September 19, 2025 • 46 mins
In this episode, we flip the script: instead of bashing men, we celebrate them. 💙
We explore why men are so important in the family and community — from being present fathers and role models, to setting the standard of love for daughters and discipline for sons. We also open up about what it means as women to balance being strong while learning to embrace softness in relationships.
This is a conversation about partnership, respect, and gratitude — for husbands, brothers, uncles, fathers, mentors, and all the men who hold it down for their families and communities.
✨ Share with us: Why do you believe it’s important to have present men in the household?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 01 (00:00):
Men are important,
Speaker 00 (00:01):
period.
Speaker 01 (00:02):
A husband sets the standard for the love the
daughter will receive that she'sgoing to accept.
For me, we're strong in areasthat they're not strong in.
They're strong in areas we'renot strong in.
But when it comes to ahousehold and raising kids,
especially boys, there issomething that I cannot teach my
(00:24):
boys that a man could.
When they know that they'reneeded, Sometimes they show up
better, and they show up harder,and they love harder.
I know firsthand that if a boydoes not see his mother being
treated with respect, it's hardfor him to respect another girl.
A man feels comfortable enoughto be vulnerable, and we provide
(00:50):
a space for them to bevulnerable.
We not only...
help them grow.
We help them see that we'retheir partners, that we're their
helpmate.
Yes.
Because I want my husband tofeel loved.
I want him, I'm learning whatmy husband need, but what also
(01:11):
I'm hearing a lot of other menvocalize.
And then I'm seeing ingenerations before that they
didn't have the words or thelanguage to express.
My grandfathers on both sides Ibelieve, y'all can correct me
parents, but I believe on bothsides, they didn't have further
than a sixth grade education.
(01:31):
How much vernacular did theyhave when it came to expressing
how they felt?
Hey guys, we're back.
(01:52):
Women in Black.
Yes.
What's going on?
How you feeling?
I'm good.
Yeah.
You're just good.
I'm just good.
That's good.
It is.
That's good.
I've been practicing gratitudelately.
Yep.
(02:12):
Yo.
She's clocking that T.
Clocking it.
That's my thing.
Speaker 00 (02:24):
I've
Speaker 01 (02:25):
been practicing gratitude because I think I
downplay the blessings that Godgave me.
And I don't want to be thatperson.
I've come so far.
And sometimes we really need tostop and think about where God
(02:47):
brought us, even though we'restill trying to get to another
level.
And so mentally I've come far,you know, financially I've come
far and I wouldn't have did itwithout him.
So I'm good.
Big ups to God.
I tried to do that in like anAfrican voice.
(03:07):
That was not at all.
I don't know what that is.
Yo, you want to hear it though?
That didn't do it?
No.
Listen, I'm about to switchtopics.
Just going to forewarn you.
Okay.
All right.
I was watching this reel and agirl said, let's say she worked
(03:31):
at customer service or somethinglike that.
And she was on a phone andbasically she told the guy like,
no, I can't do that for you,sir.
Or whatever.
He got mad.
He was like, basically like, Ican tell you fat.
Oh, I saw that.
And she was like, can y'alltell me, do I sound like a big
girl?
Do I sound like a fat girl?
Yo, and then somebody incomments said she big-toned.
(03:55):
See, the comments be eatingpeople up.
You got to be a strong big backto handle these comments.
Strong big back.
You got to be strong to handlethese comments because they be
eating people up.
(04:15):
Because that's ridiculous.
Who comes up with that?
And don't, listen, Don't be inour comments unless you want to
get comments back.
Because I got words.
I got time.
I got words.
Yes.
All of it.
All of it.
You better
Speaker 00 (04:33):
be
Speaker 01 (04:38):
ready.
I said, is she goofy?
I just can't get past thebig-toned.
You not big-boned.
You big-toned.
You big-toned.
ignorant ignorant ignorantignorant ignorant ignorant
(05:02):
moving right along so how wasyour week I'm blessed by the
best okay don't play with itdon't play with it I'm stealing
that one blessed by the best I'mstealing it I stole it go ahead
they been saying that for yearsin the church I missed that one
in church you did blessed bythe best that must have been
(05:22):
when I was on a hiatus Peace.
That's when they kick me out.
Talk about church kicking youout.
I was like, just kidding.
Just kidding.
But no, I'm definitely, I'mblessed.
I'm going to piggyback off whatyou said, just having
gratitude.
I'm not where I want to be allthe way.
(05:43):
Right.
But I'm dang sure not where Iused to be.
And I say this thing all thetime.
I've been saying it for years.
This isn't my stop.
It's my step.
And I'm stepping, y'all.
Big Josh, stepping.
Do you hear me?
Big step up.
I am stepping, and I'm so proudof myself, and I'm so blessed,
and I just thank God.
(06:04):
I'm just so thankful for myvillage.
My job, just everything.
Let me tell you what I'm mostthankful for right now.
My relationship with God.
That's a blessing.
They say when you just liftyour hands up and just say, God,
I trust you, and you really doit, his words become more clear,
(06:29):
and I'm right there.
Like, discernment like this.
Just following his steps,confirmation, boom, boom, boom.
So...
Big ups to the big one becausehe out here doing his thing and
he don't play with me.
In our relationship, we likethis because he said, daughter,
daughter, daughter, daughter,Follow me.
(06:53):
And I got you.
Don't worry about what youthought you had back there.
Don't worry about all that.
Don't worry about what youthought you wanted.
Because what I want for you,what I have for you, is so much
bigger.
I know that's right.
So yeah, I'm just blessed bythe best.
Blessed and highly favored.
(07:13):
Let the chirps say...
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Unknown (07:22):
Amen.
Speaker 01 (07:22):
I ain't even do it.
Listen, I got a song for you.
I got to put you on some newchurch music.
Yeah.
Because you always taking usback to the southern days when
we used to have to open up thehandbooks and stuff.
Why?
Tell me why.
Because I come from a lineageof southern pastors in churches.
(07:45):
Shout out to Bishop Underwood.
So like from like some of thefirst churches in the south.
Just going down as one.
It's a bishop in everygeneration.
And y'all just never listenedto Kirk Franklin?
No, we didn't.
You just always got to take itback to the Wilmington,
Massachusetts choir.
You know what it is?
(08:05):
First of all, you a best.
But secondly, I did listen toKirk Franklin and everybody else
because I did the danceministry.
And so we had to do the hip hopand stuff.
It didn't look like that.
but nah so although my familyhas a church I went to a mega
(08:28):
church so I know all the newersongs however your soul my soul
just takes you back there ittakes me back there mostly
because and I think I told youthis because I wrote a poem I
might have to read my poemsometimes I write y'all you
should she does very well toothanks Josh you're welcome Des
(08:50):
you so silly But so I am areally spiritual person, just
really relationship driven.
And so when I hear certainsongs, as interesting as it is,
like some of them old hymns,like they did something to my
soul in a power that a lot ofthem old hymns had.
(09:15):
Like, I don't know, when I'mgoing through something, I
always pull out the old songs.
Just be that.
But even, like, you can't tellme nothing about Kirk Franklin
because a lot of his songs andHezekiah Walker, they some of
them songs too.
But they had me moving, so
Speaker 00 (09:32):
they more like mine.
But they
Speaker 01 (09:35):
changed it up.
They changed it up.
They changed it up.
They did.
Because I'm out here listeningto Forrest Frank now.
Yeah, Forrest Frank now.
You sent me him.
But it's a couple good songs.
I'm going to tell you what I'mlistening to.
Wait till it drop.
(09:57):
That's my heart.
Big Facts.
Yeah, that's the Hawaiianchurch music.
And he ain't even Hawaiian.
He is not Hawaiian.
That's my nephew.
Yeah, young Ness.
That's my nephew.
(10:20):
He play with force.
Yeah, That's in the building.
But I love me some, like, Ilove, so I'm going to read some
names off my playlist.
First of all, Pastor Mike Jr.
He my dog.
Oh, don't play with PastorMike.
Yeah, he my dog.
Don't play with Pastor Mike.
Carrington Gaines.
Hmm.
Yeah, listen.
Dante Bo.
Okay.
(10:40):
Yeah, he, you know, he got themsongs.
Now, going back again, though,I love me some Marvin Sapp, my
dad.
Oh, I love me some Marvin Sapp.
Unknown (10:50):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 01 (10:50):
I love me some Marvin Sapp.
some more of it and say, don'tplay with it.
