November 7, 2025 • 23 mins
In this week’s episode, we dive deep into one of the most human topics — grief.
From delayed emotions and awkward family moments to how we’re expected to look when we’re hurting, this episode unpacks it all with laughter, transparency, and truth.
✨ Follow us on IG: @WeAre.WomenInBlack | @DezDoesItAll | @SaySomethin_Josh
🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple, and all platforms → Women in Black Podcast
#WomenInBlack #SoftHustleLife #GriefTalk #BlackWomenPodcasters #HealingInRealTime #SelfCareConversations #FaithAndHealing #GriefJourney #MentalHealthAwareness #BlackExcellence #PodcastForWomen
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_04 (00:00):
God, God is my witness.
When my dad passed away, he tookmy emotions with him.
Like, God was like, we're gonnajust take this.
My dad was like, God, take thatup out of her.
Cause it just left.
He was like, God, take that frommy daughter, because I don't
need her over here sad andstuff.
You was just numb, maybe.
(00:21):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_02 (00:23):
I don't chuckle me or anything.
Like they just be like, oh, shegot she got this, she got this.
And it's like, maybe I don't.
But you ain't asking.
Yeah, like maybe I don't got itright now.
Like maybe, maybe I am grieving.
Maybe I am hurt.
Maybe I don't.
I can't see the way out or Ican't process right now.
(00:43):
But they so used to you beingstrong in so many different
areas that they just Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (00:50):
We ain't gotta worry about her.
SPEAKER_00 (00:52):
You ain't gotta worry about her.
SPEAKER_04 (00:53):
Josh is good.
SPEAKER_00 (00:54):
Yeah, she'll always figure it out.
SPEAKER_04 (00:56):
Three months later when Josh pushed you behind
that.
Yeah, I'm crazy.
Y'all should have checked on mein December.
Right, right.
Like, you know what I mean?
But it didn't hit me, soeverybody's like, oh, Josh is
good.
Like, we know she had a familymember pass away, but she did.
(01:17):
Months later, I have an employeeat work pass away.
That's young.
I cried for this lady as if Iknew her.
They couldn't mention her namebecause I was crying every time
they mentioned this girl's name.
And it was just like my grief isdelayed a little bit.
SPEAKER_01 (01:36):
Woman in Black is where we put down the cape and
pick up the mic, beingauthentically who we are, where
we are, unmasked, unfiltered,and unapologetic.
SPEAKER_02 (01:48):
So, how are you?
I'm good.
Um yeah, I'm good.
Just good.
I'm just good.
I think um I was just drainedthis week.
It's not, it wasn't the wholeweek.
What happened was it wasyesterday, and that's all I'm
gonna say.
Okay, and so I think my bodyjust like, did I take my
(02:08):
vitamins?
SPEAKER_04 (02:09):
Did you?
Is that it?
unknown (02:10):
No.
SPEAKER_04 (02:11):
I was about to say, girl, you walking around with
your vitamins in your pocket.
SPEAKER_02 (02:15):
I do that though.
Do you I have a littlecontainer?
SPEAKER_04 (02:18):
Oh, so you just that in the house?
SPEAKER_02 (02:21):
I I um I count out my vitamins and I put them in
these little things.
Yeah.
And so because I I have to takethem while I'm eating, and
sometimes I um I uh intermittentfast.
Gotcha.
Okay.
Sometimes I forget to get mypocket.
So it'll be the night.
I'm like, oh shoot, I forgot totake the vitamins.
(02:42):
So this it don't be surprised.
I'm saying that because don't besurprised if I pull them out
with my pocket.
Yeah, because I just thoughtthat's what you pulled out your
pocket.
SPEAKER_04 (02:49):
I'm like, wait, you vitamin ready?
I say I leave mine right in theuh the medicine cabinet.
Like, I got a little section,it's not medicine, they're all
vitamins in the kitchen becausein the morning time that's where
I'm gonna go to drink my water,get my tea, because I've been
drinking tea now, y'all.
SPEAKER_02 (03:06):
Um I love tea, so I'm poor.
I'm all so I get on this teabinge and then I stop and then I
get back on, but now I'm doingit more consistently because
coffee gives me the jitters likea cricket, and it gives me
anxiety, and yeah, yeah, anddepending on the type of coffee,
(03:29):
because I could because I don'tnever drink all the coffee, but
if I have a moment where I dodrink it, I can see the
difference.
And that freaking one downtown,I don't know where they get
their coffee coffee.
SPEAKER_04 (03:40):
If you got good coffee, my mom would probably be
like, that's some good coffeebecause she's my mom stuff.
I can't do it, I can't do it.
That's why when I get stuff likethat, be having this much coffee
and this much sugar.
That's why you be having achair.
SPEAKER_02 (03:55):
That's a part of the coffee.
SPEAKER_04 (03:56):
That might be it.
SPEAKER_02 (03:57):
That is it.
You can't be getting all thatstuff in there.
SPEAKER_04 (04:00):
No, I didn't really mean that.
SPEAKER_02 (04:01):
If you're having this much oat milk, this this
much sugar.
Girl, it's just probably thecaffeine and the sugar together.
Like one or the other mightbalance it out a little bit.
Yeah, so one and half.
SPEAKER_04 (04:13):
Just sugar, not coffee.
SPEAKER_02 (04:16):
I'm just saying, like a sugary drink versus a
caffeinated drink.
SPEAKER_04 (04:20):
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
I'm like, okay, you just want meto drink sugar?
