February 13, 2025 • 52 mins
Have you ever found yourself at a crossroads, unsure of which path to take? Join us on "Thrive and Decide" as we sit down with Linz, an extraordinary woman who faced such a moment in her life and emerged stronger than ever. Her story of navigating the treacherous waters of divorce, especially with young children involved, and the self-discovery that followed is a powerful testament to resilience and personal growth. Linz candidly shares her journey from leaving her marriage for another relationship to the self-reflection that transformed her into the person she is today. Her experiences underscore the universal theme of transformation in the face of adversity.
Breaking free from the grip of a toxic relationship is never easy, but it's a journey that brings immense growth. Hear firsthand how the cycle of manipulation and gaslighting left its mark, but ultimately led to newfound strength and independence. With the support of friends and family, the courage to reclaim one's identity shines through. The episode sheds light on rediscovering love and self-care post-divorce, revealing the importance of maintaining one's individuality amid the roles of marriage and parenthood. Influential authors and healing practices played a significant role in this process, offering guidance and inspiration to those seeking their own path.
A supportive tribe can be a beacon of hope and empowerment. As we discuss the healing power of holistic practices like Reiki, alongside the transformative effect of connecting with like-minded individuals, the profound impact of community becomes evident. Whether it's through live events or virtual gatherings, the synergy of collective energy fosters personal growth and healing. Listen in as we celebrate the importance of finding your tribe and nurturing connections that elevate your spirit. Our stories aim to inspire, encouraging you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery and growth, surrounded by a network that uplifts and supports you.
Hi and welcome to Thrive and Decide. I’m your host Sarah Thress. This podcast is intended to help women who are going through a divorce, continplating divorce or have lost a spouse feel seen, heard, understood and not alone. All the beautiful souls who share on here are coming from a place of vulnerability and a common belief that sharing your story will help others. You will also hear from industry experts on what to do and not do while going through a divorce.
Sarah Thress
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi and welcome to this week's episode of Thrive
and Decide.
This week, we have a beautifulsoul named Linz who is coming to
share her story.
I just think that it's reallyinspirational and really
powerful.
You know just to hear whatother women have gone through
and you know maybe the feelingsthat they felt, because while
(00:26):
everyone's story is unique,everyone can learn something
from everyone else's story.
So, lindsay Linz, however, youwant to go by because I've
called you both, but thank youso much for taking time out and
just being so vulnerable toshare your story with us.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
so much for taking time out and just being so
vulnerable to share your storywith us.
Absolutely, Thanks for havingme.
And yeah, you call me Linz orLindsay.
You know most of my friendscall me Linz.
So okay, yeah, and so it's goodto be here.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I know Well, thank you for taking time out and you
know, and being here, I knowthat sometimes going back I know
you and I are kind of, you know, pretty far removed from our
divorces but sometimes goingback there can be difficult and
bring up some feelings.
So I appreciate you being openand vulnerable with us.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yeah, no, it's good.
It's good to measure backwards.
It's good to measure backwards,you know, when you reflect on
the things that you've survivedand thrived through.
It just gives you a whole lotof momentum, new momentum and
new energy to keep going forwardand all of the other things
that might be scary at the time.
Yeah, obviously, divorce is notsuper fun.
(01:42):
It's scary, no matter how ithappens for you and what the
circumstances are, and it'ssomething that you really kind
of always deal with, like um,especially if you have kids.
Um, I have, I have two kids, 13and 11.
And my mom just asked meyesterday how long have you guys
been divorced?
Uh, like eight years yearsseparated, eight years.
(02:05):
It'll be, I think, 8 Februaryand, yeah, the wounds sometimes
are still fresh.
It doesn't always go smoothlyas time goes on when you have
kids involved, but looking backand learning from the experience
and reflecting on who you werethen, who you are now and who
(02:27):
you're still trying to be isreally an important step, I
think.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Yeah it is.
I think it's amazing.
I mean, I shared my story inthe first episode just so that
people kind of understood whereI was coming from, and obviously
, throughout the course of allthe episodes I'm sure there'll
be more that I'll share, butthat's like the one thing that
(02:52):
was interesting to me.
When I was done recording, itwas just kind of thinking back
on who I was during thatmarriage, who I was when it
ended and who I am today.
It's like three completelydifferent women, but it's all me
.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah, yeah.
And then we can have a sense ofgratitude for all the things
that we've gone through and thewomen we've become in the
process.
We're not going to be the samefive minutes from now.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
So when you got married, didyou go into it thinking like,
wow, this is going to be mystarter marriage.
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
I think I'll give it 10, 15 years and then we'll see
how it goes.
No, no, no, no, I was.
I was well, first of all.
I was child of divorce, okay,and um, my parents got divorced
when I was 11 and I said I wouldnever do that, I would never
have that story, I would neverdo that to my kids, I would
(03:55):
never leave my family.
You know, we, we don't go intomarriage thinking that we're
going to fail.
We don't think we're going tolearn anything, we think we're
just going to have thatstorybook, you know, with the
checklist the husband, the house, the picket fence, two kids,
the dog, the career andeverything's going to be fine.
(04:16):
And then you get there andyou're like, okay, shit, now
what Cause?
I'm still not fulfilled.
I'm still not fulfilled, I'mstill looking.
I was looking outside of myself, you know, but I got married
when I was 21 not something Iwould advise and before before I
(04:43):
was there for a second oh, we,we did first.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Okay, there you go.
So you got married at 21 andnot something you would advise.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yeah, got married at 21.
It's not something I wouldadvise, um the check my internet
.
Take my wifi off on my phone,just so it doesn't mess us up.
Um and I went from before thatI was in relationship and I
jumped from relationship torelationship and I remember my
aunt saying is this you, youknow, because I would kind of
(05:14):
morph into whoever I was datingand I so irritated by that
question, but really that's,that's what I was doing, that's
what I was doing.
So not something that reallywas set up for success, not
knowing who I was before I gotmarried, getting married so
(05:36):
young.
But I don't regret any of itLooking back.
Obviously I have two beautifulkids that are my whole life and
I wouldn't change any of it.
It was hard when we decided,when I decided, to leave the
marriage I left for another man,which is just so gross and
(05:56):
heavy to even think about now.
That's part of the pain thatcomes with looking back, but
it's also a moment of pride,cause I know I wouldn't be the
same person making the samedecisions and the way I was then
.
Um, so, yeah, I left my husbandand obviously my kids were very
(06:21):
young um three and five.
Obviously, my kids were veryyoung, um, three and five I
think they were.
So it's just there's so muchshame that was around that story
and for the longest time Icouldn't even look at pictures
of my kids at that age becauseof all the pain that came
through, um, just who I was andthe choices I was making, and
(06:42):
just very heavy and gross energy.
Um, but I had to go throughthat to get to where I am now.
So I am grateful because I'mI'm much, much better mom, a
much better person than I was.
Um, so, yeah, I left my husbandfor this guy who I think I was
(07:03):
dating three years.
You know, when you do somethinglike that, you sacrifice
everything for someone, youreally try to make it work.
Yeah, and I tried so hard withthat relationship and it turns
out he was a full blownnarcissist, um, narcissist.
(07:24):
I refer to that time as when Iburned down the house because I
just like I lost myself,completely lost myself, you know
, through everything thatmattered to me out the window,
basically.
But at some point you have tostop and look in the mirror and
say but at some point you haveto stop and look in the mirror
(07:45):
and say, how the hell did I endup here?
You know, um, obviously this isa me thing too, because I chose
to be in a relationship withthis man, I attracted this man,
um, so that was probably thefirst, you know, start of my
(08:08):
personal development journey andmy journey into figuring out,
okay, what's going on with me?
Um, and I remember alwaysfeeling like I just want to go
home.
I just want to go home.
That was like the recurringfeeling for years.
And thankfully, um, so we wereonly separated for about I don't
know seven, eight months, andthen we got divorced.
(08:30):
I think I left in May-ish,divorced by December.
Oh, wow, yeah, super fast, andI bought my house.
I think it was the same day orshortly after my divorce.
So, thankfully, I bought myhouse on my own, because that
(08:51):
was a starting point of hey, Idon't need anybody, I have
something that is just for meand my kids, um, because it
could have gone a totallydifferent way.
I could have moved in with himand then had this whole nother
batch of separation if I were toleave him, and so that was the
starting point.
(09:11):
I was really grateful that I?
Um chose to buy my own house bymyself, but that was a scary
process, as you obviously arevery familiar with um being
single and not knowing how muchI can afford and how to do it
all on my own.
Like my ex-husband and I, webuilt our house together.
(09:32):
The land was gifted to us byhis parents and we kind of did
everything as we could, but theloan was in his name before we
got married, and so it was awhole new batch of how do I do
this and can I do this?
But doing that gave me such aboost of security and stability,
(09:58):
um, and just empowerment inmyself and knowing that I can do
it on my own.
And then it's maybe one of thefirst steps in becoming
unattached, right, like wetalked a little bit before we
hit record about not beingcodependent, and that was one of
the things that you know helpedme start to unravel that Like
(10:19):
I'm not going to depend onanybody else but myself to to go
forward yeah well, and I think,like there's so much that
you've shared, that's superpowerful.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Um, first of all, I I know you are not the only
person on this planet that hasleft a spouse for someone else,
whether it be the man leavingfor a you know another woman, or
a woman leaving for another man, or a woman leaving for another
woman any of the above.
You're not the first one, and Icould see where it would be
(10:55):
shameful, but I'm really gladthat you've worked through that
and you've gotten to the pointthat you know that, yeah, that
happened, and you know what.
Like, you made a decision withall the facts that you had at
the time, and at the time, itfelt like it was the best
decision for you.
