April 18, 2025 • 51 mins
Math might be fake, but the mental gymnastics we do to justify our choices? Very real.
In this episode, we’re breaking down the chaotic equations that somehow make perfect sense in our heads. From Girl Math (“$100 jeans don’t count if I return something else”) to Boy Math (“6’0” on Hinge actually means 5’9” with confidence”), and of course, the most dangerous of all—Toxic Math (“If he liked my story but didn’t text back, he’s clearly obsessed with me”).
We’re exposing our own logic, roasting the delusion, and laughing through the chaos.
🎧 Tap in now and send us your most unhinged math—we promise we won’t judge (much).
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to your secret safewith A.
I'm Vicki. It's Wednesday, which means I'm
probably going to cry. Wednesday is the worst day of
the week for me mentally, but itkind of felt like a Tuesday, so
maybe y'all are in luck. What's going on, Grace?
Well, it's Wine Wednesday, so today we're going to whine about
it. And like, it's Whiskey Wednesday
(00:23):
over here. It's actually water Wednesday
for me. Yeah, I should.
Well, I don't know. I've had a lot of water today.
Like wine, like cry, not like. Yeah, that's what I meant to
like. OK, like whine about it.
So like today, we're going to complain.
Yes, exactly. But I have some big news for the
group. My divorce status has officially
(00:47):
changed from pending to affidavit for divorce.
So I'm getting my divorce decreemailed.
I've been on the phone with Richmond City Courts and they
like love talking to me because I can't trust my ex for shit.
So I've been calling them every week and they get really excited
because I'm excited about my divorce.
So they told me today that they mailed out the divorce decree on
(01:08):
Monday. And I was like, this is the best
news I've had all day. Like you guys are amazing.
They're like you go girl. Like you get it.
It was like it was amazing. Like I've had a couple people
hype me up during the divorce saga.
The divorced people at court forsure.
But then there was this lady whoworked at USPS When I sent a
signed document back and I like had her notarize it.
(01:28):
I was like, it's my divorce decree and she's like, I'm
sorry. I was like, I'm not.
She's like she lost her shit. She was like get it, Queen.
I was like, play, play, play. So today I was finally inspired.
I know what ass tat I'm going toget.
(01:48):
Oh you do? What ass tat?
So I'm going to get Shake It because I say it in Jazzercise
all the time and it's going to be like in Pretty Little cursive
letters. That's cute, I like that.
Well, I was like, either that orI was going to get Jazzercise on
my booty, which I probably stillwill get a Jazzercise tattoo at
some point, but for now, shake it because it means more than
(02:09):
one thing. Like this is the way I always
talk to you. I'm like, we haven't talked in a
while. And then I just like trauma dump
a bunch of shit. Uh huh.
And it's so funny to me. This is me I'm just like don't
freak out I'll fill you in tonight and need support.
Oh when I got a new tattoo and have mixed feelings.
Fall feeling I forgot the S and I'm like feelings.
Happy Tuesday. This is a 31 year old crisis.
(02:30):
It's my birthday next week, so Mercury is in retrograde.
No, when you were like, I got it, I got a tattoo and I don't
know how I feel about it. I was like, well, you better
learn to love it. This is me.
I'm like, well, I like this skull cowboy on the back of my
arm in my wedding dress. And then I was like, well, maybe
I just won't get married even though they're fine, but I just
(02:53):
need to get over it. I know sometimes I think about
like my like gun tattoo and that's just probably gonna not
look good when like I get married.
Same with like my ghost tattoo. I'm like, yeah, fuck it,
whatever. And yeah, I'm like, and they can
edit any photo and whatever. I mean, I like mine.
Like this is my new tattoo friends.
It's a it's a skull tattoo. It's a little bigger than I
(03:13):
anticipated, but I was kind of drunk when I got it done.
So for what it is, I love it. And now I'm feeling inspired.
Now I'm like, maybe I should getlike one of those little quarter
sleeves that go like from here over the shoulder, like onto the
collarbone. I'm thinking that could be a
vibe or I should go to therapy. So the definition of girl math
(03:41):
is it's mostly used in shopping and it's to make a girl feel
better about buying an expensivething.
So like, say I have a a purchasebut I return it and it's like 50
bucks, but then I want to buy something that's like 75.
Technically, I only spent $25. Right, right.
(04:02):
And it's because like if I've already spent the money, like
then I've already spent the money.
Like it's free. It's free if it comes back to
me. Like if I get a refund like
that's free if I have cash? Free.
That's free. That's free I.
Was about to bring that up like every.
Time. I'm going to lose it.
I'm going to lose it if I have cash that is free money.
(04:25):
Or I just like give it away. I'm like someone take this.
I like anytime I have cash, I'm like, oh, I have free money.
I can do whatever I want with this.
I'm like I don't want to do anything with this.
The only thing I want to do is roll it up.
And for boy math, it says the mathematics behind committing
literal financial crimes. Typically, boy math refers to
crypto scams, NFTS, or tax evasion.
(04:46):
Now what would we know about that?
I'm just like dear God girl, math boy math toxic math.
Oh yeah, toxic math. That's why I have info on it's
toxic math. No.
So my toxic math is this. So last week I contacted my ex
and I was like hey I went to AT&T to try and get my own phone
(05:09):
plan but I can't do anything until you initiate it because
you are the primary. Right.
So I went there. I tell them my name.
They're like are you the primaryon the account?
I'm like, I think so like bullshitting like already
knowing the answer. And then I gave his name.
They were like are there any other names on the account?
And I was like I don't know. They were like AK name.
(05:32):
This is his ex-girlfriend beforeme.
He still pays for her phone but he asked me to pay him for the
last seven months of phone bills.
We were together almost eight years.
He broke up with this girl maybe2 years before me.
So I need to pay back eight months of phone bills.
But his ex-girlfriend before me has like a 20 year run.
(05:56):
But they were like is there another name on the account?
And they showed me the name. I was like ATT you really be
putting people on blast. You should not be showing me
other people. Bitch, that's like 10 years.
(06:19):
Oh my, my mind is blown right now.
Are you kidding me? I told you I had a good story.
We're keeping that shit in 100%.I don't give a fuck.
Toxic math like I said but I owehim money.
I was like let me just repay youwith the ring fund when it's
once I saw my engagement ring. It can go towards, umm, the
(06:43):
house that he's definitely not gonna be able to pay you back
for. Nope.
Are you mind blown? I was fucking minded.
That is crazy. I thought you were gonna say his
new girlfriend's on the phone plan and I would have been like
OK, whatever. But the fact that the
ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago is still on the phone plan.
(07:07):
Is yeah fucking wild. The only thing I know about this
person is that she was also intoanimals and like is a
veterinarian. He told me that she gained a lot
of weight and he lost attractionto her, yet she cheated on him
and ended up with his friend. Sounds familiar?
Yeah, I don't know. I'm like, it's like history is
repeating itself. Maybe you should self reflect.
(07:30):
That's fucking wild dude. I I just can't.
Oh my God. When he told me the name, I was
like, get out. I was like, you have made my
day. Oh.
My God. So yeah, that's toxic math for
you. I was.
(07:51):
Supposed to say I like trying tothink.
I don't know if if I have any toxic math.
Sure you do. Here it is.
Oh, I got a good toxic math. No, I've got it.
I've got it. I'm bankrupt.
(08:13):
I don't have a job. I can afford a $4000 apartment
in Charleston. 5A boat, 5005 thousand dollar apartment in
Charleston. Excuse me and buy a boat and fly
you first class every single time you want to see me.
But I'm also not legally divorced yet and I again, I'm
(08:34):
bankrupt and I'm bankrupting my friend's husband who is also now
going through a divorce. And that's toxic math.
And also. Maybe having like 6 people lose
their jobs. Yeah.
Oh another good talks math to add to that was that for the
first 3-4 months he was also paying for an apartment in a
(08:55):
different state. So he was paying like seventy
$508,000 for like 4 months for two apartments.
Yep. What about gets evicted moves
belongings into a storage unit in Charleston but lives in
Virginia but doesn't sell the belongings to avoid eviction
(09:23):
then? Lives with his friend and his
family and gets pissed about it.Yep, get the cooks meals for the
family and their kids. As his Sona, he can have free
rent. Then gets job back in Charleston
working for an auto shop after he ran an auto shop into the
(09:46):
ground. Wait, what about get tired as a
consultant to make some people no to tell people how to operate
their successful small businesses?
First client was a successful auto business.
(10:09):
Hold on I'm so much toxic math and it's insane.
Oh, I got another good toxic math.
OK, let's see it. Introducing a girl to you that
is just a friend breaks up with you.
A week later starts dating said girl, who was just a friend.
(10:29):
Oh my gosh she made me lose my but it was so funny.
OK, Buys drinks for everybody atthe bar every single weekend but
doesn't pay their own mortgage and won't finish a single
project on the House. Woof.
(10:51):
Drives 5 sports cars but house is a dump and thinks it is
ridiculous to pay for a cleaner because your wife should do it.
Buys 5 sport cars but yet still can't afford a mortgage.
Buys 5 sports cars but can't afford Viagra to get his Dick to
(11:11):
fucking work was not too far. Water.
On my computer. Oh my God.
Water all over me. God damn it.
(11:36):
I'm fucking. Crying.
Oh my God what's a more toxic math?
I'm really liking this. I'm trying to, I'm trying to
think I just like, I feel like I've blocked out so much of it
because I'm like, oh, I got another good toxic math, OK.
Toxic math? Let's go.
(11:58):
Cheats on you with ex-girlfriendbut then says it's not his fault
because she was the one that sent him nudes.
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, 100% on toxic math.
Toxic. Math.
I have another good one. Oh my.
God, this. Is so crazy.
