CRAZY DIDDY UPDATE_ DEATHROW RECORDS_ DATING BY THE NUMBERS

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The living is darker on one side. Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm just intimidated by Dimitri's guns getting.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
It to me as a man, just like when he
licks his lips.

Speaker 4 (00:13):
I'm making him right now y'all can't see me, but
now cool is hard and now, my god, I'm gonna
take you till somebody dropped that in the comments section.

Speaker 5 (00:27):
New School young ll lower case lower case.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
Not a y in a while, he's a y in
and Sarah, Yeah, you're a y D.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
They are not. They're not.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
Why anything, use your right side of your brain?

Speaker 3 (00:54):
Why in y b use it?

Speaker 2 (00:56):
She's practically an aunty.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
I am an aunty. I have twelve nieces and nephew.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
Okay, we're talking sociologically, not your literal family status.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
Well, I'm talking about both babies. My parents are old.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
How many nieces and nephews you have? Like forty seven?

Speaker 6 (01:15):
Me?

Speaker 2 (01:16):
Yeah, I have twelve?

Speaker 3 (01:18):
All right? You never told everyone your age. You had
everybody in the chat, all of our truth avengers guessing.
They said you were a seventy eighty five you who's
who's right?

Speaker 5 (01:27):
It was close.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
I am so disgusted by this entire conversation.

Speaker 5 (01:33):
The whole thing.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
Every every bit of that sentence was growth.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
How old are you? Who won? I want to know
who won?

Speaker 2 (01:41):
No, here's the thing. I am very good on left
brain stuff. I'm really not good on math stuff. So,
especially when the year is odd, I really don't know
what age I am.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
So were you one of our Were you one of
our ancestors that we're burning up in that house?

Speaker 5 (01:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (02:04):
Welcome truth Tellers. Let me see y'all the comments with
the hashtag at truth Tellers. Where's OG's from season one?

Speaker 5 (02:11):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (02:12):
I see y'all coming in. Come on, y'all. Last week
we had an amazing start on our new platform, the
Blackstar Network. We come on right after Roland Martin Unfiltered,
and we are honored to welcome all the Bring the
Funk fan club to our show Truth Talks. Tonight. We're
talking dating by the numbers. Let's get into it.

Speaker 5 (02:43):
Are y'all ready to roll?

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Let y'all you know there's a time and place for everything.
This is neither the time nor the place. But Shy
said some very rude stuff before the show, so we're
not even gonna introduce her. Going on to doctor Sarah Forder, Welcome.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
Sarah Ancestor welcome to.

Speaker 7 (03:01):
You, to be tree, pleasure to be here, pleasure to
be here.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
And I don't care who else is here because they're
very rude individuals.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
I am the young auntie, doctor Brian. I'm not an ancestor.
You don't have to guess my age. You can see it.
It's young. It's a pyt. On the other note, I
want y'all steal to guests to age.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Hat is not good for your complexion.

Speaker 3 (03:26):
Colorism. Look aw, he's getting me off colorism right here
on your thoughts.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
Oh my god. Oh triggered and we haven't even started.
Let's get into trending topics. Another crazy week in the
Diddy trial, we hear over and over Diddy was an
adult FuG attacking people all the time. After Poc Tupac
and Biggie Sarah. He was a big rapper they pop

(03:53):
was at the forefront of telling the community, the hip
hop community, let's be peace of love, let's not be ashy,
let's stress up, let's be kinder and gentler. And meanwhile, backstage,
he's having freak offs with the punisher and beating the
crap out of Cassie and chasing kid, cutting through the
streets and it was complete mayhem. How do you feel

(04:15):
about hearing that this violence was going on then? Like
is it still going on? Do you think or they're
like covering this up better. I'm gonna let Sarah go
first and shy. It's not gonna speak in this segment
at all.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
You know.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
I gotta say, honestly, this is nothing new. It's nothing
new under the sun. I think that this is just
something that's now being shown. I think there are a
lot of really wealthy people that get away with so
many different things because they're wealthy. You can pay people
for their silence, you can pay people for their bodies,
you can pay people for just about anything, especially in
this day and age, and so no, I don't think

(04:49):
that it's any more crazy. I think it's just in
a lot of our faces.

Speaker 5 (04:54):
D you know.

Speaker 7 (04:56):
I think the real problem here is that like the
music industry is learning to like push this forefront of piece,
the pr team, to push peace while shit's backstage burning down,
and they don't want the world to feed that part.
Like did he came out so shiny and his nice
suits and his white parties and we began to believe
that he was such this figure and then when it

(05:16):
all gets exposed. To me, it's very scary how much
they can push peace to the forefront and actually have
us believe in it.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Shi, you say hurtful things, but I still love you.
What do you want to say?

Speaker 3 (05:27):
Absolutely nothing to you. So I'm talking to Sarah Dimitri
my opinion on this case. You know that again, this
is just a man who uses influence, uses impact, and
I feel like this is a position where he's like, look,
can't use influence on impact in this moment, And I
feel like he's having a real checkmate reverse Uno experience

(05:48):
of himself. Will it help? Will it give him some
wisdom moving on? Whether he bet his case or not,
we won't know. But what I do know is that
folks who are have those narcissic traits like he has,
not to get slightly off topic. Whether they win or lose,
they still end up showing up in that narcissism of
who they are. So even behind bars, this man is
going to figure out how to create a world that

(06:08):
revolves around Diddy, even if he ends up behind bars,
and you know, Laura knows, hopefully then freakofs don't start
to take place in captivity.

Speaker 2 (06:19):
Wow, that's an image. I think that in the nineties,
as hip hop comes into its million dollar age, it
was not that in the eighties and in the double
ow's when it gets even more there's a large street influence,
Like the street is saying, hey, we can get money
over there, and they're coming in. And this is where
Sug comes in, and Sug is creating a level of

(06:42):
not alone, but he is part of creating a level
of toughness where everybody has to rise to the level
of toughness that he's bringing to bear and Puff is
one of those people who are like, I have to
get on that level, and other people were also pushing him.
But like somebody who worked at Bad Boy in the
nineties told me just this week, if you're going on
records saying how tough you are, eventually somebody's gonna come
by and be like, let's see. I want to know.

(07:04):
I'm from Bronx, I'm the Bronx, I'm from Compton, I
want to see. So Poffa understand this is going to happen.
So he has to raise his level. He has to
bring bodyguards who become like soldiers. I think there was
a lifting of the amount of violence, and it doesn't
really exist currently, even though we still see rappers getting
killed because the street is part of the hip hop world.

Speaker 5 (07:26):
I believe, I honestly believe.

Speaker 7 (07:29):
Sorry to jump in so redly, but I think bad
Boy has a whole new meaning now when we look
at it in hindsight, that just the actual name of
what it stands for. There's a whole different kind of
bad than we thought. There's violence. The violence itself is
actually crazy, but look how much we were able to
wrap violence into like a champagne bottle or like you know,

(07:49):
I mean, like.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
I knew that it was difficult to work there, and
that the hours were long, the expectations were high, and
he was quite a task master. But like there's beatings,
there's race, there's you know, things happening, like somebody's getting
beaten up on a plane, everybody's gonna look the other way.
And at this party, people are getting beaten up and
chased and arson and I mean, like you you can't

(08:11):
look at bad Boy ever again and just talk about
you know, Biggie and Mace, Like there was this horrific
underbelly happening all the time coming out of ditty Sarah
go yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
It's pretty wild. It just solidifies what I personally know
to be true about a lot and not all, but
a lot of really wealthy people. When his ex assistant
had testified that Diddy showed up with a gun and
said they were going to kill kid CUDDI when they
were when she was speaking of stories of abuse and
kidnapping and beatings, all of these different things. I mean,
really and truly, it just goes to show how powerful

(08:46):
money moves in our world.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
That's what one last question this first part, Hi, do
you want to apologize for anything you said to me earlier?

Speaker 3 (08:56):
But what I do want to say is that I
believe that bad boy throw right those two level levels.
I believe that violence was something that was intentional. I
don't believe that happened on accident. I know that violence
creates a fear factor, and when you are coming off
as the big dog like Diddy is, there has to
be a certain level of violence where people understand, Listen,
I'm not to be fucked with because money and power

(09:19):
is something that creates an image that people have to uphold.
And upholding that image when you are in a certain
environment that has to do with you know, street folks
or gangsters or drugs or any of that. You have
to be able to let people know that, look, you
know I should I got my pistol on my lap,
grip grip whatever. The don't get me wrong with them.
That verse of that song says, and you have to

(09:40):
let people know that. Sarah said this earlier that hey,
when you get to a certain level, yeah you get
to Dmitri, you should be paying people to do things.
But there's some validation and credibility that comes from a
person who's in the street or in the hoods, who
doesn't pay someone to do it, who does it on
their own. That shows you that they are willing to
go there with you, and that violence is something that
they're willing to do by all means necessary.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
One thing we see like Sugar, I mean, we should
not be violent in our professional spaces. But he's using
violence in a way that brings the business to him. Right,
Diddy is attacking his own people, right to control Cassie.
There's no business motive to the attacking that he's doing,
and he's not doing it in a defensive way of

(10:25):
don't mess with me. It's very offensive and aggressive.

