June 13, 2025 • 26 mins
Ditch the fluffy mantras and learn how to speak truths that shift your reality.
Are you tired of repeating affirmations that sound good but feel like lies? Are positive affirmations new to you completely? Either way, you have come to the right place! In this episode, I’m breaking down why most affirmations don’t stick — and how to create ones that actually drive transformation. We’ll talk about how your brain filters information, how limiting beliefs get in the way, and what to do instead. I’ll walk you through a simple but powerful method to identify the beliefs holding you back, disprove them, and rewire your reality with affirmations you’ll finally believe — and become.
This is where neuroscience meets soul work. Let’s stop repeating things we wish were true — and start affirming what’s already rising within us.
✨
Follow me on Instagram @unveilyou.co for more confidence tools, spiritual insights, and behind-the-scenes.
Explore ways to work together and download my free empowerment guide at unveilyou.co!
If you loved this episode, share it with someone who’s done playing small — and leave a review to help this message reach more soul-led women. 💫
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, I'm Audrey Yankton, empowerment coach and
researcher, and this is unveiledyou, the podcast where
spirituality meets practicality to help you step fully into your
power. Each week we'll talk about what
it really means to align with your higher self, trust your
inner knowing and walk through life with grounded soul LED
confidence. Let's get into it.
(00:20):
Welcome back beautiful soul. And today we are going to talk
about something that I believe to be a huge tool and self
improvement that I have personally used a lot on myself.
And I'm talking about a thing called positive affirmations.
So have you ever stared into themirror and repeated something
like I am worthy and felt absolutely nothing?
(00:44):
Maybe even worse than nothing? Maybe you felt like a fraud and
then the shame sets in and it's not because affirmations don't
work. It's because you probably
skipped the step. Your brain actually needs to
believe it. So in today's episode, I'm going
to talk you through the science of affirmations.
How to identify what talk tracksin your mind may be holding you
back. How to then change those tracks
(01:06):
into powerful affirmations that serve you in your growth
journey. And then finally, I will walk
you through a real life example of my biggest affirmation and
how I used all of these techniques to create it.
So what is an affirmation and why would you use one to define
it officially? An affirmation is a clear and
powerful statement used to consciously rewire your
(01:27):
subconscious beliefs. So they're meant to align your
thoughts, feelings, and energy with the version of you that
you're becoming or the version of you that you want to become.
Think of it like a mental rehearsal.
You're speaking into existence, the reality you want to live,
and training your brain to believe that it's actually
possible. But affirmations only work when
(01:47):
your brain sees them as emotionally plausible.
So most people try positive affirmations hoping for a quick
change, but end up feeling frustrated or stuck because
their brain just doesn't buy it.When affirmations don't resonate
deeply, they're just like whispering into the wind, like
no real shift is going to happen.
You know the difference between just saying something just to
(02:08):
say it, and those times where you could feel the truth in your
court. We're talking about how to get
that feeling for anything you want to achieve and then write
it into existence. But when you understand how to
create affirmations that your brain believes and accepts, you
unlock the power to rewire your thinking, release limiting
beliefs, and step fully into theperson you're meant to be.
This isn't just about feel good talk.
(02:30):
It's a neuroscience and action, and it can actually change your
life. That's why mastering
affirmations is absolutely worthyour time.
Like, if there's one thing you're going to put all of your
time into, I would suggest it's this.
Because the way you talk to yourself shapes your reality.
And when you get that right, everything starts to change.
So today's episode is about how to create affirmations that your
(02:51):
brain actually accepts and how that can change everything.
So for those of you that know me, I am a scientist and I
really, really don't believe stuff unless it really makes
sense to me at a scientific level.
So I went ahead and broke down the science behind why why this
works for those of you that might also be interested in that
(03:11):
and won't just take my word justbecause I said so.
So let's talk about what's happening in your brain when you
say an affirmation and why most of them aren't landing.
So First things first, we have this thing called the reticular
activating system or the Ras. And this is the part of your
brain that acts like a bouncer at a club, for example.
(03:33):
It filters information based on what you already believe.
So in an effort to kind of reduce the mental burden of
sifting through stuff yourself, it only lets through stuff that
it deems actually important. So if your affirmation doesn't
match your identity, your Ras isgoing to go ahead and dismiss
it. And it doesn't do this out of an
act of sabotage. It's just an act of self
(03:55):
protection. And then when your affirmations
contradict deeply held beliefs, your brain flags this
contradiction. So instead of accepting the new
idea, it often double S down on the old one.
And this is going to create someemotional friction and it can
actually strengthen your limiting belief, which obviously
is not something you want. So it's important to understand
(04:16):
this part again to create a really good positive affirmation
that your brain is going to actually buy into.
So then getting deeper on the science, I want to talk about
something called neuroplasticity.
So I went and looked up the actual dictionary definition,
which is the ability of the brain to form and reorganize
synaptic connections, especiallyin response to learning
(04:38):
something or experiencing something or following an
injury. So then, broken down in plain
English, neuroplasticity means that your brain can change.
It rewires itself based on new experiences and repeated
patterns. But repetition alone doesn't do
the trick. You can't just sit in front of
the mirror and say to yourself, I am worthy.
I am worthy. I am worthy until you're blue in
(05:00):
the face. It just doesn't work.
You actually need to have this what we'll call winning
combination, which is emotion plus repetition plus safety.
So when you say an affirmation that feels emotionally
believable, even if it's just 1%, your brain begins laying
down those new neural pathways. You know, even that 1%
believability, your Ras system isn't going to just kick it to
(05:23):
the side and deem it as false. It says, oh, OK, this is
somewhat true. And then we'll allow that back
into your brain. And then these new neural
pathways start to develop to support this new belief that you
were trying to instill in your brain.
