Jay Hill on Self Control, Masculinity, and Manhood

Baltimore native Jay Hill joins the xoMAN Podcast to talk about resilience, fatherhood, masculinity, and the lessons he’s learned from tough beginnings, personal mistakes, and intentional growth. From navigating childhood adversity to co-parenting and redefining what it means to be a man, Jay opens up with honesty and reflection.

Topics Covered:

• Growing up in Baltimore: Lessons from instability, loyalty, and survival.

• Pivotal Moments: How football dreams and job loss shaped Jay’s discipline.

• Therapy & Growth: Confronting toxic traits like gaslighting.

• Marriage & Relationships: The challenges of rushing into love without foundation.

• Co-Parenting: Prioritizing children over conflict.

• Dating & Type: Confidence, femininity, and appreciation in women.

• Defining Masculinity: Faith, integrity, protection, and keeping your word.

• Advice for Fathers: Putting kids first through breakups and beyond.

 

Stay up to date with all things XONecole
📸 Instagram: @xonecole
▶️ YouTube: @xonecoletv
🌐 Website: www.xonecole.com

Connect with Kiara Walker (Host):
IG/TikTok/X: @kikisaidso

 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You can Google me.

(00:01):
I mean, it took me, like,
Instagram and YouTube.
But, yeah.
I mean, there's not a lot of
s*** coming on up.
But you are.
I mean, when I put in Mr.
J here, you pop right up.
I found my power in having
people not to be able to f***
me because you can't play
with me, right?
But now, as an adult, my
power's in you can't even
bother me.
Huh?
It's a different thing.

(00:21):
You said you cheated on her,
and you weren't cheating on
her, wait a minute.
I cheated one time.
But I wasn't, like, I wasn't, like,
It wasn't, like, an ongoing
cheat?
Hell no, it happened one time.
I told her, you know what I'm
saying?
And that was that.
It was just something, like, it
was, uh.
My last relationship, I kind of
moved it in.
Like, I'm, like, I'm just a giver.
Like, that's who I am
naturally.
Like, I'm opening bank
accounts for her.
Like, I'm just bugging out.

(00:42):
Like, I'm just.
Now that you're separated,
are you dating?
So if you asked me this, like,
two weeks ago, I would've
been like, yeah, but not
really, no.
What has happened in two
weeks?
Your life be moving fast.
Super fast.
When you do decide to get
back out there and date again,
what's your type?
I ain't gonna lie to you, man.
Please don't.
It's about my daughter over

(01:03):
all of this.
Like, you feel me?
Like, and honestly, my two
ones, you know what I'm
saying?
Like, even though I'm a stepdad,
like, it's about them two more
than any relationship
because I don't want them to
grow up and see a toxic.
I don't want my daughter to
grow up and think it's okay
for her man to be yelling at
her or her to yell at her man.
Like, we ain't even doing that.
Welcome to the XO Man

(01:24):
Podcast.
I'm your host, Kiara Walker.
They say men don't talk.
They hold it all in, never let
their guard down.
But here, we like to do things
differently.
I sit down with black men
from all walks of life.
Actors, singers,
entrepreneurs, athletes, and
everyday guys to peel back
the layers of who they are
beyond the stereotypes.

(01:45):
A space where black men get
to be real, raw, and
unfiltered.
We're talking about
relationships, love, success,
struggles, fears, and the
parts of masculinity that
don't always get the
spotlight.
Some conversations will
challenge what you think
you know.
Some might make you laugh,
and some might just make you
look at the men in your life a
little differently.
So whether you're here to

(02:06):
learn or just hear some dope
conversations, you're in the
right place.
So pull up, listen in, and let's
have the conversations that
matter.
It's time for the XO Man
Podcast to begin.
Welcome back to the XO Man
Podcast.
I'm your host, Kiara Walker,
and today I am joined by
fellow podcaster, Mr.
J Hill.
Welcome to XO Man.

(02:27):
What's up, man?
XO, you feel me?
I think that's like hugs and
kisses or something.
Yeah, like love.
I don't know.
I'm a little old.
I be seeing the kids do it.
I'm old, too.
Shit.
Shit.
Okay, so you're from
Baltimore.
Yeah.
Baltimore.
Yeah.
What brought you to
Atlanta?
Podcasting.
Podcasting?
You can do that anywhere,
though.
What made you want to come
here?
You can't do it anywhere.

(02:47):
I mean, this is where
everybody at.
You know what I'm saying?
I always chase my dreams.
Everybody was like, you
should be in Atlanta, New
York, or LA.
Atlanta, I had a friend here.
To be honest, at the time.
It's important to have friends
with jobs, right?
Yeah, so what happened, like
we talked off camera a little
bit, but me and my ex at the

(03:07):
time, we had broke up, and my
lease was up.
I was out.
Like, it don't really take much.
Me, you know what I'm
I had a family back home, so I
had to kind of move with my
family.
I couldn't just do what I want.
We was going through a little
rough patch.
We broke up.
Then I just up and left, and
then I ended up bringing her
down here again, but
whatever, you feel me?
Relationships, you have ups
and downs, but yeah, it's

(03:29):
simple.
I was doing a podcast.
I feel like in Baltimore, I was,
you know, it was just, I feel
like I was doing all of the big
names, and we was still local,
if that makes sense.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, you had to grow.
Yeah, it was like a ceiling or a
cap to my success.
So everybody was like,
Atlanta, New York, or LA.

(03:50):
I had a friend down here.
He had a spot.
He was like, bro, you can stay
here for like 60 days.
I'm like, bet him out, literally.
Wasn't no plan.
I was just talking about it.
It was no plan or nothing.
Hopped in a U-Haul the day my
lease was up.
I just drove down here.
Were you scared to move here
with no real plan?
I mean, not really.
I mean, kind of.
Not really, because I could,
so at first, before I decided to

(04:11):
move, I was, but everybody
was like, you always go
back.
You know what I'm saying?
And I'm like, yeah, so 60 days,
shit, why not?
I come down here, put my stuff
in storage.
I think it was like, you know
how the storage give you
deals, like a dollar a month,
for the first month,
something like that.
You know what I'm saying?
I got a dollar saved up.
I had just got a certification,
a tech certification.
So I came down here, I locked
in, I got two jobs and it was

(04:31):
up.
And made it happen.
We wanna hear about your
emotional rollercoaster in
your love life and a few
other things, but before we do
that, we're gonna play a
quick icebreaker and it's
called Red Flag, Green Flag.
Let's go.
Okay, simple, to the point.

(05:00):
You just tell me if it's a red
flag or green flag and if you
have a short thought about it
You can share.
Okay.
So the first one is Mmm, if it
takes more than three months
for a man to commit is that do
you well if it takes more than
three months For a woman to
commit to you.
Would you think that that's a
red flag or a green flag?

(05:20):
It depends where I'm at Where
you are right now right now
more than three months to
commit to me.
Mm-hmm Cool I mean, is there
anything is that a yellow
flag?
Is that now if I'm trying to be
Intentional with you and you
just playing around
definitely a red flag.

