The Manosphere Is Full of Broken Men with Laterras R. Whitfield of Dear Future Wifey Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Kiara Walker (00:00):
Do you have faithful friends?

Laterras R. Whitfield (00:02):
Yes, there's some hesitation there Because
I'm trying to not give up on women, because
what happens is that's where the manosphere
is created.
The manosphere is created from a lot of
broken men.
I showed my sons what was never shown to me,
and that's the freedom to shed tears.
So we were taught boys don't cry.
Real men don't cry.
So that means if I cry, I must be a fake

(00:23):
man.

Do you feel like, as you've changed, maybe
your experiences and your opinions.

The stories changed with you and I was 24
years old and knew nothing about marriage
and what do you think now?
Being disciplined is the most beautiful
thing that you can offer.
That's what true masculinity is.
For me now is to be disciplined, to know I
could if I want to, but I'm not.
Because I value me.
I say character is who you are when no one
else is looking.
I used to always think as long as you don't
find out, that's not a good character, all

(00:53):
you just become is a master manipulator.

Welcome to the XOman podcast.
I'm your host, Kiaraa Walker.
They say men don't talk.
They hold it all in, never let their guard
down.
But here we like to do things differently.
I sit down with Black men from all walks of
life actors, singers, entrepreneurs,
athletes and everyday guys to peel back the
layers of who they are, beyond the

(01:16):
stereotypes, a space where Black men get to
be real, raw and unfiltered.
We're talking about relationships, love,
success, struggles, fears and the parts of
masculinity that don't always get the
spotlight.
Some conversations will challenge what you
think you know, some might make you laugh
and some might just make you look at the
men in your life a little differently.

(01:37):
So, whether you're here to learn or just
hear some dope conversations, you're in the
right place.
So pull up, listen in and let's have the
conversations that matter.
It's time for the XOman podcast to begin.
Welcome back to the XO man podcast.
I'm your host, Kiara Walker, also known as
Kiki, said so and I am so excited for our

(01:58):
guest today.
I would like to give a warm welcome to our
guest, Laterras R.
Whitfield, host of the Dear Future Wifey
podcast, and he also wears so many hats
Emmy Award nominated producer, playwright,
storyteller, podcaster.
You do a lot, father.

I try, I try, I'll be out here busy.

Yeah, welcome to the show and thank you so
much for coming.

Listen, thank you for having me.
I'm ready to just have a good time.
Let's talk.

Good, okay, so for those people who don't,
know you.

Let's talk about a little bit about how you
got into storytelling and your career.
I got into storytelling I don't share this
story much but I was kicked out of my high
school Skyline High School, since you're
from Dallas, fort Worth.
Yeah, I got kicked out of Skyline for
taking the gun to school my sophomore year
and I was sent to an alternative school and
the alternative school was in Oak Cliff and

(02:51):
it was a pilot program that year and it was
called LACI the Learning Alternative Center
for Expelled Youth.
That was an acronym and there they got
about.
It was a school about 50 students and they
got about eight to 10 of us to write this
play called Real Life and that's what
introduced me to storytelling.
And then I went on after that, went back to

(03:13):
my main school that I was going to Samuel
High School and started getting involved in
Shakespeare festivals and oratorical
contests.
And Shakespeare festivals and oratorical
contests and I said, you know what I can
use my voice to transcend into a different
dimension and take people into the world
that I'm showcasing on stage.
And I started developing a passion for

(03:35):
theater and acting.
And so I started acting, started doing a
lot of community theater there, and then it
just translated into cinematography,
producing content for school districts in
the area uh, fortune 500 companies, um and
just started doing promo videos and content
like that.
And so I just any way to tell a story and

(03:57):
share life and, uh, through a different
lens, I embrace it what's your favorite
types of stories to tell?
Stories that involve love.
You know I'm a romantic at the heart and so
even the plays that I used to do when I
would tour plays across the country.
I love to have a relationship story
embedded in the plays, and I'm just really

(04:19):
big about relationships, so it just makes
all the sense in the world that I have a
relationship podcast.

Yeah, and then over the years, with like
different plays that you've created, do you
feel like, as you've changed maybe your
experiences and your opinions, the stories
changed with you?

yeah, because I was writing plays about
marriage and I was 24 years old and knew
nothing about marriage, but somehow God
would download wisdom and knowledge inside
of me to where people wouldn't even they
couldn't believe that I was as young as I
was producing the content.
So now I'm planning on doing a play next

(04:55):
year And-.

Do you have the concept already?

It's gonna be Dear Future Wifey the
Stageplay.

Oh.

Yeah, it's gonna be Dear Future Wifey the
Stageplay.
So I'm gonna go back to my first love and
show what led to the podcast in my personal
life okay, well, I don't want to spoil the
play.
Y'all need to go see that whenever you can
buy tickets, but we're still gonna talk
about it today.

I don't want to get too deep into anything
yet.
We're gonna play a quick little game that
we call red flag green flag, so I know
which way to take the rest of this
conversation.
So all you're gonna do is I'll present a
situation and you just tell us simply is it
a red flag or green flag?
And if you feel like you want to elaborate
because you got something to say about it,
feel free to let's do it so the first one

(05:38):
is um someone you're dating is very
friendly with their exes um.

You have to define what friendly means um
overly friendly overly borderline flirty.
Oh, that's a red flag I agree absolutely
have you ever been that way?
Absolutely okay so you know from experience
absolutely okay, no social media at all.
I look at that and that's just me.

(06:07):
I'm I'm a little biased to it.
I think of it as a.
Initially I looked at it as a red flag
because I feel like you're hiding from
something right.
But then I want to talk to you and say now,
why are you like that?
If I've discerned that they're a very
private person and they don't need all that,
then I can give grace for that.
Yeah, okay, um what?
If they're a very private person and they
don't need all that, then I can give grace
for that yeah, okay.

Um what if they have a podcast?

oh, that's a.

That's a green flag for me really I get a
little nervous when I meet a podcasting man.
I'm just like oh, am I gonna get a word in?
And are you the character that I see on the
show, like how much of that is real?
Do you believe everything you say?

you play around and joke because I play
around and joke sometimes yeah, and so in
content creation I want to know if the
person and just having conversation offline
you'll be able to find out if they are,
because a lot of people when they meet me
like you exactly who you are on your
podcast, because I tell all my business on
my podcast exactly so it's like I don't
have to fake.
I say I created my podcast for that purpose

(07:03):
is for me to have a space that I say I am
going to be authentic with the world.
I'm gonna cultivate my tribe those that
love me.
Let's rock together those that are not in
alignment with me.

Bless you with goodbye I know that's right,
all right.

Um has no spiritual or religious beliefs oh,
that's a, that's a red flag for me.

Mm-hmm, does it have any male friends?

As a man as a woman.
I want you to have.
So I look at it as well again, that's more
conversation.
It can be.
It's not a you said no male friends, like
at all.

They don't have any friends of the opposite
sex, only women.
I don't have any friends of the opposite
sex, only women.

I don't see it as a bad thing, but I do
believe I don't see it as a red flag, and
then I don't see it as a green flag.

Maybe just a little yellow.

Yeah, a little yellow.
You know, a little caution, I'd be like,
because I believe that you learn so much
from the opposite sex.
I'm not a jealous guy, the opposite sex,
I'm not a jealous guy, so I'm not one of
those guys that be like if I, my woman,
can't have a male friend, no, just let him
know I exist, right, you know, don't be
sneaking when I come to house, don't be
like, uh, latera's coming in and you're
getting on the phone.

That's a problem yeah you know.

So put him on speakerphone, let's all talk,
okay I feel you on that.

Okay.
What if they only have male friends?

now, that's a that's, that's a, that's a
red flag.
Cause you need to have some sisterhood in
your life.
And I want to know, and you hear a lot of
women that say you know well, women are so
messy.
So I'm just I'm better friends with, with
males.
And then I'm like but why aren't you better
friends with males?
You know what I'm saying.

So it's I understand the dynamics, but I
believe in balance yeah, I think it's
important to have lots of different types
of friends absolutely okay, what if this is
the last one?
What if you meet a woman you're interested
in dating?
her things are going well, and then you
realize that she is very obsessed with
astrology she needs to know your birth time

(08:59):
and date so she can do the chart and then
conversation starts well.
As a leo, as a Virgo, I know that this is
true, and the planets are moving to next
week and it's going to be.
I think this is why you did this Like.
Could you handle that?

No, and I just experienced that.

Really.

Yes, I've met that throughout this dating
journey.
They'll ask every bit When's your born?
You, the rising the moon?

I don't know all that stuff.
Yeah, your rising, your ascendant, the moon.

