October 21, 2024 • 16 mins
How does one truly understand love in a marriage? Join me, David Packer, as I recount my 19-year journey of transformation from viewing love as merely physical and financial support to discovering its deeper, selfless essence. Through my spouse's patience and unwavering love, I learned that genuine affection goes beyond actions—it’s about understanding and selflessness.
I’ll also share how crucial travel was in our relationship, providing the time and space we needed to grow closer and truly understand each other. Plus, I’ll reflect on the impact of my parents' divorce and how it initially shaped my misconceptions about love.
On a more practical note, I’m excited to introduce you to Travel Point Pros, where we unlock the secrets to enjoying luxury travel for minimal costs by maximizing rewards. Discover valuable tips and tricks to elevate your travel experiences without breaking the bank. Whether you're looking to strengthen your relationships or just score an amazing getaway, this episode has something for you. Don’t forget to connect with us on YouTube for more in-depth guidance.
Happy travels!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
You are listening to, travel is Cheaper than Divorce.
This podcast for all those whomay be struggling with their
spouse or their children and therelationship with them.
We help give you tips andtricks by using travel as the
means to be able to help yourrelationships with your family.
I'll provide those tricks andother ways to help travel with
(00:29):
little or no cost.
So let's get into it.
One of the things that I havelearned over the many years of
not just being married, but justin life but I learned it more
(00:51):
on an accelerated basis becauseof my marriage.
And I've said in previousepisodes and I know it sounds
flighty, I don't know the wordbut after understanding love,
after truly understanding love,it is truly what makes this
(01:13):
world go around.
When I got married 19 years agoto my spouse, I was wholly and
utterly unprepared to be married.
I didn't really know how tolove.
My spouse had to suffer, to myshame, for many years of our
(01:35):
marriage, suffering with aperson who didn't really feel
much at all, the least amountlove.
I couldn't understand in thefirst few years of our marriage
and even beyond that, what mywife was so upset about.
(01:57):
A lot of the time we used tohave arguments and I just said I
just didn't understand.
Because I didn't, because Iwasn't feeling, because I wasn't
caring.
All I cared about was me.
So when I said in the veryfirst episode of this podcast,
(02:18):
when I said you have tounderstand the other person,
this comes after years ofexperience.
This comes after years of me inmy marriage caring more about
myself than I did the otherperson Because I thought I
thought that love in a marriage,I thought that love in a
(02:42):
marriage, marriage I thoughtthat love in a marriage, in my
perspective, was about me justtaking care of the physical
needs of my spouse and family.
I made the money, I supported myfamily.
It's bullshit, guys.
I've always loved my spouse,even from the very beginning.
(03:03):
I loved her.
That's why I married her, but Ididn't really know what love
was In retrospect.
Even from the very beginning Iloved her.
That's why I married her, but Ididn't really know what love
was In retrospect, going back tothe beginning of our marriage
and when we were dating, I lovedthe idea of being around her.
She was very, and still is very, precious to me, but that
didn't translate into actuallove.
Over the years and after allthese years, all these times
(03:26):
that I've been with her, becauseof her patience and her
absolute love for me, I feellike I finally know.
I feel like I finally graspwhat love actually is.
Travel is a very important partof this journey for me is
(03:49):
Travel is a very important partof this journey for me.
It is a journey it is a part ofit that helped me to keep the
marriage around long enough andthe love around long enough for
me to realize all of this.
Love is a transcendent thing.
It teaches, it's unselfish.
It's not about me, me, me, me,me.
It's about you.
And see, there are differenttypes of love.
(04:11):
I don't know who you are, who'slistening to this right now,
but I can tell you for a factthat you're listening to this
right now and I love you.
I love you for taking the timeto listen, but it's a different
type of love with my spouse andmy children and it's a different
kind of love between my spouseand my children.
Really, it is literallyeverything.
(04:33):
It changes hearts, it changesminds, it makes us the best
people we could ever be.
This is why marriage, in myopinion, is very important and
that's why, guys, I didn't knowwhat love was, because of the
divorce.
