May 2, 2025 • 66 mins
In this episode of Your Secret's Safe With A, Grace and Vikki dive deep into attachment styles, sharing personal insights, hilarious stories, and a few life updates. Vikki opens up about her dramatic breakup and how her attachment style shifted throughout the relationship. Grace reflects on her own experiences with attachment, discussing her struggles with self-sabotage and the emotional chaos that comes with dating. The duo dissects the four main attachment styles—secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized—offering real-life examples and candid commentary on how these styles show up in relationships. From the "ick" to boundary-pushing moments, this episode explores love, heartbreak, and personal growth with plenty of humor along the way. Tune in for laughs, lessons, and a whole lot of honesty!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You're like, let me record this shit because it's about to be
fucking odd. So I guess I'll start.
I'm like life update now. Welcome to episode 9, Vicki.
What? It's the life update.
So last week I turned 31 and Barbados and.
(00:24):
Aged. Psych I broke up with my
boyfriend because I got the ick.So yeah, your girl is violently
single again. Tears.
So yeah, that's my life update. Last week I was in Barbados.
(00:48):
Terrible trip. I pet a sea turtle.
That was the highlight. Yeah, that was really, you know,
the good part of my trip. I'm not going to say what
happened, what I got the ick about.
It happened about two weeks before our trip.
I got the ick and I've been fighting it and trying to
(01:08):
recover from it. And if you guys know anything
about me, you know that I have to be honest, like it.
I can't hold it inside of me because of my history with
anxiety. So it comes out like word vomit.
So me thinking, you know, on thetrip, like maybe it'll get
better or whatever, it didn't. I was like, I want to leave and
(01:30):
this is over and the rest is history.
And he did not take it well. So no, he did not.
He unfollowed us and because we didn't.
Unfollow us. Literally as soon as Vicki told
me they broke up, I go to Instagram already blocked me.
I was the first one he blocked. I was like damn.
(01:51):
And then I was like, OK, like I felt pretty good about myself.
Like I didn't even say anything and I.
Got blocked. I had a high from that.
I was like, I love being the onethat gets blocked.
Yeah, no, you and all my Nashville friends, everyone is
blocked. Yeah, it's not just you.
It went worldwide. Everybody's blocked.
It's worldwide. Yeah.
(02:13):
So everyone's blocked. I'm single again.
Maybe a couple episodes down theroad I will share The Dirty
details of what occurred, but that time is not now.
OK, wait. What did you say you were in
love with him? Episode like 2 I.
Think yeah, it was right near the beginning of the pod.
I mean, we've been seeing each other since January, so pretty
(02:33):
good run. I will say I'm really proud of
myself because past me would stay with someone even though I
felt like my intuition was telling me something else and I
would just push and push and push and stay.
This time I followed my intuition and it did not go
well, but. I mean, it didn't go well, but
(02:54):
your intuition was right. My intuition was 1000% right.
So shout out Marianne if you guys remember the episode where
Marianne was like, if you have afeeling, trust your feeling,
trust your gut because it's not going to get better.
Yeah. I trusted my gut.
It in fact did get worse. Fuck.
(03:14):
You made me lose my train of thought last night I had a dream
because I'm going up so see Mr. W for the month of May.
I had a dream last night that hebroke up with me after like like
felt my last day there in May, like right before my sister's
wedding. And I woke up and I was like,
this motherfucker had the. Audacity, So I.
(03:36):
Texted him I said I'm mad at you, you broke up with me in my
dream and he was like I can't help.
I said yes you can. I too have had some wonky
dreams. So minus being single again,
guess what finally happened? I got home from Barbados and
immediately checked the mail. It's my name change, an official
(03:58):
sign. Oh my God.
Here we go with the hair again. Here we go with the hair.
Leave it like that, don't touch it.
And won't touch it ever again. If you're listening and not
watching Vicki to redo her hair if it's down at least seven
times with the headphones because she just can't.
(04:18):
She just has so much fucking hair.
I just it looks weird as shit. No it doesn't.
Whatever. OK, Welcome back to episode 9 of
Your Secret Safe with a Vicki and I today are going to dive
into a very timely topic, which is attachment styles.
(04:45):
Grace literally messaged me today and I was like, what time
do you want to record? And she was like, later today,
but like, we're going to do attachment styles.
Is that still OK? I'm like, this is hitting real
close to home. So this is the best time for me
to talk about this topic. I gave you a choice.
I was like, we can do something else.
No, we were like, let's just feed into the trauma.
(05:06):
Vicki's funnier that way. So if you saw in our Instagram
stories, we asked you all to name what our attachment styles
are. So I'm going to read out the top
one for both of us and then we'll go through what the
attachment styles are and then Iwill tell you what we both are.
(05:27):
So the top one for me was avoidant, which is funny.
Someone voted secure for me. Oh thank you all, your friends
did and then yours. Was anxious, yeah.
I'm not surprised my top one wasanxious.
Yeah, I'm not. I was.
Surprised with my result. Yeah, I was surprised by your
(05:49):
results too. I was not surprised by Avoidant
and I wasn't surprised by my results.
Like I knew what I was going to do.
Oh my God, but it me secure too.OK, so I guess all my friends
think Grace is like the secure stable individual in that I'm
like the off the rocker friend. They've never had to date me so.
(06:13):
Well, yeah. And I think I mean the quiz that
we took, it talks a little bit about our parents attachment
styles. First it talks about your
attachment style in the workplace and then it asks you
your attachment style with your most recent partner.
And I think my most recent partner versus my previous
partner made a big difference inmy scoring.
(06:35):
Yeah, I feel like it was too completely.
I mean, we talked about it today.
It was like 2 completely different attachment styles with
like both those relationships. Which is funny because like for
me, I'm very consistent in my attachment style with all of my
relationships. Meanwhile, I'm like a chameleon,
but I think it just has to do with my journey and how I
(06:56):
changed as a person over the last year.
I'm coming up on my IndependenceDay.
So those that don't know what I consider my Independence Day.
So it's a little bit of both. I call it my Independence Day
because I just have. To say I will never forget those
(07:18):
text messages and phone call from you.
So I'm like, oh, my mom is calling me.
It's not urgent. I'm not answering it.
She literally texted me today which first and foremost she's
been like scared for my safety and she texted.
Me too. We're not going there because
(07:39):
respect, respect. Anyway, surprisingly enough, I
can keep a secret. I'm like my friends know what
happened last week in Barbados, but I will not be telling the
rest of the pod so. Good for you.
Good for me that's growth on butwhat were we talking about?
Oh, my mom, she literally like texted me in the middle of my
(08:00):
work day and was like, I have a 2 minute call from you last
night at 12:30 in the morning. This is unusual and.
I. Immediately called her and I was
like, mom, I just checked my call history.
This was like Monday night goinginto Tuesday morning.
When I called you once I landed in the Nashville airport to let
you know that I was alive. I was like, we had a
(08:23):
conversation for two minutes. Meanwhile, she's freaking out
too. Wait, so.
You talked to her on the phone and she forgot.
And she forgot and like thought that like the two-minute call
she was seeing was from last night.
Last night I did not talk to her, but the night before I did.
That's some shit Marianne would do.
She has the worst memory so she would definitely like call me
(08:44):
freaking out and be like. I saw that you.
Called me at 1:00 AM. Are you OK?
Yes, I'm fine, Mother. I'm like, yeah, Mom, you were
there. You were part of it.
Oh God. Like we went on a tangent, but
basically, per usual, people think Grace is avoidant, people
(09:05):
think I'm anxious. Both of us got different results
when we took the test. So we're going to read what each
attachment type is, and then we'll tell you what our scores
ended up being. Yes.
So the first one is secure attachment.
What it means people with secureattachment feel good about being
close to others and enjoy their own space.
(09:26):
They truly trust people and theyknow how to talk about their
feelings. And so how it shows up is that
people can have healthy friendships and relationships.
They handle problems in relationships without getting
too upset, and they trust that like others in those
relationships are going to be there for them.
OK the next one is the one that y'all thought I was anxious
(09:47):
attachment. Anxious attachment What it
means? People with anxious attachment
worry a lot about others liking them and staying close.
They get nervous when they thinksomeone might leave or not pay
attention to them how it shows up.
They might seem super clingy or always want reassurance.
If their friend or family memberis busy or distant, they might
(10:09):
get upset or anxious. I feel like this is your.
Most next. This is I firmly believe that I
had anxious attachment with my ex-husband.
Firmly believe that. But in my current relationship,
the one that just ended 2 days ago, he was the anxious
(10:33):
attachment and I was not. Yeah, you're the secure.
I told Mr. W to take the quiz. I was like, hey, take this quiz.
And he was like, oh, what did you score?
Like what number did you score? I said, so you didn't even read
what I sent you. I was like, you don't what
number did you don't? That's not it tells you like
what attachment style you are. And he's like, OK, I'll take it.
(10:55):
I think he's going to be secure attachment, but the next one is
avoidant attachment, which everyone thought I was, and
that's what I thought going intoit, I was going to be.
So what it means People with avoidant attachment prefer to be
alone and do things on their own.
They might feel uncomfortable when others want to be too close
(11:15):
or emotional. Yep.
And how it shows up as these people don't like to share their
feelings much, they may avoid talking about emotions and they
might push others away when things get too close or serious.
No idea what that's like. Yeah, no idea.
I'm like, I feel like I was the avoidant one but in a secure way
(11:38):
in my last relationship because I was pushing him away.
But it wasn't like I'm pushing you away and not telling you.
It's I'm telling you every single reason why I'm pushing
away and communicating that I need space and you are not
listening, which probably made his anxiety worse.
Yeah, how the turntables. I remember this feeling when I
(12:00):
was with my ex-husband and it's an awful fucking feeling.
And I said this to Mr. Spreadsheet as things were
ending is I was like, I don't like the way I'm treating you.
I don't like that everything youdo now annoys me.
Like the ick is real. The ick is real people.
And I tried everything under like the sun to get over it.
(12:22):
I firmly believe I felt all the love and feelings that I had for
him. And as soon as I saw the ick, it
just kept presenting itself in every single thing that he did
to the point that I could not look past it.
Yeah, it's like a a scab you can't stop picking at or like
people you can't stop popping like you're going to keep seeing
(12:42):
it and just like picking and picking and.
Picking. Yeah.
And that's what I thought. I was like, I feel like I'm just
picking you apart. And he's like, well, I can
change, I can correct this. And here's me two months in.
We should not be having to correct anything.
We are simply just not compatible.
And it is no longer working the way that it did.
Yeah. That sounds pretty fucking
(13:03):
secure to me. All you motherfuckers telling me
I'm anxious, you know I'm medicated so I'm no longer
anxious. You know I.
Will say I think the one time I was anxious of attachment was my
like first long term boyfriend. Is this the one that cheated on
(13:24):
you? That now like the fattest cow to
ever exist? Yes.
OK. Yeah, he cheated on me a bunch
and I was just so anxious all the time, like, you know,
craving that closeness with him.And reassurance that like you
were only his and vice versa. Yep.
(13:47):
And news flash, didn't work out.Shocker.
Did he marry the girl he cheatedon you with?
No, he the first time he cheatedon me was with his
ex-girlfriend. Oh yeah, this is.
It's not my fault I had to look in touch.
Yeah. And I was like.
Don't send me your needs me. OK, what?
(14:09):
A way to try and excuse your cheating.
It's not my fault. Yes.
Anyway, I can tell you what I'm like.
Anytime I've ever cheated, I canconfidently tell people like it
was my fault. I am so sorry.
Like it was my fault. Like I do.
I believe that there was some catalysts in our relationship
that wasn't working that broughtme to that point.
Yeah, yes. But I never blamed it on someone
(14:31):
else. Yeah, that's the difference
between men and women. Women can take accountability
and responsibility for their actions, and men cannot.
Yeah, they just love throwing tantrums publicly in the airport
anyway. So the last attachment style is
disorganized. And So what it means it's a mix
of both anxious and avoidant. So these people want close
(14:52):
relationships, but they're scared of getting hurt.
And so they can be confused about how to act in that
relationship. So how it shows up, they may act
like they want to be close to others, but then they might
suddenly pull away or act distant.
And their behavior can be confusing because they want
love, but they're afraid of it at the same time.
Yeah, yes. So are we going to say what we
(15:15):
are now, or are we going to givemore examples?
Let's say what we are now, so you go ahead first.
OK, believe it or not, all you judging motherfuckers, I'm
secure. I am secure.
And I was honestly surprised I was secure.
And like I said a little bit earlier, I think it has to do
(15:36):
with the relationship scoring section, which was the last
section. And it tells you to answer it
based on your most recent relationship.
And my most recent relationship,he was very much anxious and I
was secure. He even called me out on how
secure I was that I was like, I need space.
It's OK. Like we don't have to like talk
(15:58):
all the time. And it just it made.
Him you're grown adults. We are right like we're not 21
anymore like right we're in our 30s.
We we're allowed to be like, hey, this is what I always say
to Mr. Devil. I'm like, I love you every day,
but I may not like you every dayand like that's okay.
Some days you may not like me and that's that's okay.
Yeah, yeah, 1000%. And I think I've learned so much
(16:23):
from being single this last yearthat I found myself in a way
that I never thought I could. And it's such a great feeling
being secure because again, I would put up with stuff all the
time before, even at my the expense of my own feelings to
the point that it gave me anxiety.