So these new paths grow strongerthe more you return to them, and
they literally can reshape your internal landscape.
So it's really, really cool whatour brains do even when we're
(05:44):
not asking them to do anything, right?
So then the final piece of this of the science part is going to
be mirror neurons and the visualization that works with
that. So what is a mirror neuron?
A mirror neuron is the brain cells that fire both when you
perform an action and then when you observe someone else
(06:06):
performing it. They work equally just as well.
So again, that's when you go andperform an action or when you
witness someone else performing it.
So you don't actually have to doit for these neurons to work.
There a core reason why watchingsomeone else succeed can be
motivating, or why also unfortunately, witnessing fear
can be contagious. Your brain, it doesn't always
(06:27):
distinguish between what's real and what's imagined.
So when you visualize your affirmation and feel the
emotional truth of it, you your mirror neurons help encode that
imagined experience as a lived 1.
So again, you don't even have toactually experience something.
When you visualize something effectively, your brain acts as
though it's experiencing that even though you aren't doing it
(06:49):
yourself. So that's really cool.
And this is mental rehearsal in action.
You're training your brain and body to believe that it's
already happening. So, for example, when you want
to affirm something like I lead with confidence, and you picture
yourself walking boldly into a meeting, your brain is
practicing that experience as ifit's real.
(07:09):
And the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
Mirror neurons also respond to imagined identity shifts.
So when you visualize the version of you who already
embodies your affirmation, your brain begins reinforcing those
traits. And the more vividly you
imagine, and not just the actionbut the emotional state, the
environment, the outcome, the stronger the effect.
(07:32):
So I'm talking things like you're trying to imagine
yourself being more confident and walking into that conference
room and just this unshakable confidence.
Try to actually get into the feeling of like, what does that
feel like to be so bold? Or what are like even the sights
and the smells that come with that.
The more senses you can like bring into these visualizations,
(07:56):
the more effective these are going to be.
So this deepens the neural encoding and it builds A belief
at the subconscious level. So that's the science of why
this can all work physiologically.
But now we need to talk about these things called limiting
beliefs that are actually controlling your life
subconsciously whether or not you want them to.
So what is a limiting belief? Limiting beliefs are the
(08:19):
internal scripts that are holding you back.
They're usually unconscious and they feel like facts.
But just because they feel like facts doesn't mean that they
are. For example, do you know someone
that is super smart? And when you tell them that
obvious facts and say you are sosmart, they say, no, I'm not, I
don't know anything. That's because regardless of the
(08:39):
reality, they hold what we're calling a limiting belief of not
being smart, and that keeps themheld back.
So where do these come from? Most are formed in childhood and
they're shaped by trauma, repetition, or environment.
I'm sure if you think of some places that you, you know, don't
have as much confidence in, you can almost always tie that back
(09:00):
to some kind of childhood memory, some kind of trauma that
happened to you, maybe an environment you grew up in.
We aren't born automatically thinking negative things about
ourselves. It's a learned behavior, so
therefore it can be unlearned too, right?
So some common examples of some limiting beliefs that I've heard
before or that I'm sure we can all relate to.
Or I'm not good enough, or people won't take me seriously.
(09:24):
Or for me personally, being visible is dangerous.
That's when I grew up believing for a long time.
Another one might be, I always mess things up.
So how do you actually identify a limiting belief?
It's not like we're consciously thinking these things all the
time. And it's really hard sometimes
to know what is a limiting belief and where does that come
(09:45):
from? So some of us might know right
away, like 5 to 10 limiting beliefs that they have, which is
a great place to start. But for others who feel stuck,
like they know they have negative self talk issues but no
idea where they stem from, here are some things you can do and
pay attention to, to start to unpack these.
So I like to start by tracking my emotional responses.
(10:06):
So in times where you're feelingnot so good about yourself, if
you can actually stop yourself and turn inward and start to
sort through where do you feel stuck or small or ashamed or
anxious? Or perhaps even what situations
trigger a disproportionate emotional reaction?
Like, does public speaking in front of 20 people make you just
(10:28):
absolutely so anxious you can't even stomach the thought of it?
That feels a little bit disproportionate to the actual
thing that's going on, which is speaking in front of 20 people,
right? So where does that come from?
Think of the triggers like that.Another question you can ask
yourself when you're trying to understand these emotional
responses are when do you shrinkor self sabotage or even avoid
(10:50):
taking action? These moments are clues that a
limiting belief may be running the show for you.
And it's also important not to judge yourself for anything as
you uncover the truth about it and the root causes.
Judgment's what got you there inthe 1st place.
So don't do it to yourself now in a conscious way.
You were doing big work here andyou should not judge yourself
for anything. And again, awareness brings
(11:12):
change. So thank yourself for learning
more about the why so that you can begin to address it.
And once you start to identify those limiting beliefs and
scripts that are running in the background, start to ask
yourself, when did I first startthinking this way?
And again, just don't judge yourself for any thought that
comes to mind. If it's something that happened
in your teen years, if it's something that happened when you
(11:35):
were a small child, it's something that happened maybe
even when you were a baby and you can't even believe you that
you can remember stuff like that.
Just try to understand. When did I first start thinking
this way? Another thing to that is going
to be really helpful to understand is whose belief are
you actually carrying? Like, is it your belief or is it
someone else's? Is it maybe like an old
(11:57):
relationship or perhaps a parentor a different family member,
maybe a friend? Is it their belief about you
that's actually spilling over into your beliefs about
yourself? That's super important to
identify. And then finally, ask yourself,
what are you afraid of happeningif you've stopped believing in
that? And as you can tell, this can
(12:22):
take a lot of inner work to become aware of these beliefs.
