July 12, 2025 • 56 mins
In this episode, we dive into the world of situationships and the complexities of modern relationship dynamics. Join us as we explore the "what are we?" and "what if?" moments, share personal stories, and offer insights into navigating the gray areas of dating. Whether you're in a situationship or just curious, this episode is packed with relatable content and advice. Tune in for a candid conversation about love, labels, and everything in between.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
You want to be a surprise guest?No.
Boring. Yeah, that's boring.
I haven't listened to a single episode.
And you should not, don't only. See yourself clips on like your
Instagram or whatever. I'm a OK with you not listening
to a single second. Yeah, yeah.
Today's topic is situation ships, so tell us about it.
(00:23):
Have you been in a situation ship?
Give me a definition of a situation.
Ship the dating Gray zone where you're in a relationship but
there's like no clear definitions or expectations or.
Commitment each other, but you're like exclusively seeing
each other. Like you're more than friends.
Maybe you act like a couple, butwithout the labels.
Oh. Yeah, I think everybody has
(00:43):
multiple. I'm sure everybody has sounds.
Like a fuck boy to me. It's like the you both kind of
have, yeah, like you were saying, but it's like, oh, shit.
You like if she sees you as somebody else or you see her as
somebody else, it's like, oh, damn, you know, I get that weird
like gut feeling. And then it's like, next time
you see that person, that can beawkward.
(01:03):
I mean, as a guy, I want to confront that, but.
Would you? How would you be like, yo, what
the fuck was this shit? Because I don't know.
I'm I'm with my when I start talking to a woman, I kind of
get possessive. The point where it's like.
Yeah. Oh, so you're the girl.
You're the what are we person? No, no, no, not like.
That OK, Yeah. But Michael, like if you haven't
had the exclusive talk or the like, OK, we're not putting a
(01:27):
label on it, but we're also not seeing any other person.
Like it's free reign for both parties.
No, it's a turn off. No, it's like.
It's called dating. You got to be committed after
like a week to me. A week.
Yeah. Oh, I'm definitely keeping this
in. Yeah, no, I'm like I I'm done
with the love bombing and the last episode I talked to how I
(01:48):
was out of my lover girl era andI wasn't committing to anyone
and then I was going to date around.
Yeah. How's it going even for a long
distance relationship? Fuck you.
You both went for long distance relationships.
(02:10):
Oh my God, I guess. No one in National is worth a
damn. Yeah, there's nobody in fucking
Virginia. Are you kidding me?
It's dry as hell out here. Like hillbillies?
Good start to the episode it. Was Oh my God I'm so dead at him
being like oh after a week we don't talk to anyone else.
Like I barely know my name. No, after I'm like, there's
(02:32):
someone in my phone right now and it I was out at the bar the
other day and I have a privacy screen on my phone because I'm a
sketchy motherfucker, but I've had a privacy.
Screen on my phone since like 2015.
I have a privacy screen on my phone and I was at Centennial
having a solo drink. The way I do this guy next to me
(02:54):
was like, did that just say random guy?
And I was like, are you looking at my phone?
He's like, it's on your watch. Like it's just like random guy
from Mother's Ruin. And he's like, does that really
say random guy? So yeah, I went back to Mother's
Ruin. I think I in episode one or two,
I'm like, this place is dead. I'm not going here.
(03:14):
Nothing good happens here, and nothing good still happens
there. God I just like anytime I think
of mother's ruin I just think ofhow me and your friend kept like
fucking with that bouncer. Oh Lord.
He was a short king, but he was at least funny.
(03:34):
Yeah, well, this random guy is also a short king.
I was like, I think you said your name was.
He was like, it's. I would have laughed if he was
like, it's Evan. Something right off, Yeah.
I was like, Oh well, I was like,I'm like, I was close.
It is what it is. I was like forever random guy in
my father. Welcome back to your secret safe
(03:59):
with a. This is Vicki and we're with
Grace. Welcome back, ladies and
gentlemen, the gays, girls and days.
Episode 12. A Yo, we're really on the up and
up. We are literally back on
schedule. Also I'm having a girl dinner
right now. It's Rose.
Pickles. This is the best pickle brand
(04:20):
ever. Sandwich slices, Superb.
Diet Coke because I am still hungover from last night.
Gatorade because I'm still hungover from last night.
So at the end of last episode I talk about how I'm going to go
hook up with a 62 year old because my dad doesn't love me
(04:41):
and that I'm feuding with my family.
Anyway, I cleared the air with my mother last night.
It was therapeutic. It was therapeutic.
I cried and then I was like I'm going to the bar and I took like
4 Rumple shots and I was hurt all day today.
No, when I saw you or your, I saw your story that you were at
(05:03):
the bar. I didn't even put two and two
together. Like we literally were texting
about it. And then I saw your story and
did not put two and two together.
Like oh fuck. Like she's getting a drink
because. Like she is not well.
Like literally that was me last night.
And today I was still not well, like, just like weird anxiety.
Not because of that, just because of ex-husband bullshit.
And then like some work shit andwhatever.
(05:27):
And yeah, I got home, I turned on Love Island.
I laid in bed and my friend Rachel was like, do you want to
go play tennis? I was like, yeah, I want to
smack the shit out of some ballsright now, actually.
And, you know, I had already hadtwo glasses of wine and I'm
really good at tipsy tennis. That's wild.
I don't think I could fucking work out while drunk or late
tipsy. I mean, no, I was tipsy and I
(05:49):
was like, damn, all those nerves, like because I sucked
myself out, right? Like when I play, sometimes I
get nervous, but when I'm a little tipsy, I can hit every
ball. I'm excellent.
I'm fucking Serena Williams our the one that one tennis player
my dad is obsessed with Maria Sharapova.
He was always like the blonde hair, the earrings.
I was like, of course you're into fucking Russians like my
(06:09):
ex-husband. I was on my way to the gym today
and I went down into our mini fridge which is where we
normally keep like all the beer and seltzers and stuff.
And I went to grab a regular seltzer not really paying
attention and grabbed an alcoholic seltzer.
And I was about to open it and Ilike looked at it and I was like
oh whoops. And put it back because I was
(06:30):
like that's the last pre workoutthat I need before I go to the
gym. So I think in the last episode I
talked about how I put on my Hinge that I have a podcast.
I don't tag our podcast or anything like that, but like my
regular Instagram profile is on my Hinge and I'm sure people
find it anyway, I've had a couple boys mentioned in the
podcast listen and I've had a couple boys who don't know me
(06:53):
listen. So this one guy who I think it,
it was before I started dating Mr. Spreadsheet, I talk about
the guy with the really tall bed.
So I didn't know this. He moved to Florida.
He texted me this weekend and itwas like a new number.
I didn't recognize it, whatever.And he was like, hey, this is
(07:15):
XYZ new number. He said I have a friend looking
for a condo. Do you have any open?
I was like, I have no idea who you are.
He's like, think I'm on the pod for my tall bed And I was like,
didn't you mean states? And I was like, no way.
You've listened to the pod. He's like, yeah, I live in Saint
(07:36):
Pete now. I'm like, it's not ringing a
bell. He said, damn, I'm not memorable
like she, but yeah, that's my old number.
And I was like, so you're messaging me at 2:00 AM to look
for apartments for your friend. And then he sent me a screenshot
of the pod and was like, anyway,I'm going to go to Saint Pete.
(07:57):
That's that's a Long story shortof this.
I'm going to go visit him in Saint Pete.
But he was like, yeah, I'm the guy with the tall bed.
I was like, damn, you picked up on that?
I was like, OK, he knew. And I have another guy who's
just like an avid listener. He's like, I listened to episode
1011 and episode 1. He's like, I can't wait for
(08:18):
episode 12. He's like, y'all are funny as
shit. And I was like, you're like
learning too much about me. I was like, thank you.
But I'm like, I'm flattered. But like, Yikes.
Like, like, Yikes. You still want to hang out with
me? I saw that bartender man has
been watching all of our Instagram stories.
Yeah, he's out of rehab. That was fast.
(08:40):
Yeah, it's like a 30 day thing. Oh, is he back?
And Nash. I haven't been texting him.
Probably for a good reason. That was sarcasm.
Oh, I was like. I'm shocked you're not.
No. OK here.
Here it is, here are the messages.
(09:03):
I can't even read this July 1st.I'm out of here in a couple
days. Hang out when I'm back or have
you moved on? What's it he like blaming you
for all of his shit? Now he's like, let's hang out.
Again, Right. Right.
And I was like, I mean, I'm still single.
Are you drinking? And he was like, I'm not anymore
going to focus on my health and my career.
(09:24):
I've been thinking about you a lot lately.
I was like, no alcohol, no drugs.
Proud of you, he said. It's not for me right now.
He he texted me on Monday and hewas like, hey, you.
I was like, you're free. He's like, I'm free as hell.
How are you? I was like, I'm good.
He's like, anything happened while I was gone and I was like,
like, what? I was like, what are you asking
me? Well, the world is falling
(09:44):
apart, so. Yeah, well, he's a Republican,
so I didn't want to tell you. Are you effing kidding me?
He's like a hard Republican. I knew there was something about
him that I didn't like and I didn't trust.
I don't know, he knows how to sling the D, I'll give him that.
(10:06):
So whatever he is, I mean he's slings up better than my
ex-husband who supposedly is nota cook.
So but anyway, he's like, shouldwe hang out again?
And I was like, I don't really think I'm a good influence.
I was like, I'm still drinking and doing whatever.
(10:28):
He's like, yeah, I understand. And then he sent me this fucking
beep because I was like, oh, like we can be friends.
And he sent me this like tweet that says you literally tasted
yourself off my fingers. No, we cannot be friends.
And I was like, oh, I said, Oh my God.
(10:49):
He said, not saying I believe it, but it made me laugh.
I was like, so are we not friends?
But honestly, that's so true. Like I've seen you naked.
This actually perfect segue intoour topic this week with this
situationships, the relationships with no job title,
(11:12):
like being friends with someone and then like hooking up and
having that weird situation thing and then mean like it's
fine. We can stay friends.
Like no, you can't. Like you've seen them naked.
You fucking tasted what they taste like, you've maybe eaten
their asshole or fisted it, I don't know.
But you have done wild things with these people.
They have seen a very vulnerableposition.
(11:35):
I think I am also in the camp that no, you can't be friends.
I don't know. And stay tuned if we end up
being friends. He left a shirt and a pair of
shorts here and I was like, hey,I have these, I can bring them
to you. And he's like, oh, I'll just
come over. I was like, bad idea.
No bad idea. I'll leave it in a bag out
front. I say that.
(11:57):
I say that like you can't be friends.
But one of my situation ships him and I are still friends.
Who stop it? He hit me up this weekend of my
sister's wedding and was like, oh hey, I'm in town for a gig or
whatever. I don't know, like, do you want
to come out to run up night and hang out with us?
(12:18):
And I was like, I'm at my sister's wedding.
And he was like, oh, just skip it.
Like it's no big deal. And I was like, shut the fuck up
you dumb bitch. But he has a girlfriend.
Well, and you have a boyfriend. Yeah, like we've, we've hung out
before when like one of us has been in a relationship and like
nothing has happened. See.
But you have self-control. Some of us don't have that.
(12:41):
Yeah, that's true. I do have self-control.
OK, Well, like, hey sister, what's up?
What's up? What's new in the last two
weeks? OK, last update I said that love
was dead and then I'm in a relationship with Nashville.
Had my one year anniversary withNashville today I posted on
Instagram. I know you're gonna have to like
(13:02):
show the photo. So this time last year I took a
photo of myself in my house in Richmond right before though,
right before I literally got in my car with my U-Haul to move to
Nashville. And it's me like giving the
peace sign like bawling. Like I literally like look sad
as fuck. And then I posted a photo of me
(13:23):
this July and like it's scary looking at it to be like holy
fuck I have suddenly come back to life.
It's wild like. At the time I was like, this is
a really depressing photo. I should delete this.
But like something in my head told me like, you're going to
want to look back on this moment.
And if you're not, you know, if I didn't myself, then I would,
(13:46):
you know, look back on this and be like, damn, I was really
fucking sad. It's.
Like wild the difference like you, like you literally have
life back in your face and then you're.
