March 21, 2025 • 54 mins
We're going there this week—and no, it's not just about the ick. It's about all the unspoken turn-offs women experience when dating and sleeping with men. From having to give repeated tutorials on how to make a woman orgasm (it's 2025… learn) to bedroom blunders that make us question our life choices, Grace and Vikki are holding nothing back.
We're unpacking the moments that kill the vibe, the "Did you go?" awkwardness, and why biting the clit is never, ever okay. Plus, Vikki shares a wild weekend full of oysters, explosive bonding (literally), and finding out what love really looks like… even after diarrhea.
We also dive into YOUR submissions—your sexual icks, yucks, and yums—in our rapid-fire speed round. Spoiler: if you've ever been Spider-Manned after sex… we see you.
It's messy, it's honest, it's hilarious—and as always, your secret's safe with us. Grab a drink, get comfy, and join us for another unfiltered episode.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Your secret
Safe with a I'm Grace, and todaywe're getting real spicy and
unfiltered. I mean, we're not holding
anything back today. Are we definitely not.
Do we ever? Today's episode is going to be
all about Ick's and turn offs when you're dating and sleeping
with men. Because we've all been there and
(00:20):
things may seem perfect at firstin that little honeymoon phase,
but then something happens and it kills the vibe and everything
else. Right.
I'm like, we're going to talk about all the things we always
want to tell you guys, like whatreally gets on our nerves when
it comes to pleasure. And why it's a total deal
breaker. I'm literally already just like
(00:41):
getting the ick thinking about them like I'm already in the
bikini TV. He's like.
Like. Like, I'm already like, grossed
out, but like, for example, whenyou have to coach someone on how
to give you a good orgasm over and over and over again, Vicky
knows all about that. And you know, sometimes it's
(01:03):
going to be a deal breaker because it's 2025.
Why do you not know how to eat awoman out at this point anyways,
Right, Vicki? Yeah, I was with someone who
will not be named to despite multiple tutorials and
suggestions. Thought it would be a good idea
to bite my clit repeatedly whileeating me out and.
(01:25):
And girlies, if that has ever happened to you.
Like I you know that fucking hurts like that fucking hurts.
Like are you trying to pleasure me?
Yeah, I married that person, butYikes.
Yikes. But it shouldn't feel like a
tutorial session every time. If you're in a situation where
(01:47):
you have to give step by step instructions on you know what
feels good and then repeat thoseinstructions every single time,
it's exhausting. Exactly.
I mean, I'm not here to teach you how to do the basics,
especially at our grown age. You should.
You should already know how to do that.
If you're like a 19 year old andwe're both 19, we don't know
what the fuck we're doing of course, but at this point in our
(02:10):
lives you should know what you're doing.
And it's frustrating because we shouldn't have to play teacher
every time we're getting intimate.
Yeah, and if we tell you once, like learn it, learn it.
Don't make us repeat ourselves. I mean, just like Grace said,
it's it's exhausting and it's not about being picky.
(02:31):
It's about chemistry and connection.
And if you're not taking the time to learn what works for
your partner, it's a little disrespectful.
It really is. And it's one thing if it's a new
thing and you're trying to figure it out together.
But if we have to coach you every single time, like, sorry,
we're going to find better. True and a true if you've been
(02:57):
with that person for a long, like if it's the first few times
you've hooked up, like you're learning each other's bodies,
whatever. But if you've been with that
person for a while, you know that person's body, you know
that's that person's likes and dislikes.
And at that point, you should know how to get that person off.
(03:18):
Yeah, I I know this couple. At the time they were dating,
but they've since gotten marriedand every time they would like
get close to orgasm, he's like did you go?
Like, did you go? This is not monopoly.
You do not Pascal with like $200.
(03:39):
It's going to be like, did you come?
Did you whatever? He's like, did you go?
I'm like, what am I supposed to say?
I just went like I don't. Don't piss, girl.
Like. Oh my God.
But I feel like it's there's a difference between the effort
and willingness to learn and just not really giving a shit
(04:02):
about how to figure out what makes your partner feel good and
what they need and what they like.
Like for me for example, I am hard to get off sometimes, but
Mr. W has made sure to know whatI like and what feels good and
if they can't do that, it's a major turn off.
Yeah, it is. And even though Mr. Spreadsheet
(04:22):
and I are a new relationship andwe're still trying to figure
things out, we're both down to experiment.
And I can tell you what, if I tell him something once, he does
not forget. He does not forget.
Snaps. Snaps for VIX.
We were literally together on Sunday and I'd been on my period
(04:42):
the week before. It was finally chilled out and
this man literally ate me out like five times in a row after
fucking me and making me come and every time I would orgasm he
was just like down again again again.
And girl, it was wild. Wild.
We're both still fantasizing about how hot it was, and I
(05:03):
don't know about y'all, but there's something so hot about a
partner that gets turned on by making sure that you come.
Absolutely, 100%. And we're way more giving in
return. I tell you what, after a couple
orgasms like I'm loopy, you can ask me to do whatever the fuck
you want like I'm. No, absolutely.
I'm pretty sure that's I was a little drunk and Mr. W made me
(05:26):
come and I was like, let's do anal.
Like, like guys learn like girls.
Once we come once, well, maybe not everyone, I'm not going to
speak for the crowd, but once wecome once, it's easier to make
us come again. And we're also going to be more
invested in your orgasm because it's going to keep making us
come. Exactly because when you because
(05:46):
when women orgasm, it's almost like a euphoria for us.
You could ask me to do anything at that point.
Like it's like the post orgasm clarity or euphoria.
I'm just like. I'm like, guys have post nut
clarity and they feel guilty. I had come once and I'm like,
I'm just going to come for the rest of my life and die right
here. Absolutely.
I'm like, I've never felt betterin my entire life.
(06:10):
I could do anything right now. Yeah.
Life update. Tell me about fucking Norfolk,
bitch. You've went and visited Mr.
Spreadsheet for the first time in his area.
What? Area I don't know if I have a
(06:33):
life update. You were literally just with him
for like 5 days. No, we had AI mean.
We had a mostly great time. I was a little psycho a couple
of nights. Yeah, because you kept texting
me sad, sad, sad. And I could be like, why?
What's happening? You were just like, man, you're
drunk. And I'm like, that doesn't tell
me why. I didn't realize I was doing
(06:53):
that. But no, the first night.
What did I cry about on the first night?
I don't remember. The second night I cried because
I was scared to have his babies because I was like, it's going
to hurt and ruin my vagina and Icried about it.
Your vagina snaps back like or not like snaps back you know
(07:15):
what I mean? Like her like a frog song that
snaps back but like it takes a few weeks but it goes back to
normal. Do do your kegels girl.
I'm scared, but yeah, I cried about it for a little while and
then it was a bad weekend. I mean like, no, we had a good
time. But Sunday was definitely our
best day. Friday I got a little too drunk.
(07:35):
Saturday I got a little too drunk.
Not to mention I was on my period.
And I don't know about y'all, but when I'm on my period, my
hormone, I'm a little crazy whenI'm on my period and a lot of
things are going to make me cry and or make me feel insecure.
That was me this weekend. And then Sunday we had a shit
ton of oysters on Friday. Sunday I spent the entire day
throwing up and having diarrhea in his house.
(08:01):
Sunday was our best day, but I was sick all day by.
Shitting and throwing up. Well, no, we, we crossed a new
level and I was like, you know, I, for those who don't know, I
have celiac disease. So I was eating out at a bunch
of different places I'd never eaten at before.
And I was like, you know what? Must have gotten gluten.
Cracked it up to that. Whatever, so I'm dying all day.
(08:21):
Eventually in the evening I'm better.
That's when we had the multi orgasm night.
This man literally just ate me out five times in a row after I
spent the entire day throwing upand having diarrhea.
He is a true hero. He needs like a fucking badge of
honor. And partially still on my
period, like this man is in the trenches, but.
(08:44):
Oh my God. Anyway, what like an
embarrassing day? Those of you that are with new
partners, the first time you poop in somebody's house is very
anxiety ridden. So amplify that by 10 with
explosive diarrhea and vomiting for 24 hours straight.
So anyway, I felt awful. Then Monday comes around, he's
(09:05):
throwing up and has diarrhea allday too.
Oh no, wait, did you guys get like?
Some no, we don't know. We ate so many oysters.
That's literally what we think it was but we had fun Sunday.
We spent all night like we made like one of those little like
once I was like feeling well enough.
First and foremost, he took me to get gluten free ramen, which
(09:26):
I was almost too sick to eat, but anyway he blew up an air
mattress in his living room and made like popcorn and they we
watched Dune because I'd never seen it, so we watched.
The first I love that movie. I love that movie.
So we watched the first Dune andthe second dude in a little like
pillow for it, curled up on the little air mattress and like
(09:47):
that's when we had our little sexy time, whatever.
But no, the next day he woke up and he was throwing up and
having diarrhea too. So either he got it for me
because I have a shit ass immunesystem or like we ate something
bad. But it was a new level of
bonding this weekend because we were literally both repulsively
throwing up and pooping ourselves.
(10:11):
Fucking fashion. Meanwhile Mr. W I'm still trying
to break him on this when I wentto go visit him where he lives.
He has A2 level house and he would not poop upstairs.
He would go downstairs into his basement to poop.
And I'm like homie we've been together for almost a year at
this point. I do not care.
(10:33):
And he sent me this meme the other day about your significant
like your woman partner, like farting and stuff like that.
I started laughing. It was like I was like, we'll
get ready this weekend because I've been eating these protein
bars trying to hit my protein intake and they are making me so
gassy. And the farts are.
(10:54):
So bad I was having bad farts all weekend.
And like he's a trumpet farter. I'm just continuing to be.
(11:14):
Like and he's so bullied about any opponents.
I think so hard, but but no one Sunday morning when I like woke
up throwing up, I like went downstairs and laid on the couch
(11:35):
so I was closer to the bathroom and so I like wouldn't wake him
up with having to like poop and vomit every like 5 minutes.
And the next morning he came downstairs and he's like, baby,
I thought you left like because I was in one of those like I'm
going to sabotage this run moments and he was like, I woke
up. You weren't next to me.
Your phone was there. All your stuff was there.
(11:56):
Like he was like, I thought you just left and deserted
everything and were never going to talk to me again.
And I was like, well, no, I'm just violently throwing up and
shitting my pants and I didn't want you to be around me.
He's like, baby, I would always take care of you.
Like you should have told me youweren't feeling good.
I was like, man, it's like. So cute.
(12:17):
Meanwhile, Mr. W and I are visiting my older brother this
weekend and let me read you thistext message.
This man is panicking about staying there.
Why? I don't know, he's weird about
staying at other people's places.
He just gets nervous and he goesOK but listen for a second.
Like what if I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the
(12:39):
night? I said no one gives a flying
shit. Literally there's 10 bathrooms
in this house. Everyone in my family shits and
they use sound machines. Like a rocket is blasting off.
He's like any bathrooms. He's like, does our does our
room have a bathroom and shower?I said yes, I'm exaggerating but
there's two bathrooms on each level basically.
