October 13, 2025 • 12 mins
Most people run from loneliness — but the truth is, it’s one of the greatest advantages you can have. In this episode, Sean Holmander breaks down why isolation isn’t a weakness, it’s a stage of transformation. He talks about the seasons when no one believes in you, when distractions fade, and when you’re forced to face yourself — because that’s where focus, self-belief, and power are built.
If you’ve ever felt behind, unseen, or disconnected, this episode will shift your perspective and show you how to turn that silence into fuel.
If you’ve ever felt behind, unseen, or disconnected, this episode will shift your perspective and show you how to turn that silence into fuel.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So loneliness will make you rich. Let me explain what
I mean. So when I went to college, I joined
the fraternity. I had all these friends and you know,
high school friends. My college was actually in the same
town as my high school, so it was a really
good setup in theory. And I'm rushing, I'm pledging I
finally become a brother. I'm drinking like crazy, I'm doing
(00:21):
every you know, most of the drugs you can think of,
and I'm just losing my mind. Like that's the best
way to describe it. I, you know, lost my mind.
Every time I would drink, I'd black out, like every
single time, and I'd become like aggressive, and maybe it
was because of the lack of sleep or just you know, Yeah,
most of the nights were drinking, and I get into
(00:41):
these fights whatever, I got kicked out of the fraternity.
And so so I get kicked out of the fraternity.
You know, my friends from high school are all working,
they're trying to figure their life out, so they're all busy,
and so I just become completely alone and it's just me.
I literally spend seven days a week working, you know,
(01:01):
working out, working, and on the side after work, trying
to figure out something else that I can do to
make money.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
I'm reading a ton of books, but I have like
no friends.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
And out of that, I joined a solar company and
I became the top salesman again.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
But the schedule was the same.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
It was just wake up, work, go to sleep, you know,
read books while I'm not working, listen to audio books,
and also kind of doing some other things on the
side as well. So after a while of that, you know, weekends,
missing every bar night or you know, party or whatever.
We actually weren't twenty one yet, still nineteen eighteen, so
you know, we weren't going to the bar anyway.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
So it was just me and I just every day was.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Just alone, you know, and I'd come home, tell my
parents on my day, went go to sleep. And it
was maybe once every other week I'd go and hang
out with friends in someone's house and whatever. But that
was it, man, So I was alone. And then out
of that, since I had no friends, I got an
opportunity to go to California and go work with this company.
I was like, screw it, let's go. I mean, I
(02:05):
you know, I'm literally I have nothing here back at home.
I have won two friends, I'm not gonna let that
stop me from possibly changing my life. Go to California
twenty one years old. I make half a million dollars
in one year. And then so now I'm in California.
I don't really have any friends out there because it's
a new place. And also I don't really go out
and don't party a lot, so and I'm just working
(02:27):
my butt off. I get home and I'm exhausted. So
from there, that company has me go start a team
out in Florida. After a year or so of that,
I go and build my own company, you know, And
then I'm in Tampa for so long. I started making
a lot of friends, start going out, you know, meeting girls, whatever,
and that's when, like my my productivity went down. Is So,
(02:49):
when you're in a position where you have a bunch
of friends, right, you know why you have all these friends,
so you're comfortable. You're super comfortable because you you know
you have friends, Like why go and try to reach
the top limit of the world and try to unlock
new rooms to be in when you're surrounded by people,
There's no reason to. So what I'm getting at is
(03:12):
this those periods of loneliness in your life cause you
to talk to only one person, which is you, and
you actually get into this mode of like psycho confidence
where you're like, dude, I am the best. I'm different
from everybody you know. And you can take loneliness two ways. Right,
there's the in cell and then there's the savage. The
in cell is gonna be like, man, everybody hear me,
(03:34):
life sucks. And you know it's probably because they're spending
all their free time. While they're not out partying and
being hungover and all that stuff, they're spending it playing
video games, you know, just wasting time, so watching Netflix whatever.
So if you're gonna be alone, you know, work on yourself,
have conversations with yourself constantly, journal, read books, right, listen.
(03:58):
So one of my my best friends, I like to say,
at that time were the people whose audio books I
was listening to in podcasts, like because I'd be sitting
in my car or I'd be taking a shower, cooking whatever,
listening to this audiobook and so for so many hours
that like, my friends were those people.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
You know.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Grant card Owon was a big one zig ziggler, Brian
Tracy was like sales guys at the time, and other
business people. So when those are your best friends, man,
think about how much you can up level. You've heard
that you are the five people you hang around the most.
