August 24, 2025 • 28 mins
Are you tired of justifying your peace to people who don’t deserve an explanation? In this episode of Unfiltered Destiny, we’re diving into the art of unbothered energy. Learn why you over-explain, how to set unapologetic boundaries, and ways to embody true peace without guilt.
Whether it’s saying “no” without the three-paragraph essay, or simply moving in silence, this episode will give you the tools to protect your energy and stop over-explaining your calm.
✨ What You’ll Learn:
- Why women over-explain their peace
- How to define what peace looks like for YOU
- Signs you’re still giving away your power
- Phrases & practices for unbothered energy
- Affirmations + journal prompts to help you stand firm
Resources & Links:
- Follow me on IG: @theedestinyc
- Follow Destiny: Instagram - @theedestinyc
- Join the conversation: Use #BecomingHER
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (01:08):
Good morning, good morning, and welcome back to
Unfiltered Destiny, the spacewhere we keep it real about
healing, growth, and steppinginto the woman you were always
meant to be.
You know, I'm your host, DestinyDenise, and today's episode is
one I know personally that Ineeded, so I believe many of us
(01:31):
need this.
It's called Unbothered Energy.
How to stop explaining yourBecause, you know, let's be
real.
We all had that moment whensomebody asked, you know, what's
going on with you?
Why are you so quiet now?
Why you don't come aroundanymore?
(01:52):
And all of a sudden you findyourself in a TED talk or
whatever.
You know, you find yourself incourt trying to defend or
justify your reasons forchoosing peace.
And, you know, it's enough.
(02:13):
Because your choice is yourchoice, for one.
And choosing peace is just that.
You shouldn't have to explain itor justify it.
So...
Let's jump into it, okay?
But first things first, why dowe explain?
(02:35):
I believe, you know, growing up,we were always told to be
polite, to smile, not makewaves.
And now that we're grown, we'readult women.
we kind of have thatconditioning, you know what I
mean?
And the way that it shows up asan adult is we tend to
(02:59):
over-explain and we're afraid ofthe labels that come with not
over-explaining orpeople-pleasing or, you know,
things of that nature.
Like, People calling us mean orbeing labeled cold, distant,
(03:21):
aggressive.
But when you think about it andyou really take your time to
break it down, it all comes froma place of upbringing.
If the women in your life werejust like, go with the flow,
(03:44):
don't make noise, don't makewaves, take up as little space
as possible, then even if you...
don't do it intentionally,inadvertently, some of that does
trickle down to you.
And then you hear all thestigma, especially for
(04:04):
African-American women.
You know, oh, she's aggressive,she's cold, she's distant.
And truthfully, you're reallyjust trying to find a quiet
space in your own mind, your ownpeace.
And that's, you know,particularly when we get the old
(04:25):
explaining and trying to make itpalatable for other people to
digest.
And typically that's when westart to backtrack and the peace
is now disturbed.
So let's define peace.
(04:45):
For me, Peace looks like notanswering my phone, spending a
couple of hours uninterruptedwith my nieces and nephew.
Relaxing, reading a book, doingD&D all day, doing my podcast,
(05:09):
all of those things to me ispeaceful.
That's how I define my peace.
However, peace for you may besomething different.
Maybe you like to journal.
Maybe you like to take a nicewalk.
Maybe you like to meditate.
Maybe you like to go to the artmuseum.
(05:30):
Maybe you want to go to a themepark.
Peace is self-defined.
It's not going to be aone-size-fits-all.
It's not a highlight reel onTikTok or Instagram, and it's
not an aesthetic.
It's something that you have tofind within yourself that gives
you that stillness, that freedomto just be.
(05:53):
Peace is not for show.
It's for you.
It's not about convincingothers.
I see a lot of...
Facebook posts and TikTok andjust social media posts in
general about protecting mypeace or anything that disturbs
(06:15):
my peace.
And I always have the questionis, are you just posting it or
are you actually living it?
Because it sounds good.
You know what I mean?
It makes a good little reel orit makes people stop and read.
But is it true?
(06:35):
You know what I mean?
Because you can post anything,but the honest question is, are
you living it?
Because it has to be more.
It has to be something thatyou're actually doing and not
something that you're convincingothers that you need or that
you're going to do.
It's about living your peace.