But by surfacing these buried thoughts, you're going to bring
them into light. And what you can see, you can
shift. So that's what's important here.
So now that you've identified your limiting belief, the next
part of this is how to get your brain to believe what you want
to shift it into believing. Like, how are you going to prove
to yourself that this new way ofthinking is true so that your
(12:43):
brain can rewire to support the shift?
This is about becoming your own inner advocate, your own
personal cheerleader. You can ask yourself things
like, has this belief ever been wrong?
If the answer is yes, then thereyou go, you've already disproved
it. You're imagining things into
reality when sometimes they don't even become reality.
Another thing to ask yourself iswhat would I say to someone I
(13:05):
love who believed this? We're often the hardest on
ourselves, so switching the perspective to someone that you
love can help you look through the lens of fairness and
compassion, which a lot of us donot hold for ourselves in the
same way. Which is super unfortunate
because the saying is true. If you don't love yourself, you
really can't love others. So it's super, super important
to cultivate this self love within yourself or else you
(13:28):
really can't change anything. So again, that's a really big
one and actually something that I had a client who this really
resounded with one time was if you can't do it for yourself,
can you do it for the child version of yourself or a
friendship or someone else? So again, what would I say to
someone I love who believed this?
The next thing you can ask yourself is who benefits from me
(13:50):
keeping this belief? If the answer is nobody, then
what reason is there to hold on?And even if it's someone else
that benefits by you keeping that belief, again, if it's not
you, is it really that important?
Really what you believe about yourself is the only thing that
matters. And then finally, a really big 1
is what is the cost of continuing to believe this?
(14:12):
Like if you're trying to go and start a new business, but you
have in your head that success is not possible for you, that's
a pretty big cost, right? Like you cannot have a thriving
good business if you don't believe it will be successful.
So if you can really understand the cost of continuing to
believe these negative beliefs about yourself, then you have a
(14:35):
lot of motivation to change that.
So then here's how to disprove your limiting belief.
If none of that got you into an automatic disproving.
So First things first, you can go ahead and gather counter
evidence from your own personal past.
So this is looking for small wins and real moments that
contradict that belief. Like for example, if you believe
that you are no good at something like cooking, yet
(14:56):
every time you go to a gatheringpeople bring ask you to bring
your famous XYZ dish, then you can't be that bad at cooking,
right? So that's gathering the counter
evidence from your own past. Another thing that I like to do
is seek out role models or mentors that prove whatever
belief you hold false by how they live.
(15:17):
So this can be someone that you actually know or something as
simple as someone you follow online, even if you've never met
them, see them living in a way that you feel is impossible for
you. If someone else is doing it,
then you can too, end of story. No one is more special than the
other. If someone else is doing
something with their human body,you can absolutely do that too.
There is no question about that.Another thing to look into is
(15:40):
you can break the belief into different parts and say is every
part of this always true? Because usually it's not.
You could also use logic and compassion, which you know, even
if this was true once, is it true now for you?
Things can change, people changeall the time.
So maybe something did happen toyou one time, but is that still
(16:01):
the truth of what it is for you now?
And then finally, you can use your own language, which is
speaking directly to the belief,like you're gently coaching a
younger version of you again. Guess just all the compassion
and love you have coaching this person within you.
This is key in writing an affirmation that is effective
too. So that's going to be really
helpful to help you disprove this negative belief that you
(16:23):
hold about yourself as well. So then when you disprove the
belief, you're not just rejecting it, you're actually
replacing it with something moregrounded and empowered and real.
So then let your nervous system register this shift.
This isn't just about mindset. It's about energetic safety and
self trust. So now that you have identified
your limiting belief or beliefs and now have logic to disprove
(16:46):
them, now it's time to write theaffirmations.
I like to start with this framework which starts with
present tense only. So we're not wishing things to
happen in the future and we're not talking about them in the
past. We're talking about the present
as though time doesn't exist. So use phrases like I am or I
(17:07):
show up as or I lead with we're talking about who you already
are as what you want to install into your brain.
So present tense as though it isalready happening is the key
here. Your affirmation also has to be
emotionally believable, even if it's just 1%.
Because remember we have that Ras in our brain that is kicking
(17:28):
aside the things that are not believable.
So you have to give it that one at least 1% believability.
And then all sudden your brain can sort of start to buy into
that. And then also this needs to be
super specific and embodied because vague things don't
stick. So for example, instead of just
saying I want to be confident, notice how like you're saying I
(17:50):
want to be. That's like not present tense,
that's just aspirational at thatpoint.
Just saying I want to be confident.
It's also super vague. So you can actually rewrite that
into something like I lead with confidence in every room I walk
into. Do you see how much more visual
that is? And you can actually place
yourself in a room walking into it, being confident.
(18:13):
That's what you're looking for out of a positive affirmation.
So again, we changed. I want to be confident into, I
lead with confidence in every room I walk into.
Now, I'm an examples person. So I went ahead and wrote out a
bunch of examples that I think might be relevant to this
audience. Hoping so anyway.
So say you have the limiting belief of my voice doesn't
(18:34):
matter. You can change that into I trust
myself to speak with clarity andimpact.
One from my past, which is beingvisible is dangerous.
I change that into I am groundedand safe in my visibility.
Here's another one of people won't be drawn to the real me.
(18:55):
You can change that to I show upas the most magnetic version of
myself. Another one is I'm too much.
You can change that to I am allowed to take up space fully
and unapologetically. Another one that's big is I'm
not good enough. I'm sure a lot of us can relate
(19:16):
to that. I know I definitely can.
You can change that into I am inthe process of becoming someone
who deeply believes in her worth.