Speaker 3 (10:29):
You're doing it to control everybody, Torey, we keep making
this a Cassie thing. Did He being controlling kim Porter.
He's been controlling his bodyguards, He's been controlling the woman
he dated before. He's been controlling the woman we haven't
heard about. So remember, this is bigger than just Cassie.
I understand she is a pioneer and she is the
face of this case. But Diddy has been running shit

(10:49):
and controlling shit from the beginning, from the beginning tupac
days when Cassie wasn't even thought of this. Dude's been
doing this thing from day one. And back in the day,
we didn't have social media like this, so you could
pull up on somebody with a pistol. Pistol with him,
you could pull up and shoot somebody and not get caught.
We just now have a space where you can't just
do what you want to do because there's too many cameras,

(11:10):
there's too many eyes, and people are not afraid to
snitch no more.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
Some of the lawsuits against did He, which I have
read through, do you talk about I saw him shoot somebody.
I believe that person was deeply, like grievously injured, and
I know nothing happened to him. Yes, and this is
like Lee, like when he's dating Cassie, not like the
Biggie Mace era. So I mean like he felt like

(11:34):
he could kill people and get away with it, to
make sure everybody around him knew that he felt like that.

Speaker 3 (11:40):
That was far fact that.

Speaker 5 (11:41):
That just put this little tidbit in there, just a
little bit.

Speaker 7 (11:45):
It's a fact that did he did win a Grammy
right after Biggie died.

Speaker 5 (11:49):
And I don't know if you guys are familiar, but
the song was I'll be missing You.

Speaker 4 (11:53):
You know, that's like one of those famous songs of
all time, right, one of the most famous songs of
all the time.

Speaker 7 (11:57):
But it's it isn't kind of ironic that you made
a song about death and then you it's hypothetically speaking
that you may have had something to do with this.

Speaker 4 (12:07):
I think whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa hypothetical.

Speaker 2 (12:12):
I'm not sure that anybody could suggest that he had
anything to do with with Biggie's death, other deaths on YouTube.

Speaker 5 (12:24):
Rabbit hole, I mean, all right.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
Look, let's rabbit hole. Let's I went to the Beyonce
show this week. That means I win the week the
Cowboy Carter World Tour, and she made me like country
music again. Like wow, she's teaching us about the roots
of country, like the roots of all American music. Dmitri
is in black music, the blues. We created the entire

(12:48):
tree that becomes American music, especially country, and then you
imagine it. Some people in the country world still don't
get it. Look, Shaboozi, yep I do. Country music has
been an important part of a m A history.

Speaker 7 (13:06):
The very first year of this show, the award for
Favorite Male Country Artists went to the Great Charlie Pride.

Speaker 8 (13:11):
That same year Favorite Female Artists went to Lynn Anderson,
and this award went to the Carter family, who basically
invented country music.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
Wait a minute, I didn't even name that litt white girl.
I don't know her name. I don't care to know it.
See Shaboozi again with the amazing I flip please.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
Family who basically invented country music.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
He like, looks out, looks back. It sort of hits
him in the in the Sarahbellman, he like, what is
this been talking about? No, they did not create it.
And you know what I just saw? Somebody said Sarah
that Beyonce naming the album Cowboy Carter, which surely relates
to her name, but it helps erase the Carter family

(14:07):
when you search for Carter and country music. So this
is like this amazing Kendrick Lamar level, like double or
triple entendre.

Speaker 1 (14:16):
I love that for her, And you know what I
love that. It's like, look, I love the stick it
to the man. I love anybody that feels like they
can hold us down they can't. I love the stick
it to the man, whatever race that may be. And
so what I think is that we as black people
you already said it to a ray, we tell stories
through our music. It came back in slave times. There

(14:38):
wasn't even a banjo in America until it came from
African slaves when we were brought across the ocean, right,
And so realistically speaking, we had those songs. We had
slave songs like Waite in the Water. We made up
our own black national anthem.

Speaker 3 (14:53):
Right.

Speaker 1 (14:53):
So when you start thinking about where all music comes from,
the audacity, because now it's been white and you may
not remember where it actually came from. But for you
to have the level of entitlement for you to say,
oh yeah, because you guys created that.

Speaker 3 (15:07):
We did, Yeah, and everyone shy.

Speaker 2 (15:10):
Sort of what we're seeing here is again the whitewashing
of black history. What do we do in a situation
where our history is being whitewashed?

Speaker 3 (15:21):
Well, well, we educate because, like Sarah said, it came
from you know where she stayed, to Afrin continents. But
let me say this, the very first song that was
ever found, didn't get a record album, didn't get a
record deal, wasn't commercial, was found. It's called Thomas Old
Gray Mute. Who is that by? That's by Lewis Vassner
back in eighteen ninety one. The very first blues song

(15:42):
which means blues was created and founded by us based
on that evidence, and then went on to the nineteen
twenties and thirties with who we call the harmonica the
harmonica Wizard, right, which was DeFord Dailey, who who was
the first black man to get an album deal. So
when we talk about the first black man to get
an album deal, it can look like we didn't start it.

(16:02):
But when we talk about the very first blue songs
that was discovered, okay discovered in Pennsylvania and it was
discovered in I think they said like it was in
some type of wax I don't know, I don't know
the name, like a wax coin thing or something. So
you know, it was just they heard his music and
knew that this guy had discovered it. And so we again,
you know, we discovered the blues, and of course back

(16:25):
then we didn't have the resources to get album deals
and to do it in the levels of white people did,
and so our history got negated. But this is why
it's important that we teach it so that our people understand.
Wait a minute, no, there are many things that we discovered,
and just because you don't say it doesn't mean it
didn't make meen.

Speaker 2 (16:43):
What we saw on that clip was like active whitewashing,
like in action, like in this moment, I am going
to misrepresent the history and you're gonna have to stand
there and go, uh, Coby, go next, what do we do?
And this sort of whitewashing is not just about country.
It happens in many different ways to us, Like what

(17:03):
are we supposed to do in response to whitewashing of
our history?

Speaker 5 (17:08):
What s your boozie did?

Speaker 7 (17:09):
And if not more, you're supposed to call it out,
you know, you supposed to call it out when you
see it, especially when you're a part of it. This
has become his career, this is what he loves. Clearly
you're a part of it. So you cannot allow somebody
to just wash away what history was for what you
see now. They've been dodging this for decades. But you know,
there's two things I love right now. First off, I
love everything Ms Carter's doing with the Cowboy Carter. Honestly,

(17:32):
I've seen the videos and all that on Instagram. Girls,
you looked good. I wish I was outside. Y'all should
have dragged me outside.

Speaker 5 (17:37):
That's one.

Speaker 7 (17:38):
But two, I think the fact that it's actually exposing
this fake gatekeeping around country music.

Speaker 5 (17:44):
This didn't even belong to you guys.

Speaker 7 (17:46):
You took it and now you're holding it out from us,
which is crazy.

Speaker 5 (17:50):
But we gotta start like when you took.

Speaker 2 (17:51):
About it didn't belong to them. We're showing you picture
of Charlie Pride, early black country legend, right, Buzzie's doing
it big now, ye, Parie Pride did it big back then.
And to what I believe Sarah or sh I was
saying earlier, when we are telling our stories the way
that Beyonce is telling a story about past legends like

(18:13):
Diane Martel right, and like current legends like Rihanna Giddens
and like lifting Up Shaboozie and others like she's telling
the story about our connection to country, our birthing country,
and the importance of country now. And so she's fighting
against the potential for whitewashing by being this sort of
history teacher in the coolest way. I love cowboy Carters

(18:34):
so much, I want to go.

Speaker 5 (18:35):
To see them.