(05:41):
How do you know she's
playing around?
I mean you could tell you
could always read energy
Like, you know if somebody is
interested or not But a lot of
people don't know how to
say no a lot of people don't
know how to Set their own
boundaries and just walk
away They want to continue
to like string you along
because they lack
self-respect or they lack
boundaries So instead of I'm
saying, you know what?
I'm not interested.
They'll just play a lot of
games and Act like as you

(06:01):
well, you ain't orders I'm 33.
I'm a grown-ass man Okay,
next one If somebody has
only been in toxic
relationships before no good
relationship that they can
speak on Would you say
that's a red flag a green
flag?
It's a red flag for sure.
Why because it shows me They

(06:22):
don't have any
self-awareness if they can't
talk about nothing good in
their relationship Mm-hmm,
then I'm not even looking at
that relationship.
I'm looking at them.
Yeah, what's the common
denominator, right?
Okay, if your partner needs
space after every single
argument, is that a red or
green flag?
That's a green flag That's
good.
But why you say that some

(06:42):
people want to like talk and
like they won't let it go.
Yeah immediately I'll do for
sure Well, why would you
say it's a green flag if they do
want space we talk about
self-awareness right now
she clearly knows that she's
she's unable to handle this or
Handle this her emotions at
this moment.
So she need a second I'd rather
take a second then try to

(07:02):
Engage in a conversation
that she knows she can't have
and then we have an
argument.
Yeah, so, um My first answer
will be red flag because I I
want to have the
conversation.
I want to hash it out But that's
something I'm still learning.
I'm still growing through
right not not everything got
to be handled Right then and
there my mom's always said
Kenny Rogers No one to hold
no one to fool no one to
walk away and like that's
just one of them things when

(07:22):
you got to Just understand
what bad one win to fight.
So I definitely says a green
flag Yeah I'm the person that
likes to wait a minute,
especially if it's something
that I'm I have a really strong
opinion about Because I'm
working on it, but I got a
problem where it's no middle
ground so I can either Talk to
you and we can have a
conversation or I'm gonna
start hitting below the belt

(07:43):
and I don't like feeling that
way I'm like doing stuff like
that.
That's not good.
Yeah, so I need to take a
minute and cool off if
Someone doesn't introduce
their child to a new partner
for over a year.
Would you say that's a red or
green flag?
Again it depends where we at
Serious relationship
relationship.
Mm-hmm I'll probably suck at

(08:05):
this game You know I'm saying
cuz like me personally I
really don't want nobody
introduced to my daughter So
having said that I really don't
care to introduce it to
nobody if I got to be fair like
like if I ain't doing This you
ain't doing this.
I'm with that So like if
somebody don't want to do
that, I understand their
parents in their life They don't
need nobody else trying to
step up because as men

(08:26):
sometimes we try to
overcompensate and I don't
need nobody do that So I can
understand it.
Um, so that question because
I'm living in it is like yellow.
I'll go with you yellow Yeah, I
dated a guy it was like our
second or third date and he
introduced me to his son And
that was a turn-off for me, I
don't need to meet your son
and the son wasn't like a

(08:47):
little kid He was a teenager,
but it's still like that's too
soon.
Yeah, you doing this with
everybody like exactly and
probably so No, you just
introduce your kids.
And then what you're
teaching is that he was
Exactly Okay, last one If A

(09:08):
co-parent is still talking to
their ex all day every day
Would you say that's a red
flag or a green flag is a red
flag for sure why?
Y'all still got something
going on.
I got some type of connection
like again, there's no
boundaries Where's the
boundaries that you gotta
have some type of
boundaries?
You can say you could talk
about You know drop off
pick up like health care,

(09:29):
whatever.
You don't say you can have a
relationship I'm not saying
that but all day every day.
Come on now y'all clearly
doing some things Yeah, cuz
what you talking about box
your favorite color again?
Okay, you probably don't
even talk to your kid that
much while they're at home.
Like what are we talking
about?
Oh, yeah.
Ah, anyway, that's it for red
flag green flag.
Thank you Now, I want to get

(10:01):
back into you and who you
are.
So you moved here from
Baltimore.
You have these dreams to do
podcasting, media, because
you were in radio before,
right?
What was it like for you
growing up in Baltimore?
It was...
Was it rough?
Yeah, I guess, for the world to
stand it.
To you?
To me, it was fun.

(10:22):
It was great.
You know what I'm saying?
We had structure.
We had, when we talk about
boundaries, and we had things
that made us understand
loyalty, manhood, and things
like that, because I always
talk about this standard of
the hood.
And yeah, there's some bad
things to it, but I feel like the
hood created a standard that
we had to live by.
And if we didn't live by it, we
would suffer the
consequences.
But that's the same thing

(10:42):
within life, right?
I learned how to be loyal to
somebody, how to mind my
business, how to conduct
myself in spaces where I'm at.
You know what I'm saying?
So I feel like all of those
things that I learned coming
up, whereas I see some of my
peers that came up in
different environments than
me, and they don't really have
a code of conduct.
They don't really have a
ethics when it comes to this
business.
But it's like, nah, man, I got

(11:03):
standards, right?
There's certain things that I'm
not going to go for and
certain things I'm not going
to do.
And I think that was the best
part of my life coming up as
an adult.
I mean, coming up into my
adulthood.
But I guess, again, if you're
looking at the world thing,
yeah, it was tough.
You know what I'm saying?
I got teased a lot.
I went to six different
elementary schools.
I got kicked out.
Why'd you get teased?
Fighting.

(11:23):
My mom was on drugs.
You know what I'm saying?
And then we live in a project.
So your mom's coming from
the drug list.
Most of the drug dealers are
my friend's older brothers.
You know what I'm saying?
So everybody knows what's
going on.
And me not understanding
that I'm a kid, that we all in
subsidized housing.
We all in the projects.
As an adult, I understand that.
But as a child, I'm thinking, oh,

(11:44):
they got the two-bedroom
apartment, so they better
than me.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Not really having a grasp on
it.
Yeah.
But then seeing my mom's deal
with her addiction was really
tough, especially when it
came to me trying to succeed
and me getting in trouble.
But again, it's hard to really
say it was bad because I
learned from that.
I learned that I had to start

(12:05):
doing well in school early
because I went to six different
elementary schools.
And I had to understand at an
early age that if I continued
to get in trouble, my mom
wouldn't be there to be able
to take me back to school
because of her illness.
She was fighting an addiction.
So I eventually started
getting my act right.
And from high school to
college, I ain't have nothing
lower than a 3.0.
You get what I'm trying to
say?
So it's like, again, those things
made me.

(12:25):
But yeah, it was tough.
For sure, I could have went
another way, but man.
Now, when you say that you
learned a code and you
learned about manhood, who
was actually teaching you
about manhood growing up?
My environment.
It was just- Like friends, the
drug dealers that you
talking about that was in the
projects, or like who?
And was there anybody
specific that really taught

(12:47):
you something that you
remember?
I feel like it was everybody.
Like, you know, again, not
even just that young, even
coming into teenage years, I
could, if certain things, just
in Baltimore in general,
certain things I can't say to
somebody unless I'm ready to
fight, right?
Certain things I couldn't do
unless I was willing to go to
an extent of protecting my
life.
You get what I'm trying to

(13:07):
say?
Like, it was certain things
that you saw, like I saw
people get killed.
Like I seen my young friend die
when I was 11, he was seven.
You know what I'm trying to
say?
Like, he got hit by a car, but
like I done seen things like
that.
Whereas though, you really
learn that if you don't abide
by these rules, then you can
end up being the story that's
being told to you.
You get what I'm trying to
say?
So it was like, it wasn't just

(13:27):
one particular person, but
you know, like we play little
games when being a kid, like
the little stick on your
shoulder, this your parent, if
they knock the stick off your
shoulder, then you got to
fight them.
Like what?
Wait, wait, wait.
What is this game?
I ain't never heard of this
before in my life.
You put a stick on somebody's
shoulder.
Yeah.
And it's like the kid, that's like
your mom's.
If the kid knocked the stick
off their shoulder, that's him

(13:47):
not disrespecting your moms.
So how do you keep it on your
shoulder?
Nah, like nobody's supposed
to touch it.
You know what I'm saying?
It ain't like I'm running
around with it.
It's just like we standing and
like, yo, I dare you to
disrespect them type thing
like that.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
So like, we, we, and then like,
again, like it's so many things.
I live with a lot of people.
So it wasn't just like me and