Now, with things beingdifferent, it isn't the best
(11:16):
decision for you now, but thatdoesn't mean that back then you
know.
Like you didn't make thisdecision going like I'm going to
blow up my world for fun.
This sounds awesome, like youwere following what you believed
.
So I'm really glad, though,that you're now able to talk
about it and not have that shamestory around it, because it is
(11:39):
just.
It's just a chapter in yourstory, it's just a blip on your
map and you know, I'm reallyglad that you did that, you know
, and that you're that you'vehealed that part of it.
I also love that you pointed outthat you, you know, were able
to purchase that house on yourown.
You know, and like, becausethat is, it's so freeing.
(12:00):
So, whether it's that you canrent an apartment by yourself or
you can buy, you know, a pieceof property, like, I think those
are huge things, so I love thatyou did that.
Now, what did, like yourfriends and family say, when you
first like left for someoneelse and then you know, as you
were going through this, becauseI know sometimes people in
(12:23):
these situations through this,because I know sometimes people
in these situations, theirfamilies and friends, mean, well
, you know, quote unquote, butsome of what they say is less
than helpful.
So I'd love to kind of hear,like, do you remember anything
that you know the haters weresaying?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Oh God, yeah, it was kind of split 50, 50.
I mean, I had a lot of support,um, and then I had a lot of
haters.
I had a lot of people that werevery judgmental obviously lost
a lot of friends.
You obviously find out who yourfriends are when you're going
through something like that andyou know if it's really a
(13:02):
friendship or if it's really youknow if it's really a
friendship you're going to comeover, sit down, look someone in
the eye and say, hey, what'sgoing on?
How are you, um, and notdistance themselves and place
judgment on you.
So huge lessons were learned.
(13:24):
Huge lessons were learned and,um, yeah, a lot of the family,
like.
I remember my dad saying at somepoint well, uncle steve is very
disappointed in you, veryworried about you.
I'm like well, he hasn't calledme, he hasn't talked me, he
hasn't talked to me, he doesn'tsay anything when we're at
(13:44):
Christmas.
You know, like, if you'reworried about somebody and not
that he's a bad person, and notthat he was trying to do
something ill or had ill intentbut for anybody who's listening
and they have somebody that'sgoing through, that, take a
minute and go and talk towhoever it is that you are
(14:05):
really worried about, instead ofjust saying I'm really worried
about so-and-so.
You know, showing up and beingpresent is is the thing to do.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Yeah, yeah.
So now did you already have, um, the businesses that you have
now.
You know, while going throughthis like so were you juggling,
you know, tying up loose endswith your ex-husband moving in
with you know the narcissistthat you, ultimately, you know,
(14:37):
left.
I guess let's start there.
How did you untether yourselffrom that Like?
Was that almost like goingthrough another divorce?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Untether myself from the narcissist.
Yeah, oh, that was worse thanthe divorce, oh, um, so, yeah,
um, I left.
So I left, moved in with my momfor a short time, then moved in
with um the narcissist and hiskids, and that was too far away.
(15:07):
But I knew I always wanted tohave my house.
So that was just.
I knew that was a temporarything, bought my house and then
he moved in with him and hiskids and it was really crazy
because, let's see, in a yearand a half-ish maybe in, we
(15:28):
started planning to build ahouse and he bought land.
I'm a designer.
So I designed the whole house,from the floor plan to every
single color, every singledetail.
It was all me detail, it wasall me.
Um.
And then being a designer, likeI had all of my um, my bonuses
(15:51):
of being a designer.
You know, I bought things atcost and whatever Um, we moved
in and I listed my house.
Thank God it didn't sell, likeGod was really looking out for
me.
Because it didn't sell.
I didn't hardly have anyshowings.
(16:13):
And when we moved into the newhouse, that's when he really
started to show his true colors,like it was, it was like a
switch flipped.
You know, because it was hishouse quote his house because I
still own my house no-transcriptwow yeah, um, and I think, yeah
(16:43):
, that was the day that I gotreally bad.
I have never in my life calledthe cops, ever.
I had to call the cops to justmove out of the house.
Yeah, um, and thank god, I hadreally great friends and my
grandma.
They all showed up with trucksand we got a U-Haul and it was
(17:06):
like 400 degrees.
The garage was facing the west,so the hot afternoon sun was
just cooking us as we werehauling as much out as we
possibly could.
But yeah, it was rough, wow,and thankfully I still had my
house, so we just took every youknow, all the vehicles and the
(17:27):
U-Haul to my house.
But, yeah, very scary time,because I, you know, I had to
change the locks on my doors.
I probably changed the locks onmy doors at my house three
times.
I used to know the amount ofmoney that I had spent on just
locks.
It's a sad situation.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Yeah, oh, wow.
Well, I'm glad that you had thesupport, though, you know, when
going through that, and I'mglad that you know you were able
to recognize it.
You know, I mean, at least itwas only a month in and it
wasn't, you know, years in.
Um, so that obviously meansthat you learned something from
(18:09):
the first time.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Well, I went back.
Unfortunately that lasted awhole nother year, but I didn't
move back in fully, because youknow I learn everything the hard
way.
I say you got to keep learningthe lesson, but yeah, he sucked
me back in for a little bit andthen I finally thankfully I
didn't move back in, so I didn'thave as much to gather and run
(18:34):
with the last time.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Well, that's the problem with like narcissistic
people is they are just charmingenough to keep you around.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
And they're just charming enough to pull you back
in.
They push you down, theygaslight the shit out of you,
and then they make you feelcrazy.
And then you know, and then allof a sudden they're so charming
and you're like, oh, theydidn't mean that it's okay.
And then you stay, and thenthey gaslight charming and
you're like, oh, they didn'tmean that it's okay.
And then you stay, and thenthey gaslight the shit out of
you and every time they gaslightyou, you just like lose more
(19:07):
another piece of yourself andlike more and more of you goes
away.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Oh for sure, Like I was unrecognizable.
I mean, I I've alwaysconsidered myself as a strong,
independent and feisty woman.
And I look back at that girland I was like what, how did how
?
Did he destroy?
I mean, obviously I played apart in it, so I can't say he
destroyed.
I allowed that to happen and Iallowed to myself to be in that
(19:35):
position and to be lied to andmanipulated.
But man, it's just crazy howhow much I lost of myself.
But I feel like I really neededto, to burn myself down in a
way, um, to become who I am now,because I will never let that
(19:56):
happen.
And the amount of anxiety thatI lived with at the time.
I will never let that happen.
And the amount of anxiety thatI lived with at the time.
I don't know how I functioned,I don't know how I slept,
because it was always there.
And now I feel a teeny, tinylittle bit of anxiety.
I'm like what the fuck?
You know where?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
does that come from?
It's got to go, yeah, yeah, no,I totally get that, because it
is.
It's interesting when you lookback, you know, like when I look
back on how I was, you know,when I was in my marriage, like
if you would have asked me whenI was married, you know, to my
ex-husband, I literally wouldhave told you that we were the
(20:38):
happiest people in the world andthat we had the best marriage.
Like I literally didn't evenrealize how much I had lost
about myself until, you know,until I was out of it.
And honestly, ironically, itwas my ex-husband who pointed
out all the things that he waslike, yeah, he's like, do you
know that?
Like you used to be this way andnow you're this way, and then,
(20:58):
like you know, and I wasn't evennice to you Like think about
this and this and this, and Iwas like, huh, how did I not see
that?
Like you just don't evenrealize that you focus so much
on being the perfect wife andthen you have kids and then you
focus so much on being theperfect mom and you're no longer
(21:19):
that sexy wife that you had.
You know cause your body is nowlike you made a child and you
know if you're eating you're nowthe dairy cow like.
Those aren't your husband's funbags anymore, those are
actually just like those are.
You know you're feeding yourchildren so like.
It's so hard because then youget so lost in wanting to be the
(21:40):
perfect wife and wanting to bethe perfect mom that you forget
how to be the perfect Sarah orthe perfect lens.
You know, like you.
Just you lose those pieces andparts.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Oh, that's so true.
And I feel like, oh, that's sotrue.
And I feel like people'sbiggest hurdle in marriage is
like forgetting to date eachother.
You know, like go on a date andbe a couple every now and then
and not be the perfect wife, notbe the perfect mom or the
(22:10):
perfect housekeeper or whatever,but to go and like fall in love
all the time.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Yeah, yeah, date your spouse.
Like that is the biggest pieceof advice that I give to people,
that you know, whether it'syour first marriage or your 17th
, it doesn't matter Like justyou have to like date your
spouse.
And like you know, my husbandand I try, cause I'm remarried
now and like he and I, we bothhad been married previously.
(22:37):
So we both are very, verygrateful for the things that we
learned in our past marriages.
But we also know that, likewe're not going to take each
other for granted and we'regoing to do date nights and
we're going to go on tripstogether and we're going to, you
know, we like to call it bubbletime, like in the evenings.
You know, like we come up to bedat the same time and we watch
(22:58):
TV and we just hang out and,like you know, our four
teenagers are, they can takecare of themselves, so it's fine
.
But you know, like they'redoing their own thing but we're
like locked in our room whereit's just kind of like our
bubble and like that's where wecan just like rest and relax and
just like unwind from the day.
But that's what we look forwardto every night is our bubble
time.
So, yeah, just things like thatthat, like you don't like, you
(23:24):
just don't know whenever you'rein it, and then, once you've
gone through situations likethis, it does help you to be
more grateful and more like,focused on things like that.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
So yeah, 100% my first, or my ex-husband, I
shouldn't say my first husband.
I've only had one.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
I know, isn't it so hard Like I find myself?