(12:18):
Comes to visit you, meets another girl, tells you that he
can't come to see you a following weekend because he's
busy with work. Then you find out he actually go
visits said girl who's farther away than you are.
OK, I've got one, I've got one. Works 100% remote and or could
(12:42):
owns a business. Says he has to be in person for
the business. Goes to Egypt for three weeks.
Goes to Columbia for three weeks.
Wife gets a promotion and move to Nashville.
We can't move to Nashville because I need to be here for
the business. That's toxic math.
Said wife turns down to promotions for husband to to be
(13:06):
present at his everyday job thathe doesn't do shit for.
Maybe goes for two hours. Yeah, hungover.
Here we go, it's Saturday night.It's too expensive for me to buy
drinks, but I'm going to get a drunk tattoo.
(13:31):
Girl math. Girl math.
Yeah. Because your tattoo was with you
forever. Exactly, Exactly.
You're going to forget those memories.
Toxic math Girlfriend gets diagnosed with celiac disease.
I'm not going to eat gluten withyou.
Babe comes home, makes Mac and cheese.
(13:56):
We're starting tomorrow. We're starting tomorrow.
What about a girl? Math something recently?
Fuck, what was it? Oh, I bought a pair of shoes.
I didn't like them. So then I returned them.
They're like $150.00. So then I was like, Oh well,
that's like $150.00 that. I then bought an aura ring,
(14:20):
which is like $400.00. So I was like really actually.
Plus I had a 10% coupon off because my friend sent me one,
right? So I was like, I was like,
really, this ring was only like $250.
Girl math Girl math. Is I fibbed to my significant
(14:41):
other? I hit my first pothole in
Nashville. I hit my first pothole in
Nashville. And saw that picture, that shit
was rough. It was rough.
If you've ever been to Nashville, you know their roads
are trash and if you ever hit a pothole in Nashville, you just
like, submit it to the city and they reimburse you for the cost
of the damage to your car. And so does.
(15:01):
It happen that often. Yes, instead of fixing the
pothole. So Oh my.
God, Nashville, get it together.That's government math, but
we're not going to go there. But no, I, I asked my boyfriend
to go pick up my car for me and the day before he was like, how
much was it? And I was like, oh, like 700.
(15:24):
And he, like, gasped, as expected because he, like,
drives like an older, like, truck.
And anyway, like, I paid it online thinking that I was going
to be sly and they would just, like, give him the keys.
And they still gave him a receipt.
And it was like, $1100. And I, like, shaved a little bit
off to, like, make it more acceptable for, like, my
(15:45):
replacement tire and my, like, alignment and my coolant change.
And he was like, yeah, so here'syour receipt.
That was like, yeah, fuck. I do not shave with my.
Money, it's my money. It's not like it's I just I
didn't want to like scare him. I don't know.
Well, I mean like. Your BMWs are expensive to
(16:08):
repair, Correct. What?
But I do that with Mr. W all thetime.
He'll like, ask me how much money I spent and I shave off at
least 20 to 30%. Yeah.
Girl, girl. Math girl math.
It's more digestible. I was trying to show him.
So I'm going on vacation next week.
So, you know, before you go on vacation, you have to spend
(16:31):
money for the vacation because, you know, spray tan, prep work
clothes, whatever. So I ordered a bunch of clothes
and I kept trying to show him the clothes, but I wouldn't let
him see the order. I kept like clicking on the link
for each individual item so he couldn't see the total price.
My phone frozen. He was like, let me just scroll
(16:52):
through it and I was like, well there's no secrets now.
I'm so sorry girl Math. Every time I go to Target, Mr. W
is like, oh, what did you get? I'm like, oh, just a few.
Odds and ends, you know, just. Some coffee, maybe a snack.
He's like, what did you get? I'm like, don't worry.
(17:13):
About it girl math is that certain certain people that I
know. So when I was buying a house, I
was given money from a secret bank account that one parent
didn't know about. I.
(17:35):
Forgot about this I forgot aboutthis so I got money for a down
payment and I was told don't tell your father because he
doesn't know this bank account exists.
Girl Math. Yo, that's an icon, right?
There icon. Oh my God I love that a good boy
math one is saying that you are 6 foot but when you meet them in
(17:56):
person they're actually 5-7 withshoes and there you go.
Yep, boy math, another boy math.I have a vasectomy so you don't
need to have birth control but doesn't show proof of vasectomy.
Boy math. That's in you anyway.
(18:17):
Boy math. Or not wanting to have kids but
not wanting to wear a condom andnot having condoms because they
just don't feel as good. What if I'm not on birth
control, bitch? Boy math.
Boy math Government math again. What is birth control?
What is abortion? What is the pink tax?
(18:41):
Oh my God. I watched a video and this girl
was going around asking men questions about women's bodies,
Speaking of that. And she was like, do you know
what a placenta is? And they're like, oh, yeah.
It's like the thing you use in medical trials of like you give
the medicine, the actual medicine to one group and then
you give them. A placebo, Yes.
And one of this friends was standing there, like, kind of
(19:02):
looking confused. He goes, no, bro, that's a
placebo. And they're like, oh, right,
yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, there's no hope.
There's no hope I've. Had people ask me what comes out
of different holes in the vagina.
You know what I'm talking about.You've had you.
If you've ever squirted, you've been asked this question.
(19:22):
Oh. God Bless America.
Yeah, OK, boy, math, if I stick my Dick in you without giving
you any foreplay, it's going to feel great.
No, boy, math is thinking that all they need to do is finger
(19:48):
you for 2 seconds and you're warmed up.
Yep, boy math, boy math. I've seen this one around a few
times. Boy math is thinking a woman is
only with you for your money when you make minimum wage or
less. Oh God.
(20:11):
Oh, here's another one. Like I said earlier, boy math is
rounding any height over 59 as just over 6 foot.
No boy map is babe, I'm too busyto text you.
I'm in the moment, but he's out with you on his phone non-stop.
Bro that shit enrages me. When people do that, they're
(20:36):
like, oh, I'm like, I mean, I'm really bad at texting, but if
you I tell people I'm like, if you Instagram message me, I'll
respond pretty quickly sometimeslike that also.
Back to toxic math. Thought of girl math.
Oh, what's a good? What's a good one?
Morning skinny. Oh my God, I had the best
morning skinny recently. OK, OK, so this is a very
(21:02):
traumatizing story that I am letting you all know about.
So I had a girls weekend this past weekend in Charleston with
some ladies and we are out Friday night and we're like all
standing around in a circle and there are these group of guys
who are on a bachelor party thatwe had ran into earlier in the
night at a different bar. So then we all end up at the
same bar and like we're talking,talking to one of them and one
of them I look at him and immediately I said bad vibes.
(21:24):
I don't like him. Looked like a more like buff
meteor version of my ex Mr. Bankrupt.
He was super cocky, wearing likea golf hat, like sitting back
and like taking all the attention.
And I just stood there and stared him down and I was like,
I hate this man already. And then one of his other
(21:47):
friends was like super fucked upand like was just like kind of
sitting there mumbling and then I like feel something and he's
like poking me. So I turn around and look at him
and I said what? And he just is kind of like,
what do you want? And he goes, are you pregnant?
And I looked at him and I said, no, I'm not fucking pregnant,
(22:08):
you fucking idiot. And it just ruined my night.
It's honestly, it's ruined my week.
I'm like, I'm just not going to fucking eat for the rest of my
life then. Girl sometimes the mean skinny
is the best motivation like whenpeople like fat shame you.
The first time I got like fat, my uncle, like I sat on his
thigh and I remember him being like, you're getting a little
(22:30):
heavy. And I was 16.
I was also like skinny as shit. By the way, Vicki, I was 16.
You were. Literally like 90.
Pounds. My uncle told me I was getting a
little chubby and like, pinched the back of my thigh and yeah, I
got real fucking skinny, I'll tell you that.
(22:50):
God. Boy math is thinking that you
can tell women anything about their body when you don't focus
on your own. Yeah, boy, math is I can tell
you what to do, but I'm not going to take my own advice
because I can be a hypocrite. Right boy math is it's OK for me
to have a dad bod, but you have to look like a model.
(23:12):
Boy Math is wanting a traditional wife and wants them
to do all the cooking and cleaning and house chores but
also wanting to go 5050 on all of the bills.
Boy math is wanting someone thatcan fuck like a slut but isn't a
slut and has only had one sexualpartner which is them.
(23:33):
Yup, I fucking hate that one. That one pisses me off.
Boy, math is saying women hit the wall at 30 while they're
balding at 20. I'm.
Going to tell you ladies, datingout here is rough.
I'm like, I'm taken now, but thebaldies, the shorties, I'm like,
one of the worst dates I ever went on was with this guy and my
(23:57):
intuition told me he was short. His dating profile didn't tell
me his height. So my intuition told me, you
know, if you don't say your height, you're short.
The boy math is if I don't put my height on here, they're going
to think I'm tall. Right.
So anyway, naive little me fell for it and this was the worst
date of my life. This was him.
(24:18):
I've been to this place like 6 times.
They've got the best cocktails. Oh, I hate him.
We sit there, waitress comes back four times and he's not
ready to order his drink. When I tell you I almost like
jumped out the bathroom window. I ordered my drink.
He kept around, around, around. I'm like, dear God, why will
(24:39):
this person not order? Especially if you're such an
export export, if you're such anexpert on the drinks here and
you've been here so many times and he finally gets his drink
and he's like, you want another round?
I'm like, I'm busy. I got to go like.
What the fuck? And we did the polite, like, hug
(25:00):
goodbye, I'll call you. And I'm like, delete block.
I mean, he was cute, but he was short and he didn't know how to
like, be assertive and order a fucking drink.
That's wild. Four times.
Usually I'm like the first time not.