So my brother has a huge ass house.
I was like, you're going to be fine.
(13:01):
He's like already stressing out to plan where he can poop.
Yes. I'm like if need be you can go
into the basement. It's a it's a 1234 level house.
You can go into the basement where no one's going to hear you
or see you or smell you. You will be OK.
Mr. Spreadsheet was so polite. I like when we were downstairs,
(13:22):
like together and I was like, I'm going to go upstairs because
I'm having some problems. And he was like, I'll turn on
the speaker for you, baby. That's so nice.
One time I was like, damn, he's taking a really long shower.
And then I heard the toilet flush and I was like, oh, he was
pooping. I'm a speed pooper.
I go fast. You go so fast.
(13:44):
I think it depends on the poop like this past week because I
started my period my poops were terrible and really slow.
But today my poops were fast which means I'm like my period
is coming to an end thank God. But did you know that the reason
why you get women get period shits or they can get diarrhea
(14:07):
on their period is because the way you're.
Like uterus contracts and it like contracts your asshole too
and. Your intestines, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I'm so convinced I have endometriosis, but I don't
know how we got on like the pooppod, but the.
Poop. Yeah, we're supposed to be
talking about people's icks whenthey fuck and date someone, but.
(14:32):
I'm like is it an ick yes or no?Can your partner shit and fart
around you? I don't think it's an ick.
It's not an ick for me. Because I mean, everyone does
it. I mean, I don't want him like
indoor shitting and being like, like, that's a fucking egg.
Oh, I'm going to go poop. I'm like OK.
Like have fun. Yeah, especially after my
(14:53):
morning coffee cup. Like I need to go do some
business on the porcelain throne, you know what I mean?
OK, this is the poop pot episode.
Oh. My God isn't an ick if a guy
gets shit on their Dick after anal.
I get really embarrassed but it's happened to me.
(15:17):
That is my biggest fear. Anytime I've had anal, I'm like,
Oh my God, they're going to pulltheir Dick out and there's going
to be a pile of shit on their Dick.
Like, I obviously know that's not going to happen, but.
That is. My big.
It's all about your anal prep. For a while I was really crazy
about it and anytime a guy wouldpull his Dick out of my ass I
would wrap my hand around his Dick so I could get it first.
(15:41):
Let me see that. It's like while he's pulling
out. Probably like what the fuck is
this bitch doing? Go over here, come here.
Picturing you doing it like the way you call whistling at them,
(16:04):
like can you guys? Well, no.
It's like if they're hitting it from behind, they're about to
pull out. I'll be like, go slow and you
just wrap your hand around it. They pull out and you're holding
it with your hand and you know, Oh my God.
The I don't know, one of the times that me and Mr. W did
anal. I had either I was constipated
(16:25):
or do you. Do not do anal when you're
constipated. That is a wild move.
That's. What I'm saying, like, I don't
think I had pooped that day. So I was really, really, really
nervous. I was like, OK, yeah, we can do
anal or whatever. And then we're in the middle of
it. And in my head I was like, Oh my
God, I haven't pooped today. I was like, oh, shit.
And then literally. And then we were done and he was
(16:47):
pulling out and in my head I was, I don't be poop.
Please don't be poop. You just like, hop in the
shower. It's not the end of the world.
There's this girl I know from college.
I don't talk to her anymore but she OK.
I have two stories. One girl she was doing anal with
the guy and she was fucked up and she literally had diarrhea
(17:08):
in his bed in bed. Another girl, I know this guy
what they had fussed before, buthe really wanted to do anal and
she was like, no, I don't want to.
And he was like, I'll literally buy you some type of designer
bag if you let me do anal. And she was like, OK, I was just
(17:30):
like, what the fuck is going allthese?
Bitches. Yeah, you have to be really
vulnerable to tell someone abouta time that anal went wrong, but
it happens. It happens to everybody.
What happens to us happens to people we know.
Yeah, and you know, sometimes your man will still fuck you
(17:51):
multiple times after having explosive diarrhea, so it's
fine. Exactly that is what love.
Is love, you know, OK, We're this episode's gone off the
rails now that we've had a life catch up.
Anyway, we're both still happilywith our boyfriends.
We're pooping in front, not in front of them.
We they know we poop. They know we poop.
(18:12):
We're open, door shitted. We're not open door shitting.
We're not there yet. Fuck no, I will never be there.
You wouldn't give someone a blumpkin?
Is that an ick? That's an ick.
And our friend. And our friend's nickname.
Who's that? Wait, our friend who always
choked about blumpkins? If you're listening to this,
(18:32):
fuck you. It's a fucking it, you nasty ass
bitch doctor. B.
And tell your girlfriend it's a fucking ick and I hope she never
gives you one. I don't know if she would.
I feel like she's better than that.
That and she was like, yeah, I get I would give him the bumpkin
all the time. That's so gross.
(18:53):
I mean, I like, I've never done that.
I've never done that. Like Pat on the back.
Good for bikes. I'm proud of you for never doing
that. Because boys get sweaty when
they shit and then you just smell it and you're on your
knees and you're putting your face towards the shit water.
Why the fuck would you ever wantto give a blumpkin that is an X?
(19:13):
Ladies, gentlemen, people would give blowjobs, no?
I mean, I would give someone a Blumpkin.
I would give Mr. Scrouchy to Blumpkin if he asked.
You would. I know.
You would, but he would never ask.
Maybe he would. I don't know.
We're, we're, we're. Experimenting, I would say, if
you were to say, hey, I want to try this, you know, that man
(19:34):
would be like, OK, let me go. No, he said he won't poop in
front of me. Oh, well, then maybe he.
Wouldn't. So maybe he won't.
I don't know. We're still.
It's early. Stay tuned on the Blumpkin.
Mr. W would never. He would rather cut off his own
arm. What?
(19:55):
I'm not eating dinner because dirty martinis have olives.
Olives or dinner? Yeah, OK, Agreed.
Yes, Oh my God, I had the best dirty martini the other weekend,
last weekend, because I went up for my friend's baby shower and
we went out afterwards and we went to the Super cute little
bar and I got a dirty martini. Oh no, Dirty martini was my
(20:20):
second drink. I had a espresso martini first,
of course, but they asked me howmany olives I want and I said,
oh, I want 4, thinking that theywere going to be little ones.
They were the fattest, thickest olives I've ever seen, like the
size of 1/4. And he literally, he comes over
with like it and he puts it downin front of me and I whipped my
head to him and I was like, those are the fattest, thickest
(20:41):
boys I've ever seen. And he started laughing.
He was like, Oh yeah, we got thethick olives here.
I was like, do you? But those of you who follow us
on Instagram, you may have noticed that last week we asked
you what are some of your sexualICS.
So we're going to go ahead and read those and Grace and I are
(21:05):
going to tell you a little bit about ourselves.
We're going to read what the ickis and whether it's a yuck or
Yum for us. Grace, explain, yuck and Yum.
Yes. So yuck is you wouldn't do it.
You find it gross, self-explanatory.
Oh my God. And Yum is something that you're
(21:27):
all in on. You would totally do it.
That type of thing. Yeah, it's going to it's going
to be a speed round. So it's kind of be like, it was
like speeding. I'm going to say it.
And then we are going to first thought in our head, we're going
to say it. Yep.
OK. Watching them put on a condom.
Yuck. Glad we agree.
(21:48):
This person said little ear tongue thing that they do like I
guess stick their tongue in yourear.
Yuck. Oh like a peebie jeebies when
the dude stares at you and doesn't blink.
It was fucking weird. Yuck.
I mean, there's a good level of eye.
I know it. I like a little bit of eye
(22:13):
contact. It's a yucky Yum.
It's a yucky Yum. Show it.
As soon as I said it and you pause, I was.
Like, oh, here we go. All right, go.
OK, next one when they ask you to call them daddy.
Yuck. When they think they're rubbing
the clip, they're way off and ordid that as a poll.
(22:40):
Dang it. I can't see it now, but a lot of
people were like, yeah, that wasme If you voted no.
You're lying. You're lying.
This one person said I'm my own ick because one week I love it
super freaky, and the next week I'm a Christian woman.
Yeah, I'm to the freaky yuck to the Christian.
But also I I guess yuck and Yum for me because I will do that.
(23:03):
Like sometimes I'm like fucking degrade the shit out of me and
then other times, oh, I'm holierthan thou, just missionary, you
know what I mean? No.
Well, I know you don't. Don't know what I mean.
OK, keep lying. Face eaters.
No one wants that much tongue and witness on their face.
Yuck, yuck. I have a good story about that.
(23:24):
When they record you without your consent.
Consent. Yuck and jail and prison time.
This has happened to me. Initially I was like this is a
yuck, but it would have been a Yum if they had asked me first.
Right, A lot of things with consent can be yums, yes, and
without consent, they're yucks, correct?
(23:44):
OK, go along with our poop stories, a person said When the
poop stains the sheets. But yuck, I'm so sorry.
I can't even remember who put this in, I think it was a guy
(24:05):
who who sent it in but I remember reading it and being
like. What I mean did it really stain
or like? It says when the poop stays.
Man, I mean, I mean poop is a yuck, but sometimes it happens
and if you're going to go in in the poop hole loophole then then
(24:28):
beware. You got to be prepared.
Oh my God. OK, when you tell them you're
about to come so they get excited and change it up.
Why do men do that? I feel like they all do that.
If a girl says oh I'm close or I'm about to come, do not move a
(24:49):
fucking millimeter. Of no like keep doing the exact
same thing you were doing like. Literally.
Don't switch it up. Don't change the rhythm.
If you're giving me mouth, don'tgive me fingers.
If you're giving me fingers, don't give me mouth.
Don't try to stick your Dick in right when I'm coming, because
guess what? You're going to lose it.
Yep, and it's just. It'll be like.
Literally exactly when they growl like an animal.
(25:15):
Yuck, yuck. I have a story about this one
too. My double chin when I'm on top.
Yummy yuck. Yuck.
I love being on top. I like, so I used to hate it,
but then I came into my own and I like it now because I just
(25:37):
love the I love the power I feelwhen I'm on top and I can see it
on their face and they're like enjoying it and they're like,
oh, fucked up. Feels good on my fuck Yeah it
does. Like OK serious question when
you're on top grinding or bouncing.
(26:00):
I do like both. It like depends.
Which one's for you and which one's for him?
Well, so for me and Mr. W, he likes it when I grind.
So I do that and I'm like sick. Feels good for me.
So sick. I'm a grinder for me, bouncer
for Mr. Spreadsheet. Like girl, it is aerobic like I
(26:23):
am like, like imagine a trampoline.
Like imagine like I am bouncing my butt on a trampoline over and
over and over again. Like, I think he likes the like.
Yeah, because that's the. Sound my ass makes like.
Thank you for that sound effect.Oh my God.
(26:45):
But yeah, it's like, sometimes like I'll like come up off of it
and I'll do like a little like twirly twirl around it and then
I'll left and then I'll like slowly go down and like like a
little. Grindy twirl, not all the way
off. Here's me.