(14:08):
my mom's growing up.
I had to live with my uncles
and stuff like that.
And I remember, I remember
times where I used to have to
hide my food in like totes.
And, um, and like, I don't know
if, I don't know if we got, y'all
got Rite Aid and stuff, right?
Like a Rite Aid used to have the
little blue.
Yeah, like Walgreens, right?
Yeah, they used to have the
blue totes that they get the
shipment in off the trucks and
they take it out the totes,
right?
So we, um, we would steal the
totes from Rite Aid to take to

(14:29):
the house to put our food in,
to like storage our food.
And I remember like my uncles
and stuff, they used to like
steal the food out of there.
And, um, like fighting my
uncles, like fighting around
the neighborhood.
Like, so when we say lessons,
like what really no lessons is
just listen, man, like treat
people's stuff, how you want
to be treated.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, and I guess one lesson I
learned from my moms was

(14:49):
like, just repeating what I
was saying.
Like, don't treat nobody how
you, how you want to be
treated, treat their stuff,
how they want to be treated.
Cause you could be a piece of
shit and I'd be damned if you
treat my shit like a piece of
shit.
because you don't know no
better and you don't have no
respect for yourself.
Like little things, a lot of the
things I learned was from my
moms to be honest man, but
like being a hustler, all of
that stuff like just.

(15:09):
So what's something that you
kind of thought you knew
about being a man growing up
as a kid that you look at very
differently now that maybe
wasn't the best way to live or
the best way to be a man or
the best example of manhood?
Man, self-control.
I think that's the biggest area

(15:31):
of manhood that most of us
lack and that we all need to
grasp early, right?
Because even when I was
young thinking I was a man
like fighting and stuff, right?
You don't have to stop
fighting.
It's about what you're
fighting for, right?
It's about how you look at
things.
Like a lot of things we want
to change and say it's bad.
No, it's not bad.
It's actually good if applied in
the right setting, right?
So I fought a lot.
I got kicked out of six
different elementary
schools.

(15:51):
Even to this day when I was in
college, like three different
colleges I went to, but it
wasn't me fighting.
It was the fight that I was
fighting.
I imagine if I was fighting to
stay in school.
I imagine if I was fighting to
graduate.
I imagine if I was fighting to
see another day, you know
what I'm saying?
Like just being respectful.
So I think self-control
because that leads to other
things like sex, right?
Sexual misconduct, like

(16:12):
sexual overuse, like the
overuse of sex, the over, you
know what I'm saying?
Like things like that.
I feel like men need to grasp
self-control more than
anything.
And I think when I was a kid, I
found my power in having
people not to be able to fuck
with me because you can't
play with me, right?
But now as an adult, my
power's in you can't even
bother me, right?
Like what you say don't even

(16:33):
bother me.
That you, whatever, your
words don't even matter to
me.
You can't even get an action
out of me.
Whereas though as a kid, it's
like, man, I'm not the one to be
played with because I'm going
to show you.
Now it's like, nigga, you
won't even think you playing
with me because I won't even
give you the time of day to
know that I acknowledge
you.
It's like as a kid, it's almost
like you had something to
prove all the time.
And so it's like, don't try me.
I'm going to beat you up.

(16:53):
I'm going to do whatever to
you.
And now it's like, you can't
disturb.
Yeah.
But a lot of, I heard Dr.
Jamar Brown said he, the
place he went wrong the
most, when it came to his
marriage was he started
practicing monogamy when
he got married.
That's the, that's the worst
thing.
He started.
Yeah.
Because like, you know, we,
as men, we think, oh, I don't
got to be faithful until I get a

(17:14):
girl.
Right.
That's what we think.
And then what happens is you
get into a relationship and
you think you could just
turn it on, but you can't
because your whole life
you're used to just dealing
with other chicks.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
So I say that to say, as a kid, it
also transitions to teenage.
Then it also changes to
adulthood.
So now we talking about, I'm
in college 22, 23.

(17:35):
I'm still doing the same shit I
was doing in middle school or
elementary school.
It's unacceptable because
now like I get kicked out of
Morgan state, I get arrested.
Right.
Yeah.
You're grown now.
Yeah.
But this has really happened.
Now the cops come to my
school, I get arrested or, I
mean, the cops come to my
job, I get arrested at my job.
I could potentially lose my
job.
You get what I'm trying to
say?
Like, so some, again, my mom
has always taught me like
some mistakes are too costly

(17:55):
to make.
We always want to say, I
apologize.
But sometimes, sometimes
apologies just don't cut it
because you can't take back
what you, you know what I'm
trying to say?
So it was like, man.
Yeah.
Like, yeah.
Those things I had to learn
early, man.
figure it out.
God had me though.
What was like a pivotal
moment in your life where
you realized I cannot keep

(18:15):
living my life this way
because I'm going to end up in
jail.
I will have no future.
I will not be able to realize
these big dreams I have.
Like what changed in you?
Bro.
Or what was the moment?
I'm going to be real.
It's going to sound like a
contradiction, but we are
human.
It was in like, like middle
school, right?
I remember I was in middle
school.

(18:35):
I was behind two grades and
I'm like, man, I got to go to a
twilight school so I can skip a
grade.
Right.
So I was in sixth grade.
I'm like, again, I've been to five,
six different elementary
schools.
I got to, I'm trying to go to
school so I can play
football.
I had football dreams, right?
I can't play football
professionally if I don't go
to college.
I can't go to college if I don't
have the, what I got to handle
now.
Right.
So at that moment, that's
when I really started taking

(18:56):
school seriously.
And that's when I really
started being involved.
However, right.
I didn't have any structure.
I didn't have any therapy.
change, make these changes.
Right.
So granted, I was a good kid,
but it still will be times where
somebody approached me
wrong and I would snap.
Right.
Like as an adult, but, um, I

(19:16):
definitely think it started in,
in, in middle school.
Uh, and then when I got fired
from DTLR, I'll never forget.
That's when I was like, man, I
got to carry myself a certain
way, no matter where I'm at.
Cause in that situation, I
fought in a club, but I still
lost my job and it had nothing
to do with the job.
That makes sense.
So I learned that like, man, I

(19:36):
really got to conduct myself
in a, in a certain way,
anywhere I'm at.
And then, okay.
So you have this realization
in middle school, you slowly,
but surely trying to make
changes.
At what point, if ever, did you
start seeking like outside
help to maybe control your
anger, your emotions going

(19:57):
to therapy?
Did you ever try any of that?
Again, man, shout out to like,
my upbringing is, you know
what I'm saying, people look
at it bad, but like I had a lot of
men, like good men influences
in my life because I played
sports a lot.
You feel me?
So like I've always had- Maybe
coaches.
Yeah.
I've always had people who
was there, even the drug
dealers on the corner.
I'm not doing a lot to you.
Like they always was the one

(20:17):
saying, yo, this ain't for you,
go to school.
Like play football.
You get what I'm trying to
say?
And it didn't make me any less
because I still was fighting my
ass off, but they always
helped me to a standard, like
higher than my peers.
They're like, yo, Jay, go to
school.
Jay, do this.
My coach is always like, they
set a good example of being a
man.
So I did, but when it come to
therapy, I didn't start doing

(20:39):
therapy until like
relationship stuff.
Like that's when I started like,
man, I need to go see therapy
because this hurt, like this is
different.
This ain't like- Was it a
breakup?
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
Or even like inside the
relationship, because now it
was like, oh, I'm a narcissist.
All these words, I'm a
gaslighter, all this.
I'm like, I don't want to be this.
Let me go to therapy.
Now I'm trying to- Did you

(21:00):
know what they were when
they were calling you that?
Just like, what the fuck is
this?
I don't know.
What you talking about?
Narcissist, like narcissistic,
like you a gaslighter.
What the hell is that?
I didn't know what that was.
Okay.
Let's talk about it though.
I want to talk about the love
life.