The divorce, my parents' divorce, made an impact on me.
(04:57):
That see, you want to know thereal impact of divorce.
It's, in my opinion, it's justa lack.
People don't know what love is.
The people, the children ofdivorce, do not know what love
is as well.
Does that mean you can't gainit back?
I did, I know you can, and someget it back faster than I did.
(05:19):
I'm kind of stubborn, I havebeen.
I didn't know what it was.
I didn't really truly know whatit was when you touch your
spouse's arm and then when youtouch your spouse's arm with
love at least in my experience,it's two wholly different things
, completely different things.
(05:40):
Your children know it too.
Your children know if you lovethem or not.
And if you think just makingmoney is love, then I don't.
Money, as I said alluded to inanother episode, is dead.
It has no feeling.
My children also suffered, Ithink, because of me not knowing
(06:02):
this early enough, and I'vetried to correct it since, tried
to hug them more and let themknow I really truly love them.
I was at an event.
I've talked about this,actually, in another episode too
.
I was at an event in Arizonaabout a month ago in the Phoenix
area.
I was at an event in Arizonaabout a month ago in the Phoenix
(06:26):
area and I got up and I gave afive or so minute impromptu talk
and I forgot what the promptwas, frankly, and it doesn't
really matter, but it wasn't thesubject.
The subject wasn't given to meis what I'm trying to say.
There was a prompt given, but Ispent that time speaking about
love, because I finally get it.
(06:48):
I finally get it.
I love my spouse more thananything, but not but.
But it's not the right way, andI love everybody who's
(07:09):
listening to this right now.
My journey to get to this pointhas been horrible for my spouse,
mostly Because I spent most ofmy time trying to control what
she felt.
In a way, I used to tell herbecause we would get into some
pretty hefty arguments and thesource of all these arguments I
(07:32):
promise you were love, but weused to be in these arguments
and I told her she could notleave the room until we had a
discussion about it.
That's controlling and that iswrong and it is not love.
It is not love to try to,quote-unquote solve something by
forcing somebody to be solved.
The epidemic pornography usetakes away one of the most
(07:52):
beautiful things that we have aspeople on this earth.
It is the highest expression oflove, in my opinion.
Making love with your spouse,making love, is just one of the
most beautiful things.
That is love.
And pornography takes it away.
(08:12):
It makes it cheap.
I would know it made it reallycheap.
So when I talk about travelingthe world, I'm talking about
getting all the love that youcan and giving all the love that
you possibly can to your spouse, to your children and to
(08:34):
everybody else in this world bygetting out of your head and
into your heart.
Because as long as you'resitting in an office somewhere,
or as long as you're a roadconstruction worker and you're
just working your butt off thatway, or as long as you're
sitting there framing houses, Idon't care what you're doing.
(08:54):
As long as you're doing allthose things you're in your head
.
As long as you're in your housedealing with the phones and
electronics and other thingsyou're in your head, do you know
what travel really does?
It gets you out of your headand into your heart.
It puts you into a space whereyou can at least find that heart
(09:20):
and you can truly love again.
Why did it make my spouse and Icloser, because I finally got
out of the rigmarole and justloved that conference in Phoenix
again about a month ago, mywife and I had a couple of
experiences while we were hereoutside of the conference.
(09:40):
That a burst of love, and thiswas after.
How do I put this?
Kindly, it was not a very goodstart.
It was actually not a very goodstart at all to the beginning,
before the conference began.
So the night before we were ina hotel.
We got upgraded to a nice suite.
(10:02):
It was very, very lovely, andwe did not have a very good
first night together because Iwasn't seeing her.
My problem is it's usually whenwe do travel and I've been
trying to improve this in myselfum, I get so focused because I
hate, I don't really like thetraveling.
(10:22):
Traveling part, which meansgetting on airplanes, going
through airports, making sureyou get from the airport to your
hotel, checking into your hotel, all that stuff kind of sucks.
I don't know anybody who quiteenjoys it, you know, and that
comes from a person who has beenin some of the nicest airline
(10:43):
seats that are there, which arelikely to lay flat seats.
