November 3, 2025 • 48 mins
“You can’t do it alone.”
In this heartfelt episode of Up Your Average, Keith and Doug interview Jan Jeter about how she walked through dementia with her husband, John. From the early signs to the final goodbye, she opens her heart to teach others how to navigate this challenging journey with love, patience, and resilience.
By listening, you will learn:
➡️ What early signs may point to dementia
➡️ How to handle a diagnosis you don’t want to hear
➡️ Why you can’t walk through dementia alone
🎙 Listen to more episodes of Up Your Average:
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👉 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5T8wKieBNQxju4mgHiDjSi?si=49b0ad4202434f0d
🤝 Connect with Keith and Doug
🌐 Website: https://www.gimbalfinancial.com
🔗 Keith on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/keith-tyner-a941a58/
🔗 Doug on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/doug-shrieve-0271989/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jan (00:00):
You gotta keep looking up and asking for help from the
(00:05):
Lord and from those around you.And it's just a joy to get up
each and every morning, eventhough there's some days it
takes a little longer to do it,but it's possible to navigate
your way through it. You know,when you say for better, for
worse, That keeps ringing inyour head.
Caleb (00:31):
Welcome to the Up Your Average podcast, where Keith and
Doug give no nonsense advice tolevel up your life. So buckle up
and listen closely to up youraverage.
Keith (00:51):
Douglas, good morning. What's up? It is a great day to
be here. We've got our friendJan Jeter with us, and I was
thinking about
Doug (01:00):
And we have our friend. That that's that's that's right,
Jan. You are our friend.
Jan (01:04):
Well, my friend, I tell you.
Keith (01:07):
Jan, let me tell you this. What? Thirty four years
ago, Monday, this coming Monday,thirty four years ago, I know
exactly where you were on thatday.
Jan (01:18):
November 3. Is that your anniversary?
Keith (01:22):
It is not. It's the day after my anniversary. And on
that day, at this time in themorning, I ran into you at the
airport.
Jan (01:31):
Right. Right. Right.
Keith (01:34):
Where were you going?
Jan (01:36):
I don't know.
Keith (01:37):
I was in Florida but I don't We
Jan (01:39):
were going on a that's possible because it was just
John and myself, right?
Keith (01:45):
Yep.
Jan (01:45):
We didn't have Paris so it was we were going on a
conference I'm sure.
Keith (01:51):
So this is my first morning after my wedding night,
just navigating life and therewere two good friends right at
the check-in gate at the Theywere there for you. It was a
beautiful time. Well, think whenI was thinking about this
conversation with Jan today,Doug, I was thinking that it
(02:13):
would be, this is a story oflove, life, forgiveness, and all
that fits in the middle of it.And what happened is I was
preparing for today Look in thewindow over there, Douglas.
Jan (02:28):
Oh my, oh my goodness.
Keith (02:32):
See if I can share the window with everybody. See, they
left.
Jan (02:40):
Is the elder care.
Doug (02:41):
Yeah. This is Jamie, our elder care attorney friend.
She's staring at us in herHalloween costume right now. My
Keith (02:53):
goodness. We may
Jan (02:54):
have a
Doug (02:56):
special guest here in second touch. That's so awesome.
That's hilarious. She's into it.
Jan (03:08):
She is.
Keith (03:09):
Yeah. My my ABD, this makes it hard to stage both.
We're talking about love
Doug (03:14):
and all this great stuff. Yeah,
Keith (03:16):
love, forgiveness in life, something like that.
Anyway, in my preparation ofthis, and Jan said a while ago
she doesn't believe incoincidences, and I came across
this little note right here. Andthis note says in it, Now that
I'm approaching my seventiethbirthday, I know there are more
(03:38):
years behind me than in front ofme. I am getting closer to
seeing Jesus. So this letter wassent to me on 08/03/2001, just
weeks before September 11,right?
And what happened is my friendJohn and I, we spent a ton of
(04:01):
time together. Like he was agreat influence, a mentor of
mine and he employed me, Iemployed him for a time and we
just had a great love for oneanother but we hit a conflict.
But before we hit the conflict,let me introduce my friend
Jamie. Jamie, why don't you jointhe podcast for a moment?
Doug (04:21):
Who's that, Jamie? We don't. Let me introduce you to
the world's best elder careattorney. Hey, Jamie. You see
our topic?
I mean,
Keith (04:41):
whoever you are. Jamie is our friend, Jamie. I don't know.
I'll I'll follow-up with it.
Jan (04:47):
Now are you kidding me? This
Keith (04:51):
is Gimbal. Guess what day today is?
Doug (04:59):
Happy Halloween, everybody. This is and if you're
uh-oh. Uh-oh. If if you'redriving down the road listening
to this, you you don't have thebenefit of seeing our our our
friend here. Our special guest.
Did you drive did you drive tothe office like that?
Jan (05:19):
Oh, I'm glad I was.
Doug (05:21):
Were you a thespian? Thank you for joining us. Great
performance.
Keith (05:34):
And look at this. Yeah. Jamie is a
Doug (05:38):
master of marketing because we have candy and nicely
wrapped wrapped bags with fewribbons and business cards.
Jan (05:45):
That's very good. That's wonderful. That's great.
Keith (05:50):
That one's going to Connie. That likes to know him
and join. So That is hilarious.Life's fun when It's life's fun
when you have friends. It is.
Sure. It is.
Jan (06:03):
Helps you get after it in the mornings. Yeah.
Keith (06:07):
Well, reality is that the friendships go beyond anything
you could imagine, right? LikeJamie, I think we really
befriended her during COVID in areally special way.
Doug (06:18):
And some people are easier to befriend than others.
Jan (06:21):
Oh really?
Keith (06:24):
So with John, my friendship with John just
expanded a lot of things and Ijust I don't even know how to
express all that but I washaving a conversation with
somebody evidently in officeJuly 2001 and John and I had got
(06:45):
crossways and that person saidto me, I don't think you have
ever forgiven John. And I'mlike, really? So I called John
and we went to lunch and it wasprior to this 08/03/2001, and we
just had a really humblingconversation. And he said
something in here that ourconversation that day went on
(07:07):
for three hours.
Jan (07:09):
My, well.
Keith (07:10):
Like we covered Gee, it's like can't believe it. Yeah, we
varied some skeletons in thecloset. We came to a we just put
in the past behind and justinitiated a new friendship. So
that's why this letter existed,I think, is it just reminded me
that forgiveness is the on roadto living life in a big way. And
(07:33):
John and my friendship hit a newlevel at that point in time and
I don't even know what thatlooked like.
I hired John to mentor Doug aspart of his role serving Gimbal.
He did that for a long time.Don't remember what that was
like. But Doug, do you rememberwhat that experience was like
for you?
Doug (07:52):
I do, but when I think back on it, what I wonder is, I
mean, started, was it calledMentors Inc. Inc. And so when he
started Mentors Inc, that'scoming off a very successful
career as foreign credit unionsman. And so purpose was behind
what he was about. And so that'swhat I think about when I think
(08:14):
of John is he was willing tostay on point directed towards
purpose and invest in otherpeople.
And that was his was hisgreatest strength. And so yeah,
he, Keith hired him to meet withme. And we would go over to the
Starbucks, you know, for acouple hours once a week. And he
(08:37):
was a great question asker.
Keith (08:40):
I think one of John's other great, I mean, there's a
lot I could go on about John.One of his great attributes was
the ability to see long term.Like if I remember right, when
he took the lead at the ForumCredit Union, he had to leave AT
and T to do that and AT and Twas like, that was like a place
(09:02):
where you would want to go workthere and if I remember right,
it was just a small room that hewas working out serving the
employees of AT and T. It mighthave been Indiana Bell at the
time.
Jan (09:12):
Right, it was Indiana Bell and that was really before I
knew him.
Keith (09:18):
Yeah.
Jan (09:19):
So I really didn't know that much about his work or even
his position with AT and Tbecause from the, when I met him
here in Indianapolis, but heworked at up in Kokomo with AT
(09:41):
and T. But it's my understandingthat form at that time it was
telco.
