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November 4, 2024 17 mins

What if the key to mending broken family ties and overcoming the fear of rejection lies in the simple act of packing a suitcase? On this episode of "Travel is Cheaper than Divorce," I open up about how my parents' divorce left me grappling with an intense fear of rejection, which seeped into my own marriage as controlling behaviors. Through heartfelt storytelling, I explore the transformative power of travel as a tool for healing and connection—even when financial limitations loom. Hear how embracing risk and rejection, much like successful individuals do, can lead to a more fulfilling life.

Together, we unpack the vital role of open communication in mending marital relationships. If fear of rejection has you closing off emotionally, join me in a journey of self-reflection and candid dialogue with your partner. Learn how vulnerability, while daunting, can open the doors to gratitude and happiness, strengthening your bond in unexpected ways. Whether it's a simple date night or an adventurous trip, discover how travel can reignite love, offering new perspectives and opportunities to connect deeply with those you cherish most.

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Speaker 1 (00:06):
You are listening to.
Travel is Cheaper than Divorce.
This podcast for all those whomay be struggling with their
spouse or their children and therelationship with them.
We help give you tips andtricks by using travel as the
means to be able to help yourrelationships with your family.
I'll provide those tricks andother ways to help travel with

(00:29):
little or no cost.
So let's get into it.
I love rejection.
You may find that to be strangeIf you're one that has dealt
with a fear of rejection, like Ihave.

(00:50):
You get to the point where youeither die inside with that fear
, not ever progressing, not everliving the life that you want
to live, or you embrace it.
So when I say I love rejection,I only love it to the fact of

(01:15):
what it has done for me.
Some of you out there are andprobably a lot of you, it seems
lately may be children of adivorce, and if you really look
back at that time, you'llrealize that when there is a
divorce in the family, the childfeels rejected.

(01:38):
I mean, a lot of people saythat children have a tendency to
say that oh, maybe it's myfault.
Where does that come from?
It comes from rejection.
I remember the very day that myparents told me that they were
quote getting separated.
They wouldn't even tell us thatthey were getting divorced.
They were, you know, workingaround it.

(02:00):
Essentially, they didn't reallywant to tell us they were
getting divorced, so they toldus they were getting separated.
It took me years later torealize that that was a
rejection and it led to acomplete fear of that very thing
.
Now that worked into mymarriage quite a bit actually.

(02:23):
Now that worked into mymarriage quite a bit actually.
Because of my fear of rejection, I was doing the very thing
that would cause I would dothings that would cause a
divorce Controlling, controlling.
Because if I controlled how shefelt, if I controlled what she

(02:46):
was feeling, then somehow,someway, I'll never be rejected.
If you live your life because ofthe divorce or any other reason
, frankly, maybe you gotrejected for a job sometime.
That's another thing.

(03:08):
If you have a fear of rejection, you're never going to take
risks in life, or you'll takethe littlest amount of risk as
possible.
And now you look at the bigpeople who have played in this
world, the ones who are huge inthis world, who you may look at
as successful I won't even nameany because you may have a

(03:29):
different definition of successthan I do, but think of the
people you think are successful,and what do you see?
Do you see people who have afear of rejection?
I don't.
I see people who take risk.
I see people who are rejectedover and over and over again.

(03:54):
Look at Steve Jobs.
He was literally kicked out ofhis company, his own company.
Could that be more of arejection?
And he came back with avengeance.
You have a life that you want tolive.
You have an ideal life, anideal family that you want to

(04:15):
have together, and you'restruggling.
You're struggling right now.
You're struggling because yourfamily's falling apart around
you.
The job is not keeping up withsuccess that you feel like you
deserve.
Are you fearing rejection?

(04:37):
Is that the thing that'spreventing you from winning?
I know it's a cliche, but it'strue that ones who fall down and
get back up over and over againare the ones who win the race.
This is the kind of thing I'mtalking about here, because this

(05:00):
was from the very time that myparents got divorced until even
just a couple of years ago.
I had that same fear ofrejection.
It affected me literallyeverywhere, everywhere in my
life, but more it didn't show up.
See, it may show up at work,here or there, it may show up
professionally, but where itshows up the most is in your
family.
Because in your family, becausewhen you're at work, you may

(05:20):
not have to show a lot ofemotions.
It really depends on what youdo for a living, I suppose, but
most don't have to.
Really most men, I will say,don't have to show a lot of
emotion in their career, butwhen you get home your heart has
to be there, and if you fearrejection, then your heart won't