(21:26):
So earlier, I guess, well,
actually, I guess it was
yesterday I was listening to
an interview and I saw a tweet
and I was trying to Google
you and see what the people
are saying and see what I
thought, right?
You can Google me?
I mean, it took me like
Instagram and YouTube, but
yeah.
I mean, there's not a lot.
I'm coming on up.

(21:47):
But you are.
I mean, when I put in Mr.
J here, you pop right up.
You're doing all right.
Okay.
So I saw that, I saw an
interview where you were
excited about getting married
and then I saw a tweet where
you said you were getting
married, but earlier you said
that you're not married.
So that relationship, would

(22:07):
you say, did you ever get
married?
Yeah.
I mean, technically I am.
I'm separated.
So technically.
So you married?
Yeah.
But is it separated?
We working on it or?
No.
No.
Okay.
We just ain't fill out the
paperwork stuff.
Okay.
So let's back up this
relationship.
Do y'all have children
together?
Cause you have two
daughters, right?

(22:28):
Both of them are with this
person.
One of them is with this
person.
My other daughter is hers.
It's my step daughter.
Okay.
Now in this relationship, is
this the one that had you
thinking about therapy?
Yeah.
Okay.
What happened?
Everything.
But what was she saying you
did?
And were you, were you the
toxic person in the
relationship?
This last time I was, cause we

(22:49):
broke up a few times.
Just at any point in the
relationship, could you say
that you were the one being
toxic?
I mean, I have to.
I can't say it was her.
Like, I mean, that's what her to
do.
Like, you know what I'm
saying?
So yeah, I definitely played a
role in it.
I played a big part in it.
I was, I mean, shit, I did.
What didn't I do?
I don't know.
You gotta tell me.
I don't know.

(23:10):
Were you talking to her
crazy?
Were you cheating?
Were you lying?
Were you not being
supportive?
I don't think I was lying.
I wouldn't say that, but I
cheated on her before for
sure.
Like early in the relationship,
like I wasn't cheating on her.
I wouldn't say that.
Huh?
It's a different thing.
You said you cheated on her
and you weren't cheating on
her.
Wait a minute.
I cheated one time, but I wasn't
like, I wasn't like dogging her.

(23:31):
It wasn't like an ongoing
cheat?
Hell no.
It happened one time.
You know what I'm saying?
And that was that.
You know what I'm saying?
Like it was a situation.
I think it was like two years in
our relationship, I cheated.
I got my heart.
My heart was hurt.
You know what I'm saying?
She broke my feelings.
She hurt my feelings.
How?
Did she hurt your feelings?
I mean, you know what I'm
That's for her to talk about.
You know what I'm saying?

(23:51):
No.
It's your feelings though.
So she can't say what your
feelings were.
She hurt my feelings because
again, it was something that
she did that I didn't agree with.
Okay.
And it hurt my feelings.
So I would be having my own
boundaries and be like, you
know what, or having like a,
we call it, um, what do we call
it?
Like our, uh, something that
you don't want to go for.

(24:12):
I forgot exactly what it's
A boundary?
Yeah, it's a boundary, but like
your deal breaker, whatever
it can be.
I forgot exactly what it's
called.
But like, instead of me like
enforcing my boundaries and
like, you know what, I can't
do this and walk away.
I took a childish route and I
let her hurt my feelings and I
retaliated.
You know what I'm trying to
say?
Which was the worst thing to
do.
And I feel like that was the,
for me, that was the worst
thing I did in that relationship

(24:32):
because that took my power
away.
You know what I'm trying to
say?
Like that.
Now she will always...
What power?
I don't know.
Like that's, I pride myself on
being a faithful man.
Like for the most, outside of
that instance, I was always
faithful in my relationship.
Right.
But she's going to forever
have that, that memory of me.
She's going to forever have
that story.
You know what I'm trying to
say?
And like, I just ain't like that
for me because I knew I was

(24:52):
way better than that.
So, um, yeah, I mean, that's
what happened.
Do you think that if you had
never cheated, that maybe...
everything that happened
after might not have
happened?
Nah, mm-mm.
Why?
Because we just, again, man,
like, I guess I look at it like, we
move really fast, like really

(25:13):
fast, so to the point where we
ain't really have no real, no
real, what is it called?
Foundation?
Yeah, foundation, we ain't
really have no anniversary
because we move so fast.
Wait.
It was like, I met you, we cool,
bet you can move in.
How'd y'all meet?
We met at this little, I was
doing this, I was, it was like a
pilot for this reality TV show

(25:35):
that they was gonna do in D.C.
And her best friend was one of
the girls that was on it or
whatever.
And like, I just thought she
was cool as hell.
We went out, we vibed O.D.
And then next thing you
know, I think like, I don't
know if it was two weeks
later through, it was like, she
came over my crib and then
she just never went back.
You feel me, like, it was like
she came, then she just never

(25:56):
went back.
And like, you know, it was a
lot of things.
The core of it was we fell in
love with like a feeling,
right?
Because I was a vibe, she was a
vibe, and it was things that we
didn't like about each other
that we probably would have
never gave another person a
chance for, but we gave
ourselves a chance for it,
right?
So what happened was like,

(26:16):
think about it, I'm a host at the
time, party promoter.
She's not really into guys
that do that type of stuff.
So like, she gave me a chance
because she thought, I don't
know why I was different.
I don't know, whatever.
I can't really speak about
why she gave me the chance,
but she did, right?
But what happened was years
from now, I'm still going to
parties, right?
I'm still on people's faces.
Like, I'm still doing the things
that you met me doing and you
don't like it.
So like, I feel like it was

(26:36):
different boundaries.
Like, it was things that she
would do that I didn't like.
But again, I made an exception
and then I'm expecting her to
change when I made an
exception.
Like, nah, like, I gotta like her
for who she is.
I gotta love her for who she
was, right?
But I don't think that was the
case.
So we just always bumped
heads on that, so like.
Do you think that when you
look back on, not just that
relationship, but all the

(26:57):
relationships, the
situationships you've been in,
that you found somebody and
it was something that you
liked about them enough to
pique your interest, but you
found that that wasn't the
only situation where that
happened, where it's like, I like
this person, and even though I
don't really like this about
them, I like so much else and
maybe they'll change.
That was it.
That was her.
It was just her?

(27:17):
Or would you say it's
happened in others?
Nah, not for real.
Because all my other ones,
like, I remember my only
other real one, and not
against, not no stab at the
girls I was dealing with, but I
was young.
But my only other real one, I
believe, is it was a girl that I
was with, I think early
college, maybe into high
school, maybe.
And I was young as hell, but

(27:38):
like, man, that was the only
other one.
Like, because the girl before,
my last girl, we were like, we
was trying something.
I don't know, I probably was
still immature.
I was just like, she looked
good.
It was a good look.
Like, I was playing.
I was corny, like, to be
honest.
It's just, like, I don't know.
This was my first time really,
like, taking something
serious.
And I cared.
I wanted to do, you know

(27:59):
what I'm saying?
Like, she was there.
Like, she was my friend.
Like, she was super nurturing.
You know what I'm saying?
She was dope as hell.
You feel me?
Like, that was my dog.
And I think that's what kept us
together so long, because
one thing out of anything, we
were family.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, outside of boyfriend,
girlfriend, husband, and wife,
we was family.
Like, she had my back.