All that and I just be like and I know that
there is some truth in that because they'll
say stuff and I'll read it and I'll be like
well, yeah, I do identify with that, but
don't make that my full makeup, because
they'd be like hmm, you an Aries?
Every guy I dated that was an Aries.
It didn't work out.
I was like so that means it's over.
Like the fact that I'm redeemed and I done

(09:53):
gave my life to Christ.
That don't matter.
That didn't change my astrological future.
Like, what is that?
So let's have a conversation about it.
But you'll have some people that be so into
it.
They'll be like, nope, it will never work,
you know, and it's just you're putting too
much faith in the stars.

Yeah, in the stars.
And that ain't the star you need to be
worried about.

Okay, come on, go ahead Teach.

Thank you for playing Red Flag, Green Flag
with us.
Now I want to go back into some more of
your background.
I want to take it back to your childhood.
Um, what was it like?
Did you grow up in the dallas fort worth
area all your life?

grew up in dfw, east dallas area, pleasant
grove, uh, factually known as the greedy
grove now.
So I grew up in the hood.
I grew up, we were, we were poor.
I remember literally having it was times
where we would have the water hose plugged
into, screwed into our neighbor's house and

(10:53):
the hose going into our thing to fill up
our tub.
Oh wow, you know what I'm saying.
Where we were struggling.
I grew up where we were eating breakfast
for dinner.
You know I thought that was pretty cool,
but I realized that breakfast is cheaper
than dinner.
And I grew up in a family of seven where
you know mom and dad and, uh, two older
brothers and two younger sisters, so that
was a lot of mouths to feed.

(11:14):
Um grew up where you're opening up.
It wasn't wrapping paper for Christmas, you
know, you had newspaper that wrapped the
gifts and the gifts was essential items
like socks and underwears.
You know it was like we open it up and it's
like socks you know, underwear, you know,
and my friends were getting the Nintendo

(11:36):
and the Sega Genesis and and I would just
have to be thankful for some socks and some
underwear.

At what point did you realize how much less
you had than other people?

very quickly when I'm sitting up there by
us wearing jordans and stuff.
And I got xj 900s.
Those were the those were.

What is that?

xj 900, it was a store called pay less, yes,
and so they would do the knockoff version
from uh for all the name, the name brand
shoes, and so I knew that I was going to
pay less to get my shoes.
And then the bottom was separate from the
top of the shoe and people like your shoes,
talking, you know what I'm saying, you
walking in this, flopping like that, and so,
uh, I knew very quickly that we were

(12:17):
struggling very quickly.

Did it make you have like any anger or
resentment towards your parents?

No, I just knew that we were poor and I
never took it out on them and I just would,
literally.
I remember Christmas time.
That's when I would just lie on Christmas
time.
People would be like, so what did you get
for Christmas?
Everybody's sharing what they got and all
that.
And I'd be like, yeah, I got me this and I
would just be making up stuff.
And then my friend will come over and be

(12:44):
like, well, where's your Nintendo?
I'll be like, oh, you know and I don't know
what I said at the time, but the lie will
fall apart real quickly.

Maybe that was actually the start of your
storytelling career.

You've been making up stories since you
were younger, getting creative.
Thank you for this counseling session that
helped me.
Thank you for this breakthrough I just
experienced.

So okay, so you realize that.
And then you grow up.
How much influence did your parents have on
what you thought it meant to be a man?

so my dad taught me what not to be, and my
mom taught me what she needed and how did
they do that?
Meaning that when I watched the
deficiencies from my dad not serving my mom
in the way that he should as a husband, he
wasn't abusive, he wasn't doing all that

(13:31):
stuff, he just wasn't present.
He wasn't emotionally present, he wasn't
affectionately present.
I saw my dad kiss my mom probably one time,
you know, but I see all these kids so they
had to be doing something.

Right.

But I just never.
I just never saw it.
I just never saw him like hey, baby, and
kissing a hug on each other.
I just never saw affection.
Uh, and since I didn't see it, I never got
it either.
So my dad was never affectionate towards me,
my mom wasn't affectionate towards me, and
I just realized that that's just what it
was.
And so, um, when I say about my dad taught

(14:06):
me what not to be is that I would look at
that, I would look at my dad and I say I
want to be a better father, I want to be a
father that's extremely present in my kid's
life.
He would always like he'll go to work and
he'll go to karaoke clubs at night and
wherever else he would go to and he'll come
home.
And that's just what it was wherever else
he would go to and he'll come home, and

(14:27):
that's just what it was.
And so at a young age, I learned how to
fend for myself.
You know, uh, me and my homeboys, we would,
um, go in the stores and and I would, I
would pay them to steal for me.
So, again, I grew up without having no
clothes, no name brand stuff, and it was so
funny because I grew up with a two parent
home and so my mom would cook and do all

(14:48):
that stuff.
Their mom was working all the time so they
didn't have home cooked meals.
So I would bargain my little you know two
thighs that I was going to get for chicken
thighs and some green beans or whatever,
for them to go to Sears outlet and steal me
some shoes you know what I'm saying.
And so they go steal the shoes, not giving
my food or whatnot.

(15:09):
And then it went from that to stealing
bicycles and I had me a little bicycle chop
shop in the in the back room of my house.
My mom just never asked me where you get
these bikes from.
Oh yeah, you know I bought it or whatever.

But where did she think you were getting
money from?

I don't know, and I I need to ask her.
I was like, how do you think I'm buying
something?
I ain't got no job, you know, and so I
would just have all these bike pieces and
putting them together and whatnot, and then
I would sell them or whatnot.
So it was just, it was.
It was very interesting back then, but I
learned masculinity totally based on what I
didn't want to be by my dad, and then I

(15:45):
learned how to care for a woman by watching
my mom go without a covering someone to
love on her, someone to say you're
absolutely beautiful, someone that would
take care of her.
So just very day I take care of my mom, I
pay all the bills.
I.
Just anything she needs is covered.
She get a social security check.
That's what you having spending money, all

(16:07):
your bills, everything.
I told her I'll pay your bills until the
day you die how do you take care of her
emotionally?
take care of her.
Mostly it gets a little tricky when you do
that, because I don't want my mom seeing me
as a surrogate husband and so, um, I make
sure that I tell her I love her every time
I see her.
Um, I make sure that I.

(16:29):
I remember at one point I wanted my mom to
divorce my dad.
Like.
I was just like why are you, why are you
here?
She said what's used to me divorcing
somebody.
I'm 70 years old, like what?
Like, what are you talking about?
Where I'm gonna go?
I don't want nobody else?
And I was like but still, it's just.
She was like latera's.
She said this to me and I was like wow.
She said I'm gonna go.
I don't want nobody else.
And I was like but still, let's just.
She was like Latara.
She said this to me and I was like wow.
She said I'm gonna stay around so at least

(16:50):
I can collect social security.
And I said boy, this is some low
vibrational conversation right here.
I said some social security you know what
I'm saying?
Because they ain't got nothing.
So I just started realizing that, okay,
that okay, whatever works for her works for
her, and I said that, um, I'll just let her
know that I always be present, I always
love on her, take care of her and make sure
that whatever she needs emotionally,

(17:13):
financially uh, I got you now what made you
want her to divorce your dad?
because I felt like he just it wasn't the
husband.
You know, I'm saying just when I say
literally not present, he'll just gone.
I remember my mom used to always be like
because they don't even live in the same
household Back then, I mean no, right now.

(17:33):
Oh okay, over the last shoot, 10 years or
something, oh wow, and because she didn't
want to go move out towards the country he
lives in, desoto.
But, um, she was like I'm not gonna move
away out there because his job is out there,
and at times when he would be around he
would, uh, she'll call and say, hey, can
you take me to a doctor's office, can you

(17:54):
do this, or whatever.
And he would make a big fuss about it and I
was like all you gotta do is be a be
transportation.
That's hard right.
And so I was like he's not, he's not doing
the role of husband.
You know, um, when I looked up the
etymology of husband, I discovered the word
husband is the Norse is in Norse is called

(18:16):
husband day one who bands his house
together.
Um, and I looked at my father and said that
you didn't band our home together, you
didn't band your wife together, you didn't
cover us, you didn't keep us intact, and so
I said that when I recognized that that's
not the role that he's playing in our life,
I was like why are you here?

(18:38):
But what I had to unpack and discover is
that my father never saw an example of what
true masculinity or even fatherhood looked
like he didn't even know who his dad was.
On my podcast, I did some research and I
released this video in 2020 where I blessed
my dad with the identity of who his dad was.
And my dad was 72 years old and, of course,

(19:01):
his dad was long gone by then but I watched
my dad literally light up and become a
little boy.
I orchestrated this moment where all his
brothers and sisters came into Dallas the
majority of them lived in Houston, one of
them lived on the West Coast and they came
in to surprise him during COVID and he was
just like, oh my God, this is a family I

(19:22):
never knew I had.
And he was just like, oh my God, this is a
family I never knew I had.
And it was a beautiful moment.
And so I give my father grace, because
oftentimes it's hard to model what wasn't
modeled to us and it's hard to become,
unless you become extremely intentional
about it and say I'm going to break this
generational curse and even if I didn't get
this from my biological father, then I can

(19:45):
lean into my earthly father I mean my
spiritual father and teach me how to be the
man I'm supposed to be.

