September 5, 2025 • 58 mins
We were supposed to record this episode together in Nashville… but tequila, Broadway and exhaustion said otherwise. Whoops. Instead, you’re getting the full weekend recap: nights out, hangovers, peak chaos moments and Grace meeting all of Vikki’s new Nashville friends.
It’s messy, it’s hilarious, and it’s basically one long drunk diary entry.
🎧 Listen now and don’t forget to rate us 5 stars—we need the validation almost as much as we needed Pedialyte.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Jesus, take the fucking wheel. That's what we said.
We were going to record an in person episode when we were
together this weekend. Yep, So that's what we're going
to do. Welcome back to your secret save
with a I'm Vicki I'm. Grace and this week's episode is
about being feral. No.
(00:28):
So I was telling her brother tonight at dinner that we got
matching T-shirts that say feraland he was like, what did he
say? So rude.
He was like, oh, doesn't that mean being a nasty woman?
I was like, hold on, excuse you.That's not what it means.
Means being crazy and a little insane.
(00:49):
A little unhinged, a little chaotic.
Please don't cancel us. It was episode 15.
Oh my God, it is. Welcome to Episode 15.
Another milestone. So Grace is in Nashville with me
this weekend. It is Sunday night.
(01:12):
So as you can imagine, we are both a little bit hurt.
At 10:00 PM. We're doing it Sunday night at
10:00 PM. Because we procrastinated when
we were going to do the in person episode.
And then we decided that, you know, after drinking all night
Friday, all day Saturday, all night Saturday, violent, being
violently hungover this morning and then going to a Jazzercise.
(01:36):
We went to a Jazzercise class that I taught and I was about to
hurl the entire class. No, you remember the end of
class when Tracy, the one who works there, her name, she was
like, how'd the trash can get over here?
I moved over there proactively in case I needed to be you.
And I was like, I don't know. Yeah, she's like.
I walked away. But anyway, after Jasmine's
(02:00):
eyes, we just had dinner at Polano.
It was amazing. It was.
So good. So good, so so good.
And then we went and had a drinkat 3rd and home and now here we
are, the last night we have together trying to film an hour
long episode. Is that going to happen?
I don't know, stick around to find out if we make it through
(02:23):
the episode. Your guess is as good as ours.
Literally, literally, I'm like cheers to episode cheers.
I'm like I. Was about to Facebook myself not
realizing that you're right. Next to me, No, this week.
It's been so exhausting between like work and the weekend, like
I told Grace earlier. That I had such a stressful week
(02:52):
at work I was trying to dial A vendors number and I like typed
it in my phone and I was like why is this shit not ringing and
typed it into my calculator app.You know, happens to the best of
us. For sure, for sure.
But yeah, so this is the feral episode.
I think the episode is going to be a lot about our weekend
together. Some of.
(03:14):
I took notes. I took notes.
I have so many. We have some good stories from
fellow girlies that we met this weekend.
They're pretty. I just.
I keep thinking of your rescue friend's story that she told
about her ex boyfriend's ex-wife.
It's wild. Yeah.
So stay tuned for some GCT. Yeah.
(03:36):
All right, besties, let's get toit.
You ready? Sick.
Sick cheers to Coca-Cola. Jesus fucking Lord I'm about to
crash out. I'm drinking a mom water and
(03:58):
today was, I think one of the first days in my working career
where I was like, you know what?I'm just going to get knocked
up. I'm going to let the old rich
guy fuck me and get me fucking pregnant because I do not feel
like working today. What?
Happened. You know, we don't talk about
work on here. It's a rule.
It's just been a stressful work week.
But like today I was like, you know, is this worse than kids?
(04:21):
I don't know, Like I actually debated because it's, it's so
stressful. And like, yeah, I had a moment
where I was like, you know, maybe I should just push out the
babies and quit my fucking job. No, no, no.
Maybe I'm not made for this. Maybe I was supposed to be
barefoot in the kitchen. OK, Michael.
(04:45):
But Loki, I was on a date and Loki, I like him.
And now I'm I'm I'm I'm just causing myself more anxiety
because I'm playing the field too much.
Wait, who'd you go on a date with?
You met him this weekend. I I don't have a code name for
him yet. Did we decide that's?
(05:09):
So obvious. Yeah.
Oh, he doesn't listen, I don't think.
Well, that would be that would be just your luck that he would
listen to this episode. But I'm going to send you
something. I'm not going to give you any
context. Oh God.
So I had a sushi date last night, and then I stayed the
(05:30):
night at his place for the firsttime ever.
Which, by the way, his house is like super nice, super duper
nice, well decorated by his mother, the interior designer.
Text it to me or is it Instagram?
I texted it to you, did I Not I?Don't know, I haven't.
Gotten it. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.
OK he's like did I send it to him instead of you?
The way my brain is fucking, I was going to be like, Oh no, you
(05:53):
sent it to him. No, I definitely sent it.
Got it to you. Oh God, what is this?
It's a video. I'm nervous.
I took a sneaking video. He doesn't know I took this
video. I can't.
I'm not so native last night. I can't.
(06:19):
I don't know if. OK, let me get through this.
No, this is part way through. Like he's actually good, but.
I'm getting the egg. So this is happening and he's
like trying to remember the words to the song but I am
(06:39):
literally so fucking tired from like my work week that I'd like
snuggled up in a blanket like watching him play the guitar
like about to pass out it. Can't also it's killing me
because literally all I see is his foot and his ankle and I'm
like, so in my brain I'm like this man's butt ass naked, just
(07:01):
fucking strumming the guitar. Morgan Wallin song to you.
Like I have such PTSD of men singing and like I can't like
the moment they're like I can sing.
I'm like, I'd rather kill myself.
So it was actually good, but I just like I had a moment where I
was like, I feel a little uncomfy.
(07:23):
About the plus sizes, the house is beautiful, the dog is cute,
the sex is still great, he has avery comfy bed.
I snored in it all night. I will say when over the
weekend, when he was like, yo, you snore like, what did he say?
Like a chainsaw or a trucker or whatever.
I said yeah, I. Know yeah so anyway, so update
(07:51):
for everyone I I listened to episode 14 today to give myself
some inspiration. So I remembered like my life
update because I just had to update my friends and I was
like, hey, so this person and this person and this person and
this person and they're like canyou make us like a diagram?
I was like, no, because like they're not going to be around
long enough for it to matter. But so last update we were
(08:14):
talking about Mr. Curved Dick. I told you this, so we'll tell
the people. Got a little drunk and I texted
him and I said what did I say? You were like, this isn't going
to work out, or like I don't. Know it was very like short
lived. I just said oh he sent me.
So he was out of town at like a bachelor party.
(08:36):
He sent me a photo of a barge like a ship and he said it's the
size of the ship not the motion in the ocean lol.
And I responded with it is the size of the ship can concur Like
because I said concur that's howI know I was fucked up already
at 8:00 PM on a Friday. And then I said I don't think
you and I work within one minuteof saying I can concur and he
(08:58):
just has not responded to me. I would have.
Thought maybe he would have given a few days and been like
hey how you been? Yeah, no.
So nothing. And I mean, he's 42, he's
mature. He doesn't need to deal with a
child like me. But also it's like for him to
message me and be like, it's thesize of the ship, not the motion
(09:19):
in the ocean. It revalidates my fact that he
doesn't try hard at sex because he just thinks his big Dick, his
big Dick will sail the ship along.
But crazy me is like, I don't think you and I work.
I don't care about your curved Dick.
I don't care about what whateverlike cuz now I was.
Also listening to episode 14 today to like jog my memory and
(09:39):
when we were talking about that it reminded me of Mr. Bankrupt
because he did the same thing. He had a big Dick but he
literally like didn't do anything right?
Like there was like, no, we literally only ever did
missionary because he didn't like to do anything else.
Oh well, he was on top. See, for me, I was always on top
(10:02):
with Mr. Curved and I was like, this is just me.
Like doing all the work. There's no foreplay, there's no
this. Like, I mean, I'm not going to
lie, the Dick is still great, but like.
He's kind of a. Boring person too.
And like for me, I need the personality and clearly like,
like, OK, so the new guy I'm kind of seeing, we'll call him
(10:23):
Tesla. Is that what we're going with?
Swayze Day? He went on a date with me to
Swayze Day. I could call him Swayze Day.
Let's call him Patrick. OK, Patrick, OK, no, but you
can't use another guy name. That makes it confusing.
Fine, we'll call him Swayze. OK, so Swayze.
Call him. We could call him Dylan Efron.
No team in version of Dylan Efron.
(10:47):
I'm fucking running out of namesfor these men.
All right, so Swayze. So, Swayze, what were we talking
about before this? Personality.
You need personality, OK. Personality So like when I
texted 42 with the curved Dick and I was like, I don't think
you and I work. Like if he had been like spicy,
a little banter, a little into it, like no, he just stopped
(11:09):
responding to me. Meanwhile, Swayze, we went out
for drinks last Tuesday and got a little lit and he went to the
bathroom and I like Shady dippedout of the restaurant while he
was in the bath. Fucking crazy bitch.
And then he caught me in my car and he was like where are you
(11:31):
going? Like what the fuck?
We go our separate ways. Like in my brain I'm like, oh,
he'll just follow me to my houseand whatever.
Like anyway I get back to my apartment and I'm like texting
him about how he reminds me too much of my ex with like his
traveling like whatever else so.Oh God.
(11:55):
Crazy me blocks him on Instagram.
Oh yeah, you should. No, it gets worse and I only
found out it got worse last night a week later from the
date. So anyway, I blocked him on
Instagram the next day. He's like, you're crazy and like
follows me back and like, see, that's the kind of banter I need
someone that like will understand and like is a little
(12:16):
toxic themselves to. But he's a fellow divorcee.
Exactly. So I think he to that level, he
gets it. And we were out at seriously
last night and he took a photo and he was like, Oh, I take such
aesthetic photos from my stories.
I was thinking to myself, I I can't remember the last time I
saw one of his Instagram stories.
Not only did I block him, but I muted it first.
(12:37):
Famous stories. Oh, you were like I.
Never want to see this man. Again, I hate you.
Like you said, nothing wrong except maybe feed me too much
tequila. Listen, I was like, I I've never
(12:59):
really seen his stories. And I go and I look at his
stories and I'm like, why am I not getting these?
And I'm like, you, you're a dumbbitch.
You just muted him too. Oh, so that's the update.
I really like him. I don't know if I'm going to
date him after the singing, serenading, and who knows what's
(13:20):
going to happen after New York. So that's life, friends.
Stay tuned. I hope I go to the US Open.
I'm going to eat lots of yummy food.
Oh, is the US Open in New York? Yes.
Oh, I don't know where the fuck it was.
I in my brain, I was like, oh, it's probably in like Florida or
Georgia. Yeah, I'm like, maybe I'll let
Nola Mann just fucking knock me up and support me since he's
(13:41):
rich. No, I don't like that.
If you were living my day-to-daywork life right now, you would
understand. I mean, like, I have those
thoughts every day too. Like I'm like, OK, I'll just let
Mr. W just support me because I don't want to work.
Like it's just I'm so unmotivated.
(14:02):
And like whoever fucking voted for women's rights you bitches.
OK, we just celebrated like 105 years of women's rights, so pipe
down. Not Vicky being the worst
feminist. Fucking typical.
Oh Lord, but I think that's all I have on my life update.
(14:23):
See my only life update was two weeks ago when we released.
It was my birthday and I I went to New York to visit one of my
friends and I had a migraine allday on my birthday.
I was sick. Oh, I got my MRI results back.
Your girl's cancer free. She doesn't.
Have a big ass tumor? Yeah, I don't have a big ass.
Fucking brain tumor bitch. So no cool surgery for me,
(14:46):
although today I will actually, I'd say for the past two days
I've been in emotional turmoil because my dog is old and she
was like not using one of her back legs yesterday.