(28:19):
I had her back, 100%.
What did your friends and
family say as your
relationship was moving
really fast towards
marriage?
Were they supportive?
Or were they like, you need to
slow down?
No, I mean, so my relationship
wasn't moving fast towards
marriage.
I got married six years.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, six years out.
It was just the living
together, the beginning part.
Yeah.
I mean, of course my friends
like, bro, because I did this

(28:40):
before.
Sometimes, like, when
somebody show you who they
are, believe them, right?
So, like, my last relationship, I
kind of moved it in.
Like, I'm just a giver.
Like, that's who I am
naturally.
Like, I'm opening bank
accounts for her.
Like, I'm just bugging out.
Like, I'm just, someone would
say I'm a simp.
Whatever, you feel me?
Like, once I like you, it's over.
Like, it's over.
So, yeah, like, I kind of did the

(29:01):
same thing.
So, I kind of ain't learn from
my mistakes.
But this one was different.
Like, that was my dog.
Like, man, I don't really
regret none of it.
She gave me my beautiful
daughter.
Like, we co-parent well.
Like, I don't regret nothing.
Like, honestly, I know people
look at the divorce things and
they judge it.
I'm happy I had a kid by who I
had a kid by.
Like, I don't have no issues.
Like, I'm Gucci.

(29:21):
Like, I'm great.
Like, I feel amazing.
I think people do give divorce a
bad rap.
I personally think if it's not
working out, do not continue
to put you, the other person,
and if there are kids involved
through that because it's
unnecessary stress.
Like, you don't need to watch
parents stay together if
they're gonna be fighting.

(29:42):
I don't agree with that.
You don't?
No.
But you're getting divorced.
Yeah, I mean, I fucked up.
like you love y'all have you

(30:02):
see their flaws who they are
right and you find somebody
who you can love forever
they ask you a question
before you get married if this
person never changed right
would you still love them the
same and I don't think I could
answer I don't think I could
ever answer that question
honestly right and say yeah
like it always was well if she
if she so I didn't do the work
yeah but most people do
change or people will have

(30:23):
different feelings so all I'm
saying is while divorce is not
ideal if you didn't do those
steps if you didn't do those
things if you didn't really
think everything through
there's no need to sit in a
relationship that could
potentially be toxic and
you're afraid to show your
children that you're
divorcing when you're really
showing them that toxic
behavior is okay and that's

(30:45):
what I'm like if you have to get
divorced do it hopefully you
don't need to stay together
forever because I do think
marriage is a beautiful thing
now you said that
co-parenting with her is
great and you have a
wonderful mother to your
daughter what is it like
though and has it always
been good I mean for the most

(31:05):
part yeah like him like when
we first broke up it was like
you know like just pettiness
but mm-hmm to be honest it
ain't take away from like my
time my daughter like it was
just us just being in the way
even now when we have our
differences it just be us to be
the same old song for me like
be us being in a way just ego
both of us you know I'm
saying but that never I can't

(31:25):
honestly say that never that
never played a part in like her
dropping my daughter off
never and that's never so cuz
you know like sometimes
people will share bad
experiences and I hate that
for anyone I'm not a parent
but I can only imagine what
that must feel like you want
to see your kid and because
y'all not getting along yeah
nice issues now that you're

(31:47):
separated are you dating so if
you ask me just like two
weeks ago I'm like yeah but
not really know what has
happened in two weeks you're
like be moving fast super fast
what what's going on why
are you not dating I'm super
locked in like super locked in
locked into what work okay
like I saw maybe like three

(32:08):
four weeks ago maybe boy I
get that going on dates and
like I again I'm a I'm a good date
you for me so like I think I
spent like it wasn't like not
crazy what do you like to do
a couple bands and in like a
weekend or something like
that what y'all do everything

(32:29):
you can we just have fun
what's everything think
about it even even a simple
date can turn into a lot of
money like think about it I
want to arm this little arcade
experience right but before I
went there we went to grab
some food and we went to the
bar to get some drinks yeah
but that's what I'm saying I'm
not trying to think about
how much it costs but like to
say that you're a good dater
you have a good time I love the

(32:50):
first year activity I say so
one one of the days I went on
we went to uh we went to
brunch right total Linux
that's my spot eight got some
drinks after that we went to
a little miniature golfing
spot you know got a few
drinks at the miniature
golfing spot and after that
we went to the Arca Badoo
concert you know I'm trying
to say so like I mean that's a
good day you know I'm trying
different stuff it ain't like

(33:12):
super but it's like me
personally when I date I want
to do fun activities so we can
get to know each other and
again me personally I do like
to drink because on the dates
because I want to see you for
who you are when your
guard is let down you know
I'm trying to say same I want
you to see me and my natural
element and a lot of times
when you drink you get the
edge off of things like how
you act when you've been
drinking shit I don't know like

(33:33):
like are you silly yeah I'm
sure are you like crazy I'm
super like super fun like the
like me not drunk like people
probably think I'm a prude I'm
boring I'm just I'm super
serious you know I work
more like when I get a couple
drinks in me it's like I'm fine I'm
probably picking on you
messing with you like I'm just
annoying you probably like

(33:54):
it's just you know what I'm
saying yeah could you date
someone who doesn't drink
for sure so then what would
you do to try and get her
guard down I don't know I'll
probably stop drinking if she
don't drink yeah but you said
that you like to drink on a
date so that guards will be let
down so what do you think
you would try different if no
cocktails can be had I'm
gonna tickle her feet I don't

(34:17):
know like I don't know um
that's a good question uh it
must not have happened yet
no I like we would just have
to do activities you're gonna
say like we would have to do
activities and and then be
honest that's what we're
gonna really see how we
really act and see if we
really like each other so
yeah I'm all for the
challenges I'm for all that
yeah I mean I don't I don't
really like to date men who

(34:37):
don't drink yeah like that
would be an experience I
wouldn't want to do that but
I'm down for it like I'm I don't
know man at his highest form
says like if a woman don't
drink and I'm interested in her
honestly that might be a sign
you know I'm saying cuz yeah
maybe I need to slow down
yeah I mean I've done it a
couple of times one time he

(34:57):
just liked to do something
else not alcohol he was a
smoker and he was fine and
then there was another guy
and I just honestly I felt like
in his head he was judging and
judging and then maybe he
probably stopped judging
after a minute and then
thought that maybe because I
was drinking and he wasn't

(35:18):
that I would be a little easier
and that wasn't the case.
I know you still not getting
no box.
Yeah I just had two drinks
baby this is nothing.
Okay so what okay I know
that you're locked into work
but I'm sure that won't be
your life forever.
When you do decide to get
back out there and date again
what's your type?
What kind of women do you
like?

(35:39):
On the outside and the inside.
I ain't gonna lie to you man.
Please don't.
We looking at somewhere
outside first right?
We can do outside first.
I like a woman that's like just
like damn.
Who are you picturing?
Because I don't know if y'all
can tell but he is like look it's

(35:59):
like he has the perfect woman
in his mind.
All my friends say I got a type.
What they say about about
your type?
They look good.
Mm-hmm but what does they
look good look like?
You could tell it's a universal
like.
You need to use your words.
You might be right but what
I'm saying is for the
consensus of men you could
tell when a girl is okay and a

(36:19):
girl is like depends on a
nigga's taste and then as a
girl that universally every
nigga be like nah she fire.
But I'm not a man so could you
describe her or maybe if like
you have a celebrity crush
that is a quick you don't?
Hell no.
Okay well there's some
beautiful ladies out here.
Beautiful woman?
Yeah.
I mean you beautiful.

(36:39):
Thank you.
Yeah.
But I'm not a celebrity.
I'm just saying we're trying
to get a visual of what this
universal woman that the men
like.
Rolling out Instagram right?
Mm-hmm.
In shape.
Okay.
Like hard body in shape or
just no belly in shape?
Nah just in shape.