Speaker 3 (18:36):
But that also adds really quick to the systemic racism
because she did that very very overtly. It wasn't covert,
that was overt racism. And he looked like thrown off.
But I believe if not saying he wasn't allegedly or whatever,
if he was educated on what we are just talking
about right understanding who was the first pioneer of the blue,

(18:56):
then he could have been able to chime in. He
probably knew that she was off kilter and that was facto,
but I don't think he had enough information to say
hold on that ain't it and drive it. This is
why shows like True Talks, where we are not just
talking about chiny topics, we're also informing you and giving
education on Hey, that black voice and that black representation
and how important it is for moments like this when
that happens. Because I could have easy said hold on, girl,

(19:18):
let me get me cut real quick. Back in eighteen
ninety one, Lewis did xp me and you educate on
a platform that big. For sure, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 (19:27):
Let's move into politic Sarah, I'm gonna come to you first.
Republicans moving and gut Medicaid. The House passed the Big
Beautiful Bill, which is such a dumb, dumb name. It
cuts about a trillion dollars out of Medicaid, and it
requires most Medicaid recipients to work eighty hours a month,
as if they're lazy, as if it's even possible for

(19:50):
some folks to get to work if they're older, disabled,
And like there's exemptions right for pregnant folks, for recently
release from prison folks, for people with disabilities. But when
you talk about something like people with disabilities, who defines
what that means? Who defines a person with a so
called invisible disability or something that's not visibly obvious to everyone?

(20:15):
Will that matter? These are important parts of this whole
conversation and the way that we get health care. The
ability to even access healthcare is the difference often between
life and death. My friend Charles Blow was on Abby
Phillip and he talked about an incredible story with his
mother that shows the importance of health care and where

(20:38):
the hospitals are located to being able to save people's lives.
Let's see, Charles.

Speaker 9 (20:43):
Blow, Republicans are not saying, is the devastation is going
to cost the communities. It's going to It leads to
the closing of many rules. Let me finish, let me fit,
let you finish, let me finish. It's going to lead
to the closing of more rural hospitals that are already
on the brink. Many of them depend on people who

(21:05):
receive Medicaid to be part of the ecosystem that keep
them alive. My mother had a stroke a couple of
years ago rural hospital. She's the middle of nowhere. There's
no hospital in the town, but there's one fifteen minutes away.
It's on the brink. That hospital closes, the next one
is forty minutes. The only reason is she survives that
stroke and doesn't have complications for it because she got

(21:28):
within fifteen minutes and not forty minutes. What you guys
don't want to acknowledge, ever, is that there is a
community problem here, not just an individual.

Speaker 2 (21:37):
Person who the right has believed for a long time
that the poor are lazy. That has been a central
idea of the conservative movement for a long time. They
love advancing policy based on the notion that the poor
are lazy and that people almost deserve to be punished
for being poor and they should have to prove their
worthiness to something like meta and to me, the idea

(22:01):
of making people on Medicaid work, it's rooted in this
assumption of that, well, they're lazy, so if we're going
to give them money, they should have to work for it,
which is kind of cruel to people. Sarah, there's so
many people that this work requirement seems like a cruel.
Part of this four Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
Here we go again. I'm about to be the villain
and I'm ready for it. Okay. This is the thing.
The part about this and why I really want to
hone is is because they're talking about eighty hours per month,
which is twenty hours per week, which is part time work.
And the thing about this bill is it's saying that
there are exemptions. You mentioned some of them, Toray you.
It is for disability, it is for pregnant women, it

(22:41):
is for primary caregivers of dependence usually in past legislature, right.
It is for the medically frail, It is for those
undergoing treatment for substance disorders, it is for serious health conditions.
And so yes, it can be hard to really differentiate
who is this for. But more than any I think
if you are willing and able to work, then you

(23:03):
should work.

Speaker 5 (23:04):
Now.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
I'm not talking about seniors. I really do believe that
for the seniors, y'all get to get in refit in.
I believe I've heard terrible stories about how older people
are eating dog food, how they're coming back now, they're
working at Walmart because they cannot afford their lives. I
am not talking about that. But if you are a willing,
young and strong body, I do not see the issue
with working twenty hours a week.

Speaker 3 (23:25):
Sure, so this is the thing, Sarah, hear you, but
total pushback. When you are a willing and able to
operate and work person, you're not disabled, and disabilities aren't
something that we can see. And disabilities also aren't something
that we need to be telling people how they should
look or how they should be. And if they're disabled,
there's mental health disabilities that people cannot see, but cognitively

(23:47):
a lot of those people may appear to be functioning,
but they have so many impairments that they will not
only be doing themselves a risk or disservice, but also
us if they were serving us in certain capacities that
they would not be able to do at a level
that would be, you know, a result that we want.
So when when when they just put a blanket word
such as disability they are disabled people, it goes to

(24:07):
me asking, well, what do you consider disabled? At any
point in time that a person who has a disability
can come in and say, hey, look, you know I'm disabled,
And whoever is the one who's going to approve or
not approve or disapprove their disability claim can say, well,
you know what, based on what I deem to be disabled,
you don't qualify. And that can be my mother, your

(24:28):
mother sone's child who has a disability that we know
they do. The doctor has said this person is disabled,
but that individual's using that blanket statement is say I
don't deem you disabled, So guess what you don't qualify
Sarah health care Sarah.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
I believe that government is supposed to serve the people, right,
and what this is doing is saying, well, we will
give you something if you give us something, yes, And
I think that is a problematic relationship with people. I
think government should be in service. We take your tax
dollars and we give you things, roads, medicare, whatever, not like, well,

(25:03):
if you pay, if you spend your time, then we'll
give you something. Well.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
I feel like that's the world we live in, right.
In order to get paid, you have to go to work.
In order to live, you have to breathe. We live
in a tip for tat world. And you know, when
you look at the definition of disability, it's saying a
physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses,
or activities. And so for that reason, if you do
have a disability, which includes mental, right, it's not only

(25:32):
what I can see physically, but it's also how am
I feeling psychologically, et cetera. If that is my focus,
then it is your opportunity to make sure that you
are getting the diagnosis that you need so that you
can say that you are disabled so that you can
qualify for those exemptions. And if you're not doing the
work to qualify for those exemptions, then my question now

(25:53):
is is well, do why not? Who do you not
have in your cap Now? I do understand that there
are people that may be severely autistic, or may be
severely ill, or may be have a very severe mental illness,
and they need people in their corner to help them
do the same thing to qualify for that exemption.

Speaker 3 (26:12):
In my opinion, right a taxpayer, as a taxpayer and
a person who votes, I'm electing my officials and I'm
paying my taxes for them to do what Torrey said,
to serve me, to serve my family, to write legislation
and policy that make sure that we don't die a slow,
painful death and that we can actually have a good
quality of life while we are alive. And so with
that being said, it is not our responsibility to make

(26:33):
sure we have a proper diagnosis. We got professionals put
in place that are called doctors, medical physicians, psychiatrists, and
a government that should be operating from the democracy that says, listen,
we have the compassion for the people we are serving,
for the people who are distributing and voting to our campaign,
to our policies, and we have a duty an oath
that says we are here to serve you and it

(26:54):
is not your responsibility to have to figure out what
diagnosis this is. This is why people are professionals who
can die knows, who can make sure documentation is legal
enough so they can qualify for disability that people freaking deserve.
I pay taxes, and it goes into that of serving
my people and my mother who is on disability who
you can't physically, I mean, you can't through optics tell

(27:17):
I would be going crazy if she can't. Met up
with somebody and they said, look, we're not going to
prove you disability claim because we don't deem you to
be disabled because you weren't responsible to tell your doctor
what diagnosis you need. No, people need to do their
job and make the right diagnosis basis on somebody's inability
to work and be disabled.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
I mean, are you are you comfortable with the government
saying in order to access healthcare for poor people, you
have to work eighty hours a week.

Speaker 5 (27:47):
I am, I don't.

Speaker 7 (27:49):
I think it's actually I believe it's very contradictory. I
think the idea of asking someone who's disabled to work
twenty hours a week is removing the exact same thing
that can help month hours a week. Hey, exactly twenty
hours a week, eighty a month, right, So it's the
exact same idea, removing the exact thing that could help

(28:10):
this for those who actually are able to do it.

Speaker 5 (28:13):
And the thing about it.

Speaker 7 (28:14):
Is just because you remove, just because you're removing it,
does not mean they will automatically become employable. It's not
going to solve the problem by taking away it doesn't
It doesn't make sense to me personally.

Speaker 5 (28:27):
I completely disagree with you, and I agree with you Dimitria.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
Not only does it not make it easier, it makes
it worse. Because again, if I am coming to any
service place, I don't even care if it's a restaurant,
I don't care if it's a doctor's office, and we
have someone who is really disable and impaired serving me
a person who's not impaired, they are doing me a disservice.
They are not going to be able to provide a
service that gets me to where I'm trying to go.

(28:52):
And then what if I don't know they're disabled, and
I'm out there trying to push back to say, look,
you're not getting good giving me good customer service, you're
not the care that I need. Not knowing this person
is disabled, it ends up being a lose lose situation
for everybody involved. And then how do you tell somebody
I need you to work twenty hours when we don't
know what those twenty hours, what those twenty hours could cause.

(29:14):
In addition to them pairmid is build they already have.
It's completely in compassionate, is completely inhumane, and I just
feel like the government needs to hold themselves accountable for
the shit that they signed up to do. It's a
public service position, serve the damn public.