And then like it's been itching like crazy and her skin was like
all red and inflamed. So I'm like fucking freaking
out. I gave her a bath last night
because like I found a flea on her.
(15:07):
So then I called the vet this morning like panicking and they
brought her in. I brought her in today and they
did an X-ray and they're like, she just has arthritis in her
back leg. It's probably just hurting her.
So they like gave her some medicine for it and like all of
this stuff and I'm like. Charlie, it's still an itty
bitty puppy that I held in my hands.
She's still 3 lbs. And I was, like, standing there
and I'm, like, nodding to the vet.
(15:27):
I'm like, yeah, totally. OK.
I get it. Like, I'll cry right now.
I was like, I totally understand.
Yeah. Because for people who don't
know, she was diagnosed with advanced kidney disease a few
months ago. So it's been like a whole thing
this summer and every time I getin the car to either go to the
vet or come home from the vet and she sticks her little face
(15:50):
out the back window and I can see here on the side mirror with
like her little nose, like sniffing in the air.
I'm like. OK, no, but like I'm actually,
I've been on the verge of tears like so many times today.
Yeah, it makes me want to fucking die.
I just, like, stare at her and I'm like, today we sat outside
for a long time and she just like, cuddled me.
And I was like, I'm going to kill myself if you die.
(16:12):
I'm like actually going to cry right now.
I'm so tired and I'm just like, then it's fucking Wednesday.
Every time we record like God damn Wednesday, I cry.
Because we're always like, we'regoing to record Monday or
Tuesday and then we're both like, I'm so fucking tired.
Like I'm already exhausted. And then we're like.
(16:34):
Oh, you have to do it on Wednesday.
I have to do this. My friend was like today I like
went on a hot girl walk because I was like going to come be like
a fucking work slump and just like lay in my bed and work
until midnight. And we decided to go on a hot
girl walk. And I was telling her that I was
going to film after this. And she was like, you guys have
such dedication. And I was like.
(16:58):
No, we have such procrastination.
That it leads to an episode every two weeks.
We're like, oh, we have so much time.
We have two weeks and then two days before I'm like.
I feel so bad for you because you do all the hard work
editing. I just have to like, make it
through a night of not crying and talking into a microphone.
(17:19):
Yeah, and spoil alert. Clearly we did not film together
in person when I was in Nashville for four fucking days.
OK, OK, we tried. So the beginning of this
episode, you're going to see ourattempt at.
That's recording in Nashville. Yeah.
We have a great opener. We have a really great opener to
this episode on. It actually is pretty funny.
(17:41):
I watched it today. You and I are both just.
Like. Like clearly our brain cells are
fucking dead because we'll be like so and then like there's a
part where Zeus just like standsin the middle of us, like
smiling smooth brain. And I'm like, that is all three
of us right now. We're all Zeus in this moment.
(18:05):
Oh no, between the hangover and whatever else.
But no, Grace was just in Nashville.
We had a girls weekend. Shout out to the girlies.
Yes, it was so. Hard to all of you.
So great meeting all of them. I love all of them so much.
Yeah, but shout out to the listeners.
Thanks for sticking through the chaos.
I mean, was it not chaotic? No, like, really.
(18:27):
But shout out to our listeners. I had a friend of mine that I've
known since, like, childhood tell me that she and her sister
listen to our episodes religiously.
And she was like, oh, my sister's already caught up on
episode 14. Like she listened to it in the
delivery room, like as a distraction when she was like
going into labor. So I was like, labor.
(18:49):
I'm like, that is such a cool story that like we're funny
enough that we distract you, that you during labor.
I'm like OK, add it to the. Parenting book.
Yep, parenting book by Vicki andGrace.
Listen to your podcast during your labor.
It helps your contractions because you're going to be
laughing so fucking hard that you've actually the whole of
your friends going to go. Yeah, she's they're going to
(19:11):
slide out. One of my friends is due in
October and I'm about to text her and be like.
So here's a hack for you. Listen.
To you might have a period we need you to listen to the
podcast while you are giving labor that has asked her if it
made it come faster, I'll let you know.
It probably helps her. Like, I mean, yeah, distract her
and laugh and keep her mind off of things.
(19:31):
So I mean, does laughing help you?
Like I mean, sometimes when you laugh you pee, right?
So like if you're laughing during contractions so that push
the thing out. Maybe, I don't know.
Someone chatting PT this shit. Now she's looking at me.
OK. OK.
I almost typed ChatGPT into ChatGPT.
(19:57):
Who's back to me dialing phone numbers in my calculator?
I don't know if you saw me do it, but when Vicki and I were at
dinner with some of her friends and my brother this weekend, we
split a bottle of wine and I pick up the bottle of wine with
the when you're like. Dumped it.
Yeah, it's not the lid. On it and I'm just going like
this, like, why isn't it coming out?
And I was like, Oh my God. My friend Sarah saw it.
(20:19):
She was laughing. I know she called me out
immediately. I was like, all right.
Does laughing help with labor delivery?
Like it doesn't help induce labor is what I was getting at.
Laughter reduces cortisol, the stress hormone, so it promotes A
calmer mindset, which can help. It requires deep breathing,
(20:41):
arrhythmic exhalation, which is similar to breathing techniques
taught during childbirth classes.
And it can trigger the release of endorphins, which is your
body's natural painkillers. And it helps relax your muscles,
which can counteract some of thetension and anxiety when
contractions can feel more painful.
(21:02):
So it won't replace pain management, but it helps helps
stress. So I have an idea, I'm going to
go to the hospital on the labor and delivery floor and give them
blasting it. It'd be like download this for
your labor labor pains. It will help.
(21:23):
Yeah, no, we should give them toSarah so she can start pushing
them out at the hospital. Oh my goodness.
But I took some notes of things that I thought are funny, like I
am going to participate in the script today.
So Vicki wrote this one. Let's see.
Don't. Even you fucking bitch.
(21:43):
OK, so have my notes. I have some notes.
Well, we already talked about one of them, which was the she
used listen to the podcast when she was in labor.
Yeah, so we talked about that. One of our friends who is not in
labor, she hung out with us thisweekend and she said her jaw has
never dropped. Shout out to our new girlie, we
(22:08):
love her. And she was like my.
Jaw has never dropped so much. She is my rescue.
So I do this thing. I go out to bars alone and I'm
just I'm a friendly person. I just want to meet all the
girls. And I was like out at Centennial
by myself and this girl and I like struck up a conversation
and she was like, oh, I just like moved here from Dallas.
Like I need some new girls. So we exchanged numbers and she
(22:28):
like came out on like our girls weekend and the video of her
with like the lay so. We went to a bar and some man
had like a lay. I think Vicki stole it first.
Yeah, of course. OK, yeah.
And then I was like. Will you lay me and I took it
that's. Right.
Of course you'd send some sexualinnuendo.
(22:50):
And then the rescue girl, she puts it like around her neck and
then like puts it over her face so she looks like one of those
dance. What did you say dancing flowers
from? Allen, Allen, where she's like
bopping back and then they kick her out because she's a weed.
Oh my God it was so funny and she like kept reminding me of
the Caterpillar from It's a Bug's Life.
(23:12):
I just kept expecting her to be like.
I'm a beautiful butterfly. I see that, I see that, but I
don't know. I wrote this quote down.
I forget how how it came to be, but my friend was talking about
basketball and she was like, Oh,you mean like Magic Mike?
(23:35):
You can names me. I also wrote that one down.
No, I wrote it down and I I wrote a note how into
basketball, how into basketball are you?
And I put, MMM, we're like MagicMike or March Madness.
I don't know. We were in the Uber going
somewhere. I think we were meeting.
I think we were meeting someone for a drink.
(23:57):
I was weird. Somehow basketball got brought
up and I was like, Oh yeah, what's like that thing that they
do in the spring? I was like, it's not Magic Mike.
I was like, oh, March. Madness.
I was like, are you really into basketball?
Well, I'm not into basketball, so that's why I couldn't
remember it. Oh my goodness, the next thing
(24:18):
that I wrote down from the weekend that I thought was
funny? Standing jeans versus sitting
jeans. Oh my God, yes.
Girlies who are listening, I know you know the difference
between a standing Jean and a sitting Jean.
Please explain. We have to explain this to my
younger brother because we were talking about it and he was
like, I don't get it. And I was like, so standing
(24:40):
jeans, they look, they make yourass look amazing, but they're a
little tight on the tummy. And so when you sit down, it
hurts. And so but when you stand up,
you're fine. So you you never wear a standing
Jean to a sitting event like dinner.
Right, you wear a standing Jean to rooftop cocktails for happy
(25:02):
hour because you're going to shady dip home and you're going
to stand on your heels and your cute jeans with your perky butt
and then you're going to go homeand take them off do.
You get that? I said.
Your cute jeans. Do you get that reference?
No. Never mind, we'll move on, OK?
I don't. Feel like it's taking it.
Yeah. But anyways, night one I wore
standing jeans and I was sittingat a restaurant and I was like,
(25:22):
this hurts. As soon as I stood up I was
fine. But you know, standing jeans for
sitting jeans. I I.
Wore working jeans all weekend and it was beautiful and I had
to wear linen like stretchy pants the last day because my
belly was so bloated from all like the food and drinking that
we did over the weekend. Oh my goodness.
(25:48):
So the next note I have, I was like laughing reading this.
So one of our friends is she's going to be like a pediatrician,
but she's like currently workingin urology.
Oh my God, and. She was telling us about how she
sees all these old men's Dicks all day and like sometimes like,
(26:15):
you'll have to like hold up their belly so they can like
find it. But then our friends who's a
nurse, like told us like a urology kind of like Horror
Story because like she works in like the ER, so she has to like
insert catheters and stuff. And they were lifting up his
belly trying to find it and theylike could not find his Dick.
Like they thought it disappearedlike it was engulfed or
(26:36):
something. And anyway, he was like, no,
like it's up here. So it's like up by his belly
button instead of like under What if, if, if a guy had a fupa
instead of it being under your like fupa, it was like it was
all the way up here by his bellybutton, but it was so small.
They thought it was like a second belly button.
(26:56):
And like whoever this poor sweetold man is, I don't believe he
had a micro penis forever, but it was so small that it took
like three people to put the catheter in and well, no,
they're. Also, yeah, they had to like,
press down on the belly. Until I'm getting that one
person of the three had to put pressure on his stomach to make
it like like poke out. So it was like enough that they
(27:20):
could actually stick the catheter in at.
That point. I mean, I don't know how like I
don't know. I'm like I've seen a lot of
Dicks, but if I was seeing like like I don't know if I was a
nurse or a doctor, like would itde sexualize it for me?
(27:40):
I mean, I don't know. I've seen a micro penis and I
still had sex again. I wasn't like, I'll never see a
Dick again, like. And it made me laugh because
like the our your friend, our friend, whatever that's going
into Pediatrics. We are the reason why it came up
is because we were talking aboutlike Dicks and stuff.
And she was like, yeah, you guyshave fun looking at Dicks.
I don't because I work in urology right now.
(28:02):
And I was like, I'm so sorry having to look at a naked mole
rat every single day. I would burn my eyes out.
Yeah, I know. And she's like 24 and like.
Just a little baby. I'm like, no, I'm like, I love
you and you're so innocent. But yeah, apparently if you
(28:22):
apply pressure to the stomach, the Dick will mirror.
Maybe I'll try that one the nexttime it's soft.
I'll be like, hold on, let me resurrect your stomach and
perhaps it will pump up. It's like CPR for the dig.
You're just like. Pushing on this stomach.
That's what you just need the penis.
(28:47):
When when she told me that story, like live, I was like, I
still can't believe that's real.It's so wild.
It's like a that. That was a good sound, but that
is. Just you're welcome.
Easy. OK, what else is on the list?
(29:08):
I have the new rescue friend. She was talking about her
ex-boyfriend that she's was dating before the one she has
now had an ex-wife and the reason why they separated was
because he found out that his wife at the time was sleeping
with his 17 year old nephew. I don't know this story.
