July 11, 2025 • 38 mins
In this heart-expanding episode of Unrelated Sisters: Truth & Grace Conversation, Shannon and Deb dive into the deep, unconditional, and sacrificial love of God — Agape Love. What does it mean to love with a God-kind of love in a world that often only values romantic or transactional relationships? We unpack the biblical foundation of agape love, what it looks like in action, and how to live it out even when it’s hard. Whether you’re wrestling with forgiveness, learning to love yourself, or trying to love someone difficult, this episode is your invitation to love the Jesus way.
Key Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 — “Love is patient, love is kind...” John 3:16 — “For God so loved the world Romans 5:8 — “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Lamentations 3:22–23 — “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed…”
Ephesians 2:4–5 — “But God, being rich in mercy…
Prayer:
“Father, thank You for loving us with an everlasting, unconditional love. Teach us how to love like You — when it’s easy, and when it’s hard. Fill us with Your Spirit so that we may be vessels of Your grace and compassion. Heal our hearts where we’ve been hurt and soften them where we’ve grown cold. Let your Agape love flow in us and through us, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Spiritual Encouragement:
You don’t have to manufacture this love — you receive it from God, then release it to others.
We want this to be truly interactive podcast. Please go in the fan mail at
https://unrelatedsisterspodcast.buzzsprout.com and tell us your stories and let us know if it’s okay to share (no names). Let us know if you need prayer or how we can support you in your journey. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen. Follow us on Facebook @Unrelated Sister's: Truth & Grace Conversation Podcast or Email us at unrelatedsisterspodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (00:00):
Hey, this is Deb, and we just want to start out by
praying today.
So Lord, we just lift you up,and we thank you for this day.
We thank you for thisopportunity.
And God, I just pray for eachperson listening today, God,
whatever they're struggling withtoday, God, that they will find
you in their struggle, Lord.
(00:21):
And I just pray that you wouldjust speak through me and
Shannon with boldness andconfidence.
In Jesus' name, amen.
SPEAKER_00 (00:28):
Amen.
Hey family and welcome back toUnrelated Sisters Truth and
Grace Conversation.
I'm Shannon and I'm joined by mysister in Christ, Deb, today.
Today we're diving into one ofthe deepest truths in all of
scripture, agape love.
This isn't the kind of love theworld sells in movies or pop
songs.
This is the kind of love thatlaid down his life for you, the
(00:52):
kind of love that doesn't keepscore, the kind of love that
never fails.
So let's dig into the word anddiscover what this love really
means for you, yourrelationships, and your faith of
walk.
To define the word agape,
SPEAKER_02 (01:09):
that means no strings attached.
Agape is a God kind of love.
It's the unconditional love, thelove that God is.
God is the agape love in theBible.
In 1 Corinthians 13, 4-7, itsays, Love is patient, love is
kind.
And that love is the agape love.
(01:31):
Agape is a choice, not afeeling.
I know so many times for me, Iwould say, Oh, I love, because
we use the word love so loosely.
I love this.
I love that.
I'm in love with him.
I'm in love with her.
I think I've been in love somany times that it ain't even
funny.
I didn't even know what the wordlove meant.
(01:52):
I didn't know the true meaningof love.
I remember on my third divorce,my dad asked me, what's your
definition of love?
And I didn't even know.
I didn't even know what lovewas.
I based it on feeling, how Ifelt at that moment, what you
can do for me.
It was conditional.
My love was always, because Iwas such a selfish person, my
(02:14):
love was always a conditional,not the God kind of love, not
the agape love.
SPEAKER_00 (02:19):
You know, saying love is a choice and not a
feeling, that kind of hits alittle deep for me, right?
Like, when you brought this tome, I didn't really know what
agape love was.
I had never heard it calledthat, right?
And I thought about this, andWhen I was in addiction, I loved
(02:40):
you if you had the best to feedmy habit.
And then when you couldn't feedmy habit, I kicked you to the
door.
I used people like doormats.
And when I got clean, that was apart of my guilt.
I had to go back to some ofthese people and apologize,
(03:00):
whether it was male or female,whether it was a friend or
someone I just met.
There was people that...
I ruined their lives in thatmoment, right?
Because I played with theirfeelings.
Oh, yeah.
And I, too, didn't understandlove.
(03:21):
And agape love that chooses toact for good, the good of
another, even when it costs you.
Wow.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Sacrificial.
That just...
I don't even know what to say tothat.
I do know that I think Iunderstood it most the day my
(03:44):
son was born.
And I held him for the firsttime, and he looked up at me.
And that was the one thing Godknew that was going to bring me
out of where I was at.
It was going to bring me out ofaddiction.
Because all I ever wantedthrough the whole time of
addiction was for somebody tolove me.
(04:07):
for who I was, right?
And I searched and searched andsearched and searched.
And even after Dylan was born, Ididn't just wake up one day and
know what godly love was oragape love was.
You know, I still struggled withthat.
I dated a guy and he wasdivorced and he had Two children
(04:32):
of his own.
And he was an amazing dad to hiskids.
He was such a nice guy.
And he was so sweet and so goodto his kids.
And when we started dating, hetook Dylan in just like Dylan
was one of his.
And he was good to me.
And so I thought, okay, this islove.
Right.
(04:52):
He's good to me.
He's good to Dylan.
And Dylan needs that structure.
Dylan needs a daddy.
I was convinced at the time thatDylan needed a daddy.
And so this guy asked me tomarry him.
And I said, yes.
And we went and we.
I bought a wedding dress and westarted planning this whole big
(05:13):
wedding.
And then I started gettinganxious, so anxious about it.
And he kept saying, well, let'schoose a date.
Let's choose a date.
So we chose a date.
We went and picked out a cake.
We went down, paid all thisstuff.
We went and rented a house.
We furnished a house.
We went and did all this stuff,right?
(05:34):
And Went and bought these fancyinvitations and I went and
bought, you know, I had to buylike five books of stamps to
mail all these invitations.
And I leave work one day and Igo to the post office and I am
sitting in the parking lot atthe post office going to mail
these invitations to our weddingto a man that I told him I loved
(05:57):
him, who was good to me, who wasgood to my son, who was going to
be good for my son.
Right.
And I cried and I sat in thatfor over an hour in my car and I
couldn't get out of the car.
And I felt so bad and so guiltybecause I had led this man on,
(06:17):
even though he was a good man.
You know, I had led him on whenI wasn't emotionally ready for
what he was trying to give me.
And reading through this agapelove, it makes me want to go
find this man and apologize tohim and explain to him or, I
(06:38):
don't know, maybe let him seethe difference in me now.
It's weird, right?
That's good.
SPEAKER_02 (06:44):
Yeah.
I like what it says.
God's love for us.
God is love.
1 John 4, 8.
Jesus demonstrated love.
His love for us by going on thecross.
He said he could have calleddown angels.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
And he didn't.
(07:04):
Even knowing that we were goingto do the things we did and turn
our back on him.
I know for me, I've cursed himand all kinds of things.
And to know that he still lovedus to go to the cross for us.
That's a God-paid love.
I can't sit here and say thatbecause I've had a lot of bad
(07:26):
things happen to me, and it'shard to go say I love that
person.
No, I've not arrived yet.
I'm trying, but I've notarrived.
It's
SPEAKER_00 (07:37):
okay.
It's okay.
But you realize that they're nothealthy for you, right?
You've created boundaries withthat.
Yeah.
You've forgiven them, right?
You may not ever be able to goup to them and tell them you
love them.
But I think forgiveness is justas much agape love as going up
(08:03):
and being able to tell someoneyou love them when they have
hurt you emotionally,physically, emotionally.
I think that has a big thing todo with it.
And it said, you know, in Romans5, 8, it says, while we were
still sinners.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (08:22):
In our mess.
You can just think about one ofyour deepest, darkest times when
we were.
And we had many, many thousands.
Many thousands.
He loved it.
So it's hard to even grasp.
Right.
Because nobody else could loveme.
I couldn't even love him.
And we was unlovable.
You know, I didn't even love me.
But he loved me.
In that moment.
He loved us just as much then ashe does now.
(08:44):
And it's so hard to wrap ourminds around sometimes.