Smokey.
Yeah.
Don't make me cry.
I'll take it back to Donnie.
Don't play with Donnie.
Don't make me cry.
First of all, Fred Hammond.
Fred Hammond.
Don't play about Fred.
Let me tell you.
Don't play with Fred.
(11:12):
Oh, Fred.
At my dad's passing, I had theguy do like a mix of songs.
So it was Marvin Stapp, FredHammond, Smokey Norfolk.
It was just like a mix becausemy dad sung.
My
Speaker 00 (11:24):
dad,
Speaker 01 (11:26):
his voice was just.
he played nine instrumentsself-taught nine instruments
yeah and so yeah oh I'm gettingmemories but yeah so you can cry
right now I could okay but Idon't want to yeah nah but it's
a whole bunch of them on thislist but um yeah Jonathan um
(11:47):
Taylor's pretty good too um andthen there's some people like
the Anthony Brown JonathanMcReynolds I'm just looking at
my playlist James Fortune cooltoo then there's This is a young
dude, Jordan Armstrong.
He kind of give that vibe, likea little YM, but still a little
churchy too.
No, I be on my way to church,on my way to work, right?
(12:09):
When I go to work and I bejamming to this.
Speaker 00 (12:15):
Y'all
Speaker 01 (12:15):
ready?
Speaker 00 (12:19):
I
Speaker 01 (12:19):
know this one.
You know this one?
Yeah.
Because I don't know how peoplebe in their cars and they just
be, they don't be moving.
Like, how do y'all listen tomusic?
Not me.
I be like, how is y'all overthere?
(12:47):
And y'all not dancing tonothing.
Yo, that's me.
But I'm the one.
I'm the one at the stoplightdancing.
I'm the one at the bridge.
I don't care where I am.
I'm dancing.
I don't know how the peoplejust be, how do y'all just be
like this?
They listening to opera.
(13:11):
I was going to say audio book.
You was at opera.
Cause ain't no way.
And I be in the car, and I'mnot ashamed.
I be in the car jamming.
And I don't got that muchrhythm, but I'm not scared to
dance.
I don't care.
I be in the car jamming to allmy church music.
(13:32):
And then, because you need,first of all, and then we're
going to get right into thetopic of the day.
When you wake up in themorning, you need something
that's going to edify your souland get you going.
You don't need nobody talkingabout smoking weed.
You don't need nobody on theretalking about how they just got
(13:53):
their heart broke or throwingthat in a circle.
You don't need none of thatearly in the morning.
You need something that's goingto fill you up because you
don't know what that day isgoing to look like for you.
So every day I need to befilled up.
You start with like music inthe morning because that's my me
(14:18):
time.
I start I start withaffirmation.
What do you mean?
When I first opened my eyes?
I'm talking about when I'm inthe car, driving to work.
Oh, okay.
Well, it depends.
Okay.
But I definitely, my calmplace, like, because I'm going
to go to music because I lovemusic.
Music helped me think.
(14:38):
But yeah, you said it's likestarting your day.
Like, you don't got to listen.
You don't listen to this.
That's all.
I was just wondering, like, Ieven ended up writing my own
affirmations.
I just put them in.
playing back to myself in myvoice.
Like it's me.
I don't need nobody elsetelling me who I am.
Right.
Right.
Well, as soon as I open myeyes, I say, thank you, God.
(15:00):
And I say a little prayer.
Then we get up and it's time toget the day going.
But once I get in that beep,beep, vroom, vroom.
That's because you drive.
Yeah.
Because I be driving a coupleof days out of the week.
Yeah.
But if it's just, but when Iturn on my computer to log into
work when I'm not driving.
Yeah.
I turn my music on.
(15:20):
Yeah, I do that too.
I don't talk to people in themorning anymore on the phone.
Yo, I set that boundary a longtime ago, but I got in trouble
for it.
But the one friend, sherecently, I think she started to
understand because she waslike, she called me early.
(15:42):
She was like, I don't even meanto call you early.
So I started cracking up,laughing because I had to set a
boundary with her.
I'm like, listen, love you.
Yeah.
But I need my time.
Yeah, my mom won't even call mein the morning unless it's an
emergency.
I have to reclaim my time, mymorning, my time.
(16:03):
I don't need to be talking.
I don't want to talk to nobodyon the phone before 830.
No.
First of all, I don't even wantto talk to my coworkers at 9
o'clock.
First of all, I don't have,like, where I sit now at work is
different from where I used tosit and years ago they used to
(16:24):
be like I'll talk to Josh till930 thank you but I work I'm
better with that now because Ihave to not that I am a people
person but in the morning timeI'm more of a what is it an
introvert like you just like tobe withheld kept to yourself I
am I don't I'm not a big goodmorning I'm a morning I'm not a
(16:46):
morning person so I'm definitelylike that yeah I'm just a
morning person And then, yeah,give me a little bit of time to
get my thoughts together.
Because y'all don't really knowif I want to be here.
No, I love my ladies in mygroup.
They like that.
But, yeah.
How y'all feel about getting onwork calls and they be talking
(17:07):
about their pets?
You do that?
You one of them people.
You got to edit this.
You got to edit this part.
I am.
You're not editing it?
You have to.
I love, we talk about our pets.
I know.
I'm on those calls.
So what's wrong with that?
(17:28):
I even put Nori in the camerasometimes.
I'm on the receiving end of thepets.
That's because you don't have apet.
You don't understand.
That's what it is.
Because I be like, yo, get thisdamn cat off the screen.
I'm scared of cats.
I think some of them are verypretty, but I'm scared of them.
All All right, guys, so we'regoing to just jump right into
(17:51):
the topic, because what?
Because what?
Because how?
Guys, we're here.
Oh, God, I need to go to bed.
But anyway, what's our topictoday, Des?
(18:14):
I don't remember.
And all my intrusive thoughtstook over a second ago.
So today, guys, we are women inblack, but we are going to be
talking about our fellas becausewe are not men bashers on women
in black.
We love our black men.
(18:36):
We love our men.
Yeah.
We love our black men.
We love our black men.
I mean, yeah, because I'm veryattracted to black men.
Well, one in particular.
But men are awesome.
Yes, they are.
And you guys are reallyimportant.
So let's get into why it'simportant for the man to be in
(18:58):
the house, not to just be in thehousehold, but to be present in
the household.
That's important.
Yeah.
So we're going to get intothat.
Men are important, period.
Yes, they are.
So for me, my take on it is...
I'm a woman and I'm strong inareas that men are not strong
(19:20):
in.
Women in general, we're strongin areas that they're not strong
in.
They're strong in areas we'renot strong in.
But when it comes to ahousehold and raising kids,
especially boys, there issomething that I cannot teach my
boys that a man could.
You know what I mean?
And unfortunately,circumstances, the, you know,
(19:43):
the, the, life that was thrownat me you know the card that I
took that I picked up it justdid not permit their father to
be in the household raising themyou know what I mean so it's
just like it's so important fora man to be in that household
(20:05):
and to be present because Iremember when we did live off
and on with each other he wouldsay something I would say
something and it wouldn't getdone the minute.
He says something, it's donejust like that.
Like for me to remind them,because my boys, I love my boys
(20:26):
so much, but my boys can be sodirty, right?
But I know that their dad isnot dirty.
So if he was, let's say he wasin the household, certain little
things like them keeping upwith the bathrooms and stuff
like that, I wouldn't have toteach that to them because it
would automatically, that'ssomething he would stay on top
(20:48):
of them about.
Or just their mannerisms andhow to deal with life.
I can't teach these Blackboys...
how to, what's about to cometheir way.
All I can tell them is whatthey are and how they're
perceived a lot of times.
So you can't be out herelooking ignorant, acting
(21:09):
ignorant, or being a YN.
You gotta, you know what Imean?
When you walk, you gotta walkwith some pride, with some
confidence, and you gottaremember that at the end of the
day, I need you to come backhome.
Right.
And that's just what it is.
I can tell them that, but Ican't show them that.
So it's a big deal.
So men, you guys are reallyimportant.
(21:32):
And that's just coming from asingle mother.
You know what I mean?
Raising boys, all boys bymyself.
And then on the flip side,discipline.
I can't teach them discipline,but I will.
Nope.
Cause we, we thanking God todayfor our black men.
(21:53):
I can't teach them discipline,but I thank God for my support
system that the men in theirlives that do have the
discipline to show them, becauseeverybody wasn't blessed to
have discipline.