I kind of want to change that to you are
the five people that you listen to the most. You
don't have to actually hang out with them. So when
(04:38):
those are the people that you're spending all your time with,
imagine where you can go. And that's why I've surpassed
everyone that I graduated high school with or who even
graduated before me. I actually don't know many people from
my town that have done better that I'm doing. And I'm,
you know, twenty one, twenty two years old at the time.
Now I'm twenty five. So the point of that being
(04:59):
is is when you're alone, you get to have this
psychotic self talk and build yourself up to be, you know,
miles and miles beyond the people that would have been
around you. You know, I was talking to a kid
at the basketball court the other day and he's like, man,
I'm homeless. I live in my car. He's like, I
got around the wrong people. My parents passed away, got
(05:21):
around the wrong people, and so he knew that. And
my thing was this some of the guys were suggesting, hey, go,
you know, go to church and find a good group
of people to be around, or you know, just just
find better people to be around. And my response is this,
It's like, yeah, that's good, but that can be hard
to do, especially when you know, successful people don't really
want to spend a lot of time around people who
(05:42):
haven't found success yet, unfortunately. But if you can't find
good people to be around, then just be by yourself.
Because if you're the only one that wants to reach
this next level in life around you, then good. Then
the five people you hang around will just be one,
and it'll be you and you both have the same goal.
You and you have that same big goal and so
(06:03):
there's no one pulling you down, and you're gonna end
up listening to those audiobooks, those podcasts and just being
around all the time insanely.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
High level people.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
So that's why I say loneliness is a superpower. It
will make you rich, so long as you don't become
an in cell and just start playing video games and
then you're really not alone, right because then you're friends
with the losers on the video games. But yeah, use
loneliness if you're just around people that don't really want
to reach that next level, which most of you are.
Don't lie to yourself. Most of you don't think the
(06:36):
way you do. If you clicked on this video, you've
made it this far. So so spend time by yourself.
Find mentors that maybe you're not in the same room
with you probably aren't. You're listening to their content and
you're becoming them. So when I would go out and
do sales, there is this is now. I got so
good at sales so quickly I was. I became you know,
(06:58):
Grant Card owned zig Ziggler, Brian Tracy, Tom Hopkins. I
was those guys because literally all morning, all night, I'm
listening to them and talk about sales. I mean, how
would you not be an absolute weapon if that's who
you're listening to constantly. I'd be sitting in a close
and suddenly I would pull out this close that I've
never even used before. None of my manager never taught
(07:20):
it to me, my coworkers. It just came out of nowhere.
I never even really practiced it, but I had heard
it that morning or maybe a week ago, on the
content I'm listening to. So it's the same thing with business.
You know, I run into a problem and I'm like, oh,
wh I know exactly what to do, even though I've
never dealt with it before.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
So loneliness is a superpower.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Most of you guys need to be lonely because you're
not around high level people, and those high level people
aren't gonna want to be around.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
You until you.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Until you have some success to yourself, or or you're
gonna have to pay to be in those rooms. This
is another big key that I've done. I've spent multiple
six figures. When I say that, I mean over two
hundred thousand dollars on being in rooms with people bigger
than me, and it's been one of the best investments
I can make in my entire life. I wouldn't take
that two hundred grand back. I wouldn't do it.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
I would. I actually want to spend more on that.
So that's the other thing.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
But again, if you're unsuccessful so far, you don't have
the money to do that. You know, my first check
I got three thousand bucks. I put it into a mentorship.
And even if the things he taught me I didn't
learn too much. Remember he taught us about credit cards
and playing that game Also, it didn't matter I was
in a room.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
I knew.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
I invested three thousand in myself, the first investment I'd
ever made in myself besides a pair of shoes or something,
and that just gave me another level of confidence of like, oh,
I am a weapon. I'm a tool, and I just
invested money into that tool to be a stronger tool.
It just deep in the commitment I had in myself,
and I'd wake up in the morning and be like, well,
you know, we're investing in this tool. We better go
(08:56):
make a return on that investment. So so, yeah, it's
better to be alone right now than to be with
the losers you're currently around. It's way better to just
be alone. And then when you can, you know, obviously
consume the content of people that are at the next
level of you be their friend without them even knowing
who you are. And then when you do get the money,
(09:18):
actually you can pay to be in the rooms or
at least be on those zoom calls or phone calls
with those high level people, and there is a difference,
There is a bit of a difference being able to
actually talk to these people or be in a room
with them. Then just listening to their content, because now
you know, I have met I've talked to Grant Cardon
on a live call. I've talked to guys worth hundreds
(09:42):
of millions of dollars before. I've been in rooms with them.
I actually took a private jet with some of them before.