Because I feel
SPEAKER_00 (08:48):
like I'm a total, you know, that was somebody
else.
That's not who I am.
So that's not me.
That wasn't me then.
It isn't me now.
Right.
And I get it.
It's just insane.
You know, we've been...
We've been watching The Chosen,the new show, you know, and
don't say nothing because we'reonly in season four.
(09:08):
I know season five is out, butwe're only in season four.
And so we've been watching.
We've got one episode left ofseason four, and it's leading up
to him going into Jerusalem topreach his final, you know, to
do the final supper and stuff.
You know, across the Jordan, andthey came back across the
(09:34):
Jordan, and he brought Lazarusto get up and walk out of the
tomb.
And in the show, And it'sprobably the closest thing to
the true story of the Bible thatI've ever seen.
But in the show, one of hisdisciples had lost someone that
he truly loved, and he keepsquestioning God or Jesus.
(09:56):
Why save Lazarus?
Why not save this woman that Iloved?
You've created all thesemiracles, and that's where the
episode went off at.
And I'm excited to see what thenext episode brings.
But it's okay to question Godbecause he does love us
unconditionally, right?
(10:16):
And you may, you know, when youask a question, because I know
when you asked me a questionearlier, You know, I have to ask
you, do you want the politicallycorrect answer or do you want
the truth?
Yeah.
Right.
So you have to be prepared.
You have to be prepared for thatbecause when you ask that
question, God's going to giveyou the truth.
You may or may not like thetruth, but you're going to get
(10:37):
the truth.
You know, the cross has anultimate expression.
Agape is not about how lovablewe are, but how loving God is.
Yes.
Yeah, I'm not
SPEAKER_02 (10:51):
always lovable.
SPEAKER_00 (10:52):
Right?
Like, my husband.
He'll tell you.
Your husband will tell you.
You know, as humans, we're notalways the most lovable people,
right?
And when you're working throughyour own garbage or your own
mess, it puts you in a placesometimes, right?
Like, you know, I've always saidthe devil knows two things.
(11:17):
He knows the two people that canpush me forward.
To be the person I don't want tobe, right?
The two people that caninfluence me to backtrack or to
feel self-loathing, right?
To feel lesser than.
And it's my son and my daddy,right?
Like, I love my daddy.
(11:38):
I love the man he used to be.
I love the man, even in hisworst days, I've always loved my
daddy.
And Even though I have to haveboundaries now, that doesn't
mean that love has changed.
It's just harder to show it toHim.
But reading through this agapelove has made me kind of
(12:00):
reevaluate some things with Him,which is kind of weird.
SPEAKER_02 (12:04):
Yeah, it teaches us how we're called to love others.
John 13, 34 talks about lovinglike Jesus.
You know, people say that allthe time.
What would Jesus do?
You know, A lot of times if youreally would put yourself in
that, and when you're in amoment, you have a choice,
right?
Not going off our feelings.
This is something I'm really,really working on right now
(12:26):
because my feelings will get mejacked up sometimes and I'll
react instead of thinking about.
Are you a
SPEAKER_00 (12:33):
Karen sometimes?
Yeah,
SPEAKER_02 (12:34):
I'm a Karen sometimes.
And not really react, maybe notreact.
You know what I mean?
Shut down.
Shut down.
That's even worse.
It is.
And so I'm learning that.
And my dad, he was praying forsome people last week at the
Tent Revival.
And I was just amazed atprobably out of the 10 different
people that came up at the end,probably seven of them were
(12:57):
praying for their marriage, wereliterally standing in line for
their marriage.
And I was like, well, just letme see where the enemy fights
the most, where the enemy'sfighting the most right now.
And some of the words he wassaying was, even when you feel
like you don't love them, Don'tgo off your feelings.
Your feelings will lie to you.
SPEAKER_00 (13:15):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (13:16):
Because, you know, there's so many times, oh, I'm
not in love.
When they do something we don'tlike, I don't love them.
That's crazy.
You know what I mean?
Because your feelings willdefinitely lie to you.
And then when you're over thatmoment, oh, you're all back in
love again.
SPEAKER_00 (13:28):
Oh, yeah.
You know?
Well, and that's, you know, andI try to very, very hard and you
were laughing at me downstairs.
It's not that I don't love youanymore.
I just don't like you in thismoment.
SPEAKER_02 (13:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (13:37):
Right.
Because I used to be the sameway.
I just don't love you anymore.
But it's not that I don't loveyou anymore.
I just don't like who you are inthis moment.
So I, and you know, we've talkedabout it.
Your words, words are strong.
Your tongue is strong.
And if you speak, I don't loveyou anymore out into existence.
How easy is it for the, youknow, for the enemy to step in
(14:00):
there and be like, he didn'tlove him yesterday.
Why do you love him today?
You know, and forgiveness andgrace and humility is, And how
we're called to love people, youknow, forgiveness is, is one of
the things that it's hard inlove.
(14:20):
It's so hard forgiveness.
I mean, forgiveness is hard on anormal day, but if it's someone
that you have that loved you wassupposed to care for you was
supposed to, you know, that yougive your heart to, and they,
you, you have to give, forgivethem for something that's hard.
And it's, And that's where graceand humility comes in.
SPEAKER_02 (14:41):
I think about when we're going over this, I'm
thinking about Judas and how hebetrayed Jesus.
And Jesus knew.
He knew he was going to betrayhim.
And he washed his feet.
Washed his feet?
Washed his feet.
Now, if I know that somebody'sgoing to stab me in the back, I
don't know that I'm going to gowash their feet, Shannon.
I know.
(15:01):
Well, I know, I know, I know.
But that's just the love that he
SPEAKER_00 (15:05):
has.
The love that he had.
You know, in the episode we werewatching on The Chosen last
night, he was talking to hismother when they went to see
Lazarus and he was talking tohis mother and he's talking
about being human and beingfrustrated.
And I was like, oh.
And that's how I knew when I waswatching that last night because
usually I play my game and Ikind of watch what's going on
(15:27):
and I don't really pay it.
I didn't play the game lastnight.
I watched the whole episode lastnight.
And, um, I knew that's when Iknew we had to talk about the
agape love this morning becauseI knew you were coming today.
And, uh, but he was talkingabout being human and being
frustrated because the discipleswasn't getting it right.
He goes, I've told them threetimes, but they're not getting
SPEAKER_01 (15:47):
it,
SPEAKER_00 (15:48):
you know, but then he just gets up and does it
again and does it again and doesit again, you know, and, and, I
was watching TikTok earliertoday, and there's this new mom
on TikTok, and she is trying tobe a better mom.
(16:09):
But her house is cluttered.
Her house is dirty.
Her house is, you know, and shetalks about, there's just some
days I just don't, I just can't.
Right?
And instead of people...
cheering her on for what she isaccomplishing they're just
bashing her they're just bashingher and you know and and i sit
(16:31):
and i think well maybe you couldsay something to us but then i
don't do it right because idon't want to get in the middle
of all the all the stuff i don'twant to get in the The TikTok
account is for this podcast,right?
So I don't want to put my twocents in because I don't want to
(16:54):
bring negativity to the podcast.
But then I sit here and I thinkabout Agape Love and that's what
she needs, right?
Like she needs somebody to standup for her and she needs someone
that understands.
I mean, when I lived inaddiction...
my place was no place for a kid.
SPEAKER_02 (17:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:12):
You know, when I was depressed, no, my place was no
place for a kid.
You know, I mean, when Dylan wasyounger and me and my mom both
were depressed, you know, ourhouse got very cluttered and
very dis, you know, there wasjust stuff everywhere.
And it's not that it was nasty.
There wasn't bugs or rats ornothing.
It's just stuff and stuff makesit nasty.
(17:34):
Right.
And, um, You know, so when hestarted school and stuff, like,
he was ashamed.
Like, he didn't bring peopleover.
He didn't bring friends over tothe house.
And I get it.
But
SPEAKER_02 (17:46):
I can't pay love.
Yeah.
Right?
Loving people right wherethey're at.
SPEAKER_00 (17:50):
Loving them right where they're at.
And it's hard.
It
SPEAKER_02 (17:54):
is.
And the Lord has to remind me ofthat sometimes.
Like, when you are praying forsomething, and maybe our next
segment we'll get into this inour waiting season.
