Emanny from Joe Budden Pod Talks Interracial Love, Black Masculinity & Growth

In this revealing episode of the xoMAN Podcast, R&B singer and podcaster Emanny sits down with host Kiara Walker to talk about love, loss, masculinity, and becoming a better man. From growing up in a household of women to raising sons of his own, Emanny opens up about how his upbringing shaped his emotional maturity, romantic relationships, and musical journey.

He reflects on past mistakes, including moving off ego, cheating himself out of quality love, and learning the hard way that real growth takes vulnerability and accountability. The two also dive into his time on The Joe Budden Podcast, being labeled "toxic," how he handles internet criticism, and the evolution of his artistry.

Whether you're here for the real talk, the dating stories, or the musical inspiration, this episode is full of gems.

✨ New episodes every Tuesday. Like, comment, and subscribe to xoMAN for more unfiltered conversations with Black men about love, life, and growth.

—

⏰ Timestamps
00:00 - Intro
01:45 - Red Flag / Green Flag game
09:00 - Masculinity vs. Femininity
16:00 - Growing up in the Bronx, losing both parents
23:00 - Raising sons and learning from past mistakes
30:00 - Love, heartbreak & making music from pain
36:00 - Writing about exes, being vulnerable through R&B
41:00 - Joe Budden Podcast & addressing “toxic” labels
49:00 - Dating stories, standards, and how he defines love
057:00 - Encouraging emotional growth in other men
01:03:00 - Final reflections on being a better man

—

🎙 Podcast Host: @kikisaidso
🎧 Guest: @emannymusic
📱 Instagram: @xonecole
🌐 www.xonecole.com

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome back to the xoMAN Podcast.
Today I am joined by Emanny or Emanny.
I asked him multiple times which one and he said I could use both.
So here we are with both.
Anyway, Emanny is a R &B singer and I enjoy talking to him about his journey through love,music and artistry and what it is that he's looking for.

(00:22):
Take a listen.
How would you describe yourself if we had to build you a dating profile?
What would you say you're looking for?
What would you say you're interested in?
that sometimes I can shut people out when I'm going through things.
You know, we did the red flag, green flag.
m
You wear a lot of red flags.

(00:42):
A lot of red flags, a lot of red flags.
And sometimes it takes for you to lose certain things in life, for you to like wake up andsay, it's time to just move a little different.
I think loss, true loss is the biggest thing.
I think love is love.
No matter who you find it with, no matter what circumstances you find it with, I think aslong as you're moving on that, I don't care who you find it with.

(01:04):
Like that should always be first.
Like if you're in love with this person, you should be able to move mountains with them.
Like you should be able to do whatever you need to do to make that relationship work.
Which do you think actually worked better for you in the long run?
Somebody always being there to catch you when you fall?
Or do you kind of wish that you had more fall so that you could have figured things outalone?

(01:27):
I'm big on balance, so I think I needed both.
I think for the man that I am today and who I'm working on continue to become, I wish Iwould have felt more.
Welcome to the xoMAN Podcast.
I'm your host, Kiara Walker.
They say men don't talk.
They hold it all in, never let their guard down.
But here we like to do things differently.

(01:47):
I sit down with black men from all walks of life, actors, singers, entrepreneurs,athletes, and everyday guys to peel back the layers of who they are beyond the
stereotypes.
A space where black men get to be real.
raw and unfiltered.
We're talking about relationships, love, success, struggles, fears, and the parts ofmasculinity that don't always get the spotlight.

(02:11):
Some conversations will challenge what you think you know.
Some might make you laugh, and some might just make you look at the men in your life alittle differently.
So whether you're here to learn or just hear some dope conversations, you're in the rightplace.
So pull up, listen in, and let's have the conversations that matter.
It's time for the XO Men podcast to begin.

(02:31):
Well, you guys, welcome back to the xoMAN Podcast.
am your host, Kiara Walker, and we have a very special guest today.
have uh podcaster and R &B singer Emanny.
Welcome to the xoMAN Podcast.
Now, did I say your name right?

(02:53):
Well, what's right and what's wrong?
Okay.
So my mom and dad named me Emanie.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
When I started doing music, people would mess it up just off of how it was spelled.
So I had people call me Manny, people call me Emanie, I had people call me Emanny.
Yep.
Yeah, they was messing it all up.

(03:14):
So at a certain point, I was kind of like, I kind of liked the sound of Emanny.
It sounded more like an artist name and I kind of just stuck with it.
So literally there's a proper way of saying my actual name and then there's a proper wayof saying my artist name.
because of your artist name.
is Eman.
But I don't oh call him Eman yet.

(03:35):
You better than me, because my name is Kiara and my mama named me Kiara and people need tocall me Kiara.
uh A lot of people will say things like Kiara and I've heard like Kyra before and I justthink that person probably learned how to read like the kids are learning now.
I don't know.
I don't know.
In honor of my parents, because my parents are no longer here with us.

(03:58):
So, they named me, we can go with E.Manny today.
Okay, now I'm going to be going back and forth in my head all day about that.
Anyway, uh I do want to hear something about your upbringing.
But before we get into that, we're going to play a quick game of Red Flag, Green Flag withEmanny slash Emanny.

(04:35):
first one and they're friendly with all of their exes.
Mmm, no.
It's not a red flag?
it is a red flag.
You had that situation before, Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Let me put a little asterisk by that.

(04:55):
We'll come back to it.
Okay.
They don't have a social media presence at all.
That could be both.
I'm gonna lean towards Green Flag.
Okay.
They take all day and sometimes multiple days to respond to a text from you.

(05:21):
Red flat.
Um, or they text all the time, but never picks up the phone.
Rev-Lar.
Mm-hmm.
Never initiate sex.
Red Flyer.
um want sex way more than you.

(05:45):
You gotta think about that one, huh?
Yeah, because that could be a green flag depending on...
I'll leave it with green flag.
Okay.
ah Hasn't been in a serious relationship in more than five years.
Um, Green Flag.

(06:05):
Nobody ever says green.
oh I think typically when I hear people who take that long of a time being single, it'susually because they're actually trying to work on themselves and they're not just looking
for love.
Like they're actually looking for an actual partner, someone that they can build with.
I watch people go from one relationship to the next, to the next, and it never feels likeit's an actual personal thing.

(06:28):
It feels like they're just out there searching for love instead of searching for A.O.
It sounds like the person who's just in love with the idea of love.
Mm-hmm somebody who might be addicted to love and relationships and not necessarily theperson or what?
Or you have like a real confusion of what love really is.
Exactly.

(06:49):
ah I hope y'all are listening to that.
let's see.
Keeps their phone on do not disturb.
Red flag.
She calls you bruh.
Red flag.
She says, I don't usually date podcasters, I think I can give you a chance.
red flag because that means she didn't date it all the podcasters

(07:13):
Or she thinks y'all talk too much.
Records herself crying and posted on social media.
flag.
constantly critiques your music and your appearance on any and every podcast in the nameof constructive criticism.

(07:37):
I think that's a green flag.
You do?
Hmm.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let me circle that.
We'll come back to it.
Um, okay.
She doesn't text you back for like three days, right?
After a date, you tell her good night.
You send her a text, whatever.
She doesn't text you back for like three days, but she has been liking all of yourstories, replying to the stories, liking your posts, commenting all up and down social

(08:01):
media.
That's a burgundy flag if we can get one of that.
Yeah, that's red.
Mm-hmm.
OK, she asked for your zodiac sign within the first five minutes of the first date.
Red flag.
uh So I take it if she asks your birth time and location too, that's gonna be a...
swear to you and I wish I could bring my friend is here with me.

(08:25):
I literally just showed her earlier.
oh Someone DMing me that exact thing.
They asked me to send my...
uh
Yeah.
Had y'all been flirting back and forth?
a little bit.
That to me is just like, you want to read my zodiac?
I don't need all that.
Yeah, she's trying to see into your soul before y'all even made it out the DMs.