Again, super specific and allowsyou to visualize.
I am in the process of becoming someone who deeply believes in
her worth. A couple more is if I'm seen,
(19:37):
I'll be rejected. Turn that into I am safe to be
seen, heard, and celebrated. And then my last example, it's
not safe for me to be powerful. You can turn that into I embody
my power with ease and grace. So again, this isn't rocket
science. It's just understanding exactly
what these affirmations need to be and then just giving it the
(20:00):
visuals and the specificity thatit needs to be effective.
And the believability, seriouslyguys, believability is so key
here because again, if you are consciously sitting here and not
believing something, I guaranteeyou, your subconscious is not
believing it either. So again, that believability
aspect just really has to be present with these.
So when you have your affirmations, then you can check
(20:23):
it with these couple of questions that you can ask.
Can you feel it in your body? Like seriously, if you visualize
it, do you actually feel that it's true?
If so, then that's a wonderful affirmation.
And the other big one is, would you remember it in a moment of
doubt? Because again, we're trying to
rewire our brain when we come across these triggers for us
(20:45):
that that incite these emotionalresponses that are keeping us
held back in the 1st place. So this needs to be something
that's accessible to you in a moment of doubt.
Otherwise, you really can't use them effectively.
And there's nothing wrong with writing this on a piece of paper
too, if that's something that's going to help you.
I definitely wouldn't judge you if you pulled out a piece of
paper in an emotional moment. So then finally, I'm going to
(21:08):
route round this out with one ofa my real life examples using my
own experience. So as if you've been listening
to the podcast from the very beginning, you know that I used
to believe that being visible was really unsafe for me and I
didn't know I believed this until I started this unveil you
business and my body just seemedto resist every time I tried to
(21:31):
be seen. This has to do with on social
media, launching this podcast, coming out with even artwork for
the podcast, all sorts of different things.
I just resisted. And then I thought back, well,
I've always felt like this when it comes to like performing on
stage or public speaking, like this is a theme of my life.
There's actually something here anchoring me into this belief.
(21:52):
So then I had to understand, where did this come from and why
is this so challenging for me? And then I thought about my
childhood and I realized that I just grew up in this gossip
heavy culture and I saw people get torn apart verbally.
And that really bothered me. So my nervous system decided for
me a long time ago that to stay invisible is the same as staying
(22:15):
safe. So it went ahead and wired that
pathway in my brain of like, stay invisible and you're good.
So that's why I was having so much resistance every time I was
doing these things that made me invisible.
So how did I go about disprovingit?
I looked at friends who were highly visible and thriving,
especially during my college years, and I broke away from my
(22:35):
hometown. I was able to see all sorts of
different types of people. And especially now in my career,
and there's people that just putwhatever out there and they're
so happy and they're doing really well with it.
In fact, like it's core to theirbusinesses in some cases, and it
helps them thrive. So that was something that
disproved it to me. It's like, OK, yeah, visibility
(22:56):
is not always a bad thing. I guess I'm seeing that in the
real world. And then also I looked inward at
times where I was visible and praised for that.
So for example, this is something really stupid, but at
work, I, you know, normally I would never participate in like
a food cook off or something like that.
(23:16):
And my job was doing chili cook off.
And I actually thought, you knowwhat?
I, I do make a really good chili.
I should enter it. I think a version of me like 2
years ago would have never done something like that.
I would have never put somethinglike my own creation up for, you
know, discussion against other people's because I just was
(23:37):
that, that thought just terrified me.
I didn't want the harsh criticism.
Like it's not like I was doing it to win, but like I definitely
didn't want to lose either. So yeah, I went, I I actually
won this chili cook off and thatwas really crazy to me because
again, it's, it's so stupid, butlike, it's something I wouldn't
have done a few years back. And yeah, so that's a, that's a,
(24:01):
you know, as visible as it can get.
It's like, here's my food and here's, you know, who made it
and go ahead and critique it. So I mean, that was, that was a
more recent thing for me. But I mean, there's been lots of
things throughout my life where,you know, you go and do a
performance for a dancer title or something, and people say
real, all sorts of nice things. And I guess it's just up to you
(24:23):
to believe it if people mean it or not.
Like people don't say stuff justto say it.
Almost never do they say stuff just to say it.
So yeah, I was remembering timesof visibility and getting praise
for that. So then with disproving this,
these limiting beliefs of visibility, I was then able to
create some new affirmations. So the one that I use that
(24:45):
sticks with me is being seen reveals my strength, not my
weakness. And then I practice that until
my nervous system could actuallybelieve it.
So now it's your turn. So just to look at all that
we've talked about today on thispodcast, I want you to reflect
what's 1 area in your life that you want to change?
(25:06):
What do you believe about yourself in that area?
And where did that belief come from?
And most importantly, whose voice is it really?
Once you have that reflection time and you figure that out,
it's time to debunk it and become a loving detective for
yourself. Look for the proof that
challenges this belief that you hold.
And then it's time to write yournew affirmation.
(25:27):
Write one that feels like a truth that you can start to
believe and start to get your brain on board with so those
neural pathways can start to rewire themselves, right?
One that speaks to who you were already becoming.
Again, that present tense. Don't put it in an aspirational
way. Put it in a way that makes you
feel like things are happening for you right now.
So you say it and you feel it and you repeat it.
(25:50):
Especially in those times where you're triggered emotionally.
If you do this work, and you really do it, your outer world
absolutely will begin to reflectyour inner truth.
I know this because I'm living it right now and I see others
all the time doing the same. If you put in the work and
believe in it, your life will start to change for the better.
