May 13, 2025 • 26 mins
What happens when everything falls apart at once? Anna Eaton's testimony takes us through the valleys of a failing marriage, a crumbling business, and a mental health crisis—straight to an extraordinary restoration only God could orchestrate.
Walking away from nearly 20 years of marriage with divorce papers in hand, Anna found herself trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship while grieving the loss of her fitness studio during a pandemic. "It wasn't even the lowest it got," she reveals. Diagnosed with Complex PTSD and struggling with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, Anna's journey reached a breaking point where everything seemed irreparable.
Then came an unexpected invitation to visit a local church. That single decision became the catalyst for a radical transformation that would eventually reunite her family and revolutionize her understanding of faith. With raw honesty, Anna unpacks the stigma surrounding mental health in Christian communities, explaining how therapy became pivotal tools in her healing—not replacements for faith, but resources God provided alongside spiritual restoration.
The most powerful testimony? A marriage restored against all odds. Her husband now affectionately calls them "Anna and John 2.0," serving together on their church worship team with their son. "Our marriage was done. It really was, and it's crazy and just so amazing," Anna shares, revealing how obedience preceded emotion during reconciliation.
Anna's story demonstrates that healing isn't always instantaneous or purely spiritual—sometimes it requires professional help and persistent faith working together. If you're navigating broken dreams, relationship struggles, or mental health battles, this testimony offers hope that God never wastes our painful seasons.
Don't miss part two next week, where Anna opens up about walking through grief and finding hope amid heartbreak. Subscribe now to hear how her story continues to unfold.
Join our fb community group and meet your hosts: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1BQ6qhcd3A/?mibextid=wwXIfr
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Gianina (00:00):
Welcome back to Walkthrough, the podcast, where
we meet people right in themiddle of their victories and
valleys, not just on the otherside of them.
Today's episode features myamazing friend, anna Eaton, a
worship leader, songwriter,teacher and mom, whose story is
overflowing with grace, healingand purpose.
Anna opens up aboutcodependency, the pain of
(00:20):
separation and even mentalhealth struggles, but her story
is also one of victory, of arestored marriage, renewed
self-worth and learning to seeherself the way God sees her.
Her testimony is raw, real andfilled with the redeeming power
of worship and love.
Anna's journey reminds us thatGod never wastes a single part
(00:41):
of our story, and I'm so excitedto get into that.
So welcome, Anna, hi, welcome.
Yes, it is so awesome for me tohave you on, just because being
able to share this with one ofmy friends and hear your story.
Obviously, I know you and Iknow parts of your story, but I
think there's going to be somuch more that I'm going to
(01:03):
glean from this and I just can'twait.
So, anna, can you start bysharing a little bit about
yourself and what your journeywith the Lord and your family
has looked like?
Of course, well.
Anna (01:14):
I'm 40.
I turned 40 this year.
I have a 9-year-old,12-year-old and 16-year-old, and
John, my husband, he's awesome,he has my whole heart.
We've been married for 19 years.
Like Gianina said, yeah, it'salmost 20.
I am a teacher.
I teach first grade.
(01:35):
First grade's awesome.
It doesn't even feel like a jobmost days.
I mean, you know, some days areharder than others but, like, I
think first grade is awesomebecause you see, like the light
bulb moment and I think that'sprobably the most rewarding than
any other grade level, justbecause it's just like, oh, and
you can just automatically seethat little light bulb and I get
(01:57):
to witness that every day.
I have always loved the Lord,but I can say that I wasn't
always close to Him.
Lord, but I can say that Iwasn't always close to Him.
Church, you know, growing up itwas just kind of like here and
there we were the people thatwent on Easter, you know, and we
like wore the pretty dressesand we took the picture and I
(02:18):
had the little frilly socks thatfall down and my granny always
bought me a nice dress forEaster and we went, and my
grandparents definitely.
They went to church more, but Iwent with them sometimes and
later on in life, church kind ofjust became like this mundane
routine, kind of like a Sundaychore.
(02:39):
I didn't think about the Lordas much as I should have and
really I thought, oh yeah, okay,yep, I'm good, I have a great
relationship with the Lord and Ididn't have one at all.
And so, goodness, I was humbled, because it really wasn't until
I almost lost my marriage, myfamily, that I really met Jesus.
(03:01):
I was on my knees and we werefiling for divorce.
Like we even had that initialappointment, that first
appointment that you have with alawyer, and yeah, that was.
I think sometimes those badthings, those wrecked things,
have to happen so that you canreally find out who he is, and
(03:23):
it did.
I had a lot of things kind ofhappen at once so that you can
really find out who he is, andit did.
I had a lot of things kind ofhappen at once.
You know, covid was kind ofsneaking around and I had just
opened up a fitness studiobusiness it was called the
Dragonfly Studio and I basicallyjust hosted and taught fitness
(03:46):
classes in a safe, nonjudgmentalspace, space where and most of
my, you know customers werewomen, although I did have a few
men, but fitness classes aremostly, like you know, a female
thing.
Dudes usually like to work outand lift weights and stuff like
that, but I loved the idea ofhaving a space where women could
go, and men too, but we couldcome together and hold each
(04:09):
other accountable and just beable to work together and have a
community.
And then COVID came around, andthen all of a sudden came around
, and then, all of a sudden, youshouldn't be working together
in groups anymore.
You know, groups are bad, andso it's just something so
(04:31):
amazing went to somethingdevastating, and when everything
came back together and we wereable to open back up again, we
never recovered, and I lost mycommunity, and it was kind of
like a death of a dream, youknow, and that one was really,
really hard.