No coffee?
I could do that.
I'm sure I can.
That's loaded.
But I don't really, I only likeginger ale really.
My week been good.
My kids, I got two kids working.
Hey.
(04:40):
Jace is going to Jace's beenhere before.
So he might already had a job inhis previous life.
I don't know.
That's like the uh seriously.
They might have really been herebefore.
The boy, I'm gonna share thiswith y'all.
I told my son, I asked him.
(05:01):
I said, we were having aconversation.
I'm like, well, how are yougonna, you gonna be okay when I
get married?
And he was like, I don't thinkyou're gonna get married again.
Like, again?
Like, because the last onedidn't work.
I never was married to yourfather, sir.
I said, I was not married toyour dad.
(05:23):
He was like, dang, you didn'teven make it past the engagement
phase.
Why he do that?
I don't know, but who told youthat?
So now he's about to just runwith it.
I was like, I didn't.
I'm not about to go back andforth with a 10-year-old.
He said, dang.
Like he put emphasis on dang,you ain't even make it past the
(05:44):
engagement phase.
Oh god who told you about thatanyway.
SPEAKER_02 (05:49):
He is wild.
SPEAKER_04 (05:50):
It's always your kids.
It's always your kids.
You don't never know whatthey're gonna say.
SPEAKER_02 (05:57):
Nope.
I got two of them like that.
You do, and I just I one of themis growing out of it, thank God.
SPEAKER_04 (06:04):
Which one?
Nia.
I think I think she is, or ifyou think she just gonna say it
in a different way, she mightjust she's gonna just say it
differently.
SPEAKER_02 (06:13):
She yeah, she says it more maturely.
Yeah that have you think thinkabout it like that.
She's still gonna say whatever.
She might say it different.
That might just have you like,well, yeah.
Now, DJ, I don't know if he evergonna grow out of it.
Maybe he might he he gonna be alike he probably gonna be in his
(06:34):
20s by the time he grow out ofit.
SPEAKER_04 (06:36):
If not, because he gonna just that boy is a fool,
pure fool.
Like she got him a costume.
I could share this.
Yeah, so we were talking aboutbeing twins for Halloween.
We were gonna be vampire.
Well, she went and got him adifferent costume.
SPEAKER_02 (06:55):
Allegedly, when she showed him the costume, he was
happy.
He was so happy, it was a Batmancostume, and he was just
watching Batman with his dad,and he was like, Ma, you gotta
be my favorite character.
You did that, Ma, you're thebest mom ever.
He's for.
SPEAKER_04 (07:13):
But then when I walked in the house, he if this
is the costume, he was like, helooked at me and he said, and
looked at her, like you see whatshe got me, girl.
Why?
And that just proves that thesemen start young.
(07:34):
Yep, and I'm sorry, ladies.
They start young.
Like, protect your daughters,because I don't know what this
is.
The way they just played in herface and tried to make me feel
like I don't really want thiscostume, but she's gonna get it
for me.
Yeah, but he was doing stuffdifferent.
SPEAKER_03 (07:52):
Like, you the best vibe ever.
You do, but they're gonna switchup on me with Josh came in the
door and he like, you see this?
SPEAKER_04 (08:01):
I can't even believe she did the like.
SPEAKER_03 (08:06):
I was appalled.
I was like, oh, it's okay.
He be doing stuff like that.
SPEAKER_02 (08:12):
Yesterday, um, when my sister was here, I don't even
remember what happened.
He was acting up or something,and I told him to cut it out.
He's like, okay, okay, I'm gonnacut it out.
Okay, okay.
And then he did something else.
I said, DJ.
SPEAKER_03 (08:27):
And it's like, what, beautiful?
SPEAKER_02 (08:30):
What?
You want your favorite candything?
Come here, beautiful.
Come here, get you your favoritecandy.
And then he gave me like aHershey bar.
I don't even really eat that.
I said, it's not my favoritecandy.
He was like, he's like, Well,you eat chocolate all the time.
I just eat it.
SPEAKER_03 (08:44):
I was like, excuse me.
Sorry.
SPEAKER_04 (08:46):
Sorry, girls.
I just think it's the future.
Yeah, go upstairs.
Cause that'll be bad at youagain.
Because why, DJ?
Yeah, I can't help it, so nevermet a four-year-old like him.
SPEAKER_02 (09:01):
No, no, oh my god, he's a handful.
Me either.
That's what I'm dealing with.
But are you ready for today'stopic?
I'm ready.
You sure?
I'm gonna be ready.
I'm gonna get ready.
All right, you sure you ready?
I don't know, because now Idon't know.
Oh god, where my little thing, Idon't got it.
(09:23):
So what does grief look like?
SPEAKER_04 (09:27):
You always doing stuff wow.
Why?
Because it's right here on theYou started.
What does grief does grief havea look?
Do you believe that grief has alook?
SPEAKER_02 (09:41):
Well, apparently, I think you can notice it on a lot
of people, but then some peopleyou don't.
SPEAKER_04 (09:49):
So does grief have a look?
SPEAKER_02 (09:51):
No.
SPEAKER_04 (09:52):
Well, but it does.
But it does, right?
Yeah.
Um, I don't think grief has alook, right?
Because stuff has happened to meover a lifetime, and it'll
happen in the moment.
And I I look normal.
I'm acting normal.
Like, I'm fine.
(10:13):
I never break down in themoment.
Months later, that's when I'llI'll be grieving and no one will
know.
And they're like, what's wrongwith this girl?