(05:41):
open.
It won't open Because if youfeel like somebody is going to
hit you, then you won't openyour heart and so you reject it.
You reject, but see, your fearof rejection rejects everybody
else around you.
Because if you can't open yourheart, if you can't take that

(06:03):
risk to open your heart, you'rerejecting everybody around you,
because your spouse and yourchildren need you.
They need you.
They don't need the scruffy CEOin their home, they don't.
They need you.
They need you.
They don't need the scruffy CEOin their home, they don't.
They need you.
And if you don't open yourheart, they're not getting you.
So this worked into a lot of thethings that I worked on in my

(06:27):
family.
I mean, you've heard my story.
If you've been listening tothis podcast for any kind of
length of time, you know that myfamily was struggling, my
marriage was struggling, so mywife this is very brief because
if you've, I don't want torepeat a story that you may have
heard, but those who are justlistening who haven't heard this

(06:48):
story my wife came to me andtalked about travel and I
thought that was crazy.
We didn't have any money at thetime but I just made it happen.
You know, you look at peoplearound you and you see these
people who have all the quoteunquote luck in the world.
I don't believe in luck anyways, but if I did, I can see where

(07:08):
people see that these peopletend to always get the nicer
things.
They get upgraded all the timeI'm talking about travel in this
case, because that's that'skind of my thing but they get
upgraded to first class all thetime.
They get the nicer hotel room,so on, so forth, so on, so forth
.
Do you look at those type ofpeople and say those are the

(07:29):
people who have a fear ofrejection, those are the type of
people who who don't take anyrisk.
No, I don't.
I don't know what you see.
I don't see that those are thetype of people.
And so you can't force thingson yourself though you can't

(07:50):
force yourself not to have afear of rejection but you can
certainly recognize that you doand then turn it.
Now I use travel.
I know it seems like all mysolution is that, but it really
has made a huge difference in mylife.
I use travel because I learnedthe ways to travel in luxury for

(08:12):
little or no cost, and becauseI was traveling in luxury, I
felt good.
I felt good, I felt like Icould open up more.
I felt like I was getting whatI, I guess, deserved I don't
know if that's really the rightword.

(08:39):
And so when you travel in firstclass, lay flat seats in
business class, when you're in asuite at a hotel and other
things like that, how do youfeel?
Well, david, I can't affordthat.
Well, you know I will rejectthat wholeheartedly, because you
can.
Right, I use points, I usemiles, I use that kind of thing.
I earn them quickly, I spendthem right.
That's a different thing.

(09:00):
Maybe that's not your cup oftea.
Do you know how much confidenceyou gain?
This is just by my experience.
Do you know how much confidenceyou gain by being in a hotel
suite, knowing that you paidregular rates for it?

(09:20):
A second part is what I reallylove, and you can live like that
person, you see, and then thatjust helps you gain more and
more confidence.
Traveling and learning the waythat I have learned by traveling
, by getting these awesome seats, these awesome hotel rooms, has

(09:40):
really gained my confidence up.
When that happens, your fear ofrejection starts melting.
Now maybe travel is not thesolution for you.
I love it, I just love it.
It's almost become a hobby ofmine.
Maybe the solution is literallytherapy I use travel as my

(10:04):
therapy, but maybe it's therapyto go through your fear of
rejection.
What's the basis of that?
But any therapist or anybodywill tell you that a fear, any
kind of problem that you mayhave inside you can be solved by
simply recognizing it, bringingit out into the light, seeing

(10:26):
it, looking at it, becausethings like that like to be
buried inside of a person.
I know, in fact I know I cantell you right now I know
there's somebody within thesound of my voice is feeling
this way.
I just know there is.
I've met a lot of people in mylife, a lot of people in my life
, and these people I don't know.

(10:47):
I just feel like a lot ofpeople walk around and this may
be not for this episode aboutfear of rejection, but it is
part of it.
People just walk around likezombies, and why?
Because they shut off theirheart.
You know, you've heard me say inother episodes I truly believe
that love is everything.
Well, how are you going to giveor receive love if your heart's

(11:09):
closed Because you're tooafraid of what's going to happen
to you?
You know, in a way and I don'twant to say this to be mean, but
I'm going to, I'm just going tofrigging say it You're being
selfish.
You're being selfish.
Your fear of rejection istaking you to a place where you
can't live the life that youwant to live and that affects

(11:32):
everybody around you.
So you're protecting your heartand you're not giving out to
other people.
That's selfish.
That's selfish to its very core.
You need to live the life thatyou are meant to live and not
walk around like a zombie.
Go into your heart.
Is it a fear of rejection?