(07:00):
So now that we've defined...
what peace could be for you, forme, for anyone.
And we've also kind of gotten tothe root cause of why we
over-explain.
Some of you may still feel like,well, you know, I stopped doing
(07:25):
that.
I'm no longer, you know,over-explaining anything.
And I'm just, you know, tellingpeople what it is.
I've set my boundaries.
And it is what it is.
I don't over-explain.
I'm not people-pleasing anymore.
Let me just give you a quick,you know, just a little tip
(07:48):
right there.
So if every time you say no,it's followed by...
a three-paragraph essay, you'restill explaining too much.
Like, no is a complete sentence.
But when we start to I have toexplain it.
(08:12):
Even when not asked, you're justlike, oh, I can't go because
da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
You have this long, run-onsentence about why you can't go.
That's over-explained.
I just can't go.
I can't make it.
That's simple enough.
Another thing is, like...
(08:38):
Filling guilt afterwards.
I know that sometimes I strugglewith this.
If somebody asks me forsomething or they ask me to do
something and I'm like, oh, Ican't do it.
It does.
Like, I'll be like, oh, could Ido it or should I do it?
(09:02):
And then I kind of feel guilty,like, oh, well, what if they
can't get somebody else to doit?
And that's when I'm like, oh,you know, that guilt, it just
starts to...
beat you up after you made achoice for yourself you know so
you're still over explainingeven if it is to yourself and
(09:27):
that's something that for me youknow I'm still I still struggle
with but I'm getting better withit.
Like, if I feel guilt about, youknow, my decision, I just tend
to ask myself, Destiny, who'sthe priority here?
You or them?
(09:49):
And then you can ask yourself,if the shoes on the other foot,
if the roles were reversed, whowould they choose?
You or themselves?
And, you know, it kind of helpsease the guilt.
But anytime you have to put astatement, a because, after your
(10:15):
no, you're about to over-explainit.
I guarantee you, you're about toover-explain it.
So, how do we become unbothered?
And when I say unbothered, I'mnot saying it in, oh, be rude,
be unapproachable.
I'm just saying, just live, livein your peace, live in your
(10:38):
truth.
excuse me guys it is cold andflu season in my opinion because
I am getting um sick so one ofmy favorite tools is the power
of pause you know and before Istarted setting boundaries and
(11:06):
just going on this journey to bea better me and becoming her I
was quick with a yes oh yeahI'll Yeah, okay.
But now when somebody asks me todo something or something comes
up, I pause.
I stop.
And before I react, I justbreathe.
(11:31):
And I just say, hey, does thisrequire a response?
Does this require me to expendany additional energy?
And then I speak or I don'tspeak.
You know what I mean?
So I don't try to go around andbe like, oh yeah, okay.
(11:56):
And have my peace interrupted ordisturbed because I'm just
talking, talking, talking,talking, talking.
So you have to know how topause.
Pausing is powerful.
And It's something that I'mgoing to challenge all of you
(12:16):
guys to do this week.
Or, you know, whenever you arelistening to this podcast, give
it seven days of pause.
So before you react, before yousay yes to something that you're
not 100% sure you want to do,before you start to like
(12:36):
over-explain or let someonecross a boundary, pause.
Take a deep breath in throughyour nose, out through your
mouth, and then decide whatroute you should take.
And then I set boundaries.
(12:59):
And I know, I see this everypodcast.
The boundaries are beautiful.
And they don't mean that you'reshutting people out.
It doesn't mean that you'rebeing obstinate or something of
that nature.
It just means that, hey, this isa line that you can't cross.
(13:25):
This is a line that I've set formyself to protect my own mental,
physical, emotional self is whatI'm standing on.
So we have to, have to, have tomake sure that we're setting
(13:46):
those boundaries.
And I have some boundarystatements that you guys can
try.
That doesn't work for me.
I won't be able to make it.
You see how that works?
That doesn't work for me.
I won't be able to make that.
(14:07):
I'm sorry, I can't attend.
It's no but, it's no because,it's period.
There is no apologies, no longbackstory, no drawn out
explanation.
It doesn't work for me.
And, you know, it just doesn'twork for me.
(14:29):
I'm just going to sit this oneout.
I won't be able to attend.
I won't be able to make that.
Hope you enjoy it.
There's no need to give them adissertation of, oh, yeah, that
doesn't work for me because Ihave X, Y, and Z.