But...
Just praying and loving themright where they're at.
I know my daughter was goingthrough the things she was going
through a few months ago.
(18:15):
That was one thing I prayed for.
Lord, help me to love her.
That was something I wasintentional about.
Let me love her right whereshe's at.
Because everybody else, hersisters, were bashing her and
telling her, you need to dothis, you need to do that.
But you know as well as I do,when you're in addiction and
you're out there living theworld, you ain't trying to hear
all that.
We're just pushing her away.
So I was like, Lord, help me tolove her right where she's at.
(18:38):
And she's come back now andshe'll tell me, Mom, I thank you
for that because I wasn'tpreaching to her.
I would just, I would message, Ilove you.
Please keep your location on soI can at least see where you're
at.
I already know you're out doingthe most, but I love you.
And I would encourage her andtell her that God hadn't changed
his mind about her.
You know, sometimes people needto hear that.
(19:00):
And she said, now she'll tellme, she's like, mom, that hit my
heart.
You know what I mean?
Every time you said it.
Yeah, because she knew she had acalling on her life, but she was
out there.
But sometimes we need...
To be able to love people rightwhere they are and call them up
to their identity, not bash thembecause of what they're doing
wrong.
Oh, no, I
SPEAKER_00 (19:17):
get it.
When I was in addiction, and Istarted at a young age, I
started getting high at 17.
And when I was in addiction,like...
I lived with my mama for the,and she knew she wasn't stupid.
I mean, she'd lived with mydaddy for 10 years.
(19:38):
So she knew, um, she never saidnothing.
Um, she never ding, you know,she never got on me, but I'd
hear like, if I'd get up and goto the bathroom, I'd hear
praying.
Right.
And I was like, I'd be like,really?
She's praying.
Like after everything God's letus go through.
And after everything that'shappened, you know, she's in
there praying.
(19:58):
And, uh, but I always knew, uh,no matter where I was at, no
matter what kind of house I wasin or what kind of person I was
with that I could go homewithout judgment.
Right.
I knew she was, I knew shewould, you know, she'd be mad at
me.
Yeah.
She'd be disappointed, but shewould be mad at me, you know,
but I knew if I knocked on thedoor, she was going to open the
(20:19):
door.
Right.
And the only, the only thing shedidn't do was let me bring
whoever it was being mean to mehome.
Yeah.
Right.
Um, And, you know, and, andafter I came out of addiction
and after, and it took manyyears, like I didn't run a home
and tell her how much I lovedher, but, you know, I've asked
for her forgiveness for thethings I disrespected her in her
(20:42):
home for some of the things thatI've done, you know, and, and we
talk about it freely now, youknow, where I, before it was, it
was, it took a, it took a while,but she, she, showed me true
agape love yeah through my timeyou know and then my daddy of
course he was getting high withme so there was he didn't know
(21:05):
how there was never no judgmentfrom him you know but i always
felt like there could bejudgment you know but agape in
real life in your marriagechoosing to love even when
you're tired or drained
SPEAKER_01 (21:19):
yes
SPEAKER_00 (21:20):
in parenting laying yourself down day after day So
me and Haley, I don't know ifyou got to listen to the episode
that came out Friday.
We talked about this.
We talked about choosing, right?
And the one thing she said thatI cannot get out of my mind was
(21:42):
she lives by, I get to get upand go to church this morning.
I get to serve at my church thismorning.
I get to get up and take my kidsto school.
I get to do this.
Not I have to, but I get to,right.
And I know, right.
Because sometimes life to me,it's like, Oh my God, I gotta go
(22:02):
to work.
Oh my God.
I gotta go sit and watch my kid,you know, play baseball for five
hours or what, you know what Imean?
Like, don't get me wrong.
I enjoy doing it, but there'sjust days that I just want to
call in the bed.
Yeah.
Right.
But I'm going to try to be moreintentional about it.
I get to get a big go to worktoday.
And then you brought me thisyesterday.
(22:26):
And I was like, oh, my God, it'sperfect.
Because in ministry, servingpeople without applause or
return, that's hard, right?
Like as humans, like even atwork.
My son came home the other day,and they had a big visit.
Their regional show came to thestore, and my son was out
(22:49):
working on the garden centerpatio.
And the regional came out, andhe said, he goes, you know, I've
met the market manager two orthree times, and he has never
called me by my name.
He said, but Jerry stopped,introduced himself, and called
me Dylan.
UNKNOWN (23:08):
Wow.
SPEAKER_00 (23:08):
And he goes, and that right there is, well, I
will respect that man forever.
Right?
Like he didn't treat me like Iwas just some lonely associate.
You know, he treated me like Iwas a human.
And he goes, and that's thefirst time I felt that way in
months in the store.
And I was like, if we just takea moment to ask them their name
(23:31):
and say their name.
Yeah.
Make them feel wanted.
Right?
And that's simple.
Like, why is it so hard?
I know.
When in real
SPEAKER_02 (23:41):
life.
It's easy for us
SPEAKER_00 (23:42):
to
SPEAKER_02 (23:43):
say negative.
Excuse me.
You know.
You caused a negative in ourdepartment.
Yeah.
UNKNOWN (23:50):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (23:51):
But that, you know, that's real life stuff.
Yeah.
Right there.
That's real life when it comesdown to it.
And it just, I don't know.
Yeah.
Agape means dying to self.
But in that death isresurrection life.
Yeah, that's good.
Dying to self.
(24:13):
That's complicated.
Yeah.
Right?
And necessary.
But necessary.
Yeah.
For sure.
But complicated all at the sametime.
SPEAKER_02 (24:22):
Especially if you want to walk in agape love.
And you're not necessarily goingto get up and be like, okay, I
have agape love for everybody.
Like you say, it's got to bemore intentional.
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00 (24:34):
It's a choice.
It's a choice.
It's definitely a choice.
I
SPEAKER_02 (24:40):
choose to love you today despite how you treated
me.
I choose to not backlash you.
I was thinking of all thesescenarios.
You know what I mean?
Right.
I'm going to choose to love youdespite your circumstances.
SPEAKER_00 (24:55):
You know, and I can tell the difference in me.
Over the last 10 years, once Itruly laid everything down at
His feet, and every day it getseasier and easier to love the
chaos in the world, right?
And I don't mean like be a partof the chaos, but to be able to
(25:16):
love the people in the
SPEAKER_02 (25:17):
chaos.
Because we were the people inthe chaos.
SPEAKER_00 (25:20):
Yes.
Yeah, we probably started thechaos, if you want to get honest
about it.
But it's easier to see themwhere they are because of where
I came from.
It's easier to love the personnext to me than it used to be
because once I learned to lovemyself...
(25:40):
Through Christ's eyes.
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (25:42):
It's a game changer.
It's a game changer.
SPEAKER_00 (25:44):
And that is where it has to start.
You can't wake up today and say,okay, I'm going to have agape
love.
I'm going to love everybody.
SPEAKER_02 (25:51):
You better start loving yourself
SPEAKER_00 (25:52):
first.
You've got to see yourselfthrough Christ's
SPEAKER_02 (25:56):
eyes.
SPEAKER_00 (25:58):
Yes.
And then you're able to see it.
And I've seen a quote the otherday on social media, and it said
that everybody is abusingChrist.
God loves you where you are.
And I thought, excuse me?
What?
Yeah.
(26:18):
And then he paused for a second.
And then he says, God loves youwhere you're at because he's
there to help you get to thenext step.
Right?
So you can't keep saying, well,God loves me where I am and
continue to be the same.
And I thought, oh, that makes alot of sense.
Because I remember trying tocome out of addiction and
thinking, oh, Well, I'm notdoing meth anymore.
(26:40):
Just because I'm getting drunkfour nights a week doesn't mean
I'm doing anything wrong, right?
I'm a better person today than Iwas yesterday.
And, you know, I mean, I waittill I put my kid to bed, you
know, and then I go out to theclub just because I can't get up
with them in the morning doesn'tmean anything.
You know, I'm a better mom todaythan I was yesterday.
And Jesus loved me where I wasat.
(27:04):
But he also was kicking me toget drunk.
to where He wanted me to be.