Sometimes I'm like, oh, myfirst husband or my current
husband, and I'm like, okay, I'mnot saying my current husband,
as if I'm choosing to haveanother one later on down the
line.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Yeah, but yeah, my ex-husband he had a swing shift
job so it was very much like wewere roommates, especially after
kids, because then we reallydidn't have any kind of like
time together.
I remember I would go to familyevents by myself, I'd go to
church by myself, so that wasprobably one of the.
(24:18):
You know, obviously there was alot of healing that I needed to
do as an individual, but thatdefinitely helped erode the
relationship much faster.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Because obviously, like you went from the you know
from your ex-husband to thenarcissist, to you know, then
just being just lens on her own,like what do you think was the
biggest thing you did foryourself on your healing journey
?
Or just kind of walk us through, you know, your healing journey
.
You don't have to like itdoesn't have to come off the top
of your head what your biggestthing was, but just kind of walk
us through your healing journeyand maybe along that way it'll
(25:03):
kind of highlight, like that wasyour the top.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Oh, that's a good question.
I feel like I say all the timethis was the most important
thing I've done for myself, butthere's a lot of big things.
I mean, it started with seeinga counselor as soon as I
separated from my husband andthat was helpful.
But it's very watered downbasically from what I do now and
(25:27):
what I ended up doing, not todownplay counselors, but it's
just kind of like you rehash thesame stuff, but it definitely
brought a lot of things into myawareness that I didn't have
before.
Then, of course, I startedreading a ton of books, which I
still read a ton of books andI'm obsessed with any kind of
(25:51):
personal growth.
I feel like we should always belearning and leveling up, and
it's never a I'm healed or adone task.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
What do you think was like one of your favorite books
, like if you had to recommendone to somebody.
That was like going throughthis, like what would be like
one of your go-tos or an author.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Yeah, well, the first books I read were on
narcissists, which really mademe aware of my role in it, and
it was like reading a guidebookto what I was dealing with.
Like it was like a manual.
Um, so that opened the doorsfor a lot of other books.
(26:35):
Um, jen Sincero was veryimportant to me in the beginning
.
Um, oh, kate Northrup, do less.
That was a big book for me.
Um, but yeah, eventually I gotinto um.
Oh man, I got all my books inthe other rooms.
(26:57):
Now I'm into Dan Sullivan bigtime.
Oh yes, love um the gap and thegain.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, um, let's see wasn't he the one that did?
10x is better than 2x 10x.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
I'm reading both of them at the same time.
I had to look at my deskbecause I'm reading both of them
at the same time.
I had to look at my deskbecause I'm reading the card
copy of 10X and I'm listening tothe Gap and the Gain.
Both are so amazing.
Yeah, but yeah, now I do more.
Joe Dispenza, catherine Ponder,wayne Dyer let's see, okay.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Oh, mel Robbins she was important to me in the
beginning too Byron, katie, tolike healing past traumas and
things like that Even traumasthat had nothing to do with my,
you know, my previous marriageor anything like that just
becoming the best version ofmyself, like I find that therapy
is still helpful, but there'slike and like you said, it's not
(28:16):
really watered down, it's justit's a different way, and I
think that's the best place foreveryone to start is going to a
therapist.
In my opinion, like, obviouslytake it with a grain of salt,
but my opinion is starting witha therapist and then, once
you've kind of broken throughthat first layer of shit and
you're ready to dive deeper,that's when I think you start
(28:39):
going down these other self-helppaths, and I think that's how I
kind of found, like KathyHeller and Kate Northrup and,
you know, tracy Lidd and likeall of the big players that have
really helped me dig evendeeper.
Yeah, you know, I'd love tohear.
So you did therapy and then youdid self-help and then you know
kind of what was like, what wasthe rest.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
So there was a point.
It was a.
It was an August, probably theyear that I broke up with the
narcissist the last time.
And, uh, my friend Jenna, whois like my soul sister we've
gone through all the same shitjust at different times, which
is very convenient becauseshe'll go through some shit and
then I'll go through some shitlike the exact same thing a year
(29:24):
later, and like we just havethis knowing of oh, this is what
we gotta do, this is how I canhelp you pick up the pieces.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
I love that.
I love having a ride or diethat like especially someone.
Not that you want other peopleto go through the same shit, but
it's nice when you have thatride or die person that you're
like.
Oh okay, yep, I know what I'msupposed to do here.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Yeah, it's just crazy Like we've been through almost
all of the same stuff.
Right now I'm pregnant, as youknow, but right now she's like,
oh God, I'm not ready for that.
We don't.
We've got, you know, they'vegot older kids and her husband's
older.
So she's like I'm going to haveto go back on birth control,
(30:10):
because she just knows that weare always going through the
same thing.
But anyway, um, she called meone August day and I was kind of
in my, my uh, puddle of sorrow,my, you know, my shit fit.
And she's like, what are youdoing?
And I was bitching about mylife and I'm like, and she's
like, okay, go get in your truckand come to black river and
(30:32):
you're going to see Don.
I'm like, okay, I'd heard aboutDon before, but I just never,
you know, took initiative.
Don does Reiki and, um,holistic health and all the all
these great things.
So I just went in with an openmind and jenna scheduled my
session and paid for my sessionand that was a huge turning
(30:56):
point for me because, um, Ithink you go to reiki, right?
Speaker 1 (31:01):
I think you go to Reiki, right, do you?
Yeah, literally my Reikispecialist, like I did a at some
point you'll hear an episodewith her on it because I wanted
her to explain what Reiki was,because I was like I don't know
how to explain it, other than Ilike come in and I leave and
it's magical, like all thenegative shit just flows out of
(31:23):
me and I just leave feeling somuch lighter and yeah, so I go
once a month.
So, yeah, total believer inReiki, yep, yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Yeah, so I've been going once a month for I think
it's five years, um, but thatwas definitely a turning point
and my first session was crazypowerful.
I balled my face off.
I had like spinning sensations.
I released so much crap that Ididn't even know I had.
(31:52):
It was life-changing.
I tell her all the time yousaved my life.
Like she's still um, was it twomonths ago?
I was in a downward spiral fora few days and just I don't know
bad energy and I scheduled anappointment with her.
I get to her house and it's thewrong day and she comes to the
(32:16):
door and.
I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm sosorry, I thought it was today.
And she's like, no, no worries,just come on in.
And I get in her door and Ijust start bawling.
And that was one of the mostpowerful sessions, because when
I left I was like a new dude,completely new dude.
But yeah, same thing with me.
(32:38):
Yeah, what is?
How do you explain Reiki?
And I feel like explaining itto people almost is an injustice
, because all you really need toknow is you go and you're going
to feel better, like I feellike if some people research the
crap out of things and thenthey get their own idea of what
it is, so I've I don't know howmany sessions I've bought for
(33:00):
friends I'm like you're justgoing to go, I'm not going to
tell you anything, you just go.
And then they come out andthey're just like, oh my God.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Oh yeah, and it's crazy.
So, like my Reiki specialist Idon't know whether you call her
like guru specialist, I don't, Idon't even know but so my Reiki
girl is freaking phenomenal.
And I found her like Iliterally was at an event where
someone was like, oh, we'reoffering Reiki and tarot and I
literally never like done eitherone.
(33:30):
And I was like, whatever, fine,I'll try it.
And like I went in and I'mtelling you, like I tell her
that she is the reason that mybusiness has taken off in the
way that it has, because when Iwent to her she, you know, she
didn't know me from Adam, shedidn't know my name, she didn't
know anything because I was justmeeting her at this party.
(33:50):
So I sit down and literally,you know, whenever I try and
explain it to people, again, Imake it sound so woo that people
are like fuck, and I'm like,literally, I sit down and she
puts her hands like above myhead, you know, and I just like
I can feel it, and I was likeokay, like I don't, I don't know
(34:11):
what, what's going on, and butI just like sat there and just
like in my head I was thinkinglike, okay, like you know that
that that like just thinkingabout stuff, whatever.
Anyways, when she was done, shewas just like she's like your
angels, spirit guides, you knowwhatever you want to call them.
She was like they want me totell you that you've planted all
the seeds and you're good.
And I was like holy crap.
(34:33):
I was like I literally was justtalking to a friend not too long
before that, like in a totaldifferent space, so it's not
like she overheard or anythinglike that, but I had just been
talking to her about how, hey,I'm on this team, they're
getting ready to leave and go toa different brokerage, but I
think I'm ready to go out on myown, but I don't know.
And I keep going back and forthand blah, blah, blah.
And it was like as soon as shesaid that, I was like yep, and I
(35:06):
left then.
So, um, I now go to likedifferent events with her that
she offers free Reiki and likeI'll be there to make sure
people like get signed up andyou know if they have any
questions or whatever.
But like she always tells me toexplain it, like it's like just
gentle touch healing.
It's kind of like the sister toacupuncture without needles.
It's kind of like the sister toacupuncture without needles.
So, yeah, that's a good way.
(35:27):
Yeah, because it.
I mean like you, literally yourelease so much stuff and you
just walk away like like itliterally so much lighter.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Yeah, um, I, I call it.
I say energy healing and stillpeople look at you like you have
two heads, like what is energyhealing?
But that session that I wastalking about, when I um showed
up at the door and it was thewrong day I had, we had just got
done with the the fair.
So, um, my kids show animalsand it's always a lot and it's
always emotional and I see a lotof family and old friends from
(36:07):
when I was married and so itused to bring up so much icky
energy and I would just Idreaded it even though I was so
excited to go and see my kidsand watch them do.
Well, and over the years it'sgotten so much better and this
year was the best, the easiest,and so we get done with my
(36:28):
session and she's like, yeah,you had a lot of energy from the
fair and people's hooks were inyou.
I literally shaved it off ofyou.
I had to take one of her.
She said she took one of hercrystals and she shaved people's
energy off of me because theywere like it was clinging to me,
they had their hooks in me andI'm like, well, the fair was so
(36:50):
good this year and she's like,yeah, for you.