(14:50):
And, you know, I don't reallywant to be too far away from
home.
That's it.
Period.
It doesn't work for me.
People who respect you andrespect your boundaries will go,
okay, girl, I'll catch you onthe next go-round.
Understandable and move on.
(15:12):
People who don't...
The test.
They're going to press theexplanation.
They're going to say, well, whydon't it work for you?
I mean, what's wrong?
What you mean you can't attend?
Why you can't make it?
What you doing that day?
You see how that works?
A person who respects you,respects your boundaries, is
(15:35):
going to go, okay, girl, allright, I'll catch you the next
go around.
A person that doesn't is goingto press for the explanation.
And the explanation is just areiteration of the statement you
just made.
Why doesn't it work for me?
Why doesn't it work for you?
It just don't work for me.
(15:56):
And at that point, you make achoice.
You can keep going round forround and sounding like a broken
record.
I'm busy right now.
I'm going to holler at youlater.
I'll talk to you later.
But now you understand that thatperson doesn't respect your
boundaries.
Give them an inch.
(16:16):
If you give in this time, Iguarantee you it'll continue to
happen.
Because deep down, we've teachpeople how to treat us.
So if we accept it once and weaccept it twice, you can't blame
them because you never set thatboundary or that boundary was
set and you never stuck to it.
(16:39):
So here's my mantra.
Repeat after me.
My peace doesn't needpermission.
And It's something that Iliterally say every day, like in
the morning.
Mornings throughout the day, Ihave this ritual because some
(16:59):
days, my life is very quiet.
I mean, I do a lot, but as faras my peace and stuff, it's very
quiet.
I don't have to worry about alot of people coming at me,
asking me questions, asking meto do things.
But then when I chose to embarkon this journey of becoming her
(17:20):
and just Learning to healmyself, it puts me in positions
and in places where I'm trying anew thing.
So I do hear, you know, peopleasking me questions and a lot of
other feedback and It took me awhile to be like, you know what?
(17:41):
The guilt, the over-explaining,all of that was me.
And then I was like, you knowwhat?
I just need some peace.
You know, peace does not requirepermission.
I don't know how to act someonefor peace.
You know, it is what it is.
So that became my mantra.
My peace doesn't requirepermission.
And you just say it and keepsaying it until, you know, it
(18:07):
becomes real.
And still the guilt starts tolessen until you no longer have
to put an explanation behindyour statement.
And it's not going to happenovernight because keep in mind,
you have been conditioned yourwhole life to just not make
(18:27):
waves, to stay small, to nottake up a lot of space.
you know, it made you a peoplepleaser.
It made you over explained.
So if it took you umpteen yearsto get that, it's not going to
change overnight, but you haveto be intentional about the
(18:48):
process.
Everybody, I tell you guys allthe time, go to therapy.
And one thing my therapistalways tells me is about
intentionality.
Like you have to be intentional.
If you want to make a realchange, within your life, you
have to do it intentionally.
(19:08):
It's not going to happen byhappenstance.
You have to be like, you knowwhat?
Something has to change.
And from there, you start makingintentional decisions about your
life.
So understand that it is okayto...
(19:30):
Be peaceful.
It's okay to protect your peace,but it has to be more than a
social media post.
You have to actually be doingthe work in order to get that
done.
So in closing, unbothered energydoes not mean you're being rude.
(19:51):
It's about being rooted, rootedin your peace, your truth, and
your boundaries.
Let me go back and say thatagain.
Unbothered energy is not aboutbeing rude.
It's about being rooted.
(20:13):
rooted in your peace, yourtruth, and your boundaries.
When you state that, you know,I'm so unbothered, it doesn't
mean, oh, I'm so nonchalant.
I don't care about people'sfeelings.
I don't care what you, I don'tcare, you know, how you feel.
I don't care what you do.
I don't care.
I don't care.
That's not what it means.
(20:33):
When I say I'm unbothered, itmeans that I know who I am.
I'm standing in my truth.
And although we have arelationship, whether it be
social, This is what I'm doing.
So you pressing me, you keepasking me the same question.
It doesn't bother me.
(20:53):
I'm unbothered by it because mypeace, my mental health, my
truth, my That is moreimportant.
And I'm sticking up for that.
I'm standing on that.
So that's what it means.