And now I can tell you what I will choose literally anything
(16:43):
over having anxiety, even if it means like, word vomiting.
Everything that's in my brain, even if you don't want to hear
it, because I cannot keep a secret.
I could not have anxiety. Your girl will spiral.
Your girl does not have time to spiral.
She's an executive. We're busy.
But yeah, take care. Seeing Vicky's spiral is I just
(17:05):
like when you were texting me inthe airport and you're like, I'm
going to crash the fuck out, like I'm about to have a mentee
be which you were allowed for what was going on.
And I like because I know when you start getting anxious, you
start typing rapidly on your phone, scrolling very, very,
very rapidly. You're like chewing on your
nails like you can't sit still, like you're like looking around
(17:27):
like wildly, like a rabid dog. And like, that's literally what
I was picturing you. And like, because you always
like you sit with like your arm across your belly like this.
And then you're like this with your phone.
And then you'll like do like a side and you'll close it and
you'll put it down and then you get it back out and.
Then I'm like, who messaged me up?
Yeah. Literally like if I didn't see
your text message I was like. Oh shit it's been 5 minutes.
(17:48):
She's spiraling. Like, no, I just I had multiple
combos going. I almost did a group happy hour
last night where I told everyonewhat happened at once because at
this point I've forgotten who knows which parts of the story.
And for example, I saw a friend that I was like, I thought I
told her everything I told her and she was like bitch, bitch.
(18:11):
I just like consecutively like losing it.
That was like, did I not tell you that?
Like it's kind of a blur. I know like.
Hearing it all at once, like in one like spot is like fucking
crazy. I mean, and like you were, you
were giving me like book play byplays as happening.
In the moment like. And I was like, what the fuck?
(18:31):
I was like, am I going to have to drive to Charlotte to, like,
rescue her? Like, that's what I like.
That's what I thought I was going to have to do.
Like, I was like, OK, she lands at 8:30.
If I leave at 6:00 PM, I can getthere.
Yeah, no, my mom knew something was up, which first and
foremost, I told her I was thinking about breaking up with
him before the trip and she was like, you shouldn't go.
(18:51):
And anyway, I should have been stronger.
I let him convince me to go and that it would make things
better. But I like finally called her
when I landed in Nashville. But first, what was it?
Was it when I was still in Barbados or when I was in
Charlotte? I texted my mom.
So something that was really confusing to me when doing the
(19:13):
attachment style quiz is I thought for sure Sandra would be
anxious. And I think she did like learn
more on the side of anxiety, butthere was also a level of
avoidance. I need to like see what hers
was. But I like definitely thought
that she was going to be anxioustoo see for.
(19:33):
My mom it was secure and for my dad it was anxious.
See, we were all, my mom, my dad, me, we were all kind of on
that like secure line in the middle because sometimes they do
feel a lot of love from them andsometimes, you know, they're
avoidant. Yeah, my dad is huge avoidance.
(19:57):
No idea where I get it from. See.
Can you guys see that the green dot is my dad?
Like all the way up there. I'm an idiot.
You text it to me. I can literally look at it on
the phone. OK, yeah, I see what you're
saying. See, like we're all kind of on
that like line of secure attachment.
And I don't know where I was going with this.
(20:17):
Oh, the text that I sent to my mom.
I'm talking about the thumbs up 1.
Yes so here's me texted my mom 7:03 PM Hi almost to Charlotte.
I get a thumbs up. I get a response.
When will you be home? I said midnight ish my time.
(20:39):
She responded wow period long layover thumbs down.
I said Yep period. Also Mr. Spreadsheet and I are
over. He ended up being really creepy.
Thumbs up. No, not even.
She didn't even send an emoji thumbs up.
She literally. She liked my message.
And I like I was dying and I told Vicki, it's so funny
(21:02):
because like our moms are so opposite in like the way they
show emotions. I was like, it's makes sense to
why like Vicki, she doesn't mindshowing her emotions.
She cries, you know, all that stuff.
And Sandra doesn't. Whereas like I don't cry.
Like I don't like to do that type of stuff.
I don't like to show my emotions, whereas my mom, she
will cry to anyone anywhere, anytime.
(21:24):
And I was like, it's funny because if you were texting my
mom that exact stuff, she would be like, Oh my God, honey, I'm
so glad you're safe. Like let me know if I could do
anything. Do you want me to Venmo you
money for a good coffee? Like doing all of that type of
stuff, which I mean, it's amazing to have as a mother, but
sometimes it can be a lot. And that is why I am
unemotional, unemotional about things because my mother is
(21:47):
overly emotional. God love her though.
I'm like, I feel like Sandra hasworked on being less reactive
because I've told her it gives me anxiety.
So maybe her her new level, which is why she's more on the
secure line too, is let me just like Victoria's message instead
of being like, Oh my fucking God, what happened?
And like, are you OK? Like now she's like.
Overcorrecting to the opposite extreme.
(22:09):
Yeah, now. She's like thumbs up.
She didn't even like text me once I landed in Nashville and I
was like waiting for my Uber andI called her.
I was like, hey, she's like, hey, during that phone call, she
told me. She said I could tell something
was wrong because you weren't posting on social media.
You were being very unresponsiveto people.
(22:31):
She was like, I'm glad to hear your voice.
The last five days. I thought you were dead.
I'm honestly shocked she didn't.Text me to be like, have you
heard from Vicki? And I'm like, yeah, I've been
texting a little time. What do you mean?
Yeah, no. That's why I'm like, it's a
balance because she's like, it'sOK if I just like your message
that says me and so and so are over.
But then once you call me, I'm going to be like, yeah, I
(22:52):
thought you were dead the last five days.
Cool. Like.
I won't do it. Over text, but I'm going to do
it when we're talking to each other.
But that's what she is sometimes.
She's like, it would pain me if I was not honest with you.
In this moment. And it usually happens over the
phone because she can't keep hermouth shut.
Like the more the older I get, the more I realize I'm like my
(23:15):
mom. And like I was just about to
say. You mean she word vomits like
you do? Yeah, I.
Like I she's able to like keep it contained and like
responsible during the text messages, which today was like,
she texted me, I didn't respond within two minutes.
She was like, saw a random call from you at midnight for two
minutes and, you know, yeah, I was like, she's panicking.
(23:35):
So I picked up the phone and called her.
In the middle of my work. Day and she was like, you got
it. I was like Yep, just busy
working. Trying to think about.
Anything else? Like I don't want to talk about
it. That's so funny.
Oh my. God.
I love her, she's so funny. Meanwhile.
Earl will never hear a soul about this.
(23:57):
What he will hear is like they're not together.
A. Censored level of explanation
for my mom. Yeah, I don't.
Sometimes I don't think he probably cares to know the whole
story. Yeah, And that's when I was
doing the quiz. It was like, do you think this
person would be upset if like, like, do you think this person
(24:17):
doesn't care about you or something?
I'm like, no, he definitely cares.
But then it's like, would you tell them everything in your
heart? I'm like, strongly disagree.
Yeah, I was like. Absolutely not, no.
But I would tell my mom that. Oh, I would tell them, yeah, I
literally it was like, would youtell this person everything,
confide in them like all this ever said, strongly agree,
strongly agree, strongly agree. So my attachment style was
(24:41):
disorganized which is fearful avoidant which is a mix of
anxious and avoidant so. I was surprised to see that.
And one of the things it says like you're scared about getting
hurt. And I was like, Gracie, don't be
afraid. I mean, you're.
Hard to love and this is me. Like repeatedly getting hurt and
(25:03):
falling for it over and over andover again.
It's like such a romantic. I am not.
It's just so funny because like,I mean, my last like 3
relationships, it's not like they've been short
relationships, like they've beenover a year or a year or
whatever. And I mean, I guess that's short
to some people, but whatever. It's just like, I mean, it's not
(25:23):
2. Months short, Holla.
But you always fucking say something like that and that
makes me lose my brain. OK, your.
Relationships were a year you were scared about getting hurt.
Yeah, I'm just like so. Exhausted by it all like because
every time it'll be like a few months in and I'm like OK I'm
(25:45):
going to fully open up to this person and once I do the House
of Cards come fucking crashing down.
Happened with my fucking ex-boyfriend that, well, the
first ex-boyfriend that I started dating in the friend
group. He blew up that House of Cards
and then what a doozy. That's.
(26:15):
What came to my head? Play my.
Eye sometimes. Mr. W will say oh Jeepers and I
like. Cut a look at him.
I'm like. No, and every time he says it I
literally responded ick. But you can.
Recover from your ick. I could not because I I tell
(26:36):
him. It's an ick and he immediately
stops and I'm like. But it's never been.
Like about his behavior. His behavior has always been
good and fine. It's always been like he'll
like. Move a certain.
Way or like wear a certain thingI don't know.
Or like say oh Jeepers and I'm like no.
(26:56):
Like 1. Time he oh fuck, what did he do?
He like maybe did some dance move or like tried to do
something to Oh God, I've already.
Been pulsed immediately. I looked at him, I said.
For the love of God, if you everwant me to find you attractive
again, do not ever fucking do that again.
(27:19):
I was like, I'm so. Mean.
It's my. Love language, whatever it said.
We were Facetiming today and I was like in a really good mood
this morning and he's. And.
He wasn't because. He's really stressed.
Out with work because we have a huge work trip coming up but he
relevant. Yeah, irrelevant.
(27:41):
He's like, oh, you seem to be ina better mood because I've been
quite depressed about the way I look lately.
And I was like, yeah, I am. And then he, like, said
something because he loves to fuck with me.
So he said something to make me pissed off.
And he was like, I don't want tohear that attitude.
And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no.
I said you were the one that caused this.
You decided to say something that you knew was going to piss
me off to get a reaction out of me, which then pisses me off
(28:03):
even more that you got the reaction out of me.
Man. And then he's like, well,
that's. Our love language.
I was like, no. No, kind of kind of.
I was like. Wow, so if I'm a little mean to
him? It's fine.
Like we just fuck with each other.
If you and your partner can't make fun of each other in like a
good, funny, healthy way, like obviously we don't mean any of
(28:24):
it, then you're not going to make it, I don't think.
Yeah. I think after this experience
I'm somehow going to end up a fearful avoidance.
Welcome to my. Club.
We need to go to. Therapy.
No. I'm.
Just like everyone's been like repeatedly messaging me like
(28:45):
Wellness check, checking in on you, Are you OK?
How's your day? And OK, well, I did that
yesterday. I know, but.
I'm just like, I'm in this levelof disassociation.
I'm not going to lie, I did message a couple boys, some some
boys from the past. Like it's not like I'm going to
crawl back into bed with someone.
Maybe just like for emptiness, but not for like.
(29:09):
I'm going to love this person forever because fuck that fuck.
That I know. That's what I'm.
Saying like, if Mr. W and I don't work out, I'm done.
I'm going to come move to Nashville.
We'll be together. Yes, platonically, yes, we will
be. Together platonically.
My friends and I talk about thisall the time.
(29:30):
We talk about just getting like the same sperm donor and raising
our kids together. I see like I've been.
Seeing it all over TikTok a lot more lately.
Women who have deadbeat partnerswho left them with their babies
and like, other friends who had the same thing and they'll just
move in together or like, singlefriend who doesn't want kids,
(29:50):
she'll move in with them and they just share a house
basically. It's not so cool and, like, fun,
you know? I'm just, like, raising their
kids together. And it's a stable home.
There's two parents there, you know.
Yeah. I mean.
I wouldn't put it past me. I knew something bad was gonna
happen because I out a tattoo right before my vacation and
anytime I get a tattoo that definitely means I'm unstable.
(30:12):
Monday I. Was going to either get an
impulsive tattoo that I've been wanting or I was going to get my
nails done. So I decided to get my nails
done instead wise. I know.
But I'm. But I'm taking 1/2 day.
Friday. So I'm like, maybe I'll go get
one. Yeah.
(30:34):
I'm pretty excited. About it.
Shockingly, it's another hand tattoo I.
Need to stop with the. Hands, I can't help it Yeah, I
only. Have two hands then what else
are you? Doing.
No, it's going to be. It's like.
It's after this famous painting.It's like Adam and the Creator
(30:55):
and it's like Adam and then God and they're reaching across and
like touching each other's like almost fingers or whatever.
And so it's going to be like a skeleton hand and then like a, a
woman's hand, you know, with like the dainty fingernails,
kind of like how like my gun tattoo is like touching.
And then the top on top of it, it's going to say momentum Mori,
(31:15):
which means remember to die. And then underneath it, it's
going to say memento vivier, which means remember to live.
And then there's going to be like and then there's going to
be like a red like string that like goes throughout, like the
skeleton hand that connects to like you're going to get.
Color, yeah, I mean. It's like super simple.
I'm obsessed with it. My tattoo has.
(31:36):
Grown on me by the way you see it.
Cute. Love, love, and then I'll show.
You like the skull hand and likefinger hand?
I don't think I'm going to have the fingers like colored in like
that. Yeah.
I like it. Or maybe.
I will have them colored in to design.
So that might be. My impulsive tattoo on Friday,
(31:59):
so yay. That's excited.