I can't teach them that as awoman.
So that's what I try, and Iswear, I swear, I swear, I thank
(22:16):
God for that.
the men, the strong black menthat I, no, I take that back.
The strong men in general.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
That my boys have in theirlives because it's not all, it's
about what we are.
Yeah.
But there are some men who havemy boys back that don't look
(22:37):
just like them.
Right.
Right.
You know what I mean?
So I just thank God becausethat, having that, just being
that single mom and, not havingthat male figure in the
household.
And then as a single mom, youdon't want to just bring anybody
in your household.
I know.
(23:00):
So it's hard.
But kudos to the Black men thatare present, doing their
things, and taking one for theteams and chipping in to help
the village.
Right.
I didn't hear anything afterit's hard because my brain went
(23:20):
to, it's hard out here for apimp.
You know, it's hard out herefor a pimp when you're trying to
raise the money and the rent.
It's hard.
Why are they calling?
What they want?
But yeah, I agree.
I'm with you.
Men are needed.
Men are necessary.
(23:41):
Men are the pillar of thefamily.
Women are the matriarchs.
Men set the tone for thefamily.
They are the head of the house.
They are our protectors.
They are our providers.
And I think we need to see moreof them show up in that light
(24:07):
and in that way.
And I think I'll even go as faras saying us women need to
appreciate them more.
The ones who are doing it rightis so that more men could want
to do it right.
Because I think when we do getinto the mode of speaking down
(24:31):
sometimes, some men take that asa way to kind of get out of
doing what they need to do.
Well, that's how they feelabout us anyway.
Speaker 00 (24:40):
You know what I'm saying?
But
Speaker 01 (24:43):
when they know that they're needed, sometimes they
show up better.
And they show up harder.
And they love harder.
Because I do think, as we wereexploring in our other podcast,
like men being vulnerable, whena man feels comfortable enough
to be vulnerable.
And we provide a space for themto be vulnerable.
(25:06):
We not only help them grow, wehelp them see that we're their
partners, that we're theirhelpmate, that we're there to
support them.
And to just be completelyhonest, because we're alpha
females, but we want to be inour soft girl era.
(25:28):
What I What I'm learning, and Ishared this with Josh earlier,
like there's times where I wantto say something.
Unknown (25:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (25:46):
I just got to shut up.
Got to shut up and fix yourface.
Shut up and fix your face.
Shut up.
You want to know why?
Because I want my husband tofeel loved.
I want him, I'm learning whatmy husband need, but what also
I'm hearing a lot of other menvocalize.
(26:08):
And then I'm seeing ingenerations before that they
didn't have the words or thelanguage to express that.
They really didn't.
Our ancestors told them, bestrong.
And even beyond that, justthink of it in these terms.
As simple as this, mygrandfathers on both sides, I
(26:32):
believe, y'all can correct me,parents, but I believe on both
sides, they didn't have furtherthan a sixth grade education.
How much vernacular did theyhave when it came to expressing
how they felt because languagewas stolen from us.
And so we come to a differentculture, a different setup,
(26:54):
everything's different and we'reexpected to, for everything to
fall in line.
And so now at my grown age, Iam realizing that certain things
were lost in translation,literally from Africa to
America, it was lost intranslation.
And, um, Certain things werestolen from us.
(27:17):
So it almost feel like in ablack family, you got to work
twice as hard because certainthings weren't.
Weren't instilled.
Yeah.
We just didn't know.
Yeah, you didn't see it.
Yeah.
Well, the family, the core toeven slavery, selling off that
man, breaking down.
I'm going to break that manlike I break that horse.
(27:40):
That's how they went about it.
They said, I'm going to breakthat man like you break a horse.
And once his family, see himfall down like that and see me
break him they gonna fall inline because they understand the
power of the head of thehousehold and so like it's just
important sometimes I gottabring center myself because I
(28:01):
know I got a strong personalityI have to center myself and
realize what his plight is everyday when he go out there and he
dealing with people with justas strong a personality as he is
in the neighborhood that hework in I don't want him to come
home and feel like he got tofight with me.
Speaker 00 (28:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (28:19):
And it's hard because I got a strong
personality.
Right.
No, for real.
That's serious.
Yeah.
So men in the house, it servesso many different purposes, but
I feel like it's foundational tothe family.
I feel like exactly what yousaid about discipline and
everything else.
I think there's a lot ofdiscipline.
(28:40):
Women, don't get me wrong, butI think especially when raising
men, young men, I hurt exactlywhat you said about that
discipline.
You know what I'm saying?
They're showing a way.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
And boys need to see theirmothers being loved properly.
You just stole that out of myhead, but I ain't want to rush
(29:02):
into the next topic because I'mlike, oh shoot, I said so much
so fast.
No, they really do because...
They do.
It's important.
Because I know firsthand thatif a boy does not see his mother
being treated with respect,it's hard for him to respect
another girl or another woman.
(29:23):
And then here you come as amother trying to beat it into
him.
Like, you don't disrespect awoman.
But how can you tell that boynot to disrespect that woman
when maybe that's all he's seen?
Yeah.
mother being treated withnothing but love and kindness
(29:43):
and respect, what you think hegoing to reciprocate to another
female or another woman?
He going to have more respect.
So in general, like, I thankGod for being 70% woman and 30%
men.
30% real nigga.
I thank God for that.
(30:04):
But at the end of the day, Istill can't give them, I can
tell that all day till my faceis turned blue.
But if they don't see it fromthat male, and I'm not even
going to say that male, if theydon't see it from their father
or that active stepfather that'sin the house, or yeah, it
(30:28):
starts in the house because theycan have uncles that's got
their backs all day long, but ithas to stem from inside the
house.
So because I don't have thatstructure in the house, I feel
like I've got to work.
How you might discipline DJjust once or twice, I have to
instill it into Jace six times.
(30:50):
You get what I'm saying?
Yeah, because I've been there.
Because that piece is missing.
Did I want my life to be likethat?
Absolutely not.
You know what I mean?
But hey, it is what it is.
So men, it's really importantto be in that household with
your kid And it's more than justbeing in there with them, being
(31:17):
present.
Don't just think, this goesback to another episode when we
said what they didn't, what mendidn't see sometimes.
And they do it.
Like if their dad wasn't thereand they are there, they think
that that's enough.
It's not enough.
Especially with thisgeneration.
We need y'all.
Y'all can't go anywhere.
(31:39):
Because we need y'all up inthese houses.
We do.
We need y'all in these houses.
I know, unfortunately,sometimes y'all make decisions
where kids over here, kids overhere.
So there's like brokenhouseholds.
But do your best to make sureyou show up all the time for
those kids because the kids areour future.
So we appreciate the men whoare out here not playing about
(32:04):
their sisters, their wives,their mothers, their daughters.
And as a community how wesupposed to help each other
about their sisters in generalI'm your sister even if I'm not
your sister look out for me ifI'm on this train and somebody
looking crazy or something likethat you know what I mean like
look out for each other so kudosto the men who are out there
(32:27):
doing it yeah and I'm gonna addto what you said and when you
said about the young men seeingtheir mom being loved one thing
I meant Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
My daughters see my husbandloving on me.
(33:02):
First of all, they be like,ugh.
They be like, ugh.
Here they go again.
Yeah.
But I love that they're able tosee what love is.
Because, yeah, they have astandard.
And love is not alwaysaffection.
Love is opening a door.
(33:22):
Love is showing up with yourfavorite candy bar.
Or love...
be always knowing where yourscarf is because my husband is
great at that.
As many things as my husbanddrive me crazy with, the things
that drive me crazy are also thethings that I love because he
(33:43):
always knows where everythingis.
Yeah, absolutely.
He knows where all my stuff is.
I don't even know where it'sat.
Shout out to you, coach.
He's such a coach.
He's so organized.
Yeah.
Young women also need to seetheir mothers being loved and
(34:03):
their fathers setting thestandard of what love is.
And that's so vitallyimportant.
Yes.
So fellas, we need y'all.
As much as y'all get on ournerves, as much as we know we
strong, right?
Because we strong.
Because we strong.
We need y'all.
(34:23):
Because we got to deal withy'all, so we strong.
Because exit.
You see what I'm saying?
Do you see what I'm saying?
We have to literally deal withtrouble.
So we strong for just...
Sticking through it, all right?
But we love y'all.
We love y'all.
We love Coach.
We love our brothers.
We love our uncles.