Like guys, it's not a maybe. It seriously will change, so you
(26:12):
might as well give this a try. And then finally send me Adm on
Instagram at unveilu.co and share the affirmation you
created. I'd absolutely love to witness
it. Or even if you're stuck in
neutral and can't figure out howto write an affirmation that
works for you, send me Adm and I'd love to give you my take on
things and help you get unstuck.I believe we're in this
together, and I'd love to help you in any way that you need.
(26:34):
And if this episode shifted something in you, send it to a
friend who's rewriting their story too.
Thank you so much for listening in today, and I hope you have a
beautiful week. Bye.
Hey, I'm Audrey Yankton, empowerment coach and
researcher, and this is unveiledyou, the podcast where
spirituality meets practicality to help you step fully into your
power. Each week we'll talk about what
it really means to align with your higher self, trust your
inner knowing and walk through life with grounded soul LED
confidence. Let's get into it.
(00:20):
Welcome back beautiful soul. And today we are going to talk
about something that I believe to be a huge tool and self
improvement that I have personally used a lot on myself.
And I'm talking about a thing called positive affirmations.
So have you ever stared into themirror and repeated something
like I am worthy and felt absolutely nothing?
(00:44):
Maybe even worse than nothing? Maybe you felt like a fraud and
then the shame sets in and it's not because affirmations don't
work. It's because you probably
skipped the step. Your brain actually needs to
believe it. So in today's episode, I'm going
to talk you through the science of affirmations.
How to identify what talk tracksin your mind may be holding you
back. How to then change those tracks
(01:06):
into powerful affirmations that serve you in your growth
journey. And then finally, I will walk
you through a real life example of my biggest affirmation and
how I used all of these techniques to create it.
So what is an affirmation and why would you use one to define
it officially? An affirmation is a clear and
powerful statement used to consciously rewire your
(01:27):
subconscious beliefs. So they're meant to align your
thoughts, feelings, and energy with the version of you that
you're becoming or the version of you that you want to become.
Think of it like a mental rehearsal.
You're speaking into existence, the reality you want to live,
and training your brain to believe that it's actually
possible. But affirmations only work when
(01:47):
your brain sees them as emotionally plausible.
So most people try positive affirmations hoping for a quick
change, but end up feeling frustrated or stuck because
their brain just doesn't buy it.When affirmations don't resonate
deeply, they're just like whispering into the wind, like
no real shift is going to happen.
You know the difference between just saying something just to
(02:08):
say it, and those times where you could feel the truth in your
court. We're talking about how to get
that feeling for anything you want to achieve and then write
it into existence. But when you understand how to
create affirmations that your brain believes and accepts, you
unlock the power to rewire your thinking, release limiting
beliefs, and step fully into theperson you're meant to be.
This isn't just about feel good talk.
(02:30):
It's a neuroscience and action, and it can actually change your
life. That's why mastering
affirmations is absolutely worthyour time.
Like, if there's one thing you're going to put all of your
time into, I would suggest it's this.
Because the way you talk to yourself shapes your reality.
And when you get that right, everything starts to change.
So today's episode is about how to create affirmations that your
(02:51):
brain actually accepts and how that can change everything.
So for those of you that know me, I am a scientist and I
really, really don't believe stuff unless it really makes
sense to me at a scientific level.
So I went ahead and broke down the science behind why why this
works for those of you that might also be interested in that
(03:11):
and won't just take my word justbecause I said so.
So let's talk about what's happening in your brain when you
say an affirmation and why most of them aren't landing.
So First things first, we have this thing called the reticular
activating system or the Ras. And this is the part of your
brain that acts like a bouncer at a club, for example.
(03:33):
It filters information based on what you already believe.
So in an effort to kind of reduce the mental burden of
sifting through stuff yourself, it only lets through stuff that
it deems actually important. So if your affirmation doesn't
match your identity, your Ras isgoing to go ahead and dismiss
it. And it doesn't do this out of an
act of sabotage. It's just an act of self
(03:55):
protection. And then when your affirmations
contradict deeply held beliefs, your brain flags this
contradiction. So instead of accepting the new
idea, it often double S down on the old one.
And this is going to create someemotional friction and it can
actually strengthen your limiting belief, which obviously
is not something you want. So it's important to understand
(04:16):
this part again to create a really good positive affirmation
that your brain is going to actually buy into.
So then getting deeper on the science, I want to talk about
something called neuroplasticity.
So I went and looked up the actual dictionary definition,
which is the ability of the brain to form and reorganize
synaptic connections, especiallyin response to learning
(04:38):
something or experiencing something or following an
injury. So then, broken down in plain
English, neuroplasticity means that your brain can change.
It rewires itself based on new experiences and repeated
patterns. But repetition alone doesn't do
the trick. You can't just sit in front of
the mirror and say to yourself, I am worthy.
I am worthy. I am worthy until you're blue in
(05:00):
the face. It just doesn't work.
You actually need to have this what we'll call winning
combination, which is emotion plus repetition plus safety.
So when you say an affirmation that feels emotionally
believable, even if it's just 1%, your brain begins laying
down those new neural pathways. You know, even that 1%
believability, your Ras system isn't going to just kick it to
(05:23):
the side and deem it as false. It says, oh, OK, this is
somewhat true. And then we'll allow that back
into your brain. And then these new neural
pathways start to develop to support this new belief that you
were trying to instill in your brain.
So these new paths grow strongerthe more you return to them, and
they literally can reshape your internal landscape.
So it's really, really cool whatour brains do even when we're
(05:44):
not asking them to do anything, right?
So then the final piece of this of the science part is going to
be mirror neurons and the visualization that works with
that. So what is a mirror neuron?
A mirror neuron is the brain cells that fire both when you
perform an action and then when you observe someone else
(06:06):
performing it. They work equally just as well.