And so now you know, when I'm thinking about some
guy who's like like super high level, I'm like, well,
I've been in the same rooms as these people. I've
had conversations with these dudes. You know, We've shared lunches,
dinners together. I've been on a private jet with these people.
They're not much different than me. The only differences They're
(10:04):
further along. And my benefit is I don't know how
old you are listening to this, but I also I.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Just haven't been on Earth for as long as that.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
But even if I was older, I would just say
to myself, Hey, they've been in the game longer, right,
they know something that I don't. But that doesn't mean
they're beyond me. They just have more time in the
game than I do. So loneliness is a superpower. Don't
think you're a loser, you're actually you'd be lonely for
a year two three, years, you're gonna be the biggest
winner anyone's ever seen. You know, spend that time working out,
(10:33):
working on your body as well. Not just money, but
money is very important. I think it's way harder to
become a successful, you know, multi millionaire than to have
a sick physique.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
I mean, go to the gym, your local gym.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
There's a bunch of freaking gorillas out there, and you'll
see them walk out and get into their old freaking
beat up camera. So and when I see that, I'm like, man,
if you could just direct some of that weightlifting energy
into your finances, you'd be super successful.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
But people are scared to do it.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Man, money scares people, you know, especially for a lot
of us grow up in the middle class. It seems
so not for us, it really does. And that's what
those books did for me, is it changed that mindset
of Okay, I'm meant to be middle class. That's fine.
You know, I'll work hard, I'll get the white picket
fence in the Hia neighborhood. But it changed my mind
to be like, no, that that's money is for anybody
(11:25):
whoever goes out and gets it, So go be lonely.
If you're around a bunch of losers. If you're already
with winners, then great, keep it up. But no, get
around people that are way beyond you, that make you
feel intimidated, make you feel small because I promise you
you're gonna leave that event or whatever and be like
you're gonna have a fire under your aspet.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Wow, this is possible for me. I need to be there.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
You know the thing about when your friend groups, your
four friends are worth ten million dollars each and you're still,
you know, making fifty k a year, but those are
your four friends. You'd be like, man, like, I am
way behind these guys. Whereas when you're hanging around with
the losers, the fifty grand is like, actually, I'm doing
better than George. I mean, I know Ken's doing a
little bit better than me, but I'm doing better than
(12:11):
George and Jim, so I'm pretty good.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
No, when your friends are worth millions of dollars, and
you'd be like, holy crap, I'm poor, like I'm a loser.
I need to get this going. So yeah, well yeah,
so go be lonely, don't be around losers. It's better
to be alone than to be around a bunch of losers,
way better,
So loneliness will make you rich. Let me explain what
I mean. So when I went to college, I joined
the fraternity. I had all these friends and you know,
high school friends. My college was actually in the same
town as my high school, so it was a really
good setup in theory. And I'm rushing, I'm pledging I
finally become a brother. I'm drinking like crazy, I'm doing
(00:21):
every you know, most of the drugs you can think of,
and I'm just losing my mind. Like that's the best
way to describe it. I, you know, lost my mind.
Every time I would drink, I'd black out, like every
single time, and I'd become like aggressive, and maybe it
was because of the lack of sleep or just you know, Yeah,
most of the nights were drinking, and I get into
(00:41):
these fights whatever, I got kicked out of the fraternity.
And so so I get kicked out of the fraternity.
You know, my friends from high school are all working,
they're trying to figure their life out, so they're all busy,
and so I just become completely alone and it's just me.
I literally spend seven days a week working, you know,
(01:01):
working out, working, and on the side after work, trying
to figure out something else that I can do to
make money.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
I'm reading a ton of books, but I have like
no friends.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
And out of that, I joined a solar company and
I became the top salesman again.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
But the schedule was the same.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
It was just wake up, work, go to sleep, you know,
read books while I'm not working, listen to audio books,
and also kind of doing some other things on the
side as well. So after a while of that, you know, weekends,
missing every bar night or you know, party or whatever.
We actually weren't twenty one yet, still nineteen eighteen, so
you know, we weren't going to the bar anyway.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
So it was just me and I just every day was.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Just alone, you know, and I'd come home, tell my
parents on my day, went go to sleep. And it
was maybe once every other week I'd go and hang
out with friends in someone's house and whatever. But that
was it, man, So I was alone. And then out
of that, since I had no friends, I got an
opportunity to go to California and go work with this company.
I was like, screw it, let's go. I mean, I
(02:05):
you know, I'm literally I have nothing here back at home.
I have won two friends, I'm not gonna let that
stop me from possibly changing my life. Go to California
twenty one years old. I make half a million dollars
in one year. And then so now I'm in California.