So have you always leaned into that and
looking to God to guide you, since you saw
what you didn't want to be?
But there's still different options, so you
never know what's right.
You know what I mean.

Right.

So how did you figure out what was right?

I figured out what was right by oftentimes
my hard head itself would test what was
wrong you know, and so, and so even I'm I'm
very transparent about even in the past and
my past marriage.
Uh, I cheated on my wife multiple times, so
I can't say that I leaned into God to for
what was right.
I went straight to the flesh and said I'm

(20:26):
going to do what I want to do.
And so the reality was he has always been a
present help in my time of need.
I was raised in church, but it's always
been this tug of war where I'd be like, all
right, god, you said this I'm going to
follow you on this.
And then, as you get older, you think you
know what's best and so you go and do

(20:46):
whatever you want to do.
Or I went and did what I wanted to do and I
go into this backslidden state and then I
come back to God and be like that didn't
work out well, let me try it your way, and
then I'll try it his way.

And his way is always the best way.

not really very present um, and you were
looking to him to see what not to do, but
did he ever have any conversations with you,
whether you were younger or older, about
dating?
Nothing, absolutely.
How babies are made tell me how babies made.
I found out on my own.
I found out everything on my own, and
that's what I did not like.
I taught myself how to drive.

He wouldn't let me drive the car, how you
teach yourself how to drive well, I mean,
you know your friends, you're sitting up
there and you're learning like that but
then I went and put myself in driver's ed.

So I put myself in driver's ed at 16 and
even after I got my license, I was like, uh,
now dad, you gonna let me drive the car?
He's like you ain't gonna wreck my car.
So, like everything I had to go, I just
didn't have a hand.
I literally had no assistance growing up
and getting clothes and getting, I mean,
anything.
That's what makes me so optimistic and and

(21:52):
a grinder, because I'd be like I had to get
it out the mud like my dad.
Never, and even hindsight being 2020,
though growing up, I used to be like, dang,
all these other kids, they parents doing
all.
But I actually appreciate what he didn't
give me, because he taught me that I could
find those resources within me and, um, and
he always been really, uh, rooted in Christ.

(22:15):
He was going to always be like see, just
just trust the Lord.
You're going to get that much, you know,
you're going to get a whole Bible story,
but he's going to just tell you to trust
the Lord, and so that's one thing that my
father and my mother gave me is the
blessings of Christianity.

And what about your relationships with your
siblings?
What was that like growing up and then now?

So my best friend growing up was my brother.
His name is Savalas DeMoss and we had
different dads, but that was my best friend
and I haven't seen him in over 20-something
years.
He's on the streets, addicted to drugs, and

(22:54):
the last time I picked him up he had called.
He was about to get killed by this guy the
night before.
This drug dealer mistook him for a crack
addict addict that owed him money, and he
had the gun in his face and his friend, the
the drug dealer's friend said hold on, no,
that's the wrong one, that ain't him, that
ain't him.
And the dude said bro, somebody must be

(23:17):
praying for you because you almost died
tonight.
He said you need to go home and be with
your family, yeah, and he and let's see,
should I say that well at that time?
No, no, okay.
So at the time I kept my number, uh, listed
and my number was listed.
I'm gonna say is my number listed now?
Because I want people to start right, look
at you, I'll be getting some weird calls.

(23:37):
So, uh, at the time my number was listed
and I always had a landline phone, even
though people wasn't even using it, because
I kept the landline phone in case my
brother wanted to call me.
Yeah, and he called me that day and he was
like man, listen, he told me the whole
story and I said all right, man, I'm gonna
come pick you up.
I picked him up.
He stayed with my mom for a little bit, for

(23:58):
about a good week, and he said this feels
strange, Like it's interesting, because
when you become accustomed to a life that
we look at as being like abnormal, abnormal
becomes normal.
And he felt more at peace on the streets,
living on the streets, and he was, you know,
staying with my mom, and just said I got to

(24:19):
leave.
And he left again.
What made him leave initially was his drug
addiction.
He didn't want the family to see it, and so
he had the wherewithal to say if I'm gonna
struggle with drugs, I don't want to see it.
And so he had the wherewithal to say if I'm
gonna struggle with drugs, I don't wanna do
it in front of my family.
And so he went off to the streets.
And so he stayed for about a week and went
right back, and that's the last time I saw
him.
That was probably 15 years ago.

I imagine that's really hard to deal with.

Every July, the 12th, every July, the 12th,
his birthday.
I'd be like am I ever going to see my
brother again and will my mom get an
opportunity to see her son before she
passes away?
Because I know that's the grief that she
carries.

Yeah, and then what about your sisters?

Oh, my sisters.
So my sisters, my closest sisters.
My sister Keisha we real cool, she's a
school teacher.
That's my heartbeat, like if anybody say
something negative about me on social media,
she's gonna be in them, dms like hold on,
don't you talk about my brother, my blah
blah blah, so uh really, really tight with
her.
My other sister, uh chandra.

(25:19):
I adopted her son because she was
struggling with, uh drug addiction.
Um, I hope she's delivered by now.
Um, last I talked to her she said she was
doing uh pretty well.
And then I have two.
I mean my oldest brother, benny.
Uh, we talk from time to time.
We're not as close as I would like.

(25:40):
He just you know, he's just different yeah,
just not a lot that's tough.

I come from a big family too, so and some
people I'm close to and others I want to be
closer to, but you know doesn't always work
that way.
But while we're here, it's still time.
So I know that you mentioned that you
adopted your sister's son.
Now what you said she was struggling with
drug addiction.

(26:06):
What made you decide I'm going to take on
this responsibility because you don't have?
You didn't have another child before that
and the other child you have you adopted,
right?
I?

had my biological daughter, who was at that
time.
She was in college.
She was like 19 years old or something,
sophomore year in college, and she had just
got out the house, uh, the year prior.
So I was like, all right, cool, and I'm
going through this whole transition of
going through this divorce, and that was in
2015.

(26:34):
And then my a few months prior to that, I
get a call from CPS saying, hey, would
y'all like to get custody of this child?
And I was like no, no, no, no because
you're going through the divorce.
Yeah, Well, no, as prior to the divorce it
was.
It was a little shaky during that moment
and so didn't want to bring a child into

(26:54):
that environment, and so by the end of that
year I had already filed for divorce.
My divorce was about to be final, on
December the 29th and of 2015.
And I said let me go get.
Let me go get my nephew, because I had this
dream one night where he came to see us and

(27:15):
he was 18 years old and he came to me and
said nobody came for me.
Why didn't y'all come for me?
And I tried to make every excuse in the
book, um, and he just looked at me and he's
like but you never came for me.
And so, um, um, in that moment I said let
me go get my son, I mean, get my, get my uh,
nephews, my nephew at the time and I said

(27:37):
let me go get him.
I just lost my best friend the week prior.
So I was like I got to pull my family
together.
So I went and got him just for Christmas to
hang out with us and because they had been
foster care about seven months at that time.
And so I got him for Christmas and he
started we went to go take a family
portrait and he, just he, just he ran into

(27:59):
my office and just was just in the corner
and was crying.
I was like what's wrong?
He said.
I said talk.
He wouldn't talk.
I said what's wrong?
He said I don't want to go back to that
place.
And I was like I mean, you're not going
back right now, we're taking a picture.
So in his mind he felt like this picture
was the end of our day and he's about to go.
And I was like no, we still got some more
hours.

(28:20):
And I talked to him and I said you know
what I'm gonna come get you how old was he
at this time?
seven seven okay and I said I'm going to
come get you.
I said I'm making you a promise right now
in less than 30 days, you're going to be
living with me.
I said so, can you take this picture?
He was like, okay, 30 days later I made
good on my promise and got him.

(28:41):
And then so I got him thinking that I was
going to give my sister enough time to kick
her drug addiction and, at the same time,
mentor her, uh, the child's father, his dad,
to step up and be the father he needed to
be.
And I got really close to the father
stepping up, which he did for about two

(29:02):
months.
I talked to the courts, said can y'all give
him custody, uh of him for these two months,
cause he was in a situation that
financially that he couldn't quote unquote
take care of the kid.
He was living with his mom or whatnot.
And then I said they said all right, we'll
go ahead and do it.
And they did it for about two months.
And he ended up calling me and was ex wife,

(29:25):
called me and said you need to get custody
of your child.
He's not present in his life, he's just
leaving him there.
He's sitting on the porch at night, all
this stuff.
I said all right.
And so I knew when I got him again that
this was going to have to be permanent.

Right.