(29:30):
I was like. Aren't your jaw?
I was dropping my jaw dropped when she told us that.
I was like that is pedophilia. That is like no I'm like did she
get in trouble? Like what is this?
That's scary. I can't.
I could never be a cougar. No.
I like I'm older, I mean doesn'thave to be 62 or 42, but I mean
(29:53):
32. That's what I'm with right now.
I'll. Say, how old is Swayze?
Swayze is 32 OK? Oh, that's right.
He he's like a a week older thanme I think.
Right. He's a Leo.
August Leo, though. Yeah.
And August Leo, not a July Leo like my ex-husband, but I will
say like I'm having a very hard time with him because a lot of
(30:14):
what he likes in his like similarities, like I do get a
little bit of my ex-husband vibes, which like obviously I
love my ex-husband. There was something that
attracted me to him, but it doeslike trigger me a little bit.
I thought you were being sarcastic.
No, I did like my husband at onepoint.
I didn't just marry someone I hated.
(30:37):
I thought you were being sarcastic and I was like, yeah.
All bad continue continue all bad.
Like I mean he is charming. Like I will say my ex-husband
was charming at the time whatever in my 20s.
But now I'm in my 30s and I'm getting a little bit of like
charmer from him and I'm like. For sure, for sure.
(30:58):
I'm definitely like cautious about it you.
Should be you, should be you. Should have to jump into
something. Well, I was ready to jump in
with him and then he was like, take it slow.
I was like, bet, So like, this is my problem.
This is what I do instead of like going home and
rationalizing, I like go out andI do something dumb when someone
(31:20):
like pisses me off or hurts my feelings.
It's like instead of like letting that just like simmer
and think, you know, maybe tomorrow will be OK.
I'm like, Nope, let me just rewrite my whole script.
I'm moving to California here. We go everyone, everyone to San
Diego. Oh, OK.
(31:41):
What else did I put a note down for?
I have. I have what's her face is great
quote from when we got drinks onFriday.
OK, say it. So Vicky's friend, another one
that I met, she's married and wewere at a brewery just like
talking about relationships and just like.
(32:02):
Losing a story? You're going now.
Like losing a spark or somethingand.
If I ever lose a spark with my partner.
Right. And like how to like, you know,
keep it up. And she said that she looked at
her husband and was like, well, if we if you ever lose your
spark or if we ever lose our spark, like I have a teaser and
I can help you find it again. Like she's crazy.
(32:27):
She's like, I will literally cuthim if he looks at another girl.
And I was like, this man has zero eyes for anyone except you.
Like, literally. He said that when she said that,
I was like, in this moment I have fallen in love with her.
She's going to appreciate hearing that.
Yes, I was like she. Has like the same aggressiveness
that I do and I was like. Hell yeah.
(32:49):
Oh my goodness. OK, well the next one I had, we
kind of already talked about it at the beginning of the episode.
But Grace's little brother wants7 kids. 6.
Seven kids? No, our friend who's 24 wants 6.
Your brother said he wants 7. So throughout the weekend,
(33:13):
Grace's brother was like rage baiting her, like rage baiting
her and I. Fell for it every like this is
my problem. I know they're doing it, but I
know I'm right, so I have to saysomething.
I'm trying to give an example like what happened at Attaboy
that got us all so heated. He was talking about something
(33:34):
about like, women and how they need to be.
Oh, barefoot, naked, pregnant, whatever in the kitchen, cooking
or whatever. That's why we kept saying it
all. Weekend said.
He was like, no, this is how it started.
He was like, if I'm desirable, it's a turn on, but if a woman
is desirable, it's a turn off. Yes yes, yes.
And like Vicki took a video of it and like the 1st 15 seconds
(33:58):
are just me yelling at him. Maybe we'll post it on our
Instagram after this episode drops because like once like
it's like me yelling and then megoing are you rage baiting me?
Are you rage baiting and him just like laughing and I'm like
you fucking little? Thick he's rage baiting but like
I know 1000% he believes that a.100% yes, but I do think when he
(34:20):
had like 6 girls in front of himbeing like you're being a
hypocrit. Like that's not, that's not how
this works. Like calling him Andrew Tate.
I do think it got through to hima little bit because he was
like. Oh yeah, called him Andrew Tate.
I think it might have been Sarah.
And I was like, yeah. Which I mean, like, he's not a
read. About Swayze is like Sarah hates
(34:42):
me and I'm like she's not even the one that removed you as a
follower that was me and the other Victoria.
We both removed you as followersand here you are thinking Sarah
hates you. I mean, I took like 24 hours to
follow him back. I almost did it.
I was almost like, you can be a fan.
Like I'm not going to be a fan of you yet.
But I was like no. OK, I literally, I had a moment
last night that I was like, I'm never going to find a man
(35:06):
because like for once in my life, I actually have a lot of
girlfriends that all of you are so fucking critical of Any man I
bring around, Like, first and foremost, it takes a lot for me.
Well, it doesn't take a lot for me to bring a man around.
That was a lie. I don't know why I'm just lying
to people. I just, I bring men around and
like honestly, like you guys need to be nice to Swayze
(35:26):
because I like surprised. Very nice to him.
In front of like 7 girls at the pool, like he hung out with me
and seven, seven of my friends that he's like never met.
He's only known me for like a week.
I was very nice to him. He may have, he pissed me off
the first night, but I let it lie and I got over it and I
(35:47):
still hung out with him for the rest of the weekend and I was
nice. I'm just I.
Feel like this is you? Well, all of you guys are being
so protective over me and I so appreciate it.
But like, girl, I'm going to runout of men.
I've already been through a lot.Like I don't think there's any
more in the world. You guys need to stop like being
mean because I eventually have to like one of these.
(36:07):
I did very good. OK, OK, whatever.
I'm going to go be barefoot in the kitchen and quit my job.
Yeah, I wrote compression socks.Fuck, I forgot that I said that.
I'm like looking back on my likehalf drunk notes from the
(36:29):
weekend of things I heard that Ithought were funny.
Compression socks. Compression socks.
No, I added a note today becauselike obviously I've had a really
hard work week and because I'm agreat leader.
Even though I was fucking drowning, I went out of my way
and picked up Chick-fil-A for everyone because I was like,
(36:50):
everyone's having a hard day. Everyone needs lunch.
I needed to put gas in my work car.
And like, I swear to God, Nashville, like the amount of
times I've been personally victimized by gas stations in
Nashville, like either they're awful or I pull up to a pump.
It's like pay inside or I'm broken out of service.
(37:11):
Like there was a day like it wasmaybe like, I don't know, a
month after my like separation, I just moved to Nashville and
like I had a really bad day. My car was like almost empty and
like I went to a gas station andit was full.
I went to a different gas station and the pump was out of
order. I went back to the other gas
station. It was like leaking everywhere.
(37:33):
And I like cried. Like I straight up cried because
it wasn't about the gas. It was just like, like, I'm just
going to fucking lose it. Like at this point, like spray
me with gasoline and light me onfire because like I've failed
three times to get gas, which isa normal everyday human task to
the point that I drove home and I was like, fuck it.
If I run out of gas and die, so be it.
(37:54):
I didn't, if not that, I didn't make efforts.
Like if I'd just gone home to begin with, like, I probably
would have been fine. Like.
I hate getting gas. I don't know what it is but like
getting gas and doing laundry are like 2 of the same things to
me were like I fucking hate doing it.
Like I will drive my car around and tell it says 0 or less and
I'm like fuck all right fine I'll get gas now.
(38:17):
Yeah, but no, I was personally victimized by a gas station
today. I pulled up and it was like, go
pay inside. And I was like, bet I'm leaving.
Oh, I will not pay inside if it says that.
I'm like, all right. I'm like, I'm moving on
different gas station. I guess if I run out I'm like.
Maybe tomorrow's my day. The only other note I had was
(38:39):
Sarah's strip club story. Wait, I don't remember that.
So before my friend moved here, she was out on Broadway and
ended up like meeting a bachelorand like all of his bachelor
friends. So they're like, let's let's go
to the strip club. So she's like, hell yeah, let's
go to the strip club, gets in the car with them and they take
(39:00):
her back to their Airbnb and being like, so you're the
stripper. And she's like, she's hot, She's
hot, but she's like, bet you guys all strip.
So here's Sarah, just like chilling in this home with all
these bachelors and they're all doing a strip.
I love that she was like, I'm not doing that.
Yeah, I'm like, good for her. I would have done it.
(39:23):
We know you would. Have Oh, those are all my notes.
What do you have? Those were all of my notes.
I like I so I've met Swayze man this weekend and he obviously
spent every night at Vickie withus and not with us like, but
like with Vicki and her. Let's clarify.
Let's clarify. But it felt like I was in the
(39:46):
room because every single night I fucking heard everything.
And the first night I thought she was being attacked by this
man. And so immediately I'm like,
fuck, I'm gonna have to try and fight this like 6-2, like man,
and I'm gonna, he's taller. Than the ex-husband.
This 6/6 and he's not like a small guy like he's like and,
(40:10):
and so I'm like, fuck, I'm goingto have to like go try and find
a baseball bat or stab him or something.
So I'm like laying there listening because it was like
kind of a scream. And then I hear it's.
Not a scream. But yes, it was.
And then I hear something else and I was like, oh, she's
perfectly fine. She is doing just fine in that
(40:31):
room. And then the next night they're
fucking on the kitchen counter, which is right next to my
bedroom. And I'm like, and I can just
hear shit going like this falling into her sink and I'm
like, I'm going to kill her. I'm.
It's three AMI want to go to bed?
(40:51):
What's funny is like at the beginning of the night you gave
him clear instruction. You were like, I don't care what
you do. Hand over her mouth.
I don't care what you do. And the next day I blamed him.
I was like, you forgot, one of the only rules that like my
ex-husband and I came up with that like will stick with me
forever is if he didn't complainduring, you can't complain
(41:14):
after. Yeah, so I can't complain.
This isn't about you. But we had a really nasty like
50 year old sweaty bachelor party.
He tried to hit on us and it wasfucking disgusting.
Yeah, that's gross. I mean, I was there, but I
choose not to be. This man that came up and like
(41:36):
stood in between me and Vicki and was like, first he'd like
stood there for like 10 minutes at the opposite side of the
table staring at us. And I looked at Michael, my
brother who was with us. And I told him I was like, if
you weren't here, this man wouldhave already come up and like
tried to hit on us because there's a man here.
He's like waited. And then he walked over in
between Vicki and I and was like, oh, and you do you know
(41:57):
these guys? And like pointed to his bachelor
group and we're like, no, we don't.
It was. Like get the fuck out of East
Nashville with your Broadway energy.
Do not ruin East Nashville for the locals.
Get the fuck to Broadway. Right.
And he was like, oh, they're like, they're dirty, stinking
fucking alcohol. Like you, like you and.
We're like I literally don't care.
(42:17):
And then one of them bumped him into one of her friends and she
like put her hand up and was like enough.
And then the dude I. Was like, girl, I was like, I've
never done that to someone. Oh I have.
And then the dude in between me and Vicki, my brother kept
looking at him and like shaking his head no and was like dude
enough and the dude finally likewalked away.
(42:38):
And then I think they got upset because then they left the bar
and I was like, good, good. Man, in the face of rejection,
they might throw your iPad in a fountain.
They might kill you, I mean. Stalk you through an airport?
I don't know, it's just it's always unpredictable.
That's why I'm like. It really is.
Yeah, do you like many friends? I do like your new friends.
(43:00):
I like them a lot. I cuz I, I hear about them all
the time obviously through the podcast and then like through
regular life of us texting. And I was like, we barely text
always. Like literally these, these
podcast episodes are US like downloading to each other.
This is the first episode. It doesn't feel like a download
because we were with each other the last four days.