(08:51):
Okay, she has multiple close guy friends who are like brothers.
Red flag.
Now why'd you have to up on that one?
What's wrong with that?
ah I have a problem with women who have a hard time getting along with women.

(09:16):
I think women who lean more towards that guy energy typically lack a certain level offemininity that I need to balance me out.
Okay, well since we're here at that point, how would you describe masculinity?

(09:38):
that's a good question.
I mean...
And you can't put it like in a sentence, you could give us examples or some traits ofsomething that would make someone masculine.
Masculinity, would say uh strength on a physical level ah that typically, I don't know whythat's the first thing that comes to mind.

(10:06):
Protector, provider.
ah
I don't want to be chauvinistic, I do think I do.
know for me, I do attach masculinity to just the male species.
I just do.
oh We've always been taught and maybe it's not always a positive thing, but we've alwaysbeen taught to be masculine to exude strength, to exude domination or.

(10:33):
ah
just a level of confidence that's needed to move within this world.
And confidence on a different level, because you can be very feminine and still exudeconfidence, but it's just a different level of confidence day to day that we are told to
exhibit when you're a masculine man.
Okay, and then what would you say are like some feminine traits?

(11:01):
Whether you like it or not, doesn't have to be stuff that you like,
Let me preface, I do think both man and woman need to exhibit a certain balance of both.
I do think vulnerability, uh a level of sensitivity, I do think a level of compassion uhare some of those feminine traits that men should learn how to exhibit emotional

(11:27):
intelligence.
uh Yeah, just being a little bit more in touch with your
inner self than your outer presence.
So it's really like all the things about your feelings, you attach those to femininity, umanything in your soul, and then how you move on a day to day, your outward body and just

(11:53):
how you have to show up without getting deep, that's more masculine.
So like with that woman that you were just talking about, she might be a little toomasculine for you for the type of woman that you need.
feel like.
Would you say she has too much of the masculine traits or just not enough of thosefeminine traits?
She's not open, she's not vulnerable.
So now that we're speaking about it, I'll attach two words to each.

(12:16):
Masculine, attach logic.
Feminine, I attach feelings.
And I think for anyone to be balanced as a person, you have to exhibit both.
I'm not saying that, and I don't attach femininity to women.
I don't.
Because like I said, I think you have to exhibit both.
I do think that you need to have a balance.

(12:37):
So anytime I think of masculinity, I think of logic oh versus.
feelings.
feelings.
Now none of those traits really had anything to do with logic.
Did you realize that?
The masculine traits.
Can you think of something that would show like logic, a trait maybe or an example ofmasculine logic so we can understand what that is?

(13:09):
You might have me stumped at the moment.
I can't give you an adjective.
do think that as people, I'm just speaking as a man, I just think there's certain thingsin life that you experience that you would love to be able to place with words that you
just can't.
It's just something that you just, it's an innate thing that you're either born with orjust have an inner understanding.

(13:33):
Yeah, I do think that's something that you might be able to learn within experiences.
But for me, it's either you got it or you don't.
Okay, well we are going to wrap up the red flag, green flag.

(14:02):
Since we've already started discussing what Emanny slash Emanny thinks of masculine andfeminine um traits and characteristics and all that good stuff, I want to talk a little
bit more about you ah just as a regular person.
So where are you originally from?

(14:22):
Born and mostly raised in the Bronx, New York.
I moved around a lot though.
My mom was the type, she see a roach or a mouse in house, out.
So we moved a lot.
And anybody that moved to Bronx, if there's one thing you're gonna get, you're gonna get amouse or a roach in the house.
So we moved a lot, moved a lot.

(14:43):
From there, moved on to from...
Queens and at a certain point I went on my own and I lived in so many different places.
It's almost weird because I am a New Yorker but I feel like I've just had so many homesthat I don't have like a block to claim as my own.
So whenever you ask me it's like, are you from?
Listen, I'm from New York.

(15:03):
Yeah, and y'all are real specific in New York with like what part because I'm like you'removing around but you're in the Bronx
Yeah, so, you know, I'm a Lincoln hospital baby.
That's the South Bronx.
But you know, I've had neighborhoods in Queens that have taken me in as a part of that.
I've had neighborhoods in Harlem has taken me in as a part of the block.

(15:24):
So I just rep New York.
Now, growing up, do you have siblings?
Did you live with both of your parents?
What was that like for you?
m
The was me and my sister, older.
Well, I have an older brother as well, but he was running around.
He was doing his thing.
But it me and my oldest sister and my little sister.

(15:47):
ah Oldest sister would be about close to a 10-year age gap.
And then my little sister, about five years, six years difference.
oh I am literally the gold standard for middle child.
oh
I've experienced that in so many different ways, but it was good.

(16:09):
It was good.
And then at a certain point when mom and dad split, it became, you know, reality kicks inand, you know, a little bit of that having to fend for self starts to happen and the
disconnect between the norms of family start to get changed.
The disconnect from who or between who.

(16:31):
Just from the norm of what I thought family was, you know, even before that, you you mighthave had issues within the household, but for me, the unit was mom was coming home, dad
was coming home, and that was the norm for me in seeing him.
And then when that wasn't the case anymore, it was a readjustment to, all right, what doesthis new family structure look like?

(16:51):
And then at that point, I'm now the only, you know, boy energy in the house.
So.
I'm now feeling like I have to now cater to the women of the home, because that was thedominant in just growing up and seeing.
I didn't really, I think at about 11 years old, 12 years old, I didn't know what uh themale figure in the household looked like.

(17:18):
Mm-hmm.
Did you still see your dad, even though he wasn't there with you?
did, I did.
There was some levels of disconnect because he's now going through the motions and tryingto figure out now what life looks like for him and not being a part of that.
So it was a lot.
It was a lot, but I think we all tried to adjust how we could, the best ways we could howto.

(17:43):
My oldest sister was like a rock.
She at a certain point while mom and dad were trying to figure out life, she became kindof like that figure, like almost the mom.
second mom.
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Even, you know, to this day, she, she for me was like, all right, mom isn't maybereachable.
So I can always rely on, you know, Monique, my older sister to be there.

(18:07):
Mm hmm.
That can be tough.
ah What did they teach you, the neighborhood and your father, about like becoming a manand dating and responsibilities?
What were those lessons like when you were a kid?
The world is cruel and at any point in life you have to be able to rely on yourself.

(18:30):
uh The gift and the curse of having three women in the household was no matter what I wentthrough, I could always rely on them to be there.
My mother was my greatest protector and also my greatest crutch.
She protected me in ways that even when I messed up and even when I needed to fall on mybutt, she wouldn't let it happen.

(18:56):
And so my sisters as well.
ah The street and the other guy figures were kind of like, no, fall.
And I'm not picking you up.
Figure it out.
So that was the difference in the energies and the responses.
Which do you think actually worked better for you in the long run?

(19:16):
Somebody always being there to catch you when you fall?
Or do you kind of wish that you had more fall so that you could have figured things outalone?
I'm big on balance, so I think I needed both.
I will say that oh I think for the man that I am today and who I'm working on continue tobecome, I wish I would have fell more.

(19:40):
I wish I would have fell more, because there's certain things that I went through that Ireally weren't prepared for at all.
And a lot of that not being prepared for it was because I was often protected by thosewomen.
oh
But I needed it up, I needed it.
And they knew I needed it.
So I don't think I would have gotten this far without some of that protection.

(20:01):
Yeah, I'm always curious when I speak to men who have sisters, older sisters, I'm an oldersister.
My little brother is 13 years younger than me, I think.
And um he has another sister that's 11 years older.
He's the baby of the family and he's the only boy.
So you know he's a little spoiled.