It doesn't mean to go out and bea mean girl.
(21:15):
Our journal prompt for thisweek, and I'm going to do my
best.
I'm going to do better at makingsure that I post these journal
prompts on Sunday.
And I probably like a Sunday,Wednesday, Friday type situation
so that you guys have it in yourforefront to ensure that you're
(21:38):
doing it.
So the journal prompt for todayis, where am I still explaining
my piece away?
And what would unbothered energylook like instead?
So I know, you know, past week,past month, past year, we've
over-explained somewhere.
Take that scenario and say, now,what if I apply my unbothered
(22:04):
energy?
and just been like, no, or Ican't attend, instead of giving
them a four-page letter on why Ican't do it and see what it
looks like and try it out.
I guarantee you, people whogenuinely respect you, love you,
(22:26):
they're going to be okay.
That was one of my fears.
I didn't want anybody to be madat me or feel like I was being
rude, but the people thatgenuinely care for you, it
doesn't bother them.
And those who don't, you know,they don't.
And they don't matter.
(22:46):
So you shouldn't even have toworry about that.
But, you know, do the journalprompt.
Let me know.
Let me know how it goes.
I love hearing from you guys.
So I have another seven minutesbefore the podcast ended.
(23:08):
And I did that intentionallybecause I wanted to share
something with you guys.
And just looking at the way ofthe world and things that are
happening, it's been weighing onmy heart to let you guys know
just one simple thing.
And it's something that youknow, I battle with.
(23:32):
And, but I, this is my, this ismy mantra.
Simple.
It's going to be okay.
I know that right now it seemshard.
You feel like, you know, givingup.
You feel like every time you getup, you get knocked back down.
And life is really like becominga Marvel comic book, Justice
(23:58):
League, Avengers type ofsituation.
And you're fighting for a dearlife.
But understand, You're going tobe okay.
And you might not feel okayright now, but keep going.
Keep being intentional.
Keep loving on yourself andloving on those who love you.
(24:20):
And every day that you're onthis side and you wake up and
you're able to see the sunshine,understand that you're going to
be okay.
It's going to be okay.
One day, one moment.
one breath at a time.
And I'm sharing this becauseit's been weighing on me, and I
(24:46):
don't know why.
I'm not a preacher.
I'm not even a preacher.
But I just wanted my audience tohear me say, if nobody else says
it in your life, it's going tobe okay.
You're doing good.
You're okay.
And even the times that you feellike your life is in shambles,
(25:09):
you're still okay.
Sometimes in order to rebuild athing, you have to break it
down.
And I don't know what you guys'religious preferences is, and
I'm not pushing my religion onanyone, but I'm a Baptist.
I'm a Christian.
And I honestly believe in orderfor God to rebuild me and put me
(25:33):
in this position where I'm doingpodcasts, I'm putting myself out
there more.
And I'm uncomfortable becauseit's not something that I
typically do.
He had to break me down first.
I'm going through the processwith you guys.
It's not, I don't, I haven'tconquered anything.
I'm still working it through andI'm bringing all of you on this
(25:55):
journey with me.
But even at my lowest, I have tocontinue to tell myself, it's
going to be okay.
Some days I wake up and I'mlike, this day sucks.
It already sucks.
I ain't even, you know, make itout of bed yet, but it's going
to suck.
And then I have to reframe andsay, you know what, Destiny?
(26:17):
It's going to be okay.
and get the promotion that Iwanted or I forgot to post
content and I'm scrambling, it'sgoing to be okay.
Because anything that is meantfor you is going to be for you.
Whether it's going to be today,you know, next month or next
(26:41):
year, it's still going to bewaiting for you.
But you have to do the work andyou have to be intentional about
doing the work if you ever wantto get there and you ever want
to get it.
That's just my little two cents.
But again, I do want to thankyou guys for rocking with me,
not only on today's episodes,but always.
(27:04):
Don't forget to share theepisodes, share the podcast with
your friends, families, anybodythat you feel could use a little
bit of inspiration.
I truly, truly, truly appreciateyou guys, all of your heart, all
of your liked comments.
It It really does brighten up myday when I read that thing, read
(27:28):
them on social media or in myemails.
And if you guys want to support,you want to buy your girls some
coffee, I love coffee.
There is a link in my bio andsocial media as well if you
wanted to support the podcast.