I know, I know. And I'm like, it took me a year,
but like, I feel holy. I feel healed.
I don't need, you know, a man tocomplete me or validate me.
Like when I first moved here, I was, there were definitely
(14:08):
nights that I was like, I'm lonely as shit.
I don't care who comes over likesomeone be here with me because
I've lived with someone for the last eight years, you know, and
before that I was living with someone for four years.
It's like I've never lived alone.
And not like I value my alone time.
I value my peace. Be the pastor who he was also in
(14:29):
rehab. This is a terrible.
He was also in rehab. Let me find it.
He messaged me. I'm really horny tonight.
Let's hang out, whatever. And I was like, I'm just not in
the mood to be used for sex tonight.
I'm too tired and it's been a week.
I need some me time and I've never advocated for myself like
that and I'm just like so proud of myself.
Snap. To Vicks yes snap To Vicks, the
(14:52):
other night when you and I were texting and you were having a
crash out episode because of your ex-husband.
I can't remember what he was doing.
It's about the House, the phone bill, something.
Something and I was like, what are you going to do tonight?
Because old Vicks would go out, get fucked up, find some rando
to fuck her that night. But you were like, you know
(15:14):
what, I'm going to go get a massage.
I'm going to go spend $300.00 atTarget and then I'm going to
come home and light my clarity candle.
And I was like, I am so proud ofyou.
Like this is growth. This is growth.
And like, honestly, my clarity candle smells so good.
It smells so good. And I came home and I lit my
candle. I turned on Love Island and I
snuggled with my dogs and I wokeup to them like snoring in my
(15:35):
face And I was like, I love thisbeautiful, beautiful, no
beastiality and like I'm still having sex, but it's on my own
terms. It's not because like I feel
like I need it or like I'm I'm lonely.
Maybe, ma'am, I'm just like. Trying to fill a void of
something. Right.
It's not a void issue at this point.
And I'm still like, even though Mr. Spreadsheet and I did not
(15:58):
work out, like I'm very gratefulfor our time together because
like this time last year, your girl was in no mindset to be in
any type of relationship. And the beginning of this year I
was like, OK, I'm ready to open up again.
And obviously you all know how that ended in the Barbados
airport, but but like, no, I'm still in that mindset and I'm
(16:19):
still open and I've never felt more like secure.
So yeah, secure Sticky got some.Oh, that's beautiful.
Well, I'm so proud of, proud andhappy for you.
Yeah, so. Situation ships though.
(16:39):
So this Saturday I have a date. And so this guy when I first
moved to Nashville and got on dating apps, he is the first guy
I met off of a dating app. And we've now known each other
for a year. Like we've seen each other on
and off. We've messaged on and off and he
(17:00):
messaged me and he was like, we should hang out.
And I was like, did I write you off?
And he's like, absolutely. You wrote me off and he was
like, you needed your time. But he like we're going to he's
going to come to the pool with me on Saturday and he's like, I
want to cook you dinner. And I was like, OK, I mean,
granted, like this time last year, I mean, if anyone sees
this photo of me last year, likeI was not well in the head and
like, he met me when I was like,not well and not ready to be
(17:23):
with anyone. And you know who this is?
Do I? It's.
Wait. Like do I?
Wait a minute. Wait, is this creepy man that
was like stalking your apartment?
No, no, no, fuck no. Fuck no.
No, no, no, no. I don't ever remember him.
(17:46):
You don't remember him because Ididn't really pursue it because
I was like, this is not, you know, it's not going to be a
thing and something. About him that I would remember.
OK so I as I've been single I like I know what my must haves
are and like I've been dating since Mr. I didn't remember the
name, but I don't remember anything else about him.
(18:08):
No. So he was always really cool and
like just a really fun person tobe around and.
Searching in our text messages. I I mean, I'll send you a photo
of who he is, but like he messaged me and he was like, we
should hang out and I was like, I'm not really doing the casual
sex thing anymore. Like I'm looking for a
boyfriend. He was like, why not me?
I was like, I, I don't, I don't know.
I was like what? I don't know, because I never
(18:30):
really like I put you in this box of like you can't be my
boyfriend, but you know, he doescheck my boxes.
He's tall. He had like the sex is great,
the Dick is great. He has a great job and I'm just
like, then I like write this person off.
I searched in our text messages and you it's when we were
editing some episode, I don't know which one and you said
(18:53):
should we slim down my story? And I said, who's he?
Said wrinkles guy. And I said, oh, I don't know who
the I still don't know who this man is.
No, he was the one that when I first matched with him, I was
like, do I attract men with mustaches?
I just sent you his profile on Instagram.
You're going to remember. But anyway, I like, I got a
little spicy drunk last night. I'm about to start my period and
(19:17):
I was like texting him and. Wait, I kind of remember him.
He's cute. He's really cute.
Here's me last night. I was like another reason I
won't date you. You seem anti period sex because
I was spicy. And he said I've never said that
at all. I was like, you just give those
vibes. He's like not at all.
(19:38):
He's like shower. I was like shower only and he's
like, do you want it in the bed?I was like, I don't give a fuck.
And he was like OK, fine with me.
He's like I'll eat it, do whatever.
I was like, why did I not think you were freaky?
And he was like, I was trying torespect you and I was like, what
the fuck? I don't want to be respected, I
want to be degraded, spit in my mouth and call me a good fucking
(19:58):
girl. Literally.
And I was like, OK, he was like,shit, I'll be as rough as you
want. I was like, OK, I don't want to
ask for it. He's like, yes, ma'am, deal.
And what I want. Yeah.
So anyway, we are. Having a date I I did message
him and like when I was in Barbados and like things were
(20:20):
not going well and. When you tried to break up with
him seven times. Right, right.
So after I got back from Barbados, I messaged I, I guess
I have to give him a name. We'll call him Bringles man.
I think we actually matched on Tinder.
This was before I was banned anyway.
Anyway, Bringles man, I messagedhim afterwards and he was like
(20:42):
we should hang out. And like after what happened
with Mr. Spreadsheet, like I blew him off a couple times.
I was like, I'm just like I'm not ready to hang out with
anyone. Like I'm not in the mindset.
And like granted, that was the end of April.
It's now July and he's like, I'mstill single, still thinking
about you. And when I was like, I was like,
I'm looking for a boyfriend and he was like, why not me?
(21:03):
And I was like, why not? I was like kind of thinking to
myself, I was like, did I sell this person too short?
Interesting. OK, well, I hope it goes well.
I I hope so, too. I was like, I I was like, you've
been in my apartment, you know that all I have in my fridge is
cheese sticks and Pickles. And he was like, I was like,
(21:24):
what are you cooking for dinner?He's like, oh, like I'm thinking
steak, sweet potatoes and like zucchini.
And I was like, I don't have anyof that.
He's like, Nope, I'll go shopping.
And like, I was like, OK, yeah, I was like, this is weird.
But granted, the last time I sawhim was in 2024.
And at that point, like no one was going to be something for me
(21:45):
like. I think you put everybody in
that box. I put everyone in that box and
then like, you know, I settled. Not settled.
That's a bad word. I decided to date Mr.
Spreadsheet because I was like, there's no one in Nashville for
me. So yeah, that's the life update.
I'm not getting my hopes up. I'm not in love.
But we're going to have a date. He's going to make me dinner and
(22:05):
we're going to spend time together for the first time in
like 6 months. Damn nice.
Well, I'm excited for you. Longer than six months?
Shit, I think the last time I saw him was maybe October of
last year. Wow, that is a long.
Time. Yeah, yeah, I posted kind of a
thirsty bikini pic on my Insta story.
Yeah, you looked hot as fuck, I responded to the story.
(22:27):
Yeah, you and everyone else. I was like, hello.
I was like, hello, world. It's like I'm back.
Hello. But he was like, I, I want to
come to the pool with you. Like, let's hang out.
Well, I'm sure he wants to go tothe pool with you and dive right
in. Wow, I was like, is is this
another like BJ in movie night? And he's like, no, like, I like
(22:49):
spending time with you, like. Interesting.
And the fact that he's still single.
But he's like, I've just been, you know, focusing on me and
then like me being my spicy self.
Last night he posted on Instagram and I was like, you
literally have a girlfriend. He's like, those are my sisters
and like my cousin and I'm just,I was like some Bama shit.
(23:13):
Oh my man. But yeah, no, I just like, I
like, I never like talked to himabout like my needs or my wants
or like, because like at the time I was like, I don't give a
fuck if you know what I want or what I like because it's like,
and I'm finally talking to him about it.
And I was like, damn, did I sellthis one too short?
OK, Bringles man, let's see. Bringles, man, let's see it.
(23:33):
Let's see it Saturday. So stay tuned.
Probably the next time we recordI'll be like fuck this man who
knows? In two weeks she'll be like, who
the fuck is Bringles? We'll see, We'll see.
I want to. I need to give a life update.
Because are you still crashing out?
(23:53):
Are things better? No, OK so things are better.
We had a long discussion Monday night.
So for the listeners, Mr. W and I were supposed to go to the
beach together for 4th of July with a bunch of my friends and
two hours before I got to the beach Wednesday night he texted
me and said I'm not coming. It was a whole ordeal.
I was crashing out for you. I as in hoda.
(24:16):
We're all crashing the fuck out bro.
I so I was very angry with him. So I like we, I we like chit
chatted throughout the weekend, but like we really didn't talk.
And then like also kind of pissed me off because I was
like, I don't want this to ruin my weekend.
So I was trying not to let it ruin my weekend.
Well, you were like officiating someone's wedding and shit like
you had to like be together. Yeah.
(24:38):
Like I had to be like, obviouslyI'm happy for my friends that
got married and everything, but like, it also just like kind of
pissed me off because like there's some of my like closest
friends from college and I wanted him to come meet them.
Yeah, you know, like this is important to me.
Right. And I have a large friend group.
I have a large family and one ofmy best friends from college,
she brought her daughter. And so Mr. W was supposed to
(25:01):
bring his son with him. And his son was having like a
major meltdown and his, he's going to hate me for saying
this, but I don't give a shit. His ex-wife was not helping, of
course, and just making the situation.
She wasn't making it worse, but she wasn't just purposely not
making it any better. Yeah.
(25:23):
And so they didn't come. I didn't talk to him basically
all weekend. And then Monday we were like
texting because we were going to, I was going to call him
Monday night once he dropped offhis son.
And then we like kind of were getting into it through text
messages because he, what did hesay to me?
He like said something and he was like, well, I just like, I
(25:47):
feel like a piece of shit or something like that.
And I responded and I said, don't say that type of stuff to
me when I'm upset about your actions because it makes you
feel like you're manipulating me.
And he was like, well, I never have and I never will do that.
I'm glad we're talking tonight. And I was like, you're not
understanding what I'm saying. I know you're not trying to
manipulate me, but what I'm telling you is that's how it
(26:08):
feels because. It's feeling guilt trippy.
It's feeling like it's making him the victim.
And it's like, you know, you were excited.
Like I'm sure he was excited too.
And granted, I know like kids, ex, whatever, like some things
are out of your control. But also it's like in that
moment, just say like, I'm really sorry that I disappointed
(26:28):
you and I fucked up and not like.
Right. And like, which is what happened
when we crawled each other and we hashed out a lot of things
and we're fine now. We're good now, everything's OK.
We just, yeah, you're like when I'm single, I was like, you
bitch. Sent me some meme and I was.
(26:49):
Like, Oh yeah, probably. Going to be me tomorrow.
And she was like, excuse me? I was like, I'm just being
dramatic, but like I literally was crashing out before him and
I even got out on the phone. I was like, OK, so I guess I'm
not moving in with him at the end of September.
Like I guess it's going to be like the final straw.
I guess we're breaking up tonight.
I started like I was like OK then I'm just going to do
another Rd. Trip like fuck it.
(27:10):
I started looking up Airbnb's and.
Like Charles, we're just like, we'll just flip our life on a
dime and just be like out. I literally started looking up
long term stays in San Diego. I was like, I'll just stay there
September till November and juststay out there for three months.
Me and Charlotte, we're just going to go live our San Diego
lives for a few months. Like fuck it.
