November 25, 2024 • 21 mins
Ever thought travel could be the secret ingredient for nurturing deeper connections with your spouse and family? Join me as I unravel how hitting the road became a turning point in my marriage, helping me move beyond logical fixes to truly understanding my wife's emotional needs. From the early days when my rational approach clashed with her feelings, to a pivotal moment when her desire to travel led us down a path of rediscovery, this episode is a candid exploration of the emotional dynamics within relationships. Learn how embracing empathy, compassion, and adaptability can transform your interactions and strengthen your bonds.
We'll dive into personal stories that highlight the power of listening and being present, discovering the immense reassurance that simple gestures of support can offer. I'll share insights into the challenges of providing emotional support, especially when resources seem limited, revealing how perseverance and a willingness to embrace uncertainty opened doors to unexpected solutions. Whether you're facing similar struggles or simply looking for ways to enhance your relationships, this conversation offers valuable lessons on harnessing emotional understanding and the transformative potential of travel.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
You are listening to.
Travel is Cheaper than Divorce.
This podcast for all those whomay be struggling with their
spouse or their children and therelationship with them.
We help give you tips andtricks by using travel as the
means to be able to help yourrelationships with your family.
I will provide those tricks andother ways to help travel with
(00:29):
little or no cost.
So let's get into it.
Stop trying to have all theanswers, because you'll never
have them.
Nobody in this world does.
Stop trying to fix everythingbecause you simply can't.
(00:53):
You simply cannot.
It's funny how men and thishappened to me in my life,
obviously I come from a lot ofexperience in this we think we
can fix everything with ourspouses.
They come to us with a problemand we think we can fix it, but
(01:13):
we can't even fix an airconditioner.
Now how are those two thingsrelated?
If you think you can fixeverything with your spouse, why
can't you fix everything inyour house?
You can't.
You simply don't have all theanswers.
Men and women are, frankly,built differently.
(01:34):
I remember once that, after youknow it's funny actually A lot
of the quote arguments my wifeand I have had not all of them,
I don't even know if it's mostof them, but a lot of them have
(01:59):
started with her coming to meand telling me how she felt, and
me as I thought was a goodhusband, listened to her.
But the problem is is I amalways wanting to jump in so
fast with what I believe issolution to all of her problems
that sometimes I didn't even lether finish the sentence, I just
jumped right on that.
(02:20):
Jumped right on that, I justtold her well, here's what you
need to do.
You need to think about thisdifferently.
How do you tell somebody who'shaving an emotional problem, to
tell them to get into theirbrain and think about it
differently.
Think how, think.
How stupid that sounds.
Of course, me being the guythat I have always been, very,
(02:43):
very number of spreadsheets,very left brain I always think
you can always outthinkeverything.
Especially at that point in mylife, at that point in my life,
I was always trying to outthinkthings.
I was not really opening myheart.
I remember, I remember one ofthese arguments and she said she
(03:06):
says, why are you arguing withme?
I said I'm not, I'm justtelling you.
You know that this is what youneed to do.
You need to think about thisway.
I'm like she's like that's youarguing with me?
You're telling me somethingdifferent than what I am telling
you.
This is how I feel.
Stop telling me not to feelthat way.
(03:26):
I never said the words don'tfeel that way.
But by trying to use my brainand say, think about it
differently, I'm essentiallytelling her stop feeling, stop
feeling that way.
Boy, I can't even tell you anddescribe to you the feeling I
(03:46):
had that day.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
It hit me as much as you canfeel it, for I hope you could
feel my feel through the throughwhatever listening medium you
have.
Right now, it hit me like a tonof bricks.
I mean, I was like, oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh, because you don'thave all the answers and
(04:14):
especially you don't have theanswers to emotional problems,
because emotional problemsaren't solved with logic.
They're solved, solved byunderstanding.
They're solved by loving.
You know this.
Actually, I'm going to tell youa story that literally just
recently happened, over the lastcouple of days.
(04:35):
Even from this recording, youknow what it really is.
Do you want to, really is youwant to solve your wife's
emotional problems?
Then take the emotions from her.