Speaker 2 (29:27):
The lack of compassion point Sarah that that's talking about
this is right on, And you know, I feel like
this has been what the right has been about for
so long because they've been complaining about welfare and demonizing
black welfare users from at least since the eighties, and
this whole narrative of there are poor, they are stealing

(29:50):
from us, We don't trust them. We have to make
them take drug tests, or walk both ways up a hill,
or you know, work a certain number of ours. All
these ways of demonizing the poor based on a sense
of lack of trust of the poor. There's the base
thrust of this feels very disgusting to me, and another

(30:12):
sort of demonization of the poor, and of course the
image of that in the public, in the voter's mind
is a black person. Right.

Speaker 1 (30:20):
Well, I believe, I believe, and let me know if
I'm wrong, but I do believe that the majority of
those that have Medicaid are white people, not black and
brown first and foremost. And then also, imagine if we
were to take responsibility for our own bodies. Yes, is
it great if the government does serve us, Yes it does.
But imagine if we were to be preventative instead of reactive.

(30:43):
Imagine if we were to, like both me and doctor
B have said, you go get the diagnosis for your
issue so that you do still get to have Medicaid.
But that being said, one of the things that I
do want to touch on because you know, we went
through a lot in twenty twenty three. There was a
lot of medical bills that came up in my family
and even from Canada doing some stuff here in America.

(31:05):
And what I know is that medical bills can literally
bankrupt people's lives.

Speaker 2 (31:10):
Just it's the number one reason why people go bankrupt.
Medical debt.

Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yeah, I believe that, and you have to pay it
back and they're not waving that away, and so you know,
it's it's challenging because one part of me is like, well,
what does medicaid even really cover? It really doesn't. You
still will have medical bills up the wazoo even if
you have Medicaid. And if you were to take.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
It away, no, no no no no no no, you don't,
you don't.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
So you okay, So break this down and for those
that are listening, and this is the question though.

Speaker 3 (31:41):
First of all, Sarah coming from Canada, yes, y'all do
a fucking right because health care human right. Healthcare should
be a human right. First of all, health care should
be a human right. So we are asking people in
a service position to give us a human right. Let

(32:01):
me go further. Are healthy? The crime rate is lord,
but we fight Hothy, but we can't get public safety
when the crime rate is high. Because if I can't
get my mom to an hospital because she's gonna die,
I'm a mad bitch. And if I'm a mad bitch,
it's gonna be chaos when I leave my house to
get his son any treatment he needs, because his baby

(32:22):
boy is said. You think that's not gonna be an
angry black man. That's a problem, period. Yes, when you
deprive us of resources, your fucking right, you create a
fucking wilderness. You damn right, you create a jungle. So
why do they do this Because they wanted to be
warfare in our communities. They wanted to be a jungle
in our communities. That is why it is bullshit, because

(32:44):
you cannot tell us you want us to be emotionally regulated,
not sensitive, not do this type of crime, not do
this type of thing, be educated, walk around like we're good,
but you don't want to give us fucking human rights.
Guess what, fuck you. This is why we're upseting. This
is why we have to have emotions, and this is
why it's the fucking problem because service people in the
service position are not serving us. They're fucking us. They're

(33:05):
taking advantage of us. And I'm a taxpayer. I'm paying
for my mom and to be good. I'm paying for
my family to be healthy. I'm paying for my kids
to have a fucking future, and you telling me I
gotta worry about my baby at three months if I'm
not a millionaire that I fucking grew myself to be.
But the people in my community are self surfing, suffering.
I got a problem with that, and anybody who thinks
it's okay, I got a problem with as well. Period.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
You are absolutely right that, especially on the point that
healthcare is a human right. It is insane that America
claims to be the greatest country in the world, yet
we pay more money for health care and get less
from it than people in other countries. How does Europe
have a better health care system than America and we

(33:47):
could take care of our people and Medicaid we're talking
about poor people. Yes, a lot of white people access that,
but a lot a large percentage of our community relies
on Medicaid and survive.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
Go ahead, Sha, Canada has a low crime rate. We
should got back from Toronto, Dimitri. The people are like hippies,
y'all are not I love and when they're not inviting you.
Guys have resources that allow you to be stress free,
that allow you to freaking live and wake up and say,
you know what, I I got a problem. I can

(34:22):
go get this taken care of. So that I can
be mentally well, I can have my well being that
works for me. You come to the States, it's a
whole different freaking body. You know, are fighting for things
that they should not have to fight for. I'm sorry,
And nobody should have to work one hour to get disability?

Speaker 1 (34:41):
Are you crazy work an hour yet? So we but
we do have to also acknowledge one of the reasons
why this is happening is because we all know people
that are abusing the system. And being from Canada, what
I do know is I know that a lot of
Americans think that absolutely everything is free. Well, you still
have to have a job in order to get benefits

(35:02):
as far as your insurance goes. Now, if you need
a big surgery, if you need a transplant, transplant, hear.

Speaker 2 (35:09):
Me out, no, no, but you're but you start with
the people. And I just said, our people lie on Medicaid.
Is an abuse of the system. Yes, you're playing right
into the narrative. We're talking about the right thing. Demonizing
the poor now already saying they're.

Speaker 1 (35:28):
Damage the poor is collateral damage because too many people
are milking the system in a demonizing way. It has
nothing to do with the poor. They're just catching the straits.

Speaker 7 (35:37):
What are people who are milking the system? Is the
collateral damage? Why why can't the poor be the majority?
Why can't that be the thing we hone in on.
The thing about it is they call it what do
they call it, the big beautiful bill or some shit
like that, one big beautiful bill.

Speaker 5 (35:51):
The thing about it is it's all to mask the
idea and make it seem positive, like this is government reform.

Speaker 7 (35:57):
When you're cutting out from my people, from my love
in the chair, I'll see y'all up in there, all
I'll see you. The thing about it is, this is
what I want you to imagine a pyramid. This is
the population. There's more poor people at the bottom. All
the rigi at the top seem comfortable. But then when
it comes to things like benefits and tax breaks and
fucking medicaid and things you need as a human, the

(36:17):
pyramid is reversed.

Speaker 5 (36:18):
They're so yes, well up here, yeah, we're fucking down
here fighting for our lives. And I get it. Not
everybody can go to work for twenty hours.

Speaker 7 (36:27):
But the problem is this country is gonna tell you
if your legs don't work, we're gonna put you out
a computer you can type it. They're gonna say, if
your fingers don't work, we're gonna put you on a
goddamn foot race.

Speaker 2 (36:37):
Is the kill us conversation has been so passionate. I'm
so excited. I'm so happy we all jumped on, Sarah.
And also the next topic is so right in the
middle of the strike zone for all three of you guys.
With Jody wrote this, she was like, this is for y'all,

(36:58):
and when she texted it to us, all was like
cheering in to chat. The little emojis that are like yeah,
like all those emotions of people like ah, like you
guys just exciting. The main topic. We're gonna help singles.
I think that's all three of you guys, not be
y'all gotta find love today. All you gotta do if
you want to find love is find the right formula, right,

(37:19):
I mean, like I think everybody knows about like the
three date rule, which I think is just good common sense.

Speaker 5 (37:24):
Roll that clip.

Speaker 1 (37:29):
Three three rolling datas, three dates, three weeks, and three months,
and each one of those time points you need to
stop and you need to assess.

Speaker 3 (37:38):
This person really is somebody I want in my.

Speaker 1 (37:39):
Life and if they are keep dating is the not
I let them.

Speaker 3 (37:43):
Go, send the text, do the call, do the adolphin.

Speaker 1 (37:46):
And move on.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
Right, good advice, Right, take your time before you already
assess as you're dating the person, think through. Okay, okay.
But then there's also like the thirty seven percent rule,
which means you should reject the first thirty percent seven
percent of potential partners and then the next one will
probably work out, or the seven seven seven rule. Every
seven days you go on a date. Every seven weeks,

(38:09):
you plan a weekend escape. Every seven months, you take
a longer vacation. Every seven years, you marry a new person,
and then it all just like works out somehow, some way. Shi,
Is there any numerical formula that like actually works.

Speaker 3 (38:23):
Listen, I've called off two weddings and a couple engagements.
There is no one formula for any person. What I
teach my clients is get yourself to a place of
being happy. Take self inventory of what you need and
what you want. Give someone the experience of you that

(38:44):
you want them to have. Throw away this list of shit.
You have no negotiables. If you're gonna have then like
if one is you know the person can't have kids.
That's cool, cool one or two right, not negotiable. That's
not a list. And instead of the list, actually experience
the person for who they are really are, who you're
going to be married to, and who you're going to
be in a relationship with after the math comes off,

(39:05):
after the sheep over the wolf clothing is going to
be the fangs of the wolf or the sheep if
it's really a sheep. So instead of telling people how
to be in relationship with, you, let them show you
how they relationship. And then our job is to say, well,
I choose this person or I don't. But instead we
have this long list, and when the person doesn't fit
that list, or when they take their list and they're

(39:25):
doing it the whole time and all of a sudden
their real self comes out, You're like, you're not a
good person. No, they're not who you wanted.