But there was a lot of peoplethat were like, oh, I want some
of that.
Why is she feeling so good?
How dare she feel that good,how dare she look that good, how
dare she be happy?
And so it's really crazy how itaffected me, even though I
(37:10):
thought it was like this greatexperience.
But other people's energy hangson you too.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
I love that and I love that you know, I love that
you opened up to the possibilityof you know of Reiki or of
something outside of the norm.
You know, because fromliterally sobbing on the
(37:43):
bathroom floor every night forsix months to like being able to
actually function and actuallyget through the day and actually
start to heal, so you know,that's where I learned like
radical acceptance and all ofthat stuff.
So I think that you know, foranyone that's listening, if
you're like oh, that's just waytoo woo, you know that's fine,
(38:05):
start with therapy, work, work,all those things.
And then just you know, Ialways ask people just keep an
open mind, like because younever know what is going to help
on your healing journey.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
Yeah, exactly, and, like I said, I don't mean to
downplay therapy, it's just itwas a very good place to start.
Like I said, I don't mean todownplay therapy, it's just it
was a very good place to startand I did unearth a lot of
hidden shit that I didn't evenknow I had, and even more so in
Reiki.
One of the things I wanted tobring up with Reiki is we did a
sacred child rebirth Reikisession and that was so cool.
(38:43):
So she takes you back into yourdays before you're born and how
your parents felt, how your momwas feeling.
Was she feeling supported?
Did she feel, um, secure, youknow?
Uh, was she confident in her inher birth?
(39:04):
Did she?
You know all the things, um, andthen you, like you, experience
your birth session and it's wild, the things that come through
and the things that you don'teven know are affecting you.
That happened before you wereborn or during your birth.
Um, for example, my dad wasn'tthere, and so my mom yeah, he,
(39:31):
he wasn't there, and then hestopped in and then he had to go
to a tractor, pull of allthings.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I mean my daughter's being born.
Tractor pull, I would choosetractor pull.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
I mean, he was a puller himself, but you know
still it's your baby girl beingborn.
Come on Right.
So you know, think of how thataffects somebody.
That's the most important dayof your life and you're not
there and I don't hold any angerto my dad anymore, but that
obviously was a thing that wasaffecting me my mom, my dad, my
(40:07):
kids, everybody in our familythat I didn't even know was
there.
And then she has you go throughyour birth and how you would
want to be born.
You know, did your mom struggle?
Did you come out easily, Allthe things?
And then we also did my kids,which was really cool, and you
ask your kids if they want to bereborn or if they're satisfied
(40:29):
with their birth.
And my daughter wanted to bereborn and my son did not.
So, that was really cool, yeah,but yeah after um, so obviously
Reiki has been a thing for me.
And then let's see, two yearsago almost is when I found, well
, the first course I did wasactually for designers, so
(40:56):
that's when I started in thecourse world and that's how you
and I met.
We met through Kathy Heller.
But first it was a interiordesigner course where I got my
feet wet with it and I was likethis is just so fun.
I fell in love with learningand there was also a mindset
piece in it.
Then I found Kate Northrup'scourse.
(41:17):
I was enrolled in her courseand that was really beautiful
the do less course, you know,where you learn to work with
your cycles, and it's a femaleempowerment course really.
And then I found Kathy andKathy's course and retreats
really were a big change for me.
(41:38):
Like that's when I reallytapped into even more healing
and power and enlightenment.
I feel like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
I totally agree, cause I found Kathy.
Yeah, yeah, I totally agree,cause I found Kathy two years
ago.
Yeah, gosh, yeah, two years ago.
Um, I found her and I just waslike listening to a podcast and
like I was in like a horrible,horrible black hole part of life
, like horrible.
And I found her and I foundmyself just like like she was a
(42:13):
guest on someone else's podcastand I heard her and something
about her just kind of likeresonated with me and then I
started listening to her podcastand I found myself like talking
to the radio and she'd be likeyou know what that what I'm
talking about.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, I do.
I'm like I've never talked tothe radio before, but okay, and
then she like offered thatprogram and I like found myself
just totally like called to likesign up, and then she was like,
(42:35):
oh, and I'm doing this retreatin Boca, and I was like, okay, I
have to do it and that's whereI met you.
So you know, obviously it wasworth every penny because I got
to meet you.
Also, it was just so cool.
And I think the biggest thingfor people that are listening
right now, the biggest thingabout these things is finding
(42:58):
your tribe.
So when I walked into thatgroup with Kathy, I mean you're
walking into a room with 75other women.
And if you would have told me10 years ago that I was going to
walk into a room of 75 womenand not feel like so, like
(43:18):
nervous, or you know, just likeI was being judged or you know
like I just feeling like I hadto compete with everyone in
there, if you had told me that Iwas going to walk into a room
with that many women and notfeel that way, I would have told
you that you were batshit crazyand there's no freaking way.
And then, like I don't knowwhat, that you were batshit
crazy and there's no frickingway.
And then like I don't know whatit is, but I literally walked
in, I felt at ease, I wastalking to everyone, I did not
(43:41):
feel, I didn't feel like I wascompeting with anyone and it was
the first time that I couldshare my big vision goal and
people didn't go what, you'recrazy, there's no freaking way,
or like try and talk me out ofit or tell me that I'm gonna
find a different goal, that Ishould just set my sights lower.
So I say all of that to say thatanyone that's listening,
(44:05):
whether it is going intosomething that is helping with
your business, like the designpiece, like you did, or if it's
to just like teach you how togrow your business or start a
podcast or whatever find thething that you're like feeling
called to do and just followthrough with it because it's
going to change your life in somany different ways that you
(44:28):
don't even know until you'redone with the program.
And then you're like holy shit.
I mean like I became a totaldifferent person.
I came home from Boca and I waslike, oh my God, like I can now
, like I can see things.
Like you know, my future isbright and I can see all this
stuff.
And it's like looking throughthis, you know, looking glass.
And every time that I'd everheard somebody say something
(44:50):
like that before, I thought theywere insane.
And now I'm like I got you,okay, like let's do this, but
yeah, so I think it's justfinding that thing and I think,
trusting your intuition, likewhen you feel called to
something, do it.
Yep, it's a sign.
Yeah, god, universe, angelguides, spirit guides, buddha,
(45:11):
whatever it is that you want tobelieve in, it's all the same
thing, it's all source and it'sall sending you signs in some
way to follow.
You know, follow this path ofgrowth and yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
So Boca was the first thing that I had ever done, on
my own too, and walking in aroom with a bunch of women that
you don't know.
Totally agree with everythingyou said about that, but that
was a huge opening into, likethe who I am now, because I
never would have gone anywhereby myself, like going to lunch
(45:51):
by myself was not even somethingthat I probably did, you know,
at a time.
And walking into that room andnot having to explain to people,
and I love that.
You said tribe, but that's.
I just announced my membershipyesterday and it's called tribe.
Oh, I love that.
Yeah, that's what I really feellike women are searching for.
(46:12):
We are searching for people whojust get us.
We're not trying to compete,we're not trying to judge each
other or put each other down orpoo-poo our ideas, like we are
all cheerleaders for each other,and that's what we're all
really searching for.
And unfortunately, a lot ofpeople don't know that there's a
world out there that existslike that and that's what is
(46:36):
such a huge.
I mean, you know, we go tothese events, we go to retreats,
we go to courses for because wefeel we resonate with the coach
or the leader and you do, andyou get a lot out of them.
Then there's this whole otherside of it with the community.
(46:57):
Like you and I, I never wouldhave met you if I hadn't been in
that program or if I hadn'tgone to that retreat.
And there's, like I don't know,20 other women that I've met
through the same channel, that Ican't imagine my life without
them now because they are mycheerleaders and we bounce ideas
(47:17):
off of each other and we calleach other on our, on our
bullshit, and there's no,there's no artificial, there's
no, um, you know drama.
Speaker 1 (47:29):
Yeah Well, and I, um, I love that you're calling it
tribe, because tribe is like myI just feel like it's such a
better word than like my group,my ladies, my, you know,
whatever, like it's just like mytribe, because a tribe is like
people that are there to helpyou grow, that want the best for
you.
Um, which is why I do, you know, thrive and decide events like
(47:50):
every other month where womencan come together and find that
tribe.
So, you know, thrive and decideevents like every other month
where women can come togetherand find that tribe.
So, you know, obviously, herein central Ohio it's much easier
and I'd love to, you know,obviously, have big visions for
how we can make this even bigger, but for now it's here in
central Ohio and we do those andI always say, like, come and
(48:11):
find your tribe.
Like, because I just think youknow anyone that's going through
divorce or the loss of a spouse, like you feel so lost and so
just alone and you're, you know,like you said in the beginning,
you're in that shame cycle,you're in that shame story and
you can't see past the shamebecause you have your shame
glasses on, and it's not untilyou find shame story and you
can't see past the shame becauseyou have your shame glasses on,
(48:34):
and it's not until you findyour tribe and you start like
you start actually talking, butyou don't want to just talk to
anybody.
So you find people thatunderstand you.
So it's just like how you and Ifelt when we walked into Kathy
Heller and we were like, holyshit, these people don't think
I'm insane when I tell them I'mgoing to be a billionaire.
It's like you know this, this,you know.
You walk in and you're like, ohmy God, I'm dealing with this
(48:56):
narcissist and I, you knowwhatever.
And it's like, girl, I got you.
I feel I know exactly whatyou're going through.
Mine does blah, blah, blah, youknow.
And so when you find thosepeople that know, like you don't
have to explain yourself, youjust can start talking and it's
like someone already heard thefirst part of your story.
