September 30, 2025 • 46 mins
What do you do when life keeps throwing punches?
Neena Perez knows firsthand how to rise with grit, grace, and God. From childhood abuse, teen motherhood, and domestic violence to a God moment that released her into culinary school, Neena’s journey is proof that your past doesn’t define your future—it can fuel your purpose.
In this powerful conversation, Neena shares how she transformed survival into resilience, resilience into impact, and impact into a legacy of helping women step boldly into their God-given calling.
We talk about:
• The kitchen as her childhood “pocket of joy”
• The two words that changed her life: “You’re released”
• What it took to graduate as valedictorian after being told she’d amount to nothing
• Why healing is the foundation for authentic success
• How she blends food, faith, and truth-telling through her podcast Straight Talk, No Sugar Added and her new project, The Purpose-Filled Kitchen
Neena’s story is a reminder that authentic success isn’t about waiting for perfect conditions—it’s about choosing courage in the middle of the mess.
Listen now and discover how you, too, can turn your story into fuel for your purpose.
Learn more about Neena Perez
- Get a copy of her book, Hit Me with Your Best Shot: https://a.co/d/gO1xXsX
- Check out Neena's free Masterclass so you can build your dream life and create financial freedom: https://go.neenaperez.com/optin-page
- Listen to her podcast Straight Talk No Sugar Added wherever you get your podcasts, or watch it on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@straighttalknosugaradded
Connect with her at
- https://www.instagram.com/straighttalknosugaradded/
- https://www.linkedin.com/in/neenaperez/
- https://www.tiktok.com/@straighttalknosugaradded
Subscribe to Your Next Success so you never miss an episode.
Watch full video episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@NextSuccessMethod/
Learn more about Next Success www.nextsuccesscareers.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Caroline (00:04):
What do you do when life keeps throwing punches?
My guest today, Neena Perez,shows us what it looks like to
rise with grit, grace, and God.
She is proof that your pastdoesn't define your future.
It can actually fuel yourpurpose.
(00:24):
This episode is for anyone who'sever felt stuck in the story
they were handed, but can feel abigger calling, tugging them
forward.
This is the Your Next Successpodcast, and I'm your host, Dr.
Caroline Sangal.
I'm a life first career coachand strategist on a mission to
normalize questioning yourcareer because I believe each of
(00:47):
us is made on purpose for apurpose only we can fulfill.
The longer we live out ofalignment with who we are, what
we do best, and why we're here,the more we miss out.
And the more the world missesout On what only we can give the
Your Next Success Podcast iswhere we explore how to build a
(01:08):
career that truly fuels yourlife.
We talk about self-discovery,smart job, search strategies,
professional growth, and you'llhear stories from people who've
navigated big career transitionsthemselves so you can see what
it's really like to make boldchanges and feel inspired to
(01:29):
create your own version ofauthentic success, one that is
aligned, meaningful, and trulyyours.
Neena Perez is atransformational coach, author
of Hit Me With Your Best Shotand host of the hit podcast,
Straight Talk, No Sugar Added.
(01:51):
She is the creator of the wisdomto wealth and Purpose by design
frameworks guiding women throughhealing, mindset shifts, and
business building.
She blends faith, food, andfierce truth telling whether
coaching clients, speaking onstage, or creating at the
Purpose-Filled Kitchen.
Neena's passion is helping womenstep boldly into their God-given
(02:16):
purpose and build lives andbusinesses that create lasting
impact.
In this episode, you'll hear howchildhood abuse, teen
motherhood, and domesticviolence shaped Neena's early
years, and how she chosesurvival first, then growth.
The God moment that sent her toculinary school, why she wrote
(02:41):
Hit Me with Your Best Shot, andhow speaking the truth became
her path to healing.
How she now blends cooking,coaching, and candid
conversations through StraightTalk, No Sugar Added and the
Purpose-Filled kitchen.
Welcome, Neena Perez to Your Next Success.
I am absolutely thrilled to behaving this conversation with
(03:05):
you today.
Neena Perez (03:06):
I am so happy to be here.
Let's do it.
Caroline (03:10):
Okay.
I know you've shared a lot ofyour story on your own wildly
successful podcast, as well asbeing a guest on many other
podcasts.
Today I'd like to try to focus alittle bit about your career
journey transitions, howdifferent life events and other
things shaped your chapters ofyour career thus far.
(03:31):
to some of the work that you donow, and as an amazing coach,
speaker, author, that's wherewe're gonna get to of what you
are.
Can you walk us back a littlebit to your childhood when you
were growing up?
Help me understand how was thatfor you, and were there any
(03:53):
particular activities or thingsyou were drawn to or that you
enjoyed?
Neena Perez (03:57):
Yeah, my childhood.
It doesn't have a lot of happymemories.
It was filled with a lot ofabuse and constantly struggle,
like my mom would make it veryclear that we were struggling,
'cause we had some, we hadpoverty and lived off the system
and all the things.
And, but one thing I doremember, there's a couple
things, but one of the things Ido remember is always wanting to
(04:20):
be a chef.
Caroline (04:22):
Okay.
Neena Perez (04:22):
Since I was a little girl, I used to like just
sit and watch my mom in thekitchen or my grandparents in
the kitchen and just like, howdid they do that, how did they
create that?
And then, Julia Child was onPBS, and so a little girl I
would make, pretend I wastalking to an audience and
cooking and all of those things.
it was something that I think tothis day, I smile when I think
about it because I think thosewere the pockets of joy when I
(04:45):
was not happy.
'Cause I lived a lot of my youthin a lot of anxiety and I didn't
know that as a kid.
you know what anxiety is whenyou're a little bit older, but
constantly with stomach painsand anemia and all the things
because I was always just fullof anxiety.
But, the cooking, that wasdefinitely something that, was a
(05:05):
true love and still is a biglove of my life.
Caroline (05:10):
Where were you when you grew up?
what location were you in?
Neena Perez (05:13):
Oh, I lived in Stanford, Connecticut.
Caroline (05:16):
Okay.
So you're in this, environmentwith your mom or your
grandparents, and those momentsof kitchen and cooking are
starting to spark this interestand joy and almost like maybe
like an escape or being able tocare for others through this,
were they, what kind of foodswere you watching them cook?
Neena Perez (05:37):
I mean, we're Puerto Rican, so it was a lot of
spanish food, a lot of roastpork and rice and beans and all
that.
But I always lean towards, whichis funny, I'm just thinking
about this now'cause you'rebringing this up in my mind.
But like, it was always thingslike lasagna and, spaghetti
meatballs and it was garlicbread.
It was like Italian things, Iguess it's'cause I was watching
like Jacques Pépin and watching,Julia Childs and I think I was
(06:01):
trying to just escape thatfamily life.
Like opposite of everything thatmy family is.
and I think that's what probablysparked me to look at things a
little differently.
I never thought of that untilright now.
Yeah, it's interesting.
Caroline (06:14):
I was interested back in the day, I became interested
in cooking, desserts and things.
Not necessarily the nourishing,but even if I'm at a restaurant,
sometimes I'm gonna look at thedessert menu to decide what I
wanna eat, you know?
Neena Perez (06:26):
Heck yeah.
You know, but for me nourishmentor, I don't know I really
thought of nourishment.
my mom would feed us, whatevershe was making for dinner.
So it's not like we had choices,right?
But, I do remember as a childwith this anxiety and all of the
abuse that was happening, that Ifound a lot of comfort in sugar.
(06:47):
Like that was my comfort, youknow, I didn't know then, I do
now know that it does doendorphins in the brain, like a
drug, but as a kid, I didn'tknow that.
I just knew that if I had aspoonful of sugar, I felt
better.
You know, about what washappening in my home, you know?
And so sugar became anaddiction, which till this day I
(07:07):
still fight.
It is definitely something Ihave to control.
Otherwise, I will eat sugar theentire day if I don't control
it.
It's interesting because as youbecome older, you go through a
lot more things in life and youstruggle with more things, but
those core years of your lifebetween birth and seven years
old really do form and reallystick with you if you don't
(07:30):
consciously fight thesubconscious, if that makes
sense.
Caroline (07:34):
Oh, absolutely.
Because in those formative yearswe are observing the world and
we're drawing our ownconclusions and we're doing what
we need to do to survive in thatmoment.
And yet later when we are justreacting, not responding, we
don't know why and how.
I didn't know why it was if Ihad some sort of rejection or
(07:57):
some sort of unpleasantexperience.
I was grabbing the M&Ms andfinishing the bag, right?
So like I did, but I did notknow that I hadn't even
connected that was happeninguntil, I don't even know if that
was thirties or forties, whichdecade.
But we're still working.
Neena Perez (08:12):
Same, but I think it's because when you were
grabbing the M&Ms, like I'vedone many times, there was a
comfort in that, and you didn'teven know that there was a
comfort in that, you just felt acomfort in that.
And it wasn't until recently,I'm a person of faith, I believe
in God.
And I was in prayer one day, acouple weeks ago, and I'm just
like, God, I am feelingoverwhelmed by why am I still
(08:33):
addicted to sugar and I'm tryingto fight this thing?
Like, this is ridiculous.
And then he brought me to thisvision, that same vision of my
stepfather used to molest me, soI would fight him, but I'm six
years old, you know what I mean?
So, but my comfort was that,that little cup of sugar
underneath the the kitchentable, and I had no idea.
(08:54):
I forgot all about that, butthat where it started.
Caroline (08:57):
Same, similar.
It was a friend's father, so itwasn't necessarily a friend.
But I'm pretty sure after allthat trauma, somebody gave me
M&Ms.
Neena Perez (09:08):
Yeah.
Caroline (09:09):
Somebody gave me an M&M.
But, and now I can, you know, soI didn't want that.
It's helped me become who I am.
Neena Perez (09:17):
Yeah.
Caroline (09:18):
I can still enjoy M&Ms now separate from that thing,
but Now I can also pause alittle bit and think Is this
what I'm really wanting?
What is the real need here?
And sometimes I just say, screwit and I'm gonna eat the thing
anyway.
Neena Perez (09:31):
Yeah, yeah.
Same, right?
And I think that, we start todevelop these things as, we get
older, maybe they becomesomething different.
Like, so for me, it becameperfectionism, right?
becoming a workaholic, likemaking sure that I was the best,
that I had all the kudos youknow climb that ladder because
that was so important.
I did it up until like my ownhurt, right?
(09:52):
Then I started to become, I haveautoimmune conditions, like I
have all these things because Iwork so hard.
I'm talking 14, 16 hour dayswithout breaking a sweat, right?
Because that's just how I dothings, you know?
And even today, like having myown businesses and doing all
these side contracts, and I alsodo work as a professor and like
all these things, I immediatelyrealize, like I'm at it 14
(10:15):
hours.
What am I doing?
So I have to check myself,because if I don't, I hurt
myself.
It's nobody else'sresponsibility.
Caroline (10:25):
it's so hard though, right?
'cause we live our lives for thelongest time and for me,
achieving was the thing that wasdefined.
And I knew how to get a A andlet me get the award and get the
thing, and I felt, and I wastrying to become and be somebody
in somebody else's mold.
And, I was getting positiverecognition for those things.
But it wasn't who I was, it waswhat I was doing.
(10:47):
I wasn't a human being.
I was a human doing.
So,
Neena Perez (10:51):
So good.