Speaker 2 (39:33):
Then I just wanted to make I wanted drill don
on one thing you said that really jumped out at me.
You said, how they relationship and we may meet somebody
and like they are very exciting on a one, two
three date, but how are they going to be when
you get in the long flow of relationship, fight, make up,
all the things bring in your friends, their friends, family

(39:55):
like that. How you relationship? Talk about that a little shy.

Speaker 3 (39:58):
Yeah, And that's the thing, is how your relation. I
love what you said, Torrey, right, because we don't have
to teach people how to be happy and how to
have date. Now you know that you've been married for years.

Speaker 5 (40:07):
It's more.

Speaker 3 (40:11):
That's beautiful because that means that you have found someone
now who's perfect. You found someone that you can resolve
with that.

Speaker 2 (40:17):
My wife is perfect. What I am not perfect? But
my wife, you know what.

Speaker 3 (40:21):
She is not only perfect but beautiful because we see her.
You're right, she is perfect, just like your curls. You
you ain't now, that's what I was saying. But you
want to make sure you have somebody which you found
that you can resolve with and let me go further,
someone that if you can't resolve, guess what, you can
still commit You can still have today. Because you're not
going to always get to a resolution and you're not

(40:43):
going to always like this person. You gotta say until
the commitment comes back. You got to stay until you
like them again, and you got to stay into the
love making comes back. Because commitment is doing what you
said you would do regardless of how you feel. Commitments
not a feeling. It's not a feeling, Jarah.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
She's absolutely right that you don't always always like your partner,
but you still love them even in those moments you
don't like them, and you can push through and get
back to marrying the like and the love. But I
want to hear from you any numbers in the dating worlds,
any statistics that are actually like meaningful to you.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
Yeah, you know what, Tore. I'm so glad you asked
the one number that I that I live by. And
my mama taught me this when I was a teenager.

Speaker 2 (41:25):
What's name Pamela? Okay, Pam, come on with it.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
Other anti Pam all right, mammy. My mama always said,
don't be a hoe six months at a time.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
I can't say that.

Speaker 3 (41:40):
Well, my mom's the realist. Let me tell you what
this means.

Speaker 1 (41:43):
This means oftentimes you meet someone you like that person,
this scientific chemical imbalanced things happen, so you might even
think that you love this person. So you might be
doing the three three three rule, the three months, six month,
nine month rule. You might be doing all of those things.
But the truth is usually around the sixth month, you

(42:03):
really like who this person actually is, and when you
up and you're like, damn, I actually don't like this person.
So then you break up with this person and then
you do it with the next person. So what that
looks like is, let's say you start sleeping around. I'm
gonna say at fifteen years old. A lot of people
start in high school. Let's say you're thirty five years old.
That's fifteen to thirty five years. That's twenty years. I

(42:24):
having sex with two people, You've now slept with forty people.
Some might say that's the whole number. Now I'm not
here to judge. I'm not here to point fingers. Do
think what I've heard. Do not be a whole six
months at a time. Let those people earn your body and.

Speaker 3 (42:40):
Sarah, let me say this, I love Mama, Pam shout
out mom. But listen, girl, it don't say six months.
I'll be knowing. Sometimes in a day I say this,
Negro done, God on my nurse. Not too much? Are
you too much?

Speaker 2 (42:52):
Are there numbers that are helping you as you're moving
through the dating world. You are in the middle of
the dating wars, perhaps as much as anybody here.

Speaker 7 (43:02):
Yeah, I can think of some numbers. I can think
about a phone digit loan worth, the numbers.

Speaker 5 (43:06):
That's all you need.

Speaker 7 (43:07):
He needs to pick up a phone and call somebody.
What happens in the days of actually just going by
the feeling this person gives you, Like, why are we
drifting so far away? We're making love advice sound like
a mathematical equation, Like you don't need a spreadsheet to
know if you like somebody, I'll be seeing through Instagram.

Speaker 5 (43:24):
That's like, well, if this person.

Speaker 7 (43:26):
Don't text you back this fast, then they're obviously uninterested.

Speaker 5 (43:30):
Hold on, is that is that your love talking.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
To Let's deal with that idea that he just can
we roll a clip on that idea?

Speaker 5 (43:41):
Is Jody go twenty four.

Speaker 6 (43:44):
Something you didn't me. They don't care if you if
you're done eight today. They don't care if you're breathing.
They don't care how you're doing mentally. They don't care
how you doing emotionally. They don't They could careless. They
could care less about you in jail, because nobody can
go twenty four all without talking to you. I'm sorry
to be the one to tell you this, but you

(44:05):
do not need to be a bar of a.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
Lion, Dmitri. Listen you if we if I am in
a romantic conversation with somebody and a whole twenty four hours,
they never think I need to reach out with a call,
a lunch, a coffee at tax to something. Hold twenty
four like, then we're not you're not thinking about me enough.

Speaker 7 (44:27):
Let's let's take this and put it into a different scope.
Let's say I don't go to the gym for two weeks.
Does that mean I don't care about my physical form anymore?

Speaker 5 (44:35):
More?

Speaker 3 (44:35):
Like?

Speaker 7 (44:35):
The thing about it is people take this and they
take they take the anxiety, and they take their insecurities,
and they take all their defects.

Speaker 5 (44:42):
They just push it off on other people. Hold on,
Hold hold.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
If somebody says I love you Dmitri, right, and we're
in a thing, I would assume that a twenty four
Like if the sun goes up, so the sun goes down.
At some point you'd be like, I'm interesting, I'm curious
about Dmitri. Hi, you do it today?

Speaker 5 (45:01):
What's really good with you? Something?

Speaker 2 (45:02):
Something?

Speaker 5 (45:03):
You know?

Speaker 7 (45:03):
But the thing about it is, when you got more
than one person texting you, you don't automatically assume they all
love you.

Speaker 5 (45:09):
Do you say?

Speaker 7 (45:10):
The thing about it is a lot of people be like, uh,
people don't understand busy these days.

Speaker 5 (45:15):
And I get it. I get it. Everybody got they
different functions and what they got going on in life.

Speaker 7 (45:20):
But the thing about it is I may have a
problem that's now consumed my day. I may just be
in a bad mood, and all that don't mean I
don't love you.

Speaker 5 (45:27):
Let's work to a point to where sua easy to
talk all day Sarah.

Speaker 2 (45:32):
If you're in a relationship with a handsome young brother
and he doesn't call you, or text you or anything,
sends you flowers, nothing for twenty four hours, are you okay?

Speaker 1 (45:42):
I'm definitely okay, because I strongly believe that if a
man has every minute of every day to talk to you,
he's broke.

Speaker 2 (45:49):
No. No, But I won't not the whole day one time, Sarah.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
No, because literally, a man with a purpose of planning
a vision might be busy. And sometimes I think that
the problem in relationships is people don't understand the seasons.
There is always a winter in your relationships, that is
where everything is dead.

Speaker 3 (46:10):
Doesn't mean a spring.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
He has sexually attracted where this person may get on
your freaking nerves when they may breathe in a way
that irritates you. And that's just the reality of some relationships.
But there and then in that same year, or maybe
in that same five years, Michelle Obama had said how
there was about ten years where she couldn't stand Obama,
but she wrote it out, there are seasons, but surely enough,

(46:35):
spring follows winter, summer follows spring, all follows follows summer. Right,
So when you get into a space where you understand
that maybe this is the season where I'm not able
to reach out to you as much, can you have compassion?

Speaker 5 (46:48):
Right?

Speaker 1 (46:49):
Like for twenty four hours? Am I going to trip
off of twenty four hours?

Speaker 2 (46:52):
No?

Speaker 1 (46:53):
I'm not, because you know what, I'm busy too, and
sometimes I'm tired. And let me just tell you all
this because sometimes if I have a shoot day that's
been fourteen hours long, I've on my podcast or whatever
it may be, and then I get into my bed,
I still got to wash my face into my phrase regimen.
I don't even want to muster one ounce of energy
to now pick up the phone and be sexy and

(47:14):
be cute or be whatever. I want to be able
to be my most basic self, which is like, hey baby,
I'm tired, I'm going to sleep, or I don't want
to talk at all, I don't want anyone around me.

