May 30, 2025 • 20 mins
The emotional and physical toll of caregiving remains largely invisible in our society, yet affects millions of Americans who find themselves responsible for aging parents, chronically ill spouses, or disabled children. This powerful conversation exposes the hidden realities of modern caregiving and offers practical guidance for both caregivers and the professionals who support them.
Dementia caregiving presents particularly profound challenges, as caregivers simultaneously manage daily care while grieving the gradual loss of the person they love. The scope of caregiving has expanded dramatically beyond companionship and basic assistance – family members now routinely perform complex medical procedures like administering injections, managing feeding tubes, and even giving intravenous medications. This medical responsibility creates significant stress and anxiety, especially during nighttime emergencies or complications.
Healthcare providers can play a crucial role in supporting caregivers through validated assessment tools that measure caregiver burden. These assessments can identify dangerous levels of stress requiring immediate intervention, whether through respite care, mental health services, or additional assistance. Faith communities, local organizations, and better family communication all serve as vital resources for overwhelmed caregivers – yet many struggle to ask for help, viewing it as personal weakness rather than necessary self-care.
The conversation highlights the profound relationships that develop between patients and both family and professional caregivers. These bonds often transcend traditional boundaries, creating family-like connections that benefit patients tremendously while also requiring emotional support for caregivers, particularly after patient loss. Simple strategies like journaling, short breaks, and honest communication can make a significant difference in caregiver wellbeing.
Whether you're currently caring for someone, supporting a caregiver in your life, or working in healthcare, this episode provides essential insights into caregiving's challenges and rewards. Share your caregiving story with us or let us know which strategies have helped you maintain balance while caring for others.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone.
I'm Dr Beatrice Ippolit andthis is your World.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
So, as I mentioned, dementia is one of the big ones,
right?
I mean, if you're taking careof somebody who has the
cognitive skills to understandyou and listen and you can, you
know, engage in problem solvingtogether, that's obviously
better.
But when there's dementiainvolved, it's often
(00:37):
deteriorating, the person'sdeteriorating too.
It can be very, veryfrustrating for the caregiver to
watch, and they're alsogrieving.
They're grieving for the lossof this family member too,
because they're now no longerthe same person.
So dementia is particularlydifficult.
But there are a lot of othersituations too where caregivers
are doing actual medicalprocedures, medical where they
(01:01):
actually have to do a lot ofmedical care, give medications
or give injections.
Or I even know one caregiverwho got trained how to give her
mom IVs, you know.
So there's a lot of situationsnow where caregivers are doing
something that may have beendone in the past by a nurse or
you know, clinic.
(01:21):
Now they're doing things athome feeding tubes, giving
medication through injection orthrough the tube or whatever.
So there's a lot of caregiversare not just making sure the
family member's safe and clean.
They're also doing actualmedical procedures or medical
(01:42):
care.
So that's another type ofcaregiver.
So they get trained and youknow they get trained by the
hospital or trained by theprovider, but then they're on
their own right.
So I like to think the agencythat I work for, the agencies I
have worked for like we're thereto support somebody like that,
(02:03):
to make sure we give them abreak.
We come in and do some of thesethings.
You know the nurses come in andhelp because that's a huge
responsibility.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
It is.
But you know what I think youknow because I'm not in the
field.
I probably will be scared.
You know to do certain thingsthat I know that nurses normally
do.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
And I think it could be very rewarding for a
caregiver to get that experienceand be able to accomplish this
and be able to do it right.
But often they get incrediblyburdened by that and also the
stress of what if I'm doing itwrong.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Yeah, that would be my situation.
The fear in the middle of thenight there's nobody here but me
.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Those situations, you know, adds another layer of
stress to the caregiver.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
You know, according to research, stress and anxiety
are a big component amongcaregivers.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Yeah, and there are some assessments that any
provider can do, whether you bea social worker, occupational
therapist, physical therapist,nurse.
There are some assessments youcan do on the caregiver to
measure their, their, stressokay, so let me know there's
three different that I foundthat are available online so you
don't have to, like you know,pay for it or go out and get
(03:21):
certification or whatever.