Caroline (10:52):
Okay.
So you're a child, you'rerealizing that cooking is
becoming a nice reprieve andsomething that you're genuinely
drawn to and interested in.
And then what happened, likehigh school or choosing after
graduation?
Tell me about that, what'd youchoose?
Oh, wait, high school.
Tell me a little about highschool.
Neena Perez (11:12):
High school.
So I was pregnant at eighthgrade, so I was middle school.
I had my son in ninth grade.
And I just remember being told Iwas gonna amount to nothing.
This is, my life now.
I was a piece of crap, because Iwas 14 years old having a kid.
and back then we're talkingabout 1988, it just wasn't as
common as it is now.
(11:33):
And when I would go, when I didgo back to high school because I
had the baby in January of, myninth grade year.
know, it was, oh, there's thegirl with the baby.
Oh, can you believe she has ababy?
Like, It was the rumor thing.
And, my son's father wasextremely abusive.
Extremely abusive.
Like he tried to kill me a fewtimes, but the last time he
(11:54):
tried to murder me, he put a gunto my head and pulled the
trigger, and because I know, Ibelieve it's from God because
God, the safety got jammed onthe gun and he couldn't unjam
it, and that's why I'm heretoday, right?
Caroline (12:09):
Oh my goodness.
Neena Perez (12:11):
High school was a nightmare.
I barely graduated by the skinof my teeth because I was
constantly trying to survive andI was living in a battered
women's shelter my last year ofschool because when he tried to
kill me I ran.
And so it was me and my son andme working two jobs and going to
school.
So I had to arrange my highschool schedule to be like
(12:32):
part-time but packed so that Ican work my two jobs to take
care of my kid.
Caroline (12:37):
What were the jobs that you were working while also
being a mom?
Neena Perez (12:42):
JC Penney's was one of the jobs and the other one
was Finast which was asupermarket.
Caroline (12:47):
Yeah, I was in Ohio, there were Finast stores there.
Yeah, it came in, came aroundhigh school.
Neena Perez (12:51):
I worked there too, and I had to do it.
I had to do it because I didn'twant my son, first of all,
everybody was telling me like Iwould amount to nothing,
whatever, but I did not want myson to quit when life got hard.
And so even though he was alittle peanut, I knew that those
things would also live in hislife, because I was 15, so he
(13:13):
was going everywhere with mebecause what is he supposed to
do?
You know?
And mom doesn't have a car, i'monly 15.
So, just traveling with my kidand doing what I had to do to
support him and also preserve mylife.
'cause I didn't know when hisfather was gonna come back
around and try to kill me, youknow?
It was like all of the thingsand and my mom was on his side,
she's like, well, you shouldn'thave said anything or you
(13:33):
shouldn't have done this.
I'm like, he tried to kill me?
She goes,"Oh, well." You knowso, I love my Mom now.
So, I always have to like saythat I love my Mom because a lot
of people are so, were so angrywhen they read my book, they
were like, oh my God.
And I'm like, listen, she wasalso surviving and so she didn't
know any better, and I justforgive for that.
And we're, we're good now, butit was a tough time and I don't
(13:57):
wish that on anybody.
But it made me who I am todaytoo, the same time.
So it's like this dual thing.
Caroline (14:03):
Interesting, right.
And there's still, like with theFinast thing, there's still this
like little bit of thread ofsome food related kind of thing
too, and helping people, right?
When did your faith start?
Do you remember a time before isthere a pre-God and a post God?
Because this horrible event thatyou lived through yet, but for
God, you're still here.
That thing jammed.
(14:25):
But even before that, while youwere pregnant, did you realize
God's got you, or?
Neena Perez (14:29):
no.
Caroline (14:29):
Can you sort it out?
Neena Perez (14:30):
I actually, always knew there was a God because my
grandmother forced me to go tocommunion and confirmation and
all the things that a goodCatholic does.
Caroline (14:40):
Are you Catholic still?
Neena Perez (14:41):
No, no, no, I'm just a Non-denominational
Christian.
I was Catholic, or I don't knowif I was Catholic but I had to
go to school.
I had to be in Catholicism.
So, I knew that there was a God,like I kind of already
instinctively in me already knewthat.
Not that I ever learnedanything, I don't think from the
Catholic Church, honestly,except for repeating certain
(15:02):
things.
And I'm not saying there'sanything wrong with Catholicism,
it just wasn't something that Iwas connected to.
And as I grew up, I just kind ofwent away from that because it's
like I had no connection.
And so when my son's father,when I was pregnant, he threw me
down a flight of stairs.
Like he's tried to like put aknife to my neck.
He's knocked me out unconscious.
He's choked me almost to death.
(15:22):
Like there's been a lot ofmoments and so I remember being
very angry with God.
Very angry.
Caroline (15:30):
Okay.
Neena Perez (15:31):
yelling into the sky like, why would you let all
this happen to me?
This has been happening to me.
So I was a kid like, why do youhate me so much?
Like, so I knew there was apresence, an entity a God, a
something that I was mad at.
But God didn't come into my lifeuntil in my twenties, I had
gotten married, so I became 21.
I got married and my son'sfather just woke up one day and
(15:53):
was like, packing.
And I'm like, what are youdoing?
And he's like, I need to findmyself.
And I'm like, there's a freakingmirror right there.
You're found.
Hallelujah.
What the hell are you talkingabout?
You know?
And he was like, no, I need tofind myself.
And you know, I'm not feelingcomplete now.
Now we have my son and now wehave a kid too.
So two kids both being raised inthis marriage.
(16:15):
And I'm like, are you seriousright now?
then I find out it's because hewas dating some 17-year-old
chick.
He was waiting for her to become18 so he can leave us.
And he did.
So she became 18 and he left us.
He was 30, she was 18, and heleft me and the kids and yeah,
just took all the money outtathe bank account.
Caroline (16:35):
Oh my goodness.
Okay.
But where was this like in themidst of these things being
thrown at anyone and the voicesthat you were hearing external
to your own self, and maybe evensome of the ones that you
adopted inside yourself, butwhere was this resilience coming
from?
(16:55):
Or your like not succumbing towhat part of the world was
telling you.
Neena Perez (17:00):
I think part of me was succumbing, right?
I dealt with a lot of anxietyand depression.
So I think that part of me wassuccumbing, like constantly
depressed, constantly a victim.
But I knew that I had tosurvive.
So it was more survival mode.
Like really having to know thatI had kids now can't just leave
them.
I can't just leave them.
Caroline (17:20):
Some people do.
But you felt so compelled tohave their lives be better?
Neena Perez (17:25):
Different, for sure.
A hundred percent.
And I think it's because youhave a choice to make.
So you can look at your past,and you can look at how you were
raised, and you can look at allthose things and say, I'm going
to be just like that?
Or you can look at it and say,I'm going to not be that.
And that was always my thinginside of me as a little girl.
I'm not gonna be like my mom.
(17:46):
I'm not gonna be like my mom.
Although if you saw my mom rightnow, I'd be like, oh my gosh.
I look just like my mother.
Right?
But my attitude is verydifferent.
Right?
So like my mother, all her lifehas lived off the system.
Still does, right?
I'm opposite of that, like Iwill work seven days a week, 24
hours a day to never have thegovernment pay my stuff.
(18:09):
You know what I mean?
Like, that's just how I had mymindset and so I always lived in
this place of, if I don't do it,who will?
Nobody.
So even though I got updepressed, I had to go do my
thing even though I had anxiety,even though I had suicidal
thoughts, even though I wantedto ram my car into a tree or
throw it off of a bridge.
(18:29):
I wouldn't do it.
I just, I couldn't do it becausewho then would take care of my
kids better than me?
Nobody.
And so I think I always tellthem, I said, you guys actually
saved my life.
I don't think you guysunderstand that.
You guys aren't just born andI'm your mom and you're my kids.
They have saved my life.
Because if it wasn't for them, Ihonestly don't think I would be
(18:52):
here today.
I probably would've went throughwith it.
Caroline (18:55):
Oh my goodness.
Neena Perez (18:56):
Yeah.
Caroline (18:58):
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that
there's so many things thatpeople don't say what's
happening and Right.
And when we can let that out,then we can validate thoughts
and feelings other people arehaving and yet see that you have
dealt with these things and yethere you are, and now you're
still helping, still empowering.
(19:18):
So your, having now twochildren, the man that you
married left, what were youdoing besides just trying to
survive?
Was there a working situationunderpinning this?
Neena Perez (19:33):
Yeah.
when I first met my ex-husband,it's kind of weird, but his
cousin was like, Hey, I gotta goto Puerto Rico, take care of my
mom.
Do you want my job?
And I'm like, sure what do youdo?
She's like, medical assistant.
I'm like, I have no idea.
I'm retail.
I have no idea.
She's like that's okay, i'llteach you.
She trained me for a week andthen she left.
And so I was taking blood andvitals and all this stuff in
(19:54):
1992 or whatever it was,'91?
I don't even remember.
And, I quickly became themanager of the office, because
that's who I am.
Like, I go in, I look at thestrategies, I look at what's
going on.
I fix everything.
I make the SOPs, I do the wholething.
And, he's like, I can't lose youif she comes back.
I don't know if I can hire herback.
(20:14):
I'm like, don't do that.
'cause she's only away for likea month.
But then, yeah, I ended up likeclimbing that ladder and then
climbing the next ladder.
But it wasn't what I was I thinkborn to do.
Because I wanted to go back toschool to be a chef, and
although that was in the back ofmy brain, I never ever got a
chance to do it until I was 35and my kids are older.
(20:36):
You know?
So now I have the opportunity.
Caroline (20:38):
See, there's so many things when considering
somebody's life and theircareer, there's so many things
that influence.
Most of the time, I'll say yourcareer is like a iceberg.
So most of the time people arefocused above the surface.
And so that's like, what's thetitle?
The salary, the location, andthe kind of what are you doing
on the day to day?
But below the surface is who areyou?
Neena Perez (20:57):
Yeah.
Caroline (20:57):
What would you love to do?
How is your communication style?
What is your mental fitness,mental resilience?
And most importantly, what doyou want your life to look like?
And how can your career fuelthat?
And one of the components peopledon't consider is family, right?
So both the family you came fromand the family you have now, or
(21:18):
friends in any moment, for you,you saw cooking.
Being some, a sense ofnourishment, comfort, joy, and
you liked that and you wereinterested in it.
So that's part of your interest.
And you saw your family and thendeciding, I'm not going to have
some of the things like mymother, I'm not gonna be on the
(21:39):
system.
I'm not, and not driving you.
And then your own childrenwanting you to not just survive,
but you are slowly starting totry to thrive and become and did
the medical assisting as much asyou can, but yet managing and
taking over.
Wow.
Okay, so you're 35-ish.
(22:00):
Your kids are older, you can nowstart to have a chapter on you.
Neena Perez (22:05):
Yes.
Caroline (22:06):
But still school costs money.
So how did that, Tell me this.
Neena Perez (22:11):
You want this story?
Okay.
Caroline (22:12):
Yeah, I do.
Neena Perez (22:14):
Okay.
So I was really struggling,depressed, anxious.
All the things.
I was 30 years old and I was inmedical now 15 years, right?
So, I was going to the doctor'soffice and literally having
anxiety attacks at the doctor'soffice because I, of course, I
climbed the ladder.