And so I document this whole thing.
It was nominated for a regional Emmy and
when I did that, I had the conversation
with the Darren, I did that, um, I had the
conversation with the darren.
I said, listen, you're gonna be with me
until you're 18, you know.
And, uh, you know there were some tears or
whatnot, and I said I'm gonna give you a
place of belongingness and that's what I

(29:59):
did, and then it ended up becoming where I
adopted him a few months.
Well, national adoption day um is the is
always the Saturday before Thanksgiving.
Okay.
And so I adopted him on National Adoption
Day and I ain't looked back since he's 16
years old now.

Did he know?
I know he was only seven, but did he know
why he wasn't with his parents?

Yeah, because he knew my sister was a very
present drug addict.
He saw it.
Drug, drug addict like she, she, he saw it.
Uh, he would literally, um, she would just
leave him with my mom and be gone for three,
four days and he's hearing my mom calling
her like when you gonna come get your kids,
where you at all that.

(30:40):
So he saw all that, he heard all that.
He, he, he saw it all.
But he was hoping that my sister would kick
her addiction and he would be able to go
back and live with her and just just didn't
happen.

So now that he's a little older, um, do
they have a relationship right now?

not really.
No, yeah, not really at all.
It's like she called me the other day and
was like he don't never answer the phone
when I call and I said because you, he has
resentment towards you.

And.

I said show consistency.
And I was like, and I like I can tell him
to answer the phone for you, I can tell him
to talk to you, but I can't make him, you
know.
And I said, but if you become consistent
and show him that you value your life, you
making wiser decisions, he's going to see
that and come around.
But you know, give him grace and you just

(31:31):
stay consistent, keep pursuing him.

And that's something that you did for him,
which is amazing, because we hear these
stories with so many women and not so many
men.
This child was not your biological child.
You already were in the empty nest zone
your daughter's in college and now you're
kind of starting over with a young kid and
you're showing up for him, showing up for
his dad and being a dad to many.

(31:56):
Then you adopt another child.
Now, what made you want another son?

so I said when I, when I adopted Ladaren, I
said God impressed on my heart that I would
be adopting another kid, but they'll be 16.
And but I figured that I'd be married at
that point.
I didn't want to be a single father like
that, I said because I've always had an
affinity towards kids in foster care.

(32:21):
You know, watching different strokes.
Yes, you see, I grew up watching different
strokes.
You know, arnold, you know what you're
talking about, willis.
I saw that.
You know, arnold.
You know what you talking about, willis.
I saw that you know what I'm saying.
So I was like you know, you know, mr
Drumming can't be the only person that sees
the value in a black young kid's life.
So I said I want to step up and do that.
You know, uh, punky Brewster, you know all
this stuff that I was watching, seeing
these foster kids and whatnot, orphan Annie,

(32:44):
that's the type of stuff, the messaging
that we had.
And so I said, all right, well, one day I'm
going to adopt a kid.
And so when my why 16 because?
16 what I read.
I found out, statistics wise, that at 16
that's a pivotal time for kids in foster
care.
You're nine times out of ten you're not
getting adopted.

(33:04):
At that point it's an African-American boy
at the age of eight.
When he gets eight, it starts getting slim
to none whether or not he's gonna get
adopted, and the more, the older he becomes,
the more it's like hang it up, you're gonna
age out the system.
But I also wanted to impress upon him
because, uh, in the state of texas, if
you're in foster care, you can go to any

(33:25):
state school in the state of texas free of
charge, all the way through a doctor's
degree.
But only like two percent of kids take
advantage of that.
And so I said I don't have to start from
the diaper phase of a young man.
I can come with him, I can come at him as a
coach, I can talk to him as like hey man,
I'll be a mentor type of father.

(33:47):
And he's 16 years old and also wanted the
freedom that he could stay at home by
himself too.

So I was wondering that, because I was like,
yeah, you're going to need a little bit of
independence now.

Yeah, you're going to take care of yourself
and wash your own clothes.

He washes his own clothes, do all that
stuff you don't have to adult, exactly.

That's the main thing is teaching them
adulting at a very early age.
And that's the main thing is teaching them
adulting at a very uh, early age.
And so did that at 16.
But then I realized that you're unpacking a
lot of trauma.
You're meeting someone at 16, but that
trauma existed years prior and you don't
even know the depths of that trauma.

And that's what I began to find out about
my my son Armani, is that he just dealt
with a lot of trauma and then how do you
show up for them emotionally and make sure
that they know it's okay to share what
they're going through or how they feel?

I showed my sons what was never shown to me,
and that's the freedom to shed tears,
because a lot of men we were taught boys
don't cry.
Real men don't cry.
So that means if I cry, I must, must be a
real.
I must be a fake man or I'm not a man at
all or, even worse, I'm, I'm, I'm a, I'm

(34:58):
weak, you know, I have too much estrogen
because I'm crying.
And so I teach my sons if it hurts, don't
let that stuff be bottled up.
I don't want you crashing out because
you've been carrying all this pain and then
you crash out and lash out on your friends
or your significant others one day.
And so I've always I hold space with my

(35:19):
sons when they were going through stuff.
When one of my sons, uh, um, armani, when
he was going through this heartbreak
situation, you know, and he came in my room
and he was just, he had his fist clenched
because this girl had been playing with his
feelings and I said, I said how do you feel?
He just, he was just mad.
And I said with the Arthur fist, oh, he was.
I mean, I, he would ball his fist up so

(35:41):
hard.
I was like that has to hurt, right, and he
was just like he was mad.
I said let it out.
I got up and grabbed him.
He said, said I will never trust another
woman Now.
He had these mother wounds Remember Foster
kid?
Mother mismanaged him, abusive.
He trusted this young girl.

(36:01):
He was 16 years old.
He said I'm never trusting another woman in
my life and I said I come against that
right now.
I said I break that spirit right now.
I said I break that spirit right now and I
walked over there and I said come here and
I grabbed him and I just held him and he
broke down crying on my shoulders.
I said let it go.
I said do not give up on women, cause what
happens is that's where the manosphere is

(36:22):
created.
The manosphere is created from a lot of
broken men that didn't have a father or
didn't have a voice of reason to be able to
hold them and say yeah, she did you wrong.
Yes, that hurt.
Yes, she manipulated you.
Yes, she mismanaged you.
Yes, you trusted her and she cheated on you.
You walked in and saw her sleeping with
your brother yes let's heal, let's heal and

(36:45):
let's normalize this and not and don't make
a blanket statement like some of these
toxic songs.
These ages ain't loyal, you know what I'm
saying and it breeds toxicity because of
your mismanagement.
Somebody mismanaged you and so I shared
that with him and we'll see if that, that
seed that was planted, if he'll choose and

(37:07):
give love a try when that time comes.

Yes, constant work in progress now, what
about um having mother figures now?
Do you feel like that's something that they
need?

absolutely, and that's why I want to.
That's one of the reasons why I want to get
married while, uh, ladarian is still yet
young, because he's still got.
He's still got one more year before he
graduates.
And so I've been vision casting and said by
the end of 2025, I'll be married.
So I'm just naming and claiming it.

OK, I know that's right.
So let's switch gears a little bit and
let's talk about love a little bit more in
depth.
I know that you were married before
divorced and you have these kids.
Do you date right now Are?

you dating?
Absolutely yes.

Now, where do you like to go to meet women?

Social media.

Social media.
You sliding in DMs.

They sliding in mine.
Oh, so we sliding to each other, it's even
Slip and slide, yeah we even we balanced
around here.

So if you slid in someone's DMs, what would
you say?

First, I'll find something on their social
media page that creates an opportunity for
discussion.
So if they were on a trip or if I saw that
they posted something or a meme or whatnot,
then I'll utilize what I see to create
conversation.
And it's the same thing I tell women I say,
listen, don't shoot your shot at me.
Um, just present, just let me know you

(38:35):
exist and I'll do the rest what do the
women usually say?
You, my husband, oh, they straight up.

Be like God told me you, my husband, I'd be
like do you click their profile and check
and see, I see, I check and see if they
have any type of rationality attached to
their brain.

But, it's like because I'll tell people you
can't approach me like that.
You put me in a feminine role.
I don't know what to do with that.
You're like what do I do with that?
I'm supposed to say yes, baby.
Like I don't know what to do.
What am I supposed to say yeah, because I
was gonna be my next one.
What do you say today?
Most time I leave on red and I just be like
see you done, messed up, and I actually
thought you was cute, but now you scared me.

