April 25, 2025 • 29 mins
In a powerful episode we explore the truth about identity- specifically who we are in Christ. With so many labels pulling at us in today's world , it is easy to forget our God-given identity. But in this heart-to-heart episode, your host walk through Scripture, share personal stories, and drop encouragement you can hold onto. This is a deep dive into what God says about you. Not your past. Not your job. Not even what others think. This episode will remind you of who you are in Christ- Chosen, Known, and LOVED.
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UNKNOWN (00:00):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (00:29):
As we speak on our identity today, we just pray
that your word will empower usto speak it with boldness and
confidence.
God, that you will remind us whowe are in Christ.
In Jesus' name, amen.
SPEAKER_01 (00:45):
Amen.
Hey, y'all, and welcome to thevery first episode of Unrelated
Sisters Truth and GraceConversation.
I'm Shannon.
SPEAKER_00 (00:54):
And I'm Deb.
And today we're diving intosomething that's been on our
hearts.
Your identity in Christ.
Not your job.
Not your relationship status.
Not even what others say aboutyou.
SPEAKER_01 (01:08):
Because if we're honest, there are a lot of loud
voices trying to name us.
Shame.
Comparison.
Rejection.
Perfectionism.
SPEAKER_00 (01:17):
But the loudest voice should be the truth of who
God says we are.
So today we're going to remindyou and ourselves that your
identity is rooted in Christ.
So let's start with our themeverse.
Ephesians 2.10 says, So sis,
SPEAKER_01 (01:41):
let's get real.
I know me and you have talkedmany, many times about labels
and the labels that we put onourselves and the labels that
the world puts on us.
Can you tell us a little bitabout some of the labels that
you have found for women?
SPEAKER_00 (01:58):
The bad labels?
Yeah, let's start with those.
Okay, yeah, I wore a lot oflabels, a lot of masks.
Probably one of the biggest onesthat I wore was being the black
sheep of my family.
Um, I come later to realize thatthat wasn't who I am.
And so I had attached that labelon myself many years ago that
(02:23):
because her addiction and thingsthat I went through that I
wasn't like my family.
So I labeled myself the badsheep and I acted out on those
things.
And then I, you know, got intodrugs and stuff and I labeled
myself as an addict andunworthy, and the list went on
and on.
And as I labeled myself withthose things, I began to act out
(02:46):
on them.
I began to see myself as notworthy or not good enough or,
you know, that I would nevermeasure up those things.
And then when I come to knowChrist, I found out that those
things were not true aboutmyself.
Well, you
SPEAKER_01 (03:01):
know, sometimes...
when we speak it enough or wethink it enough in our lifetimes
that it becomes who we think weare.
And it doesn't have to be who wethink we are.
But as humans, as women, ascaregivers, that's just kind of
what we do.
we set ourselves up because wethink we have to be perfect we
(03:24):
have to be a perfect mother wehave to be a perfect daughter we
have to be a perfect boss wehave to be perfect in everything
that we do and so we set thoselabels on us and when we make
those decisions whether good orbad decisions we're the ones
that have to live with it and idon't know if it's all about
labels or about the emotionalattachment that comes to those
(03:44):
labels
SPEAKER_00 (03:46):
Yeah, I think it's a little bit of both.
I even remember the last timethe Lord dealt with me on
calling myself a black sheep.
We were at church one night andmy brother was introducing me to
somebody and he was like, thisis my sister.
And I was like, I'm the blacksheep of the family.
And so on the way home, the Lorddealt with me.
He was like, why do you callyourself that?
(04:07):
But that's what I seen myself asbecause I had gotten so much
trouble.
My brothers kind of had ittogether.
You know, and so I just feltlike I was a black sheep.
You know what I mean?
And so I had to repent.
And I had to ask the Lord, I'msorry.
Because he said, why do you callyourself things that I don't
call you?
And so I said, Lord, forgive me.
(04:28):
So I had to pray.
And I said, Lord, I'll come outof agreement with that.
But it's hard.
It's hard when you...
Like you said, you get thatembedded in you.
And I kept saying it.
I would say it all the time.
Nonchalant.
I'm this.
I'm the black sheep.
And you believe, and you startbelieving it.
And other people believe
SPEAKER_01 (04:48):
it.
Oh, yeah.
My sister, she got marriedyoung.
Her and her husband had a house.
They had everything they needed.
They worked.
They weren't scrambling bytrying to feed their kids or
trying to take care ofthemselves.
I was living with my mom at 27.
(05:23):
The media in the world puts thispersona on how life should be,
but that's not how life is.
That's not the real world.
The real world, things happen,right?
We make choices and we makedecisions, and they're not
always good.
But it says in the Bible that weare the daughter of God, that we
(05:45):
are His children, and that Heloves us unconditionally.
And we have to lean into that.
I never understood...
what unconditional love wasuntil I had my own kid.
SPEAKER_00 (05:56):
And
SPEAKER_01 (05:58):
he was, he was probably in the second grade and
he loved going to school and hewould come home and he would
cry.
He didn't want to go back toschool.
And I was like, what is wrong?
You know, you have loved schoolyour whole life.
And he was being bullied atschool.
And I'm like, Oh, no, no, no,no.
I want to be Mama Bear.
(06:18):
I'm going to go down there.
I'm going to tell that kid off.
I'm going to tell his parentsoff.
I'm going to tell the principalsoff.
I'm going to, you know, I'm justgoing to.
And he's like, no, Mama, pleasedon't.
You know, that'll beembarrassing.
And I was like, I was mad.
And I wasn't getting high, but Iwasn't.
living for god either right iwas still lost in my in my
(06:40):
journey and um and i thoughtwell okay but that was one of
the turning points for mebecause if i love my kid like
that i know i could not haveknowingly had a kid brought him
to this earth raised him knowinghe was going to die like i Some
(07:00):
kid his own age was picking onhim.
And to know that I was going toraise a kid that was going to
die for the whole world, Icouldn't do that.
I couldn't give my kid that way.