Speaker 2 (47:25):
I just if you're with me, you can be that
most basic self.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
Torey, I was just about about all that makeup and
all that this this cute for this damn TV year.
You see it. But let me tell you something. What
I'm calling my man or my boo or someone i'm dating,
I'm on FaceTime with them while I'm taking off the makeup. Okay,
Because a person who wants to make time for you
is making time for you. I don't care what season
we in. I don't care what city or stay. I
don't care what business you're building. I don't care what

(47:52):
you're doing unless you have you're praising the Lord in
that moment. Three seconds of texting me are checking in
with me long time. Let me go further, because I
have called people while I'm running into set just to
say I love you. I have text people on set,
FaceTime them while I'm in my black car headed to
where I'm at. Because I'm a person who says if

(48:13):
I'm committing to dating you. I'm committing to giving you
time and an investment. If I don't have time, keep
your ass over there. Time.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
This last season about like che I.

Speaker 3 (48:26):
Want you to love I want you love me like this.
I want you to love me like this. I want
you to be eating, sleeping, and pooping me. And I
want to say it's about a baseline of the norm
the relationships I've been in with the men who were retired.
You know, basketball players are businessmen or attorneys who are
very busy. I've never had an issue knocked on wood
because I don't want that issue with them finding time

(48:47):
throughout a day for a text message for HL. I'm
not talking about an hour conversation talking about it in
between texts to just say emoji or heart or I
love you or checking on you. That's the bare minimum
somebody can do. If you do that, I'm not a
bare minimum woman. Take your ass over there.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
So some of the people who are out here struggling
to find somebody and dealing with these numbers and all
the sort of things we're talking about, they are talking
to people who are on the internet as dating coaches. Right.
They may be really real and knowledgeable. They may be
false profits leading people who are needing help. I mean, like,

(49:27):
you know, Derek Jackson is a internet dating coach who
got it into some trouble, made a big mistake in
his relationship and had to apologize. Can we see Derek
Jackson and his wife for a second.

Speaker 10 (49:40):
Whoth is and I'm saying it here now, is that
Derek Jackson was involved with other women outside the marriage,
And by involved, I want to be clear, I'm not
talking about just casually kicking it maybe a lunch or
something like that. I'm talking about in a serious as
six to sexual authoritation and meeting up in that kind
of thing, and some things that otherwise may be considered
okay by some in terms of like just chatting or

(50:02):
checking on people, or being checked on by people that
I've had a previous encounter with, but without my wife's
knowledge of it, and with us having a sexual history,
all of it falls under the umbrella of inappropriate to.

Speaker 2 (50:14):
Be treat Is it okay to follow a dating coach
who's out here making mistakes like that?

Speaker 5 (50:20):
You know, it's funny.

Speaker 7 (50:21):
I've never seen that video as funny enough, as many
people have come to me and said his name or
you know, attempted to introduce me to who I wasn't.
Excuse me, I wasn't familiar with whoever this guy was
to begin with. But to me, when people are online
telling you what you need to do, they should at
least be applying that to their own life.

Speaker 5 (50:41):
And this is me.

Speaker 7 (50:42):
Hapy online talking about love all the time Lost Love
Boy podcast. Y'all hear me talk about it. But I'm
never telling you what to do. I'm telling you what
I went through. I'm telling you what I hope for
my future. I'm not out here saying in order to
make your man do this X y Z, that girl
look like you being she does.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
Look again, look at again, she doesn't drugged up.

Speaker 10 (51:04):
The truth is, and I'm saying it here now, is
that Derek Jackson was involved with other women outside the marriage.
And by involved, I want to be clear, I'm not
talking about just casually kicking it, maybe a lunch or
something like that. I'm talking about in a serious as
sex to sexual aflirtation and meeting up in that kind
of thing, and some things that otherwise may be considered
okay by.

Speaker 2 (51:24):
Some Yeah, like when he says and her face doesn't move,
and I'm like, are you with us, sislaz, But hold on,
hold on, I want to play you one more video
from a sister who did have a very positive relationship
or a very positive interaction with a dating coach. She
could have viral because she paid ten thousand dollars for

(51:47):
a dating coach, but it worked out really well for
Jody roll that clip.

Speaker 8 (51:51):
No, I invested ten thousand dollars happily into my dating
coach after going on zero dates in two years, and
now after a year of being introduced to my fiance,
I am engaged. Somebod name is Sheeleye Benee Williams. I'm
the CEO of a seven figure content studio, and I'm
now the CEO of my love life. This is mass
hysteria over the fact that I dropped ten thousand dollars
on a dating coach. But that's literally a drop in

(52:13):
the bucket when it comes to money invested in Shirley
Benee Williams Sarah.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
This woman's video is fantastic because she goes on to
talk about I spent this much on executive coaches. I
spent this much on a leadership coach, on a life coach.
So she is all about engaging with all sorts of coaches.
This is just on brand for her. But Sarah really
interesting story that she pays this money, she finds obviously
a dating coach who really works for her, and it succeeds.

(52:40):
Now she's engaged and she's found the right piece to
her puzzle. Can we trust some of these dating coaches?

Speaker 5 (52:46):
Yeah? You know.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
I always say with dating coaches, take what leads for you,
what leads what doesn't because the truth, whether that person
is practicing what they preach or not, is it helpful
to you? Is it useful to be slow to speak
and quick to listen. Is it useful for you to
keep your tone down when you're a woman trying to
have a conversation because yelling at a man is not effective.
Is there a lot of these different things that people

(53:10):
are saying? So for me, because I do speak a
lot on relationships, but I don't actually speak on relationships.
I speak on two I don't even speak on two people.
I speak on one person. When you are self aware,
when you have self love and you have self accountability,
you attract better people. Does that mean that we're always
gonna be perfect at it?

Speaker 5 (53:29):
No?

Speaker 1 (53:29):
Does that mean that we're always gonna be the best
version of ourselves. No, but you have to do your
best to strive that way. So when I think about
these dating coaches and investing in it, yes, because the
truth is, if you don't know, how do you do better?
These coaches are out here teaching you to observe yourself
in a different way. And I think that even Kevin
Samuels to be completely honest. And I know I'm gonna

(53:52):
get beat up for saying this. Kevin Samuels had the
most trash way of saying a lot of the things
that he said, But when you're with a high value,
high earning, masculine man, a lot of what he said
had validity to it. Now, did he have to be
this disrespectful or rude? Did he have to be this vializing?

Speaker 3 (54:10):
No, A lot of what he said was valid, said
a lot of shit that was true. I'm going back out,
you know, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (54:18):
I feel like Kevin Samuels a lot of very hateful
things toward black women in the guise of I'm trying
to help you. I'm wearing a suit, I'm very classy,
but like it was just a lot of black female
denigration and hatred. I want to note that Derek Jackson's
wife later said that she regretted that video and he

(54:38):
pressured her to do which maybe why she looked like that.
But Dimitri, when we talk about someone like Kevin Samuel
or any of these sort of male dating coaches who
are trying to give us advice, have you learned anything
valuable from any of these sort of people.

Speaker 5 (54:55):
I'm trying to think of a good one.

Speaker 7 (54:56):
No, in all actuality, the ladies say she paid ten
thousand dollars X y Z ten thousand dollars. You're paying
ten thousand dollars when all you really need is therapy
in a mirror is like miss there is as long
as you can see yourself, you can see how you're
showing up in these situations. He didn't grab a man
off the street, and you didn't buy a man for
ten thousand dollars.

Speaker 5 (55:16):
That's not what happened. All you needed to do was
see how you can show up better. You take what
fits and what does not, you leave alone. I've never
I don't really listen to it.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
I'll do me saying is there really is this a
valuable thing? Like with you as as a licensed therapist
who is professionally helping people every day. Do you look
at a dating coach like a colleague or like you're
a shyster.

Speaker 3 (55:38):
Yeah? I love that you want to just clear something up.
I'm not a licensed therapist. I don't diagnose. That's okay toory,
I got you. I'm a psychology xperant, a life coach.
I was in marriage. I'm a child therapist where I diagnosed.
I don't diagnose no more. But I'm still in practice
and see my clients every day. But I want to
say that I think it's to each his own. I
feel like for some people who are busy bodies and
career driven men or women and they want to go

(56:00):
to a dating coach and they find what they want
and what works for them, I think they should do that.
I think for women like myself who like to go
out and get approached by men and flirt and do
this little thing and it works for me, I think
I actually I think the main thing is, like I
tell all of my clients that what is the end goal?
What is the bread loaf that we are trying to accommodate,
our trying to reach. Let's create this crumb that gets

(56:23):
us there. I don't think there's one right way to
do anything. I feel like when we start to make
it one right way, it becomes transactional and we lose
the relational piece of dating. I feel like, if it
works for them, hey she got her fiance, she's a
career woman, I am. I am very excited abou.

Speaker 2 (56:38):
So since you're out there, men are trying to talk
to you. What can brothers in general do better to
show up higher, be more interesting to a high value
woman like yourself.

