As the year comes to a close, many people ask: How do I let go of what no longer serves me and move forward with clarity and peace?
In this powerful episode, Dr. Rosenna Bakari, author of Seven Exits: Leave Behind What No Longer Serves You, shares a compassionate and practical guide to releasing relationships, mindsets, habits, and even careers that no longer align with your truth.
This isn’t about self-judgment or regret. It’s about conscious completion. Dr. Bakari introduces seven intentional “exits” designed to help you reclaim your voice, restore your personal power, and choose yourself—without guilt.
You’ll discover:
How to release the past with gratitude instead of resistance
Why letting go creates space for peace, purpose, and alignment
How to recognize when it’s time to exit relationships or patterns
Practical steps to move into the new year feeling lighter and empowered
If you’re ready for an end-of-year reset, emotional clarity, and a heart-centered way to move forward, this conversation will meet you exactly where you are.
🎧 Listen now and step into the next chapter of your life—on purpose.
https://www.loaradionetwork.com/constance-arnold
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/create-your-reality-the-ultimate-law-of-attraction-show-for-conscious-creators--1595897/support.
✨ Subscribe and Stay Inspired!
Listen to more powerful conversations on the Law of Attraction Radio Network, featuring top experts in manifestation, spirituality, and quantum success.
🌐 Visit LOARadioNetwork.com to explore shows, read articles, and connect with our global Law of Attraction community.
💫 Create a new life by creating new thoughts.
#LawOfAttraction #Manifestation #SpiritualGrowth #JewelsJohnson #LOARadioNetwork
In this powerful episode, Dr. Rosenna Bakari, author of Seven Exits: Leave Behind What No Longer Serves You, shares a compassionate and practical guide to releasing relationships, mindsets, habits, and even careers that no longer align with your truth.
This isn’t about self-judgment or regret. It’s about conscious completion. Dr. Bakari introduces seven intentional “exits” designed to help you reclaim your voice, restore your personal power, and choose yourself—without guilt.
You’ll discover:
How to release the past with gratitude instead of resistance
Why letting go creates space for peace, purpose, and alignment
How to recognize when it’s time to exit relationships or patterns
Practical steps to move into the new year feeling lighter and empowered
If you’re ready for an end-of-year reset, emotional clarity, and a heart-centered way to move forward, this conversation will meet you exactly where you are.
🎧 Listen now and step into the next chapter of your life—on purpose.
https://www.loaradionetwork.com/constance-arnold
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/create-your-reality-the-ultimate-law-of-attraction-show-for-conscious-creators--1595897/support.
✨ Subscribe and Stay Inspired!
Listen to more powerful conversations on the Law of Attraction Radio Network, featuring top experts in manifestation, spirituality, and quantum success.
🌐 Visit LOARadioNetwork.com to explore shows, read articles, and connect with our global Law of Attraction community.
💫 Create a new life by creating new thoughts.
#LawOfAttraction #Manifestation #SpiritualGrowth #JewelsJohnson #LOARadioNetwork
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to the Law of Attraction Radio Network. International
success coach and noted author, Constance Arnold delivers life changing
strategies through her own spiritual practices as well as with
best selling authors and experts that she interviews. I fink
believe and Manifest is specially designed to empower your mind
and words to work for you and to bring about
(00:22):
a life you've been dreaming of. And now here's Constance Arnold.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Well, happy holidays everybody, and welcome to the Law of
Attraction Radio networking. Of course, I am Constance, are a
host of the thing that even Manifest talk show. I'm
so excited, so grateful, so thankful that you made a
decision to join me today. I believe that you've been
attracted to this particular show and that the spirit of
(00:53):
God is going to help you to receive all of
the downloads, the answer to your prayers, the strategic steps
that one aha moment that is going to literally begin
to shift and change your life. Well, it is a
beautiful day here in Tennessee. I know you're not used
(01:16):
to me saying Tennessee, but you guys know that I'm
originally from Tennessee and I'm here on some family business.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
It's beautiful, it's.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Cold, but I am grateful. What about where you are?
We know that I'm always interested that in different parts
of the world during certain seasons, I think that it's
either spring or summer in Australia, So all of my
Australia listeners let me know what the season is like.
(01:50):
I can't really google it while I am recording this,
but I said all that to say that no matter
what time of the year is, it is the right
time and the right season for you. Well, I have
a great show for you today. How many of you
know that it's time to leave behind what no longer
(02:10):
serves you. My very special guess is doctor Rosina Burcari,
and she has a book out where she's going to
be sharing with us seven exits to leaving behind what
no longer serves you, whether it's a relationship, a mindset,
a career. I'm excited to hear what she has to say.
(02:33):
Speaking of that, make sure you follow me on all
of my social media platforms. And the last thing that
I'm going to say is I am ready to coach
you before the end of the year. You know, coaching
at the end of the year is I think it's
so necessary. I am certainly scheduling my two sessions with
(02:56):
my two mentors because you know, at the end, the
end of the year is a time of reflection. You
think about, well, what worked, what didn't work? Of what
was delayed? Where should I have focused my attention. You're
not judging yourself. It's just really a time of reflection
(03:18):
and clarity. What I'm doing with my clients is I'm
taking a look at what are some of your repeated behaviors,
because if you got a repeated behavior, that means that
what comes before that is a mindset. Where have you
been motivated or where do you feel burned out? And
(03:40):
I like to look at my own life personally, where
do you need to make closure? What happened to all
of those goals? How can you reframe your thinking all
of the above, So if you are ready for change,
I had somebody tell me this week, Wow, conscience. I've
(04:01):
been hearing you say that for years, but I was
trying to do it on my own. It's a mindset,
it's a way of thinking. It's an opportunity for you
to identify a shift, maybe do things easier, And it's
a commitment, a financial commitment to yourself. It's a commitment
(04:24):
of time, it's a commitment of effort. And so this
is the season to choose you. The most powerful gift
that you could give yourself would be the gift of coaching.
I know coaching. You've heard me say, next to my
relationship with God or spirit, my coaching and my support
(04:49):
groups have been the number one principle or two or
the number one power will full experience that has radically
changed my life. So you've heard all of my clients
from all over the world all of this year. So
(05:11):
you still have time, So email me at Constance at
Fulfilling your Purpose dot com and we're gonna do a
twenty minute discovery coaching car What is that gonna look like.
It's gonna be either via zoom. If you live in
the US, we can FaceTime. It's gonna be for twenty minutes.
I'm not gonna hardly do any talking. I'm gonna be
(05:33):
listening to you to see who you are, where you are,
what you feel like, your needs are, what are your goals,
and then we're gonna see if we're a vibrational match.
It's never any pressure. Somebody said faith doesn't put pressure.
Either you know or you don't know. So that's constance
(05:55):
at fulfilling your purpose. Dot Com guys, can y'all believe
how close we are the Christmas? It's amazing. I want
you to make a decision that you're gonna enjoy your holidays.