For the lady, I was like, I feellike I have 5.
Like I thought I was being punked.
Like I thought it was where's Ashton Kutcher?
(25:22):
It's ready for it. I was like, I am being punked
right now because this person will not order a drink.
She would piss me off. I Speaking of short kings, I
went out with my brother for hisbirthday and at one point I'm
standing in the bar and I'm justlike looking around and I turned
to him and his friend. I mean, they're both 6 foot
(25:42):
whatever. And I said, yo, there's a short
king epidemic in this place. They both have been laughing and
then like a few hours later I was talking to the roommates of
my brother's like girl, thing, whatever.
And I looked at them. I said, are you guys single?
They're like, yeah. I said, I'm so sorry.
I was like, everyone around hereis so short and ugly.
(26:03):
I said what the fuck happened? And hit the one roommate who is
single. She was like, girl, it's awful.
It's the worst. I said I'm so.
Sorry, I think it's because people stopped breeding.
Like there's less like population to choose.
Isn't breeding like you're trying to oh I need the best
(26:23):
bitch of a litter like. OK, I've had multiple guys tell
me I'm breathable. That's so gross, I hate it when
guys say that. You're just like, it's like the
hips and I'm just like. Boy math is saying you're so
breathable but not wanting any kids.
I mean, everyone I've talked to wants to have my kids like but.
(26:47):
OK, maybe I just like don't wantanyone's kids so.
I'm like boy math is saying you want a kid but then traveling
95% of the year. Boy math is saying you want a
kid but putting in zero effort to be a father.
Not Mr. W, we see you and you'rea true king.
(27:08):
Yes, he is a great dad. Oh boy.
Math is calling kids with singlemothers fatherless behavior, but
ignoring the fact that it was the fathers who chose not to
save their families. Yeah.
Like why are we always so hard on single mothers but yet when
it's a single father people praise them?
I'm like. I'm like, I think a single dad
(27:29):
is so hot, so hot. I mean I have one so.
What am I saying? I'm like.
Disgusting. No, like I would be totally a OK
with that, but a lot of people wouldn't be.
Yeah, but I've only talked to guys that they're like, I
wouldn't like, it's OK that you're divorced, but it would be
different if you had kids. Yeah, I mean, a kid just, you
(27:53):
know, throws in a whole new Fiesta to the mix, you know what
I mean? Where the maracas?
Fucking hate us. Oh my God, that's so funny.
(28:14):
Boy math is using your wife's interest rate to have a cheaper
house payment because if you refi refinance it would
quadruple because you have shit credit.
OK girl math, I ordered Uber eats and I put instructions to
get up my hallway and if he doesn't do it I'm not going to
(28:36):
get it and I just won't eat my food.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
OK, so I had a girl mat today because I went to Chipotle, but
they were out of chips, so I couldn't buy chips with my
meals. I was like, oh, I'm saving money
by not buying chips with this meal.
But then I went and bought a bagof chips.
(28:59):
I was like, yeah, but now I havelike a big bag of chips that I
can eat for the next few days. It makes sense.
It makes sense. If you're out drinking and you
order 1 water, you're sober. Absolutely.
Absolutely. OK, so this past past example,
this past weekend I took I dranka THC seltzer on Sunday for
(29:22):
Sunday fun day because in my head I was like, OK, girl math.
If I'm a little bit high, I won't buy as many drinks because
I don't like to get twisted verymuch.
So then we go out on Chef Creek in Charleston.
And you get ultra twisted. Yeah, because I was like.
Red Bull Tinas, Yeah. And I'm just like sitting there
(29:44):
like because I'm high but like and I kept being like is this
wearing off or am I just gettinglike drunk now that the high is
wearing off? And I couldn't figure out where
the high ended and the drunk started.
I was just like coasting all daybut had a great day.
I'm like your girl Math is oh, I'm going to drive home on
Sunday night and gets blitzed onSunday and to drive home until
(30:05):
Monday night. Why did I always?
Do that. I was like, oh, it's only a
three hour drive. If I have like one or two drinks
and take a nap or like get a RedBull, I'll be fine.
Next thing I know it's like fucking 8:00 PM and it's dark
out and we're in your living room.
I was like, I'll drive home tomorrow.
(30:25):
Iconic. So I I got pho not because I
wanted pho, I wanted those the egg rolls that are in the rice
paper that aren't fried, that are gluten free spring rolls.
That was just very That was girlmath.
I knew exactly what you were talking about though.
So I wanted those and I was like, well, I should probably
(30:47):
get some fun too. And then I was like, some ice
cream would be good. So I got egg bundled because if
you bundle you save on the delivery fee, it doesn't matter.
Yeah, because I do that. I do that all the time.
I'll be like, oh, well, if I spend five more dollars,
shipping is free and shipping islike $6.
Yeah, I'm like, I might as well buy myself an accessory.
(31:09):
As you should slay. So this weeks episode of Your
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He is awesome, 100% free to use and I am biased because he's my
my old roomie so I have a good girl math.
When it was cold out, I had brought out a random old jacket
(32:17):
that I hadn't worn in months. You found cash, you found and I.
Found cash. I found like $20 in my pocket.
I was like. You're a millionaire, hopefully.
Hell yeah. I was like, free Starbucks,
let's do math or madness. So I'm going to say a scenario
and I want you to say if it's math or madness, OK, Something
(32:39):
bought in advance is free. So like if you buy a concert
ticket or flights, when you get to that event because you've
already paid for it, it's free. Probably madness but I never buy
my flights in advance so I'm pissed off every.
I was going to, I was going to say girl math because I always
(33:02):
buy my flights and concerts and stuff in advance.
So then I like buy it and then forget about it.
Like I have a flight Friday and I paid for it like a few weeks
ago and I forgot about it and I was like oh I have a free flight
on Friday. We'll see.
Because like, it doesn't charge you.
Does it charge you when you go? And it charges you when you buy
(33:24):
it. Like I'm going to Barbados next
week, but I'm still just like, Ispent a lot of money to go to
Barbados. Oh, this is another good
example. Girl math is if I put money on
my Starbucks card today, forget about it, and then I go to get
Starbucks next week, it's free because I have money on my
Starbucks. Card, yes, Starbucks card in
(33:45):
general. If it's money on there, it's
free. Oh, absolutely.
Anytime I have like money on there, I'm like hell yeah, OK.
Buying something on sale means you're making a profit even if
it's something you don't need. So you buy a jacket, it's on
sale. And then for 45, down from 65.
And then with girl math, really you made $20.00 with that
(34:06):
purchase? Agree.
Another good one is like, buy one, get one half off.
Those sales always get me. I'm like, well if I really like
this, I might as well buy another one for half off.
Like really? I'm getting 2 for one at that
point. Exactly.
Girl Math. Girl Math.
Spending more money online shopping to get free shipping.
(34:33):
Clothes and accessories are basically free if you wear them
enough. Girl math.
So basically you divide the prices of something by the
number of times you wear it. So if I buy $200 purse and I
wear it 20 times, really it's only $10?
And if I don't? Do that.
But it makes sense to me. Yeah.
And if I use it 50 times, it's really only $4.00, which is
basically free because anything less than $5 is free free.
(34:57):
Math girl Math. I do this one.
Making coffee at home means you can order a pricier dinner.
So I make my coffee at home. I mean like I still get
Starbucks but mostly every day Imake my coffee at home because I
have an espresso and amazing anddelicious.
So basically girl math philosophy applies to any time
you show tremendous financial restraint like making your
(35:23):
coffee at home. And since you resisted the urge
to, you know, swing by your favorite coffee shop, then
naturally. You get splurge.
You get to splurge at dinner that night, maybe getting like a
fancy bottle of wine or a fancy cocktail or getting like the
scallops that are usually like $60.00 instead of like the
chicken. It's like 30, you know what I
mean? No, because I don't make my
(35:45):
coffee at home and even if I do,I'm like this sucks and I'd go
get. I I almost did that today
because for some reason on my calendar I had, I it said I had
a dentist appointment at like 850.
First I woke up at 8:25 and I was like, oh fuck.
(36:06):
So then I Sprint to the dentist office.
I get there and like me and the lady say hi and then they're
like, what are you doing here? Because they know me.
I was like, I have an appointment.
They're like, no, you don't. I was like, yeah, I do.
Yeah, I do. They're like, your next
appointment is June 3rd. I was like, oh, why do I have it
in my calendar for April 16th? And they were like, I don't
(36:28):
know. I said OK, we'll see you later.
I don't know. I was.
Like, I guess I'll see you later.
And then I get in my car and I was like, well, I'm already out.
And since I inconvenienced myself, I should treat myself
and go get coffee. And I was like, I was like, I
almost did. But then I was like, no, because
I know I'm going to want becauseI'm gonna have to go to the gym
later today and I know I'm not going to want to cook dinner.
So I'll just keep this treat from this morning and add it to
(36:53):
the evening so that I bought myself to pull it for dinner.
OK, that makes sense. I'm like you talking about your
dentist story. What a turn of events.
I went to the dentist and I got there and this is like, I don't
know, a couple years ago, I still remember and it was so
traumatizing. I took the morning off of work
to go to the dentist and I got there and they were like, I like
(37:16):
checked in and they were like called me back up.
And they're like, we've been calling you a couple times.
Like your your dentist isn't here today.
She's on maternity leave. And I'm like, it's not like this
just happened today. It's like you knew about her
material. Nobody called me.
And they were like, just sit here for a little bit.
(37:37):
We'll see if we can squeeze you in.
And I sat there for 40 minutes and then they were like, yeah,
it's not going to happen today. I cried.
It ruined my day. Oh.
My God, I but so I went and got my yearly physical done and
blood work and the I while I wassitting there and then after I
(38:00):
got blood, every time I get blood drawn or do something with
blood, I always bruise really badly.