So now I have all theseresponsibilities and I don't
wanna be there.
And so, this is like a, one ofthose"What!?" Miracle stories,
(22:36):
right?
So I kept saying, I feel likeI'm supposed to go back to
school to become a chef, but isthat really what I'm supposed to
do?
Or should I just keep, continueon the medical field, right?
Continue there.
And I remember I said, okay,God, I got a strong inkling and
feeling in my heart that youwant me to go back to school to
be a chef, but I don't know ifI'm making the right decision.
(22:58):
So Caroline, I said, I'll tellyou what, God, if you come down
here physically.
That's all I wanted a miracle,right?
Caroline (23:06):
Bargaining.
I've done this too.
Yeah, tell me.
Neena Perez (23:09):
You come down here physically and you say, Neena
you are released, I will give mytwo weeks notice and I'll go
back to a school.
I have no idea where to go.
Right?
So, a school somewhere in theworld.
(24:06):
I said, so I will go back, Iwill go to school and if you
come down here physically andsay that I am released to go,
I'll do it.
45 minutes later, my husbandcomes home from work.
He was driving home.
He said he was in the car,praising, worshiping.
He comes into the bedroom.
He goes, I have to talk to you.
I said, sure.
He goes, I don't know what thismeans, but maybe, you know.
I said, okay.
He goes, I was in the car,dancing to worship music.
(24:29):
I'm praying to God, and he toldme to come in here and tell you
that you're released.
I said.
Look, I still get chills.
I said, what did you say to me?
He said, you're released.
And I'm like, huh, oh.
And I like almost fell out ofthe bed.
Like even to this day like I getchills because I know that was a
God moment.
(24:50):
And I said, babe, and I told himthe story.
He's like, what?
I'm like, yeah.
He goes, well, I guess you gottagive your two weeks.
He goes, I don't know what thehell we're gonna do, we don't
have that much money.
So I was like, I don't know, butthat's what he said.
I told him to come physicallyand you are physical, right?
So I gave my two weeks notice.
I remember, the nurses saying,oh, you're not gonna make any
money doing that, and I can'tbelieve you're doing this, and
(25:11):
that's ridiculous, Neena.
All the, all the negativities.
Caroline (25:14):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Neena Perez (25:15):
The doctor was like, how can you leave me,
whatever.
I gave my two weeks and I'llnever forget this.
I was driving to the school.
It was Norwalk CommunityCollege.
I was driving there'cause I knewthey had a phenomenal culinary
program and I had found out, ofcourse, now I had to find out.
So I'm driving there and I'mlike, Caroline, I was like.
Okay, God, I hear that fatherspay for their children's
(25:40):
tuition.
I said, and because I don't, Inever had a, I said, because
I've never had a physical fatherand no man in my life has ever
been good to me.
You have been.
So, dad, you need to pay forcollege because I cannot.
Right?
So I walk into the school, I'mlike, okay, I'm here.
(26:00):
I wanna go to culinary school,They're like, okay, fill out
this paperwork, Uh, there's somescholarships if you wanna try to
apply for them.
We're not guaranteed.
I got every scholarship.
I got every scholarship for myculinary certification, my
associate's degree.
And while I was in my getting myassociate's degree, we went
homeless.
We actually lost everything.
'cause it was in 2008 when wehad all of that thing, the big
(26:21):
bubble burst.
We lost our home, we lost ourcars, we lost everything.
We were literally homeless.
And I was in culinary school.
And while I was in culinaryschool, we didn't miss a meal
because I would say to the chef,Hey, can my husband try the food
that we're making?
He's like, of course, so myhusband would come try the food
that we're making, because wehad no food, right?
(26:42):
We were homeless.
So, we were living in ourfriend's living room on their
couch, in our car.
We had two cars, so one car gotrepoed, so we had one car.
All the things Caroline.
Caroline (26:52):
And your kids were gone.
Neena Perez (26:53):
I had to like disperse my children, my one son
went to my ex-husband becausewhere was I gonna put him?
Caroline (27:00):
Right.
Neena Perez (27:01):
And my oldest son was like 18, so he had to go get
himself a job and get a littlerental room somewhere.
And then my husband's kids, theywere with their parents and
stuff.
So it was a lot.
And I just remember, I'll neverforget this because I was
crying, I was upset, I wasdistraught.
And I said, dad, you told me togo to school.
You said, I am released.
(27:21):
You paid for my education.
Like, how am I homeless rightnow?
And I was praying, praying,praying.
And I'll never forget, it wasalmost audible.
I heard, I told you to beobedient.
I never said it would be easy.
Okay.
I gotcha.
So I said, I'll stopcomplaining, but I'll tell you
what, I'm a one up you.
(27:41):
I said to God, I'm a one up you.
I'm gonna graduate with a 4.0because I'm gonna show you that
I'm going to do what exactly itis.
You're right.
I'm gonna be obedient and do itall.
And that's what I did.
I was there 7:00 AM in themorning at school before the
school opened.
And soon as the guard would comeopen the door, I would say, can
I just come in and do somestudying?
They're like, yeah, because Ihad nowhere to sleep.
So I would go in and do somestudying, stay for school, stay
(28:05):
after school.
Ask for a job at school, so Ican clean the kitchen.
That's what I did.
I did what I had to do tofreaking survive.
'cause that's what Neena does,right?
And so we did what we had to do.
But guess what?
I one upped God by graduatingwith a 4.25 GPA and he ended up
making me the valedictorian ofthe school.
So I've been, I was thevaledictorian, I had a big
(28:27):
speech with over 3000 people.
It was amazing.
So didn't end there.
After school was my associate'sdegree, and I said, all right,
dad, here, listen.
Can you gimme a full ridescholarship to get my bachelor's
degree?
Because come on, God.
4.25.
I'm not as stupid as people saidI was.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, people told me I was dumbthat I wasn't gonna amount to
(28:49):
anything.
What'd he say, dad?
Huh?
Wink, wink.
What do you say?
Sure enough, I get a fullscholarship ride to Monroe
College, where I ended up goingto school, graduating of I think
it was a 4.0 or 3.95,'cause onefreaking person gave me an A-
Caroline (29:07):
Don't you hate those people?
Neena Perez (29:08):
Hate that.
But I ended up graduatingwithout a dime out of my pocket.
So I did about six years ofschool, which included, of
course, the certification, theassociate's degree, and the
bachelor's degree.
Zero money invested in my part.
Zero.
Caroline (29:27):
And you had this opportunity with the
valedictorian in the speech tonow have a glimpse, you already
had a management glimpse and nowyou got a public speaking
glimpse, and then you go, andyou achieve and you get this
bachelor's degree.
And then what?
Then what was the next?
Neena Perez (29:46):
Yeah, so then was, you're right, what was next?
What the heck am I gonna do withthis amazing degree that I got
for free?
I say for free, God paid for it.
But, I tell you, what I ended updoing was saying, okay, well if
you gave me the degree, I'mgonna do what I gotta do.
And that's exactly what I did.
I started to work atJean-Georges Restaurant.
I started to create my ownbusiness.
(30:06):
I had a business called TheKiddie Kitchen, where I taught
kids how to cook.
I ended up, when I was inNorwalk Community College, I did
their first program for kids,for underprivileged kids to come
and to learn cooking so that wecan give them a skill that they
can grow on.
And so I.
I grew my business, greweverything, and then I got hired
(30:26):
at this non-profit, amazingorganization who needed somebody
to build their kitchen from theground up.
I did that and then I becametheir director of culinary
operations, and I did that forlike eight or nine years.
Uh, loved it.
While I was doing that, Istarted healing and I also
started discovering.
Like, what is it that makesNeena tick and why do I struggle
(30:48):
with depression and anxiety?
How am I gonna fix this and whatdo I do to improve myself?
So I got into personaldevelopment as I think most of
us do.
Caroline (30:56):
How did you even know that healing was possible and
who did you pick to help youwith that journey?
Neena Perez (31:03):
I actually randomly picked a woman who I only
visited a few times for sometherapy.
It was because I knew somethingwas wrong with me.
I was getting up at night,choking.
It felt like I was choking fromthe anxiety attacks that were
happening.
And I just knew I could be abetter mother.
I can be a better person, I canbe a better daughter.
(31:23):
I can be a better wife, I can bea better.
Everything.
And so, I just started to askGod to show me direction on how
to heal, and that's what Istarted doing.
I started getting more intoscripture.
I started, then I startedleading women.
There was a program offered atthe church I used to attend that
was for leadership, so I tookthat course.
It was like 18 months ofrigorous stuff, but it was
(31:46):
amazing.
And then I started leading womenin that direction.
Then in 2018 I wrote myautobiography'cause it was time
to heal Caroline.
It was time.
Like I really believe, like whatyou said earlier, once you start
to speak the truth and speakwhat is inside of you, you could
start to shift things.
So I wrote my book and I waslike, I know my family's gonna
(32:06):
be pissed because I'm gonna tella lot of family secrets.
They're not gonna like it.
But am I going to do it anyway?
And the answer was yes.
So I did, and they didn't speakto me for months, but that's
okay.
They got over it.
Caroline (32:20):
And so your book is Hit Me With Your Best Shot.
I love that.
Are you singing that song inyour head?
Like, Hit Me with Your BestShot.
Neena Perez (32:27):
that's what exactly what happened.
I was driving and I was, I wasgonna call, um, the book, uh uh,
my Mess In the Message orsomething like that,
Caroline (32:35):
Oh, I love it.
Yeah, that too.
Neena Perez (32:36):
yeah.
And I'm like, okay, but that'snot the one is it?
God?
And I'm like, can you help me?
God?
And I turned off the radio, Ihad the windows going, and I'm
like, I'm just gonna stay insilence.
I'm just gonna stay in silence.
And I want you to tell me whatis the name of the book and
immediately my brain hit me withyour, best shot and I'm like
Caroline (32:55):
Yeah.
Neena Perez (32:56):
and
Caroline (32:56):
Fire away.
Neena Perez (32:57):
Yeah.
At first I'm singing because I,I, I have ADHD so you can
sidetrack me real
Caroline (33:02):
Same girl.
Neena Perez (33:03):
I'm like, I'm singing the song and then I'm
like, wait, oh wait, that's thetitle.
Oh, thanks.
amazing.
So that's what it, that's whyit's called Hit Me With Your
Best Shot.
How I Overcame a Hard HittingLife.
It's a play on words, of course.
Caroline (33:18):
Oh my goodness.
But you keep rising.
You keep rising and you'relifting others as you climb.
So that's a beautiful thing.
This is so exciting.
Okay, so now you have this titlefor a book.
How was that like even becomingan author and going through that
process and having it do well?
Neena Perez (33:37):
I had to really teach myself.
I didn't have the income to goahead and buy, like publishing
rights and all of this get apublisher and the whole thing.
So I taught myself.
I honestly, YouTube University,a lot of it, you know
Caroline (33:49):
Wow.
Yeah.
Neena Perez (33:50):
And just like I said to my husband, I said,
sweetheart, it is time for myhealing, in a bigger way and I
need to write my book.
And he's like, okay.
I said, so you're not gonna seeme.
Probably for the next 10 months,I'm just letting you know every
day after work, I'm coming home,I'm kissing you, and then I'm
going downstairs, to my officeand he's like, okay.
And that's what I did.
I literally did that for hoursand hours every day.
