July 22, 2025 • 58 mins
What happens when six women who've walked through valleys of grief, transition, and waiting gather to share their hearts? Pure gold.
In this special season finale of the Walk Through Podcast, host Kiley brings together co-host Gianina and four previous guests—Carmen, Carrie, Maggie, and Anna—for a raw, unfiltered conversation about life's unexpected turns and God's unwavering faithfulness through it all.
Carmen shares her journey ten months after losing her husband in a car accident, revealing how God has created beauty from ashes through her daughters' resilience and new opportunities to support other widows. Her story of finding peace amidst unimaginable loss demonstrates how God prepares us for trials before they even arrive.
Carrie vulnerably discusses walking away from her network marketing business of 12 years—a decision that tested her faith and revealed the true cost of obedience. Her powerful testimony reminds us that sometimes the most faithful act is simply letting go of what we love most when God asks.
The conversation takes a joyful turn when Maggie announces her recent engagement! After years as a single mom, God brought someone into her life who exceeds every prayer request—including details she never thought to ask for, like his profession as an occupational therapist who can help her special-needs son.
Anna reveals how she's reviving her fitness studio following her mother's death, transforming what once represented failure into ministry. Her story beautifully illustrates how God gives strength we didn't know we needed and repurposes our pain.
The women dive deep into forgiveness, sharing wisdom about releasing burdens that were never ours to carry and trusting God's sovereignty even when we don't understand His timing.
This episode isn't just a recap—it's a powerful reminder that our stories matter, our vulnerability connects us, and God works through every valley, every breakthrough, and every middle moment for His glory. Join us for this moving conclusion to a season of walking through life together.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Gianina (00:00):
Welcome back, friends, to a very special episode of the
Walkthrough Podcast, our seasonfinale recap night.
I'm Gianina and I'm here withsome incredible women who have
walked alongside us in thisseason Kiley, my co-host, and
our amazing guests tonight areCarrie, Maggie, Carmen and Anna.
This season, we've walkedthrough valleys, celebrated
(00:22):
moments of breakthrough,wrestled with waiting, grief,
healing and trust all withhonesty, vulnerability and the
hope of God's presence in themiddle of it all.
Tonight we're gathering toreflect, laugh, cry maybe just a
little and revisit some of themost powerful moments that
shaped this season.
So grab your tea, get cozy andjoin us for this sweet time
(00:44):
together.
Well, ladies, I'm super excitedto have you guys on and this has
been something that Kiley and Italked about since the
beginning of our podcast just tobe able to have this like girls
night and just chat and catchup, time where it's maybe a
little bit less structured andwe can just share our hearts.
So I'm really excited to hearfrom all of you guys.
(01:06):
So, hello, hello, hi.
Well, I would love to juststart with connecting with you
guys and seeing if there are anyupdates since your episode,
because I know for several ofyou guys it's been a few months,
or at least a couple months,since your episode.
So I know we do have some majorupdates since we've recorded
(01:29):
and I'm excited to get into that.
But I would love to start withyou, carmen, if you wouldn't
mind sharing just any updatessince your episode, and we'd
love to connect with you on that.
Carmen (01:40):
Okay, well, I'm just going to say thank you so much
for inviting me back.
I just feel so honored andblessed to be a part of this
amazing podcast and I havegotten so much beautiful
feedback on people who havelistened to the podcast and said
how much it touched their lives.
So I recorded my episode aboutfive months after my husband
(02:02):
passed away in a car accident,and so now we are at 10 months
and just looking back, I can saywe've celebrated my birthday,
we've celebrated both of mydaughter's birthdays, we've
celebrated Scott's birthday andnow we are coming up on Father's
Day.
So if y'all would just keep usin your prayers for that, it's
(02:24):
just been so beautiful just tosee how resilient my teenage
daughters have been, and peopleask me all the time how are your
girls doing?
And I'm just like there must beso many people praying for us
because, man, if I wasn't theirmama and I didn't know, I
wouldn't know that these girlsare grieving.
They're just so full of lifeand just joy and wanting to
(02:47):
volunteer at church and spendtime with their friends, and
it's just so beautiful to seethe Lord working in and through
their lives, and I think mydaughter, her small group leader
told me that there are fiveother girls in her small group
who have also lost parents.
So just to have that many girlsunder the same roof in the same
church, I know that that is Godordained, and so it's so
(03:09):
beautiful to see that the Lordis using Molly in that way.
One of the things that I'venoticed in the past few months
is I've had several peopleapproaching me letting me know
that, hey, I have a friend whounexpectedly lost her husband.
Can I connect y'all?
And so that's something that Ireally didn't foresee, I guess,
(03:30):
this early in my grief journey,and so my answer is always
absolutely, because I know, ashard as this journey has been,
that the Lord has a purpose forit and he is going to get the
glory from it, and I've alreadybeen able to see so much beauty
from ashes, even in just 10months, and so I'm just so
(03:50):
grateful that I'm able to pointpeople back to Him and to find
those silver linings.
Amidst the storm and amidst thechaos.
You know, I still have thisincredible just peace that I
can't understand, I can'texplain it.
I just I have this peace andit's so, it's a gift, and I'm so
(04:12):
grateful for that.
Gianina (04:13):
That's awesome.
Carmen (04:14):
What do?
Gianina (04:14):
you think has made the biggest difference with your
girls?
Like, do you?
Obviously we know that it'sGod's grace, but do you feel
like there's anything specificthat you've done or that they've
done or other people have donefor them that have really helped
?
Carmen (04:28):
them, I think, just our church community.
Honestly, I don't know howpeople get through something
like this without their churchhome, because they want to be
there, they want to be around,you know, like-minded friends.
They want to be around peoplewho are pouring into them and
loving on them and, I think,just speaking life over them.
Gianina (04:50):
It's really really good .
That's awesome.
Kiley (04:52):
Are you still in connection with the church that
your husband was going to?
Carmen (04:58):
That wasn't in Arkansas.
So the pastor and I areFacebook friends.
I'm friends with him and hiswife and they're actually
expecting another baby.
It's been so fun just to youknow, just stay connected with
them in that way, yeah, and justkind of follow up with each
other and check in on each otherevery once in a while.
It was sweet.
Gianina (05:17):
Well, thank you so much for sharing, carmen.
I love seeing your updates andjust how God is working in your
guys' lives, even in the midstof the awful and insane and
beautiful and healing year thatyou have had.
So it's cool to just see thoseupdates so awesome.
Well, thank you, Carrie hello,I'm so glad that you were able
(05:39):
to hop on today and you lookbeautiful, of course but I would
love to just chat with you andkind of see what some of the
updates are, since we had yourepisode.
Carrie (05:49):
Well, I am on a pause from my biblical counseling
school that I've been going to.
We had a mid semester break fora few weeks, so that's been
nice.
I had a lot of differentdiscipleship things that kind of
were all going at the same timebut they all crescendoed and I
was just telling my husband lastnight.
(06:09):
It's just been really nice tohave just a few things that I've
got my hands to right now andI'm just savoring the break
because school starts back uphere in another week, so I've
been grateful for that.
Another huge update for me wedidn't talk about this much on
the podcast but after a lot ofprayer I had to step away from
(06:31):
my network marketing businessafter 12 and a half years and
that was a really hard thing toprocess and walk out and there
was a lot of fear there abouthow it would be perceived and
processed by peers and thingslike that.
And one of the things I knowmany of you are a part of
(06:54):
network marketing and one of thethings that I've seen happen is
people who treat youdifferently when you're no
longer part of the culture orthe family, and so I had a lot
of fear around that and some ofit was realized for how I was
treated, and then some peoplehave just been amazing and
gracious.
Sorry, it's just been such apart of my life for so long and
(07:22):
I really invested at a highcapacity because that's who I am
.
I care deeply about people.
But God is good and he's justgiven me tremendous peace and
comfort and I just know that, ashard as it is Ben to walk away,
I just know that he has me andI did the right thing and, above
(07:45):
all, obedience to him was themost important thing.
Gianina (07:48):
So yeah, it's hard when you have something that's such
a big part of your life, andeven the podcast episode that we
released this last week, wetalked with someone about kind
of losing your identity when youleave a job or when you leave a
business, and it's hard whensomething like that is such a
(08:08):
big part of your identity.
Also, it's a big part of yourfriends group and it's a big
part of your community and it'sjust a big part of your everyday
life, and so it's definitelysomething that I could see
grieving, even if, likesomeone's like well, it wasn't a
person that you lost, you know,but it's still a part of you
(08:29):
and something that.
And I just want to say, assomebody who's like in that same
culture with you, that I wantto honor your decision and your
obedience and how beautiful it'sbeen for me to just watch you
walk through what the Lord hascalled you to do, because I mean
, I know your passion for it andI know your heart for it and I
(08:52):
know how much you poured into itand your wisdom.
Like you're somebody I'vealways asked questions and you
have so much wisdom in that, andso I know it wasn't an easy
decision for you and I know howprayerful it was, because we've
had conversations about that andI just want to honor your
obedience in that, because itwasn't something where you were
(09:13):
like you know what, this justisn't going well and so I'm
going to quit.
It wasn't that at all, and soit was hard, and it's hard to
walk away when God is tellingyou to let go of something that
you love.
So, yeah, I just your obediencehas been really beautiful to
watch and that is hard, as thatis, yeah, for sure.
Kiley (09:35):
I'm sorry that you're having to deal with some of the
negative effects of that too.
I think that's what makes itharder, because that is such a
the events and the communitythat you have, and then to have
to walk away and realize thatmaybe it was it was just because
you were involved with that.
Carrie (09:54):
That's really hard, I'm sorry something that a lot of
people don't understand, and sothat was one of my fears and I
just really felt like the Lordjust kept saying do you love me?
Do you trust me?
And the answer was I thought,yes, right, but still that fear
(10:16):
was there that held me back fortrusting him and his guiding and
his leading, especially whenit's been such an impactful
thing, like the lives that Ihave been able to impact in the
community.
That's there, and when God asksyou to do something that I
always thought.
You know.
I'm board certified in holistichealth.
(10:36):
Health is just.
I love helping people.
I had been sick for a long time.
I got better and I love helping, took my pain into my purpose,
right.
So I always thought it wasgoing to be my calling with this
company, and when the Lordasked me to lay it down, it took
a lot to surrender what Ithought would have been
something readily that I wouldhave trusted him with.
(10:56):
But once I finally got to thatplace, I just knew that I have
one person to answer to, andthat's my heavenly father, and
none of these other people aregoing to live a life of
disobedience with me, right, andwhat that looks like, and I
don't want to be in disobedienceto him.
And so it was more important tohave a collateral damage to
(11:19):
that obedience and know that ifI'm standing before him six
hours from that decision, andknow that if I'm standing before
him six hours from thatdecision, that I'm standing in
front of him in that obediencerather than you know the fear of
man right, and which so many ofus have it's you don't realize
(11:39):
how much you know what youtalked about.
Your identity.
That's a fear.
You know.
When our identity becomes inother people and circumstances
instead of in christ, it's notrooted in the right thing and
then that foundation is justit'll fall void.
So it's just been a huge lifelesson about how to just trust
him and just be completelyobedient, and so I'm thankful he
(11:59):
finally got me there, becauseit was hard.
I wrestled with him for sure.
Gianina (12:04):
Yeah, I wanted to share .
This is a little bit different,but I was serving on our
worship team at church forseveral years and that was
something that I'd done since Iwas in high school and middle
school.
Anytime that I served in churchit was always in the capacity
of worship or serving with youth.
(12:26):
And this year I stepped downfrom serving in our youth and
then it was a huge wrestle, likeAnna can attest to this.
I really fought with steppingdown from worship, even though I
felt the Lord nudging me to letgo of that, and a big fear for
(12:47):
me with that was this is howI've served God and I was afraid
that if I let it go I wouldlose that purpose of how am I
going to give back and serve Godwhen I'm not leading worship?