Keith (09:48):
Indiana telco credit union, federal credit union at
that point. Right,
Jan (09:51):
right. They came after him.
Keith (09:54):
Yeah and it much at that point is what I understand.
Jan (09:59):
Right, right.
Keith (10:01):
So the long term nature of John in that role is I don't
even know how many employeesthey have today but anybody I
know that worked with John overthere, if you mentioned his
name, smile. Yeah, he had amajor influence over an
organization that he hadn't beenaround for a long time. So when
(10:21):
think about John, I smile and Ithink about his influence on our
culture. It's infinite. We willnever know what that looks like.
But there was a day that thingsstarted shifting with John. Like
he was a brilliant man and youstop me if I push too hard, Jan,
(10:41):
okay? Yeah, so I remember likewhen you guys lived up here on
Coalbrook, pre internet, waslike, who is this young guy? I
would go have conversations sohe couldn't research what I was
going to ask him. I remembergoing over one night and I'm
(11:04):
like, John, tell me what theparaclete is.
I don't know what the paracleteis. And he's staring at me, he
was like, Who is this guy andwhy is he asking me these
questions? And so we would havethese heartfelt conversations
all the way through, even overon Coalbrook when you lived
there. But when I think aboutyou and walking alongside John
(11:27):
and when he started gettingsick, there probably was a point
when you would look back thatstands out that you all of a
sudden one day realize, wait aminute, what is going on? I
don't know what that looks like,but how would you describe that
for you?
Jan (11:44):
Scary.
Keith (11:45):
It was scary?
Jan (11:45):
It was scary because John took care of everything in our
life. I was almost like a childalmost.
Keith (12:01):
Yeah.
Jan (12:01):
He was older. He was ten and a half years older than me.
And I mean, I was a little galfrom the South, know, and never
in my wildest dream would I havethought I would become the
(12:29):
partner to a man like John. God,oh my. Just unbelievable.
But it was, it was very scary.But the way I mean, this is a
man that ran a credit union andmy first, I can remember
(12:49):
indication was the fact that hewas trying to write a check to
pay one of our bills and hecould not do it.
Keith (13:03):
So if I remember right, and I'm going for my memory
bank, Jan, so you took care ofhis mom when she was struggling
with
Jan (13:11):
this. Yes, we did. We did. So
Keith (13:14):
you had seen this before then? Right. Like So when that
happened did you all of a suddenhave a revelation or what did
you think when that happenedwhen you saw him not able to
fill out the check?
Jan (13:29):
I just I can remember praying, Lord, what am I going
to do? We really never talkedabout it. The two of us, we did,
we had his mom in our home fortwo and a half years. And before
(13:54):
we had to place her in a carefacility. But I just, I don't
know.
Was like, oh, what I've, in theback of my mind, I thought, oh,
(14:19):
is happening. We've got to getto the doctor. And we went to
the doctor.
Keith (14:26):
So you did that?
Jan (14:28):
Yes. We went to the doctor and they ran some tests. And I
remember the phone call of thedoctor calling me standing in my
kitchen and hearing he is inearly Alzheimer's.
Keith (14:46):
Now there's a term and I wrote it down and I forgot what
it was, but there's a term byfive syllables that I don't
recognize that I have this. Likecertain dementia patients can
understand they have somethinggoing on and others don't
recognize anything that's goingon. Which one of those was John?
Jan (15:09):
I think he recognized but he didn't. We never had a
conversation one on one of thisis I am, I have dementia.
Keith (15:22):
You never had that conversation. So when the doctor
called and said that you didn'tsay to him that that's what it
was? No. That probably wouldhave traumatized him, Yes, I
would
Jan (15:34):
yes. Because he was a man that took charge and had always
been in charge. And I knewnothing. Early in our marriage
(15:57):
he kept saying, well, I'm gonnashow you how to take care of our
finances. Okay, dear, I'll beglad to.
Never did.
Keith (16:08):
Never happened.
Jan (16:09):
Never happened. Finally, when he retired and we started
the mentors, I became thepresident and he was the vice
president and I thought, oh wow,this is good. So in a way, you
know, I realized looking backthat was really the Lord used
(16:34):
that to show me how to do, howto take care of taxes and that
type of thing because I handlethat. John did not care about
the computer whatsoever. He hada hard time with that.
He would much rather, you know,write and that's another way I
(16:56):
realized that what we werefacing because I would, when I
would come home, he would be inhis office there at the house
and I noticed he had a largetablet and he was trying to
write the alphabet.
Keith (17:17):
So he knew something was going on with Yes,
Jan (17:21):
he did.
Keith (17:22):
It seems like this is from my experience with my mom
that there's a runway that thedementia goes on before you even
know there's something going on.So there's some period of time.
So that was probably going onwith John for some period of
time. But that day when hecouldn't write a check, how much
(17:44):
longer did he live after that?
Jan (17:49):
Maybe three years.
Keith (17:51):
Okay.
Jan (17:51):
Yeah, it as long as it could have been.
Keith (17:56):
Right, right.
Jan (17:56):
But I would say, yeah, three, maybe four, four at the
most, I think, because, yeah.
Keith (18:05):
So so with our friends that might watch this and their
loved one can't, I don't know,fill out a check, let's say,
there's the shock of thatmoment. There's going to the
doctor, but then there's thatspan of who do I tell them now?
(18:27):
Like how do I communicate thisto somebody? Because my
experience, like working with mymom, there's some embarrassing
behaviors that can happen. And Iknow John, you'd want to protect
his reputation and things likethat, how do you help others
understand where
Doug (18:45):
I share a memory of that, Okay. Along that same line. And
I can't remember if this was youor Debbie, Pete, but one of you
guys made an observation of Jan.Because John would come to our
office solo, he would pull up,we would have a meeting. But you
(19:06):
started coming.
Jan (19:07):
Oh, right.
Doug (19:09):
And driving. Right. And you never said a thing. No.
About the dementia or about,hey, John's experiencing you the
stand the song Stand By YourMan, that that I can't remember
if it was Keith or Debbie whosaid it, but you did that really
(19:30):
well.
And what you did is you wereable to communicate to us that
something's going on, but younever said it with words.
Jan (19:43):
That wasn't right. Yeah. John was a proud man.
Keith (19:48):
Right. Right.
Jan (19:50):
And as long as it was possible, I wanted him to be
able to continue with his life.I think the fact that we had
been given the time with hismom, that was really a learning
(20:16):
experience for me to see andknow what was happening. So I
really, as far as some behaviorthat he had down the road with
the dementia, it was not a shockwhen that happened. It was when
(20:40):
it happened with his mom. Butyou know, each and every I've
had friends that I've tried tohelp along the way with parents
or spouses that have gonethrough that.
I I just think it's differentwith each patient or you know of
(21:08):
what they go through. Although Ithink it's very important that
you let them do and be as muchas they possibly can.
Keith (21:22):
So this is my recollection, Jan, okay? So as
like we've been friends sincethe mid eighties.
Doug (21:29):
Right.
Keith (21:30):
And something happened in the late 90s that I said, wait a
minute, Jan's a differentperson. So it seemed like there
was a preparatory work for youbefore even John got sick that
you had to learn somedifficulties with your was it
your dad?
Jan (21:47):
Yes.
Keith (21:48):
So would you say in the book of Romans, Paul says that
adversity leads to perseveranceand perseverance, proven
character, and that provencharacter leads to a hope that
doesn't disappoint. So thatadversity that you worked
through, do you think that waspart of your prep work? Oh,
definitely. Yeah.
Jan (22:08):
Definitely. I asked Jesus into my heart at the age of nine
because I was born into afamily. My father was a, we call
them worship leaders today. Thenhe was the choir director at the
(22:33):
church. And I was in church fromI'm told age three weeks on.
Keith (22:39):
Wow.
Jan (22:40):
And that's in a good old Southern Baptist upbringing.
Doug (22:45):
You were there like nine times a week?
Jan (22:47):
Sometimes more than that because my father went to Holt.