So again, that's when you go andperform an action or when you
witness someone else performing it.
So you don't actually have to doit for these neurons to work.
There a core reason why watchingsomeone else succeed can be
motivating, or why also unfortunately, witnessing fear
can be contagious. Your brain, it doesn't always
(06:27):
distinguish between what's real and what's imagined.
So when you visualize your affirmation and feel the
emotional truth of it, you your mirror neurons help encode that
imagined experience as a lived 1.
So again, you don't even have toactually experience something.
When you visualize something effectively, your brain acts as
though it's experiencing that even though you aren't doing it
(06:49):
yourself. So that's really cool.
And this is mental rehearsal in action.
You're training your brain and body to believe that it's
already happening. So, for example, when you want
to affirm something like I lead with confidence, and you picture
yourself walking boldly into a meeting, your brain is
practicing that experience as ifit's real.
(07:09):
And the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
Mirror neurons also respond to imagined identity shifts.
So when you visualize the version of you who already
embodies your affirmation, your brain begins reinforcing those
traits. And the more vividly you
imagine, and not just the actionbut the emotional state, the
environment, the outcome, the stronger the effect.
(07:32):
So I'm talking things like you're trying to imagine
yourself being more confident and walking into that conference
room and just this unshakable confidence.
Try to actually get into the feeling of like, what does that
feel like to be so bold? Or what are like even the sights
and the smells that come with that.
The more senses you can like bring into these visualizations,
(07:56):
the more effective these are going to be.
So this deepens the neural encoding and it builds A belief
at the subconscious level. So that's the science of why
this can all work physiologically.
But now we need to talk about these things called limiting
beliefs that are actually controlling your life
subconsciously whether or not you want them to.
So what is a limiting belief? Limiting beliefs are the
(08:19):
internal scripts that are holding you back.
They're usually unconscious and they feel like facts.
But just because they feel like facts doesn't mean that they
are. For example, do you know someone
that is super smart? And when you tell them that
obvious facts and say you are sosmart, they say, no, I'm not, I
don't know anything. That's because regardless of the
(08:39):
reality, they hold what we're calling a limiting belief of not
being smart, and that keeps themheld back.
So where do these come from? Most are formed in childhood and
they're shaped by trauma, repetition, or environment.
I'm sure if you think of some places that you, you know, don't
have as much confidence in, you can almost always tie that back
(09:00):
to some kind of childhood memory, some kind of trauma that
happened to you, maybe an environment you grew up in.
We aren't born automatically thinking negative things about
ourselves. It's a learned behavior, so
therefore it can be unlearned too, right?
So some common examples of some limiting beliefs that I've heard
before or that I'm sure we can all relate to.
Or I'm not good enough, or people won't take me seriously.
(09:24):
Or for me personally, being visible is dangerous.
That's when I grew up believing for a long time.
Another one might be, I always mess things up.
So how do you actually identify a limiting belief?
It's not like we're consciously thinking these things all the
time. And it's really hard sometimes
to know what is a limiting belief and where does that come
(09:45):
from? So some of us might know right
away, like 5 to 10 limiting beliefs that they have, which is
a great place to start. But for others who feel stuck,
like they know they have negative self talk issues but no
idea where they stem from, here are some things you can do and
pay attention to, to start to unpack these.
So I like to start by tracking my emotional responses.
(10:06):
So in times where you're feelingnot so good about yourself, if
you can actually stop yourself and turn inward and start to
sort through where do you feel stuck or small or ashamed or
anxious? Or perhaps even what situations
trigger a disproportionate emotional reaction?
Like, does public speaking in front of 20 people make you just
(10:28):
absolutely so anxious you can't even stomach the thought of it?
That feels a little bit disproportionate to the actual
thing that's going on, which is speaking in front of 20 people,
right? So where does that come from?
Think of the triggers like that.Another question you can ask
yourself when you're trying to understand these emotional
responses are when do you shrinkor self sabotage or even avoid
(10:50):
taking action? These moments are clues that a
limiting belief may be running the show for you.
And it's also important not to judge yourself for anything as
you uncover the truth about it and the root causes.
Judgment's what got you there inthe 1st place.
So don't do it to yourself now in a conscious way.
You were doing big work here andyou should not judge yourself
for anything. And again, awareness brings
(11:12):
change. So thank yourself for learning
more about the why so that you can begin to address it.
And once you start to identify those limiting beliefs and
scripts that are running in the background, start to ask
yourself, when did I first startthinking this way?
And again, just don't judge yourself for any thought that
comes to mind. If it's something that happened
in your teen years, if it's something that happened when you
(11:35):
were a small child, it's something that happened maybe
even when you were a baby and you can't even believe you that
you can remember stuff like that.
Just try to understand. When did I first start thinking
this way? Another thing to that is going
to be really helpful to understand is whose belief are
you actually carrying? Like, is it your belief or is it
someone else's? Is it maybe like an old
(11:57):
relationship or perhaps a parentor a different family member,
maybe a friend? Is it their belief about you
that's actually spilling over into your beliefs about
yourself? That's super important to
identify. And then finally, ask yourself,
what are you afraid of happeningif you've stopped believing in
that? And as you can tell, this can
(12:22):
take a lot of inner work to become aware of these beliefs.
But by surfacing these buried thoughts, you're going to bring
them into light. And what you can see, you can
shift. So that's what's important here.
So now that you've identified your limiting belief, the next
part of this is how to get your brain to believe what you want
to shift it into believing. Like, how are you going to prove
to yourself that this new way ofthinking is true so that your
(12:43):
brain can rewire to support the shift?
This is about becoming your own inner advocate, your own
personal cheerleader. You can ask yourself things
like, has this belief ever been wrong?