This is what I'm thinking. You're like turning around.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Like I like I'm like I'm.
(27:05):
Doing a 180 she's like doing thecarousel on his Dick.
I'm doing a cartwheel backflip. Oh my God.
OK next one I need to know. Our listener socks on or off
during sex and it was a poll. 16% sent on and 84% sent.
(27:26):
Off I'm socks on. I'm a socks off.
Girly socks on girlies warm feetmakes you cum.
There's an article on this. Read it I'm.
Going to wear socks this weekendI've decided.
But it's also funny because mostof the off people were women
that voted in the poll, which I thought was interesting.
It's because they haven't read this article and they don't know
(27:46):
what's good for them. Or listen to this podcast.
Yeah, socks on. Try me, girlies.
OK, next one is asking me if I like something or if he's doing
it right. Do I look like I'm enjoying
myself? Yeah, I don't.
In the right context it is OK. Like, Oh yeah, baby.
(28:06):
Like that is different than like.
Do you like that? Yes.
Like I feel like I have to be confident.
Yes, it's a confident. Oh, I know you like that.
I'm like, oh. Yes, that one and two, I feel
like that are like, oh, do you like that or like, is this good
for you? I feel like those are the ones
that are like a bit fucking, youknow what I mean?
(28:27):
Yeah. Is this good for you?
Like no. No, because you didn't.
Make me cum. First before you started fucking
me, you got to make me cum. Fingers or mouth before you fuck
me. Rule every time.
Yep. Absolutely agreed.
When they bite your pussy. If this has happened to you, you
know how bad it hurts. Yuck.
Yuck. I'm like a little leg nipping.
(28:47):
Yes, Yeah. If you can like give me a little
nippy on my thigh when I'm like coming, like do that.
You bite my clit, you're going to fucking jail.
Yeah, yeah. It's not there to be bit.
Motherfucker, oh that hurts. I just, I can't even imagine
girls that get their clits pierced first and foremost.
I'm like, apparently it feels good but I'm like if it's
(29:07):
anything like having your clit bit like holy fucking shit there
is nothing that hurts more. So I almost got my clit pierced.
I looked into it but there's a 50% chance that they can nick it
wrong when they Pierce it and and it's like almost like a
genital mutilation where like you have no feeling and I'm like
(29:28):
I would kill myself. Yeah, I mean totally reasonable
response. Young.
Easy young. Kill yourself.
This one says repeat all caps repeatedly slapping my ass.
(29:49):
Yuck. Yeah, I'm in the right context,
yeah. I mean, if it's like a onesie
twosie, fuck yeah, I get it. But if it's like AI think the
person also followed up with this, I can't remember.
And they were like, when I say repeatedly, I mean spanking me
repeatedly to the point where itwas not enjoyable and I was
like, Oh yeah, that's it. That's an ick.
That's a yuck. It's fine.
(30:12):
You can say Yum. Yeah, I'm in the right context.
OK, next one is being asked. What do you want me to do during
sex? Be a man in the side?
Yuck. Yuck.
Yeah. Don't ask me.
Because if you know anything about a woman, we do not want to
make decisions. We don't even know where we want
(30:34):
to eat. So I shouldn't be telling you
how to eat. Literally.
Nope. Oh my God, I'm gonna clip that
shit. Especially because as women, we
are making decisions all fuckingday.
Yeah, we want our man to come inand grab us and fuck us good and
(30:54):
not have to make any decisions. Right.
And there's going to be times wedo the same for you.
It's not like you have to instigate every single time or
whatever. I'm not a starfish.
So anyone who's going to be like, oh, this bitch is a
starfish. No I'm fucking not a starfish,
but sometimes it's just nice to be with someone that gets it and
(31:14):
knows how to make you cum. Like if fucking you becomes a
chore, bye. Literally.
And if I have to coach you over and over and over and over
again, goodbye. Goodbye baby.
I'm like, I'll coach you once, Yes.
What is it? Fool me once, shame on you.
(31:37):
Fool me twice. Shame on me.
Yeah. Fool me three times.
I don't know. I don't know either I.
I think you're just done. It's like that J.
Cole song. Fuck the peace signs.
Load the chopper, let it. OK this.
Next one says come for me baby when I'm nowhere near close to
(31:59):
it. Throws me off too much and then
I definitely can't come. I'm going to say initially to
this. Yuck.
But I will Yum it if I am close and he knows that I'm close and
he's doing exactly what he's supposed to and he's like, oh I
want you to come for me and be like I'm squirting all over you.
(32:21):
I mean, yeah, definitely a Yum. Because he knows it's coming,
right? Yes, if you don't know it's
coming and you're like, come forme, baby.
And I'm like obviously not even remotely wet or close.
It's like. And I'm deadpan looking at you.
But yeah, I know, I like being told to come on command.
Yum Yum Yum. OK, next one when a guy spider
(32:44):
man's your face after he comes in his hand, does that mean like
he literally comes in his hand and he just like goes like this
and like. Yeah, like think like launching
a web. It's like he comes in his hand
and then he like at your face. Yuck.
Yuck. I mean, maybe Yum, but yeah.
I fucking hate that. No thank you.
(33:07):
Next one when he puts on his sexy time playlist from 2017.
Yuck. OK, me and the guy that had the
little poop incident had a sexy time playlist and I'm going to
tell you guys some of the songs because as soon as you guys hear
(33:28):
these songs you are going to have one of those moments.
What is it like nostalgia? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nostalgia. So I only know these songs
because I reconnected with this person last year for the first
time in almost 10 years. And we were talking about our
(33:50):
sex playlist and we, like remembered a bunch of the songs.
OK, One of them is Cold Water, Major Lazer, Justin Bieber.
I'm. Never going to be able to listen
to these songs ever again. I'm just going to be thinking
about. You getting fucked?
Capsize Friendship and Emily Warren.
(34:12):
There's this really good one that I'm trying to find it.
What's the 50 Shades of Grey song?
Because it was in there. Oh, by the weekend.
Earned it. Yes.
I fucking love that song. Yeah, that song.
I'm like I want. To get fucked.
That was in the playlist. That was also in the Red Room
threesome. He played that song over and
(34:34):
over again. I was like, because you are
literally Christian Grey. I would love to say that's so.
Like that's so Christian Grey. Of him, there's one more song by
the Weekend Star Boy. That is not a sexy song.
It's. On the playlist.
I'm a star boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, star boy.
(34:55):
Oh my God. Oh, OK.
And that was it. That was the last one.
OK So what are the stories I have for I think it was like the
eating face one. I will never forget this.
It was like one of my first movie make outs in high school
and this man literally ate my face.
(35:15):
I had he like rubbed my skin offaround like my lips and I like
for the whole like 2 hours of the movie and I kept like trying
to come up for air and he kept being like pulling my face and
I'm just like Oh my God like I don't want to do this.
Are you a like? OK so I found this out about
myself recently. I don't think I like tongue when
(35:38):
I'm making out. I like a little.
A little bit of tongue, but like, I don't want your whole
tongue like in my mouth. Yeah, same.
Like I I'm big, I'm mostly just mouth.
Yeah, I'm mostly just mouth kisslike with a little bit of like,
but not like a right. Exactly.
Oh my God. OK, I have another.
(35:59):
Story Here we go. So this was like a few years
ago. It was when I was living in
Charleston. And there was this guy and him
and I kept flirting back and forth and we had never been
single at the same time. And then finally we were single
at the same time. And we went out together one
night like a group of us. And I was like, finally, like,
(36:23):
this is it? This man is tall, he's muscular.
I'm finally going to get going to get to fuck this dude.
So we're taking out at the bar and he's like all tongue.
I'm not kidding. It literally was like an octopus
tentacle just coming out. Just like looking around my face
and we're fucked up. I'm going to give him the
benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's good at having sex
and just not. No.
We get back to my house, it's even worse.
(36:45):
Like I. Remember, at one point he's
eating me out and I'm just laying there and I'm like, yeah,
uh huh. So good.
I'm like, oh, I just want you tofuck me because I'm like, get
the fuck off of my vagina. So let me end up having sex or
whatever. And then we're trying to switch
(37:08):
positions in the middle of this,this man breaks his knee.
I'm not kidding. Like.
He thought this story was going.He's like legit breaks his knee
while having sex with me and I was like, I don't know what you
want me to do. Like And like, it's just so
(37:31):
funny because he had hyped up his sex game.
Friends, that is an ick. Guys that hype themselves up and
under deliver. Yes.
And he told one of my friends he's like, Oh well, like I've
never been with a girl that I haven't been able to make cum or
whatever. And.
She's lying to you. She's lying to you and girlies.
(37:53):
Girlies who are not educating these men before they come to
us. You are part of the problem.
Absolutely. And like once I had sex with him
and he left my house, I turned to my roommate and I was like,
that was one of the worst fucking I've ever had in my
entire life. And we're just talking about it
because and laughing because he was so cocky about it.
And I bet. He left there being like, you
(38:14):
know what? I broke my knee because I was
fucking this bitch so hard. Oh, absolutely.
And then later on that day, we went to this brewery party and
one of our friends showed up whohad made out with him before.
And I flirted with him before, and he was wearing a big knee
brace. And she didn't know that we had
hooked up. And so she's like, oh, what
(38:34):
happened to your knee? And he was like, oh, you know, I
was like getting out of bed thismorning.
I guess I just, like, tweaked itwrong.
I'd hurt my knee before and whatever.
And she's like, oh, wow, you're like getting old.
Because I think he was like, I don't know, like 30-4 at the
time or something. And I literally had to turn
away. And like, I was laughing so
hard. I was like, I didn't even I need
another. Drink.
(38:54):
Like I had to go to the bathroom.
Yeah, I can't be here right now.I was.
Like I was like you fucking dumbfuck.
Feet licking. Dick.
Yum. You're going to say that?
Like with the right person a little toe licking his sign.
(39:17):
How about head pushing? What is head pushing?
When you're sucking his Dick andhe like pushes your head down.
Oh, OK, that's my thing with that.
It says this one screams frat boy.
Yeah, it's, it's a yuck for me because clearly I'm already
fucking sucking your Dick. I don't need you to because I've
(39:39):
noticed a lot of guys do it and Mr. W tried it with me one time.
I literally slapped his hand away.
I was like, don't you fucking dothat?
He's never done it again. I mean, I guess that's
conditioning. Conditioning like a dog.
See, I'm like reverse conditioning.
I'm like push my head down untillike I can take it.
I mean like I can take it, but Idon't want you pushing your like
(40:02):
pushing it. Like all the way young, would
they say? Aren't I so good at this?
No, you are not. No, clearly not the moan police,
it says when they ask me why I'mbeing quiet.
I'm not an actress and nothing is warranting a noise.
(40:26):
I would have said something, I mean, not those exact words, but
I remember this one time I hooked up with this random guy
and he finished in probably like5 minutes.
Yeah, I'm like giving him grace on that.
He's fucking me from behind. I literally turned around and
looked at him and I said that's it.