(34:13):
And just wrote, and I did awhole mind map, a timeline, and
I just taught myself and I didit.
And I remember writing, therewas moments where I had to write
and pause for a day or twobecause the pain was so real,
you know.
Caroline (34:26):
Yeah.
Did you have therapy in thismoment?
Neena Perez (34:29):
I didn't.
Caroline (34:29):
Oh wow.
So, it was just you and God, youand God.
Neena Perez (34:33):
Me and God and me sitting with it.
You have to feel it to heal it.
That's just how it is.
You have to feel it to heal it.
Stop running.
Caroline (34:44):
I was so scared of feeling right.
I had a lot of thoughts.
I had a lot of thoughts, and Icould tell you what I think and
I was, my head got me through alot of what's made me who I am.
But I was thinking It was allthis and I knew my head was on
my body, but it wasn'tnecessarily connected and
feelings.
(35:05):
Feelings were scary.
And that's even the word I havefor it is a child's word.
Because that was when I decidedI wasn't gonna feel anything.
But then all this time, it'slike having a hot stove and you
put your hand on the hot stoveand I kept my hand on that hot
stove instead of just taking itoff.
'cause I was so scared of whatit would be like to feel and go
(35:28):
through things that I kept.
Anxiety, depression, all ofthese things in the midst of
still climbing somebody else'sladder.
Right?
What was giving you thepermission, grace, ability,
desire to feel and go through?
Neena Perez (35:48):
You know, I think I'm just hardheaded.
I've always been the type ofperson who just straps on my
boots and stops bitching.
You know what I'm saying that'sjust how I think I am, because
I've never had anybody to givetwo craps to listen to my
bitching anyway.
Right?
So I've had to learn.
Those skills of do it anyway.
Do it afraid, do it anyway, doit afraid.
(36:10):
Go ahead, go do it.
Because who's going to rescueyou?
No one.
Who's coming to listen to youmoan and groan, no one.
So get your butt up and get itdone.
Now, I've had to, in mylifetime, learn to soften that
up for others because noteverybody's me.
Sometimes I see people gettingcaught in a loop and I wanna
disrupt the loop.
(36:31):
And so as a coach especially,I've had to pull back and be
like, okay, let them go throughthat loop one more time with
you.
And then, give them a questionthat maybe can disrupt that.
Normally I'm like, okay, are youdone whining?
Yeah.
Okay, let's move on.
Let's go.
And I'm like, Neena, noteverybody's like you.
Calm down, let it go.
Don't do that.
It's, leadership, right?
(36:51):
You have to learn how to leadyourself before you can start to
learn how to lead others.
Caroline (36:56):
And then, so you became a coach.
And got your certifications tobe a coach.
How did you choose the specifictraining that you chose to
invest in for that?
Neena Perez (37:09):
Yeah, when I was I think it was like 2016 or 17 I
was, seeking something, right?
And I'm like, what do I do?
How do I transition my mind fromthis victim to a victor?
How do I do that?
Yes, scripture's amazing, and Ido it through scripture, a lot
of it, but I knew there wassomething also deeper within me
(37:29):
that couldn't let stuff go, thatI was still this victim.
And I was listening to, I thinkI got like on a free webinar or
something, and I was listeningto somebody talk about NLP
neurolinguistic programming, andI'm like,
Caroline (37:40):
Was it Tony Robbins?
Neena Perez (37:42):
No, it wasn't Tony Robbins.
Caroline (37:43):
Somebody else's?
Neena Perez (37:44):
Mm-hmm, it was the coaching masters.
They're really good.
Their program is amazing, so Iwas like, what is that?
Okay, so I wrote it down.
NLP, what is that?
So then I started research.
I had to do all the research'cause that's how I am, I gotta
do it all things right?
So, I had to do all the researchand everything to find out what
the heck is NLP, what the heckis this?
So then I got intoneuro-linguistic programming.
(38:07):
I got my certification in that.
But then I loved this so much.
Then I got my mastercertification in that, and then
I got my positive intelligencecertification and got, I just
kept going.
You just keep going.
All the things, right?
And I love coaching.
I love coaching and I lovecooking, and I love nourishing
the soul, the mind, the body,the whole thing.
(38:28):
I did coaching for, since 2018.
And that's when I started mypodcast too.
So I was like, I was just goingfor all the things and then I
decided recently.
That I wanted to get back to myfirst love, which is back into
the kitchen, which I wassupposed to be doing a long time
ago, I left it.
like when I kind of left,cooking in front of like YouTube
(38:49):
and all that.
I used to cook and do videos andthen I let it go and I'm like, I
need to pick that back up.
'cause that was my love.
Yeah.
So that's what I'm doing now,transitioning.
Caroline (38:58):
Yeah.
So tell me, you're cooking,you're coaching, you're both,
you're both and either or what,help me.
Neena Perez (39:03):
So I'm doing both.
I'm focusing right now on myrelaunch, my launch for It's
called, The Purpose FilledKitchen.
And it's basically, purpose,right?
So it basically, Caroline if youwere here in, Texas or if we
were somewhere we can cooktogether, me and you would cook
a meal together and then wewould sit down and break that
bread together.
We would talk about life, talkabout what you're going through,
(39:24):
talk about what you do.
So it's basically the best ofboth worlds.
'cause my podcast Straight Talk,No Sugar Added, it is doing
really well and I love doingthat.
But I wanna mend the two.
I think there's a beautiful wayto do that, and that's what I'm
discovering right now.
Caroline (39:40):
Oh, that's cool.
With your cooking, are you doingthat?
Recording that?
Neena Perez (39:43):
Mm-hmm.
Caroline (39:44):
Oh, wow.
Are you gonna travel?
Neena Perez (39:46):
Yes, i'm thinking of traveling.
I got already a couple ofrestaurants that want me to come
and do like a podcast type thingwith them, so I'm probably gonna
go in and talk to that.
How did you do this, why did youdo this, what are you doing
today?
And if we can cook together,great.
That's what I wanna do.
And it's always been like, yousee my lighting up because it's
always been like what I wantedto do
Caroline (40:07):
It's combining all these foundational building
blocks into something.
Well, if you find somewhere nearDurham, North Carolina, come on
over.
My kitchen is not that fabulous.
But it would be great to, learnhow to cook something else.
And then how do you manage whenyou have, I did it well, or I
did it poorly?
Depending on how you look at it,but our meal times have always
been two or three differentmeals for any meal.
(40:31):
Time served in any location,people decide.
So whether somebody's gonna bein their room and they're gonna
be in the other room, and Imight be in the couch, and my
husband might be in a table orhe might eat, but Yeah.
But anyway, but we could make itcome together to break that
bread and at our actual tableand cook something up.
Neena Perez (40:46):
That was actually mandatory at my house.
The kids had to eat at the tablewith us and we had, something we
used I invented called Freetime.
And Free time, I dunno if I toldyou about this, but free time
was basically the kids can talkabout anything that they've been
through or anything that they'vedone with no consequences.
As long as they do it at thetable.
(41:08):
Nobody walks away from thesituation, and we have to think
about two to three alternativesto that decision that they've
made.
Now, if they walk away from thetable, consequences are coming.
But if they didn't walk awayfrom the table, we resolve it
together like grownups.
Caroline (41:24):
How did you come up with that?
How did you even come up withthat?
Neena Perez (41:27):
I figured if I don't do that, they were gonna
be doing a lot of things behindmy back that I would never know
about.
And I know I did a lot of thingsbehind my parents' backs that
they still don't know about.
And so I wanted to have a safespace for them because I never
had that.
I never had that.
Like in my family, you sayanything outta place, you are
(41:49):
gonna get your butt beat down, Ididn't wanna be that person.
And so I remember introducing itto them.
They didn't trust me at first,so they would tell me little
things like they spilledsomething or.
And then they got bigger, right?
Oh, I smoked weed today.
Oh, you know, I kissed a girl.
It got bigger and bigger
Caroline (42:05):
Yeah.
Neena Perez (42:06):
Those were a little harder for me, but, till this
day, like my kids are in theirthirties now to this day.
They call me for everything.
When I tell you everything,everything, you know, sometimes
I'm like, TMI, TMI, you know.
Caroline (42:23):
I'm glad I feel safe, like a safe landing for this
conversation.
Neena Perez (42:26):
They're like, mom, don't you know that you're our
venting to, you're our speakingto you're, you're gonna guide
us.
My son just said to me the otherday, you're not always right,
but you do give good advice,Mom.
I'm not always right?
What?
What?
Caroline (42:41):
Think again.
Neena Perez (42:42):
Exactly, I'm like
Caroline (42:42):
Think again.
Neena Perez (42:43):
You just don't think I'm right, right now.
You'll get it.
Caroline (42:47):
Yeah, oh my goodness.
This is amazing.
So, how do people work with you?
How do they find you or how doyou find them?
Neena Perez (42:55):
A lot of people find me.
I have a lot of clients, butthey're all word of mouth,
right?
But a lot of people will find methrough either my podcast, which
is Straight Talk, No SugarAdded, or just Neena Perez,
N-E-E-N-A, Neena Perez anywhere.
And you'll find me, you willfind me, for real.
Caroline (43:12):
I'm big on authentic success.
So to me, authentic success ishowever you define it and what
you want for your life and yourcareer.
But how do you define authenticsuccess for you in this moment?
Neena Perez (43:24):
I think for me the most authentic thing is that you
can't turn anything that's athriving business for long term
if you have a broken spirit,right?
So, I think you need to reallythink about how you can heal and
what is it that you reallyauthentically wanna bring to the
world, not what Caroline toldyou, not what Neena told you,
(43:46):
not what the world tells you.
But what instinctively is insideof you that maybe needs to heal
so that you can then start tothrive in the places that you
want to.
To create.
For a long time, I didn't knowwhat I wanted.
I knew I always wanted to be achef, but I didn't know how to
get there and I didn't know ifthat's really where I was
supposed to go until I pausedand I really started to ask
(44:08):
myself the deep questions.
What do I actually want?
So authenticity is coming outlike you, whatever that is,
whatever that is, but definitelyheal so that you can really live
up to what it is you're tryingto create.
Caroline (44:24):
Oh, this is so beautiful.
I wanna thank you.
This is, this was a lot in avery, you're the master.
Maybe it's from the podcast andall the years, but you, this
was.
Neena Perez (44:33):
This is fantastic.
Caroline (44:33):
Way amazing of a conversation.
Thank you so much for all yourvulnerability, for sharing all
these tidbits, and I am soexcited not only for you and
your future, but I'm excited tosee how our friendship grows and
develops over time as well.
Neena Perez (44:48):
Agreed.
Maybe you'll be at my table likecooking with me.
I hope so.
Caroline (44:52):
I would love it.
Let's figure out what we areputting it in the universe and
let's, that's gonna get pickedup in time, but I know we're
putting each other's paths for areason.
There's something beyond thisthat we're here to do together.
So I appreciate that.
Neena Perez (45:05):
Let's do it.
Thank you for having me.
Caroline (45:06):
Thank you, Neena.
Thank you for being on Your NextSuccess, and I'm excited for
your next success.
Neena Perez (45:13):
Thank you.
Connect with Neena atneenaperez.com and on social
media at@NeenaPerez.
Grab her autobiography, Hit Mewith Your Best Shot, and tune in
to her podcast, Straight Talk,No Sugar Added.