If the answer is yes, then thereyou go, you've already disproved
it. You're imagining things into
reality when sometimes they don't even become reality.
Another thing to ask yourself iswhat would I say to someone I
(13:05):
love who believed this? We're often the hardest on
ourselves, so switching the perspective to someone that you
love can help you look through the lens of fairness and
compassion, which a lot of us donot hold for ourselves in the
same way. Which is super unfortunate
because the saying is true. If you don't love yourself, you
really can't love others. So it's super, super important
to cultivate this self love within yourself or else you
(13:28):
really can't change anything. So again, that's a really big
one and actually something that I had a client who this really
resounded with one time was if you can't do it for yourself,
can you do it for the child version of yourself or a
friendship or someone else? So again, what would I say to
someone I love who believed this?
The next thing you can ask yourself is who benefits from me
(13:50):
keeping this belief? If the answer is nobody, then
what reason is there to hold on?And even if it's someone else
that benefits by you keeping that belief, again, if it's not
you, is it really that important?
Really what you believe about yourself is the only thing that
matters. And then finally, a really big 1
is what is the cost of continuing to believe this?
(14:12):
Like if you're trying to go and start a new business, but you
have in your head that success is not possible for you, that's
a pretty big cost, right? Like you cannot have a thriving
good business if you don't believe it will be successful.
So if you can really understand the cost of continuing to
believe these negative beliefs about yourself, then you have a
(14:35):
lot of motivation to change that.
So then here's how to disprove your limiting belief.
If none of that got you into an automatic disproving.
So First things first, you can go ahead and gather counter
evidence from your own personal past.
So this is looking for small wins and real moments that
contradict that belief. Like for example, if you believe
that you are no good at something like cooking, yet
(14:56):
every time you go to a gatheringpeople bring ask you to bring
your famous XYZ dish, then you can't be that bad at cooking,
right? So that's gathering the counter
evidence from your own past. Another thing that I like to do
is seek out role models or mentors that prove whatever
belief you hold false by how they live.
(15:17):
So this can be someone that you actually know or something as
simple as someone you follow online, even if you've never met
them, see them living in a way that you feel is impossible for
you. If someone else is doing it,
then you can too, end of story. No one is more special than the
other. If someone else is doing
something with their human body,you can absolutely do that too.
There is no question about that.Another thing to look into is
(15:40):
you can break the belief into different parts and say is every
part of this always true? Because usually it's not.
You could also use logic and compassion, which you know, even
if this was true once, is it true now for you?
Things can change, people changeall the time.
So maybe something did happen toyou one time, but is that still
(16:01):
the truth of what it is for you now?
And then finally, you can use your own language, which is
speaking directly to the belief,like you're gently coaching a
younger version of you again. Guess just all the compassion
and love you have coaching this person within you.
This is key in writing an affirmation that is effective
too. So that's going to be really
helpful to help you disprove this negative belief that you
(16:23):
hold about yourself as well. So then when you disprove the
belief, you're not just rejecting it, you're actually
replacing it with something moregrounded and empowered and real.
So then let your nervous system register this shift.
This isn't just about mindset. It's about energetic safety and
self trust. So now that you have identified
your limiting belief or beliefs and now have logic to disprove
(16:46):
them, now it's time to write theaffirmations.
I like to start with this framework which starts with
present tense only. So we're not wishing things to
happen in the future and we're not talking about them in the
past. We're talking about the present
as though time doesn't exist. So use phrases like I am or I
(17:07):
show up as or I lead with we're talking about who you already
are as what you want to install into your brain.
So present tense as though it isalready happening is the key
here. Your affirmation also has to be
emotionally believable, even if it's just 1%.
Because remember we have that Ras in our brain that is kicking
(17:28):
aside the things that are not believable.
So you have to give it that one at least 1% believability.
And then all sudden your brain can sort of start to buy into
that. And then also this needs to be
super specific and embodied because vague things don't
stick. So for example, instead of just
saying I want to be confident, notice how like you're saying I
(17:50):
want to be. That's like not present tense,
that's just aspirational at thatpoint.
Just saying I want to be confident.
It's also super vague. So you can actually rewrite that
into something like I lead with confidence in every room I walk
into. Do you see how much more visual
that is? And you can actually place
yourself in a room walking into it, being confident.
(18:13):
That's what you're looking for out of a positive affirmation.
So again, we changed. I want to be confident into, I
lead with confidence in every room I walk into.
Now, I'm an examples person. So I went ahead and wrote out a
bunch of examples that I think might be relevant to this
audience. Hoping so anyway.
So say you have the limiting belief of my voice doesn't
(18:34):
matter. You can change that into I trust
myself to speak with clarity andimpact.
One from my past, which is beingvisible is dangerous.
I change that into I am groundedand safe in my visibility.
Here's another one of people won't be drawn to the real me.
(18:55):
You can change that to I show upas the most magnetic version of
myself. Another one is I'm too much.
You can change that to I am allowed to take up space fully
and unapologetically. Another one that's big is I'm
not good enough. I'm sure a lot of us can relate
(19:16):
to that. I know I definitely can.
You can change that into I am inthe process of becoming someone
who deeply believes in her worth.
Again, super specific and allowsyou to visualize.
I am in the process of becoming someone who deeply believes in
her worth. A couple more is if I'm seen,
(19:37):
I'll be rejected. Turn that into I am safe to be
seen, heard, and celebrated. And then my last example, it's
not safe for me to be powerful. You can turn that into I embody
my power with ease and grace. So again, this isn't rocket
science. It's just understanding exactly
what these affirmations need to be and then just giving it the
(20:00):
visuals and the specificity thatit needs to be effective.