(04:51):
So my marriage was failing, mybusiness was failing, and I know
those things had to happen.
So, kind of like the painfulseason was probably the best
season.
I couldn't say that then,though, but now that I'm out of
it, I can definitely say thatthat's the biggest learning
season of my life.
(05:12):
So my marriage was restored,and my husband, son and I all
serve on the worship team at ourchurch together.
I finally found the communitythat I was trying to create
together.
I finally found the communitythat I was trying to create, and
that's where I met you, g, atchurch.
Gianina (05:35):
Yeah, it reminds me of the song Your Way is Better,
where it's like we plan thingsout ourselves, and I think that
God is honored in that when wedo take a step and we do plan
things, but he then redirects it, he just shows up in a way that
says, hey, I love that you'redoing this.
Let me put my blessing on itand honor it and it's like, oh,
his way is just so much betterthan anything I could have come
up with.
Anna (05:54):
Yeah, I do know that now I feel like that sometimes a
dream that's outside of usingthe Lord's guidance or to
further His kingdom is really anidol, because I almost
worshipped this idea, this dream, this business, and I didn't
(06:15):
have—I mean, I thought I had Godin there and we prayed after
classes and things like that,and my intentions were good.
I wanted to, you know, helpother people.
I've always been kind of thatperson that just wants to help,
that just wants to help, and Ithink that at some point it just
became that idol and I thinkthat's why it was so devastating
(06:38):
to me when it didn't work.
Gianina (06:41):
Yeah.
Anna (06:44):
It was tough.
Gianina (06:47):
I was listening to a message earlier today and it was
talking about how, wheneverJesus asks us to give something,
it's always to give ussomething bigger back, like he
was talking about the little kidwho brought his fishes and
loaves, how he gave this littlebit that he had and God gave it
(07:07):
back to him in multiplicationDidn't just give it back to
everybody else, but also gave itto this little boy who brought
his fishes and loaves.
And when he asks us for thatdream to lay it down and I don't
even know that you'renecessarily walking in that yet,
but I just feel like God'sgoing to bring something that
you're going to look at it andbe like, wow, this is so much
(07:29):
more satisfying than what Itried to create on my own.
Anna (07:33):
Yeah, yeah, I hope you're right, Because right now it's
just kind of just an emptybuilding, an empty space, and I
am just kind of waiting andwe've talked about this, you
know like just waiting for whatGod has in store for it, because
there's so many things I coulddo.
You know, we could sell it, wecould, we could turn it into
(07:53):
some other business, I couldforce all those things, but I
just I feel like God hasn'treally told me what to do with
this, with this space, with thisbusiness, or if it needs to go
back to being a fitness studio.
And you know, I I'm just goingto wait, and that's hard for me
because I I don't like waiting,Do you?
Kiley (08:10):
feel.
Do you feel that with um youknow everything, with COVID and
the studio shutting down and youlosing that community?
Obviously you found it and youcan see in hindsight you know
how God was working through that.
Did that challenge your trustin the process or can you see
the trust in it?
Or how is that affecting yourrelationship with God or maybe
(08:34):
even with other people?
Are you seeing the big picturenow?
Were you always seeing the bigpicture?
Did you struggle a little bitin those moments?
Anna (08:43):
Oh, yeah, for sure.
You know, trust is somethingthat I used to give away like
way too quickly, like that.
In my nature, I I love tooeasily and I have always
struggled with like boundaries.
Um, and I was laughing with myhusband the other day.
I said there's there's notelling how many situations and
(09:04):
like serial killers that God hasprotected me from in my life
because I am so gullible and,like you know, I just jump in or
I don't so much anymore.
But yeah, so now I'm just, youknow, after these situations and
then being hurt by people, Ijust started to trust no one
people.
I just started to trust no one.
(09:26):
And I think that that really ledme to the next chapter, which,
after losing the business and mymarriage failing, like that
wasn't even that, wasn't eventhe lowest it got, it got really
bad.
And you know, I started totrust like not even myself.
It was, and that's somethingI'm still working on, like I
always second guess myself.
I mean you can's something I'mstill working on, like I always
(09:47):
second guess myself.
I mean you can ask Gianina, youknow, does this sound rational?
And she's like, uh, no, andthen she'll get me back on track
.
But yeah, I.
Gianina (09:58):
I developed.
It's not always no, sometimesit's yes, it's like oh, so in
the Bible it says this.
Anna (10:04):
And then I'm like oh, Gianina, I just want you to be
irrational with me.
Gianina (10:08):
I have to interject in that and say that for a long
time Kiley was that friend forme because I'm like the
irrational one, and she wasalways my calm to my chaos.
Anna (10:18):
Yeah, well, think about this for a minute.
We always need that right.
We need that person that youknow, because without it we
would all just be a bunch ofirrational, crazy people and we
would just have a whole team ofpeople Cause like that's another
thing.
Gianina knows that I'm theperson that will pull up.
You know, I am a very quiet,calm person, but if somebody is
(10:41):
messing with my friend, you knowlike it's hard for me sometimes
to step back and be like okay,this is not what I need to do.
And so Gianina, she like talksme off of the off of the roof a
lot and I'm thankful for that.
So, yeah, with trust, like Iactually developed something
called CPTSD, which is like acomplex post-traumatic stress
(11:04):
disorder, and like it wasclinically diagnosed.
It took a long time for me tofigure out that that's what it
was and therapists and thingslike that, but it's basically
you have the same kind ofsymptoms as PTSD, but it's more
defined by like not being ableto trust people or situations
and like having negativeself-beliefs and shame and
(11:28):
dysregulation and dissociationand anxiety and depression and
then suicidal ideations.