Yeah, it's been. Self-care week Yesterday I got
my lashes lifted and my eyebrowsdone and Mr. W had sent me a
text or asked me what I was doing.
So I sent him a picture of me onthe table and like my
aesthetician in the background and he goes oh are you getting
your mustache waxed? Because I'm a dark hair girly
(32:19):
and I grow mustache hair And I was like fuck you, yes I am.
Damn. He said that at the wrong time.
He says such it to me. All the time like.
We'll be making. Out and he's like, I can see
your mustache is coming. That sounds lovely.
(32:42):
Right now, but. No, what are the first times he
said it to me, I almost shoved him down like a set of stairs.
I was like, if you ever say thatto me again, I'm going to beat
the shit out of you. But now it's.
It's funny because I'm like, yes, I have a fucking mustache.
Kinda. I have Peach fuzz.
(33:02):
Can't help it. That's OK.
Spreadsheet told me he was goingto get really skinny and that I
was going to get fatter. I think the.
Opposite is going to happen. Yeah, I.
Think I don't give a fuck? I think he even.
Blocked me on LinkedIn like my college boyfriend.
(33:23):
Anyways. Now that we just went off like
I'm a 20 minute tangent, should we go back to attachment styles?
Yeah, let's. Get back there.
Yeah, let's. Go through some examples.
So the first example that we'll go over, it's for anxious
attachment and I'm pretty sure everyone can probably.
I think Vicki did this to me this week, texting me 12 times
(33:45):
in a row, all in the panic why Ihaven't responded yet.
Then send a voice to an entire monologue and how you're
probably mad at them. Follow my second monologue about
how they don't want to make you mad.
The tornado of worry spirals outof control, even though they
might not be upset, just anxiousabout the relationship.
(34:05):
Yeah. I experienced the texting
tornado while I was in the Charlotte airport texting and.
Calling, Tornado, texting, and. Calling Tornado, it was, I don't
know, like maybe 6 or 7 calls tomy cell phone, followed by calls
via WhatsApp, followed by multiple.
(34:25):
Yeah, I'm not there yet. This is the icing on the cake.
Followed from by. Text to my phone and text
through WhatsApp and after it was all over and I was like
finally like I can breathe. I checked my fucking e-mail and
he had sent me an e-mail. So that's anxious attachment.
(34:47):
So I. Forgot there was one more form
of communication after the e-mail and I didn't find it
until I got home. Oh no.
He snuck a. Card.
In my. Backpack.
And. I saw an envelope with like, AV
on it, and I was like, oh, maybethis was like, was this from
(35:10):
work? One of my friends like, I use
this backpack for work, too. And I opened it and I couldn't
read it. Yeah, but I just remembered it
just now when we were talking about it and.
It has like. 2 pages of like ourlove and us being great and then
(35:32):
he dates the last page and the first line says we tried, we
gave it our all, we ended up short.
I'll never regret trying with you.
I'm sorry for anything that I did that pushed us apart.
I see my part in how we got hereand I carry those lessons
forever. Stop.
(35:52):
I'm getting that too. A stop.
I wish you could have seen myself this entire time, OK?
I only grieve how for the futuretogether that we both
envisioned. OK.
You wrap it up. It would have been.
Magical and given and we would have given each other
everything. Goodbye, goodbye, Oh my God.
(36:24):
I didn't even I only read you guys the the bad part.
There's a couple pages before that that I'm just like, I
thought the messages were over and I can tell this was a
birthday card that he wrote for me before like it was ending and
that there's like a here's a dated update page.
It's like a journal. Of Barbados, you.
(36:48):
Have to keep that forever. Oh fuck.
No, I don't hate. Him, I don't hate him, it didn't
work out. He showed his worst self in the
end and I wish him well and I will never ever ever ever ever
speak to him again. Ever.
When you said wish him well, it reminds me of that Cardi B me
where she's like, I wish you well in hell.
(37:12):
No, I don't wish him Hound. That was one of his defenses was
you stayed with all these other guys for far worse things, so
you should stay with me. And I'm like, I'm like, are you
asking? Me to settle, it was like, oh.
That's what. It sounds I'm like.
Trying not to throw up after reading that card.
It just like gave me like a gut punch to the stomach.
(37:37):
But anyway, let's talk about theice cream cone melt.
AKA the. Avoidant attachment.
Picture this. Someone finally lets their guard
down and gets close to someone, only to retract.
The second things start getting too cozy.
They start playing hot and cold,and they're the human embodiment
(37:58):
of an ice cream cone that melts in the sun and then hardens when
you're too close. That just.
I'm like the melting followed bylike that it hardens like took
me somewhere for a minute. Your mind out.
Of the gutter. Vicky, OH.
(38:19):
God I'm not even horny anymore that's how like in shock I am.
Like the fact that I am not horny and I don't want to
masturbate to feel better shouldtell y'all something about what
I just went through. Traumatic.
Traumatic. I just want to disassociate and
go to bed. But anyway, one minute they're
all in and the next they're ghosting or pushing away with
(38:40):
the classic I need space line. I didn't even.
Realize that was there when I told you to read that example.
I need space. I need space.
I have been an avoidant for the last couple weeks, but I
(39:01):
wouldn't. I mean again.
I would call it a what is the the word I am Oh, a secure a
secure avoidant because it's your secure.
I am secure Garson secure. No, but I would say a secure
avoidant because I kept communicating like this is too
(39:21):
much. I'm overstay related.
I need space. And I remember there.
Was one night I told him I was like, hey, I've had like a
really hard work day. I'm going to call it an early
night and if anyone knows me like when I talk to people at
work all day long that that drains my social battery.
It can 1000% drain my social battery and he's someone that
(39:44):
can just keep going and be social.
And I was like, I'm going to call it an early night, good
night within two minutes immediately calls me and it's
like, I just wanted to hear you voice.
Let's talk. And I'm just like, this is not
how I want to be loved. I just told you, please, dear
God, let me sleep. Let me sleep.
And like, why would you call? Someone as soon as they're like,
(40:05):
hey, I've been talking non-stop,like I'm feeling drained from so
much talking. So you're like, you know what
would be a good idea? Let me call her.
After I've told you I'm exhausted, right?
That shit would piss me off because he's not listening to
you and clearly just like bulldozing over your boundaries.
Yes. And I was strong with my
(40:25):
boundaries this time. Good for Vicks.
Never have I ever had boundariesuntil this relationship until I
was 30. One years old.
Tourist season. I'm a tourist queen.
What's with the horns? Yeah, it's like the.
Bull. It's like you're supposed to be
stubborn. I wouldn't say, well, never
mind, keep reading. OK do you still love me
(40:51):
Avalanche which is anxious and avoided combo.
It's like a soap opera with a side of panic.
So one partner is texting every 5 minutes asking Do you still
love me? Q Avalanche.
Questions while the other is. Suddenly too busy to respond and
makes excuses to avoid serious talks.
It's an emotional roller coasterwhere one person is frantically
holding on to the cart while theother one is ghosting them
(41:13):
halfway through the ride. Yikes.
Yeah. That's a tough one, I.
Feel like this to a tee was maybe not like the do you still
love me questions, but me and mymost recent ex-boyfriend.
I would be constant. I mean like I want to talk about
this like why aren't you talkingto me about this?
(41:34):
Like we can't keep ignoring thisand eventually it came to a head
after two months of me pesteringhim about it and then, you know,
we broke up. But that's how I he.
It's definitely. An avoidant, I think.
Anxious Avoidant. Right.
Really. He's a great.
(41:55):
Friend. Yeah.
Boyfriend. Wise not the best.
I also was not the best to him. So like we just dated at the
wrong time for each other. What I got like. 15 inch likes
in the last five minutes. Yeah, because you're hot.
I haven't matched. With anybody on hinge.
(42:17):
Hinge is a. Nightmare.
I had deleted it like 2 months before I met Mr. Debbie because
I was like I'm fucking over thisshit it's terrible.
What the? Fuck 5/8 goodbye.
OK, this is. Disorganized attachment, which
ended up being what Grace scored.
(42:38):
It says the wait, what are we doing?
Question mark, picture this. One day someone's all in, making
future plans, sharing deep feelings, all the works.
The next day they freak out and pull away asking wait, what are
we doing? It's like they're playing
emotional hopscotch. One minute they're ready for a
relationship, the next they're questioning everything.
(42:58):
No consistency, just pure chaos in the form of emotional
whiplash. So I have a really.
Great example for. This one.
So the night that Mister W and Itold each other that we loved
each other, we were in Chicago and we were walking around the
(43:19):
city, going to bars, bar hopping, whatever.
And I am disorganized of course,and so I.
Started to self. Sabotage and we had a.
Bar. And I started a fight out of
nowhere. To this day I couldn't tell you
what the fight was about. He still like neither of us know
(43:41):
what the fight is about. I just started one because I was
like, Oh my God, I told this manI loved him.
He's going to fucking hurt me. So I'm going to hurt him before
he can hurt me. That type of shit.
You know what I mean, ladies, You know what I mean.
So that's a good no. I've never been there.
What's chaos? Disorganized is just so funny
(44:05):
because I feel like a lot of people, What was the one that we
like? Disorganized, anxious, avoidant.
I feel like when I was single, alot of people, that's how they
were. Especially like the ghosting
halfway through the ride. And like.
Because I remember this one dude, we hung out a bunch for
(44:25):
like 2 weeks. We got along really, really
well. I was, like, having a great
time. And it was like the first person
that I legitimately actually liked in, like, years that I
could stand to be around a fellow Leo.
And then all of a sudden, he just, like, ghosted me.
And I was like, and I was anxious.
(44:46):
I did the anxious attachment with him where I wasn't begging
for his attention, but like, I was coming up with the
conversations, you know, I was texting him first, like, all of
this stuff. Yeah.
And then one day I was like, what am, What am I doing?
I'm being pathetic with this man.
Yep. I stopped.
Yep. That's what I told.
(45:08):
Spreadsheet, I said. Begging is beneath You were my
words you should have said. Oh, what did someone say to me
the other day? We were talking about like
disappointment and disappointingand someone was like, I'm not
disappointed, you are just disappointing.
I. Was like cut me out.
(45:30):
Damn. Damn, I'm like, you know, it's
funny about all of these examples.
If there's not one of a secure attachment, which means it
doesn't exist, the. Limit does not.
Exist. I will be.
Honest when I did this quiz and they like first tell you like
the type four types of attachments.
I had never heard of secure before.
(45:50):
I had heard of like anxious. Avoidant.
Anxious. Avoidant and disorganized.
I'd heard of those three, never heard of secure.
So I was like, oh, there actually is like a good
attachment but. There's got to be, I mean.
Not every. Relationship has to fucking
suck, right? Like I was watching.
A TikTok the other day and this guy was talking about how men
(46:13):
hating their wives is a lot morecommon than people think.
He was like, yeah, my buddy was talking about his wife and was
basically just talking about howmuch he fucking hated her.
And he was like, well, then why did you get married?
Basically like, oh, it was convenient, Yeah.
Because. Marriage benefits men more than
it benefits women, does it? Yes.
(46:36):
Why? Because men usually expect the
woman to, oh, like Cater. Them and OK.
So signs of a secure attachment.You empathize with others.
You have high self esteem. You can maintain long term
relationships with others. Deriving meaning and fulfillment
out of your relationships. You find others to talk to when
(46:56):
they're feeling upset about something.
Ability to set boundaries with others when necessary and still
feeling close with their partneror partners even when dating
long distance. I mean I felt really secure in
this relationship and it was a long distance relationship.
Obviously you're in a long distance relationship too, and
(47:16):
if this had been me and my ex-husband being long distance,
it never would have worked. Oh God no.
I mean. I was anxious every time he went
out all night and wouldn't communicate like that.
Anxious in the same. City living together, yeah.
So I'm like, but this time I wasso secure.
There was no threat to me. Like I knew for a fact this
(47:36):
person would never cheat on me. That would put me first, that
would prioritize me. And I love those things.
But after the ick, he just love me too much.
I got a little smothered and I was so mad at myself because I
was like, what is wrong with me that I can't just let this
person love me? Yeah.
(47:56):
And it's because I wasn't receiving the love the way he
was giving it. That sucks.
That sucks. I'm like, that's why I told him.
I was like, it's not like you'vedone anything like egregiously
wrong. And that's when he was like,
well, you stayed with people whodid you egregiously wrong.
So like, what's the difference? And I'm like, a lot of things
are the difference, friend. Yeah, I've.
Grown up and like I'm not also. Not with those people.
(48:19):
So why do you want to compare yourself to them?
Yeah, there's a. You literally just said the
reason why I'm not with them anymore, right?
Right. But OK, so.
Another good secure attachment example is the I trust you
moment so you don't feel the need to constantly check your
partner's phone or question where they're going.
(48:40):
There's a mutual understanding that you both respect each
other's independence and trust one another.
You know that your bond is strong enough that trust comes
naturally and there's no need for surveillance.
I cannot say that word. Surveillance.
Surveillance or endless reassurance?
Yeah. I trusted him 1000% and that's
why, again, that's why I think Iscored secure on this test has
(49:05):
to do with the last relationshipbecause it was the first time I
felt like I wasn't the one bending over or sacrificing.
Meanwhile, he was like, I'm willing to quit my job.