We used to have revivals and hewas called in two weeks and that
was every night for two weeks. Iwas sitting on the front row
listening to those good oldhymns, you know.
Doug (23:07):
You didn't even have an iPad to do that.
Jan (23:11):
Are you kidding?
Keith (23:14):
That was so when Caleb went down to Murray, I don't
remember if it was Caleb orwhich of the kids, but I was
explaining an idea of the biblebelt which people don't probably
even know today, but that wasyou were in that part of
America.
Jan (23:28):
Yes, I was in Tennessee and yes. So from '9 until I was till
1996, I was in church, I waswhatever. And yes, I knew Jesus
and God and believed and I knewwho was in my heart. But it
(23:48):
wasn't until he took me throughthat time with my dad in
Florida. I had to make trips,get on the plane by myself,
figure out everything down,taking care of him and sitting
at nighttime so many nights thatI sit and that be still and know
(24:11):
that I am God, that's when Irealized the difference between
knowing Jesus and knowing andhaving a walking relationship
with him.
Doug (24:25):
I'm 40 since 10.
Jan (24:27):
You got it. It hangs on my wall.
Keith (24:30):
It was evident to me when that all I didn't know what
happened. That was was in thatwindow where John and I weren't
really hanging out probably from'96 to 2001. And so when I
finally came back into thecircle, was like, wow, what's
going on with Jan? To put eventhis conversation together, I
knew that was part of how Godprepared you for the
(24:52):
difficulties He with did.
Jan (24:57):
Did. At that time I didn't realize that's what was
happening.
Keith (25:02):
Right. So now we've gone to the doctor, John's been
diagnosed, who do you tell? Likewhat did you do with that
information then?
Jan (25:16):
I told my daughter, our daughter. She was living in
Which she knew, she knew it.
Keith (25:22):
She knew it already.
Jan (25:23):
She knew it really before I did because I think the fact
that I was with John every dayand that makes a difference. I
don't know, you just kind ofaccept things. But Kara knew
definite that.
Keith (25:43):
So she wasn't surprised? No. I think when we help
clients, bet we probably knew itprobably about when Cara did
because we didn't see John everyday.
Jan (25:55):
And
Keith (25:56):
so for a lot of our clients when we're talking to
him, can start to recognize,wait a minute, but if you're
there all the time, it's likeboiling a frog. You don't see
it. So when Kara said that, thenwhat happened?
Jan (26:10):
I started wondering what am I going to do.
Keith (26:15):
Because the Geter family, from my observation outside, it
was a close knit, tight knit,but there was a pretty decent
sized support system with inlaws and things. So when did you
go outside of Cara to the nextlevel of the family?
Jan (26:34):
To the relative, the sister, his sister. And I think
very close friends, you know,which we had developed over the
(26:56):
years. But that was hard. It washard to do. But it was almost
like several.
I knew from their statements tome or whatever then that they
(27:17):
had known this was coming reallybefore I really realized how bad
it was. But I think the Lordbrought to my mind more than of
the time that I had spent withhis mom.
Keith (27:36):
Okay.
Jan (27:38):
Because I probably saw more of her even than John did. But
John, I don't know, I had todepend on the Lord. Because John
(28:00):
was like, I listen more to John.
Keith (28:04):
He was kinda like your God, really.
Jan (28:06):
I said many, many times that when I married, got married
to him, I thought I had marriedGod. Course he would get upset
if he would have ever heard mesay that. That was not But it
(28:27):
was just, I don't know. Ofcourse, I'd gone through with my
dad having to give him up, carefor him and give him that up. He
did not have dementia, but hehad cancer.
But it was just, you don'trealize how much that you depend
(28:50):
on them. I had really never beenon my own. I lived at home until
I got married, till John camefrom Indiana to Tennessee to
take me out of the environment.So it was hard to realize that
(29:17):
I'm going to have to step up andI've got to depend on the Lord.
Keith (29:22):
When you say anybody dealing with dementia, Jan, like
if they try to do it from theirown strength, they're probably
gonna get pummeled.
Jan (29:29):
Yeah. They
Keith (29:29):
can't. We had an intimate moment and it was really god
centric, is I would go to theHardee's and Fisher's regularly
to do my pre morning workout toprep for the day. And so one
morning I was sitting thereready to go into Gimbal and this
(29:53):
thought hit me, Go check onJohn. And I'm like, nope, I
stuff on my to do list. I'mgoing to the office.
And the thought came back, gocheck on John. And I probably
had this conversation with a guylike three times and I finally
the Hardee's is what? Two minutedrive from your house not long?
Jan (30:13):
Not even that far.
Keith (30:14):
Yeah. So finally I said okay, I will go check on John.
And so I ring the doorbell, Youtell the rest of the story.
Jan (30:26):
And I had been really in tears because I did not have a
caregiver at that time and I hadno way of getting John up. I was
unable to and I thought, what amI going to do? How am I how is
(30:51):
this gonna happen, Lord? And wehad spent many times, well, not
many at that point, but therehad been a time or two that John
had fallen or whatever and Idown on the floor and you can't,
you know, you couldn't get himup. And I oh, Lord, what am I
going to do?
How am I going he needed I Ineeded to get him up because I
(31:14):
needed to take care of him. Andthat doorbell rang and there
stood Keith and I knew God hadsent him.
Keith (31:27):
He had to. It was humbling to me because it was
that still small voice. He stillknow I'm God. So when I walked
in, John was being he was actingobstinate because that's what
dementia does. It wasn't John,it was his deteriorating brain.
(31:47):
And he was being obstinate andall he needed was for me to say,
John, get up. His front is noextension. And he got up like
that. I bet it'd take tenminutes to get him up and moving
after that. That event reallyhumbled me because I could have
very easily said no, I'm notgonna
Jan (32:08):
go.
Keith (32:09):
Yeah, nobody would know the difference, right? Right.
Right. That's right. So myencouragement to those of you
that are walking alongsidepeople that are aging, whether
it's with dementia or otherthings, if that thought hits you
to go help the family, I wouldact immediately because well my
(32:32):
guess is, Janet, I don't know ifyou have any way to know this,
is that well with helpinggrieving people when they lose a
loved one, most people don't goto the people because they don't
know what to say or what to do.
But with dementia, would thinkit'd be the same thing is that
most people are intimidated toreach out because they don't
even know what to do or how tohelp or what they might get
(32:53):
immersed in. And what I wouldencourage you is just do it,
just go and see.
Jan (32:56):
That's right. If the spirit tells you, you best go. Because
it is, that was the lesson to metoo at that time. And even now,
you know, it's weird how thespirit within if he's within you
works. Yes.
That he can. And if it says,send a note or go make the call,
(33:23):
whatever, you best do it becauseif you don't, you're not gonna
have peace until you do. Butit's hard to know. I know there
were a lot of people that wouldnot come to visit because they
didn't know how to react I thinkor it was just hard for them to
(33:48):
see. I know one of the John, oneof his other closest friends, it
was very very difficult for me
Keith (33:56):
to
Jan (33:57):
There do
Keith (33:59):
was near the end, was in a hospital bed and I came to
visit him this day and it willforever be part of my life. Like
I can't, like nobody was there.A shout out to our friends at
Senior Home Companions, I knowthey helped Oh a
Jan (34:19):
my goodness.
Keith (34:21):
Yeah, yeah. And so the adult assistant from Senior Home
Companions was there, but theywere in the living room and John
was back in his former study andI have this inability, if
nothing's going on, to just sitstill. And at that point where
John was, he was just kind oflaying in the fetal position and
(34:42):
nothing You was going weren'tthere. And so I came in and was
like, oh, I don't know how longto stay when nobody's
responsive. And so I came to theside of the bed that he was
facing and said something andit's just not non responsive.
And so, I'm like, oh, I don'tknow. How long do you stand
(35:04):
there? Like how long? And so,went over, you had a couple of
it seemed like wingback chairson the other side of the bed or
something. And I sat down thereand pondering and praying for
John.
And then you had scrapbooksthere.
Jan (35:18):
Oh, yes. Yes.