You know, I'm gonna give you anexample.
I had a little cousin um thatpassed away in a car accident.
(10:35):
Uh I when I found out, I wasjust like, dang, passed away,
like, dang, you know what Imean?
Just had started a new job,couldn't go to the funeral,
like, literally, because cousinswere not on the grievance
policy, so I couldn't go.
You know what I mean?
I was I wasn't fine, like dang,my little cousin passed away.
(10:57):
Dang, like, you know what Imean?
But it didn't hit me.
So everybody, like, oh Joshgood.
Like, we know she had a familymember pass away, but she good.
Months later, I have an employeeat work pass away that's young.
I don't know what triggered it.
We know what triggered it now.
My I cried for this lady as if Iknew her.
(11:22):
Every time they mention, theycouldn't mention her name
because I was crying every timethey mentioned this girl's name.
And it was just like my grief isdelayed a little bit.
SPEAKER_02 (11:33):
Yeah, because it's stages, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (11:35):
Like it was delayed.
So here, long and behold, I'mnot crying for sis.
Like it's sad that the girlpassed away, but I'm really
crying because my cousin passedaway and it's just hitting me
because somebody else justpassed away.
Ain't that weird?
I think that's so weird.
SPEAKER_02 (11:53):
You don't think that's weird?
I I think that to maybe mostpeople and how they process it,
it might be weird to them.
But I've definitely have closerelatives who act like that.
So I am used to their reactionnow.
SPEAKER_04 (12:10):
So when I see stuff on social media, when people
pass away and stuff, like iflike let me think of somebody,
like uh when celebrities passaway, right?
And people be in the comments,like his wife up there smiling.
What you like, what the what isshe supposed to look like?
Is she supposed to look sad fory'all?
Like, why are we so judgmentalon what grief is supposed to
(12:34):
look like?
Yeah, you do you want to see me?
That's the problem.
They want to see us down all thetime.
Y'all want to see me around herewith snot coming down my nose
and just depressed and all ofthat stuff?
Like, why if this lady's husbandpassed away or this man's wife
passed away?
First of all, y'all don't knowwhat they're going through
behind closed doors.
SPEAKER_02 (12:53):
Second of all, why they gotta be on the internet
like yeah, I think people aredoing the most when it comes to
how they judge people.
I do feel like for the majorityof individuals, sometimes you
can no, it might just be me.
I about to say you can see whatthey're carrying.
You know, that might be adiscernment thing, actually.
(13:16):
But I think for the majority ofindividuals, you can see that
they're going through somethingor carrying something.
So you can see some of thegrief.
But I do feel like there's asubset of people who respond
exactly how you respond, whetherthat is to um any type of loss,
I should say.
Because you can grieve, you cangrieve old relationships, you
can grieve jobs, you can grievethe old version of yourself, you
(13:38):
can grieve so many differentthings.
Um, and you have to go throughthat process.
You know, sometimes it startswith denial.
Yeah.
Does it start with denial?
I don't know.
But denial is a part of that.
Yeah, denial is that.
Yeah, it's a part of the thegrieving process, but it all
comes back to losing somethingand then kind of accepting that
life will no longer be what itwas when that thing was there.
(14:00):
When it was there, yeah.
And some people grieve fast andthey move past it.
Right.
Some people grieve for a verylong time.
And then some people have adelayed grief.
And so I think that when you sayit, when you express it the way
you did, then grief doesn't lookthe same.
It doesn't look the same foreveryone.
(14:22):
Right, right.
You know, but you know, so Yeah,that's tough.
Me and my siblings all grievedmy dad very differently.
One of them just had no emotionat all.
I'm just like But then lateryears uh they started to grieve
(14:44):
it.
But I also think um the type ofrelationships you have with
people might trigger griefdifferent.
So yeah, I think I'm pretty I'mpretty consistent in my grief
when it comes to passing anddeath um and other things.
But I think um where I can adidentify with you, I don't hold
(15:05):
on to grief and pain or I'm notvery expressive in the moments
when it comes to certain type ofloss.
Right.
Yeah.
And people will think, Oh, shegot like they will they don't
they won't check on me oranything, like they just be
like, Oh, she got she got this,she got this.
And it's like maybe I don't putyou in ask.
So Yeah, like maybe I don't gotit right now.
(15:27):
Like maybe, maybe I am grieving,maybe I am hurt, maybe I don't,
I can't see the way out or Ican't process right now.
But they so used to you beingstrong in so many different
areas that they just like she'llbe oh she'll be yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (15:43):
We ain't gotta worry about her.
You ain't gotta worry about her.
Josh is good, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (15:47):
She'll always figure it out.
SPEAKER_04 (15:48):
And then three months later when Josh cussed
you behind out, now I'm crazy.
Y'all should have checked on mein December.
SPEAKER_02 (15:57):
Right, right.
And so I think that's that's theprice of being a strong person.
SPEAKER_04 (16:02):
Yeah, it's like you said, your uh you and your
siblings all agree differently.
I can't when my dad passed away,um, y'all gonna laugh.
I put a blanket over my head.
That's all I remember.
Like I didn't cry.
I didn't I didn't cry.
I put a blanket over my head andI sat under this blanket.
(16:25):
I didn't cry at the funeral.
Like, I'm telling you, God, Godis my witness.
When my dad passed away, he tookmy emotions with him.
Like, God was like, we're gonnajust take this.
My dad was like, God, take thatup out of her.
Cause it just left.