And I don't want anyone tomisconstrue us all the time
saying God loves you where youare and we love you where you
are because we do.
We truly love you where you are,but we want to help you get to
your next steps and your nextpurpose because what is your
(27:27):
purpose?
I truly believe that we gothrough tragedy and we go
through trauma and we gothrough...
life because somewhere preparingus for something down the road
you know and this is perfect howdo you love with agape how to
(27:48):
love with agape you know wecan't produce agape love it's a
fruit of the holy spirit righthow do we get that fruit How do
you get that?
SPEAKER_02 (27:57):
Pruning.
SPEAKER_00 (27:59):
You got to plant the seeds first.
You got to go through somestuff.
You got to go through somestuff.
You got to let him plant someseeds around, you know, in your
valleys.
You got to let him plant theseeds in your valleys.
Also, songflowers.
Yeah.
You know, you have to let himplant the seeds in the valleys.
And then you have to trust thathe has the watering can.
Yeah.
Right.
And you have to trust that he iswatering them because water,
(28:24):
from seed you know it starts outsmall and if you just back up
and let it go it'll it'll it'llgrow in
SPEAKER_01 (28:33):
the
SPEAKER_00 (28:34):
valley you know we strive to be on the mountaintop
but the more and more i thinkabout it like the seeds that
he's planted through my valleysThat's when I've
SPEAKER_02 (28:48):
had the most encounters.
SPEAKER_00 (28:49):
I know, right?
I could just lay in the valleyand, you know, in the flowers,
in the wildflowers, you know,that's the way I picture it now
is because of all the seeds thatI know he's planted inside of me
in my world and in my bubble andall of the different things.
And like, I have a valley fullof wildflowers, you know, I can
(29:11):
run through that all day long.
It's not about climbing themountain.
It's a About seeing the seas inthe valley.
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (29:22):
Some practical tips that will help you love with
agape.
Pray.
Pray before reacting.
We just talked about this awhile ago.
I'm really trying to beintentional.
I'm like, I don't have to saythat.
I have to choose to be kind.
Choose to love.
when there's animosity going onaround me, this has been a
(29:45):
really, uh, rough couple ofweeks at work.
You know, I felt like my housekind of simmered down a little,
you know what I mean?
And then work starts.
Right.
Oh yeah.
And so I've had more marvelousopportunities to act out of
character, but I've really hadto just talk back.
Well, people are watching too.
You know what I mean?
Like they're, they're not,they're expecting me to not
(30:08):
expecting me.
Should I say to, uh, not that Iwas cussing them or anything
like that, but I was tellingthem about their self, you know
what I mean?
And I wasn't real, real niceabout it.
But then I was, so after themeeting, I was like, hey, if I
was rude in there to y'all,which I immediately went to the
girl and I'm like, if I wasrude, I'm sorry, you know what I
mean?
But some of the stuff y'all weresaying, like I had to stand up
(30:31):
for my department, you know?
And, um, So she's like, oh, no,no, you weren't rude.
But the Lord convicted me.
Maybe I wasn't rude, but Iwanted her to know that, hey, if
I was, I apologize.
My tone was not very nice.
I know that for a fact.
And so I don't ever want to beugly to people, you know what I
(30:55):
mean, just because I'm not—They're saying something that I
don't want to hear.
I do that a lot.
Lord, help me to speak this withyour words and not mine.
I don't want to make this abigger mess than what it is.
He will.
He'll help you.
He'll give you the words tospeak.
(31:17):
Ask God to fill you up and to dothat.
We got to empty ourself of us.
Right.
If there's anything in me that'snot pleasing to you, I surrender
it, empty me so I can be full,so I can be overflowing.
My dad used a good passage.
He's been preaching on beingfilled up.
He was like, just like with awater pot, if you take that pot
(31:39):
and you put it under the faucetand you just let it fill up,
it's going to start overflowing.
But as soon as you move it, It'snot.
You know what I mean?
It's not going to be filled.
You can pour it out.
You can pour it into a cup,whatever.
You've got to get back under thespout.
And that's what he was talkingabout.
Staying under that, being inalignment with God and staying
under the spout.
Where he's at, being inalignment with God so we can be
(32:01):
filled on a daily.
Because especially with us inour positions, I know we're
pouring into people all daylong, whether we realize it or
not.
Oh, I know.
And it's so important that we'redoing things like this, even.
It fills me up.
It does me too.
You know what I mean?
And getting in that prayer timeor whatever, your worship, and
being filled back up daily.
(32:21):
And you have to choose obedienceover emotions.
That's right.
Yes, help me, Lord.
We're still working on that one.
You know, and
SPEAKER_00 (32:30):
choosing obedience over emotion.
Wow.
Okay, so emotions.
Let's talk about some emotionsfirst, right?
So it's easier to react than itis to choose, to not react.
You know, as humans, it's easierto be...
(32:50):
you know, emotional and get allemotional.
And it's easier to overreactthan it is to underreact, right?
You get excited, you get angry,you get, you know, you get mad
or you get scared or you havefear or, you know, it's so much
easier to overreact in all ofthose emotions than it is to
(33:14):
choose to obedience and agapelove right to to choose love
over them you know i sit and ithink about um haley you know in
the uh last episode she talkedabout the meme where god is
putting her hand over your mouthright and and i think about the
words that come out of my mouthsometimes and it makes me it
(33:40):
makes me want to ask thequestion was that god Or was
that in my emotions?
Right.
And in, in more times than, thanI like to admit, I think it's my
emotions, you know, I think it'smy emotions coming out,
especially when I feel angerbehind it or I feel
disappointment.
Right.
I'm not saying you can't bedisappointed and I'm not saying
(34:02):
you can't be angry.
SPEAKER_02 (34:03):
You
SPEAKER_00 (34:05):
just can't act out on it.
Right.
Like I got in trouble at workone time.
I was a boss and, um, the peoplethat were supposed to be
collecting the carts in theparking lot, wasn't doing a very
good job.
And there was three of them outthere and one had went to lunch.
And so one side of the parkinglot was empty and the other side
(34:26):
of the parking lot was empty.
But the boy that was doing themiddle had went to lunch.
So the other two boys were juststanding around because their
sides were empty.
And I was like, what are y'alldoing?
And they're, Oh, that's not myresponsibility.
Excuse you.
And they're like, And he said afew things that I'm not going to
repeat.
And it bowled over me.
(34:47):
Like it hit me like a ton ofbricks.
And before I knew it, I waslike, I don't care.
Can somebody get the dad blastedcourts like that?
Well, a customer called my bossand complained because he
thought I cussed.
Right.
But out of anger, I may havesaid some other choice words,
(35:07):
um, you know, I'm not going tosay I did or didn't, but the
customer said I did, you know,and he come and he's like,
Shannon, he goes, what were youdoing?
And I was like, I was sofrustrated with the two of them
because that other kid, theyjust left him out to dry.
And I was like, they should be ateam and they're this and
they're that.
And he's like, yes, but did youspeak out of anger or did you
(35:30):
speak out of leadership?
And I was like, I don't likeyou.
Yeah.
You know, and he was right.
I spoke out of anger.
I didn't think before I spoke.
And because 98% of the time Ispeak out of leadership in that
position.
That 2% is the worst.
(35:50):
Yeah.
Right.
It's when you don't think beforeyou speak.
And it's took me a long time toget where I'm at today because I
don't always think before Ispeak.
SPEAKER_02 (36:00):
You know, my dad has a saying, you can't never go
wrong by doing what's right.
Right.
You can never go wrong by doingwhat's right.
So I have to think about thatsometimes.
And sometimes when we see theword obedient, we're like,
especially if we're controlfreaks, we're like, obedient
means you've got to do this,this.
No, it's just doing the rightthing.
It's just doing the right thing.
It's just doing the right thing.
SPEAKER_00 (36:19):
You know, the definition of integrity is doing
the right thing when nobody elseis around, you know, when nobody
else sees you.
Yeah.
UNKNOWN (36:29):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (36:30):
that's no different than obedience.
Integrity, obedience.
And
SPEAKER_02 (36:34):
the Bible says that obedience is better than
sacrifice.
Right?
So you can give all your stuffaway, but if you're not being
obedient, you know what he'sreally asking you to do.
Right.