Keith (35:20):
And so, I promptly went through all of those. And now
I'm maybe ten minutes in John'spresence. And so I'm I'm like,
what do I do now? The lady outthere didn't really know who I
was or anything and I visitedJohn and so then I'm like, I
(35:41):
can't stay anymore. My attentionissues are done.
And so I go back over to the wayhe's facing and I put my hand on
his. I said, John, I'm gonnaleave now. I love you. He opened
his eyes and said, come backanytime. And I think he told me
he hadn't been responsive inRight, long, long
Jan (36:00):
right. And that's the way dementia is. Right, yes.
Keith (36:04):
And it revolutionized my life. I'm like, holy smokes. And
I think I quickly called you andtold you what happened. And I
was like, wow, that was a giftfrom God through John's body to
me. And so you never know ifyou're willing to go reach out
to somebody.
It may seem awkward, it may seemuncomfortable, but you don't
(36:26):
really know who's present inthis body that doesn't seem like
anybody's present.
Jan (36:30):
That's right.
Keith (36:32):
Let me ask a few more questions because I think this
is gonna bless a lot of people.So And if I think through my own
experience with helping momthrough this season of life, how
do you perceive that thatjourney with John affected your
(36:52):
mindset on patients?
Jan (36:58):
You definitely have to have them. And it's not something you
can do. You have to have theLord's help. But it does. It
takes a lot of patience.
But I don't know that I had asmuch patience before I went
(37:31):
through that. And But you know,even when you know it in your
head that you've got to, therewill be times that you forget
that and you get upset.
Doug (37:51):
Well, that's helpful to know that even Jan Jeter gets
upset.
Jan (37:55):
And he can get become very depressed at times. But it's I
just feel that I was so blessedthat the Lord allowed me to keep
him at the house.
Keith (38:16):
That was really cool.
Jan (38:19):
Because it was a blessing,
Keith (38:24):
And you not everybody can do that. No, like you couldn't
with his mom, right?
Jan (38:28):
No, no, no. We could not. We couldn't
Keith (38:32):
do that with my mom. Her dementia, she got really violent
and everybody's dementia unfoldsdifferently, right?
Jan (38:41):
Yes, does. It does. And no, couldn't. Sort of set what the
boundaries would be. Kara was atthat time she was like, what
about 12, 13 I think.
When she was, I think she was 12when mom Jeter was with us and
(39:02):
we had said when certain thingshappen that we would have to
look to placing her and sheended up being in a facility
almost five years.
Keith (39:14):
Wow.
Jan (39:16):
But so she really, you know, she was about eight years
with that.
Keith (39:26):
As much as you love John, I bet you were thankful that you
didn't have to go through eightyears with
Jan (39:32):
Oh my, yes. Oh, yes. And oh my, yes. Yes. That would be, I
don't know that.
I know I couldn't have done italone but I am so grateful that
didn't have to. And you know,now Keith, there are so many
(39:54):
different things that havehappened. I mean, he's been gone
ten years, but I find myselfsaying, oh, thank goodness. He's
the Lord took him out and hedidn't have to go through that.
He didn't have to go through theCOVID time.
He would have been oh my, ohgoodness.
Keith (40:15):
Let ask you this question then, Jan. So you come in and he
can't complete a check, right?And then you navigated through
all the stuff that you wentthrough. And I don't believe in
regrets, I think regrets are awaste of energy. But if you
(40:36):
could go back to that point fromwhat you learned from what you
did with John and all thethings, what are two or three
things you would tell ourfriends that they might
incorporate if they findthemselves walking in on a
family member that can'tcomplete a check?
Jan (40:56):
Oh my! You can't do it alone. You've got I I just you
have to you've gotta depend onthe Lord. You've gotta depend on
(41:19):
the support system that the Lordplaces in your surroundings, in
your life. You may think youdon't really have a support
system but you need to ask themwhere is that going to be?
Keith (41:37):
What if our friends that are watching don't have a faith
like you over like?
Jan (41:43):
No, I don't know how you can do it.
Keith (41:45):
Okay, that's what I was wondering. Like definitely they
would need their support system,right?
Jan (41:50):
Yes, yes, definitely.
Keith (41:52):
That was probably with Doug, you went to see my mom a
few times with me and I don'tknow how I could have done that
without a level of faith becauseit's really the way I explained
it to the kids was that grandmais there, her brain is
malfunctioning and if your brainis what operates your body, it's
(42:13):
going to malfunction because thebrain is malfunctioning and so
that you don't know what's goingto happen with that person's
body. Doug, any thoughts youhave or questions?
Doug (42:30):
One of the things I've really admired about Jan is Jan
still works. And so it's thissymphony theme of purpose that
John had, that you have. Andthis theme of purpose just keeps
(42:53):
echoing in your life. And I'mcurious, you're coming out of
the time John has died.
Keith (43:00):
And
Doug (43:01):
now it's Jan. And you'd been living under John's
umbrella and his persona.
Jan (43:11):
That's right.
Doug (43:12):
And so now it's you.
Jan (43:14):
And
Doug (43:15):
I see you out there making an impact at work. And I'm
curious, what would you tellsomeone who has lost their
spouse, and they've gone throughthe dementia phase where your
spouse is slowly dying?
Jan (43:35):
You need to stay busy, not overly busy, but you do need to
find that if you're still here,you have a purpose and there is
something that is definitelyyour calling. I mean, I think as
(44:00):
long as I still have my healthand I can move and do that,
there must be a reason for me tostill be here and I need to I
need to do it or whatever thatis, you know. I'm just so
grateful. Someone said the otherday that, you know it's getting
(44:27):
Thanksgiving time and we need toI'm supposed to be going to a
luncheon here not too long andthat the program is going to be
tell us one thing that you'revery thankful for. And so that's
been in my mind.
And you know, the only thing Ican say is I'm thankful for the
(44:49):
life that I've been blessedwith.
Keith (44:52):
That's so cool.
Jan (44:53):
In the past and the one that, you know, I have, I think,
ahead. I mean, I I just there'sno other way that I can say it.
That's it. I just I don't know.I have great joy.
Keith (45:17):
Boy, the November Anchor is coming out shortly and one of
the things I wrote about ishaving an attitude of gratitude
literally changes your brain. Itliterally and the more that you
can think that way, because it'dbe really easy to be really
pessimistic that they came inand John couldn't fill out a
(45:40):
check. Like you could take thepoor, fitful me attitude or you
can choose positivity.
Jan (45:47):
Well, yeah, that's the only way to get out of bed every day.
Keith (45:53):
Now I wanted to show you this picture. Couldn't figure
out when this was Jan, butthere's John and he's got the
Forum Credit Union hat on andright over his head is somebody
wearing a Gimbal hat. I seethat. But right behind them, can
you see what's right behind theGimbal hat there? That's part of
(46:15):
your network there.
That looks to be Cheryl to me.Cheryl. Yep, so that's part of
your network. Then I have thispicture.
Jan (46:22):
Oh my!
Keith (46:23):
This was at Fitness Lane that you guys were consistent
advocates of Gimbal Financial. Idon't know what the pizza party
was all about but
Jan (46:34):
Girl Scout cookies.
Keith (46:35):
Yeah, you must have won the door prize there. And then I
liked this picture of John. Thatwas the dinner we had somewhere
at Gimbal one time but just thatgenuine loving smile of John
there just made me happy justreflecting on that picture as
well. And so I just reallyappreciate you taking time to
(46:58):
hang out with us. I don't knowwho in our friend group is going
to have to navigate this paththat you've been on, but any
words that have happened todaythat can help those people I
think is a big deal.
Because I'd put in life'sstressful events, top 10 walking
(47:18):
through life with a dementiapatient is pretty high in my
life. But anything you wouldwant to say to our friends
before we wrap up to encouragethem?
Jan (47:32):
I would say that you gotta keep looking up and asking for
help from the Lord and fromthose around you. And it's just
a joy to get up each and everymorning even though there's some
days it takes a little longer todo it. But I know that there's
(48:05):
different phases in the journeywith dementia, but it's possible
to navigate your way through it.You know, when you say for
better, for worse, that keepsringing in your head.