(20:22):
We all know he's my mama's favorite.
And sometimes it feels like
And it's cause I'm an adult now and he's in his early twenties.
But I talked to my mom and I'm like, sometimes it seems like y'all kind of coddle him.
Are you ever fearful?
She is so overprotective, but I get it.
Like if that's your kid, I would only imagine what it feels like to watch them struggle orgo through stuff, but sometimes they need to.

(20:48):
And I'm like, girl, you need to help him.
So he's not clueless in this world.
It's very true.
On my mom's side, I had an older brother and he passed very young.
So I 100 % understood.
Like I'm my mom's, I was my mom's I know.

(21:08):
Yeah.
I think in just us losing him, she was just on, like I was it.
I was it.
She gave me a little bit more.
a leeway and a little bit more protection than she did my sisters and they hated it.

(21:29):
Yeah, I to figure out a lot of things.
I've always had a lot of responsibilities.
And I'm glad it's worked for me because the advice and what you were taught those lifelessons, I totally agree.
Now you said that you've lost both of your parents.
How old were you when you lost your father?
My father was 2014.

(21:50):
No, my mom was last year around.
So that is like the funny enough.
I feel like I'm learning so much about myself.
I don't think I would have been able to admit these things until actually losing her.
Yeah.

(22:11):
I didn't see a world where I wouldn't have her around to like protect me in moments.
So losing her, uh and to be very honest with you, I still don't have that feeling of herbeing gone.
Like when my dad passed, I knew he was gone.
I felt it moment he left.

(22:32):
hit.
With my mom, she still lingers in ways that I feel like mentally I still need just to beokay in certain senses.
So.
now to walk around and really feel like that parentless child, I have this...
It really gives you an outlook on the world that you don't even...

(22:54):
I don't recognize.
I don't know what this world looks like without having parents.
So for the past year, it's been like a little rude awakening.
And a lot of leaning on other people who either give me that feeling of protection or thatfeeling of true understanding that only a parent can give you.
Now you're a father too, right?

(23:14):
How old are your kids?
Ooh, 15, 11, and seven.
you got three and girls are boys.
my goodness.
Lots of testosterone.
uh What did your dad before he left, uh what did he teach you about fatherhood?

(23:34):
The one thing he did teach me, oh and it's another gift and curse, he taught me inresponse to just raising kids.
The one thing I will say about my dad, I never saw him talk bad about anyone, no matterwhat was going on.
He was always a stand-up man.

(23:57):
He was always someone that if he couldn't do it, he'll let you know, I can do it.
Mm-hmm.
Ken, he gonna do it without you even having to ask.
And that just came from friendship, parenting, everything.
When I could count on him, I knew he was gonna be there.
He could not supply me with something.
No, I can't do it.

(24:19):
And that to me was important when it comes to just, not just oh fatherhood, but justdealing with people in general.
So I never really had a moment of disappointment with him as a character.
Like there was never a moment where I questioned his character as a man.
And that's the one thing I really passed.
Like be a man of character.
Be the person that if you say you gonna be this, be this, there's no shortcuts.

(24:45):
There's no cheating yourself to seem a certain way to people.
Yeah.
What do you teach your sons about dating?
Especially since you got a 15 year old.

(25:06):
Oh, I'm going through that with him now.
oh I tried to preach upon him not to make some of the mistakes that I made without lettinghim know that I made them.
Now see, why do y'all do that parents?
I don't understand.
Please, please enlighten me.
Why would you choose to teach your kid a lesson about, so that they avoid going throughwhat you went through, but you won't tell them that you did it.

(25:36):
Okay, so, uh, my son knows that I dropped out of high school.
I dropped out in 11th grade.
11th grade, was like, I'm going to be an artist.
I'm getting out of this.
I'm tired.
I don't want to be here.
Right.
I regret doing that.
First off, it was lazy.
100 % was a smart kid.

(25:56):
I could have done it.
My son got to a point where I could recognize that same level of, I don't want to be here.
Mm-hmm.
And I had shared with him that, you know, I dropped out, well, dad, you seem to be doingokay in it.
Well, why is it okay for you to do it?

(26:17):
And it's like, no, I don't need you to try to pattern yourself off of the things that Idid.
It's unlucky.
I'm lucky that I was able to go ahead and figure this out.
part of figuring out was just being able to circle myself with good people.
You
That's not with everyone.
So I would much rather you go this other route, rather pattern yourself behind me.

(26:41):
And I think that's why I keep certain things from him.
And when he gets older, we don't have that conversation of, yeah, your dad was out herewilding out a little bit and maybe messing around with the wrong women.
But right now at this tender age, mm-mm.
So, okay, you're avoiding telling him some of the things that you have experienced tosteer him away from that.

(27:04):
What are those things?
When it comes to dating.
If I can be very blunt, uh was uh a fast butt.
I was a little H-O-E.
oh And not for any reasons outside of just trying to impress people and feeling like Ineeded to keep up with my counterparts and, you know, just.

(27:31):
Yeah, the ego that goes with just growing.
oh I don't want him to ever live off of his ego.
I want him to be a confident man.
I want him to grow to be someone of character and exude a certain level of confidence, butI don't ever want him to feel like he needs to move off of ego.
And everything I did in my past that ended up being certain mistakes was either a lack ofconfidence or just too high of a...

(27:56):
And at what point in your life did you realize that's what was going on?
If I'm being very blunt, it might've been about maybe five or six years ago.
huh.
What happened?
Uh, loss, loss of genuine love, finding it, still not really being able to really treat itwith the care needed, kind of being arrested in certain developments emotionally,

(28:26):
commitment wise, you know, the whole thing of, know, I'm not a bad guy just because I goahead and do this and this and that.
It doesn't really speak to me as a person.
And sometimes it takes for you to lose certain things in life, for you to like wake up andsay, okay, it's time to just move a little different.
I think loss, true loss is the biggest thing for me at least.

(28:49):
Now, do you um go to therapy at all?
To ever deal with anything that you're going through?
I have not done so thus far.
I've entertained wanting to do so.
I think that's also process.
I someone you feel comfortable enough to really divulge those deep, dark things thatsomeone will be able to get you to understand and get a grasp of.

(29:16):
It's a process.
I do think at some point I will do that, but I don't want to force myself to go sit withanyone just for the sake of sitting with someone.
Yeah, I was having a conversation with somebody one day and I was like, you know, therapy,mental health, all of that is like these are these buzzwords that people are using and now

(29:37):
everybody wants to go talk to the lady for the sake of talking to the lady, but they'renot really getting any help or they're in their mind or whatever else or they're saying
that they're going and they're not.
And it's just because it's like the emotionally intelligent thing to do.
People are switching up their game plan when they're trying to date.

(29:57):
Now, okay, so I want to go back to your careers because you've got to.
Now, I heard you say that you went to drop out of high school or you did drop out of highschool and you wanted to pursue music.
When did you know you wanted to get into music?
I know a lot of people who say that they don't remember.

(30:19):
I remember the exact moment.
I could tell you the place I was living on, Bryant Avenue in the Bronx.
My sister was watching us.
My mom and dad had a vinyl player and I popped in the Wiz soundtrack and there was a songcalled, Can't Win by Michael Jackson.
And I played it over and over and over and over again.
And I learned how to sing that song.

(30:41):
And that song was like, I wanna do this.
I wanna sing.
And so who was the first person that you told that this is what you want to do?
What was her response?
Um, she's, she, she danced.
She was 100 % open to any level of, she was a cheerleader.

(31:03):
Like you can do this.
And when I, when I was trying to figure out, okay, I need to learn how to dance too.
She was a really good choreographer.
So she would come learn this and we would take songs and she'll make routines and she'd belike, let me just see if it's good.
If you know, if you can learn it, then I know I can go ahead and teach you.
Yeah.
was big influence and me just feeling comfortable doing it.

(31:27):
Mom was too.
Mom was too.
So was it always R &B that you wanted to pursue or did you play around with differentgenres?
There was moments where I tried to rap.
was a big Bone Thugs fan and I thought I was going to be the seventh, sixth member of BoneThugs.
That was very short-lived, but honestly, it's just always been R &B.