(37:00):
You know what I'm saying?
I do love brown-skinned
women but like as of late I
done dated like a couple
light-skinned chicks so I
really can't call it man.
You know what you look
like.
You feel me like?
I don't know man.
I don't feel you but okay.
What's your type?
Help me out.
What's my type?

(37:20):
6'5", muscles, short haircut.
I mean that's a great start and
I got plenty of celebrity
crushes.
I don't really have an exact.
I got a few different types.
Okay.
Give me one so I can, so you
can help me out.
Okay Jalen Hurts.
That is a fine man right there.
I don't even know how tall he
is and he could be lighter or

(37:42):
darker don't matter.
Low haircut, nice body,
beautiful smile and he just
looks like he smells good.
Okay.
Even in his nasty football
clothes.
Okay yeah so.
Nice goatee.
I ain't gonna lie to you yeah
like I can't really explain my
type because it would have to
be her aura as well.

(38:02):
You feel me like?
Okay.
Granted it's good.
You see some girls on
Instagram that look good but
like I gotta see with the video
hitting on like what you
talking about.
How you, how you sound?
You know what I'm saying?
Like because you ain't talking
about nothing.
You talking about 50-50 in
relationships then man I'm
gone.
You know what I'm saying?
Like what the fuck is me
talking about?
Does that happen to you a lot
on dates?
Like women bringing up what I
like to call podcast topics,
gender war stuff.
It's happened before.

(38:23):
Really?
Like girls, like one girl was
like I'm not about to uh she's
like I think you want to have
this conversation because
you're a podcaster.
I'm like girl what?
Like nigga huh?
Like that's what you think
about?
Like I've had that for sure.
That shit is the biggest turn up.
She probably wanted to have
that conversation because
you're a podcaster.
Yeah it's like bro you think
you about to be on my show?
Like oh we about to have an
episode right here.
Smiling at the cameras.
Go to hell.

(38:43):
Like no.
Like nah it happened before
for sure but uh nah man I like
a woman that um that really
is about her business.
Like yeah we get the looks is
one thing but like I want a
woman that's about her
business.
I love a woman that's
nurturing.
I love a woman who
understands the game and I
ain't gonna lie a lot of men
might not like this.
I love a woman who
understands the game.
What I mean by that is like she

(39:03):
knows that men are like
easily uh I don't want to say
manipulated but men are
easily happy like made happy.
And what I mean by that is like
yo you understand the game
then you know that I want to
feel needed.
So you might can open a can
of the jar of peanut butter
but you know it's gonna make
me feel good if you say hey
can you open up the jar of
peanut butter.
I'm being real it'd be little
things like this that'll help

(39:24):
your relationship go far
away because so many
women they want to do
everything on their own and
it's like bro if you just play
the game then you would get
much further.
Like if you even if we got into
an argument right just being
real.
Not saying it should be like
this but imagine if you if you
was upset and you started to
whisper to your man.
Now he yells back and you're
whispering he might just be a
coward but for the most part
if you whisper to a man I'm not
going to yell but if you try to

(39:44):
come up to my level then
unfortunately I might try to
come to your level.
I shouldn't though that's
corny still like I'm but I've
been on the other end of that
you know what I'm saying.
So like, like I like a woman
femininity like she
understands and she
understands.
then they're like, this is what I
might have to do to get the
best possible result.
You know what I'm saying?
And if she do that, then she

(40:05):
gonna get the best of me and it
just is what it is.
You know what I'm saying?
I hope I explained that right,
but I probably did.
It is what it is.
When you say you like a
woman who lives in her
femininity, how would you
describe her femininity?
Nurturing.
Besides being soft spoken.
Nurturing, not even soft, it's
not about soft spoken.
It's like not wanting to go toe
to toe with me.
I'm a man.
I'm gonna tell my daughters

(40:25):
like, never go toe to toe with
a man.
You're gonna lose every time,
even if you think you can beat
him.
Never go toe to toe with a
man.
So I think not going toe to toe
with a man is living in your
femininity, but also as a way
to get your point across and
as a way to convince me, or
even for us to come to level
ground, even if we have odds,
without you yelling.
You know what I'm saying?
I think that's femininity.

(40:46):
I think nurturing is the
highest form of femininity,
right?
Because even if you're not my
assistant in my job, or even if
you don't have nothing to do
with my job, but you being
able to talk me through my
issues and you being able to
say, yo, you just got 100,000
subscribers, man.
You need to celebrate that.
When I'm looking at to get
500 now.
You get what I'm trying to
say?
That's being nurturing.
That's living in your
femininity.

(41:06):
It's so many things that when I
think about a woman and I
think of like, again, being a
great mom, respect your
boundaries.
You live in a lifestyle that's
kind of like, they say the men
lead the house, which I am
going to do, right?
But you live in a lifestyle that
makes me admire you, right?
You might not be easily
bothered.
So now I want to meet that

(41:29):
standard.
You get what I'm trying to
say?
And I'm a lead.
I'm a do all that shit that you
need me to.
I'm a pay the bills.
I'm a make sure you protected.
You get what I'm trying to
say?
I'm a go to church.
I'm a bring you to church with
me.
I'm a do all that.
How do you make sure your
woman is protected?
Like actual examples.
I'm still growing, so I ain't
gonna lie to you.
But you said, I'm going to make

(41:49):
sure you feel protected.
What could you do?
The first thing I think of is
protecting my woman for
sure.
But making sure she feels
safe.
You feel me?
Yeah, but I mean like, how do
you go about that?
What's an example of a time
where something happened
and you wanted to make your
girl feel safe?
So I can give you the answer

(42:11):
that the woman want to hear,
right?
No, I want you to tell me what
actually happened.
Not what the people want to
hear.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I've had instances where like a
bar, again, we in Baltimore, a
bar got robbed, right?
And I made sure my woman was
safe.
You feel me?
And she could tell us.
You were there when it got
We got robbed.
Everybody is scrambling.
And I'm literally the only one
that's in a clear state of mind.

(42:32):
Like I'm literally like,
everybody is down on the
floor.
I'm damn near up.
You know what I'm trying to
say?
Like I made sure we got out
there in a safe way.
She ain't get hurt.
No, you know what I'm
saying?
Nothing.
There's been times where we
was out and people tried to
approach her wrong.
Made sure I protect her.
But it's also, protection is
more than that.
And that's why I say, I know a
woman want to hear.
I'm still working on that,

(42:52):
right?
Like we talking about
reassuring, like being
reassuring to a woman.
I feel like they feel safe at
their highest capacity when
they can be reassured.
That's something that I'm still
working on because I don't
reassure myself, right?
So it's like, I don't need that.
Not saying I don't need it
sometimes probably, but like
I'm not patting myself on the
back saying, yo, good job,
Jay.
And so because I'm like that

(43:13):
with myself, subconsciously
I'm like that with my partner.
So that's a place where I'm
still growing as a man.
And I think when it comes to
being the highest form of a
man, I'll be able to get that
down pat.
But again, that's a goal that
I'm reaching for.
I think when we talk about
women feeling safe, being
able to feel seen, right?
Again, when we talk about
reassurance, telling you
like, yo, I see you, you're
doing good, you're doing
great.

(43:33):
Again, that's something where
I lack at in myself.
And a lot of times we look for
people to do things that they
don't do for themselves.
And I think that's where we go
wrong.
It's like, how can you look
for somebody to love you
when they don't love
themselves?
You know what I'm trying to
say?
So it's like- Do you love
yourself?
Oh, for sure.
I for sure love myself.
I just got to find somebody
that, when we talk about
compatibility, I think that
matters.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I got to find my mate.
I got to find somebody that,

(43:54):
like the ying to my yang.
Like when we talk about
equally yoked, that's a real
thing, right?
So like, in the absence of my
reassurance for myself, she's
going to reassure me, but
also understand that I'm
struggling in that area.
So she might not get that all
the time from me, right?
Not somebody who's going to
look for it.
And then when I don't give it to
them, it creates a divide and
conflict.