For real unfilteredconversations that inspire
action.
If you're ready to turn your owntestimony into a
(45:35):
transformational business, checkout her Wisdom to Wealth
program.
Links are in the show notes.
Neena Perez's story is apowerful reminder that no matter
how hard life hits, you canrise, rebuild, and even create a
legacy that nourishes others,mind, body, and spirit.
(46:00):
Thank you, Neena, for bringingyour honesty, faith, and fire to
this conversation.
And to you listening, take oneaction today toward the vision
God's put on your heart.
As Neena shows us, it is notabout waiting for the perfect
conditions.
It's about choosing the couragein the middle of the mess.
(46:21):
Here's to your next success.
Caroline (46:24):
Thanks for listening to Your Next Success with Dr.
Caroline Sangal.
Remember, authentic success isyours to define and includes
aligning your career to supportthe life you want.
What do you do when life keeps throwing punches?
My guest today, Neena Perez,shows us what it looks like to
rise with grit, grace, and God.
She is proof that your pastdoesn't define your future.
It can actually fuel yourpurpose.
(00:24):
This episode is for anyone who'sever felt stuck in the story
they were handed, but can feel abigger calling, tugging them
forward.
This is the Your Next Successpodcast, and I'm your host, Dr.
Caroline Sangal.
I'm a life first career coachand strategist on a mission to
normalize questioning yourcareer because I believe each of
(00:47):
us is made on purpose for apurpose only we can fulfill.
The longer we live out ofalignment with who we are, what
we do best, and why we're here,the more we miss out.
And the more the world missesout On what only we can give the
Your Next Success Podcast iswhere we explore how to build a
(01:08):
career that truly fuels yourlife.
We talk about self-discovery,smart job, search strategies,
professional growth, and you'llhear stories from people who've
navigated big career transitionsthemselves so you can see what
it's really like to make boldchanges and feel inspired to
(01:29):
create your own version ofauthentic success, one that is
aligned, meaningful, and trulyyours.
Neena Perez is atransformational coach, author
of Hit Me With Your Best Shotand host of the hit podcast,
Straight Talk, No Sugar Added.
(01:51):
She is the creator of the wisdomto wealth and Purpose by design
frameworks guiding women throughhealing, mindset shifts, and
business building.
She blends faith, food, andfierce truth telling whether
coaching clients, speaking onstage, or creating at the
Purpose-Filled Kitchen.
Neena's passion is helping womenstep boldly into their God-given
(02:16):
purpose and build lives andbusinesses that create lasting
impact.
In this episode, you'll hear howchildhood abuse, teen
motherhood, and domesticviolence shaped Neena's early
years, and how she chosesurvival first, then growth.
The God moment that sent her toculinary school, why she wrote
(02:41):
Hit Me with Your Best Shot, andhow speaking the truth became
her path to healing.
How she now blends cooking,coaching, and candid
conversations through StraightTalk, No Sugar Added and the
Purpose-Filled kitchen.
Welcome, Neena Perez to Your Next Success.
I am absolutely thrilled to behaving this conversation with
(03:05):
you today.
Neena Perez (03:06):
I am so happy to be here.
Let's do it.
Caroline (03:10):
Okay.
I know you've shared a lot ofyour story on your own wildly
successful podcast, as well asbeing a guest on many other
podcasts.
Today I'd like to try to focus alittle bit about your career
journey transitions, howdifferent life events and other
things shaped your chapters ofyour career thus far.
(03:31):
to some of the work that you donow, and as an amazing coach,
speaker, author, that's wherewe're gonna get to of what you
are.
Can you walk us back a littlebit to your childhood when you
were growing up?
Help me understand how was thatfor you, and were there any
(03:53):
particular activities or thingsyou were drawn to or that you
enjoyed?
Neena Perez (03:57):
Yeah, my childhood.
It doesn't have a lot of happymemories.
It was filled with a lot ofabuse and constantly struggle,
like my mom would make it veryclear that we were struggling,
'cause we had some, we hadpoverty and lived off the system
and all the things.
And, but one thing I doremember, there's a couple
things, but one of the things Ido remember is always wanting to
(04:20):
be a chef.
Caroline (04:22):
Okay.
Neena Perez (04:22):
Since I was a little girl, I used to like just
sit and watch my mom in thekitchen or my grandparents in
the kitchen and just like, howdid they do that, how did they
create that?
And then, Julia Child was onPBS, and so a little girl I
would make, pretend I wastalking to an audience and
cooking and all of those things.
it was something that I think tothis day, I smile when I think
about it because I think thosewere the pockets of joy when I
(04:45):
was not happy.
'Cause I lived a lot of my youthin a lot of anxiety and I didn't
know that as a kid.
you know what anxiety is whenyou're a little bit older, but
constantly with stomach painsand anemia and all the things
because I was always just fullof anxiety.
But, the cooking, that wasdefinitely something that, was a
(05:05):
true love and still is a biglove of my life.
Caroline (05:10):
Where were you when you grew up?
what location were you in?
Neena Perez (05:13):
Oh, I lived in Stanford, Connecticut.
Caroline (05:16):
Okay.
So you're in this, environmentwith your mom or your
grandparents, and those momentsof kitchen and cooking are
starting to spark this interestand joy and almost like maybe
like an escape or being able tocare for others through this,
were they, what kind of foodswere you watching them cook?
Neena Perez (05:37):
I mean, we're Puerto Rican, so it was a lot of
spanish food, a lot of roastpork and rice and beans and all
that.
But I always lean towards, whichis funny, I'm just thinking
about this now'cause you'rebringing this up in my mind.
But like, it was always thingslike lasagna and, spaghetti
meatballs and it was garlicbread.
It was like Italian things, Iguess it's'cause I was watching
like Jacques Pépin and watching,Julia Childs and I think I was
(06:01):
trying to just escape thatfamily life.
Like opposite of everything thatmy family is.
and I think that's what probablysparked me to look at things a
little differently.
I never thought of that untilright now.
Yeah, it's interesting.
Caroline (06:14):
I was interested back in the day, I became interested
in cooking, desserts and things.
Not necessarily the nourishing,but even if I'm at a restaurant,
sometimes I'm gonna look at thedessert menu to decide what I
wanna eat, you know?
Neena Perez (06:26):
Heck yeah.
You know, but for me nourishmentor, I don't know I really
thought of nourishment.
my mom would feed us, whatevershe was making for dinner.
So it's not like we had choices,right?
But, I do remember as a childwith this anxiety and all of the
abuse that was happening, that Ifound a lot of comfort in sugar.
(06:47):
Like that was my comfort, youknow, I didn't know then, I do
now know that it does doendorphins in the brain, like a
drug, but as a kid, I didn'tknow that.
I just knew that if I had aspoonful of sugar, I felt
better.
You know, about what washappening in my home, you know?
And so sugar became anaddiction, which till this day I
(07:07):
still fight.
It is definitely something Ihave to control.
Otherwise, I will eat sugar theentire day if I don't control
it.
It's interesting because as youbecome older, you go through a
lot more things in life and youstruggle with more things, but
those core years of your lifebetween birth and seven years
old really do form and reallystick with you if you don't
(07:30):
consciously fight thesubconscious, if that makes
sense.
Caroline (07:34):
Oh, absolutely.
Because in those formative yearswe are observing the world and
we're drawing our ownconclusions and we're doing what
we need to do to survive in thatmoment.
And yet later when we are justreacting, not responding, we
don't know why and how.
I didn't know why it was if Ihad some sort of rejection or
(07:57):
some sort of unpleasantexperience.
I was grabbing the M&Ms andfinishing the bag, right?
So like I did, but I did notknow that I hadn't even
connected that was happeninguntil, I don't even know if that
was thirties or forties, whichdecade.
But we're still working.
Neena Perez (08:12):
Same, but I think it's because when you were
grabbing the M&Ms, like I'vedone many times, there was a
comfort in that, and you didn'teven know that there was a
comfort in that, you just felt acomfort in that.
And it wasn't until recently,I'm a person of faith, I believe
in God.
And I was in prayer one day, acouple weeks ago, and I'm just
like, God, I am feelingoverwhelmed by why am I still
(08:33):
addicted to sugar and I'm tryingto fight this thing?
Like, this is ridiculous.
And then he brought me to thisvision, that same vision of my
stepfather used to molest me, soI would fight him, but I'm six
years old, you know what I mean?
So, but my comfort was that,that little cup of sugar
underneath the the kitchentable, and I had no idea.
(08:54):
I forgot all about that, butthat where it started.
Caroline (08:57):
Same, similar.
It was a friend's father, so itwasn't necessarily a friend.
But I'm pretty sure after allthat trauma, somebody gave me
M&Ms.
Neena Perez (09:08):
Yeah.
Caroline (09:09):
Somebody gave me an M&M.
But, and now I can, you know, soI didn't want that.
It's helped me become who I am.
Neena Perez (09:17):
Yeah.
Caroline (09:18):
I can still enjoy M&Ms now separate from that thing,
but Now I can also pause alittle bit and think Is this
what I'm really wanting?
What is the real need here?
And sometimes I just say, screwit and I'm gonna eat the thing
anyway.
Neena Perez (09:31):
Yeah, yeah.
Same, right?
And I think that, we start todevelop these things as, we get
older, maybe they becomesomething different.
Like, so for me, it becameperfectionism, right?
becoming a workaholic, likemaking sure that I was the best,
that I had all the kudos youknow climb that ladder because
that was so important.
I did it up until like my ownhurt, right?
(09:52):
Then I started to become, I haveautoimmune conditions, like I
have all these things because Iwork so hard.
I'm talking 14, 16 hour dayswithout breaking a sweat, right?
Because that's just how I dothings, you know?
And even today, like having myown businesses and doing all
these side contracts, and I alsodo work as a professor and like
all these things, I immediatelyrealize, like I'm at it 14
(10:15):
hours.
What am I doing?
So I have to check myself,because if I don't, I hurt
myself.
It's nobody else'sresponsibility.
Caroline (10:25):
it's so hard though, right?
'cause we live our lives for thelongest time and for me,
achieving was the thing that wasdefined.
And I knew how to get a A andlet me get the award and get the
thing, and I felt, and I wastrying to become and be somebody
in somebody else's mold.
And, I was getting positiverecognition for those things.
But it wasn't who I was, it waswhat I was doing.
(10:47):
I wasn't a human being.
I was a human doing.
So,
Neena Perez (10:51):
So good.
Caroline (10:52):
Okay.
So you're a child, you'rerealizing that cooking is
becoming a nice reprieve andsomething that you're genuinely
drawn to and interested in.
And then what happened, likehigh school or choosing after
graduation?
Tell me about that, what'd youchoose?
Oh, wait, high school.
Tell me a little about highschool.
Neena Perez (11:12):
High school.
So I was pregnant at eighthgrade, so I was middle school.
I had my son in ninth grade.
And I just remember being told Iwas gonna amount to nothing.
This is, my life now.
I was a piece of crap, because Iwas 14 years old having a kid.
and back then we're talkingabout 1988, it just wasn't as
common as it is now.
(11:33):
And when I would go, when I didgo back to high school because I
had the baby in January of, myninth grade year.
know, it was, oh, there's thegirl with the baby.
Oh, can you believe she has ababy?
Like, It was the rumor thing.