I'm going to move to Nashville for you.
I'm going to do all of these things versus and flip
scenarios. I always wanted my ex-husband to
do that for me and he never would.
(49:26):
Yeah, he never would. So it was nice to have someone
who felt like they would. But then.
I was like, you're. Sacrificing too much?
I feel like you're going to resent me, definitely.
This is another good one. Let's spend time together but
also do your own thing. You and your partner enjoy being
together, but you feel comfortable doing your own thing
when needed. There's no jealousy if one of
(49:48):
you wants to go hang out with friends and focus on a personal
project. You both feel secure in the
relationship, knowing that time apart is just as healthy as time
together. Which goes back to what our
wonderful 35 married relationship had to say on a few
episodes back. They said having your own time
to yourself with your friends and your family and not just
(50:10):
being all about each other. Yeah, and now I feel really
secure with that. I told you all, it's my
Independence Day. I didn't finish the story.
So my Independence Day is the last time I cheated on my
husband to the point that the next morning I was like, hey, I
(50:32):
cheated with that guy you reallyhate.
Again, we're not going to recover from this.
I don't want to recover from this.
Like I'm moving to Nashville. So it was the first time that it
wasn't let's cry and make up. It was like a I'm done, we're
done. I can't keep doing this.
It's a vicious cycle. I can't keep doing this.
So I call it my Independence Daybecause within two months I
(50:54):
moved to Nashville. I started over and now we're one
year since I asked for a divorce.
So independent. Divorce and you have your.
Name back OH. God.
Thank the fucking Lord. People have like.
Asked me if I would change my last name when Mr. W and I get
married and I said no I love my last name I don't want to change
(51:17):
it. Plus is he OK with?
That, yeah. That's nice.
Do you have any coping mechanisms?
For what? For your attachment.
Styles. Any weird habits you've picked
up to feel secure? Be yourself.
Follow your intuition. That's not a weird.
Habit. That's like good advice.
OK, well. What?
(51:39):
Am I supposed to say like when I'm feeling insecure I'm feeling
insecure I fuck other people andthat is not emotionally stable
advice when? I feel insecure, I just wanna
off myself so. There's also.
(51:59):
Not emotionally stable advice. I.
OK another little life update ofmine.
I have had the worst body dysmorphia for the past like
month and a half and I've been regularly working out whatever.
And then I think I said in the last episode someone asked me if
I was pregnant a few weeks ago and that has made me fucking
(52:21):
spiral. And then?
Recently I like put on a pair ofjeans and they used to be loose
on me like a month or two ago and now they're not.
And I'm like, I have not changedanything.
I've still been working out likefour or five days a week and
I've just like gone off to the spiral.
Yep. So.
Girl feels. I just put on summer clothes for
(52:42):
the first time since last year to go to Barbados and I'm like
what the fuck my ass is fat as shit.
Probably because I've been doinga shit ton of squats and
teaching jazzercise so much but I'm just like I feel like a fat
cow. Same.
So I got prescribed it's not Ozempic, but it's a compounded
(53:03):
thing. So like they mix it for you and
it's AI can't remember the word for it, but I'm waiting for it
to be shipped to me because and I think it's also because I'm
insulin resistant. My one of my friends, she was on
it last year, I think for five months and she said she lost
around like 5 lbs a month. She did.
She did like lower dosages and Iwas like, OK, I feel like that's
(53:25):
like a good like slow like way to like lose weight.
Like 5 lbs a month sound like a drastic thing.
And she said that sounds pretty drastic.
Still in a month 5. A lot of people can do that.
And I was, you know, of course, like going to Google, TikTok,
and I was reading like a bunch of testimonials, watching a
(53:46):
bunch of girls and like listening to what they had to
say. Like a lot of people in the
comments were like me. They're like, I work out five
days a week. I eat healthy.
I do all of this stuff. And I have not lost any weight.
I'm like, that is literally me. And they're like, I had to go on
like a GLP one to help get it off.
And like, heart disease runs in my family.
(54:08):
So I also have to be careful about that.
But my friend said it was like the best thing that she ever had
done. And she was like, fuck the
haters who think it's a bad idea.
She's like, you're doing it for your health, like physical and
mental health, if that's what you need and that's what you
need. And I was like, hell yeah, girl.
Thank you. No, I've been inspired.
I've been influenced. Since Mr. Spreadsheet thinks I'm
(54:29):
going to get fat, I'm going to go get I'm fucking Ozympic.
The GLP. One is just like an extra boost
for your body. It helps like break out all that
food noise which I feel like I have because for me I'm
literally staring at a family size bag of nerds.
At my desk. And don't forget my Milk Duds.
(54:54):
And they like they said it. Just like helps like break out
that food noise and for me I eatwhen I get bored so I'm trying
to like help. Like cut.
That out of my brain, so yeah. Yeah, we'll update the.
Pod as it's going. OK, I'm excited.
For you I am. I told Mr. Spreadsheet to break
(55:15):
my heart so that I would get like skinny again.
This was before I got the ick, but I broke his heart.
Give yourself a week to. Do whatever the that's what I
always do after a breakup. I'm like OK, I give myself like
a not even like a self pity party but I give myself a week
to do whatever the fuck. Party, party.
He's a pity party. Give myself a week.
(55:36):
To do whatever. I need to do to make me feel
better about myself. So give yourself a week.
You have till next Monday. Well.
Technically I broke up with him before the trip.
He just said no. That is wild.
To me, I if someone broke up with me, I would never be like,
no, you're not. No, he has like just give.
(55:59):
It give it another week. Give us our week apart before
you come to this concert. Like we can fix it.
And I'm like, why are you like pushing me?
Stop pushing me. That's just so.
Wild to me. I just.
I. Really hope I don't see him at
this concert. God, honestly.
I'm going to scream. And run away.
I think he's a scary. Person.
(56:20):
I think he had a scary reaction.And if.
You are crazy enough to fucking call my ex husband's place of
employment. Asking.
For him when you've never met him.
You just googled. It and randomly called them up
being like hey, where where's your ex-husband to the point
(56:41):
that his what was his plan. To say to him like, hey.
I was like, do you want to talk about how?
Shitty Vicky is like what? Like I have.
Absolutely no idea what his planwas because obviously after he
did that I wasn't talking to him.
The message was they were just like, it was a really sketchy
conversation and they recognizedhis name from the caller ID.
(57:02):
Thank God they. Recognized his name so.
That happened and then thank Godfor your ex-boyfriend who works
for my ex-husband for telling mewhich now I'm like he's all up
in my business so I can't wait for him to tell my ex-husband
like what the fuck is happening?He called my ex husband's place
(57:23):
of employment and then he found the girlfriend of the guy I used
to cheat with and messaged her on Instagram.
That's so. That is why old he early in.
The trip was like, I think you're still in love with that
guy, that guy that you talked about in the first episode of
(57:43):
the pod that you said like you thought would be the person you
end up with. I think you're still in love
with him. So that's like what made him
spiral to the point that he liketried to find his girlfriend and
message her. Jesus Christ, yeah, I'm not in
love with. Him.
All right, Vicki, what's your take away from all these
(58:03):
attachment styles? My take away.
Is that I'm surprised that I'm secure, But having read these
examples and knowing the way I've been for the last year, I
sort of agree with it. There's definitely times I've
been anxious, maybe work, maybe just anxiety of being alone.
So I feel pretty good about that.
(58:24):
I feel good about the way like how I've come.
And I just don't like like it's shocking to me that people think
that I should be hurting more right now.
But women grieve relationships before way before.
You way before. You break up and I felt it
coming to an end. I communicated what I needed to
say, that it wasn't working for me.
(58:45):
He kept pushing, pushing, pushing, trying to fix it.
That's on him because I clearly communicated it wasn't working.
Oh. Absolutely, so I don't like his
reaction from it all. He can really only.
Be. Upset with himself, I feel like
at this point, because it's not like you randomly came up with
(59:06):
this one day. No, you've been telling him for
a month. Yeah.
I still feel bad but I I'm just like I just didn't expect it.
Yeah, I mean, breakups suck. They're not easy either way.
Yeah, I'm like. Turns out turns out you're less
likely to get murdered by 100 strangers that you invite to
your house over the last six months than someone you've known
(59:28):
for 12 years. No the.
There's a statistic it's like the most dangerous time to be a
woman is when you end a relationship.
Yeah, because men cannot take rejection.
We see it all the time, yeah. No, I just.
I hope he does better. I hope he finds what he needs.
I'm at peace. I hope he finds peace.
(59:52):
Again, I'm not going to. Talk about what happened.
That's it deuces deuces y'all will get some fun updates about
my new dating life. I told Oh my gosh, you.
Need to join are we dating the same person for the Nashville I
I was. On it for a while and I got so
annoyed with these dumb ass bitches that were like oh I
turned off. I turned off my notification so
(01:00:13):
I check it every once in a while.
No, I couldn't. Keep reading it because it'd be
someone like, oh, I messaged this person we're talking and
then they would like lose their shit that like someone else is
also messaging him and I'm like,you guys aren't exclusive.
Like that's what. Casual dating is called, but
yeah, I should. Rejoin the group just like for
for the content. You guys will also get some
(01:00:34):
updates from the unhinged messages I get from man on
Hinge. But I told Grace we're going to
do an experiment since I'm not feeling horny anyway and I'm
feeling violently celibate. I'm not going to have sex with
strangers. I'm only going to go on dates.
I'm going to put myself out there and go sit at a fucking
(01:00:54):
restaurant and talk to someone instead of just screwing them in
my bed and asking them to fucking leave.
So that will be. The new experiment Vicki is
going on actual dates to meet her person, Vicki's.
Actually getting to know people.I just I.
Now I have anxiety. 1st it's. Suck.
(01:01:22):
I always just like, kind of madea game out of it, yeah.
Yeah, I'm scared. It's Tom.
Can you come get me? I'm.
Scared. When when things are falling
apart with us. He kept like trying.
(01:01:43):
To have sex with me and I was like, this isn't a good idea.
I think it was so weak. I broke up with Mr. Bankrupt and
we had sex like two or three days in a row.
I remember him saying to me thatnight that we went to bed.
He was like, oh wow, we've had sex like 3-3 days in a row.
Like what did I do to deserve this?
And in my head, I was like, well, I'm trying to throw you
(01:02:05):
off the scent that I'm about to break up with you, literally.
I'm not attracted to you anymoreand that despite me telling you
I wanted to end it before the trip.
Like I still have full intentions of ending it as soon
as I am like safely able to. Having sex with.
Someone that like it's you. I'm gonna.
Break up. With and you just don't find
(01:02:25):
attractive anymore. It is the worst.
It's painful. I like literally now I'm just
like I, I don't want to have sexanymore.
It's just, it's ruined it for meI think.
I don't think I've ever heard those.
Words come out of your mouth. You never have.
And I'm just like, it's a weird feeling like to not even want to
masturbate or like like I could 1000% be like out fucking
(01:02:48):
strangers. And like I'm sure once I RIP off
the Band-Aid maybe like I'll feel excited again.
But right now, the idea of someone's Dick at me makes me
want to fucking bomb it. Like don't touch.
Me. Don't go down on me.
Well, yeah, thanks for coming toyour secret safe with a, like I
(01:03:09):
said, engaged. Yeah.
Engaged to myself cheers to 31 cheers to being single again and
cheers to you guys getting to listen to my dating stories you
guys are going to love this. I literally put on my Hinge
(01:03:32):
profile like together we could blah blah blah and it was all
cutesy stuff and then I put or you could be creepy as fuck and
get like listed on the pod. So I.
I love that so. Much This is a pretty ring.
Though it is a pretty ring. I helped pick it out, but yeah,
(01:03:52):
thanks for coming to another episode of Your Secret Safe with
A we're we are wherever you. Oh my God, Grace just had a.
Stroke. We.
Are wherever you get your podcast, that's where you can
listen to us. Fucking Christ.
We're also on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok.
(01:04:15):
So subscribe, follow us, listen to us.
Buy a hat, buy a hat. I'm now single so I will be
sending toe pics to anyone who wants to buy a hat because I was
a loyal motherfucker and I didn't send anyone any feety
photos so whatever. Now look.
(01:04:36):
What I got me? Oh, now you can.
Send Philly boy his feet pics. Yeah, I will.
Send him feet pics. Thanks for coming to your secret
safe with a Grace is going to continue in her loving,
committed relationship and I'm probably going to get even more
unhinged. So y'all stay here for it.
Yeah, hopefully. Mr. W doesn't break up with me
in real life. Anxious Avoidant.
(01:04:57):
Disorganized. It's fearful avoidant.
Thank you. OK, well.
Why are you fearful he's going to break up with you?
Who doesn't have that fear? I didn't.
Like this makes a monster a secure monster, but a monster
nonetheless. Like people stop forgiving me.
Stop forgiving me when I tell you I don't like you or that
(01:05:18):
you've given me the ick. Just like, cool.
It's been real because. Every time you push me I fucking
cave like a loser. And that's not healthy.
Yeah, so. Do better.
Do better. And then next episode is episode
(01:05:38):
10 and we are going to have a special guest on Yeah I.