Like I had all of that and itwas just like this downward
spiral from all those failuresand I have trouble still
remembering that I am not aproduct of those failures.
(11:49):
And I did something called EMDR, which is kind of like I don't
know if you guys ever heard ofit.
It's eye movement,desensitization and reprocessing
, and that helped desensitize mefrom traumatic events and
thoughts.
I've learned, like, how to beself-aware so like I can go.
Okay, anna, I'm beingirrational right now.
(12:10):
I know this is how I feel, butI am being irrational about it,
like.
It's kind of like almostlooking at myself from another
perspective, like I'm watching amovie of myself having these
thoughts.
I don't know if that makes anysense at all, but that's just a
coping thing that has reallyworked for me.
(12:30):
It's embarrassing to talk about, but I'm just going to talk
about it.
That kind of led to my marriage.
My husband and I we ended upseparating.
I had a very toxic relationshipwith an extremely emotionally
abusive person.
Of course, ding ding, ding, redflag Shouldn't have done that,
(12:54):
but can't go back.
But he was like I think lookingback now I can say that he was
the savior that I was lookingfor.
I think I was looking forsomeone to save me from my
failures and from my hurt andfrom my just disappointment and
grief and all those things.
And he really was, really waslike.
He was amazing at first.
(13:16):
He was just you know you.
You know what I'm talking about.
It's the person you meet.
That's just all the thingsyou've been looking for.
And, you know, the mask fell offand he wasn't who I thought he
was and I had risked everythingon this person.
I thought he was my savior,right Like I.
I had risked my marriage and myfamily and all the things and I
(13:39):
just I hated myself.
And that's where, like, theideations came around, like I
just wanted to die.
I was like man, this is never,this is never going to get
better.
And one day, something told meto go to church.
There was this there's thisweird charismatic church in town
.
I should go try, and I did withmy kids, and that is where I
met Jesus and that's when myjourney of trusting myself began
(14:04):
.
Eventually I was able to getaway from that person,
physically, obviously, and thenin my head and my heart.
That one took a lot longer.
God healed our family and it'skind of cheesy to say, but like
I really didn't think that itwould ever be good again.
I really love my husband.
(14:25):
He's so amazing and Don likesto call us the Anna and John 2.0
.
Gianina (14:32):
I love that.
Anna (14:33):
The first version of our marriage kind of sucked
especially, and so it's kind oflike we got married again and
even though we didn't, we shouldhave done that, though that
would have been cool, but westill can, maybe on our 20th.
Kiley (14:48):
I was going to say you're coming up, it's coming up, you
know I like to plan events.
Anna (14:54):
Yes, you do.
She threw me a surprise 40thbirthday party and I'm hard to
surprise and man she pulled itoff.
It was awesome.
Gianina (15:04):
It's so cool.
I want to say it was veryinteresting kind of seeing you
guys in that journey from beingseparated and then now where you
guys are at now and I wasactually initially closer
friends with John because wewere serving on worship team
together before you had joinedand I remember him just telling
(15:24):
me things about like how amazingyou are and how you guys are
working through things.
And then sometimes he'd be like, yeah, it's just not looking
good right now, and then I wouldhear you and you're like I
really want to love him.
He's doing all the right thingsand he's saying all the right
things and I really want to bethere, but I'm just not like
(15:44):
feeling it right now.
But just to show, yes, god'sfaithfulness but also your
obedience in that.
Because, even though youremotions were not there for a
period of time, you still werelike, okay, I know this is what
God is calling us to do and Iwant to love him because he
wants to work things out and heis treating me right and he's
(16:07):
being an amazing husband.
And it's like you kind ofwaited for your feelings to
follow, but you were obedientand trusting God through that
process your feelings to follow,but you were obedient and
trusting God through thatprocess.
And so now, years later, it'sreally cool and encouraging to
me to see that, because it's Iknow it wasn't.
It wasn't one of those whereyou just woke up one day and
you're like, okay, I'm going togo back to my husband, and now
(16:28):
everything's amazing, like youreally had to lean on the Lord
and trust him because your heartwasn't feeling that yet lean on
the Lord and trust Him, becauseyour heart wasn't feeling that
yet.
Anna (16:39):
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, you did see me allthrough it.
I forget about that.
That there were so many of myfriends that knew both of us
when we did not speak to eachother.
We lived apart, we had separatelives, and that's so surreal.
So, yeah, you guys got to see atotal transformation of our
(17:02):
marriage, but also of ourselves.
We're both different people andreally it's all God because
there's no other explanation.
I mean, our marriage was done.
It really was, and yeah, it'scrazy and just so amazing.
I thank God every day for myfamily and for that restoration,
(17:22):
because I don't know where Iwould be without John.
Kiley (17:25):
It kind of makes me wonder what is in store for you
guys later on, because thatwhole situation that Gianina was
just talking about makes methink that that was a full-on
attack from the enemy, like heknew.
Maybe he knew that somethingwas coming and he was like no, I
don't want this.
So I'm going to do my best.
And the fact that you wereobedient and faithful and now
(17:47):
you get to not to say thatthere's not going to be any
other trials that come up, but Imean, there could have been so
many blessings that youpotentially could have missed
out on had you just followedyour emotions oh yeah, you know.
So I'm glad we're friends nowbecause I kind of you know I
want to see what your story isgoing to be in the future.
Gianina (18:09):
Yeah, and one thing I would love for you to touch on
because we haven't actuallytalked about this in any other
podcast episode yet, but I thinkit's so important is the mental
health aspect and how obviouslyyou seek the Lord and you pray
and you trust him, but you alsowent to therapy and are taking
(18:30):
different medication or whateverthat journey looks like.