Keith (48:31):
There you go. Well, thank you very much, Nate. I love you.
I'm thankful for our friendship.
Jan (48:36):
I appreciate you. You don't know how much, both of you.
Keith (48:43):
Well, very well. Well, we'll catch all of you all soon,
and feel free to reach out ifyou have any questions about
this topic.
You gotta keep looking up and asking for help from the
(00:05):
Lord and from those around you.And it's just a joy to get up
each and every morning, eventhough there's some days it
takes a little longer to do it,but it's possible to navigate
your way through it. You know,when you say for better, for
worse, That keeps ringing inyour head.
Caleb (00:31):
Welcome to the Up Your Average podcast, where Keith and
Doug give no nonsense advice tolevel up your life. So buckle up
and listen closely to up youraverage.
Keith (00:51):
Douglas, good morning. What's up? It is a great day to
be here. We've got our friendJan Jeter with us, and I was
thinking about
Doug (01:00):
And we have our friend. That that's that's that's right,
Jan. You are our friend.
Jan (01:04):
Well, my friend, I tell you.
Keith (01:07):
Jan, let me tell you this. What? Thirty four years
ago, Monday, this coming Monday,thirty four years ago, I know
exactly where you were on thatday.
Jan (01:18):
November 3. Is that your anniversary?
Keith (01:22):
It is not. It's the day after my anniversary. And on
that day, at this time in themorning, I ran into you at the
airport.
Jan (01:31):
Right. Right. Right.
Keith (01:34):
Where were you going?
Jan (01:36):
I don't know.
Keith (01:37):
I was in Florida but I don't We
Jan (01:39):
were going on a that's possible because it was just
John and myself, right?
Keith (01:45):
Yep.
Jan (01:45):
We didn't have Paris so it was we were going on a
conference I'm sure.
Keith (01:51):
So this is my first morning after my wedding night,
just navigating life and therewere two good friends right at
the check-in gate at the Theywere there for you. It was a
beautiful time. Well, think whenI was thinking about this
conversation with Jan today,Doug, I was thinking that it
(02:13):
would be, this is a story oflove, life, forgiveness, and all
that fits in the middle of it.And what happened is I was
preparing for today Look in thewindow over there, Douglas.
Jan (02:28):
Oh my, oh my goodness.
Keith (02:32):
See if I can share the window with everybody. See, they
left.
Jan (02:40):
Is the elder care.
Doug (02:41):
Yeah. This is Jamie, our elder care attorney friend.
She's staring at us in herHalloween costume right now. My
Keith (02:53):
goodness. We may
Jan (02:54):
have a
Doug (02:56):
special guest here in second touch. That's so awesome.
That's hilarious. She's into it.
Jan (03:08):
She is.
Keith (03:09):
Yeah. My my ABD, this makes it hard to stage both.
We're talking about love
Doug (03:14):
and all this great stuff. Yeah,
Keith (03:16):
love, forgiveness in life, something like that.
Anyway, in my preparation ofthis, and Jan said a while ago
she doesn't believe incoincidences, and I came across
this little note right here. Andthis note says in it, Now that
I'm approaching my seventiethbirthday, I know there are more
(03:38):
years behind me than in front ofme. I am getting closer to
seeing Jesus. So this letter wassent to me on 08/03/2001, just
weeks before September 11,right?
And what happened is my friendJohn and I, we spent a ton of
(04:01):
time together. Like he was agreat influence, a mentor of
mine and he employed me, Iemployed him for a time and we
just had a great love for oneanother but we hit a conflict.
But before we hit the conflict,let me introduce my friend
Jamie. Jamie, why don't you jointhe podcast for a moment?
Doug (04:21):
Who's that, Jamie? We don't. Let me introduce you to
the world's best elder careattorney. Hey, Jamie. You see
our topic?
I mean,
Keith (04:41):
whoever you are. Jamie is our friend, Jamie. I don't know.
I'll I'll follow-up with it.
Jan (04:47):
Now are you kidding me? This
Keith (04:51):
is Gimbal. Guess what day today is?
Doug (04:59):
Happy Halloween, everybody. This is and if you're
uh-oh. Uh-oh. If if you'redriving down the road listening
to this, you you don't have thebenefit of seeing our our our
friend here. Our special guest.
Did you drive did you drive tothe office like that?
Jan (05:19):
Oh, I'm glad I was.
Doug (05:21):
Were you a thespian? Thank you for joining us. Great
performance.
Keith (05:34):
And look at this. Yeah. Jamie is a
Doug (05:38):
master of marketing because we have candy and nicely
wrapped wrapped bags with fewribbons and business cards.
Jan (05:45):
That's very good. That's wonderful. That's great.
Keith (05:50):
That one's going to Connie. That likes to know him
and join. So That is hilarious.Life's fun when It's life's fun
when you have friends. It is.
Sure. It is.
Jan (06:03):
Helps you get after it in the mornings. Yeah.
Keith (06:07):
Well, reality is that the friendships go beyond anything
you could imagine, right? LikeJamie, I think we really
befriended her during COVID in areally special way.
Doug (06:18):
And some people are easier to befriend than others.
Jan (06:21):
Oh really?
Keith (06:24):
So with John, my friendship with John just
expanded a lot of things and Ijust I don't even know how to
express all that but I washaving a conversation with
somebody evidently in officeJuly 2001 and John and I had got
(06:45):
crossways and that person saidto me, I don't think you have
ever forgiven John. And I'mlike, really? So I called John
and we went to lunch and it wasprior to this 08/03/2001, and we
just had a really humblingconversation. And he said
something in here that ourconversation that day went on
(07:07):
for three hours.
Jan (07:09):
My, well.
Keith (07:10):
Like we covered Gee, it's like can't believe it. Yeah, we
varied some skeletons in thecloset. We came to a we just put
in the past behind and justinitiated a new friendship. So
that's why this letter existed,I think, is it just reminded me
that forgiveness is the on roadto living life in a big way. And
(07:33):
John and my friendship hit a newlevel at that point in time and
I don't even know what thatlooked like.
I hired John to mentor Doug aspart of his role serving Gimbal.
He did that for a long time.Don't remember what that was
like. But Doug, do you rememberwhat that experience was like
for you?
Doug (07:52):
I do, but when I think back on it, what I wonder is, I
mean, started, was it calledMentors Inc. Inc. And so when he
started Mentors Inc, that'scoming off a very successful
career as foreign credit unionsman. And so purpose was behind
what he was about. And so that'swhat I think about when I think
(08:14):
of John is he was willing tostay on point directed towards
purpose and invest in otherpeople.
And that was his was hisgreatest strength. And so yeah,
he, Keith hired him to meet withme. And we would go over to the
Starbucks, you know, for acouple hours once a week. And he
(08:37):
was a great question asker.
Keith (08:40):
I think one of John's other great, I mean, there's a
lot I could go on about John.One of his great attributes was
the ability to see long term.Like if I remember right, when
he took the lead at the ForumCredit Union, he had to leave AT
and T to do that and AT and Twas like, that was like a place
(09:02):
where you would want to go workthere and if I remember right,
it was just a small room that hewas working out serving the
employees of AT and T. It mighthave been Indiana Bell at the
time.
Jan (09:12):
Right, it was Indiana Bell and that was really before I
knew him.
Keith (09:18):
Yeah.
Jan (09:19):
So I really didn't know that much about his work or even
his position with AT and Tbecause from the, when I met him
here in Indianapolis, but heworked at up in Kokomo with AT
(09:41):
and T. But it's my understandingthat form at that time it was
telco.
Keith (09:48):
Indiana telco credit union, federal credit union at
that point. Right,
Jan (09:51):
right. They came after him.
Keith (09:54):
Yeah and it much at that point is what I understand.
Jan (09:59):
Right, right.