I'm in Tennessee. This is so different from me that
no matter where you are, what your experiences are, what
you used to what used to be, You're gonna take
(06:18):
this moment and be radically grateful.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
So before we go to.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Break, let's take a deep breath in everybody, let it out.
You know, breadth means in spirit. You're breathing in and
out one more time. Let it out one lass time
to get us open to receive from doctor Baccari. I'll
(06:50):
be right back after these commercials.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Stay tuned, observe anyone at the top of their game,
and the results will be the same. They've all had
valuable guidance and direct from a coach. If you are
ready to manifest your wildest dreams, you can experience my
thirty years of serving over ten thousand clients as a
professional counselor, law of attraction and certified dream coach I
(07:12):
merge spirituality, law of attraction, and practical principles and strategies
to help you manifest your dreams. For more information, visit
fulfilling your Purpose dot com.
Speaker 5 (07:24):
Are you ready to wile participants at your next organizational event?
Constance Arnold is an unforgettable keynote and keynote plus speaker.
Constance will capture your audience and share informative and entertaining
messages that align with your vision. Her number one goal
is to empower and motivate audiences to take action. Contact
her at www. Dot fulfilling Yourpurpose dot com.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Well, everybody, I am back and I got a question
for you. Are you ready to leave behind what no
longer serves you? We know it is the end of
the year. And if your answer is yes, we know
we all are doing a lot of.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Introspection.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
You know, we are going inside taking a look at
our lives. Well, I have just the person for you.
My very special guest today is doctor Rosina Baccari. She's
an empowerment psychologist, She's a speaker, She's an educator, y'all.
She has all kinds of experience and serving and helping
(08:30):
people globally, and she has a new book out a
seven exits lead behind What No Longer Serves You. She
has a very interesting third that I'm gonna let her expound.
As a child, she was misdiagnosed as mildly retarded. I
just hate that word. It's such a label. But just
(08:52):
years later her teachers identify her as mentally gifted. So
we have the gift of God with us to that,
and we're so grateful. So, doctor Rosina Bakari, welcome to
the Think Believe in Manifest talk Show.
Speaker 6 (09:07):
Thank you.
Speaker 7 (09:08):
I appreciate being here so much. Constance, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Well, you know, it is the end of the year
and people are thinking about their lives.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
They're being they're.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Pondering, they're looking at you know, what really happened over
this year. So we're going to be talking about how
people can release, let go and leave what no longer
serve them. But give us a little bit more about
you and your journey.
Speaker 6 (09:33):
Sure. So I've been on this journey a long time,
a long time. As you can see.
Speaker 7 (09:39):
I wrote my first book Ooh in ninety six, nineteen
ninety four actually, and that was on black women and
self esteem.
Speaker 6 (09:48):
So I've been writing for a long time. But I
have always.
Speaker 7 (09:52):
Written from personal wisdom through experience as well as from
the academic lens. And my life has been very, very
from being a stay at home mom even after I
earned my PhD, to being an entrepreneur and starting this
company on my own.
Speaker 6 (10:12):
I'm a spoken word artist, i am a marathoner, I
am a marvel wow. So I love living life to the.
Speaker 7 (10:21):
Fullest, and all of those things have been part of
my own healing journey and learning how to show up
in life with full, full appreciation. And that's what I
like helping others do too well.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I have so many questions for you, so let's just
get right to it. So the whole leaving behind what
no longer serves us so psychologically and even spiritually. Why
do we hold on to relationships, to jobs and other
(10:55):
stuff that no longer serves us? What is that psychological
that really creates that kind of behavior?
Speaker 6 (11:03):
Familiarity? So our brain will reach for what's familiar.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
That's what our.
Speaker 7 (11:09):
Brain is designed to do, right. It tells us what
we've done before. It doesn't tell us what's best for us.
It tells us what's most familiar. It tells us the
path that we've already taken, and so it assumes that
that should be the easiest path. But easy isn't isn't growth,
Easy is not safe. Easy is not even always convenient.
(11:30):
It just means that we've done it so much that
we that we have normalized it, and so we because
we've done that, and then we stop looking at our options.
Speaker 6 (11:42):
So sometimes we're just.
Speaker 7 (11:43):
Going through life with blinders on, not even knowing that
there are other options, because we just on this path
because it's their familiarity.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
And so we stay in situations and relationships even though
they're no longer good for us. It sounds on some
level some form of emotional and psychological abuse to ourselves
if we're staying in stuff and on jobs and all
of that in careers, right.
Speaker 6 (12:16):
It's but it does. We don't what's really scary to
people is the unknown. There's not the more scary to
people than the unknown.
Speaker 7 (12:26):
So we sometimes we used to call it the double
you know, So it's I like to.
Speaker 6 (12:33):
Look at people or remind people of their resilience. So
it's really our brain trying to do us a favor.
Speaker 7 (12:39):
But the brain, that's why we have to be able
to be present with ourselves beyond what the brain does
for us, because the brain should not be the driving force.
I mean, I know that sounds weird, right, but their
spirit behind the brain. There's presence behind the brain because
the brain is greatly prejudiced toward what is familiar to you.
(13:01):
And so one of the things we learn is how
to challenge our brain because it doesn't always give us
good information. It gives us repeating information we.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Might heard somebody. I had a new real scientist on
the show who said that the subconscious really tries to
guard you, and it doesn't like anything new and wants
to hold on to the old because of the repetition
that's happened there.
Speaker 7 (13:25):
That's right, absolutely, So we're not broken or wrong or
abusing ourselves intentionally. That's why oftentimes we need outside help
and support to show us a different lens, a different way,
wake us up, shake us out of familiarity.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
So we know a lot of people have been downsized
that you know, with the government here in the US.
I know, I got a lot of international listeners, and
I'm coaching a couple of those clients who said they
knew they should have left earlier, but they didn't have
the courage and that sounds like the data aligns with
what you just shared.
Speaker 7 (14:06):
Absolutely. And one of the things that transformation does to
us or for us as we really get deep into it.
Speaker 6 (14:14):
And this is how I try to guard my life
or God, my life.
Speaker 7 (14:18):
Right now is the having the ability to do without
the trigger of pain. I call that in my book
the addiction to pain. When the only time we do
something good for ourselves is when it's triggered by pain,
That's not how we.
Speaker 6 (14:33):
Want to live. We want to be in tune to
ourselves so that we don't need pain to move us. Right,
that's good, Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 7 (14:43):
And so so if we are, if we are still
in a state where we need pain to move us
in at least, let's move when we feel the pain
and to see it as an opportunity. Then because you
already knew it, so get mad for a second and
then face the fact that you're in the state of
your life where you still need pain.
Speaker 6 (15:05):
To move you.