I am also looking for somestories.
(27:48):
So if you have a story that youwant to share with others, it
could be anonymous, it'llDefinitely shoot me an IM or DM
or shoot me an email because I'mvery, very interested in sharing
some of you guys' stories, howyou overcame.
But I'm going to go ahead andlet you go.
(28:09):
Enjoy your week.
Be peaceful.
And as always, I love you guys.
And until next time.
Good morning, good morning, and welcome back to
Unfiltered Destiny, the spacewhere we keep it real about
healing, growth, and steppinginto the woman you were always
meant to be.
You know, I'm your host, DestinyDenise, and today's episode is
one I know personally that Ineeded, so I believe many of us
(01:31):
need this.
It's called Unbothered Energy.
How to stop explaining yourBecause, you know, let's be
real.
We all had that moment whensomebody asked, you know, what's
going on with you?
Why are you so quiet now?
Why you don't come aroundanymore?
(01:52):
And all of a sudden you findyourself in a TED talk or
whatever.
You know, you find yourself incourt trying to defend or
justify your reasons forchoosing peace.
And, you know, it's enough.
(02:13):
Because your choice is yourchoice, for one.
And choosing peace is just that.
You shouldn't have to explain itor justify it.
So...
Let's jump into it, okay?
But first things first, why dowe explain?
(02:35):
I believe, you know, growing up,we were always told to be
polite, to smile, not makewaves.
And now that we're grown, we'readult women.
we kind of have thatconditioning, you know what I
mean?
And the way that it shows up asan adult is we tend to
(02:59):
over-explain and we're afraid ofthe labels that come with not
over-explaining orpeople-pleasing or, you know,
things of that nature.
Like, People calling us mean orbeing labeled cold, distant,
(03:21):
aggressive.
But when you think about it andyou really take your time to
break it down, it all comes froma place of upbringing.
If the women in your life werejust like, go with the flow,
(03:44):
don't make noise, don't makewaves, take up as little space
as possible, then even if you...
don't do it intentionally,inadvertently, some of that does
trickle down to you.
And then you hear all thestigma, especially for
(04:04):
African-American women.
You know, oh, she's aggressive,she's cold, she's distant.
And truthfully, you're reallyjust trying to find a quiet
space in your own mind, your ownpeace.
And that's, you know,particularly when we get the old
(04:25):
explaining and trying to make itpalatable for other people to
digest.
And typically that's when westart to backtrack and the peace
is now disturbed.
So let's define peace.
(04:45):
For me, Peace looks like notanswering my phone, spending a
couple of hours uninterruptedwith my nieces and nephew.
Relaxing, reading a book, doingD&D all day, doing my podcast,
(05:09):
all of those things to me ispeaceful.
That's how I define my peace.
However, peace for you may besomething different.
Maybe you like to journal.
Maybe you like to take a nicewalk.
Maybe you like to meditate.
Maybe you like to go to the artmuseum.
(05:30):
Maybe you want to go to a themepark.
Peace is self-defined.
It's not going to be aone-size-fits-all.
It's not a highlight reel onTikTok or Instagram, and it's
not an aesthetic.
It's something that you have tofind within yourself that gives
you that stillness, that freedomto just be.
(05:53):
Peace is not for show.
It's for you.
It's not about convincingothers.
I see a lot of...
Facebook posts and TikTok andjust social media posts in
general about protecting mypeace or anything that disturbs
(06:15):
my peace.
And I always have the questionis, are you just posting it or
are you actually living it?
Because it sounds good.
You know what I mean?
It makes a good little reel orit makes people stop and read.
But is it true?
(06:35):
You know what I mean?
Because you can post anything,but the honest question is, are
you living it?
Because it has to be more.
It has to be something thatyou're actually doing and not
something that you're convincingothers that you need or that
you're going to do.
It's about living your peace.
(07:00):
So now that we've defined...
what peace could be for you, forme, for anyone.
And we've also kind of gotten tothe root cause of why we
over-explain.
Some of you may still feel like,well, you know, I stopped doing
(07:25):
that.
I'm no longer, you know,over-explaining anything.
And I'm just, you know, tellingpeople what it is.
I've set my boundaries.
And it is what it is.
I don't over-explain.
I'm not people-pleasing anymore.