And that's when I truly feellike I started to understand an
unconditional love, which iswhere you have to find your
identity in Christ.
You have to find it in His lovefor you.
SPEAKER_00 (07:22):
I can remember at an early age, probably about 11 or
12, my parents raised us inchurch.
We've Lived at church, I feellike, our whole life, growing
up.
And all my brothers playedmusic.
They sang.
And I was like, where do I fitin?
You know what I mean?
I was like, then at a young age,the enemy started whispering
(07:43):
lies into my ear.
You know what I mean?
It was like, you're differentfrom your family.
You don't fit in.
Because I've seen them up therejust worshiping and playing.
They could play music and sing.
And there was me.
I was like, well, what am Isupposed to do?
So then when I got a littleolder...
And started getting out in theworld.
And I got into addiction.
And I felt like I didn't fit in.
(08:04):
Even though my parents loved me.
And they cared for me.
And I had a great upbringing.
I just didn't know who I was.
And so when I got older and gotinto drugs and stuff, I felt
like I fit in on the outsideworld.
I felt like I was accepted.
Oh, this is my place.
Which is a lot from the enemy.
And so then I became an addict.
(08:27):
And then I...
you know, become a bad mom.
And, you know, the list goes onand on.
I'm going to jail and prison.
And then the next thing youknow, you're just wearing all
these labels of guilt and shameand you don't know who you are
or what you like.
And I remember when I got clean,I was like, I don't even know
what I like.
I don't even know who I ambecause I wear all these masks.
(08:50):
I could be, I could sit at themillionaire's house or I could
sit at the trap house.
It didn't matter to me.
I could, Put that mask onwherever.
I learned how to do that.
And I learned how to wear thoselabels well, which is not good.
And it took me a long time toreally realize who I was in
(09:11):
Christ.
And it came with coming out ofagreement with those labels and
those things I had attachedmyself to and really finding out
who I am and that God reallyloves me.
And like you said, when Istarted tapping into that vein
that God loves me, And when Ireally started loving myself,
those things, my identitystarted changing.
(09:32):
It
SPEAKER_01 (09:34):
gives you a peace.
It gives you a peace.
And people say, well, I gave itto God.
But if you're still harping onit, you haven't gave it to God.
You know, my sister laughs atme.
We're total opposites.
And she constantly is worryingabout things like everything.
You know, she has to make listsand she has to have all this.
(09:55):
Everything has to be in its wayand everything has to have its
place and all these differentthings.
And that's not me.
That's not me
SPEAKER_00 (10:02):
at all.
SPEAKER_01 (10:03):
You know, and I don't know if it's because of.
what i've been through throughthe addiction and through you
know all the situations that nowi can sit down and think about
how did i survive that how didhow you know how did i get
through that but i get mad and iget i worry about something but
(10:23):
i worry about it i have aconversation with god and i'm
done right like i don't think nomore about it when this podcast
thing come about you know i liketo argue with god um I like to
be like, why does anybody wantto hear what I got to say?
Kind of thing.
And I just remember you raisingup in the backseat of the car
and saying, we should do apodcast.
(10:45):
And I'm thinking, she heard himtoo.
I
SPEAKER_00 (10:48):
heard him.
SPEAKER_01 (10:49):
And I kept thinking, but why?
Why would anybody care?
And I've decided that...
This is our identity, right?
Sharing our story.
SPEAKER_00 (11:00):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (11:02):
Showing the grace that we have received is our
story.
That's my identity in Christ.
I find myself giving grace moreand more every day.
Now, am I perfect at it?
No.
I'm still human.
I still get mad at otherdrivers.
I still think I should be theonly one on the road.
But The grace that I can see inthe world makes me believe that
(11:26):
it's not as bad as everybodymakes that out to be.
It's just been a definitewhirlwind.
And it didn't happen overnight.
It didn't happen overnight.
Just because I realized Godloved me unconditionally doesn't
mean that...
All of a sudden, I was thisgreat Christian, and all of a
sudden, everything in lifestarted falling together because
(11:47):
it didn't.
It still took another 10 yearsprobably for life to get to
where it is today.
I don't know.
It's just I'm humbled by Hisgrace.
I'm humbled every day by theblessings that I see, and I want
everybody to feel that.
I want everybody to see that.
(12:09):
I know that this podcast isgeared towards women because
it's two women talking about thethings that we go through.
But I think even men candefinitely listen to some of our
podcasts and find their way,too, because God is open for
whatever it is.
As
SPEAKER_00 (12:26):
I was looking at our notes and stuff, I looked at the
unqualified.
I think that was definitely oneof the labels.
that I had war.
Because I'm not qualified to dothis.
Even when I got the job I havenow, I'm like, I don't have a
degree.
I'm not qualified for this.
But you know what?
(12:47):
I said yes.
And you know what I mean?
That God doesn't call thequality.
He equips you.
You know what I mean?
And He has equipped me to dothis.
And so when I got out of thatI'm not qualified or I'm not
worthy.
Because when you wear thosethings, it keeps you beat down.
And it keeps you depressed andsad.
(13:08):
But I had to just rise up.
And sometimes I just have tolook at myself in the mirror and
be like, Deborah, rise up.
I've got this.
Yeah, and be who God's calledyou to be.
And I literally have to justlook at myself and say that.
Because sometimes I can findmyself, you know, Going back
into that, oh, poor, pitiful me.
You know what I mean?
And then I'm like, no, no, no,that's not who I am.
(13:30):
Right.
That's not who I am.
And we have those days.
Oh, yeah.
Every day is not, like you said,every day is not great.
And every day is not perfect.
But,
SPEAKER_01 (13:36):
man.
I don't know.
To know that, you know, I have aplace to lay my head down that's
mine.
To know that there's a place,you know, that is safe, you
know.
Because I remember many nightsnot feeling safe, but I still
put my head down there, right?
Feeling guilty because I knewwhat I was doing was wrong.
(13:59):
At the end of the day, I knewwhat I was doing was wrong.
I knew that the choices and thedecisions that I made in society
looked down on it.