Like if, if that's what he wantsto do that I'm just not going to
(27:33):
fucking deal with life for threemonths.
Like I already had a plan going.And then we talked on the phone
and we were perfectly fine. Exactly, exactly.
This is just like when we talk about as millennials that we're
like the next day we're always going to get fired.
Yes, and then it's fine and thenit's fine.
We just have to have our crash out moments like Huda and
(27:56):
honestly, Amaya has been crashing out some too.
So I'm trying to catch up on Love Island and everyone's like
team Amaya Papaya and I'm like the first couple episodes that
she was in, I was like, this bitch is annoying as fuck.
I was like, I was like, I just can't like, like she and one of
her matches, I guess. Like he was like, I'm
uncomfortable that you're like calling me babe and like.
(28:19):
Interesting. Anyway, she she literally just
wants love and like now that I've like gotten to see her on a
few more episodes, I'm like everyone's talking about her
that like she never like everyone else who's on love
Island have people like managingtheir social media while they're
like in there and like posting and like Amaya doesn't have that
and she's got like the biggest following and it's like that's
(28:40):
how you know that she's there for love and not for clout.
I was like, OK, I guess I'm teamAmaya Papaya.
I I don't, I don't watch love Island, but I've been like using
their memes to post for us. And I saw one today and it was
like Amaya Papaya's like best sayings that she said.
And I was like cracking up at them.
Let me see if I can find some and read them because I was
(29:02):
like, who's I might start watching just for this bitch
because she's fucking funny, right?
This one. I'm not going to have a sugar
rush anymore from the word candythat you're feeding me.
Bitch, honestly, I'm going to. I need to, you know, that's
that's a motto. Print that out.
Another one she said, is sometimes I'm not the book that
(29:24):
someone should be reading, and that's OK.
I'm just not the cup of tea you should be drinking, so don't
fucking drink it. God forbid I'm a sensitive
gangsta, OK? OK, I'm like, get it, Get it.
Another one is baby, I'm standing on Business Today.
Last time I checked I got 10 toes, not one toe missing.
So I'm going to stand on business on my 10 toes.
(29:49):
Oh, I love this one. I was saw and I was like, this
is me and Vicki. Even though my heart rate is
being tachycardic right now. Your girl is trying to flip that
anxiety into excitement and she's like crying.
Yep, that was me last night whenI was like, you know, I'm I'm
crying, I'm crashing out. My mom was like, you're not OK.
I was like, no, I'm fucking not,OK.
(30:11):
Yeah, two more, she said. I consider myself a circle, and
people need to stop trying to fit me into a square box.
I'm a weirdo, but I'm a good weirdo.
Yep, relatable no more. People fucking love her.
And the last one is she's got her arms out and she goes, I
feel free. I feel like I could fly like the
pigeons back in New York City. Don't they like Hop?
(30:33):
Yes. I don't think.
So do pigeons. Fly.
Yes. Pigeons fly.
Penguins don't. I don't know if the New York
pigeons fly those things. Like, yeah.
I mean they hop like around, butlike where's?
The touch. Oh, also one of my friends, we
were talking about some gluten free goody that she saw and made
(30:54):
made her think of us and then she and then she just text also
dot dot dot and I was like, oh, this is gonna be good.
Then she sends me a screenshot of my ex from college.
Brit, I'm going to send you this.
Girl, you better, you better. Send that.
I'm sending this to you. I'm not saying anything.
(31:14):
I just want your you. Want me to read it and react in
real time? Yes, I'm like so anxious about
this I don't know why I'm worried.
I did. It's so bad.
Oh God, I got it. Let's see.
(31:39):
Doesn't even look like him, it'sso bad.
I just the whole thing the like,I just.
The beard, the ugly ass baby. Like I'm like, so kids are
(31:59):
beautiful and they're a gift from God and whatever, but like
sometimes kids are fucking ugly and these are some fucking ugly
ass kids. Yeah, like his child literally
looks like a child from like Children of the Corn.
Like they're popping out of the corn fields and they're about to
eat you and drag you back down the.
Hill, does he not? I mean, yeah, it's pretty
(32:22):
fucking bad. You have gone up, you've gone up
Queen. You have a short king.
But he's he's cute. OK, he's not that.
Short. Well, you're short, so you can
have short. Yeah.
It's in a tall pool. I know.
And and I wore heels for my sister's wedding and like, it
was fine. So I was like, OK, we're good
(32:43):
because that's the first time I think I've worn heels around
him. But yeah, I love my short king
shout out Mr. W He said that because I've been in a mood, I
just like have been in a bad depressive mood the past like
few months. And when we were talking on
Monday, he was like, OK, yes, I'll do better about like,
planning all of this stuff, not like last minute bailing on
trips because it's been a trend,whatever.
(33:05):
And he was like that, I need youto do something for me.
And I was like, OK, what? He was like, I need you to like,
validate that you want to be with me more.
And I was like, I do that. And he was like, no.
That's the anxious attachment talking and you need to validate
him more and you need to supporthis feelings and like.
I'm working on it. OK, you need to.
You need to be nice to him. Trying to be because I was like,
(33:29):
also I was trying to explain to him, oh, another life update.
I signed up for therapy today soI can talk about this in therapy
to work through my trauma. Because like for me, I have like
gotten to the point where like Ijust avoid feelings because I'm
like, oh, it's just gonna end uphurting me.
Like I'm just not even going to deal with it, right.
So that's what I I've, I'm better with him that I've been
(33:52):
with anyone else in the past. Yeah, I really love him and I
see a future with him, so I'm like trying to work on it and I
know I can be better. Good for you for going to
therapy. I know and he doesn't ask for
much. So like I'm like I'll be fine.
I can do this for you. I'm about to like set a reminder
in my phone and be like tell Mister W you love him.
(34:14):
No, I literally, I, I do this atwork every Thursday at 1:00 PM.
I have a reminder on my outlook calendar to praise an employee
because I'm just, you know, I'm always go, go, go.
And like, I think about it sometimes, like when you're at
the top, like no one, like there's no one to tell me I'm
doing a good job. Like I'm on my fucking own.
(34:34):
Like it doesn't matter. Like what?
You're doing a great job. Thank you, thank you so much.
But like, it's lonely at the top, but like, I never want my
employees to feel that way. So I just, you know, I have a
reminder that's, you know, compliment someone, tell someone
they did a good job today. And like, it goes a really long
way. What?
A good boss. Oh my God.
(34:59):
But now I'm just like, I love all my people right now.
They're so great. I've been a national year.
I've gotten so like, I don't ever remember myself being this
like sentimental and like humbleand like caring about people
ever. I just, I don't know.
Now that I'm here, I'm just like, whoa, I reached the top
and now I'm like, I love you guys, let's make you all better.
(35:19):
That's good. You're not pulling up the ladder
behind you, you're reaching out your hand for support.
Yeah, I know. I'm like I'm growing everyone
around me and like Once Upon a time.
So like, what is that saying? Here we go with the sayings
again. Bitch, I don't know.
You try to say something and then you're like, you know
what's that saying? I'm like you've said 2 words.
I don't know. It's like, do you catch the fish
(35:40):
yourself or do you teach a man to fish?
Oh yeah, you can catch a fish for a man to feed him for a day,
or you can teach a man how to fish and he can feed himself for
the rest of his. Life correct.
I'm teaching people how to fish.Cops are mixed.
If you hadn't said the fish thing I would have no idea what
the fuck you were talking about.So I had four rumble shots last
(36:06):
night and I opened a bottle of Rose and your brother came back
into the apartment because he's like moving into the apartment
next door. And he was like, oh, I thought
you were hungover. I was like hair of the dog.
He was like, what? I was like, fuck, you're 24.
I was like, I don't. How do I fucking explain to
someone what hair of the dog is?So he drinks.
(36:27):
He should know what the fuck you're talking about.
I know people in our family havelike your your.
Brother, the amount of now that he's stayed with me a few days
like like first and foremost, I locked myself out of the
apartment last night because I was crashing the fuck out and I
went to Centennial and I was like, so when are you coming
back? Because I left my keys in the
(36:49):
house because I like left there like crying and went to
Centennial. But he always says facts like
FAX like you fact something instead of facts and I'm like.
No, when he, so he called me recently the other night, I
think maybe when he was driving to Nashville from Louisville
from 5 July. Every time he calls me, and it's
(37:13):
only this brother that does this, he'll call me and I'll be
like, hello. And he's like, hey, sis, what's
up? I'm like, I don't know, you
called me. What's up with you?
And he's like, he's like, oh, just chilling.
OK, like when he texted me to come stay with me the first
time, he's like, hey mix, I'm like who the fuck is this?
(37:34):
And he's like, it's Mike. And I'm like again, who the fuck
is this? It's so funny because he did
what you did where like when youwent off to college, you're
like, I'm Victoria. And like when he left
Blacksburg, he was like, I'm Mike and we're all like, shut
the fuck up, Michael. Yeah, well, literally he was
like, he said something to me today about how I was like Vicki
and I was like, no, it's like that's not who I am these days.
(37:56):
But anyway. Whatever my family will they, if
I say Victoria, they're like, who's that?
I'm like Vicki. They're like, oh.
Yeah. All right, so now that we've
done a whole episode and didn't talk about the topic, do you
want to talk about the topic? Do we have any more life
updates? Anything you want to clear the
air about? Oh, I have one.
OK. In the first episode, I talked
(38:19):
about someone that I'm like, I love him.
He'll forever be my end game. I finally blocked him again.
Thanks. Fuck, is he still dating that
girl? Yep, and he just recently got
promoted and got his dream job and it's like very much Richmond
based. And you know, we always have the
conversation of the what if and like we're both doing great
(38:40):
where we are and like I'm reallyproud of him and happy for him
and I know it's maybe right person wrong time.
But now that I've been like dating I'm like ever.
Like I need to meet someone thatmakes me want to stop talking to
this fucker. Like I haven't found someone
that makes me want to forget himlike that.
They're so great that it's like I compare everyone to him.
(39:03):
This is the most toxic situationship you have ever been in ever.
Yeah, so those that don't know this guy, when I first started
dating my now ex-husband, I moved to Richmond.
Whatever, my ex-husband started talking to like some girl and
(39:23):
was like basically cheating on me, whatever I was really down
on. We broke up for a little bit and
one of his friends, you know which they were never close
friends. Like we met them through him,
through mutual friends, whatever.
It's not like they were besties.We kind of started talking,
started flirting and like I slipped up and I hooked up with
this guy back in. Gosh, 2018 was the first time
(39:47):
that this ever happened. And anyway, here we are seven
years later, still talking to each other and like we've hooked
up and talked to each other on and off for seven years.
And I'm like, this isn't even a situation ship.
It's like a hidden relationship.We both like support each other,
but like, I'm not moving back toRichmond.
He can't move here. Like he's going to go marry some
(40:10):
vanilla girl because that's likewhat he's going to do.
And. And then probably cheat on her
for the rest of their lives. Right well I'm like he already
cheated on her with me and like he didn't tell me until after.
So like those who don't know that basically I turned 30 last
year. A week later we hosted a party
for Grace's ex-boyfriend. Anyway like the house is a mess.
(40:35):
I was tired. My ex-husband was like oh I'm
going to go out and go get drunkand he was doing his all nighter
thing the way that he always does.
So I texted the cheater boyfriend and he came over to my
house and we had sex. And the next morning I asked my
husband for a divorce. And anyway, like after we had
sex he told me he had been dating someone for like almost a
year and which I was like you really should have told me that.
(40:58):
Like it's one thing to like, like I'm OK with wrecking my own
home, but I'm not here to wreck someone else's.
But I don't know. I mean, since that time we've
not hooked up. We've definitely had drunk calls
and whatever. And there's definitely times I
think about telling his girlfriend, but like he never
told my ex-husband. Like I told my ex-husband
(41:21):
because it was my place to tell them.
And it's like, you know, if he can live with it and maybe he'll
make the same mistake or maybe he won't and he'll clean up his
act and end up really, you know,loving this girl.
And I do want that for him because sometimes I'm like,
fuck, I should fucking tell thisbitch.
Like I should fucking tell this bitch.
But then I'm like, I want him towant to be with me because he
picks me, not because like I've destroyed it.