Let me just give you a quick,you know, just a little tip
(07:48):
right there.
So if every time you say no,it's followed by...
a three-paragraph essay, you'restill explaining too much.
Like, no is a complete sentence.
But when we start to I have toexplain it.
(08:12):
Even when not asked, you're justlike, oh, I can't go because
da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
You have this long, run-onsentence about why you can't go.
That's over-explained.
I just can't go.
I can't make it.
That's simple enough.
Another thing is, like...
(08:38):
Filling guilt afterwards.
I know that sometimes I strugglewith this.
If somebody asks me forsomething or they ask me to do
something and I'm like, oh, Ican't do it.
It does.
Like, I'll be like, oh, could Ido it or should I do it?
(09:02):
And then I kind of feel guilty,like, oh, well, what if they
can't get somebody else to doit?
And that's when I'm like, oh,you know, that guilt, it just
starts to...
beat you up after you made achoice for yourself you know so
you're still over explainingeven if it is to yourself and
(09:27):
that's something that for me youknow I'm still I still struggle
with but I'm getting better withit.
Like, if I feel guilt about, youknow, my decision, I just tend
to ask myself, Destiny, who'sthe priority here?
You or them?
(09:49):
And then you can ask yourself,if the shoes on the other foot,
if the roles were reversed, whowould they choose?
You or themselves?
And, you know, it kind of helpsease the guilt.
But anytime you have to put astatement, a because, after your
(10:15):
no, you're about to over-explainit.
I guarantee you, you're about toover-explain it.
So, how do we become unbothered?
And when I say unbothered, I'mnot saying it in, oh, be rude,
be unapproachable.
I'm just saying, just live, livein your peace, live in your
(10:38):
truth.
excuse me guys it is cold andflu season in my opinion because
I am getting um sick so one ofmy favorite tools is the power
of pause you know and before Istarted setting boundaries and
(11:06):
just going on this journey to bea better me and becoming her I
was quick with a yes oh yeahI'll Yeah, okay.
But now when somebody asks me todo something or something comes
up, I pause.
I stop.
And before I react, I justbreathe.
(11:31):
And I just say, hey, does thisrequire a response?
Does this require me to expendany additional energy?
And then I speak or I don'tspeak.
You know what I mean?
So I don't try to go around andbe like, oh yeah, okay.
(11:56):
And have my peace interrupted ordisturbed because I'm just
talking, talking, talking,talking, talking.
So you have to know how topause.
Pausing is powerful.
And It's something that I'mgoing to challenge all of you
(12:16):
guys to do this week.
Or, you know, whenever you arelistening to this podcast, give
it seven days of pause.
So before you react, before yousay yes to something that you're
not 100% sure you want to do,before you start to like
(12:36):
over-explain or let someonecross a boundary, pause.
Take a deep breath in throughyour nose, out through your
mouth, and then decide whatroute you should take.
And then I set boundaries.
(12:59):
And I know, I see this everypodcast.
The boundaries are beautiful.
And they don't mean that you'reshutting people out.
It doesn't mean that you'rebeing obstinate or something of
that nature.
It just means that, hey, this isa line that you can't cross.
(13:25):
This is a line that I've set formyself to protect my own mental,
physical, emotional self is whatI'm standing on.
So we have to, have to, have tomake sure that we're setting
(13:46):
those boundaries.
And I have some boundarystatements that you guys can
try.
That doesn't work for me.
I won't be able to make it.
You see how that works?
That doesn't work for me.
I won't be able to make that.
(14:07):
I'm sorry, I can't attend.
It's no but, it's no because,it's period.
There is no apologies, no longbackstory, no drawn out
explanation.
It doesn't work for me.
And, you know, it just doesn'twork for me.
(14:29):
I'm just going to sit this oneout.
I won't be able to attend.
I won't be able to make that.
Hope you enjoy it.
There's no need to give them adissertation of, oh, yeah, that
doesn't work for me because Ihave X, Y, and Z.
(14:50):
And, you know, I don't reallywant to be too far away from
home.
That's it.
Period.
It doesn't work for me.
People who respect you andrespect your boundaries will go,
okay, girl, I'll catch you onthe next go-round.
Understandable and move on.
(15:12):
People who don't...
The test.
They're going to press theexplanation.
They're going to say, well, whydon't it work for you?
I mean, what's wrong?