(49:16):
You just start in the middleand they're already caught up,
they already know.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
So yeah, it's all finding people that you resonate
with and and then being in acollective whether it's a live
event like that or a zoom or youknow whatever when we're all
vibing at that frequency, itlevels our frequency up, it
levels our vibe vibe up and itallows us to just continue to
(49:43):
grow so much faster, like it'sit's fertilizer yeah, yeah, it
is, I love that.
Speaker 1 (49:52):
Yeah, I love that.
Well, thank you so much fortaking time out and kind of
walking us through your story.
Um, you know, obviously, likeyou've, you've come a long, long
way and I'm so freaking proudof you.
Well, thank you, and same toyou, thank you.
I appreciate that.
Well, thank you so much and andhopefully everyone listening
has, um, you know, enjoyedhearing all the ways that you
(50:17):
know, lindsay and I have foundour path and kind of found our
way and and healed, andhopefully something in there was
able to resonate with you, so Iwill see you next time on,
thrive and decide.
Hi and welcome to this week's episode of Thrive
and Decide.
This week, we have a beautifulsoul named Linz who is coming to
share her story.
I just think that it's reallyinspirational and really
powerful.
You know just to hear whatother women have gone through
and you know maybe the feelingsthat they felt, because while
(00:26):
everyone's story is unique,everyone can learn something
from everyone else's story.
So, lindsay Linz, however, youwant to go by because I've
called you both, but thank youso much for taking time out and
just being so vulnerable toshare your story with us.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
so much for taking time out and just being so
vulnerable to share your storywith us.
Absolutely, Thanks for havingme.
And yeah, you call me Linz orLindsay.
You know most of my friendscall me Linz.
So okay, yeah, and so it's goodto be here.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I know Well, thank you for taking time out and you
know, and being here, I knowthat sometimes going back I know
you and I are kind of, you know, pretty far removed from our
divorces but sometimes goingback there can be difficult and
bring up some feelings.
So I appreciate you being openand vulnerable with us.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yeah, no, it's good.
It's good to measure backwards.
It's good to measure backwards,you know, when you reflect on
the things that you've survivedand thrived through.
It just gives you a whole lotof momentum, new momentum and
new energy to keep going forwardand all of the other things
that might be scary at the time.
Yeah, obviously, divorce is notsuper fun.
(01:42):
It's scary, no matter how ithappens for you and what the
circumstances are, and it'ssomething that you really kind
of always deal with, like um,especially if you have kids.
Um, I have, I have two kids, 13and 11.
And my mom just asked meyesterday how long have you guys
been divorced?
Uh, like eight years yearsseparated, eight years.
(02:05):
It'll be, I think, 8 Februaryand, yeah, the wounds sometimes
are still fresh.
It doesn't always go smoothlyas time goes on when you have
kids involved, but looking backand learning from the experience
and reflecting on who you werethen, who you are now and who
(02:27):
you're still trying to be isreally an important step, I
think.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Yeah it is.
I think it's amazing.
I mean, I shared my story inthe first episode just so that
people kind of understood whereI was coming from, and obviously
, throughout the course of allthe episodes I'm sure there'll
be more that I'll share, butthat's like the one thing that
(02:52):
was interesting to me.
When I was done recording, itwas just kind of thinking back
on who I was during thatmarriage, who I was when it
ended and who I am today.
It's like three completelydifferent women, but it's all me
.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah, yeah.
And then we can have a sense ofgratitude for all the things
that we've gone through and thewomen we've become in the
process.
We're not going to be the samefive minutes from now.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
So when you got married, didyou go into it thinking like,
wow, this is going to be mystarter marriage.
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
I think I'll give it 10, 15 years and then we'll see
how it goes.
No, no, no, no, I was.
I was well, first of all.
I was child of divorce, okay,and um, my parents got divorced
when I was 11 and I said I wouldnever do that, I would never
have that story, I would neverdo that to my kids, I would
(03:55):
never leave my family.
You know, we, we don't go intomarriage thinking that we're
going to fail.
We don't think we're going tolearn anything, we think we're
just going to have thatstorybook, you know, with the
checklist the husband, the house, the picket fence, two kids,
the dog, the career andeverything's going to be fine.
(04:16):
And then you get there andyou're like, okay, shit, now
what Cause?
I'm still not fulfilled.
I'm still not fulfilled, I'mstill looking.
I was looking outside of myself, you know, but I got married
when I was 21 not something Iwould advise and before before I
(04:43):
was there for a second oh, we,we did first.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Okay, there you go.
So you got married at 21 andnot something you would advise.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yeah, got married at 21.
It's not something I wouldadvise, um the check my internet
.
Take my wifi off on my phone,just so it doesn't mess us up.
Um and I went from before thatI was in relationship and I
jumped from relationship torelationship and I remember my
aunt saying is this you, youknow, because I would kind of
(05:14):
morph into whoever I was datingand I so irritated by that
question, but really that's,that's what I was doing, that's
what I was doing.
So not something that reallywas set up for success, not
knowing who I was before I gotmarried, getting married so
(05:36):
young.
But I don't regret any of itLooking back.
Obviously I have two beautifulkids that are my whole life and
I wouldn't change any of it.
It was hard when we decided,when I decided, to leave the
marriage I left for another man,which is just so gross and
(05:56):
heavy to even think about now.
That's part of the pain thatcomes with looking back, but
it's also a moment of pride,cause I know I wouldn't be the
same person making the samedecisions and the way I was then
.
Um, so, yeah, I left my husbandand obviously my kids were very
(06:21):
young um three and five.
Obviously, my kids were veryyoung, um, three and five I
think they were.
So it's just there's so muchshame that was around that story
and for the longest time Icouldn't even look at pictures
of my kids at that age becauseof all the pain that came
through, um, just who I was andthe choices I was making, and
(06:42):
just very heavy and gross energy.
Um, but I had to go throughthat to get to where I am now.
So I am grateful because I'mI'm much, much better mom, a
much better person than I was.
Um, so, yeah, I left my husbandfor this guy who I think I was
(07:03):
dating three years.
You know, when you do somethinglike that, you sacrifice
everything for someone, youreally try to make it work.
Yeah, and I tried so hard withthat relationship and it turns
out he was a full blownnarcissist, um, narcissist.
(07:24):
I refer to that time as when Iburned down the house because I
just like I lost myself,completely lost myself, you know
, through everything thatmattered to me out the window,
basically.
But at some point you have tostop and look in the mirror and
say but at some point you haveto stop and look in the mirror
(07:45):
and say, how the hell did I endup here?
You know, um, obviously this isa me thing too, because I chose
to be in a relationship withthis man, I attracted this man,
um, so that was probably thefirst, you know, start of my
(08:08):
personal development journey andmy journey into figuring out,
okay, what's going on with me?
Um, and I remember alwaysfeeling like I just want to go
home.
I just want to go home.
That was like the recurringfeeling for years.
And thankfully, um, so we wereonly separated for about I don't
know seven, eight months, andthen we got divorced.
(08:30):
I think I left in May-ish,divorced by December.
Oh, wow, yeah, super fast, andI bought my house.
I think it was the same day orshortly after my divorce.
So, thankfully, I bought myhouse on my own, because that
(08:51):
was a starting point of hey, Idon't need anybody, I have
something that is just for meand my kids, um, because it
could have gone a totallydifferent way.
I could have moved in with himand then had this whole nother
batch of separation if I were toleave him, and so that was the
starting point.
(09:11):
I was really grateful that I?
Um chose to buy my own house bymyself, but that was a scary
process, as you obviously arevery familiar with um being
single and not knowing how muchI can afford and how to do it
all on my own.
Like my ex-husband and I, webuilt our house together.
(09:32):
The land was gifted to us byhis parents and we kind of did
everything as we could, but theloan was in his name before we
got married, and so it was awhole new batch of how do I do
this and can I do this?
But doing that gave me such aboost of security and stability,
(09:58):
um, and just empowerment inmyself and knowing that I can do
it on my own.
And then it's maybe one of thefirst steps in becoming
unattached, right, like wetalked a little bit before we
hit record about not beingcodependent, and that was one of
the things that you know helpedme start to unravel that Like
(10:19):
I'm not going to depend onanybody else but myself to to go
forward yeah well, and I think,like there's so much that
you've shared, that's superpowerful.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Um, first of all, I I know you are not the only
person on this planet that hasleft a spouse for someone else,
whether it be the man leavingfor a you know another woman, or
a woman leaving for another man, or a woman leaving for another
woman any of the above.
You're not the first one, and Icould see where it would be
(10:55):
shameful, but I'm really gladthat you've worked through that
and you've gotten to the pointthat you know that, yeah, that
happened, and you know what.
Like, you made a decision withall the facts that you had at
the time, and at the time, itfelt like it was the best
decision for you.
Now, with things beingdifferent, it isn't the best
(11:16):
decision for you now, but thatdoesn't mean that back then you
know.
Like you didn't make thisdecision going like I'm going to
blow up my world for fun.
This sounds awesome, like youwere following what you believed
.
So I'm really glad, though,that you're now able to talk
about it and not have that shamestory around it, because it is
(11:39):
just.
It's just a chapter in yourstory, it's just a blip on your
map and you know, I'm reallyglad that you did that, you know
, and that you're that you'vehealed that part of it.
I also love that you pointed outthat you, you know, were able
to purchase that house on yourown.
You know, and like, becausethat is, it's so freeing.
(12:00):
So, whether it's that you canrent an apartment by yourself or
you can buy, you know, a pieceof property, like, I think those
are huge things, so I love thatyou did that.
Now, what did, like yourfriends and family say, when you
first like left for someoneelse and then you know, as you
were going through this, becauseI know sometimes people in
(12:23):
these situations through this,because I know sometimes people
in these situations, theirfamilies and friends, mean, well
, you know, quote unquote, butsome of what they say is less
than helpful.