So, just
SPEAKER_00 (36:47):
love.
Just love.
Okay.
Sisters, we hope today's episodereminded you just how loved you
are by God and how powerful itis when we love others with the
same agape love.
Let's stop waiting to feel loveand start choosing to live it.
SPEAKER_01 (37:08):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (37:09):
Follow us on Facebook or TikTok at Unrelated
Sisters Podcast.
Share your stories with us andask questions for any upcoming
episodes.
And don't forget to share thisepisode with your bestie, your
mom, or that coworker who needssome love today.
Pray us
SPEAKER_02 (37:27):
out.
Amen.
Until next
SPEAKER_00 (37:54):
time, keep walking in truth and grace.
You are loved, chosen andcovered in agape.
Yes.
Till next time.
We love y'all.
We love y'all.
Hey, this is Deb, and we just want to start out by
praying today.
So Lord, we just lift you up,and we thank you for this day.
We thank you for thisopportunity.
And God, I just pray for eachperson listening today, God,
whatever they're struggling withtoday, God, that they will find
you in their struggle, Lord.
(00:21):
And I just pray that you wouldjust speak through me and
Shannon with boldness andconfidence.
In Jesus' name, amen.
SPEAKER_00 (00:28):
Amen.
Hey family and welcome back toUnrelated Sisters Truth and
Grace Conversation.
I'm Shannon and I'm joined by mysister in Christ, Deb, today.
Today we're diving into one ofthe deepest truths in all of
scripture, agape love.
This isn't the kind of love theworld sells in movies or pop
songs.
This is the kind of love thatlaid down his life for you, the
(00:52):
kind of love that doesn't keepscore, the kind of love that
never fails.
So let's dig into the word anddiscover what this love really
means for you, yourrelationships, and your faith of
walk.
To define the word agape,
SPEAKER_02 (01:09):
that means no strings attached.
Agape is a God kind of love.
It's the unconditional love, thelove that God is.
God is the agape love in theBible.
In 1 Corinthians 13, 4-7, itsays, Love is patient, love is
kind.
And that love is the agape love.
(01:31):
Agape is a choice, not afeeling.
I know so many times for me, Iwould say, Oh, I love, because
we use the word love so loosely.
I love this.
I love that.
I'm in love with him.
I'm in love with her.
I think I've been in love somany times that it ain't even
funny.
I didn't even know what the wordlove meant.
(01:52):
I didn't know the true meaningof love.
I remember on my third divorce,my dad asked me, what's your
definition of love?
And I didn't even know.
I didn't even know what lovewas.
I based it on feeling, how Ifelt at that moment, what you
can do for me.
It was conditional.
My love was always, because Iwas such a selfish person, my
(02:14):
love was always a conditional,not the God kind of love, not
the agape love.
SPEAKER_00 (02:19):
You know, saying love is a choice and not a
feeling, that kind of hits alittle deep for me, right?
Like, when you brought this tome, I didn't really know what
agape love was.
I had never heard it calledthat, right?
And I thought about this, andWhen I was in addiction, I loved
(02:40):
you if you had the best to feedmy habit.
And then when you couldn't feedmy habit, I kicked you to the
door.
I used people like doormats.
And when I got clean, that was apart of my guilt.
I had to go back to some ofthese people and apologize,
(03:00):
whether it was male or female,whether it was a friend or
someone I just met.
There was people that...
I ruined their lives in thatmoment, right?
Because I played with theirfeelings.
Oh, yeah.
And I, too, didn't understandlove.
(03:21):
And agape love that chooses toact for good, the good of
another, even when it costs you.
Wow.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Sacrificial.
That just...
I don't even know what to say tothat.
I do know that I think Iunderstood it most the day my
(03:44):
son was born.
And I held him for the firsttime, and he looked up at me.
And that was the one thing Godknew that was going to bring me
out of where I was at.
It was going to bring me out ofaddiction.
Because all I ever wantedthrough the whole time of
addiction was for somebody tolove me.
(04:07):
for who I was, right?
And I searched and searched andsearched and searched.
And even after Dylan was born, Ididn't just wake up one day and
know what godly love was oragape love was.
You know, I still struggled withthat.
I dated a guy and he wasdivorced and he had Two children
(04:32):
of his own.
And he was an amazing dad to hiskids.
He was such a nice guy.
And he was so sweet and so goodto his kids.
And when we started dating, hetook Dylan in just like Dylan
was one of his.
And he was good to me.
And so I thought, okay, this islove.
Right.
(04:52):
He's good to me.
He's good to Dylan.
And Dylan needs that structure.
Dylan needs a daddy.
I was convinced at the time thatDylan needed a daddy.
And so this guy asked me tomarry him.
And I said, yes.
And we went and we.
I bought a wedding dress and westarted planning this whole big
(05:13):
wedding.
And then I started gettinganxious, so anxious about it.
And he kept saying, well, let'schoose a date.
Let's choose a date.
So we chose a date.
We went and picked out a cake.
We went down, paid all thisstuff.
We went and rented a house.
We furnished a house.
We went and did all this stuff,right?
(05:34):
And Went and bought these fancyinvitations and I went and
bought, you know, I had to buylike five books of stamps to
mail all these invitations.
And I leave work one day and Igo to the post office and I am
sitting in the parking lot atthe post office going to mail
these invitations to our weddingto a man that I told him I loved
(05:57):
him, who was good to me, who wasgood to my son, who was going to
be good for my son.
Right.
And I cried and I sat in thatfor over an hour in my car and I
couldn't get out of the car.
And I felt so bad and so guiltybecause I had led this man on,
(06:17):
even though he was a good man.
You know, I had led him on whenI wasn't emotionally ready for
what he was trying to give me.
And reading through this agapelove, it makes me want to go
find this man and apologize tohim and explain to him or, I
(06:38):
don't know, maybe let him seethe difference in me now.
It's weird, right?
That's good.
SPEAKER_02 (06:44):
Yeah.
I like what it says.
God's love for us.
God is love.
1 John 4, 8.
Jesus demonstrated love.
His love for us by going on thecross.
He said he could have calleddown angels.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
And he didn't.
(07:04):
Even knowing that we were goingto do the things we did and turn
our back on him.
I know for me, I've cursed himand all kinds of things.
And to know that he still lovedus to go to the cross for us.
That's a God-paid love.
I can't sit here and say thatbecause I've had a lot of bad
(07:26):
things happen to me, and it'shard to go say I love that
person.
No, I've not arrived yet.
I'm trying, but I've notarrived.
It's
SPEAKER_00 (07:37):
okay.
It's okay.
But you realize that they're nothealthy for you, right?
You've created boundaries withthat.
Yeah.
You've forgiven them, right?
You may not ever be able to goup to them and tell them you
love them.
But I think forgiveness is justas much agape love as going up
(08:03):
and being able to tell someoneyou love them when they have
hurt you emotionally,physically, emotionally.
I think that has a big thing todo with it.
And it said, you know, in Romans5, 8, it says, while we were
still sinners.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (08:22):
In our mess.
You can just think about one ofyour deepest, darkest times when
we were.
And we had many, many thousands.
Many thousands.
He loved it.
So it's hard to even grasp.
Right.
Because nobody else could loveme.
I couldn't even love him.
And we was unlovable.
You know, I didn't even love me.
But he loved me.
In that moment.
He loved us just as much then ashe does now.
(08:44):
And it's so hard to wrap ourminds around sometimes.
Because I feel
SPEAKER_00 (08:48):
like I'm a total, you know, that was somebody
else.
That's not who I am.
So that's not me.
That wasn't me then.
It isn't me now.
Right.
And I get it.
It's just insane.
You know, we've been...
We've been watching The Chosen,the new show, you know, and
don't say nothing because we'reonly in season four.
(09:08):
I know season five is out, butwe're only in season four.
And so we've been watching.
We've got one episode left ofseason four, and it's leading up
to him going into Jerusalem topreach his final, you know, to
do the final supper and stuff.
You know, across the Jordan, andthey came back across the
(09:34):
Jordan, and he brought Lazarusto get up and walk out of the
tomb.
And in the show, And it'sprobably the closest thing to
the true story of the Bible thatI've ever seen.