Because that's all I've everdone.
And obviously I've served God inother ways, but I just mean in
the church, in the capacity thatI've served him was through
(13:10):
worship and serving on theworship team, and so stepping
down from that was really,really hard, and I don't think
people realize how hard it is tolet go of something that you
love Like you actively love it.
You wanna continue doing it,but God's asking you to obey,
and something that I have foundsince letting that go is God has
just shown me in such abeautiful way, number one, that
(13:33):
he doesn't need me to serve in acertain capacity for Him to be
glorified and for Him to behonored.
And I mean this is the perfectexample.
You know, we record most of ourpodcast episodes on a Thursday
night and our worship teamrehearsals are on Thursday
nights, and if I would have doneworship team, I wouldn't
(13:53):
probably be able to record thesepodcast episodes.
Another one is leading smallgroup.
I lead a small group now onWednesday nights, which is the
same nights as our youth group,and so now I'm able to have an
impact in that way, and God hasjust been taking me deeper with
studying the word and being ableto pour myself into that.
And so I know you said you knowthis is a passion of mine, and
(14:14):
health being a passion of yours,and I'm just excited to see how
God is going to use thatpassion and the gifts that he's
given you, like in somethingthat you laid down, he's given
you, like in something that youlaid down he's gonna give it
back in a different way.
You know, I thought God's notgonna use my voice anymore, and
now he's using my voice in adifferent way, and so it's just
gonna.
(14:34):
I'm excited to see what that'sgonna be, and so I just wanted
to encourage you with that too.
Carrie (14:38):
Thank you, I love that.
Carmen (14:40):
That's a great, great analogy.
Carrie, I just wanted to sayI'm sorry that you're going
through some of that, but sorryyou're stuck with me for life.
I'm not going anywhere.
Carrie (14:50):
Thank you I love you.
Love you.
Gianina (14:53):
For sure.
I'm so grateful for therelationship that we've built,
so thank you Awesome.
Well, we have another lifeupdate from someone who, like
you know.
It's funny because it wasn'teven that long ago that we had
your podcast episode, but wehave a major life update.
So I am really excited for this, Maggie, If you wouldn't mind
(15:16):
just kind of sharing what's beenhappening in your life, and I
really hope that we get somelike secret inside scoop that
nobody else has heard before.
Maggie (15:25):
Okay, so your girl got engaged?
Yes, I have been engaged forlike I think two weeks now.
I think today makes two weeksKind of been a whirlwind, given
my story I don't know if youlisten, know if those of you
here listen to the podcast, butgiven my story and then just how
(15:48):
I share authentically about ourjourney on social media, I knew
so many people would be excitedfor me and for my family.
But I have been overwhelmed andinundated with just so much
love and so many people that Ididn't know were praying for me,
(16:08):
that would message me and theywould say, like people that are
more like acquaintances than youknow, than anything, and
they're like you have no ideahow much I've prayed for you
about this and, um, you know, toGod be the glory and I so I was
dating him when we did thepodcast and I was not obviously
sharing that because I have beenlike in the dating world for
(16:31):
like eight years well, maybeless, but I've been divorced
this month makes eight years andkind of the dating world, the
past six to seven years and I'vejust sifted through so much and
I had gotten to the point whereI was like you know what I had
dated a guy for like over a year.
I thought we were going to getengaged.
All the things looked at ringsand I was like I'm not sharing
(16:54):
another man on social mediauntil I have a ring on my finger
and I just I kept it close andI even him as a person.
I had several friends walkingclosely with me through dating
him and seeking counsel withthem.
Because even when you do so somuch healing outside of a
relationship and I know, janina,I know you can relate to this,
(17:16):
I don't know about anybody else,but there's a lot of healing
that has to come when you'reactually in the relationship.
Like it's it's all fun andgames in the classroom, but it's
something else when you'reactually on the job, you're at
the job site, you're in likeyou're having to show up
wherever you're at.
So it's it's one thing to tolearn and and grow and sponge up
(17:37):
, but it's another thing toactually go to like live it out
when it comes to relationships.
And so, uh, yeah, um.
So we met on a dating app which, you know, go figure, whatever
and we've only been dating forlike a few months, but the Lord
was really evident, um, in thebeginning, with some things and
(18:00):
just our values aligning.
And when you get two peopletogether that they you know,
they know who they are, theyknow what they want, you can
move forward with so muchclarity.
And he has been like a walkinggreen flag in my life and in my
kids' lives, but even from thebeginning, just taking so much
stress off of me and being sucha blessing to me and my kids.
(18:21):
He's actually out there rightnow.
My kids got back from a timewith their dad and he missed
them and so he came over andhe's out there cooking them
supper so I could be in hererecording with you guys.
And so he's just showed up inour lives and has been nothing
but a blessing and takes suchgood care of me and my kids.
And he's an occupationaltherapist, which I've had.
(18:43):
So many people say, well, lookat God, because my son's
disabled.
My son is disabled and and hegives me free therapy all the
time with my jacked up shoulder.
I've been having shoulderissues for like a year, but just
recently, like maybe a fewweeks ago, he looked my fiance's
name is Michael, I read to myson was on the couch and he kind
(19:04):
of looked over at Michael andhe goes, michael, will you work
on my back?
And he just starts working onhis back, and so I just feel so
blessed for just things that Ididn't even ask for.
And I know that when we're in adark place and we're desperate,
we get to that place.
(19:24):
I'm sure y'all know what I'mtalking about, where you're just
like I know I got to pray, butI don't know what I got to pray
for.
I would be praying at times,lord, I know I tell you what I
want, but give me what I need,because maybe I'm asking for the
wrong thing here.
And just how he has he meets somany of the things that I've
been looking for.
(19:44):
But then exceedingly andabundantly above and beyond and
I just I mean the detail of anoccupational therapist who can
help my son and obviously me,because it's hard on me to
listen and stuff but that's adetail that I did not put into
the prayer quest.
Okay, I did not slide thatacross the table to the Lord,
and so it's just been very, verysurreal so many times we pray
(20:09):
for something and we believe Godcan do it, but we still lack so
much faith and there's stillkind of a it's never going to
happen in the back of our heads,you know, and so it's here,
it's now and it's just so manythings moving and I just feel so
incredibly blessed and excitedand that was just basically how
(20:31):
we got together.
For a little bit there I wasjust telling my kids that we met
at a coffee shop, which was ourfirst date was at a coffee shop
.
But my little eight year oldlooked at me a few weeks ago,
dead in the eye.
She goes mom, do y'all meet ona dating app?
Like how did you know aboutthat?
But you know, kids can learn alot these days, especially with
(20:54):
like little TV shows and stuffwhere you know if it's like a
Disney show or whatever andthey're talking about their
parents, things like that.
Like she was just like give methat dating app.
Kiley (21:04):
I feel like that's the only way to meet people these
days, because everybody's juston their phone.
I hear so many stories aboutjust you can't talk to people
normally, like you used to, ifyou're just meeting them out in
the wild, essentially and I haddone some of that too.
Maggie (21:21):
I had approached um some men in my circles, whether at
church or um even in myconnections, and I put myself
out there in so many differentways and um and that was
actually one of the prayers theLord answered was, even though I
had been doing so much healingand trying not to earn love,
there was still this part of methat was like trying to go well,
(21:43):
you know what I'm a woman Like.
We can show interest too.
We can put ourselves out thereStill probably putting yourself
out there, by the way, but it'sreally refreshing because I
prayed Lord, I want my futurehusband to know when he sees me,
to know me, to not needconvincing and to lead this
relationship.
And Michael has done that fromthe very beginning.
(22:05):
And so just so many detailsthat I can't remember at the
moment.
But just awesome, that's reallycool.
Gianina (22:12):
What was the first thing you liked about him that
you were like okay, I like thisperson?
Maggie (22:17):
When I think we okay.
So we chatted for like a weektext phone before we had our
first in-person date.
I feel really silly saying allof this, because I'm the kind of
person that sees the good inpeople and I'll also like
gaslight myself and be like,well, this isn't that big of a
deal.
You know, hey, jesus forgives.
(22:38):
Like you know, I obviouslyweren't going with this Like I
would be giving.
Sometimes I would be givingguys who were good guys chances
that they didn't need to havebecause of who I am as a person
and the places the Lord has meon track to go, and so it
doesn't mean they're bad people,it just means we don't align In
the first few days.
I'll never forget like learning,like he's basically like a
Renaissance man, he can doeverything.
(22:59):
But I remember every time Ilearned something about him,
like in my mind and even withsome of my friends, I kept
saying over and over he could bereally good for me, this guy
can be really good for me.
He has his life together andthat sounds so silly, but he's
just very smart and emotionallyintelligent and he just there
just wasn't any red flags.
(23:19):
So that was the biggest thingthat I liked about him was like
oh, he is actually a really goodcontender and I don't have to
make excuses for anything that'sgoing on in his life.
May sound really silly, but likethat's just kind of where I had
been, because I it felt like attimes it felt like I was asking
for too much.
So when you finally meetsomeone that has their life
together, loves the Lord, cancommunicate and wants you and
(23:43):
your children, like it's kind oflike well, this is new, but
apart from that, he is so kindand so loving and he thinks kind
of the way I think, so he'sconstantly carrying part of my
mental load and taking thingsoff my plate and allowing me to
just not be so stressed out allthe time.
(24:04):
And I know that may soundselfish, but that's really what
I needed in my life and he isvery he's a.
He's a, he's a giver, he's acaregiver and he has a lot of
empathy for others.
That's so cool.
I he has a lot of empathy forothers.
Gianina (24:17):
That's so cool.
I'm very excited for youbecause obviously I've known you
for a long time and we wereboth like the single mamas of
our group and so it's just beenreally cool to watch your
journey and just see the Lordwork, and I love that's a lesson
we can all learn about theprayer request of even the
(24:37):
things that I don't know to askfor.
I need it, lord.
Let that be for me, so that'sreally cool.
Carmen (24:43):
And congratulations.
Thank you so much, it's awesome.
Gianina (24:48):
Well, anna, I know you have some exciting life updates
too, but I know that yourepisode is one that touched a
lot of people and really all ofthese I mean we've had so much
positive feedback and all of youladies are so wise and every
episode that we've had, I toldKylie I'm like I don't know how
(25:09):
we get these people.
This is so good and it's greatbecause I think for a long time
and even our first episode thatwe recorded, we were like we
want to have a platform where wecan share other people's
stories and we can walk throughlife with other people, and one
thing I didn't anticipate is howmuch God was going to speak to
(25:29):
me through each of you guys andhow much I was going to learn
through this, and so it's justbeen really great.
So I wanted to say thank youand your episode two even though
we're like BFFs and aretogether all the time, I feel
like I learned so much.
So I would love to hear fromyou and any life updates you
want to share.
Anna (25:50):
Well, I did get some feedback and people that I I
guess that I didn't even know,maybe like acquaintances or I
think people that knew you butthen knew me through you, sent
me some messages and just toldme that you know they really
(26:12):
appreciated the vulnerability ofthat episode and just from
speaking out about someembarrassing things, like even
just mental health things youknow that's embarrassing
sometimes too I don't know itcan be perceived as a weakness
when you talk about.
You know your struggles and Ihave learned that vulnerability
(26:36):
is really just a superpower.
I know my sister will say, anna, you don't have to tell all of
that.
I'm like, yes, I do, becauseyou never know what I do kind of
overshare sometimes, but eventhen you never know like they
could be going through the samething.
My mom we talked about my mom.
She passed away in February andshe was my best friend.
(27:00):
We've been so close all of mylife and she was a big supporter
of my.
I had a business and in thisbusiness she was she pretty much
was.
I don't know, I guess she wasfinancially helped me get the
studio at the time, just becauseI didn't have any credit, and
(27:21):
she helped me with that and shereally loved the studio, which
is a fitness studio.