They're just so nice.
Um, even then though it's juststill isn't.
That it's not pleasant, I don'tknow how to, I don't know how
to put it better, but so I guessso focused, I guess so focused
on getting through all of these,all of these logistical things,
(11:03):
I guess so far up my own head,up my own butt, that sometimes I
can't see the light day, I'mnot in my heart, and she felt it
.
It wasn't a good evening, butonce I returned to my heart and
we connected, we had some of thebetter experiences over the
(11:23):
next couple of days that werebeautiful together, and that's
why it was so easy for me atthat conference to talk about
that subject, because Iabsolutely love her.
And if you travel the world, ifyou travel the US, if you travel
your state, if you have alarger state, whatever, if you
(11:46):
travel with your family, youwill start loving your family
more.
It gets you way out of yourhead, at least when you get
there.
Me, I tend to get in my headwhen I'm on the plane, in the
airport, but you'll get there.
It gets you out of your headand into your heart and then you
start loving something elsethat I didn't expect as much.
You have all these experiences,you start realizing people are
(12:07):
people and you start lovingpeople more, and I've never been
one to love people.
I had an experience all the wayback when I was two years old
that I didn't realize until Idon't know more recently.
That might have affected meeven more, but I had somebody
who was killed on the front lawnof my house when I was two
years old.
Do I remember this?
No, did it have an impact on me?
(12:28):
It must have, because I don'ttrust people.
I haven't for a long time animpact on me.
It must have because I don'ttrust people.
I haven't for a long time.
I also lived in SouthernCalifornia for a while and there
were some places there thatwere so sketchy.
I just stopped trusting peopleand that trust for people
because I started loving thepeople.
I started loving the worldbecause I started traveling the
world and seeing differentpeople.
And people are just people.
(12:49):
They're just trying to getthrough their lives and if you
love the people and you loveyour spouse, it just makes your
life more fuller, and that'swhat I mean by love making the
world go round and that's why Ithink travel is so important.
My experience is really thatAll these other things I've
(13:10):
talked about so far are veryimportant.
I just want to help you getthere, but ultimately it's all
really that.
All these other things I'vetalked about so far are very
important.
I just want to help you getthere, but ultimately it's all
about that.
I would say this to you I wouldreally sit down and really find
out from yourself Do you reallylove your spouse?
And not like the way I used to,logically Well, of course I
love her.
(13:30):
Of course I love her.
No, do you really love her orhim?
If you're a wife on thispodcast listening to this, do
you really love your spouse?
And if not, it's time to getinto your heart.
Do you really love yourchildren?
(13:50):
It's time to get into yourheart.
Do you really love yourchildren, do you?
Or are they a pains in thebutts to you?
That's how I really treated mychildren for a while.
I treated them like they werepains.
I treated them like they werealmost like a leech on me.
They're just there.
I was just supposed to havekids.
That's actually, honestly, howI felt for a little bit.
(14:12):
See how terrible, just not agood way to live.
But the most beautiful thingabout this whole thing that I'm
telling you is I overcame all ofthat and travel honestly and I
know it sounds weird, but travelis an integral part of how I
did.
The other major part was thepatience of my spouse, but it
(14:36):
was that.
So what I want you to take awayfrom today I know this is
different than some of the otherepisodes I've recorded take
inventory of your love.
If you don't feel like youactually love, like you feel,
like you should love, like youfeel, then go back to another
(14:57):
episode I made about you andyour spouse getting the stinking
way from your children togetherand rekindle what was there.
You didn't marry her for anyother reason, but you loved her.
Her for any other reason, butyou loved her.
And, on the off chance, youmarried her for other reasons
(15:20):
besides love.
Then time to go out there andfind the love that you have for
her or him.
Don't leave anybody out thatway.
So that's why I would take away.
Take an inventory of your ownlove for your spouse and your
children.
Take an inventory of your ownlove for your spouse and your
children and then if you don'tthink you have anything to
change and it's all on her side,then you don't love.
(15:41):
You need to learn to love andlearn what you need to do here.