Speaker 7 (15:06):
So, okay, you're the pain is now let's move on. Yeah,
let's not get stuck in here. Let's take it for
what it is and be on our way.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
So, you know, even self doubt or not trusting our
own intuition or saying while like you said, we learned
early some of us have not to trust our own
Oh that couldn't be God, or that couldn't be me.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Or talk about that a little bit.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
How does how can we tap into our own acceptance
of our own awesomeness and not doubt ourselves when it
comes to leaving stuff behind.
Speaker 7 (15:47):
So it's training our brain, because we just talked about
how to brain can feed us misinformation. So we have
to spend a lot of energy retraining. And I'm not
talking about affirmations. They help, yes, but affirmations help a
whole lot more when we put some actions behind them,
when we put some intention behind them, and we start
(16:08):
having some alignment. But we have to retrain ourselves. In
the book, in the seven Ex's book, there's a section
in there on seeds social Experiences of Emotional Disempowerment that
talks about how those early lessons, oftentimes are unintentional, but
(16:30):
contribute to our sense of disempowerment and doubt. When if
you're in a home where you maybe because of economics,
not because people are mean and don't want the best,
but people are working with what they got, so economics
may say, no, you never choose your socks or your
shoes or what you eat because we don't have enough
money for you to be considering your needs. Right, And
(16:51):
yet someone else says, from the time they're two years
old they start making choices in their life. That means
someone's empowering them to let them know that they into
control of their own lives.
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Some of us don't get that experience.
Speaker 7 (17:04):
Until we are out of the house wrong, sometimes in
our late twenties. And so now someone wants you to
make good decisions when you haven't even been allowed to
make decisions, And so we have to go back and
just understand what is there, how do they get there?
And then understand, oh, so if it got there like that,
(17:25):
then it's not really mine, it doesn't really belong to me.
Then I can let it go. I can get there.
But sometimes our brain, being what it is, wants to
cling to ideology simply because of where it came from.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
So you also mentioned self centeredness and how that's not selfish.
Expound on that and how what roads does that play
in us leaving stuff and relationships and ways of thinking,
I'm gonna throw that in behind that no longer serve us.
Speaker 6 (17:58):
Right, Oh, I appreciate that.
Speaker 7 (18:00):
I love the concept of self centeredness like playing on
words too, because again, if we go back to what
people have taught us, the ideology that we're living by,
like if you be grateful for what you have, doesn't
mean you shouldn't want more, that you don't have a
right to desire. Right that consider other people's needs doesn't
(18:20):
mean that you shouldn't consider your own needs or put
your own needs first. And so the idea of being
self centered is how we get to leave everything behind
because those things that you pick up that are not
in your best interests always serves someone else's interests. So
(18:44):
when we become centered in self, then we can.
Speaker 6 (18:48):
Begin to move forward and centered in self.
Speaker 7 (18:51):
I do want to be really clear because people start
hearing that is selfish because they start overemphasizing boundaries or whatever.
Oh No, when you're centered in self, you that means
every problem you have is yours to solve. You don't
get the finger point because you're self centered. How am
I situated in this problem? What did I contribute to it?
(19:12):
Where is my power in it? So you don't get
to blame other people for outcomes? You know, you get
to set boundaries, but you also get to center yourself
in responsibility and self discipline and self care, all of
those things.
Speaker 6 (19:28):
So you keep the focus on you instead of the
external world.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
That's so good and vibrationally and energetically. I love you
know that last statement that you just made helps us
to take our energy, our emotions off of that person
or that situation and reclaim my power and use all
of that energy to create a new life, a new world,
(19:55):
a new version of ourselves.
Speaker 7 (19:57):
And I love that because I often refer to the
seven exes as psychological energies.
Speaker 6 (20:03):
That's really good, all of that.
Speaker 7 (20:04):
There's psychological energies, you know, hyper ego, complacency and doctrinations,
dignant relationships, just as you say, there's psychological energies that.
Speaker 6 (20:14):
We get stuck in.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
So I love it when you talk about and I said,
I want to just code depend we'll talk to endure.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Just hang in there, stand.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
By your man, don't you leave that good job, and
just smile through the silence.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Talk about that. I know.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Culturally, I've heard people say, well you know something, girl,
and ain't no good men I hear, or you know
it's hard when you get single, so all of those
beliefs they're not subconscious, are determining our behavior when it
comes to making a leap.
Speaker 7 (20:50):
Yes, that's so important and one of the things that
I came to realize on my own healing journey.
Speaker 6 (20:59):
And it took me a long.
Speaker 7 (21:00):
Time, even into my healing journey for the dots to
really connect my healing from disempowerment from the abuse.
Speaker 6 (21:09):
What I finally realized, and this was a game changer
for me.
Speaker 7 (21:13):
I finally realized that the biggest thing that I had
relinquished for survival was my right to dream.
Speaker 6 (21:23):
Oh, when safety became number one, because if you know,
if you have these experiences that compromise your safety, safety
becomes number one. When safety becomes.
Speaker 7 (21:37):
Number one, you don't spend a whole lot of time dreaming.
You're looking at the ball, make sure the ball doesn't drop, like, oh,
you know. And so I didn't realize that all of
my psychological energies were going into creating a world that
felt safe to me, not that made me feel like
I was growing or made me feel like I.
Speaker 6 (21:58):
Was working at my greatest human potential.
Speaker 7 (22:00):
No, the goal with safety, Now here's the trick for people,
And even when you ask survivors or trauma, and you
look at the way that we raise our children. That's
one of the things that we passed down in generational
trauma is this notion of safety. Everybody talks about how
safe they're children want their children to be safety. If
you think about Maslow's hierarchy, safety is at the bottom.
Speaker 6 (22:22):
Of the wrong.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Sure is, it's at the bottom of the wrong.
Speaker 7 (22:27):
So we're raising ourselves and our children to have the
least in life just to be safe.
Speaker 6 (22:33):
And we never get to the top of that wrong
of really.
Speaker 7 (22:39):
Having connecting relationships, much less self actualizing because we think
we've arrived when we find places that we could be safe.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Wow. And you know, when you said that, it reminded
me of a lot of people now because of just
what's going on globally. They're trying to find their place
and whether you know, I just got five more years
before I get out my pension, but just so unhappy
and afraid every day of work, right because they feel.
Speaker 7 (23:09):
Safe, because they feel safe, safe and sick but safe, right,
Safe and unhappy but safe, Safe and uncertain about the
future at the same time.
Speaker 6 (23:20):
But safe.
Speaker 7 (23:21):
So they're clinging to safety when we cling to this
material safety. One of the things that we're not doing
is putting our faith in whatever super being that we
think that.
Speaker 6 (23:33):
We're having a connection with. We're not put here to
live a world focused on safety. We're here.
Speaker 7 (23:40):
I need to develop into our fullness and we don't
do that without taking risks.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
So true, And you know you mentioned Ma's law, you know,
and you mentioned self actualization. So if a listener could say, well,
you know, I'm just bored with this job. It's stressful,
I'm not really using my gifts and my talents. And
even though I'm afraid, and they can begin to tap
(24:07):
into self actualization. I can be creative, I can expand
is that what we're looking for?