Yeah. And oh, you know what we haven't
(43:21):
talked about on here? What you selling your ring and
how much it was actually worth? I don't know if I'm ready for
this. OK so I told you guys my
ex-husband loved to talk about how much money he made and blah
blah blah. So I've held on to my engagement
(43:42):
ring and wedding band for a year.
He did not want it back. So you know I finally decided
that it was time. It was time.
So right before my Saint Pete trip, I actually went to the
jeweler to go and get my ring ofpraise, which first and
foremost, ladies who buy a lab grown diamond, if you're ever
going to be a divorcee like yourself, you don't get any
(44:04):
money for lab grown diamonds. They told me they will only buy
natural diamonds. So I didn't know what mine was,
if it was lab grown or natural or whatever.
I just knew that it was apparently allegedly 15K was how
much my engagement ring cost. So I go to the jeweler to get my
ring of praise and they're like great news.
(44:24):
It's a natural diamond. I'm like great.
Like this is going to be awesome.
And like obviously you're never going to get like apples for
apples. What you paid for it however
many years ago. I mean, I got engaged July of
2020. So I've had this ring for five
years, five years. So I'm like, she's appraising it
(44:46):
and she's starting to show me some numbers.
And I messaged Grace and I was like, how much did he tell you
this ring was and what did you say?
Because I was like, oh, maybe I still have it like on our text
messages because I have messagesback in like 2021 on my phone
still. And I but I don't have those
messages because I think I'd gotten a new phone in between
those times. And I was like, he was telling
(45:07):
me 1314 K like he sold his stocks and Delta to pay for it.
Like all of this shit. Because I remember anytime after
they got engaged and someone bring up their her ring, you'd
be like, oh, who do we have to thank for your ring?
She'd be like Delta. Oh I forgot I used to say that I
did it. So cringe.
God that's so so cringe. I just searched ring in my text
(45:32):
messages and I have a message from I have two messages one to
my ex-husband and one to you. You were first on February 4th
it says. I wish him well just not with
me. Honestly weird.
It's an anxiety thing to mess with it.
So I need a new ring. Fuck with that.
As it is. I was like what?
(45:52):
I said I thought wearing my ringyesterday too.
And he said and the next day I messaged him.
I mean that's direction it's going.
Yeah. I'm assuming this is me talking
to him about divorce back in 2022.
And I was like I stopped wearingmy ring and he didn't even
notice. This is how unhinged I was.
The fact that I searched ring and this is the message that
comes up. But no the big take away of this
(46:13):
is that my ex love to flaunt like how much money he made.
He told me it was a 15K ring told friends it was like 15K
whatever. So I'm getting it appraised.
And like she was like, you know,like, no, like maybe like maybe
4K, which like that is still nota small or a bad ring, let me be
(46:34):
honest. It's a lot of money.
It's still a lot of money. I absolutely like loved my ring.
Like nothing wrong with my ring whatsoever.
And it's just like this like goes back to the whole like,
why? Like why do you care what other
people think? Like even if it was like a 4K
ring, I still would have loved it.
I still, I still did love it. Like I just, I just, it's crazy
(46:55):
to me that he felt the need to do that.
But again, it was never about me.
It was about, you know, the perception of me and the ring
and whatever else. Anyway, so she was like, it was
probably about four K maybe giveit 5K with the wedding band and
I had her send me all the receipts for the ring and the
comparable costs and whatever. Just like to validate myself
(47:18):
that I'm like this motherfucker has been a liar from the get go.
First it's like finding out thathe pays for his ex girlfriend's
cell phone from before he met me.
Then it's like lying to me aboutthe ring and like whatever else
that it was just like this was like a moment of validation and
it was like right before I was about to fly out to Saint Pete,
she's like 2K best offer. I was like sold.
Give me that check. Give it to me, yeah.
(47:40):
Like, fucking give it to me. Like, so that's how I ended up
meeting the girls at Saint Pete is because I was like on the
phone with my mom, like telling her about the ring.
My parents just celebrated their45th wedding anniversary.
That's. Wild.
Yeah, that's what I said. I was like Jesus Christ, 45
years with the same person and 11 kids.
(48:01):
Oh Lord that's crazy. So yeah, life update.
I'm about to have 11 kids. That's it.
I'm just from here on out. I'm just going to take out my
birth control, get pregnant and only fuck rich guys that can
support me. I mean, OK, maybe not the
(48:21):
pregnant part, but I agree with everything else.
OK, so I'll just be barefoot in the kitchen for fun.
Yeah, fuck it. You can be a great dog mom.
Yeah, you can have all your little your little shells.
Don't be grossed out by this. I might have a kid.
I might have a kid, maybe 1, or maybe I'll just be hot your.
(48:41):
Body, your choice. I will support you.
It's just, you know. I mean for the right person.
Here we go again. Here we go.
I'm back to my lover girl era. Here I am having conflict
because I have a guy that I likeand I know it's and I know it's
going to fucking collide and bite me in the fucking face.
(49:05):
OK wrap up, so our in person episode didn't happen that's why
we are far. But that's OK because honestly
it was funny because like when we saw each other in person, if
I mean it's like this anyways between us like it's like 0 time
has passed. But because we're we do this.
Like it literally felt like I had seen her like 2 days before
(49:28):
when I saw you in person becausewe FaceTime for two hours like
every other week. It's literally like the girls
gabbing, catching up, like everysingle time we do this podcast.
And like, that's some of the feedback I've gotten from our
listeners is they're like, I feel like you're telling me this
over the phone. Like you're my friend and you're
telling me this. And I'm like, that's the whole
point of it, you know? Yeah.
(49:48):
It's about that's the vibe we want.
We want to feel like a FaceTime between the girlies.
Right. And I'm like back to the
beginning. It's called your secret safe
with a a reminder to everyone. This is in honor of our friend
Adrian, who passed away in 2019.We love you sweet AI always like
to remind people what, what the podcast is about.
(50:10):
And it's about the secrets that Adrian took to the grave, AKA
the things you're going to tell your bestie that you're like,
you can't fucking tell anyone this shit.
She definitely took some secretsto the grave.
I, I mean, at this point I'm like, I'd rather she would have,
you know, just told someone instead of dying.
I mean, that's pretty fucking selfish, but Oh my girly if it
(50:32):
meant telling my secret or dying, I take the secret.
I think I said this to Vicki this past weekend and I was
like, one of us can't go first. I was like we just had to go.
At the same time. I don't.
I don't want to be the last one.No, but see, you're the
strongest 1, so you're definitely going to be the last
I. Don't know about that.
(50:53):
I make reckless choices. Yeah, but you can literally die
at a moment's known as riding a four Wheeler.
But anyways, not to be dark I mean.
It's been a while since we've had a dark episode.
Maybe maybe it's because we're not depressed because I'm not
with my ex-husband and you're ina happy relationship.
Yeah, and I've been like traveling a lot this summer, so
(51:13):
I've like been having a good funtimes, so.
But winter's about to come. And there's a seasonal
depression, Yeah. I'm about to get real sad up in
this bitch. But you'll be skinny.
You'll be skinny bitches. Skinny sad bitches in the
winter. Hell yeah.
So maybe next episode. No clue yet, but maybe it'll be
(51:36):
a dark, sad one. Talking about all the feels.
I can really go into my therapy sessions.
OK, that's a good one. I'm not in therapy.
I am. And I was thinking about it
today and I was because I was watching a TikTok about a girl
talking about like emotionally unavailable parents.
And that's inevitable when you have 11 children.
(51:58):
And she was like talking about like all the recourse from it
and like the trauma that you exhibit as you grow up.
And I was like. Is that me?
I just, I feel like with my parents and I know they're going
to listen to this and like, Sandra, I love you so much.
Don't be upset with me for saying this.
We are building a bridge. We are, we are, we are happy
(52:20):
right now. So don't get upset with me.
I feel like the culture I grew up in, it was like, don't ask,
don't tell. Like it didn't feel like like it
was more like it was better to like keep it to yourself or like
have a secret. And I think that's why I'm so
like in your face, because I'm not like, say.
Anything. No, you you hold it in for a
(52:41):
little bit and then you do that.And then I do that like I'm like
notorious for like holding something in until I'm at the
point that I'm like, Yep, I'm legit going to have a crash out
right now. You're.
Literally like legit like. Word vomits.
Where no where she legit vomits.That's you.
Well, I will say this like beingsingle, like now that I'm not
(53:02):
like accountable to anyone, it just, it's just in general it
makes my anxiety so much better.Like not having to worry about
and like it's I'm starting to feel myself feel a little
anxious because of the expectation of being exclusive.
Yeah. And I'm kind of considering
which like with the right person, I would do this like
(53:23):
ethical non monogamy relationships.
Do you think he would? No, he wouldn't.
It wouldn't be him. It would have to be somebody
else. I was like, I was like, I don't
know, I. Think Nola would I?
Think Nola? Would I?
Could see that, I could see that, but.
Yeah, I don't know, It's weird because like, I'm not going to
(53:45):
get into it. I'm like, how do I even explain
this without sounding like crazy?
I mean, E&M relationships are very like normal and I guess
like accepted these days, but I feel like most of them, it's
like they've been with their partner for a while and they've
like branched out together. So it's like trying to date one
like without like growing into it.
(54:07):
Like, I don't know, like I have to meet one too.
Yeah, that would be open. And like, I swear, most of your
eyes are like, yeah, I don't care how many women you hook up
with, but you're only going to have sex with me.
And I'm like, well, it's a double standard.
You. Yeah.
You literally had a dude tell you that recently.
Yeah, right. Which is fucking wild to me.
(54:29):
Also I remember what I was goingto say earlier.
Vicki and I have gotten a wild DM from this person on TikTok.
I'm sure he's going to listen tothis and it's about micro
penises and how much he enjoyed that episode and I was.
Just like, OK, thanks. No, we have been like going
through our brains of like, how do we know this person?
(54:50):
Because this person like the waythey responded to us, like they
have to know us. Did I tell you that he DM Ed me
personally too? No, no, I'm weirded out.
It was like very similar to whathe's DM the podcast he said.
Hello thank you for your podcast.
So good and so entertaining. The episode with your micropenis
story from January is so good, so funny.
(55:13):
I know from experience we have to be great at other things but
best kept secret are penis extensions.
A world of difference. Dot dot dot dot dot.
And an understanding partner. Yes, cuckolding is also in the
realm of possibility. We have to keep our partners
happy. If you need more info or want to
interview me. Let me know.
Thanks for helping you do OK. I know you're listening.
(55:36):
Whoever this person is, if you would like to be a guest on the
show and you can present yourself as a real human being,
that's not going to murder us. Someone that's not going to find
where I live and kill me perhaps.
We will jump on a on a video call.
You can tell us all about it. We'll circle.
Back and jump on a call. On that note, let's on this.
(56:03):
For my last. This is it.
No, this is this is my light up the room moment.
This is the person that it's going to be.
I just want to say I love you all so much.
Thank you for hanging. There for dad by the next
episode. Knock on wood.
Ass fucking tumor. OK, I love you.
(56:28):
I'll be in New York. I'll probably have a new man who
knows to talk about. I'm hibernating this weekend
because I've traveled for the past four weekends and so.
It's Labor Day, go celebrate, eat a hot dog.
What for Labor Day it's like 4thof July.
I said eat a hot dog. Oh, I thought you said get a hot
(56:50):
dog like like a like a not like a food hot dog, like get a hot
dog like thinking about like an attractive dog.
And I was like, is Charlotte notgood enough for you?
Charlotte is an Angel that's going to live forever.
Yes, but yeah, I'm not doing anything this weekend.
(57:11):
Maybe I'll probably lay out in the sun.
That's probably going to be. It yeah, that's good for your
endorphins and whatever else. OK, But yeah, stay tuned.
Listen to wherever you get your podcast.
Rate US five stars and those whodon't go play in traffic.
Motherfuckers, I'm just kidding.Don't do that.
We don't wish death upon people.But I hope I do.