I don't really have any friends out there because it's
a new place. And also I don't really go out
and don't party a lot, so and I'm just working
(02:27):
my butt off. I get home and I'm exhausted. So
from there, that company has me go start a team
out in Florida. After a year or so of that,
I go and build my own company, you know, And
then I'm in Tampa for so long. I started making
a lot of friends, start going out, you know, meeting girls, whatever,
and that's when, like my my productivity went down. Is So,
(02:49):
when you're in a position where you have a bunch
of friends, right, you know why you have all these friends,
so you're comfortable. You're super comfortable because you you know
you have friends, Like why go and try to reach
the top limit of the world and try to unlock
new rooms to be in when you're surrounded by people,
There's no reason to. So what I'm getting at is
(03:12):
this those periods of loneliness in your life cause you
to talk to only one person, which is you, and
you actually get into this mode of like psycho confidence
where you're like, dude, I am the best. I'm different
from everybody you know. And you can take loneliness two ways. Right,
there's the in cell and then there's the savage. The
in cell is gonna be like, man, everybody hear me,
(03:34):
life sucks. And you know it's probably because they're spending
all their free time. While they're not out partying and
being hungover and all that stuff, they're spending it playing
video games, you know, just wasting time, so watching Netflix whatever.
So if you're gonna be alone, you know, work on yourself,
have conversations with yourself constantly, journal, read books, right, listen.
(03:58):
So one of my my best friends, I like to say,
at that time were the people whose audio books I
was listening to in podcasts, like because I'd be sitting
in my car or I'd be taking a shower, cooking whatever,
listening to this audiobook and so for so many hours
that like, my friends were those people.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
You know.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Grant card Owon was a big one zig ziggler, Brian
Tracy was like sales guys at the time, and other
business people. So when those are your best friends, man,
think about how much you can up level. You've heard
that you are the five people you hang around the most.
I kind of want to change that to you are
the five people that you listen to the most. You
don't have to actually hang out with them. So when
(04:38):
those are the people that you're spending all your time with,
imagine where you can go. And that's why I've surpassed
everyone that I graduated high school with or who even
graduated before me. I actually don't know many people from
my town that have done better that I'm doing. And I'm,
you know, twenty one, twenty two years old at the time.
Now I'm twenty five. So the point of that being
(04:59):
is is when you're alone, you get to have this
psychotic self talk and build yourself up to be, you know,
miles and miles beyond the people that would have been
around you. You know, I was talking to a kid
at the basketball court the other day and he's like, man,
I'm homeless. I live in my car. He's like, I
got around the wrong people. My parents passed away, got
(05:21):
around the wrong people, and so he knew that. And
my thing was this some of the guys were suggesting, hey, go,
you know, go to church and find a good group
of people to be around, or you know, just just
find better people to be around. And my response is this,
It's like, yeah, that's good, but that can be hard
to do, especially when you know, successful people don't really
want to spend a lot of time around people who
(05:42):
haven't found success yet, unfortunately. But if you can't find
good people to be around, then just be by yourself.
Because if you're the only one that wants to reach
this next level in life around you, then good. Then
the five people you hang around will just be one,
and it'll be you and you both have the same goal.
You and you have that same big goal and so
(06:03):
there's no one pulling you down, and you're gonna end
up listening to those audiobooks, those podcasts and just being
around all the time insanely.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
High level people.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
So that's why I say loneliness is a superpower. It
will make you rich, so long as you don't become
an in cell and just start playing video games and
then you're really not alone, right because then you're friends
with the losers on the video games. But yeah, use
loneliness if you're just around people that don't really want
to reach that next level, which most of you are.
Don't lie to yourself. Most of you don't think the
(06:36):
way you do. If you clicked on this video, you've
made it this far. So so spend time by yourself.
Find mentors that maybe you're not in the same room
with you probably aren't. You're listening to their content and
you're becoming them. So when I would go out and
do sales, there is this is now. I got so
good at sales so quickly I was. I became you know,
(06:58):
Grant Card owned zig Ziggler, Brian Tracy, Tom Hopkins. I
was those guys because literally all morning, all night, I'm
listening to them and talk about sales. I mean, how
would you not be an absolute weapon if that's who
you're listening to constantly. I'd be sitting in a close
and suddenly I would pull out this close that I've
never even used before. None of my manager never taught
(07:20):
it to me, my coworkers. It just came out of nowhere.
I never even really practiced it, but I had heard
it that morning or maybe a week ago, on the
content I'm listening to. So it's the same thing with business.