So I'd love to kind of hear,like, do you remember anything
that you know the haters weresaying?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Oh God, yeah, it was kind of split 50, 50.
I mean, I had a lot of support,um, and then I had a lot of
haters.
I had a lot of people that werevery judgmental obviously lost
a lot of friends.
You obviously find out who yourfriends are when you're going
through something like that andyou know if it's really a
(13:02):
friendship or if it's really youknow if it's really a
friendship you're going to comeover, sit down, look someone in
the eye and say, hey, what'sgoing on?
How are you, um, and notdistance themselves and place
judgment on you.
So huge lessons were learned.
(13:24):
Huge lessons were learned and,um, yeah, a lot of the family,
like.
I remember my dad saying at somepoint well, uncle steve is very
disappointed in you, veryworried about you.
I'm like well, he hasn't calledme, he hasn't talked me, he
hasn't talked to me, he doesn'tsay anything when we're at
(13:44):
Christmas.
You know, like, if you'reworried about somebody and not
that he's a bad person, and notthat he was trying to do
something ill or had ill intentbut for anybody who's listening
and they have somebody that'sgoing through, that, take a
minute and go and talk towhoever it is that you are
(14:05):
really worried about, instead ofjust saying I'm really worried
about so-and-so.
You know, showing up and beingpresent is is the thing to do.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Yeah, yeah.
So now did you already have, um, the businesses that you have
now.
You know, while going throughthis like so were you juggling,
you know, tying up loose endswith your ex-husband moving in
with you know the narcissistthat you, ultimately, you know,
(14:37):
left.
I guess let's start there.
How did you untether yourselffrom that Like?
Was that almost like goingthrough another divorce?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Untether myself from the narcissist.
Yeah, oh, that was worse thanthe divorce, oh, um, so, yeah,
um, I left.
So I left, moved in with my momfor a short time, then moved in
with um the narcissist and hiskids, and that was too far away.
(15:07):
But I knew I always wanted tohave my house.
So that was just.
I knew that was a temporarything, bought my house and then
he moved in with him and hiskids and it was really crazy
because, let's see, in a yearand a half-ish maybe in, we
(15:28):
started planning to build ahouse and he bought land.
I'm a designer.
So I designed the whole house,from the floor plan to every
single color, every singledetail.
It was all me detail, it wasall me.
Um.
And then being a designer, likeI had all of my um, my bonuses
(15:51):
of being a designer.
You know, I bought things atcost and whatever Um, we moved
in and I listed my house.
Thank God it didn't sell, likeGod was really looking out for
me.
Because it didn't sell.
I didn't hardly have anyshowings.
(16:13):
And when we moved into the newhouse, that's when he really
started to show his true colors,like it was, it was like a
switch flipped.
You know, because it was hishouse quote his house because I
still own my house no-transcriptwow yeah, um, and I think, yeah
(16:43):
, that was the day that I gotreally bad.
I have never in my life calledthe cops, ever.
I had to call the cops to justmove out of the house.
Yeah, um, and thank god, I hadreally great friends and my
grandma.
They all showed up with trucksand we got a U-Haul and it was
(17:06):
like 400 degrees.
The garage was facing the west,so the hot afternoon sun was
just cooking us as we werehauling as much out as we
possibly could.
But yeah, it was rough, wow,and thankfully I still had my
house, so we just took every youknow, all the vehicles and the
(17:27):
U-Haul to my house.
But, yeah, very scary time,because I, you know, I had to
change the locks on my doors.
I probably changed the locks onmy doors at my house three
times.
I used to know the amount ofmoney that I had spent on just
locks.
It's a sad situation.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Yeah, oh, wow.
Well, I'm glad that you had thesupport, though, you know, when
going through that, and I'mglad that you know you were able
to recognize it.
You know, I mean, at least itwas only a month in and it
wasn't, you know, years in.
Um, so that obviously meansthat you learned something from
(18:09):
the first time.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Well, I went back.
Unfortunately that lasted awhole nother year, but I didn't
move back in fully, because youknow I learn everything the hard
way.
I say you got to keep learningthe lesson, but yeah, he sucked
me back in for a little bit andthen I finally thankfully I
didn't move back in, so I didn'thave as much to gather and run
(18:34):
with the last time.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Well, that's the problem with like narcissistic
people is they are just charmingenough to keep you around.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
And they're just charming enough to pull you back
in.
They push you down, theygaslight the shit out of you,
and then they make you feelcrazy.
And then you know, and then allof a sudden they're so charming
and you're like, oh, theydidn't mean that it's okay.
And then you stay, and thenthey gaslight charming and
you're like, oh, they didn'tmean that it's okay.
And then you stay, and thenthey gaslight the shit out of
you and every time they gaslightyou, you just like lose more
(19:07):
another piece of yourself andlike more and more of you goes
away.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Oh for sure, Like I was unrecognizable.
I mean, I I've alwaysconsidered myself as a strong,
independent and feisty woman.
And I look back at that girland I was like what, how did how
?
Did he destroy?
I mean, obviously I played apart in it, so I can't say he
destroyed.
I allowed that to happen and Iallowed to myself to be in that
(19:35):
position and to be lied to andmanipulated.
But man, it's just crazy howhow much I lost of myself.
But I feel like I really neededto, to burn myself down in a
way, um, to become who I am now,because I will never let that
(19:56):
happen.
And the amount of anxiety thatI lived with at the time.
I will never let that happen.
And the amount of anxiety thatI lived with at the time.
I don't know how I functioned,I don't know how I slept,
because it was always there.
And now I feel a teeny, tinylittle bit of anxiety.
I'm like what the fuck?
You know where?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
does that come from?
It's got to go, yeah, yeah, no,I totally get that, because it
is.
It's interesting when you lookback, you know, like when I look
back on how I was, you know,when I was in my marriage, like
if you would have asked me whenI was married, you know, to my
ex-husband, I literally wouldhave told you that we were the
(20:38):
happiest people in the world andthat we had the best marriage.
Like I literally didn't evenrealize how much I had lost
about myself until, you know,until I was out of it.
And honestly, ironically, itwas my ex-husband who pointed
out all the things that he waslike, yeah, he's like, do you
know that?
Like you used to be this way andnow you're this way, and then,
(20:58):
like you know, and I wasn't evennice to you Like think about
this and this and this, and Iwas like, huh, how did I not see
that?
Like you just don't evenrealize that you focus so much
on being the perfect wife andthen you have kids and then you
focus so much on being theperfect mom and you're no longer
(21:19):
that sexy wife that you had.
You know cause your body is nowlike you made a child and you
know if you're eating you're nowthe dairy cow like.
Those aren't your husband's funbags anymore, those are
actually just like those are.
You know you're feeding yourchildren so like.
It's so hard because then youget so lost in wanting to be the
(21:40):
perfect wife and wanting to bethe perfect mom that you forget
how to be the perfect Sarah orthe perfect lens.
You know, like you.
Just you lose those pieces andparts.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Oh, that's so true.
And I feel like, oh, that's sotrue.
And I feel like people'sbiggest hurdle in marriage is
like forgetting to date eachother.
You know, like go on a date andbe a couple every now and then
and not be the perfect wife, notbe the perfect mom or the
(22:10):
perfect housekeeper or whatever,but to go and like fall in love
all the time.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Yeah, yeah, date your spouse.
Like that is the biggest pieceof advice that I give to people,
that you know, whether it'syour first marriage or your 17th
, it doesn't matter Like justyou have to like date your
spouse.
And like you know, my husbandand I try, cause I'm remarried
now and like he and I, we bothhad been married previously.
(22:37):
So we both are very, verygrateful for the things that we
learned in our past marriages.
But we also know that, likewe're not going to take each
other for granted and we'regoing to do date nights and
we're going to go on tripstogether and we're going to, you
know, we like to call it bubbletime, like in the evenings.
You know, like we come up to bedat the same time and we watch
(22:58):
TV and we just hang out and,like you know, our four
teenagers are, they can takecare of themselves, so it's fine
.
But you know, like they'redoing their own thing but we're
like locked in our room whereit's just kind of like our
bubble and like that's where wecan just like rest and relax and
just like unwind from the day.
But that's what we look forwardto every night is our bubble
time.
So, yeah, just things like thatthat, like you don't like, you
(23:24):
just don't know whenever you'rein it, and then, once you've
gone through situations likethis, it does help you to be
more grateful and more like,focused on things like that.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
So yeah, 100% my first, or my ex-husband, I
shouldn't say my first husband.
I've only had one.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
I know, isn't it so hard Like I find myself?
Sometimes I'm like, oh, myfirst husband or my current
husband, and I'm like, okay, I'mnot saying my current husband,
as if I'm choosing to haveanother one later on down the
line.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Yeah, but yeah, my ex-husband he had a swing shift
job so it was very much like wewere roommates, especially after
kids, because then we reallydidn't have any kind of like
time together.
I remember I would go to familyevents by myself, I'd go to
church by myself, so that wasprobably one of the.
(24:18):
You know, obviously there was alot of healing that I needed to
do as an individual, but thatdefinitely helped erode the
relationship much faster.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Because obviously, like you went from the you know
from your ex-husband to thenarcissist, to you know, then
just being just lens on her own,like what do you think was the
biggest thing you did foryourself on your healing journey
?
Or just kind of walk us through, you know, your healing journey
.
You don't have to like itdoesn't have to come off the top
of your head what your biggestthing was, but just kind of walk
us through your healing journeyand maybe along that way it'll
(25:03):
kind of highlight, like that wasyour the top.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Oh, that's a good question.
I feel like I say all the timethis was the most important
thing I've done for myself, butthere's a lot of big things.