(31:52):
I love R &B.
So oh who are some of the artists that you grew up listening to that have inspired yourmusic or that you just really love?
Um, I mean, Michael Jackson is, you know, uh, G O D for, for, for me and music, um, print,of course, Stevie, Donny Hathaway, uh, some of the newer guys that not newer, but this

(32:22):
generation's Usher Usher for me is like OG inspiration.
Uh, Neo, I love Neo's music.
I was just a fan of vulnerability.
And I felt like all of those artists on so many different levels were, they exuded that,you know, swag of uh an artist.

(32:44):
Babyface is another one.
There's another person, but I won't name.
oh They just have that thing.
They had a great balance of being able to be the ladies man who could go outside and get awoman.
And then also exuding that level of, I'll cry for you to come back home.
that I always want to have a band myself.

(33:06):
Did you ever have a moment throughout your whole life of dating where you knew you were inthe doghouse and you tried to use music, whether it was somebody else's song or an
original piece, to get out of the predicament and woo a woman?
uh
My first project is called Songs About Her and it's literally about the person I wastrying to get back.

(33:27):
And you know, I was going to ask you, who is her?
Yeah, the first her is someone different and it's actually, I've been engaged twice in mylife and that was the first woman I was engaged to.
you know, things have went wrong and at a certain point we became friends and you know, wewould try to do things and try to speak to see if there was a light for us at the end of

(33:53):
the tunnel.
And oh I the best way of expressing that was making that project.
And as I'm going, making a project, things that started changing with us by the time I gotto the end of the project, it was like, oh no, this is an afterthought.
uh wow dang reset

(34:15):
Yeah, it messed me up for a while.
It messed me up for a while to the point where I be honest with you, I have to thank herbecause it's really why I had my first kid.
Yeah.
Is she the woman that you had your first kid with or?

(34:37):
No, she was, she, she put me in this space to even allow myself to be as reckless as I wasto even, yeah, I was, I went into a downward spiral of just, the only way I can get rid of
this feeling is by now indulging in the worst ways with someone and I got with someone andI just gave them.

(35:05):
a side of me that I never gave to anyone else, turned into the greatest love I've had.
My son, so yeah.
Yeah, wow.
Now, the other album, you said that was the first her, now the second her.
Through to, um I was in the street a little bit.

(35:26):
So the project was about multiple women, multiple women were the inspiration.
uh By the I got to the end of the project, oh there's a song called Reflection.
When I started realizing I'm not really writing about these women per se, I'm reallywriting about me.

(35:46):
I'm really getting into the makeup of me and the longing for understanding and.
the longing for acceptance through these different women that I'm trying to partake with.
You know, I will say a lot of men won't like to admit, but a lot of us, especially withthe type of mom that we have and the type of mom that I have, some of us growing up as the

(36:08):
mama boy or whatever, we have this longing for women to take the place of our moms incertain ways.
That is the worst thing ever for a man to try to do.
And in that period, that's literally what I was trying to
I was trying to find a new mama in these relationships.
And by the end of it, I realized that that's just not possible.

(36:31):
Right.
It's not.
I'm glad you woke up and saw the light.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, do you ever get nervous about releasing music about exes?
And do they ever know it's about them?
no, no, I don't.
And I try not to say names.
try to keep things very vague.

(36:52):
I don't really talk on personal moments.
I'll try to generalize it in a way where other people can also relate.
Um, this last project, I did reach out to the person that is based around just because weuse her image and yeah, it would be a little disrespectful to just do that blanket without
asking for the permission.

(37:12):
And she was all for it.
So.
That was great.
That was a blessing.
But yeah, I don't want to expose just because it's my experience.
It's also a shared experience and I want to be able to expose it without that other personbeing a willing participant.
Yeah.
Now, do you, how did you get into podcasting?

(37:36):
You're doing music, you're writing these songs, putting stuff out, and then you end up onJoe Budden podcast.
And I know that you guys have worked together before.
ah How did that come about?
And what is that working relationship like?
I've always had an inspiration for podcasts and many people don't know, but I started apodcast in 2013.

(38:00):
ah
What was it about?
It was literally almost everything that we do at those podcasts now.
we were kind of like the first of our kind.
And funny enough, two of the people that were a part of it actually at some point were apart of Joe's podcast.
uh Ice now who is with us and then Maul who has now moved on and is doing Rory and Maul.

(38:24):
So we started and we had that kind of brainchild of you.
think this is where the, the landscape of media is headed towards.
But, um, the, the foresight as far as just the long haul weren't, wasn't there.
So we kind of quit after about 20 some episodes and having to invest all money.
And it was like, all right, this we out.

(38:47):
I always had the passion to want to talk and express and talk about different things.
Um, and then I, I think Joe picked up on it and he just had the will and afforded to, tostick with it.
And I watched it from day one.
of when it was thought of and when they started doing it.
And I moved to LA for about six years.

(39:08):
So I was connected from the actual product uh directly.
But when I moved back to New York, I would go up and visit.
And naturally he was like, yo, get on the mic.
And then at some point, like, yo, you should be a part of the team.
Yeah.
a blessing without even looking for it.

(39:30):
Now on that show, y'all get a bad rap for spewing toxic masculinity for hours on end.
How do you feel about that?
Do you agree?
Do you see where people are coming from?
Of course.
I, one of our producers, shared a clip of you holding a space thing.

(39:53):
That's the one on Twitter, right?
And so they were, you know, they love to record clips of y'all doing anything.
Like if they could get in your bathroom and watch you wipe your butt, they probably would.
But we get this clip, um, and it happened shortly after the election.
And it's a snippet of the combo that I wanted to ask you about because there's no video.

(40:14):
and we can't tell who is who.
Now someone was on there uh basically saying that black women are the cause of all ofthese issues with black men.
And uh there was a woman on there, I think you were moderating or trying to maybe, uh theconversation.
And he gets to talking about his child's mother and how he had a bad experience.

(40:34):
And somebody says, all it takes is one bad black baby mama.
to leave you feeling like that, but your experience, you've got to have more experiences.
Do you remember that conversation?
I remember it to a T.
It was pretty recent too.
Yeah, and so in the comments, people are going in.
I wanted to know if you could tell us what was going through your mind and how you feel,because some people were coming down kind of hard and they were saying that you and this

(41:01):
person who was saying all this don't like black women and uh playing what I like to callthe blame game about whose fault is this and making generalizations.
And it's just like, well, do you actually know anybody who's experienced this?
Are we just repeating things that we see people say online?
What were you thinking in the moment and then like, how do you feel now?

(41:23):
Um, well, I feel the same way now that I felt in the moment.
And in the moment I was, uh, I was holding a forum so that everyone can be heard.
Um, the person, the young lady that was speaking, her name is Jo-Nay and she does greatspaces on it as well.
many moments of conversations with her where we've had like debates of things that, that

(41:49):
are the normal debates that we have within, whether you want to call it gender wars orthat level of conversation.
I stood with her in that moment of everything that she was saying.
I just wanted her to be able to also listen to the other sides that we can go ahead andhave some level of discourse about the disconnect.
think the only way you can get to understanding the disconnect is by hearing it out.

(42:12):
So when the guy started speaking, oh
And I made it very clear on there.
didn't agree with anything he was saying, but I also, I don't like shutting out peoplefrom getting their thoughts out.
I don't think, I don't think at any point he was being disrespectful.
I do think what he was saying could be a disrespect as a whole to a whole community ofblack women, but for us to educate them, we have to hear the thought.

(42:40):
And I need to know what is this thought coming from?
So, you know, when...
when the other guy there asked him, like, what does this even inspire behind?
he explained, but I had a, I had my baby mom.
So, we got it.
We figured it out.
This is this and that.
So now we can go ahead and say, well, listen, brother, this is not, that's isolated.
This is not a general that you can bring towards the totality of black women.