(40:47):
And he was like, yeah, we can goagain.
I said no, that's OK, and I got up and got dressed and
immediately left. I said I don't need to speak to
you again. This one's a good one because a
lot of guys have done this to me.
The finger in fake out when theyfinger you for like 2 seconds.
What the fuck is up with that? That's a, that's an ick.
Like I you have to warm her up, you know what I mean?
(41:09):
Yeah. Yeah, they do like the 1-2 Dick,
yes. I'm like, why are you trying to
push your head in already? What the fuck is up with that?
This should be illegal, not cleaning you off after you're
just laying there. Oh my God, yes.
You're just like star fishing out and they just walk away and
go to the bathroom and then they're fucking peeing and
(41:30):
farting in there and just like. Not the farting like.
Can a girl get a towel? You're like.
OK, I have an ick. OK, let me have it.
When guys come and they are are like moaning super super lolly
where it sounds like they're about to cry.
(41:54):
I don't know if I've had a crying moan, but I like, I mean,
I like a little verbal like, Oh yeah, yeah.
A. Verbal affirmation is fine, but
I mean. Make the noise, make the noise.
OK so my ex I. Know exactly who you're talking
about? Mr. Mr. Bankrupt Man, this is
how he would fucking come. And the first time we ever
(42:16):
hooked up and he came, I was laying there and I was like, is
he crying while fucking me? Like what is going on?
Because he's like this? I don't know.
I'll try and do it. He's like, he's like, and I'm
just like, we had to deal with that for a year and a half.
(42:36):
I mean, I don't even know how you would approach that.
How do you tell a guy the way you're moaning is turning me
off? I.
Remember one time we hadn't seeneach other in a while and so
we're having sex. So he came fast, but he started
it with I'm so sorry, Grace. And I was like what?
And then he did his moan cry andI was like, is he trying to tell
(42:59):
me he's he cheated on me or whatthe fuck is going on?
And I was like I was like wait, what's happening?
And he was like, oh, I just came.
He's like that's why I said I'm sorry.
I was like. Oh, OK.
You're like, I would have taken the cheating.
Yeah. Literally, I would have been
like, I wish you had told me youcheated on me.
(43:20):
I would have. Taken that over everything else,
yeah. Yeah.
But the moral of the story is what is the moral of the story?
Guys know your women, know your women.
If you're hooking up with randomgirls, we don't expect you to be
perfect. But you got to follow clues when
you know it's the first time hooking up with a girl.
If I I'm like finger me and you don't finger me, it's like, OK.
(43:45):
What are you? What are you?
Doing. What are you doing?
You already failed. You can literally just type into
the Internet like a space to geta girl off.
Like he and Mr. W were on FaceTime one time.
It was like early on in our relationship, he was like,
you're so difficult, like your clit, whatever.
I was like, yeah, I know. It's so fucking annoying.
He was like, I want to make you come by penetration.
He is like, oh, we're on FaceTime, shares the screen and
(44:05):
we're literally Googling and researching best ways to make a
girl come with a difficult clit.Like penetration, like different
positions, but you can make it fun.
He got us a sex book of different positions to try,
different things to do. It's not all about the
penetration, but it's things that you can do to him and he
can do to you. That's really fun and with a
trusted partner you should feel open to talk about that stuff.
(44:30):
I know earlier I should on the girls that didn't coach their
men, but we shouldn't. Have to we should be able to
tell you like I'll give you 2 tothree times of maybe this is I
don't like this. I want it like this and anything
later than that, you're on fucking helpable.
(44:50):
You might as well break up with that person.
Like my mom said, if if the person you're with cannot give
you a good orgasm, your relationship is doomed.
Relationship is doomed. I'm like it's so easy.
I'm like clockwork eat me out while you're fingering me at the
same time. Done everything like me.
Too. It's so easy and I'm just like,
(45:14):
it's literally like you can readthat anywhere or watch any Porto
anywhere. And just like it's simple, like
mouth on the clit, fingers in going up.
That is it, we're done. Yes.
And it's so funny because the first time Mr. W figured that
out, he was like, he's like literally, he goes as soon as I
(45:34):
slip my fingers at you, he's like you cum almost immediately.
I. Was like.
I know, and I come even faster if I have a butt plug in.
Yeah, we haven't done a butt plug yet.
Me and Mr. Spreadsheet I love. My butt plug, it's so cute and
purple. We were talking about it
because, like I'm. Surprised you guys haven't.
I know. Well, I eat his ass and vice
(45:55):
versa. So that's a very regular
occurrence in our relationship because he knows what's good for
him. But we're trying to find the
best angle for, like, him to be fucking me while I can put a
finger in his ass. And I was like, we could just
get mutual butt plugs. Yeah.
Oh, I have a question for you because Vicki and I fun fact,
have the same vibrator so. We'll link it here.
(46:20):
This is the best. So my ex-husband found this
vibrator on Reddit. He deserves all the credit.
It's the best. It's the best vibrator in the
world. So good that I never have to
fuck him again. How amazing is that?
He deserves all the credit. Shout out LILO, shout out
(46:40):
Reddit, shout out ex-husband forgiving me the vibrator that will
stay with me my entire life. Also Lilo, please sponsor us.
I think please. I have so many Lilo sex toys.
Yes, they're the best. Oh my God.
And like, they're heavy duty so they last a while.
They are a little expensive, butthey're fucking.
Worth it. Worth it Like no better vibrator
(47:02):
like Mr. Spreadsheet was trying like a wand on me and he's like,
I can get you off faster than this.
The Lilo. WAMP Yeah I have a wand don't
care for it but some when you doyou use it when you guys are
fucking. Yeah, sometimes.
Not all the time we have. I like it during anal so I need
like vibrator on my clit while I'm getting railed in the ass.
(47:23):
OK. Because like sometimes when my
clits being difficult, like especially if I've like been
drinking a little bit, we'll useit and usually we'll use it like
in missionary, we've tried with me being on top like it's hard
because it's a little bulky, youknow what I mean?
But now like a good like doggy fuck with that on your clit,
even if it's in your vagina or your ass, like, and you put the
lilo on your clit, everything. If you're going to do it on top,
(47:46):
like you can't be like knees down on top.
You got to be knees up, knees up.
Yeah. So then it's like on you like
these are my legs like. Bit like, not like.
That because if you're sitting like that.
(48:06):
This episode's going to be a wild one.
Well if you guys haven't noticed, our trend is we go
raunchy sad, raunchy sad. Last episode was about mental
health and we talked about beingin a really dark place and how
sometimes orgasms are more important than your mental
health because of that euphoria and that serotonin you get from
(48:29):
an orgasm and how it's sometimeshard to orgasm on meds so.
There's hold on, I have to find the comment because I post about
it on our TikTok. Follow us on TikTok.
Someone commented on it and saidmy psych.
My psychiatrist told me I shouldjust accept it and move on.
I was miserable so I stopped taking my SSRI because it just
(48:49):
seemed so weird and it wasn't worth the trade off.
I said the girls who get it, getit.
Yeah, I mean, honestly. But yeah, this is a raunchy
episode, Friends, we will never yuck your yums.
And I'm just going to say this, the list of icks and things that
we wrote out, there are so many yums that we didn't talk about
(49:11):
and also things that could seem like an ick with one partner.
It's because of the partner, notbecause of the task.
Yup. Yes, Preach, girl, preach.
Preach because there's some things that I'm like if this X
person whatever did this to me Iwould be icked but if the person
(49:32):
I'm with now wanted to do it 1000% in.
Oh 100%. My favorite thing is when we're
like about to have sex and he just like throws me onto the
bed. I'm just like, I just, I just
love being like manhandled. Oh yeah, there's something about
like, I'm just like, I'm thinking about it and like, I'm
(49:53):
thinking about my weekend. And I'm so excited to have sex
this weekend. Oh my.
No. Like.
I was worried going into this weekend because me and him have
never really had period sex, right?
So this is our first time havingperiod sex.
And then it was like let me vomit and have diarrhea around
you all day. Like we just we went through a
lot of firsts this weekend and we had so much sex on my period.
(50:18):
But with my ex that would have been an ick.
It would have been an ick because.
He would have made it an ick. He would have where Mr.
Spreadsheet is like very caring.Yes.
Make sure you're OK, yes. He would have made me feel so
uncomfortable and there was one time me and my ex were having
(50:39):
sex on my period and he got a little bit of blood in the tip
of his penis and he freaked the fuck out.
What a little fucking bitch. I know it's like, it was just
like a little bit of blood, but I was like, yeah, it traumatized
me. Guys, be mindful of what you say
and what you do because it's made me really nervous to have
(51:01):
sex in my period ever since thatinteraction, and it wasn't even
bad. I've had way more gruesome
period sexes than whatever that was.
I. Say I've always been really
lucky that guys I've dated and I've fucked on my period where
it's a bloody mess. Like there's blood like all over
their Dick and they're all in this area and they're like,
whatever, I'll just go take a shower and I'm like, Yep, I
(51:22):
ain't sick. Like it's not gross unless you
make. It gross, right?
I matched with this guy on hingeand he was like you're so hot I
want to fuck you. I'm like I'm on my period and
he's like Nope out for me. Can't do blood suck?
My. Dick.
He's like just come over and suck my Dick.
I'm like heck no. No.
Oh. God, the point of this episode I
(51:44):
don't even have closure. I.
Was about to say. I don't have closure like a lot
of ladies don't have closure. Because men, educate yourselves.
Yep. Mm, hmm.
Mm, hmm, and. Why?
We're the same people, but I'm like, I just want to say US
women are not perfect either. We are not above being coached.
(52:06):
But I can tell you what you willnot have to tell us.
More than once I was. Going to say because we fucking
know how to listen and take constructive criticism.
Correct. We've been doing it our entire
lives. Yep, get on.
I won't get on a feminist soapboxes episode.
It's still Women's month. You're like, great.
I triggered Grace again. No.
(52:27):
But to wrap this up, exciting news, Vicki and I will finally
be together next week. So so episode 7 we will be
recording together in person. Yeah, we're going to be together
in Blacksburg for my mom's 70th birthday.
Shout out, Sandra. Happy 70th birthday.
(52:49):
We love you, birthday. Sandy, love you.
We love you. I'm sorry if you don't love the
pod, but we love you. And Mr. Spreadsheet is meeting
my parents that weekend. And Grace for the 1st and Grace
and Grace. He's meeting Grace for the first
time in person. So we went from period sex to
(53:09):
vomiting, diarrhea to meet the parents.
Meet the best friend. Yeah.
We're just chugging along, man. Check the box.
Thanks for coming Be sure to follow your secret safe with a
listen to us on Spotify, Apple YouTube.
Follow us on Instagram, your secret safe with a be sure to
buy our hats. We are still selling those for
(53:30):
$35 each and they are taking up space in my closet.
So I'd really appreciate it if someone would buy a hat.
As a reminder, merch is expensive.
Get us big. That means follow like a
subscribe TikTok, Instagram blowus up.
So so everyone was loving the T-shirts.
I know you don't want the T-shirts.