But the most famous one is byZaret the burden interview.
So it started off with a longer29 in 1980, but they've reduced
it down to 22 questions andthey even have a shorter version
.
So if you're not able to sitand spend a lot of time with the
caregiver, they do.
They do have some shorter ones.
There's also one that'sdeveloped by the American
(03:44):
Medical Association that you canfind on their website the
caregiver self-assessmentquestionnaire.
Again a bit shorter 18questions.
So these are really good toolsfor you to really show the
caregiver that.
Number one you care and they'reimportant, you want to help
them.
Number two, to look for redflags like is this caregiver
(04:05):
stress, like on the highestlevel, then maybe they need some
intervention, like very quickly.
It's either immediate help forthe, for the caregiving, or some
, you know, mental healthservices, some way for them to
to reduce their dangerously highstress level.
(04:25):
So I definitely recommend thatif you're working with
caregivers, that when you getthe chance, if you see that
their burden and their stresslevel.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
To do one of these assessments short or long and,
based on the result, to stronglyencourage them to take action.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Yes, and when you do these assessments with them,
you're asking them the questionsand you're scoring it, you do
these assessments with them,you're you're asking them the
questions and you're scoring itright there with them and you're
showing them.
You know, you're all.
You know this is from zero tofour and you've got most of your
questions are answered beforeyou know.
You can even show them.
This is, this is not, this isnot good, this is.
You know you're very much atrisk, risk, but obviously you
(05:05):
want to develop that.
There's one of them.
That's only four questions.
So they've developed differentones.
The Zaret, caregiver burdenassessment.
They've developed differentlengths, obviously depending on
how much time you have, how muchtime you can give the caregiver
.
So there's shorter ones andlonger ones, kind of give you
just a quick idea of what'sreally going on and then from
(05:29):
there you can plan yourinterventions and bring in your
social worker, recommend maybemental health by telehealth,
because they're obviously notgoing to be able to go out and
go to see, most likely go outfor counseling out of the home
or out of the facility.
But maybe they can have liketelehealth, maybe help them
(05:51):
connect them with mental healthservices.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Pay, you know, for the therapies to come to your
house too exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
so really, if you see that very high level on your
assessment, you need to notifyyour, obviously, your, your
other members of the team.
But you really you can't justsit back and say, oh you know,
well, they've got a high stresslevel, Well, that's somebody
else's problem, it's it's myproblem.
It's it's my problem.
(06:19):
This is like 911.
Like I've got to do somethingquickly.
This could be an emergency.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Yes, yes, definitely.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So, Dr Sheila, there's some of the risk factors
if we were to consider lack ofsupport.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Right Lack of support , where they're not engaging or
linked in with organizationsthat can help them, and maybe
there's a lack of trust.
But if you develop the trustwith them and you know good
organizations, you can lead themthere.
Once you've got the trust, Iknow this agency, I know they're
(06:59):
very good, I know this placeover here can help you.
Another thing is to try toconnect them maybe with the
community resources that they doknow they do have.
Churches are a big one.
Yes, I'll ask them is there?
Did you get support from yourchurch, from your synagogue?
Um, you know, from your mosque,like from your you know what?
especially if I'll be payingattention in the house to see
(07:22):
any religious um, religious, youknow things in the house.
Also, you know, if they havethings from the church, I'll be
like, oh, you belong to such andsuch a church and say, have you
had any support from the church?
Well, no, I haven't called thepriest, I haven't let them know,
I haven't.
They offered to come but Ididn't.
(07:43):
I didn't call them back.
Why don't you call them back?
Why don't you let them come andbring you meals, bring you
support, help you withtransportation?
A lot of churches havevolunteers that would be happy
to drive people to appointmentsor bring some food, or, you know
, or just even come for a visit.
(08:04):
You know, if it's you knowCatholic church or the Episcopal
church that I belong to,they'll bring communion.
You know they'll come and sit.
Could be a lay person that willbring.
These are really good resources.
Or again, maybe other communityorganizations.