And I knew, but I knew I wasloved.
I did.
My mama loved me just as much asyour mama loved you and things
like that.
But I remember it was once I...
(14:19):
decided not to be the drugaddict, right?
Once my kid was born and Idecided not to do drugs.
I think that's where a lot of mylabels came from.
They came from guilt and shame.
You know, I was raised in churchthe first 10 years of my life
and, you know, hellfire andbrimstone.
And there was no coming backfrom the decisions that I had
(14:42):
made.
But that was definitely awhisper from the devil, right?
It was one of those...
He knew that God had a plan forme and he knew that God had a
plan for you.
And so anytime the devil canwhisper into my ear, he is
definitely going to do it.
(15:03):
I come home and I told myhusband, I said, well, I found a
hobby.
I don't know who I am.
I still, even now, sometimesdon't know who I am.
It reminds me of a movie Iwatched back in the 90s.
It was called Runaway Broad.
And every guy that she hadagreed to marry, at the end of
the day, she would run away theday of the wedding.
(15:26):
And when she realized she neededto figure out what was going on
with her, she sat down and she'slike, I don't know how I like my
ex.
you know, Bob liked it this way,and John liked them that way,
and Fred liked them this way,and so on and so forth.
And she said, so she went andcooked eggs every different way
that you can cook an egg.
And at the end of it, sherealized she didn't even like
eggs, right?
(15:47):
And I think about that movie,and that's the only part of the
movie I remember, so don't askme what the name of it is,
because I really don't know.
But I think about that movie ina lot of things with life,
right?
Like, I don't know.
My husband's been telling me forfive years now, you need a
hobby.
I'm like, I don't have a hobby.
There's nothing I want to do,right?
(16:09):
But was it three years ago wewent to a women's conference?
And I was like, we need to startgoing around and talking and,
you know, doing these women'sconferences and blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
And you were like, yeah, yeah,yeah.
And, you know, we come back andI've gotten away.
Right.
Your father-in-law got sick.
My papa got sick.
You know, life just got in theway.
And I think that was the startof it.
(16:30):
I think your mama knew.
Oh, yeah.
(16:59):
Being known,
SPEAKER_00 (17:00):
being loved, being redeemed.
I like in 1 Peter 2 and on itsays, But you are a chosen
people, a royal priesthood, aholy nation, God's special
possession.
You think back in the day, God'sspecial possession?
He can't even use me.
God, do you know?
What I've done, you know, you'dbe arguing with God.
(17:22):
Of course God knows what we'vedone.
You know what I mean?
But when we get to that pointwhere I don't care.
I don't care who knows my story.
I don't care who knows that Iwas strung out on the needle or,
you know, that I've been toprison.
I don't care about none of that.
God still chose me.
He still loved me.
And when you get to thatrealization that no matter where
you're at in life, that Godcan't love you any more than he
(17:45):
does right now.
Yep.
And you're good or you're bad.
Yep.
He loves you just the same.
SPEAKER_01 (17:49):
He loves you where you are.
Yeah.
You know, I like the one whereit says Romans 8, 38 through 39.
Nothing can separate us from thelove of God.
And that one was a hard one forme because I think in younger
years, I thought you had to earnsomething.
Because I remember trying toearn my daddy's love.
(18:11):
And my daddy loved me.
But I always felt like I had todo extra or I had to be special.
And that was my earthly father.
So when I tried to find myheavenly father, it took a while
to realize that he just lovesme.
All he wants is for me to Bethat child that tells him she
(18:32):
loves him, asks him when sheneeds help, and thanks him for
everything that he does, right?
Like, he doesn't expect any morefrom us.
And that should be amazing topeople.
SPEAKER_00 (18:44):
I remember one time my brother telling me, he said,
Deb, just be yourself.
Just be yourself.
And that was so freeing to me,even though it was so simple,
like...
Just be yourself because I wastrying to be this and be that
after I got saved.
You know what I mean?
I was trying to walk in Hiscalling.
And my other brother's calling.
My mom's calling.
And I couldn't because God had acalling for me that only I could
(19:06):
walk.
I can't walk in their calling.
I'm not anointed to walk intheir calling.
But I'm anointed to walk in mycalling.
And so when I finally got a holdof that, just be yourself.
Because we put theseexpectations on us.
Like you were saying, we get inperformance mode where we try to
perform.
We try to do all this goodstuff.
And then I come to therealization that just because
(19:28):
it's a good thing, doesn't meanit's a God thing.
Right.
So you have to pray about it.
God, is this from you, or am Ijust trying to do a lot of stuff
to get the check
SPEAKER_01 (19:38):
marks?
Right.
Am I following the checklist,right?
I got promoted three years ago,and with that promotion came a
nice...
bonus structure with my new job.
I've always had a heart to helppeople.
That's just my thing.
I love it.
I get the most joy when I helpother people.
(20:01):
I decided I was going to start anon-profit.
I have all this extra money thatI feel like God gave to me
because I feel like He gave methe promotion.
We're going to start anon-profit.
But there wasn't a we in there.
God was not in it, right?
He was like, slow down, slowdown.
Hold on a minute.
(20:22):
Wait a second.
But no, every phone call I made,every door I tried to open got
slammed in my face.
And I just kept thinking, and ofcourse, I don't give up easily,
right?
So I didn't give up the firsttime or the second or the 10th
time that somebody slammed thedoor in my face.
And finally, I was like, okay,what do you want?
(20:43):
And I said it just like thatteenager too.
What do you want?
I'm irritated and I'mfrustrated.
And he's like, it's okay.
It's okay.
I want you to wait.
And I'm like, because I am not apatient person.
(21:05):
And he's like, just wait.
I have plans for you.
And I'm like, oh.
So then I get in my feelings.
Even though I feel like I have astrong faith with God, I still
get in my feelings.
So in Galatians 3.13, it saysredeemed.
(21:27):
Christ redeems us from the curseof the law.
So whether it's addiction orgetting frustrated with God or
being impatient or being theblack sheep of the family, any
of those, He will redeem youfrom it.