Can't wait. Also also my calendar for the
rest of the year has suddenly opened up so let me have
somewhere we should go on vacation because I'm a shits on
a PTM. Like let's go suddenly my
calendar. I deleted the spreadsheet off
(01:06:04):
my. Phone like I blocked it from my
Google account because I couldn't think of look at it.
Oh my God. I.
Love that so I'm suddenly free for the rest of forever.
Yep, Ellie. Ellie.
Bye.
You're like, let me record this shit because it's about to be
fucking odd. So I guess I'll start.
I'm like life update now. Welcome to episode 9, Vicki.
What? It's the life update.
So last week I turned 31 and Barbados and.
(00:24):
Aged. Psych I broke up with my
boyfriend because I got the ick.So yeah, your girl is violently
single again. Tears.
So yeah, that's my life update. Last week I was in Barbados.
(00:48):
Terrible trip. I pet a sea turtle.
That was the highlight. Yeah, that was really, you know,
the good part of my trip. I'm not going to say what
happened, what I got the ick about.
It happened about two weeks before our trip.
I got the ick and I've been fighting it and trying to
(01:08):
recover from it. And if you guys know anything
about me, you know that I have to be honest, like it.
I can't hold it inside of me because of my history with
anxiety. So it comes out like word vomit.
So me thinking, you know, on thetrip, like maybe it'll get
better or whatever, it didn't. I was like, I want to leave and
(01:30):
this is over and the rest is history.
And he did not take it well. So no, he did not.
He unfollowed us and because we didn't.
Unfollow us. Literally as soon as Vicki told
me they broke up, I go to Instagram already blocked me.
I was the first one he blocked. I was like damn.
(01:51):
And then I was like, OK, like I felt pretty good about myself.
Like I didn't even say anything and I.
Got blocked. I had a high from that.
I was like, I love being the onethat gets blocked.
Yeah, no, you and all my Nashville friends, everyone is
blocked. Yeah, it's not just you.
It went worldwide. Everybody's blocked.
It's worldwide. Yeah.
(02:13):
So everyone's blocked. I'm single again.
Maybe a couple episodes down theroad I will share The Dirty
details of what occurred, but that time is not now.
OK, wait. What did you say you were in
love with him? Episode like 2 I.
Think yeah, it was right near the beginning of the pod.
I mean, we've been seeing each other since January, so pretty
(02:33):
good run. I will say I'm really proud of
myself because past me would stay with someone even though I
felt like my intuition was telling me something else and I
would just push and push and push and stay.
This time I followed my intuition and it did not go
well, but. I mean, it didn't go well, but
(02:54):
your intuition was right. My intuition was 1000% right.
So shout out Marianne if you guys remember the episode where
Marianne was like, if you have afeeling, trust your feeling,
trust your gut because it's not going to get better.
Yeah. I trusted my gut.
It in fact did get worse. Fuck.
(03:14):
You made me lose my train of thought last night I had a dream
because I'm going up so see Mr. W for the month of May.
I had a dream last night that hebroke up with me after like like
felt my last day there in May, like right before my sister's
wedding. And I woke up and I was like,
this motherfucker had the. Audacity, So I.
(03:36):
Texted him I said I'm mad at you, you broke up with me in my
dream and he was like I can't help.
I said yes you can. I too have had some wonky
dreams. So minus being single again,
guess what finally happened? I got home from Barbados and
immediately checked the mail. It's my name change, an official
(03:58):
sign. Oh my God.
Here we go with the hair again. Here we go with the hair.
Leave it like that, don't touch it.
And won't touch it ever again. If you're listening and not
watching Vicki to redo her hair if it's down at least seven
times with the headphones because she just can't.
(04:18):
She just has so much fucking hair.
I just it looks weird as shit. No it doesn't.
Whatever. OK, Welcome back to episode 9 of
Your Secret Safe with a Vicki and I today are going to dive
into a very timely topic, which is attachment styles.
(04:45):
Grace literally messaged me today and I was like, what time
do you want to record? And she was like, later today,
but like, we're going to do attachment styles.
Is that still OK? I'm like, this is hitting real
close to home. So this is the best time for me
to talk about this topic. I gave you a choice.
I was like, we can do something else.
No, we were like, let's just feed into the trauma.
(05:06):
Vicki's funnier that way. So if you saw in our Instagram
stories, we asked you all to name what our attachment styles
are. So I'm going to read out the top
one for both of us and then we'll go through what the
attachment styles are and then Iwill tell you what we both are.
(05:27):
So the top one for me was avoidant, which is funny.
Someone voted secure for me. Oh thank you all, your friends
did and then yours. Was anxious, yeah.
I'm not surprised my top one wasanxious.
Yeah, I'm not. I was.
Surprised with my result. Yeah, I was surprised by your
(05:49):
results too. I was not surprised by Avoidant
and I wasn't surprised by my results.
Like I knew what I was going to do.
Oh my God, but it me secure too.OK, so I guess all my friends
think Grace is like the secure stable individual in that I'm
like the off the rocker friend. They've never had to date me so.
(06:13):
Well, yeah. And I think I mean the quiz that
we took, it talks a little bit about our parents attachment
styles. First it talks about your
attachment style in the workplace and then it asks you
your attachment style with your most recent partner.
And I think my most recent partner versus my previous
partner made a big difference inmy scoring.
(06:35):
Yeah, I feel like it was too completely.
I mean, we talked about it today.
It was like 2 completely different attachment styles with
like both those relationships. Which is funny because like for
me, I'm very consistent in my attachment style with all of my
relationships. Meanwhile, I'm like a chameleon,
but I think it just has to do with my journey and how I
(06:56):
changed as a person over the last year.
I'm coming up on my IndependenceDay.
So those that don't know what I consider my Independence Day.
So it's a little bit of both. I call it my Independence Day
because I just have. To say I will never forget those
(07:18):
text messages and phone call from you.
So I'm like, oh, my mom is calling me.
It's not urgent. I'm not answering it.
She literally texted me today which first and foremost she's
been like scared for my safety and she texted.
Me too. We're not going there because
(07:39):
respect, respect. Anyway, surprisingly enough, I
can keep a secret. I'm like my friends know what
happened last week in Barbados, but I will not be telling the
rest of the pod so. Good for you.
Good for me that's growth on butwhat were we talking about?
Oh, my mom, she literally like texted me in the middle of my
(08:00):
work day and was like, I have a 2 minute call from you last
night at 12:30 in the morning. This is unusual and.
I. Immediately called her and I was
like, mom, I just checked my call history.
This was like Monday night goinginto Tuesday morning.
When I called you once I landed in the Nashville airport to let
you know that I was alive. I was like, we had a
(08:23):
conversation for two minutes. Meanwhile, she's freaking out
too. Wait, so.
You talked to her on the phone and she forgot.
And she forgot and like thought that like the two-minute call
she was seeing was from last night.
Last night I did not talk to her, but the night before I did.
That's some shit Marianne would do.
She has the worst memory so she would definitely like call me
(08:44):
freaking out and be like. I saw that you.
Called me at 1:00 AM. Are you OK?
Yes, I'm fine, Mother. I'm like, yeah, Mom, you were
there. You were part of it.
Oh God. Like we went on a tangent, but
basically, per usual, people think Grace is avoidant, people
(09:05):
think I'm anxious. Both of us got different results
when we took the test. So we're going to read what each
attachment type is, and then we'll tell you what our scores
ended up being. Yes.
So the first one is secure attachment.
What it means people with secureattachment feel good about being
close to others and enjoy their own space.
(09:26):
They truly trust people and theyknow how to talk about their
feelings. And so how it shows up is that
people can have healthy friendships and relationships.
They handle problems in relationships without getting
too upset, and they trust that like others in those
relationships are going to be there for them.
OK the next one is the one that y'all thought I was anxious
(09:47):
attachment. Anxious attachment What it
means? People with anxious attachment
worry a lot about others liking them and staying close.
They get nervous when they thinksomeone might leave or not pay
attention to them how it shows up.
They might seem super clingy or always want reassurance.
If their friend or family memberis busy or distant, they might
(10:09):
get upset or anxious. I feel like this is your.
Most next. This is I firmly believe that I
had anxious attachment with my ex-husband.
Firmly believe that. But in my current relationship,
the one that just ended 2 days ago, he was the anxious
(10:33):
attachment and I was not. Yeah, you're the secure.
I told Mr. W to take the quiz. I was like, hey, take this quiz.
And he was like, oh, what did you score?
Like what number did you score? I said, so you didn't even read
what I sent you. I was like, you don't what
number did you don't? That's not it tells you like
what attachment style you are. And he's like, OK, I'll take it.
(10:55):
I think he's going to be secure attachment, but the next one is
avoidant attachment, which everyone thought I was, and
that's what I thought going intoit, I was going to be.
So what it means People with avoidant attachment prefer to be
alone and do things on their own.
They might feel uncomfortable when others want to be too close
(11:15):
or emotional. Yep.
And how it shows up as these people don't like to share their
feelings much, they may avoid talking about emotions and they
might push others away when things get too close or serious.
No idea what that's like. Yeah, no idea.
I'm like, I feel like I was the avoidant one but in a secure way
(11:38):
in my last relationship because I was pushing him away.
But it wasn't like I'm pushing you away and not telling you.
It's I'm telling you every single reason why I'm pushing
away and communicating that I need space and you are not
listening, which probably made his anxiety worse.
Yeah, how the turntables. I remember this feeling when I
(12:00):
was with my ex-husband and it's an awful fucking feeling.
And I said this to Mr. Spreadsheet as things were
ending is I was like, I don't like the way I'm treating you.
I don't like that everything youdo now annoys me.
Like the ick is real. The ick is real people.
And I tried everything under like the sun to get over it.
(12:22):
I firmly believe I felt all the love and feelings that I had for
him. And as soon as I saw the ick, it
just kept presenting itself in every single thing that he did
to the point that I could not look past it.
Yeah, it's like a a scab you can't stop picking at or like
people you can't stop popping like you're going to keep seeing
(12:42):
it and just like picking and picking and.
Picking. Yeah.
And that's what I thought. I was like, I feel like I'm just
picking you apart. And he's like, well, I can
change, I can correct this. And here's me two months in.
We should not be having to correct anything.
We are simply just not compatible.
And it is no longer working the way that it did.
Yeah. That sounds pretty fucking
(13:03):
secure to me. All you motherfuckers telling me
I'm anxious, you know I'm medicated so I'm no longer
anxious. You know I.
Will say I think the one time I was anxious of attachment was my
like first long term boyfriend. Is this the one that cheated on
(13:24):
you? That now like the fattest cow to
ever exist? Yes.
OK. Yeah, he cheated on me a bunch
and I was just so anxious all the time, like, you know,
craving that closeness with him.And reassurance that like you
were only his and vice versa. Yep.
(13:47):
And news flash, didn't work out.Shocker.
Did he marry the girl he cheatedon you with?
No, he the first time he cheatedon me was with his
ex-girlfriend. Oh yeah, this is.
It's not my fault I had to look in touch.
Yeah. And I was like.
Don't send me your needs me. OK, what?
(14:09):
A way to try and excuse your cheating.
It's not my fault. Yes.
Anyway, I can tell you what I'm like.
Anytime I've ever cheated, I canconfidently tell people like it
was my fault. I am so sorry.
Like it was my fault. Like I do.
I believe that there was some catalysts in our relationship
that wasn't working that broughtme to that point.
Yeah, yes. But I never blamed it on someone
(14:31):
else. Yeah, that's the difference
between men and women. Women can take accountability
and responsibility for their actions, and men cannot.
Yeah, they just love throwing tantrums publicly in the airport
anyway. So the last attachment style is
disorganized. And So what it means it's a mix
of both anxious and avoidant. So these people want close
(14:52):
relationships, but they're scared of getting hurt.
And so they can be confused about how to act in that
relationship. So how it shows up, they may act
like they want to be close to others, but then they might
suddenly pull away or act distant.
And their behavior can be confusing because they want
love, but they're afraid of it at the same time.
Yeah, yes. So are we going to say what we
(15:15):
are now, or are we going to givemore examples?
Let's say what we are now, so you go ahead first.
OK, believe it or not, all you judging motherfuckers, I'm
secure. I am secure.
And I was honestly surprised I was secure.
And like I said a little bit earlier, I think it has to do
(15:36):
with the relationship scoring section, which was the last
section. And it tells you to answer it
based on your most recent relationship.
And my most recent relationship,he was very much anxious and I
was secure. He even called me out on how
secure I was that I was like, I need space.
It's OK. Like we don't have to like talk
(15:58):
all the time. And it just it made.
Him you're grown adults. We are right like we're not 21
anymore like right we're in our 30s.
We we're allowed to be like, hey, this is what I always say
to Mr. Devil. I'm like, I love you every day,
but I may not like you every dayand like that's okay.
Some days you may not like me and that's that's okay.
Yeah, yeah, 1000%. And I think I've learned so much
(16:23):
from being single this last yearthat I found myself in a way
that I never thought I could. And it's such a great feeling
being secure because again, I would put up with stuff all the
time before, even at my the expense of my own feelings to
the point that it gave me anxiety.
And now I can tell you what I will choose literally anything
(16:43):
over having anxiety, even if it means like, word vomiting.
Everything that's in my brain, even if you don't want to hear
it, because I cannot keep a secret.