Let me explain to you what Imean by that with this story
that I have to tell you when mywife is feeling especially
emotional and again because ofher story, of all the things
(05:01):
she's been through, she'sprobably more emotional than
probably most of your spousesout there, with all the sexual
abuse, rape, narcissisticnarcissism in her life from
parents and otherwise.
I mean she's been through thegamut.
I mean the gamut of things.
So she's fairly emotional.
She's an emotional human being.
(05:22):
But also I had some on thethings I've learned.
Oh my gosh, I have so much tosay about this.
This is one of the things Iabsolutely have learned to love
about her, and I used to hate it.
I used to hate it.
I love this part of her.
I absolutely love the part ofher that is emotional Because,
(05:43):
as I've opened my heart to herand not just her but everybody I
feel like I understand emotionsand see how powerful they are.
I admire her for how she feels,but anyways, last couple of
days she's been going throughkind of a roller coaster of
emotions, and when she has thoseI don't and she okay.
(06:06):
Here's another thing that I havelearned, and this is part of
this story.
So I just came up as I wastelling this is if they, if, if
one of your, if your wife askedyou what is an impossible
question, she already knows it'san impossible question.
No, it's not an impossiblequestion.
If she asked you a questionthat does not have an answer,
it's an impossible answer.
There is no answer.
Essentially, then she alreadyknows that.
(06:28):
So stop trying to answer thefreaking question.
I mean, that sounds completelyopposite in logic, but these
aren't logical questions,they're emotional questions.
You cannot answer emotions withlogic.
So, anyways, so I'll tell youthe story, trying to, but
there's just so many that'scoming up in this, so she's
(06:50):
having kind of an emotionalroller coaster and she came to
me and she's like why is it thisway?
Why do I feel this way?
Why?
And those are the type ofthings that how are you supposed
to answer that with logic?
Well, the reason you feel thisway is because you know the
earth spins in a certain way andthis person is touching.
You know did this to you 20years ago.
(07:11):
None of that works, none ofthat works.
So she came to me and she saidI'm feeling this way and you
know what you do is you takethat emotion on.
How do you do that?
Now, I'm not going to tell youlogically, because there is no
logical way to take onsomebody's emotions.
I will tell you.
(07:32):
It's all about feeling andheart.
You open your heart.
When you open your heart,you're able to really take those
emotions on.
This is what I've learned overthe years, and this is this is
going to start getting meemotional is that when I take on
my wife's emotions, I literallycan feel her emotions, and when
I feel her emotions, I knowexactly what to do.
(07:54):
And do you know what I did inthat?
And do you know what I did inthat moment?
Do you know what I did in thatmoment when she was telling me
all that I said come here, letme hold you.
That's it.
Come here, let me hold you.
We've been in Phoenix for thelast.
I don't know five days.
I think maybe four days, fivedays, I think.
So we've been in a hotel roomand you know how many times
(08:17):
we've turned on the TV once, andit was for 10 minutes to find
somebody to watch.
We couldn't find anything.
We turned it off.
Oh man, this is.
This is such a separate episodein a way, but media actually,
it's so distracting sometimes.
Anyways, maybe we'll do that ina separate episode.
I want to stay focused on this,but because I didn't, I didn't
hold her while I was watching atelevision show.
(08:38):
That's what my point is.
I was putting my whole entirefeelings and thoughts with her,
so she was able to melt.
I mean, I know these are kindof weird terms, but it's what it
really felt like.
She was able to melt into me soI was able to take that on.
Well, that doesn't sound like aman.
(08:59):
Some people might say thatdoesn't sound like being a man.
Having all these emotions andsuch, it's like the epitome of
being a man.
What you just did, what I didin that moment, and what you
could also do, is I lifted herup, I protected her.
What is more being a man thanprotecting your spouse?
(09:22):
I let her melt into me and takethat on, so she didn't have to.
If she feels like she's liftinga burden, like a vehicle, like a
car, a weight so heavy that shecannot hold it, in fact, take
(09:43):
this analogy literally in yourmind.
If she's holding up a car,you're like why is my wife
holding up a car?
Are you not going to go helpher or just take over that for
her.