(53:52):
Get us big so we can make you T-shirts.
Say those T-shirts were not. Cheap.
No, they weren't. Plus if you get us big and we
can afford more merch, I really want to do a baby T merch that
says do better. Yes, do better, men.
Do better. Do better about finishing your
(54:14):
women. Yeah, make sure she comes first.
Always. The men who know this know that
we'll be loyal to you until the end.
Absolutely. I'm like toodles illy illy.
Bye.
Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Your secret
Safe with a I'm Grace, and todaywe're getting real spicy and
unfiltered. I mean, we're not holding
anything back today. Are we definitely not.
Do we ever? Today's episode is going to be
all about Ick's and turn offs when you're dating and sleeping
with men. Because we've all been there and
(00:20):
things may seem perfect at firstin that little honeymoon phase,
but then something happens and it kills the vibe and everything
else. Right.
I'm like, we're going to talk about all the things we always
want to tell you guys, like whatreally gets on our nerves when
it comes to pleasure. And why it's a total deal
breaker. I'm literally already just like
(00:41):
getting the ick thinking about them like I'm already in the
bikini TV. He's like.
Like. Like, I'm already like, grossed
out, but like, for example, whenyou have to coach someone on how
to give you a good orgasm over and over and over again, Vicky
knows all about that. And you know, sometimes it's
(01:03):
going to be a deal breaker because it's 2025.
Why do you not know how to eat awoman out at this point anyways,
Right, Vicki? Yeah, I was with someone who
will not be named to despite multiple tutorials and
suggestions. Thought it would be a good idea
to bite my clit repeatedly whileeating me out and.
(01:25):
And girlies, if that has ever happened to you.
Like I you know that fucking hurts like that fucking hurts.
Like are you trying to pleasure me?
Yeah, I married that person, butYikes.
Yikes. But it shouldn't feel like a
tutorial session every time. If you're in a situation where
(01:47):
you have to give step by step instructions on you know what
feels good and then repeat thoseinstructions every single time,
it's exhausting. Exactly.
I mean, I'm not here to teach you how to do the basics,
especially at our grown age. You should.
You should already know how to do that.
If you're like a 19 year old andwe're both 19, we don't know
what the fuck we're doing of course, but at this point in our
(02:10):
lives you should know what you're doing.
And it's frustrating because we shouldn't have to play teacher
every time we're getting intimate.
Yeah, and if we tell you once, like learn it, learn it.
Don't make us repeat ourselves. I mean, just like Grace said,
it's it's exhausting and it's not about being picky.
(02:31):
It's about chemistry and connection.
And if you're not taking the time to learn what works for
your partner, it's a little disrespectful.
It really is. And it's one thing if it's a new
thing and you're trying to figure it out together.
But if we have to coach you every single time, like, sorry,
we're going to find better. True and a true if you've been
(02:57):
with that person for a long, like if it's the first few times
you've hooked up, like you're learning each other's bodies,
whatever. But if you've been with that
person for a while, you know that person's body, you know
that's that person's likes and dislikes.
And at that point, you should know how to get that person off.
(03:18):
Yeah, I I know this couple. At the time they were dating,
but they've since gotten marriedand every time they would like
get close to orgasm, he's like did you go?
Like, did you go? This is not monopoly.
You do not Pascal with like $200.
(03:39):
It's going to be like, did you come?
Did you whatever? He's like, did you go?
I'm like, what am I supposed to say?
I just went like I don't. Don't piss, girl.
Like. Oh my God.
But I feel like it's there's a difference between the effort
and willingness to learn and just not really giving a shit
(04:02):
about how to figure out what makes your partner feel good and
what they need and what they like.
Like for me for example, I am hard to get off sometimes, but
Mr. W has made sure to know whatI like and what feels good and
if they can't do that, it's a major turn off.
Yeah, it is. And even though Mr. Spreadsheet
(04:22):
and I are a new relationship andwe're still trying to figure
things out, we're both down to experiment.
And I can tell you what, if I tell him something once, he does
not forget. He does not forget.
Snaps. Snaps for VIX.
We were literally together on Sunday and I'd been on my period
(04:42):
the week before. It was finally chilled out and
this man literally ate me out like five times in a row after
fucking me and making me come and every time I would orgasm he
was just like down again again again.
And girl, it was wild. Wild.
We're both still fantasizing about how hot it was, and I
(05:03):
don't know about y'all, but there's something so hot about a
partner that gets turned on by making sure that you come.
Absolutely, 100%. And we're way more giving in
return. I tell you what, after a couple
orgasms like I'm loopy, you can ask me to do whatever the fuck
you want like I'm. No, absolutely.
I'm pretty sure that's I was a little drunk and Mr. W made me
(05:26):
come and I was like, let's do anal.
Like, like guys learn like girls.
Once we come once, well, maybe not everyone, I'm not going to
speak for the crowd, but once wecome once, it's easier to make
us come again. And we're also going to be more
invested in your orgasm because it's going to keep making us
come. Exactly because when you because
(05:46):
when women orgasm, it's almost like a euphoria for us.
You could ask me to do anything at that point.
Like it's like the post orgasm clarity or euphoria.
I'm just like. I'm like, guys have post nut
clarity and they feel guilty. I had come once and I'm like,
I'm just going to come for the rest of my life and die right
here. Absolutely.
I'm like, I've never felt betterin my entire life.
(06:10):
I could do anything right now. Yeah.
Life update. Tell me about fucking Norfolk,
bitch. You've went and visited Mr.
Spreadsheet for the first time in his area.
What? Area I don't know if I have a
(06:33):
life update. You were literally just with him
for like 5 days. No, we had AI mean.
We had a mostly great time. I was a little psycho a couple
of nights. Yeah, because you kept texting
me sad, sad, sad. And I could be like, why?
What's happening? You were just like, man, you're
drunk. And I'm like, that doesn't tell
me why. I didn't realize I was doing
(06:53):
that. But no, the first night.
What did I cry about on the first night?
I don't remember. The second night I cried because
I was scared to have his babies because I was like, it's going
to hurt and ruin my vagina and Icried about it.
Your vagina snaps back like or not like snaps back you know
(07:15):
what I mean? Like her like a frog song that
snaps back but like it takes a few weeks but it goes back to
normal. Do do your kegels girl.
I'm scared, but yeah, I cried about it for a little while and
then it was a bad weekend. I mean like, no, we had a good
time. But Sunday was definitely our
best day. Friday I got a little too drunk.
(07:35):
Saturday I got a little too drunk.
Not to mention I was on my period.
And I don't know about y'all, but when I'm on my period, my
hormone, I'm a little crazy whenI'm on my period and a lot of
things are going to make me cry and or make me feel insecure.
That was me this weekend. And then Sunday we had a shit
ton of oysters on Friday. Sunday I spent the entire day
throwing up and having diarrhea in his house.
(08:01):
Sunday was our best day, but I was sick all day by.
Shitting and throwing up. Well, no, we, we crossed a new
level and I was like, you know, I, for those who don't know, I
have celiac disease. So I was eating out at a bunch
of different places I'd never eaten at before.
And I was like, you know what? Must have gotten gluten.
Cracked it up to that. Whatever, so I'm dying all day.
(08:21):
Eventually in the evening I'm better.
That's when we had the multi orgasm night.
This man literally just ate me out five times in a row after I
spent the entire day throwing upand having diarrhea.
He is a true hero. He needs like a fucking badge of
honor. And partially still on my
period, like this man is in the trenches, but.
(08:44):
Oh my God. Anyway, what like an
embarrassing day? Those of you that are with new
partners, the first time you poop in somebody's house is very
anxiety ridden. So amplify that by 10 with
explosive diarrhea and vomiting for 24 hours straight.
So anyway, I felt awful. Then Monday comes around, he's
(09:05):
throwing up and has diarrhea allday too.
Oh no, wait, did you guys get like?
Some no, we don't know. We ate so many oysters.
That's literally what we think it was but we had fun Sunday.
We spent all night like we made like one of those little like
once I was like feeling well enough.
First and foremost, he took me to get gluten free ramen, which
(09:26):
I was almost too sick to eat, but anyway he blew up an air
mattress in his living room and made like popcorn and they we
watched Dune because I'd never seen it, so we watched.
The first I love that movie. I love that movie.
So we watched the first Dune andthe second dude in a little like
pillow for it, curled up on the little air mattress and like
(09:47):
that's when we had our little sexy time, whatever.
But no, the next day he woke up and he was throwing up and
having diarrhea too. So either he got it for me
because I have a shit ass immunesystem or like we ate something
bad. But it was a new level of
bonding this weekend because we were literally both repulsively
throwing up and pooping ourselves.
(10:11):
Fucking fashion. Meanwhile Mr. W I'm still trying
to break him on this when I wentto go visit him where he lives.
He has A2 level house and he would not poop upstairs.
He would go downstairs into his basement to poop.
And I'm like homie we've been together for almost a year at
this point. I do not care.
(10:33):
And he sent me this meme the other day about your significant
like your woman partner, like farting and stuff like that.
I started laughing. It was like I was like, we'll
get ready this weekend because I've been eating these protein
bars trying to hit my protein intake and they are making me so
gassy. And the farts are.
(10:54):
So bad I was having bad farts all weekend.
And like he's a trumpet farter. I'm just continuing to be.
(11:14):
Like and he's so bullied about any opponents.
I think so hard, but but no one Sunday morning when I like woke
up throwing up, I like went downstairs and laid on the couch
(11:35):
so I was closer to the bathroom and so I like wouldn't wake him
up with having to like poop and vomit every like 5 minutes.
And the next morning he came downstairs and he's like, baby,
I thought you left like because I was in one of those like I'm
going to sabotage this run moments and he was like, I woke
up. You weren't next to me.
Your phone was there. All your stuff was there.
(11:56):
Like he was like, I thought you just left and deserted
everything and were never going to talk to me again.
And I was like, well, no, I'm just violently throwing up and
shitting my pants and I didn't want you to be around me.
He's like, baby, I would always take care of you.
Like you should have told me youweren't feeling good.
I was like, man, it's like. So cute.
(12:17):
Meanwhile, Mr. W and I are visiting my older brother this
weekend and let me read you thistext message.
This man is panicking about staying there.
Why? I don't know, he's weird about
staying at other people's places.
He just gets nervous and he goesOK but listen for a second.
Like what if I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the
(12:39):
night? I said no one gives a flying
shit. Literally there's 10 bathrooms
in this house. Everyone in my family shits and
they use sound machines. Like a rocket is blasting off.
He's like any bathrooms. He's like, does our does our
room have a bathroom and shower?I said yes, I'm exaggerating but
there's two bathrooms on each level basically.
So my brother has a huge ass house.
I was like, you're going to be fine.
(13:01):
He's like already stressing out to plan where he can poop.
Yes. I'm like if need be you can go
into the basement. It's a it's a 1234 level house.
You can go into the basement where no one's going to hear you
or see you or smell you. You will be OK.