Keith (10:01):
So the long term nature of John in that role is I don't
even know how many employeesthey have today but anybody I
know that worked with John overthere, if you mentioned his
name, smile. Yeah, he had amajor influence over an
organization that he hadn't beenaround for a long time. So when
(10:21):
think about John, I smile and Ithink about his influence on our
culture. It's infinite. We willnever know what that looks like.
But there was a day that thingsstarted shifting with John. Like
he was a brilliant man and youstop me if I push too hard, Jan,
(10:41):
okay? Yeah, so I remember likewhen you guys lived up here on
Coalbrook, pre internet, waslike, who is this young guy? I
would go have conversations sohe couldn't research what I was
going to ask him. I remembergoing over one night and I'm
(11:04):
like, John, tell me what theparaclete is.
I don't know what the paracleteis. And he's staring at me, he
was like, Who is this guy andwhy is he asking me these
questions? And so we would havethese heartfelt conversations
all the way through, even overon Coalbrook when you lived
there. But when I think aboutyou and walking alongside John
(11:27):
and when he started gettingsick, there probably was a point
when you would look back thatstands out that you all of a
sudden one day realize, wait aminute, what is going on? I
don't know what that looks like,but how would you describe that
for you?
Jan (11:44):
Scary.
Keith (11:45):
It was scary?
Jan (11:45):
It was scary because John took care of everything in our
life. I was almost like a childalmost.
Keith (12:01):
Yeah.
Jan (12:01):
He was older. He was ten and a half years older than me.
And I mean, I was a little galfrom the South, know, and never
in my wildest dream would I havethought I would become the
(12:29):
partner to a man like John. God,oh my. Just unbelievable.
But it was, it was very scary.But the way I mean, this is a
man that ran a credit union andmy first, I can remember
(12:49):
indication was the fact that hewas trying to write a check to
pay one of our bills and hecould not do it.
Keith (13:03):
So if I remember right, and I'm going for my memory
bank, Jan, so you took care ofhis mom when she was struggling
with
Jan (13:11):
this. Yes, we did. We did. So
Keith (13:14):
you had seen this before then? Right. Like So when that
happened did you all of a suddenhave a revelation or what did
you think when that happenedwhen you saw him not able to
fill out the check?
Jan (13:29):
I just I can remember praying, Lord, what am I going
to do? We really never talkedabout it. The two of us, we did,
we had his mom in our home fortwo and a half years. And before
(13:54):
we had to place her in a carefacility. But I just, I don't
know.
Was like, oh, what I've, in theback of my mind, I thought, oh,
(14:19):
is happening. We've got to getto the doctor. And we went to
the doctor.
Keith (14:26):
So you did that?
Jan (14:28):
Yes. We went to the doctor and they ran some tests. And I
remember the phone call of thedoctor calling me standing in my
kitchen and hearing he is inearly Alzheimer's.
Keith (14:46):
Now there's a term and I wrote it down and I forgot what
it was, but there's a term byfive syllables that I don't
recognize that I have this. Likecertain dementia patients can
understand they have somethinggoing on and others don't
recognize anything that's goingon. Which one of those was John?
Jan (15:09):
I think he recognized but he didn't. We never had a
conversation one on one of thisis I am, I have dementia.
Keith (15:22):
You never had that conversation. So when the doctor
called and said that you didn'tsay to him that that's what it
was? No. That probably wouldhave traumatized him, Yes, I
would
Jan (15:34):
yes. Because he was a man that took charge and had always
been in charge. And I knewnothing. Early in our marriage
(15:57):
he kept saying, well, I'm gonnashow you how to take care of our
finances. Okay, dear, I'll beglad to.
Never did.
Keith (16:08):
Never happened.
Jan (16:09):
Never happened. Finally, when he retired and we started
the mentors, I became thepresident and he was the vice
president and I thought, oh wow,this is good. So in a way, you
know, I realized looking backthat was really the Lord used
(16:34):
that to show me how to do, howto take care of taxes and that
type of thing because I handlethat. John did not care about
the computer whatsoever. He hada hard time with that.
He would much rather, you know,write and that's another way I
(16:56):
realized that what we werefacing because I would, when I
would come home, he would be inhis office there at the house
and I noticed he had a largetablet and he was trying to
write the alphabet.
Keith (17:17):
So he knew something was going on with Yes,
Jan (17:21):
he did.
Keith (17:22):
It seems like this is from my experience with my mom
that there's a runway that thedementia goes on before you even
know there's something going on.So there's some period of time.
So that was probably going onwith John for some period of
time. But that day when hecouldn't write a check, how much
(17:44):
longer did he live after that?
Jan (17:49):
Maybe three years.
Keith (17:51):
Okay.
Jan (17:51):
Yeah, it as long as it could have been.
Keith (17:56):
Right, right.
Jan (17:56):
But I would say, yeah, three, maybe four, four at the
most, I think, because, yeah.
Keith (18:05):
So so with our friends that might watch this and their
loved one can't, I don't know,fill out a check, let's say,
there's the shock of thatmoment. There's going to the
doctor, but then there's thatspan of who do I tell them now?
(18:27):
Like how do I communicate thisto somebody? Because my
experience, like working with mymom, there's some embarrassing
behaviors that can happen. And Iknow John, you'd want to protect
his reputation and things likethat, how do you help others
understand where
Doug (18:45):
I share a memory of that, Okay. Along that same line. And
I can't remember if this was youor Debbie, Pete, but one of you
guys made an observation of Jan.Because John would come to our
office solo, he would pull up,we would have a meeting. But you
(19:06):
started coming.
Jan (19:07):
Oh, right.
Doug (19:09):
And driving. Right. And you never said a thing. No.
About the dementia or about,hey, John's experiencing you the
stand the song Stand By YourMan, that that I can't remember
if it was Keith or Debbie whosaid it, but you did that really
(19:30):
well.
And what you did is you wereable to communicate to us that
something's going on, but younever said it with words.
Jan (19:43):
That wasn't right. Yeah. John was a proud man.
Keith (19:48):
Right. Right.
Jan (19:50):
And as long as it was possible, I wanted him to be
able to continue with his life.I think the fact that we had
been given the time with hismom, that was really a learning
(20:16):
experience for me to see andknow what was happening. So I
really, as far as some behaviorthat he had down the road with
the dementia, it was not a shockwhen that happened. It was when
(20:40):
it happened with his mom. Butyou know, each and every I've
had friends that I've tried tohelp along the way with parents
or spouses that have gonethrough that.
I I just think it's differentwith each patient or you know of
(21:08):
what they go through. Although Ithink it's very important that
you let them do and be as muchas they possibly can.
Keith (21:22):
So this is my recollection, Jan, okay? So as
like we've been friends sincethe mid eighties.
Doug (21:29):
Right.
Keith (21:30):
And something happened in the late 90s that I said, wait a
minute, Jan's a differentperson. So it seemed like there
was a preparatory work for youbefore even John got sick that
you had to learn somedifficulties with your was it
your dad?
Jan (21:47):
Yes.
Keith (21:48):
So would you say in the book of Romans, Paul says that
adversity leads to perseveranceand perseverance, proven
character, and that provencharacter leads to a hope that
doesn't disappoint. So thatadversity that you worked
through, do you think that waspart of your prep work? Oh,
definitely. Yeah.
Jan (22:08):
Definitely. I asked Jesus into my heart at the age of nine
because I was born into afamily. My father was a, we call
them worship leaders today. Thenhe was the choir director at the
(22:33):
church. And I was in church fromI'm told age three weeks on.
Keith (22:39):
Wow.
Jan (22:40):
And that's in a good old Southern Baptist upbringing.
Doug (22:45):
You were there like nine times a week?
Jan (22:47):
Sometimes more than that because my father went to Holt.
We used to have revivals and hewas called in two weeks and that
was every night for two weeks. Iwas sitting on the front row
listening to those good oldhymns, you know.
Doug (23:07):
You didn't even have an iPad to do that.
Jan (23:11):
Are you kidding?
Keith (23:14):
That was so when Caleb went down to Murray, I don't
remember if it was Caleb orwhich of the kids, but I was
explaining an idea of the biblebelt which people don't probably
even know today, but that wasyou were in that part of
America.