(16:45):
He was like, God, take that frommy daughter, because I don't
need her over here sad andstuff.
You was just numb, maybe.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know, but it was justlike, I put a blanket over my
head, and I don't know how longI sat there.
I know it was a snowstorm.
I remember one of my brothersgot up and walked in a
snowstorm, just walked out ofthe house.
Like, I don't know, because Iwas under this blanket.
(17:08):
Right.
I don't know what everybody elsewas doing.
It's not funny.
It is.
I can laugh now.
I can laugh, it's my dad.
But I was just under thisblanket, like, under this
blanket.
SPEAKER_02 (17:22):
Think you were at an age where you were able to
process that type?
SPEAKER_04 (17:28):
I still don't know.
SPEAKER_02 (17:30):
And that was you like your first real
introduction to grief.
SPEAKER_04 (17:33):
Yeah, yeah.
So I really don't know.
And and granted, like I'm a um,I'm a grandmom cousin.
I'm the grandma child.
Like, I'm the cousin that's thegrandmom, okay?
You know everybody.
I'm the cousin that I'm thegrandma.
So I've been to all the funeralsfor the uncles, the great
uncles, all that with thegrandma and the grandpa,
(17:54):
everybody.
I've seen one of my closestuncles that I really loved, my
great uncle, Uncle Jesse.
He passed away.
I was at his funeral.
I don't remember crying thereeither.
He passed away before my dad.
It's okay.
I don't know.
Like, this is something I gottafigure out about myself.
We're gonna do some research.
SPEAKER_02 (18:12):
Yeah, let's look this up right now.
SPEAKER_04 (18:14):
Yeah, because I don't know.
We're gonna ask Chet.
But she don't be right all thetime, and I'm gonna tell you
why.
SPEAKER_02 (18:20):
Well, no, she don't.
She don't.
Well, we notice that when it'sthe topic sometimes.
Okay.
You wanna go to Google?
Please.
Google been here a littlelonger.
Google been here, definitelybeen here longer.
Three reasons.
Somebody wrote about this.
Three reasons why you don't crywhen someone passes it.
(18:43):
The death doesn't feel real toyou yet.
If the death happened recently,you may not have had time to let
the reality of the death sinkin.
You haven't had enough privacyto cry.
If you're around other peoplemost of the time, you likely
haven't had the chance to sitwith the thoughts and have any
time to yourself to actuallyprocess and cry.
(19:04):
You're just not a crier.
Grief is a whole bodyexperience.
But what does that what whatdoes that mean?
It means that in addition tobeing an emotional experience,
grief also affects you on aphysical, social, and spiritual
level as well.
If you don't cry when someonedies, your grief might be
affecting you on one of theother levels.
(19:25):
For instance, you might not besleeping well, you might have
stomach problems, you might havebody aches, or be feeling
disconnected from your familyand friends.
SPEAKER_04 (19:35):
So when my dad passed away, I noticed and still
to this day, people will belike, Smile.
I I think I stopped smiling.
SPEAKER_02 (19:44):
All right, Josh.
What you gonna leave the peoplewith today?
About grief and loss.
SPEAKER_04 (19:52):
Go seek help if you need it.
I might be going to seek somehelp on Monday morning.
So if y'all need it, go figureout what's going on.
Yeah, go get that help y'allneed.
SPEAKER_02 (20:08):
Yeah, everybody's different, but we gotta ask
ourselves is unprocessed griefholding us back from being a
better version of ourselves,right?
SPEAKER_04 (20:17):
Exactly.
What are you gonna leave themwith?
That's yep.
Y'all, if y'all is if y'all areat work or y'all y'all work
Monday through Friday, Saturdaythrough Sunday, I don't care.
But you have benefits, check itto them EAPs and go get y'all
something.
SPEAKER_02 (20:35):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (20:36):
If you don't have the money to pay for it for
real, I mean it was just free.
So I was like, we have likeeight sessions free.
Eight sessions free.
And then what I learned is checkwith your HR department.
Um, it'll be eight sessions percondition.
SPEAKER_02 (20:54):
Okay, anxiety, ADD.
You said what they're saying.
Green, grease, all of thethings, y'all.
Listen, your whole mental healththing might be covered.
Perfect.
Go do that.
They do it for addictioncounseling, too.
They did addiction, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (21:13):
And you know, stress and anxiety are two separate
conditions.
Stress is a condition, yes, thekit, work life, workplace
stress, personal.
All of these are different.
Y'all better go better go takeadvantage because these
companies are paying for thesebenefits.
(21:33):
So let me ask to take advantageof it.
SPEAKER_02 (21:36):
Because usually they could call the whatever they
could ask HR for whatever numberto call to get more information.
They don't have to necessarilytalk to the person in HR.
SPEAKER_04 (21:46):
No, no, no, no.
They just let HR know they don'teven have to.
Yeah, most people places have aportal, like a website where you
could get your benefits and yourEAP information.
But you could just call HR andsay, Hey, I need the EAP phone
number.
That's it.
You don't gotta tell themnothing.
They're not even gonna honestly,we're not even gonna ask you
nothing.
We're gonna be like, okay,here's the number because you're
(22:08):
not supposed to.
Yeah, it's up to you if you wantto and we don't want to get into
that, right?
That's confidential for you.
SPEAKER_02 (22:14):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (22:16):
So yeah, take advantage.
Yeah, why don't we be callingmine Monday?
SPEAKER_02 (22:22):
Oh boy, listen, I hope y'all got something from
this and uh buy us a coffee or atea because we need it caffeine
free, please.