It's a group fitness placewhere all people but it's mostly
women, if I'm being honest,because men typically don't work
out in group classes but wherepeople can go and have a space
(27:43):
to be together and not beintimidated with each other and
just work out and hold eachother accountable and hold each
other accountable.
My mom loved that and she was acheerleader for anything I did.
Like if I said, hey, I want togo to Mars, she'd be like, okay,
and so she was a big supporterof that.
And so I've had this studio andit's just kind of been after
(28:10):
the 2020, you know, year ofchaos.
It pretty much just neverrecovered and so it's kind of
just been hanging there, thisstudio, and it represented
failure and it represented atthe time, you know, my marriage
was kind of in shambles in thatperiod of time as well.
So that place, even though itdidn't necessarily mean failure,
(28:34):
it just, I guess it was kind oflike that sore that for some
reason, just screamed failure.
And so after she passed away andafter we got all of all the
things settled which was prettyrecent we finally got it in my
name and we thought aboutselling it, we thought about
(28:54):
renting it, but I just had this.
I think I even mentioned this.
I didn't really know what to dowith it when I just saw, okay,
I don't want to make any crazydecisions, I'm just going to
wait for the Lord and he sent methis nice man.
He is a martial arts instructorand he was needing a place to
(29:16):
have his lessons and hispersonal training and I was like
, okay, I think this is it, thisis what we're supposed to do.
And so I have recently justbeen renovating it and trying to
get classes going again and ithas been so fulfilling to give a
facelift to the studio and Ireally feel like mom would be so
(29:37):
happy that I am starting itback up again.
And she was always in my classes.
I mean, she was always in theback and always so excited to
come the first class that Itaught.
It was hard.
During the class it wasn't hard, but like after class, after
(29:58):
everyone left, it was sooverwhelming because I knew she
would be there helping me cleanup, you know.
But it was great and I'vetaught three classes since then
and it's been helpful becauseit's a small group through my
church and so all the ladies inthat group knew that and so they
prayed for me and it's justbeen such a great transition and
(30:21):
now it doesn't really feel somuch like a failure anymore.
It kind of feels like I don'tknow like a push.
It was something that I had togo through, but now it's over
and this business is not itnever really was supposed to be
the business that I intended,and I really feel like it was
(30:43):
always a ministry.
Even though I do have to pay thebills, I can see the other side
of it.
I can see how it is affectingmy community and the women that
are part of it.
And, like the jujitsu it's sohard to say that word instructor
, the name of his group isDisciple Jujitsu, and I love
(31:05):
like his approach to martialarts, like the discipleship of
it.
That's not really something youthink about in jujitsu, but it
is.
His approach to it is soamazing and I really feel like
this is God saying, hey, this iswhat we've been waiting for.
And so I feel like I'm on go.
(31:26):
I'm so excited.
I have all these ideas andthese dreams and these thoughts
about it and my mind just can'tslow down with all the things
that we could do.
I'm like, let's have a Biblestudy, let's have a painting
class, let's do this, let's dothat.
And I'm like, okay, I gottaslow down.
Gianina (31:41):
I love that and honestly, like your small group.
I mean, I think I was helpingout with the small group signups
and everybody wanted to sign upfor that group.
It was like the most signed upfor, and so it's really cool,
just to.
I think that was for me.
When I looked at that, I waslike there's a need and there's
a want here, you know, becausepeople were excited about it.
Anna (32:04):
I think that was the nod.
I was like, okay, this is Godtelling.
I think you even said that.
I think you told me I almostfeel like you told me, like when
we were talking about thissmall group that you were like I
feel like this could be whatGod is telling you to do, and I
was like I don't know.
And then, sure enough, it'sjust kind of naturally happened
(32:26):
since the small group and I cansee that it's okay to teach
classes again and it's okay todo this and to do it without my
mom, cause, listen, it's hard todo, it's hard to live, to go on
living without your person, youknow, without making decisions,
without my mom.
(32:46):
I know I'm 40, but like I stillneed my mom and I don't have
that.
I don't have that person that Ican call and be like okay, like
right now I'm struggling onsome business parts of it, like
how much should I charge forthis, how much should I charge
for that?
And you know, my mom would bethe person that I would be like,
hey, mom, what do you think?
And she would be like well, Ithink this and this and this and
(33:07):
this, and I don't have that.
And then you know, like evenpaint colors, like I was
painting in the studio and I wastelling my son, I was like you
know who would be here tellingme exactly how to do this?
It would be my mom and shewould be telling me, bossing me
around about it.
But it's all great and I feellike there's Iris.
(33:28):
I think it's great and I feelthis strength, I guess is what I
should say.
I feel like God has given mesome strength when I felt like I
didn't have it after mom died,and so, yeah, it's been a great
update.
Gianina (33:45):
I think it's a lot of times we think about and it's so
funny I mean, I think we're allkind of around the same age in
here and it's so funny whenyou're at this age and you're
like what's my purpose, likewhat am I supposed to be doing
(34:06):
with my life?
And these are questions thatyou think you would have at 18,
19, and 20.
But I feel like I feel it evenmore now than I did at that age,
and maybe it's because now I'mlike, okay, I'm probably getting
closer to the second half of mylife and I really want to make
sure that this is impactful.
And then I'm doing what theLord wants me to.
(34:26):
And I think, just likelistening to your story and what
you shared it reminds me of.
I heard someone say if you wantto know your purpose, just do
the next thing that God's askingyou to do.
Was it you, carrie?
Is this your book?
I think this is your book.
Do the next thing at the bestof your ability and then like
the next thing after that to thebest of your ability and then
(34:49):
the next thing after that to thenext of your ability.
I feel like I read that in yourbook or your podcast, one of
the two.
Maggie (34:57):
I think knowing what we're going to do with our lives
at such a young age andsticking with it forever is like
the silliest thing that weprobably like.
Keeps the younger generationsand I agree, like the Lord can
make so many changes all thetime and renewed purpose and a
different pivot, a differentdirection.
I think there's so much beautyin that.
Yeah, it's really cool.
Kiley (35:19):
I think that's so true, because as we grow, even our
bodies change, so why would itbe natural for everything else
to stay the same?
So that's a good point.
Gianina (35:29):
I like that yeah me too , because we put so much
pressure on that and then wefeel like we failed if we give
something up.
I remember having that thoughtwhen for the longest time I
thought I was going to move toDC and be in politics, like that
was my thing.
And then I was like okay, I'mgoing to move to California.
And I really felt like with allmy heart that God was asking me
(35:52):
to move to California.
And then I stayed in Californiafor like six months and then
moved to Tennessee and I waslike did I fail?
Did I not listen to God?
Like did I not fulfill thedream that he had for me?
And I just remember God sayingjust because you didn't stay
doesn't mean I didn't ask you todo those things.
Like, maybe I was just wantingto see your obedience and
(36:15):
wanting to see if you would takechances and follow me and
listen to my voice.
So just because you quoteunquote failed in your own eyes
doesn't mean you weren't beingobedient to me.
Maggie (36:26):
What if I love that?
Like?
What if we asked ourselves,instead of saying did I fail or
did I succeed?
What if we pivoted and said didI learn, did I grow, did I
change, have I succeed?
What if we pivoted and said didI learn, did I grow, did I
change, have I become a betterhuman?
Like it would totally changeour perspective on how we view
ourselves and the things we'retrying to do or thinking about
trying to do.
Gianina (36:45):
Yeah, or even what Carrie said was I obedient?
I mean just that question.
Was I obedient?
And I know, carrie, when we hadyour episode, one of the things
you talked a lot about is justhearing that well done, good and
faithful servant.
And I think if we gauged moreof our decisions and our
(37:07):
successes and failures on whatGod say well done, good and
faithful servant.
Carrie (37:09):
In this situation, yeah, whether it's six hours from now
or six months from now or sixyears, that's really how you
reverse engineer your life.
There is no failure if you'refocused on the Father and what
he has for you right.
It's just a real intentionalway to live your life right and
(37:44):
not get caught in the weedsabout did I do that wrong or
could I have done it better?
Like, just focus on him right,focus on the end goal, that end
conversation, and make it abouthim and what he wants for you
instead of so much of our livesare lived around what we think
we want or need versus what hedesires for our lives.
Gianina (38:06):
Yeah, for sure, it's so good.
Kiley (38:09):
I wanted to find out, not necessarily through this
podcast, but has there been anyunexpected blessings or things
that you have learned fromsharing your story?
Have you heard about how itmaybe has impacted other people?
Or and again, not specific toour podcast, but because I know
(38:32):
that some of you have sharedyour story on other platforms
but what has been one of thebiggest blessings that you can
think of from that?
Maggie (38:39):
I don't know if I would call this the biggest blessing,
but I do think that one of myfriends we're special needs moms
together and she messaged me afew months ago and she was like
I'm speaking at a caregiverretreat in San Antonio, texas,
in May, I can bring guests forfree.
You can stay in my hotel room,come out, be there and just
(39:01):
enjoy, and I had never, everbeen to a caregiver retreat
before.
So while we're there mid-May,she would listen to the podcast
with you guys.
I had no clue and I don'tremember her exact words, but
she said something like have youthought anymore about doing a
podcast or something?
It was something to that effect.
And I looked at her, justthought about it before and in
(39:22):
that moment, like she justchallenged me and I think that
the two of us are actually goingto talk tomorrow.
We're meeting tomorrow over thephone to discuss starting our
own podcast as disability mamasand and so which I've had.
I got a ton of good feedbackfrom the podcast itself, but to
(39:43):
me it was encouraging to spendtime with her and hear her
perspective, because when we'retalking and sharing and we're
bragging on God and sharing ourtestimonies, other people are
seeing the glory and we forgetthe glory and we forget the
purpose sometimes, because weget lost in the middle of the
story and they're reminding ushey, this is what you're meant
(40:04):
to do.
X, y, z.
You need to go, step into that,you need to move forward, you
need to take action on that, andI feel like that was a blessing
for myself personally to bereminded of this is the path
you're supposed to go on, andthat was encouraging to me.
Gianina (40:18):
That's awesome.
I vote yes for a podcast.
If my vote counts, I vote yes.
Kiley (40:23):
Well and I think it reminded me so, janina, when you
and I did our pilot episode totalk about the reason why we
wanted to do this podcast.
I feel like there's so manypeople that don't want to share
their story because they don'tthink that other people are
going to find any importance init, or it's just me Nobody's
going to care.
(40:44):
But I think when you start toshare your stories again, people
come out of the woodworksbecause they can relate to it,
and I think people just need toknow that they're not alone in
dealing with those certainstruggles that they have.
And so I know, maggie, youprobably didn't think much of it
and then you're starting tohear like maybe, maybe we do
(41:04):
need to do this, because maybepeople do need to hear our
stories.
So that's great, that would beawesome it ends up being in vain
.
Carrie (41:11):
Right, keep it to your right here, right, and that's
not like God asked us to gothrough those things so that he
is glorified.
And so if we never speak ofthat right, then we're holding
back the opportunity that whatwe're put on here you know here
to do.
I mean, it's very cathartic andhealing to walk out like every
(41:32):
day, right, just as Godsanctifies us and grows us, he
allows these challenges to drawus closer to him, that we know
him and trust him and arefaithful to him and what he has
for us, right?
So it actually it's a core partof being a disciple is to share
(41:52):
your story, like you shouldalways be prepared the Bible
says to always be prepared togive a statement of your faith,
right?
Well, it's not just why youbelieve it, but it's what you're
walking out.
That is part of the story.
It, but it's what you'rewalking out.
That is part of the story.
And we all go through differentseasons of life, seasons of
stories, seasons of being usedfor God's glory, and we should
(42:14):
always be prepared to connectwith people, because the one
thing that the enemy wants us tobelieve is that we're alone.