(43:03):
The actual conversation started by a joke that the young lady made that would kind
Now what was the joke?
Because they didn't clip that part of the joke and I was trying to find it and I couldn't.
They never do.
don't want to mess it up because it was a funny joke, it was something that if we heard awhite person say about black men, we'd be like, what are you talking about?

(43:29):
em So like an inside joke that happened with other people listening in.
Yes.
It was an inside joke that me and her, I could understand because we have a rapport that astranger heard and it triggered him.
people are triggered.
I don't ever want to say what you're wrong for being triggered.
He was triggered by a joke and he responded in the way that I think most people willrespond when they're triggered, which was defensive and just immediately.

(43:54):
And in order for us to even get him to calm uh us as a community, because everyone upthere that was speaking black, we had to go ahead and say,
This is our black brother that we don't want to go ahead and shut out.
He might be able to ignorant to certain things.
So for me, the biggest thing was I want this man to be heard.
Just like if a black woman comes up there and she spews any level of ignorance about blackmen, I don't want to tell her to shut up or be condescending or be like, I want to, let's

(44:24):
hear you out so that we can help you get to a better understanding.
Yeah.
So have you ever found yourself in a position where, whether it be on the podcast spacesor anywhere online, that maybe you made a generalization or kind of stuck your foot in
your mouth about anything that you wanted to take back?
a lot of things, a lot of things.
I've made efforts to oh do that.

(44:48):
When you're on a podcast and you're talking oh to at least five to six different people ata time, I know most podcasts don't have that many individuals.
Yeah, y'all got 500 people on that show.
It's interesting to be in that space because when we think about just community andfriendships, oh that's typically what the setting is.

(45:10):
You know, you're out with your hung girls, you're out with your hung boys, might be fourfive of y'all and you're having discussions, it's loud, you're cutting each other off.
That's really what real life looks like.
That's why I think the podcast is what it is and why we're able to have a community ofpeople who, even though they might hate the characters, they might...
hate the opinions, they still watch because it reflects their day to day life and thethings that they experience.

(45:34):
So oh I've said things before that I've had to literally go on and say, yo, last time Isaid this, I was off.
Let me go.
There's one that you can think of that you don't want to share, something where you missvote or just have regret, Lord, what you say about voting?

(45:54):
I don't have, I don't follow a party.
I don't, I don't believe in choosing red or blue.
Um, I don't know if that's considered green party independent.
My stance has always been most politicians to me are not working for us.
Um, so in the moment where I did not like the selection on either side, I put out that I'mnot voting.

(46:22):
I'm not doing it.
I don't want to partake into the circus.
I think it's a circus and I'm going to choose to withhold my vote.
That's what I thought was the best thing for me to do.
Um, and I talked to a few people, I heard some people out and I went back and I listenedto myself talk and I was like, you know what?
That's, it's fine if that's what I want to choose to do, but it's the wrong message tosend out to a world of people who might be looking for us for direction.

(46:48):
Um,
So what did you end up saying?
I went and took it back.
went and said, no, I motivate everyone to vote.
I motivate for everyone, whether you feel you're having to pick the lesser of two evils,oh make a choice, make a choice.
This is not something that you can sit back and take lightly.

(47:09):
oh And if there is a level where we ever decide as a community to withhold our vote, todemand something, let's do that as a community and not be separatist in that.
So when you came back and you said that, did you really feel it or were you getting a lotof pushback so you wanted to put a statement out?
There's so many things that I get pushed back to on a regular basis that I double down onjust so you can know how serious I am about that thought.

(47:34):
I don't have no problem with sitting um in my beliefs, no matter how ignorant someonemight feel it to be.
oh I'm also self-aware enough to know that there's moments where I'm going to speak maybebefore I thought something all the way through, especially at this point, my job to do so,
that...
I can then go back and reflect and say, you know what, I might need to readdress and seewhat that looks like on a different level.

(47:59):
So I don't have a problem with that.
Have you ever had a situation like that in like your love life?
Like maybe you're in an argument with someone and my dog is so crazy today.
She wants all the shine.
uh I am working sweetie.
Have you ever had a situation where you're maybe in an argument or something and you saysomething that is either hurtful or that you didn't really mean and you got to tuck your

(48:29):
tail and apologize.
Do you take that same approach where it's like, okay, I can own up to the fact that I waswrong.
I said something that I shouldn't have.
Here's why.
Or do you kind of let it linger?
In the past, I was the let it linger guy.
And if you tell me that you can get over it, then cool.
I ain't got to admit to nothing.

(48:49):
Cause I took admittance for something means that anytime you call me out, then I'm goingto look like I'm wrong.
Like I was the guy at a certain point I needed to be right.
I didn't like to have to walk back that because I felt like it was going to be somethingthat in the future was going to be used against me.
Today I have.
It took to me is that level of strength of being able to be confident and saying, yo, Iwas wrong.

(49:14):
I have no problem in sitting in my wrong.
And just because I'm wrong about this does not mean that it's a judge on my full characteror whether I can process thought, logically or, or have an honest, uh, feeling about
something.
So.
Yeah.
Now, okay, I want to get in your business a little bit more with this love life.
ah But I did want to know about the podcast stuff.

(49:36):
Get that out of the way.
Because, okay, so are you single now?
Yes.
Okay, so you're single.
Could you describe to us your perfect match?
Ooh, I never knew how much I goofy in my.
I need someone who's silly, goofy, who can take a joke, great sense of humor, oh shiningpersonality, need confidence.

(50:06):
oh I don't even want to mention anything physical because.
Well, I'm going to ask still.
This is perfect.
And then we can broaden it up to like, if you could build a woman in a perfect world, whatdoes she look like?
Where is she from?
How does she act?

(50:26):
And then we can talk about what's actually important.
She looks like, I'm not sure if you're familiar with, uh she looks like Vanity.
Okay, yes, I'm familiar with vanity.
Okay.
from New York.
She's goal-orientated.
She has a good relationship with family.

(50:50):
she is...
uh She knows that she's a great person, but she also understands she's not perfect.
Okay, children no children.
I have children, I don't want no more.
So I would hope that she has children, or we can just do our Brady Bunch thing and...

(51:11):
What if she has five?
Is there a cap on the number of kids or ages?
Depending on ages, it also depends on her age.
oh I do think if you 40 and you got about six or seven, that's a conversation you need tohave about how you got seven by 40 and how many baby dads you got.

(51:35):
then, you know, different, different things come into different situations, but I wouldlove to, and plus I got number of boys.
I would love to have a daughter.
I don't think I'm going to ever have a biological daughter.
So if the day came where I was stepdad to it, I would champion that.

(51:55):
Okay, now to make it more broad, what?
Do you mind sharing how old you are?
That was a good 41.
41.
Okay, so what's the age range that you typically date?
um I've dated my last partner was actually 40.
We were about the same age.

(52:15):
Actually, I think we're both 41.
Yeah, she turned 41 right the month after me.
The woman before that, we had about six year difference.
She was older or younger.
Okay.
And the woman before that, we were around the same age.
I would like to, if I'm building a home and if I'm out here playing around, I don't thinkI would go any younger than 33-ish, 34-ish maybe.

(52:44):
And then we would have to have a really good rapport for me to understand that we kind ofhave the same mental capacity in certain things.
me, I'm 40, I want somebody my age.
So like two to three years up or down, you don't want it too wide.
Okay.
ah Now, how would you describe yourself if we had to build you a dating profile?

(53:11):
Huh.
How would you describe yourself?
What would you say you're looking for?
What would you say you're interested in?
And what kind of pics are you posting?
All my pics is gonna be the most light-skinned pics possible.
Eyebrows up, wrinkly forehead.
You never do it.