That's what I did in thatmoment.
I took that away from her soshe didn't have that burden any
longer.
I didn't answer that question.
I never answered that questionbecause she doesn't need it
(10:07):
answered Not with a logicalanswer, at least not with an
actual vocal answer.
How she needed answered was tobe loved.
She's just asking to be loved.
She's asking to be understood.
And you see, you say the wordsand you mean them, because if
you're my wife can, she has likea radar for times when I say I
(10:30):
understand you and she knows I'moh, I'm just saying words.
So if you're just going to saywords and not have anything
behind it, she's going torealize and that might actually
hurt her more.
By the way, it's a separateissue that's happened with me.
I've said the words.
I understand you.
Pat, pat on the head, go away.
Now.
That's what I felt like.
(10:50):
I've done that to her boy.
That's not pleasant, notpleasant.
But you say the words.
I understand how you're feelingand you actually mean that,
because I did at the time and Isaid come here, let me hold you.
That's what she needs at thetime.
It's so funny.
(11:12):
As men we feel like we have tohave the all the answers.
I mean, before you listen tothis podcast.
Maybe this is your firstepisode, but if you, if this is,
go back, listen to some of theother ones, you'll be out of
your mind in a sense, saying areyou telling me I can?
I can solve all my problemswith my spouse by traveling?
I don't know if it's all.
(11:33):
I don't have all the answers.
I'm here to admit that.
But I can tell you that this iswhat helped with me and my
spouse.
Yes, us traveling made a huge,huge difference in our marriage
Huge and our family, not justour marriage, but in our family
with our kids too.
And you're saying that's theanswer.
(11:53):
I'm saying it could be, Notjust our marriage, but in our
family with our kids too.
And you're saying that's theanswer.
I'm saying it could be.
I don't have all the answerseither, and I'm here to admit it
.
And if you're out with yourbuddies and they ask you a
question, like I don't know theanswer to that question, why can
(12:14):
you admit it to them but not toyour spouse?
Because they're not asking youan emotional question.
They're asking you a logicalone, usually because men are
more logical, generally speaking, so it's easier to say I don't
know, but with your spouseyou're like, oh well, let me fix
this because I'm going to showyou love by fixing this or
answering this question.
That's never.
It just doesn't work.
(12:34):
When you truly open your heartand love, when you really truly
open your heart and love, thatis the answer to 75% of your
wife's questions.
When she is a being, when she'sbeing, I shouldn't say being
emotional, but when she isemotional, because when you say
(13:00):
the words being emotional, it'slike she's being, I shouldn't
say being emotional, but whenshe is emotional, because when
you say the words beingemotional, it's like she's being
irrational.
She's not being irrational,she's being emotional.
This is just how I used tothink.
I just see this because this ishow I used to think for the
first umpteen years of my wife'sand I marriage.
We, we caught.
It was just always.
It was butting heads constantly, because I was always logical
and she was always emotional.
I thought she was irrationaland she thought I was unfeeling.
(13:22):
Well, one of those two thingswas right I was unfeeling and
she wasn't irrational.
I just thought she was becauseI didn't open my heart.
I didn't say okay.
Let me give you an example.
Early in our marriage I meanreally early, probably within
the first couple months we weremarried, right?
(13:42):
This is going to tell you howhorrible of a husband I was back
then, but I don't care, you'rejust going to listen to it
because maybe you or maybe it'llmake you feel better that you
weren't that bad, or maybe youare that bad, I don't know.
But we got married within acouple of weeks.
Even I would.
I would go get home from work Iwas, I was working at a bank at
(14:04):
the time.
I get, I get home from work andI get in my gym shorts and
without even saying I love youor kissing or hugging her, I
said, ok, I'm gonna go play ballwith my friends.
Sound like a caring husband toyou.
Are there any ladies listeningto this podcast?
You're like, yeah, what a jerk.
Oh, yeah, I was that.
I mean I've gotten better overthe years, quite obviously.
(14:28):
But but man back then, right,so she wasn't being irrational
when she got, when I got homefrom playing ball with my
friends, angry with me, like why?