I mean, it started with seeinga counselor as soon as I
separated from my husband andthat was helpful.
But it's very watered downbasically from what I do now and
(25:27):
what I ended up doing, not todownplay counselors, but it's
just kind of like you rehash thesame stuff, but it definitely
brought a lot of things into myawareness that I didn't have
before.
Then, of course, I startedreading a ton of books, which I
still read a ton of books andI'm obsessed with any kind of
(25:51):
personal growth.
I feel like we should always belearning and leveling up, and
it's never a I'm healed or adone task.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
What do you think was like one of your favorite books
, like if you had to recommendone to somebody.
That was like going throughthis, like what would be like
one of your go-tos or an author.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Yeah, well, the first books I read were on
narcissists, which really mademe aware of my role in it, and
it was like reading a guidebookto what I was dealing with.
Like it was like a manual.
Um, so that opened the doorsfor a lot of other books.
(26:35):
Um, jen Sincero was veryimportant to me in the beginning
.
Um, oh, kate Northrup, do less.
That was a big book for me.
Um, but yeah, eventually I gotinto um.
Oh man, I got all my books inthe other rooms.
(26:57):
Now I'm into Dan Sullivan bigtime.
Oh yes, love um the gap and thegain.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, um, let's see wasn't he the one that did?
10x is better than 2x 10x.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
I'm reading both of them at the same time.
I had to look at my deskbecause I'm reading both of them
at the same time.
I had to look at my deskbecause I'm reading the card
copy of 10X and I'm listening tothe Gap and the Gain.
Both are so amazing.
Yeah, but yeah, now I do more.
Joe Dispenza, catherine Ponder,wayne Dyer let's see, okay.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Oh, mel Robbins she was important to me in the
beginning too Byron, katie, tolike healing past traumas and
things like that Even traumasthat had nothing to do with my,
you know, my previous marriageor anything like that just
becoming the best version ofmyself, like I find that therapy
is still helpful, but there'slike and like you said, it's not
(28:16):
really watered down, it's justit's a different way, and I
think that's the best place foreveryone to start is going to a
therapist.
In my opinion, like, obviouslytake it with a grain of salt,
but my opinion is starting witha therapist and then, once
you've kind of broken throughthat first layer of shit and
you're ready to dive deeper,that's when I think you start
(28:39):
going down these other self-helppaths, and I think that's how I
kind of found, like KathyHeller and Kate Northrup and,
you know, tracy Lidd and likeall of the big players that have
really helped me dig evendeeper.
Yeah, you know, I'd love tohear.
So you did therapy and then youdid self-help and then you know
kind of what was like, what wasthe rest.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
So there was a point.
It was a.
It was an August, probably theyear that I broke up with the
narcissist the last time.
And, uh, my friend Jenna, whois like my soul sister we've
gone through all the same shitjust at different times, which
is very convenient becauseshe'll go through some shit and
then I'll go through some shitlike the exact same thing a year
(29:24):
later, and like we just havethis knowing of oh, this is what
we gotta do, this is how I canhelp you pick up the pieces.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
I love that.
I love having a ride or diethat like especially someone.
Not that you want other peopleto go through the same shit, but
it's nice when you have thatride or die person that you're
like.
Oh okay, yep, I know what I'msupposed to do here.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Yeah, it's just crazy Like we've been through almost
all of the same stuff.
Right now I'm pregnant, as youknow, but right now she's like,
oh God, I'm not ready for that.
We don't.
We've got, you know, they'vegot older kids and her husband's
older.
So she's like I'm going to haveto go back on birth control,
(30:10):
because she just knows that weare always going through the
same thing.
But anyway, um, she called meone August day and I was kind of
in my, my uh, puddle of sorrow,my, you know, my shit fit.
And she's like, what are youdoing?
And I was bitching about mylife and I'm like, and she's
like, okay, go get in your truckand come to black river and
(30:32):
you're going to see Don.
I'm like, okay, I'd heard aboutDon before, but I just never,
you know, took initiative.
Don does Reiki and, um,holistic health and all the all
these great things.
So I just went in with an openmind and jenna scheduled my
session and paid for my sessionand that was a huge turning
(30:56):
point for me because, um, Ithink you go to reiki, right?
Speaker 1 (31:01):
I think you go to Reiki, right, do you?
Yeah, literally my Reikispecialist, like I did a at some
point you'll hear an episodewith her on it because I wanted
her to explain what Reiki was,because I was like I don't know
how to explain it, other than Ilike come in and I leave and
it's magical, like all thenegative shit just flows out of
(31:23):
me and I just leave feeling somuch lighter and yeah, so I go
once a month.
So, yeah, total believer inReiki, yep, yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Yeah, so I've been going once a month for I think
it's five years, um, but thatwas definitely a turning point
and my first session was crazypowerful.
I balled my face off.
I had like spinning sensations.
I released so much crap that Ididn't even know I had.
(31:52):
It was life-changing.
I tell her all the time yousaved my life.
Like she's still um, was it twomonths ago?
I was in a downward spiral fora few days and just I don't know
bad energy and I scheduled anappointment with her.
I get to her house and it's thewrong day and she comes to the
(32:16):
door and.
I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm sosorry, I thought it was today.
And she's like, no, no worries,just come on in.
And I get in her door and Ijust start bawling.
And that was one of the mostpowerful sessions, because when
I left I was like a new dude,completely new dude.
But yeah, same thing with me.
(32:38):
Yeah, what is?
How do you explain Reiki?
And I feel like explaining itto people almost is an injustice
, because all you really need toknow is you go and you're going
to feel better, like I feellike if some people research the
crap out of things and thenthey get their own idea of what
it is, so I've I don't know howmany sessions I've bought for
(33:00):
friends I'm like you're justgoing to go, I'm not going to
tell you anything, you just go.
And then they come out andthey're just like, oh my God.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Oh yeah, and it's crazy.
So, like my Reiki specialist Idon't know whether you call her
like guru specialist, I don't, Idon't even know but so my Reiki
girl is freaking phenomenal.
And I found her like Iliterally was at an event where
someone was like, oh, we'reoffering Reiki and tarot and I
literally never like done eitherone.
(33:30):
And I was like, whatever, fine,I'll try it.
And like I went in and I'mtelling you, like I tell her
that she is the reason that mybusiness has taken off in the
way that it has, because when Iwent to her she, you know, she
didn't know me from Adam, shedidn't know my name, she didn't
know anything because I was justmeeting her at this party.
(33:50):
So I sit down and literally,you know, whenever I try and
explain it to people, again, Imake it sound so woo that people
are like fuck, and I'm like,literally, I sit down and she
puts her hands like above myhead, you know, and I just like
I can feel it, and I was likeokay, like I don't, I don't know
(34:11):
what, what's going on, and butI just like sat there and just
like in my head I was thinkinglike, okay, like you know that
that that like just thinkingabout stuff, whatever.
Anyways, when she was done, shewas just like she's like your
angels, spirit guides, you knowwhatever you want to call them.
She was like they want me totell you that you've planted all
the seeds and you're good.
And I was like holy crap.
(34:33):
I was like I literally was justtalking to a friend not too long
before that, like in a totaldifferent space, so it's not
like she overheard or anythinglike that, but I had just been
talking to her about how, hey,I'm on this team, they're
getting ready to leave and go toa different brokerage, but I
think I'm ready to go out on myown, but I don't know.
And I keep going back and forthand blah, blah, blah.
And it was like as soon as shesaid that, I was like yep, and I
(35:06):
left then.
So, um, I now go to likedifferent events with her that
she offers free Reiki and likeI'll be there to make sure
people like get signed up andyou know if they have any
questions or whatever.
But like she always tells me toexplain it, like it's like just
gentle touch healing.
It's kind of like the sister toacupuncture without needles.
It's kind of like the sister toacupuncture without needles.
So, yeah, that's a good way.
(35:27):
Yeah, because it.
I mean like you, literally yourelease so much stuff and you
just walk away like like itliterally so much lighter.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Yeah, um, I, I call it.
I say energy healing and stillpeople look at you like you have
two heads, like what is energyhealing?
But that session that I wastalking about, when I um showed
up at the door and it was thewrong day I had, we had just got
done with the the fair.
So, um, my kids show animalsand it's always a lot and it's
always emotional and I see a lotof family and old friends from
(36:07):
when I was married and so itused to bring up so much icky
energy and I would just Idreaded it even though I was so
excited to go and see my kidsand watch them do.
Well, and over the years it'sgotten so much better and this
year was the best, the easiest,and so we get done with my
(36:28):
session and she's like, yeah,you had a lot of energy from the
fair and people's hooks were inyou.
I literally shaved it off ofyou.
I had to take one of her.
She said she took one of hercrystals and she shaved people's
energy off of me because theywere like it was clinging to me,
they had their hooks in me andI'm like, well, the fair was so
(36:50):
good this year and she's like,yeah, for you.
But there was a lot of peoplethat were like, oh, I want some
of that.
Why is she feeling so good?
How dare she feel that good,how dare she look that good, how
dare she be happy?
And so it's really crazy how itaffected me, even though I
(37:10):
thought it was like this greatexperience.
But other people's energy hangson you too.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
I love that and I love that you know, I love that
you opened up to the possibilityof you know of Reiki or of
something outside of the norm.
You know, because fromliterally sobbing on the
(37:43):
bathroom floor every night forsix months to like being able to
actually function and actuallyget through the day and actually
start to heal, so you know,that's where I learned like
radical acceptance and all ofthat stuff.
So I think that you know, foranyone that's listening, if
you're like oh, that's just waytoo woo, you know that's fine,
(38:05):
start with therapy, work, work,all those things.
