will you look at his
theme levels?

Speaker 17 (02:33:08):
Huh?

Speaker 1 (02:33:09):
Well, we'll get another e meter.

Speaker 2 (02:33:10):
This one's obviously broken. Sorry about this, Greg.

Speaker 4 (02:33:13):
And so we just try to analyze your personality and
if it seems like you need some help, then you
can have audit counseling for phenomenal fee.

Speaker 2 (02:33:20):
Well that sounds pretty reasonable. I'm gon, Mike. I need
to talk to you. Excuse me, sir, I'll be right back.
You know right, you're sweating. Take a look at this?

Speaker 4 (02:33:29):
What is it?

Speaker 2 (02:33:30):
The E meter results from the little boy in Rouget
this this gid be right. We've ran the test four times,
we use four different e meters.

Speaker 1 (02:33:41):
Facts these results in the head office in Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 (02:33:44):
The president has to see this right away.

Speaker 17 (02:33:46):
Go now.

Speaker 2 (02:33:52):
The boy is from a small mountain town in Colorado. Sir, sir,
how can it be that a first time or scores
that kind of theme level? He registered OT nine. I'm
only OT seven and I've been in the church all
my life.

Speaker 29 (02:34:04):
I've waited forty two years for this day, sir.

Speaker 2 (02:34:09):
Don't you all see what this means.

Speaker 4 (02:34:11):
There's only one person who ever registered OT nine in
the history of our church. O Ron Hubbard said he
had left past lives that when he died, his theting
would show itself again.

Speaker 26 (02:34:27):
Our profit has returned, Stanley, take the garbage up before
you go to bed.

Speaker 2 (02:34:36):
I took out the garbage yesterday, right now, stan Lah,
stupid dump garbage.

Speaker 4 (02:34:46):
Very a.

Speaker 2 (02:34:52):
Got to care for returning. He's wonderful. What the hell
did you do?

Speaker 8 (02:35:01):
You know?

Speaker 2 (02:35:09):
Hello, young man, I'm the head of scientology. It is
great honor to meet you.

Speaker 1 (02:35:18):
All right, what the hell is going on here?

Speaker 2 (02:35:20):
We've been looking for your son for a long time.

Speaker 4 (02:35:22):
Mister marsh he is the reincarnation of our church's most
sacred prophet. What scientologists the world over are simply rejoicing
in his second coming.

Speaker 1 (02:35:32):
Look, we don't want our son to join your group. Okay,
we're not asking him to join us.

Speaker 2 (02:35:37):
We're asking him to lead us. Oh, my godish, John Trabalta,
is this where it lives? Is this where run over
it is?

Speaker 60 (02:35:47):
On?

Speaker 2 (02:35:47):
My God?

Speaker 25 (02:35:48):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (02:35:48):
John Travolta and Tom Cruise are big scientologists.

Speaker 2 (02:35:51):
Do you believe me? Now?

Speaker 4 (02:35:53):
Young men, I know you don't remember it, but your
name was l Ron Hubbard. You reveal this secret which
began the whole church of scientology. Okay, stand, it's late,
go up to your room and get ready for bed.
Let mommy and Daddy handle this.

Speaker 2 (02:36:12):
Jesus Christ, l Ron, l Ron, it really is you, hope.
This is the greatest day of my life. Dude, I
need to go to bed. Don't you understand, al Ron?
It's me Tom Cruise. Yeah, I know who you are. Well,
haven't I done?

Speaker 12 (02:36:27):
Well?

Speaker 2 (02:36:27):
Alron? How don't you enjoyed my acting? Which film did
you like best? Well? I mean you're not You're not
like as good as Leonardo DiCaprio. But you're okay. I
guess what I mean. You're not Gene Hackman or that
guy that played Napoleon Dynamite. But you're okay. I'm nothing.
I'm a failure in the eyes of the prophet. Ah, okay, dude,

(02:36:50):
I'm sorry I didn't meet it. Go away, dude, this
is my room. Go away, I said, dad. Tom Cruise
won't come out of that. What Tom Cruise liked himself.

Speaker 4 (02:37:04):
In my closet and he won't come out, mister Cruise,
mister Cruise, come out of the closet.

Speaker 2 (02:37:12):
No, come on, mister Cruse, this is ridiculous. I'm never
coming out. What did you say to him? I just
told my fnt an apponent die.

Speaker 1 (02:37:20):
My guys better accurate than he is.

Speaker 4 (02:37:21):
Oh boy, mister Cruise, you can't just stay in the closet,
all right, You need to come out.

Speaker 2 (02:37:26):
What's going on? Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet.
What just leave me alone?

Speaker 4 (02:37:31):
Well, we can't leave you alone because you won't come
out of the closet.