What you mean you can't attend?
Why you can't make it?
What you doing that day?
You see how that works?
A person who respects you,respects your boundaries, is
(15:35):
going to go, okay, girl, allright, I'll catch you the next
go around.
A person that doesn't is goingto press for the explanation.
And the explanation is just areiteration of the statement you
just made.
Why doesn't it work for me?
Why doesn't it work for you?
It just don't work for me.
(15:56):
And at that point, you make achoice.
You can keep going round forround and sounding like a broken
record.
I'm busy right now.
I'm going to holler at youlater.
I'll talk to you later.
But now you understand that thatperson doesn't respect your
boundaries.
Give them an inch.
(16:16):
If you give in this time, Iguarantee you it'll continue to
happen.
Because deep down, we've teachpeople how to treat us.
So if we accept it once and weaccept it twice, you can't blame
them because you never set thatboundary or that boundary was
set and you never stuck to it.
(16:39):
So here's my mantra.
Repeat after me.
My peace doesn't needpermission.
And It's something that Iliterally say every day, like in
the morning.
Mornings throughout the day, Ihave this ritual because some
(16:59):
days, my life is very quiet.
I mean, I do a lot, but as faras my peace and stuff, it's very
quiet.
I don't have to worry about alot of people coming at me,
asking me questions, asking meto do things.
But then when I chose to embarkon this journey of becoming her
(17:20):
and just Learning to healmyself, it puts me in positions
and in places where I'm trying anew thing.
So I do hear, you know, peopleasking me questions and a lot of
other feedback and It took me awhile to be like, you know what?
(17:41):
The guilt, the over-explaining,all of that was me.
And then I was like, you knowwhat?
I just need some peace.
You know, peace does not requirepermission.
I don't know how to act someonefor peace.
You know, it is what it is.
So that became my mantra.
My peace doesn't requirepermission.
And you just say it and keepsaying it until, you know, it
(18:07):
becomes real.
And still the guilt starts tolessen until you no longer have
to put an explanation behindyour statement.
And it's not going to happenovernight because keep in mind,
you have been conditioned yourwhole life to just not make
(18:27):
waves, to stay small, to nottake up a lot of space.
you know, it made you a peoplepleaser.
It made you over explained.
So if it took you umpteen yearsto get that, it's not going to
change overnight, but you haveto be intentional about the
(18:48):
process.
Everybody, I tell you guys allthe time, go to therapy.
And one thing my therapistalways tells me is about
intentionality.
Like you have to be intentional.
If you want to make a realchange, within your life, you
have to do it intentionally.
(19:08):
It's not going to happen byhappenstance.
You have to be like, you knowwhat?
Something has to change.
And from there, you start makingintentional decisions about your
life.
So understand that it is okayto...
(19:30):
Be peaceful.
It's okay to protect your peace,but it has to be more than a
social media post.
You have to actually be doingthe work in order to get that
done.
So in closing, unbothered energydoes not mean you're being rude.
(19:51):
It's about being rooted, rootedin your peace, your truth, and
your boundaries.
Let me go back and say thatagain.
Unbothered energy is not aboutbeing rude.
It's about being rooted.
(20:13):
rooted in your peace, yourtruth, and your boundaries.
When you state that, you know,I'm so unbothered, it doesn't
mean, oh, I'm so nonchalant.
I don't care about people'sfeelings.
I don't care what you, I don'tcare, you know, how you feel.
I don't care what you do.
I don't care.
I don't care.
That's not what it means.
(20:33):
When I say I'm unbothered, itmeans that I know who I am.
I'm standing in my truth.
And although we have arelationship, whether it be
social, This is what I'm doing.
So you pressing me, you keepasking me the same question.
It doesn't bother me.
(20:53):
I'm unbothered by it because mypeace, my mental health, my
truth, my That is moreimportant.
And I'm sticking up for that.
I'm standing on that.
So that's what it means.
It doesn't mean to go out and bea mean girl.
(21:15):
Our journal prompt for thisweek, and I'm going to do my
best.
I'm going to do better at makingsure that I post these journal
prompts on Sunday.
And I probably like a Sunday,Wednesday, Friday type situation
so that you guys have it in yourforefront to ensure that you're
(21:38):
doing it.
So the journal prompt for todayis, where am I still explaining
my piece away?