Well, that's always the hotissue, right, you have the
situation where you might haveone adult child that's taking
(08:27):
care of mom or dad, and then theother adult children are other
way, other places in the countryor not, or they're busy,
they're not helping.
So it even makes thecaregiver's job even worse
because they're annoyed thatthey're not getting support.
So, working with them on how tocommunicate with the other
(08:49):
family members and let them knowI need help One of the biggest
things I think about all ofthese caregivers is just
encouraging them to ask for help.
Yeah, I'm not doing well, youthink I'm doing great, but I'm
burning out.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Yeah, sometimes people tend to believe oh, if I
ask for help, so I may be seenas being weak or helpless.
No, if you are in need for help, just ask for it, absolutely,
because you know, so I may seeyou.
You look okay, but deep down Idon't know what you are really
(09:31):
dealing with.
But you know it, you knowyourself, you know your body.
So if you have the need and youfeel that you need assistance,
go out there and ask for it.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
That's what I feel it's so important to develop
that relationship with thecaregiver.
Important to develop thatrelationship with the caregiver.
Even in the beginning.
They might be a little bitdefensive or private, or maybe
they are proud of what they'redoing and they really are doing
a good job, but it's starting totake a toll on them.
But you're just watching forthe signs and developing that
(10:05):
relationship.
Show them that you want them tobe a part of the care plan.
You want them to be involved.
That's another important thinganyway, because if you're going
to make recommendations for theclient, the caregiver has to be
on board.
So making sure you include themin everything.
So if you're discussingsomething with the client like
(10:26):
in my case, I might bediscussing a piece of equipment
or home modification forsomething they're going to
change in their home I want youto also what do you think?
What are you, you know?
Do you agree with this?
I want to hear your opinion.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Bring the caregiver in on that as well because that
person is the one dealing withthe patient on a daily basis,
and I will even do that a lotwith paid caregivers.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
So there'll be, you know, a lot of my clients have
24 hour or, you know, many hoursa day with the one caregiver or
two caregivers.
What do you think?
Do you think this will work?
Are you in?
What do you think about thisidea?
Or do you?
You know, how do you findthings are going?
I always ask them, ask theiropinion.
(11:15):
Most recently, a caregiver Inever even met her before and I
went in to see the client.
She's like oh, help, help, Ineed help.
This she's having a problemwith her skin pressure pressure
area.
Like she was so glad to justhave somebody to tell she was
very worried about it and shewanted to share.
And are you going to dosomething?
(11:35):
Yeah, I'm going to do somethingright away.
I'm going to get a bettercushion, a better bed, thank you
, thank you, I'm.
I'm just she was actually veryanxious, so really worried about
the client.
So again, just paying payingattention to having
conversations with them.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
I like when you say that she was really paying
attention to the patient.
Yeah, Believe it or not, youknow there are some caregivers
who treat their clients asfamily.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I know it's wonderful to see and I always encourage
people who are afraid of hiringa caregiver.
Oh, I can't, I can't have astranger taking care of my mom.
I was like start interviewingpeople, start finding, start
getting getting some people fromthe agency to come or from
another agency.
Whatever agency you want to use, I guarantee you're gonna find
(12:22):
that right person.
I'm gonna and that person isgonna become a part of your
family.
I'm good cuz, without a doubt.
They keep.
They might not be the firstperson they have or the second
person, but they will findsomebody that will become a
great caregiver.
But they have to have patienceand they have to try.
You can't just say nope,there'll never be anyone that's
(12:44):
going to be as good for mom dadas me.
You know what You're burningout and you have to find
somebody.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Let me tell you I'm gonna share this with you Made.
All her soul was in peace.
That lady, before she die, hada caretaker.
I don't know for how long, butthey created such a healthy bond
.
It was unbelievable.
During COVID so it's like youknow the family decided that you
(13:14):
know what it was scary due toher health condition.
They didn't want to bringpeople around.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
They didn't want company.
Everybody was afraid to havepeople come in and out.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Exactly, and for the fact that you know so, you know
in New York.
So it's like the government pay, you know, can pay family
members to take care of theirloved ones.
So somebody came with the ideafor the daughter, who used to
live at that time in the samebuilding as her, to kind of take
on the position.