I could not have anxiety. Your girl will spiral.
Your girl does not have time to spiral.
She's an executive. We're busy.
But yeah, take care. Seeing Vicky's spiral is I just
(17:05):
like when you were texting me inthe airport and you're like, I'm
going to crash the fuck out, like I'm about to have a mentee
be which you were allowed for what was going on.
And I like because I know when you start getting anxious, you
start typing rapidly on your phone, scrolling very, very,
very rapidly. You're like chewing on your
nails like you can't sit still, like you're like looking around
(17:27):
like wildly, like a rabid dog. And like, that's literally what
I was picturing you. And like, because you always
like you sit with like your arm across your belly like this.
And then you're like this with your phone.
And then you'll like do like a side and you'll close it and
you'll put it down and then you get it back out and.
Then I'm like, who messaged me up?
Yeah. Literally like if I didn't see
your text message I was like. Oh shit it's been 5 minutes.
(17:48):
She's spiraling. Like, no, I just I had multiple
combos going. I almost did a group happy hour
last night where I told everyonewhat happened at once because at
this point I've forgotten who knows which parts of the story.
And for example, I saw a friend that I was like, I thought I
told her everything I told her and she was like bitch, bitch.
(18:11):
I just like consecutively like losing it.
That was like, did I not tell you that?
Like it's kind of a blur. I know like.
Hearing it all at once, like in one like spot is like fucking
crazy. I mean, and like you were, you
were giving me like book play byplays as happening.
In the moment like. And I was like, what the fuck?
(18:31):
I was like, am I going to have to drive to Charlotte to, like,
rescue her? Like, that's what I like.
That's what I thought I was going to have to do.
Like, I was like, OK, she lands at 8:30.
If I leave at 6:00 PM, I can getthere.
Yeah, no, my mom knew something was up, which first and
foremost, I told her I was thinking about breaking up with
him before the trip and she was like, you shouldn't go.
(18:51):
And anyway, I should have been stronger.
I let him convince me to go and that it would make things
better. But I like finally called her
when I landed in Nashville. But first, what was it?
Was it when I was still in Barbados or when I was in
Charlotte? I texted my mom.
So something that was really confusing to me when doing the
(19:13):
attachment style quiz is I thought for sure Sandra would be
anxious. And I think she did like learn
more on the side of anxiety, butthere was also a level of
avoidance. I need to like see what hers
was. But I like definitely thought
that she was going to be anxioustoo see for.
(19:33):
My mom it was secure and for my dad it was anxious.
See, we were all, my mom, my dad, me, we were all kind of on
that like secure line in the middle because sometimes they do
feel a lot of love from them andsometimes, you know, they're
avoidant. Yeah, my dad is huge avoidance.
(19:57):
No idea where I get it from. See.
Can you guys see that the green dot is my dad?
Like all the way up there. I'm an idiot.
You text it to me. I can literally look at it on
the phone. OK, yeah, I see what you're
saying. See, like we're all kind of on
that like line of secure attachment.
And I don't know where I was going with this.
(20:17):
Oh, the text that I sent to my mom.
I'm talking about the thumbs up 1.
Yes so here's me texted my mom 7:03 PM Hi almost to Charlotte.
I get a thumbs up. I get a response.
When will you be home? I said midnight ish my time.
(20:39):
She responded wow period long layover thumbs down.
I said Yep period. Also Mr. Spreadsheet and I are
over. He ended up being really creepy.
Thumbs up. No, not even.
She didn't even send an emoji thumbs up.
She literally. She liked my message.
And I like I was dying and I told Vicki, it's so funny
(21:02):
because like our moms are so opposite in like the way they
show emotions. I was like, it's makes sense to
why like Vicki, she doesn't mindshowing her emotions.
She cries, you know, all that stuff.
And Sandra doesn't. Whereas like I don't cry.
Like I don't like to do that type of stuff.
I don't like to show my emotions, whereas my mom, she
will cry to anyone anywhere, anytime.
(21:24):
And I was like, it's funny because if you were texting my
mom that exact stuff, she would be like, Oh my God, honey, I'm
so glad you're safe. Like let me know if I could do
anything. Do you want me to Venmo you
money for a good coffee? Like doing all of that type of
stuff, which I mean, it's amazing to have as a mother, but
sometimes it can be a lot. And that is why I am
unemotional, unemotional about things because my mother is
(21:47):
overly emotional. God love her though.
I'm like, I feel like Sandra hasworked on being less reactive
because I've told her it gives me anxiety.
So maybe her her new level, which is why she's more on the
secure line too, is let me just like Victoria's message instead
of being like, Oh my fucking God, what happened?
And like, are you OK? Like now she's like.
Overcorrecting to the opposite extreme.
(22:09):
Yeah, now. She's like thumbs up.
She didn't even like text me once I landed in Nashville and I
was like waiting for my Uber andI called her.
I was like, hey, she's like, hey, during that phone call, she
told me. She said I could tell something
was wrong because you weren't posting on social media.
You were being very unresponsiveto people.
(22:31):
She was like, I'm glad to hear your voice.
The last five days. I thought you were dead.
I'm honestly shocked she didn't.Text me to be like, have you
heard from Vicki? And I'm like, yeah, I've been
texting a little time. What do you mean?
Yeah, no. That's why I'm like, it's a
balance because she's like, it'sOK if I just like your message
that says me and so and so are over.
But then once you call me, I'm going to be like, yeah, I
(22:52):
thought you were dead the last five days.
Cool. Like.
I won't do it. Over text, but I'm going to do
it when we're talking to each other.
But that's what she is sometimes.
She's like, it would pain me if I was not honest with you.
In this moment. And it usually happens over the
phone because she can't keep hermouth shut.
Like the more the older I get, the more I realize I'm like my
(23:15):
mom. And like I was just about to
say. You mean she word vomits like
you do? Yeah, I.
Like I she's able to like keep it contained and like
responsible during the text messages, which today was like,
she texted me, I didn't respond within two minutes.
She was like, saw a random call from you at midnight for two
minutes and, you know, yeah, I was like, she's panicking.
(23:35):
So I picked up the phone and called her.
In the middle of my work. Day and she was like, you got
it. I was like Yep, just busy
working. Trying to think about.
Anything else? Like I don't want to talk about
it. That's so funny.
Oh my. God.
I love her, she's so funny. Meanwhile.
Earl will never hear a soul about this.
(23:57):
What he will hear is like they're not together.
A. Censored level of explanation
for my mom. Yeah, I don't.
Sometimes I don't think he probably cares to know the whole
story. Yeah, And that's when I was
doing the quiz. It was like, do you think this
person would be upset if like, like, do you think this person
(24:17):
doesn't care about you or something?
I'm like, no, he definitely cares.
But then it's like, would you tell them everything in your
heart? I'm like, strongly disagree.
Yeah, I was like. Absolutely not, no.
But I would tell my mom that. Oh, I would tell them, yeah, I
literally it was like, would youtell this person everything,
confide in them like all this ever said, strongly agree,
strongly agree, strongly agree. So my attachment style was
(24:41):
disorganized which is fearful avoidant which is a mix of
anxious and avoidant so. I was surprised to see that.
And one of the things it says like you're scared about getting
hurt. And I was like, Gracie, don't be
afraid. I mean, you're.
Hard to love and this is me. Like repeatedly getting hurt and
(25:03):
falling for it over and over andover again.
It's like such a romantic. I am not.
It's just so funny because like,I mean, my last like 3
relationships, it's not like they've been short
relationships, like they've beenover a year or a year or
whatever. And I mean, I guess that's short
to some people, but whatever. It's just like, I mean, it's not
(25:23):
2. Months short, Holla.
But you always fucking say something like that and that
makes me lose my brain. OK, your.
Relationships were a year you were scared about getting hurt.
Yeah, I'm just like so. Exhausted by it all like because
every time it'll be like a few months in and I'm like OK I'm
(25:45):
going to fully open up to this person and once I do the House
of Cards come fucking crashing down.
Happened with my fucking ex-boyfriend that, well, the
first ex-boyfriend that I started dating in the friend
group. He blew up that House of Cards
and then what a doozy. That's.
(26:15):
What came to my head? Play my.
Eye sometimes. Mr. W will say oh Jeepers and I
like. Cut a look at him.
I'm like. No, and every time he says it I
literally responded ick. But you can.
Recover from your ick. I could not because I I tell
(26:36):
him. It's an ick and he immediately
stops and I'm like. But it's never been.
Like about his behavior. His behavior has always been
good and fine. It's always been like he'll
like. Move a certain.
Way or like wear a certain thingI don't know.
Or like say oh Jeepers and I'm like no.
(26:56):
Like 1. Time he oh fuck, what did he do?
He like maybe did some dance move or like tried to do
something to Oh God, I've already.
Been pulsed immediately. I looked at him, I said.
For the love of God, if you everwant me to find you attractive
again, do not ever fucking do that again.
(27:19):
I was like, I'm so. Mean.
It's my. Love language, whatever it said.
We were Facetiming today and I was like in a really good mood
this morning and he's. And.
He wasn't because. He's really stressed.
Out with work because we have a huge work trip coming up but he
relevant. Yeah, irrelevant.
(27:41):
He's like, oh, you seem to be ina better mood because I've been
quite depressed about the way I look lately.
And I was like, yeah, I am. And then he, like, said
something because he loves to fuck with me.
So he said something to make me pissed off.
And he was like, I don't want tohear that attitude.
And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no.
I said you were the one that caused this.
You decided to say something that you knew was going to piss
me off to get a reaction out of me, which then pisses me off
(28:03):
even more that you got the reaction out of me.
Man. And then he's like, well,
that's. Our love language.
I was like, no. No, kind of kind of.
I was like. Wow, so if I'm a little mean to
him? It's fine.
Like we just fuck with each other.
If you and your partner can't make fun of each other in like a
good, funny, healthy way, like obviously we don't mean any of
(28:24):
it, then you're not going to make it, I don't think.
Yeah. I think after this experience
I'm somehow going to end up a fearful avoidance.
Welcome to my. Club.
We need to go to. Therapy.
No. I'm.
Just like everyone's been like repeatedly messaging me like
(28:45):
Wellness check, checking in on you, Are you OK?
How's your day? And OK, well, I did that
yesterday. I know, but.
I'm just like, I'm in this levelof disassociation.
I'm not going to lie, I did message a couple boys, some some
boys from the past. Like it's not like I'm going to
crawl back into bed with someone.
Maybe just like for emptiness, but not for like.
(29:09):
I'm going to love this person forever because fuck that fuck.
That I know. That's what I'm.
Saying like, if Mr. W and I don't work out, I'm done.
I'm going to come move to Nashville.
We'll be together. Yes, platonically, yes, we will
be. Together platonically.
My friends and I talk about thisall the time.
(29:30):
We talk about just getting like the same sperm donor and raising
our kids together. I see like I've been.
Seeing it all over TikTok a lot more lately.
Women who have deadbeat partnerswho left them with their babies
and like, other friends who had the same thing and they'll just
move in together or like, singlefriend who doesn't want kids,
(29:50):
she'll move in with them and they just share a house
basically. It's not so cool and, like, fun,
you know? I'm just, like, raising their
kids together. And it's a stable home.
There's two parents there, you know.
Yeah. I mean.
I wouldn't put it past me. I knew something bad was gonna
happen because I out a tattoo right before my vacation and
anytime I get a tattoo that definitely means I'm unstable.
(30:12):
Monday I. Was going to either get an
impulsive tattoo that I've been wanting or I was going to get my
nails done. So I decided to get my nails
done instead wise. I know.
But I'm. But I'm taking 1/2 day.
Friday. So I'm like, maybe I'll go get
one. Yeah.
(30:34):
I'm pretty excited. About it.
Shockingly, it's another hand tattoo I.
Need to stop with the. Hands, I can't help it Yeah, I
only. Have two hands then what else
are you? Doing.
No, it's going to be. It's like.
It's after this famous painting.It's like Adam and the Creator
(30:55):
and it's like Adam and then God and they're reaching across and
like touching each other's like almost fingers or whatever.
And so it's going to be like a skeleton hand and then like a, a
woman's hand, you know, with like the dainty fingernails,
kind of like how like my gun tattoo is like touching.
And then the top on top of it, it's going to say momentum Mori,
(31:15):
which means remember to die. And then underneath it, it's
going to say memento vivier, which means remember to live.
And then there's going to be like and then there's going to
be like a red like string that like goes throughout, like the
skeleton hand that connects to like you're going to get.
Color, yeah, I mean. It's like super simple.
I'm obsessed with it. My tattoo has.
(31:36):
Grown on me by the way you see it.
Cute. Love, love, and then I'll show.
You like the skull hand and likefinger hand?
I don't think I'm going to have the fingers like colored in like
that. Yeah.
I like it. Or maybe.
I will have them colored in to design.
So that might be. My impulsive tattoo on Friday,
(31:59):
so yay. That's excited.
Yeah, it's been. Self-care week Yesterday I got
my lashes lifted and my eyebrowsdone and Mr. W had sent me a
text or asked me what I was doing.
So I sent him a picture of me onthe table and like my
aesthetician in the background and he goes oh are you getting
your mustache waxed? Because I'm a dark hair girly
(32:19):
and I grow mustache hair And I was like fuck you, yes I am.