We love our best friends, ourbest guy friends.
(34:44):
I have a special place in myheart for the people in the
community that just look out forthe kids in general.
Those men that just have thatbond.
They're not leaving nobody atthe football field.
Shout out to y'all.
Shout out to those volunteersthose men volunteers who just do
(35:06):
it from the kindness of theirheart like shout out to y'all
that's like that's love you'renot they're not getting paid to
be out there to deal with nobodybratty behind son getting smart
that's why it's important toanother reason it's important to
have a man in the house becauseI always tell my boys do not go
back and forth with no femalegirl do not go back and forth
(35:29):
with anybody a real man is notgoing to keep going back and
forth arguing.
They looking at me like you'renot a real man.
30%.
Anyway, 30%.
But anyway, it's important.
Why are you sitting herearguing with a female?
Because that's what y'all wastaught.
right now so shout out to thecommunity guys shout out
(35:55):
especially shout out to myvillage her village too her
husband but my village thatdon't play about me and don't
play about my boys thank y'allfrom the bottom top bottom top
to the bottom thank y'all frommy from the bottom of my heart
because it means a lot like Ican only teach my boys so much
(36:16):
yeah and it's my senior yearthis year so Because I came
forward.
If y'all know, we'll talk aboutthat later.
But yes, shout out to our guys.
We appreciate y'all.
Y'all some real ones.
A lot of y'all.
But just like all of y'allain't real, all of us don't be
good moms and good leaders andstuff like that.
(36:37):
So don't get it twisted becausethere's some deadbeat moms out
there too.
There really is because I havefriends who were raised by their
dads.
Don't get it twisted.
I've seen it.
Like close friends.
Unfortunately, I just feel likewhat I've seen growing up in a
city environment was just like alot of addiction.
We talked about that.
(36:58):
But with that, unfortunately,it got some of the moms too.
And I've seen it.
And so not to excuse anybody,but that's a hard fight right
there.
And it was planted in ourcommunity.
So, you know, we did the bestwe could.
They did the best they could.
That generation, thisgeneration, some of y'all just
(37:20):
choosing to be dead.
that want to be on theinternet.
And I
Speaker 00 (37:24):
don't like that for us.
I
Speaker 01 (37:25):
don't like that for us.
And it's not being on theinternet.
It's just like, what youwilling to accept and promote
Speaker 00 (37:33):
when
Speaker 01 (37:33):
it comes to who you are as a lady and as a woman.
And like I said, I ain't alwaysget it right.
I'm not perfect.
But it's just, I wish there wasmore examples of a great woman
online.
And I know there are some.
Well, here we are.
There you go.
(37:54):
We need to really push that sothat they can see another side.
Yes.
And they can see life outsideof just the normal things that
they're taught.
Yeah.
What I don't understand,though, is it be like a lot of
people from the suburbs or, andwe talked about this, but I
(38:17):
don't know why suburbs for somereason became like the because
it's not all that.
But from two-family households,the kid just became ratchet.
They came out ratchet, y'all.
Yeah, and then you got the kidwho's from a single-parent
household just as prim and primand proper.
What'd that tell you aboutparenting?
(38:38):
It starts in the house, forreal.
And that just goes to show bothof them parents might be
absent.
They might be present, but theyphysically present, mentally
absent yeah and that might befrom something they got going on
and they can't be the bestversions of themselves because
they don't like each other hmmwe don't know but we gotta we
(39:05):
have to stick together and umthat's that's the moral of it we
gotta appreciate our black menand guys yes we said this was
about you guys but y'all gottaappreciate us too I really would
love to see what going into mysoft voice because I'm trying to
soothe y'all ego.
Because I was hard.
All right, I'm going to bringit down.
(39:26):
I really would appreciate ify'all uplifted us a lot more, if
y'all supported us in publicand in private, if y'all would
have our backs because we're...
Let me just take it a stepfurther.
We're also in the workforcenow.
(39:47):
And when I say...
This is coming from somebodywho is in senior leadership
because I need y'all to hear me.
When I say it's hard out herefor a pit, it's hard.
So we have a very similarplight when it comes to what we
dealing with day in and day out.
(40:07):
And we just need some gracebecause we don't want to show up
hard.
But if I can express to you howhard it is to turn that off
even because we're fighting.
It's tough.
Speaker 00 (40:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (40:23):
But we know in today's economy, sometimes you
need to have two working adultsjust to make it.
Just to make it.
And those two working adultsprobably working two jobs a
piece.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So we got to show each othergrace.
I think that's where for me.
Yeah.
Everybody got to give some kindof grace.
Yeah.
And stop like the word we didtoday.
(40:46):
The topic we did today was notfor the sassy princess.
We're not too fond of y'all.
We do not condone of you sassyprincesses that get on the
internet and bash women.
We don't like y'all.
At all.
At all.
I love my strong black menthat's standing behind.
Like the real men.
(41:07):
Like the real ones.
And I found out what that termwas that I couldn't find out
last time.
It was called simp.
They be calling them simps.
That's what they be callingthem, simps.
Because they love them womenbecause they the head of the
house.
Yes.
It's dumb.
Chivalrous and stuff.
They dumb.
And keep being sips, guys,because we love it and we need
(41:29):
y'all.
Just call them sassy.
To you sassy princesses.
I'm sick of y'all.
I can't even deal with y'all.
Sick of them.
You be like the little kids.
Yes.
You know what I had behind thathand.
I'm sick of the sassyprincesses.
(41:51):
So never mind them, but to ourmen, my men, my men, our men,
our men, our men, our men.
Because we love us strong.
We love us some men.
I got one, my guy best friend.
He cracks me up every time Icall him.
I'm starting to believe he'llbe in meetings when I call him,
right?
(42:11):
Because every time I call him,he'd be like, what's up, Josh?
What's up?
And I'm like, what you doing?
Oh, I was just in a meeting,but you all right?
So he always telling me that.
So it'd be making me wonder,was you really in a meeting?
Or you just telling me that tomake me feel good?
Because it makes me feel greatthat my friend stepped out of
his meeting to answer this phoneto make sure I was okay.
(42:32):
But he might be playing with meso if you are playing with me
but no he is that type of personlike this this person he won't
I have been trying to buy thisman lunch for God knows how long
he won't do it he won't let medo it It probably feels weird to
(42:53):
him because...
To let a woman...
And he's like, you my dog.
Like, you my...
Like, I look at you like youone of my sisters.
Like, no, we're not doing it.
But he gives that...
And he's the protector for hiswife, his daughter.
Strong Black men.
Strong Black men.
And we also need to adjust ourexpectations because what the
(43:18):
world told us was a strong Blackman is isn't necessarily what a
strong black man is.
And so we need to adjustbecause we, and the same for
strong women though, you know,like Miss Independent, but yeah,
y'all gotta, we still want tobe soft.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, for real.
Like two alphas in thehousehold, but that woman is
(43:42):
going to love it.
I'm telling you, if you areboth dominant, you are leading
your family, your household andthat woman, right?
That lady is going to go getthe earth the sun heaven she
gonna go get all of that for youand she gonna leave hell right
where it is she gonna go get itall and everything is gonna just
(44:04):
flow but that also comes withmaking sure you are aligned with
the person that God has calledyou to be aligned with yeah it's
divine order man follow Godwoman follow man yeah divine
order it's It's important.
We want it.
We love it.
(44:24):
We love it.
Because some...
And I'm just going to say givewomen grace one more time
because we have to unlearn a lotof stuff.
Absolutely.
Especially if we was a singlemom and we're in survival mode
because we couldn't rely onanybody but ourselves.
But ourselves.
You know what I'm saying?
So give us some grace.
Yes.
Because we want to be...
(44:46):
Soft.
Yeah.
Naked.
Yeah.
Cocoa butter.
Okay.
Naked woman era, fellas.
If you don't know what that is,go look back on the podcast.
Okay?
Naked woman era.
Because that's where we want tobe at.
Let me tell you, when my mantake me to naked woman era, and
I know I'm at...
I ain't going to tell y'all,but there will be signs.
(45:07):
Y'all going to be like, oh,Johnston reached the NWE because
I did.
Because I'm there.
Y'all trying to come with me?
Not with my man.
Not with mine.
Y'all can go find your own.
Y'all can read the pages of mydiary to see how I got where I
am and how far God brought me.
Y'all know it's just loud inhere.
(45:30):
All right, let's wrap this up.
So yes, fellas, we love youguys.