So what about in real life?
If a woman was interested in you and she
wanted to approach you somewhere, would you
be turned off by that?
Is it too?

no, oh yeah dude, just come, just come talk
to me, say hi, I'll do the rest.
Okay, let you be somebody I want to holler
at.
And you walk up to me and be like, hey, how
you doing?
You have a podcast, right, sure, dude?
Hey, what's your name?
I'm a.
I'm a, I'm a talk.
Yeah, so that's the reality.
It don't take me much, I'm not shy, you
know what I'm saying.
So it's like just I said men should pursue

(39:40):
and not persuade, and the woman should
present and not pursue.
I like that, and so that's a quote that guy
gave me, uh, about a year a half ago, and
what I mean by that is oftentimes even from
the opposite.
You'll have a man that'd be like hey, you
know, listen, he's trying to shoot his shot
at you and you're like I'm not interested.
And he starts saying see, that's the
problem.

(40:00):
You don't want to give a good man a chance.
You know, when you start going down that
rabbit trail, you have failed.
Sir.
Like you don't have to convince a woman
that is aligned with you.
You can't make her see you as the man that
you are.

Or the man that you see yourself as Because,
or the man that you see yourself as Because
clearly she don't see it.

And so my thing is, it's been times I shot
my shot at women and they're not interested.
I don't get caught up on that.
I always look at rejection as redirection.
I just need one.
I just need one person that I'm aligned
with.
She sees in me what I see in myself, and
vice versa.
And then we look at each other and go let's

(40:38):
do this journey together.
And so, um, when a man starts trying to
persuade a woman of his value and all that,
you went wrong.
And a woman, you know, and I know, we're in
this modern world where a woman, you know,
can approach and ask a guy out of whatever
you know, to each his own.
For me, a woman don't have to do all that.
She's got to present.
Let me know she exists.
Drop the proverbial handkerchief back in
the day, what they used to do.

(40:59):
Yeah, they'll drop a handkerchief and do
like excuse me, miss.
He'll pick up the thing and be like, oh,
and they'll lock eyes and then they'll just
like the movies, yeah, the movies.
I'm, you know, I'm very much so like that.
So just let me know you exist, slide in my
dm and say I love the episode you just did
with such, such I'm gonna go to your social
media.
I'm gonna skim your page, see what you're
talking about, see what you're posting, see
what your stories look like.
I'm gonna look through all of it and I'm

(41:20):
gonna come back around find something that
was said on your page and then I'm gonna
start conversation and we're gonna start
conversing back and forth for a few
exchanges and if I feel like we're talking
good, then I'm gonna say do you mind if I
call you on the ig audio before a phone
numbers exchange?
Oh sure, call me.
I'll call them on IG audio.

(41:40):
Then I may escalate it to make sure I ain't
catfished and say can I call you on IG
video?
Then I'm talk to you on IG video, make sure
you ain't got no husband in the background,
and then I'm gonna say, all right, cool,
let's exchange numbers.

And then I'm gonna talk to you and then
we'll see where we go from there okay, and
I want you to describe this future wifey
that's going to be aligned with you.
What she look like what she act, like what
she's into.

I would believe that what she's into is me.

That's what we got to start there Most
important.

Yeah, we got to start there first.
But she also has to have a foundation built
and rooted in Christ.
She has to not just be a Christian but she
has to be a woman of God that when people
see the fruit from her, they identify the
characteristics of God.
They see the fruit of the spirit operating
in her first Corinthians 13.
They see the fruit of the spirit operating
her and those that around her.

(42:31):
I judge a woman by how her friends see her.
If all your friends don't like you, that is
a problem, because you're saying your
friends don't like you.
That sounds like an enemy.
So how did you have all these people you
call friends and none of them like you?
So I want to see how you treat your friends,
how you treat your family.
When we're out at restaurants, I want to
see how you treat the waitstaff, and so

(42:55):
it's not just on how you treat me.
I want to see how you treat others.
And, most importantly, when I do give you
access to my kids, how do you treat them?
How do you talk to them?
Do you feel like, oh, those are your kids,
I ain't got nothing to do with them, or do
you make yourself a part of this world by
saying I really like them, I would love to
meet them, I would love to talk to them,

(43:16):
and I want a woman that knows how to speak
to the king in me.
There's moments where I may second guess my
calling or different exploits that I'm
trying to accomplish.
I want a woman that can come alongside of
me, look at me in my eyes and say listen,
you can do it, baby.
Listen and not just say it.
But then I tell people this all the time.

(43:38):
The success that I've accomplished thus far
is great, but it pales in comparison to
what's going to happen with me when I get
married, because I'll have my favorite
factor.
I know the power of a woman.
I know when you have your blind spots.
Women are the answers to men's blind spots.

(43:58):
They're really good.
God gave them vision and direction where
they can sit there and be like you need to
watch him, you need to watch her.
I know you think she cool.
You need to watch her, and for me, I value
that and I respect it.
And so I want a woman whose voice can be
amplified in my life to where I hear her
and hear her pure intentions, and somebody

(44:20):
I can love and have amazing sex with.

Now, how important is sex in a relationship?
It's extremely important.
I was listening to some of your interviews
and just your story about your first
marriage and I know that that was an issue
then.
How do you feel about sex right now?

It's still the same, ain't nothing changed.
But the thing about it is this sex right
now it's still the same, ain't nothing
changed.
But the thing about is this the difference
is I carry more of the responsibility on
how to cultivate that in my marriage.
Back then I was young.
I didn't know how to cultivate that out of
my wife.
Meaning people come into your life from
different backgrounds.
Some people may have a negative view of of

(44:56):
sex, especially depending on what type of
church you went to.
Uh, where they would make you demonize your
own bodies, where you just if you, there's
so many women from the church they ain't
even seen a vagina ever, you know I'm
saying they won't even look down at it.
I talked to this lady before she said oh, I
don't even look down at it.

You know I'm saying I was like, well, so
you've got to get down there and check,
yeah, what's going on when I tell on, when
I tell you that is a real thing, they do
not look at it.

They don't know what it takes for them to
have orgasm, they don't know nothing.
And so to be able to give safe space to a
woman like that, to say let's have this
conversation, let's talk about it, your
body is beautiful, let's unpack it and
let's have a conversation.
And so back then I didn't realize my
ex-wife came home one day, the first year

(45:41):
of our marriage, and brought home a feather.
And I was like what in the world?
I said here's one more obstacle to jump
through in order to make love to my wife.
And she was like I just want you to rub
this feather on me.
And I rubbed it on her begrudgingly, I just
rubbed it on all of her back.
I said this is so corny.
This is so dumb.
She was trying to spice it up she was, but

(46:02):
it just was not working with my ego and so
I was like this is stupid.
It took me years later to realize what she
was trying to do.
She was saying I want you to touch me as
soft as a feather.
I don't want you having uh, having sex with
me.
I want you making love to me and I want you

(46:23):
to provide a safe, soft space, a soft
landing uh place for me to be able to be
vulnerable with you, and I want you to
handle me as delicate as a feather.
Well, that when I'm having uh, uh sex prior
to marriage, I didn't meet no women like
that.
You know, I'm saying we doing quickies, we
doing everything, it just it ain't even, it

(46:43):
don't take.
All that you know, I'm saying.
And so here I am in this covenant.
I'm treating her the same way that I'm
treating the women in the past and not
saying this is my wife, let me handle her
with care.
And so, going forward, I've learned that
when I was a boy, I spoke as a boy.
When I'm an adult, as a man, I'm putting

(47:04):
childish things behind me.
And so now, as an adult, that was me in my
early 20s, middle, middle, 30s or whatever.
Now, as a man, I say no.
I'm gonna create this space for my wife to
uh be very expressive.
However, she wants to show up on an
intimate level because I've curated this

(47:24):
beautiful place where she can exist.

Yeah, it's very easy to break a woman's
confidence, especially if you're saying
that she was already coming from a
background where this isn't normal.
This isn't what you should be doing.
Something I've never thought about, though,
that I thought about when you said that
about her background.
You grew up in the church.
What do they teach men?
They?

don't teach us nothing about this.
Don't teach us we ain't doing no pinky
promises.
They ain't teaching us to be abstinent.

They ain't teaching us nothing but if you
do, you ever, or does anybody ever like
express the urges or ask questions and is
it just like you get to do what you want
because you're a man?

just don't make anybody pregnant or they
don't, they just don't, they just don't
talk about it at all.
And then so you're learning from, uh, the
ogs in the neighborhood like boy you been,
so you're all yours, bro.
If you talk about, say, man, you need to
just smash as many women as possible so
they're teaching you that was part of being
a man.

Yes, that was identity many women as
possible.

Did you feel like that was part of being a
man?

Yes, Conquering as many women as possible.

Period.

And what do you think now about?

that Now.
I believe that being disciplined is the
most beautiful thing that you can offer.
That's what true masculinity is for me now
is to be disciplined, to know I could if I
want to, but I'm not because I value me.
I didn't value my body up until 2020.

You know what?
I'm not because I value me.
I didn't value my body up until 2020.
You know what I'm saying?

that was just yesterday, four years ago, I
started valuing my body.
I didn't even value it.
It was just like what man says I value my
body and I'm going to hold myself.
You know that terminology isn't even used
when it comes to men, but in 2020, in
December, when God had me, he said Latarius,
I want you to be disciplined.