And I was like sitting there andI started laughing to myself
because I was like, I know Vickiwould already be in fucking
tears right now. What about the time that I went
to the doctor shortly after I moved here?
(38:20):
And I thought I was getting likeabused.
And it was they like, I literally was pulled to the side
and they were like, do we need to call the police?
Like, is this a domestic situation?
And it wasn't. It was bruises for me being like
blackout drunk on my farewell tour, falling in the street.
(38:45):
All these fishes were like, she's abused.
She's a battered woman. They were like, do we need to
like, call somebody for you Funny.
Oh. My God.
OK, back to girl math timing your champ your everyday or not
everyday timing your everything shower to line up with your
weekend plans. I do that.
(39:06):
So like I will wait like 2 to three days, like shave my legs
or wash my hair because I'm likeOK, well I have this event
coming up on Friday or Saturday,so I want like clean everything
before that. That's what I do.
Do you not do that? No, I am.
Well, I've been pushing my hair longer than I used to, but I'll
(39:28):
usually body shower every day and shave every day.
That is, I don't. Like.
You go into the office and I don't, and I only do that like
once a week. I don't know.
It's not like my boyfriend liveshere.
Well, I get waxed now down there, but like, I don't know.
I don't like it when my legs feel prickly.
It makes me feel itchy. So I shave my legs like all the
(39:49):
time. Like anytime I'm in the shower,
if there's an opportunity, I'm shaving my legs.
I my legs get really bad razor burn bumps so I have to wait
like 2 to three days before I shave which is kind of annoying.
So I do the girl math thing where I'm like OK, I have an
event at 7:00 PM. I need to shower, shave, blow
(40:10):
dry my hair and do my makeup. I'm like OK so that means I need
to leave at 6:30, which means I need to be in the shower by like
5:00 PM. So that way I can get out of the
shower by like 530 and blow dry my hair and curl it and do my
makeup so I'm ready by 6:30. But even still, sometimes an
(40:31):
hour and a half is not long enough because I'm like, well
then I. You know, I'm like it's 3:00 PM,
my events at 8:00 PM. I'm getting ready.
Yeah, because especially if I'm like, I have the outfit picked
out of my head, but what if it doesn't look the way I want it
to? Then that throws a whole wrench
into the plan. Yeah, and then we're still late
because we changed the outfit 6 times so they cry about it.
(40:52):
Oh it's another good girl meth one.
If you wore an outfit and nobodysaw it, did you?
No one important saw it. Did you actually really wear it?
Can you re wear it? You can re wear it.
I do that all the time. I'm like Oh no one.
Sometimes I do that like work from home and I'll be like Oh no
one saw me so I'm just going to re wear this.
Yeah, I do it because I work at 7 different locations Sobby
(41:13):
wearing like the same outfit a couple days a week.
I'm like, yeah, like none of these people saw me.
Boy math is claiming women aren't funny but then hop on
every single trend and ruin it and whine that they don't get to
be a part of it. Boy math is complaining that
there's a male loneliness epidemic but yet having
(41:34):
absolutely 0 offerings to women and acting like big old babies.
Boy math is saying that you're still trying to figure out your
dating goals when you're a 45 year old balding man on fucking
Hinge anyways. Just how to get that out?
(41:56):
Boy math. Boy math.
Boy math, Boy math. Is I know a lot of dudes say
that they think that they can land a plane.
Boy math is thinking that they can land a plane because they
play Xbox. I'm like that is one controller.
Have you ever seen inside of a cockpit of a plane?
Boy math? I don't think I know any boy
(42:16):
math. Yeah, you just don't listen.
As you shouldn't listen to them.Boy, Math is complaining about
the patriarchal society that we live in, but yet they're the
ones that created. It.
Another boy math and it's like an epidemic with men.
Like there's like research backed behind this but boy Matt
(42:39):
is being 6 times more likely to abandon their wives who have
terminal illness and terminal and chronic illness and then
crying about being alone. I know someone who she was
dating this guy. They got in a car accident.
He ended up being a paraplegic. She took care of him while he
(43:00):
had no job. He cheated on her with a dude
and I was like can he even get hard and they were like no he
takes like pills to get hard buthe won't come.
That is wild. That's fucking batshit.
(43:20):
What a mind fuck right? Like you took care of this dude
when you got injured in the car shoe and then he tells you that
he's cheating on you with men. Yep.
OK boy math expecting you to have threesomes where you fuck
other girls, but if we bring another guy in the picture it's
out of the question. Yeah, boy, math is they'll watch
(43:46):
gross gory movies, but the moment you bring up period blood
they freak out and say that's disgusting.
Boy, math is not admitting that you like things in your ass.
Boy math is being super homophobic because you're
actually gay and just don't wantto come out.
(44:08):
Yep. The amount of times that has
happened, I'm like, yeah, we allsaw that.
Oh boy, math is saying women don't poop or fart but yet all
they do with their dudes is talkabout the biggest shits that
they ever took. Or send pictures of it to each
other. Yeah, I don't know if this is
boy math, but Mr. Spreadsheet, Iwas like, what size do you think
(44:33):
my feet are? And he's like 6.
I'm like try A10. Which aren't you like a 10 or
11? Like a nine and a half 10.
But it made me think of white chicks.
And it's like little lady, perhaps a salad.
And she's like perhaps. That's not the steak smothered
(44:57):
and onions life update. I get to see Mr. W this week
which is super exciting. We're going to my sister's for
Easter and while we were recording because he like always
waits till the day of to get a hotel room, he sent me a
screenshot of the hotel reservation and I was like wow
(45:18):
I'm so proud of you. A whole 2 days before OK, we're
learning and then we'll see eachother the week after that
because we'll both be at the same work trip but.
Nice. I'll hardly be able to see them
though because because they I don't know what the fuck they're
(45:38):
doing, but they got two different hotels for the group
of people of. Course in different hotels.
In different hotels, but we looked it up and it's literally
a 2 minute walk. They're like right next to each
other downtown and I was like OK, that makes me feel better.
I just. Like I'm envisioning you like
running at a Cape, like it's like hotel.
(46:02):
I don't know why that's my imageright now.
I know I need to bring like a hat and a hoodie when I.
Yeah, like I'm getting Incognito.
Yeah, because he is more noticeable than I am, because
more people know him than me. So I'm like, I'll just like,
wear a hoodie and a hat and like, look mysterious.
I don't know. Like what would happen if they
(46:24):
found out? I don't know.
I mean, we, I think people wouldjust like talk and be annoying
about it, which is what I don't want so.
Nobody's going to know. How would they know?
I mean, I think at this point like I'm trying to think like 7
(46:48):
people know about us. One of them was an accident
because the last time we were ata work trip together, there was
four of us when we were getting an Uber back to the hotel after
like, drinking together after dinner.
And he like, said something and I was like popping off back at
him being sassy. And so then he's sassy back and
we're like giggling about it. And like the other dude that was
(47:09):
there was just kind of like looking at us weirdly.
And then the other person who's friends with us, she's like, oh,
they're dating, by the way. And the the fourth guy was like,
oh, my God, really? I was like, oh, yeah, he's like,
you're not fucking with me. I was like, no, we've been
dating for a while. He was like, Oh my God, that
makes me so happy because I loveboth of you.
And I was like. Thanks, but it's Wednesday and I
(47:34):
didn't cry. Yeah.
Well, I think you didn't cry because we talked about
something funny. OK, I mean, I'm totally going to
watch a sad movie. I asked for sad movie
recommendations and realized I'dnever seen Pearl Harbor.
I haven't watched that in a really long time.
It was my first time watching itand it was.
Be good. Yeah.
It's like kind of devastating. Yeah, when Danny dies.
(47:56):
That's a Josh Harnett, right? It's not.
Yeah, not not Affleck. Which I also hated that weird
love triangle of like the two best friends in love with the
same girl but then basically like gave his blessing to his
best friend if he dies and like vice versa.
I was like, I don't care for that.
Each their own. If you had to pick between Josh
Harnett and Ben Affleck at theirpeak, I'm a Joshy girl, I'd pick
(48:22):
Josh. I think so too.
He's got a little bit of a baby face, but I don't know.
But then Ben Affleck's from Boston, so I'm like.
Eww OK well life update. I'm turning 31 next week so this
episode releases on Friday April18th.
It is my birthday. Friday April 25th.
(48:43):
I will be in Barbados having my 31st life crisis and big news
May 3rd is my Independence Day. It's we ask for a divorce, so
it's my Independence Day. Oh, I thought you meant like
that was the official day. Your divorce.
(49:05):
Your divorce. Decree No April 8th is my
official divorce date. I was like, huh?
Oh wait, that was a few days. Yeah, so April 8th was when my
divorce decree was signed. April 19th is when I got
married. April 25th is my birthday.
April's a big month for you, I. Honestly I hate April because I
put too many like accomplishments in one place but
then May 3rd is my Independence Day.
(49:26):
Like fuck the 4th of July. May 3rd is my Independence Day.
Look that pussy fly. OK, Well, thank you for coming
back to another episode of your secret safe with a We hope you
enjoyed today's episode of girl Math, Boy Math and Toxic Math,
(49:48):
which you know, if we've all been there.
So remember to embrace your chaos because math is fake, but
your intuition isn't right, Vicki.
Bitch, I don't even know what tosay to that.
I'm going to go have a water because if you had some alcohol
(50:09):
and you drink water, you are sober.
Exactly girl math. Girl math, girl math boy math.
Lots of toxic math. Whatever math you do.
Except for the real brainiac kind, We're supporters.
Shout out to my twin brother forhis math degree.
The only math I do is made-up. So anyways like subscribe,
(50:35):
follow, share, comment. Be our sponsor if you want a hat
and you want us to sponsor something, you do.