I mean you can easily take thatand say why are you being so
irrational?
I was just having, I was justgetting some exercise.
Don't you want me to haveexercise?
(14:48):
That certainly sounds logical,right?
Maybe she's the irrational one,or maybe you're an asshole,
maybe.
I mean, I look back at that nowand that's why I see I see a
person being a jerk.
Now they're going to put anexplicit label on this podcast,
(15:09):
but whatever, um, sometimes theemotion what I'm trying to say
is sometimes I don't say all thetime, but sometimes the
emotions that she's expressingto you is a reaction to you not
doing something beforehand ordoing something beforehand, and
you're calling it irrationalwhen you're the one that might
have caused it.
I didn't say all the time, Isaid a lot of the times.
(15:31):
So did you ignore her that day?
Did you not show her anyemotion that day?
Not having all the answersshould not hold you back from
your life, living your life.
Like like when my wife came tome again and for those who are
(15:51):
new to the podcast, this will benew to your story and those who
are not, I've told the storyseveral times because it's what
put me in this journey oftraveling.
But my wife came to me and shesaid I need to travel because
she was overly stressed out.
We were foster parents at thetime and we had our own kids and
she was a stay at home mom andshe was homeschooling.
(16:11):
It was.
She was superwoman In myopinion.
She's still superwoman in myopinion, even to this day, for
all that she's been through andovercome.
And I didn't have any of theanswers at the time Because,
logically again, going back tologic going back to logic
logically, there was no way wecould travel.
(16:32):
No way.
And no money, no, nothing.
So I went to work and I figuredout a way.
I found the answers and theanswers were completely
different than what I thoughtthey'd be.
The answers were we're justgoing to travel for free.
We're just going to travel forfree.
I found a way for us to travelfor free and that's the system I
(16:55):
have built for my wife and Iand others that I've taught.
That's not logical.
I found a way.
I didn't have all the answers.
I didn't have all the answers,but I didn't.
Let me not having the answershold me back.
So I am telling you, my friendsout there, from experience If
(17:21):
you don't have all the answers,you should be okay with that.
If she comes to you and she'slike I don't know what to do, I
feel so awful right now.
Well, I don't know what to doabout that, don't?
You may feel that way, youmight think that way, but don't
vocalize that.
Just say I understand and meanI understand how you're feeling.
(17:44):
Sometimes, maybe the answer is aquestion back, or maybe the
answer is a question back to herwhat do you want me to do?
Is there anything I can do foryou?
Or sometimes, as I understand,and you just hold her and let
her cry into your shoulder, andthat way, my friends, you are
protecting her.
You're protecting her from allthe things that she's feeling at
(18:06):
the time by putting your armsaround her.
One of the things my wife saysto me all the time is and I'm
not saying this as a cocky thing, for sure, but this is how she
feels but she says I feel somuch more comfortable when you
have your strong arms around me,and so if you put that strength
around her, I'm here for you.
(18:28):
I'm here for you.
Then you don't have to have allthe answers.
That is the answer.
That is the answer.
So don't again.
Don't let not having all theanswers hold you back from
living the life that you want tolive, because nobody on this
(18:49):
stinking earth has all theanswers?
No one.
No one has all the answers, noone, in fact.
You can think of some of thesmartest people in the world and
they have terriblerelationships sometimes.
So they found answers to someof the greatest minds out there
(19:09):
and they have nothing on theemotional side and they've lost.
And that logic only takes themso far and it makes them feel
and they try to shut off theirfeelings by being so logical
about it.
What a life to live.
That's the life I used to live.
I used to live a life where Iwould just shut off my emotions
(19:30):
and just logically think ofeverything and I life is so much
better for me now, now that Ihave both.
You can't live on just one sideof your brain.
You've got to have both.
Open your heart, tell yourbrain.
You've got to have both.
Open your heart, tell yourstory, know who you are and then
(19:51):
know who your wife is bylistening to her, by listening
to her story, even if the storyis just the story of her day.
Because eventually, if you keeptrying to fix her problems and
not just simply being there forher and not getting out with her
, and these things just startcompounding, you're going to end
(20:13):
in a parallel marriage ordivorce, and that's very
expensive.