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Doctor mcaer.
Speaker 7 (24:15):
Absolutely, And you take it slow if you need to
take it slow, and so don't take It's not about
what you do.
Speaker 6 (24:23):
It's about what am I becoming? Not what am I next?
Speaker 7 (24:26):
What do I need to become next? How am I
growing into myself? Because we always like, well what do
I do?
Speaker 1 (24:32):
What?
Speaker 7 (24:33):
I'm sure you get that question, well what should I do?
It's like, no, the question is what do you want
to become? Not what do you want to do? And
so sometimes that process is slow. It depends on where
you are. Like if you start running today, you're not
going to run a marathon next week. So are you
training for a marathon or are you training for a triathlone?
(24:55):
That depends on what do you want to become, not
just not just what's the next thing. And so that's
why you have to spend time with yourself and really developing.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
You got something in here so powerful this mic drop.
You talk about departure as healing. That when a person
chooses to spark depart that's healing unpacked that for us.
Speaker 7 (25:22):
Yes, So again, when we start having these conversations about
about transformation, people think about what they're adding. Right, we
want to add, we want to accumulate. We're going to
get more, whether it's more knowledge, more money, more of
more something. But it's not about where we're trying to go.
(25:46):
Because no matter how good of a roadmap I give
you to where you want to go, if you cannot
leave where you are boo. And so people are not
stuck trying to figure out how to get where they're going,
they're stuck knowing how to depart.
Speaker 6 (26:05):
From where they are.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
So for listeners, how can someone defined or tap into.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
Man, this no longer serves me. What would that look like?
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Right?
Speaker 6 (26:23):
What's the energy around?
Speaker 7 (26:24):
And spend some time doing it right Like, this isn't
the day manifestation in the day, but you can begin
to feel a difference in your life by small ships
of turning that attention within. Turn it within and look
at what do I want to become, which means what
do I need to let go of what's in my way?
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Like?
Speaker 6 (26:47):
What is in my way?
Speaker 7 (26:48):
So when I started, for example, working as an entrepreneur, like,
that's why I said, it took me a while to
understand my.
Speaker 6 (26:54):
Clinging to safety.
Speaker 7 (26:56):
I didn't know that I was making I did not
know I was making choices based on safety until I
started working as an entrepreneur. And I said, it slammed
me in a face. Oh, because you want to keep
making decisions that make you feel safe. Yeah, And it
took me a while to really slowly step away from that.
Speaker 6 (27:16):
It didn't. It wasn't an overnight shift.
Speaker 7 (27:19):
But that's why we have to keep watching and seeing
what's showing up. Because if we can see what's showing
up and what's blocking, we can then begin to let
it go and look for ways to let it go,
because when you start understanding what it is that you're
ready to release or depart from, not off of those
seven psychological energies in the book, right, then you know
(27:43):
what to make of the behaviors that you're doing. So
so so many times we're just sort of walking through
life and we don't know how to evaluate things. The
advantage of the seven exes is that it tells you
exactly what to evaluate.
Speaker 6 (27:59):
So when as things come in play, was this your ego?
Were you complacent?
Speaker 7 (28:05):
Were you living by indoctrination instead of your authentic self?
And so it gives you something to compare it to.
It gives you your checklist of what to watch, and
then you know you checking with yourself what your authentic
behavior is. I can't tell you that because I'm not you,
but you get to watch it once you know what
(28:27):
you where you really are.
Speaker 6 (28:28):
Trying to go.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
So let's talk about those seven exits behave you so
the people can understand what that would look like.
Speaker 6 (28:37):
Okay, so go down a list of them?
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Yes, well, which which other ones you feel like would
really pop out to people? Sure, say, hey, look I'm biased,
I love them all, but whatever you feel that I think.
Speaker 7 (28:53):
So the so the first one because one of the
nice things is again, because it's your journey, you get
to decide for yourself.
Speaker 6 (29:03):
But I know the one that.
Speaker 7 (29:05):
Is most important that most people will want to fly
through is hyper ego because we're like, no, I'm good,
I'm evolving, No, I know myself, and so we oftentimes
try to bypass the hyper ego. That's the first exit,
and it's the first one on purpose because it's most
important because as long as your ego is showing up
for you in relationships, at work, in your career goals, then.
Speaker 6 (29:30):
It's difficult to even see the other stuff. One of
the things that I say often is as we achieve,
the more we achieve, the more.
Speaker 7 (29:41):
Accolades we get, the fewer invitations we get to come
to the healing table. Oh so, because so and so,
what happens is that the ego starts getting inflated. And
even if we don't see ourselves as the ego is
not always arrogant. The ego is just protective. There are
(30:04):
a lot of ways that the eu. You know that
the ego shows up to protect us. It doesn't always
look like arrogance. Sometimes it looks like hiding and being
small because I've gotten enough. Sometimes it looks like who
you spend your time with or saying no, I'm.
Speaker 6 (30:21):
Gonna stay at home and be.
Speaker 7 (30:23):
A stay at home mom, and that way I don't
have to take those risks sometimes, So it shows up
in many ways, and so really getting into the hyper
ego and moving back from exiting hyper ego into your authentic.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Self and you can I share something that just happened
to me about two months ago. I went on a
cruise with three of my friends. It's the time join
the Morning Cruise and so so yeah, so for listeners internationally,
you know, it's a powerful cruise. They have a lot
of musicians, but during the day they have a lot
of powerful speakers. So I was with my bff. So
(31:01):
she said, Constant, it's this woman that's speaking on relationship.
You know, maybe you should go. And I said this,
and she knows me, and I said, well, you know,
I wrote a book on relationships. I don't want to
go to that seminar. I want to go to this
other seminar. And it came across very ego driven. She said,
(31:25):
I know you didn't mean that. And so doctor McCarry,
what ended up happening was the spirit just checked me, like, girlfriend,
you not all of that. And I ended up going
to the second relationship seminar and really connected with the
young lady and she said, I want you to mentor me,
you know, but that's a great example. It wasn't intentional.
(31:49):
I don't know everything about relationships, but that's what I said.
I wrote a book on relationships. I don't want to
go to that one. I want to go to another one.
So that was my ego.
Speaker 6 (31:57):
Right, Yes, I've been there and done that. I hear
you and look at you.
Speaker 7 (32:04):
You had someone around you to invite you back into yourself.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
That's me.
Speaker 6 (32:09):
You don't. We don't get a lot of.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
That, right.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
And she was she said, I know this is not
your intention, but this is what is sounding like I said,
I love it, Please forgive me. So that ego, that
first one is powerful. They're not sure that what's the
next one that we can take a look at the
next excit.
Speaker 7 (32:25):
The next one is silence and secrecy, and people love
that because people always say, who I didn't know you knew.