Yeah, if you have a local business or something, buy a hat
and we will shout you out on thepod like we did with Matt and
Franklin finders. So yeah, make sure you subscribe
wherever you get your podcast. Yep, Ellie.
(50:58):
Ellie, bye. Yeah.
Welcome back to your secret safewith A.
I'm Vicki. It's Wednesday, which means I'm
probably going to cry. Wednesday is the worst day of
the week for me mentally, but itkind of felt like a Tuesday, so
maybe y'all are in luck. What's going on, Grace?
Well, it's Wine Wednesday, so today we're going to whine about
it. And like, it's Whiskey Wednesday
(00:23):
over here. It's actually water Wednesday
for me. Yeah, I should.
Well, I don't know. I've had a lot of water today.
Like wine, like cry, not like. Yeah, that's what I meant to
like. OK, like whine about it.
So like today, we're going to complain.
Yes, exactly. But I have some big news for the
group. My divorce status has officially
(00:47):
changed from pending to affidavit for divorce.
So I'm getting my divorce decreemailed.
I've been on the phone with Richmond City Courts and they
like love talking to me because I can't trust my ex for shit.
So I've been calling them every week and they get really excited
because I'm excited about my divorce.
So they told me today that they mailed out the divorce decree on
(01:08):
Monday. And I was like, this is the best
news I've had all day. Like you guys are amazing.
They're like you go girl. Like you get it.
It was like it was amazing. Like I've had a couple people
hype me up during the divorce saga.
The divorced people at court forsure.
But then there was this lady whoworked at USPS When I sent a
signed document back and I like had her notarize it.
(01:28):
I was like, it's my divorce decree and she's like, I'm
sorry. I was like, I'm not.
She's like she lost her shit. She was like get it, Queen.
I was like, play, play, play. So today I was finally inspired.
I know what ass tat I'm going toget.
(01:48):
Oh you do? What ass tat?
So I'm going to get Shake It because I say it in Jazzercise
all the time and it's going to be like in Pretty Little cursive
letters. That's cute, I like that.
Well, I was like, either that orI was going to get Jazzercise on
my booty, which I probably stillwill get a Jazzercise tattoo at
some point, but for now, shake it because it means more than
(02:09):
one thing. Like this is the way I always
talk to you. I'm like, we haven't talked in a
while. And then I just like trauma dump
a bunch of shit. Uh huh.
And it's so funny to me. This is me I'm just like don't
freak out I'll fill you in tonight and need support.
Oh when I got a new tattoo and have mixed feelings.
Fall feeling I forgot the S and I'm like feelings.
Happy Tuesday. This is a 31 year old crisis.
(02:30):
It's my birthday next week, so Mercury is in retrograde.
No, when you were like, I got it, I got a tattoo and I don't
know how I feel about it. I was like, well, you better
learn to love it. This is me.
I'm like, well, I like this skull cowboy on the back of my
arm in my wedding dress. And then I was like, well, maybe
I just won't get married even though they're fine, but I just
(02:53):
need to get over it. I know sometimes I think about
like my like gun tattoo and that's just probably gonna not
look good when like I get married.
Same with like my ghost tattoo. I'm like, yeah, fuck it,
whatever. And yeah, I'm like, and they can
edit any photo and whatever. I mean, I like mine.
Like this is my new tattoo friends.
It's a it's a skull tattoo. It's a little bigger than I
(03:13):
anticipated, but I was kind of drunk when I got it done.
So for what it is, I love it. And now I'm feeling inspired.
Now I'm like, maybe I should getlike one of those little quarter
sleeves that go like from here over the shoulder, like onto the
collarbone. I'm thinking that could be a
vibe or I should go to therapy. So the definition of girl math
(03:41):
is it's mostly used in shopping and it's to make a girl feel
better about buying an expensivething.
So like, say I have a a purchasebut I return it and it's like 50
bucks, but then I want to buy something that's like 75.
Technically, I only spent $25. Right, right.
(04:02):
And it's because like if I've already spent the money, like
then I've already spent the money.
Like it's free. It's free if it comes back to
me. Like if I get a refund like
that's free if I have cash? Free.
That's free. That's free I.
Was about to bring that up like every.
Time. I'm going to lose it.
I'm going to lose it if I have cash that is free money.
(04:25):
Or I just like give it away. I'm like someone take this.
I like anytime I have cash, I'm like, oh, I have free money.
I can do whatever I want with this.
I'm like I don't want to do anything with this.
The only thing I want to do is roll it up.
And for boy math, it says the mathematics behind committing
literal financial crimes. Typically, boy math refers to
crypto scams, NFTS, or tax evasion.
(04:46):
Now what would we know about that?
I'm just like dear God girl, math boy math toxic math.
Oh yeah, toxic math. That's why I have info on it's
toxic math. No.
So my toxic math is this. So last week I contacted my ex
and I was like hey I went to AT&T to try and get my own phone
(05:09):
plan but I can't do anything until you initiate it because
you are the primary. Right.
So I went there. I tell them my name.
They're like are you the primaryon the account?
I'm like, I think so like bullshitting like already
knowing the answer. And then I gave his name.
They were like are there any other names on the account?
And I was like I don't know. They were like AK name.
(05:32):
This is his ex-girlfriend beforeme.
He still pays for her phone but he asked me to pay him for the
last seven months of phone bills.
We were together almost eight years.
He broke up with this girl maybe2 years before me.
So I need to pay back eight months of phone bills.
But his ex-girlfriend before me has like a 20 year run.
(05:56):
But they were like is there another name on the account?
And they showed me the name. I was like ATT you really be
putting people on blast. You should not be showing me
other people. Bitch, that's like 10 years.
(06:19):
Oh my, my mind is blown right now.
Are you kidding me? I told you I had a good story.
We're keeping that shit in 100%.I don't give a fuck.
Toxic math like I said but I owehim money.
I was like let me just repay youwith the ring fund when it's
once I saw my engagement ring. It can go towards, umm, the
(06:43):
house that he's definitely not gonna be able to pay you back
for. Nope.
Are you mind blown? I was fucking minded.
That is crazy. I thought you were gonna say his
new girlfriend's on the phone plan and I would have been like
OK, whatever. But the fact that the
ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago is still on the phone plan.
(07:07):
Is yeah fucking wild. The only thing I know about this
person is that she was also intoanimals and like is a
veterinarian. He told me that she gained a lot
of weight and he lost attractionto her, yet she cheated on him
and ended up with his friend. Sounds familiar?
Yeah, I don't know. I'm like, it's like history is
repeating itself. Maybe you should self reflect.
(07:30):
That's fucking wild dude. I I just can't.
Oh my God. When he told me the name, I was
like, get out. I was like, you have made my
day. Oh.
My God. So yeah, that's toxic math for
you. I was.
(07:51):
Supposed to say I like trying tothink.
I don't know if if I have any toxic math.
Sure you do. Here it is.
Oh, I got a good toxic math. No, I've got it.
I've got it. I'm bankrupt.
(08:13):
I don't have a job. I can afford a $4000 apartment
in Charleston. 5A boat, 5005 thousand dollar apartment in
Charleston. Excuse me and buy a boat and fly
you first class every single time you want to see me.
But I'm also not legally divorced yet and I again, I'm
(08:34):
bankrupt and I'm bankrupting my friend's husband who is also now
going through a divorce. And that's toxic math.
And also. Maybe having like 6 people lose
their jobs. Yeah.
Oh another good talks math to add to that was that for the
first 3-4 months he was also paying for an apartment in a
(08:55):
different state. So he was paying like seventy
$508,000 for like 4 months for two apartments.
Yep. What about gets evicted moves
belongings into a storage unit in Charleston but lives in
Virginia but doesn't sell the belongings to avoid eviction
(09:23):
then? Lives with his friend and his
family and gets pissed about it.Yep, get the cooks meals for the
family and their kids. As his Sona, he can have free
rent. Then gets job back in Charleston
working for an auto shop after he ran an auto shop into the
(09:46):
ground. Wait, what about get tired as a
consultant to make some people no to tell people how to operate
their successful small businesses?
First client was a successful auto business.
(10:09):
Hold on I'm so much toxic math and it's insane.
Oh, I got another good toxic math.
OK, let's see it. Introducing a girl to you that
is just a friend breaks up with you.
A week later starts dating said girl, who was just a friend.
(10:29):
Oh my gosh she made me lose my but it was so funny.
OK, Buys drinks for everybody atthe bar every single weekend but
doesn't pay their own mortgage and won't finish a single
project on the House. Woof.
(10:51):
Drives 5 sports cars but house is a dump and thinks it is
ridiculous to pay for a cleaner because your wife should do it.
Buys 5 sport cars but yet still can't afford a mortgage.
Buys 5 sports cars but can't afford Viagra to get his Dick to
(11:11):
fucking work was not too far. Water.
On my computer. Oh my God.
Water all over me. God damn it.
(11:36):
I'm fucking. Crying.
Oh my God what's a more toxic math?
I'm really liking this. I'm trying to, I'm trying to
think I just like, I feel like I've blocked out so much of it
because I'm like, oh, I got another good toxic math, OK.
Toxic math? Let's go.
(11:58):
Cheats on you with ex-girlfriendbut then says it's not his fault
because she was the one that sent him nudes.
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, 100% on toxic math.
Toxic. Math.
I have another good one. Oh my.
God, this. Is so crazy.
(12:18):
Comes to visit you, meets another girl, tells you that he
can't come to see you a following weekend because he's
busy with work. Then you find out he actually go
visits said girl who's farther away than you are.
OK, I've got one, I've got one. Works 100% remote and or could
(12:42):
owns a business. Says he has to be in person for
the business. Goes to Egypt for three weeks.