Jan (23:28):
Yes, I was in Tennessee and yes. So from '9 until I was till
1996, I was in church, I waswhatever. And yes, I knew Jesus
and God and believed and I knewwho was in my heart. But it
(23:48):
wasn't until he took me throughthat time with my dad in
Florida. I had to make trips,get on the plane by myself,
figure out everything down,taking care of him and sitting
at nighttime so many nights thatI sit and that be still and know
(24:11):
that I am God, that's when Irealized the difference between
knowing Jesus and knowing andhaving a walking relationship
with him.
Doug (24:25):
I'm 40 since 10.
Jan (24:27):
You got it. It hangs on my wall.
Keith (24:30):
It was evident to me when that all I didn't know what
happened. That was was in thatwindow where John and I weren't
really hanging out probably from'96 to 2001. And so when I
finally came back into thecircle, was like, wow, what's
going on with Jan? To put eventhis conversation together, I
knew that was part of how Godprepared you for the
(24:52):
difficulties He with did.
Jan (24:57):
Did. At that time I didn't realize that's what was
happening.
Keith (25:02):
Right. So now we've gone to the doctor, John's been
diagnosed, who do you tell? Likewhat did you do with that
information then?
Jan (25:16):
I told my daughter, our daughter. She was living in
Which she knew, she knew it.
Keith (25:22):
She knew it already.
Jan (25:23):
She knew it really before I did because I think the fact
that I was with John every dayand that makes a difference. I
don't know, you just kind ofaccept things. But Kara knew
definite that.
Keith (25:43):
So she wasn't surprised? No. I think when we help
clients, bet we probably knew itprobably about when Cara did
because we didn't see John everyday.
Jan (25:55):
And
Keith (25:56):
so for a lot of our clients when we're talking to
him, can start to recognize,wait a minute, but if you're
there all the time, it's likeboiling a frog. You don't see
it. So when Kara said that, thenwhat happened?
Jan (26:10):
I started wondering what am I going to do.
Keith (26:15):
Because the Geter family, from my observation outside, it
was a close knit, tight knit,but there was a pretty decent
sized support system with inlaws and things. So when did you
go outside of Cara to the nextlevel of the family?
Jan (26:34):
To the relative, the sister, his sister. And I think
very close friends, you know,which we had developed over the
(26:56):
years. But that was hard. It washard to do. But it was almost
like several.
I knew from their statements tome or whatever then that they
(27:17):
had known this was coming reallybefore I really realized how bad
it was. But I think the Lordbrought to my mind more than of
the time that I had spent withhis mom.
Keith (27:36):
Okay.
Jan (27:38):
Because I probably saw more of her even than John did. But
John, I don't know, I had todepend on the Lord. Because John
(28:00):
was like, I listen more to John.
Keith (28:04):
He was kinda like your God, really.
Jan (28:06):
I said many, many times that when I married, got married
to him, I thought I had marriedGod. Course he would get upset
if he would have ever heard mesay that. That was not But it
(28:27):
was just, I don't know. Ofcourse, I'd gone through with my
dad having to give him up, carefor him and give him that up. He
did not have dementia, but hehad cancer.
But it was just, you don'trealize how much that you depend
(28:50):
on them. I had really never beenon my own. I lived at home until
I got married, till John camefrom Indiana to Tennessee to
take me out of the environment.So it was hard to realize that
(29:17):
I'm going to have to step up andI've got to depend on the Lord.
Keith (29:22):
When you say anybody dealing with dementia, Jan, like
if they try to do it from theirown strength, they're probably
gonna get pummeled.
Jan (29:29):
Yeah. They
Keith (29:29):
can't. We had an intimate moment and it was really god
centric, is I would go to theHardee's and Fisher's regularly
to do my pre morning workout toprep for the day. And so one
morning I was sitting thereready to go into Gimbal and this
(29:53):
thought hit me, Go check onJohn. And I'm like, nope, I
stuff on my to do list. I'mgoing to the office.
And the thought came back, gocheck on John. And I probably
had this conversation with a guylike three times and I finally
the Hardee's is what? Two minutedrive from your house not long?
Jan (30:13):
Not even that far.
Keith (30:14):
Yeah. So finally I said okay, I will go check on John.
And so I ring the doorbell, Youtell the rest of the story.
Jan (30:26):
And I had been really in tears because I did not have a
caregiver at that time and I hadno way of getting John up. I was
unable to and I thought, what amI going to do? How am I how is
(30:51):
this gonna happen, Lord? And wehad spent many times, well, not
many at that point, but therehad been a time or two that John
had fallen or whatever and Idown on the floor and you can't,
you know, you couldn't get himup. And I oh, Lord, what am I
going to do?
How am I going he needed I Ineeded to get him up because I
(31:14):
needed to take care of him. Andthat doorbell rang and there
stood Keith and I knew God hadsent him.
Keith (31:27):
He had to. It was humbling to me because it was
that still small voice. He stillknow I'm God. So when I walked
in, John was being he was actingobstinate because that's what
dementia does. It wasn't John,it was his deteriorating brain.
(31:47):
And he was being obstinate andall he needed was for me to say,
John, get up. His front is noextension. And he got up like
that. I bet it'd take tenminutes to get him up and moving
after that. That event reallyhumbled me because I could have
very easily said no, I'm notgonna
Jan (32:08):
go.
Keith (32:09):
Yeah, nobody would know the difference, right? Right.
Right. That's right. So myencouragement to those of you
that are walking alongsidepeople that are aging, whether
it's with dementia or otherthings, if that thought hits you
to go help the family, I wouldact immediately because well my
(32:32):
guess is, Janet, I don't know ifyou have any way to know this,
is that well with helpinggrieving people when they lose a
loved one, most people don't goto the people because they don't
know what to say or what to do.
But with dementia, would thinkit'd be the same thing is that
most people are intimidated toreach out because they don't
even know what to do or how tohelp or what they might get
(32:53):
immersed in. And what I wouldencourage you is just do it,
just go and see.
Jan (32:56):
That's right. If the spirit tells you, you best go. Because
it is, that was the lesson to metoo at that time. And even now,
you know, it's weird how thespirit within if he's within you
works. Yes.
That he can. And if it says,send a note or go make the call,
(33:23):
whatever, you best do it becauseif you don't, you're not gonna
have peace until you do. Butit's hard to know. I know there
were a lot of people that wouldnot come to visit because they
didn't know how to react I thinkor it was just hard for them to
(33:48):
see. I know one of the John, oneof his other closest friends, it
was very very difficult for me
Keith (33:56):
to
Jan (33:57):
There do
Keith (33:59):
was near the end, was in a hospital bed and I came to
visit him this day and it willforever be part of my life. Like
I can't, like nobody was there.A shout out to our friends at
Senior Home Companions, I knowthey helped Oh a
Jan (34:19):
my goodness.
Keith (34:21):
Yeah, yeah. And so the adult assistant from Senior Home
Companions was there, but theywere in the living room and John
was back in his former study andI have this inability, if
nothing's going on, to just sitstill. And at that point where
John was, he was just kind oflaying in the fetal position and
(34:42):
nothing You was going weren'tthere. And so I came in and was
like, oh, I don't know how longto stay when nobody's
responsive. And so I came to theside of the bed that he was
facing and said something andit's just not non responsive.
And so, I'm like, oh, I don'tknow. How long do you stand
(35:04):
there? Like how long? And so,went over, you had a couple of
it seemed like wingback chairson the other side of the bed or
something. And I sat down thereand pondering and praying for
John.
And then you had scrapbooksthere.
Jan (35:18):
Oh, yes. Yes.
Keith (35:20):
And so, I promptly went through all of those. And now
I'm maybe ten minutes in John'spresence. And so I'm I'm like,
what do I do now? The lady outthere didn't really know who I
was or anything and I visitedJohn and so then I'm like, I
(35:41):
can't stay anymore. My attentionissues are done.