To make a long story short,bear in mind the daughter, every
(13:46):
day, will go to her mother'shouse, you know, like more than
once or twice a day.
And when the idea of her takingthe job came on the table,
she's like are you guys crazy?
If I send that lady out, mymother will die, because it's
(14:07):
not a caretaker and a patient,it's a mother-daughter
relationship that I've seengoing on between those two.
Yeah, and the daughter didn'ttake the job, said no, we're
gonna manage what was best sheexactly and she probably also
knew her own limits too.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Like we all should, you know, know our limits.
We're not always good at that,especially health providers.
We think we could do it all,work and take care of everyone,
but you have to know your limitsand you have to put your hand
up and say that's not for me.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
But she understood the relationship that her mother
had with that home attendantright she understood and
appreciated and valued and sayyou know what right and she knew
and you know what there was.
But she went and took on andsay you know what Right, she
knew what was possible and youknow what there was parts.
She went and took on the samejob you know, with somebody else
but because she saw therelationship that her mother had
(14:57):
with her caretaker, she didn'twant to get on the line.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
You didn't want to mess that up, no, which I always
do.
Encourage people, I'll say youknow, let's start with a home
health aide.
Encourage people, I'll say youknow, let's start with a home
health aide, let's start with acouple hours a day.
I don't usually recommendpeople because it's always
difficult.
You know, you should always tryto keep your boundaries, like I
might come across people overthe years say, oh, if you know
anyone you know, give them mynumber and stuff like that.
(15:23):
But I'll encourage people to gothrough the agencies or other
agencies because a lot ofagencies out there now and just
keep, you know, keep trying toyou find the right person, you
will find the right you will buythe white because there's
there's good people out therethat are really caring and they
will be like family exactly, andthey will be like family and
you will be surprised.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
So it's like I understand we all go to work for
the money, but there are peoplewho don't make money their
priority business, exactly.
There are people who go whowill go to those people house,
will care for them and willinvest in them.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
I've seen it yeah, absolutely yeah, and they'll be
like family by the end and itcan be really hard for them that
caregiver when they lose theclient the client passes away,
whether it be a child who's verysick or adult it can be really,
really difficult for them.
So I've often met withcaregivers or called them
(16:21):
afterwards to say how are youdoing?
We just lost a client in 23 whoI've been seeing for probably
two years, who had a wonderfulperson from Haiti, young woman.
She was young, she was only inher early twenties, she had
little kids, but she came everyday while the client's spouse
(16:43):
was at work and she was.
They just had such a goodrelationship while the client
had Parkinson's and some otherissues and they ended up in the
hospital very ill andunfortunately never recovered
and passed away in the hospitaland I called her for several
weeks just to see how she wasdoing.
She was devastated, devastated.
(17:05):
They were like friends, youLike.
They became so close likedaughter, mother, and the
patient's daughter also gotalong very well with this
caregiver.
She lived a little way away.
They just they kept theconnection, they kept in contact
and it can be really importantto make sure that caregiver is
okay after losing, whether it bea family, caregiver or unpaid.
(17:31):
Make sure they're okay.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Check in with them.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Yeah, yeah Because they can be very attached, oh
yeah.
And now they are like what am Igoing to do?
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Oh yeah, and that lady that I was talking about
earlier when she passed awaylast year, and that caregiver,
that lady was crying so hard atthe church.
Somebody even asked oh, is sheone of the daughters?
Speaker 2 (17:57):
yes, and she was.
In the end she was and I turnedaround and I said yes it's
wonderful it's wonderful to seethat relationship I have had a
couple of ALS clients which is,I think, for hardest.
The hardest thing in my careeris working with somebody with
ALS ALS because typicallythey're younger and they're
(18:18):
deteriorating quickly, you know.
And one in particular I wasvery close with and his.
When he passed away, his aidwas there, his home health aid
was there in the room with hiswife and the kids.
I had coffee with her two orthree times after just to make
(18:38):
sure she was okay, verytraumatic and a big loss.
And we're still in touch.
On Facebook I notice that hiswife posts things every now and
again.