Goes to Columbia for three weeks.
Wife gets a promotion and move to Nashville.
We can't move to Nashville because I need to be here for
the business. That's toxic math.
Said wife turns down to promotions for husband to to be
(13:06):
present at his everyday job thathe doesn't do shit for.
Maybe goes for two hours. Yeah, hungover.
Here we go, it's Saturday night.It's too expensive for me to buy
drinks, but I'm going to get a drunk tattoo.
(13:31):
Girl math. Girl math.
Yeah. Because your tattoo was with you
forever. Exactly, Exactly.
You're going to forget those memories.
Toxic math Girlfriend gets diagnosed with celiac disease.
I'm not going to eat gluten withyou.
Babe comes home, makes Mac and cheese.
(13:56):
We're starting tomorrow. We're starting tomorrow.
What about a girl? Math something recently?
Fuck, what was it? Oh, I bought a pair of shoes.
I didn't like them. So then I returned them.
They're like $150.00. So then I was like, Oh well,
that's like $150.00 that. I then bought an aura ring,
(14:20):
which is like $400.00. So I was like really actually.
Plus I had a 10% coupon off because my friend sent me one,
right? So I was like, I was like,
really, this ring was only like $250.
Girl math Girl math. Is I fibbed to my significant
(14:41):
other? I hit my first pothole in
Nashville. I hit my first pothole in
Nashville. And saw that picture, that shit
was rough. It was rough.
If you've ever been to Nashville, you know their roads
are trash and if you ever hit a pothole in Nashville, you just
like, submit it to the city and they reimburse you for the cost
of the damage to your car. And so does.
(15:01):
It happen that often. Yes, instead of fixing the
pothole. So Oh my.
God, Nashville, get it together.That's government math, but
we're not going to go there. But no, I, I asked my boyfriend
to go pick up my car for me and the day before he was like, how
much was it? And I was like, oh, like 700.
(15:24):
And he, like, gasped, as expected because he, like,
drives like an older, like, truck.
And anyway, like, I paid it online thinking that I was going
to be sly and they would just, like, give him the keys.
And they still gave him a receipt.
And it was like, $1100. And I, like, shaved a little bit
off to, like, make it more acceptable for, like, my
(15:45):
replacement tire and my, like, alignment and my coolant change.
And he was like, yeah, so here'syour receipt.
That was like, yeah, fuck. I do not shave with my.
Money, it's my money. It's not like it's I just I
didn't want to like scare him. I don't know.
Well, I mean like. Your BMWs are expensive to
(16:08):
repair, Correct. What?
But I do that with Mr. W all thetime.
He'll like, ask me how much money I spent and I shave off at
least 20 to 30%. Yeah.
Girl, girl. Math girl math.
It's more digestible. I was trying to show him.
So I'm going on vacation next week.
So, you know, before you go on vacation, you have to spend
(16:31):
money for the vacation because, you know, spray tan, prep work
clothes, whatever. So I ordered a bunch of clothes
and I kept trying to show him the clothes, but I wouldn't let
him see the order. I kept like clicking on the link
for each individual item so he couldn't see the total price.
My phone frozen. He was like, let me just scroll
(16:52):
through it and I was like, well there's no secrets now.
I'm so sorry girl Math. Every time I go to Target, Mr. W
is like, oh, what did you get? I'm like, oh, just a few.
Odds and ends, you know, just. Some coffee, maybe a snack.
He's like, what did you get? I'm like, don't worry.
(17:13):
About it girl math is that certain certain people that I
know. So when I was buying a house, I
was given money from a secret bank account that one parent
didn't know about. I.
(17:35):
Forgot about this I forgot aboutthis so I got money for a down
payment and I was told don't tell your father because he
doesn't know this bank account exists.
Girl Math. Yo, that's an icon, right?
There icon. Oh my God I love that a good boy
math one is saying that you are 6 foot but when you meet them in
(17:56):
person they're actually 5-7 withshoes and there you go.
Yep, boy math, another boy math.I have a vasectomy so you don't
need to have birth control but doesn't show proof of vasectomy.
Boy math. That's in you anyway.
(18:17):
Boy math. Or not wanting to have kids but
not wanting to wear a condom andnot having condoms because they
just don't feel as good. What if I'm not on birth
control, bitch? Boy math.
Boy math Government math again. What is birth control?
What is abortion? What is the pink tax?
(18:41):
Oh my God. I watched a video and this girl
was going around asking men questions about women's bodies,
Speaking of that. And she was like, do you know
what a placenta is? And they're like, oh, yeah.
It's like the thing you use in medical trials of like you give
the medicine, the actual medicine to one group and then
you give them. A placebo, Yes.
And one of this friends was standing there, like, kind of
(19:02):
looking confused. He goes, no, bro, that's a
placebo. And they're like, oh, right,
yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, there's no hope.
There's no hope I've. Had people ask me what comes out
of different holes in the vagina.
You know what I'm talking about.You've had you.
If you've ever squirted, you've been asked this question.
(19:22):
Oh. God Bless America.
Yeah, OK, boy, math, if I stick my Dick in you without giving
you any foreplay, it's going to feel great.
No, boy, math is thinking that all they need to do is finger
(19:48):
you for 2 seconds and you're warmed up.
Yep, boy math, boy math. I've seen this one around a few
times. Boy math is thinking a woman is
only with you for your money when you make minimum wage or
less. Oh God.
(20:11):
Oh, here's another one. Like I said earlier, boy math is
rounding any height over 59 as just over 6 foot.
No boy map is babe, I'm too busyto text you.
I'm in the moment, but he's out with you on his phone non-stop.
Bro that shit enrages me. When people do that, they're
(20:36):
like, oh, I'm like, I mean, I'm really bad at texting, but if
you I tell people I'm like, if you Instagram message me, I'll
respond pretty quickly sometimeslike that also.
Back to toxic math. Thought of girl math.
Oh, what's a good? What's a good one?
Morning skinny. Oh my God, I had the best
morning skinny recently. OK, OK, so this is a very
(21:02):
traumatizing story that I am letting you all know about.
So I had a girls weekend this past weekend in Charleston with
some ladies and we are out Friday night and we're like all
standing around in a circle and there are these group of guys
who are on a bachelor party thatwe had ran into earlier in the
night at a different bar. So then we all end up at the
same bar and like we're talking,talking to one of them and one
of them I look at him and immediately I said bad vibes.
(21:24):
I don't like him. Looked like a more like buff
meteor version of my ex Mr. Bankrupt.
He was super cocky, wearing likea golf hat, like sitting back
and like taking all the attention.
And I just stood there and stared him down and I was like,
I hate this man already. And then one of his other
(21:47):
friends was like super fucked upand like was just like kind of
sitting there mumbling and then I like feel something and he's
like poking me. So I turn around and look at him
and I said what? And he just is kind of like,
what do you want? And he goes, are you pregnant?
And I looked at him and I said, no, I'm not fucking pregnant,
(22:08):
you fucking idiot. And it just ruined my night.
It's honestly, it's ruined my week.
I'm like, I'm just not going to fucking eat for the rest of my
life then. Girl sometimes the mean skinny
is the best motivation like whenpeople like fat shame you.
The first time I got like fat, my uncle, like I sat on his
thigh and I remember him being like, you're getting a little
(22:30):
heavy. And I was 16.
I was also like skinny as shit. By the way, Vicki, I was 16.
You were. Literally like 90.
Pounds. My uncle told me I was getting a
little chubby and like, pinched the back of my thigh and yeah, I
got real fucking skinny, I'll tell you that.
(22:50):
God. Boy math is thinking that you
can tell women anything about their body when you don't focus
on your own. Yeah, boy, math is I can tell
you what to do, but I'm not going to take my own advice
because I can be a hypocrite. Right boy math is it's OK for me
to have a dad bod, but you have to look like a model.
(23:12):
Boy Math is wanting a traditional wife and wants them
to do all the cooking and cleaning and house chores but
also wanting to go 5050 on all of the bills.
Boy math is wanting someone thatcan fuck like a slut but isn't a
slut and has only had one sexualpartner which is them.
(23:33):
Yup, I fucking hate that one. That one pisses me off.
Boy, math is saying women hit the wall at 30 while they're
balding at 20. I'm.
Going to tell you ladies, datingout here is rough.
I'm like, I'm taken now, but thebaldies, the shorties, I'm like,
one of the worst dates I ever went on was with this guy and my
(23:57):
intuition told me he was short. His dating profile didn't tell
me his height. So my intuition told me, you
know, if you don't say your height, you're short.
The boy math is if I don't put my height on here, they're going
to think I'm tall. Right.
So anyway, naive little me fell for it and this was the worst
date of my life. This was him.
(24:18):
I've been to this place like 6 times.
They've got the best cocktails. Oh, I hate him.
We sit there, waitress comes back four times and he's not
ready to order his drink. When I tell you I almost like
jumped out the bathroom window. I ordered my drink.
He kept around, around, around. I'm like, dear God, why will
(24:39):
this person not order? Especially if you're such an
export export, if you're such anexpert on the drinks here and
you've been here so many times and he finally gets his drink
and he's like, you want another round?
I'm like, I'm busy. I got to go like.
What the fuck? And we did the polite, like, hug
(25:00):
goodbye, I'll call you. And I'm like, delete block.
I mean, he was cute, but he was short and he didn't know how to
like, be assertive and order a fucking drink.
That's wild. Four times.
Usually I'm like the first time not.
For the lady, I was like, I feellike I have 5.
Like I thought I was being punked.
Like I thought it was where's Ashton Kutcher?
(25:22):
It's ready for it. I was like, I am being punked
right now because this person will not order a drink.