Speaker 3 (56:52):
Approach us. Don't let this and I'm gonna say it,
this is gonna be hard for some, but oh well,
don't let the me too movement have you feel like
you want them? Brothers who has sexual assaulted a woman
you haven't approach us. I like a firm man. I
like a very assertive man. Let me know, baby, you beautiful?
Can I take you to dinner tonight? What are you
doing out of town? Can I get your phone number?

(57:13):
Start a conversation. Don't just make eye contact and wait
for me to kind of give you the green light.
I like her brother who's confident in who he is.
And I love I said this before last season. I
love a hunter hunt me, come get me. And Dion
Sanders's voice when I was on his show, he said,
that's a grown ass woman right there, and if you
want her, you got to hunt her. Okay, yeah, all right,

(57:35):
ah hunt me? Okay, you don't I feel you?

Speaker 2 (57:38):
Do I feel you? I feel I feel Sarah. So okay,
he has hunted you, he has asked you. He has
made the first approach for moving pat into like date one,
two three? What do men in general need to be
doing better for you to earn a high value woman
like you?

Speaker 3 (57:54):
So?

Speaker 1 (57:54):
I love that because I'm not married, so I am single,
but I'm in a fully committed relationship.

Speaker 3 (57:59):
Let me be.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
And but when I when I met my man that
I'm currently with now, I was dating four other men.
So first I want to say this, date them all,
sys date every single one of them now. That is
not to be confused with them all yes at once.
I'm not saying sleep with them all. I am saying
date them all, get to know them all, because I'd

(58:20):
say abstinence all the time. Give yourself an opportunity, like
my mother said, don't be a host six months at
a time. I need to know do I even like you?
Before I lay down with you, so number one, and
then that man. One of the things that my man
did was that he literally from one date, I did
not leave that date without the next day planned.

Speaker 3 (58:39):
I did not leave that.

Speaker 1 (58:41):
Every single time that I had spare time in my day,
he took it. He almost made me his girlfriend and
made me cut off everybody else because he was so intentional,
intentional about getting inside of my date and having my time.

Speaker 2 (58:55):
Wait, wait, every twenty four hours, he made time to
reach out to you in my life.

Speaker 1 (59:00):
As he did.

Speaker 2 (59:00):
Interesting. That's so interesting.

Speaker 3 (59:03):
This is what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
The point is that there are seasons in relationships, and
I think that it's important for people to acknowledge that
there might be twenty four hours where we don't get
a chance to talk. If I'm hosting a retreat, if
it's whatever, and I just get a text message, It's
not always conversation, conversation, conversation. But I do want to
say to the ladies, ladies, date them all. We are
so used to own Look, I see the itchen. We

(59:26):
are so used to being in a space where we
only have one man. Well, look, as we get older
and become geriatric, the most precious thing that we have
is our time. So now I'm giving you my time.

Speaker 3 (59:38):
Listen hear me.

Speaker 1 (59:39):
If I'm giving you my time. I found out I
don't like you six months later, six months later, six
months later, Whereas if I date four people all at once,
I just candens two and a half years in the
six months, I don't like none of y'all.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
Next, that's only a.

Speaker 3 (59:55):
Career to meet you as a woman. As a career woman,
I can't date four people. I got shit to do. Now.
I have to probably talk and go on a date
here and there, but I'm I'm too busy. I got
a bag of Sarah.

Speaker 2 (01:00:06):
I love your concept of there are seasons in relationships,
and I don't fully understand it, but I start to
see it. You explain the winter, So like, I'm gonna
press Jody later to have a segment where you can
fully unpack that idea, because I kind of understand it,
but I want to see, like the whole architecture of it.
Jody is yelling at me. She is the boss. She

(01:00:26):
does send out the checks. But Dmitri last word, women
do better in the dating world for you.

Speaker 7 (01:00:34):
Uh, date yourself, learn yourself, learn gowing up as because
there's nothing a man values more than a woman who
shrive herself. If you date me, don't date them all.
They don't want at a time. They don't want at
a time competition and competition, and I ain't no competition

(01:00:54):
here in all actuality. I want to take a second
because I seen it pop up on the screen to
shout out Tonight's conversation. Uh, me and doctor Brian are
part of the night's conversation. I want you all to
understand what it is because there's this mass misconception around it.
These are not people who are telling you what to do.
These are a panel of people who are giving you
different perspectives that may help in your love life.

Speaker 5 (01:01:13):
And if you choose to, you know, take that.

Speaker 7 (01:01:16):
But I just wanted to make sure clear that up,
make s your ace understands you, makes your aces understood,
and what he's doing.

Speaker 5 (01:01:21):
But the thing about it is for me, they don't
want a time for the time.

Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
It's serious work, just just a matter just keeping four
people's interested personalities.

Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
You please believe you want to have interest. Doctor get me?
And so now I get to decide, Okay, do I
want to be gotten by him? Do I want to
be gotten by him. Oh, this one's Can.

Speaker 5 (01:01:50):
I just ask a question?

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
Though?

Speaker 5 (01:01:51):
Can I just ask a questions?

Speaker 7 (01:01:52):
Because I've never understood this narrative? Right, if you got
four men, you date them all that one time?

Speaker 5 (01:01:56):
Really quick? If you got four men you date them
all that one time.

Speaker 7 (01:01:58):
Isn't the one that when at the moment, aren't you
just settling off the four?

Speaker 5 (01:02:03):
What about the fifth gud that you didn't give a
chance yet?

Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
You shouldn't be looking for the bigger, better deal. You
should be looking So for me, there's a difference between
a dating experience and partnership in life. If I'm looking
for partnership in life, then I'm looking for specific things
in a husband. I'm not out here dating for fun.
I don't need the trips, the bags, the shoes, or
any of the gifts. I could buy those for myself,
and all those things are nice. However, those are not
a requirement. This is not a transactional thing. This is

(01:02:30):
are we going to go together real bad? Or are
you gonna get gone?

Speaker 2 (01:02:35):
If you're one of the four or five guys at
Sarah's dating, I want to give you a little tit
bit of advice. The chat is going nuts, so if
you say you're dating forty excuse me, four guys at.

Speaker 1 (01:02:52):
Obstinacy.

Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
Then when you go out with a woman like Sarah,
with a woman like Cheyenne, ask them question about their life. Yes,
that sounds so simple and stupid, but I see tons
of women on TikTok and Instagram saying I went, I
go out on dates with men. They don't ask me
any questions. Just ask her a question about her life,

(01:03:14):
how many brothers and sisters you have? And then listen
and she's like, oh my god, he's at Sarah. Are
the men not asking enough? Because I hear a lot
of women complaining about this. Are they not asking enough questions?

Speaker 1 (01:03:24):
No, they definitely are asking questions. But more than them
asking questions us as women, we have the opportunity we
are really vetting them, right, because ultimately, women decide who
we have sex with. Men decide who they marry.

Speaker 3 (01:03:37):
So we've got to figure.

Speaker 1 (01:03:38):
Out do we even want to be in alignment with?
This is someone that they would actually want to marry.
So the questions that I would ask for ladies and
don't be afraid to ask this, ask this man, are
you looking? Are you dating with the intention of marriage?
Because the truth is, a marriage minded person isn't going
to be offended. A marriage minded person isn't going to
be like, WHOA, you're taking things too fast.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
But Sarah, it doesn't matter when right, if you t BEGI,
if you asked that question on date one, you're running
on date three or four right.

Speaker 7 (01:04:09):
To I'm be honest with you. It's all about how
much she liked that man. It's all about how interest
in that man. I was on the day, last night,
last night I was on the last night, I was hey,
do you want kids? What do you see for your future?
X y Z blah blah blah. The fact that she
can see those things with me allows her to entertain
the conversation. If she can't see that man, she won't.

Speaker 3 (01:04:30):
And I also want to say when when we're when
you know Sarah talking about dating multiple guys. I want
to say that, I want to know because because when
you're dating multiple guys, how I said, I'm too busy
to date multiple guys all at once. You don't date
for guys for weeks and months at a time. That
means that you made meet two or three guys, and
usually that one or two guys they fall off within
a week or two. You're not keeping me. Should not

(01:04:52):
be keeping men around for long term that you have
no interest in if you're looking for marriage. And I
want to tell the fellas is listen, fellas, if she's
dating you for months, you ain't the one. Meaning if
you're pressing her for a relationship and she's still saying
she wants to date. They always give woman advice about
doing this and saying if a man taking too long,
then he moving wrong. Well for women is dating you
for months, my love, she don't want you. So I'm

(01:05:14):
just telling you you got to learn to pivot too.
With fellows and I seem to meet you's face when
Sarah was saying, you know, women choose who they want
to sleep with. The men chooo they want to marry.
I always teach my brother and my nephews that women
don't choose who they want to sleep with. Baby, you're
a man, and your penis and your sex has value
as well. You are choosing equally who you want to
sleep with. You don't just sleep with her because she
chose you, and hold on and when it comes to marriage, uh,

(01:05:42):
men are not just choosing who they want to marry
because I called off to what is if that's the
case you married that.