(57:31):
Fucking die motherfuckers with their two stars.
OK. And I hope you hit every single
red light. I hope you're always hot and.
Sweaty. Your pillow is never cold and I
hope your car battery is always dead.
OK, Ellie. OK, Ellie, Bye.
Jesus, take the fucking wheel. That's what we said.
We were going to record an in person episode when we were
together this weekend. Yep, So that's what we're going
to do. Welcome back to your secret save
with a I'm Vicki I'm. Grace and this week's episode is
about being feral. No.
(00:28):
So I was telling her brother tonight at dinner that we got
matching T-shirts that say feraland he was like, what did he
say? So rude.
He was like, oh, doesn't that mean being a nasty woman?
I was like, hold on, excuse you.That's not what it means.
Means being crazy and a little insane.
(00:49):
A little unhinged, a little chaotic.
Please don't cancel us. It was episode 15.
Oh my God, it is. Welcome to Episode 15.
Another milestone. So Grace is in Nashville with me
this weekend. It is Sunday night.
(01:12):
So as you can imagine, we are both a little bit hurt.
At 10:00 PM. We're doing it Sunday night at
10:00 PM. Because we procrastinated when
we were going to do the in person episode.
And then we decided that, you know, after drinking all night
Friday, all day Saturday, all night Saturday, violent, being
violently hungover this morning and then going to a Jazzercise.
(01:36):
We went to a Jazzercise class that I taught and I was about to
hurl the entire class. No, you remember the end of
class when Tracy, the one who works there, her name, she was
like, how'd the trash can get over here?
I moved over there proactively in case I needed to be you.
And I was like, I don't know. Yeah, she's like.
I walked away. But anyway, after Jasmine's
(02:00):
eyes, we just had dinner at Polano.
It was amazing. It was.
So good. So good, so so good.
And then we went and had a drinkat 3rd and home and now here we
are, the last night we have together trying to film an hour
long episode. Is that going to happen?
I don't know, stick around to find out if we make it through
(02:23):
the episode. Your guess is as good as ours.
Literally, literally, I'm like cheers to episode cheers.
I'm like I. Was about to Facebook myself not
realizing that you're right. Next to me, No, this week.
It's been so exhausting between like work and the weekend, like
I told Grace earlier. That I had such a stressful week
(02:52):
at work I was trying to dial A vendors number and I like typed
it in my phone and I was like why is this shit not ringing and
typed it into my calculator app.You know, happens to the best of
us. For sure, for sure.
But yeah, so this is the feral episode.
I think the episode is going to be a lot about our weekend
together. Some of.
(03:14):
I took notes. I took notes.
I have so many. We have some good stories from
fellow girlies that we met this weekend.
They're pretty. I just.
I keep thinking of your rescue friend's story that she told
about her ex boyfriend's ex-wife.
It's wild. Yeah.
So stay tuned for some GCT. Yeah.
(03:36):
All right, besties, let's get toit.
You ready? Sick.
Sick cheers to Coca-Cola. Jesus fucking Lord I'm about to
crash out. I'm drinking a mom water and
(03:58):
today was, I think one of the first days in my working career
where I was like, you know what?I'm just going to get knocked
up. I'm going to let the old rich
guy fuck me and get me fucking pregnant because I do not feel
like working today. What?
Happened. You know, we don't talk about
work on here. It's a rule.
It's just been a stressful work week.
But like today I was like, you know, is this worse than kids?
(04:21):
I don't know, Like I actually debated because it's, it's so
stressful. And like, yeah, I had a moment
where I was like, you know, maybe I should just push out the
babies and quit my fucking job. No, no, no.
Maybe I'm not made for this. Maybe I was supposed to be
barefoot in the kitchen. OK, Michael.
(04:45):
But Loki, I was on a date and Loki, I like him.
And now I'm I'm I'm I'm just causing myself more anxiety
because I'm playing the field too much.
Wait, who'd you go on a date with?
You met him this weekend. I I don't have a code name for
him yet. Did we decide that's?
(05:09):
So obvious. Yeah.
Oh, he doesn't listen, I don't think.
Well, that would be that would be just your luck that he would
listen to this episode. But I'm going to send you
something. I'm not going to give you any
context. Oh God.
So I had a sushi date last night, and then I stayed the
(05:30):
night at his place for the firsttime ever.
Which, by the way, his house is like super nice, super duper
nice, well decorated by his mother, the interior designer.
Text it to me or is it Instagram?
I texted it to you, did I Not I?Don't know, I haven't.
Gotten it. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.
OK he's like did I send it to him instead of you?
The way my brain is fucking, I was going to be like, Oh no, you
(05:53):
sent it to him. No, I definitely sent it.
Got it to you. Oh God, what is this?
It's a video. I'm nervous.
I took a sneaking video. He doesn't know I took this
video. I can't.
I'm not so native last night. I can't.
(06:19):
I don't know if. OK, let me get through this.
No, this is part way through. Like he's actually good, but.
I'm getting the egg. So this is happening and he's
like trying to remember the words to the song but I am
(06:39):
literally so fucking tired from like my work week that I'd like
snuggled up in a blanket like watching him play the guitar
like about to pass out it. Can't also it's killing me
because literally all I see is his foot and his ankle and I'm
like, so in my brain I'm like this man's butt ass naked, just
(07:01):
fucking strumming the guitar. Morgan Wallin song to you.
Like I have such PTSD of men singing and like I can't like
the moment they're like I can sing.
I'm like, I'd rather kill myself.
So it was actually good, but I just like I had a moment where I
was like, I feel a little uncomfy.
(07:23):
About the plus sizes, the house is beautiful, the dog is cute,
the sex is still great, he has avery comfy bed.
I snored in it all night. I will say when over the
weekend, when he was like, yo, you snore like, what did he say?
Like a chainsaw or a trucker or whatever.
I said yeah, I. Know yeah so anyway, so update
(07:51):
for everyone I I listened to episode 14 today to give myself
some inspiration. So I remembered like my life
update because I just had to update my friends and I was
like, hey, so this person and this person and this person and
this person and they're like canyou make us like a diagram?
I was like, no, because like they're not going to be around
long enough for it to matter. But so last update we were
(08:14):
talking about Mr. Curved Dick. I told you this, so we'll tell
the people. Got a little drunk and I texted
him and I said what did I say? You were like, this isn't going
to work out, or like I don't. Know it was very like short
lived. I just said oh he sent me.
So he was out of town at like a bachelor party.
(08:36):
He sent me a photo of a barge like a ship and he said it's the
size of the ship not the motion in the ocean lol.
And I responded with it is the size of the ship can concur Like
because I said concur that's howI know I was fucked up already
at 8:00 PM on a Friday. And then I said I don't think
you and I work within one minuteof saying I can concur and he
(08:58):
just has not responded to me. I would have.
Thought maybe he would have given a few days and been like
hey how you been? Yeah, no.
So nothing. And I mean, he's 42, he's
mature. He doesn't need to deal with a
child like me. But also it's like for him to
message me and be like, it's thesize of the ship, not the motion
(09:19):
in the ocean. It revalidates my fact that he
doesn't try hard at sex because he just thinks his big Dick, his
big Dick will sail the ship along.
But crazy me is like, I don't think you and I work.
I don't care about your curved Dick.
I don't care about what whateverlike cuz now I was.
Also listening to episode 14 today to like jog my memory and
(09:39):
when we were talking about that it reminded me of Mr. Bankrupt
because he did the same thing. He had a big Dick but he
literally like didn't do anything right?
Like there was like, no, we literally only ever did
missionary because he didn't like to do anything else.
Oh well, he was on top. See, for me, I was always on top
(10:02):
with Mr. Curved and I was like, this is just me.
Like doing all the work. There's no foreplay, there's no
this. Like, I mean, I'm not going to
lie, the Dick is still great, but like.
He's kind of a. Boring person too.
And like for me, I need the personality and clearly like,
like, OK, so the new guy I'm kind of seeing, we'll call him
(10:23):
Tesla. Is that what we're going with?
Swayze Day? He went on a date with me to
Swayze Day. I could call him Swayze Day.
Let's call him Patrick. OK, Patrick, OK, no, but you
can't use another guy name. That makes it confusing.
Fine, we'll call him Swayze. OK, so Swayze.
Call him. We could call him Dylan Efron.
No team in version of Dylan Efron.
(10:47):
I'm fucking running out of namesfor these men.
All right, so Swayze. So, Swayze, what were we talking
about before this? Personality.
You need personality, OK. Personality So like when I
texted 42 with the curved Dick and I was like, I don't think
you and I work. Like if he had been like spicy,
a little banter, a little into it, like no, he just stopped
(11:09):
responding to me. Meanwhile, Swayze, we went out
for drinks last Tuesday and got a little lit and he went to the
bathroom and I like Shady dippedout of the restaurant while he
was in the bath. Fucking crazy bitch.
And then he caught me in my car and he was like where are you
(11:31):
going? Like what the fuck?
We go our separate ways. Like in my brain I'm like, oh,
he'll just follow me to my houseand whatever.
Like anyway I get back to my apartment and I'm like texting
him about how he reminds me too much of my ex with like his
traveling like whatever else so.Oh God.
(11:55):
Crazy me blocks him on Instagram.
Oh yeah, you should. No, it gets worse and I only
found out it got worse last night a week later from the
date. So anyway, I blocked him on
Instagram the next day. He's like, you're crazy and like
follows me back and like, see, that's the kind of banter I need
someone that like will understand and like is a little
(12:16):
toxic themselves to. But he's a fellow divorcee.
Exactly. So I think he to that level, he
gets it. And we were out at seriously
last night and he took a photo and he was like, Oh, I take such
aesthetic photos from my stories.
I was thinking to myself, I I can't remember the last time I
saw one of his Instagram stories.
Not only did I block him, but I muted it first.
(12:37):
Famous stories. Oh, you were like I.
Never want to see this man. Again, I hate you.
Like you said, nothing wrong except maybe feed me too much
tequila. Listen, I was like, I I've never
(12:59):
really seen his stories. And I go and I look at his
stories and I'm like, why am I not getting these?
And I'm like, you, you're a dumbbitch.
You just muted him too. Oh, so that's the update.
I really like him. I don't know if I'm going to
date him after the singing, serenading, and who knows what's
(13:20):
going to happen after New York. So that's life, friends.
Stay tuned. I hope I go to the US Open.
I'm going to eat lots of yummy food.
Oh, is the US Open in New York? Yes.
Oh, I don't know where the fuck it was.
I in my brain, I was like, oh, it's probably in like Florida or
Georgia. Yeah, I'm like, maybe I'll let
Nola Mann just fucking knock me up and support me since he's
(13:41):
rich. No, I don't like that.
If you were living my day-to-daywork life right now, you would
understand. I mean, like, I have those
thoughts every day too. Like I'm like, OK, I'll just let
Mr. W just support me because I don't want to work.
Like it's just I'm so unmotivated.
(14:02):
And like whoever fucking voted for women's rights you bitches.
OK, we just celebrated like 105 years of women's rights, so pipe
down. Not Vicky being the worst
feminist. Fucking typical.
Oh Lord, but I think that's all I have on my life update.
(14:23):
See my only life update was two weeks ago when we released.
It was my birthday and I I went to New York to visit one of my
friends and I had a migraine allday on my birthday.
I was sick. Oh, I got my MRI results back.
Your girl's cancer free. She doesn't.
Have a big ass tumor? Yeah, I don't have a big ass.
Fucking brain tumor bitch. So no cool surgery for me,
(14:46):
although today I will actually, I'd say for the past two days
I've been in emotional turmoil because my dog is old and she
was like not using one of her back legs yesterday.
And then like it's been itching like crazy and her skin was like
all red and inflamed. So I'm like fucking freaking
out. I gave her a bath last night
because like I found a flea on her.
(15:07):
So then I called the vet this morning like panicking and they
brought her in. I brought her in today and they
did an X-ray and they're like, she just has arthritis in her
back leg. It's probably just hurting her.