So that's what I would do Takeinventory of yourself and just
love, and she will, or he willlove you back.
You have been listening to.
(16:02):
Travel is Cheaper Than Divorcewith me, your host, david Packer
.
Please connect with us on ourYouTube channel at Travel Point
Pros.
There you will learn many tipsand tricks on how to use points
and miles to travel in luxuryfor little to no cost.
Remember to like and subscribeand comment on any of the videos
that you find helpful to you.
(16:22):
Thank you for listening.
You are listening to, travel is Cheaper than Divorce.
This podcast for all those whomay be struggling with their
spouse or their children and therelationship with them.
We help give you tips andtricks by using travel as the
means to be able to help yourrelationships with your family.
I'll provide those tricks andother ways to help travel with
(00:29):
little or no cost.
So let's get into it.
One of the things that I havelearned over the many years of
not just being married, but justin life but I learned it more
(00:51):
on an accelerated basis becauseof my marriage.
And I've said in previousepisodes and I know it sounds
flighty, I don't know the wordbut after understanding love,
after truly understanding love,it is truly what makes this
(01:13):
world go around.
When I got married 19 years agoto my spouse, I was wholly and
utterly unprepared to be married.
I didn't really know how tolove.
My spouse had to suffer, to myshame, for many years of our
(01:35):
marriage, suffering with aperson who didn't really feel
much at all, the least amountlove.
I couldn't understand in thefirst few years of our marriage
and even beyond that, what mywife was so upset about.
(01:57):
A lot of the time we used tohave arguments and I just said I
just didn't understand.
Because I didn't, because Iwasn't feeling, because I wasn't
caring.
All I cared about was me.
So when I said in the veryfirst episode of this podcast,
(02:18):
when I said you have tounderstand the other person,
this comes after years ofexperience.
This comes after years of me inmy marriage caring more about
myself than I did the otherperson Because I thought I
thought that love in a marriage,I thought that love in a
(02:42):
marriage, marriage I thoughtthat love in a marriage, in my
perspective, was about me justtaking care of the physical
needs of my spouse and family.
I made the money, I supported myfamily.
It's bullshit, guys.
I've always loved my spouse,even from the very beginning.
(03:03):
I loved her.
That's why I married her, but Ididn't really know what love
was In retrospect.
Even from the very beginning Iloved her.
That's why I married her, but Ididn't really know what love
was In retrospect, going back tothe beginning of our marriage
and when we were dating, I lovedthe idea of being around her.
She was very, and still is very, precious to me, but that
didn't translate into actuallove.
Over the years and after allthese years, all these times
(03:26):
that I've been with her, becauseof her patience and her
absolute love for me, I feellike I finally know.
I feel like I finally graspwhat love actually is.
Travel is a very important partof this journey for me is
(03:49):
Travel is a very important partof this journey for me.
It is a journey it is a part ofit that helped me to keep the
marriage around long enough andthe love around long enough for
me to realize all of this.
Love is a transcendent thing.
It teaches, it's unselfish.
It's not about me, me, me, me,me.
It's about you.
And see, there are differenttypes of love.
(04:11):
I don't know who you are, who'slistening to this right now,
but I can tell you for a factthat you're listening to this
right now and I love you.
I love you for taking the timeto listen, but it's a different
type of love with my spouse andmy children and it's a different
kind of love between my spouseand my children.
Really, it is literallyeverything.
(04:33):
It changes hearts, it changesminds, it makes us the best
people we could ever be.
This is why marriage, in myopinion, is very important and
that's why, guys, I didn't knowwhat love was, because of the
divorce.
The divorce, my parents' divorce, made an impact on me.
(04:57):
That see, you want to know thereal impact of divorce.
It's, in my opinion, it's justa lack.
People don't know what love is.
The people, the children ofdivorce, do not know what love
is as well.
Does that mean you can't gainit back?
I did, I know you can, and someget it back faster than I did.
(05:19):
I'm kind of stubborn, I havebeen.
I didn't know what it was.