Mr. Spreadsheet was so polite. I like when we were downstairs,
(13:22):
like together and I was like, I'm going to go upstairs because
I'm having some problems. And he was like, I'll turn on
the speaker for you, baby. That's so nice.
One time I was like, damn, he's taking a really long shower.
And then I heard the toilet flush and I was like, oh, he was
pooping. I'm a speed pooper.
I go fast. You go so fast.
(13:44):
I think it depends on the poop like this past week because I
started my period my poops were terrible and really slow.
But today my poops were fast which means I'm like my period
is coming to an end thank God. But did you know that the reason
why you get women get period shits or they can get diarrhea
(14:07):
on their period is because the way you're.
Like uterus contracts and it like contracts your asshole too
and. Your intestines, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I'm so convinced I have endometriosis, but I don't
know how we got on like the pooppod, but the.
Poop. Yeah, we're supposed to be
talking about people's icks whenthey fuck and date someone, but.
(14:32):
I'm like is it an ick yes or no?Can your partner shit and fart
around you? I don't think it's an ick.
It's not an ick for me. Because I mean, everyone does
it. I mean, I don't want him like
indoor shitting and being like, like, that's a fucking egg.
Oh, I'm going to go poop. I'm like OK.
Like have fun. Yeah, especially after my
(14:53):
morning coffee cup. Like I need to go do some
business on the porcelain throne, you know what I mean?
OK, this is the poop pot episode.
Oh. My God isn't an ick if a guy
gets shit on their Dick after anal.
I get really embarrassed but it's happened to me.
(15:17):
That is my biggest fear. Anytime I've had anal, I'm like,
Oh my God, they're going to pulltheir Dick out and there's going
to be a pile of shit on their Dick.
Like, I obviously know that's not going to happen, but.
That is. My big.
It's all about your anal prep. For a while I was really crazy
about it and anytime a guy wouldpull his Dick out of my ass I
would wrap my hand around his Dick so I could get it first.
(15:41):
Let me see that. It's like while he's pulling
out. Probably like what the fuck is
this bitch doing? Go over here, come here.
Picturing you doing it like the way you call whistling at them,
(16:04):
like can you guys? Well, no.
It's like if they're hitting it from behind, they're about to
pull out. I'll be like, go slow and you
just wrap your hand around it. They pull out and you're holding
it with your hand and you know, Oh my God.
The I don't know, one of the times that me and Mr. W did
anal. I had either I was constipated
(16:25):
or do you. Do not do anal when you're
constipated. That is a wild move.
That's. What I'm saying, like, I don't
think I had pooped that day. So I was really, really, really
nervous. I was like, OK, yeah, we can do
anal or whatever. And then we're in the middle of
it. And in my head I was like, Oh my
God, I haven't pooped today. I was like, oh, shit.
And then literally. And then we were done and he was
(16:47):
pulling out and in my head I was, I don't be poop.
Please don't be poop. You just like, hop in the
shower. It's not the end of the world.
There's this girl I know from college.
I don't talk to her anymore but she OK.
I have two stories. One girl she was doing anal with
the guy and she was fucked up and she literally had diarrhea
(17:08):
in his bed in bed. Another girl, I know this guy
what they had fussed before, buthe really wanted to do anal and
she was like, no, I don't want to.
And he was like, I'll literally buy you some type of designer
bag if you let me do anal. And she was like, OK, I was just
(17:30):
like, what the fuck is going allthese?
Bitches. Yeah, you have to be really
vulnerable to tell someone abouta time that anal went wrong, but
it happens. It happens to everybody.
What happens to us happens to people we know.
Yeah, and you know, sometimes your man will still fuck you
(17:51):
multiple times after having explosive diarrhea, so it's
fine. Exactly that is what love.
Is love, you know, OK, We're this episode's gone off the
rails now that we've had a life catch up.
Anyway, we're both still happilywith our boyfriends.
We're pooping in front, not in front of them.
We they know we poop. They know we poop.
(18:12):
We're open, door shitted. We're not open door shitting.
We're not there yet. Fuck no, I will never be there.
You wouldn't give someone a blumpkin?
Is that an ick? That's an ick.
And our friend. And our friend's nickname.
Who's that? Wait, our friend who always
choked about blumpkins? If you're listening to this,
(18:32):
fuck you. It's a fucking it, you nasty ass
bitch doctor. B.
And tell your girlfriend it's a fucking ick and I hope she never
gives you one. I don't know if she would.
I feel like she's better than that.
That and she was like, yeah, I get I would give him the bumpkin
all the time. That's so gross.
(18:53):
I mean, I like, I've never done that.
I've never done that. Like Pat on the back.
Good for bikes. I'm proud of you for never doing
that. Because boys get sweaty when
they shit and then you just smell it and you're on your
knees and you're putting your face towards the shit water.
Why the fuck would you ever wantto give a blumpkin that is an X?
(19:13):
Ladies, gentlemen, people would give blowjobs, no?
I mean, I would give someone a Blumpkin.
I would give Mr. Scrouchy to Blumpkin if he asked.
You would. I know.
You would, but he would never ask.
Maybe he would. I don't know.
We're, we're, we're. Experimenting, I would say, if
you were to say, hey, I want to try this, you know, that man
(19:34):
would be like, OK, let me go. No, he said he won't poop in
front of me. Oh, well, then maybe he.
Wouldn't. So maybe he won't.
I don't know. We're still.
It's early. Stay tuned on the Blumpkin.
Mr. W would never. He would rather cut off his own
arm. What?
(19:55):
I'm not eating dinner because dirty martinis have olives.
Olives or dinner? Yeah, OK, Agreed.
Yes, Oh my God, I had the best dirty martini the other weekend,
last weekend, because I went up for my friend's baby shower and
we went out afterwards and we went to the Super cute little
bar and I got a dirty martini. Oh no, Dirty martini was my
(20:20):
second drink. I had a espresso martini first,
of course, but they asked me howmany olives I want and I said,
oh, I want 4, thinking that theywere going to be little ones.
They were the fattest, thickest olives I've ever seen, like the
size of 1/4. And he literally, he comes over
with like it and he puts it downin front of me and I whipped my
head to him and I was like, those are the fattest, thickest
(20:41):
boys I've ever seen. And he started laughing.
He was like, Oh yeah, we got thethick olives here.
I was like, do you? But those of you who follow us
on Instagram, you may have noticed that last week we asked
you what are some of your sexualICS.
So we're going to go ahead and read those and Grace and I are
(21:05):
going to tell you a little bit about ourselves.
We're going to read what the ickis and whether it's a yuck or
Yum for us. Grace, explain, yuck and Yum.
Yes. So yuck is you wouldn't do it.
You find it gross, self-explanatory.
Oh my God. And Yum is something that you're
(21:27):
all in on. You would totally do it.
That type of thing. Yeah, it's going to it's going
to be a speed round. So it's kind of be like, it was
like speeding. I'm going to say it.
And then we are going to first thought in our head, we're going
to say it. Yep.
OK. Watching them put on a condom.
Yuck. Glad we agree.
(21:48):
This person said little ear tongue thing that they do like I
guess stick their tongue in yourear.
Yuck. Oh like a peebie jeebies when
the dude stares at you and doesn't blink.
It was fucking weird. Yuck.
I mean, there's a good level of eye.
I know it. I like a little bit of eye
(22:13):
contact. It's a yucky Yum.
It's a yucky Yum. Show it.
As soon as I said it and you pause, I was.
Like, oh, here we go. All right, go.
OK, next one when they ask you to call them daddy.
Yuck. When they think they're rubbing
the clip, they're way off and ordid that as a poll.
(22:40):
Dang it. I can't see it now, but a lot of
people were like, yeah, that wasme If you voted no.
You're lying. You're lying.
This one person said I'm my own ick because one week I love it
super freaky, and the next week I'm a Christian woman.
Yeah, I'm to the freaky yuck to the Christian.
But also I I guess yuck and Yum for me because I will do that.
(23:03):
Like sometimes I'm like fucking degrade the shit out of me and
then other times, oh, I'm holierthan thou, just missionary, you
know what I mean? No.
Well, I know you don't. Don't know what I mean.
OK, keep lying. Face eaters.
No one wants that much tongue and witness on their face.
Yuck, yuck. I have a good story about that.
(23:24):
When they record you without your consent.
Consent. Yuck and jail and prison time.
This has happened to me. Initially I was like this is a
yuck, but it would have been a Yum if they had asked me first.
Right, A lot of things with consent can be yums, yes, and
without consent, they're yucks, correct?
(23:44):
OK, go along with our poop stories, a person said When the
poop stains the sheets. But yuck, I'm so sorry.
I can't even remember who put this in, I think it was a guy
(24:05):
who who sent it in but I remember reading it and being
like. What I mean did it really stain
or like? It says when the poop stays.
Man, I mean, I mean poop is a yuck, but sometimes it happens
and if you're going to go in in the poop hole loophole then then
(24:28):
beware. You got to be prepared.
Oh my God. OK, when you tell them you're
about to come so they get excited and change it up.
Why do men do that? I feel like they all do that.
If a girl says oh I'm close or I'm about to come, do not move a
(24:49):
fucking millimeter. Of no like keep doing the exact
same thing you were doing like. Literally.
Don't switch it up. Don't change the rhythm.
If you're giving me mouth, don'tgive me fingers.
If you're giving me fingers, don't give me mouth.
Don't try to stick your Dick in right when I'm coming, because
guess what? You're going to lose it.
Yep, and it's just. It'll be like.
Literally exactly when they growl like an animal.
(25:15):
Yuck, yuck. I have a story about this one
too. My double chin when I'm on top.
Yummy yuck. Yuck.
I love being on top. I like, so I used to hate it,
but then I came into my own and I like it now because I just
(25:37):
love the I love the power I feelwhen I'm on top and I can see it
on their face and they're like enjoying it and they're like,
oh, fucked up. Feels good on my fuck Yeah it
does. Like OK serious question when
you're on top grinding or bouncing.
(26:00):
I do like both. It like depends.
Which one's for you and which one's for him?
Well, so for me and Mr. W, he likes it when I grind.
So I do that and I'm like sick. Feels good for me.
So sick. I'm a grinder for me, bouncer
for Mr. Spreadsheet. Like girl, it is aerobic like I
(26:23):
am like, like imagine a trampoline.
Like imagine like I am bouncing my butt on a trampoline over and
over and over again. Like, I think he likes the like.
Yeah, because that's the. Sound my ass makes like.
Thank you for that sound effect.Oh my God.
(26:45):
But yeah, it's like, sometimes like I'll like come up off of it
and I'll do like a little like twirly twirl around it and then
I'll left and then I'll like slowly go down and like like a
little. Grindy twirl, not all the way
off. Here's me.
This is what I'm thinking. You're like turning around.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Like I like I'm like I'm.
(27:05):
Doing a 180 she's like doing thecarousel on his Dick.
I'm doing a cartwheel backflip. Oh my God.
OK next one I need to know. Our listener socks on or off
during sex and it was a poll. 16% sent on and 84% sent.
(27:26):
Off I'm socks on. I'm a socks off.