And, my son's father wasextremely abusive.
Extremely abusive.
Like he tried to kill me a fewtimes, but the last time he
(11:54):
tried to murder me, he put a gunto my head and pulled the
trigger, and because I know, Ibelieve it's from God because
God, the safety got jammed onthe gun and he couldn't unjam
it, and that's why I'm heretoday, right?
Caroline (12:09):
Oh my goodness.
Neena Perez (12:11):
High school was a nightmare.
I barely graduated by the skinof my teeth because I was
constantly trying to survive andI was living in a battered
women's shelter my last year ofschool because when he tried to
kill me I ran.
And so it was me and my son andme working two jobs and going to
school.
So I had to arrange my highschool schedule to be like
(12:32):
part-time but packed so that Ican work my two jobs to take
care of my kid.
Caroline (12:37):
What were the jobs that you were working while also
being a mom?
Neena Perez (12:42):
JC Penney's was one of the jobs and the other one
was Finast which was asupermarket.
Caroline (12:47):
Yeah, I was in Ohio, there were Finast stores there.
Yeah, it came in, came aroundhigh school.
Neena Perez (12:51):
I worked there too, and I had to do it.
I had to do it because I didn'twant my son, first of all,
everybody was telling me like Iwould amount to nothing,
whatever, but I did not want myson to quit when life got hard.
And so even though he was alittle peanut, I knew that those
things would also live in hislife, because I was 15, so he
(13:13):
was going everywhere with mebecause what is he supposed to
do?
You know?
And mom doesn't have a car, i'monly 15.
So, just traveling with my kidand doing what I had to do to
support him and also preserve mylife.
'cause I didn't know when hisfather was gonna come back
around and try to kill me, youknow?
It was like all of the thingsand and my mom was on his side,
she's like, well, you shouldn'thave said anything or you
(13:33):
shouldn't have done this.
I'm like, he tried to kill me?
She goes,"Oh, well." You knowso, I love my Mom now.
So, I always have to like saythat I love my Mom because a lot
of people are so, were so angrywhen they read my book, they
were like, oh my God.
And I'm like, listen, she wasalso surviving and so she didn't
know any better, and I justforgive for that.
And we're, we're good now, butit was a tough time and I don't
(13:57):
wish that on anybody.
But it made me who I am todaytoo, the same time.
So it's like this dual thing.
Caroline (14:03):
Interesting, right.
And there's still, like with theFinast thing, there's still this
like little bit of thread ofsome food related kind of thing
too, and helping people, right?
When did your faith start?
Do you remember a time before isthere a pre-God and a post God?
Because this horrible event thatyou lived through yet, but for
God, you're still here.
That thing jammed.
(14:25):
But even before that, while youwere pregnant, did you realize
God's got you, or?
Neena Perez (14:29):
no.
Caroline (14:29):
Can you sort it out?
Neena Perez (14:30):
I actually, always knew there was a God because my
grandmother forced me to go tocommunion and confirmation and
all the things that a goodCatholic does.
Caroline (14:40):
Are you Catholic still?
Neena Perez (14:41):
No, no, no, I'm just a Non-denominational
Christian.
I was Catholic, or I don't knowif I was Catholic but I had to
go to school.
I had to be in Catholicism.
So, I knew that there was a God,like I kind of already
instinctively in me already knewthat.
Not that I ever learnedanything, I don't think from the
Catholic Church, honestly,except for repeating certain
(15:02):
things.
And I'm not saying there'sanything wrong with Catholicism,
it just wasn't something that Iwas connected to.
And as I grew up, I just kind ofwent away from that because it's
like I had no connection.
And so when my son's father,when I was pregnant, he threw me
down a flight of stairs.
Like he's tried to like put aknife to my neck.
He's knocked me out unconscious.
He's choked me almost to death.
(15:22):
Like there's been a lot ofmoments and so I remember being
very angry with God.
Very angry.
Caroline (15:30):
Okay.
Neena Perez (15:31):
yelling into the sky like, why would you let all
this happen to me?
This has been happening to me.
So I was a kid like, why do youhate me so much?
Like, so I knew there was apresence, an entity a God, a
something that I was mad at.
But God didn't come into my lifeuntil in my twenties, I had
gotten married, so I became 21.
I got married and my son'sfather just woke up one day and
(15:53):
was like, packing.
And I'm like, what are youdoing?
And he's like, I need to findmyself.
And I'm like, there's a freakingmirror right there.
You're found.
Hallelujah.
What the hell are you talkingabout?
You know?
And he was like, no, I need tofind myself.
And you know, I'm not feelingcomplete now.
Now we have my son and now wehave a kid too.
So two kids both being raised inthis marriage.
(16:15):
And I'm like, are you seriousright now?
then I find out it's because hewas dating some 17-year-old
chick.
He was waiting for her to become18 so he can leave us.
And he did.
So she became 18 and he left us.
He was 30, she was 18, and heleft me and the kids and yeah,
just took all the money outtathe bank account.
Caroline (16:35):
Oh my goodness.
Okay.
But where was this like in themidst of these things being
thrown at anyone and the voicesthat you were hearing external
to your own self, and maybe evensome of the ones that you
adopted inside yourself, butwhere was this resilience coming
from?
(16:55):
Or your like not succumbing towhat part of the world was
telling you.
Neena Perez (17:00):
I think part of me was succumbing, right?
I dealt with a lot of anxietyand depression.
So I think that part of me wassuccumbing, like constantly
depressed, constantly a victim.
But I knew that I had tosurvive.
So it was more survival mode.
Like really having to know thatI had kids now can't just leave
them.
I can't just leave them.
Caroline (17:20):
Some people do.
But you felt so compelled tohave their lives be better?
Neena Perez (17:25):
Different, for sure.
A hundred percent.
And I think it's because youhave a choice to make.
So you can look at your past,and you can look at how you were
raised, and you can look at allthose things and say, I'm going
to be just like that?
Or you can look at it and say,I'm going to not be that.
And that was always my thinginside of me as a little girl.
I'm not gonna be like my mom.
(17:46):
I'm not gonna be like my mom.
Although if you saw my mom rightnow, I'd be like, oh my gosh.
I look just like my mother.
Right?
But my attitude is verydifferent.
Right?
So like my mother, all her lifehas lived off the system.
Still does, right?
I'm opposite of that, like Iwill work seven days a week, 24
hours a day to never have thegovernment pay my stuff.
(18:09):
You know what I mean?
Like, that's just how I had mymindset and so I always lived in
this place of, if I don't do it,who will?
Nobody.
So even though I got updepressed, I had to go do my
thing even though I had anxiety,even though I had suicidal
thoughts, even though I wantedto ram my car into a tree or
throw it off of a bridge.
(18:29):
I wouldn't do it.
I just, I couldn't do it becausewho then would take care of my
kids better than me?
Nobody.
And so I think I always tellthem, I said, you guys actually
saved my life.
I don't think you guysunderstand that.
You guys aren't just born andI'm your mom and you're my kids.
They have saved my life.
Because if it wasn't for them, Ihonestly don't think I would be
(18:52):
here today.
I probably would've went throughwith it.
Caroline (18:55):
Oh my goodness.
Neena Perez (18:56):
Yeah.
Caroline (18:58):
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that
there's so many things thatpeople don't say what's
happening and Right.
And when we can let that out,then we can validate thoughts
and feelings other people arehaving and yet see that you have
dealt with these things and yethere you are, and now you're
still helping, still empowering.
(19:18):
So your, having now twochildren, the man that you
married left, what were youdoing besides just trying to
survive?
Was there a working situationunderpinning this?
Neena Perez (19:33):
Yeah.
when I first met my ex-husband,it's kind of weird, but his
cousin was like, Hey, I gotta goto Puerto Rico, take care of my
mom.
Do you want my job?
And I'm like, sure what do youdo?
She's like, medical assistant.
I'm like, I have no idea.
I'm retail.
I have no idea.
She's like that's okay, i'llteach you.
She trained me for a week andthen she left.
And so I was taking blood andvitals and all this stuff in
(19:54):
1992 or whatever it was,'91?
I don't even remember.
And, I quickly became themanager of the office, because
that's who I am.
Like, I go in, I look at thestrategies, I look at what's
going on.
I fix everything.
I make the SOPs, I do the wholething.
And, he's like, I can't lose youif she comes back.
I don't know if I can hire herback.
(20:14):
I'm like, don't do that.
'cause she's only away for likea month.
But then, yeah, I ended up likeclimbing that ladder and then
climbing the next ladder.
But it wasn't what I was I thinkborn to do.
Because I wanted to go back toschool to be a chef, and
although that was in the back ofmy brain, I never ever got a
chance to do it until I was 35and my kids are older.
(20:36):
You know?
So now I have the opportunity.
Caroline (20:38):
See, there's so many things when considering
somebody's life and theircareer, there's so many things
that influence.
Most of the time, I'll say yourcareer is like a iceberg.
So most of the time people arefocused above the surface.
And so that's like, what's thetitle?
The salary, the location, andthe kind of what are you doing
on the day to day?
But below the surface is who areyou?
Neena Perez (20:57):
Yeah.
Caroline (20:57):
What would you love to do?
How is your communication style?
What is your mental fitness,mental resilience?
And most importantly, what doyou want your life to look like?
And how can your career fuelthat?
And one of the components peopledon't consider is family, right?
So both the family you came fromand the family you have now, or
(21:18):
friends in any moment, for you,you saw cooking.
Being some, a sense ofnourishment, comfort, joy, and
you liked that and you wereinterested in it.
So that's part of your interest.
And you saw your family and thendeciding, I'm not going to have
some of the things like mymother, I'm not gonna be on the
(21:39):
system.
I'm not, and not driving you.
And then your own childrenwanting you to not just survive,
but you are slowly starting totry to thrive and become and did
the medical assisting as much asyou can, but yet managing and
taking over.
Wow.
Okay, so you're 35-ish.
(22:00):
Your kids are older, you can nowstart to have a chapter on you.
Neena Perez (22:05):
Yes.
Caroline (22:06):
But still school costs money.
So how did that, Tell me this.
Neena Perez (22:11):
You want this story?
Okay.
Caroline (22:12):
Yeah, I do.
Neena Perez (22:14):
Okay.
So I was really struggling,depressed, anxious.
All the things.
I was 30 years old and I was inmedical now 15 years, right?
So, I was going to the doctor'soffice and literally having
anxiety attacks at the doctor'soffice because I, of course, I
climbed the ladder.
So now I have all theseresponsibilities and I don't
wanna be there.
And so, this is like a, one ofthose"What!?" Miracle stories,
(22:36):
right?
So I kept saying, I feel likeI'm supposed to go back to
school to become a chef, but isthat really what I'm supposed to
do?
Or should I just keep, continueon the medical field, right?
Continue there.
And I remember I said, okay,God, I got a strong inkling and
feeling in my heart that youwant me to go back to school to
be a chef, but I don't know ifI'm making the right decision.
(22:58):
So Caroline, I said, I'll tellyou what, God, if you come down
here physically.
That's all I wanted a miracle,right?
Caroline (23:06):
Bargaining.
I've done this too.
Yeah, tell me.
Neena Perez (23:09):
You come down here physically and you say, Neena
you are released, I will give mytwo weeks notice and I'll go
back to a school.
I have no idea where to go.
Right?