This caregiver went on and gotmarried and had kids, so she's
moved in a different direction.
I think she works at a hospital, but we still keep and every
(18:59):
time the wife posts somethingabout him and his memory, she's
right on, she's right there andI'm there.
We're still having the memories, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
And it's been.
It'll be six years, the end ofthis year.
We're still in touch now.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
It is a very important topic and I'm glad
that you were able to make itand have that discussion.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Yeah, I think some of the things that you should just
say to the caregivers you know,make sure you tell them to ask
for help, maybe have themjournal.
You know, write things down.
And you know, make sure they'retaking care of their thoughts
and writing things down if theycan.
And, you know, just tell themthat they can make time for
(19:50):
themselves, even if it's goingfor a walk for 20 minutes or
going outside to sit outside ordoing something that they can do
.
Hello everyone.
I'm Dr Beatrice Ippolit andthis is your World.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
So, as I mentioned, dementia is one of the big ones,
right?
I mean, if you're taking careof somebody who has the
cognitive skills to understandyou and listen and you can, you
know, engage in problem solvingtogether, that's obviously
better.
But when there's dementiainvolved, it's often
(00:37):
deteriorating, the person'sdeteriorating too.
It can be very, veryfrustrating for the caregiver to
watch, and they're alsogrieving.
They're grieving for the lossof this family member too,
because they're now no longerthe same person.
So dementia is particularlydifficult.
But there are a lot of othersituations too where caregivers
are doing actual medicalprocedures, medical where they
(01:01):
actually have to do a lot ofmedical care, give medications
or give injections.
Or I even know one caregiverwho got trained how to give her
mom IVs, you know.
So there's a lot of situationsnow where caregivers are doing
something that may have beendone in the past by a nurse or
you know, clinic.
(01:21):
Now they're doing things athome feeding tubes, giving
medication through injection orthrough the tube or whatever.
So there's a lot of caregiversare not just making sure the
family member's safe and clean.
They're also doing actualmedical procedures or medical
(01:42):
care.
So that's another type ofcaregiver.
So they get trained and youknow they get trained by the
hospital or trained by theprovider, but then they're on
their own right.
So I like to think the agencythat I work for, the agencies I
have worked for like we're thereto support somebody like that,
(02:03):
to make sure we give them abreak.
We come in and do some of thesethings.
You know the nurses come in andhelp because that's a huge
responsibility.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
It is.
But you know what I think youknow because I'm not in the
field.
I probably will be scared.
You know to do certain thingsthat I know that nurses normally
do.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
And I think it could be very rewarding for a
caregiver to get that experienceand be able to accomplish this
and be able to do it right.
But often they get incrediblyburdened by that and also the
stress of what if I'm doing itwrong.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Yeah, that would be my situation.
The fear in the middle of thenight there's nobody here but me
.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Those situations, you know, adds another layer of
stress to the caregiver.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
You know, according to research, stress and anxiety
are a big component amongcaregivers.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Yeah, and there are some assessments that any
provider can do, whether you bea social worker, occupational
therapist, physical therapist,nurse.
There are some assessments youcan do on the caregiver to
measure their, their, stressokay, so let me know there's
three different that I foundthat are available online so you
don't have to, like you know,pay for it or go out and get
(03:21):
certification or whatever.
But the most famous one is byZaret the burden interview.
So it started off with a longer29 in 1980, but they've reduced
it down to 22 questions andthey even have a shorter version
.
So if you're not able to sitand spend a lot of time with the
caregiver, they do.
They do have some shorter ones.
There's also one that'sdeveloped by the American
(03:44):
Medical Association that you canfind on their website the
caregiver self-assessmentquestionnaire.
Again a bit shorter 18questions.
So these are really good toolsfor you to really show the
caregiver that.
Number one you care and they'reimportant, you want to help
them.
Number two, to look for redflags like is this caregiver
(04:05):
stress, like on the highestlevel, then maybe they need some
intervention, like very quickly.
It's either immediate help forthe, for the caregiving, or some
, you know, mental healthservices, some way for them to
to reduce their dangerously highstress level.