Girly socks on girlies warm feetmakes you cum.
There's an article on this. Read it I'm.
Going to wear socks this weekendI've decided.
But it's also funny because mostof the off people were women
that voted in the poll, which I thought was interesting.
It's because they haven't read this article and they don't know
(27:46):
what's good for them. Or listen to this podcast.
Yeah, socks on. Try me, girlies.
OK, next one is asking me if I like something or if he's doing
it right. Do I look like I'm enjoying
myself? Yeah, I don't.
In the right context it is OK. Like, Oh yeah, baby.
(28:06):
Like that is different than like.
Do you like that? Yes.
Like I feel like I have to be confident.
Yes, it's a confident. Oh, I know you like that.
I'm like, oh. Yes, that one and two, I feel
like that are like, oh, do you like that or like, is this good
for you? I feel like those are the ones
that are like a bit fucking, youknow what I mean?
(28:27):
Yeah. Is this good for you?
Like no. No, because you didn't.
Make me cum. First before you started fucking
me, you got to make me cum. Fingers or mouth before you fuck
me. Rule every time.
Yep. Absolutely agreed.
When they bite your pussy. If this has happened to you, you
know how bad it hurts. Yuck.
Yuck. I'm like a little leg nipping.
(28:47):
Yes, Yeah. If you can like give me a little
nippy on my thigh when I'm like coming, like do that.
You bite my clit, you're going to fucking jail.
Yeah, yeah. It's not there to be bit.
Motherfucker, oh that hurts. I just, I can't even imagine
girls that get their clits pierced first and foremost.
I'm like, apparently it feels good but I'm like if it's
(29:07):
anything like having your clit bit like holy fucking shit there
is nothing that hurts more. So I almost got my clit pierced.
I looked into it but there's a 50% chance that they can nick it
wrong when they Pierce it and and it's like almost like a
genital mutilation where like you have no feeling and I'm like
(29:28):
I would kill myself. Yeah, I mean totally reasonable
response. Young.
Easy young. Kill yourself.
This one says repeat all caps repeatedly slapping my ass.
(29:49):
Yuck. Yeah, I'm in the right context,
yeah. I mean, if it's like a onesie
twosie, fuck yeah, I get it. But if it's like AI think the
person also followed up with this, I can't remember.
And they were like, when I say repeatedly, I mean spanking me
repeatedly to the point where itwas not enjoyable and I was
like, Oh yeah, that's it. That's an ick.
That's a yuck. It's fine.
(30:12):
You can say Yum. Yeah, I'm in the right context.
OK, next one is being asked. What do you want me to do during
sex? Be a man in the side?
Yuck. Yuck.
Yeah. Don't ask me.
Because if you know anything about a woman, we do not want to
make decisions. We don't even know where we want
(30:34):
to eat. So I shouldn't be telling you
how to eat. Literally.
Nope. Oh my God, I'm gonna clip that
shit. Especially because as women, we
are making decisions all fuckingday.
Yeah, we want our man to come inand grab us and fuck us good and
(30:54):
not have to make any decisions. Right.
And there's going to be times wedo the same for you.
It's not like you have to instigate every single time or
whatever. I'm not a starfish.
So anyone who's going to be like, oh, this bitch is a
starfish. No I'm fucking not a starfish,
but sometimes it's just nice to be with someone that gets it and
(31:14):
knows how to make you cum. Like if fucking you becomes a
chore, bye. Literally.
And if I have to coach you over and over and over and over
again, goodbye. Goodbye baby.
I'm like, I'll coach you once, Yes.
What is it? Fool me once, shame on you.
(31:37):
Fool me twice. Shame on me.
Yeah. Fool me three times.
I don't know. I don't know either I.
I think you're just done. It's like that J.
Cole song. Fuck the peace signs.
Load the chopper, let it. OK this.
Next one says come for me baby when I'm nowhere near close to
(31:59):
it. Throws me off too much and then
I definitely can't come. I'm going to say initially to
this. Yuck.
But I will Yum it if I am close and he knows that I'm close and
he's doing exactly what he's supposed to and he's like, oh I
want you to come for me and be like I'm squirting all over you.
(32:21):
I mean, yeah, definitely a Yum. Because he knows it's coming,
right? Yes, if you don't know it's
coming and you're like, come forme, baby.
And I'm like obviously not even remotely wet or close.
It's like. And I'm deadpan looking at you.
But yeah, I know, I like being told to come on command.
Yum Yum Yum. OK, next one when a guy spider
(32:44):
man's your face after he comes in his hand, does that mean like
he literally comes in his hand and he just like goes like this
and like. Yeah, like think like launching
a web. It's like he comes in his hand
and then he like at your face. Yuck.
Yuck. I mean, maybe Yum, but yeah.
I fucking hate that. No thank you.
(33:07):
Next one when he puts on his sexy time playlist from 2017.
Yuck. OK, me and the guy that had the
little poop incident had a sexy time playlist and I'm going to
tell you guys some of the songs because as soon as you guys hear
(33:28):
these songs you are going to have one of those moments.
What is it like nostalgia? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nostalgia. So I only know these songs
because I reconnected with this person last year for the first
time in almost 10 years. And we were talking about our
(33:50):
sex playlist and we, like remembered a bunch of the songs.
OK, One of them is Cold Water, Major Lazer, Justin Bieber.
I'm. Never going to be able to listen
to these songs ever again. I'm just going to be thinking
about. You getting fucked?
Capsize Friendship and Emily Warren.
(34:12):
There's this really good one that I'm trying to find it.
What's the 50 Shades of Grey song?
Because it was in there. Oh, by the weekend.
Earned it. Yes.
I fucking love that song. Yeah, that song.
I'm like I want. To get fucked.
That was in the playlist. That was also in the Red Room
threesome. He played that song over and
(34:34):
over again. I was like, because you are
literally Christian Grey. I would love to say that's so.
Like that's so Christian Grey. Of him, there's one more song by
the Weekend Star Boy. That is not a sexy song.
It's. On the playlist.
I'm a star boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, star boy.
(34:55):
Oh my God. Oh, OK.
And that was it. That was the last one.
OK So what are the stories I have for I think it was like the
eating face one. I will never forget this.
It was like one of my first movie make outs in high school
and this man literally ate my face.
(35:15):
I had he like rubbed my skin offaround like my lips and I like
for the whole like 2 hours of the movie and I kept like trying
to come up for air and he kept being like pulling my face and
I'm just like Oh my God like I don't want to do this.
Are you a like? OK so I found this out about
myself recently. I don't think I like tongue when
(35:38):
I'm making out. I like a little.
A little bit of tongue, but like, I don't want your whole
tongue like in my mouth. Yeah, same.
Like I I'm big, I'm mostly just mouth.
Yeah, I'm mostly just mouth kisslike with a little bit of like,
but not like a right. Exactly.
Oh my God. OK, I have another.
(35:59):
Story Here we go. So this was like a few years
ago. It was when I was living in
Charleston. And there was this guy and him
and I kept flirting back and forth and we had never been
single at the same time. And then finally we were single
at the same time. And we went out together one
night like a group of us. And I was like, finally, like,
(36:23):
this is it? This man is tall, he's muscular.
I'm finally going to get going to get to fuck this dude.
So we're taking out at the bar and he's like all tongue.
I'm not kidding. It literally was like an octopus
tentacle just coming out. Just like looking around my face
and we're fucked up. I'm going to give him the
benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's good at having sex
and just not. No.
We get back to my house, it's even worse.
(36:45):
Like I. Remember, at one point he's
eating me out and I'm just laying there and I'm like, yeah,
uh huh. So good.
I'm like, oh, I just want you tofuck me because I'm like, get
the fuck off of my vagina. So let me end up having sex or
whatever. And then we're trying to switch
(37:08):
positions in the middle of this,this man breaks his knee.
I'm not kidding. Like.
He thought this story was going.He's like legit breaks his knee
while having sex with me and I was like, I don't know what you
want me to do. Like And like, it's just so
(37:31):
funny because he had hyped up his sex game.
Friends, that is an ick. Guys that hype themselves up and
under deliver. Yes.
And he told one of my friends he's like, Oh well, like I've
never been with a girl that I haven't been able to make cum or
whatever. And.
She's lying to you. She's lying to you and girlies.
(37:53):
Girlies who are not educating these men before they come to
us. You are part of the problem.
Absolutely. And like once I had sex with him
and he left my house, I turned to my roommate and I was like,
that was one of the worst fucking I've ever had in my
entire life. And we're just talking about it
because and laughing because he was so cocky about it.
And I bet. He left there being like, you
(38:14):
know what? I broke my knee because I was
fucking this bitch so hard. Oh, absolutely.
And then later on that day, we went to this brewery party and
one of our friends showed up whohad made out with him before.
And I flirted with him before, and he was wearing a big knee
brace. And she didn't know that we had
hooked up. And so she's like, oh, what
(38:34):
happened to your knee? And he was like, oh, you know, I
was like getting out of bed thismorning.
I guess I just, like, tweaked itwrong.
I'd hurt my knee before and whatever.
And she's like, oh, wow, you're like getting old.
Because I think he was like, I don't know, like 30-4 at the
time or something. And I literally had to turn
away. And like, I was laughing so
hard. I was like, I didn't even I need
another. Drink.
(38:54):
Like I had to go to the bathroom.
Yeah, I can't be here right now.I was.
Like I was like you fucking dumbfuck.
Feet licking. Dick.
Yum. You're going to say that?
Like with the right person a little toe licking his sign.
(39:17):
How about head pushing? What is head pushing?
When you're sucking his Dick andhe like pushes your head down.
Oh, OK, that's my thing with that.
It says this one screams frat boy.
Yeah, it's, it's a yuck for me because clearly I'm already
fucking sucking your Dick. I don't need you to because I've
(39:39):
noticed a lot of guys do it and Mr. W tried it with me one time.
I literally slapped his hand away.
I was like, don't you fucking dothat?
He's never done it again. I mean, I guess that's
conditioning. Conditioning like a dog.
See, I'm like reverse conditioning.
I'm like push my head down untillike I can take it.
I mean like I can take it, but Idon't want you pushing your like
(40:02):
pushing it. Like all the way young, would
they say? Aren't I so good at this?
No, you are not. No, clearly not the moan police,
it says when they ask me why I'mbeing quiet.
I'm not an actress and nothing is warranting a noise.
(40:26):
I would have said something, I mean, not those exact words, but
I remember this one time I hooked up with this random guy
and he finished in probably like5 minutes.
Yeah, I'm like giving him grace on that.
He's fucking me from behind. I literally turned around and
looked at him and I said that's it.
(40:47):
And he was like, yeah, we can goagain.
I said no, that's OK, and I got up and got dressed and
immediately left. I said I don't need to speak to
you again. This one's a good one because a
lot of guys have done this to me.
The finger in fake out when theyfinger you for like 2 seconds.
What the fuck is up with that? That's a, that's an ick.
Like I you have to warm her up, you know what I mean?
(41:09):
Yeah. Yeah, they do like the 1-2 Dick,
yes. I'm like, why are you trying to
push your head in already? What the fuck is up with that?