(41:43):
And if I like if I tell her, like we would never even be
friends. I was like, you know, he never
ratted me out. He was such a support to me.
Like when I had my like, yeah, oopsie, suicide attempt, I was
like messaging him and he was, wait, did you?
Say suicide or suicide. Suicide sad, he said.
(42:04):
Suicide. And I was like.
It was suicide, but it wasn't real suicide.
It was suicide. But like he was there for me the
next day and like I just, I don't know me and him will never
be. But he did definitely play a
role in like getting me to get to the point where I was like
strong enough for a divorce because he was always a person
(42:26):
that was like you deserve better.
And like the reason I'm hung up on this person is he never told
me he left me. I ended up cutting things off
with him marrying my husband andif I had left my ex-husband
sooner I believe me and this person would be together.
But I wasn't strong enough in my20s and he knows that it's
always been awful timing. We both agree that it's always
(42:48):
been awful timing but he's blocked again because your girls
got to move on. It's not going to happen, but
maybe once he gets divorced we'll find our way back to each
other because I've had a toxic situation ship with someone I've
never dated but seen on and off for seven years.
It's fine, it's fun. Well I mean a situation ship is
(43:12):
a sexual relationship that exists without clear
definitions, expectations, or commitment.
You're more than friends, maybe even act like a couple, but
without the labels or the security.
Yeah, yeah, I guess. Damn, I have a seven-year
situation ship. Emotional and physical intimacy.
You guys had regular communication, no defined
(43:35):
boundaries or clarity about where it's headed.
I think that's the definition. Yeah, yeah, damn.
OK, well enough about him. He's blocked for real this time.
I almost blocked him off of our our Instagram for your secret
safe with a because he still follows us but I was.
Like, like all of the Instagram stories?
I know. And I was like, you know, I'm
(43:56):
just, you know, block his number, I'll block him from
Snapchat. We're, we're not friends on our
personal like Instagrams, 'cause, you know, whatever.
But sometimes I get drunk and I follow his girlfriend and like I
request to follow his girlfriendin the middle of the night and
then I unrequest. Remember, no.
Remember when you and I were drunk at some bar in Richmond
(44:18):
and I admitted to you that I hada fensta and you were like, you
have a fensta? I said yeah, bitch, I do.
And I requested to follow her onthat fensta, but I forgot that
password, so I had to create a new fensta.
So I have a new one now. OK.
Well, will you follow her and tell her that they.
(44:40):
No, I will not tell her. But I will.
Request to follow her. I've made it very believable.
This is so fucking toxic I'm like why can't I let this man
go? I mean, I feel like there will
always I think. It's a 1F.
(45:03):
It's because we we saw each other in secret.
We never, you know which when you see someone in secret and
you never have like the trials and tribulations of a
relationship been living together.
Like I know it's like all a fantasy in my head because like
if we were living together and had to like go through the
hardships of, you know, being married, doing like all the
(45:24):
things, it's like, would I stilllike this person?
I have absolutely no idea. I've absolutely no idea.
Like, it's just very much a whatif.
And I think that's what's alwaysgoing to kill me and kill him is
like, you know, we never gave ita shot.
And had I left my ex-husband sooner, maybe we would have.
Yeah. But I can't live in the what if
phase. So I'm I'm I'm excited for my
(45:45):
Saturday date. I'll just say that.
My toxic situation ship wasn't as intense as that one, but him
and I had a similar situation where he came to my apartment
one night and we were just like hanging out and we just like got
to talking about like how long we had no need because we've oh
(46:07):
fuck, we've known each other forsix years.
And so we were just like talkingabout like our relationship and
like how fucked in the head he was when we had like started it
and like how he was still fucking around with his ex and I
found out and I was pissed aboutit and like everything.
And he was like you. Well you never told me that.
Like you liked me and I, you wanted to date me.
I said yes I did. I was like why the fuck would I
(46:29):
come hang out with you 6 days ina row?
I was like I told you I liked you.
I told you I was upset that you were seeing your ex-girlfriend
and you blew me off. I was like why do you think I
didn't speak to you for like 3 months?
And he was like, oh, he's like, he did apologize for it.
He was like, oh, I'm sorry. Like that was my bad.
Like I was in a bad place at that time.
And I was like, yeah, I know. 'Cause I yeah, yeah, I just
(46:54):
like, see, The thing is, neitherof us ever told each other that
we had feelings. And I made a choice.
At the time, I was, you know, dating and living with my now
ex-husband. He was just my boyfriend at the
time. Like I was seeing this guy kind
of on and off in secret. We always felt guilty every
single time. And you know, me and him have
(47:16):
this intense, just like sexual chemistry that has been
unmatched. And I think that's why I have a
hard time letting him go. I, I made a choice of the time.
I was like, you know, this person that I live with wants to
marry me. He wants to be with me.
Like this person can give me a future.
At the time my situation ship, you know, was still kind of a
(47:38):
fuck boy. He was living with roommates and
I was like, you know, the other person seems more established.
He seems more serious. So I'm like, I'm going to go
with the person that I feel likecan give me the future.
I was like, fuck. So like if I could do it over
again, like pick the good sex, pick the fucking good sex.
Like it was like, pick the good sex.
I don't like, like, you know, I married him because I was like,
(47:59):
you know, I don't need this intense crazy sex.
Like it's, you know, there's other things that are more
important. Turns out there's not.
No, that has always been my likegrounding factor for a
relationship. Like if you guys don't have good
sexual chemistry, I feel like you're doomed like my mom said I
(48:20):
was. Like, well, no.
And I'm like, that's why my relationship was doomed because
I was like, you know, this person could give me everything
else. If the sex isn't all that, you
know, when will, you know? Maybe it'll be OK.
And it was for a while until it wasn't.
And we both drifted apart. And you know, whatever you live
(48:43):
and you learn, pick the big Dickbecause I'll say.
It's so funny because when I, mysituation ship that I had during
COVID in Richmond, yeah. So when him and I had our
situation ship, a Marine man hadhit me up when I was like
(49:03):
randomly in town and he was like, hey, do you want to hang
out tonight? And I was like, oh, let's be
kind of fucked up if I did this to like Richmond, man.
And then I was like, you know what?
Fuck it. We're not dating and I want to
fuck Marine man. So I did, and I never told him
about it. Actually, I've never told any
(49:23):
about anybody about it until right now.
Oh, you're like. Me, when I word vomit, I'm like,
I'll do something and then like,I don't know, a couple days
later I'll be like, like I'll just be like casually driving
somewhere. Like it'll be the middle of the
work day and I'll be like, so grace, I did XYZ blah blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah. You're like a shooting star in
(49:45):
the sky. You like, appear and you ward
vomit and then you disappear. And I'm like OK, like, OK, like.
Like what is happening like. Not gonna attack her right away,
OK? Oh, Lord, like by the way, we
talked about Love Island. I tried to watch Love Island and
(50:05):
I was using his Peacock account and anyway he he removed me from
the Peacock account which bear which I was like fuck in the
middle of love island so I had to get a Peacock account.
Mr. Mr. Bankrupt did the same thing to me.
Like I guess he realized I was using his HBO Max to watch
something so he changed his password and removed me and I
(50:27):
was like you fucker. Yeah, slowly but surely I've get
getting dumped from my apps, which I'm like, I don't give a
shit. Like quite honestly, it's not
that I want to use his login, it's that like, I'm so inept,
like my boomer self does not know how to do this shit on my
TV. Like if there's not a button
that says Netflix I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
(50:48):
Like my twin brother had to hookup a printer for me because I'm
that fucking IT inept. I will.
Say trying to hook up a printer though is difficult.
Like I can barely do it and it literally I am like sweating
profusely by the end of it and all I'm doing is like pressing
buttons because I get so angry. No, literally like when I moved
in here, like I had my brother visit me the first week and I
(51:09):
was like, I need you to do all of the IT things in my
apartment. Let's fix my Internet and like
help me set up my TV's and like,I don't know what I'm doing.
So anyway, I'm like, I'm not using it because I need him.
I'm using it out of convenience and because I am stupid as shit
when it comes to like TV and Internet.
I'm like, I'm like, does it havea power button?
(51:31):
Like I've lost both my remotes. I don't have a remote for any of
my TV's. I like go and I like hit me need
a button and then I like use an app on my phone and I can figure
out that TV this TVI don't even know like it's, it's a whole
thing. Jesus.
Christ. Anyway, situation ships.
I mean, I guess it was kind of like a the theme.
(51:54):
We talked about it, but it wasn't like the sole topic.
Yeah, I'm just like, I feel likemy life is So I mean, one year
mark, a lot of clarity. In one year, a lot of clarity.
In a year. I'm a baddie.
That post I was like. Hell yeah.
But yeah, thanks for coming to another episode of Your Secret
(52:15):
Safe with A. Once again we say that we are
going to talk about something and then we go off the rails and
have a tangent about everything else in our lives.
But hey, it's good content. It's good content.
I mean, hey, people that match with me on Hinge, they're just
like, tell me the pod, tell me the pod, can I be on the pod?
And I was like, you know, they're like, do you only talk
(52:35):
about the bad experiences? I'm like, no, I do talk about
the good experiences, like tall bad guy.
I talk about how good that was, which I'm like, the fact that
you found this episode and like what?
Episode. Was that like 2?
I have no idea. I like, I was going to listen
back, but I was like, I really don't know.
I'll leave you guys with this. So I made friends with this girl
(52:56):
and we play tennis together and she sent me a screenshot on
Instagram and she was like how do you know this guy?
Because we like follow each other.
And I was like, oh, I matched with him on Hinge and she was
like should I go for it? And I was like uncircumcised bit
my face. Do you remember the loser ass
apartment guy? And she was like Oh my God, I've
(53:20):
never seen an uncircumcised one.She's like 24.
And I was like, I don't think I could do it.
Like girl, don't I? Just like I can't, I can't with
the uncircumcised penis. I can't with the small penis.
Like I, I went on a hinge date the other day and he talked a
(53:40):
big game, which I'm like, I don't know if like there's two
things. First, he's two years younger
than me, almost 3. So I was like, either he's very
ignorant and he doesn't know thesize of his Dick, or he lied
about the size of his Dick to get into my pants.
And I don't know which one's better or worse.
Like part of me is like, I respect the game if you're going
to lie about your Dick size. But then I'm like, on the other
(54:02):
hand, I really genuinely think that he thinks it's big.
He's he lacks self-awareness. So I was like, honestly, in my
opinion, that's worse. Like I would rather you like be
like, you know, it's not like, Imean, if you want to tell me
it's huge and that which he was like I've gotten no complaints.
(54:23):
So I'm like what from like 5 girls?
Like anytime I get that comment I'm just like that.
No, I yeah, I there's a guy I know the dude that I broke his
knee. He said the same thing.
He's like every girl I've been with has always orgasmed.
And then I was like, that was the worst sex in my life.
Yeah, I'm like girthy girls. Just call me Gigi.
(54:49):
Gigi. Gigi all.
Right, so this is some fun. Be sure to like, subscribe,
follow Spotify, Apple, YouTube, what else?
Buy our hats. Yeah, buy our hat.
Shout out to our first hat purchase.
It was his birthday yesterday. Happy birthday Philly man.
(55:11):
Happy birthday Philly man. I did not send him photos of my
toes, but I did say I missed himin debt.
He's a good friend and I hope heenjoys the hat.
No, one of our friends that bought one of our hats, he sent
me a snap yesterday because he'sa realtor down in Texas and he
was like ready to go sell some houses and he wore our hat while
he was selling houses. I love that the support is
(55:34):
unreal, Zeus. It's so fucking unreal.
All right, happy bestiality. Happy July.
We will talk to you again in twoweeks.
And stay tuned about my date on Saturday.
Yes, we won't. We can't wait to hear what
happens. Yeah, and homeboy stay
unblocked. Yes, always block the
(55:56):
situationship friends. Yes, those are words of advice.
Always block and never unblock. See so this is me.
I would block and unblock, I would even delete his number.
But then I started to recognize his number once, not his safety,
and now I know his number by heart.
So I have a problem anyway on. That note once again.
(56:21):
I'm like I don't know my ex husband's number but I know his
number. I was like you know if I don't
save his contacts I won't remember it.