(04:25):
So I definitely recommend thatif you're working with
caregivers, that when you getthe chance, if you see that
their burden and their stresslevel.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
To do one of these assessments short or long and,
based on the result, to stronglyencourage them to take action.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Yes, and when you do these assessments with them,
you're asking them the questionsand you're scoring it, you do
these assessments with them,you're you're asking them the
questions and you're scoring itright there with them and you're
showing them.
You know, you're all.
You know this is from zero tofour and you've got most of your
questions are answered beforeyou know.
You can even show them.
This is, this is not, this isnot good, this is.
You know you're very much atrisk, risk, but obviously you
(05:05):
want to develop that.
There's one of them.
That's only four questions.
So they've developed differentones.
The Zaret, caregiver burdenassessment.
They've developed differentlengths, obviously depending on
how much time you have, how muchtime you can give the caregiver
.
So there's shorter ones andlonger ones, kind of give you
just a quick idea of what'sreally going on and then from
(05:29):
there you can plan yourinterventions and bring in your
social worker, recommend maybemental health by telehealth,
because they're obviously notgoing to be able to go out and
go to see, most likely go outfor counseling out of the home
or out of the facility.
But maybe they can have liketelehealth, maybe help them
(05:51):
connect them with mental healthservices.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Pay, you know, for the therapies to come to your
house too exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
so really, if you see that very high level on your
assessment, you need to notifyyour, obviously, your, your
other members of the team.
But you really you can't justsit back and say, oh you know,
well, they've got a high stresslevel, Well, that's somebody
else's problem, it's it's myproblem.
It's it's my problem.
(06:19):
This is like 911.
Like I've got to do somethingquickly.
This could be an emergency.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Yes, yes, definitely.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So, Dr Sheila, there's some of the risk factors
if we were to consider lack ofsupport.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Right Lack of support , where they're not engaging or
linked in with organizationsthat can help them, and maybe
there's a lack of trust.
But if you develop the trustwith them and you know good
organizations, you can lead themthere.
Once you've got the trust, Iknow this agency, I know they're
(06:59):
very good, I know this placeover here can help you.
Another thing is to try toconnect them maybe with the
community resources that they doknow they do have.
Churches are a big one.
Yes, I'll ask them is there?
Did you get support from yourchurch, from your synagogue?
Um, you know, from your mosque,like from your you know what?
especially if I'll be payingattention in the house to see
(07:22):
any religious um, religious, youknow things in the house.
Also, you know, if they havethings from the church, I'll be
like, oh, you belong to such andsuch a church and say, have you
had any support from the church?
Well, no, I haven't called thepriest, I haven't let them know,
I haven't.
They offered to come but Ididn't.
(07:43):
I didn't call them back.
Why don't you call them back?
Why don't you let them come andbring you meals, bring you
support, help you withtransportation?
A lot of churches havevolunteers that would be happy
to drive people to appointmentsor bring some food, or, you know
, or just even come for a visit.
(08:04):
You know, if it's you knowCatholic church or the Episcopal
church that I belong to,they'll bring communion.
You know they'll come and sit.
Could be a lay person that willbring.
These are really good resources.
Or again, maybe other communityorganizations.
Well, that's always the hotissue, right, you have the
situation where you might haveone adult child that's taking
(08:27):
care of mom or dad, and then theother adult children are other
way, other places in the countryor not, or they're busy,
they're not helping.
So it even makes thecaregiver's job even worse
because they're annoyed thatthey're not getting support.
So, working with them on how tocommunicate with the other
(08:49):
family members and let them knowI need help One of the biggest
things I think about all ofthese caregivers is just
encouraging them to ask for help.
Yeah, I'm not doing well, youthink I'm doing great, but I'm
burning out.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Yeah, sometimes people tend to believe oh, if I
ask for help, so I may be seenas being weak or helpless.
No, if you are in need for help, just ask for it, absolutely,
because you know, so I may seeyou.
You look okay, but deep down Idon't know what you are really
(09:31):
dealing with.
But you know it, you knowyourself, you know your body.