You're the only one, maggie,that is walking this out.
You're the only one, kylie,that's going through this.
You're the only widow, carmen.
You're the only one.
And that's a lie and thatisolates us.
(42:34):
But when we're vulnerable andwe're honest and authentic and
share that vulnerability,actually connects us to people,
because the truth is that thereare so many people out there
that need that.
God saw us through whatever itwas.
God saw us through so manythings in our lives, wherever
(42:54):
far we've come, so it really isthe core of what we're supposed
to do.
And even when I went to writemy book, the enemy was like
there's nobody that's going toread this, there's nobody that's
going to care.
Like nobody.
And and I just had to reallyfight through that and I think
so, if we can get to a placewhere we're like Lord, who, who
(43:15):
can, who can I offer hope tothrough what you've brought me
through right, because if we'restill here, living and breathing
, he's brought us throughsomething.
And more often than not, everysingle day is an opportunity for
a new story of how God uses us.
And just know that God desiresto use you and your stories not
(43:38):
just stories, but plural likeit's an ongoing process.
Our sanctification is a storythat gives other people hope.
It's an ongoing process.
Gianina (43:45):
Our sanctification is a story that gives other people
hope.
That's so good.
I think sometimes we get soused to what we've walked
through that we forget.
It's kind of like what you weresaying, maggie we forget how
much of a story we have.
You know, we forget that theimpact that God has had and I
don't know, because I even getthrough that sometimes where
it's like, well, this is just mynormal life.
(44:07):
Or, kylie, like when you sharedyour story and you're like I
just grew up, I was always saved.
I don't have this crazytestimony and it's like that in
itself is such a testimony.
We forget that sometimes, andso that's really cool.
Just to, I think, just get inthe habit of always asking, like
Carrie said, god, who do youwant me to reach today?
Where do you want me to make animpact today?
(44:28):
Because there are people outthere that need it.
So what about you, carmen?
I know you had a ton, a ton offeedback after your episode, so
I'd love to hear some of likethe unexpected blessings from
that.
Carmen (44:42):
Absolutely.
It was crazy.
I even had strangers reachingout to me on Instagram that were
like, hey, I heard the podcastand it really touched me and I
was just like my goodness, likeI had no idea that there were,
you know, other widows out therewho were going to come across
my story and it was going toimpact their lives.
So I'm just so grateful for allthe little blessings because I
(45:07):
feel like for so long in mymarriage you know we were
together almost 20 years I wasstriving to be this Proverbs 31
wife and really just fightingfor my marriage and I'm so
grateful that the Lord didanswer my prayers.
You know, my husband did go torehab.
Our marriage was restored.
(45:28):
We got to go.
You know, this beautifulhoneymoon.
He restored his relationshipwith our daughters before the
Lord took him in such abeautiful way.
And yet here I am, you know, 10months after he's gone to be
with the Lord and I'm likequestioning, like Lord, why, why
did you have me striving for solong to be this Proverbs 31
(45:50):
wife only to take my husband?
And as I was wrestling withthat, I, you know, I believe the
Lord does want you to lamentand to cry out to him whenever
you're struggling with thosethoughts.
I was asked by my church to helprecently with a family who the
husband is needing a kidneytransplant, and so they were
like, hey, carmen, justsomething small, carmen, can you
(46:13):
help with the graphics?
And I was like, absolutely, andas I'm learning about, like
what's going on, I'm like okay,do y'all have spreadsheets?
Have you made phone calls Likedo we have this?
And all of a sudden y'all itwas like the grief fog lifted
and I had been asking God, likewhy is this fog on my brain?
Like I feel like I'm going tobe stuck in this forever.
(46:33):
And all of a sudden, just likeevery it was, I was me again,
and you know this fundraiserthat we thought we were going to
raise like $3,000 or $4,000.
Ended up raising over $16,000.
And as I went to the bank and Ipulled all this money out, I
heard the Lord speak over me.
You are a Proverbs 31 woman.
(46:56):
Because of who you are in me,it doesn't have anything to do
with your husband, and so I wasjust so grateful for that that
he revealed that to me that heis still going to use me to
multiply everything that I touch, because he knows that I'm
going to give him the glory forit.
Yeah, that's so good that wasjust such a beautiful reminder
(47:18):
to you know, keep digging intohis word and to just keep
acknowledging his nearness,because he is near to the
brokenhearted and I'm sograteful to be able to be a
witness to that.
Gianina (47:29):
That's so good, so good , yeah, well, I think one of the
questions that we had when weannounced that we were doing
this episode is aboutforgiveness, about forgiveness,
and the question came up abouthow do we forgive people that
have hurt others, like on behalfof others.
(47:56):
And we actually had thisconversation in a group of women
that I went to a conferencewith them and specifically what
we were talking about was, youknow, sometimes like these mega
celebrity pastors or differentpeople, and like the most recent
thing I've seen that's happenedobviously is with Michael Tate
that has been in the media andhow he has hurt other people and
just we see the impact of pain,especially in the church, and I
(48:19):
think that's so tragic when wesee that.
And this question was reallyabout how do we forgive people
on behalf of others when they'vebeen wronged.
And I know, carmen, youmentioned in your story about
your friend growing up that waskilled by a drunk driver, and I
would just love to hear from youand anyone else who would like
(48:39):
to add into this.
But if you would like to get itstarted, just about how you
forgive, I mean really how youforgive period, and then how you
can forgive on behalf of othersas well.
Carmen (48:49):
Well, gosh, I just want to say we know that the Bible
says that the Lord won't forgiveus unless we forgive others.
There's nothing in there aboutforgetting.
I just want to take it back,like you're saying, to my story.
So I didn't get to share this,but part of my testimony really
is that one day Scott and I hadstarted going back to church and
(49:10):
in our marriage we had not beengoing to church, and when I was
probably in my 20s I haddecided that, because God took
my best friend, I was soimmature in my faith, I was so
mad at God.
I was like you know what I'mdone living in obedience.
Why am I going to be obedientto you if you took the best
thing, the best person that I'veever known?
(49:30):
I was so mad at God and for somany years I walked in
disobedience because I was angrywith Him.
And thankfully I ended up goingback to church.
I started doing my first Biblestudy.
I'd never done that before andone day I'll never forget, I was
in my car listening to thelocal Christian radio station
(49:50):
and Matthew West was in town andhe was doing a concert on his
new album.
Every song on that albumsomebody wrote in their stories
and he turned those stories intosongs and so he started talking
about this song that he wroteand he said a mom wrote in and
told me that her daughter andher best friend were driving
(50:11):
home from the beach one nightand they were killed by a drunk
driver.
And I remember thinking thatsounds like my Lisa, that sounds
like my story.
So, you know, I turned it upand I started paying attention,
and so he started talking abouthow the families ended up going
to the judge and asking thejudge to release the prisoner
(50:31):
because he ended up turning hislife to Christ.
Wow.
And then they said that thewoman who wrote in her name was
Renee Napier.
And I was like I was drivingand this was like before you
know, you had Google on yourphone and I was like I have to
get to a computer.
And so I did.
I got to work and I Googledthis Matthew West song called
(50:53):
Forgiveness.
And y'all, for the first timesince my best friend had been
killed, I saw the face of thisdrunk driver and I read the
story of my Lisa and how MatthewWest wrote a song called
Forgiveness about this prisonerthat was set free.
Renee Napier is the mom of MeganNapier, and her and Lisa Dixon
(51:16):
were in the car together.
So both of them were killed andtheir families went to the
judge and instead of EricSmallridge serving his 20-plus
year sentence, he only served 11years.
And how powerful is that thatthey lost their daughters and
they were able to offer this manwho killed their daughters
forgiveness so much, in fact,that now they go around and they
(51:41):
go and talk to kids about thedangers of drinking and driving.
And that is now like Eric'slife's purpose is going to tell
others his testimony of how thatdecision he made.
He was just going to the barlike he did every weekend.
It was just his normal routineto go to the bar and drink and
(52:02):
drive home.
It was his normal range ofdrinking.
It wasn't a crazy night, it wasjust his normal.
He wasn't invincible andbecause of that choice he took
two precious young lives.
And so it took me, hearing thatstory, to realize that I had
never forgiven God.
(52:22):
As silly as that sounds, I hadnever said God, I'm so sorry for
turning my back on you.
And also I was able to see howthis song of forgiveness on
social media was.
There was story after storyafter story of people saying I
heard this song and it made merealize I needed to forgive
someone.
So it just absolutely just blewmy mind that I was like, wow,
(52:46):
god, like you had a purpose inthis.
You had a purpose for my pain.
You didn't take my best friendin vain.
You didn't take her because youwere being mean.
You took her because you had aplan and it was for your glory.
And so I think that because Iwas able to walk through that
painful loss with my best friendand then being able to hear the
(53:06):
story of forgiveness when hetook my husband, I knew I knew
that he had a plan, I knew thatit was not in vain and I knew
that he was going to get theglory for it since day one.
And so I'm so grateful that heprepared my heart in that way
and I'm just so grateful for him.
(53:28):
So if you know, a mama canforgive a drunk driver, I think
that we can also offerforgiveness for people in our
lives who have hurt us.
Gianina (53:39):
So good, Carrie.
What are your thoughts onforgiveness?
Carrie (53:42):
I think, well, I believe everything is under God's
sovereignty, right, and I thinkwe place ourselves in a place of
deity.
When we have a fence for otherpeople, that's good.
That's not an authority we'resupposed to have, it's God's
authority, I mean.
So when hard things happen,when crisis or malicious,
(54:07):
nefarious behavior happens,still under God's authority, it
doesn't mean it doesn't hurt,but a place for us to live is
not behind bars, and that'sreally where we live.
When we have that offense forourselves or for other people is
we're the ones that are lockedup.
Right, it's like we're mad,we're angry, but where to turn?
(54:33):
That there is no place to turn,that it's what God allowed.
It's all under his sovereignty.
As hard as that is to process,it's still the reality of it and
we have to see ourselves in thesame light and mercy that God
sees us.
We are not these perfect peoplewho are walking around, who
don't.
(54:53):
We've offended people, we'reoffensive, we've hurt people,
and so it's not a place that Goddesires.
You have to ask yourself isthis a state of heart that God
desires me to live in?
And forgiveness, like Carmensaid, it's not biblical.
We have to seek that and it'sas hard as it is and to hold on
(55:19):
to something for someone elsethat belongs at the cross, that
belongs at the feet of Jesus.
It's not our cross to bear.
It's not for us to have, not aburden for us to carry.
It's such a heavy lift that wewere never created to have or
carry or hold.
We don't have the strength tocarry offenses, not only for
(55:42):
ourselves but for other people.
It it's just.
It's a place of growth that wehave to get to, where we're just
not holding on to those things.
Gianina (55:52):
Yeah, I saw a post the other day that said something
about not knowing everythingthat's happening in the world,
because, I mean, in our day andage, we carry more burdens than
anybody ever in existencebecause we're so aware of
(56:13):
everything that's happening inother ends of the world and even
in our backyard.
You know that maybe we wouldn'tknow if we didn't have social
media, and so I think that's abig part of it is realizing what
burdens are yours to carry,what forgiveness is yours to
walk through, and whatforgiveness is yours to just say
, okay, this is, this isn't myoffense, and I just need to lay
(56:36):
it down at the cross and then,the ones that are meant for you
to walk through, walk throughthose with the Lord, because,
yeah, well, let me ask this,because this is something that
my son asks me all the time andI don't know that I have a good
answer for this but how do youforgive God when you feel like
he's let you down?
Carrie (56:55):
Well, it's not biblical.
He doesn't.
It says he never leaves us orforsakes us, even though we have
feelings that we've beenabandoned.
It's not biblical and ourfeelings aren't even something
that are trustworthy.
So it's a thought, feeling andemotion that doesn't line up
with God's word, and so we'resupposed to make everything
(57:18):
obedient to God's word.