She would piss me off. I Speaking of short kings, I
went out with my brother for hisbirthday and at one point I'm
standing in the bar and I'm justlike looking around and I turned
to him and his friend. I mean, they're both 6 foot
(25:42):
whatever. And I said, yo, there's a short
king epidemic in this place. They both have been laughing and
then like a few hours later I was talking to the roommates of
my brother's like girl, thing, whatever.
And I looked at them. I said, are you guys single?
They're like, yeah. I said, I'm so sorry.
I was like, everyone around hereis so short and ugly.
(26:03):
I said what the fuck happened? And hit the one roommate who is
single. She was like, girl, it's awful.
It's the worst. I said I'm so.
Sorry, I think it's because people stopped breeding.
Like there's less like population to choose.
Isn't breeding like you're trying to oh I need the best
(26:23):
bitch of a litter like. OK, I've had multiple guys tell
me I'm breathable. That's so gross, I hate it when
guys say that. You're just like, it's like the
hips and I'm just like. Boy math is saying you're so
breathable but not wanting any kids.
I mean, everyone I've talked to wants to have my kids like but.
(26:47):
OK, maybe I just like don't wantanyone's kids so.
I'm like boy math is saying you want a kid but then traveling
95% of the year. Boy math is saying you want a
kid but putting in zero effort to be a father.
Not Mr. W, we see you and you'rea true king.
(27:08):
Yes, he is a great dad. Oh boy.
Math is calling kids with singlemothers fatherless behavior, but
ignoring the fact that it was the fathers who chose not to
save their families. Yeah.
Like why are we always so hard on single mothers but yet when
it's a single father people praise them?
I'm like. I'm like, I think a single dad
(27:29):
is so hot, so hot. I mean I have one so.
What am I saying? I'm like.
Disgusting. No, like I would be totally a OK
with that, but a lot of people wouldn't be.
Yeah, but I've only talked to guys that they're like, I
wouldn't like, it's OK that you're divorced, but it would be
different if you had kids. Yeah, I mean, a kid just, you
(27:53):
know, throws in a whole new Fiesta to the mix, you know what
I mean? Where the maracas?
Fucking hate us. Oh my God, that's so funny.
(28:14):
Boy math is using your wife's interest rate to have a cheaper
house payment because if you refi refinance it would
quadruple because you have shit credit.
OK girl math, I ordered Uber eats and I put instructions to
get up my hallway and if he doesn't do it I'm not going to
(28:36):
get it and I just won't eat my food.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
OK, so I had a girl mat today because I went to Chipotle, but
they were out of chips, so I couldn't buy chips with my
meals. I was like, oh, I'm saving money
by not buying chips with this meal.
But then I went and bought a bagof chips.
(28:59):
I was like, yeah, but now I havelike a big bag of chips that I
can eat for the next few days. It makes sense.
It makes sense. If you're out drinking and you
order 1 water, you're sober. Absolutely.
Absolutely. OK, so this past past example,
this past weekend I took I dranka THC seltzer on Sunday for
(29:22):
Sunday fun day because in my head I was like, OK, girl math.
If I'm a little bit high, I won't buy as many drinks because
I don't like to get twisted verymuch.
So then we go out on Chef Creek in Charleston.
And you get ultra twisted. Yeah, because I was like.
Red Bull Tinas, Yeah. And I'm just like sitting there
(29:44):
like because I'm high but like and I kept being like is this
wearing off or am I just gettinglike drunk now that the high is
wearing off? And I couldn't figure out where
the high ended and the drunk started.
I was just like coasting all daybut had a great day.
I'm like your girl Math is oh, I'm going to drive home on
Sunday night and gets blitzed onSunday and to drive home until
(30:05):
Monday night. Why did I always?
Do that. I was like, oh, it's only a
three hour drive. If I have like one or two drinks
and take a nap or like get a RedBull, I'll be fine.
Next thing I know it's like fucking 8:00 PM and it's dark
out and we're in your living room.
I was like, I'll drive home tomorrow.
(30:25):
Iconic. So I I got pho not because I
wanted pho, I wanted those the egg rolls that are in the rice
paper that aren't fried, that are gluten free spring rolls.
That was just very That was girlmath.
I knew exactly what you were talking about though.
So I wanted those and I was like, well, I should probably
(30:47):
get some fun too. And then I was like, some ice
cream would be good. So I got egg bundled because if
you bundle you save on the delivery fee, it doesn't matter.
Yeah, because I do that. I do that all the time.
I'll be like, oh, well, if I spend five more dollars,
shipping is free and shipping islike $6.
Yeah, I'm like, I might as well buy myself an accessory.
(31:09):
As you should slay. So this weeks episode of Your
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He is awesome, 100% free to use and I am biased because he's my
my old roomie so I have a good girl math.
When it was cold out, I had brought out a random old jacket
(32:17):
that I hadn't worn in months. You found cash, you found and I.
Found cash. I found like $20 in my pocket.
I was like. You're a millionaire, hopefully.
Hell yeah. I was like, free Starbucks,
let's do math or madness. So I'm going to say a scenario
and I want you to say if it's math or madness, OK, Something
(32:39):
bought in advance is free. So like if you buy a concert
ticket or flights, when you get to that event because you've
already paid for it, it's free. Probably madness but I never buy
my flights in advance so I'm pissed off every.
I was going to, I was going to say girl math because I always
(33:02):
buy my flights and concerts and stuff in advance.
So then I like buy it and then forget about it.
Like I have a flight Friday and I paid for it like a few weeks
ago and I forgot about it and I was like oh I have a free flight
on Friday. We'll see.
Because like, it doesn't charge you.
Does it charge you when you go? And it charges you when you buy
(33:24):
it. Like I'm going to Barbados next
week, but I'm still just like, Ispent a lot of money to go to
Barbados. Oh, this is another good
example. Girl math is if I put money on
my Starbucks card today, forget about it, and then I go to get
Starbucks next week, it's free because I have money on my
Starbucks. Card, yes, Starbucks card in
(33:45):
general. If it's money on there, it's
free. Oh, absolutely.
Anytime I have like money on there, I'm like hell yeah, OK.
Buying something on sale means you're making a profit even if
it's something you don't need. So you buy a jacket, it's on
sale. And then for 45, down from 65.
And then with girl math, really you made $20.00 with that
(34:06):
purchase? Agree.
Another good one is like, buy one, get one half off.
Those sales always get me. I'm like, well if I really like
this, I might as well buy another one for half off.
Like really? I'm getting 2 for one at that
point. Exactly.
Girl Math. Girl Math.
Spending more money online shopping to get free shipping.
(34:33):
Clothes and accessories are basically free if you wear them
enough. Girl math.
So basically you divide the prices of something by the
number of times you wear it. So if I buy $200 purse and I
wear it 20 times, really it's only $10?
And if I don't? Do that.
But it makes sense to me. Yeah.
And if I use it 50 times, it's really only $4.00, which is
basically free because anything less than $5 is free free.
(34:57):
Math girl Math. I do this one.
Making coffee at home means you can order a pricier dinner.
So I make my coffee at home. I mean like I still get
Starbucks but mostly every day Imake my coffee at home because I
have an espresso and amazing anddelicious.
So basically girl math philosophy applies to any time
you show tremendous financial restraint like making your
(35:23):
coffee at home. And since you resisted the urge
to, you know, swing by your favorite coffee shop, then
naturally. You get splurge.
You get to splurge at dinner that night, maybe getting like a
fancy bottle of wine or a fancy cocktail or getting like the
scallops that are usually like $60.00 instead of like the
chicken. It's like 30, you know what I
mean? No, because I don't make my
(35:45):
coffee at home and even if I do,I'm like this sucks and I'd go
get. I I almost did that today
because for some reason on my calendar I had, I it said I had
a dentist appointment at like 850.
First I woke up at 8:25 and I was like, oh fuck.
(36:06):
So then I Sprint to the dentist office.
I get there and like me and the lady say hi and then they're
like, what are you doing here? Because they know me.
I was like, I have an appointment.
They're like, no, you don't. I was like, yeah, I do.
Yeah, I do. They're like, your next
appointment is June 3rd. I was like, oh, why do I have it
in my calendar for April 16th? And they were like, I don't
(36:28):
know. I said OK, we'll see you later.
I don't know. I was.
Like, I guess I'll see you later.
And then I get in my car and I was like, well, I'm already out.
And since I inconvenienced myself, I should treat myself
and go get coffee. And I was like, I was like, I
almost did. But then I was like, no, because
I know I'm going to want becauseI'm gonna have to go to the gym
later today and I know I'm not going to want to cook dinner.
So I'll just keep this treat from this morning and add it to
(36:53):
the evening so that I bought myself to pull it for dinner.
OK, that makes sense. I'm like you talking about your
dentist story. What a turn of events.
I went to the dentist and I got there and this is like, I don't
know, a couple years ago, I still remember and it was so
traumatizing. I took the morning off of work
to go to the dentist and I got there and they were like, I like
(37:16):
checked in and they were like called me back up.
And they're like, we've been calling you a couple times.
Like your your dentist isn't here today.
She's on maternity leave. And I'm like, it's not like this
just happened today. It's like you knew about her
material. Nobody called me.
And they were like, just sit here for a little bit.
(37:37):
We'll see if we can squeeze you in.
And I sat there for 40 minutes and then they were like, yeah,
it's not going to happen today. I cried.
It ruined my day. Oh.
My God, I but so I went and got my yearly physical done and
blood work and the I while I wassitting there and then after I
(38:00):
got blood, every time I get blood drawn or do something with
blood, I always bruise really badly.
And I was like sitting there andI started laughing to myself
because I was like, I know Vickiwould already be in fucking
tears right now. What about the time that I went
to the doctor shortly after I moved here?
(38:20):
And I thought I was getting likeabused.