And ladies, comment.
Comment.
Let us know why you think it'simportant to have a present man
in the household.
Yeah, what did we miss?
Because it's so much.
We couldn't cover everything.
Exactly.
So, you know, let's chat in thecomments.
Unknown (45:51):
Bye.
So,
Men are important,
Speaker 00 (00:01):
period.
Speaker 01 (00:02):
A husband sets the standard for the love the
daughter will receive that she'sgoing to accept.
For me, we're strong in areasthat they're not strong in.
They're strong in areas we'renot strong in.
But when it comes to ahousehold and raising kids,
especially boys, there issomething that I cannot teach my
(00:24):
boys that a man could.
When they know that they'reneeded, Sometimes they show up
better, and they show up harder,and they love harder.
I know firsthand that if a boydoes not see his mother being
treated with respect, it's hardfor him to respect another girl.
A man feels comfortable enoughto be vulnerable, and we provide
(00:50):
a space for them to bevulnerable.
We not only...
help them grow.
We help them see that we'retheir partners, that we're their
helpmate.
Yes.
Because I want my husband tofeel loved.
I want him, I'm learning whatmy husband need, but what also
(01:11):
I'm hearing a lot of other menvocalize.
And then I'm seeing ingenerations before that they
didn't have the words or thelanguage to express.
My grandfathers on both sides Ibelieve, y'all can correct me
parents, but I believe on bothsides, they didn't have further
than a sixth grade education.
(01:31):
How much vernacular did theyhave when it came to expressing
how they felt?
Hey guys, we're back.
(01:52):
Women in Black.
Yes.
What's going on?
How you feeling?
I'm good.
Yeah.
You're just good.
I'm just good.
That's good.
It is.
That's good.
I've been practicing gratitudelately.
Yep.
(02:12):
Yo.
She's clocking that T.
Clocking it.
That's my thing.
Speaker 00 (02:24):
I've
Speaker 01 (02:25):
been practicing gratitude because I think I
downplay the blessings that Godgave me.
And I don't want to be thatperson.
I've come so far.
And sometimes we really need tostop and think about where God
(02:47):
brought us, even though we'restill trying to get to another
level.
And so mentally I've come far,you know, financially I've come
far and I wouldn't have did itwithout him.
So I'm good.
Big ups to God.
I tried to do that in like anAfrican voice.
(03:07):
That was not at all.
I don't know what that is.
Yo, you want to hear it though?
That didn't do it?
No.
Listen, I'm about to switchtopics.
Just going to forewarn you.
Okay.
All right.
I was watching this reel and agirl said, let's say she worked
(03:31):
at customer service or somethinglike that.
And she was on a phone andbasically she told the guy like,
no, I can't do that for you,sir.
Or whatever.
He got mad.
He was like, basically like, Ican tell you fat.
Oh, I saw that.
And she was like, can y'alltell me, do I sound like a big
girl?
Do I sound like a fat girl?
Yo, and then somebody incomments said she big-toned.
(03:55):
See, the comments be eatingpeople up.
You got to be a strong big backto handle these comments.
Strong big back.
You got to be strong to handlethese comments because they be
eating people up.
(04:15):
Because that's ridiculous.
Who comes up with that?
And don't, listen, Don't be inour comments unless you want to
get comments back.
Because I got words.
I got time.
I got words.
Yes.
All of it.
All of it.
You better
Speaker 00 (04:33):
be
Speaker 01 (04:38):
ready.
I said, is she goofy?
I just can't get past thebig-toned.
You not big-boned.
You big-toned.
You big-toned.
ignorant ignorant ignorantignorant ignorant ignorant
(05:02):
moving right along so how wasyour week I'm blessed by the
best okay don't play with itdon't play with it I'm stealing
that one blessed by the best I'mstealing it I stole it go ahead
they been saying that for yearsin the church I missed that one
in church you did blessed bythe best that must have been
(05:22):
when I was on a hiatus Peace.
That's when they kick me out.
Talk about church kicking youout.
I was like, just kidding.
Just kidding.
But no, I'm definitely, I'mblessed.
I'm going to piggyback off whatyou said, just having
gratitude.
I'm not where I want to be allthe way.
(05:43):
Right.
But I'm dang sure not where Iused to be.
And I say this thing all thetime.
I've been saying it for years.
This isn't my stop.
It's my step.
And I'm stepping, y'all.
Big Josh, stepping.
Do you hear me?
Big step up.
I am stepping, and I'm so proudof myself, and I'm so blessed,
and I just thank God.
(06:04):
I'm just so thankful for myvillage.
My job, just everything.
Let me tell you what I'm mostthankful for right now.
My relationship with God.
That's a blessing.
They say when you just liftyour hands up and just say, God,
I trust you, and you really doit, his words become more clear,
(06:29):
and I'm right there.
Like, discernment like this.
Just following his steps,confirmation, boom, boom, boom.
So...
Big ups to the big one becausehe out here doing his thing and
he don't play with me.
In our relationship, we likethis because he said, daughter,
daughter, daughter, daughter,Follow me.
(06:53):
And I got you.
Don't worry about what youthought you had back there.
Don't worry about all that.
Don't worry about what youthought you wanted.
Because what I want for you,what I have for you, is so much
bigger.
I know that's right.
So yeah, I'm just blessed bythe best.
Blessed and highly favored.
(07:13):
Let the chirps say...
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Unknown (07:22):
Amen.
Speaker 01 (07:22):
I ain't even do it.
Listen, I got a song for you.
I got to put you on some newchurch music.
Yeah.
Because you always taking usback to the southern days when
we used to have to open up thehandbooks and stuff.
Why?
Tell me why.
Because I come from a lineageof southern pastors in churches.
(07:45):
Shout out to Bishop Underwood.
So like from like some of thefirst churches in the south.
Just going down as one.
It's a bishop in everygeneration.
And y'all just never listenedto Kirk Franklin?
No, we didn't.
You just always got to take itback to the Wilmington,
Massachusetts choir.
You know what it is?
(08:05):
First of all, you a best.
But secondly, I did listen toKirk Franklin and everybody else
because I did the danceministry.
And so we had to do the hip hopand stuff.
It didn't look like that.
but nah so although my familyhas a church I went to a mega
(08:28):
church so I know all the newersongs however your soul my soul
just takes you back there ittakes me back there mostly
because and I think I told youthis because I wrote a poem I
might have to read my poemsometimes I write y'all you
should she does very well toothanks Josh you're welcome Des
(08:50):
you so silly But so I am areally spiritual person, just
really relationship driven.
And so when I hear certainsongs, as interesting as it is,
like some of them old hymns,like they did something to my
soul in a power that a lot ofthem old hymns had.
(09:15):
Like, I don't know, when I'mgoing through something, I
always pull out the old songs.
Just be that.
But even, like, you can't tellme nothing about Kirk Franklin
because a lot of his songs andHezekiah Walker, they some of
them songs too.
But they had me moving, so
Speaker 00 (09:32):
they more like mine.
But they
Speaker 01 (09:35):
changed it up.
They changed it up.
They changed it up.
They did.
Because I'm out here listeningto Forrest Frank now.
Yeah, Forrest Frank now.
You sent me him.
But it's a couple good songs.
I'm going to tell you what I'mlistening to.
Wait till it drop.
(09:57):
That's my heart.
Big Facts.
Yeah, that's the Hawaiianchurch music.
And he ain't even Hawaiian.
He is not Hawaiian.
That's my nephew.
Yeah, young Ness.
That's my nephew.
(10:20):
He play with force.
Yeah, That's in the building.
But I love me some, like, Ilove, so I'm going to read some
names off my playlist.
First of all, Pastor Mike Jr.
He my dog.
Oh, don't play with PastorMike.
Yeah, he my dog.
Don't play with Pastor Mike.
Carrington Gaines.
Hmm.
Yeah, listen.
Dante Bo.
Okay.
(10:40):
Yeah, he, you know, he got themsongs.
Now, going back again, though,I love me some Marvin Sapp, my
dad.
Oh, I love me some Marvin Sapp.
Unknown (10:50):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 01 (10:50):
I love me some Marvin Sapp.
some more of it and say, don'tplay with it.
Smokey.
Yeah.
Don't make me cry.
I'll take it back to Donnie.
Don't play with Donnie.
Don't make me cry.
First of all, Fred Hammond.
Fred Hammond.
Don't play about Fred.
Let me tell you.
Don't play with Fred.