He will give you that redemptiononce you quit throwing your
(21:49):
hissy fits.
SPEAKER_00 (21:51):
You know, the Bible tells us that we're bound by our
words.
So as we continue to...
tell ourselves we're stupid orwe don't belong or you know when
you start believing those thingswe know you the enemy is going
to use that
SPEAKER_01 (22:07):
oh yeah
SPEAKER_00 (22:07):
you know what i mean so that's why it's so important
to not speak i had to repentbecause i should be saying stuff
all the time my lord forgive mefor saying that that's not true
or just a thought yeah that'snot who i am
SPEAKER_01 (22:19):
yeah just a thought right sometimes i'm just like
and then i'm like i'm sorry i'm
SPEAKER_00 (22:24):
sorry sorry jesus yeah But he's so good, and he's
so gracious, and he knows thatwe're going to mess up.
He knows we're going to fail,but he loves us anyway.
He picks us up right where we'reat.
SPEAKER_01 (22:37):
He does.
He does.
And you feel like you're notworthy, and you feel like you
have to have all these differentidentities.
in the world but really all youneed is jesus and that is the
one thing that i hope everyonetakes away from this is that
your identity in jesus or worthbecomes unshakable when you dig
(23:01):
into him and when you find himat the center of every decision
you make every choice that youmake every thought that you have
every word that you speak if youthink of his love first
everything else just kind offlows.
It just kind of goes with it.
(23:22):
You know, I feel like today, youknow, you may not feel like you
measure up and I want you to,when you have those feelings, I
want you to remember Isaiah 43,one, do not fear for I have
redeemed you.
I have summoned you by name.
You are mine.
SPEAKER_00 (23:42):
Amen.
You know, sometimes when I heara voice in my head, I have to
think, is this the truth or isit a lie?
And how I can tell that, if it'sanything that is shameful, I
know that it's not of God.
So I have to not speak thosethings.
(24:03):
I have to stop.
You know what I mean?
I have to pray.
Or silence the voice of theenemy in my life.
Because the enemy is going tocome whisper those things in my
weakest moments.
You know what I mean?
And so that's why it's soimportant.
To get sticky notes.
If ever you need to get itinside of you, write it on your
wall, your mirrors.
I'm beautiful.
You know, I had a conversationwith somebody the other day.
(24:24):
You know, I take selfies and I'mlike the selfie queen and stuff.
And I tell my husband all thetime, you have a beautiful wife.
You know, just aggravating him.
But it's true.
And somebody was like, well, Icould never talk about myself
like that.
And I'm like, why not?
Why not?
Why not?
(24:44):
I mean, even if you don't thinkthat about yourself, start
saying it.
Because that's where it starts.
If you don't think you'rebeautiful, you don't think
you're good enough, start sayingit.
And, you know, just write itdown.
Even if you have to write it ahundred times to get that in,
just start saying it overyourself every day.
Make your list.
Get in your Bible and writedown.
You can Google it.
(25:04):
Who does God say I am?
What does God say about me?
Sometimes I like to get in myquiet time and hear me some
worship music on.
and get my journal out.
All right, Lord, what do you sayabout me today?
And just let them speak to meand write it all down.
And then sometimes I have to goback to that on my hard days and
be like, you know what?
(25:25):
This is what the Lord says aboutme.
I remember what you said aboutme, God.
You know what I mean?
And so if you write it down, getit in your heart.
You know, it...
They
SPEAKER_01 (25:37):
say what we speak is truth, right?
Your tongue is the strongestmuscle of your body.
And I'm a true believer insticky notes, right?
Or you can buy that car paintthat you write on your windows
with or whatever because itwashes off of your mirrors.
And just put notes on there andspeak it to yourself every
(25:57):
morning.
When you wake up, the firstthing I do when I open my eyes
is I tell God, thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (26:02):
Before
SPEAKER_01 (26:04):
my feet hit the floor, I just say, thank you,
God.
I don't say thank you for what.
I don't say thank you in thislong list of things.
All I say is when I open myeyes, thank you.
And I feel like that is a staplein my life.
So let's get practical.
Living from your identity andcross means what to you?
SPEAKER_00 (26:32):
Living from my identity in Christ means that I
can speak with boldness andconfidence about myself and I
can set healthy boundaries.
That's probably what was one ofthe hardest things for me is
setting healthy boundariesbecause I'm a people pleaser.
And so like, I don't like peoplemad at me or so I just like
(26:55):
would walk on eggshells.
You know what I mean?
And that's not healthy.
You shouldn't walk around likethat.
So today I set healthyboundaries.
It's okay to say no.
100%.
I can say no or I can say yes.
You know what I mean?
It's my feelings, and myfeelings are valid.
And I pray bold prayers todayabout who God says I am.
SPEAKER_01 (27:19):
You walk with confidence, not arrogance,
grace, and not guilt.
And when you fall, you don'thide.
You run to Jesus.
Lord Jesus, we want to thank youtoday for giving us this
opportunity to speak life intowomen and to speak your identity
to others.
(27:39):
Lord Jesus, we hope that if oneperson hears this and they start
finding their identity in you,then we have accomplished the
one thing that we were supposedto do.
Every woman listening who feelsforgotten, replace the lies with
truth.
Plant your identity deep in yourword.
(28:00):
May you walk boldly and not inwho she tries to be, but who God
says she already is.
In Jesus' name we pray.
Amen.
SPEAKER_00 (28:11):
Amen.
I don't want to add on to that.
Where we come out of agreementwith every lie of the enemy,
with every false accusation,with every false label, That
we've come into agreement with.
We've come out of agreement withit.
And Lord, today we come intoagreement with who you say we
are.
That we are loved and that weare chosen and that we are
(28:33):
somebody.
And that you have a plan for ourlife and it's a good plan.
And I just pray that everyperson listening to this episode
would know who they are inChrist today.
Or that they would want tohunger for you to know who they
are.
Amen.
Okay, sis.