And the believability, seriouslyguys, believability is so key
here because again, if you are consciously sitting here and not
believing something, I guaranteeyou, your subconscious is not
believing it either. So again, that believability
aspect just really has to be present with these.
So when you have your affirmations, then you can check
(20:23):
it with these couple of questions that you can ask.
Can you feel it in your body? Like seriously, if you visualize
it, do you actually feel that it's true?
If so, then that's a wonderful affirmation.
And the other big one is, would you remember it in a moment of
doubt? Because again, we're trying to
rewire our brain when we come across these triggers for us
(20:45):
that that incite these emotionalresponses that are keeping us
held back in the 1st place. So this needs to be something
that's accessible to you in a moment of doubt.
Otherwise, you really can't use them effectively.
And there's nothing wrong with writing this on a piece of paper
too, if that's something that's going to help you.
I definitely wouldn't judge you if you pulled out a piece of
paper in an emotional moment. So then finally, I'm going to
(21:08):
route round this out with one ofa my real life examples using my
own experience. So as if you've been listening
to the podcast from the very beginning, you know that I used
to believe that being visible was really unsafe for me and I
didn't know I believed this until I started this unveil you
business and my body just seemedto resist every time I tried to
(21:31):
be seen. This has to do with on social
media, launching this podcast, coming out with even artwork for
the podcast, all sorts of different things.
I just resisted. And then I thought back, well,
I've always felt like this when it comes to like performing on
stage or public speaking, like this is a theme of my life.
There's actually something here anchoring me into this belief.
(21:52):
So then I had to understand, where did this come from and why
is this so challenging for me? And then I thought about my
childhood and I realized that I just grew up in this gossip
heavy culture and I saw people get torn apart verbally.
And that really bothered me. So my nervous system decided for
me a long time ago that to stay invisible is the same as staying
(22:15):
safe. So it went ahead and wired that
pathway in my brain of like, stay invisible and you're good.
So that's why I was having so much resistance every time I was
doing these things that made me invisible.
So how did I go about disprovingit?
I looked at friends who were highly visible and thriving,
especially during my college years, and I broke away from my
(22:35):
hometown. I was able to see all sorts of
different types of people. And especially now in my career,
and there's people that just putwhatever out there and they're
so happy and they're doing really well with it.
In fact, like it's core to theirbusinesses in some cases, and it
helps them thrive. So that was something that
disproved it to me. It's like, OK, yeah, visibility
(22:56):
is not always a bad thing. I guess I'm seeing that in the
real world. And then also I looked inward at
times where I was visible and praised for that.
So for example, this is something really stupid, but at
work, I, you know, normally I would never participate in like
a food cook off or something like that.
(23:16):
And my job was doing chili cook off.
And I actually thought, you knowwhat?
I, I do make a really good chili.
I should enter it. I think a version of me like 2
years ago would have never done something like that.
I would have never put somethinglike my own creation up for, you
know, discussion against other people's because I just was
(23:37):
that, that thought just terrified me.
I didn't want the harsh criticism.
Like it's not like I was doing it to win, but like I definitely
didn't want to lose either. So yeah, I went, I I actually
won this chili cook off and thatwas really crazy to me because
again, it's, it's so stupid, butlike, it's something I wouldn't
have done a few years back. And yeah, so that's a, that's a,
(24:01):
you know, as visible as it can get.
It's like, here's my food and here's, you know, who made it
and go ahead and critique it. So I mean, that was, that was a
more recent thing for me. But I mean, there's been lots of
things throughout my life where,you know, you go and do a
performance for a dancer title or something, and people say
real, all sorts of nice things. And I guess it's just up to you
(24:23):
to believe it if people mean it or not.
Like people don't say stuff justto say it.
Almost never do they say stuff just to say it.
So yeah, I was remembering timesof visibility and getting praise
for that. So then with disproving this,
these limiting beliefs of visibility, I was then able to
create some new affirmations. So the one that I use that
(24:45):
sticks with me is being seen reveals my strength, not my
weakness. And then I practice that until
my nervous system could actuallybelieve it.
So now it's your turn. So just to look at all that
we've talked about today on thispodcast, I want you to reflect
what's 1 area in your life that you want to change?
(25:06):
What do you believe about yourself in that area?
And where did that belief come from?
And most importantly, whose voice is it really?
Once you have that reflection time and you figure that out,
it's time to debunk it and become a loving detective for
yourself. Look for the proof that
challenges this belief that you hold.
And then it's time to write yournew affirmation.
(25:27):
Write one that feels like a truth that you can start to
believe and start to get your brain on board with so those
neural pathways can start to rewire themselves, right?
One that speaks to who you were already becoming.
Again, that present tense. Don't put it in an aspirational
way. Put it in a way that makes you
feel like things are happening for you right now.
So you say it and you feel it and you repeat it.
(25:50):
Especially in those times where you're triggered emotionally.
If you do this work, and you really do it, your outer world
absolutely will begin to reflectyour inner truth.
I know this because I'm living it right now and I see others
all the time doing the same. If you put in the work and
believe in it, your life will start to change for the better.
Like guys, it's not a maybe. It seriously will change, so you
(26:12):
might as well give this a try. And then finally send me Adm on
Instagram at unveilu.co and share the affirmation you
created. I'd absolutely love to witness
it. Or even if you're stuck in
neutral and can't figure out howto write an affirmation that
works for you, send me Adm and I'd love to give you my take on
things and help you get unstuck.I believe we're in this
together, and I'd love to help you in any way that you need.
(26:34):
And if this episode shifted something in you, send it to a
friend who's rewriting their story too.
Thank you so much for listening in today, and I hope you have a
beautiful week. Bye.
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