Then it's just like as soon as Isee it I'm like I know exactly
who the fuck this is texting me.You see the five pop up and
you're like. Oh.
You want to be a surprise guest?No.
Boring. Yeah, that's boring.
I haven't listened to a single episode.
And you should not, don't only. See yourself clips on like your
Instagram or whatever. I'm a OK with you not listening
to a single second. Yeah, yeah.
Today's topic is situation ships, so tell us about it.
(00:23):
Have you been in a situation ship?
Give me a definition of a situation.
Ship the dating Gray zone where you're in a relationship but
there's like no clear definitions or expectations or.
Commitment each other, but you're like exclusively seeing
each other. Like you're more than friends.
Maybe you act like a couple, butwithout the labels.
Oh. Yeah, I think everybody has
(00:43):
multiple. I'm sure everybody has sounds.
Like a fuck boy to me. It's like the you both kind of
have, yeah, like you were saying, but it's like, oh, shit.
You like if she sees you as somebody else or you see her as
somebody else, it's like, oh, damn, you know, I get that weird
like gut feeling. And then it's like, next time
you see that person, that can beawkward.
(01:03):
I mean, as a guy, I want to confront that, but.
Would you? How would you be like, yo, what
the fuck was this shit? Because I don't know.
I'm I'm with my when I start talking to a woman, I kind of
get possessive. The point where it's like.
Yeah. Oh, so you're the girl.
You're the what are we person? No, no, no, not like.
That OK, Yeah. But Michael, like if you haven't
had the exclusive talk or the like, OK, we're not putting a
(01:27):
label on it, but we're also not seeing any other person.
Like it's free reign for both parties.
No, it's a turn off. No, it's like.
It's called dating. You got to be committed after
like a week to me. A week.
Yeah. Oh, I'm definitely keeping this
in. Yeah, no, I'm like I I'm done
with the love bombing and the last episode I talked to how I
(01:48):
was out of my lover girl era andI wasn't committing to anyone
and then I was going to date around.
Yeah. How's it going even for a long
distance relationship? Fuck you.
You both went for long distance relationships.
(02:10):
Oh my God, I guess. No one in National is worth a
damn. Yeah, there's nobody in fucking
Virginia. Are you kidding me?
It's dry as hell out here. Like hillbillies?
Good start to the episode it. Was Oh my God I'm so dead at him
being like oh after a week we don't talk to anyone else.
Like I barely know my name. No, after I'm like, there's
(02:32):
someone in my phone right now and it I was out at the bar the
other day and I have a privacy screen on my phone because I'm a
sketchy motherfucker, but I've had a privacy.
Screen on my phone since like 2015.
I have a privacy screen on my phone and I was at Centennial
having a solo drink. The way I do this guy next to me
(02:54):
was like, did that just say random guy?
And I was like, are you looking at my phone?
He's like, it's on your watch. Like it's just like random guy
from Mother's Ruin. And he's like, does that really
say random guy? So yeah, I went back to Mother's
Ruin. I think I in episode one or two,
I'm like, this place is dead. I'm not going here.
(03:14):
Nothing good happens here, and nothing good still happens
there. God I just like anytime I think
of mother's ruin I just think ofhow me and your friend kept like
fucking with that bouncer. Oh Lord.
He was a short king, but he was at least funny.
(03:34):
Yeah, well, this random guy is also a short king.
I was like, I think you said your name was.
He was like, it's. I would have laughed if he was
like, it's Evan. Something right off, Yeah.
I was like, Oh well, I was like,I'm like, I was close.
It is what it is. I was like forever random guy in
my father. Welcome back to your secret safe
(03:59):
with a. This is Vicki and we're with
Grace. Welcome back, ladies and
gentlemen, the gays, girls and days.
Episode 12. A Yo, we're really on the up and
up. We are literally back on
schedule. Also I'm having a girl dinner
right now. It's Rose.
Pickles. This is the best pickle brand
(04:20):
ever. Sandwich slices, Superb.
Diet Coke because I am still hungover from last night.
Gatorade because I'm still hungover from last night.
So at the end of last episode I talk about how I'm going to go
hook up with a 62 year old because my dad doesn't love me
(04:41):
and that I'm feuding with my family.
Anyway, I cleared the air with my mother last night.
It was therapeutic. It was therapeutic.
I cried and then I was like I'm going to the bar and I took like
4 Rumple shots and I was hurt all day today.
No, when I saw you or your, I saw your story that you were at
(05:03):
the bar. I didn't even put two and two
together. Like we literally were texting
about it. And then I saw your story and
did not put two and two together.
Like oh fuck. Like she's getting a drink
because. Like she is not well.
Like literally that was me last night.
And today I was still not well, like, just like weird anxiety.
Not because of that, just because of ex-husband bullshit.
And then like some work shit andwhatever.
(05:27):
And yeah, I got home, I turned on Love Island.
I laid in bed and my friend Rachel was like, do you want to
go play tennis? I was like, yeah, I want to
smack the shit out of some ballsright now, actually.
And, you know, I had already hadtwo glasses of wine and I'm
really good at tipsy tennis. That's wild.
I don't think I could fucking work out while drunk or late
tipsy. I mean, no, I was tipsy and I
(05:49):
was like, damn, all those nerves, like because I sucked
myself out, right? Like when I play, sometimes I
get nervous, but when I'm a little tipsy, I can hit every
ball. I'm excellent.
I'm fucking Serena Williams our the one that one tennis player
my dad is obsessed with Maria Sharapova.
He was always like the blonde hair, the earrings.
I was like, of course you're into fucking Russians like my
(06:09):
ex-husband. I was on my way to the gym today
and I went down into our mini fridge which is where we
normally keep like all the beer and seltzers and stuff.
And I went to grab a regular seltzer not really paying
attention and grabbed an alcoholic seltzer.
And I was about to open it and Ilike looked at it and I was like
oh whoops. And put it back because I was
(06:30):
like that's the last pre workoutthat I need before I go to the
gym. So I think in the last episode I
talked about how I put on my Hinge that I have a podcast.
I don't tag our podcast or anything like that, but like my
regular Instagram profile is on my Hinge and I'm sure people
find it anyway, I've had a couple boys mentioned in the
podcast listen and I've had a couple boys who don't know me
(06:53):
listen. So this one guy who I think it,
it was before I started dating Mr. Spreadsheet, I talk about
the guy with the really tall bed.
So I didn't know this. He moved to Florida.
He texted me this weekend and itwas like a new number.
I didn't recognize it, whatever.And he was like, hey, this is
(07:15):
XYZ new number. He said I have a friend looking
for a condo. Do you have any open?
I was like, I have no idea who you are.
He's like, think I'm on the pod for my tall bed And I was like,
didn't you mean states? And I was like, no way.
You've listened to the pod. He's like, yeah, I live in Saint
(07:36):
Pete now. I'm like, it's not ringing a
bell. He said, damn, I'm not memorable
like she, but yeah, that's my old number.
And I was like, so you're messaging me at 2:00 AM to look
for apartments for your friend. And then he sent me a screenshot
of the pod and was like, anyway,I'm going to go to Saint Pete.
(07:57):
That's that's a Long story shortof this.
I'm going to go visit him in Saint Pete.
But he was like, yeah, I'm the guy with the tall bed.
I was like, damn, you picked up on that?
I was like, OK, he knew. And I have another guy who's
just like an avid listener. He's like, I listened to episode
1011 and episode 1. He's like, I can't wait for
(08:18):
episode 12. He's like, y'all are funny as
shit. And I was like, you're like
learning too much about me. I was like, thank you.
But I'm like, I'm flattered. But like, Yikes.
Like, like, Yikes. You still want to hang out with
me? I saw that bartender man has
been watching all of our Instagram stories.
Yeah, he's out of rehab. That was fast.
(08:40):
Yeah, it's like a 30 day thing. Oh, is he back?
And Nash. I haven't been texting him.
Probably for a good reason. That was sarcasm.
Oh, I was like. I'm shocked you're not.
No. OK here.
Here it is, here are the messages.
(09:03):
I can't even read this July 1st.I'm out of here in a couple
days. Hang out when I'm back or have
you moved on? What's it he like blaming you
for all of his shit? Now he's like, let's hang out.
Again, Right. Right.
And I was like, I mean, I'm still single.
Are you drinking? And he was like, I'm not anymore
going to focus on my health and my career.
(09:24):
I've been thinking about you a lot lately.
I was like, no alcohol, no drugs.
Proud of you, he said. It's not for me right now.
He he texted me on Monday and hewas like, hey, you.
I was like, you're free. He's like, I'm free as hell.
How are you? I was like, I'm good.
He's like, anything happened while I was gone and I was like,
like, what? I was like, what are you asking
me? Well, the world is falling
(09:44):
apart, so. Yeah, well, he's a Republican,
so I didn't want to tell you. Are you effing kidding me?
He's like a hard Republican. I knew there was something about
him that I didn't like and I didn't trust.
I don't know, he knows how to sling the D, I'll give him that.
(10:06):
So whatever he is, I mean he's slings up better than my
ex-husband who supposedly is nota cook.
So but anyway, he's like, shouldwe hang out again?
And I was like, I don't really think I'm a good influence.
I was like, I'm still drinking and doing whatever.
(10:28):
He's like, yeah, I understand. And then he sent me this fucking
beep because I was like, oh, like we can be friends.
And he sent me this like tweet that says you literally tasted
yourself off my fingers. No, we cannot be friends.
And I was like, oh, I said, Oh my God.
(10:49):
He said, not saying I believe it, but it made me laugh.
I was like, so are we not friends?
But honestly, that's so true. Like I've seen you naked.
This actually perfect segue intoour topic this week with this
situationships, the relationships with no job title,
(11:12):
like being friends with someone and then like hooking up and
having that weird situation thing and then mean like it's
fine. We can stay friends.
Like no, you can't. Like you've seen them naked.
You fucking tasted what they taste like, you've maybe eaten
their asshole or fisted it, I don't know.
But you have done wild things with these people.
They have seen a very vulnerableposition.
(11:35):
I think I am also in the camp that no, you can't be friends.
I don't know. And stay tuned if we end up
being friends. He left a shirt and a pair of
shorts here and I was like, hey,I have these, I can bring them
to you. And he's like, oh, I'll just
come over. I was like, bad idea.
No bad idea. I'll leave it in a bag out
front. I say that.
(11:57):
I say that like you can't be friends.
But one of my situation ships him and I are still friends.
Who stop it? He hit me up this weekend of my
sister's wedding and was like, oh hey, I'm in town for a gig or
whatever. I don't know, like, do you want
to come out to run up night and hang out with us?
(12:18):
And I was like, I'm at my sister's wedding.
And he was like, oh, just skip it.
Like it's no big deal. And I was like, shut the fuck up
you dumb bitch. But he has a girlfriend.
Well, and you have a boyfriend. Yeah, like we've, we've hung out
before when like one of us has been in a relationship and like
nothing has happened. See.
But you have self-control. Some of us don't have that.
(12:41):
Yeah, that's true. I do have self-control.
OK, Well, like, hey sister, what's up?
What's up? What's new in the last two
weeks? OK, last update I said that love
was dead and then I'm in a relationship with Nashville.
Had my one year anniversary withNashville today I posted on
Instagram. I know you're gonna have to like
(13:02):
show the photo. So this time last year I took a
photo of myself in my house in Richmond right before though,
right before I literally got in my car with my U-Haul to move to
Nashville. And it's me like giving the
peace sign like bawling. Like I literally like look sad
as fuck. And then I posted a photo of me
(13:23):
this July and like it's scary looking at it to be like holy
fuck I have suddenly come back to life.
It's wild like. At the time I was like, this is
a really depressing photo. I should delete this.
But like something in my head told me like, you're going to
want to look back on this moment.
And if you're not, you know, if I didn't myself, then I would,
(13:46):
you know, look back on this and be like, damn, I was really
fucking sad. It's.
Like wild the difference like you, like you literally have
life back in your face and then you're.
I know, I know. And I'm like, it took me a year,
but like, I feel holy. I feel healed.
I don't need, you know, a man tocomplete me or validate me.