I didn't know anyone knew that. The heaviness of the
secrets that I carry we are carrying some heavy secrets,
and they sometimes they relate to childhood. But sometimes you're
seeing someone and you're you're in an unfaithful infidelity relationship,
(32:50):
people carry that secret.
Speaker 6 (32:52):
Or you're you've.
Speaker 7 (32:53):
Done something at your job that you know is not
completely ethical and you're carrying that and hoping nobody.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
Ever.
Speaker 7 (33:00):
When you're carrying these things that you don't want anyone
to ever find out, it becomes.
Speaker 6 (33:06):
Heavy for you. Your marriage isn't going.
Speaker 7 (33:09):
Sometimes you have a child who's addicted to drugs, like
anything that you're trying to keep out of being known.
Speaker 6 (33:18):
Release it.
Speaker 7 (33:19):
And I'm not saying release it by writing an article
about it, but release it. Know that that secret that
you carry is not yours. Because as long as you're
protecting a secret, then hyper ego has to be running
your life.
Speaker 6 (33:35):
So guess why I like to do that hyper ego first,
because we get this.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
You can see that that are.
Speaker 7 (33:40):
Under it, and so that silence and secrecy keeps us
from being our authentic self.
Speaker 6 (33:45):
So it's so important too.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
So let just say somebody who I know, someone who
worked for the federal gun for twenty one years and
she was all of that and is all of that,
but her secret was scared. I don't know what to do,
but she tried to show up like I got it
going on, when inside she's not. She's not the it
(34:09):
girl this time, she's in a new space. So when
we let go of secrecy, does that open us up
to empower us to leave situations and enter into new ones?
Speaker 6 (34:22):
It does.
Speaker 7 (34:23):
For one, it opens up relationships because one of the
things that happens when we're carrying that secret is that
we have to then be so so critical of the
relationships because we want to get into people that we
only have relationships with people we think can handle the secret.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Yeah, oh that's good.
Speaker 6 (34:43):
And then god a bed, we find some money and
we tell her the secret and they don't stay. Oh,
that feels like such betrayal because we're building relationships around
us secret instead of who we are authentically.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Yeah that's good. Ooh, this is juicy everybody. Yet, y'all
need to listen to this and make sure you share
this with some of your co workers, your family members,
your friends, share it on your timelines.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
Yeah, okay, what's.
Speaker 6 (35:10):
Somebody number here? Emotional dependency that when.
Speaker 7 (35:13):
I think people get like when you're constantly seeking validation.
It just keeps you living in somebody else's world and
not your own.
Speaker 3 (35:22):
That's good.
Speaker 6 (35:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (35:25):
And then the next one, similar to that number four
is stagnant relationships. And the thing about stagnant relationships that
I want to say that might be counterintuitive is that
stagnant relationships, the message is not to.
Speaker 6 (35:39):
Leave relationships that are stagnant.
Speaker 7 (35:41):
The message is really learning how to negotiate and navigate
relationships so that you can be in them to their fullest,
because you will learn to love people for who they are,
not for what they can do for you.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Should people stay in stagnant relationships, you know you've heard
the thing. Relationships are for a reason or season of lifetime.
So so does releasing and letting go of some old
relationships means that I'm aware that this no longer serves me.
Speaker 7 (36:17):
Right, which doesn't mean that you have to let that
relationship go. My idea is to forever relationship to leave
room for people to come and go.
Speaker 6 (36:28):
The body becomes.
Speaker 7 (36:29):
When we try to hold onto relationships and put them
at a specific place in our life. That's how most
relationships start to start to go wrong. With relationship, we
want to have a gazillion relationships. What most people will
tell you to say, I just want a few close friends.
Speaker 6 (36:46):
And so when you.
Speaker 7 (36:47):
Confine, it's like someone saying I don't even want to
make one hundred thousand dollars a year.
Speaker 6 (36:50):
That's enough for me.
Speaker 7 (36:51):
That's like no relationships are capital. You won't hear me
saying I just want a few close friends. I want
a gazillion friends. I want as many friends who are
willing to show up and give me something that I
can give in return.
Speaker 6 (37:04):
Now, it's about where we place people. But when we are.
Speaker 7 (37:08):
Leading living by ego and silence and secrecy, we only
have one place where our relationship and we and only
one person can fit there. Right, But when you live
your life fully, you have a gazillion places.
Speaker 6 (37:22):
Because you have your life is so full. That's why
I said, yeah, I do poetry, I do martial wives.
Speaker 7 (37:27):
I do because because I want a full life, and
I can accommodate people in so many different places in
my life that I don't have to say to you,
we can't be friends. I just put you over here.
I'm now at the center of my life. It's just
a couple of people, but I love them, especially in
(37:47):
this work. My work and your work too, depends on
negotiating these relationships with people constantly.
Speaker 6 (37:56):
And if I get to the point where I feel.
Speaker 7 (37:57):
Like where people feel like there's no room in my
life life for them, then I'm cutting off my nose
to spite my face.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
And I can hear my listeners saying, what about toxic relationship?
This person they call every day and they just talk
about their stuff and it's not mutual reciprocal. What should
people do about toxic relationships? And something else just came
to my mind. I know this is two questions. I know.
Oprah over the Holidays talked about not choosing not to
(38:30):
be involved with family relationships because they're toxic. Talk about
that a little bit absolutely.
Speaker 7 (38:37):
So the thing is, it takes two people to be
in a toxic relationship, right, And so I have people
who would be toxic in my life. But in order
for you to be toxic to me, you have to
be in my inner circle.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Right.
Speaker 6 (38:50):
I got you to people in my inner circle.
Speaker 7 (38:53):
So when I say I don't have toxic people in
my life, I really do.
Speaker 6 (38:58):
I have them, but they're out here. They're toxic.
Speaker 7 (39:00):
City do not affect my life because they can't be
in my inner circle. I'm not with my family either
at the holidays, haven't been for years. Right, So when
you find that's why.
Speaker 6 (39:12):
What do I want to be? Not what do I
want to do? What I want to do with you know?
What do I want to be?
Speaker 7 (39:19):
What do I want Christmas Day to feel like? And
then back up from there versus what am I gonna do?
Because I don't want to do this? Okay, start who
am I?
Speaker 2 (39:28):
What?
Speaker 6 (39:28):
How have I grown? Have I grown significantly this year
that I want to have a different experience on a
holiday than what I usually have? Then how do I
create that experience?
Speaker 7 (39:39):
Because you're an adult, you don't need anybody's permission for
where you are on December twenty fifth.
Speaker 6 (39:45):
You don't need anybody anybody's permission.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
I got you, you know I got you, and I
know we're going through the exus. But I'm just thinking
of all the emails that I get. So even when
it comes to a romantic re relationship, when a woman
or a man understands that this is not the in
my inner circle, romantic guide or my SPS, they call
(40:12):
it a specific person, special person, they should let that
go because they love themselves and they see Okay.