Speaker 2 (02:37:35):
This give me the Cruise something to me in my life?
And he cools there. I didn't Nobody has seen that.

Speaker 37 (02:37:45):
Come out in touls Okay new season streaming September twenty
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(02:38:09):
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Speaker 68 (02:38:21):
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Speaker 2 (02:38:25):
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Speaker 17 (02:39:33):
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Speaker 2 (02:39:35):
Parts of it? Yeah? I'm getting a value updated. Do
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Speaker 17 (02:39:39):
How's it tracking? Good?

Speaker 2 (02:39:41):
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When I started Bright Star Care, I had one focus
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Speaker 2 (02:40:35):
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Speaker 4 (02:40:50):
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Speaker 17 (02:40:55):
What's going on?

Speaker 2 (02:40:55):
Oh, the homes dot com network just hit one hundred
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Speaker 1 (02:41:06):
Check it out, Beabus.

Speaker 18 (02:41:14):
Whoa Venus and but new episode Wednesday's at ten thirty
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Speaker 2 (02:41:24):
It's been four hours now and Tom Cruise.

Speaker 1 (02:41:27):
Still will not come out of the closet.

Speaker 4 (02:41:29):
Hundreds of onlookers have gathered here in hopes that the
celebrity will finally give in. Tom Cruise, this is Park
County Police. Please come out of the closet. Everybody here
just wants you to come out of the closet.

Speaker 2 (02:41:44):
Tom.

Speaker 1 (02:41:48):
Nobody's gonna be mad, Everything's gonna be all right. Just
come out of the closet.

Speaker 4 (02:41:52):
We're still not exactly sure why Tom Cruise is in
the closet, but I'm being joined now by famous singer
songwriter R.

Speaker 2 (02:41:58):
Kelly love Is just stand in here and Tom Cruise
locked himself in the closet.

Speaker 1 (02:42:04):
As myself, I won't Tom Cruise just come.

Speaker 2 (02:42:06):
At the closet, But nobody has no answers, and so
I pull out my gun. Who tell me what Tom
Cruise in the closet? As I'm gonna shoot someone.

Speaker 4 (02:42:17):
Please understand, we just want what is best for your son.
The reincarnation of l Ron Hubbard must be taken care of.
He had many enemies.

Speaker 1 (02:42:26):
Wasn't l Ron Hubbard a science fiction writer, Yes, but.

Speaker 4 (02:42:30):
He was also a prophet who knew the secret truth
about the nature of life.

Speaker 2 (02:42:35):
This is just too much.

Speaker 4 (02:42:37):
We want to reveal to stand the great secret of
life behind our church, the safely guarded scientology doctrine.

Speaker 2 (02:42:44):
Please, your son deserves to be enlightened.

Speaker 4 (02:42:48):
Stan, Do you want to hear the great secret doctrine
of life behind scientology?

Speaker 1 (02:42:52):
Heah, all right, go ahead and tell him. Would you
excuse us?

Speaker 2 (02:42:56):
Please?

Speaker 1 (02:42:57):
This is highly classified church information, Oh, rats.

Speaker 4 (02:43:02):
Usually to hear the secret doctrine, you have to be
in the church for several years.

Speaker 2 (02:43:05):
Stand.

Speaker 1 (02:43:06):
Are you ready to hear the truth?

Speaker 2 (02:43:09):
I guess you see?

Speaker 12 (02:43:10):
Stand.

Speaker 1 (02:43:11):
There is a reason for people feeling.

Speaker 4 (02:43:13):
Sad and depressed, an alien reason. It all began seventy
five million years ago. Back then, there was a galactic
federation of planets which was ruled over by the evil
lord Fenus. Senu thought his galaxy was overpopulated, and so
he rounded up countless aliens from all different planets and

(02:43:33):
then had.

Speaker 29 (02:43:34):
Those aliens frozen.

Speaker 4 (02:43:41):
The frozen alien bodies were loaded up to Xenu's galactic cruisers,
which looked like DC eights, except with robbutaches. The cruisers
then took the frozen alien bodies to our planets on
Earth and dumped them into the volcanoes of Hawaii.

Speaker 1 (02:43:54):
The aliens were no longer frozen, they were dead.

Speaker 4 (02:43:57):
The souls of those aliens, however, lived on and all
floated up towards the sky. But the evil lord Xenu
had prepared for this o Xenu didn't want their souls
to return, and so we built giant soul catchers in
the sky. Our souls were taken to a huge soul
brainwashing facility which Xenu had also built on Earth. There,

(02:44:19):
the souls were forced to watch days of brainwashing material,
which tricked them into believing a false reality. Xenu then
released the alien souls, which roamed the earth aimlessly in
a fog of confusion. At the dawn of man, the
souls finally found bodies which they could grab onto. They
attached themselves to all mankind, which still to this day
costs all our fears, our confusions, and our problems. L

(02:44:45):
Ron Hubbard did an amazing thing telling the world this
incredible truth.