(53:31):
I'm gonna give you a bit of that.
I'm give you little bit of in the workspace.
Me in a running space.
Just to give me different looks, just a soul, a whole embodiment of what I'm about.
Characteristics wise, the first thing I'm gonna start with, I am affectionate in multipleways.

(53:53):
Whether it be physical, emotional, being that push, being that...
Chair leader that you need being that person also give you a I won't say tutelage, butjust sound the device I do think I'm a good listener But then I do know I'm I know that

(54:16):
sometimes I can shut people out when I'm going through things So it might create a barrierbetween me and my partner
I do know today I present way more positive than negatives.
I couldn't say that before.
I do know for sure.
I was a lot.
was, you we did the red flag, green flag.

(54:36):
oh
You wear a lot of red flags.
A lot of red flags, a lot of red flags.
Today, for me, that's change.
For me, that's change.
So I think I'm good.
I think I'm good.
And I'm a provider in multiple ways.

(54:57):
What ways would that be?
Um, emotionally I can provide that's that emotional support.
Um, I've just taught at this point, if you're my woman, I got to take care of you on allspectrums, physically, uh financially, um, just.
taking care of you financially part.

(55:18):
This is a girlfriend or wife, fiance.
I think for any woman to ever feel comfortable that you can do it as a husband, they needto see examples of it before that.
And does she have to live with you?
I would prefer to live with my girl or fiance.

(55:41):
I mean, you know, I don't like the idea of playing house, but we need to know that weactually live in here before we go ahead and just jump into something.
I feel you on that.
ah Now, the affection and the reassurance and all the talking and touching, that somethingthat you give?

(56:02):
Is that something that you require of a woman that you're dating?
Not all the time.
Not all the time.
um
When I first meet you, if that's not you, and I've already accepted that, I've learnedthat that's you.
So I'm not going to come here and say, change that.
Like you need to change that to satisfy me.

(56:23):
Once I learn you as a person, if you tell me from day one, Hey, I want you to know I'm notthe most affectionate.
And if I decide to move forward with you, I've decided at that point, I'm going to learnto love and appreciate that because that's a part of your character.
oh My problem has always been meeting people and them saying they're a certain way.
and then it changing at a certain point and then them saying to me, you need to adjust.

(56:47):
And I'm like, that's not what I signed up for and this is not what I am.
oh
Have you ever found yourself in a situation with a woman who's not affectionate or doesn'treally do all of that reassuring and she tells you this from the beginning, you know, do
you find that you try to figure out why she is that way to see if you can break down somewalls and maybe y'all can get to that point?

(57:14):
Because I would imagine if that's something that you like and you really want, it might beokay for a little while, but eventually you're going to want it again.
I've tried to do that in the past.
Mm-hmm.
But my reasoning for doing wasn't always for both of us.
It was like self-serving.

(57:35):
Like, aren't you affectionate?
Oh, you got daddy issues?
you got mommy issues?
Well, listen, this is what you should do because I need, it's like, no, like we need,let's work on you.
If that's something that you need to overcome, let's make that a thing that we focus onfor you because that's the most important part.
Like someone I dated in the past, very much so, not the most affectionate, not the most.

(57:59):
uh intelligent when it came to expressing their emotions.
And when I started to ask and dig into why that was the case, I learned that is becausethey weren't really taught that affection from their parents.
And I thought it would have been selfish of me to say, well, listen, you need to changethat.
Boom, boom, boom.
So my result and my resolve was, okay, you know what?
You need to, I think it's very important for you to express that to your parents.

(58:23):
And you need to have that connection or even if it's not something that you're going toget today, but just even feel vulnerable to even just express that to them.
Because if that's what you needed and you weren't supplied that and you don't even knowhow to ask for it, oh I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I have the answer or the
key to opening that door.
Sometimes going backwards and doing the work with the initial problem or the initial startof it could be the cure.

(58:48):
And if me and you don't work out, you'll still be able to have that in the nextrelationship.
Yeah.
So how would you define love?
Romantic love.
I don't want to say acceptance, but it's kind of one of the first things that come tomind.
oh Standing, wanting to see someone do better, whether they're attached to you or not.

(59:21):
Just wanting to do whatever you can to make someone's life easier and better.
oh Selflessness, a level of selflessness.
I I've experienced that once in my life.
And I experienced it a little too late to where I couldn't really repair the relationshipfrom all the past trauma.

(59:45):
when you get to that point where you're like, yo, I really love this person, it's justlike, you know, I'll take a bullet for mom, dad, sisters, and kid, all that.
But to have that love for a stranger, someone that you did not know at some point isdifferent.

(01:00:05):
You kind of seem like you wear your heart on your sleeve when it comes to your music, andeven just the conversations we're sharing, being really open.
ah With that, do you think that?
It would be better if more men were more open and honest and vulnerable about theirfeelings so that we could stop having these circular conversations and playing the blame

(01:00:27):
game.
What do you tell people in your everyday life, like other men, when you see them actingout versus talking about how they really feel?
Are you the friend that they can go to and tell you?
Or are you like, why the hell are you telling me this?
Go cry to somebody else.
I think of recent, and I get clowned on it.

(01:00:49):
I get clowned by my own friends.
mean, if anyone has watched the pod enough to know that whenever I've spoken to trying totell men to be more vulnerable and you know, whatever, I'm getting laughed out the room.
It's double-sided.
It's one side of they're my friends and that's just how we communicate and you know, wejoke.

(01:01:12):
I do think that there's a real level of them just not believing it, because they've seenme for so long be one way to think that it's possible that, when you go home, you think
and think differently and you want to work towards changing and getting better.
And sometimes it's like, man, I know you, man, shut up.
Like you good.
Like you good in my book.
You don't even got to, that's, it's that level of, it's not a purposeful thing that men dowith each other.

(01:01:39):
It's just-
Something that we innately feel like, like, all right, bro.
It's weird.
It's weird that we don't allow ourself this space to grow mentally because it's justforeign to us.
So it's laughable.
It's nothing to be offended by, but it's hard for men who know each other for so manyyears, multiple decades to, you know, if I went 15 years being, you know,

(01:02:10):
out of pocket, I do think it's hard for them to believe within the last three, four fiveyears that you instantly wanted to change that and become a better person.
Do you still try to push them to become better people?
Or is it like an uphill battle or not even a battle?
It's not what you're do.
I think we all do in our different ways.

(01:02:32):
oh To be very honest with you, everybody that I'm really close to and all the guys up atthe podcast, we talk a lot of mess.
And we are, you know, we are sometimes the gold standard of toxic masculinity.
But when you get a chance to really be behind scenes with us and really have an in-depthconversation and understand a lot of it is entertainment.

(01:02:58):
oh Everyone up there as men are good men and they do a lot.
not just for themselves, they do a lot for other people with nothing in return.
And that doesn't mean just other men, they do it for other women, they do it for kids.
oh I feel confident in saying that every person that works up there is a good person atheart.

(01:03:22):
Now, you said something um about a lot of things are for entertainment, how things getplayed out.
I get that.
ah What is the difference between your regular at-home being a dad, being somebody's man,that person versus the persona that we see online?

(01:03:44):
I'm very chill and relaxed at home.
I'm back like when I'm home or with my girl.
I ain't doing too much loud talking.
I'm cut up, we hugged up, we booed up.
You know, our conversations are deeper.
oh Just the connection is different.

(01:04:06):
When I'm on the pod, I'm near the entertaining.
Yeah.
there to get up, dance, get up there to laugh, I'm there to make the corny joke and notcare how it lands.
I'm there to be a punching bag if I need to be a punching bag.
oh I go into total, I don't want to say, I don't want to say, I don't want to say gesturebecause gesture was always considered a negative, like a clown game there.