But in the show, one of hisdisciples had lost someone that
he truly loved, and he keepsquestioning God or Jesus.
(09:56):
Why save Lazarus?
Why not save this woman that Iloved?
You've created all thesemiracles, and that's where the
episode went off at.
And I'm excited to see what thenext episode brings.
But it's okay to question Godbecause he does love us
unconditionally, right?
(10:16):
And you may, you know, when youask a question, because I know
when you asked me a questionearlier, You know, I have to ask
you, do you want the politicallycorrect answer or do you want
the truth?
Yeah.
Right.
So you have to be prepared.
You have to be prepared for thatbecause when you ask that
question, God's going to giveyou the truth.
You may or may not like thetruth, but you're going to get
(10:37):
the truth.
You know, the cross has anultimate expression.
Agape is not about how lovablewe are, but how loving God is.
Yes.
Yeah, I'm not
SPEAKER_02 (10:51):
always lovable.
SPEAKER_00 (10:52):
Right?
Like, my husband.
He'll tell you.
Your husband will tell you.
You know, as humans, we're notalways the most lovable people,
right?
And when you're working throughyour own garbage or your own
mess, it puts you in a placesometimes, right?
Like, you know, I've always saidthe devil knows two things.
(11:17):
He knows the two people that canpush me forward.
To be the person I don't want tobe, right?
The two people that caninfluence me to backtrack or to
feel self-loathing, right?
To feel lesser than.
And it's my son and my daddy,right?
Like, I love my daddy.
(11:38):
I love the man he used to be.
I love the man, even in hisworst days, I've always loved my
daddy.
And Even though I have to haveboundaries now, that doesn't
mean that love has changed.
It's just harder to show it toHim.
But reading through this agapelove has made me kind of
(12:00):
reevaluate some things with Him,which is kind of weird.
SPEAKER_02 (12:04):
Yeah, it teaches us how we're called to love others.
John 13, 34 talks about lovinglike Jesus.
You know, people say that allthe time.
What would Jesus do?
You know, A lot of times if youreally would put yourself in
that, and when you're in amoment, you have a choice,
right?
Not going off our feelings.
This is something I'm really,really working on right now
(12:26):
because my feelings will get mejacked up sometimes and I'll
react instead of thinking about.
Are you a
SPEAKER_00 (12:33):
Karen sometimes?
Yeah,
SPEAKER_02 (12:34):
I'm a Karen sometimes.
And not really react, maybe notreact.
You know what I mean?
Shut down.
Shut down.
That's even worse.
It is.
And so I'm learning that.
And my dad, he was praying forsome people last week at the
Tent Revival.
And I was just amazed atprobably out of the 10 different
people that came up at the end,probably seven of them were
(12:57):
praying for their marriage, wereliterally standing in line for
their marriage.
And I was like, well, just letme see where the enemy fights
the most, where the enemy'sfighting the most right now.
And some of the words he wassaying was, even when you feel
like you don't love them, Don'tgo off your feelings.
Your feelings will lie to you.
SPEAKER_00 (13:15):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (13:16):
Because, you know, there's so many times, oh, I'm
not in love.
When they do something we don'tlike, I don't love them.
That's crazy.
You know what I mean?
Because your feelings willdefinitely lie to you.
And then when you're over thatmoment, oh, you're all back in
love again.
SPEAKER_00 (13:28):
Oh, yeah.
You know?
Well, and that's, you know, andI try to very, very hard and you
were laughing at me downstairs.
It's not that I don't love youanymore.
I just don't like you in thismoment.
SPEAKER_02 (13:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (13:37):
Right.
Because I used to be the sameway.
I just don't love you anymore.
But it's not that I don't loveyou anymore.
I just don't like who you are inthis moment.
So I, and you know, we've talkedabout it.
Your words, words are strong.
Your tongue is strong.
And if you speak, I don't loveyou anymore out into existence.
How easy is it for the, youknow, for the enemy to step in
(14:00):
there and be like, he didn'tlove him yesterday.
Why do you love him today?
You know, and forgiveness andgrace and humility is, And how
we're called to love people, youknow, forgiveness is, is one of
the things that it's hard inlove.
(14:20):
It's so hard forgiveness.
I mean, forgiveness is hard on anormal day, but if it's someone
that you have that loved you wassupposed to care for you was
supposed to, you know, that yougive your heart to, and they,
you, you have to give, forgivethem for something that's hard.
And it's, And that's where graceand humility comes in.
SPEAKER_02 (14:41):
I think about when we're going over this, I'm
thinking about Judas and how hebetrayed Jesus.
And Jesus knew.
He knew he was going to betrayhim.
And he washed his feet.
Washed his feet?
Washed his feet.
Now, if I know that somebody'sgoing to stab me in the back, I
don't know that I'm going to gowash their feet, Shannon.
I know.
(15:01):
Well, I know, I know, I know.
But that's just the love that he
SPEAKER_00 (15:05):
has.
The love that he had.
You know, in the episode we werewatching on The Chosen last
night, he was talking to hismother when they went to see
Lazarus and he was talking tohis mother and he's talking
about being human and beingfrustrated.
And I was like, oh.
And that's how I knew when I waswatching that last night because
usually I play my game and Ikind of watch what's going on
(15:27):
and I don't really pay it.
I didn't play the game lastnight.
I watched the whole episode lastnight.
And, um, I knew that's when Iknew we had to talk about the
agape love this morning becauseI knew you were coming today.
And, uh, but he was talkingabout being human and being
frustrated because the discipleswasn't getting it right.
He goes, I've told them threetimes, but they're not getting
SPEAKER_01 (15:47):
it,
SPEAKER_00 (15:48):
you know, but then he just gets up and does it
again and does it again and doesit again, you know, and, and, I
was watching TikTok earliertoday, and there's this new mom
on TikTok, and she is trying tobe a better mom.
(16:09):
But her house is cluttered.
Her house is dirty.
Her house is, you know, and shetalks about, there's just some
days I just don't, I just can't.
Right?
And instead of people...
cheering her on for what she isaccomplishing they're just
bashing her they're just bashingher and you know and and i sit
(16:31):
and i think well maybe you couldsay something to us but then i
don't do it right because idon't want to get in the middle
of all the all the stuff i don'twant to get in the The TikTok
account is for this podcast,right?
So I don't want to put my twocents in because I don't want to
(16:54):
bring negativity to the podcast.
But then I sit here and I thinkabout Agape Love and that's what
she needs, right?
Like she needs somebody to standup for her and she needs someone
that understands.
I mean, when I lived inaddiction...
my place was no place for a kid.
SPEAKER_02 (17:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:12):
You know, when I was depressed, no, my place was no
place for a kid.
You know, I mean, when Dylan wasyounger and me and my mom both
were depressed, you know, ourhouse got very cluttered and
very dis, you know, there wasjust stuff everywhere.
And it's not that it was nasty.
There wasn't bugs or rats ornothing.
It's just stuff and stuff makesit nasty.
(17:34):
Right.
And, um, You know, so when hestarted school and stuff, like,
he was ashamed.
Like, he didn't bring peopleover.
He didn't bring friends over tothe house.
And I get it.
But
SPEAKER_02 (17:46):
I can't pay love.
Yeah.
Right?
Loving people right wherethey're at.
SPEAKER_00 (17:50):
Loving them right where they're at.
And it's hard.
It
SPEAKER_02 (17:54):
is.
And the Lord has to remind me ofthat sometimes.
Like, when you are praying forsomething, and maybe our next
segment we'll get into this inour waiting season.
But...
Just praying and loving themright where they're at.
I know my daughter was goingthrough the things she was going
through a few months ago.
(18:15):
That was one thing I prayed for.
Lord, help me to love her.
That was something I wasintentional about.
Let me love her right whereshe's at.
Because everybody else, hersisters, were bashing her and
telling her, you need to dothis, you need to do that.
But you know as well as I do,when you're in addiction and
you're out there living theworld, you ain't trying to hear
all that.
We're just pushing her away.
So I was like, Lord, help me tolove her right where she's at.
(18:38):
And she's come back now andshe'll tell me, Mom, I thank you
for that because I wasn'tpreaching to her.
I would just, I would message, Ilove you.
Please keep your location on soI can at least see where you're
at.