Speaker 1 (02:44:49):
Now, all we're asking you to do is pick up
where he left off, But I don't.

Speaker 2 (02:44:54):
Know any of this stuff.

Speaker 4 (02:44:55):
Neither did Ell run when he started, He said, he
just closed his eyes and wrote down with what ever
came to mind.

Speaker 2 (02:45:01):
You can do the same. Just let it flow, Okay,
I'll try. I just wish I could write my WILLM
with Tom CRU's won't come out of the closet.

Speaker 20 (02:45:08):
I know.

Speaker 2 (02:45:08):
We've sent Nicole Kidman up there to see if she
can help Tom. Tom. It's Nicole. Hi, Nicole, Tom. Don't
you think this has gone on long enough? It's time
for you to come out of the closet.

Speaker 1 (02:45:24):
I'm not in the closet.

Speaker 26 (02:45:25):
Yes you are, Tom, and you need to just end
this and come out. I'm not going to think any
differently of you. Katie's not going to think any differently
of you. You don't need to be in that closet anymore.

Speaker 16 (02:45:37):
Tom.

Speaker 2 (02:45:38):
I'm not in here, though, Yes you are, I'm not.
I'm not in the closet. Then how am I talking
to you? Tom?

Speaker 26 (02:45:49):
Tom, you can't hide forever just because the reincarnation of
l Ron Hubba doesn't like your acting.

Speaker 2 (02:45:54):
Come out of the closet.

Speaker 4 (02:45:55):
Tom.

Speaker 2 (02:45:56):
You're not fooling anyone, But I'm not in here. Yeah, yeah,
hate Stan. We're gonna go to the movies. I can't.
I'm writing a new sacred doctrine for my church.

Speaker 3 (02:46:12):
Look, Stan, we're really getting concerned about this cult you're
getting into.

Speaker 2 (02:46:16):
Cult.

Speaker 3 (02:46:16):
Scientology isn't a cult, Kyle. I've read all this stuff,
but it's based on fact.

Speaker 2 (02:46:20):
Dude.

Speaker 3 (02:46:20):
Ellen Hubbard was a science fiction writer. He lived on
a boat with only young boys and got bumped by
the fence.

Speaker 2 (02:46:25):
Nor with guides. I did not. Those are rumors put
out by people who are afraid because they don't know
the secret truth.

Speaker 3 (02:46:31):
What secret truth? I can't tell you unless you pay
for a few years of a body counseling. All I
know is that I was depressed before and now I
found meaning. I didn't know you were depressed, neither did I.
But now if you guys can't accept this great thing
I belonged to, then I suppose we're no longer friends.

Speaker 17 (02:46:49):
Stan.

Speaker 2 (02:46:49):
I just want you to know that I still hate
Kyle more than you. Lower lower, lower the prices of
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Speaker 57 (02:46:59):
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Speaker 2 (02:47:03):
That's great. Think so because I'm thinking a little shift
to the left.

Speaker 57 (02:47:07):
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week at Stop and Shop, stop and chop Saint Louis
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Speaker 2 (02:47:22):
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Speaker 74 (02:48:17):
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Speaker 37 (02:48:58):
Tom, Hey, Tom, it's Judge. Oh hey, John, John, you
gotta come out of class.

Speaker 68 (02:49:04):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (02:49:05):
Aron Humber doesn't think I'm a great actor.

Speaker 37 (02:49:08):
Maybe you two what he said out in context? Okay,
it's like, if you don't come out, can I at
least come in and talk to you?

Speaker 2 (02:49:16):
Wow?

Speaker 62 (02:49:18):
Okay, but no tricks, no tricks. Hey, it's really nice
in here. Yeah see, I'd be really safe. Oh my god, Hello, Hey,
come out of there.

Speaker 17 (02:49:35):
Tom.

Speaker 4 (02:49:35):
It now appears that John Travolta is also in the closet,
and he refuses to come out here with more details.

Speaker 2 (02:49:42):
Once again, is R Kelly.

Speaker 4 (02:49:44):
I was just standing here, Tom Cruise like himself in
the closet, then John Votin and now John Travolta in
the closet too. Please Tom Cruise and judevot to come
out of the closet.

Speaker 2 (02:49:56):
But then I calm myself down and I pulled out
my gun. Jesus, I'm going again.

Speaker 4 (02:50:01):
If Tom Cruise and Judging about to talk about a
cloud that I'm gonna cap this bitch.

Speaker 2 (02:50:07):
Yes, yes, so this is great.