It's expensive to your heart,it's expensive to your wallet.
So I'm here to tell you, I'mhere to tell you again, again,
again travel is much cheaperthan divorce you have been
(20:33):
listening to.
Travel is Cheaper Than Divorcewith David Packer.
Please let us know what youthink about this episode or any
other comments you might have,by visiting our website at
wwwtravelpointdadcom.
Please join us for our nextepisode, where we continue to
explore how travel can helpbring your family together.
You are listening to.
Travel is Cheaper than Divorce.
This podcast for all those whomay be struggling with their
spouse or their children and therelationship with them.
We help give you tips andtricks by using travel as the
means to be able to help yourrelationships with your family.
I will provide those tricks andother ways to help travel with
(00:29):
little or no cost.
So let's get into it.
Stop trying to have all theanswers, because you'll never
have them.
Nobody in this world does.
Stop trying to fix everythingbecause you simply can't.
(00:53):
You simply cannot.
It's funny how men and thishappened to me in my life,
obviously I come from a lot ofexperience in this we think we
can fix everything with ourspouses.
They come to us with a problemand we think we can fix it, but
(01:13):
we can't even fix an airconditioner.
Now how are those two thingsrelated?
If you think you can fixeverything with your spouse, why
can't you fix everything inyour house?
You can't.
You simply don't have all theanswers.
Men and women are, frankly,built differently.
(01:34):
I remember once that, after youknow it's funny actually A lot
of the quote arguments my wifeand I have had not all of them,
I don't even know if it's mostof them, but a lot of them have
(01:59):
started with her coming to meand telling me how she felt, and
me as I thought was a goodhusband, listened to her.
But the problem is is I amalways wanting to jump in so
fast with what I believe issolution to all of her problems
that sometimes I didn't even lether finish the sentence, I just
jumped right on that.
(02:20):
Jumped right on that, I justtold her well, here's what you
need to do.
You need to think about thisdifferently.
How do you tell somebody who'shaving an emotional problem, to
tell them to get into theirbrain and think about it
differently.
Think how, think.
How stupid that sounds.
Of course, me being the guythat I have always been, very,
(02:43):
very number of spreadsheets,very left brain I always think
you can always outthinkeverything.
Especially at that point in mylife, at that point in my life,
I was always trying to outthinkthings.
I was not really opening myheart.
I remember, I remember one ofthese arguments and she said she
(03:06):
says, why are you arguing withme?
I said I'm not, I'm justtelling you.
You know that this is what youneed to do.
You need to think about thisway.
I'm like she's like that's youarguing with me?
You're telling me somethingdifferent than what I am telling
you.
This is how I feel.
Stop telling me not to feelthat way.
(03:26):
I never said the words don'tfeel that way.
But by trying to use my brainand say, think about it
differently, I'm essentiallytelling her stop feeling, stop
feeling that way.
Boy, I can't even tell you anddescribe to you the feeling I
(03:46):
had that day.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
It hit me as much as you canfeel it, for I hope you could
feel my feel through the throughwhatever listening medium you
have.
Right now, it hit me like a tonof bricks.
I mean, I was like, oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh, because you don'thave all the answers and
(04:14):
especially you don't have theanswers to emotional problems,
because emotional problemsaren't solved with logic.
They're solved, solved byunderstanding.
They're solved by loving.
You know this.
Actually, I'm going to tell youa story that literally just
recently happened, over the lastcouple of days.
(04:35):
Even from this recording, youknow what it really is.
Do you want to, really is youwant to solve your wife's
emotional problems?
Then take the emotions from her.
Let me explain to you what Imean by that with this story
that I have to tell you when mywife is feeling especially
emotional and again because ofher story, of all the things
(05:01):
she's been through, she'sprobably more emotional than
probably most of your spousesout there, with all the sexual
abuse, rape, narcissisticnarcissism in her life from
parents and otherwise.
I mean she's been through thegamut.
I mean the gamut of things.
So she's fairly emotional.
She's an emotional human being.
(05:22):
But also I had some on thethings I've learned.
Oh my gosh, I have so much tosay about this.