I already know you're out doingthe most, but I love you.
And I would encourage her andtell her that God hadn't changed
his mind about her.
You know, sometimes people needto hear that.
(19:00):
And she said, now she'll tellme, she's like, mom, that hit my
heart.
You know what I mean?
Every time you said it.
Yeah, because she knew she had acalling on her life, but she was
out there.
But sometimes we need...
To be able to love people rightwhere they are and call them up
to their identity, not bash thembecause of what they're doing
wrong.
Oh, no, I
SPEAKER_00 (19:17):
get it.
When I was in addiction, and Istarted at a young age, I
started getting high at 17.
And when I was in addiction,like...
I lived with my mama for the,and she knew she wasn't stupid.
I mean, she'd lived with mydaddy for 10 years.
(19:38):
So she knew, um, she never saidnothing.
Um, she never ding, you know,she never got on me, but I'd
hear like, if I'd get up and goto the bathroom, I'd hear
praying.
Right.
And I was like, I'd be like,really?
She's praying.
Like after everything God's letus go through.
And after everything that'shappened, you know, she's in
there praying.
(19:58):
And, uh, but I always knew, uh,no matter where I was at, no
matter what kind of house I wasin or what kind of person I was
with that I could go homewithout judgment.
Right.
I knew she was, I knew shewould, you know, she'd be mad at
me.
Yeah.
She'd be disappointed, but shewould be mad at me, you know,
but I knew if I knocked on thedoor, she was going to open the
(20:19):
door.
Right.
And the only, the only thing shedidn't do was let me bring
whoever it was being mean to mehome.
Yeah.
Right.
Um, And, you know, and, andafter I came out of addiction
and after, and it took manyyears, like I didn't run a home
and tell her how much I lovedher, but, you know, I've asked
for her forgiveness for thethings I disrespected her in her
(20:42):
home for some of the things thatI've done, you know, and, and we
talk about it freely now, youknow, where I, before it was, it
was, it took a, it took a while,but she, she, showed me true
agape love yeah through my timeyou know and then my daddy of
course he was getting high withme so there was he didn't know
(21:05):
how there was never no judgmentfrom him you know but i always
felt like there could bejudgment you know but agape in
real life in your marriagechoosing to love even when
you're tired or drained
SPEAKER_01 (21:19):
yes
SPEAKER_00 (21:20):
in parenting laying yourself down day after day So
me and Haley, I don't know ifyou got to listen to the episode
that came out Friday.
We talked about this.
We talked about choosing, right?
And the one thing she said thatI cannot get out of my mind was
(21:42):
she lives by, I get to get upand go to church this morning.
I get to serve at my church thismorning.
I get to get up and take my kidsto school.
I get to do this.
Not I have to, but I get to,right.
And I know, right.
Because sometimes life to me,it's like, Oh my God, I gotta go
(22:02):
to work.
Oh my God.
I gotta go sit and watch my kid,you know, play baseball for five
hours or what, you know what Imean?
Like, don't get me wrong.
I enjoy doing it, but there'sjust days that I just want to
call in the bed.
Yeah.
Right.
But I'm going to try to be moreintentional about it.
I get to get a big go to worktoday.
And then you brought me thisyesterday.
(22:26):
And I was like, oh, my God, it'sperfect.
Because in ministry, servingpeople without applause or
return, that's hard, right?
Like as humans, like even atwork.
My son came home the other day,and they had a big visit.
Their regional show came to thestore, and my son was out
(22:49):
working on the garden centerpatio.
And the regional came out, andhe said, he goes, you know, I've
met the market manager two orthree times, and he has never
called me by my name.
He said, but Jerry stopped,introduced himself, and called
me Dylan.
UNKNOWN (23:08):
Wow.
SPEAKER_00 (23:08):
And he goes, and that right there is, well, I
will respect that man forever.
Right?
Like he didn't treat me like Iwas just some lonely associate.
You know, he treated me like Iwas a human.
And he goes, and that's thefirst time I felt that way in
months in the store.
And I was like, if we just takea moment to ask them their name
(23:31):
and say their name.
Yeah.
Make them feel wanted.
Right?
And that's simple.
Like, why is it so hard?
I know.
When in real
SPEAKER_02 (23:41):
life.
It's easy for us
SPEAKER_00 (23:42):
to
SPEAKER_02 (23:43):
say negative.
Excuse me.
You know.
You caused a negative in ourdepartment.
Yeah.
UNKNOWN (23:50):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (23:51):
But that, you know, that's real life stuff.
Yeah.
Right there.
That's real life when it comesdown to it.
And it just, I don't know.
Yeah.
Agape means dying to self.
But in that death isresurrection life.
Yeah, that's good.
Dying to self.
(24:13):
That's complicated.
Yeah.
Right?
And necessary.
But necessary.
Yeah.
For sure.
But complicated all at the sametime.
SPEAKER_02 (24:22):
Especially if you want to walk in agape love.
And you're not necessarily goingto get up and be like, okay, I
have agape love for everybody.
Like you say, it's got to bemore intentional.
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00 (24:34):
It's a choice.
It's a choice.
It's definitely a choice.
I
SPEAKER_02 (24:40):
choose to love you today despite how you treated
me.
I choose to not backlash you.
I was thinking of all thesescenarios.
You know what I mean?
Right.
I'm going to choose to love youdespite your circumstances.
SPEAKER_00 (24:55):
You know, and I can tell the difference in me.
Over the last 10 years, once Itruly laid everything down at
His feet, and every day it getseasier and easier to love the
chaos in the world, right?
And I don't mean like be a partof the chaos, but to be able to
(25:16):
love the people in the
SPEAKER_02 (25:17):
chaos.
Because we were the people inthe chaos.
SPEAKER_00 (25:20):
Yes.
Yeah, we probably started thechaos, if you want to get honest
about it.
But it's easier to see themwhere they are because of where
I came from.
It's easier to love the personnext to me than it used to be
because once I learned to lovemyself...
(25:40):
Through Christ's eyes.
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (25:42):
It's a game changer.
It's a game changer.
SPEAKER_00 (25:44):
And that is where it has to start.
You can't wake up today and say,okay, I'm going to have agape
love.
I'm going to love everybody.
SPEAKER_02 (25:51):
You better start loving yourself
SPEAKER_00 (25:52):
first.
You've got to see yourselfthrough Christ's
SPEAKER_02 (25:56):
eyes.
SPEAKER_00 (25:58):
Yes.
And then you're able to see it.
And I've seen a quote the otherday on social media, and it said
that everybody is abusingChrist.
God loves you where you are.
And I thought, excuse me?
What?
Yeah.
(26:18):
And then he paused for a second.
And then he says, God loves youwhere you're at because he's
there to help you get to thenext step.
Right?
So you can't keep saying, well,God loves me where I am and
continue to be the same.
And I thought, oh, that makes alot of sense.
Because I remember trying tocome out of addiction and
thinking, oh, Well, I'm notdoing meth anymore.
(26:40):
Just because I'm getting drunkfour nights a week doesn't mean
I'm doing anything wrong, right?
I'm a better person today than Iwas yesterday.
And, you know, I mean, I waittill I put my kid to bed, you
know, and then I go out to theclub just because I can't get up
with them in the morning doesn'tmean anything.
You know, I'm a better mom todaythan I was yesterday.
And Jesus loved me where I wasat.
(27:04):
But he also was kicking me toget drunk.
to where He wanted me to be.
And I don't want anyone tomisconstrue us all the time
saying God loves you where youare and we love you where you
are because we do.
We truly love you where you are,but we want to help you get to
your next steps and your nextpurpose because what is your
(27:27):
purpose?
I truly believe that we gothrough tragedy and we go
through trauma and we gothrough...
life because somewhere preparingus for something down the road
you know and this is perfect howdo you love with agape how to
(27:48):
love with agape you know wecan't produce agape love it's a
fruit of the holy spirit righthow do we get that fruit How do
you get that?
SPEAKER_02 (27:57):
Pruning.
SPEAKER_00 (27:59):
You got to plant the seeds first.
You got to go through somestuff.
You got to go through somestuff.
You got to let him plant someseeds around, you know, in your
valleys.
You got to let him plant theseeds in your valleys.
Also, songflowers.