SPEAKER_01 (28:53):
So if this episode reminds you of the truth of who
you are, send it to your sister,your mama, or your best friend.
Make sure to follow us atUnrelated Sisters and leave a
review so more women can hearthis message of truth and grace.
SPEAKER_00 (29:09):
We love y'all.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (00:29):
As we speak on our identity today, we just pray
that your word will empower usto speak it with boldness and
confidence.
God, that you will remind us whowe are in Christ.
In Jesus' name, amen.
SPEAKER_01 (00:45):
Amen.
Hey, y'all, and welcome to thevery first episode of Unrelated
Sisters Truth and GraceConversation.
I'm Shannon.
SPEAKER_00 (00:54):
And I'm Deb.
And today we're diving intosomething that's been on our
hearts.
Your identity in Christ.
Not your job.
Not your relationship status.
Not even what others say aboutyou.
SPEAKER_01 (01:08):
Because if we're honest, there are a lot of loud
voices trying to name us.
Shame.
Comparison.
Rejection.
Perfectionism.
SPEAKER_00 (01:17):
But the loudest voice should be the truth of who
God says we are.
So today we're going to remindyou and ourselves that your
identity is rooted in Christ.
So let's start with our themeverse.
Ephesians 2.10 says, So sis,
SPEAKER_01 (01:41):
let's get real.
I know me and you have talkedmany, many times about labels
and the labels that we put onourselves and the labels that
the world puts on us.
Can you tell us a little bitabout some of the labels that
you have found for women?
SPEAKER_00 (01:58):
The bad labels?
Yeah, let's start with those.
Okay, yeah, I wore a lot oflabels, a lot of masks.
Probably one of the biggest onesthat I wore was being the black
sheep of my family.
Um, I come later to realize thatthat wasn't who I am.
And so I had attached that labelon myself many years ago that
(02:23):
because her addiction and thingsthat I went through that I
wasn't like my family.
So I labeled myself the badsheep and I acted out on those
things.
And then I, you know, got intodrugs and stuff and I labeled
myself as an addict andunworthy, and the list went on
and on.
And as I labeled myself withthose things, I began to act out
(02:46):
on them.
I began to see myself as notworthy or not good enough or,
you know, that I would nevermeasure up those things.
And then when I come to knowChrist, I found out that those
things were not true aboutmyself.
Well, you
SPEAKER_01 (03:01):
know, sometimes...
when we speak it enough or wethink it enough in our lifetimes
that it becomes who we think weare.
And it doesn't have to be who wethink we are.
But as humans, as women, ascaregivers, that's just kind of
what we do.
we set ourselves up because wethink we have to be perfect we
(03:24):
have to be a perfect mother wehave to be a perfect daughter we
have to be a perfect boss wehave to be perfect in everything
that we do and so we set thoselabels on us and when we make
those decisions whether good orbad decisions we're the ones
that have to live with it and idon't know if it's all about
labels or about the emotionalattachment that comes to those
(03:44):
labels
SPEAKER_00 (03:46):
Yeah, I think it's a little bit of both.
I even remember the last timethe Lord dealt with me on
calling myself a black sheep.
We were at church one night andmy brother was introducing me to
somebody and he was like, thisis my sister.
And I was like, I'm the blacksheep of the family.
And so on the way home, the Lorddealt with me.
He was like, why do you callyourself that?
(04:07):
But that's what I seen myself asbecause I had gotten so much
trouble.
My brothers kind of had ittogether.
You know, and so I just feltlike I was a black sheep.
You know what I mean?
And so I had to repent.
And I had to ask the Lord, I'msorry.
Because he said, why do you callyourself things that I don't
call you?
And so I said, Lord, forgive me.
(04:28):
So I had to pray.
And I said, Lord, I'll come outof agreement with that.
But it's hard.
It's hard when you...
Like you said, you get thatembedded in you.
And I kept saying it.
I would say it all the time.
Nonchalant.
I'm this.
I'm the black sheep.
And you believe, and you startbelieving it.
And other people believe
SPEAKER_01 (04:48):
it.
Oh, yeah.
My sister, she got marriedyoung.
Her and her husband had a house.
They had everything they needed.
They worked.
They weren't scrambling bytrying to feed their kids or
trying to take care ofthemselves.
I was living with my mom at 27.
(05:23):
The media in the world puts thispersona on how life should be,
but that's not how life is.
That's not the real world.
The real world, things happen,right?
We make choices and we makedecisions, and they're not
always good.
But it says in the Bible that weare the daughter of God, that we
(05:45):
are His children, and that Heloves us unconditionally.
And we have to lean into that.
I never understood...
what unconditional love wasuntil I had my own kid.
SPEAKER_00 (05:56):
And
SPEAKER_01 (05:58):
he was, he was probably in the second grade and
he loved going to school and hewould come home and he would
cry.
He didn't want to go back toschool.
And I was like, what is wrong?
You know, you have loved schoolyour whole life.
And he was being bullied atschool.
And I'm like, Oh, no, no, no,no.
I want to be Mama Bear.
(06:18):
I'm going to go down there.
I'm going to tell that kid off.
I'm going to tell his parentsoff.
I'm going to tell the principalsoff.
I'm going to, you know, I'm justgoing to.
And he's like, no, Mama, pleasedon't.
You know, that'll beembarrassing.
And I was like, I was mad.
And I wasn't getting high, but Iwasn't.
living for god either right iwas still lost in my in my
(06:40):
journey and um and i thoughtwell okay but that was one of
the turning points for mebecause if i love my kid like
that i know i could not haveknowingly had a kid brought him
to this earth raised him knowinghe was going to die like i Some
(07:00):
kid his own age was picking onhim.
And to know that I was going toraise a kid that was going to
die for the whole world, Icouldn't do that.
I couldn't give my kid that way.
And that's when I truly feellike I started to understand an
unconditional love, which iswhere you have to find your
identity in Christ.
You have to find it in His lovefor you.
SPEAKER_00 (07:22):
I can remember at an early age, probably about 11 or
12, my parents raised us inchurch.