So if we're having a thought,feeling and emotion that are not
in line with God's word, wehave to make it true to God's
word.
That's how we reconcile it.
What does God's word say aboutthis?
That's where we go to answerthat question.
Gianina (57:33):
That's good.
Kiley (57:34):
As we close out this season, I just want to say thank
you.
Thank you to each of you heretonight Carrie, Maggie, Carmen,
Anna and Gianina and to everyonewho's listened, shared, cried,
laughed and walked through withus.
We never wanted this to be apodcast that only looks back,
but one that honors the middle,the valleys, the walkthrough,
(57:58):
and your stories and the God whoshows up in them have made this
season unforgettable.
We can't wait for what's ahead,but tonight we're grateful for
what has been.
So thanks for walking with us,and we'll see you next season.
Welcome back, friends, to a very special episode of the
Walkthrough Podcast, our seasonfinale recap night.
I'm Gianina and I'm here withsome incredible women who have
walked alongside us in thisseason Kiley, my co-host, and
our amazing guests tonight areCarrie, Maggie, Carmen and Anna.
This season, we've walkedthrough valleys, celebrated
(00:22):
moments of breakthrough,wrestled with waiting, grief,
healing and trust all withhonesty, vulnerability and the
hope of God's presence in themiddle of it all.
Tonight we're gathering toreflect, laugh, cry maybe just a
little and revisit some of themost powerful moments that
shaped this season.
So grab your tea, get cozy andjoin us for this sweet time
(00:44):
together.
Well, ladies, I'm super excitedto have you guys on and this has
been something that Kiley and Italked about since the
beginning of our podcast just tobe able to have this like girls
night and just chat and catchup, time where it's maybe a
little bit less structured andwe can just share our hearts.
So I'm really excited to hearfrom all of you guys.
(01:06):
So, hello, hello, hi.
Well, I would love to juststart with connecting with you
guys and seeing if there are anyupdates since your episode,
because I know for several ofyou guys it's been a few months,
or at least a couple months,since your episode.
So I know we do have some majorupdates since we've recorded
(01:29):
and I'm excited to get into that.
But I would love to start withyou, carmen, if you wouldn't
mind sharing just any updatessince your episode, and we'd
love to connect with you on that.
Carmen (01:40):
Okay, well, I'm just going to say thank you so much
for inviting me back.
I just feel so honored andblessed to be a part of this
amazing podcast and I havegotten so much beautiful
feedback on people who havelistened to the podcast and said
how much it touched their lives.
So I recorded my episode aboutfive months after my husband
(02:02):
passed away in a car accident,and so now we are at 10 months
and just looking back, I can saywe've celebrated my birthday,
we've celebrated both of mydaughter's birthdays, we've
celebrated Scott's birthday andnow we are coming up on Father's
Day.
So if y'all would just keep usin your prayers for that, it's
(02:24):
just been so beautiful just tosee how resilient my teenage
daughters have been, and peopleask me all the time how are your
girls doing?
And I'm just like there must beso many people praying for us
because, man, if I wasn't theirmama and I didn't know, I
wouldn't know that these girlsare grieving.
They're just so full of lifeand just joy and wanting to
(02:47):
volunteer at church and spendtime with their friends, and
it's just so beautiful to seethe Lord working in and through
their lives, and I think mydaughter, her small group leader
told me that there are fiveother girls in her small group
who have also lost parents.
So just to have that many girlsunder the same roof in the same
church, I know that that is Godordained, and so it's so
(03:09):
beautiful to see that the Lordis using Molly in that way.
One of the things that I'venoticed in the past few months
is I've had several peopleapproaching me letting me know
that, hey, I have a friend whounexpectedly lost her husband.
Can I connect y'all?
And so that's something that Ireally didn't foresee, I guess,
(03:30):
this early in my grief journey,and so my answer is always
absolutely, because I know, ashard as this journey has been,
that the Lord has a purpose forit and he is going to get the
glory from it, and I've alreadybeen able to see so much beauty
from ashes, even in just 10months, and so I'm just so
(03:50):
grateful that I'm able to pointpeople back to Him and to find
those silver linings.
Amidst the storm and amidst thechaos.
You know, I still have thisincredible just peace that I
can't understand, I can'texplain it.
I just I have this peace andit's so, it's a gift, and I'm so
(04:12):
grateful for that.
Gianina (04:13):
That's awesome.
Carmen (04:14):
What do?
Gianina (04:14):
you think has made the biggest difference with your
girls?
Like, do you?
Obviously we know that it'sGod's grace, but do you feel
like there's anything specificthat you've done or that they've
done or other people have donefor them that have really helped
?
Carmen (04:28):
them, I think, just our church community.
Honestly, I don't know howpeople get through something
like this without their churchhome, because they want to be
there, they want to be around,you know, like-minded friends.
They want to be around peoplewho are pouring into them and
loving on them and, I think,just speaking life over them.
Gianina (04:50):
It's really really good .
That's awesome.
Kiley (04:52):
Are you still in connection with the church that
your husband was going to?
Carmen (04:58):
That wasn't in Arkansas.
So the pastor and I areFacebook friends.
I'm friends with him and hiswife and they're actually
expecting another baby.
It's been so fun just to youknow, just stay connected with
them in that way, yeah, and justkind of follow up with each
other and check in on each otherevery once in a while.
It was sweet.
Gianina (05:17):
Well, thank you so much for sharing, carmen.
I love seeing your updates andjust how God is working in your
guys' lives, even in the midstof the awful and insane and
beautiful and healing year thatyou have had.
So it's cool to just see thoseupdates so awesome.
Well, thank you, Carrie hello,I'm so glad that you were able
(05:39):
to hop on today and you lookbeautiful, of course but I would
love to just chat with you andkind of see what some of the
updates are, since we had yourepisode.
Carrie (05:49):
Well, I am on a pause from my biblical counseling
school that I've been going to.
We had a mid semester break fora few weeks, so that's been
nice.
I had a lot of differentdiscipleship things that kind of
were all going at the same timebut they all crescendoed and I
was just telling my husband lastnight.
(06:09):
It's just been really nice tohave just a few things that I've
got my hands to right now andI'm just savoring the break
because school starts back uphere in another week, so I've
been grateful for that.
Another huge update for me wedidn't talk about this much on
the podcast but after a lot ofprayer I had to step away from
(06:31):
my network marketing businessafter 12 and a half years and
that was a really hard thing toprocess and walk out and there
was a lot of fear there abouthow it would be perceived and
processed by peers and thingslike that.
And one of the things I knowmany of you are a part of
(06:54):
network marketing and one of thethings that I've seen happen is
people who treat youdifferently when you're no
longer part of the culture orthe family, and so I had a lot
of fear around that and some ofit was realized for how I was
treated, and then some peoplehave just been amazing and
gracious.
Sorry, it's just been such apart of my life for so long and
(07:22):
I really invested at a highcapacity because that's who I am
.
I care deeply about people.
But God is good and he's justgiven me tremendous peace and
comfort and I just know that, ashard as it is Ben to walk away,
I just know that he has me andI did the right thing and, above
(07:45):
all, obedience to him was themost important thing.
Gianina (07:48):
So yeah, it's hard when you have something that's such
a big part of your life, andeven the podcast episode that we
released this last week, wetalked with someone about kind
of losing your identity when youleave a job or when you leave a
business, and it's hard whensomething like that is such a
(08:08):
big part of your identity.
Also, it's a big part of yourfriends group and it's a big
part of your community and it'sjust a big part of your everyday
life, and so it's definitelysomething that I could see
grieving, even if, likesomeone's like well, it wasn't a
person that you lost, you know,but it's still a part of you
(08:29):
and something that.
And I just want to say, assomebody who's like in that same
culture with you, that I wantto honor your decision and your
obedience and how beautiful it'sbeen for me to just watch you
walk through what the Lord hascalled you to do, because I mean
, I know your passion for it andI know your heart for it and I
(08:52):
know how much you poured into itand your wisdom.
Like you're somebody I'vealways asked questions and you
have so much wisdom in that, andso I know it wasn't an easy
decision for you and I know howprayerful it was, because we've
had conversations about that andI just want to honor your
obedience in that, because itwasn't something where you were
(09:13):
like you know what, this justisn't going well and so I'm
going to quit.
It wasn't that at all, and soit was hard, and it's hard to
walk away when God is tellingyou to let go of something that
you love.
So, yeah, I just your obediencehas been really beautiful to
watch and that is hard, as thatis, yeah, for sure.
Kiley (09:35):
I'm sorry that you're having to deal with some of the
negative effects of that too.
I think that's what makes itharder, because that is such a
the events and the communitythat you have, and then to have
to walk away and realize thatmaybe it was it was just because
you were involved with that.
Carrie (09:54):
That's really hard, I'm sorry something that a lot of
people don't understand, and sothat was one of my fears and I
just really felt like the Lordjust kept saying do you love me?
Do you trust me?
And the answer was I thought,yes, right, but still that fear
(10:16):
was there that held me back fortrusting him and his guiding and
his leading, especially whenit's been such an impactful
thing, like the lives that Ihave been able to impact in the
community.
That's there, and when God asksyou to do something that I
always thought.
You know.
I'm board certified in holistichealth.
(10:36):
Health is just.
I love helping people.
I had been sick for a long time.
I got better and I love helping, took my pain into my purpose,
right.
So I always thought it wasgoing to be my calling with this
company, and when the Lordasked me to lay it down, it took
a lot to surrender what Ithought would have been
something readily that I wouldhave trusted him with.
(10:56):
But once I finally got to thatplace, I just knew that I have
one person to answer to, andthat's my heavenly father, and
none of these other people aregoing to live a life of
disobedience with me, right, andwhat that looks like, and I
don't want to be in disobedienceto him.
And so it was more important tohave a collateral damage to
(11:19):
that obedience and know that ifI'm standing before him six
hours from that decision, andknow that if I'm standing before
him six hours from thatdecision, that I'm standing in
front of him in that obediencerather than you know the fear of
man right, and which so many ofus have it's you don't realize
(11:39):
how much you know what youtalked about.
Your identity.
That's a fear.
You know.
When our identity becomes inother people and circumstances
instead of in christ, it's notrooted in the right thing and
then that foundation is justit'll fall void.
So it's just been a huge lifelesson about how to just trust
him and just be completelyobedient, and so I'm thankful he
(11:59):
finally got me there, becauseit was hard.
I wrestled with him for sure.
Gianina (12:04):
Yeah, I wanted to share .
This is a little bit different,but I was serving on our
worship team at church forseveral years and that was
something that I'd done since Iwas in high school and middle
school.
Anytime that I served in churchit was always in the capacity
of worship or serving with youth.
(12:26):
And this year I stepped downfrom serving in our youth and
then it was a huge wrestle, likeAnna can attest to this.
I really fought with steppingdown from worship, even though I
felt the Lord nudging me to letgo of that, and a big fear for
(12:47):
me with that was this is howI've served God and I was afraid
that if I let it go I wouldlose that purpose of how am I
going to give back and serve Godwhen I'm not leading worship?
Because that's all I've everdone.
And obviously I've served God inother ways, but I just mean in
the church, in the capacity thatI've served him was through
(13:10):
worship and serving on theworship team, and so stepping
down from that was really,really hard, and I don't think
people realize how hard it is tolet go of something that you
love Like you actively love it.
You wanna continue doing it,but God's asking you to obey,
and something that I have foundsince letting that go is God has
just shown me in such abeautiful way, number one, that
(13:33):
he doesn't need me to serve in acertain capacity for Him to be
glorified and for Him to behonored.
And I mean this is the perfectexample.
You know, we record most of ourpodcast episodes on a Thursday
night and our worship teamrehearsals are on Thursday
nights, and if I would have doneworship team, I wouldn't
(13:53):
probably be able to record thesepodcast episodes.