And what would unbothered energylook like instead?
So I know, you know, past week,past month, past year, we've
over-explained somewhere.
Take that scenario and say, now,what if I apply my unbothered
(22:04):
energy?
and just been like, no, or Ican't attend, instead of giving
them a four-page letter on why Ican't do it and see what it
looks like and try it out.
I guarantee you, people whogenuinely respect you, love you,
(22:26):
they're going to be okay.
That was one of my fears.
I didn't want anybody to be madat me or feel like I was being
rude, but the people thatgenuinely care for you, it
doesn't bother them.
And those who don't, you know,they don't.
And they don't matter.
(22:46):
So you shouldn't even have toworry about that.
But, you know, do the journalprompt.
Let me know.
Let me know how it goes.
I love hearing from you guys.
So I have another seven minutesbefore the podcast ended.
(23:08):
And I did that intentionallybecause I wanted to share
something with you guys.
And just looking at the way ofthe world and things that are
happening, it's been weighing onmy heart to let you guys know
just one simple thing.
And it's something that youknow, I battle with.
(23:32):
And, but I, this is my, this ismy mantra.
Simple.
It's going to be okay.
I know that right now it seemshard.
You feel like, you know, givingup.
You feel like every time you getup, you get knocked back down.
And life is really like becominga Marvel comic book, Justice
(23:58):
League, Avengers type ofsituation.
And you're fighting for a dearlife.
But understand, You're going tobe okay.
And you might not feel okayright now, but keep going.
Keep being intentional.
Keep loving on yourself andloving on those who love you.
(24:20):
And every day that you're onthis side and you wake up and
you're able to see the sunshine,understand that you're going to
be okay.
It's going to be okay.
One day, one moment.
one breath at a time.
And I'm sharing this becauseit's been weighing on me, and I
(24:46):
don't know why.
I'm not a preacher.
I'm not even a preacher.
But I just wanted my audience tohear me say, if nobody else says
it in your life, it's going tobe okay.
You're doing good.
You're okay.
And even the times that you feellike your life is in shambles,
(25:09):
you're still okay.
Sometimes in order to rebuild athing, you have to break it
down.
And I don't know what you guys'religious preferences is, and
I'm not pushing my religion onanyone, but I'm a Baptist.
I'm a Christian.
And I honestly believe in orderfor God to rebuild me and put me
(25:33):
in this position where I'm doingpodcasts, I'm putting myself out
there more.
And I'm uncomfortable becauseit's not something that I
typically do.
He had to break me down first.
I'm going through the processwith you guys.
It's not, I don't, I haven'tconquered anything.
I'm still working it through andI'm bringing all of you on this
(25:55):
journey with me.
But even at my lowest, I have tocontinue to tell myself, it's
going to be okay.
Some days I wake up and I'mlike, this day sucks.
It already sucks.
I ain't even, you know, make itout of bed yet, but it's going
to suck.
And then I have to reframe andsay, you know what, Destiny?
(26:17):
It's going to be okay.
and get the promotion that Iwanted or I forgot to post
content and I'm scrambling, it'sgoing to be okay.
Because anything that is meantfor you is going to be for you.
Whether it's going to be today,you know, next month or next
(26:41):
year, it's still going to bewaiting for you.
But you have to do the work andyou have to be intentional about
doing the work if you ever wantto get there and you ever want
to get it.
That's just my little two cents.
But again, I do want to thankyou guys for rocking with me,
not only on today's episodes,but always.
(27:04):
Don't forget to share theepisodes, share the podcast with
your friends, families, anybodythat you feel could use a little
bit of inspiration.
I truly, truly, truly appreciateyou guys, all of your heart, all
of your liked comments.
It It really does brighten up myday when I read that thing, read
(27:28):
them on social media or in myemails.
And if you guys want to support,you want to buy your girls some
coffee, I love coffee.
There is a link in my bio andsocial media as well if you
wanted to support the podcast.
I am also looking for somestories.
(27:48):
So if you have a story that youwant to share with others, it
could be anonymous, it'llDefinitely shoot me an IM or DM
or shoot me an email because I'mvery, very interested in sharing
some of you guys' stories, howyou overcame.
But I'm going to go ahead andlet you go.
(28:09):
Enjoy your week.
Be peaceful.
And as always, I love you guys.
And until next time.
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