(11:52):
Is it a fear of rejection thatis causing all of this?
So my spouse and I have workedon a lot of things together.
As I told you, we were on theverge of what I call parallel
marriage.
I don't know if we'd ever getdivorced, at least not on paper,

(12:12):
but a parallel marriage, asyou've heard in other episodes,
is just like a divorce.
It's just that we live togetheras roommates, which is actually
, I feel, worse than a divorce.
But some would disagree withthat.
But it's when I stopped.
I mean and I don't want to gettoo graphic, but I mean you get
a fear of rejection.

(12:33):
It goes right into your, evenyour, sexual relationship, where
you cannot, you cannot performthe way you need to perform
because you're too afraid of notdoing what she needs, giving
her what she needs, or he, andso then that affects everything
else too.
It can affect everything else,right?

(12:55):
She doesn't feel loved, hedoesn't feel loved, whatever,
literally, that fear ofrejection, I think it eats away
at so many people and they don'teven realize it.
Clearly, that fear of rejection, I think it eats away at so
many people and they don't evenrealize it.
So, anyways, we were on theverge of of of a parallel
marriage.
Well, I call a divorce a nonpaper, and I really had to look

(13:16):
deep into myself and I wasworried.
I mean, can you can, by the way, can you not feel like that's
the ultimate rejection, evenfrom your spouse, even if it's
your idea?
I want a divorce and you want adivorce.
Why, why, why do you want adivorce?
Is she rejecting you or is yourfear of rejection making that

(13:38):
turn that direction?
Now I speak mostly in thispodcast to the men out there,
but you don't think this is thesame for women.
Your fear of things.
There was something called ashadow effect, and the shadow
effect is the thing that youfear the most.
Actually is something that youactually internalize so much

(13:59):
that it actually becomes a partof you.
You actually become the thingthat you fear.
So I fear divorce, I fearedrejection, and that's exactly
what happened to me on the vergeof divorce and rejecting and
having that fear of rejectionclosing off my heart.
So my spouse and I, we hadseveral conversations and when I
say conversations, they weren'talways conversations in the

(14:24):
sense that they weren't quiet.
Okay, well, we can call themarguments, I suppose.
And then you end up on the couch, you end up in a hotel room,
and then what?
Then sometimes the worst thinghappens, then you're like well,
if she's going to reject me, I'mgoing to reject her by turning

(14:46):
on my phone and going to Pornhubor whatever pornography site.
If she's going to reject me,I'm going to mentally reject her
by getting what I need throughthis, that or the other.
What are you doing?
You know, sometimes this maynot be very popular, but that's

(15:09):
a lot of things I'm sayingaren't.
But this may not be popular,but you need to man up.
You know you look at the heroesthat people may have in the
world again and these peopledon't fear.
They go and they do.
They have courage.
And if you're fearing rejection,is that courage?
Are you running away?

(15:30):
Stop running away.
Stop running away from yourchildren, stop running away from
your spouse because you fearsomething.
Embrace them, take themsomewhere, get out of your house
.
Get out of your house, gotravel somewhere together, be
together when you're out of theenvironment of your home and out

(15:53):
of the environment of your work.
I know I keep saying this, butit really does change things.
So if I were to tell youanything at the end of this
episode like a takeaway,something for you to do is have
this conversation with yourspouse.
Look at first.
You got to look inside yourself.
Am I fearing rejection?
Am I closing my heart offbecause I have a fear of

(16:14):
rejection and then have aconversation with your spouse
about that Almost guaranteed I'mnot in everybody's marriage,
but almost guaranteed she isgoing to be, or he is going to
be grateful and be happy thatyou're having that conversation,
because now you're opening yourheart up.
And that's hard to do becausewhen you open your heart you bet

(16:38):
you could be rejected and it'slike a punch to the throat, a
punch to the heart and that'shard to deal with.
But have that conversation,heal that conversation and, my
heck, get out of your house, goon a date.
When you do this, I prefer foryou to go travel somewhere and

(17:00):
learn to love again.
Learn to open your heart.
You have been listening toTravel is Cheaper Than Divorced
with David Packer.
Please let us know what youthink about this episode or any
other comments you might have,by visiting our website at
wwwtravelpointdadcom.

(17:21):
Please join us for our nextepisode, where we continue to
explore how travel can helpbring your family together.
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