So if you wouldn't mind justkind of sharing a little bit
about what led you to do bothand not just say, okay, god's
going to heal me, I'm just goingto rely on him.
How is that journey looking foryou?
Because I really think thatthat could help a lot of people
who maybe are only relying onone thing, when God has so many
(18:53):
resources available for us onone thing when God has so many
resources available for us.
Anna (19:03):
Yeah, I mean, I think sometimes people are ashamed of
taking medicine or going totherapy and maybe just in their
mind and I kind of you know, Idon't want to go to a shrink,
this is ridiculous.
Or maybe I should just pray andtrust God is going to work it
out.
But, like, what is the storywhere, like, god sends a
helicopter and then he sends youknow what I'm talking about?
It's like the guy needed helpand God sends a boat and he
(19:28):
didn't get on the boat and thenGod sends a helicopter and he
needed to get on the helicopterand then the guy ends up not
being saved and he's like, hey,God, why didn't you save me?
And he's like, well, I did.
I sent a helicopter and I senta boat, and I sent this and I
sent that.
And I feel like you know, theseresources are so important and
it really took me a long time tofind a therapist that really
(19:48):
worked for me too.
Like I think I went throughlike four different ones that I
felt like God understood me and,ironically, the last one that I
had was actually a Christiancounselor, and I'm like, why
didn't I do this.
In the beginning he relied onscripture and things like that
(20:09):
to talk to me, but he also didgive me coping mechanisms and we
talked through a lot of reallycringy, awful things and I did
some repenting, we did a lot ofpraying and things with the Lord
in the room in the therapysession and it wasn't just like
I was talking to someone with adegree in psychology and I think
(20:31):
that that's really important.
And then through some of thosesessions he's like Anna, have
you ever considered that youmight have OCD?
And he's like I think you mighthave developed this from like,
of course, just like any medicalsituation.
You know, sometimes when youhave one thing, it develops into
this Because you have highblood pressure, you're going to
(20:52):
have this, or because you havethis, you're going to have this.
And so I think, just from onething stemming into another,
stemming into another, I think Ideveloped some really bad
habits, and one of them isoverthinking.
Just I will take a thought andthen I'll put this together and
put that together and then I'llput them all together and then
(21:15):
now it's this big, monstrousthought and then it goes deeper
into oh.
But I remember when I was a kidand someone still told me that
I was really ugly.
And so because now this ishappening and that's happening,
oh, I must be ugly.
And even though now I know thatthose things are irrational,
that particular one didn'thappen.
(21:36):
But there were lots of thingsthat I would connect
irrationally and I would do itto the point where it was
exhausting and I would do it inJohn and I you know our
relationship and I would do itwith this other person that was
really abusive and so he knewthat about me and so he would
(21:56):
use those weaknesses to get atme.
And so I think that kind ofdeveloped into realizing that
OCD has a pendulum.
So I don't know if anyonethat's listening has suffered
from anxiety, but I would liketo even say that it is so common
that a lot of people sufferfrom that and it's just like a
(22:21):
spectrum like anything else.
And so when someone has anxietywhich is stemmed from OCD, like
someone who obsessive, obsessesabout things or thoughts, you
can be anxious about it and then, because you're anxious and you
don't know how to control it,so then over time you just get
(22:42):
depressed and so the pendulumswings the other way.
Mental health is really just abig pendulum where you're
swinging from anxiety todepression, or my mental health
was not all mental health, butmine was just this constant
state of just fight or flightwhere I was just like, okay, I'm
totally anxious about thissituation.
(23:03):
And then, oh no, this is nevergoing to work because I can't
fix this, and you know, and thenit was just a pendulum and so I
had to really like seek theLord for guidance, and I did.
You know, medication has reallyhelped that pendulum.
And you know I thought, okay,you know, if I take this
(23:24):
medicine, I'm not going to haveany emotion at all, and that's
so not true.
She can attest to that.
Kiley (23:32):
There used to be such a negative stigma around therapy,
like, oh, you're going to acounselor, you must be this or
that.
And I think with COVID it hit alot of people really hard.
People were in isolation and mydad's a psychologist.
I myself work for a counselingcenter.
I do the intake, so I hear allthe people's stories of what it
(23:54):
is that they're coming in forand it really it runs the gambit
.
People are coming in for CPTSDand anxiety and depression, and
some people just come in forgeneral, like hey, I think
therapy is just good to have soyou can check in with somebody.
It's not necessarily thatthings have to be going bad for
(24:14):
you to do that, but I think partof it too is seeking counsel
from somebody For a lot ofpeople, if it is Christian
counseling or if they need thoseother tools, there's something
to be said about meeting withsomebody else.
It's one thing to commune withGod and tell him about your
problems, but there's so muchpower in talking to somebody
(24:36):
else about it and that way itgets it out.
But it also holds youaccountable because you have
somebody else that's going to bechecking in on you saying how
are you doing with this.
What's going on with this?
I don't think that God wants usto suffer by ourselves in these
things, and you're absolutelyright.
This is why he's given us theseresources.
(24:59):
God has blessed these peoplewith some amazing talents to
help others, and I don't thinkthat that should be ignored just
because somebody doesn't thinkthat they need therapy or that
it's taboo to do.
There is a reason why God hasgifted each and every one of us
with a different ability, andsome of them were born to be
(25:22):
counselors, to help people justlike you and me.
Gianina (25:25):
It's cool to think about a lot of times the verse
that says two or three aregathered in his name.