Another one is leading smallgroup.
I lead a small group now onWednesday nights, which is the
same nights as our youth group,and so now I'm able to have an
impact in that way, and God hasjust been taking me deeper with
studying the word and being ableto pour myself into that.
And so I know you said you knowthis is a passion of mine, and
(14:14):
health being a passion of yours,and I'm just excited to see how
God is going to use thatpassion and the gifts that he's
given you, like in somethingthat you laid down, he's given
you, like in something that youlaid down he's gonna give it
back in a different way.
You know, I thought God's notgonna use my voice anymore, and
now he's using my voice in adifferent way, and so it's just
gonna.
(14:34):
I'm excited to see what that'sgonna be, and so I just wanted
to encourage you with that too.
Carrie (14:38):
Thank you, I love that.
Carmen (14:40):
That's a great, great analogy.
Carrie, I just wanted to sayI'm sorry that you're going
through some of that, but sorryyou're stuck with me for life.
I'm not going anywhere.
Carrie (14:50):
Thank you I love you.
Love you.
Gianina (14:53):
For sure.
I'm so grateful for therelationship that we've built,
so thank you Awesome.
Well, we have another lifeupdate from someone who, like
you know.
It's funny because it wasn'teven that long ago that we had
your podcast episode, but wehave a major life update.
So I am really excited for this, Maggie, If you wouldn't mind
(15:16):
just kind of sharing what's beenhappening in your life, and I
really hope that we get somelike secret inside scoop that
nobody else has heard before.
Maggie (15:25):
Okay, so your girl got engaged?
Yes, I have been engaged forlike I think two weeks now.
I think today makes two weeksKind of been a whirlwind, given
my story I don't know if youlisten, know if those of you
here listen to the podcast, butgiven my story and then just how
(15:48):
I share authentically about ourjourney on social media, I knew
so many people would be excitedfor me and for my family.
But I have been overwhelmed andinundated with just so much
love and so many people that Ididn't know were praying for me,
(16:08):
that would message me and theywould say, like people that are
more like acquaintances than youknow, than anything, and
they're like you have no ideahow much I've prayed for you
about this and, um, you know, toGod be the glory and I so I was
dating him when we did thepodcast and I was not obviously
sharing that because I have beenlike in the dating world for
(16:31):
like eight years well, maybeless, but I've been divorced
this month makes eight years andkind of the dating world, the
past six to seven years and I'vejust sifted through so much and
I had gotten to the point whereI was like you know what I had
dated a guy for like over a year.
I thought we were going to getengaged.
All the things looked at ringsand I was like I'm not sharing
(16:54):
another man on social mediauntil I have a ring on my finger
and I just I kept it close andI even him as a person.
I had several friends walkingclosely with me through dating
him and seeking counsel withthem.
Because even when you do so somuch healing outside of a
relationship and I know, janina,I know you can relate to this,
(17:16):
I don't know about anybody else,but there's a lot of healing
that has to come when you'reactually in the relationship.
Like it's it's all fun andgames in the classroom, but it's
something else when you'reactually on the job, you're at
the job site, you're in likeyou're having to show up
wherever you're at.
So it's it's one thing to tolearn and and grow and sponge up
(17:37):
, but it's another thing toactually go to like live it out
when it comes to relationships.
And so, uh, yeah, um.
So we met on a dating app which, you know, go figure, whatever
and we've only been dating forlike a few months, but the Lord
was really evident, um, in thebeginning, with some things and
(18:00):
just our values aligning.
And when you get two peopletogether that they you know,
they know who they are, theyknow what they want, you can
move forward with so muchclarity.
And he has been like a walkinggreen flag in my life and in my
kids' lives, but even from thebeginning, just taking so much
stress off of me and being sucha blessing to me and my kids.
(18:21):
He's actually out there rightnow.
My kids got back from a timewith their dad and he missed
them and so he came over andhe's out there cooking them
supper so I could be in hererecording with you guys.
And so he's just showed up inour lives and has been nothing
but a blessing and takes suchgood care of me and my kids.
And he's an occupationaltherapist, which I've had.
(18:43):
So many people say, well, lookat God, because my son's
disabled.
My son is disabled and and hegives me free therapy all the
time with my jacked up shoulder.
I've been having shoulderissues for like a year, but just
recently, like maybe a fewweeks ago, he looked my fiance's
name is Michael, I read to myson was on the couch and he kind
(19:04):
of looked over at Michael andhe goes, michael, will you work
on my back?
And he just starts working onhis back, and so I just feel so
blessed for just things that Ididn't even ask for.
And I know that when we're in adark place and we're desperate,
we get to that place.
(19:24):
I'm sure y'all know what I'mtalking about, where you're just
like I know I got to pray, butI don't know what I got to pray
for.
I would be praying at times,lord, I know I tell you what I
want, but give me what I need,because maybe I'm asking for the
wrong thing here.
And just how he has he meets somany of the things that I've
been looking for.
(19:44):
But then exceedingly andabundantly above and beyond and
I just I mean the detail of anoccupational therapist who can
help my son and obviously me,because it's hard on me to
listen and stuff but that's adetail that I did not put into
the prayer quest.
Okay, I did not slide thatacross the table to the Lord,
and so it's just been very, verysurreal so many times we pray
(20:09):
for something and we believe Godcan do it, but we still lack so
much faith and there's stillkind of a it's never going to
happen in the back of our heads,you know, and so it's here,
it's now and it's just so manythings moving and I just feel so
incredibly blessed and excitedand that was just basically how
(20:31):
we got together.
For a little bit there I wasjust telling my kids that we met
at a coffee shop, which was ourfirst date was at a coffee shop
.
But my little eight year oldlooked at me a few weeks ago,
dead in the eye.
She goes mom, do y'all meet ona dating app?
Like how did you know aboutthat?
But you know, kids can learn alot these days, especially with
(20:54):
like little TV shows and stuffwhere you know if it's like a
Disney show or whatever andthey're talking about their
parents, things like that.
Like she was just like give methat dating app.
Kiley (21:04):
I feel like that's the only way to meet people these
days, because everybody's juston their phone.
I hear so many stories aboutjust you can't talk to people
normally, like you used to, ifyou're just meeting them out in
the wild, essentially and I haddone some of that too.
Maggie (21:21):
I had approached um some men in my circles, whether at
church or um even in myconnections, and I put myself
out there in so many differentways and um and that was
actually one of the prayers theLord answered was, even though I
had been doing so much healingand trying not to earn love,
there was still this part of methat was like trying to go well,
(21:43):
you know what I'm a woman Like.
We can show interest too.
We can put ourselves out thereStill probably putting yourself
out there, by the way, but it'sreally refreshing because I
prayed Lord, I want my futurehusband to know when he sees me,
to know me, to not needconvincing and to lead this
relationship.
And Michael has done that fromthe very beginning.
(22:05):
And so just so many detailsthat I can't remember at the
moment.
But just awesome, that's reallycool.
Gianina (22:12):
What was the first thing you liked about him that
you were like okay, I like thisperson?
Maggie (22:17):
When I think we okay.
So we chatted for like a weektext phone before we had our
first in-person date.
I feel really silly saying allof this, because I'm the kind of
person that sees the good inpeople and I'll also like
gaslight myself and be like,well, this isn't that big of a
deal.
You know, hey, jesus forgives.
(22:38):
Like you know, I obviouslyweren't going with this Like I
would be giving.
Sometimes I would be givingguys who were good guys chances
that they didn't need to havebecause of who I am as a person
and the places the Lord has meon track to go, and so it
doesn't mean they're bad people,it just means we don't align In
the first few days.
I'll never forget like learning,like he's basically like a
Renaissance man, he can doeverything.
(22:59):
But I remember every time Ilearned something about him,
like in my mind and even withsome of my friends, I kept
saying over and over he could bereally good for me, this guy
can be really good for me.
He has his life together andthat sounds so silly, but he's
just very smart and emotionallyintelligent and he just there
just wasn't any red flags.
(23:19):
So that was the biggest thingthat I liked about him was like
oh, he is actually a really goodcontender and I don't have to
make excuses for anything that'sgoing on in his life.
May sound really silly, but likethat's just kind of where I had
been, because I it felt like attimes it felt like I was asking
for too much.
So when you finally meetsomeone that has their life
together, loves the Lord, cancommunicate and wants you and
(23:43):
your children, like it's kind oflike well, this is new, but
apart from that, he is so kindand so loving and he thinks kind
of the way I think, so he'sconstantly carrying part of my
mental load and taking thingsoff my plate and allowing me to
just not be so stressed out allthe time.
(24:04):
And I know that may soundselfish, but that's really what
I needed in my life and he isvery he's a.
He's a, he's a giver, he's acaregiver and he has a lot of
empathy for others.
That's so cool.
I he has a lot of empathy forothers.
Gianina (24:17):
That's so cool.
I'm very excited for youbecause obviously I've known you
for a long time and we wereboth like the single mamas of
our group and so it's just beenreally cool to watch your
journey and just see the Lordwork, and I love that's a lesson
we can all learn about theprayer request of even the
(24:37):
things that I don't know to askfor.
I need it, lord.
Let that be for me, so that'sreally cool.
Carmen (24:43):
And congratulations.
Thank you so much, it's awesome.
Gianina (24:48):
Well, anna, I know you have some exciting life updates
too, but I know that yourepisode is one that touched a
lot of people and really all ofthese I mean we've had so much
positive feedback and all of youladies are so wise and every
episode that we've had, I toldKylie I'm like I don't know how
(25:09):
we get these people.
This is so good and it's greatbecause I think for a long time
and even our first episode thatwe recorded, we were like we
want to have a platform where wecan share other people's
stories and we can walk throughlife with other people, and one
thing I didn't anticipate is howmuch God was going to speak to
(25:29):
me through each of you guys andhow much I was going to learn
through this, and so it's justbeen really great.
So I wanted to say thank youand your episode two even though
we're like BFFs and aretogether all the time, I feel
like I learned so much.
So I would love to hear fromyou and any life updates you
want to share.
Anna (25:50):
Well, I did get some feedback and people that I I
guess that I didn't even know,maybe like acquaintances or I
think people that knew you butthen knew me through you, sent
me some messages and just toldme that you know they really
(26:12):
appreciated the vulnerability ofthat episode and just from
speaking out about someembarrassing things, like even
just mental health things youknow that's embarrassing
sometimes too I don't know itcan be perceived as a weakness
when you talk about.
You know your struggles and Ihave learned that vulnerability
(26:36):
is really just a superpower.
I know my sister will say, anna, you don't have to tell all of
that.
I'm like, yes, I do, becauseyou never know what I do kind of
overshare sometimes, but eventhen you never know like they
could be going through the samething.
My mom we talked about my mom.
She passed away in February andshe was my best friend.
(27:00):
We've been so close all of mylife and she was a big supporter
of my.
I had a business and in thisbusiness she was she pretty much
was.
I don't know, I guess she wasfinancially helped me get the
studio at the time, just becauseI didn't have any credit, and
(27:21):
she helped me with that and shereally loved the studio, which
is a fitness studio.
It's a group fitness placewhere all people but it's mostly
women, if I'm being honest,because men typically don't work
out in group classes but wherepeople can go and have a space
(27:43):
to be together and not beintimidated with each other and
just work out and hold eachother accountable and hold each
other accountable.
My mom loved that and she was acheerleader for anything I did.
Like if I said, hey, I want togo to Mars, she'd be like, okay,
and so she was a big supporterof that.
And so I've had this studio andit's just kind of been after
(28:10):
the 2020, you know, year ofchaos.
It pretty much just neverrecovered and so it's kind of
just been hanging there, thisstudio, and it represented
failure and it represented atthe time, you know, my marriage
was kind of in shambles in thatperiod of time as well.