I didn't really truly know whatit was when you touch your
spouse's arm and then when youtouch your spouse's arm with
love at least in my experience,it's two wholly different things
, completely different things.
(05:40):
Your children know it too.
Your children know if you lovethem or not.
And if you think just makingmoney is love, then I don't.
Money, as I said alluded to inanother episode, is dead.
It has no feeling.
My children also suffered, Ithink, because of me not knowing
(06:02):
this early enough, and I'vetried to correct it since, tried
to hug them more and let themknow I really truly love them.
I was at an event.
I've talked about this,actually, in another episode too
.
I was at an event in Arizonaabout a month ago in the Phoenix
area.
I was at an event in Arizonaabout a month ago in the Phoenix
(06:26):
area and I got up and I gave afive or so minute impromptu talk
and I forgot what the promptwas, frankly, and it doesn't
really matter, but it wasn't thesubject.
The subject wasn't given to meis what I'm trying to say.
There was a prompt given, but Ispent that time speaking about
love, because I finally get it.
(06:48):
I finally get it.
I love my spouse more thananything, but not but.
But it's not the right way, andI love everybody who's
(07:09):
listening to this right now.
My journey to get to this pointhas been horrible for my spouse,
mostly Because I spent most ofmy time trying to control what
she felt.
In a way, I used to tell herbecause we would get into some
pretty hefty arguments and thesource of all these arguments I
(07:32):
promise you were love, but weused to be in these arguments
and I told her she could notleave the room until we had a
discussion about it.
That's controlling and that iswrong and it is not love.
It is not love to try to,quote-unquote solve something by
forcing somebody to be solved.
The epidemic pornography usetakes away one of the most
(07:52):
beautiful things that we have aspeople on this earth.
It is the highest expression oflove, in my opinion.
Making love with your spouse,making love, is just one of the
most beautiful things.
That is love.
And pornography takes it away.
(08:12):
It makes it cheap.
I would know it made it reallycheap.
So when I talk about travelingthe world, I'm talking about
getting all the love that youcan and giving all the love that
you possibly can to your spouse, to your children and to
(08:34):
everybody else in this world bygetting out of your head and
into your heart.
Because as long as you'resitting in an office somewhere,
or as long as you're a roadconstruction worker and you're
just working your butt off thatway, or as long as you're
sitting there framing houses, Idon't care what you're doing.
(08:54):
As long as you're doing allthose things you're in your head
.
As long as you're in your housedealing with the phones and
electronics and other thingsyou're in your head, do you know
what travel really does?
It gets you out of your headand into your heart.
It puts you into a space whereyou can at least find that heart
(09:20):
and you can truly love again.
Why did it make my spouse and Icloser, because I finally got
out of the rigmarole and justloved that conference in Phoenix
again about a month ago, mywife and I had a couple of
experiences while we were hereoutside of the conference.
(09:40):
That a burst of love, and thiswas after.
How do I put this?
Kindly, it was not a very goodstart.
It was actually not a very goodstart at all to the beginning,
before the conference began.
So the night before we were ina hotel.
We got upgraded to a nice suite.
(10:02):
It was very, very lovely, andwe did not have a very good
first night together because Iwasn't seeing her.
My problem is it's usually whenwe do travel and I've been
trying to improve this in myselfum, I get so focused because I
hate, I don't really like thetraveling.
(10:22):
Traveling part, which meansgetting on airplanes, going
through airports, making sureyou get from the airport to your
hotel, checking into your hotel, all that stuff kind of sucks.
I don't know anybody who quiteenjoys it, you know, and that
comes from a person who has beenin some of the nicest airline
(10:43):
seats that are there, which arelikely to lay flat seats.
They're just so nice.
Um, even then though it's juststill isn't.
That it's not pleasant, I don'tknow how to, I don't know how
to put it better, but so I guessso focused, I guess so focused
on getting through all of these,all of these logistical things,
(11:03):
I guess so far up my own head,up my own butt, that sometimes I
can't see the light day, I'mnot in my heart, and she felt it
.