We've Lived at church, I feellike, our whole life, growing
up.
And all my brothers playedmusic.
They sang.
And I was like, where do I fitin?
You know what I mean?
I was like, then at a young age,the enemy started whispering
(07:43):
lies into my ear.
You know what I mean?
It was like, you're differentfrom your family.
You don't fit in.
Because I've seen them up therejust worshiping and playing.
They could play music and sing.
And there was me.
I was like, well, what am Isupposed to do?
So then when I got a littleolder...
And started getting out in theworld.
And I got into addiction.
And I felt like I didn't fit in.
(08:04):
Even though my parents loved me.
And they cared for me.
And I had a great upbringing.
I just didn't know who I was.
And so when I got older and gotinto drugs and stuff, I felt
like I fit in on the outsideworld.
I felt like I was accepted.
Oh, this is my place.
Which is a lot from the enemy.
And so then I became an addict.
(08:27):
And then I...
you know, become a bad mom.
And, you know, the list goes onand on.
I'm going to jail and prison.
And then the next thing youknow, you're just wearing all
these labels of guilt and shameand you don't know who you are
or what you like.
And I remember when I got clean,I was like, I don't even know
what I like.
I don't even know who I ambecause I wear all these masks.
(08:50):
I could be, I could sit at themillionaire's house or I could
sit at the trap house.
It didn't matter to me.
I could, Put that mask onwherever.
I learned how to do that.
And I learned how to wear thoselabels well, which is not good.
And it took me a long time toreally realize who I was in
(09:11):
Christ.
And it came with coming out ofagreement with those labels and
those things I had attachedmyself to and really finding out
who I am and that God reallyloves me.
And like you said, when Istarted tapping into that vein
that God loves me, And when Ireally started loving myself,
those things, my identitystarted changing.
(09:32):
It
SPEAKER_01 (09:34):
gives you a peace.
It gives you a peace.
And people say, well, I gave itto God.
But if you're still harping onit, you haven't gave it to God.
You know, my sister laughs atme.
We're total opposites.
And she constantly is worryingabout things like everything.
You know, she has to make listsand she has to have all this.
(09:55):
Everything has to be in its wayand everything has to have its
place and all these differentthings.
And that's not me.
That's not me
SPEAKER_00 (10:02):
at all.
SPEAKER_01 (10:03):
You know, and I don't know if it's because of.
what i've been through throughthe addiction and through you
know all the situations that nowi can sit down and think about
how did i survive that how didhow you know how did i get
through that but i get mad and iget i worry about something but
(10:23):
i worry about it i have aconversation with god and i'm
done right like i don't think nomore about it when this podcast
thing come about you know i liketo argue with god um I like to
be like, why does anybody wantto hear what I got to say?
Kind of thing.
And I just remember you raisingup in the backseat of the car
and saying, we should do apodcast.
(10:45):
And I'm thinking, she heard himtoo.
I
SPEAKER_00 (10:48):
heard him.
SPEAKER_01 (10:49):
And I kept thinking, but why?
Why would anybody care?
And I've decided that...
This is our identity, right?
Sharing our story.
SPEAKER_00 (11:00):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (11:02):
Showing the grace that we have received is our
story.
That's my identity in Christ.
I find myself giving grace moreand more every day.
Now, am I perfect at it?
No.
I'm still human.
I still get mad at otherdrivers.
I still think I should be theonly one on the road.
But The grace that I can see inthe world makes me believe that
(11:26):
it's not as bad as everybodymakes that out to be.
It's just been a definitewhirlwind.
And it didn't happen overnight.
It didn't happen overnight.
Just because I realized Godloved me unconditionally doesn't
mean that...
All of a sudden, I was thisgreat Christian, and all of a
sudden, everything in lifestarted falling together because
(11:47):
it didn't.
It still took another 10 yearsprobably for life to get to
where it is today.
I don't know.
It's just I'm humbled by Hisgrace.
I'm humbled every day by theblessings that I see, and I want
everybody to feel that.
I want everybody to see that.
(12:09):
I know that this podcast isgeared towards women because
it's two women talking about thethings that we go through.
But I think even men candefinitely listen to some of our
podcasts and find their way,too, because God is open for
whatever it is.
As
SPEAKER_00 (12:26):
I was looking at our notes and stuff, I looked at the
unqualified.
I think that was definitely oneof the labels.
that I had war.
Because I'm not qualified to dothis.
Even when I got the job I havenow, I'm like, I don't have a
degree.
I'm not qualified for this.
But you know what?
(12:47):
I said yes.
And you know what I mean?
That God doesn't call thequality.
He equips you.
You know what I mean?
And He has equipped me to dothis.
And so when I got out of thatI'm not qualified or I'm not
worthy.
Because when you wear thosethings, it keeps you beat down.
And it keeps you depressed andsad.
(13:08):
But I had to just rise up.
And sometimes I just have tolook at myself in the mirror and
be like, Deborah, rise up.
I've got this.
Yeah, and be who God's calledyou to be.
And I literally have to justlook at myself and say that.
Because sometimes I can findmyself, you know, Going back
into that, oh, poor, pitiful me.
You know what I mean?
And then I'm like, no, no, no,that's not who I am.
(13:30):
Right.
That's not who I am.
And we have those days.
Oh, yeah.
Every day is not, like you said,every day is not great.
And every day is not perfect.
But,
SPEAKER_01 (13:36):
man.
I don't know.
To know that, you know, I have aplace to lay my head down that's
mine.
To know that there's a place,you know, that is safe, you
know.
Because I remember many nightsnot feeling safe, but I still
put my head down there, right?
Feeling guilty because I knewwhat I was doing was wrong.
(13:59):
At the end of the day, I knewwhat I was doing was wrong.
I knew that the choices and thedecisions that I made in society
looked down on it.
And I knew, but I knew I wasloved.
I did.
My mama loved me just as much asyour mama loved you and things
like that.
But I remember it was once I...
(14:19):
decided not to be the drugaddict, right?
Once my kid was born and Idecided not to do drugs.