This is one of the things Iabsolutely have learned to love
about her, and I used to hate it.
I used to hate it.
I love this part of her.
I absolutely love the part ofher that is emotional Because,
(05:43):
as I've opened my heart to herand not just her but everybody I
feel like I understand emotionsand see how powerful they are.
I admire her for how she feels,but anyways, last couple of
days she's been going throughkind of a roller coaster of
emotions, and when she has thoseI don't and she okay.
(06:06):
Here's another thing that I havelearned, and this is part of
this story.
So I just came up as I wastelling this is if they, if, if
one of your, if your wife askedyou what is an impossible
question, she already knows it'san impossible question.
No, it's not an impossiblequestion.
If she asked you a questionthat does not have an answer,
it's an impossible answer.
There is no answer.
Essentially, then she alreadyknows that.
(06:28):
So stop trying to answer thefreaking question.
I mean, that sounds completelyopposite in logic, but these
aren't logical questions,they're emotional questions.
You cannot answer emotions withlogic.
So, anyways, so I'll tell youthe story, trying to, but
there's just so many that'scoming up in this, so she's
(06:50):
having kind of an emotionalroller coaster and she came to
me and she's like why is it thisway?
Why do I feel this way?
Why?
And those are the type ofthings that how are you supposed
to answer that with logic?
Well, the reason you feel thisway is because you know the
earth spins in a certain way andthis person is touching.
You know did this to you 20years ago.
(07:11):
None of that works, none ofthat works.
So she came to me and she saidI'm feeling this way and you
know what you do is you takethat emotion on.
How do you do that?
Now, I'm not going to tell youlogically, because there is no
logical way to take onsomebody's emotions.
I will tell you.
(07:32):
It's all about feeling andheart.
You open your heart.
When you open your heart,you're able to really take those
emotions on.
This is what I've learned overthe years, and this is this is
going to start getting meemotional is that when I take on
my wife's emotions, I literallycan feel her emotions, and when
I feel her emotions, I knowexactly what to do.
(07:54):
And do you know what I did inthat?
And do you know what I did inthat moment?
Do you know what I did in thatmoment when she was telling me
all that I said come here, letme hold you.
That's it.
Come here, let me hold you.
We've been in Phoenix for thelast.
I don't know five days.
I think maybe four days, fivedays, I think.
So we've been in a hotel roomand you know how many times
(08:17):
we've turned on the TV once, andit was for 10 minutes to find
somebody to watch.
We couldn't find anything.
We turned it off.
Oh man, this is.
This is such a separate episodein a way, but media actually,
it's so distracting sometimes.
Anyways, maybe we'll do that ina separate episode.
I want to stay focused on this,but because I didn't, I didn't
hold her while I was watching atelevision show.
(08:38):
That's what my point is.
I was putting my whole entirefeelings and thoughts with her,
so she was able to melt.
I mean, I know these are kindof weird terms, but it's what it
really felt like.
She was able to melt into me soI was able to take that on.
Well, that doesn't sound like aman.
(08:59):
Some people might say thatdoesn't sound like being a man.
Having all these emotions andsuch, it's like the epitome of
being a man.
What you just did, what I didin that moment, and what you
could also do, is I lifted herup, I protected her.
What is more being a man thanprotecting your spouse?
(09:22):
I let her melt into me and takethat on, so she didn't have to.
If she feels like she's liftinga burden, like a vehicle, like a
car, a weight so heavy that shecannot hold it, in fact, take
(09:43):
this analogy literally in yourmind.
If she's holding up a car,you're like why is my wife
holding up a car?
Are you not going to go helpher or just take over that for
her.
That's what I did in thatmoment.
I took that away from her soshe didn't have that burden any
longer.
I didn't answer that question.
I never answered that questionbecause she doesn't need it
(10:07):
answered Not with a logicalanswer, at least not with an
actual vocal answer.
How she needed answered was tobe loved.
She's just asking to be loved.
She's asking to be understood.
And you see, you say the wordsand you mean them, because if
you're my wife can, she has likea radar for times when I say I
(10:30):
understand you and she knows I'moh, I'm just saying words.