And then just you know, Ialways ask people just keep an
open mind, like because younever know what is going to help
on your healing journey.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
Yeah, exactly, and, like I said, I don't mean to
downplay therapy, it's just itwas a very good place to start.
Like I said, I don't mean todownplay therapy, it's just it
was a very good place to startand I did unearth a lot of
hidden shit that I didn't evenknow I had, and even more so in
Reiki.
One of the things I wanted tobring up with Reiki is we did a
sacred child rebirth Reikisession and that was so cool.
(38:43):
So she takes you back into yourdays before you're born and how
your parents felt, how your momwas feeling.
Was she feeling supported?
Did she feel, um, secure, youknow?
Uh, was she confident in her inher birth?
(39:04):
Did she?
You know all the things, um, andthen you, like you, experience
your birth session and it's wild, the things that come through
and the things that you don'teven know are affecting you.
That happened before you wereborn or during your birth.
Um, for example, my dad wasn'tthere, and so my mom yeah, he,
(39:31):
he wasn't there, and then hestopped in and then he had to go
to a tractor, pull of allthings.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I mean my daughter's being born.
Tractor pull, I would choosetractor pull.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
I mean, he was a puller himself, but you know
still it's your baby girl beingborn.
Come on Right.
So you know, think of how thataffects somebody.
That's the most important dayof your life and you're not
there and I don't hold any angerto my dad anymore, but that
obviously was a thing that wasaffecting me my mom, my dad, my
(40:07):
kids, everybody in our familythat I didn't even know was
there.
And then she has you go throughyour birth and how you would
want to be born.
You know, did your mom struggle?
Did you come out easily, Allthe things?
And then we also did my kids,which was really cool, and you
ask your kids if they want to bereborn or if they're satisfied
(40:29):
with their birth.
And my daughter wanted to bereborn and my son did not.
So, that was really cool, yeah,but yeah after um, so obviously
Reiki has been a thing for me.
And then let's see, two yearsago almost is when I found, well
, the first course I did wasactually for designers, so
(40:56):
that's when I started in thecourse world and that's how you
and I met.
We met through Kathy Heller.
But first it was a interiordesigner course where I got my
feet wet with it and I was likethis is just so fun.
I fell in love with learningand there was also a mindset
piece in it.
Then I found Kate Northrup'scourse.
(41:17):
I was enrolled in her courseand that was really beautiful
the do less course, you know,where you learn to work with
your cycles, and it's a femaleempowerment course really.
And then I found Kathy andKathy's course and retreats
really were a big change for me.
(41:38):
Like that's when I reallytapped into even more healing
and power and enlightenment.
I feel like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
I totally agree, cause I found Kathy.
Yeah, yeah, I totally agree,cause I found Kathy two years
ago.
Yeah, gosh, yeah, two years ago.
Um, I found her and I just waslike listening to a podcast and
like I was in like a horrible,horrible black hole part of life
, like horrible.
And I found her and I foundmyself just like like she was a
(42:13):
guest on someone else's podcastand I heard her and something
about her just kind of likeresonated with me and then I
started listening to her podcastand I found myself like talking
to the radio and she'd be likeyou know what that what I'm
talking about.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, I do.
I'm like I've never talked tothe radio before, but okay, and
then she like offered thatprogram and I like found myself
just totally like called to likesign up, and then she was like,
(42:35):
oh, and I'm doing this retreatin Boca, and I was like, okay, I
have to do it and that's whereI met you.
So you know, obviously it wasworth every penny because I got
to meet you.
Also, it was just so cool.
And I think the biggest thingfor people that are listening
right now, the biggest thingabout these things is finding
(42:58):
your tribe.
So when I walked into thatgroup with Kathy, I mean you're
walking into a room with 75other women.
And if you would have told me10 years ago that I was going to
walk into a room of 75 womenand not feel like so, like
(43:18):
nervous, or you know, just likeI was being judged or you know
like I just feeling like I hadto compete with everyone in
there, if you had told me that Iwas going to walk into a room
with that many women and notfeel that way, I would have told
you that you were batshit crazyand there's no freaking way.
And then, like I don't knowwhat, that you were batshit
crazy and there's no frickingway.
And then like I don't know whatit is, but I literally walked
in, I felt at ease, I wastalking to everyone, I did not
(43:41):
feel, I didn't feel like I wascompeting with anyone and it was
the first time that I couldshare my big vision goal and
people didn't go what, you'recrazy, there's no freaking way,
or like try and talk me out ofit or tell me that I'm gonna
find a different goal, that Ishould just set my sights lower.
So I say all of that to say thatanyone that's listening,
(44:05):
whether it is going intosomething that is helping with
your business, like the designpiece, like you did, or if it's
to just like teach you how togrow your business or start a
podcast or whatever find thething that you're like feeling
called to do and just followthrough with it because it's
going to change your life in somany different ways that you
(44:28):
don't even know until you'redone with the program.
And then you're like holy shit.
I mean like I became a totaldifferent person.
I came home from Boca and I waslike, oh my God, like I can now
, like I can see things.
Like you know, my future isbright and I can see all this
stuff.
And it's like looking throughthis, you know, looking glass.
And every time that I'd everheard somebody say something
(44:50):
like that before, I thought theywere insane.
And now I'm like I got you,okay, like let's do this, but
yeah, so I think it's justfinding that thing and I think,
trusting your intuition, likewhen you feel called to
something, do it.
Yep, it's a sign.
Yeah, god, universe, angelguides, spirit guides, buddha,
(45:11):
whatever it is that you want tobelieve in, it's all the same
thing, it's all source and it'sall sending you signs in some
way to follow.
You know, follow this path ofgrowth and yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
So Boca was the first thing that I had ever done, on
my own too, and walking in aroom with a bunch of women that
you don't know.
Totally agree with everythingyou said about that, but that
was a huge opening into, likethe who I am now, because I
never would have gone anywhereby myself, like going to lunch
(45:51):
by myself was not even somethingthat I probably did, you know,
at a time.
And walking into that room andnot having to explain to people,
and I love that.
You said tribe, but that's.
I just announced my membershipyesterday and it's called tribe.
Oh, I love that.
Yeah, that's what I really feellike women are searching for.
(46:12):
We are searching for people whojust get us.
We're not trying to compete,we're not trying to judge each
other or put each other down orpoo-poo our ideas, like we are
all cheerleaders for each other,and that's what we're all
really searching for.
And unfortunately, a lot ofpeople don't know that there's a
world out there that existslike that and that's what is
(46:36):
such a huge.
I mean, you know, we go tothese events, we go to retreats,
we go to courses for because wefeel we resonate with the coach
or the leader and you do, andyou get a lot out of them.
Then there's this whole otherside of it with the community.
(46:57):
Like you and I, I never wouldhave met you if I hadn't been in
that program or if I hadn'tgone to that retreat.
And there's, like I don't know,20 other women that I've met
through the same channel, that Ican't imagine my life without
them now because they are mycheerleaders and we bounce ideas
(47:17):
off of each other and we calleach other on our, on our
bullshit, and there's no,there's no artificial, there's
no, um, you know drama.
Speaker 1 (47:29):
Yeah Well, and I, um, I love that you're calling it
tribe, because tribe is like myI just feel like it's such a
better word than like my group,my ladies, my, you know,
whatever, like it's just like mytribe, because a tribe is like
people that are there to helpyou grow, that want the best for
you.
Um, which is why I do, you know, thrive and decide events like
(47:50):
every other month where womencan come together and find that
tribe.
So, you know, thrive and decideevents like every other month
where women can come togetherand find that tribe.
So, you know, obviously, herein central Ohio it's much easier
and I'd love to, you know,obviously, have big visions for
how we can make this even bigger, but for now it's here in
central Ohio and we do those andI always say, like, come and
(48:11):
find your tribe.
Like, because I just think youknow anyone that's going through
divorce or the loss of a spouse, like you feel so lost and so
just alone and you're, you know,like you said in the beginning,
you're in that shame cycle,you're in that shame story and
you can't see past the shamebecause you have your shame
glasses on, and it's not untilyou find shame story and you
can't see past the shame becauseyou have your shame glasses on,
(48:34):
and it's not until you findyour tribe and you start like
you start actually talking, butyou don't want to just talk to
anybody.
So you find people thatunderstand you.
So it's just like how you and Ifelt when we walked into Kathy
Heller and we were like, holyshit, these people don't think
I'm insane when I tell them I'mgoing to be a billionaire.
It's like you know this, this,you know.
You walk in and you're like, ohmy God, I'm dealing with this
(48:56):
narcissist and I, you knowwhatever.
And it's like, girl, I got you.
I feel I know exactly whatyou're going through.
Mine does blah, blah, blah, youknow.
And so when you find thosepeople that know, like you don't
have to explain yourself, youjust can start talking and it's
like someone already heard thefirst part of your story.
(49:16):
You just start in the middleand they're already caught up,
they already know.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
So yeah, it's all finding people that you resonate
with and and then being in acollective whether it's a live
event like that or a zoom or youknow whatever when we're all
vibing at that frequency, itlevels our frequency up, it
levels our vibe vibe up and itallows us to just continue to
(49:43):
grow so much faster, like it'sit's fertilizer yeah, yeah, it
is, I love that.
Speaker 1 (49:52):
Yeah, I love that.
Well, thank you so much fortaking time out and kind of
walking us through your story.
Um, you know, obviously, likeyou've, you've come a long, long
way and I'm so freaking proudof you.
Well, thank you, and same toyou, thank you.
I appreciate that.
Well, thank you so much and andhopefully everyone listening
has, um, you know, enjoyedhearing all the ways that you
(50:17):
know, lindsay and I have foundour path and kind of found our
way and and healed, andhopefully something in there was
able to resonate with you, so Iwill see you next time on,
thrive and decide.
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