So that place, even though itdidn't necessarily mean failure,
(28:34):
it just, I guess it was kind oflike that sore that for some
reason, just screamed failure.
And so after she passed away andafter we got all of all the
things settled which was prettyrecent we finally got it in my
name and we thought aboutselling it, we thought about
(28:54):
renting it, but I just had this.
I think I even mentioned this.
I didn't really know what to dowith it when I just saw, okay,
I don't want to make any crazydecisions, I'm just going to
wait for the Lord and he sent methis nice man.
He is a martial arts instructorand he was needing a place to
(29:16):
have his lessons and hispersonal training and I was like
, okay, I think this is it, thisis what we're supposed to do.
And so I have recently justbeen renovating it and trying to
get classes going again and ithas been so fulfilling to give a
facelift to the studio and Ireally feel like mom would be so
(29:37):
happy that I am starting itback up again.
And she was always in my classes.
I mean, she was always in theback and always so excited to
come the first class that Itaught.
It was hard.
During the class it wasn't hard, but like after class, after
(29:58):
everyone left, it was sooverwhelming because I knew she
would be there helping me cleanup, you know.
But it was great and I'vetaught three classes since then
and it's been helpful becauseit's a small group through my
church and so all the ladies inthat group knew that and so they
prayed for me and it's justbeen such a great transition and
(30:21):
now it doesn't really feel somuch like a failure anymore.
It kind of feels like I don'tknow like a push.
It was something that I had togo through, but now it's over
and this business is not itnever really was supposed to be
the business that I intended,and I really feel like it was
(30:43):
always a ministry.
Even though I do have to pay thebills, I can see the other side
of it.
I can see how it is affectingmy community and the women that
are part of it.
And, like the jujitsu it's sohard to say that word instructor
, the name of his group isDisciple Jujitsu, and I love
(31:05):
like his approach to martialarts, like the discipleship of
it.
That's not really something youthink about in jujitsu, but it
is.
His approach to it is soamazing and I really feel like
this is God saying, hey, this iswhat we've been waiting for.
And so I feel like I'm on go.
(31:26):
I'm so excited.
I have all these ideas andthese dreams and these thoughts
about it and my mind just can'tslow down with all the things
that we could do.
I'm like, let's have a Biblestudy, let's have a painting
class, let's do this, let's dothat.
And I'm like, okay, I gottaslow down.
Gianina (31:41):
I love that and honestly, like your small group.
I mean, I think I was helpingout with the small group signups
and everybody wanted to sign upfor that group.
It was like the most signed upfor, and so it's really cool,
just to.
I think that was for me.
When I looked at that, I waslike there's a need and there's
a want here, you know, becausepeople were excited about it.
Anna (32:04):
I think that was the nod.
I was like, okay, this is Godtelling.
I think you even said that.
I think you told me I almostfeel like you told me, like when
we were talking about thissmall group that you were like I
feel like this could be whatGod is telling you to do, and I
was like I don't know.
And then, sure enough, it'sjust kind of naturally happened
(32:26):
since the small group and I cansee that it's okay to teach
classes again and it's okay todo this and to do it without my
mom, cause, listen, it's hard todo, it's hard to live, to go on
living without your person, youknow, without making decisions,
without my mom.
(32:46):
I know I'm 40, but like I stillneed my mom and I don't have
that.
I don't have that person that Ican call and be like okay, like
right now I'm struggling onsome business parts of it, like
how much should I charge forthis, how much should I charge
for that?
And you know, my mom would bethe person that I would be like,
hey, mom, what do you think?
And she would be like well, Ithink this and this and this and
(33:07):
this, and I don't have that.
And then you know, like evenpaint colors, like I was
painting in the studio and I wastelling my son, I was like you
know who would be here tellingme exactly how to do this?
It would be my mom and shewould be telling me, bossing me
around about it.
But it's all great and I feellike there's Iris.
(33:28):
I think it's great and I feelthis strength, I guess is what I
should say.
I feel like God has given mesome strength when I felt like I
didn't have it after mom died,and so, yeah, it's been a great
update.
Gianina (33:45):
I think it's a lot of times we think about and it's so
funny I mean, I think we're allkind of around the same age in
here and it's so funny whenyou're at this age and you're
like what's my purpose, likewhat am I supposed to be doing
(34:06):
with my life?
And these are questions thatyou think you would have at 18,
19, and 20.
But I feel like I feel it evenmore now than I did at that age,
and maybe it's because now I'mlike, okay, I'm probably getting
closer to the second half of mylife and I really want to make
sure that this is impactful.
And then I'm doing what theLord wants me to.
(34:26):
And I think, just likelistening to your story and what
you shared it reminds me of.
I heard someone say if you wantto know your purpose, just do
the next thing that God's askingyou to do.
Was it you, carrie?
Is this your book?
I think this is your book.
Do the next thing at the bestof your ability and then like
the next thing after that to thebest of your ability and then
(34:49):
the next thing after that to thenext of your ability.
I feel like I read that in yourbook or your podcast, one of
the two.
Maggie (34:57):
I think knowing what we're going to do with our lives
at such a young age andsticking with it forever is like
the silliest thing that weprobably like.
Keeps the younger generationsand I agree, like the Lord can
make so many changes all thetime and renewed purpose and a
different pivot, a differentdirection.
I think there's so much beautyin that.
Yeah, it's really cool.
Kiley (35:19):
I think that's so true, because as we grow, even our
bodies change, so why would itbe natural for everything else
to stay the same?
So that's a good point.
Gianina (35:29):
I like that yeah me too , because we put so much
pressure on that and then wefeel like we failed if we give
something up.
I remember having that thoughtwhen for the longest time I
thought I was going to move toDC and be in politics, like that
was my thing.
And then I was like okay, I'mgoing to move to California.
And I really felt like with allmy heart that God was asking me
(35:52):
to move to California.
And then I stayed in Californiafor like six months and then
moved to Tennessee and I waslike did I fail?
Did I not listen to God?
Like did I not fulfill thedream that he had for me?
And I just remember God sayingjust because you didn't stay
doesn't mean I didn't ask you todo those things.
Like, maybe I was just wantingto see your obedience and
(36:15):
wanting to see if you would takechances and follow me and
listen to my voice.
So just because you quoteunquote failed in your own eyes
doesn't mean you weren't beingobedient to me.
Maggie (36:26):
What if I love that?
Like?
What if we asked ourselves,instead of saying did I fail or
did I succeed?
What if we pivoted and said didI learn, did I grow, did I
change, have I succeed?
What if we pivoted and said didI learn, did I grow, did I
change, have I become a betterhuman?
Like it would totally changeour perspective on how we view
ourselves and the things we'retrying to do or thinking about
trying to do.
Gianina (36:45):
Yeah, or even what Carrie said was I obedient?
I mean just that question.
Was I obedient?
And I know, carrie, when we hadyour episode, one of the things
you talked a lot about is justhearing that well done, good and
faithful servant.
And I think if we gauged moreof our decisions and our
(37:07):
successes and failures on whatGod say well done, good and
faithful servant.
Carrie (37:09):
In this situation, yeah, whether it's six hours from now
or six months from now or sixyears, that's really how you
reverse engineer your life.
There is no failure if you'refocused on the Father and what
he has for you right.
It's just a real intentionalway to live your life right and
(37:44):
not get caught in the weedsabout did I do that wrong or
could I have done it better?
Like, just focus on him right,focus on the end goal, that end
conversation, and make it abouthim and what he wants for you
instead of so much of our livesare lived around what we think
we want or need versus what hedesires for our lives.
Gianina (38:06):
Yeah, for sure, it's so good.
Kiley (38:09):
I wanted to find out, not necessarily through this
podcast, but has there been anyunexpected blessings or things
that you have learned fromsharing your story?
Have you heard about how itmaybe has impacted other people?
Or and again, not specific toour podcast, but because I know
(38:32):
that some of you have sharedyour story on other platforms
but what has been one of thebiggest blessings that you can
think of from that?
Maggie (38:39):
I don't know if I would call this the biggest blessing,
but I do think that one of myfriends we're special needs moms
together and she messaged me afew months ago and she was like
I'm speaking at a caregiverretreat in San Antonio, texas,
in May, I can bring guests forfree.
You can stay in my hotel room,come out, be there and just
(39:01):
enjoy, and I had never, everbeen to a caregiver retreat
before.
So while we're there mid-May,she would listen to the podcast
with you guys.
I had no clue and I don'tremember her exact words, but
she said something like have youthought anymore about doing a
podcast or something?
It was something to that effect.
And I looked at her, justthought about it before and in
(39:22):
that moment, like she justchallenged me and I think that
the two of us are actually goingto talk tomorrow.
We're meeting tomorrow over thephone to discuss starting our
own podcast as disability mamasand and so which I've had.
I got a ton of good feedbackfrom the podcast itself, but to
(39:43):
me it was encouraging to spendtime with her and hear her
perspective, because when we'retalking and sharing and we're
bragging on God and sharing ourtestimonies, other people are
seeing the glory and we forgetthe glory and we forget the
purpose sometimes, because weget lost in the middle of the
story and they're reminding ushey, this is what you're meant
(40:04):
to do.
X, y, z.
You need to go, step into that,you need to move forward, you
need to take action on that, andI feel like that was a blessing
for myself personally to bereminded of this is the path
you're supposed to go on, andthat was encouraging to me.
Gianina (40:18):
That's awesome.
I vote yes for a podcast.
If my vote counts, I vote yes.
Kiley (40:23):
Well and I think it reminded me so, janina, when you
and I did our pilot episode totalk about the reason why we
wanted to do this podcast.
I feel like there's so manypeople that don't want to share
their story because they don'tthink that other people are
going to find any importance init, or it's just me Nobody's
going to care.
(40:44):
But I think when you start toshare your stories again, people
come out of the woodworksbecause they can relate to it,
and I think people just need toknow that they're not alone in
dealing with those certainstruggles that they have.
And so I know, maggie, youprobably didn't think much of it
and then you're starting tohear like maybe, maybe we do
(41:04):
need to do this, because maybepeople do need to hear our
stories.
So that's great, that would beawesome it ends up being in vain
.
Carrie (41:11):
Right, keep it to your right here, right, and that's
not like God asked us to gothrough those things so that he
is glorified.
And so if we never speak ofthat right, then we're holding
back the opportunity that whatwe're put on here you know here
to do.
I mean, it's very cathartic andhealing to walk out like every
(41:32):
day, right, just as Godsanctifies us and grows us, he
allows these challenges to drawus closer to him, that we know
him and trust him and arefaithful to him and what he has
for us, right?
So it actually it's a core partof being a disciple is to share
(41:52):
your story, like you shouldalways be prepared the Bible
says to always be prepared togive a statement of your faith,
right?
Well, it's not just why youbelieve it, but it's what you're
walking out.
That is part of the story.
It, but it's what you'rewalking out.
That is part of the story.
And we all go through differentseasons of life, seasons of
stories, seasons of being usedfor God's glory, and we should
(42:14):
always be prepared to connectwith people, because the one
thing that the enemy wants us tobelieve is that we're alone.
You're the only one, maggie,that is walking this out.
You're the only one, kylie,that's going through this.
You're the only widow, carmen.
You're the only one.
And that's a lie and thatisolates us.
(42:34):
But when we're vulnerable andwe're honest and authentic and
share that vulnerability,actually connects us to people,
because the truth is that thereare so many people out there
that need that.
God saw us through whatever itwas.
God saw us through so manythings in our lives, wherever
(42:54):
far we've come, so it really isthe core of what we're supposed
to do.
And even when I went to writemy book, the enemy was like
there's nobody that's going toread this, there's nobody that's
going to care.
Like nobody.
And and I just had to reallyfight through that and I think
so, if we can get to a placewhere we're like Lord, who, who
(43:15):
can, who can I offer hope tothrough what you've brought me
through right, because if we'restill here, living and breathing
, he's brought us throughsomething.