So if you're just going to saywords and not have anything
behind it, she's going torealize and that might actually
hurt her more.
By the way, it's a separateissue that's happened with me.
I've said the words.
I understand you.
Pat, pat on the head, go away.
Now.
That's what I felt like.
(10:50):
I've done that to her boy.
That's not pleasant, notpleasant.
But you say the words.
I understand how you're feelingand you actually mean that,
because I did at the time and Isaid come here, let me hold you.
That's what she needs at thetime.
It's so funny.
(11:12):
As men we feel like we have tohave the all the answers.
I mean, before you listen tothis podcast.
Maybe this is your firstepisode, but if you, if this is,
go back, listen to some of theother ones, you'll be out of
your mind in a sense, saying areyou telling me I can?
I can solve all my problemswith my spouse by traveling?
I don't know if it's all.
(11:33):
I don't have all the answers.
I'm here to admit that.
But I can tell you that this iswhat helped with me and my
spouse.
Yes, us traveling made a huge,huge difference in our marriage
Huge and our family, not justour marriage, but in our family
with our kids too.
And you're saying that's theanswer.
(11:53):
I'm saying it could be, Notjust our marriage, but in our
family with our kids too.
And you're saying that's theanswer.
I'm saying it could be.
I don't have all the answerseither, and I'm here to admit it
.
And if you're out with yourbuddies and they ask you a
question, like I don't know theanswer to that question, why can
(12:14):
you admit it to them but not toyour spouse?
Because they're not asking youan emotional question.
They're asking you a logicalone, usually because men are
more logical, generally speaking, so it's easier to say I don't
know, but with your spouseyou're like, oh well, let me fix
this because I'm going to showyou love by fixing this or
answering this question.
That's never.
It just doesn't work.
(12:34):
When you truly open your heartand love, when you really truly
open your heart and love, thatis the answer to 75% of your
wife's questions.
When she is a being, when she'sbeing, I shouldn't say being
emotional, but when she isemotional, because when you say
(13:00):
the words being emotional, it'slike she's being, I shouldn't
say being emotional, but whenshe is emotional, because when
you say the words beingemotional, it's like she's being
irrational.
She's not being irrational,she's being emotional.
This is just how I used tothink.
I just see this because this ishow I used to think for the
first umpteen years of my wife'sand I marriage.
We, we caught.
It was just always.
It was butting heads constantly, because I was always logical
and she was always emotional.
I thought she was irrationaland she thought I was unfeeling.
(13:22):
Well, one of those two thingswas right I was unfeeling and
she wasn't irrational.
I just thought she was becauseI didn't open my heart.
I didn't say okay.
Let me give you an example.
Early in our marriage I meanreally early, probably within
the first couple months we weremarried, right?
(13:42):
This is going to tell you howhorrible of a husband I was back
then, but I don't care, you'rejust going to listen to it
because maybe you or maybe it'llmake you feel better that you
weren't that bad, or maybe youare that bad, I don't know.
But we got married within acouple of weeks.
Even I would.
I would go get home from work Iwas, I was working at a bank at
(14:04):
the time.
I get, I get home from work andI get in my gym shorts and
without even saying I love youor kissing or hugging her, I
said, ok, I'm gonna go play ballwith my friends.
Sound like a caring husband toyou.
Are there any ladies listeningto this podcast?
You're like, yeah, what a jerk.
Oh, yeah, I was that.
I mean I've gotten better overthe years, quite obviously.
(14:28):
But but man back then, right,so she wasn't being irrational
when she got, when I got homefrom playing ball with my
friends, angry with me, like why?
I mean you can easily take thatand say why are you being so
irrational?
I was just having, I was justgetting some exercise.
Don't you want me to haveexercise?
(14:48):
That certainly sounds logical,right?
Maybe she's the irrational one,or maybe you're an asshole,
maybe.
I mean, I look back at that nowand that's why I see I see a
person being a jerk.
Now they're going to put anexplicit label on this podcast,
(15:09):
but whatever, um, sometimes theemotion what I'm trying to say
is sometimes I don't say all thetime, but sometimes the
emotions that she's expressingto you is a reaction to you not
doing something beforehand ordoing something beforehand, and
you're calling it irrationalwhen you're the one that might
have caused it.