Like when I first moved here, I was, there were definitely
(14:08):
nights that I was like, I'm lonely as shit.
I don't care who comes over likesomeone be here with me because
I've lived with someone for the last eight years, you know, and
before that I was living with someone for four years.
It's like I've never lived alone.
And not like I value my alone time.
I value my peace. Be the pastor who he was also in
(14:29):
rehab. This is a terrible.
He was also in rehab. Let me find it.
He messaged me. I'm really horny tonight.
Let's hang out, whatever. And I was like, I'm just not in
the mood to be used for sex tonight.
I'm too tired and it's been a week.
I need some me time and I've never advocated for myself like
that and I'm just like so proud of myself.
Snap. To Vicks yes snap To Vicks, the
(14:52):
other night when you and I were texting and you were having a
crash out episode because of your ex-husband.
I can't remember what he was doing.
It's about the House, the phone bill, something.
Something and I was like, what are you going to do tonight?
Because old Vicks would go out, get fucked up, find some rando
to fuck her that night. But you were like, you know
(15:14):
what, I'm going to go get a massage.
I'm going to go spend $300.00 atTarget and then I'm going to
come home and light my clarity candle.
And I was like, I am so proud ofyou.
Like this is growth. This is growth.
And like, honestly, my clarity candle smells so good.
It smells so good. And I came home and I lit my
candle. I turned on Love Island and I
snuggled with my dogs and I wokeup to them like snoring in my
(15:35):
face And I was like, I love thisbeautiful, beautiful, no
beastiality and like I'm still having sex, but it's on my own
terms. It's not because like I feel
like I need it or like I'm I'm lonely.
Maybe, ma'am, I'm just like. Trying to fill a void of
something. Right.
It's not a void issue at this point.
And I'm still like, even though Mr. Spreadsheet and I did not
(15:58):
work out, like I'm very gratefulfor our time together because
like this time last year, your girl was in no mindset to be in
any type of relationship. And the beginning of this year I
was like, OK, I'm ready to open up again.
And obviously you all know how that ended in the Barbados
airport, but but like, no, I'm still in that mindset and I'm
(16:19):
still open and I've never felt more like secure.
So yeah, secure Sticky got some.Oh, that's beautiful.
Well, I'm so proud of, proud andhappy for you.
Yeah, so. Situation ships though.
(16:39):
So this Saturday I have a date. And so this guy when I first
moved to Nashville and got on dating apps, he is the first guy
I met off of a dating app. And we've now known each other
for a year. Like we've seen each other on
and off. We've messaged on and off and he
(17:00):
messaged me and he was like, we should hang out.
And I was like, did I write you off?
And he's like, absolutely. You wrote me off and he was
like, you needed your time. But he like we're going to he's
going to come to the pool with me on Saturday and he's like, I
want to cook you dinner. And I was like, OK, I mean,
granted, like this time last year, I mean, if anyone sees
this photo of me last year, likeI was not well in the head and
like, he met me when I was like,not well and not ready to be
(17:23):
with anyone. And you know who this is?
Do I? It's.
Wait. Like do I?
Wait a minute. Wait, is this creepy man that
was like stalking your apartment?
No, no, no, fuck no. Fuck no.
No, no, no, no. I don't ever remember him.
(17:46):
You don't remember him because Ididn't really pursue it because
I was like, this is not, you know, it's not going to be a
thing and something. About him that I would remember.
OK so I as I've been single I like I know what my must haves
are and like I've been dating since Mr. I didn't remember the
name, but I don't remember anything else about him.
(18:08):
No. So he was always really cool and
like just a really fun person tobe around and.
Searching in our text messages. I I mean, I'll send you a photo
of who he is, but like he messaged me and he was like, we
should hang out and I was like, I'm not really doing the casual
sex thing anymore. Like I'm looking for a
boyfriend. He was like, why not me?
I was like, I, I don't, I don't know.
I was like what? I don't know, because I never
(18:30):
really like I put you in this box of like you can't be my
boyfriend, but you know, he doescheck my boxes.
He's tall. He had like the sex is great,
the Dick is great. He has a great job and I'm just
like, then I like write this person off.
I searched in our text messages and you it's when we were
editing some episode, I don't know which one and you said
(18:53):
should we slim down my story? And I said, who's he?
Said wrinkles guy. And I said, oh, I don't know who
the I still don't know who this man is.
No, he was the one that when I first matched with him, I was
like, do I attract men with mustaches?
I just sent you his profile on Instagram.
You're going to remember. But anyway, I like, I got a
little spicy drunk last night. I'm about to start my period and
(19:17):
I was like texting him and. Wait, I kind of remember him.
He's cute. He's really cute.
Here's me last night. I was like another reason I
won't date you. You seem anti period sex because
I was spicy. And he said I've never said that
at all. I was like, you just give those
vibes. He's like not at all.
(19:38):
He's like shower. I was like shower only and he's
like, do you want it in the bed?I was like, I don't give a fuck.
And he was like OK, fine with me.
He's like I'll eat it, do whatever.
I was like, why did I not think you were freaky?
And he was like, I was trying torespect you and I was like, what
the fuck? I don't want to be respected, I
want to be degraded, spit in my mouth and call me a good fucking
(19:58):
girl. Literally.
And I was like, OK, he was like,shit, I'll be as rough as you
want. I was like, OK, I don't want to
ask for it. He's like, yes, ma'am, deal.
And what I want. Yeah.
So anyway, we are. Having a date I I did message
him and like when I was in Barbados and like things were
(20:20):
not going well and. When you tried to break up with
him seven times. Right, right.
So after I got back from Barbados, I messaged I, I guess
I have to give him a name. We'll call him Bringles man.
I think we actually matched on Tinder.
This was before I was banned anyway.
Anyway, Bringles man, I messagedhim afterwards and he was like
(20:42):
we should hang out. And like after what happened
with Mr. Spreadsheet, like I blew him off a couple times.
I was like, I'm just like I'm not ready to hang out with
anyone. Like I'm not in the mindset.
And like granted, that was the end of April.
It's now July and he's like, I'mstill single, still thinking
about you. And when I was like, I was like,
I'm looking for a boyfriend and he was like, why not me?
(21:03):
And I was like, why not? I was like kind of thinking to
myself, I was like, did I sell this person too short?
Interesting. OK, well, I hope it goes well.
I I hope so, too. I was like, I I was like, you've
been in my apartment, you know that all I have in my fridge is
cheese sticks and Pickles. And he was like, I was like,
(21:24):
what are you cooking for dinner?He's like, oh, like I'm thinking
steak, sweet potatoes and like zucchini.
And I was like, I don't have anyof that.
He's like, Nope, I'll go shopping.
And like, I was like, OK, yeah, I was like, this is weird.
But granted, the last time I sawhim was in 2024.
And at that point, like no one was going to be something for me
(21:45):
like. I think you put everybody in
that box. I put everyone in that box and
then like, you know, I settled. Not settled.
That's a bad word. I decided to date Mr.
Spreadsheet because I was like, there's no one in Nashville for
me. So yeah, that's the life update.
I'm not getting my hopes up. I'm not in love.
But we're going to have a date. He's going to make me dinner and
(22:05):
we're going to spend time together for the first time in
like 6 months. Damn nice.
Well, I'm excited for you. Longer than six months?
Shit, I think the last time I saw him was maybe October of
last year. Wow, that is a long.
Time. Yeah, yeah, I posted kind of a
thirsty bikini pic on my Insta story.
Yeah, you looked hot as fuck, I responded to the story.
(22:27):
Yeah, you and everyone else. I was like, hello.
I was like, hello, world. It's like I'm back.
Hello. But he was like, I, I want to
come to the pool with you. Like, let's hang out.
Well, I'm sure he wants to go tothe pool with you and dive right
in. Wow, I was like, is is this
another like BJ in movie night? And he's like, no, like, I like
(22:49):
spending time with you, like. Interesting.
And the fact that he's still single.
But he's like, I've just been, you know, focusing on me and
then like me being my spicy self.
Last night he posted on Instagram and I was like, you
literally have a girlfriend. He's like, those are my sisters
and like my cousin and I'm just,I was like some Bama shit.
(23:13):
Oh my man. But yeah, no, I just like, I
like, I never like talked to himabout like my needs or my wants
or like, because like at the time I was like, I don't give a
fuck if you know what I want or what I like because it's like,
and I'm finally talking to him about it.
And I was like, damn, did I sellthis one too short?
OK, Bringles man, let's see. Bringles, man, let's see it.
(23:33):
Let's see it Saturday. So stay tuned.
Probably the next time we recordI'll be like fuck this man who
knows? In two weeks she'll be like, who
the fuck is Bringles? We'll see, We'll see.
I want to. I need to give a life update.
Because are you still crashing out?
(23:53):
Are things better? No, OK so things are better.
We had a long discussion Monday night.
So for the listeners, Mr. W and I were supposed to go to the
beach together for 4th of July with a bunch of my friends and
two hours before I got to the beach Wednesday night he texted
me and said I'm not coming. It was a whole ordeal.
I was crashing out for you. I as in hoda.
(24:16):
We're all crashing the fuck out bro.
I so I was very angry with him. So I like we, I we like chit
chatted throughout the weekend, but like we really didn't talk.
And then like also kind of pissed me off because I was
like, I don't want this to ruin my weekend.
So I was trying not to let it ruin my weekend.
Well, you were like officiating someone's wedding and shit like
you had to like be together. Yeah.
(24:38):
Like I had to be like, obviouslyI'm happy for my friends that
got married and everything, but like, it also just like kind of
pissed me off because like there's some of my like closest
friends from college and I wanted him to come meet them.
Yeah, you know, like this is important to me.
Right. And I have a large friend group.
I have a large family and one ofmy best friends from college,
she brought her daughter. And so Mr. W was supposed to
(25:01):
bring his son with him. And his son was having like a
major meltdown and his, he's going to hate me for saying
this, but I don't give a shit. His ex-wife was not helping, of
course, and just making the situation.
She wasn't making it worse, but she wasn't just purposely not
making it any better. Yeah.
(25:23):
And so they didn't come. I didn't talk to him basically
all weekend. And then Monday we were like
texting because we were going to, I was going to call him
Monday night once he dropped offhis son.
And then we like kind of were getting into it through text
messages because he, what did hesay to me?
He like said something and he was like, well, I just like, I
(25:47):
feel like a piece of shit or something like that.
And I responded and I said, don't say that type of stuff to
me when I'm upset about your actions because it makes you
feel like you're manipulating me.
And he was like, well, I never have and I never will do that.
I'm glad we're talking tonight. And I was like, you're not
understanding what I'm saying. I know you're not trying to
manipulate me, but what I'm telling you is that's how it
(26:08):
feels because. It's feeling guilt trippy.
It's feeling like it's making him the victim.
And it's like, you know, you were excited.
Like I'm sure he was excited too.
And granted, I know like kids, ex, whatever, like some things
are out of your control. But also it's like in that
moment, just say like, I'm really sorry that I disappointed
(26:28):
you and I fucked up and not like.
Right. And like, which is what happened
when we crawled each other and we hashed out a lot of things
and we're fine now. We're good now, everything's OK.
We just, yeah, you're like when I'm single, I was like, you
bitch. Sent me some meme and I was.
(26:49):
Like, Oh yeah, probably. Going to be me tomorrow.
And she was like, excuse me? I was like, I'm just being
dramatic, but like I literally was crashing out before him and
I even got out on the phone. I was like, OK, so I guess I'm
not moving in with him at the end of September.
Like I guess it's going to be like the final straw.
I guess we're breaking up tonight.
I started like I was like OK then I'm just going to do
another Rd. Trip like fuck it.
(27:10):
I started looking up Airbnb's and.
Like Charles, we're just like, we'll just flip our life on a
dime and just be like out. I literally started looking up
long term stays in San Diego. I was like, I'll just stay there
September till November and juststay out there for three months.
Me and Charlotte, we're just going to go live our San Diego
lives for a few months. Like fuck it.
Like if, if that's what he wantsto do that I'm just not going to
(27:33):
fucking deal with life for threemonths.
Like I already had a plan going.And then we talked on the phone
and we were perfectly fine. Exactly, exactly.