So they like gave her some medicine for it and like all of
this stuff and I'm like. Charlie, it's still an itty
bitty puppy that I held in my hands.
She's still 3 lbs. And I was, like, standing there
and I'm, like, nodding to the vet.
(15:27):
I'm like, yeah, totally. OK.
I get it. Like, I'll cry right now.
I was like, I totally understand.
Yeah. Because for people who don't
know, she was diagnosed with advanced kidney disease a few
months ago. So it's been like a whole thing
this summer and every time I getin the car to either go to the
vet or come home from the vet and she sticks her little face
(15:50):
out the back window and I can see here on the side mirror with
like her little nose, like sniffing in the air.
I'm like. OK, no, but like I'm actually,
I've been on the verge of tears like so many times today.
Yeah, it makes me want to fucking die.
I just, like, stare at her and I'm like, today we sat outside
for a long time and she just like, cuddled me.
And I was like, I'm going to kill myself if you die.
(16:12):
I'm like actually going to cry right now.
I'm so tired and I'm just like, then it's fucking Wednesday.
Every time we record like God damn Wednesday, I cry.
Because we're always like, we'regoing to record Monday or
Tuesday and then we're both like, I'm so fucking tired.
Like I'm already exhausted. And then we're like.
(16:34):
Oh, you have to do it on Wednesday.
I have to do this. My friend was like today I like
went on a hot girl walk because I was like going to come be like
a fucking work slump and just like lay in my bed and work
until midnight. And we decided to go on a hot
girl walk. And I was telling her that I was
going to film after this. And she was like, you guys have
such dedication. And I was like.
(16:58):
No, we have such procrastination.
That it leads to an episode every two weeks.
We're like, oh, we have so much time.
We have two weeks and then two days before I'm like.
I feel so bad for you because you do all the hard work
editing. I just have to like, make it
through a night of not crying and talking into a microphone.
(17:19):
Yeah, and spoil alert. Clearly we did not film together
in person when I was in Nashville for four fucking days.
OK, OK, we tried. So the beginning of this
episode, you're going to see ourattempt at.
That's recording in Nashville. Yeah.
We have a great opener. We have a really great opener to
this episode on. It actually is pretty funny.
(17:41):
I watched it today. You and I are both just.
Like. Like clearly our brain cells are
fucking dead because we'll be like so and then like there's a
part where Zeus just like standsin the middle of us, like
smiling smooth brain. And I'm like, that is all three
of us right now. We're all Zeus in this moment.
(18:05):
Oh no, between the hangover and whatever else.
But no, Grace was just in Nashville.
We had a girls weekend. Shout out to the girlies.
Yes, it was so. Hard to all of you.
So great meeting all of them. I love all of them so much.
Yeah, but shout out to the listeners.
Thanks for sticking through the chaos.
I mean, was it not chaotic? No, like, really.
(18:27):
But shout out to our listeners. I had a friend of mine that I've
known since, like, childhood tell me that she and her sister
listen to our episodes religiously.
And she was like, oh, my sister's already caught up on
episode 14. Like she listened to it in the
delivery room, like as a distraction when she was like
going into labor. So I was like, labor.
(18:49):
I'm like, that is such a cool story that like we're funny
enough that we distract you, that you during labor.
I'm like OK, add it to the. Parenting book.
Yep, parenting book by Vicki andGrace.
Listen to your podcast during your labor.
It helps your contractions because you're going to be
laughing so fucking hard that you've actually the whole of
your friends going to go. Yeah, she's they're going to
(19:11):
slide out. One of my friends is due in
October and I'm about to text her and be like.
So here's a hack for you. Listen.
To you might have a period we need you to listen to the
podcast while you are giving labor that has asked her if it
made it come faster, I'll let you know.
It probably helps her. Like, I mean, yeah, distract her
and laugh and keep her mind off of things.
(19:31):
So I mean, does laughing help you?
Like I mean, sometimes when you laugh you pee, right?
So like if you're laughing during contractions so that push
the thing out. Maybe, I don't know.
Someone chatting PT this shit. Now she's looking at me.
OK. OK.
I almost typed ChatGPT into ChatGPT.
(19:57):
Who's back to me dialing phone numbers in my calculator?
I don't know if you saw me do it, but when Vicki and I were at
dinner with some of her friends and my brother this weekend, we
split a bottle of wine and I pick up the bottle of wine with
the when you're like. Dumped it.
Yeah, it's not the lid. On it and I'm just going like
this, like, why isn't it coming out?
And I was like, Oh my God. My friend Sarah saw it.
(20:19):
She was laughing. I know she called me out
immediately. I was like, all right.
Does laughing help with labor delivery?
Like it doesn't help induce labor is what I was getting at.
Laughter reduces cortisol, the stress hormone, so it promotes A
calmer mindset, which can help. It requires deep breathing,
(20:41):
arrhythmic exhalation, which is similar to breathing techniques
taught during childbirth classes.
And it can trigger the release of endorphins, which is your
body's natural painkillers. And it helps relax your muscles,
which can counteract some of thetension and anxiety when
contractions can feel more painful.
(21:02):
So it won't replace pain management, but it helps helps
stress. So I have an idea, I'm going to
go to the hospital on the labor and delivery floor and give them
blasting it. It'd be like download this for
your labor labor pains. It will help.
(21:23):
Yeah, no, we should give them toSarah so she can start pushing
them out at the hospital. Oh my goodness.
But I took some notes of things that I thought are funny, like I
am going to participate in the script today.
So Vicki wrote this one. Let's see.
Don't. Even you fucking bitch.
(21:43):
OK, so have my notes. I have some notes.
Well, we already talked about one of them, which was the she
used listen to the podcast when she was in labor.
Yeah, so we talked about that. One of our friends who is not in
labor, she hung out with us thisweekend and she said her jaw has
never dropped. Shout out to our new girlie, we
(22:08):
love her. And she was like my.
Jaw has never dropped so much. She is my rescue.
So I do this thing. I go out to bars alone and I'm
just I'm a friendly person. I just want to meet all the
girls. And I was like out at Centennial
by myself and this girl and I like struck up a conversation
and she was like, oh, I just like moved here from Dallas.
Like I need some new girls. So we exchanged numbers and she
(22:28):
like came out on like our girls weekend and the video of her
with like the lay so. We went to a bar and some man
had like a lay. I think Vicki stole it first.
Yeah, of course. OK, yeah.
And then I was like. Will you lay me and I took it
that's. Right.
Of course you'd send some sexualinnuendo.
(22:50):
And then the rescue girl, she puts it like around her neck and
then like puts it over her face so she looks like one of those
dance. What did you say dancing flowers
from? Allen, Allen, where she's like
bopping back and then they kick her out because she's a weed.
Oh my God it was so funny and she like kept reminding me of
the Caterpillar from It's a Bug's Life.
(23:12):
I just kept expecting her to be like.
I'm a beautiful butterfly. I see that, I see that, but I
don't know. I wrote this quote down.
I forget how how it came to be, but my friend was talking about
basketball and she was like, Oh,you mean like Magic Mike?
(23:35):
You can names me. I also wrote that one down.
No, I wrote it down and I I wrote a note how into
basketball, how into basketball are you?
And I put, MMM, we're like MagicMike or March Madness.
I don't know. We were in the Uber going
somewhere. I think we were meeting.
I think we were meeting someone for a drink.
(23:57):
I was weird. Somehow basketball got brought
up and I was like, Oh yeah, what's like that thing that they
do in the spring? I was like, it's not Magic Mike.
I was like, oh, March. Madness.
I was like, are you really into basketball?
Well, I'm not into basketball, so that's why I couldn't
remember it. Oh my goodness, the next thing
(24:18):
that I wrote down from the weekend that I thought was
funny? Standing jeans versus sitting
jeans. Oh my God, yes.
Girlies who are listening, I know you know the difference
between a standing Jean and a sitting Jean.
Please explain. We have to explain this to my
younger brother because we were talking about it and he was
like, I don't get it. And I was like, so standing
(24:40):
jeans, they look, they make yourass look amazing, but they're a
little tight on the tummy. And so when you sit down, it
hurts. And so but when you stand up,
you're fine. So you you never wear a standing
Jean to a sitting event like dinner.
Right, you wear a standing Jean to rooftop cocktails for happy
(25:02):
hour because you're going to shady dip home and you're going
to stand on your heels and your cute jeans with your perky butt
and then you're going to go homeand take them off do.
You get that? I said.
Your cute jeans. Do you get that reference?
No. Never mind, we'll move on, OK?
I don't. Feel like it's taking it.
Yeah. But anyways, night one I wore
standing jeans and I was sittingat a restaurant and I was like,
(25:22):
this hurts. As soon as I stood up I was
fine. But you know, standing jeans for
sitting jeans. I I.
Wore working jeans all weekend and it was beautiful and I had
to wear linen like stretchy pants the last day because my
belly was so bloated from all like the food and drinking that
we did over the weekend. Oh my goodness.
(25:48):
So the next note I have, I was like laughing reading this.
So one of our friends is she's going to be like a pediatrician,
but she's like currently workingin urology.
Oh my God, and. She was telling us about how she
sees all these old men's Dicks all day and like sometimes like,
(26:15):
you'll have to like hold up their belly so they can like
find it. But then our friends who's a
nurse, like told us like a urology kind of like Horror
Story because like she works in like the ER, so she has to like
insert catheters and stuff. And they were lifting up his
belly trying to find it and theylike could not find his Dick.
Like they thought it disappearedlike it was engulfed or
(26:36):
something. And anyway, he was like, no,
like it's up here. So it's like up by his belly
button instead of like under What if, if, if a guy had a fupa
instead of it being under your like fupa, it was like it was
all the way up here by his bellybutton, but it was so small.
They thought it was like a second belly button.
(26:56):
And like whoever this poor sweetold man is, I don't believe he
had a micro penis forever, but it was so small that it took
like three people to put the catheter in and well, no,
they're. Also, yeah, they had to like,
press down on the belly. Until I'm getting that one
person of the three had to put pressure on his stomach to make
it like like poke out. So it was like enough that they
(27:20):
could actually stick the catheter in at.
That point. I mean, I don't know how like I
don't know. I'm like I've seen a lot of
Dicks, but if I was seeing like like I don't know if I was a
nurse or a doctor, like would itde sexualize it for me?
(27:40):
I mean, I don't know. I've seen a micro penis and I
still had sex again. I wasn't like, I'll never see a
Dick again, like. And it made me laugh because
like the our your friend, our friend, whatever that's going
into Pediatrics. We are the reason why it came up
is because we were talking aboutlike Dicks and stuff.
And she was like, yeah, you guyshave fun looking at Dicks.
I don't because I work in urology right now.
(28:02):
And I was like, I'm so sorry having to look at a naked mole
rat every single day. I would burn my eyes out.
Yeah, I know. And she's like 24 and like.
Just a little baby. I'm like, no, I'm like, I love
you and you're so innocent. But yeah, apparently if you
(28:22):
apply pressure to the stomach, the Dick will mirror.
Maybe I'll try that one the nexttime it's soft.
I'll be like, hold on, let me resurrect your stomach and
perhaps it will pump up. It's like CPR for the dig.
You're just like. Pushing on this stomach.
That's what you just need the penis.
(28:47):
When when she told me that story, like live, I was like, I
still can't believe that's real.It's so wild.
It's like a that. That was a good sound, but that
is. Just you're welcome.
Easy. OK, what else is on the list?
(29:08):
I have the new rescue friend. She was talking about her
ex-boyfriend that she's was dating before the one she has
now had an ex-wife and the reason why they separated was
because he found out that his wife at the time was sleeping
with his 17 year old nephew. I don't know this story.
(29:30):
I was like. Aren't your jaw?
I was dropping my jaw dropped when she told us that.
I was like that is pedophilia. That is like no I'm like did she
get in trouble? Like what is this?