So if you have the need and youfeel that you need assistance,
go out there and ask for it.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
That's what I feel it's so important to develop
that relationship with thecaregiver.
Important to develop thatrelationship with the caregiver.
Even in the beginning.
They might be a little bitdefensive or private, or maybe
they are proud of what they'redoing and they really are doing
a good job, but it's starting totake a toll on them.
But you're just watching forthe signs and developing that
(10:05):
relationship.
Show them that you want them tobe a part of the care plan.
You want them to be involved.
That's another important thinganyway, because if you're going
to make recommendations for theclient, the caregiver has to be
on board.
So making sure you include themin everything.
So if you're discussingsomething with the client like
(10:26):
in my case, I might bediscussing a piece of equipment
or home modification forsomething they're going to
change in their home I want youto also what do you think?
What are you, you know?
Do you agree with this?
I want to hear your opinion.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Bring the caregiver in on that as well because that
person is the one dealing withthe patient on a daily basis,
and I will even do that a lotwith paid caregivers.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
So there'll be, you know, a lot of my clients have
24 hour or, you know, many hoursa day with the one caregiver or
two caregivers.
What do you think?
Do you think this will work?
Are you in?
What do you think about thisidea?
Or do you?
You know, how do you findthings are going?
I always ask them, ask theiropinion.
(11:15):
Most recently, a caregiver Inever even met her before and I
went in to see the client.
She's like oh, help, help, Ineed help.
This she's having a problemwith her skin pressure pressure
area.
Like she was so glad to justhave somebody to tell she was
very worried about it and shewanted to share.
And are you going to dosomething?
(11:35):
Yeah, I'm going to do somethingright away.
I'm going to get a bettercushion, a better bed, thank you
, thank you, I'm.
I'm just she was actually veryanxious, so really worried about
the client.
So again, just paying payingattention to having
conversations with them.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
I like when you say that she was really paying
attention to the patient.
Yeah, Believe it or not, youknow there are some caregivers
who treat their clients asfamily.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I know it's wonderful to see and I always encourage
people who are afraid of hiringa caregiver.
Oh, I can't, I can't have astranger taking care of my mom.
I was like start interviewingpeople, start finding, start
getting getting some people fromthe agency to come or from
another agency.
Whatever agency you want to use, I guarantee you're gonna find
(12:22):
that right person.
I'm gonna and that person isgonna become a part of your
family.
I'm good cuz, without a doubt.
They keep.
They might not be the firstperson they have or the second
person, but they will findsomebody that will become a
great caregiver.
But they have to have patienceand they have to try.
You can't just say nope,there'll never be anyone that's
(12:44):
going to be as good for mom dadas me.
You know what You're burningout and you have to find
somebody.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Let me tell you I'm gonna share this with you Made.
All her soul was in peace.
That lady, before she die, hada caretaker.
I don't know for how long, butthey created such a healthy bond
.
It was unbelievable.
During COVID so it's like youknow the family decided that you
(13:14):
know what it was scary due toher health condition.
They didn't want to bringpeople around.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
They didn't want company.
Everybody was afraid to havepeople come in and out.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Exactly, and for the fact that you know so, you know
in New York.
So it's like the government pay, you know, can pay family
members to take care of theirloved ones.
So somebody came with the ideafor the daughter, who used to
live at that time in the samebuilding as her, to kind of take
on the position.
To make a long story short,bear in mind the daughter, every
(13:46):
day, will go to her mother'shouse, you know, like more than
once or twice a day.
And when the idea of her takingthe job came on the table,
she's like are you guys crazy?
If I send that lady out, mymother will die, because it's
(14:07):
not a caretaker and a patient,it's a mother-daughter
relationship that I've seengoing on between those two.
Yeah, and the daughter didn'ttake the job, said no, we're
gonna manage what was best sheexactly and she probably also
knew her own limits too.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Like we all should, you know, know our limits.
We're not always good at that,especially health providers.
We think we could do it all,work and take care of everyone,
but you have to know your limitsand you have to put your hand
up and say that's not for me.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
But she understood the relationship that her mother
had with that home attendantright she understood and
appreciated and valued and sayyou know what right and she knew
and you know what there was.