(49:02):
What that?
mean, he said I when it comes to men.
But in 2020, in December, when God had me,
he said Latarius, I want you to be
disciplined.
I said what that mean.
He said I want you to be abstinent.
I said, now, why would I do that?
Now, why would I do that?
I just started this podcast.
I'm getting women all everywhere.
Now, why would I?

do that?

That don't make no sense.
God, this is not you.
This is the devil talking to me.
I rebuke you, God.
This is confusion.
This is confusion.
And then, december of 2020, I took a vow of
abstinence, but in me taking that vow, I
started saying God ended up reminding me of
a moment that happened when I was 19 years
old, and that moment was I was dating this

(49:36):
girl.
This is the first godly relationship I had.
I had just given my life to Christ.
When I was 18.
I started dating this girl and, um, and she
was a virgin and she was in college.
I would drive out, so she went to uh TWU
and uh Texas Women University, so I would
drive out there and I would see her or
whatnot, and and one day she was like I

(49:57):
want to give you my virginity.
And I was like, nah, I said I want to wait
till we get married.
And she looked at me.
She said well, if I married you, she said,
if you marry me, you're getting somebody
that no one has had.
If I marry you, I ain't getting nothing
special.
I'm getting somebody.
She said I'm getting somebody everybody
done had I said well, God, no, Shout out to

(50:19):
her for speaking up.
That was terrible.
That was terrible.
That girl said I ain't getting nothing
special, I'm getting somebody that
everybody done had.
I said everybody.

You have to check what you have been
putting out there, what your reputation was
Terrible.

I said shoot, my numbers wasn't even that
high during that time.
It was numbers though, but it wasn't even
that high during that time.
It was numbers though, but it wasn't that
high so so so when she said that, I said,
all right, cool.
So then I end up having sex with that girl,
and all she got was sex, and it opened up
the door for me to be like I have no value,
and that was the first woman I ever cheated
on and I was like there's no value in me.

(50:57):
I'm here, I am trying to do the right thing
as a Christian and she's saying I ain't
worthy of nothing, so forget it.
And so I carried that trauma all the way to
2020, december, and God took me back to
that story and that experience that I went
through and he said you remember when that
happened?
I said yeah.
He said that's why you don't value yourself.
I said I forgot about that.

(51:18):
And he says you're valuable to tears.
You ain't got to share your body with all
these random women.
You know, and see, I used to make it where
it was like I wouldn't just mess around
with somebody I just met.
It'd have to be somebody I was emotionally
connected to, but it could be connected to
by way of friendship.
So it's like the bar was real low.

(51:39):
It was just like oh, you, you know me, we
cool.
Okay, I couldn't.
Just because I get nervous if there's some
random woman I just met and then we about
to sleep with each other, I get I'll be
like what you gonna give me.
So I get, I get I get scared, I start weird
and I'll start malfunctioning.
But but with that situation, my ex-wife
told me this one day she said I don't have
to worry about you cheating on me with some
random woman it's gonna be one of your

(52:00):
friends and I was like, oh, she though, and
I said did you find she was jealous of your
friends?
no, she wasn't jealous of my friends, she
just knew that I had very, very bad
boundaries.
You know, uh, and I did at that time, I
just, it was just, I had no boundaries,
forget bad boundaries, there were no
boundaries.
Um, and so it was just, I had no boundaries,

(52:21):
forget bad boundaries, there were no
boundaries.
And so that's another thing that I had to
learn is that and of course I didn't have
boundaries because I was, you know, out
here being deceitful so you ain't going to
have boundaries, and you not.
You know it all go to go hand in hand.
And so that's what it was.
And so I started recognizing that I do have
value in my body, and so I went on a plight

(52:43):
of abstinence, and you know it's a journey.
You know I'm doing well now, but the last
four years has been some off and on moments.

I would imagine that is tough, that's a
long.
Oh yeah, that's why I said I gotta get
married next year, 2025.

I'm getting married, I'm telling y'all 2025,
I'm getting married speak it into existence
amen now um, you talked about cheating.

I know that you shared about cheating on
your ex-wife.
You cheated on this girl who gave you her
virginity.
Were your cheats always sexual cheats?

uh, if you're trying to put the emotional
in it, yeah, it's been.
I'm quite sure it's been times where it was
emotional, but as, as a man, we don't even
think of emotional.
So, even while you ask me that the first
thing I think of is physical, because we
lean to women to be more of the emotional
cheaters, because they're reading romance
novels and they're feeling more of an
emotional standpoint, and men are more
physical and that's how we try to deflect

(53:37):
the severity of it.
We like it, just it was a sex.
I mean because for a we like it's just sex,
it doesn't mean nothing, because for a lot
of men it don't mean as much.
To sleep with a woman or whatnot, they're
like it's just sex, and a woman's like just
sex, like are you crazy?
And so when I look back on that, it started
out for me having an emotional connection

(53:58):
with the woman and it was expressed
physically, which is why it lasted so long.

Do you find that, now that you realize that
is what was happening, that you have better
boundaries with how close you're getting to
these female friends emotionally, so that
you're not trying to marry them or have a
slip up?

Absolutely, and I just don't let.
I just know what conversations not to have.
You know it's like you can't.
You can't be fully invested in the
day-to-day life of a, of a someone in the
opposite sex because you're going to start
finding a strong connection with them.
You can't be talking about a lot of sexual

(54:38):
conversations because curiosity is going to
start to rise and then you're going to be
like girl, what you talking about?
you know, I'm saying, and boundaries by way
of space.
You can't be sitting around in certain
environments with somebody that's a
platonic friend, um, at certain hours, at
certain places, having certain
conversations, because it's going to

(54:58):
escalate.
What?

What are the places that you would say you
don't need to be with your friends?

In my bedroom.

I'm thinking you're going to say like a bar,
no, I wouldn't go to a bar, my bedroom, my
living room, my car at a certain time.

Stuff will pop off.
Let me tell you something.
So that's what I'm saying.
I'm saying at the end of the day, it pop
off.
Let me tell you something.
So that's what I'm saying.
I'm saying at the end of the day, it's
certain conversations, because if it's
certain hours and certain it just man, let
me tell you something.
I'm going to rest my case.

Yeah, the mind does wander after a certain
time and just depending on how you're
feeling you're already getting comfortable
sleepy.
I get it.
I totally understand.

Stuff pop off real fast.

Now, as you're looking for your wife,
you've already described her.
Um, what is something that you know that
you learned in all of your past
relationships, including the marriage that
you had, that you want to make sure that
you get right this time, me being a better
man, me being a better man.

One thing that I recognize more than
anything is that I lacked integrity in the
past and my character was poor.
They say character is who you are when no
one else is looking.
I used to always think as long as you don't
find out, that's not good character, all
you just become is a master manipulator.
Me operating in the highest level of

(56:17):
character and integrity is the one, the
main thing, that will change the trajectory
of my future marriage, because it starts
with me and then by me taking the honest on
me, then I will cultivate a healthy
environment for my wife.
Another thing is to be able to articulate
and share openly feelings before they

(56:39):
become seeds that foster into resentment,
because what happens is is that I recognize
in the past certain stuff.
I just wasn't saying I'd be like, well, it
just, she is who she is and it just I just
got to deal with this and I am who I am,
and maybe this don't make sense and
marriage don't work.
That's why and I start saying that instead
of saying no, I don't receive that yes, she

(57:00):
may be who she is, but let's change that.
Yes, lataris, you recognize this is who you
are, but that's not good Change that let's
have a conversation so we can bring out the
best in each other, and so we're having
very transparent conversations with one
another so that we can circumvent the
destruction and a possible divorce in the
future.

Yeah, I love that answer and I hope that it
works out for you in the future 2025, not
even far future.

Yeah, 2025.

We're going to see the wedding pictures all
over the internet Amen.
Okay, we're going to move on to our segment,
Hot Takes.
I'm going to present you a couple of things
and I want to get your hot take on it.
Present you a couple of things and I want
to get your hot take on it.

The first one is people who say all men
cheat.
It's just not true.
I know this, the statistics, I'm more
optimistic.
So when you say all men cheat, it can't be
because I've met some faithful men.

You have faithful friends yes there's some
hesitation because I'm trying to think who
they are, but I know they are.

I know I've met some that are faithful okay
and I've met some that weren't faithful in
the past, but they've gotten to the point
to where they said, listen, I'm going to be
faithful, so I know they exist.
So there's that.

Okay, they exist, the non-cheaters,
according to Lataris R Whitfield.
He can't think of who exactly?
But he knows that they're out there.

I know I got friends that don't cheat,
leave a comment, if it's you okay.
Yes, I got friends that don't cheat A lot
of them.
They older, okay, so got friends that don't
cheat A lot of them they older.