I didn't say all the time, Isaid a lot of the times.
(15:31):
So did you ignore her that day?
Did you not show her anyemotion that day?
Not having all the answersshould not hold you back from
your life, living your life.
Like like when my wife came tome again and for those who are
(15:51):
new to the podcast, this will benew to your story and those who
are not, I've told the storyseveral times because it's what
put me in this journey oftraveling.
But my wife came to me and shesaid I need to travel because
she was overly stressed out.
We were foster parents at thetime and we had our own kids and
she was a stay at home mom andshe was homeschooling.
(16:11):
It was.
She was superwoman In myopinion.
She's still superwoman in myopinion, even to this day, for
all that she's been through andovercome.
And I didn't have any of theanswers at the time Because,
logically again, going back tologic going back to logic
logically, there was no way wecould travel.
(16:32):
No way.
And no money, no, nothing.
So I went to work and I figuredout a way.
I found the answers and theanswers were completely
different than what I thoughtthey'd be.
The answers were we're justgoing to travel for free.
We're just going to travel forfree.
I found a way for us to travelfor free and that's the system I
(16:55):
have built for my wife and Iand others that I've taught.
That's not logical.
I found a way.
I didn't have all the answers.
I didn't have all the answers,but I didn't.
Let me not having the answershold me back.
So I am telling you, my friendsout there, from experience If
(17:21):
you don't have all the answers,you should be okay with that.
If she comes to you and she'slike I don't know what to do, I
feel so awful right now.
Well, I don't know what to doabout that, don't?
You may feel that way, youmight think that way, but don't
vocalize that.
Just say I understand and meanI understand how you're feeling.
(17:44):
Sometimes, maybe the answer is aquestion back, or maybe the
answer is a question back to herwhat do you want me to do?
Is there anything I can do foryou?
Or sometimes, as I understand,and you just hold her and let
her cry into your shoulder, andthat way, my friends, you are
protecting her.
You're protecting her from allthe things that she's feeling at
(18:06):
the time by putting your armsaround her.
One of the things my wife saysto me all the time is and I'm
not saying this as a cocky thing, for sure, but this is how she
feels but she says I feel somuch more comfortable when you
have your strong arms around me,and so if you put that strength
around her, I'm here for you.
(18:28):
I'm here for you.
Then you don't have to have allthe answers.
That is the answer.
That is the answer.
So don't again.
Don't let not having all theanswers hold you back from
living the life that you want tolive, because nobody on this
(18:49):
stinking earth has all theanswers?
No one.
No one has all the answers, noone, in fact.
You can think of some of thesmartest people in the world and
they have terriblerelationships sometimes.
So they found answers to someof the greatest minds out there
(19:09):
and they have nothing on theemotional side and they've lost.
And that logic only takes themso far and it makes them feel
and they try to shut off theirfeelings by being so logical
about it.
What a life to live.
That's the life I used to live.
I used to live a life where Iwould just shut off my emotions
(19:30):
and just logically think ofeverything and I life is so much
better for me now, now that Ihave both.
You can't live on just one sideof your brain.
You've got to have both.
Open your heart, tell yourbrain.
You've got to have both.
Open your heart, tell yourstory, know who you are and then
(19:51):
know who your wife is bylistening to her, by listening
to her story, even if the storyis just the story of her day.
Because eventually, if you keeptrying to fix her problems and
not just simply being there forher and not getting out with her
, and these things just startcompounding, you're going to end
(20:13):
in a parallel marriage ordivorce, and that's very
expensive.
It's expensive to your heart,it's expensive to your wallet.
So I'm here to tell you, I'mhere to tell you again, again,
again travel is much cheaperthan divorce you have been
(20:33):
listening to.
Travel is Cheaper Than Divorcewith David Packer.
Please let us know what youthink about this episode or any
other comments you might have,by visiting our website at
wwwtravelpointdadcom.
Please join us for our nextepisode, where we continue to
explore how travel can helpbring your family together.
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