And more often than not, everysingle day is an opportunity for
a new story of how God uses us.
And just know that God desiresto use you and your stories not
(43:38):
just stories, but plural likeit's an ongoing process.
Our sanctification is a storythat gives other people hope.
It's an ongoing process.
Gianina (43:45):
Our sanctification is a story that gives other people
hope.
That's so good.
I think sometimes we get soused to what we've walked
through that we forget.
It's kind of like what you weresaying, maggie we forget how
much of a story we have.
You know, we forget that theimpact that God has had and I
don't know, because I even getthrough that sometimes where
it's like, well, this is just mynormal life.
(44:07):
Or, kylie, like when you sharedyour story and you're like I
just grew up, I was always saved.
I don't have this crazytestimony and it's like that in
itself is such a testimony.
We forget that sometimes, andso that's really cool.
Just to, I think, just get inthe habit of always asking, like
Carrie said, god, who do youwant me to reach today?
Where do you want me to make animpact today?
(44:28):
Because there are people outthere that need it.
So what about you, carmen?
I know you had a ton, a ton offeedback after your episode, so
I'd love to hear some of likethe unexpected blessings from
that.
Carmen (44:42):
Absolutely.
It was crazy.
I even had strangers reachingout to me on Instagram that were
like, hey, I heard the podcastand it really touched me and I
was just like my goodness, likeI had no idea that there were,
you know, other widows out therewho were going to come across
my story and it was going toimpact their lives.
So I'm just so grateful for allthe little blessings because I
(45:07):
feel like for so long in mymarriage you know we were
together almost 20 years I wasstriving to be this Proverbs 31
wife and really just fightingfor my marriage and I'm so
grateful that the Lord didanswer my prayers.
You know, my husband did go torehab.
Our marriage was restored.
(45:28):
We got to go.
You know, this beautifulhoneymoon.
He restored his relationshipwith our daughters before the
Lord took him in such abeautiful way.
And yet here I am, you know, 10months after he's gone to be
with the Lord and I'm likequestioning, like Lord, why, why
did you have me striving for solong to be this Proverbs 31
(45:50):
wife only to take my husband?
And as I was wrestling withthat, I, you know, I believe the
Lord does want you to lamentand to cry out to him whenever
you're struggling with thosethoughts.
I was asked by my church to helprecently with a family who the
husband is needing a kidneytransplant, and so they were
like, hey, carmen, justsomething small, carmen, can you
(46:13):
help with the graphics?
And I was like, absolutely, andas I'm learning about, like
what's going on, I'm like okay,do y'all have spreadsheets?
Have you made phone calls Likedo we have this?
And all of a sudden y'all itwas like the grief fog lifted
and I had been asking God, likewhy is this fog on my brain?
Like I feel like I'm going tobe stuck in this forever.
(46:33):
And all of a sudden, just likeevery it was, I was me again,
and you know this fundraiserthat we thought we were going to
raise like $3,000 or $4,000.
Ended up raising over $16,000.
And as I went to the bank and Ipulled all this money out, I
heard the Lord speak over me.
You are a Proverbs 31 woman.
(46:56):
Because of who you are in me,it doesn't have anything to do
with your husband, and so I wasjust so grateful for that that
he revealed that to me that heis still going to use me to
multiply everything that I touch, because he knows that I'm
going to give him the glory forit.
Yeah, that's so good that wasjust such a beautiful reminder
(47:18):
to you know, keep digging intohis word and to just keep
acknowledging his nearness,because he is near to the
brokenhearted and I'm sograteful to be able to be a
witness to that.
Gianina (47:29):
That's so good, so good , yeah, well, I think one of the
questions that we had when weannounced that we were doing
this episode is aboutforgiveness, about forgiveness,
and the question came up abouthow do we forgive people that
have hurt others, like on behalfof others.
(47:56):
And we actually had thisconversation in a group of women
that I went to a conferencewith them and specifically what
we were talking about was, youknow, sometimes like these mega
celebrity pastors or differentpeople, and like the most recent
thing I've seen that's happenedobviously is with Michael Tate
that has been in the media andhow he has hurt other people and
just we see the impact of pain,especially in the church, and I
(48:19):
think that's so tragic when wesee that.
And this question was reallyabout how do we forgive people
on behalf of others when they'vebeen wronged.
And I know, carmen, youmentioned in your story about
your friend growing up that waskilled by a drunk driver, and I
would just love to hear from youand anyone else who would like
(48:39):
to add into this.
But if you would like to get itstarted, just about how you
forgive, I mean really how youforgive period, and then how you
can forgive on behalf of othersas well.
Carmen (48:49):
Well, gosh, I just want to say we know that the Bible
says that the Lord won't forgiveus unless we forgive others.
There's nothing in there aboutforgetting.
I just want to take it back,like you're saying, to my story.
So I didn't get to share this,but part of my testimony really
is that one day Scott and I hadstarted going back to church and
(49:10):
in our marriage we had not beengoing to church, and when I was
probably in my 20s I haddecided that, because God took
my best friend, I was soimmature in my faith, I was so
mad at God.
I was like you know what I'mdone living in obedience.
Why am I going to be obedientto you if you took the best
thing, the best person that I'veever known?
(49:30):
I was so mad at God and for somany years I walked in
disobedience because I was angrywith Him.
And thankfully I ended up goingback to church.
I started doing my first Biblestudy.
I'd never done that before andone day I'll never forget, I was
in my car listening to thelocal Christian radio station
(49:50):
and Matthew West was in town andhe was doing a concert on his
new album.
Every song on that albumsomebody wrote in their stories
and he turned those stories intosongs and so he started talking
about this song that he wroteand he said a mom wrote in and
told me that her daughter andher best friend were driving
(50:11):
home from the beach one nightand they were killed by a drunk
driver.
And I remember thinking thatsounds like my Lisa, that sounds
like my story.
So, you know, I turned it upand I started paying attention,
and so he started talking abouthow the families ended up going
to the judge and asking thejudge to release the prisoner
(50:31):
because he ended up turning hislife to Christ.
Wow.
And then they said that thewoman who wrote in her name was
Renee Napier.
And I was like I was drivingand this was like before you
know, you had Google on yourphone and I was like I have to
get to a computer.
And so I did.
I got to work and I Googledthis Matthew West song called
(50:53):
Forgiveness.
And y'all, for the first timesince my best friend had been
killed, I saw the face of thisdrunk driver and I read the
story of my Lisa and how MatthewWest wrote a song called
Forgiveness about this prisonerthat was set free.
Renee Napier is the mom of MeganNapier, and her and Lisa Dixon
(51:16):
were in the car together.
So both of them were killed andtheir families went to the
judge and instead of EricSmallridge serving his 20-plus
year sentence, he only served 11years.
And how powerful is that thatthey lost their daughters and
they were able to offer this manwho killed their daughters
forgiveness so much, in fact,that now they go around and they
(51:41):
go and talk to kids about thedangers of drinking and driving.
And that is now like Eric'slife's purpose is going to tell
others his testimony of how thatdecision he made.
He was just going to the barlike he did every weekend.
It was just his normal routineto go to the bar and drink and
(52:02):
drive home.
It was his normal range ofdrinking.
It wasn't a crazy night, it wasjust his normal.
He wasn't invincible andbecause of that choice he took
two precious young lives.
And so it took me, hearing thatstory, to realize that I had
never forgiven God.
(52:22):
As silly as that sounds, I hadnever said God, I'm so sorry for
turning my back on you.
And also I was able to see howthis song of forgiveness on
social media was.
There was story after storyafter story of people saying I
heard this song and it made merealize I needed to forgive
someone.
So it just absolutely just blewmy mind that I was like, wow,
(52:46):
god, like you had a purpose inthis.
You had a purpose for my pain.
You didn't take my best friendin vain.
You didn't take her because youwere being mean.
You took her because you had aplan and it was for your glory.
And so I think that because Iwas able to walk through that
painful loss with my best friendand then being able to hear the
(53:06):
story of forgiveness when hetook my husband, I knew I knew
that he had a plan, I knew thatit was not in vain and I knew
that he was going to get theglory for it since day one.
And so I'm so grateful that heprepared my heart in that way
and I'm just so grateful for him.
(53:28):
So if you know, a mama canforgive a drunk driver, I think
that we can also offerforgiveness for people in our
lives who have hurt us.
Gianina (53:39):
So good, Carrie.
What are your thoughts onforgiveness?
Carrie (53:42):
I think, well, I believe everything is under God's
sovereignty, right, and I thinkwe place ourselves in a place of
deity.
When we have a fence for otherpeople, that's good.
That's not an authority we'resupposed to have, it's God's
authority, I mean.
So when hard things happen,when crisis or malicious,
(54:07):
nefarious behavior happens,still under God's authority, it
doesn't mean it doesn't hurt,but a place for us to live is
not behind bars, and that'sreally where we live.
When we have that offense forourselves or for other people is
we're the ones that are lockedup.
Right, it's like we're mad,we're angry, but where to turn?
(54:33):
That there is no place to turn,that it's what God allowed.
It's all under his sovereignty.
As hard as that is to process,it's still the reality of it and
we have to see ourselves in thesame light and mercy that God
sees us.
We are not these perfect peoplewho are walking around, who
don't.
(54:53):
We've offended people, we'reoffensive, we've hurt people,
and so it's not a place that Goddesires.
You have to ask yourself isthis a state of heart that God
desires me to live in?
And forgiveness, like Carmensaid, it's not biblical.
We have to seek that and it'sas hard as it is and to hold on
(55:19):
to something for someone elsethat belongs at the cross, that
belongs at the feet of Jesus.
It's not our cross to bear.
It's not for us to have, not aburden for us to carry.
It's such a heavy lift that wewere never created to have or
carry or hold.
We don't have the strength tocarry offenses, not only for
(55:42):
ourselves but for other people.
It it's just.
It's a place of growth that wehave to get to, where we're just
not holding on to those things.
Gianina (55:52):
Yeah, I saw a post the other day that said something
about not knowing everythingthat's happening in the world,
because, I mean, in our day andage, we carry more burdens than
anybody ever in existencebecause we're so aware of
(56:13):
everything that's happening inother ends of the world and even
in our backyard.
You know that maybe we wouldn'tknow if we didn't have social
media, and so I think that's abig part of it is realizing what
burdens are yours to carry,what forgiveness is yours to
walk through, and whatforgiveness is yours to just say
, okay, this is, this isn't myoffense, and I just need to lay
(56:36):
it down at the cross and then,the ones that are meant for you
to walk through, walk throughthose with the Lord, because,
yeah, well, let me ask this,because this is something that
my son asks me all the time andI don't know that I have a good
answer for this but how do youforgive God when you feel like
he's let you down?
Carrie (56:55):
Well, it's not biblical.
He doesn't.
It says he never leaves us orforsakes us, even though we have
feelings that we've beenabandoned.
It's not biblical and ourfeelings aren't even something
that are trustworthy.
So it's a thought, feeling andemotion that doesn't line up
with God's word, and so we'resupposed to make everything
(57:18):
obedient to God's word.
So if we're having a thought,feeling and emotion that are not
in line with God's word, wehave to make it true to God's
word.
That's how we reconcile it.
What does God's word say aboutthis?
That's where we go to answerthat question.
Gianina (57:33):
That's good.
Kiley (57:34):
As we close out this season, I just want to say thank
you.
Thank you to each of you heretonight Carrie, Maggie, Carmen,
Anna and Gianina and to everyonewho's listened, shared, cried,
laughed and walked through withus.
We never wanted this to be apodcast that only looks back,
but one that honors the middle,the valleys, the walkthrough,
(57:58):
and your stories and the God whoshows up in them have made this
season unforgettable.
We can't wait for what's ahead,but tonight we're grateful for
what has been.
So thanks for walking with us,and we'll see you next season.
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