Okay, so I know that you said that you are
a DM slider and receiver.
How do you feel about online dating?
Do you think that something real can come
from that?

Absolutely.
I believe that if you're not dating online,
you're making your pool a little shallow
Because at the end of the day, you have
social media.
It doesn't mean you have to be on a dating
site per se.
You know Facebook dating, where I be seeing
that pop up People be meeting people on
Facebook dating.
But you know, you can meet people on social

(59:10):
media.
I just feel like it's a great opportunity
to meet people, to read profiles, to see
what other people are saying about them.

But what about traditional dating sites or
dating apps?
Yeah, I believe.

I've never done it.

Oh, that was going to be the next one.
One of the things I wish.

I sometimes wish I could have gotten that
experience, but I never did.
And because at the back then I used to
think it was lame and then now I actually
think, is like over the last few years I
think it's brilliant, but now I can't do it,
like there's no way I could be on a dating
site and it's not even necessary for me.

Why can't you be on a dating site and they?

sit there and say look at Dear Future Wifey
on the dating site.
You know what I'm saying it's like they'd
be like what but?
She's sliding in the DMs, but that's my
social media.

My Instagram's going to stay there.

Laterras R. Whitfield (01:00:01):
So it's just hey, it's like if I'm at work
and there's a coworker that I met, that's
cute, that's what Instagram is.
I'm working, I'm posting and somebody else
is sitting there oh how you doing, and it's
not even the way I slide, it's trying to
build.
I believe I have this saying where I say I
want to go from friend to fiance, and so
what that means to me is that I'm not even

(01:00:22):
trying to get at a woman from a romantic
standpoint.
I'm just trying to see if there's alignment,
if there's some friendship.
Because one thing I recognize from a
healthy marriage you got to like the person.
Y'all got to be able to.
I vet women by.
Turn the TV off.
No movie is going on.
We're sitting here.

(01:00:43):
How long can we sit here and talk and not
feel like can we turn the TV?

Kiara Walker (01:00:45):
on or something.
Can we get a little background noise In?

the car.
I test it.
I drive in the car with no music and I'll
just sit there and we'll be talking.
And if the woman be like can we turn some
music on, Then that means that silence,
let's talk you know what I'm saying, and
that not meaning that every car ride has to
be, you know, no music present, but I try
to see if we can have conversation and not

(01:01:09):
feel like something is missing, right,
because we need another distraction, and so,
yeah, that's extremely important to me.

Okay, and the last one what is your take on
large age gaps when dating, and by large I
mean at least 10 years?

10.
Don't feel large to me, it doesn't.
10, don't you start getting 20?
It starts feeling like that.

So just look at it somebody like 20 years
is too much no, each is own for me it would
be you cause.

that means I'm dating a woman that is 66.
Mm-hmm, Take a moment of silence for that.

Yeah, 66.
Or she could be younger 26?

No.

Yeah, Either way it's not worth it.

You wouldn't take an older woman.
Not that older.
No, I just won't.

How high is the ceiling?

for the future wifey About.
I'd say I'm 46.
I go 5 to 7 years older.

5 to 7.
Okay.

I go 54.

54, and that's it.

Yeah, yeah, because then you click a
different box.

It'll be like 55 plus.

when you feel like that stuff online, yeah,
I say 54 feels good to me, but she has to
be a youthful 54.
Active yeah and fun and all that.
Not an old girl, but I can't go real far
young, like I have my homeboys be like yeah,
you want to date a 27-year-old?
Absolutely not.
My daughter is 28 years old.

That would be weird.

My daughter told me this and I'm going to
throw her under the bus.
My daughter told me.
She said, dad, I'd rather you date a man
than a date a woman.
My age, I said.
Well, that escalated fast.
Right, she said, because what that would

(01:02:53):
make me feel is that, my friends, you were
looking at my friends while we were growing
up and and in my mind, I'm just not
attracted to a woman that young, because I
will see her as my daughter you know.
So I used to say 10 years down for me um I
used to always say 10 years down for me.

Uh-huh, you really didn't really consider
the older women.
Sorry y'all no, not, not 66, not 20 years I
get it that 20 years would be a lot.
Okay, we are going to move on to our advice
segment.
So we have been talking to different people
on the team and that we work with and that

(01:03:25):
we know, and, uh, viewers on the site and
somebody submitted a question and so she
says I've been meeting a lot of men who are
more so concerned with their career and
financial goals before worrying about
dating or taking it seriously.
Is this common?
Why does it seem like men can't do both,
when women are constantly juggling both?

(01:03:46):
What do you say to that?

I'll say that women aren't constantly
juggling both.
The shift has happened.
And when it comes to men, I'll speak on men
first.

Okay.

We have been programmed early on to be
providers.
So as a provider we're supposed to go get
the money together, the home life together,
and go to prepare a place for this future
wife, and so that's our mandate to be
providers.
The other part about it is that social

(01:04:20):
media has amplified it and made it worse,
when we have all these conversations about
the 50-50 or the 100 and this soft life
stuff.
So now these men be like God.
Now I got to.

I was trying to make more money.
I got to give her a soft life that she so
now these men be like God.

Now I got to.
I was trying to.
Yeah, I got to make more money.
I got to give her a soft life that she
don't want to even work.
She want to be a passenger princess.
She got to be.
What in the world is all of this?
So it's all this rhetoric that happens
where it's like gosh, like I thought we can
do.
Now she wants to keep her money as her
money and she's going to devalue me if she

(01:04:53):
has to use her money in order for us to
provide a lifestyle for ourselves.
So it's just keep pushing marriage and
delaying marriage.
The unfortunate thing with women is the
same thing.
You hear women, based upon whatever that
was, that they grew up watching Mama
Struggle or whatnot.
I've talked to plenty of women who say I

(01:05:13):
say you know, you're 35.
Are you ready to get married?
I got it.
I still got to accomplish this in my life.
I still got to do this.
Matter of fact, you said that at the very
beginning.

I said that about kids.

What is that?
And my?

accomplish is I want to be married before I
have children.
I am very interested in marriage.
I before I have children.
I am very interested in marriage.

I would like to be married.

I would like to be married next year too,
shoot, but I want to be married before I
have kids.
I don't want to be a single parent.
I'm not very sure, and the thing that I
need to accomplish is being sure, because I
would hate to bring a child into the world
and still feel unsure about them.
I think that I take anything I do seriously,
and if I was a mother, I take my dog

(01:05:51):
motherhood very seriously, so I can only
imagine how it would be with a kid, and I
would hate to be one of those mothers who
is so distant from their child.
I don't want that, so don't put me out
there like that.
Not career goals and stuff like that.
It's not that.
It's just I want to be married before
having children.
I would like be married, I'm open to it,
but I'm not there yet so if you were

(01:06:12):
married, you wouldn't delay the kids well,
I gotta figure out if I want them, and
that's also a conversation that I need to
have with this person, because a lot of the
men who I've met, and even the the man I've
dated most recently, have children not
everybody, but some of them do and then
it's like, okay, you already have a kid.
Um, I definitely don't want to get in the

(01:06:33):
way of anything with that, but can we
realistically bring another kid into this?
How does that work?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I would have to consider a lot of things.
I don't take it very lightly.
I know a lot of women have these dreams and
desires to be mothers, right.

Yeah.

It just just.
That's never been me.
It's something that I'm, that I've thought
about, but it's never been.
This is the big thing I want, so I just
need to be sure and I'm an overthinker if
you couldn't tell you're overthinking when
it comes to that yeah, with anything, I'm
an overthinker.
I I changed my outfit six times earlier, so
you know, I just really six.

Are you exaggerating?

I'm exaggerating today, but usually that is
what happens and I'm just like I don't know.
I don't know, I am very indecisive, so
that's probably why I'm still not married,
but you're saying that women can be that
way too with having these ideas about goals
that they want to have before getting
serious.

And I just think that's unfortunate, like I
just think it's unfortunate for both
parties.
I had Jason and his wife on the podcast and
he has this male leadership program called
the Cave of a Doolam in Detroit and he said
me and my wife, we got it together together.
And that's what I feel is.

(01:07:50):
I just wanted that to amplify that let's
get it together together, that when the
Bible talks about the wife of your youth,
it was intended for us to be married
younger.
We just keep delaying it in our thirties
and forties and you got to just look at it.
Don't even take the Bible for you don't
have to believe in the Bible.
Just believe in your own body.

(01:08:11):
Your body is producing.
You go through puberty around 10, 12 years
old.
At that point you can become a mother and
then the older you become, the more it
becomes a challenge for you to then have
kids.
The older you become and when you have kids
in your early twenties, your body bounces
back real quickly.
When people have their kids in their 20s or

(01:08:33):
whatnot, their body is back to normal
before they're 30.


Sometimes I know we ain't talking about
those other cases.