(11:12):
Oh, Fred.
At my dad's passing, I had theguy do like a mix of songs.
So it was Marvin Stapp, FredHammond, Smokey Norfolk.
It was just like a mix becausemy dad sung.
My
Speaker 00 (11:24):
dad,
Speaker 01 (11:26):
his voice was just.
he played nine instrumentsself-taught nine instruments
yeah and so yeah oh I'm gettingmemories but yeah so you can cry
right now I could okay but Idon't want to yeah nah but it's
a whole bunch of them on thislist but um yeah Jonathan um
(11:47):
Taylor's pretty good too um andthen there's some people like
the Anthony Brown JonathanMcReynolds I'm just looking at
my playlist James Fortune cooltoo then there's This is a young
dude, Jordan Armstrong.
He kind of give that vibe, likea little YM, but still a little
churchy too.
No, I be on my way to church,on my way to work, right?
(12:09):
When I go to work and I bejamming to this.
Speaker 00 (12:15):
Y'all
Speaker 01 (12:15):
ready?
Speaker 00 (12:19):
I
Speaker 01 (12:19):
know this one.
You know this one?
Yeah.
Because I don't know how peoplebe in their cars and they just
be, they don't be moving.
Like, how do y'all listen tomusic?
Not me.
I be like, how is y'all overthere?
(12:47):
And y'all not dancing tonothing.
Yo, that's me.
But I'm the one.
I'm the one at the stoplightdancing.
I'm the one at the bridge.
I don't care where I am.
I'm dancing.
I don't know how the peoplejust be, how do y'all just be
like this?
They listening to opera.
(13:11):
I was going to say audio book.
You was at opera.
Cause ain't no way.
And I be in the car, and I'mnot ashamed.
I be in the car jamming.
And I don't got that muchrhythm, but I'm not scared to
dance.
I don't care.
I be in the car jamming to allmy church music.
(13:32):
And then, because you need,first of all, and then we're
going to get right into thetopic of the day.
When you wake up in themorning, you need something
that's going to edify your souland get you going.
You don't need nobody talkingabout smoking weed.
You don't need nobody on theretalking about how they just got
(13:53):
their heart broke or throwingthat in a circle.
You don't need none of thatearly in the morning.
You need something that's goingto fill you up because you
don't know what that day isgoing to look like for you.
So every day I need to befilled up.
You start with like music inthe morning because that's my me
(14:18):
time.
I start I start withaffirmation.
What do you mean?
When I first opened my eyes?
I'm talking about when I'm inthe car, driving to work.
Oh, okay.
Well, it depends.
Okay.
But I definitely, my calmplace, like, because I'm going
to go to music because I lovemusic.
Music helped me think.
(14:38):
But yeah, you said it's likestarting your day.
Like, you don't got to listen.
You don't listen to this.
That's all.
I was just wondering, like, Ieven ended up writing my own
affirmations.
I just put them in.
playing back to myself in myvoice.
Like it's me.
I don't need nobody elsetelling me who I am.
Right.
Right.
Well, as soon as I open myeyes, I say, thank you, God.
(15:00):
And I say a little prayer.
Then we get up and it's time toget the day going.
But once I get in that beep,beep, vroom, vroom.
That's because you drive.
Yeah.
Because I be driving a coupleof days out of the week.
Yeah.
But if it's just, but when Iturn on my computer to log into
work when I'm not driving.
Yeah.
I turn my music on.
(15:20):
Yeah, I do that too.
I don't talk to people in themorning anymore on the phone.
Yo, I set that boundary a longtime ago, but I got in trouble
for it.
But the one friend, sherecently, I think she started to
understand because she waslike, she called me early.
(15:42):
She was like, I don't even meanto call you early.
So I started cracking up,laughing because I had to set a
boundary with her.
I'm like, listen, love you.
Yeah.
But I need my time.
Yeah, my mom won't even call mein the morning unless it's an
emergency.
I have to reclaim my time, mymorning, my time.
(16:03):
I don't need to be talking.
I don't want to talk to nobodyon the phone before 830.
No.
First of all, I don't even wantto talk to my coworkers at 9
o'clock.
First of all, I don't have,like, where I sit now at work is
different from where I used tosit and years ago they used to
(16:24):
be like I'll talk to Josh till930 thank you but I work I'm
better with that now because Ihave to not that I am a people
person but in the morning timeI'm more of a what is it an
introvert like you just like tobe withheld kept to yourself I
am I don't I'm not a big goodmorning I'm a morning I'm not a
(16:46):
morning person so I'm definitelylike that yeah I'm just a
morning person And then, yeah,give me a little bit of time to
get my thoughts together.
Because y'all don't really knowif I want to be here.
No, I love my ladies in mygroup.
They like that.
But, yeah.
How y'all feel about getting onwork calls and they be talking
(17:07):
about their pets?
You do that?
You one of them people.
You got to edit this.
You got to edit this part.
I am.
You're not editing it?
You have to.
I love, we talk about our pets.
I know.
I'm on those calls.
So what's wrong with that?
(17:28):
I even put Nori in the camerasometimes.
I'm on the receiving end of thepets.
That's because you don't have apet.
You don't understand.
That's what it is.
Because I be like, yo, get thisdamn cat off the screen.
I'm scared of cats.
I think some of them are verypretty, but I'm scared of them.
All All right, guys, so we'regoing to just jump right into
(17:51):
the topic, because what?
Because what?
Because how?
Guys, we're here.
Oh, God, I need to go to bed.
But anyway, what's our topictoday, Des?
(18:14):
I don't remember.
And all my intrusive thoughtstook over a second ago.
So today, guys, we are women inblack, but we are going to be
talking about our fellas becausewe are not men bashers on women
in black.
We love our black men.
(18:36):
We love our men.
Yeah.
We love our black men.
We love our black men.
I mean, yeah, because I'm veryattracted to black men.
Well, one in particular.
But men are awesome.
Yes, they are.
And you guys are reallyimportant.
So let's get into why it'simportant for the man to be in
(18:58):
the house, not to just be in thehousehold, but to be present in
the household.
That's important.
Yeah.
So we're going to get intothat.
Men are important, period.
Yes, they are.
So for me, my take on it is...
I'm a woman and I'm strong inareas that men are not strong
(19:20):
in.
Women in general, we're strongin areas that they're not strong
in.
They're strong in areas we'renot strong in.
But when it comes to ahousehold and raising kids,
especially boys, there issomething that I cannot teach my
boys that a man could.
You know what I mean?
And unfortunately,circumstances, the, you know,
(19:43):
the, the, life that was thrownat me you know the card that I
took that I picked up it justdid not permit their father to
be in the household raising themyou know what I mean so it's
just like it's so important fora man to be in that household
(20:05):
and to be present because Iremember when we did live off
and on with each other he wouldsay something I would say
something and it wouldn't getdone the minute.
He says something, it's donejust like that.
Like for me to remind them,because my boys, I love my boys
(20:26):
so much, but my boys can be sodirty, right?
But I know that their dad isnot dirty.
So if he was, let's say he wasin the household, certain little
things like them keeping upwith the bathrooms and stuff
like that, I wouldn't have toteach that to them because it
would automatically, that'ssomething he would stay on top
(20:48):
of them about.
Or just their mannerisms andhow to deal with life.
I can't teach these Blackboys...
how to, what's about to cometheir way.
All I can tell them is whatthey are and how they're
perceived a lot of times.
So you can't be out herelooking ignorant, acting
(21:09):
ignorant, or being a YN.
You gotta, you know what Imean?
When you walk, you gotta walkwith some pride, with some
confidence, and you gottaremember that at the end of the
day, I need you to come backhome.
Right.
And that's just what it is.
I can tell them that, but Ican't show them that.
So it's a big deal.
So men, you guys are reallyimportant.
(21:32):
And that's just coming from asingle mother.
You know what I mean?
Raising boys, all boys bymyself.
And then on the flip side,discipline.
I can't teach them discipline,but I will.
Nope.
Cause we, we thanking God todayfor our black men.
(21:53):
I can't teach them discipline,but I thank God for my support
system that the men in theirlives that do have the
discipline to show them, becauseeverybody wasn't blessed to
have discipline.
I can't teach them that as awoman.
So that's what I try, and Iswear, I swear, I swear, I thank
(22:16):
God for that.
the men, the strong black menthat I, no, I take that back.
The strong men in general.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
That my boys have in theirlives because it's not all, it's
about what we are.