So, a school somewhere in theworld.
(24:06):
I said, so I will go back, Iwill go to school and if you
come down here physically andsay that I am released to go,
I'll do it.
45 minutes later, my husbandcomes home from work.
He was driving home.
He said he was in the car,praising, worshiping.
He comes into the bedroom.
He goes, I have to talk to you.
I said, sure.
He goes, I don't know what thismeans, but maybe, you know.
I said, okay.
He goes, I was in the car,dancing to worship music.
(24:29):
I'm praying to God, and he toldme to come in here and tell you
that you're released.
I said.
Look, I still get chills.
I said, what did you say to me?
He said, you're released.
And I'm like, huh, oh.
And I like almost fell out ofthe bed.
Like even to this day like I getchills because I know that was a
God moment.
(24:50):
And I said, babe, and I told himthe story.
He's like, what?
I'm like, yeah.
He goes, well, I guess you gottagive your two weeks.
He goes, I don't know what thehell we're gonna do, we don't
have that much money.
So I was like, I don't know, butthat's what he said.
I told him to come physicallyand you are physical, right?
So I gave my two weeks notice.
I remember, the nurses saying,oh, you're not gonna make any
money doing that, and I can'tbelieve you're doing this, and
(25:11):
that's ridiculous, Neena.
All the, all the negativities.
Caroline (25:14):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Neena Perez (25:15):
The doctor was like, how can you leave me,
whatever.
I gave my two weeks and I'llnever forget this.
I was driving to the school.
It was Norwalk CommunityCollege.
I was driving there'cause I knewthey had a phenomenal culinary
program and I had found out, ofcourse, now I had to find out.
So I'm driving there and I'mlike, Caroline, I was like.
Okay, God, I hear that fatherspay for their children's
(25:40):
tuition.
I said, and because I don't, Inever had a, I said, because
I've never had a physical fatherand no man in my life has ever
been good to me.
You have been.
So, dad, you need to pay forcollege because I cannot.
Right?
So I walk into the school, I'mlike, okay, I'm here.
(26:00):
I wanna go to culinary school,They're like, okay, fill out
this paperwork, Uh, there's somescholarships if you wanna try to
apply for them.
We're not guaranteed.
I got every scholarship.
I got every scholarship for myculinary certification, my
associate's degree.
And while I was in my getting myassociate's degree, we went
homeless.
We actually lost everything.
'cause it was in 2008 when wehad all of that thing, the big
(26:21):
bubble burst.
We lost our home, we lost ourcars, we lost everything.
We were literally homeless.
And I was in culinary school.
And while I was in culinaryschool, we didn't miss a meal
because I would say to the chef,Hey, can my husband try the food
that we're making?
He's like, of course, so myhusband would come try the food
that we're making, because wehad no food, right?
(26:42):
We were homeless.
So, we were living in ourfriend's living room on their
couch, in our car.
We had two cars, so one car gotrepoed, so we had one car.
All the things Caroline.
Caroline (26:52):
And your kids were gone.
Neena Perez (26:53):
I had to like disperse my children, my one son
went to my ex-husband becausewhere was I gonna put him?
Caroline (27:00):
Right.
Neena Perez (27:01):
And my oldest son was like 18, so he had to go get
himself a job and get a littlerental room somewhere.
And then my husband's kids, theywere with their parents and
stuff.
So it was a lot.
And I just remember, I'll neverforget this because I was
crying, I was upset, I wasdistraught.
And I said, dad, you told me togo to school.
You said, I am released.
(27:21):
You paid for my education.
Like, how am I homeless rightnow?
And I was praying, praying,praying.
And I'll never forget, it wasalmost audible.
I heard, I told you to beobedient.
I never said it would be easy.
Okay.
I gotcha.
So I said, I'll stopcomplaining, but I'll tell you
what, I'm a one up you.
(27:41):
I said to God, I'm a one up you.
I'm gonna graduate with a 4.0because I'm gonna show you that
I'm going to do what exactly itis.
You're right.
I'm gonna be obedient and do itall.
And that's what I did.
I was there 7:00 AM in themorning at school before the
school opened.
And soon as the guard would comeopen the door, I would say, can
I just come in and do somestudying?
They're like, yeah, because Ihad nowhere to sleep.
So I would go in and do somestudying, stay for school, stay
(28:05):
after school.
Ask for a job at school, so Ican clean the kitchen.
That's what I did.
I did what I had to do tofreaking survive.
'cause that's what Neena does,right?
And so we did what we had to do.
But guess what?
I one upped God by graduatingwith a 4.25 GPA and he ended up
making me the valedictorian ofthe school.
So I've been, I was thevaledictorian, I had a big
(28:27):
speech with over 3000 people.
It was amazing.
So didn't end there.
After school was my associate'sdegree, and I said, all right,
dad, here, listen.
Can you gimme a full ridescholarship to get my bachelor's
degree?
Because come on, God.
4.25.
I'm not as stupid as people saidI was.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, people told me I was dumbthat I wasn't gonna amount to
(28:49):
anything.
What'd he say, dad?
Huh?
Wink, wink.
What do you say?
Sure enough, I get a fullscholarship ride to Monroe
College, where I ended up goingto school, graduating of I think
it was a 4.0 or 3.95,'cause onefreaking person gave me an A-
Caroline (29:07):
Don't you hate those people?
Neena Perez (29:08):
Hate that.
But I ended up graduatingwithout a dime out of my pocket.
So I did about six years ofschool, which included, of
course, the certification, theassociate's degree, and the
bachelor's degree.
Zero money invested in my part.
Zero.
Caroline (29:27):
And you had this opportunity with the
valedictorian in the speech tonow have a glimpse, you already
had a management glimpse and nowyou got a public speaking
glimpse, and then you go, andyou achieve and you get this
bachelor's degree.
And then what?
Then what was the next?
Neena Perez (29:46):
Yeah, so then was, you're right, what was next?
What the heck am I gonna do withthis amazing degree that I got
for free?
I say for free, God paid for it.
But, I tell you, what I ended updoing was saying, okay, well if
you gave me the degree, I'mgonna do what I gotta do.
And that's exactly what I did.
I started to work atJean-Georges Restaurant.
I started to create my ownbusiness.
(30:06):
I had a business called TheKiddie Kitchen, where I taught
kids how to cook.
I ended up, when I was inNorwalk Community College, I did
their first program for kids,for underprivileged kids to come
and to learn cooking so that wecan give them a skill that they
can grow on.
And so I.
I grew my business, greweverything, and then I got hired
(30:26):
at this non-profit, amazingorganization who needed somebody
to build their kitchen from theground up.
I did that and then I becametheir director of culinary
operations, and I did that forlike eight or nine years.
Uh, loved it.
While I was doing that, Istarted healing and I also
started discovering.
Like, what is it that makesNeena tick and why do I struggle
(30:48):
with depression and anxiety?
How am I gonna fix this and whatdo I do to improve myself?
So I got into personaldevelopment as I think most of
us do.
Caroline (30:56):
How did you even know that healing was possible and
who did you pick to help youwith that journey?
Neena Perez (31:03):
I actually randomly picked a woman who I only
visited a few times for sometherapy.
It was because I knew somethingwas wrong with me.
I was getting up at night,choking.
It felt like I was choking fromthe anxiety attacks that were
happening.
And I just knew I could be abetter mother.
I can be a better person, I canbe a better daughter.
(31:23):
I can be a better wife, I can bea better.
Everything.
And so, I just started to askGod to show me direction on how
to heal, and that's what Istarted doing.
I started getting more intoscripture.
I started, then I startedleading women.
There was a program offered atthe church I used to attend that
was for leadership, so I tookthat course.
It was like 18 months ofrigorous stuff, but it was
(31:46):
amazing.
And then I started leading womenin that direction.
Then in 2018 I wrote myautobiography'cause it was time
to heal Caroline.
It was time.
Like I really believe, like whatyou said earlier, once you start
to speak the truth and speakwhat is inside of you, you could
start to shift things.
So I wrote my book and I waslike, I know my family's gonna
(32:06):
be pissed because I'm gonna tella lot of family secrets.
They're not gonna like it.
But am I going to do it anyway?
And the answer was yes.
So I did, and they didn't speakto me for months, but that's
okay.
They got over it.
Caroline (32:20):
And so your book is Hit Me With Your Best Shot.
I love that.
Are you singing that song inyour head?
Like, Hit Me with Your BestShot.
Neena Perez (32:27):
that's what exactly what happened.
I was driving and I was, I wasgonna call, um, the book, uh uh,
my Mess In the Message orsomething like that,
Caroline (32:35):
Oh, I love it.
Yeah, that too.
Neena Perez (32:36):
yeah.
And I'm like, okay, but that'snot the one is it?
God?
And I'm like, can you help me?
God?
And I turned off the radio, Ihad the windows going, and I'm
like, I'm just gonna stay insilence.
I'm just gonna stay in silence.
And I want you to tell me whatis the name of the book and
immediately my brain hit me withyour, best shot and I'm like
Caroline (32:55):
Yeah.
Neena Perez (32:56):
and
Caroline (32:56):
Fire away.
Neena Perez (32:57):
Yeah.
At first I'm singing because I,I, I have ADHD so you can
sidetrack me real
Caroline (33:02):
Same girl.
Neena Perez (33:03):
I'm like, I'm singing the song and then I'm
like, wait, oh wait, that's thetitle.
Oh, thanks.
amazing.
So that's what it, that's whyit's called Hit Me With Your
Best Shot.
How I Overcame a Hard HittingLife.
It's a play on words, of course.
Caroline (33:18):
Oh my goodness.
But you keep rising.
You keep rising and you'relifting others as you climb.
So that's a beautiful thing.
This is so exciting.
Okay, so now you have this titlefor a book.
How was that like even becomingan author and going through that
process and having it do well?
Neena Perez (33:37):
I had to really teach myself.
I didn't have the income to goahead and buy, like publishing
rights and all of this get apublisher and the whole thing.
So I taught myself.
I honestly, YouTube University,a lot of it, you know
Caroline (33:49):
Wow.
Yeah.
Neena Perez (33:50):
And just like I said to my husband, I said,
sweetheart, it is time for myhealing, in a bigger way and I
need to write my book.
And he's like, okay.
I said, so you're not gonna seeme.
Probably for the next 10 months,I'm just letting you know every
day after work, I'm coming home,I'm kissing you, and then I'm
going downstairs, to my officeand he's like, okay.
And that's what I did.
I literally did that for hoursand hours every day.
(34:13):
And just wrote, and I did awhole mind map, a timeline, and
I just taught myself and I didit.
And I remember writing, therewas moments where I had to write
and pause for a day or twobecause the pain was so real,
you know.
Caroline (34:26):
Yeah.
Did you have therapy in thismoment?
Neena Perez (34:29):
I didn't.
Caroline (34:29):
Oh wow.
So, it was just you and God, youand God.
Neena Perez (34:33):
Me and God and me sitting with it.
You have to feel it to heal it.
That's just how it is.
You have to feel it to heal it.
Stop running.
Caroline (34:44):
I was so scared of feeling right.
I had a lot of thoughts.
I had a lot of thoughts, and Icould tell you what I think and
I was, my head got me through alot of what's made me who I am.
But I was thinking It was allthis and I knew my head was on
my body, but it wasn'tnecessarily connected and
feelings.