This is just like when we talk about as millennials that we're
like the next day we're always going to get fired.
Yes, and then it's fine and thenit's fine.
We just have to have our crash out moments like Huda and
(27:56):
honestly, Amaya has been crashing out some too.
So I'm trying to catch up on Love Island and everyone's like
team Amaya Papaya and I'm like the first couple episodes that
she was in, I was like, this bitch is annoying as fuck.
I was like, I was like, I just can't like, like she and one of
her matches, I guess. Like he was like, I'm
uncomfortable that you're like calling me babe and like.
(28:19):
Interesting. Anyway, she she literally just
wants love and like now that I've like gotten to see her on a
few more episodes, I'm like everyone's talking about her
that like she never like everyone else who's on love
Island have people like managingtheir social media while they're
like in there and like posting and like Amaya doesn't have that
and she's got like the biggest following and it's like that's
(28:40):
how you know that she's there for love and not for clout.
I was like, OK, I guess I'm teamAmaya Papaya.
I I don't, I don't watch love Island, but I've been like using
their memes to post for us. And I saw one today and it was
like Amaya Papaya's like best sayings that she said.
And I was like cracking up at them.
Let me see if I can find some and read them because I was
(29:02):
like, who's I might start watching just for this bitch
because she's fucking funny, right?
This one. I'm not going to have a sugar
rush anymore from the word candythat you're feeding me.
Bitch, honestly, I'm going to. I need to, you know, that's
that's a motto. Print that out.
Another one she said, is sometimes I'm not the book that
(29:24):
someone should be reading, and that's OK.
I'm just not the cup of tea you should be drinking, so don't
fucking drink it. God forbid I'm a sensitive
gangsta, OK? OK, I'm like, get it, Get it.
Another one is baby, I'm standing on Business Today.
Last time I checked I got 10 toes, not one toe missing.
So I'm going to stand on business on my 10 toes.
(29:49):
Oh, I love this one. I was saw and I was like, this
is me and Vicki. Even though my heart rate is
being tachycardic right now. Your girl is trying to flip that
anxiety into excitement and she's like crying.
Yep, that was me last night whenI was like, you know, I'm I'm
crying, I'm crashing out. My mom was like, you're not OK.
I was like, no, I'm fucking not,OK.
(30:11):
Yeah, two more, she said. I consider myself a circle, and
people need to stop trying to fit me into a square box.
I'm a weirdo, but I'm a good weirdo.
Yep, relatable no more. People fucking love her.
And the last one is she's got her arms out and she goes, I
feel free. I feel like I could fly like the
pigeons back in New York City. Don't they like Hop?
(30:33):
Yes. I don't think.
So do pigeons. Fly.
Yes. Pigeons fly.
Penguins don't. I don't know if the New York
pigeons fly those things. Like, yeah.
I mean they hop like around, butlike where's?
The touch. Oh, also one of my friends, we
were talking about some gluten free goody that she saw and made
(30:54):
made her think of us and then she and then she just text also
dot dot dot and I was like, oh, this is gonna be good.
Then she sends me a screenshot of my ex from college.
Brit, I'm going to send you this.
Girl, you better, you better. Send that.
I'm sending this to you. I'm not saying anything.
(31:14):
I just want your you. Want me to read it and react in
real time? Yes, I'm like so anxious about
this I don't know why I'm worried.
I did. It's so bad.
Oh God, I got it. Let's see.
(31:39):
Doesn't even look like him, it'sso bad.
I just the whole thing the like,I just.
The beard, the ugly ass baby. Like I'm like, so kids are
(31:59):
beautiful and they're a gift from God and whatever, but like
sometimes kids are fucking ugly and these are some fucking ugly
ass kids. Yeah, like his child literally
looks like a child from like Children of the Corn.
Like they're popping out of the corn fields and they're about to
eat you and drag you back down the.
Hill, does he not? I mean, yeah, it's pretty
(32:22):
fucking bad. You have gone up, you've gone up
Queen. You have a short king.
But he's he's cute. OK, he's not that.
Short. Well, you're short, so you can
have short. Yeah.
It's in a tall pool. I know.
And and I wore heels for my sister's wedding and like, it
was fine. So I was like, OK, we're good
(32:43):
because that's the first time I think I've worn heels around
him. But yeah, I love my short king
shout out Mr. W He said that because I've been in a mood, I
just like have been in a bad depressive mood the past like
few months. And when we were talking on
Monday, he was like, OK, yes, I'll do better about like,
planning all of this stuff, not like last minute bailing on
trips because it's been a trend,whatever.
(33:05):
And he was like that, I need youto do something for me.
And I was like, OK, what? He was like, I need you to like,
validate that you want to be with me more.
And I was like, I do that. And he was like, no.
That's the anxious attachment talking and you need to validate
him more and you need to supporthis feelings and like.
I'm working on it. OK, you need to.
You need to be nice to him. Trying to be because I was like,
(33:29):
also I was trying to explain to him, oh, another life update.
I signed up for therapy today soI can talk about this in therapy
to work through my trauma. Because like for me, I have like
gotten to the point where like Ijust avoid feelings because I'm
like, oh, it's just gonna end uphurting me.
Like I'm just not even going to deal with it, right.
So that's what I I've, I'm better with him that I've been
(33:52):
with anyone else in the past. Yeah, I really love him and I
see a future with him, so I'm like trying to work on it and I
know I can be better. Good for you for going to
therapy. I know and he doesn't ask for
much. So like I'm like I'll be fine.
I can do this for you. I'm about to like set a reminder
in my phone and be like tell Mister W you love him.
(34:14):
No, I literally, I, I do this atwork every Thursday at 1:00 PM.
I have a reminder on my outlook calendar to praise an employee
because I'm just, you know, I'm always go, go, go.
And like, I think about it sometimes, like when you're at
the top, like no one, like there's no one to tell me I'm
doing a good job. Like I'm on my fucking own.
(34:34):
Like it doesn't matter. Like what?
You're doing a great job. Thank you, thank you so much.
But like, it's lonely at the top, but like, I never want my
employees to feel that way. So I just, you know, I have a
reminder that's, you know, compliment someone, tell someone
they did a good job today. And like, it goes a really long
way. What?
A good boss. Oh my God.
(34:59):
But now I'm just like, I love all my people right now.
They're so great. I've been a national year.
I've gotten so like, I don't ever remember myself being this
like sentimental and like humbleand like caring about people
ever. I just, I don't know.
Now that I'm here, I'm just like, whoa, I reached the top
and now I'm like, I love you guys, let's make you all better.
(35:19):
That's good. You're not pulling up the ladder
behind you, you're reaching out your hand for support.
Yeah, I know. I'm like I'm growing everyone
around me and like Once Upon a time.
So like, what is that saying? Here we go with the sayings
again. Bitch, I don't know.
You try to say something and then you're like, you know
what's that saying? I'm like you've said 2 words.
I don't know. It's like, do you catch the fish
(35:40):
yourself or do you teach a man to fish?
Oh yeah, you can catch a fish for a man to feed him for a day,
or you can teach a man how to fish and he can feed himself for
the rest of his. Life correct.
I'm teaching people how to fish.Cops are mixed.
If you hadn't said the fish thing I would have no idea what
the fuck you were talking about.So I had four rumble shots last
(36:06):
night and I opened a bottle of Rose and your brother came back
into the apartment because he's like moving into the apartment
next door. And he was like, oh, I thought
you were hungover. I was like hair of the dog.
He was like, what? I was like, fuck, you're 24.
I was like, I don't. How do I fucking explain to
someone what hair of the dog is?So he drinks.
(36:27):
He should know what the fuck you're talking about.
I know people in our family havelike your your.
Brother, the amount of now that he's stayed with me a few days
like like first and foremost, I locked myself out of the
apartment last night because I was crashing the fuck out and I
went to Centennial and I was like, so when are you coming
back? Because I left my keys in the
(36:49):
house because I like left there like crying and went to
Centennial. But he always says facts like
FAX like you fact something instead of facts and I'm like.
No, when he, so he called me recently the other night, I
think maybe when he was driving to Nashville from Louisville
from 5 July. Every time he calls me, and it's
(37:13):
only this brother that does this, he'll call me and I'll be
like, hello. And he's like, hey, sis, what's
up? I'm like, I don't know, you
called me. What's up with you?
And he's like, he's like, oh, just chilling.
OK, like when he texted me to come stay with me the first
time, he's like, hey mix, I'm like who the fuck is this?
(37:34):
And he's like, it's Mike. And I'm like again, who the fuck
is this? It's so funny because he did
what you did where like when youwent off to college, you're
like, I'm Victoria. And like when he left
Blacksburg, he was like, I'm Mike and we're all like, shut
the fuck up, Michael. Yeah, well, literally he was
like, he said something to me today about how I was like Vicki
and I was like, no, it's like that's not who I am these days.
(37:56):
But anyway. Whatever my family will they, if
I say Victoria, they're like, who's that?
I'm like Vicki. They're like, oh.
Yeah. All right, so now that we've
done a whole episode and didn't talk about the topic, do you
want to talk about the topic? Do we have any more life
updates? Anything you want to clear the
air about? Oh, I have one.
OK. In the first episode, I talked
(38:19):
about someone that I'm like, I love him.
He'll forever be my end game. I finally blocked him again.
Thanks. Fuck, is he still dating that
girl? Yep, and he just recently got
promoted and got his dream job and it's like very much Richmond
based. And you know, we always have the
conversation of the what if and like we're both doing great
(38:40):
where we are and like I'm reallyproud of him and happy for him
and I know it's maybe right person wrong time.
But now that I've been like dating I'm like ever.
Like I need to meet someone thatmakes me want to stop talking to
this fucker. Like I haven't found someone
that makes me want to forget himlike that.
They're so great that it's like I compare everyone to him.
(39:03):
This is the most toxic situationship you have ever been in ever.
Yeah, so those that don't know this guy, when I first started
dating my now ex-husband, I moved to Richmond.
Whatever, my ex-husband started talking to like some girl and
(39:23):
was like basically cheating on me, whatever I was really down
on. We broke up for a little bit and
one of his friends, you know which they were never close
friends. Like we met them through him,
through mutual friends, whatever.
It's not like they were besties.We kind of started talking,
started flirting and like I slipped up and I hooked up with
this guy back in. Gosh, 2018 was the first time
(39:47):
that this ever happened. And anyway, here we are seven
years later, still talking to each other and like we've hooked
up and talked to each other on and off for seven years.
And I'm like, this isn't even a situation ship.
It's like a hidden relationship.We both like support each other,
but like, I'm not moving back toRichmond.
He can't move here. Like he's going to go marry some
(40:10):
vanilla girl because that's likewhat he's going to do.
And. And then probably cheat on her
for the rest of their lives. Right well I'm like he already
cheated on her with me and like he didn't tell me until after.
So like those who don't know that basically I turned 30 last
year. A week later we hosted a party
for Grace's ex-boyfriend. Anyway like the house is a mess.
(40:35):
I was tired. My ex-husband was like oh I'm
going to go out and go get drunkand he was doing his all nighter
thing the way that he always does.
So I texted the cheater boyfriend and he came over to my
house and we had sex. And the next morning I asked my
husband for a divorce. And anyway, like after we had
sex he told me he had been dating someone for like almost a
year and which I was like you really should have told me that.
(40:58):
Like it's one thing to like, like I'm OK with wrecking my own
home, but I'm not here to wreck someone else's.
But I don't know. I mean, since that time we've
not hooked up. We've definitely had drunk calls
and whatever. And there's definitely times I
think about telling his girlfriend, but like he never
told my ex-husband. Like I told my ex-husband
(41:21):
because it was my place to tell them.
And it's like, you know, if he can live with it and maybe he'll
make the same mistake or maybe he won't and he'll clean up his
act and end up really, you know,loving this girl.
And I do want that for him because sometimes I'm like,
fuck, I should fucking tell thisbitch.
Like I should fucking tell this bitch.
But then I'm like, I want him towant to be with me because he
picks me, not because like I've destroyed it.
(41:43):
And if I like if I tell her, like we would never even be
friends. I was like, you know, he never
ratted me out. He was such a support to me.
Like when I had my like, yeah, oopsie, suicide attempt, I was
like messaging him and he was, wait, did you?