Yeah.
But there are some men who havemy boys back that don't look
(22:37):
just like them.
Right.
Right.
You know what I mean?
So I just thank God becausethat, having that, just being
that single mom and, not havingthat male figure in the
household.
And then as a single mom, youdon't want to just bring anybody
in your household.
I know.
(23:00):
So it's hard.
But kudos to the Black men thatare present, doing their
things, and taking one for theteams and chipping in to help
the village.
Right.
I didn't hear anything afterit's hard because my brain went
(23:20):
to, it's hard out here for apimp.
You know, it's hard out herefor a pimp when you're trying to
raise the money and the rent.
It's hard.
Why are they calling?
What they want?
But yeah, I agree.
I'm with you.
Men are needed.
Men are necessary.
(23:41):
Men are the pillar of thefamily.
Women are the matriarchs.
Men set the tone for thefamily.
They are the head of the house.
They are our protectors.
They are our providers.
And I think we need to see moreof them show up in that light
(24:07):
and in that way.
And I think I'll even go as faras saying us women need to
appreciate them more.
The ones who are doing it rightis so that more men could want
to do it right.
Because I think when we do getinto the mode of speaking down
(24:31):
sometimes, some men take that asa way to kind of get out of
doing what they need to do.
Well, that's how they feelabout us anyway.
Speaker 00 (24:40):
You know what I'm saying?
But
Speaker 01 (24:43):
when they know that they're needed, sometimes they
show up better.
And they show up harder.
And they love harder.
Because I do think, as we wereexploring in our other podcast,
like men being vulnerable, whena man feels comfortable enough
to be vulnerable.
And we provide a space for themto be vulnerable.
(25:06):
We not only help them grow, wehelp them see that we're their
partners, that we're theirhelpmate, that we're there to
support them.
And to just be completelyhonest, because we're alpha
females, but we want to be inour soft girl era.
(25:28):
What I What I'm learning, and Ishared this with Josh earlier,
like there's times where I wantto say something.
Unknown (25:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (25:46):
I just got to shut up.
Got to shut up and fix yourface.
Shut up and fix your face.
Shut up.
You want to know why?
Because I want my husband tofeel loved.
I want him, I'm learning whatmy husband need, but what also
I'm hearing a lot of other menvocalize.
(26:08):
And then I'm seeing ingenerations before that they
didn't have the words or thelanguage to express that.
They really didn't.
Our ancestors told them, bestrong.
And even beyond that, justthink of it in these terms.
As simple as this, mygrandfathers on both sides, I
(26:32):
believe, y'all can correct me,parents, but I believe on both
sides, they didn't have furtherthan a sixth grade education.
How much vernacular did theyhave when it came to expressing
how they felt because languagewas stolen from us.
And so we come to a differentculture, a different setup,
(26:54):
everything's different and we'reexpected to, for everything to
fall in line.
And so now at my grown age, Iam realizing that certain things
were lost in translation,literally from Africa to
America, it was lost intranslation.
And, um, Certain things werestolen from us.
(27:17):
So it almost feel like in ablack family, you got to work
twice as hard because certainthings weren't.
Weren't instilled.
Yeah.
We just didn't know.
Yeah, you didn't see it.
Yeah.
Well, the family, the core toeven slavery, selling off that
man, breaking down.
I'm going to break that manlike I break that horse.
(27:40):
That's how they went about it.
They said, I'm going to breakthat man like you break a horse.
And once his family, see himfall down like that and see me
break him they gonna fall inline because they understand the
power of the head of thehousehold and so like it's just
important sometimes I gottabring center myself because I
(28:01):
know I got a strong personalityI have to center myself and
realize what his plight is everyday when he go out there and he
dealing with people with justas strong a personality as he is
in the neighborhood that hework in I don't want him to come
home and feel like he got tofight with me.
Speaker 00 (28:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (28:19):
And it's hard because I got a strong
personality.
Right.
No, for real.
That's serious.
Yeah.
So men in the house, it servesso many different purposes, but
I feel like it's foundational tothe family.
I feel like exactly what yousaid about discipline and
everything else.
I think there's a lot ofdiscipline.
(28:40):
Women, don't get me wrong, butI think especially when raising
men, young men, I hurt exactlywhat you said about that
discipline.
You know what I'm saying?
They're showing a way.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
And boys need to see theirmothers being loved properly.
You just stole that out of myhead, but I ain't want to rush
(29:02):
into the next topic because I'mlike, oh shoot, I said so much
so fast.
No, they really do because...
They do.
It's important.
Because I know firsthand thatif a boy does not see his mother
being treated with respect,it's hard for him to respect
another girl or another woman.
(29:23):
And then here you come as amother trying to beat it into
him.
Like, you don't disrespect awoman.
But how can you tell that boynot to disrespect that woman
when maybe that's all he's seen?
Yeah.
mother being treated withnothing but love and kindness
(29:43):
and respect, what you think hegoing to reciprocate to another
female or another woman?
He going to have more respect.
So in general, like, I thankGod for being 70% woman and 30%
men.
30% real nigga.
I thank God for that.
(30:04):
But at the end of the day, Istill can't give them, I can
tell that all day till my faceis turned blue.
But if they don't see it fromthat male, and I'm not even
going to say that male, if theydon't see it from their father
or that active stepfather that'sin the house, or yeah, it
(30:28):
starts in the house because theycan have uncles that's got
their backs all day long, but ithas to stem from inside the
house.
So because I don't have thatstructure in the house, I feel
like I've got to work.
How you might discipline DJjust once or twice, I have to
instill it into Jace six times.
(30:50):
You get what I'm saying?
Yeah, because I've been there.
Because that piece is missing.
Did I want my life to be likethat?
Absolutely not.
You know what I mean?
But hey, it is what it is.
So men, it's really importantto be in that household with
your kid And it's more than justbeing in there with them, being
(31:17):
present.
Don't just think, this goesback to another episode when we
said what they didn't, what mendidn't see sometimes.
And they do it.
Like if their dad wasn't thereand they are there, they think
that that's enough.
It's not enough.
Especially with thisgeneration.
We need y'all.
Y'all can't go anywhere.
(31:39):
Because we need y'all up inthese houses.
We do.
We need y'all in these houses.
I know, unfortunately,sometimes y'all make decisions
where kids over here, kids overhere.
So there's like brokenhouseholds.
But do your best to make sureyou show up all the time for
those kids because the kids areour future.
So we appreciate the men whoare out here not playing about
(32:04):
their sisters, their wives,their mothers, their daughters.
And as a community how wesupposed to help each other
about their sisters in generalI'm your sister even if I'm not
your sister look out for me ifI'm on this train and somebody
looking crazy or something likethat you know what I mean like
look out for each other so kudosto the men who are out there
(32:27):
doing it yeah and I'm gonna addto what you said and when you
said about the young men seeingtheir mom being loved one thing
I meant Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
My daughters see my husbandloving on me.
(33:02):
First of all, they be like,ugh.
They be like, ugh.
Here they go again.
Yeah.
But I love that they're able tosee what love is.
Because, yeah, they have astandard.
And love is not alwaysaffection.
Love is opening a door.
(33:22):
Love is showing up with yourfavorite candy bar.
Or love...
be always knowing where yourscarf is because my husband is
great at that.
As many things as my husbanddrive me crazy with, the things
that drive me crazy are also thethings that I love because he
(33:43):
always knows where everythingis.
Yeah, absolutely.
He knows where all my stuff is.
I don't even know where it'sat.
Shout out to you, coach.
He's such a coach.
He's so organized.
Yeah.
Young women also need to seetheir mothers being loved and
(34:03):
their fathers setting thestandard of what love is.
And that's so vitallyimportant.
Yes.
So fellas, we need y'all.
As much as y'all get on ournerves, as much as we know we
strong, right?
Because we strong.
Because we strong.
We need y'all.
(34:23):
Because we got to deal withy'all, so we strong.
Because exit.
You see what I'm saying?
Do you see what I'm saying?
We have to literally deal withtrouble.
So we strong for just...
Sticking through it, all right?
But we love y'all.
We love y'all.
We love Coach.
We love our brothers.
We love our uncles.
We love our best friends, ourbest guy friends.
(34:44):
I have a special place in myheart for the people in the
community that just look out forthe kids in general.
Those men that just have thatbond.
They're not leaving nobody atthe football field.
Shout out to y'all.