SPEAKER_04 (22:35):
I need a tea.
Yeah, y'all could put some honeyjack in there.
Cause clearly I got some workingto do on myself.
And honey jack's gonna have itmight not, but in my mind.
It might for me mentally.
But yeah.
(22:56):
All right, so until next time.
See ya.
God, God is my witness.
When my dad passed away, he tookmy emotions with him.
Like, God was like, we're gonnajust take this.
My dad was like, God, take thatup out of her.
Cause it just left.
He was like, God, take that frommy daughter, because I don't
need her over here sad andstuff.
You was just numb, maybe.
(00:21):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_02 (00:23):
I don't chuckle me or anything.
Like they just be like, oh, shegot she got this, she got this.
And it's like, maybe I don't.
But you ain't asking.
Yeah, like maybe I don't got itright now.
Like maybe, maybe I am grieving.
Maybe I am hurt.
Maybe I don't.
I can't see the way out or Ican't process right now.
(00:43):
But they so used to you beingstrong in so many different
areas that they just Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (00:50):
We ain't gotta worry about her.
SPEAKER_00 (00:52):
You ain't gotta worry about her.
SPEAKER_04 (00:53):
Josh is good.
SPEAKER_00 (00:54):
Yeah, she'll always figure it out.
SPEAKER_04 (00:56):
Three months later when Josh pushed you behind
that.
Yeah, I'm crazy.
Y'all should have checked on mein December.
Right, right.
Like, you know what I mean?
But it didn't hit me, soeverybody's like, oh, Josh is
good.
Like, we know she had a familymember pass away, but she did.
(01:17):
Months later, I have an employeeat work pass away.
That's young.
I cried for this lady as if Iknew her.
They couldn't mention her namebecause I was crying every time
they mentioned this girl's name.
And it was just like my grief isdelayed a little bit.
SPEAKER_01 (01:36):
Woman in Black is where we put down the cape and
pick up the mic, beingauthentically who we are, where
we are, unmasked, unfiltered,and unapologetic.
SPEAKER_02 (01:48):
So, how are you?
I'm good.
Um yeah, I'm good.
Just good.
I'm just good.
I think um I was just drainedthis week.
It's not, it wasn't the wholeweek.
What happened was it wasyesterday, and that's all I'm
gonna say.
Okay, and so I think my bodyjust like, did I take my
(02:08):
vitamins?
SPEAKER_04 (02:09):
Did you?
Is that it?
unknown (02:10):
No.
SPEAKER_04 (02:11):
I was about to say, girl, you walking around with
your vitamins in your pocket.
SPEAKER_02 (02:15):
I do that though.
Do you I have a littlecontainer?
SPEAKER_04 (02:18):
Oh, so you just that in the house?
SPEAKER_02 (02:21):
I I um I count out my vitamins and I put them in
these little things.
Yeah.
And so because I I have to takethem while I'm eating, and
sometimes I um I uh intermittentfast.
Gotcha.
Okay.
Sometimes I forget to get mypocket.
So it'll be the night.
I'm like, oh shoot, I forgot totake the vitamins.
(02:42):
So this it don't be surprised.
I'm saying that because don't besurprised if I pull them out
with my pocket.
Yeah, because I just thoughtthat's what you pulled out your
pocket.
SPEAKER_04 (02:49):
I'm like, wait, you vitamin ready?
I say I leave mine right in theuh the medicine cabinet.
Like, I got a little section,it's not medicine, they're all
vitamins in the kitchen becausein the morning time that's where
I'm gonna go to drink my water,get my tea, because I've been
drinking tea now, y'all.
SPEAKER_02 (03:06):
Um I love tea, so I'm poor.
I'm all so I get on this teabinge and then I stop and then I
get back on, but now I'm doingit more consistently because
coffee gives me the jitters likea cricket, and it gives me
anxiety, and yeah, yeah, anddepending on the type of coffee,
(03:29):
because I could because I don'tnever drink all the coffee, but
if I have a moment where I dodrink it, I can see the
difference.
And that freaking one downtown,I don't know where they get
their coffee coffee.
SPEAKER_04 (03:40):
If you got good coffee, my mom would probably be
like, that's some good coffeebecause she's my mom stuff.
I can't do it, I can't do it.
That's why when I get stuff likethat, be having this much coffee
and this much sugar.
That's why you be having achair.
SPEAKER_02 (03:55):
That's a part of the coffee.
SPEAKER_04 (03:56):
That might be it.
SPEAKER_02 (03:57):
That is it.
You can't be getting all thatstuff in there.
SPEAKER_04 (04:00):
No, I didn't really mean that.
SPEAKER_02 (04:01):
If you're having this much oat milk, this this
much sugar.
Girl, it's just probably thecaffeine and the sugar together.
Like one or the other mightbalance it out a little bit.
Yeah, so one and half.
SPEAKER_04 (04:13):
Just sugar, not coffee.
SPEAKER_02 (04:16):
I'm just saying, like a sugary drink versus a
caffeinated drink.
SPEAKER_04 (04:20):
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
I'm like, okay, you just want meto drink sugar?
No coffee?
I could do that.
I'm sure I can.
That's loaded.
But I don't really, I only likeginger ale really.
My week been good.
My kids, I got two kids working.
Hey.
(04:40):
Jace is going to Jace's beenhere before.
So he might already had a job inhis previous life.
I don't know.
That's like the uh seriously.
They might have really been herebefore.