(01:04:31):
But I'm the person that when I get there, I want to make sure that when you walk away fromthis, you walk away smiling or laughing or at least feeling something.
That's it.
That's understandable.
Now with music, you write these songs, you talked about inspiration from heartbreak andlove and the things that you sing about, would you say that those feelings are real or are

(01:04:57):
they amplified for music?
oh Everything that I've written about is real.
Whether I've witnessed it in close circles, whether I've been through it, don't, it's abig part of why I don't have any songs about talking about really being in the club and
popping baubles and expensive cars.

(01:05:18):
that's never been my life, my experience.
It's never been something I've wanted to obtain.
oh
almost every song you're gonna hear is I've lived it, I've been through it, theheartbreak.
It's all about women, pretty much whatever you were going through with the women.
Yeah, and to be very honest with you, women, which is why, if there's ever a point whenpeople would come to me and say, you don't appreciate women, or you don't appreciate,

(01:05:48):
like, love women.
Damn near sometimes to my detriment, to where I put my own growth at risk to impresswomen.
What have you done to do that?
Like what?
Give us an example.
I've been the person in the past that didn't have a pot to piss in and was more concernedwith what I can do for a woman and how I can present myself in a better light for a woman

(01:06:17):
when I should have been more focused on myself.
I was the guy that, you know, when I needed comfort, I was more concerned with comfortingwomen.
You know, my whole sex persona in the past was I want to be a pleaser for the whole notionof, you know, I would never want a woman to walk around talking bad about me and what if

(01:06:39):
she says something to the next woman?
You know, everything about me from my childhood, everything was circled around the womenin the house.
How do I make sure that they're okay?
you know, it's,
It's a big part of my growing and a big part of my process.
I owe women everything as far as, which is interesting enough, women and my interactionwith women have made me who I am today.

(01:07:09):
Now what would the women say about you?
Any woman that could call herself an ex of yours, what do you think they would say aboutyou if they had to summarize their experience with you?
oh I think there's some that might say, yo, he was great guy.
He just couldn't be committed.

(01:07:30):
oh I do think there's some that would say, yo, it just didn't work out.
I do think there's some that would say, get up off my phone.
Don't bring this name up again.
And I do think there's some that would take ownership of in ways they've led me astray.

(01:07:51):
Mm-hmm.
uh
think it's a multitude of different answers you can get.
Is there any X that you would want back?
for sure.
One.
You wrote an album about her?
the current project and the next project that I'm full length is 100 % about her.

(01:08:12):
If I was with, if I was dating someone right now and she called, let's really make anhonest attempt at making this work the right way, I would have to call that group.
So y'all I'm
Dang, you probably, are you dating right now?
Mmm, not dating.
No, I mean, I'm conversing.
I'm conversing.

(01:08:34):
Well, anybody who's watching this, if y'all are dating, be careful, because...
Let me add an asterisk to that.
We actually attempted to uh rekindling.
And I think when we did, we both realized that in order for us to do this, this would takea lot of personal work.
And I think we both made a decision.

(01:08:54):
We both had that conversation of, know what, we tried.
I think it's best for us to.
just really venture out and see what else is out there and see if there's even anotherlove that we can experience to trump this.
And I think that's what we're doing.
Okay.

(01:09:14):
Now what do you hope that you're showing your sons about love and how to respect women andtreat women without making those mistakes that you're not gonna tell them that you made
until they're grown?
The biggest thing I'm trying to teach them is to just first off, just have a certainrespect for yourself oh because that comes across to the women that you deal with.

(01:09:41):
Women will only respect you in the respect that you command and demand.
when I think back, I didn't really command or demand a lot of respect in certain areas.
I was just happy just sometimes just having the title.
So yeah.
Having that from day one, you command and you demand a certain level of respect.

(01:10:03):
And just also when you give someone that title, really be able to commit to it.
You can be the guy that if you want to date multiple women, you can do so.
You can also tell those women that, hey, I want to date multiple women.
You don't have to be the guy that lies and tries to trick people into feelings andrelationships that you you can't really maintain.

(01:10:23):
So that would be the first things that I would really preach to them.
And then for you, what would you say is the biggest lesson you've learned about what beinga man and masculinity really is versus what you may have thought when you were young and
dumb?

(01:10:44):
oh Quality over quantity.
Quality over quantity.
oh I've met a lot of quality women oh in my life that I gave no real chance and no realimportance to because I was trying to add another number and I thought that that's just

(01:11:07):
what manhood was about.
Collecting women like chains
is what we are preached.
It is what we're taught.
Sadly enough, oh a big part of my early development in just being romantic with women wasI wasn't even really doing it to have the real connection or the bond.

(01:11:28):
I was just doing it.
My homeboy Darnell just bagged another one.
And how do I not go back to Darnell and tell him, yo, I got it.
I got one too.
It's very, very easy.
doing to bag these women that Darnell taught you?
Singing.
Singing?
Singing.
I'm on stage uh trying to be as funny as possible.

(01:11:50):
I found out very early that women love humor.
So I would go ahead, I'm gonna watch Comic View.
I'm gonna tell that joke and try to figure out how to flip it.
know, trickery.
I was a pretty decent trickster.
Now what do you do to impress women?
ah I don't try to impress.

(01:12:13):
Mm-hmm.
I've gotten to the stage in life where I have no time to try to impress you.
You gotta meet me here, meet me flaws and all.
I'm still a funny guy.
I'm still a singer.
I still have all the but.
This is what you get.
You're gonna get complete honesty.
You're gonna get oh me as vulnerable as possible.

(01:12:34):
And yeah, I lead with not trying to impress.
Now, do you go on dates?
Are you an anti-actual date man?
I go on dates.
What's like a typical first date?
One of the first dates for me, it's either going to be like an activity, I want to see howactive you are, or I love jazz clubs.

(01:12:58):
I'm a big jazz club dude.
So there's a place out here called Dizzy's that, you know, I don't want to say that it'sthe traditional first date, but if I say, hey, do you want to go to the jazz spot?
And your answer is, my God, y'all would love to.
Then I think we're instantly going to click.
If I say that and you're like, I'm not really, it's like,

(01:13:20):
Alright, fine, we can figure something else out.
yeah, I'm big on jazz.
Would you be turned off if a woman asked you out on the first date or really took thelead?
You like it.
I love it.
It's happened probably too much.
That's the problem.

(01:13:40):
Hmm.
You think it's because you're in New York?
I hear the women are very forward in New York.
It's because I'm, no, it's because I'm in entertainment.
So traditionally, you know, I've been touring since 13 years old.
13 to now, I just always had the moments of not having to do too much to attract a certainlevel of attention.

(01:14:06):
So I was used to women finding a way to...
make themselves available to me in ways where I didn't really have to make an effort ormake the first move or which was, which probably arrested the development of actually
chasing, you know, and seeking out quality women.
So, no, I don't run away from it, but today I would love to switch that a bit.

(01:14:33):
Like I want to see a woman and have that desire of saying, yo, you know what, I'm going tomake that move.
And it doesn't happen often today, but when it does happen.
When's last time it happened?
Um
that you approach the woman or you
It might have been a month ago.

(01:14:53):
huh.
Did y'all go to the jazz club?
Or she was like, eh.
No, uh
Not yet, y'all haven't been on a date?
No liar.
Now, how long do you like to wait from when you meet someone to actually having a date?
I would like to at least have a few conversations before uh I want to put you in mypersonal space and wall at, but I don't need a long time.

(01:15:21):
just, I just need a certainty that I actually want to.
Well, first off, I'm not cheap, but I don't believe it.
Cause when I go out, I want to have a good time.
So when I'm pursuing that manner.
I wanna do it and I don't wanna feel like I just went home and I done wasted 500 to $1,000on the waste of a person.

(01:15:45):
Has a woman ever left a date that you were on, like just left, ghosted you in the middleof the date?
No, no.
But I've done that.
Now wait a minute, why did you do that?
did that because first off, the girl, I went to pick her up and she was on the phone thewhole time we were in the car.
I don't like that.