Speaker 7 (40:25):
If you cannot repair it now, I will tell you
I have dealt with a number of partners who thought
their relationship was done, and what I have found, more
times than not is that they had never clearly stated
to their partner their needs and or had never fully
(40:48):
seen their partners for their partner's needs. They had only
seen what they wanted their partner to be, and so
they never got to even see fully who their partner
was and what their partner was giving to them because
they are in this relationship with lack from a source
of lack, with the idea that somebody's supposed to do
(41:09):
something or give something to them. And so if that's
the case, then I only will ever see you for
what you give to me. So if I leave that
relationship and I take those same ideas into a next relationship,
it's not gonna matter.
Speaker 6 (41:24):
So I always come up that's right.
Speaker 7 (41:26):
So I always say, when when it's time for you
to lead, make sure that you're leaving, clear that you're
not leaving a person, that you're leaving that you are
exiting to open something up, not leaving for revenge or
leaving or teach somebody a lesson, or leaving because it's
(41:46):
their fault. Like I said, the first is that you
always have to know how you positioned yourself in that
relationship because when you do that, when it's time that oftentimes,
if you do that, you won't even have to be
the one to go.
Speaker 6 (41:59):
When you clean yourself yourself up. If that relationship is
not gonna work, if you.
Speaker 7 (42:04):
Clean yourself up, you will see it differently, and chances
are they'll go.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
You become nothing but the truth. That's nothing but the truth.
I always say, when you change, your relationship will change. Yes,
either it's gonna change for the better, or it's gonna
change it's not gonna work. So I will.
Speaker 7 (42:29):
Always say, instead of trying to decide should I leave
or should I go?
Speaker 6 (42:33):
What do I want to be in this relationship? Start
being that.
Speaker 7 (42:37):
Start the internal change and see how the relationship evolves.
And like you said, it will evolve where you will
get closer, or it will because that person will start
shifting to or it'll evolve where that person will will
will walk away because they will not stand. If you
want to know, if you're seeing in a light or
dark with the person, turn up your light and see
(43:00):
what that's good.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
That's good I heard Esther Hicks say something. Somebody was
asked saying to her, you know, my lover left me
and I feel so sad. And she said, your love,
it didn't leave you. Then she said, yes I did, Yes,
he did. He left me, and I'm sad and I'm lonely.
And she just said in a different way than what
(43:21):
you said, she said, no, you were add just a
higher vibration, and because you were walking and energetically at
a higher vibration, that relationship had to drop.
Speaker 3 (43:32):
Out of your life.
Speaker 6 (43:34):
That's right, that's right.
Speaker 7 (43:36):
I love that you want yeah, absolutely, so you know,
turn up your light.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
I love that. What's another exit? All right?
Speaker 7 (43:45):
So we're at relationships complacency, and that's really important, especially
for those high functioning transformers who who already have most
of what they want in life. It's easy to become complacent, right,
Just because you have more than your parents had, just
because you have more than some of your friends have,
(44:06):
does not mean that this is a place where you
stay stuck and where you just become satisfied.
Speaker 6 (44:13):
The question is still what is the work to do?
What is my next work to do? External work?
Speaker 7 (44:20):
Okay, so you've made the money okay, So what's the
internal work that you're doing. How are you sharing with communities?
What are you giving back? I don't know what the
work is. What are you afraid? What secrets are you
holding on to? What is your work? Don't just become
complacent with the way that things are because the accolades
are coming in.
Speaker 3 (44:40):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
So good.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
Are we at the end of the exits? I don't
think so.
Speaker 6 (44:46):
We have indoctrination, passion and purpose. So in doctrination, I
think we just touched on a little bit living the
beliefs that have come to you instead of you.
Speaker 7 (44:55):
Making sure they're authentic. And then the last one is
passion and purpose. And that's it's just the idea that
we all want passionate and purpose. But when we make
it into a pursuit because we feel a lack, then
we've increased the problem, not solved it. We want to
we want passion and purpose to arise in us, not
(45:16):
to chase it.
Speaker 6 (45:18):
If you chase it, it's a problem.
Speaker 3 (45:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
So let's walk somebody through this. So if someone understands
and they're like, okay, doctor b car and Constance, I
know it's time for me to let go and move on.
What would that look like unpacked that for us? Would
they set an intention? What would that whole awareness and
(45:44):
walking that out look like?
Speaker 7 (45:46):
So that looks like sitting in the awareness. No one
likes his answer. They think it's the pan answer.
Speaker 6 (45:53):
Ever, no one likes it, but it's the truth.
Speaker 7 (45:55):
So if that is what you want, and if you
know today like today is the moment where I come
to the conclusion, I know I've done the work, I've
tried it, and I know I need to exit. So
if you look at the exits, the hyper ego, the
silence and secrecy, the emotional dependency, Okay, live in that
place of knowing, don't do like we like to Russian
(46:18):
do right, like, oh i'm here, I don't want to
be here, let me run off quickly.
Speaker 6 (46:23):
And so you're so busy trying to run off that
you don't really understand it.
Speaker 7 (46:29):
So live in the discomfort of knowing that this isn't
where you want to belong, to the point where you
can watch it and really bring some clarity to it
so that when you move it's smooth.
Speaker 3 (46:45):
I love that. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:47):
And so they will sit in in awareness or silence,
and then they will maybe accept and acknowledge yes, it
is time for me to make them mood. Thus the
spirit empowered them, so they're becoming. So it's not steps one,
(47:08):
two three for what's happening on the inside of people.
They know they need need to leave that relationship, they
know they need to leave that career. How what gives
them the courage or the empowerment to take that next
step forward?
Speaker 6 (47:22):
So one when you know it, if you sit in
the knowing, the courage comes, not the comfort, the courage.
Speaker 3 (47:34):
So that good.
Speaker 7 (47:36):
If you're waiting for the comfort to come, you're oversteay.
You don't want the comfort to come. You want the
courage to come. The courage is gonna come when you
focus on yourself, not what the other person did, not
what comes you wanted someone to do. You're not looking
to blame, but you're like, there's something more that I'm
(47:59):
going forward. I'm not here for revenge. I'm not here
trying to settle a score. I'm not I'm here because
something is calling me forward. So I move in peace
and gratitude, not you know, not in bitterness and revenge.
And then you'll you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, like we said,
(48:21):
order my steps in your word, then your steps will
be ordered when you can move that way. But when
you're moving trying to perform, you you're still out of balance.
Speaker 6 (48:34):
You want to move in alignment.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
That that word alignment, you know, I know what people
think it means. But what would that look like in
this situation of letting go of what no longer serves you,
when you align with with your knowing or aligned with
that intention, what would that look like?
Speaker 7 (48:57):
So focus on what the feeling is and sign and
look for signs. And there are always signs. There are
always signs if you look around. Now, don't look so
hard for them that you make up signs. Right, Yeah,
I've done that before.
Speaker 3 (49:13):
I got my.