The boy, I'm gonna share thiswith y'all.
I told my son, I asked him.
(05:01):
I said, we were having aconversation.
I'm like, well, how are yougonna, you gonna be okay when I
get married?
And he was like, I don't thinkyou're gonna get married again.
Like, again?
Like, because the last onedidn't work.
I never was married to yourfather, sir.
I said, I was not married toyour dad.
(05:23):
He was like, dang, you didn'teven make it past the engagement
phase.
Why he do that?
I don't know, but who told youthat?
So now he's about to just runwith it.
I was like, I didn't.
I'm not about to go back andforth with a 10-year-old.
He said, dang.
Like he put emphasis on dang,you ain't even make it past the
(05:44):
engagement phase.
Oh god who told you about thatanyway.
SPEAKER_02 (05:49):
He is wild.
SPEAKER_04 (05:50):
It's always your kids.
It's always your kids.
You don't never know whatthey're gonna say.
SPEAKER_02 (05:57):
Nope.
I got two of them like that.
You do, and I just I one of themis growing out of it, thank God.
SPEAKER_04 (06:04):
Which one?
Nia.
I think I think she is, or ifyou think she just gonna say it
in a different way, she mightjust she's gonna just say it
differently.
SPEAKER_02 (06:13):
She yeah, she says it more maturely.
Yeah that have you think thinkabout it like that.
She's still gonna say whatever.
She might say it different.
That might just have you like,well, yeah.
Now, DJ, I don't know if he evergonna grow out of it.
Maybe he might he he gonna be alike he probably gonna be in his
(06:34):
20s by the time he grow out ofit.
SPEAKER_04 (06:36):
If not, because he gonna just that boy is a fool,
pure fool.
Like she got him a costume.
I could share this.
Yeah, so we were talking aboutbeing twins for Halloween.
We were gonna be vampire.
Well, she went and got him adifferent costume.
SPEAKER_02 (06:55):
Allegedly, when she showed him the costume, he was
happy.
He was so happy, it was a Batmancostume, and he was just
watching Batman with his dad,and he was like, Ma, you gotta
be my favorite character.
You did that, Ma, you're thebest mom ever.
He's for.
SPEAKER_04 (07:13):
But then when I walked in the house, he if this
is the costume, he was like, helooked at me and he said, and
looked at her, like you see whatshe got me, girl.
Why?
And that just proves that thesemen start young.
(07:34):
Yep, and I'm sorry, ladies.
They start young.
Like, protect your daughters,because I don't know what this
is.
The way they just played in herface and tried to make me feel
like I don't really want thiscostume, but she's gonna get it
for me.
Yeah, but he was doing stuffdifferent.
SPEAKER_03 (07:52):
Like, you the best vibe ever.
You do, but they're gonna switchup on me with Josh came in the
door and he like, you see this?
SPEAKER_04 (08:01):
I can't even believe she did the like.
SPEAKER_03 (08:06):
I was appalled.
I was like, oh, it's okay.
He be doing stuff like that.
SPEAKER_02 (08:12):
Yesterday, um, when my sister was here, I don't even
remember what happened.
He was acting up or something,and I told him to cut it out.
He's like, okay, okay, I'm gonnacut it out.
Okay, okay.
And then he did something else.
I said, DJ.
SPEAKER_03 (08:27):
And it's like, what, beautiful?
SPEAKER_02 (08:30):
What?
You want your favorite candything?
Come here, beautiful.
Come here, get you your favoritecandy.
And then he gave me like aHershey bar.
I don't even really eat that.
I said, it's not my favoritecandy.
He was like, he's like, Well,you eat chocolate all the time.
I just eat it.
SPEAKER_03 (08:44):
I was like, excuse me.
Sorry.
SPEAKER_04 (08:46):
Sorry, girls.
I just think it's the future.
Yeah, go upstairs.
Cause that'll be bad at youagain.
Because why, DJ?
Yeah, I can't help it, so nevermet a four-year-old like him.
SPEAKER_02 (09:01):
No, no, oh my god, he's a handful.
Me either.
That's what I'm dealing with.
But are you ready for today'stopic?
I'm ready.
You sure?
I'm gonna be ready.
I'm gonna get ready.
All right, you sure you ready?
I don't know, because now Idon't know.
Oh god, where my little thing, Idon't got it.
(09:23):
So what does grief look like?
SPEAKER_04 (09:27):
You always doing stuff wow.
Why?
Because it's right here on theYou started.
What does grief does grief havea look?
Do you believe that grief has alook?
SPEAKER_02 (09:41):
Well, apparently, I think you can notice it on a lot
of people, but then some peopleyou don't.
SPEAKER_04 (09:49):
So does grief have a look?
SPEAKER_02 (09:51):
No.
SPEAKER_04 (09:52):
Well, but it does.
But it does, right?
Yeah.
Um, I don't think grief has alook, right?
Because stuff has happened to meover a lifetime, and it'll
happen in the moment.
And I I look normal.
I'm acting normal.
Like, I'm fine.
(10:13):
I never break down in themoment.
Months later, that's when I'llI'll be grieving and no one will
know.
And they're like, what's wrongwith this girl?
You know, I'm gonna give you anexample.
I had a little cousin um thatpassed away in a car accident.
(10:35):
Uh I when I found out, I wasjust like, dang, passed away,
like, dang, you know what Imean?
Just had started a new job,couldn't go to the funeral,
like, literally, because cousinswere not on the grievance
policy, so I couldn't go.
You know what I mean?