Damn. He said that at the wrong time.
He says such it to me. All the time like.
We'll be making. Out and he's like, I can see
your mustache is coming. That sounds lovely.
(32:42):
Right now, but. No, what are the first times he
said it to me, I almost shoved him down like a set of stairs.
I was like, if you ever say thatto me again, I'm going to beat
the shit out of you. But now it's.
It's funny because I'm like, yes, I have a fucking mustache.
Kinda. I have Peach fuzz.
(33:02):
Can't help it. That's OK.
Spreadsheet told me he was goingto get really skinny and that I
was going to get fatter. I think the.
Opposite is going to happen. Yeah, I.
Think I don't give a fuck? I think he even.
Blocked me on LinkedIn like my college boyfriend.
(33:23):
Anyways. Now that we just went off like
I'm a 20 minute tangent, should we go back to attachment styles?
Yeah, let's. Get back there.
Yeah, let's. Go through some examples.
So the first example that we'll go over, it's for anxious
attachment and I'm pretty sure everyone can probably.
I think Vicki did this to me this week, texting me 12 times
(33:45):
in a row, all in the panic why Ihaven't responded yet.
Then send a voice to an entire monologue and how you're
probably mad at them. Follow my second monologue about
how they don't want to make you mad.
The tornado of worry spirals outof control, even though they
might not be upset, just anxiousabout the relationship.
(34:05):
Yeah. I experienced the texting
tornado while I was in the Charlotte airport texting and.
Calling, Tornado, texting, and. Calling Tornado, it was, I don't
know, like maybe 6 or 7 calls tomy cell phone, followed by calls
via WhatsApp, followed by multiple.
(34:25):
Yeah, I'm not there yet. This is the icing on the cake.
Followed from by. Text to my phone and text
through WhatsApp and after it was all over and I was like
finally like I can breathe. I checked my fucking e-mail and
he had sent me an e-mail. So that's anxious attachment.
(34:47):
So I. Forgot there was one more form
of communication after the e-mail and I didn't find it
until I got home. Oh no.
He snuck a. Card.
In my. Backpack.
And. I saw an envelope with like, AV
on it, and I was like, oh, maybethis was like, was this from
(35:10):
work? One of my friends like, I use
this backpack for work, too. And I opened it and I couldn't
read it. Yeah, but I just remembered it
just now when we were talking about it and.
It has like. 2 pages of like ourlove and us being great and then
(35:32):
he dates the last page and the first line says we tried, we
gave it our all, we ended up short.
I'll never regret trying with you.
I'm sorry for anything that I did that pushed us apart.
I see my part in how we got hereand I carry those lessons
forever. Stop.
(35:52):
I'm getting that too. A stop.
I wish you could have seen myself this entire time, OK?
I only grieve how for the futuretogether that we both
envisioned. OK.
You wrap it up. It would have been.
Magical and given and we would have given each other
everything. Goodbye, goodbye, Oh my God.
(36:24):
I didn't even I only read you guys the the bad part.
There's a couple pages before that that I'm just like, I
thought the messages were over and I can tell this was a
birthday card that he wrote for me before like it was ending and
that there's like a here's a dated update page.
It's like a journal. Of Barbados, you.
(36:48):
Have to keep that forever. Oh fuck.
No, I don't hate. Him, I don't hate him, it didn't
work out. He showed his worst self in the
end and I wish him well and I will never ever ever ever ever
speak to him again. Ever.
When you said wish him well, it reminds me of that Cardi B me
where she's like, I wish you well in hell.
(37:12):
No, I don't wish him Hound. That was one of his defenses was
you stayed with all these other guys for far worse things, so
you should stay with me. And I'm like, I'm like, are you
asking? Me to settle, it was like, oh.
That's what. It sounds I'm like.
Trying not to throw up after reading that card.
It just like gave me like a gut punch to the stomach.
(37:37):
But anyway, let's talk about theice cream cone melt.
AKA the. Avoidant attachment.
Picture this. Someone finally lets their guard
down and gets close to someone, only to retract.
The second things start getting too cozy.
They start playing hot and cold,and they're the human embodiment
(37:58):
of an ice cream cone that melts in the sun and then hardens when
you're too close. That just.
I'm like the melting followed bylike that it hardens like took
me somewhere for a minute. Your mind out.
Of the gutter. Vicky, OH.
(38:19):
God I'm not even horny anymore that's how like in shock I am.
Like the fact that I am not horny and I don't want to
masturbate to feel better shouldtell y'all something about what
I just went through. Traumatic.
Traumatic. I just want to disassociate and
go to bed. But anyway, one minute they're
all in and the next they're ghosting or pushing away with
(38:40):
the classic I need space line. I didn't even.
Realize that was there when I told you to read that example.
I need space. I need space.
I have been an avoidant for the last couple weeks, but I
(39:01):
wouldn't. I mean again.
I would call it a what is the the word I am Oh, a secure a
secure avoidant because it's your secure.
I am secure Garson secure. No, but I would say a secure
avoidant because I kept communicating like this is too
(39:21):
much. I'm overstay related.
I need space. And I remember there.
Was one night I told him I was like, hey, I've had like a
really hard work day. I'm going to call it an early
night and if anyone knows me like when I talk to people at
work all day long that that drains my social battery.
It can 1000% drain my social battery and he's someone that
(39:44):
can just keep going and be social.
And I was like, I'm going to call it an early night, good
night within two minutes immediately calls me and it's
like, I just wanted to hear you voice.
Let's talk. And I'm just like, this is not
how I want to be loved. I just told you, please, dear
God, let me sleep. Let me sleep.
And like, why would you call? Someone as soon as they're like,
(40:05):
hey, I've been talking non-stop,like I'm feeling drained from so
much talking. So you're like, you know what
would be a good idea? Let me call her.
After I've told you I'm exhausted, right?
That shit would piss me off because he's not listening to
you and clearly just like bulldozing over your boundaries.
Yes. And I was strong with my
(40:25):
boundaries this time. Good for Vicks.
Never have I ever had boundariesuntil this relationship until I
was 30. One years old.
Tourist season. I'm a tourist queen.
What's with the horns? Yeah, it's like the.
Bull. It's like you're supposed to be
stubborn. I wouldn't say, well, never
mind, keep reading. OK do you still love me
(40:51):
Avalanche which is anxious and avoided combo.
It's like a soap opera with a side of panic.
So one partner is texting every 5 minutes asking Do you still
love me? Q Avalanche.
Questions while the other is. Suddenly too busy to respond and
makes excuses to avoid serious talks.
It's an emotional roller coasterwhere one person is frantically
holding on to the cart while theother one is ghosting them
(41:13):
halfway through the ride. Yikes.
Yeah. That's a tough one, I.
Feel like this to a tee was maybe not like the do you still
love me questions, but me and mymost recent ex-boyfriend.
I would be constant. I mean like I want to talk about
this like why aren't you talkingto me about this?
(41:34):
Like we can't keep ignoring thisand eventually it came to a head
after two months of me pesteringhim about it and then, you know,
we broke up. But that's how I he.
It's definitely. An avoidant, I think.
Anxious Avoidant. Right.
Really. He's a great.
(41:55):
Friend. Yeah.
Boyfriend. Wise not the best.
I also was not the best to him. So like we just dated at the
wrong time for each other. What I got like. 15 inch likes
in the last five minutes. Yeah, because you're hot.
I haven't matched. With anybody on hinge.
(42:17):
Hinge is a. Nightmare.
I had deleted it like 2 months before I met Mr. Debbie because
I was like I'm fucking over thisshit it's terrible.
What the? Fuck 5/8 goodbye.
OK, this is. Disorganized attachment, which
ended up being what Grace scored.
(42:38):
It says the wait, what are we doing?
Question mark, picture this. One day someone's all in, making
future plans, sharing deep feelings, all the works.
The next day they freak out and pull away asking wait, what are
we doing? It's like they're playing
emotional hopscotch. One minute they're ready for a
relationship, the next they're questioning everything.
(42:58):
No consistency, just pure chaos in the form of emotional
whiplash. So I have a really.
Great example for. This one.
So the night that Mister W and Itold each other that we loved
each other, we were in Chicago and we were walking around the
(43:19):
city, going to bars, bar hopping, whatever.
And I am disorganized of course,and so I.
Started to self. Sabotage and we had a.
Bar. And I started a fight out of
nowhere. To this day I couldn't tell you
what the fight was about. He still like neither of us know
(43:41):
what the fight is about. I just started one because I was
like, Oh my God, I told this manI loved him.
He's going to fucking hurt me. So I'm going to hurt him before
he can hurt me. That type of shit.
You know what I mean, ladies, You know what I mean.
So that's a good no. I've never been there.
What's chaos? Disorganized is just so funny
(44:05):
because I feel like a lot of people, What was the one that we
like? Disorganized, anxious, avoidant.
I feel like when I was single, alot of people, that's how they
were. Especially like the ghosting
halfway through the ride. And like.
Because I remember this one dude, we hung out a bunch for
(44:25):
like 2 weeks. We got along really, really
well. I was, like, having a great
time. And it was like the first person
that I legitimately actually liked in, like, years that I
could stand to be around a fellow Leo.
And then all of a sudden, he just, like, ghosted me.
And I was like, and I was anxious.
(44:46):
I did the anxious attachment with him where I wasn't begging
for his attention, but like, I was coming up with the
conversations, you know, I was texting him first, like, all of
this stuff. Yeah.
And then one day I was like, what am, What am I doing?
I'm being pathetic with this man.
Yep. I stopped.
Yep. That's what I told.
(45:08):
Spreadsheet, I said. Begging is beneath You were my
words you should have said. Oh, what did someone say to me
the other day? We were talking about like
disappointment and disappointingand someone was like, I'm not
disappointed, you are just disappointing.
I. Was like cut me out.
(45:30):
Damn. Damn, I'm like, you know, it's
funny about all of these examples.
If there's not one of a secure attachment, which means it
doesn't exist, the. Limit does not.
Exist. I will be.
Honest when I did this quiz and they like first tell you like
the type four types of attachments.
I had never heard of secure before.
(45:50):
I had heard of like anxious. Avoidant.
Anxious. Avoidant and disorganized.
I'd heard of those three, never heard of secure.
So I was like, oh, there actually is like a good
attachment but. There's got to be, I mean.
Not every. Relationship has to fucking
suck, right? Like I was watching.
A TikTok the other day and this guy was talking about how men
(46:13):
hating their wives is a lot morecommon than people think.
He was like, yeah, my buddy was talking about his wife and was
basically just talking about howmuch he fucking hated her.
And he was like, well, then why did you get married?
Basically like, oh, it was convenient, Yeah.
Because. Marriage benefits men more than
it benefits women, does it? Yes.
(46:36):
Why? Because men usually expect the
woman to, oh, like Cater. Them and OK.
So signs of a secure attachment.You empathize with others.
You have high self esteem. You can maintain long term
relationships with others. Deriving meaning and fulfillment
out of your relationships. You find others to talk to when
(46:56):
they're feeling upset about something.
Ability to set boundaries with others when necessary and still
feeling close with their partneror partners even when dating
long distance. I mean I felt really secure in
this relationship and it was a long distance relationship.
Obviously you're in a long distance relationship too, and
(47:16):
if this had been me and my ex-husband being long distance,
it never would have worked. Oh God no.
I mean. I was anxious every time he went
out all night and wouldn't communicate like that.
Anxious in the same. City living together, yeah.
So I'm like, but this time I wasso secure.
There was no threat to me. Like I knew for a fact this
(47:36):
person would never cheat on me. That would put me first, that
would prioritize me. And I love those things.
But after the ick, he just love me too much.
I got a little smothered and I was so mad at myself because I
was like, what is wrong with me that I can't just let this
person love me? Yeah.
(47:56):
And it's because I wasn't receiving the love the way he
was giving it. That sucks.
That sucks. I'm like, that's why I told him.
I was like, it's not like you'vedone anything like egregiously
wrong. And that's when he was like,
well, you stayed with people whodid you egregiously wrong.
So like, what's the difference? And I'm like, a lot of things
are the difference, friend. Yeah, I've.
Grown up and like I'm not also. Not with those people.
(48:19):
So why do you want to compare yourself to them?
Yeah, there's a. You literally just said the
reason why I'm not with them anymore, right?
Right. But OK, so.
Another good secure attachment example is the I trust you
moment so you don't feel the need to constantly check your
partner's phone or question where they're going.
(48:40):
There's a mutual understanding that you both respect each
other's independence and trust one another.
You know that your bond is strong enough that trust comes
naturally and there's no need for surveillance.
I cannot say that word. Surveillance.
Surveillance or endless reassurance?
Yeah. I trusted him 1000% and that's
why, again, that's why I think Iscored secure on this test has
(49:05):
to do with the last relationshipbecause it was the first time I
felt like I wasn't the one bending over or sacrificing.
Meanwhile, he was like, I'm willing to quit my job.
I'm going to move to Nashville for you.
I'm going to do all of these things versus and flip
scenarios. I always wanted my ex-husband to
do that for me and he never would.
(49:26):
Yeah, he never would. So it was nice to have someone
who felt like they would. But then.
I was like, you're. Sacrificing too much?
I feel like you're going to resent me, definitely.