(44:14):
You get what I'm trying to
say?
So I think that's what it is,
really compatibility.
Like, that's what I think, if that
makes sense.
Do you think it's really about
reassuring or maybe just
affirming?
I think it's one of the same, but
you're a woman, so I can't
really call.
You got to tell me.
Well, I mean, I can't tell you.
I think it's different.
What's different about it?
I think that when you're

(44:36):
reassuring somebody, they
have a thought that they're
unsure of.
So you need to reassure them
of this thing and let them
know it'll be okay.
But sometimes you can affirm
somebody and they didn't have
any doubt, but they just, they
want to hear it.
Like some people like to hear

(44:56):
that a lot.
I'm not one of those people,
but I do have friends.
and we talk and they're like, I
just want to hear it more.
I know I'm great, but I want my
man to tell me how great I am
more and be more verbal with
the ways that he feels about
me.
Like, yeah, I know that he does
X, Y, and Z to show me that he

(45:16):
loves me, but I want him to say
these things.
And so there's no doubt there.
And so they're not missing it
because they have it
themselves, but they just
want to have it.
And so I think that's the
difference.
The reassuring to me kind of
insinuates that there might be
a little doubt or question.
Yeah, I think both though.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, because even like you
said, some of your friends

(45:37):
might not doubt it at all, but
they just want to hear it,
right?
So I think, again, because I
don't really do that to
myself.
So it's hard, but also it
depends on where the other
person is, but I'm not here to
talk about somebody else.
You know what I'm trying to
say?
It's like, if you are somebody
who is struggling in finding
your purpose, then you might
need much reassurance or
much more affirming than
somebody else, right?
That's living in their purpose.

(45:57):
And that's not going to be a
match for you.
Yeah, so it depends.
You know what I'm trying to
say?
It really depends on where
you are, because if you're
there and I can't
acknowledge that, if I'm
unable to see that, then I'm
unable to like give you what
you need.
So like, I don't want to just
make it seem like I'm just a
turboids man that's not doing
it.
It's just, I can get better in
those places where I can do
better at acknowledging
when it's needed, if that makes

(46:17):
sense.
I wouldn't even say that
makes you a terrible person.
I think we're just different.
And like different people do
different things.
We show our love
differently.
We show how we care and we
also require different things.
So I don't think it makes you
horrible.
It might be horrible for one
person, but back to what we
were talking about earlier,
sometimes you got to find
somebody who's actually a

(46:38):
match for you and actually
compatible.
And those things come a little
bit more naturally or easier.
And then it's not like you
constantly begging
somebody to show up for you
in a way that just isn't them.
Yep, that's it.
A hundred percent right.
And then do you feel like you
being a father now, how has

(46:59):
that affected how you look
at relationships and dating?
Or has it?
It doesn't.
It doesn't.
Do you think that when your
daughter is older, how old is
she now?
My youngest.
Your youngest.
She's 18 months.
And the older?
She's 15.
Oh, okay, so is she dating?
Yeah.
Does she come to you for

(47:19):
advice?
Why not?
I'm old school.
You think she's scared?
Probably.
But I'm old school.
Like I don't really, I'm not
your friend.
Like that's my friend.
Don't get me wrong.
That's my dog.
But she might want some
fatherly advice.
And she would.
She would for sure.
Like she know that I got her
back.
She knows that like if
anything ever happened, like
come tell me, she knows not
to be scared.
Like we've had friendlier

(47:40):
conversations, but for the
most part, like her mom's like,
I'm not gonna lie, her mom's is
great at that.
Like if we had a picture of like
a manly man and like a
womanly woman, like it
would be us two.
Like it would be her.
Like this womanly woman.
Like she's super.
What makes you a manly
man?
And I'm not saying, I've
realized my tone.
I'm not saying like you're not,
but what makes you think

(48:00):
that you are a manly man?
Like what are those qualities
that are manly in your
opinion?
It's everything.
I follow God.
But I don't know your
qualities.
So that's what I'm asking.
I have character.
I'm like, again, I'm protective.
Like I'm gonna tell the truth,
right?
I'm like, I'm everyone that
comes to being a man.
I'm gonna take care of my
family.

(48:20):
I'm gonna show up when I need
to.
When I give you my word, you
can count on it as love.
Like everything.
We ain't talking about this
Instagram podcast type shit.
Like everything.
No, not at all.
That's why I'm asking.
Character, God, my word.
You feel me?
Like that's what makes me a
man.
You know what I'm saying?
I got, I love God.
I'm a God-fearing man.
I'm a great man of character.
And then if I give you my word,

(48:41):
then you can count on it.
That's what makes me a great
man.
Well, I wasn't asking what
made you a great man.
I just mean a man.
Like what is manly?
Because one thing is manly
and one thing is womanly.
Like you were talking about
the pictures.
Just like the actual
masculine traits.
Yeah.
Would you want her to have
those traits?
I mean, I would.
I mean, that's being a good

(49:02):
person, but like.
Yeah.
Certain things, like I don't
indulge in like, I don't know,
like a lot of these niggas be
gay.
I ain't gonna lie to you.
What?
Yes.
What do you mean?
Niggas be wanting to be
woman, more than woman.
How so?
I mean, shit, look at the world
we in.
Like everybody wanna, I don't
know.
Like niggas talk about woman
business.
Like they tell them what

(49:22):
women should do.
I don't have them
conversations.
I ain't none of my business
what you should do with
your life or how you handle
your shit.
You know what I'm saying?
I talk to men because we need
to show up as men, right?
Like I really can't call it like, I
don't know.
Niggas is weird.
Like again, we talking about
give me your word, right?
Again, I'm not trying to say
what women do and what men
do.
So I don't wanna get in that
argument.
It's just some things women

(49:43):
can get away with that men
shouldn't be able to get
away, period.
It is what it is.
Like woman is catty.
Women are catty.
It just is what it is.
A man, you shouldn't be catty.
It's just like.
I don't like a catty man.
That's why I'm laughing.
Like what I was like, niggas be
fucking sassy.
Niggas wanna have the.
last word niggas like niggas
don't like bro like just be a

(50:04):
chicken scissor with a nut
like I'm just saying like these
niggas is so Mr.
Jaheel now look.
I'm just saying like niggas
like I don't know bro like like I
just carry myself So it's it's
the attitude for you that is um
that you would say you don't
And niggas is always
bothered that's that's a I feel
like that's a woman trait.
So are you more calm?

(50:25):
I am for sure.
Well I have to um get your hot
take on something so I don't
know if you will still be calm.
Let's see.
But we're gonna move on to
the hot takes.
Let's go.
Get your hot take.

(50:46):
Now let's see um what is your
hot take on we have a few
options I'm trying to see
which one I think.
Go crazy.
Okay I saw a clip uh from
another podcast that has
been circling around as the
conversation comes up a lot
um she said that men want to

(51:07):
see women without weave and
makeup because they can't
afford the upkeep.
Did you see that clip?
Okay what do you think
about that when women are
constantly saying things
about why men want
anything?
Again that's a conversation
that I like you know I'm

(51:28):
saying like I think I feel like
women shouldn't tell men
what and why they want
things and men shouldn't tell
women what and why they
want things because just
acts right like every man.
Ask the man.
Yeah like every man ain't the
same but I can't I don't know
about that I know I love a
woman I just want you to
look good presentable you
feel me like not presentable
because that's regular I don't
want you to look regular I'm
sorry.
You want you to look good.