Shout out to those volunteersthose men volunteers who just do
(35:06):
it from the kindness of theirheart like shout out to y'all
that's like that's love you'renot they're not getting paid to
be out there to deal with nobodybratty behind son getting smart
that's why it's important toanother reason it's important to
have a man in the house becauseI always tell my boys do not go
back and forth with no femalegirl do not go back and forth
(35:29):
with anybody a real man is notgoing to keep going back and
forth arguing.
They looking at me like you'renot a real man.
30%.
Anyway, 30%.
But anyway, it's important.
Why are you sitting herearguing with a female?
Because that's what y'all wastaught.
right now so shout out to thecommunity guys shout out
(35:55):
especially shout out to myvillage her village too her
husband but my village thatdon't play about me and don't
play about my boys thank y'allfrom the bottom top bottom top
to the bottom thank y'all frommy from the bottom of my heart
because it means a lot like Ican only teach my boys so much
(36:16):
yeah and it's my senior yearthis year so Because I came
forward.
If y'all know, we'll talk aboutthat later.
But yes, shout out to our guys.
We appreciate y'all.
Y'all some real ones.
A lot of y'all.
But just like all of y'allain't real, all of us don't be
good moms and good leaders andstuff like that.
(36:37):
So don't get it twisted becausethere's some deadbeat moms out
there too.
There really is because I havefriends who were raised by their
dads.
Don't get it twisted.
I've seen it.
Like close friends.
Unfortunately, I just feel likewhat I've seen growing up in a
city environment was just like alot of addiction.
We talked about that.
(36:58):
But with that, unfortunately,it got some of the moms too.
And I've seen it.
And so not to excuse anybody,but that's a hard fight right
there.
And it was planted in ourcommunity.
So, you know, we did the bestwe could.
They did the best they could.
That generation, thisgeneration, some of y'all just
(37:20):
choosing to be dead.
that want to be on theinternet.
And I
Speaker 00 (37:24):
don't like that for us.
I
Speaker 01 (37:25):
don't like that for us.
And it's not being on theinternet.
It's just like, what youwilling to accept and promote
Speaker 00 (37:33):
when
Speaker 01 (37:33):
it comes to who you are as a lady and as a woman.
And like I said, I ain't alwaysget it right.
I'm not perfect.
But it's just, I wish there wasmore examples of a great woman
online.
And I know there are some.
Well, here we are.
There you go.
(37:54):
We need to really push that sothat they can see another side.
Yes.
And they can see life outsideof just the normal things that
they're taught.
Yeah.
What I don't understand,though, is it be like a lot of
people from the suburbs or, andwe talked about this, but I
(38:17):
don't know why suburbs for somereason became like the because
it's not all that.
But from two-family households,the kid just became ratchet.
They came out ratchet, y'all.
Yeah, and then you got the kidwho's from a single-parent
household just as prim and primand proper.
What'd that tell you aboutparenting?
(38:38):
It starts in the house, forreal.
And that just goes to show bothof them parents might be
absent.
They might be present, but theyphysically present, mentally
absent yeah and that might befrom something they got going on
and they can't be the bestversions of themselves because
they don't like each other hmmwe don't know but we gotta we
(39:05):
have to stick together and umthat's that's the moral of it we
gotta appreciate our black menand guys yes we said this was
about you guys but y'all gottaappreciate us too I really would
love to see what going into mysoft voice because I'm trying to
soothe y'all ego.
Because I was hard.
All right, I'm going to bringit down.
(39:26):
I really would appreciate ify'all uplifted us a lot more, if
y'all supported us in publicand in private, if y'all would
have our backs because we're...
Let me just take it a stepfurther.
We're also in the workforcenow.
(39:47):
And when I say...
This is coming from somebodywho is in senior leadership
because I need y'all to hear me.
When I say it's hard out herefor a pit, it's hard.
So we have a very similarplight when it comes to what we
dealing with day in and day out.
(40:07):
And we just need some gracebecause we don't want to show up
hard.
But if I can express to you howhard it is to turn that off
even because we're fighting.
It's tough.
Speaker 00 (40:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (40:23):
But we know in today's economy, sometimes you
need to have two working adultsjust to make it.
Just to make it.
And those two working adultsprobably working two jobs a
piece.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So we got to show each othergrace.
I think that's where for me.
Yeah.
Everybody got to give some kindof grace.
Yeah.
And stop like the word we didtoday.
(40:46):
The topic we did today was notfor the sassy princess.
We're not too fond of y'all.
We do not condone of you sassyprincesses that get on the
internet and bash women.
We don't like y'all.
At all.
At all.
I love my strong black menthat's standing behind.
Like the real men.
(41:07):
Like the real ones.
And I found out what that termwas that I couldn't find out
last time.
It was called simp.
They be calling them simps.
That's what they be callingthem, simps.
Because they love them womenbecause they the head of the
house.
Yes.
It's dumb.
Chivalrous and stuff.
They dumb.
And keep being sips, guys,because we love it and we need
(41:29):
y'all.
Just call them sassy.
To you sassy princesses.
I'm sick of y'all.
I can't even deal with y'all.
Sick of them.
You be like the little kids.
Yes.
You know what I had behind thathand.
I'm sick of the sassyprincesses.
(41:51):
So never mind them, but to ourmen, my men, my men, our men,
our men, our men, our men.
Because we love us strong.
We love us some men.
I got one, my guy best friend.
He cracks me up every time Icall him.
I'm starting to believe he'llbe in meetings when I call him,
right?
(42:11):
Because every time I call him,he'd be like, what's up, Josh?
What's up?
And I'm like, what you doing?
Oh, I was just in a meeting,but you all right?
So he always telling me that.
So it'd be making me wonder,was you really in a meeting?
Or you just telling me that tomake me feel good?
Because it makes me feel greatthat my friend stepped out of
his meeting to answer this phoneto make sure I was okay.
(42:32):
But he might be playing with meso if you are playing with me
but no he is that type of personlike this this person he won't
I have been trying to buy thisman lunch for God knows how long
he won't do it he won't let medo it It probably feels weird to
(42:53):
him because...
To let a woman...
And he's like, you my dog.
Like, you my...
Like, I look at you like youone of my sisters.
Like, no, we're not doing it.
But he gives that...
And he's the protector for hiswife, his daughter.
Strong Black men.
Strong Black men.
And we also need to adjust ourexpectations because what the
(43:18):
world told us was a strong Blackman is isn't necessarily what a
strong black man is.
And so we need to adjustbecause we, and the same for
strong women though, you know,like Miss Independent, but yeah,
y'all gotta, we still want tobe soft.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, for real.
Like two alphas in thehousehold, but that woman is
(43:42):
going to love it.
I'm telling you, if you areboth dominant, you are leading
your family, your household andthat woman, right?
That lady is going to go getthe earth the sun heaven she
gonna go get all of that for youand she gonna leave hell right
where it is she gonna go get itall and everything is gonna just
(44:04):
flow but that also comes withmaking sure you are aligned with
the person that God has calledyou to be aligned with yeah it's
divine order man follow Godwoman follow man yeah divine
order it's It's important.
We want it.
We love it.
(44:24):
We love it.
Because some...
And I'm just going to say givewomen grace one more time
because we have to unlearn a lotof stuff.
Absolutely.
Especially if we was a singlemom and we're in survival mode
because we couldn't rely onanybody but ourselves.
But ourselves.
You know what I'm saying?
So give us some grace.
Yes.
Because we want to be...
(44:46):
Soft.
Yeah.
Naked.
Yeah.
Cocoa butter.
Okay.
Naked woman era, fellas.
If you don't know what that is,go look back on the podcast.
Okay?
Naked woman era.
Because that's where we want tobe at.
Let me tell you, when my mantake me to naked woman era, and
I know I'm at...
I ain't going to tell y'all,but there will be signs.
(45:07):
Y'all going to be like, oh,Johnston reached the NWE because
I did.
Because I'm there.
Y'all trying to come with me?
Not with my man.
Not with mine.
Y'all can go find your own.
Y'all can read the pages of mydiary to see how I got where I
am and how far God brought me.
Y'all know it's just loud inhere.
(45:30):
All right, let's wrap this up.
So yes, fellas, we love youguys.
And ladies, comment.
Comment.
Let us know why you think it'simportant to have a present man
in the household.
Yeah, what did we miss?
Because it's so much.
We couldn't cover everything.
Exactly.
So, you know, let's chat in thecomments.
Unknown (45:51):
Bye.
So,
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Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.