And it was they like, I literally was pulled to the side
and they were like, do we need to call the police?
Like, is this a domestic situation?
And it wasn't. It was bruises for me being like
blackout drunk on my farewell tour, falling in the street.
(38:45):
All these fishes were like, she's abused.
She's a battered woman. They were like, do we need to
like, call somebody for you Funny.
Oh. My God.
OK, back to girl math timing your champ your everyday or not
everyday timing your everything shower to line up with your
weekend plans. I do that.
(39:06):
So like I will wait like 2 to three days, like shave my legs
or wash my hair because I'm likeOK, well I have this event
coming up on Friday or Saturday,so I want like clean everything
before that. That's what I do.
Do you not do that? No, I am.
Well, I've been pushing my hair longer than I used to, but I'll
(39:28):
usually body shower every day and shave every day.
That is, I don't. Like.
You go into the office and I don't, and I only do that like
once a week. I don't know.
It's not like my boyfriend liveshere.
Well, I get waxed now down there, but like, I don't know.
I don't like it when my legs feel prickly.
It makes me feel itchy. So I shave my legs like all the
(39:49):
time. Like anytime I'm in the shower,
if there's an opportunity, I'm shaving my legs.
I my legs get really bad razor burn bumps so I have to wait
like 2 to three days before I shave which is kind of annoying.
So I do the girl math thing where I'm like OK, I have an
event at 7:00 PM. I need to shower, shave, blow
(40:10):
dry my hair and do my makeup. I'm like OK so that means I need
to leave at 6:30, which means I need to be in the shower by like
5:00 PM. So that way I can get out of the
shower by like 530 and blow dry my hair and curl it and do my
makeup so I'm ready by 6:30. But even still, sometimes an
(40:31):
hour and a half is not long enough because I'm like, well
then I. You know, I'm like it's 3:00 PM,
my events at 8:00 PM. I'm getting ready.
Yeah, because especially if I'm like, I have the outfit picked
out of my head, but what if it doesn't look the way I want it
to? Then that throws a whole wrench
into the plan. Yeah, and then we're still late
because we changed the outfit 6 times so they cry about it.
(40:52):
Oh it's another good girl meth one.
If you wore an outfit and nobodysaw it, did you?
No one important saw it. Did you actually really wear it?
Can you re wear it? You can re wear it.
I do that all the time. I'm like Oh no one.
Sometimes I do that like work from home and I'll be like Oh no
one saw me so I'm just going to re wear this.
Yeah, I do it because I work at 7 different locations Sobby
(41:13):
wearing like the same outfit a couple days a week.
I'm like, yeah, like none of these people saw me.
Boy math is claiming women aren't funny but then hop on
every single trend and ruin it and whine that they don't get to
be a part of it. Boy math is complaining that
there's a male loneliness epidemic but yet having
(41:34):
absolutely 0 offerings to women and acting like big old babies.
Boy math is saying that you're still trying to figure out your
dating goals when you're a 45 year old balding man on fucking
Hinge anyways. Just how to get that out?
(41:56):
Boy math. Boy math.
Boy math, Boy math. Is I know a lot of dudes say
that they think that they can land a plane.
Boy math is thinking that they can land a plane because they
play Xbox. I'm like that is one controller.
Have you ever seen inside of a cockpit of a plane?
Boy math? I don't think I know any boy
(42:16):
math. Yeah, you just don't listen.
As you shouldn't listen to them.Boy, Math is complaining about
the patriarchal society that we live in, but yet they're the
ones that created. It.
Another boy math and it's like an epidemic with men.
Like there's like research backed behind this but boy Matt
(42:39):
is being 6 times more likely to abandon their wives who have
terminal illness and terminal and chronic illness and then
crying about being alone. I know someone who she was
dating this guy. They got in a car accident.
He ended up being a paraplegic. She took care of him while he
(43:00):
had no job. He cheated on her with a dude
and I was like can he even get hard and they were like no he
takes like pills to get hard buthe won't come.
That is wild. That's fucking batshit.
(43:20):
What a mind fuck right? Like you took care of this dude
when you got injured in the car shoe and then he tells you that
he's cheating on you with men. Yep.
OK boy math expecting you to have threesomes where you fuck
other girls, but if we bring another guy in the picture it's
out of the question. Yeah, boy, math is they'll watch
(43:46):
gross gory movies, but the moment you bring up period blood
they freak out and say that's disgusting.
Boy, math is not admitting that you like things in your ass.
Boy math is being super homophobic because you're
actually gay and just don't wantto come out.
(44:08):
Yep. The amount of times that has
happened, I'm like, yeah, we allsaw that.
Oh boy, math is saying women don't poop or fart but yet all
they do with their dudes is talkabout the biggest shits that
they ever took. Or send pictures of it to each
other. Yeah, I don't know if this is
boy math, but Mr. Spreadsheet, Iwas like, what size do you think
(44:33):
my feet are? And he's like 6.
I'm like try A10. Which aren't you like a 10 or
11? Like a nine and a half 10.
But it made me think of white chicks.
And it's like little lady, perhaps a salad.
And she's like perhaps. That's not the steak smothered
(44:57):
and onions life update. I get to see Mr. W this week
which is super exciting. We're going to my sister's for
Easter and while we were recording because he like always
waits till the day of to get a hotel room, he sent me a
screenshot of the hotel reservation and I was like wow
(45:18):
I'm so proud of you. A whole 2 days before OK, we're
learning and then we'll see eachother the week after that
because we'll both be at the same work trip but.
Nice. I'll hardly be able to see them
though because because they I don't know what the fuck they're
(45:38):
doing, but they got two different hotels for the group
of people of. Course in different hotels.
In different hotels, but we looked it up and it's literally
a 2 minute walk. They're like right next to each
other downtown and I was like OK, that makes me feel better.
I just. Like I'm envisioning you like
running at a Cape, like it's like hotel.
(46:02):
I don't know why that's my imageright now.
I know I need to bring like a hat and a hoodie when I.
Yeah, like I'm getting Incognito.
Yeah, because he is more noticeable than I am, because
more people know him than me. So I'm like, I'll just like,
wear a hoodie and a hat and like, look mysterious.
I don't know. Like what would happen if they
(46:24):
found out? I don't know.
I mean, we, I think people wouldjust like talk and be annoying
about it, which is what I don't want so.
Nobody's going to know. How would they know?
I mean, I think at this point like I'm trying to think like 7
(46:48):
people know about us. One of them was an accident
because the last time we were ata work trip together, there was
four of us when we were getting an Uber back to the hotel after
like, drinking together after dinner.
And he like, said something and I was like popping off back at
him being sassy. And so then he's sassy back and
we're like giggling about it. And like the other dude that was
(47:09):
there was just kind of like looking at us weirdly.
And then the other person who's friends with us, she's like, oh,
they're dating, by the way. And the the fourth guy was like,
oh, my God, really? I was like, oh, yeah, he's like,
you're not fucking with me. I was like, no, we've been
dating for a while. He was like, Oh my God, that
makes me so happy because I loveboth of you.
And I was like. Thanks, but it's Wednesday and I
(47:34):
didn't cry. Yeah.
Well, I think you didn't cry because we talked about
something funny. OK, I mean, I'm totally going to
watch a sad movie. I asked for sad movie
recommendations and realized I'dnever seen Pearl Harbor.
I haven't watched that in a really long time.
It was my first time watching itand it was.
Be good. Yeah.
It's like kind of devastating. Yeah, when Danny dies.
(47:56):
That's a Josh Harnett, right? It's not.
Yeah, not not Affleck. Which I also hated that weird
love triangle of like the two best friends in love with the
same girl but then basically like gave his blessing to his
best friend if he dies and like vice versa.
I was like, I don't care for that.
Each their own. If you had to pick between Josh
Harnett and Ben Affleck at theirpeak, I'm a Joshy girl, I'd pick
(48:22):
Josh. I think so too.
He's got a little bit of a baby face, but I don't know.
But then Ben Affleck's from Boston, so I'm like.
Eww OK well life update. I'm turning 31 next week so this
episode releases on Friday April18th.
It is my birthday. Friday April 25th.
(48:43):
I will be in Barbados having my 31st life crisis and big news
May 3rd is my Independence Day. It's we ask for a divorce, so
it's my Independence Day. Oh, I thought you meant like
that was the official day. Your divorce.
(49:05):
Your divorce. Decree No April 8th is my
official divorce date. I was like, huh?
Oh wait, that was a few days. Yeah, so April 8th was when my
divorce decree was signed. April 19th is when I got
married. April 25th is my birthday.
April's a big month for you, I. Honestly I hate April because I
put too many like accomplishments in one place but
then May 3rd is my Independence Day.
(49:26):
Like fuck the 4th of July. May 3rd is my Independence Day.
Look that pussy fly. OK, Well, thank you for coming
back to another episode of your secret safe with a We hope you
enjoyed today's episode of girl Math, Boy Math and Toxic Math,
(49:48):
which you know, if we've all been there.
So remember to embrace your chaos because math is fake, but
your intuition isn't right, Vicki.
Bitch, I don't even know what tosay to that.
I'm going to go have a water because if you had some alcohol
(50:09):
and you drink water, you are sober.
Exactly girl math. Girl math, girl math boy math.
Lots of toxic math. Whatever math you do.
Except for the real brainiac kind, We're supporters.
Shout out to my twin brother forhis math degree.
The only math I do is made-up. So anyways like subscribe,
(50:35):
follow, share, comment. Be our sponsor if you want a hat
and you want us to sponsor something, you do.
Yeah, if you have a local business or something, buy a hat
and we will shout you out on thepod like we did with Matt and
Franklin finders. So yeah, make sure you subscribe
wherever you get your podcast. Yep, Ellie.
(50:58):
Ellie, bye. Yeah.
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