And so I go back over to the wayhe's facing and I put my hand on
his. I said, John, I'm gonnaleave now. I love you. He opened
his eyes and said, come backanytime. And I think he told me
he hadn't been responsive inRight, long, long
Jan (36:00):
right. And that's the way dementia is. Right, yes.
Keith (36:04):
And it revolutionized my life. I'm like, holy smokes. And
I think I quickly called you andtold you what happened. And I
was like, wow, that was a giftfrom God through John's body to
me. And so you never know ifyou're willing to go reach out
to somebody.
It may seem awkward, it may seemuncomfortable, but you don't
(36:26):
really know who's present inthis body that doesn't seem like
anybody's present.
Jan (36:30):
That's right.
Keith (36:32):
Let me ask a few more questions because I think this
is gonna bless a lot of people.So And if I think through my own
experience with helping momthrough this season of life, how
do you perceive that thatjourney with John affected your
(36:52):
mindset on patients?
Jan (36:58):
You definitely have to have them. And it's not something you
can do. You have to have theLord's help. But it does. It
takes a lot of patience.
But I don't know that I had asmuch patience before I went
(37:31):
through that. And But you know,even when you know it in your
head that you've got to, therewill be times that you forget
that and you get upset.
Doug (37:51):
Well, that's helpful to know that even Jan Jeter gets
upset.
Jan (37:55):
And he can get become very depressed at times. But it's I
just feel that I was so blessedthat the Lord allowed me to keep
him at the house.
Keith (38:16):
That was really cool.
Jan (38:19):
Because it was a blessing,
Keith (38:24):
And you not everybody can do that. No, like you couldn't
with his mom, right?
Jan (38:28):
No, no, no. We could not. We couldn't
Keith (38:32):
do that with my mom. Her dementia, she got really violent
and everybody's dementia unfoldsdifferently, right?
Jan (38:41):
Yes, does. It does. And no, couldn't. Sort of set what the
boundaries would be. Kara was atthat time she was like, what
about 12, 13 I think.
When she was, I think she was 12when mom Jeter was with us and
(39:02):
we had said when certain thingshappen that we would have to
look to placing her and sheended up being in a facility
almost five years.
Keith (39:14):
Wow.
Jan (39:16):
But so she really, you know, she was about eight years
with that.
Keith (39:26):
As much as you love John, I bet you were thankful that you
didn't have to go through eightyears with
Jan (39:32):
Oh my, yes. Oh, yes. And oh my, yes. Yes. That would be, I
don't know that.
I know I couldn't have done italone but I am so grateful that
didn't have to. And you know,now Keith, there are so many
(39:54):
different things that havehappened. I mean, he's been gone
ten years, but I find myselfsaying, oh, thank goodness. He's
the Lord took him out and hedidn't have to go through that.
He didn't have to go through theCOVID time.
He would have been oh my, ohgoodness.
Keith (40:15):
Let ask you this question then, Jan. So you come in and he
can't complete a check, right?And then you navigated through
all the stuff that you wentthrough. And I don't believe in
regrets, I think regrets are awaste of energy. But if you
(40:36):
could go back to that point fromwhat you learned from what you
did with John and all thethings, what are two or three
things you would tell ourfriends that they might
incorporate if they findthemselves walking in on a
family member that can'tcomplete a check?
Jan (40:56):
Oh my! You can't do it alone. You've got I I just you
have to you've gotta depend onthe Lord. You've gotta depend on
(41:19):
the support system that the Lordplaces in your surroundings, in
your life. You may think youdon't really have a support
system but you need to ask themwhere is that going to be?
Keith (41:37):
What if our friends that are watching don't have a faith
like you over like?
Jan (41:43):
No, I don't know how you can do it.
Keith (41:45):
Okay, that's what I was wondering. Like definitely they
would need their support system,right?
Jan (41:50):
Yes, yes, definitely.
Keith (41:52):
That was probably with Doug, you went to see my mom a
few times with me and I don'tknow how I could have done that
without a level of faith becauseit's really the way I explained
it to the kids was that grandmais there, her brain is
malfunctioning and if your brainis what operates your body, it's
(42:13):
going to malfunction because thebrain is malfunctioning and so
that you don't know what's goingto happen with that person's
body. Doug, any thoughts youhave or questions?
Doug (42:30):
One of the things I've really admired about Jan is Jan
still works. And so it's thissymphony theme of purpose that
John had, that you have. Andthis theme of purpose just keeps
(42:53):
echoing in your life. And I'mcurious, you're coming out of
the time John has died.
Keith (43:00):
And
Doug (43:01):
now it's Jan. And you'd been living under John's
umbrella and his persona.
Jan (43:11):
That's right.
Doug (43:12):
And so now it's you.
Jan (43:14):
And
Doug (43:15):
I see you out there making an impact at work. And I'm
curious, what would you tellsomeone who has lost their
spouse, and they've gone throughthe dementia phase where your
spouse is slowly dying?
Jan (43:35):
You need to stay busy, not overly busy, but you do need to
find that if you're still here,you have a purpose and there is
something that is definitelyyour calling. I mean, I think as
(44:00):
long as I still have my healthand I can move and do that,
there must be a reason for me tostill be here and I need to I
need to do it or whatever thatis, you know. I'm just so
grateful. Someone said the otherday that, you know it's getting
(44:27):
Thanksgiving time and we need toI'm supposed to be going to a
luncheon here not too long andthat the program is going to be
tell us one thing that you'revery thankful for. And so that's
been in my mind.
And you know, the only thing Ican say is I'm thankful for the
(44:49):
life that I've been blessedwith.
Keith (44:52):
That's so cool.
Jan (44:53):
In the past and the one that, you know, I have, I think,
ahead. I mean, I I just there'sno other way that I can say it.
That's it. I just I don't know.I have great joy.
Keith (45:17):
Boy, the November Anchor is coming out shortly and one of
the things I wrote about ishaving an attitude of gratitude
literally changes your brain. Itliterally and the more that you
can think that way, because it'dbe really easy to be really
pessimistic that they came inand John couldn't fill out a
(45:40):
check. Like you could take thepoor, fitful me attitude or you
can choose positivity.
Jan (45:47):
Well, yeah, that's the only way to get out of bed every day.
Keith (45:53):
Now I wanted to show you this picture. Couldn't figure
out when this was Jan, butthere's John and he's got the
Forum Credit Union hat on andright over his head is somebody
wearing a Gimbal hat. I seethat. But right behind them, can
you see what's right behind theGimbal hat there? That's part of
(46:15):
your network there.
That looks to be Cheryl to me.Cheryl. Yep, so that's part of
your network. Then I have thispicture.
Jan (46:22):
Oh my!
Keith (46:23):
This was at Fitness Lane that you guys were consistent
advocates of Gimbal Financial. Idon't know what the pizza party
was all about but
Jan (46:34):
Girl Scout cookies.
Keith (46:35):
Yeah, you must have won the door prize there. And then I
liked this picture of John. Thatwas the dinner we had somewhere
at Gimbal one time but just thatgenuine loving smile of John
there just made me happy justreflecting on that picture as
well. And so I just reallyappreciate you taking time to
(46:58):
hang out with us. I don't knowwho in our friend group is going
to have to navigate this paththat you've been on, but any
words that have happened todaythat can help those people I
think is a big deal.
Because I'd put in life'sstressful events, top 10 walking
(47:18):
through life with a dementiapatient is pretty high in my
life. But anything you wouldwant to say to our friends
before we wrap up to encouragethem?
Jan (47:32):
I would say that you gotta keep looking up and asking for
help from the Lord and fromthose around you. And it's just
a joy to get up each and everymorning even though there's some
days it takes a little longer todo it. But I know that there's
(48:05):
different phases in the journeywith dementia, but it's possible
to navigate your way through it.You know, when you say for
better, for worse, that keepsringing in your head.
Keith (48:31):
There you go. Well, thank you very much, Nate. I love you.
I'm thankful for our friendship.
Jan (48:36):
I appreciate you. You don't know how much, both of you.
Keith (48:43):
Well, very well. Well, we'll catch all of you all soon,
and feel free to reach out ifyou have any questions about
this topic.
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