Speaker 2 (49:14):
Hand that that was your ego.
Speaker 7 (49:16):
That wasn't the sign, right, But being still enough to
see what is aligned here is the what has the
universe put in in my sight that I can say, oh,
that's just what I was thinking about. There's gonna be
you're gonna feel some sense of alignment, or someone comes
(49:38):
up to you and suggests the idea that you were
still thinking about moving in that direction, or a door
opens to lead you there, or there's just some overwhelming
sense of peace for you that this is the right
thing to do. You're not guessing about it. There's a
sensation about it. Then that's a sense of alignment. But
(50:00):
oftentimes if you look, or I shouldn't say look, if
you sit still enough, you'll see and you'll that, oh, yeah,
that fits right in there. I didn't have to move
a finger for that to.
Speaker 6 (50:12):
Come my way.
Speaker 3 (50:13):
Yeah, I agree with that.
Speaker 2 (50:15):
And lastly, it looks like that when people make a
decision to that I'm gonna release what no longer serves them,
all kinds of options and creativity and experience. It's kind
of like what you said, I'm doing this, I'm a
marathon run, I'm over here. Is that what happens when
people really release what no longer serves them?
Speaker 7 (50:36):
Yes, I think the world looks different when you and
it's not all at once, right, we're all at nothing.
It's so important for us to be compassionate and patient
with ourselves and watch this evolution. Don't compare it to
somebody else, because oh the comparison alan will put you
back twenty steps, right, But just allow yourself grace if
(51:00):
nothing else happens in this releasing, If you can be
wherever you are without judgment. That is number one thing,
to be there without judgment. And that's why I say,
if you can just be in that space and be
aware without judgment, because here's the thing. As soon as
(51:20):
you allow judgment to set in, your mind will start
feeding you lies. It'll feed you lies about yourself, it
will feed you lies about other people, it will feed
you lies.
Speaker 6 (51:31):
About the world.
Speaker 7 (51:32):
So we can't afford judgment. We have to see it
through compassion and grace.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
That is that last sentence right there is so powerful
because so many people are like, well, I got to
look at my life and step into another version of
myself and I told somebody, you need to be first. Yes,
And like you said, in the being, you will know,
and I think in the knowing you already in power.
Speaker 6 (52:00):
Yes, exactly. Tell me all like what's because nothing's wrong
with you.
Speaker 7 (52:06):
And that's how I approach all of my relationships with
my clients is we have to start from the point that.
Speaker 6 (52:12):
There is nothing wrong with you. We're not trying to
fix you.
Speaker 7 (52:16):
We're trying You're interested in the elevation. That alone puts
you ahead of the game, your interest in elevation. But
there's nothing wrong with you. We're not trying to fix you.
So you love yourself with compassion and grace, without.
Speaker 3 (52:29):
Judgment, profound.
Speaker 2 (52:31):
So how can you know we're really made in the
perfection of God. We're really perfect? But I know you
know we're taught that you're so powerful? How can people
get your book? Tell us about your services? Where is
your contact information?
Speaker 3 (52:48):
I e.
Speaker 2 (52:48):
Your website, social media, all of the.
Speaker 6 (52:51):
Above, Yes, thank you.
Speaker 7 (52:54):
So I'm going to give two websites that are going
to be helpful for you.
Speaker 6 (52:58):
One is just my name.
Speaker 7 (53:00):
When you see that written and Rosinabacari dot com, and
that's my personal website.
Speaker 6 (53:04):
You'll see that's my personal and business website. But I
just started the seven EXS Institute.
Speaker 7 (53:13):
Could not happier, could not be happier. And so I
am starting all kinds of courses from certification courses for
coaching to personal transformation to leadership. And that is transformation
dot seven exits dot com.
Speaker 3 (53:35):
And that's e X I T S.
Speaker 7 (53:38):
Yes, the S on excess and the number seven is
spelled out, don't put the number seven transformation.
Speaker 6 (53:46):
Dot seven exits dot com.
Speaker 7 (53:50):
And so that tells you all the offerings on the
seven Excess Institute.
Speaker 6 (53:54):
I am so excited because I'm looking.
Speaker 7 (53:56):
Forward to working more with individuals because this last couple
of years I've doing more corporate work, which I like,
and I'll continue to do that, but I'm really looking
forward to getting back to working more with individuals.
Speaker 2 (54:08):
I love it. I love it. You are amazing. You
are just what we need for this season of the
year about provoking, spiritual but still strategic and intentional. Thank
you so much, Thank you.
Speaker 7 (54:23):
I really appreciated this conversation and I look forward to
us talking again.
Speaker 3 (54:29):
Absolutely so, everybody.
Speaker 2 (54:30):
I want you to listen to this over and over again.
Take notes and whatever jumps out at you that's the spirit,
listen to it, share it on your timelines, and as
I say, every week, you are the creator editor dot gone,
scriptwriter of your own day, of your own week, of
(54:51):
your own life.
Speaker 3 (54:52):
Every great week, everybody.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
Thank you for listening to, think, believe, and manifest constance.
Arnold will be back next week with another great show
just for you. For more information, please visit Fulfillingyourpurpose dot com.
You're listening to the Law of Attraction Radio Network. International
success coach and noted author, Constance Arnold delivers life changing
strategies through her own spiritual practices as well as with
best selling authors and experts that she interviews. I fink
believe and Manifest is specially designed to empower your mind
and words to work for you and to bring about
(00:22):
a life you've been dreaming of. And now here's Constance Arnold.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Well, happy holidays everybody, and welcome to the Law of
Attraction Radio networking. Of course, I am Constance, are a
host of the thing that even Manifest talk show. I'm
so excited, so grateful, so thankful that you made a
decision to join me today. I believe that you've been
attracted to this particular show and that the spirit of
(00:53):
God is going to help you to receive all of
the downloads, the answer to your prayers, the strategic steps
that one aha moment that is going to literally begin
to shift and change your life. Well, it is a
beautiful day here in Tennessee. I know you're not used
(01:16):
to me saying Tennessee, but you guys know that I'm
originally from Tennessee and I'm here on some family business.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
It's beautiful, it's.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Cold, but I am grateful. What about where you are?
We know that I'm always interested that in different parts
of the world during certain seasons, I think that it's
either spring or summer in Australia, So all of my
Australia listeners let me know what the season is like.
(01:50):
I can't really google it while I am recording this,
but I said all that to say that no matter
what time of the year is, it is the right
time and the right season for you. Well, I have
a great show for you today. How many of you
know that it's time to leave behind what no longer
(02:10):
serves you. My very special guess is doctor Rosina Burcari,
and she has a book out where she's going to
be sharing with us seven exits to leaving behind what
no longer serves you, whether it's a relationship, a mindset,
a career. I'm excited to hear what she has to say.