Say suicide or suicide. Suicide sad, he said.
(42:04):
Suicide. And I was like.
It was suicide, but it wasn't real suicide.
It was suicide. But like he was there for me the
next day and like I just, I don't know me and him will never
be. But he did definitely play a
role in like getting me to get to the point where I was like
strong enough for a divorce because he was always a person
(42:26):
that was like you deserve better.
And like the reason I'm hung up on this person is he never told
me he left me. I ended up cutting things off
with him marrying my husband andif I had left my ex-husband
sooner I believe me and this person would be together.
But I wasn't strong enough in my20s and he knows that it's
always been awful timing. We both agree that it's always
(42:48):
been awful timing but he's blocked again because your girls
got to move on. It's not going to happen, but
maybe once he gets divorced we'll find our way back to each
other because I've had a toxic situation ship with someone I've
never dated but seen on and off for seven years.
It's fine, it's fun. Well I mean a situation ship is
(43:12):
a sexual relationship that exists without clear
definitions, expectations, or commitment.
You're more than friends, maybe even act like a couple, but
without the labels or the security.
Yeah, yeah, I guess. Damn, I have a seven-year
situation ship. Emotional and physical intimacy.
You guys had regular communication, no defined
(43:35):
boundaries or clarity about where it's headed.
I think that's the definition. Yeah, yeah, damn.
OK, well enough about him. He's blocked for real this time.
I almost blocked him off of our our Instagram for your secret
safe with a because he still follows us but I was.
Like, like all of the Instagram stories?
I know. And I was like, you know, I'm
(43:56):
just, you know, block his number, I'll block him from
Snapchat. We're, we're not friends on our
personal like Instagrams, 'cause, you know, whatever.
But sometimes I get drunk and I follow his girlfriend and like I
request to follow his girlfriendin the middle of the night and
then I unrequest. Remember, no.
Remember when you and I were drunk at some bar in Richmond
(44:18):
and I admitted to you that I hada fensta and you were like, you
have a fensta? I said yeah, bitch, I do.
And I requested to follow her onthat fensta, but I forgot that
password, so I had to create a new fensta.
So I have a new one now. OK.
Well, will you follow her and tell her that they.
(44:40):
No, I will not tell her. But I will.
Request to follow her. I've made it very believable.
This is so fucking toxic I'm like why can't I let this man
go? I mean, I feel like there will
always I think. It's a 1F.
(45:03):
It's because we we saw each other in secret.
We never, you know which when you see someone in secret and
you never have like the trials and tribulations of a
relationship been living together.
Like I know it's like all a fantasy in my head because like
if we were living together and had to like go through the
hardships of, you know, being married, doing like all the
(45:24):
things, it's like, would I stilllike this person?
I have absolutely no idea. I've absolutely no idea.
Like, it's just very much a whatif.
And I think that's what's alwaysgoing to kill me and kill him is
like, you know, we never gave ita shot.
And had I left my ex-husband sooner, maybe we would have.
Yeah. But I can't live in the what if
phase. So I'm I'm I'm excited for my
(45:45):
Saturday date. I'll just say that.
My toxic situation ship wasn't as intense as that one, but him
and I had a similar situation where he came to my apartment
one night and we were just like hanging out and we just like got
to talking about like how long we had no need because we've oh
(46:07):
fuck, we've known each other forsix years.
And so we were just like talkingabout like our relationship and
like how fucked in the head he was when we had like started it
and like how he was still fucking around with his ex and I
found out and I was pissed aboutit and like everything.
And he was like you. Well you never told me that.
Like you liked me and I, you wanted to date me.
I said yes I did. I was like why the fuck would I
(46:29):
come hang out with you 6 days ina row?
I was like I told you I liked you.
I told you I was upset that you were seeing your ex-girlfriend
and you blew me off. I was like why do you think I
didn't speak to you for like 3 months?
And he was like, oh, he's like, he did apologize for it.
He was like, oh, I'm sorry. Like that was my bad.
Like I was in a bad place at that time.
And I was like, yeah, I know. 'Cause I yeah, yeah, I just
(46:54):
like, see, The thing is, neitherof us ever told each other that
we had feelings. And I made a choice.
At the time, I was, you know, dating and living with my now
ex-husband. He was just my boyfriend at the
time. Like I was seeing this guy kind
of on and off in secret. We always felt guilty every
single time. And you know, me and him have
(47:16):
this intense, just like sexual chemistry that has been
unmatched. And I think that's why I have a
hard time letting him go. I, I made a choice of the time.
I was like, you know, this person that I live with wants to
marry me. He wants to be with me.
Like this person can give me a future.
At the time my situation ship, you know, was still kind of a
(47:38):
fuck boy. He was living with roommates and
I was like, you know, the other person seems more established.
He seems more serious. So I'm like, I'm going to go
with the person that I feel likecan give me the future.
I was like, fuck. So like if I could do it over
again, like pick the good sex, pick the fucking good sex.
Like it was like, pick the good sex.
I don't like, like, you know, I married him because I was like,
(47:59):
you know, I don't need this intense crazy sex.
Like it's, you know, there's other things that are more
important. Turns out there's not.
No, that has always been my likegrounding factor for a
relationship. Like if you guys don't have good
sexual chemistry, I feel like you're doomed like my mom said I
(48:20):
was. Like, well, no.
And I'm like, that's why my relationship was doomed because
I was like, you know, this person could give me everything
else. If the sex isn't all that, you
know, when will, you know? Maybe it'll be OK.
And it was for a while until it wasn't.
And we both drifted apart. And you know, whatever you live
(48:43):
and you learn, pick the big Dickbecause I'll say.
It's so funny because when I, mysituation ship that I had during
COVID in Richmond, yeah. So when him and I had our
situation ship, a Marine man hadhit me up when I was like
(49:03):
randomly in town and he was like, hey, do you want to hang
out tonight? And I was like, oh, let's be
kind of fucked up if I did this to like Richmond, man.
And then I was like, you know what?
Fuck it. We're not dating and I want to
fuck Marine man. So I did, and I never told him
about it. Actually, I've never told any
(49:23):
about anybody about it until right now.
Oh, you're like. Me, when I word vomit, I'm like,
I'll do something and then like,I don't know, a couple days
later I'll be like, like I'll just be like casually driving
somewhere. Like it'll be the middle of the
work day and I'll be like, so grace, I did XYZ blah blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah. You're like a shooting star in
(49:45):
the sky. You like, appear and you ward
vomit and then you disappear. And I'm like OK, like, OK, like.
Like what is happening like. Not gonna attack her right away,
OK? Oh, Lord, like by the way, we
talked about Love Island. I tried to watch Love Island and
(50:05):
I was using his Peacock account and anyway he he removed me from
the Peacock account which bear which I was like fuck in the
middle of love island so I had to get a Peacock account.
Mr. Mr. Bankrupt did the same thing to me.
Like I guess he realized I was using his HBO Max to watch
something so he changed his password and removed me and I
(50:27):
was like you fucker. Yeah, slowly but surely I've get
getting dumped from my apps, which I'm like, I don't give a
shit. Like quite honestly, it's not
that I want to use his login, it's that like, I'm so inept,
like my boomer self does not know how to do this shit on my
TV. Like if there's not a button
that says Netflix I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
(50:48):
Like my twin brother had to hookup a printer for me because I'm
that fucking IT inept. I will.
Say trying to hook up a printer though is difficult.
Like I can barely do it and it literally I am like sweating
profusely by the end of it and all I'm doing is like pressing
buttons because I get so angry. No, literally like when I moved
in here, like I had my brother visit me the first week and I
(51:09):
was like, I need you to do all of the IT things in my
apartment. Let's fix my Internet and like
help me set up my TV's and like,I don't know what I'm doing.
So anyway, I'm like, I'm not using it because I need him.
I'm using it out of convenience and because I am stupid as shit
when it comes to like TV and Internet.
I'm like, I'm like, does it havea power button?
(51:31):
Like I've lost both my remotes. I don't have a remote for any of
my TV's. I like go and I like hit me need
a button and then I like use an app on my phone and I can figure
out that TV this TVI don't even know like it's, it's a whole
thing. Jesus.
Christ. Anyway, situation ships.
I mean, I guess it was kind of like a the theme.
(51:54):
We talked about it, but it wasn't like the sole topic.
Yeah, I'm just like, I feel likemy life is So I mean, one year
mark, a lot of clarity. In one year, a lot of clarity.
In a year. I'm a baddie.
That post I was like. Hell yeah.
But yeah, thanks for coming to another episode of Your Secret
(52:15):
Safe with A. Once again we say that we are
going to talk about something and then we go off the rails and
have a tangent about everything else in our lives.
But hey, it's good content. It's good content.
I mean, hey, people that match with me on Hinge, they're just
like, tell me the pod, tell me the pod, can I be on the pod?
And I was like, you know, they're like, do you only talk
(52:35):
about the bad experiences? I'm like, no, I do talk about
the good experiences, like tall bad guy.
I talk about how good that was, which I'm like, the fact that
you found this episode and like what?
Episode. Was that like 2?
I have no idea. I like, I was going to listen
back, but I was like, I really don't know.
I'll leave you guys with this. So I made friends with this girl
(52:56):
and we play tennis together and she sent me a screenshot on
Instagram and she was like how do you know this guy?
Because we like follow each other.
And I was like, oh, I matched with him on Hinge and she was
like should I go for it? And I was like uncircumcised bit
my face. Do you remember the loser ass
apartment guy? And she was like Oh my God, I've
(53:20):
never seen an uncircumcised one.She's like 24.
And I was like, I don't think I could do it.
Like girl, don't I? Just like I can't, I can't with
the uncircumcised penis. I can't with the small penis.
Like I, I went on a hinge date the other day and he talked a
(53:40):
big game, which I'm like, I don't know if like there's two
things. First, he's two years younger
than me, almost 3. So I was like, either he's very
ignorant and he doesn't know thesize of his Dick, or he lied
about the size of his Dick to get into my pants.
And I don't know which one's better or worse.
Like part of me is like, I respect the game if you're going
to lie about your Dick size. But then I'm like, on the other
(54:02):
hand, I really genuinely think that he thinks it's big.
He's he lacks self-awareness. So I was like, honestly, in my
opinion, that's worse. Like I would rather you like be
like, you know, it's not like, Imean, if you want to tell me
it's huge and that which he was like I've gotten no complaints.
(54:23):
So I'm like what from like 5 girls?
Like anytime I get that comment I'm just like that.
No, I yeah, I there's a guy I know the dude that I broke his
knee. He said the same thing.
He's like every girl I've been with has always orgasmed.
And then I was like, that was the worst sex in my life.
Yeah, I'm like girthy girls. Just call me Gigi.
(54:49):
Gigi. Gigi all.
Right, so this is some fun. Be sure to like, subscribe,
follow Spotify, Apple, YouTube, what else?
Buy our hats. Yeah, buy our hat.
Shout out to our first hat purchase.
It was his birthday yesterday. Happy birthday Philly man.
(55:11):
Happy birthday Philly man. I did not send him photos of my
toes, but I did say I missed himin debt.
He's a good friend and I hope heenjoys the hat.
No, one of our friends that bought one of our hats, he sent
me a snap yesterday because he'sa realtor down in Texas and he
was like ready to go sell some houses and he wore our hat while
he was selling houses. I love that the support is
(55:34):
unreal, Zeus. It's so fucking unreal.
All right, happy bestiality. Happy July.
We will talk to you again in twoweeks.
And stay tuned about my date on Saturday.
Yes, we won't. We can't wait to hear what
happens. Yeah, and homeboy stay
unblocked. Yes, always block the
(55:56):
situationship friends. Yes, those are words of advice.
Always block and never unblock. See so this is me.
I would block and unblock, I would even delete his number.
But then I started to recognize his number once, not his safety,
and now I know his number by heart.
So I have a problem anyway on. That note once again.
(56:21):
I'm like I don't know my ex husband's number but I know his
number. I was like you know if I don't
save his contacts I won't remember it.
Then it's just like as soon as Isee it I'm like I know exactly
who the fuck this is texting me.You see the five pop up and
you're like. Oh.
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