(51:48):
Yeah I don't want you to like
what you want to look like I
ain't gonna come regular my
woman ain't gonna come
regular we gonna show up
like we above average you
feel me like we above the
standard uh so yeah um you
can have natural hair as
long as it's up kept you can
have weave as long as it's up
kept you can have a bbw you
can have a natural ass like I
don't give a damn like as long
as you look good you come in

(52:09):
presentable you can talk
some some good shit you
gotta you got some some
some good thoughts up there
you got a good hit on your
shoulder like all that like
both figuratively and
literally but um I'm just
saying like I'm just saying
like all that shit don't matter
I don't give a damn.
Yeah so basically stop
telling everybody else why
they want to have and just
ask the person.

(52:29):
And if somebody got a
purpose like all this 50 50
shit like niggas be girls be like
I want a nigga who this and
then every nigga going crazy
in the comments nigga move
on like god damn if that's
what she want then she ain't
the one for you if that's not
what you want to provide as
simple as that is a chick out
here who's more than willing
to go 50 50 with you y'all
can stack up y'all can have a
great life and y'all be
amazing it's like god damn.

(52:52):
I feel you on that it is
exhausting and that's why
like here it's like we invite the
men on I'm a woman hosting
this show we're talking about
black men and how you feel
but that's why I wanted to
make sure you know no we do
want to know what you think
I can't answer the questions
you got to answer the
questions I am not a black
man and y'all aren't all the
same and I think that the
sooner people realize that

(53:13):
the easier their lives will be
because you stop trying to
put everybody in a box have
conversations get to know a
person for who they are
right it's so many it's like so
many other things to worry
about like nigga I'm an
entrepreneur I'm trying to
learn I'm gonna get my my
next bag you know I'm trying
to say like I don't got time to
be worried about why she
think what she think how she
think like bro I don't give a

(53:34):
goddamn I always find
somebody to fit in my box and
we just be in the box together
like I ain't gonna lie to you
like I don't know what the
fuck like shit like god damn
that should be annoying it is
annoying I know I can't stand
it when I hear the men talking
about why women do
anything like who did you
consult Twitter no because
he's a woman all right I
expect he won't be a woman

(53:55):
like that he wanted a chick to
pay all the bills that's what it
is well thank god that's not
my life um the last uh thing
that we're gonna do we're
gonna ask you to help our
listeners with some advice and

(54:20):
this particular listener is a
parent and they are
navigating a breakup and
still trying to be a good
father what tips or advice
could you offer if this man is
struggling with getting
along with his child's mother
and doesn't want it to affect

(54:41):
his relationship with his child
what are some good things
that he should keep in his mind
or how to like maybe not
fight like you were talking
about in the beginning and
have some more control over
himself you know it's hard
man because the emotions are
involved for sure But man, it's
about your kid, it ain't about

(55:02):
nothing else, like, so it
depends on the situation, if
she's not letting him see his
kid, if she's letting him see his
kid, like all of that other shit,
get away from it.
Detach yourself from the
emotions of it, get on, move
on.
Get it in your head that she's
fucking another nigga right
now, right, because the easier
you can get it, you can move
on, then the easier you can go
be in your child's life and be a
good father.
What y'all got, y'all don't

(55:23):
have it no more, it's over,
finito, done, bye, stop trying
that don't want you, or you
don't want, or it ain't work
out, like move on, it's about
your child, anything you put
over your child, then you a
suck ass nigga, and if you
don't wanna be a suck ass
nigga, get over it, point blank,
period.
Like men gotta have them
conversations with
themselves, look yourself in
the mirror, and be like, yo, I
wanna be a good father,

(55:43):
that's it, that's all, and that's
what I'ma do, right, like
anything else, we ain't
dealing with that, we talking
about, I'ma show up for my kid
no matter what, if she let me
see you, if she not, I'ma show
up every single day, and if I
gotta fight, I'ma fight in
court, I'ma save some money,
I'ma ask for some loans, I'ma
take a loan on them, get my
credit together, so I can do
what I gotta do to be in my
child's life, that's it, that's all,

(56:05):
all of that extra shit is sassy,
and it's uncalled for, we don't
need to have it, I'm just saying,
like, do what you gotta do to
be in your kid's life, and if that
means shutting the fuck up,
shut the fuck up.
Do you think that a lot of
times those arguments are
because people can't get over
the fact that the person has
moved on?
Probably, I mean, I don't
know, because like, yo, like, I

(56:26):
don't know, like, niggas are
different people, it's just like,
yo, I got a tattoo, God grant
me the serenity to accept the
things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things
that I can, but the wisdom to
know the difference.
So, it's like, even if I still, even
if I still wanted my baby moms
right now, right, I understand
that my relationship with my
daughter far exceeds all of

(56:47):
that, so I might I had to deal
with that emotion, a lot of
people be in denial, like, a lot
of people don't have
self-awareness, a lot of
people don't have
accountability, I'm able to
wake up every single day,
look at myself in the mirror,
and know that I'm a good
person, why?
Because I accept everything
that comes with me, I know my
flaws, I know where I can get
better at, but a lot of people
can't see past their own nose,
so they can't even see, they
can't even acknowledge
what's going wrong in their
lives.

(57:08):
I'm not like that, so I don't
understand it, like, I
understand where I fuck up
at, I understand where I can
get better at, I understand
that now don't have to be
forever, so I can be a liar
yesterday, and be a truth
teller for the rest of my life, I
understand that, but a lot of
people can't see where they
go wrong, so they can never
go right, so like, I understand
the back and forth, and yeah, I
want my parent, I mean, my

(57:29):
significant other, but me, I
understand that, okay, this
ain't working, and I'd be dead if
I allow this thing not to
work, man, I don't know, like, I
don't know, it's like we living
in a motherfucking
simulation, like, I don't
understand what people be
going through, I don't know,
I'm sorry, like, I don't get it.
It's okay, I mean, I'm not a

(57:49):
parent, again, I like to ask
people questions, because
sometimes I see stuff, and I
just be like, I'm confused.
It's about my daughter over
all of this, like, you feel me,
like, and honestly, my two
ones, you know what I'm
saying, like, even though I'm a
stepdad, like, it's about them
two more than any
relationship, because I don't
want them to grow up and see
a toxic, I don't want my
daughter to grow up and
think it's okay for her, her

(58:11):
man to be yelling at her, or
we ain't even doing that, you
know what I'm saying, yeah, it
took me some time to learn
that, and I had to grow up, but
again, I can look back and
say, yo, when I cheated,
what'd I say, I was childish,
that was corny, that don't
mean I'm a corny person, but I
gotta acknowledge it first,
you know what I'm trying to
say, like, niggas gotta grow
up, man, niggas be scared to
grow up, man, you gotta

(58:32):
look at yourself in the
mirror and get over it, man, I
wanna be better tomorrow
than I am today, and a lot of
niggas just don't even, like, I
don't know, niggas just don't
be thinking about it.
Lots of words, we all gotta
be better tomorrow than we
were, well, than we are
today.
Than we were yesterday, you
can be 1% better, you know
what I'm saying?
Constantly improving, thank
you so much, J.
Hill, for joining us today, let

(58:52):
everybody know where they
can find you and keep up with
you, and check out your
show.
Yo, I'm Mr.
J.
Hill, you can keep up with me
everywhere at Mr.
J.
Hill, all platforms, YouTube,
Instagram, Twitter, Facebook,
all that, you can follow my
show on YouTube at Mr.
J.
Hill Network Interview Series,
yeah, I mean, that's pretty
much it.
Yeah, you said them all.
All right, well, thank you so

(59:13):
much for coming, thank you
for sharing your opinions,
this was a good one.
Until next week, you guys,
goodbye!