That's scary. I can't.
I could never be a cougar. No.
I like I'm older, I mean doesn'thave to be 62 or 42, but I mean
(29:53):
32. That's what I'm with right now.
I'll. Say, how old is Swayze?
Swayze is 32 OK? Oh, that's right.
He he's like a a week older thanme I think.
Right. He's a Leo.
August Leo, though. Yeah.
And August Leo, not a July Leo like my ex-husband, but I will
say like I'm having a very hard time with him because a lot of
(30:14):
what he likes in his like similarities, like I do get a
little bit of my ex-husband vibes, which like obviously I
love my ex-husband. There was something that
attracted me to him, but it doeslike trigger me a little bit.
I thought you were being sarcastic.
No, I did like my husband at onepoint.
I didn't just marry someone I hated.
(30:37):
I thought you were being sarcastic and I was like, yeah.
All bad continue continue all bad.
Like I mean he is charming. Like I will say my ex-husband
was charming at the time whatever in my 20s.
But now I'm in my 30s and I'm getting a little bit of like
charmer from him and I'm like. For sure, for sure.
(30:58):
I'm definitely like cautious about it you.
Should be you, should be you. Should have to jump into
something. Well, I was ready to jump in
with him and then he was like, take it slow.
I was like, bet, So like, this is my problem.
This is what I do instead of like going home and
rationalizing, I like go out andI do something dumb when someone
(31:20):
like pisses me off or hurts my feelings.
It's like instead of like letting that just like simmer
and think, you know, maybe tomorrow will be OK.
I'm like, Nope, let me just rewrite my whole script.
I'm moving to California here. We go everyone, everyone to San
Diego. Oh, OK.
(31:41):
What else did I put a note down for?
I have. I have what's her face is great
quote from when we got drinks onFriday.
OK, say it. So Vicky's friend, another one
that I met, she's married and wewere at a brewery just like
talking about relationships and just like.
(32:02):
Losing a story? You're going now.
Like losing a spark or somethingand.
If I ever lose a spark with my partner.
Right. And like how to like, you know,
keep it up. And she said that she looked at
her husband and was like, well, if we if you ever lose your
spark or if we ever lose our spark, like I have a teaser and
I can help you find it again. Like she's crazy.
(32:27):
She's like, I will literally cuthim if he looks at another girl.
And I was like, this man has zero eyes for anyone except you.
Like, literally. He said that when she said that,
I was like, in this moment I have fallen in love with her.
She's going to appreciate hearing that.
Yes, I was like she. Has like the same aggressiveness
that I do and I was like. Hell yeah.
(32:49):
Oh my goodness. OK, well the next one I had, we
kind of already talked about it at the beginning of the episode.
But Grace's little brother wants7 kids. 6.
Seven kids? No, our friend who's 24 wants 6.
Your brother said he wants 7. So throughout the weekend,
(33:13):
Grace's brother was like rage baiting her, like rage baiting
her and I. Fell for it every like this is
my problem. I know they're doing it, but I
know I'm right, so I have to saysomething.
I'm trying to give an example like what happened at Attaboy
that got us all so heated. He was talking about something
(33:34):
about like, women and how they need to be.
Oh, barefoot, naked, pregnant, whatever in the kitchen, cooking
or whatever. That's why we kept saying it
all. Weekend said.
He was like, no, this is how it started.
He was like, if I'm desirable, it's a turn on, but if a woman
is desirable, it's a turn off. Yes yes, yes.
And like Vicki took a video of it and like the 1st 15 seconds
(33:58):
are just me yelling at him. Maybe we'll post it on our
Instagram after this episode drops because like once like
it's like me yelling and then megoing are you rage baiting me?
Are you rage baiting and him just like laughing and I'm like
you fucking little? Thick he's rage baiting but like
I know 1000% he believes that a.100% yes, but I do think when he
(34:20):
had like 6 girls in front of himbeing like you're being a
hypocrit. Like that's not, that's not how
this works. Like calling him Andrew Tate.
I do think it got through to hima little bit because he was
like. Oh yeah, called him Andrew Tate.
I think it might have been Sarah.
And I was like, yeah. Which I mean, like, he's not a
read. About Swayze is like Sarah hates
(34:42):
me and I'm like she's not even the one that removed you as a
follower that was me and the other Victoria.
We both removed you as followersand here you are thinking Sarah
hates you. I mean, I took like 24 hours to
follow him back. I almost did it.
I was almost like, you can be a fan.
Like I'm not going to be a fan of you yet.
But I was like no. OK, I literally, I had a moment
last night that I was like, I'm never going to find a man
(35:06):
because like for once in my life, I actually have a lot of
girlfriends that all of you are so fucking critical of Any man I
bring around, Like, first and foremost, it takes a lot for me.
Well, it doesn't take a lot for me to bring a man around.
That was a lie. I don't know why I'm just lying
to people. I just, I bring men around and
like honestly, like you guys need to be nice to Swayze
(35:26):
because I like surprised. Very nice to him.
In front of like 7 girls at the pool, like he hung out with me
and seven, seven of my friends that he's like never met.
He's only known me for like a week.
I was very nice to him. He may have, he pissed me off
the first night, but I let it lie and I got over it and I
(35:47):
still hung out with him for the rest of the weekend and I was
nice. I'm just I.
Feel like this is you? Well, all of you guys are being
so protective over me and I so appreciate it.
But like, girl, I'm going to runout of men.
I've already been through a lot.Like I don't think there's any
more in the world. You guys need to stop like being
mean because I eventually have to like one of these.
(36:07):
I did very good. OK, OK, whatever.
I'm going to go be barefoot in the kitchen and quit my job.
Yeah, I wrote compression socks.Fuck, I forgot that I said that.
I'm like looking back on my likehalf drunk notes from the
(36:29):
weekend of things I heard that Ithought were funny.
Compression socks. Compression socks.
No, I added a note today becauselike obviously I've had a really
hard work week and because I'm agreat leader.
Even though I was fucking drowning, I went out of my way
and picked up Chick-fil-A for everyone because I was like,
(36:50):
everyone's having a hard day. Everyone needs lunch.
I needed to put gas in my work car.
And like, I swear to God, Nashville, like the amount of
times I've been personally victimized by gas stations in
Nashville, like either they're awful or I pull up to a pump.
It's like pay inside or I'm broken out of service.
(37:11):
Like there was a day like it wasmaybe like, I don't know, a
month after my like separation, I just moved to Nashville and
like I had a really bad day. My car was like almost empty and
like I went to a gas station andit was full.
I went to a different gas station and the pump was out of
order. I went back to the other gas
station. It was like leaking everywhere.
(37:33):
And I like cried. Like I straight up cried because
it wasn't about the gas. It was just like, like, I'm just
going to fucking lose it. Like at this point, like spray
me with gasoline and light me onfire because like I've failed
three times to get gas, which isa normal everyday human task to
the point that I drove home and I was like, fuck it.
If I run out of gas and die, so be it.
(37:54):
I didn't, if not that, I didn't make efforts.
Like if I'd just gone home to begin with, like, I probably
would have been fine. Like.
I hate getting gas. I don't know what it is but like
getting gas and doing laundry are like 2 of the same things to
me were like I fucking hate doing it.
Like I will drive my car around and tell it says 0 or less and
I'm like fuck all right fine I'll get gas now.
(38:17):
Yeah, but no, I was personally victimized by a gas station
today. I pulled up and it was like, go
pay inside. And I was like, bet I'm leaving.
Oh, I will not pay inside if it says that.
I'm like, all right. I'm like, I'm moving on
different gas station. I guess if I run out I'm like.
Maybe tomorrow's my day. The only other note I had was
(38:39):
Sarah's strip club story. Wait, I don't remember that.
So before my friend moved here, she was out on Broadway and
ended up like meeting a bachelorand like all of his bachelor
friends. So they're like, let's let's go
to the strip club. So she's like, hell yeah, let's
go to the strip club, gets in the car with them and they take
(39:00):
her back to their Airbnb and being like, so you're the
stripper. And she's like, she's hot, She's
hot, but she's like, bet you guys all strip.
So here's Sarah, just like chilling in this home with all
these bachelors and they're all doing a strip.
I love that she was like, I'm not doing that.
Yeah, I'm like, good for her. I would have done it.
(39:23):
We know you would. Have Oh, those are all my notes.
What do you have? Those were all of my notes.
I like I so I've met Swayze man this weekend and he obviously
spent every night at Vickie withus and not with us like, but
like with Vicki and her. Let's clarify.
Let's clarify. But it felt like I was in the
(39:46):
room because every single night I fucking heard everything.
And the first night I thought she was being attacked by this
man. And so immediately I'm like,
fuck, I'm gonna have to try and fight this like 6-2, like man,
and I'm gonna, he's taller. Than the ex-husband.
This 6/6 and he's not like a small guy like he's like and,
(40:10):
and so I'm like, fuck, I'm goingto have to like go try and find
a baseball bat or stab him or something.
So I'm like laying there listening because it was like
kind of a scream. And then I hear it's.
Not a scream. But yes, it was.
And then I hear something else and I was like, oh, she's
perfectly fine. She is doing just fine in that
(40:31):
room. And then the next night they're
fucking on the kitchen counter, which is right next to my
bedroom. And I'm like, and I can just
hear shit going like this falling into her sink and I'm
like, I'm going to kill her. I'm.
It's three AMI want to go to bed?
(40:51):
What's funny is like at the beginning of the night you gave
him clear instruction. You were like, I don't care what
you do. Hand over her mouth.
I don't care what you do. And the next day I blamed him.
I was like, you forgot, one of the only rules that like my
ex-husband and I came up with that like will stick with me
forever is if he didn't complainduring, you can't complain
(41:14):
after. Yeah, so I can't complain.
This isn't about you. But we had a really nasty like
50 year old sweaty bachelor party.
He tried to hit on us and it wasfucking disgusting.
Yeah, that's gross. I mean, I was there, but I
choose not to be. This man that came up and like
(41:36):
stood in between me and Vicki and was like, first he'd like
stood there for like 10 minutes at the opposite side of the
table staring at us. And I looked at Michael, my
brother who was with us. And I told him I was like, if
you weren't here, this man wouldhave already come up and like
tried to hit on us because there's a man here.
He's like waited. And then he walked over in
between Vicki and I and was like, oh, and you do you know
(41:57):
these guys? And like pointed to his bachelor
group and we're like, no, we don't.
It was. Like get the fuck out of East
Nashville with your Broadway energy.
Do not ruin East Nashville for the locals.
Get the fuck to Broadway. Right.
And he was like, oh, they're like, they're dirty, stinking
fucking alcohol. Like you, like you and.
We're like I literally don't care.
(42:17):
And then one of them bumped him into one of her friends and she
like put her hand up and was like enough.
And then the dude I. Was like, girl, I was like, I've
never done that to someone. Oh I have.
And then the dude in between me and Vicki, my brother kept
looking at him and like shaking his head no and was like dude
enough and the dude finally likewalked away.
(42:38):
And then I think they got upset because then they left the bar
and I was like, good, good. Man, in the face of rejection,
they might throw your iPad in a fountain.
They might kill you, I mean. Stalk you through an airport?
I don't know, it's just it's always unpredictable.
That's why I'm like. It really is.
Yeah, do you like many friends? I do like your new friends.
(43:00):
I like them a lot. I cuz I, I hear about them all
the time obviously through the podcast and then like through
regular life of us texting. And I was like, we barely text
always. Like literally these, these
podcast episodes are US like downloading to each other.
This is the first episode. It doesn't feel like a download
because we were with each other the last four days.
Yeah. And oh, you know what we haven't
(43:21):
talked about on here? What you selling your ring and
how much it was actually worth? I don't know if I'm ready for
this. OK so I told you guys my
ex-husband loved to talk about how much money he made and blah
blah blah. So I've held on to my engagement
(43:42):
ring and wedding band for a year.