(01:16:06):
Did you say something?
Nope, I shouldn't.
She was on the phone the whole time in the car.
And I'm not talking about just texting, I'm talking about getting...
Yeah.
So turn off.
And then when we got to the actual restaurant, really nice spot.
Get there and she's back on the phone texting.

(01:16:27):
Short little conversations here and but she's texting, boom, boom.
And it's a spot that I've frequented before.
I knew one of the...
uh hostess there and I got up to go to the bathroom and as they're going to the bar to goyou know do something she's like yo you don't look like you having a good time

(01:16:48):
Yeah.
I'm really not.
was like, oh I can't remember exactly.
She said something that let me know like, oh, I think she's trying to tell me something.
I think she's trying to tell me that the girl at the table just wasn't of a certain ilk.
So why was that?
I think you think what?

(01:17:11):
I think she had a thing for me and she had saw me there multiple times with.
So she was dry-hating.
Mm-hmm.
It was valid hate, but it was dry hate.
Yeah, it's like, you don't know this lady.
Yeah, so she was like, hey, if you want, I can, you know, close you out.

(01:17:32):
And I was like, you know what, close me out even better and I'm gonna leave.
em At that point, we had only ordered a couple of drinks, closed out, left, and as I'mleaving, I just text her.
Well, she should see it.
She had been on her phone the whole time.
I wonder what she text about you after that.

(01:17:52):
I wish I could read it.
I bet it was funny.
I know she cursed me out.
I know she didn't do it.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah, it was fun.
I didn't care.
Nobody ever said anything to you about it later?
That's a hell date.
um I would be turned off to if I was on a date with somebody and the whole time they're onthe phone.

(01:18:16):
Like I could have came here by myself because I'm like, yeah, regardless.
Or I could have been with somebody else.
You're wasting my time.
Yeah, and when I bought them, it wasn't cheap.
At that point, I felt like the dinner date.
Don't say me on the phone as dinner.
I'm not food.
It was a cheap place it's like you're wasting my time and time is something we can neverget back we can make more money, but we can't get our time back Yeah, you could have been

(01:18:43):
doing anything else.
Yeah Yeah, that's crazy.
Sorry that you went through that ah Well, okay, we are going to move on now.
I want to get some hot takes from you I just looked at the time.
Sorry to keep you so long ah

(01:19:10):
All right, hot take on this.
A lot of people will say that men are physical creatures, and that's why y'all cheat.
What's your take on that?
We're, I don't want to use the conqueror word because that's very toxic.

(01:19:31):
We're selfish.
We're selfish.
We're selfish in ways.
I mean, don't get me wrong, women are selfish as well, but we're selfish in level ofobtaining at any degree, know, women give birth.
So the moment you intake another soul, another body, you
automatically understood I'm no longer going to be selfish.

(01:19:53):
I'm doing this for the greater good.
No matter what's going on, I just watch how women are just in the respects of justbringing in life into this world.
We never understand that.
We never will understand that.
We aren't usually always out for self-verse.
So yeah, we're just selfish.
That's all I I can agree with that.

(01:20:15):
um Would you date a woman in the same industry as you?
What do you think about people do that?
No.
Why?
Um.
did that before and sometimes it becomes a competition.
Hmm
gonna succeed first?
Who's gonna be the most popular first?

(01:20:35):
oh I don't like that.
I don't want that level of competition with my man.
And I want duality.
I want us to bring different aspects of our life.
Like I want her to be able to do something and put me onto that and vice versa.
And we can share different loves for different things and have our own separate lives.
Okay, and what do you think about people who post all day every day about theirrelationship and everything is about relationship?

(01:21:03):
Relationship.
It's a fraud.
It's a perception that they want to have for the rest of the world.
It's not real.
No one needs to share that much.
I always wonder when are y'all actually having fun if you posted pictures of having funall day?
Hmm.
Very performative.

(01:21:26):
And then the last one.
Do you think that black men are unfairly criticized for dating outside of their race orhaving a preference?
yes and no.
Yes.
elaborate.

(01:21:47):
think love is love, no matter who you find it with, no matter what circumstances you findit with.
I think as long as you're moving on that, I don't care who you find it with.
Like that should always be first.
Like if you're in love with this person, you should be able to move mountains with them,uh create traditions, break old traditions.

(01:22:07):
Like you should be able to do whatever you need to do to make that relationship work, nomatter what they look like, no matter what their background is.
I do think there is such a thing as...
black people period, but a lot of black men fetishizing the idea of capturing other races.
What do think that's about?

(01:22:30):
Um, I would be lying if I said I knew.
can assume that it's, it's a level of.
There's this thing where people are taught that black men have been taught for a long timethat you black, there's nothing special about you.

(01:22:55):
You don't stand up.
There's nothing about you that presents authentic in our world, in our space ofimportance.
And I think if you're taught that enough and you believe in it,
you'll start to try to figure ways to obtain things that you think are of higher stature,are of different look, almost trophy-esque things, which would be deemed white women,

(01:23:21):
Spanish women, depending on what area, that you feel, okay, this is what's gonna make melook like a more diverse black man in America.
And it's farthest from reality.
Okay, thank you.
Now, lastly, before we finish, I do have a question for you.
I want you to tell us and our viewers and our listeners what you think your the best oryour favorite thing about being a black man is.

(01:23:53):
Favorite thing, I don't know if I have a favorite thing.
The best thing.
The experiences I'm going to encounter, positive and negative, they just, you get borndifferent, you get trained different, you grow different.
Yeah, your perspective of life is just more balanced.

(01:24:19):
I feel like I've been saying this all day, but to me, I figured out life has really beenabout balance and finding that balance between positive, negative, good and bad.
Um, you know, it's, it's for me, my experience as a black man has been both, and I've beenable to take the good and make it even greater.

(01:24:42):
And I've been able to take the bad and use it as things to fuel me to become better.
So I don't, I don't think there's anything other than that.
Okay, well thank you so much.
Can you let everybody know?
I heard you say that you have another project coming out.
When is it coming out?
Do know yet?
Are you still working on it?
I'm still working on it, few songs away from being finished.

(01:25:03):
I would hope to get it out sometime in March.
I was trying to be flicking it out in February because that's when her birthday is.
would be cute, but I don't think I'm gonna make it.
yeah, sometime around March, sometime around March, this is my first full length projectin seven years.

(01:25:24):
wow, well congratulations!
Thank you.
it, you know, by that time it would be eight years.
you know, it was good to just be creating again and wanting to create bodies of work.
I treat my bodies of work like, like children.
love, I love to create them.
I love to put them out to the world and then love to watch them grow over time.

(01:25:47):
oh that project is called Songs About Her Three.
It would be the last time I make a project about any woman.
About her?
There's no more hers.
oh Moving forward, if I do create, I want to be focused more on the me, the me part of.
So yeah, I'm looking forward to that project.

(01:26:07):
Okay, and then let everybody know where they can find you and anything else you have goingon that you might want to share.
Well, first, thank you so much for having me.
This was great.
had a great time talking with you.
eh JoBunny Podcast, 100%.
Continue to watch.
Please feel no need to feel like you cannot watch and still judge me or the participant.

(01:26:32):
I'm judging.
Don't you worry about it.
I'm judging.
Any and everyone watching, we welcome the criticism, we welcome the love, we welcome thehate to the first time listeners, last time listeners, thank you.
The music before her is out now, three song project, it's getting great response, pleasego check that out.

(01:26:56):
Catch me at everywhere at E-Manny Music, E-M-A-N-N-Y Music.
oh I usually try to respond to as many people as I can just to stay interactive, but.
I just appreciate the support no matter what.
Okay, well, y'all heard it here.
Thank you again so much for coming and sharing your views on love life relationship andwhat it's like being a black man and everybody telling you what to do.

(01:27:20):
Thank you guys so much for watching or listening to this episode and make sure you checkthe description box for links to everything we discussed here today.
Bye bye.