This should be illegal, not cleaning you off after you're
just laying there. Oh my God, yes.
You're just like star fishing out and they just walk away and
go to the bathroom and then they're fucking peeing and
(41:30):
farting in there and just like. Not the farting like.
Can a girl get a towel? You're like.
OK, I have an ick. OK, let me have it.
When guys come and they are are like moaning super super lolly
where it sounds like they're about to cry.
(41:54):
I don't know if I've had a crying moan, but I like, I mean,
I like a little verbal like, Oh yeah, yeah.
A. Verbal affirmation is fine, but
I mean. Make the noise, make the noise.
OK so my ex I. Know exactly who you're talking
about? Mr. Mr. Bankrupt Man, this is
how he would fucking come. And the first time we ever
(42:16):
hooked up and he came, I was laying there and I was like, is
he crying while fucking me? Like what is going on?
Because he's like this? I don't know.
I'll try and do it. He's like, he's like, and I'm
just like, we had to deal with that for a year and a half.
(42:36):
I mean, I don't even know how you would approach that.
How do you tell a guy the way you're moaning is turning me
off? I.
Remember one time we hadn't seeneach other in a while and so
we're having sex. So he came fast, but he started
it with I'm so sorry, Grace. And I was like what?
And then he did his moan cry andI was like, is he trying to tell
(42:59):
me he's he cheated on me or whatthe fuck is going on?
And I was like I was like wait, what's happening?
And he was like, oh, I just came.
He's like that's why I said I'm sorry.
I was like. Oh, OK.
You're like, I would have taken the cheating.
Yeah. Literally, I would have been
like, I wish you had told me youcheated on me.
(43:20):
I would have. Taken that over everything else,
yeah. Yeah.
But the moral of the story is what is the moral of the story?
Guys know your women, know your women.
If you're hooking up with randomgirls, we don't expect you to be
perfect. But you got to follow clues when
you know it's the first time hooking up with a girl.
If I I'm like finger me and you don't finger me, it's like, OK.
(43:45):
What are you? What are you?
Doing. What are you doing?
You already failed. You can literally just type into
the Internet like a space to geta girl off.
Like he and Mr. W were on FaceTime one time.
It was like early on in our relationship, he was like,
you're so difficult, like your clit, whatever.
I was like, yeah, I know. It's so fucking annoying.
He was like, I want to make you come by penetration.
He is like, oh, we're on FaceTime, shares the screen and
(44:05):
we're literally Googling and researching best ways to make a
girl come with a difficult clit.Like penetration, like different
positions, but you can make it fun.
He got us a sex book of different positions to try,
different things to do. It's not all about the
penetration, but it's things that you can do to him and he
can do to you. That's really fun and with a
trusted partner you should feel open to talk about that stuff.
(44:30):
I know earlier I should on the girls that didn't coach their
men, but we shouldn't. Have to we should be able to
tell you like I'll give you 2 tothree times of maybe this is I
don't like this. I want it like this and anything
later than that, you're on fucking helpable.
(44:50):
You might as well break up with that person.
Like my mom said, if if the person you're with cannot give
you a good orgasm, your relationship is doomed.
Relationship is doomed. I'm like it's so easy.
I'm like clockwork eat me out while you're fingering me at the
same time. Done everything like me.
Too. It's so easy and I'm just like,
(45:14):
it's literally like you can readthat anywhere or watch any Porto
anywhere. And just like it's simple, like
mouth on the clit, fingers in going up.
That is it, we're done. Yes.
And it's so funny because the first time Mr. W figured that
out, he was like, he's like literally, he goes as soon as I
(45:34):
slip my fingers at you, he's like you cum almost immediately.
I. Was like.
I know, and I come even faster if I have a butt plug in.
Yeah, we haven't done a butt plug yet.
Me and Mr. Spreadsheet I love. My butt plug, it's so cute and
purple. We were talking about it
because, like I'm. Surprised you guys haven't.
I know. Well, I eat his ass and vice
(45:55):
versa. So that's a very regular
occurrence in our relationship because he knows what's good for
him. But we're trying to find the
best angle for, like, him to be fucking me while I can put a
finger in his ass. And I was like, we could just
get mutual butt plugs. Yeah.
Oh, I have a question for you because Vicki and I fun fact,
have the same vibrator so. We'll link it here.
(46:20):
This is the best. So my ex-husband found this
vibrator on Reddit. He deserves all the credit.
It's the best. It's the best vibrator in the
world. So good that I never have to
fuck him again. How amazing is that?
He deserves all the credit. Shout out LILO, shout out
(46:40):
Reddit, shout out ex-husband forgiving me the vibrator that will
stay with me my entire life. Also Lilo, please sponsor us.
I think please. I have so many Lilo sex toys.
Yes, they're the best. Oh my God.
And like, they're heavy duty so they last a while.
They are a little expensive, butthey're fucking.
Worth it. Worth it Like no better vibrator
(47:02):
like Mr. Spreadsheet was trying like a wand on me and he's like,
I can get you off faster than this.
The Lilo. WAMP Yeah I have a wand don't
care for it but some when you doyou use it when you guys are
fucking. Yeah, sometimes.
Not all the time we have. I like it during anal so I need
like vibrator on my clit while I'm getting railed in the ass.
(47:23):
OK. Because like sometimes when my
clits being difficult, like especially if I've like been
drinking a little bit, we'll useit and usually we'll use it like
in missionary, we've tried with me being on top like it's hard
because it's a little bulky, youknow what I mean?
But now like a good like doggy fuck with that on your clit,
even if it's in your vagina or your ass, like, and you put the
lilo on your clit, everything. If you're going to do it on top,
(47:46):
like you can't be like knees down on top.
You got to be knees up, knees up.
Yeah. So then it's like on you like
these are my legs like. Bit like, not like.
That because if you're sitting like that.
(48:06):
This episode's going to be a wild one.
Well if you guys haven't noticed, our trend is we go
raunchy sad, raunchy sad. Last episode was about mental
health and we talked about beingin a really dark place and how
sometimes orgasms are more important than your mental
health because of that euphoria and that serotonin you get from
(48:29):
an orgasm and how it's sometimeshard to orgasm on meds so.
There's hold on, I have to find the comment because I post about
it on our TikTok. Follow us on TikTok.
Someone commented on it and saidmy psych.
My psychiatrist told me I shouldjust accept it and move on.
I was miserable so I stopped taking my SSRI because it just
(48:49):
seemed so weird and it wasn't worth the trade off.
I said the girls who get it, getit.
Yeah, I mean, honestly. But yeah, this is a raunchy
episode, Friends, we will never yuck your yums.
And I'm just going to say this, the list of icks and things that
we wrote out, there are so many yums that we didn't talk about
(49:11):
and also things that could seem like an ick with one partner.
It's because of the partner, notbecause of the task.
Yup. Yes, Preach, girl, preach.
Preach because there's some things that I'm like if this X
person whatever did this to me Iwould be icked but if the person
(49:32):
I'm with now wanted to do it 1000% in.
Oh 100%. My favorite thing is when we're
like about to have sex and he just like throws me onto the
bed. I'm just like, I just, I just
love being like manhandled. Oh yeah, there's something about
like, I'm just like, I'm thinking about it and like, I'm
(49:53):
thinking about my weekend. And I'm so excited to have sex
this weekend. Oh my.
No. Like.
I was worried going into this weekend because me and him have
never really had period sex, right?
So this is our first time havingperiod sex.
And then it was like let me vomit and have diarrhea around
you all day. Like we just we went through a
lot of firsts this weekend and we had so much sex on my period.
(50:18):
But with my ex that would have been an ick.
It would have been an ick because.
He would have made it an ick. He would have where Mr.
Spreadsheet is like very caring.Yes.
Make sure you're OK, yes. He would have made me feel so
uncomfortable and there was one time me and my ex were having
(50:39):
sex on my period and he got a little bit of blood in the tip
of his penis and he freaked the fuck out.
What a little fucking bitch. I know it's like, it was just
like a little bit of blood, but I was like, yeah, it traumatized
me. Guys, be mindful of what you say
and what you do because it's made me really nervous to have
(51:01):
sex in my period ever since thatinteraction, and it wasn't even
bad. I've had way more gruesome
period sexes than whatever that was.
I. Say I've always been really
lucky that guys I've dated and I've fucked on my period where
it's a bloody mess. Like there's blood like all over
their Dick and they're all in this area and they're like,
whatever, I'll just go take a shower and I'm like, Yep, I
(51:22):
ain't sick. Like it's not gross unless you
make. It gross, right?
I matched with this guy on hingeand he was like you're so hot I
want to fuck you. I'm like I'm on my period and
he's like Nope out for me. Can't do blood suck?
My. Dick.
He's like just come over and suck my Dick.
I'm like heck no. No.
Oh. God, the point of this episode I
(51:44):
don't even have closure. I.
Was about to say. I don't have closure like a lot
of ladies don't have closure. Because men, educate yourselves.
Yep. Mm, hmm.
Mm, hmm, and. Why?
We're the same people, but I'm like, I just want to say US
women are not perfect either. We are not above being coached.
(52:06):
But I can tell you what you willnot have to tell us.
More than once I was. Going to say because we fucking
know how to listen and take constructive criticism.
Correct. We've been doing it our entire
lives. Yep, get on.
I won't get on a feminist soapboxes episode.
It's still Women's month. You're like, great.
I triggered Grace again. No.
(52:27):
But to wrap this up, exciting news, Vicki and I will finally
be together next week. So so episode 7 we will be
recording together in person. Yeah, we're going to be together
in Blacksburg for my mom's 70th birthday.
Shout out, Sandra. Happy 70th birthday.
(52:49):
We love you, birthday. Sandy, love you.
We love you. I'm sorry if you don't love the
pod, but we love you. And Mr. Spreadsheet is meeting
my parents that weekend. And Grace for the 1st and Grace
and Grace. He's meeting Grace for the first
time in person. So we went from period sex to
(53:09):
vomiting, diarrhea to meet the parents.
Meet the best friend. Yeah.
We're just chugging along, man. Check the box.
Thanks for coming Be sure to follow your secret safe with a
listen to us on Spotify, Apple YouTube.
Follow us on Instagram, your secret safe with a be sure to
buy our hats. We are still selling those for
(53:30):
$35 each and they are taking up space in my closet.
So I'd really appreciate it if someone would buy a hat.
As a reminder, merch is expensive.
Get us big. That means follow like a
subscribe TikTok, Instagram blowus up.
So so everyone was loving the T-shirts.
I know you don't want the T-shirts.
(53:52):
Get us big so we can make you T-shirts.
Say those T-shirts were not. Cheap.
No, they weren't. Plus if you get us big and we
can afford more merch, I really want to do a baby T merch that
says do better. Yes, do better, men.
Do better. Do better about finishing your
(54:14):
women. Yeah, make sure she comes first.
Always. The men who know this know that
we'll be loyal to you until the end.
Absolutely. I'm like toodles illy illy.
Bye.
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