He did not want it back. So you know I finally decided
that it was time. It was time.
So right before my Saint Pete trip, I actually went to the
jeweler to go and get my ring ofpraise, which first and
foremost, ladies who buy a lab grown diamond, if you're ever
going to be a divorcee like yourself, you don't get any
(44:04):
money for lab grown diamonds. They told me they will only buy
natural diamonds. So I didn't know what mine was,
if it was lab grown or natural or whatever.
I just knew that it was apparently allegedly 15K was how
much my engagement ring cost. So I go to the jeweler to get my
ring of praise and they're like great news.
(44:24):
It's a natural diamond. I'm like great.
Like this is going to be awesome.
And like obviously you're never going to get like apples for
apples. What you paid for it however
many years ago. I mean, I got engaged July of
2020. So I've had this ring for five
years, five years. So I'm like, she's appraising it
(44:46):
and she's starting to show me some numbers.
And I messaged Grace and I was like, how much did he tell you
this ring was and what did you say?
Because I was like, oh, maybe I still have it like on our text
messages because I have messagesback in like 2021 on my phone
still. And I but I don't have those
messages because I think I'd gotten a new phone in between
those times. And I was like, he was telling
(45:07):
me 1314 K like he sold his stocks and Delta to pay for it.
Like all of this shit. Because I remember anytime after
they got engaged and someone bring up their her ring, you'd
be like, oh, who do we have to thank for your ring?
She'd be like Delta. Oh I forgot I used to say that I
did it. So cringe.
God that's so so cringe. I just searched ring in my text
(45:32):
messages and I have a message from I have two messages one to
my ex-husband and one to you. You were first on February 4th
it says. I wish him well just not with
me. Honestly weird.
It's an anxiety thing to mess with it.
So I need a new ring. Fuck with that.
As it is. I was like what?
(45:52):
I said I thought wearing my ringyesterday too.
And he said and the next day I messaged him.
I mean that's direction it's going.
Yeah. I'm assuming this is me talking
to him about divorce back in 2022.
And I was like I stopped wearingmy ring and he didn't even
notice. This is how unhinged I was.
The fact that I searched ring and this is the message that
comes up. But no the big take away of this
(46:13):
is that my ex love to flaunt like how much money he made.
He told me it was a 15K ring told friends it was like 15K
whatever. So I'm getting it appraised.
And like she was like, you know,like, no, like maybe like maybe
4K, which like that is still nota small or a bad ring, let me be
(46:34):
honest. It's a lot of money.
It's still a lot of money. I absolutely like loved my ring.
Like nothing wrong with my ring whatsoever.
And it's just like this like goes back to the whole like,
why? Like why do you care what other
people think? Like even if it was like a 4K
ring, I still would have loved it.
I still, I still did love it. Like I just, I just, it's crazy
(46:55):
to me that he felt the need to do that.
But again, it was never about me.
It was about, you know, the perception of me and the ring
and whatever else. Anyway, so she was like, it was
probably about four K maybe giveit 5K with the wedding band and
I had her send me all the receipts for the ring and the
comparable costs and whatever. Just like to validate myself
(47:18):
that I'm like this motherfucker has been a liar from the get go.
First it's like finding out thathe pays for his ex girlfriend's
cell phone from before he met me.
Then it's like lying to me aboutthe ring and like whatever else
that it was just like this was like a moment of validation and
it was like right before I was about to fly out to Saint Pete,
she's like 2K best offer. I was like sold.
Give me that check. Give it to me, yeah.
(47:40):
Like, fucking give it to me. Like, so that's how I ended up
meeting the girls at Saint Pete is because I was like on the
phone with my mom, like telling her about the ring.
My parents just celebrated their45th wedding anniversary.
That's. Wild.
Yeah, that's what I said. I was like Jesus Christ, 45
years with the same person and 11 kids.
(48:01):
Oh Lord that's crazy. So yeah, life update.
I'm about to have 11 kids. That's it.
I'm just from here on out. I'm just going to take out my
birth control, get pregnant and only fuck rich guys that can
support me. I mean, OK, maybe not the
(48:21):
pregnant part, but I agree with everything else.
OK, so I'll just be barefoot in the kitchen for fun.
Yeah, fuck it. You can be a great dog mom.
Yeah, you can have all your little your little shells.
Don't be grossed out by this. I might have a kid.
I might have a kid, maybe 1, or maybe I'll just be hot your.
(48:41):
Body, your choice. I will support you.
It's just, you know. I mean for the right person.
Here we go again. Here we go.
I'm back to my lover girl era. Here I am having conflict
because I have a guy that I likeand I know it's and I know it's
going to fucking collide and bite me in the fucking face.
(49:05):
OK wrap up, so our in person episode didn't happen that's why
we are far. But that's OK because honestly
it was funny because like when we saw each other in person, if
I mean it's like this anyways between us like it's like 0 time
has passed. But because we're we do this.
Like it literally felt like I had seen her like 2 days before
(49:28):
when I saw you in person becausewe FaceTime for two hours like
every other week. It's literally like the girls
gabbing, catching up, like everysingle time we do this podcast.
And like, that's some of the feedback I've gotten from our
listeners is they're like, I feel like you're telling me this
over the phone. Like you're my friend and you're
telling me this. And I'm like, that's the whole
point of it, you know? Yeah.
(49:48):
It's about that's the vibe we want.
We want to feel like a FaceTime between the girlies.
Right. And I'm like back to the
beginning. It's called your secret safe
with a a reminder to everyone. This is in honor of our friend
Adrian, who passed away in 2019.We love you sweet AI always like
to remind people what, what the podcast is about.
(50:10):
And it's about the secrets that Adrian took to the grave, AKA
the things you're going to tell your bestie that you're like,
you can't fucking tell anyone this shit.
She definitely took some secretsto the grave.
I, I mean, at this point I'm like, I'd rather she would have,
you know, just told someone instead of dying.
I mean, that's pretty fucking selfish, but Oh my girly if it
(50:32):
meant telling my secret or dying, I take the secret.
I think I said this to Vicki this past weekend and I was
like, one of us can't go first. I was like we just had to go.
At the same time. I don't.
I don't want to be the last one.No, but see, you're the
strongest 1, so you're definitely going to be the last
I. Don't know about that.
(50:53):
I make reckless choices. Yeah, but you can literally die
at a moment's known as riding a four Wheeler.
But anyways, not to be dark I mean.
It's been a while since we've had a dark episode.
Maybe maybe it's because we're not depressed because I'm not
with my ex-husband and you're ina happy relationship.
Yeah, and I've been like traveling a lot this summer, so
(51:13):
I've like been having a good funtimes, so.
But winter's about to come. And there's a seasonal
depression, Yeah. I'm about to get real sad up in
this bitch. But you'll be skinny.
You'll be skinny bitches. Skinny sad bitches in the
winter. Hell yeah.
So maybe next episode. No clue yet, but maybe it'll be
(51:36):
a dark, sad one. Talking about all the feels.
I can really go into my therapy sessions.
OK, that's a good one. I'm not in therapy.
I am. And I was thinking about it
today and I was because I was watching a TikTok about a girl
talking about like emotionally unavailable parents.
And that's inevitable when you have 11 children.
(51:58):
And she was like talking about like all the recourse from it
and like the trauma that you exhibit as you grow up.
And I was like. Is that me?
I just, I feel like with my parents and I know they're going
to listen to this and like, Sandra, I love you so much.
Don't be upset with me for saying this.
We are building a bridge. We are, we are, we are happy
(52:20):
right now. So don't get upset with me.
I feel like the culture I grew up in, it was like, don't ask,
don't tell. Like it didn't feel like like it
was more like it was better to like keep it to yourself or like
have a secret. And I think that's why I'm so
like in your face, because I'm not like, say.
Anything. No, you you hold it in for a
(52:41):
little bit and then you do that.And then I do that like I'm like
notorious for like holding something in until I'm at the
point that I'm like, Yep, I'm legit going to have a crash out
right now. You're.
Literally like legit like. Word vomits.
Where no where she legit vomits.That's you.
Well, I will say this like beingsingle, like now that I'm not
(53:02):
like accountable to anyone, it just, it's just in general it
makes my anxiety so much better.Like not having to worry about
and like it's I'm starting to feel myself feel a little
anxious because of the expectation of being exclusive.
Yeah. And I'm kind of considering
which like with the right person, I would do this like
(53:23):
ethical non monogamy relationships.
Do you think he would? No, he wouldn't.
It wouldn't be him. It would have to be somebody
else. I was like, I was like, I don't
know, I. Think Nola would I?
Think Nola? Would I?
Could see that, I could see that, but.
Yeah, I don't know, It's weird because like, I'm not going to
(53:45):
get into it. I'm like, how do I even explain
this without sounding like crazy?
I mean, E&M relationships are very like normal and I guess
like accepted these days, but I feel like most of them, it's
like they've been with their partner for a while and they've
like branched out together. So it's like trying to date one
like without like growing into it.
(54:07):
Like, I don't know, like I have to meet one too.
Yeah, that would be open. And like, I swear, most of your
eyes are like, yeah, I don't care how many women you hook up
with, but you're only going to have sex with me.
And I'm like, well, it's a double standard.
You. Yeah.
You literally had a dude tell you that recently.
Yeah, right. Which is fucking wild to me.
(54:29):
Also I remember what I was goingto say earlier.
Vicki and I have gotten a wild DM from this person on TikTok.
I'm sure he's going to listen tothis and it's about micro
penises and how much he enjoyed that episode and I was.
Just like, OK, thanks. No, we have been like going
through our brains of like, how do we know this person?
(54:50):
Because this person like the waythey responded to us, like they
have to know us. Did I tell you that he DM Ed me
personally too? No, no, I'm weirded out.
It was like very similar to whathe's DM the podcast he said.
Hello thank you for your podcast.
So good and so entertaining. The episode with your micropenis
story from January is so good, so funny.
(55:13):
I know from experience we have to be great at other things but
best kept secret are penis extensions.
A world of difference. Dot dot dot dot dot.
And an understanding partner. Yes, cuckolding is also in the
realm of possibility. We have to keep our partners
happy. If you need more info or want to
interview me. Let me know.
Thanks for helping you do OK. I know you're listening.
(55:36):
Whoever this person is, if you would like to be a guest on the
show and you can present yourself as a real human being,
that's not going to murder us. Someone that's not going to find
where I live and kill me perhaps.
We will jump on a on a video call.
You can tell us all about it. We'll circle.
Back and jump on a call. On that note, let's on this.
(56:03):
For my last. This is it.
No, this is this is my light up the room moment.
This is the person that it's going to be.
I just want to say I love you all so much.
Thank you for hanging. There for dad by the next
episode. Knock on wood.
Ass fucking tumor. OK, I love you.
(56:28):
I'll be in New York. I'll probably have a new man who
knows to talk about. I'm hibernating this weekend
because I've traveled for the past four weekends and so.
It's Labor Day, go celebrate, eat a hot dog.
What for Labor Day it's like 4thof July.
I said eat a hot dog. Oh, I thought you said get a hot
(56:50):
dog like like a like a not like a food hot dog, like get a hot
dog like thinking about like an attractive dog.
And I was like, is Charlotte notgood enough for you?
Charlotte is an Angel that's going to live forever.
Yes, but yeah, I'm not doing anything this weekend.
(57:11):
Maybe I'll probably lay out in the sun.
That's probably going to be. It yeah, that's good for your
endorphins and whatever else. OK, But yeah, stay tuned.
Listen to wherever you get your podcast.
Rate US five stars and those whodon't go play in traffic.
Motherfuckers, I'm just kidding.Don't do that.
We don't wish death upon people.But I hope I do.
(57:31):
Fucking die motherfuckers with their two stars.
OK. And I hope you hit every single
red light. I hope you're always hot and.
Sweaty. Your pillow is never cold and I
hope your car battery is always dead.
OK, Ellie. OK, Ellie, Bye.
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