I think that's where a lot of mylabels came from.
They came from guilt and shame.
You know, I was raised in churchthe first 10 years of my life
and, you know, hellfire andbrimstone.
And there was no coming backfrom the decisions that I had
(14:42):
made.
But that was definitely awhisper from the devil, right?
It was one of those...
He knew that God had a plan forme and he knew that God had a
plan for you.
And so anytime the devil canwhisper into my ear, he is
definitely going to do it.
(15:03):
I come home and I told myhusband, I said, well, I found a
hobby.
I don't know who I am.
I still, even now, sometimesdon't know who I am.
It reminds me of a movie Iwatched back in the 90s.
It was called Runaway Broad.
And every guy that she hadagreed to marry, at the end of
the day, she would run away theday of the wedding.
(15:26):
And when she realized she neededto figure out what was going on
with her, she sat down and she'slike, I don't know how I like my
ex.
you know, Bob liked it this way,and John liked them that way,
and Fred liked them this way,and so on and so forth.
And she said, so she went andcooked eggs every different way
that you can cook an egg.
And at the end of it, sherealized she didn't even like
eggs, right?
(15:47):
And I think about that movie,and that's the only part of the
movie I remember, so don't askme what the name of it is,
because I really don't know.
But I think about that movie ina lot of things with life,
right?
Like, I don't know.
My husband's been telling me forfive years now, you need a
hobby.
I'm like, I don't have a hobby.
There's nothing I want to do,right?
(16:09):
But was it three years ago wewent to a women's conference?
And I was like, we need to startgoing around and talking and,
you know, doing these women'sconferences and blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
And you were like, yeah, yeah,yeah.
And, you know, we come back andI've gotten away.
Right.
Your father-in-law got sick.
My papa got sick.
You know, life just got in theway.
And I think that was the startof it.
(16:30):
I think your mama knew.
Oh, yeah.
(16:59):
Being known,
SPEAKER_00 (17:00):
being loved, being redeemed.
I like in 1 Peter 2 and on itsays, But you are a chosen
people, a royal priesthood, aholy nation, God's special
possession.
You think back in the day, God'sspecial possession?
He can't even use me.
God, do you know?
What I've done, you know, you'dbe arguing with God.
(17:22):
Of course God knows what we'vedone.
You know what I mean?
But when we get to that pointwhere I don't care.
I don't care who knows my story.
I don't care who knows that Iwas strung out on the needle or,
you know, that I've been toprison.
I don't care about none of that.
God still chose me.
He still loved me.
And when you get to thatrealization that no matter where
you're at in life, that Godcan't love you any more than he
(17:45):
does right now.
Yep.
And you're good or you're bad.
Yep.
He loves you just the same.
SPEAKER_01 (17:49):
He loves you where you are.
Yeah.
You know, I like the one whereit says Romans 8, 38 through 39.
Nothing can separate us from thelove of God.
And that one was a hard one forme because I think in younger
years, I thought you had to earnsomething.
Because I remember trying toearn my daddy's love.
(18:11):
And my daddy loved me.
But I always felt like I had todo extra or I had to be special.
And that was my earthly father.
So when I tried to find myheavenly father, it took a while
to realize that he just lovesme.
All he wants is for me to Bethat child that tells him she
(18:32):
loves him, asks him when sheneeds help, and thanks him for
everything that he does, right?
Like, he doesn't expect any morefrom us.
And that should be amazing topeople.
SPEAKER_00 (18:44):
I remember one time my brother telling me, he said,
Deb, just be yourself.
Just be yourself.
And that was so freeing to me,even though it was so simple,
like...
Just be yourself because I wastrying to be this and be that
after I got saved.
You know what I mean?
I was trying to walk in Hiscalling.
And my other brother's calling.
My mom's calling.
And I couldn't because God had acalling for me that only I could
(19:06):
walk.
I can't walk in their calling.
I'm not anointed to walk intheir calling.
But I'm anointed to walk in mycalling.
And so when I finally got a holdof that, just be yourself.
Because we put theseexpectations on us.
Like you were saying, we get inperformance mode where we try to
perform.
We try to do all this goodstuff.
And then I come to therealization that just because
(19:28):
it's a good thing, doesn't meanit's a God thing.
Right.
So you have to pray about it.
God, is this from you, or am Ijust trying to do a lot of stuff
to get the check
SPEAKER_01 (19:38):
marks?
Right.
Am I following the checklist,right?
I got promoted three years ago,and with that promotion came a
nice...
bonus structure with my new job.
I've always had a heart to helppeople.
That's just my thing.
I love it.
I get the most joy when I helpother people.
(20:01):
I decided I was going to start anon-profit.
I have all this extra money thatI feel like God gave to me
because I feel like He gave methe promotion.
We're going to start anon-profit.
But there wasn't a we in there.
God was not in it, right?
He was like, slow down, slowdown.
Hold on a minute.
(20:22):
Wait a second.
But no, every phone call I made,every door I tried to open got
slammed in my face.
And I just kept thinking, and ofcourse, I don't give up easily,
right?
So I didn't give up the firsttime or the second or the 10th
time that somebody slammed thedoor in my face.
And finally, I was like, okay,what do you want?
(20:43):
And I said it just like thatteenager too.
What do you want?
I'm irritated and I'mfrustrated.
And he's like, it's okay.
It's okay.
I want you to wait.
And I'm like, because I am not apatient person.
(21:05):
And he's like, just wait.
I have plans for you.
And I'm like, oh.
So then I get in my feelings.
Even though I feel like I have astrong faith with God, I still
get in my feelings.
So in Galatians 3.13, it saysredeemed.
(21:27):
Christ redeems us from the curseof the law.
So whether it's addiction orgetting frustrated with God or
being impatient or being theblack sheep of the family, any
of those, He will redeem youfrom it.
He will give you that redemptiononce you quit throwing your
(21:49):
hissy fits.
SPEAKER_00 (21:51):
You know, the Bible tells us that we're bound by our
words.