Speaker 17 (02:50:09):
Stan.

Speaker 3 (02:50:10):
I wrote that I'm a follower shouldn't fly in DC
eights anymore because they're too much like Xeno's evil cruisers.

Speaker 2 (02:50:15):
Yes, of course, so wonderful.

Speaker 3 (02:50:18):
And I wrote that the evil Lord Zeno has recently
broken out of galactic jail.

Speaker 2 (02:50:21):
Yes, of course.

Speaker 3 (02:50:23):
And best of all, I wrote that all the scientologist
should no longer have to pay money to belong what
I realized that to really.

Speaker 2 (02:50:30):
Be a church, we can't charge people for help. What
are you stupid? Then? How do we make money from
those people? Well, it's not about the money, it's about
the message. Right. Wait a minute, whoa, whoa? You don't
actually believe this crap, do you? Dummy?

Speaker 4 (02:50:47):
Brainwashed alien souls e meters and seating levels those people
out there by that crap. But I thought you were
smart enough to see what was really going on, But
you said that they're what's better than telling people a
stupid story and having them believe you having them pay
you for it?

Speaker 2 (02:51:02):
Stupid? But then why me? Why do you need me
to write something so badly?

Speaker 4 (02:51:07):
Because if those people I'll thank you the reincarnation of
out Ron Hubbard, then they'll all buy your new writings.

Speaker 2 (02:51:12):
And you and I together will make three million dollars.
Three million dollars. That's how a scam works. But this
is a scam on a global scale. Do you paint
at me now?

Speaker 16 (02:51:26):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (02:51:27):
Yeah? Can't you and keep writing?

Speaker 4 (02:51:29):
Rond People are waiting breaking news here in South Park.
Tom Cruise and John Travolta still will.

Speaker 2 (02:51:36):
Not come out of the closet. Park County Police have
decided to try a new method.

Speaker 4 (02:51:43):
I've been asked to come up here, get you both
out of the closet.

Speaker 2 (02:51:48):
Man, is this some crazy shit? Why won't you both
just come at the closet? And they said, we're not
coming at the closet. You can just go away, but hey,
everyone wants you at the closet. That doesn't matter because
we're gonna stay.

Speaker 17 (02:52:03):
Now.

Speaker 4 (02:52:03):
I'm starting to get angry, so I pulled out my guard.

Speaker 2 (02:52:07):
I'm gonna give you counter three. Open this closet door.
What I'm gonna shoot you both two? I'm gonna cap
some bit free. Now I'm in the closet. Now I'm
in the closet too.

Speaker 4 (02:52:26):
Hi, fellow scientologists, our prophet has finished his new doctrine
and will now read some passages before making it available.

Speaker 2 (02:52:33):
To you all for phenomenal fee. I kid you the
reincarnation of l. Ron Hubbard. Thanks so.

Speaker 3 (02:52:50):
First of all, I've written that the brainwashed alien ghosts
are actually from a galaxy.

Speaker 2 (02:52:55):
Called nubu nan oh ubunot and h I can't do this?
Oh what?

Speaker 3 (02:53:11):
Look everybody, we're all looking for answers. You know, we
all want to understand who we are and where we
come from. But sometimes we want to know the answer
so badly that we believe just about anything. Huh what
I'm not the reincarnation of l Ron Hubbard and scientology
is just a big fat global scam.

Speaker 2 (02:53:34):
Oh, we are gonna sue you. What. Yeah, you think
you can say our religion is a lie? We'll sue you, buddy.
You told me it was a lie. Oh, now you're
putting ones in my mouth. You are so sued you
can't make fun of scientology. Kid, We are gonna sue
your ass and your bass. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (02:53:52):
How dare you mock our faith, you little punk. You'll
be hearing from our lawyers tomorrow. We've just had an
incredible development here, Mitge, Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and R
Kelly have all come out of the closet. So you're
not the prophet. Huh you made me look stupid. I'm
gonna sue you too.

Speaker 2 (02:54:12):
Well, fine, go ahead and sue me. I will. I'll
sue you in England. You are so sued kid. We'll
go on then sue me. We're going to Okay, good
do it. I'm gonna scare you.

Speaker 38 (02:54:24):
Sue me.

Speaker 55 (02:54:38):
Everything South Park is screaming on Caaramount plucks, new episodes,
dad seasons, and more. This could change the world in
South Park all seasons, new episodes, and more.

Speaker 2 (02:54:50):
Now screaming not Caaramount flucks.

Speaker 69 (02:55:01):
One dans Atha's gonna have myself time.

Speaker 2 (02:55:07):
Doe thats a I don't believe my moda Fama, don't
save a hid.

Speaker 17 (02:55:21):
I'm going down Fatha and me a brid