There he is in their midst.
A lot of times we think that'sjust the church or prayer or a
Christian gathering.
But I mean when you have aChristian therapist or
psychologist or somebody who hasthe Holy Spirit in them and
you're meeting with them and youhave the Holy Spirit inside of
(25:48):
you, like God's going to meetyou in that place and he's going
to show up in that place.
Kiley (25:52):
Absolutely.
Gianina (25:54):
Wow, this has been so powerful already, but this is
where we're going to pauseAnna's story just for today.
As you've heard, her journeythrough mental health and
navigating family life has beenpowerful and deeply honest, but
there's still more to her story.
Next week, we'll be back withpart two, where Anna opens up
(26:16):
about walking through grief andloss and how she found hope in
the midst of heartbreak.
You won't want to miss it.
We'll see you then.
Welcome back to Walkthrough, the podcast, where
we meet people right in themiddle of their victories and
valleys, not just on the otherside of them.
Today's episode features myamazing friend, anna Eaton, a
worship leader, songwriter,teacher and mom, whose story is
overflowing with grace, healingand purpose.
Anna opens up aboutcodependency, the pain of
(00:20):
separation and even mentalhealth struggles, but her story
is also one of victory, of arestored marriage, renewed
self-worth and learning to seeherself the way God sees her.
Her testimony is raw, real andfilled with the redeeming power
of worship and love.
Anna's journey reminds us thatGod never wastes a single part
(00:41):
of our story, and I'm so excitedto get into that.
So welcome, Anna, hi, welcome.
Yes, it is so awesome for me tohave you on, just because being
able to share this with one ofmy friends and hear your story.
Obviously, I know you and Iknow parts of your story, but I
think there's going to be somuch more that I'm going to
(01:03):
glean from this and I just can'twait.
So, anna, can you start bysharing a little bit about
yourself and what your journeywith the Lord and your family
has looked like?
Of course, well.
Anna (01:14):
I'm 40.
I turned 40 this year.
I have a 9-year-old,12-year-old and 16-year-old, and
John, my husband, he's awesome,he has my whole heart.
We've been married for 19 years.
Like Gianina said, yeah, it'salmost 20.
I am a teacher.
I teach first grade.
(01:35):
First grade's awesome.
It doesn't even feel like a jobmost days.
I mean, you know, some days areharder than others but, like, I
think first grade is awesomebecause you see, like the light
bulb moment and I think that'sprobably the most rewarding than
any other grade level, justbecause it's just like, oh, and
you can just automatically seethat little light bulb and I get
(01:57):
to witness that every day.
I have always loved the Lord,but I can say that I wasn't
always close to Him.
Lord, but I can say that Iwasn't always close to Him.
Church, you know, growing up itwas just kind of like here and
there we were the people thatwent on Easter, you know, and we
like wore the pretty dressesand we took the picture and I
(02:18):
had the little frilly socks thatfall down and my granny always
bought me a nice dress forEaster and we went, and my
grandparents definitely.
They went to church more, but Iwent with them sometimes and
later on in life, church kind ofjust became like this mundane
routine, kind of like a Sundaychore.
(02:39):
I didn't think about the Lordas much as I should have and
really I thought, oh yeah, okay,yep, I'm good, I have a great
relationship with the Lord and Ididn't have one at all.
And so, goodness, I was humbled, because it really wasn't until
I almost lost my marriage, myfamily, that I really met Jesus.
(03:01):
I was on my knees and we werefiling for divorce.
Like we even had that initialappointment, that first
appointment that you have with alawyer, and yeah, that was.
I think sometimes those badthings, those wrecked things,
have to happen so that you canreally find out who he is, and
(03:23):
it did.
I had a lot of things kind ofhappen at once so that you can
really find out who he is, andit did.
I had a lot of things kind ofhappen at once.
You know, covid was kind ofsneaking around and I had just
opened up a fitness studiobusiness it was called the
Dragonfly Studio and I basicallyjust hosted and taught fitness
(03:46):
classes in a safe, nonjudgmentalspace, space where and most of
my, you know customers werewomen, although I did have a few
men, but fitness classes aremostly, like you know, a female
thing.
Dudes usually like to work outand lift weights and stuff like
that, but I loved the idea ofhaving a space where women could
go, and men too, but we couldcome together and hold each
(04:09):
other accountable and just beable to work together and have a
community.
And then COVID came around, andthen all of a sudden came around
, and then, all of a sudden, youshouldn't be working together
in groups anymore.
You know, groups are bad, andso it's just something so
(04:31):
amazing went to somethingdevastating, and when everything
came back together and we wereable to open back up again, we
never recovered, and I lost mycommunity, and it was kind of
like a death of a dream, youknow, and that one was really,
really hard.
(04:51):
So my marriage was failing, mybusiness was failing, and I know
those things had to happen.
So, kind of like the painfulseason was probably the best
season.
I couldn't say that then,though, but now that I'm out of
it, I can definitely say thatthat's the biggest learning
season of my life.
(05:12):
So my marriage was restored,and my husband, son and I all
serve on the worship team at ourchurch together.
I finally found the communitythat I was trying to create
together.
I finally found the communitythat I was trying to create, and
that's where I met you, g, atchurch.
Gianina (05:35):
Yeah, it reminds me of the song Your Way is Better,
where it's like we plan thingsout ourselves, and I think that
God is honored in that when wedo take a step and we do plan
things, but he then redirects it, he just shows up in a way that
says, hey, I love that you'redoing this.
Let me put my blessing on itand honor it and it's like, oh,
his way is just so much betterthan anything I could have come
up with.