Speaker 2 (01:05:52):
Talking about the agency on both sides. Well, a lot
of people talk about the taxi cab theory, which is
that women of a certain age are constantly sort of
looking for who's the right person right, and they're evaluating
who is the right person to align with. Men are
moving through the dating era, according to this theory that
they're they're looking for hookups, they're looking for short term

(01:06:14):
and then something happens in their life where they are
ready for marriage and they become the taxicab whose light
is open, and whoever they meet at that moment in
their life will become their wife.

Speaker 1 (01:06:24):
That is a fact. Most men do not marry who
they loved the most in their life. They usually fumble
that girl. They marry the woman that's there when they're ready.

Speaker 7 (01:06:32):
General us like this, I will you.

Speaker 2 (01:06:39):
And the reason why.

Speaker 1 (01:06:40):
The reason why is because most men, especially in twenty
twenty five, are more and more fearful of marriage right
or they are very much invested in marriage, and there
they're ready to put away the things of the past.
They're ready to let go of sewing their oaths, They're
ready to really sit down and commit to one person.
So let's say that we're speaking about the person that

(01:07:01):
is ready to commit because now they're ready to be
have a wife.

Speaker 3 (01:07:05):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:07:05):
The truth is, the next time they meet someone that's
good enough, good enough, good enough, is the person that
they will absolutely marry.

Speaker 5 (01:07:17):
That.

Speaker 3 (01:07:18):
Sorry, hold on, this is so wrong because men, especially
black men, are marrying thirty six percent more than black women.
So it's not the men who are fearful, and it's
not the men who are saying they don't want to
do it at all. The men are actually marrying. They're
actually the ones that are coming forward saying I want
to do this, and so go ahead.

Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
I just want to Sayadi, I think sometimes men find
that when marriage starts to appear to help their lives.
You get to a certain point in your life and
it's and it's better for your career and for who
you are in the world to be showing up with
a wife, not a different woman every time. And when
you get to realizing, like, oh, if I'm showing up
to these parties social and work with the same woman,

(01:07:57):
Like remember that moment when Alec Baldwin's flames to Matt
Damon the Win getting married. That there's a woman, no
matter how much of a jerk you are, there's a
woman who is classy and attractive. It's like I vouch
for him, Like, oh well then he must know cool.

Speaker 5 (01:08:12):
You said a keyword. You send a keyword. Dere tore keyword.

Speaker 7 (01:08:16):
You said a woman. Men see value in a woman.
She has to become a woman.

Speaker 5 (01:08:22):
That's not act.

Speaker 7 (01:08:23):
That's not n hot girl summer ain't existed for the
past ten years. Y'all wanted this ship, and a lot
of times women walk out and they go have their
hot girl summers and they want to be on the
beach and they want to do this and traveling X
y Z.

Speaker 5 (01:08:35):
You wasn't looking for a relationship then.

Speaker 7 (01:08:37):
So the thing about it is it's not just men
who are holding off as it's flipping. This generation is
waiting till they're thirty five to say, okay, now I'm
ready for.

Speaker 5 (01:08:46):
A real nigga. Let me double back to that man
who was good to me. So it's not just it's
not just men fumbling a bag. It is women as well.

Speaker 7 (01:08:53):
So please don't generalize the whole thing and making it
seem like we the bag, because in reality I think.

Speaker 1 (01:09:00):
That that's really good, Dmitri. I think that that's really good,
and I'm really good for a generalization, So I appreciate
that accountability. I want to I want to go back
to when we were talking about dating them all, and
I want to I want to talk about because some
people are going to be like, well, how do we
do that and not feel like a wh How do
I do that and be accepted by my family? So,
for clarity number one, when I say date them all,

(01:09:22):
I'm not talking about sleep with a bunch of men.
In fact, I don't encourage sleeping with men at all
in the beginning until you actually know this is someone
that you are invested in, not that you're just I
don't think it's a time thing, to be honest. It
could be three months, it could be one month, it
could be three years, until you know you know your body.
And I'm not here to tell people the time length. However,

(01:09:42):
what I will say is when you start thinking of marriage,
one of the most powerful things that I ever learned
inside of therapy was when I put on my wife hat,
how do I want to feel what is most important?
Because that six foot man with the six pack with
six inches who make six figures he.

Speaker 3 (01:10:01):
Hold on Sarah, we can't go say, says, give me
a just give me an aw.

Speaker 1 (01:10:11):
Know you watch this show, but I say that to
say that, how do you want to feel as as
a as a wife. So for me, it's not about
how tall he is, what he looks like. Those things
are great to have. For me, what's most important is safety, security, respect,
openness and honesty, emotional regulation and emotional intelligence. Now some

(01:10:33):
may think that that is the gambit, that's absolutely everything,
and others may think that is the bare minimum. But
the truth is, whatever your barometer is, that's what you
should be measuring by. So if you know how to
feel when you get into that relationship, if this man
starts making you feel insecure inside of your body, if
this person starts to make you feel like, you know what,
I'm just a little too animated. If this person does

(01:10:54):
not allow you to feel in your field, your intuition
is telling you this is not the man. Let that go.
Don't fall victim the warm body syndrome, which is where
you need a warm body at night in order to
feel like you matter. Don't give into that. Be patient
because your person is coming, but you got to put yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:11:11):
Out there, Demiji. I love what she said, wanting a
man with emotional intelligence, well, also look for a man
with three arms. However, when she the first word she
said was safety, and I think a lot of brothers
don't understand that women move through the world not necessarily
always feeling safe and emotionally, physically. You know, we're talking

(01:11:34):
about crime, we're talking about getting hurt, and so when
we can make them feel safe, that's what providing is about.
That's what being emotionally intelligent is supposed to be about.
That's what being consistent is supposed to be about. When
we can do that for them, oh my god, then
they so that's kind of what right like, talk about
what we need to provide for them to feel right
with us.

Speaker 7 (01:11:54):
You know the thing about it is, I think that's
a major point you got going on.

Speaker 5 (01:11:57):
For men.

Speaker 7 (01:11:58):
The problem comes in a lot of don't understand women.
We can't put ourselves in a women's perspective, emotionally, mentally, physically, anything.

Speaker 5 (01:12:05):
That's where it starts.

Speaker 7 (01:12:06):
I don't think I'm better than the next man, but
if you put me in competition with four men, I'm
gonna win. Why Because I understand how to apply love
in the right spaces she desires it. When it comes
to security, some women, some women can't be touched a
certain way because this.

Speaker 5 (01:12:20):
Trauma happened to their life. You got other women.

Speaker 7 (01:12:23):
Who need to feel reassured in calling them and checking
on them. You got other women you.

Speaker 5 (01:12:27):
Gotta protect in public more. It's all.

Speaker 7 (01:12:29):
It's all very specific to the woman, but I wanted
to add this to the table for my listeners, for
the lovers out there, for other women who are trying
to get it together. The reason I say don't date
them all at one time, and you trust me, you're
gonna do what you want to do. The reason I
say don't date them at one time is because if
I play four different drinks in your face and I
give you minutes apart, and you taste one and you

(01:12:50):
take they all start to blend together, which creates a
mental clarity that you're losing right because this.

Speaker 5 (01:12:55):
Man, one man bought me time. Just listen.

Speaker 7 (01:13:00):
All I'm saying is the mental clarity you must have
to see yourself and how you showing up to an individual.
It's hard to do when you're showing up to multiple individuals.

Speaker 2 (01:13:09):
That's all what I like about where this conversation went
as we started trying to make sense of numbers and
we got down to like emotions and like real things
we can do for the other gender. And like, I
think losing the numbers and getting into the emotions will
really get us to connection and finding the right person.

Speaker 3 (01:13:29):
Yes, get rid of the transaction and become more relation.

Speaker 2 (01:13:32):
And it's called a relationship, Doctor b Sarah Demitri, you
guys brought the noise and the funk today. I love
you guys. I appreciate you guys. That is our show
for today. Like common has subscribed on our YouTube channel
at truth talks dash Live. Continue to watch us here
on the Blackstar Network right after Roland Martin Unfiltered every night.

(01:13:52):
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(01:14:14):
Doctor Sarah, You've got a VIP chat room. What's in there?
That's like four guys who were trying to talk to
you right now.

Speaker 1 (01:14:20):
You know they might try it, but no, it's all
the real, broad, transparent conversations where we can really go
into depth with a lot of questions that people have
and just good times, good laughs and relationship building.

Speaker 2 (01:14:33):
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(01:14:55):
Attorney Ariva Martin and Judge Lauren Lake will be here.
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