So as we continue to...
tell ourselves we're stupid orwe don't belong or you know when
you start believing those thingswe know you the enemy is going
to use that
SPEAKER_01 (22:07):
oh yeah
SPEAKER_00 (22:07):
you know what i mean so that's why it's so important
to not speak i had to repentbecause i should be saying stuff
all the time my lord forgive mefor saying that that's not true
or just a thought yeah that'snot who i am
SPEAKER_01 (22:19):
yeah just a thought right sometimes i'm just like
and then i'm like i'm sorry i'm
SPEAKER_00 (22:24):
sorry sorry jesus yeah But he's so good, and he's
so gracious, and he knows thatwe're going to mess up.
He knows we're going to fail,but he loves us anyway.
He picks us up right where we'reat.
SPEAKER_01 (22:37):
He does.
He does.
And you feel like you're notworthy, and you feel like you
have to have all these differentidentities.
in the world but really all youneed is jesus and that is the
one thing that i hope everyonetakes away from this is that
your identity in jesus or worthbecomes unshakable when you dig
(23:01):
into him and when you find himat the center of every decision
you make every choice that youmake every thought that you have
every word that you speak if youthink of his love first
everything else just kind offlows.
It just kind of goes with it.
(23:22):
You know, I feel like today, youknow, you may not feel like you
measure up and I want you to,when you have those feelings, I
want you to remember Isaiah 43,one, do not fear for I have
redeemed you.
I have summoned you by name.
You are mine.
SPEAKER_00 (23:42):
Amen.
You know, sometimes when I heara voice in my head, I have to
think, is this the truth or isit a lie?
And how I can tell that, if it'sanything that is shameful, I
know that it's not of God.
So I have to not speak thosethings.
(24:03):
I have to stop.
You know what I mean?
I have to pray.
Or silence the voice of theenemy in my life.
Because the enemy is going tocome whisper those things in my
weakest moments.
You know what I mean?
And so that's why it's soimportant.
To get sticky notes.
If ever you need to get itinside of you, write it on your
wall, your mirrors.
I'm beautiful.
You know, I had a conversationwith somebody the other day.
(24:24):
You know, I take selfies and I'mlike the selfie queen and stuff.
And I tell my husband all thetime, you have a beautiful wife.
You know, just aggravating him.
But it's true.
And somebody was like, well, Icould never talk about myself
like that.
And I'm like, why not?
Why not?
Why not?
(24:44):
I mean, even if you don't thinkthat about yourself, start
saying it.
Because that's where it starts.
If you don't think you'rebeautiful, you don't think
you're good enough, start sayingit.
And, you know, just write itdown.
Even if you have to write it ahundred times to get that in,
just start saying it overyourself every day.
Make your list.
Get in your Bible and writedown.
You can Google it.
(25:04):
Who does God say I am?
What does God say about me?
Sometimes I like to get in myquiet time and hear me some
worship music on.
and get my journal out.
All right, Lord, what do you sayabout me today?
And just let them speak to meand write it all down.
And then sometimes I have to goback to that on my hard days and
be like, you know what?
(25:25):
This is what the Lord says aboutme.
I remember what you said aboutme, God.
You know what I mean?
And so if you write it down, getit in your heart.
You know, it...
They
SPEAKER_01 (25:37):
say what we speak is truth, right?
Your tongue is the strongestmuscle of your body.
And I'm a true believer insticky notes, right?
Or you can buy that car paintthat you write on your windows
with or whatever because itwashes off of your mirrors.
And just put notes on there andspeak it to yourself every
(25:57):
morning.
When you wake up, the firstthing I do when I open my eyes
is I tell God, thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (26:02):
Before
SPEAKER_01 (26:04):
my feet hit the floor, I just say, thank you,
God.
I don't say thank you for what.
I don't say thank you in thislong list of things.
All I say is when I open myeyes, thank you.
And I feel like that is a staplein my life.
So let's get practical.
Living from your identity andcross means what to you?
SPEAKER_00 (26:32):
Living from my identity in Christ means that I
can speak with boldness andconfidence about myself and I
can set healthy boundaries.
That's probably what was one ofthe hardest things for me is
setting healthy boundariesbecause I'm a people pleaser.
And so like, I don't like peoplemad at me or so I just like
(26:55):
would walk on eggshells.
You know what I mean?
And that's not healthy.
You shouldn't walk around likethat.
So today I set healthyboundaries.
It's okay to say no.
100%.
I can say no or I can say yes.
You know what I mean?
It's my feelings, and myfeelings are valid.
And I pray bold prayers todayabout who God says I am.
SPEAKER_01 (27:19):
You walk with confidence, not arrogance,
grace, and not guilt.
And when you fall, you don'thide.
You run to Jesus.
Lord Jesus, we want to thank youtoday for giving us this
opportunity to speak life intowomen and to speak your identity
to others.
(27:39):
Lord Jesus, we hope that if oneperson hears this and they start
finding their identity in you,then we have accomplished the
one thing that we were supposedto do.
Every woman listening who feelsforgotten, replace the lies with
truth.
Plant your identity deep in yourword.
(28:00):
May you walk boldly and not inwho she tries to be, but who God
says she already is.
In Jesus' name we pray.
Amen.
SPEAKER_00 (28:11):
Amen.
I don't want to add on to that.
Where we come out of agreementwith every lie of the enemy,
with every false accusation,with every false label, That
we've come into agreement with.
We've come out of agreement withit.
And Lord, today we come intoagreement with who you say we
are.
That we are loved and that weare chosen and that we are
(28:33):
somebody.
And that you have a plan for ourlife and it's a good plan.
And I just pray that everyperson listening to this episode
would know who they are inChrist today.
Or that they would want tohunger for you to know who they
are.
Amen.
Okay, sis.
SPEAKER_01 (28:53):
So if this episode reminds you of the truth of who
you are, send it to your sister,your mama, or your best friend.
Make sure to follow us atUnrelated Sisters and leave a
review so more women can hearthis message of truth and grace.
SPEAKER_00 (29:09):
We love y'all.
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