We talking about don't be throwing shade on
nobody.

We talking about.
You had a visual of somebody.

Some of these babies are big and they just
come through and they rip up these women's
bodies.
And I feel they just come through and they
rip up these women's bodies and I feel like
some people are just a little ungrateful.
And when I see kids being bad, I'm like I
just know you ran through your mama's body
and you was probably just kicking and
punching and stuff, but you need to be
nicer.
Do you know what she went through?
She almost died.
You know what my mama told me?
Giving birth is like having one foot in the
grave and the other on a banana peel,

(01:09:06):
because it is really serious.

So if you're watching this and you ain't
told your mama, you love her.

you need to tell her you love her.
You don't know what she's been going
through and how many times she looked at
them stretch marks and if she had a hernia,
if her back is hurting, what?

There you go, overthinking, again You're
overthinking again, see how far I go.
She said them stretch marks.
But the reality is it's meant for earlier.
And then you go to 35 and then your
doctor's telling you, hey, you're going to
have a geriatric childbirth.
You know it starts getting real there.
And then, when that clock ticks, now you're

(01:09:39):
in menopause, and so the reality is, I just
believe that we can get it together
together, that if we prioritize love,
relationships and marriage, then you'll get
what that think about it.
When you do marriage right, every goal that
you're trying to accomplish, you got a free
employee helping you do it.

And now wait a minute.

She's like see, there she goes.
She's been overthinking again, you gonna
pay me Free employee.

what do you mean?

I'm just saying you got a partner.
You got a partner that shouldn't be sitting
up here saying that, nah, if you need me to
go put this resume out there, you're gonna
pay me.
You're gonna pay me to type up your resume.

That's not a good relationship so do you
put instill these values in your son, so
like work with a woman, and you don't have
to necessarily wait until you have it
figured out did you have it?
Figured out in your first marriage or was
she very helpful?
In that way she was building your career
she was helpful in the way of.

We were kind of in the same space.
So she was doing like her master's program
was.
Um, she had to create a company for her
master's program and I, when you use the
company that I created it was a company I
did called soldier entertainment was.
It was an entertainment company that was
going to be touring plays or whatnot, and
so we used that as her case study and so

(01:10:58):
when I started doing plays, she was an
actress in it, she was a stage manager in
it.
She was always involved and making sure
that the vision came to pass.
But we shared in that same passion and so,
whatever that is, even if it's not, uh,
careers that are aligned I I use it in the
sense of resume, because sometimes you hear
a lot of women be like I helped him put his
resume together and I helped him do.

(01:11:19):
I helped him.
I helped her with a homework assignment
while she was going to get her degree I was
with him shooting in the gym that part.
And you know I'm saying, and that's what's
so important, I think that when you, I love
hearing, love hearing the story of Kadeem
and DeVal.
You know, they look at the beautiful life
that they have together.
They making more money than the Lord can
allow, but they started off struggling.

(01:11:39):
They go back to their old place and say you
remember this little apartment we had?
We had these kids, we was trying to figure
it out.
They didn't have much, they got it together
and I believe that that instills a greater
level of appreciation, because you see
those stretch marks that y'all went through,
you know that, you know the, the, the saggy
breasts that occurred because y'all got it
together together, and so that's what I

(01:12:01):
believe that we deprive ourselves from,
because the other situation that happens
you go get your stuff together, you go get
your coins, you got your life, life
together.
Now you got to deal with.
Are you with me for the right reason?
Now you're looking at people with one eye
open and now you start talking about.
You're going to give me a prenup.
We're going to do that.
It's a different now.

(01:12:21):
It becomes different conversations.
You know, instead of it being rooted and
grounded on, we're partners, we're
teammates.
What, what are your dreams?
I'm gonna help you do that.
These are my dreams.
You say, oh, I can do that, I can help you
with that, and you help each other.

Uh, live the life of your dreams do you
think that sometimes maybe men feel um less
valuable or not valuable at all if they
don't have the things?
You've talked about everything that they're
seeing on social media.
And so what would you tell a younger man
who maybe he's grown, but like under 35, I
would say, who feels like I'm still not

(01:12:56):
there yet, so I don't think that a good
woman will really value me and I'm scared
to take anybody serious make him get out
his head.

No, yes, and make your value outside of
money, because, and I'm telling you, I was
dating this woman that I thought I was
going to marry in 2022, and when I found
out what this lady was worth, I said, oh,
I'm going to end this relationship.
The woman was worth a hundred million
dollars well, why did you want to end it?
Because what would I do for her?

(01:13:24):
This woman is worth a hundred million.

Maybe she just wanted love.

I know, but let me tell you how I walked
that out.
At first I was like this lady got all this
money.
She's making all this money.
I can't.
I used to make a joke.
I said I can't even pay to get your grass
cut and you got artificial grass.
You know what I'm saying she had a $6
million house.
She had two houses, one that was $6 million,
another one that was $4 million.
They were about 20 minutes away from each

(01:13:47):
other.
I said I ain't never seen money like this,
I and I, and it made me feel so insecure as
a man.
And then I was driving down the street and
God said, latarius, uh, why you want to end
it with?
I said because, uh, I'm used to being a
provider.
He said were you the provider in your past
marriage?
I said absolutely, I'm the one that paid
the bills, I made the money or what.

(01:14:08):
And I started naming all this.
He said what if I told you you weren't the
provider, you were just a breadwinner?
And I said, huh.
He said you didn't provide fidelity, you
didn't provide peace, you didn't provide
safety, you didn't provide.
And he started naming everything that had
nothing to do with money.
He said everything that you are now is
everything that she needs and it has
nothing to do with money.
God read you down he read me and I called

(01:14:30):
up that day.
I said I was going to break up with you
today.
She was like why?
What happened?
And I told her and then she was like
everything that you are the terrorist.
She said the reason why I feel so safe with
you, the reason why I feel so seen, is all.
She said listen, the kind of money I make
is abnormal.

(01:14:56):
It's not too many people that's gonna make
that kind of money.
She says so I don't even expect it.
But I also expect to be with somebody that
I can trust, that is secure enough with who
I am and value me enough that I can truly
feel like my money is his money and there
will be no issues.
And I said, okay.

So that's what that was that's what a lot
of the rich girls say.
I keep seeing stuff I saw.
I just saw a clip earlier today Keke Palmer
was talking about this she sure did.

I saw that clip.

I saw Nick Cannon talking about his
marriage to Mariah Carey.
Same thing and I hear many men say this
same thing and it's like you think that
your masculinity will be robbed of you if
you're with this woman and it makes me
wonder well, do you feel like, if you do
have the money that you get to rule with an
iron fist?
Now I'm looking at you sideways, you know,

(01:15:36):
you never know.
Well, good luck to our listener.
I don't know.
Hopefully you can just continue to
encourage people and share videos and clips
of men saying that they're not waiting to
have it all together and they're willing to
get it with you.
Maybe not waiting to have it all together
and they're willing to get it with you.
Maybe it'll change your algorithm.
You can slide in the DMs and make yourself
a present, but don't be trying to do too

(01:15:57):
much.
You know, let them see you and hopefully,
you know something works out.
But if it doesn't, just pray, maybe God
will read you and tell you what you need to
work on.
And you thought it was this and it's
something else.
Before we get out of here, I do want to ask
you a question that we're asking all of our
guests and I would like to know, through
all the things that you talked about in
your whole life and all these experiences

(01:16:17):
being a man and being a black man, I want
to know what's your favorite part about it.
What's the best part about being a man?

Is the ability to create the life of my
dreams.
I'm not.
I used to look at myself as a perfectionist,
and then I started giving myself more grace,
and in the process of giving myself grace,
I say you know, I don't expect myself to
have it together all the time, because I
used to be very hard on myself and a lot of

(01:16:46):
times I would disqualify myself from things
that God was trying to qualify me for.
And so, when I look at my whole life, what
I gleaned from it is that I gave myself
permission to keep showing up every single
day.

That's a beautiful answer.
Well, let our listeners and viewers know
where they can find you, what you have
coming up and how to keep up with you.

You can follow me on YouTube Dear Future
Wifey and on Instagram Dear Future Wifey
Podcast and my personal page Laterras R
Whitfield.
I have a play that I'm in the works of
developing.
Whenever this drops, it'll probably be in
the fall of 2025, when the play will come
out and just keep following my journey and

(01:17:29):
hopefully I'll be introducing y'all to my
future wifey when I find her.

I hope so.
Thank you again so much.
Good luck with this play.
I cannot wait to see it.
I'll definitely have to be there.
You guys, thank you so much for tuning in
to this episode.
We appreciate you so much and make sure you
check the episode description and follow us
on all of our social medias and leave a

(01:17:57):
comment and let us know your favorite part
of the episode or what made you go.
Hmm, until next time, you guys.
Goodbye.

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