But she went and took on andsay you know what Right, she
knew what was possible and youknow what there was parts.
She went and took on the samejob you know, with somebody else
but because she saw therelationship that her mother had
(14:57):
with her caretaker, she didn'twant to get on the line.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
You didn't want to mess that up, no, which I always
do.
Encourage people, I'll say youknow, let's start with a home
health aide.
Encourage people, I'll say youknow, let's start with a home
health aide, let's start with acouple hours a day.
I don't usually recommendpeople because it's always
difficult.
You know, you should always tryto keep your boundaries, like I
might come across people overthe years say, oh, if you know
anyone you know, give them mynumber and stuff like that.
(15:23):
But I'll encourage people to gothrough the agencies or other
agencies because a lot ofagencies out there now and just
keep, you know, keep trying toyou find the right person, you
will find the right you will buythe white because there's
there's good people out therethat are really caring and they
will be like family exactly, andthey will be like family and
you will be surprised.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
So it's like I understand we all go to work for
the money, but there are peoplewho don't make money their
priority business, exactly.
There are people who go whowill go to those people house,
will care for them and willinvest in them.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
I've seen it yeah, absolutely yeah, and they'll be
like family by the end and itcan be really hard for them that
caregiver when they lose theclient the client passes away,
whether it be a child who's verysick or adult it can be really,
really difficult for them.
So I've often met withcaregivers or called them
(16:21):
afterwards to say how are youdoing?
We just lost a client in 23 whoI've been seeing for probably
two years, who had a wonderfulperson from Haiti, young woman.
She was young, she was only inher early twenties, she had
little kids, but she came everyday while the client's spouse
(16:43):
was at work and she was.
They just had such a goodrelationship while the client
had Parkinson's and some otherissues and they ended up in the
hospital very ill andunfortunately never recovered
and passed away in the hospitaland I called her for several
weeks just to see how she wasdoing.
She was devastated, devastated.
(17:05):
They were like friends, youLike.
They became so close likedaughter, mother, and the
patient's daughter also gotalong very well with this
caregiver.
She lived a little way away.
They just they kept theconnection, they kept in contact
and it can be really importantto make sure that caregiver is
okay after losing, whether it bea family, caregiver or unpaid.
(17:31):
Make sure they're okay.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Check in with them.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Yeah, yeah Because they can be very attached, oh
yeah.
And now they are like what am Igoing to do?
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Oh yeah, and that lady that I was talking about
earlier when she passed awaylast year, and that caregiver,
that lady was crying so hard atthe church.
Somebody even asked oh, is sheone of the daughters?
Speaker 2 (17:57):
yes, and she was.
In the end she was and I turnedaround and I said yes it's
wonderful it's wonderful to seethat relationship I have had a
couple of ALS clients which is,I think, for hardest.
The hardest thing in my careeris working with somebody with
ALS ALS because typicallythey're younger and they're
(18:18):
deteriorating quickly, you know.
And one in particular I wasvery close with and his.
When he passed away, his aidwas there, his home health aid
was there in the room with hiswife and the kids.
I had coffee with her two orthree times after just to make
(18:38):
sure she was okay, verytraumatic and a big loss.
And we're still in touch.
On Facebook I notice that hiswife posts things every now and
again.
This caregiver went on and gotmarried and had kids, so she's
moved in a different direction.
I think she works at a hospital, but we still keep and every
(18:59):
time the wife posts somethingabout him and his memory, she's
right on, she's right there andI'm there.
We're still having the memories, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
And it's been.
It'll be six years, the end ofthis year.
We're still in touch now.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
It is a very important topic and I'm glad
that you were able to make itand have that discussion.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Yeah, I think some of the things that you should just
say to the caregivers you know,make sure you tell them to ask
for help, maybe have themjournal.
You know, write things down.
And you know, make sure they'retaking care of their thoughts
and writing things down if theycan.
And, you know, just tell themthat they can make time for
(19:50):
themselves, even if it's goingfor a walk for 20 minutes or
going outside to sit outside ordoing something that they can do
.
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