It wasn't a good evening, butonce I returned to my heart and
we connected, we had some of thebetter experiences over the
(11:23):
next couple of days that werebeautiful together, and that's
why it was so easy for me atthat conference to talk about
that subject, because Iabsolutely love her.
And if you travel the world, ifyou travel the US, if you travel
your state, if you have alarger state, whatever, if you
(11:46):
travel with your family, youwill start loving your family
more.
It gets you way out of yourhead, at least when you get
there.
Me, I tend to get in my headwhen I'm on the plane, in the
airport, but you'll get there.
It gets you out of your headand into your heart and then you
start loving something elsethat I didn't expect as much.
You have all these experiences,you start realizing people are
(12:07):
people and you start lovingpeople more, and I've never been
one to love people.
I had an experience all the wayback when I was two years old
that I didn't realize until Idon't know more recently.
That might have affected meeven more, but I had somebody
who was killed on the front lawnof my house when I was two
years old.
Do I remember this?
No, did it have an impact on me?
(12:28):
It must have, because I don'ttrust people.
I haven't for a long time animpact on me.
It must have because I don'ttrust people.
I haven't for a long time.
I also lived in SouthernCalifornia for a while and there
were some places there thatwere so sketchy.
I just stopped trusting peopleand that trust for people
because I started loving thepeople.
I started loving the worldbecause I started traveling the
world and seeing differentpeople.
And people are just people.
(12:49):
They're just trying to getthrough their lives and if you
love the people and you loveyour spouse, it just makes your
life more fuller, and that'swhat I mean by love making the
world go round and that's why Ithink travel is so important.
My experience is really thatAll these other things I've
(13:10):
talked about so far are veryimportant.
I just want to help you getthere, but ultimately it's all
really that.
All these other things I'vetalked about so far are very
important.
I just want to help you getthere, but ultimately it's all
about that.
I would say this to you I wouldreally sit down and really find
out from yourself Do you reallylove your spouse?
And not like the way I used to,logically Well, of course I
love her.
(13:30):
Of course I love her.
No, do you really love her orhim?
If you're a wife on thispodcast listening to this, do
you really love your spouse?
And if not, it's time to getinto your heart.
Do you really love yourchildren?
(13:50):
It's time to get into yourheart.
Do you really love yourchildren, do you?
Or are they a pains in thebutts to you?
That's how I really treated mychildren for a while.
I treated them like they werepains.
I treated them like they werealmost like a leech on me.
They're just there.
I was just supposed to havekids.
That's actually, honestly, howI felt for a little bit.
(14:12):
See how terrible, just not agood way to live.
But the most beautiful thingabout this whole thing that I'm
telling you is I overcame all ofthat and travel honestly and I
know it sounds weird, but travelis an integral part of how I
did.
The other major part was thepatience of my spouse, but it
(14:36):
was that.
So what I want you to take awayfrom today I know this is
different than some of the otherepisodes I've recorded take
inventory of your love.
If you don't feel like youactually love, like you feel,
like you should love, like youfeel, then go back to another
(14:57):
episode I made about you andyour spouse getting the stinking
way from your children togetherand rekindle what was there.
You didn't marry her for anyother reason, but you loved her.
Her for any other reason, butyou loved her.
And, on the off chance, youmarried her for other reasons
(15:20):
besides love.
Then time to go out there andfind the love that you have for
her or him.
Don't leave anybody out thatway.
So that's why I would take away.
Take an inventory of your ownlove for your spouse and your
children.
Take an inventory of your ownlove for your spouse and your
children and then if you don'tthink you have anything to
change and it's all on her side,then you don't love.
(15:41):
You need to learn to love andlearn what you need to do here.
So that's what I would do Takeinventory of yourself and just
love, and she will, or he willlove you back.
You have been listening to.
(16:02):
Travel is Cheaper Than Divorcewith me, your host, david Packer
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Please connect with us on ourYouTube channel at Travel Point
Pros.
There you will learn many tipsand tricks on how to use points
and miles to travel in luxuryfor little to no cost.
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(16:22):
Thank you for listening.
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