Anna (05:54):
Yeah, I do know that now I feel like that sometimes a
dream that's outside of usingthe Lord's guidance or to
further His kingdom is really anidol, because I almost
worshipped this idea, this dream, this business, and I didn't
(06:15):
have—I mean, I thought I had Godin there and we prayed after
classes and things like that,and my intentions were good.
I wanted to, you know, helpother people.
I've always been kind of thatperson that just wants to help,
that just wants to help, and Ithink that at some point it just
became that idol and I thinkthat's why it was so devastating
(06:38):
to me when it didn't work.
Gianina (06:41):
Yeah.
Anna (06:44):
It was tough.
Gianina (06:47):
I was listening to a message earlier today and it was
talking about how, wheneverJesus asks us to give something,
it's always to give ussomething bigger back, like he
was talking about the little kidwho brought his fishes and
loaves, how he gave this littlebit that he had and God gave it
(07:07):
back to him in multiplicationDidn't just give it back to
everybody else, but also gave itto this little boy who brought
his fishes and loaves.
And when he asks us for thatdream to lay it down and I don't
even know that you'renecessarily walking in that yet,
but I just feel like God'sgoing to bring something that
you're going to look at it andbe like, wow, this is so much
(07:29):
more satisfying than what Itried to create on my own.
Anna (07:33):
Yeah, yeah, I hope you're right, Because right now it's
just kind of just an emptybuilding, an empty space, and I
am just kind of waiting andwe've talked about this, you
know like just waiting for whatGod has in store for it, because
there's so many things I coulddo.
You know, we could sell it, wecould, we could turn it into
(07:53):
some other business, I couldforce all those things, but I
just I feel like God hasn'treally told me what to do with
this, with this space, with thisbusiness, or if it needs to go
back to being a fitness studio.
And you know, I I'm just goingto wait, and that's hard for me
because I I don't like waiting,Do you?
Kiley (08:10):
feel.
Do you feel that with um youknow everything, with COVID and
the studio shutting down and youlosing that community?
Obviously you found it and youcan see in hindsight you know
how God was working through that.
Did that challenge your trustin the process or can you see
the trust in it?
Or how is that affecting yourrelationship with God or maybe
(08:34):
even with other people?
Are you seeing the big picturenow?
Were you always seeing the bigpicture?
Did you struggle a little bitin those moments?
Anna (08:43):
Oh, yeah, for sure.
You know, trust is somethingthat I used to give away like
way too quickly, like that.
In my nature, I I love tooeasily and I have always
struggled with like boundaries.
Um, and I was laughing with myhusband the other day.
I said there's there's notelling how many situations and
(09:04):
like serial killers that God hasprotected me from in my life
because I am so gullible and,like you know, I just jump in or
I don't so much anymore.
But yeah, so now I'm just, youknow, after these situations and
then being hurt by people, Ijust started to trust no one
people.
I just started to trust no one.
(09:26):
And I think that that really ledme to the next chapter, which,
after losing the business and mymarriage failing, like that
wasn't even that, wasn't eventhe lowest it got, it got really
bad.
And you know, I started totrust like not even myself.
It was, and that's somethingI'm still working on, like I
always second guess myself.
I mean you can's something I'mstill working on, like I always
(09:47):
second guess myself.
I mean you can ask Gianina, youknow, does this sound rational?
And she's like, uh, no, andthen she'll get me back on track
.
But yeah, I.
Gianina (09:58):
I developed.
It's not always no, sometimesit's yes, it's like oh, so in
the Bible it says this.
Anna (10:04):
And then I'm like oh, Gianina, I just want you to be
irrational with me.
Gianina (10:08):
I have to interject in that and say that for a long
time Kiley was that friend forme because I'm like the
irrational one, and she wasalways my calm to my chaos.
Anna (10:18):
Yeah, well, think about this for a minute.
We always need that right.
We need that person that youknow, because without it we
would all just be a bunch ofirrational, crazy people and we
would just have a whole team ofpeople Cause like that's another
thing.
Gianina knows that I'm theperson that will pull up.
You know, I am a very quiet,calm person, but if somebody is
(10:41):
messing with my friend, you knowlike it's hard for me sometimes
to step back and be like okay,this is not what I need to do.
And so Gianina, she like talksme off of the off of the roof a
lot and I'm thankful for that.
So, yeah, with trust, like Iactually developed something
called CPTSD, which is like acomplex post-traumatic stress
(11:04):
disorder, and like it wasclinically diagnosed.
It took a long time for me tofigure out that that's what it
was and therapists and thingslike that, but it's basically
you have the same kind ofsymptoms as PTSD, but it's more
defined by like not being ableto trust people or situations
and like having negativeself-beliefs and shame and
(11:28):
dysregulation and dissociationand anxiety and depression and
then suicidal ideations.
Like I had all of that and itwas just like this downward
spiral from all those failuresand I have trouble still
remembering that I am not aproduct of those failures.
(11:49):
And I did something called EMDR, which is kind of like I don't
know if you guys ever heard ofit.
It's eye movement,desensitization and reprocessing
, and that helped desensitize mefrom traumatic events and
thoughts.
I've learned, like, how to beself-aware so like I can go.
Okay, anna, I'm beingirrational right now.
(12:10):
I know this is how I feel, butI am being irrational about it,
like.
It's kind of like almostlooking at myself from another
perspective, like I'm watching amovie of myself having these
thoughts.
I don't know if that makes anysense at all, but that's just a
coping thing that has reallyworked for me.
(12:30):
It's embarrassing to talk about, but I'm just going to talk
about it.