This is another good one. Let's spend time together but
also do your own thing. You and your partner enjoy being
together, but you feel comfortable doing your own thing
when needed. There's no jealousy if one of
(49:48):
you wants to go hang out with friends and focus on a personal
project. You both feel secure in the
relationship, knowing that time apart is just as healthy as time
together. Which goes back to what our
wonderful 35 married relationship had to say on a few
episodes back. They said having your own time
to yourself with your friends and your family and not just
(50:10):
being all about each other. Yeah, and now I feel really
secure with that. I told you all, it's my
Independence Day. I didn't finish the story.
So my Independence Day is the last time I cheated on my
husband to the point that the next morning I was like, hey, I
(50:32):
cheated with that guy you reallyhate.
Again, we're not going to recover from this.
I don't want to recover from this.
Like I'm moving to Nashville. So it was the first time that it
wasn't let's cry and make up. It was like a I'm done, we're
done. I can't keep doing this.
It's a vicious cycle. I can't keep doing this.
So I call it my Independence Daybecause within two months I
(50:54):
moved to Nashville. I started over and now we're one
year since I asked for a divorce.
So independent. Divorce and you have your.
Name back OH. God.
Thank the fucking Lord. People have like.
Asked me if I would change my last name when Mr. W and I get
married and I said no I love my last name I don't want to change
(51:17):
it. Plus is he OK with?
That, yeah. That's nice.
Do you have any coping mechanisms?
For what? For your attachment.
Styles. Any weird habits you've picked
up to feel secure? Be yourself.
Follow your intuition. That's not a weird.
Habit. That's like good advice.
OK, well. What?
(51:39):
Am I supposed to say like when I'm feeling insecure I'm feeling
insecure I fuck other people andthat is not emotionally stable
advice when? I feel insecure, I just wanna
off myself so. There's also.
(51:59):
Not emotionally stable advice. I.
OK another little life update ofmine.
I have had the worst body dysmorphia for the past like
month and a half and I've been regularly working out whatever.
And then I think I said in the last episode someone asked me if
I was pregnant a few weeks ago and that has made me fucking
(52:21):
spiral. And then?
Recently I like put on a pair ofjeans and they used to be loose
on me like a month or two ago and now they're not.
And I'm like, I have not changedanything.
I've still been working out likefour or five days a week and
I've just like gone off to the spiral.
Yep. So.
Girl feels. I just put on summer clothes for
(52:42):
the first time since last year to go to Barbados and I'm like
what the fuck my ass is fat as shit.
Probably because I've been doinga shit ton of squats and
teaching jazzercise so much but I'm just like I feel like a fat
cow. Same.
So I got prescribed it's not Ozempic, but it's a compounded
(53:03):
thing. So like they mix it for you and
it's AI can't remember the word for it, but I'm waiting for it
to be shipped to me because and I think it's also because I'm
insulin resistant. My one of my friends, she was on
it last year, I think for five months and she said she lost
around like 5 lbs a month. She did.
She did like lower dosages and Iwas like, OK, I feel like that's
(53:25):
like a good like slow like way to like lose weight.
Like 5 lbs a month sound like a drastic thing.
And she said that sounds pretty drastic.
Still in a month 5. A lot of people can do that.
And I was, you know, of course, like going to Google, TikTok,
and I was reading like a bunch of testimonials, watching a
(53:46):
bunch of girls and like listening to what they had to
say. Like a lot of people in the
comments were like me. They're like, I work out five
days a week. I eat healthy.
I do all of this stuff. And I have not lost any weight.
I'm like, that is literally me. And they're like, I had to go on
like a GLP one to help get it off.
And like, heart disease runs in my family.
(54:08):
So I also have to be careful about that.
But my friend said it was like the best thing that she ever had
done. And she was like, fuck the
haters who think it's a bad idea.
She's like, you're doing it for your health, like physical and
mental health, if that's what you need and that's what you
need. And I was like, hell yeah, girl.
Thank you. No, I've been inspired.
I've been influenced. Since Mr. Spreadsheet thinks I'm
(54:29):
going to get fat, I'm going to go get I'm fucking Ozympic.
The GLP. One is just like an extra boost
for your body. It helps like break out all that
food noise which I feel like I have because for me I'm
literally staring at a family size bag of nerds.
At my desk. And don't forget my Milk Duds.
(54:54):
And they like they said it. Just like helps like break out
that food noise and for me I eatwhen I get bored so I'm trying
to like help. Like cut.
That out of my brain, so yeah. Yeah, we'll update the.
Pod as it's going. OK, I'm excited.
For you I am. I told Mr. Spreadsheet to break
(55:15):
my heart so that I would get like skinny again.
This was before I got the ick, but I broke his heart.
Give yourself a week to. Do whatever the that's what I
always do after a breakup. I'm like OK, I give myself like
a not even like a self pity party but I give myself a week
to do whatever the fuck. Party, party.
He's a pity party. Give myself a week.
(55:36):
To do whatever. I need to do to make me feel
better about myself. So give yourself a week.
You have till next Monday. Well.
Technically I broke up with him before the trip.
He just said no. That is wild.
To me, I if someone broke up with me, I would never be like,
no, you're not. No, he has like just give.
(55:59):
It give it another week. Give us our week apart before
you come to this concert. Like we can fix it.
And I'm like, why are you like pushing me?
Stop pushing me. That's just so.
Wild to me. I just.
I. Really hope I don't see him at
this concert. God, honestly.
I'm going to scream. And run away.
I think he's a scary. Person.
(56:20):
I think he had a scary reaction.And if.
You are crazy enough to fucking call my ex husband's place of
employment. Asking.
For him when you've never met him.
You just googled. It and randomly called them up
being like hey, where where's your ex-husband to the point
(56:41):
that his what was his plan. To say to him like, hey.
I was like, do you want to talk about how?
Shitty Vicky is like what? Like I have.
Absolutely no idea what his planwas because obviously after he
did that I wasn't talking to him.
The message was they were just like, it was a really sketchy
conversation and they recognizedhis name from the caller ID.
(57:02):
Thank God they. Recognized his name so.
That happened and then thank Godfor your ex-boyfriend who works
for my ex-husband for telling mewhich now I'm like he's all up
in my business so I can't wait for him to tell my ex-husband
like what the fuck is happening?He called my ex husband's place
(57:23):
of employment and then he found the girlfriend of the guy I used
to cheat with and messaged her on Instagram.
That's so. That is why old he early in.
The trip was like, I think you're still in love with that
guy, that guy that you talked about in the first episode of
(57:43):
the pod that you said like you thought would be the person you
end up with. I think you're still in love
with him. So that's like what made him
spiral to the point that he liketried to find his girlfriend and
message her. Jesus Christ, yeah, I'm not in
love with. Him.
All right, Vicki, what's your take away from all these
(58:03):
attachment styles? My take away.
Is that I'm surprised that I'm secure, But having read these
examples and knowing the way I've been for the last year, I
sort of agree with it. There's definitely times I've
been anxious, maybe work, maybe just anxiety of being alone.
So I feel pretty good about that.
(58:24):
I feel good about the way like how I've come.
And I just don't like like it's shocking to me that people think
that I should be hurting more right now.
But women grieve relationships before way before.
You way before. You break up and I felt it
coming to an end. I communicated what I needed to
say, that it wasn't working for me.
(58:45):
He kept pushing, pushing, pushing, trying to fix it.
That's on him because I clearly communicated it wasn't working.
Oh. Absolutely, so I don't like his
reaction from it all. He can really only.
Be. Upset with himself, I feel like
at this point, because it's not like you randomly came up with
(59:06):
this one day. No, you've been telling him for
a month. Yeah.
I still feel bad but I I'm just like I just didn't expect it.
Yeah, I mean, breakups suck. They're not easy either way.
Yeah, I'm like. Turns out turns out you're less
likely to get murdered by 100 strangers that you invite to
your house over the last six months than someone you've known
(59:28):
for 12 years. No the.
There's a statistic it's like the most dangerous time to be a
woman is when you end a relationship.
Yeah, because men cannot take rejection.
We see it all the time, yeah. No, I just.
I hope he does better. I hope he finds what he needs.
I'm at peace. I hope he finds peace.
(59:52):
Again, I'm not going to. Talk about what happened.
That's it deuces deuces y'all will get some fun updates about
my new dating life. I told Oh my gosh, you.
Need to join are we dating the same person for the Nashville I
I was. On it for a while and I got so
annoyed with these dumb ass bitches that were like oh I
turned off. I turned off my notification so
(01:00:13):
I check it every once in a while.
No, I couldn't. Keep reading it because it'd be
someone like, oh, I messaged this person we're talking and
then they would like lose their shit that like someone else is
also messaging him and I'm like,you guys aren't exclusive.
Like that's what. Casual dating is called, but
yeah, I should. Rejoin the group just like for
for the content. You guys will also get some
(01:00:34):
updates from the unhinged messages I get from man on
Hinge. But I told Grace we're going to
do an experiment since I'm not feeling horny anyway and I'm
feeling violently celibate. I'm not going to have sex with
strangers. I'm only going to go on dates.
I'm going to put myself out there and go sit at a fucking
(01:00:54):
restaurant and talk to someone instead of just screwing them in
my bed and asking them to fucking leave.
So that will be. The new experiment Vicki is
going on actual dates to meet her person, Vicki's.
Actually getting to know people.I just I.
Now I have anxiety. 1st it's. Suck.
(01:01:22):
I always just like, kind of madea game out of it, yeah.
Yeah, I'm scared. It's Tom.
Can you come get me? I'm.
Scared. When when things are falling
apart with us. He kept like trying.
(01:01:43):
To have sex with me and I was like, this isn't a good idea.
I think it was so weak. I broke up with Mr. Bankrupt and
we had sex like two or three days in a row.
I remember him saying to me thatnight that we went to bed.
He was like, oh wow, we've had sex like 3-3 days in a row.
Like what did I do to deserve this?
And in my head, I was like, well, I'm trying to throw you
(01:02:05):
off the scent that I'm about to break up with you, literally.
I'm not attracted to you anymoreand that despite me telling you
I wanted to end it before the trip.
Like I still have full intentions of ending it as soon
as I am like safely able to. Having sex with.
Someone that like it's you. I'm gonna.
Break up. With and you just don't find
(01:02:25):
attractive anymore. It is the worst.
It's painful. I like literally now I'm just
like I, I don't want to have sexanymore.
It's just, it's ruined it for meI think.
I don't think I've ever heard those.
Words come out of your mouth. You never have.
And I'm just like, it's a weird feeling like to not even want to
masturbate or like like I could 1000% be like out fucking
(01:02:48):
strangers. And like I'm sure once I RIP off
the Band-Aid maybe like I'll feel excited again.
But right now, the idea of someone's Dick at me makes me
want to fucking bomb it. Like don't touch.
Me. Don't go down on me.
Well, yeah, thanks for coming toyour secret safe with a, like I
(01:03:09):
said, engaged. Yeah.
Engaged to myself cheers to 31 cheers to being single again and
cheers to you guys getting to listen to my dating stories you
guys are going to love this. I literally put on my Hinge
(01:03:32):
profile like together we could blah blah blah and it was all
cutesy stuff and then I put or you could be creepy as fuck and
get like listed on the pod. So I.
I love that so. Much This is a pretty ring.
Though it is a pretty ring. I helped pick it out, but yeah,
(01:03:52):
thanks for coming to another episode of Your Secret Safe with
A we're we are wherever you. Oh my God, Grace just had a.
Stroke. We.
Are wherever you get your podcast, that's where you can
listen to us. Fucking Christ.
We're also on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok.
(01:04:15):
So subscribe, follow us, listen to us.
Buy a hat, buy a hat. I'm now single so I will be
sending toe pics to anyone who wants to buy a hat because I was
a loyal motherfucker and I didn't send anyone any feety
photos so whatever. Now look.
(01:04:36):
What I got me? Oh, now you can.
Send Philly boy his feet pics. Yeah, I will.
Send him feet pics. Thanks for coming to your secret
safe with a Grace is going to continue in her loving,
committed relationship and I'm probably going to get even more
unhinged. So y'all stay here for it.
Yeah, hopefully. Mr. W doesn't break up with me
in real life. Anxious Avoidant.
(01:04:57):
Disorganized. It's fearful avoidant.
Thank you. OK, well.
Why are you fearful he's going to break up with you?
Who doesn't have that fear? I didn't.
Like this makes a monster a secure monster, but a monster
nonetheless. Like people stop forgiving me.
Stop forgiving me when I tell you I don't like you or that
(01:05:18):
you've given me the ick. Just like, cool.
It's been real because. Every time you push me I fucking
cave like a loser. And that's not healthy.
Yeah, so. Do better.
Do better. And then next episode is episode
(01:05:38):
10 and we are going to have a special guest on Yeah I.
Can't wait. Also also my calendar for the
rest of the year has suddenly opened up so let me have
somewhere we should go on vacation because I'm a shits on
a PTM. Like let's go suddenly my
calendar. I deleted the spreadsheet off
(01:06:04):
my. Phone like I blocked it from my
Google account because I couldn't think of look at it.
Oh my God. I.
Love that so I'm suddenly free for the rest of forever.
Yep, Ellie. Ellie.
Bye.
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