You know, I run into a problem and I'm like, oh,
wh I know exactly what to do, even though I've
never dealt with it before.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
So loneliness is a superpower.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Most of you guys need to be lonely because you're
not around high level people, and those high level people
aren't gonna want to be around.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
You until you.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Until you have some success to yourself, or or you're
gonna have to pay to be in those rooms. This
is another big key that I've done. I've spent multiple
six figures. When I say that, I mean over two
hundred thousand dollars on being in rooms with people bigger
than me, and it's been one of the best investments
I can make in my entire life. I wouldn't take
that two hundred grand back. I wouldn't do it.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
I would. I actually want to spend more on that.
So that's the other thing.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
But again, if you're unsuccessful so far, you don't have
the money to do that. You know, my first check
I got three thousand bucks. I put it into a mentorship.
And even if the things he taught me I didn't
learn too much. Remember he taught us about credit cards
and playing that game Also, it didn't matter I was
in a room.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
I knew.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
I invested three thousand in myself, the first investment I'd
ever made in myself besides a pair of shoes or something,
and that just gave me another level of confidence of like, oh,
I am a weapon. I'm a tool, and I just
invested money into that tool to be a stronger tool.
It just deep in the commitment I had in myself,
and I'd wake up in the morning and be like, well,
you know, we're investing in this tool. We better go
(08:56):
make a return on that investment. So so, yeah, it's
better to be alone right now than to be with
the losers you're currently around. It's way better to just
be alone. And then when you can, you know, obviously
consume the content of people that are at the next
level of you be their friend without them even knowing
who you are. And then when you do get the money,
(09:18):
actually you can pay to be in the rooms or
at least be on those zoom calls or phone calls
with those high level people, and there is a difference,
There is a bit of a difference being able to
actually talk to these people or be in a room
with them. Then just listening to their content, because now
you know, I have met I've talked to Grant Cardon
on a live call. I've talked to guys worth hundreds
(09:42):
of millions of dollars before. I've been in rooms with them.
I actually took a private jet with some of them before.
And so now you know, when I'm thinking about some
guy who's like like super high level, I'm like, well,
I've been in the same rooms as these people. I've
had conversations with these dudes. You know, We've shared lunches,
dinners together. I've been on a private jet with these people.
They're not much different than me. The only differences They're
(10:04):
further along. And my benefit is I don't know how
old you are listening to this, but I also I.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Just haven't been on Earth for as long as that.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
But even if I was older, I would just say
to myself, Hey, they've been in the game longer, right,
they know something that I don't. But that doesn't mean
they're beyond me. They just have more time in the
game than I do. So loneliness is a superpower. Don't
think you're a loser, you're actually you'd be lonely for
a year two three, years, you're gonna be the biggest
winner anyone's ever seen. You know, spend that time working out,
(10:33):
working on your body as well. Not just money, but
money is very important. I think it's way harder to
become a successful, you know, multi millionaire than to have
a sick physique.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
I mean, go to the gym, your local gym.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
There's a bunch of freaking gorillas out there, and you'll
see them walk out and get into their old freaking
beat up camera. So and when I see that, I'm like, man,
if you could just direct some of that weightlifting energy
into your finances, you'd be super successful.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
But people are scared to do it.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Man, money scares people, you know, especially for a lot
of us grow up in the middle class. It seems
so not for us, it really does. And that's what
those books did for me, is it changed that mindset
of Okay, I'm meant to be middle class. That's fine.
You know, I'll work hard, I'll get the white picket
fence in the Hia neighborhood. But it changed my mind
to be like, no, that that's money is for anybody
(11:25):
whoever goes out and gets it, So go be lonely.
If you're around a bunch of losers. If you're already
with winners, then great, keep it up. But no, get
around people that are way beyond you, that make you
feel intimidated, make you feel small because I promise you
you're gonna leave that event or whatever and be like
you're gonna have a fire under your aspet.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Wow, this is possible for me. I need to be there.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
You know the thing about when your friend groups, your
four friends are worth ten million dollars each and you're still,
you know, making fifty k a year, but those are
your four friends. You'd be like, man, like, I am
way behind these guys. Whereas when you're hanging around with
the losers, the fifty grand is like, actually, I'm doing
better than George. I mean, I know Ken's doing a
little bit better than me, but I'm doing better than
(12:11):
George and Jim, so I'm pretty good.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
No, when your friends are worth millions of dollars, and
you'd be like, holy crap, I'm poor, like I'm a loser.
I need to get this going. So yeah, well yeah,
so go be lonely, don't be around losers. It's better
to be alone than to be around a bunch of losers,
way better,
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