I was I wasn't fine, like dang,my little cousin passed away.
(10:57):
Dang, like, you know what Imean?
But it didn't hit me.
So everybody, like, oh Joshgood.
Like, we know she had a familymember pass away, but she good.
Months later, I have an employeeat work pass away that's young.
I don't know what triggered it.
We know what triggered it now.
My I cried for this lady as if Iknew her.
(11:22):
Every time they mention, theycouldn't mention her name
because I was crying every timethey mentioned this girl's name.
And it was just like my grief isdelayed a little bit.
SPEAKER_02 (11:33):
Yeah, because it's stages, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (11:35):
Like it was delayed.
So here, long and behold, I'mnot crying for sis.
Like it's sad that the girlpassed away, but I'm really
crying because my cousin passedaway and it's just hitting me
because somebody else justpassed away.
Ain't that weird?
I think that's so weird.
SPEAKER_02 (11:53):
You don't think that's weird?
I I think that to maybe mostpeople and how they process it,
it might be weird to them.
But I've definitely have closerelatives who act like that.
So I am used to their reactionnow.
SPEAKER_04 (12:10):
So when I see stuff on social media, when people
pass away and stuff, like iflike let me think of somebody,
like uh when celebrities passaway, right?
And people be in the comments,like his wife up there smiling.
What you like, what the what isshe supposed to look like?
Is she supposed to look sad fory'all?
Like, why are we so judgmentalon what grief is supposed to
(12:34):
look like?
Yeah, you do you want to see me?
That's the problem.
They want to see us down all thetime.
Y'all want to see me around herewith snot coming down my nose
and just depressed and all ofthat stuff?
Like, why if this lady's husbandpassed away or this man's wife
passed away?
First of all, y'all don't knowwhat they're going through
behind closed doors.
SPEAKER_02 (12:53):
Second of all, why they gotta be on the internet
like yeah, I think people aredoing the most when it comes to
how they judge people.
I do feel like for the majorityof individuals, sometimes you
can no, it might just be me.
I about to say you can see whatthey're carrying.
You know, that might be adiscernment thing, actually.
(13:16):
But I think for the majority ofindividuals, you can see that
they're going through somethingor carrying something.
So you can see some of thegrief.
But I do feel like there's asubset of people who respond
exactly how you respond, whetherthat is to um any type of loss,
I should say.
Because you can grieve, you cangrieve old relationships, you
can grieve jobs, you can grievethe old version of yourself, you
(13:38):
can grieve so many differentthings.
Um, and you have to go throughthat process.
You know, sometimes it startswith denial.
Yeah.
Does it start with denial?
I don't know.
But denial is a part of that.
Yeah, denial is that.
Yeah, it's a part of the thegrieving process, but it all
comes back to losing somethingand then kind of accepting that
life will no longer be what itwas when that thing was there.
(14:00):
When it was there, yeah.
And some people grieve fast andthey move past it.
Right.
Some people grieve for a verylong time.
And then some people have adelayed grief.
And so I think that when you sayit, when you express it the way
you did, then grief doesn't lookthe same.
It doesn't look the same foreveryone.
(14:22):
Right, right.
You know, but you know, so Yeah,that's tough.
Me and my siblings all grievedmy dad very differently.
One of them just had no emotionat all.
I'm just like But then lateryears uh they started to grieve
(14:44):
it.
But I also think um the type ofrelationships you have with
people might trigger griefdifferent.
So yeah, I think I'm pretty I'mpretty consistent in my grief
when it comes to passing anddeath um and other things.
But I think um where I can adidentify with you, I don't hold
(15:05):
on to grief and pain or I'm notvery expressive in the moments
when it comes to certain type ofloss.
Right.
Yeah.
And people will think, Oh, shegot like they will they don't
they won't check on me oranything, like they just be
like, Oh, she got she got this,she got this.
And it's like maybe I don't putyou in ask.
So Yeah, like maybe I don't gotit right now.
(15:27):
Like maybe, maybe I am grieving,maybe I am hurt, maybe I don't,
I can't see the way out or Ican't process right now.
But they so used to you beingstrong in so many different
areas that they just like she'llbe oh she'll be yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (15:43):
We ain't gotta worry about her.
You ain't gotta worry about her.
Josh is good, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (15:47):
She'll always figure it out.
SPEAKER_04 (15:48):
And then three months later when Josh cussed
you behind out, now I'm crazy.
Y'all should have checked on mein December.
SPEAKER_02 (15:57):
Right, right.
And so I think that's that's theprice of being a strong person.
SPEAKER_04 (16:02):
Yeah, it's like you said, your uh you and your
siblings all agree differently.
I can't when my dad passed away,um, y'all gonna laugh.
I put a blanket over my head.
That's all I remember.
Like I didn't cry.
I didn't I didn't cry.
I put a blanket over my head andI sat under this blanket.
(16:25):
I didn't cry at the funeral.
Like, I'm telling you, God, Godis my witness.
When my dad passed away, he tookmy emotions with him.
Like, God was like, we're gonnajust take this.
My dad was like, God, take thatup out of her.
Cause it just left.
(16:45):
He was like, God, take that frommy daughter, because I don't
need her over here sad andstuff.
You was just numb, maybe.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know, but it was justlike, I put a blanket over my
head, and I don't know how longI sat there.
I know it was a snowstorm.
I remember one of my brothersgot up and walked in a
snowstorm, just walked out ofthe house.
Like, I don't know, because Iwas under this blanket.