That kind of led to my marriage.
My husband and I we ended upseparating.
I had a very toxic relationshipwith an extremely emotionally
abusive person.
Of course, ding ding, ding, redflag Shouldn't have done that,
(12:54):
but can't go back.
But he was like I think lookingback now I can say that he was
the savior that I was lookingfor.
I think I was looking forsomeone to save me from my
failures and from my hurt andfrom my just disappointment and
grief and all those things.
And he really was, really waslike.
He was amazing at first.
(13:16):
He was just you know you.
You know what I'm talking about.
It's the person you meet.
That's just all the thingsyou've been looking for.
And, you know, the mask fell offand he wasn't who I thought he
was and I had risked everythingon this person.
I thought he was my savior,right Like I.
I had risked my marriage and myfamily and all the things and I
(13:39):
just I hated myself.
And that's where, like, theideations came around, like I
just wanted to die.
I was like man, this is never,this is never going to get
better.
And one day, something told meto go to church.
There was this there's thisweird charismatic church in town
.
I should go try, and I did withmy kids, and that is where I
met Jesus and that's when myjourney of trusting myself began
(14:04):
.
Eventually I was able to getaway from that person,
physically, obviously, and thenin my head and my heart.
That one took a lot longer.
God healed our family and it'skind of cheesy to say, but like
I really didn't think that itwould ever be good again.
I really love my husband.
(14:25):
He's so amazing and Don likesto call us the Anna and John 2.0
.
Gianina (14:32):
I love that.
Anna (14:33):
The first version of our marriage kind of sucked
especially, and so it's kind oflike we got married again and
even though we didn't, we shouldhave done that, though that
would have been cool, but westill can, maybe on our 20th.
Kiley (14:48):
I was going to say you're coming up, it's coming up, you
know I like to plan events.
Anna (14:54):
Yes, you do.
She threw me a surprise 40thbirthday party and I'm hard to
surprise and man she pulled itoff.
It was awesome.
Gianina (15:04):
It's so cool.
I want to say it was veryinteresting kind of seeing you
guys in that journey from beingseparated and then now where you
guys are at now and I wasactually initially closer
friends with John because wewere serving on worship team
together before you had joinedand I remember him just telling
(15:24):
me things about like how amazingyou are and how you guys are
working through things.
And then sometimes he'd be like, yeah, it's just not looking
good right now, and then I wouldhear you and you're like I
really want to love him.
He's doing all the right thingsand he's saying all the right
things and I really want to bethere, but I'm just not like
(15:44):
feeling it right now.
But just to show, yes, god'sfaithfulness but also your
obedience in that.
Because, even though youremotions were not there for a
period of time, you still werelike, okay, I know this is what
God is calling us to do and Iwant to love him because he
wants to work things out and heis treating me right and he's
(16:07):
being an amazing husband.
And it's like you kind ofwaited for your feelings to
follow, but you were obedientand trusting God through that
process your feelings to follow,but you were obedient and
trusting God through thatprocess.
And so now, years later, it'sreally cool and encouraging to
me to see that, because it's Iknow it wasn't.
It wasn't one of those whereyou just woke up one day and
you're like, okay, I'm going togo back to my husband, and now
(16:28):
everything's amazing, like youreally had to lean on the Lord
and trust him because your heartwasn't feeling that yet lean on
the Lord and trust Him, becauseyour heart wasn't feeling that
yet.
Anna (16:39):
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, you did see me allthrough it.
I forget about that.
That there were so many of myfriends that knew both of us
when we did not speak to eachother.
We lived apart, we had separatelives, and that's so surreal.
So, yeah, you guys got to see atotal transformation of our
(17:02):
marriage, but also of ourselves.
We're both different people andreally it's all God because
there's no other explanation.
I mean, our marriage was done.
It really was, and yeah, it'scrazy and just so amazing.
I thank God every day for myfamily and for that restoration,
(17:22):
because I don't know where Iwould be without John.
Kiley (17:25):
It kind of makes me wonder what is in store for you
guys later on, because thatwhole situation that Gianina was
just talking about makes methink that that was a full-on
attack from the enemy, like heknew.
Maybe he knew that somethingwas coming and he was like no, I
don't want this.
So I'm going to do my best.
And the fact that you wereobedient and faithful and now
(17:47):
you get to not to say thatthere's not going to be any
other trials that come up, but Imean, there could have been so
many blessings that youpotentially could have missed
out on had you just followedyour emotions oh yeah, you know.
So I'm glad we're friends nowbecause I kind of you know I
want to see what your story isgoing to be in the future.
Gianina (18:09):
Yeah, and one thing I would love for you to touch on
because we haven't actuallytalked about this in any other
podcast episode yet, but I thinkit's so important is the mental
health aspect and how obviouslyyou seek the Lord and you pray
and you trust him, but you alsowent to therapy and are taking
(18:30):
different medication or whateverthat journey looks like.
So if you wouldn't mind justkind of sharing a little bit
about what led you to do bothand not just say, okay, god's
going to heal me, I'm just goingto rely on him.
How is that journey looking foryou?
Because I really think thatthat could help a lot of people
who maybe are only relying onone thing, when God has so many
(18:53):
resources available for us onone thing when God has so many
resources available for us.
Anna (19:03):
Yeah, I mean, I think sometimes people are ashamed of
taking medicine or going totherapy and maybe just in their
mind and I kind of you know, Idon't want to go to a shrink,
this is ridiculous.
Or maybe I should just pray andtrust God is going to work it
out.
But, like, what is the storywhere, like, god sends a
helicopter and then he sends youknow what I'm talking about?