Yeah.
You know, you have to let himplant the seeds in the valleys.
And then you have to trust thathe has the watering can.
Yeah.
Right.
And you have to trust that he iswatering them because water,
(28:24):
from seed you know it starts outsmall and if you just back up
and let it go it'll it'll it'llgrow in
SPEAKER_01 (28:33):
the
SPEAKER_00 (28:34):
valley you know we strive to be on the mountaintop
but the more and more i thinkabout it like the seeds that
he's planted through my valleysThat's when I've
SPEAKER_02 (28:48):
had the most encounters.
SPEAKER_00 (28:49):
I know, right?
I could just lay in the valleyand, you know, in the flowers,
in the wildflowers, you know,that's the way I picture it now
is because of all the seeds thatI know he's planted inside of me
in my world and in my bubble andall of the different things.
And like, I have a valley fullof wildflowers, you know, I can
(29:11):
run through that all day long.
It's not about climbing themountain.
It's a About seeing the seas inthe valley.
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (29:22):
Some practical tips that will help you love with
agape.
Pray.
Pray before reacting.
We just talked about this awhile ago.
I'm really trying to beintentional.
I'm like, I don't have to saythat.
I have to choose to be kind.
Choose to love.
when there's animosity going onaround me, this has been a
(29:45):
really, uh, rough couple ofweeks at work.
You know, I felt like my housekind of simmered down a little,
you know what I mean?
And then work starts.
Right.
Oh yeah.
And so I've had more marvelousopportunities to act out of
character, but I've really hadto just talk back.
Well, people are watching too.
You know what I mean?
Like they're, they're not,they're expecting me to not
(30:08):
expecting me.
Should I say to, uh, not that Iwas cussing them or anything
like that, but I was tellingthem about their self, you know
what I mean?
And I wasn't real, real niceabout it.
But then I was, so after themeeting, I was like, hey, if I
was rude in there to y'all,which I immediately went to the
girl and I'm like, if I wasrude, I'm sorry, you know what I
mean?
But some of the stuff y'all weresaying, like I had to stand up
(30:31):
for my department, you know?
And, um, So she's like, oh, no,no, you weren't rude.
But the Lord convicted me.
Maybe I wasn't rude, but Iwanted her to know that, hey, if
I was, I apologize.
My tone was not very nice.
I know that for a fact.
And so I don't ever want to beugly to people, you know what I
(30:55):
mean, just because I'm not—They're saying something that I
don't want to hear.
I do that a lot.
Lord, help me to speak this withyour words and not mine.
I don't want to make this abigger mess than what it is.
He will.
He'll help you.
He'll give you the words tospeak.
(31:17):
Ask God to fill you up and to dothat.
We got to empty ourself of us.
Right.
If there's anything in me that'snot pleasing to you, I surrender
it, empty me so I can be full,so I can be overflowing.
My dad used a good passage.
He's been preaching on beingfilled up.
He was like, just like with awater pot, if you take that pot
(31:39):
and you put it under the faucetand you just let it fill up,
it's going to start overflowing.
But as soon as you move it, It'snot.
You know what I mean?
It's not going to be filled.
You can pour it out.
You can pour it into a cup,whatever.
You've got to get back under thespout.
And that's what he was talkingabout.
Staying under that, being inalignment with God and staying
under the spout.
Where he's at, being inalignment with God so we can be
(32:01):
filled on a daily.
Because especially with us inour positions, I know we're
pouring into people all daylong, whether we realize it or
not.
Oh, I know.
And it's so important that we'redoing things like this, even.
It fills me up.
It does me too.
You know what I mean?
And getting in that prayer timeor whatever, your worship, and
being filled back up daily.
(32:21):
And you have to choose obedienceover emotions.
That's right.
Yes, help me, Lord.
We're still working on that one.
You know, and
SPEAKER_00 (32:30):
choosing obedience over emotion.
Wow.
Okay, so emotions.
Let's talk about some emotionsfirst, right?
So it's easier to react than itis to choose, to not react.
You know, as humans, it's easierto be...
(32:50):
you know, emotional and get allemotional.
And it's easier to overreactthan it is to underreact, right?
You get excited, you get angry,you get, you know, you get mad
or you get scared or you havefear or, you know, it's so much
easier to overreact in all ofthose emotions than it is to
(33:14):
choose to obedience and agapelove right to to choose love
over them you know i sit and ithink about um haley you know in
the uh last episode she talkedabout the meme where god is
putting her hand over your mouthright and and i think about the
words that come out of my mouthsometimes and it makes me it
(33:40):
makes me want to ask thequestion was that god Or was
that in my emotions?
Right.
And in, in more times than, thanI like to admit, I think it's my
emotions, you know, I think it'smy emotions coming out,
especially when I feel angerbehind it or I feel
disappointment.
Right.
I'm not saying you can't bedisappointed and I'm not saying
(34:02):
you can't be angry.
SPEAKER_02 (34:03):
You
SPEAKER_00 (34:05):
just can't act out on it.
Right.
Like I got in trouble at workone time.
I was a boss and, um, the peoplethat were supposed to be
collecting the carts in theparking lot, wasn't doing a very
good job.
And there was three of them outthere and one had went to lunch.
And so one side of the parkinglot was empty and the other side
(34:26):
of the parking lot was empty.
But the boy that was doing themiddle had went to lunch.
So the other two boys were juststanding around because their
sides were empty.
And I was like, what are y'alldoing?
And they're, Oh, that's not myresponsibility.
Excuse you.
And they're like, And he said afew things that I'm not going to
repeat.
And it bowled over me.
(34:47):
Like it hit me like a ton ofbricks.
And before I knew it, I waslike, I don't care.
Can somebody get the dad blastedcourts like that?
Well, a customer called my bossand complained because he
thought I cussed.
Right.
But out of anger, I may havesaid some other choice words,
(35:07):
um, you know, I'm not going tosay I did or didn't, but the
customer said I did, you know,and he come and he's like,
Shannon, he goes, what were youdoing?
And I was like, I was sofrustrated with the two of them
because that other kid, theyjust left him out to dry.
And I was like, they should be ateam and they're this and
they're that.
And he's like, yes, but did youspeak out of anger or did you
(35:30):
speak out of leadership?
And I was like, I don't likeyou.
Yeah.
You know, and he was right.
I spoke out of anger.
I didn't think before I spoke.
And because 98% of the time Ispeak out of leadership in that
position.
That 2% is the worst.
(35:50):
Yeah.
Right.
It's when you don't think beforeyou speak.
And it's took me a long time toget where I'm at today because I
don't always think before Ispeak.
SPEAKER_02 (36:00):
You know, my dad has a saying, you can't never go
wrong by doing what's right.
Right.
You can never go wrong by doingwhat's right.
So I have to think about thatsometimes.
And sometimes when we see theword obedient, we're like,
especially if we're controlfreaks, we're like, obedient
means you've got to do this,this.
No, it's just doing the rightthing.
It's just doing the right thing.
It's just doing the right thing.
SPEAKER_00 (36:19):
You know, the definition of integrity is doing
the right thing when nobody elseis around, you know, when nobody
else sees you.
Yeah.
UNKNOWN (36:29):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (36:30):
that's no different than obedience.
Integrity, obedience.
And
SPEAKER_02 (36:34):
the Bible says that obedience is better than
sacrifice.
Right?
So you can give all your stuffaway, but if you're not being
obedient, you know what he'sreally asking you to do.
Right.
So, just
SPEAKER_00 (36:47):
love.
Just love.
Okay.
Sisters, we hope today's episodereminded you just how loved you
are by God and how powerful itis when we love others with the
same agape love.
Let's stop waiting to feel loveand start choosing to live it.
SPEAKER_01 (37:08):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (37:09):
Follow us on Facebook or TikTok at Unrelated
Sisters Podcast.
Share your stories with us andask questions for any upcoming
episodes.
And don't forget to share thisepisode with your bestie, your
mom, or that coworker who needssome love today.
Pray us
SPEAKER_02 (37:27):
out.
Amen.
Until next
SPEAKER_00 (37:54):
time, keep walking in truth and grace.
You are loved, chosen andcovered in agape.
Yes.
Till next time.
We love y'all.
We love y'all.
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