(17:08):
Right.
I don't know what everybody elsewas doing.
It's not funny.
It is.
I can laugh now.
I can laugh, it's my dad.
But I was just under thisblanket, like, under this
blanket.
SPEAKER_02 (17:22):
Think you were at an age where you were able to
process that type?
SPEAKER_04 (17:28):
I still don't know.
SPEAKER_02 (17:30):
And that was you like your first real
introduction to grief.
SPEAKER_04 (17:33):
Yeah, yeah.
So I really don't know.
And and granted, like I'm a um,I'm a grandmom cousin.
I'm the grandma child.
Like, I'm the cousin that's thegrandmom, okay?
You know everybody.
I'm the cousin that I'm thegrandma.
So I've been to all the funeralsfor the uncles, the great
uncles, all that with thegrandma and the grandpa,
(17:54):
everybody.
I've seen one of my closestuncles that I really loved, my
great uncle, Uncle Jesse.
He passed away.
I was at his funeral.
I don't remember crying thereeither.
He passed away before my dad.
It's okay.
I don't know.
Like, this is something I gottafigure out about myself.
We're gonna do some research.
SPEAKER_02 (18:12):
Yeah, let's look this up right now.
SPEAKER_04 (18:14):
Yeah, because I don't know.
We're gonna ask Chet.
But she don't be right all thetime, and I'm gonna tell you
why.
SPEAKER_02 (18:20):
Well, no, she don't.
She don't.
Well, we notice that when it'sthe topic sometimes.
Okay.
You wanna go to Google?
Please.
Google been here a littlelonger.
Google been here, definitelybeen here longer.
Three reasons.
Somebody wrote about this.
Three reasons why you don't crywhen someone passes it.
(18:43):
The death doesn't feel real toyou yet.
If the death happened recently,you may not have had time to let
the reality of the death sinkin.
You haven't had enough privacyto cry.
If you're around other peoplemost of the time, you likely
haven't had the chance to sitwith the thoughts and have any
time to yourself to actuallyprocess and cry.
(19:04):
You're just not a crier.
Grief is a whole bodyexperience.
But what does that what whatdoes that mean?
It means that in addition tobeing an emotional experience,
grief also affects you on aphysical, social, and spiritual
level as well.
If you don't cry when someonedies, your grief might be
affecting you on one of theother levels.
(19:25):
For instance, you might not besleeping well, you might have
stomach problems, you might havebody aches, or be feeling
disconnected from your familyand friends.
SPEAKER_04 (19:35):
So when my dad passed away, I noticed and still
to this day, people will belike, Smile.
I I think I stopped smiling.
SPEAKER_02 (19:44):
All right, Josh.
What you gonna leave the peoplewith today?
About grief and loss.
SPEAKER_04 (19:52):
Go seek help if you need it.
I might be going to seek somehelp on Monday morning.
So if y'all need it, go figureout what's going on.
Yeah, go get that help y'allneed.
SPEAKER_02 (20:08):
Yeah, everybody's different, but we gotta ask
ourselves is unprocessed griefholding us back from being a
better version of ourselves,right?
SPEAKER_04 (20:17):
Exactly.
What are you gonna leave themwith?
That's yep.
Y'all, if y'all is if y'all areat work or y'all y'all work
Monday through Friday, Saturdaythrough Sunday, I don't care.
But you have benefits, check itto them EAPs and go get y'all
something.
SPEAKER_02 (20:35):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (20:36):
If you don't have the money to pay for it for
real, I mean it was just free.
So I was like, we have likeeight sessions free.
Eight sessions free.
And then what I learned is checkwith your HR department.
Um, it'll be eight sessions percondition.
SPEAKER_02 (20:54):
Okay, anxiety, ADD.
You said what they're saying.
Green, grease, all of thethings, y'all.
Listen, your whole mental healththing might be covered.
Perfect.
Go do that.
They do it for addictioncounseling, too.
They did addiction, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (21:13):
And you know, stress and anxiety are two separate
conditions.
Stress is a condition, yes, thekit, work life, workplace
stress, personal.
All of these are different.
Y'all better go better go takeadvantage because these
companies are paying for thesebenefits.
(21:33):
So let me ask to take advantageof it.
SPEAKER_02 (21:36):
Because usually they could call the whatever they
could ask HR for whatever numberto call to get more information.
They don't have to necessarilytalk to the person in HR.
SPEAKER_04 (21:46):
No, no, no, no.
They just let HR know they don'teven have to.
Yeah, most people places have aportal, like a website where you
could get your benefits and yourEAP information.
But you could just call HR andsay, Hey, I need the EAP phone
number.
That's it.
You don't gotta tell themnothing.
They're not even gonna honestly,we're not even gonna ask you
nothing.
We're gonna be like, okay,here's the number because you're
(22:08):
not supposed to.
Yeah, it's up to you if you wantto and we don't want to get into
that, right?
That's confidential for you.
SPEAKER_02 (22:14):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (22:16):
So yeah, take advantage.
Yeah, why don't we be callingmine Monday?
SPEAKER_02 (22:22):
Oh boy, listen, I hope y'all got something from
this and uh buy us a coffee or atea because we need it caffeine
free, please.
SPEAKER_04 (22:35):
I need a tea.
Yeah, y'all could put some honeyjack in there.
Cause clearly I got some workingto do on myself.
And honey jack's gonna have itmight not, but in my mind.
It might for me mentally.
But yeah.
(22:56):
All right, so until next time.
See ya.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.