It's like the guy needed helpand God sends a boat and he
(19:28):
didn't get on the boat and thenGod sends a helicopter and he
needed to get on the helicopterand then the guy ends up not
being saved and he's like, hey,God, why didn't you save me?
And he's like, well, I did.
I sent a helicopter and I senta boat, and I sent this and I
sent that.
And I feel like you know, theseresources are so important and
it really took me a long time tofind a therapist that really
(19:48):
worked for me too.
Like I think I went throughlike four different ones that I
felt like God understood me and,ironically, the last one that I
had was actually a Christiancounselor, and I'm like, why
didn't I do this.
In the beginning he relied onscripture and things like that
(20:09):
to talk to me, but he also didgive me coping mechanisms and we
talked through a lot of reallycringy, awful things and I did
some repenting, we did a lot ofpraying and things with the Lord
in the room in the therapysession and it wasn't just like
I was talking to someone with adegree in psychology and I think
(20:31):
that that's really important.
And then through some of thosesessions he's like Anna, have
you ever considered that youmight have OCD?
And he's like I think you mighthave developed this from like,
of course, just like any medicalsituation.
You know, sometimes when youhave one thing, it develops into
this Because you have highblood pressure, you're going to
(20:52):
have this, or because you havethis, you're going to have this.
And so I think, just from onething stemming into another,
stemming into another, I think Ideveloped some really bad
habits, and one of them isoverthinking.
Just I will take a thought andthen I'll put this together and
put that together and then I'llput them all together and then
(21:15):
now it's this big, monstrousthought and then it goes deeper
into oh.
But I remember when I was a kidand someone still told me that
I was really ugly.
And so because now this ishappening and that's happening,
oh, I must be ugly.
And even though now I know thatthose things are irrational,
that particular one didn'thappen.
(21:36):
But there were lots of thingsthat I would connect
irrationally and I would do itto the point where it was
exhausting and I would do it inJohn and I you know our
relationship and I would do itwith this other person that was
really abusive and so he knewthat about me and so he would
(21:56):
use those weaknesses to get atme.
And so I think that kind ofdeveloped into realizing that
OCD has a pendulum.
So I don't know if anyonethat's listening has suffered
from anxiety, but I would liketo even say that it is so common
that a lot of people sufferfrom that and it's just like a
(22:21):
spectrum like anything else.
And so when someone has anxietywhich is stemmed from OCD, like
someone who obsessive, obsessesabout things or thoughts, you
can be anxious about it and then, because you're anxious and you
don't know how to control it,so then over time you just get
(22:42):
depressed and so the pendulumswings the other way.
Mental health is really just abig pendulum where you're
swinging from anxiety todepression, or my mental health
was not all mental health, butmine was just this constant
state of just fight or flightwhere I was just like, okay, I'm
totally anxious about thissituation.
(23:03):
And then, oh no, this is nevergoing to work because I can't
fix this, and you know, and thenit was just a pendulum and so I
had to really like seek theLord for guidance, and I did.
You know, medication has reallyhelped that pendulum.
And you know I thought, okay,you know, if I take this
(23:24):
medicine, I'm not going to haveany emotion at all, and that's
so not true.
She can attest to that.
Kiley (23:32):
There used to be such a negative stigma around therapy,
like, oh, you're going to acounselor, you must be this or
that.
And I think with COVID it hit alot of people really hard.
People were in isolation and mydad's a psychologist.
I myself work for a counselingcenter.
I do the intake, so I hear allthe people's stories of what it
(23:54):
is that they're coming in forand it really it runs the gambit
.
People are coming in for CPTSDand anxiety and depression, and
some people just come in forgeneral, like hey, I think
therapy is just good to have soyou can check in with somebody.
It's not necessarily thatthings have to be going bad for
(24:14):
you to do that, but I think partof it too is seeking counsel
from somebody For a lot ofpeople, if it is Christian
counseling or if they need thoseother tools, there's something
to be said about meeting withsomebody else.
It's one thing to commune withGod and tell him about your
problems, but there's so muchpower in talking to somebody
(24:36):
else about it and that way itgets it out.
But it also holds youaccountable because you have
somebody else that's going to bechecking in on you saying how
are you doing with this.
What's going on with this?
I don't think that God wants usto suffer by ourselves in these
things, and you're absolutelyright.
This is why he's given us theseresources.
(24:59):
God has blessed these peoplewith some amazing talents to
help others, and I don't thinkthat that should be ignored just
because somebody doesn't thinkthat they need therapy or that
it's taboo to do.
There is a reason why God hasgifted each and every one of us
with a different ability, andsome of them were born to be
(25:22):
counselors, to help people justlike you and me.
Gianina (25:25):
It's cool to think about a lot of times the verse
that says two or three aregathered in his name.
There he is in their midst.
A lot of times we think that'sjust the church or prayer or a
Christian gathering.
But I mean when you have aChristian therapist or
psychologist or somebody who hasthe Holy Spirit in them and
you're meeting with them and youhave the Holy Spirit inside of
(25:48):
you, like God's going to meetyou in that place and he's going
to show up in that place.
Kiley (25:52):
Absolutely.
Gianina (25:54):
Wow, this has been so powerful already, but this is
where we're going to pauseAnna's story just for today.
As you've heard, her journeythrough mental health and
navigating family life has beenpowerful and deeply honest, but
there's still more to her story.
Next week, we'll be back withpart two, where Anna opens up
(26:16):
about walking through grief andloss and how she found hope in
the midst of heartbreak.
You won't want to miss it.
We'll see you then.
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