(35:05):
Feelings were scary.
And that's even the word I havefor it is a child's word.
Because that was when I decidedI wasn't gonna feel anything.
But then all this time, it'slike having a hot stove and you
put your hand on the hot stoveand I kept my hand on that hot
stove instead of just taking itoff.
'cause I was so scared of whatit would be like to feel and go
(35:28):
through things that I kept.
Anxiety, depression, all ofthese things in the midst of
still climbing somebody else'sladder.
Right?
What was giving you thepermission, grace, ability,
desire to feel and go through?
Neena Perez (35:48):
You know, I think I'm just hardheaded.
I've always been the type ofperson who just straps on my
boots and stops bitching.
You know what I'm saying that'sjust how I think I am, because
I've never had anybody to givetwo craps to listen to my
bitching anyway.
Right?
So I've had to learn.
Those skills of do it anyway.
Do it afraid, do it anyway, doit afraid.
(36:10):
Go ahead, go do it.
Because who's going to rescueyou?
No one.
Who's coming to listen to youmoan and groan, no one.
So get your butt up and get itdone.
Now, I've had to, in mylifetime, learn to soften that
up for others because noteverybody's me.
Sometimes I see people gettingcaught in a loop and I wanna
disrupt the loop.
(36:31):
And so as a coach especially,I've had to pull back and be
like, okay, let them go throughthat loop one more time with
you.
And then, give them a questionthat maybe can disrupt that.
Normally I'm like, okay, are youdone whining?
Yeah.
Okay, let's move on.
Let's go.
And I'm like, Neena, noteverybody's like you.
Calm down, let it go.
Don't do that.
It's, leadership, right?
(36:51):
You have to learn how to leadyourself before you can start to
learn how to lead others.
Caroline (36:56):
And then, so you became a coach.
And got your certifications tobe a coach.
How did you choose the specifictraining that you chose to
invest in for that?
Neena Perez (37:09):
Yeah, when I was I think it was like 2016 or 17 I
was, seeking something, right?
And I'm like, what do I do?
How do I transition my mind fromthis victim to a victor?
How do I do that?
Yes, scripture's amazing, and Ido it through scripture, a lot
of it, but I knew there wassomething also deeper within me
(37:29):
that couldn't let stuff go, thatI was still this victim.
And I was listening to, I thinkI got like on a free webinar or
something, and I was listeningto somebody talk about NLP
neurolinguistic programming, andI'm like,
Caroline (37:40):
Was it Tony Robbins?
Neena Perez (37:42):
No, it wasn't Tony Robbins.
Caroline (37:43):
Somebody else's?
Neena Perez (37:44):
Mm-hmm, it was the coaching masters.
They're really good.
Their program is amazing, so Iwas like, what is that?
Okay, so I wrote it down.
NLP, what is that?
So then I started research.
I had to do all the research'cause that's how I am, I gotta
do it all things right?
So, I had to do all the researchand everything to find out what
the heck is NLP, what the heckis this?
So then I got intoneuro-linguistic programming.
(38:07):
I got my certification in that.
But then I loved this so much.
Then I got my mastercertification in that, and then
I got my positive intelligencecertification and got, I just
kept going.
You just keep going.
All the things, right?
And I love coaching.
I love coaching and I lovecooking, and I love nourishing
the soul, the mind, the body,the whole thing.
(38:28):
I did coaching for, since 2018.
And that's when I started mypodcast too.
So I was like, I was just goingfor all the things and then I
decided recently.
That I wanted to get back to myfirst love, which is back into
the kitchen, which I wassupposed to be doing a long time
ago, I left it.
like when I kind of left,cooking in front of like YouTube
(38:49):
and all that.
I used to cook and do videos andthen I let it go and I'm like, I
need to pick that back up.
'cause that was my love.
Yeah.
So that's what I'm doing now,transitioning.
Caroline (38:58):
Yeah.
So tell me, you're cooking,you're coaching, you're both,
you're both and either or what,help me.
Neena Perez (39:03):
So I'm doing both.
I'm focusing right now on myrelaunch, my launch for It's
called, The Purpose FilledKitchen.
And it's basically, purpose,right?
So it basically, Caroline if youwere here in, Texas or if we
were somewhere we can cooktogether, me and you would cook
a meal together and then wewould sit down and break that
bread together.
We would talk about life, talkabout what you're going through,
(39:24):
talk about what you do.
So it's basically the best ofboth worlds.
'cause my podcast Straight Talk,No Sugar Added, it is doing
really well and I love doingthat.
But I wanna mend the two.
I think there's a beautiful wayto do that, and that's what I'm
discovering right now.
Caroline (39:40):
Oh, that's cool.
With your cooking, are you doingthat?
Recording that?
Neena Perez (39:43):
Mm-hmm.
Caroline (39:44):
Oh, wow.
Are you gonna travel?
Neena Perez (39:46):
Yes, i'm thinking of traveling.
I got already a couple ofrestaurants that want me to come
and do like a podcast type thingwith them, so I'm probably gonna
go in and talk to that.
How did you do this, why did youdo this, what are you doing
today?
And if we can cook together,great.
That's what I wanna do.
And it's always been like, yousee my lighting up because it's
always been like what I wantedto do
Caroline (40:07):
It's combining all these foundational building
blocks into something.
Well, if you find somewhere nearDurham, North Carolina, come on
over.
My kitchen is not that fabulous.
But it would be great to, learnhow to cook something else.
And then how do you manage whenyou have, I did it well, or I
did it poorly?
Depending on how you look at it,but our meal times have always
been two or three differentmeals for any meal.
(40:31):
Time served in any location,people decide.
So whether somebody's gonna bein their room and they're gonna
be in the other room, and Imight be in the couch, and my
husband might be in a table orhe might eat, but Yeah.
But anyway, but we could make itcome together to break that
bread and at our actual tableand cook something up.
Neena Perez (40:46):
That was actually mandatory at my house.
The kids had to eat at the tablewith us and we had, something we
used I invented called Freetime.
And Free time, I dunno if I toldyou about this, but free time
was basically the kids can talkabout anything that they've been
through or anything that they'vedone with no consequences.
As long as they do it at thetable.
(41:08):
Nobody walks away from thesituation, and we have to think
about two to three alternativesto that decision that they've
made.
Now, if they walk away from thetable, consequences are coming.
But if they didn't walk awayfrom the table, we resolve it
together like grownups.
Caroline (41:24):
How did you come up with that?
How did you even come up withthat?
Neena Perez (41:27):
I figured if I don't do that, they were gonna
be doing a lot of things behindmy back that I would never know
about.
And I know I did a lot of thingsbehind my parents' backs that
they still don't know about.
And so I wanted to have a safespace for them because I never
had that.
I never had that.
Like in my family, you sayanything outta place, you are
(41:49):
gonna get your butt beat down, Ididn't wanna be that person.
And so I remember introducing itto them.
They didn't trust me at first,so they would tell me little
things like they spilledsomething or.
And then they got bigger, right?
Oh, I smoked weed today.
Oh, you know, I kissed a girl.
It got bigger and bigger
Caroline (42:05):
Yeah.
Neena Perez (42:06):
Those were a little harder for me, but, till this
day, like my kids are in theirthirties now to this day.
They call me for everything.
When I tell you everything,everything, you know, sometimes
I'm like, TMI, TMI, you know.
Caroline (42:23):
I'm glad I feel safe, like a safe landing for this
conversation.
Neena Perez (42:26):
They're like, mom, don't you know that you're our
venting to, you're our speakingto you're, you're gonna guide
us.
My son just said to me the otherday, you're not always right,
but you do give good advice,Mom.
I'm not always right?
What?
What?
Caroline (42:41):
Think again.
Neena Perez (42:42):
Exactly, I'm like
Caroline (42:42):
Think again.
Neena Perez (42:43):
You just don't think I'm right, right now.
You'll get it.
Caroline (42:47):
Yeah, oh my goodness.
This is amazing.
So, how do people work with you?
How do they find you or how doyou find them?
Neena Perez (42:55):
A lot of people find me.
I have a lot of clients, butthey're all word of mouth,
right?
But a lot of people will find methrough either my podcast, which
is Straight Talk, No SugarAdded, or just Neena Perez,
N-E-E-N-A, Neena Perez anywhere.
And you'll find me, you willfind me, for real.
Caroline (43:12):
I'm big on authentic success.
So to me, authentic success ishowever you define it and what
you want for your life and yourcareer.
But how do you define authenticsuccess for you in this moment?
Neena Perez (43:24):
I think for me the most authentic thing is that you
can't turn anything that's athriving business for long term
if you have a broken spirit,right?
So, I think you need to reallythink about how you can heal and
what is it that you reallyauthentically wanna bring to the
world, not what Caroline toldyou, not what Neena told you,
(43:46):
not what the world tells you.
But what instinctively is insideof you that maybe needs to heal
so that you can then start tothrive in the places that you
want to.
To create.
For a long time, I didn't knowwhat I wanted.
I knew I always wanted to be achef, but I didn't know how to
get there and I didn't know ifthat's really where I was
supposed to go until I pausedand I really started to ask
(44:08):
myself the deep questions.
What do I actually want?
So authenticity is coming outlike you, whatever that is,
whatever that is, but definitelyheal so that you can really live
up to what it is you're tryingto create.
Caroline (44:24):
Oh, this is so beautiful.
I wanna thank you.
This is, this was a lot in avery, you're the master.
Maybe it's from the podcast andall the years, but you, this
was.
Neena Perez (44:33):
This is fantastic.
Caroline (44:33):
Way amazing of a conversation.
Thank you so much for all yourvulnerability, for sharing all
these tidbits, and I am soexcited not only for you and
your future, but I'm excited tosee how our friendship grows and
develops over time as well.
Neena Perez (44:48):
Agreed.
Maybe you'll be at my table likecooking with me.
I hope so.
Caroline (44:52):
I would love it.
Let's figure out what we areputting it in the universe and
let's, that's gonna get pickedup in time, but I know we're
putting each other's paths for areason.
There's something beyond thisthat we're here to do together.
So I appreciate that.
Neena Perez (45:05):
Let's do it.
Thank you for having me.
Caroline (45:06):
Thank you, Neena.
Thank you for being on Your NextSuccess, and I'm excited for
your next success.
Neena Perez (45:13):
Thank you.
Connect with Neena atneenaperez.com and on social
media at@NeenaPerez.
Grab her autobiography, Hit Mewith Your Best Shot, and tune in
to her podcast, Straight Talk,No Sugar Added.
For real unfilteredconversations that inspire
action.
If you're ready to turn your owntestimony into a
(45:35):
transformational business, checkout her Wisdom to Wealth
program.
Links are in the show notes.
Neena Perez's story is apowerful reminder that no matter
how hard life hits, you canrise, rebuild, and even create a
legacy that nourishes others,mind, body, and spirit.
(46:00):
Thank you, Neena, for bringingyour honesty, faith, and fire to
this conversation.
And to you listening, take oneaction today toward the vision
God's put on your heart.
As Neena shows us, it is notabout waiting for the perfect
conditions.
It's about choosing the couragein the middle of the mess.
(46:21):
Here's to your next success.
Caroline (46:24):
Thanks for listening to Your Next Success with Dr.
Caroline Sangal.
Remember, authentic success isyours to define and includes
aligning your career to supportthe life you want.
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