(02:33):
Speaking of that, make sure you follow me on all
of my social media platforms. And the last thing that
I'm going to say is I am ready to coach
you before the end of the year. You know, coaching
at the end of the year is I think it's
so necessary. I am certainly scheduling my two sessions with
(02:56):
my two mentors because you know, at the end, the
end of the year is a time of reflection. You
think about, well, what worked, what didn't work? Of what
was delayed? Where should I have focused my attention. You're
not judging yourself. It's just really a time of reflection
(03:18):
and clarity. What I'm doing with my clients is I'm
taking a look at what are some of your repeated behaviors,
because if you got a repeated behavior, that means that
what comes before that is a mindset. Where have you
been motivated or where do you feel burned out? And
(03:40):
I like to look at my own life personally, where
do you need to make closure? What happened to all
of those goals? How can you reframe your thinking all
of the above, So if you are ready for change,
I had somebody tell me this week, Wow, conscience. I've
(04:01):
been hearing you say that for years, but I was
trying to do it on my own. It's a mindset,
it's a way of thinking. It's an opportunity for you
to identify a shift, maybe do things easier, And it's
a commitment, a financial commitment to yourself. It's a commitment
(04:24):
of time, it's a commitment of effort. And so this
is the season to choose you. The most powerful gift
that you could give yourself would be the gift of coaching.
I know coaching. You've heard me say, next to my
relationship with God or spirit, my coaching and my support
(04:49):
groups have been the number one principle or two or
the number one power will full experience that has radically
changed my life. So you've heard all of my clients
from all over the world all of this year. So
(05:11):
you still have time, So email me at Constance at
Fulfilling your Purpose dot com and we're gonna do a
twenty minute discovery coaching car What is that gonna look like.
It's gonna be either via zoom. If you live in
the US, we can FaceTime. It's gonna be for twenty minutes.
I'm not gonna hardly do any talking. I'm gonna be
(05:33):
listening to you to see who you are, where you are,
what you feel like, your needs are, what are your goals,
and then we're gonna see if we're a vibrational match.
It's never any pressure. Somebody said faith doesn't put pressure.
Either you know or you don't know. So that's constance
(05:55):
at fulfilling your purpose. Dot Com guys, can y'all believe
how close we are the Christmas? It's amazing. I want
you to make a decision that you're gonna enjoy your holidays.
I'm in Tennessee. This is so different from me that
no matter where you are, what your experiences are, what
you used to what used to be, You're gonna take
(06:18):
this moment and be radically grateful.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
So before we go to.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Break, let's take a deep breath in everybody, let it out.
You know, breadth means in spirit. You're breathing in and
out one more time. Let it out one lass time
to get us open to receive from doctor Baccari. I'll
(06:50):
be right back after these commercials.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Stay tuned, observe anyone at the top of their game,
and the results will be the same. They've all had
valuable guidance and direct from a coach. If you are
ready to manifest your wildest dreams, you can experience my
thirty years of serving over ten thousand clients as a
professional counselor, law of attraction and certified dream coach I
(07:12):
merge spirituality, law of attraction, and practical principles and strategies
to help you manifest your dreams. For more information, visit
fulfilling your Purpose dot com.
Speaker 5 (07:24):
Are you ready to wile participants at your next organizational event?
Constance Arnold is an unforgettable keynote and keynote plus speaker.
Constance will capture your audience and share informative and entertaining
messages that align with your vision. Her number one goal
is to empower and motivate audiences to take action. Contact
her at www. Dot fulfilling Yourpurpose dot com.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Well, everybody, I am back and I got a question
for you. Are you ready to leave behind what no
longer serves you? We know it is the end of
the year. And if your answer is yes, we know
we all are doing a lot of.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Introspection.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
You know, we are going inside taking a look at
our lives. Well, I have just the person for you.
My very special guest today is doctor Rosina Baccari. She's
an empowerment psychologist, She's a speaker, She's an educator, y'all.
She has all kinds of experience and serving and helping
(08:30):
people globally, and she has a new book out a
seven exits lead behind What No Longer Serves You. She
has a very interesting third that I'm gonna let her expound.
As a child, she was misdiagnosed as mildly retarded. I
just hate that word. It's such a label. But just
(08:52):
years later her teachers identify her as mentally gifted. So
we have the gift of God with us to that,
and we're so grateful. So, doctor Rosina Bakari, welcome to
the Think Believe in Manifest talk Show.
Speaker 6 (09:07):
Thank you.
Speaker 7 (09:08):
I appreciate being here so much. Constance, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Well, you know, it is the end of the year
and people are thinking about their lives.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
They're being they're.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Pondering, they're looking at you know, what really happened over
this year. So we're going to be talking about how
people can release, let go and leave what no longer
serve them. But give us a little bit more about
you and your journey.
Speaker 6 (09:33):
Sure. So I've been on this journey a long time,
a long time. As you can see.
Speaker 7 (09:39):
I wrote my first book Ooh in ninety six, nineteen
ninety four actually, and that was on black women and
self esteem.
Speaker 6 (09:48):
So I've been writing for a long time. But I
have always.
Speaker 7 (09:52):
Written from personal wisdom through experience as well as from
the academic lens. And my life has been very, very
from being a stay at home mom even after I
earned my PhD, to being an entrepreneur and starting this
company on my own.
Speaker 6 (10:12):
I'm a spoken word artist, i am a marathoner, I
am a marvel wow. So I love living life to the.
Speaker 7 (10:21):
Fullest, and all of those things have been part of
my own healing journey and learning how to show up
in life with full, full appreciation. And that's what I
like helping others do too well.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I have so many questions for you, so let's just
get right to it. So the whole leaving behind what
no longer serves us so psychologically and even spiritually. Why
do we hold on to relationships, to jobs and other
(10:55):
stuff that no longer serves us? What is that psychological
that really creates that kind of behavior?
Speaker 6 (11:03):
Familiarity? So our brain will reach for what's familiar.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
That's what our.
Speaker 7 (11:09):
Brain is designed to do, right. It tells us what
we've done before. It doesn't tell us what's best for us.
It tells us what's most familiar. It tells us the
path that we've already taken, and so it assumes that
that should be the easiest path. But easy isn't isn't growth,
Easy is not safe. Easy is not even always convenient.
(11:30):
It just means that we've done it so much that
we that we have normalized it, and so we because
we've done that, and then we stop looking at our options.
Speaker 6 (11:42):
So sometimes we're just.
Speaker 7 (11:43):
Going through life with blinders on, not even knowing that
there are other options, because we just on this path
because it's their familiarity.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
And so we stay in situations and relationships even though
they're no longer good for us. It sounds on some
level some form of emotional and psychological abuse to ourselves
if we're staying in stuff and on jobs and all
of that in careers, right.
Speaker 6 (12:16):
It's but it does. We don't what's really scary to
people is the unknown. There's not the more scary to
people than the unknown.
Speaker 7 (12:26):
So we sometimes we used to call it the double
you know, So it's I like to.
Speaker 6 (12:33):
Look at people or remind people of their resilience. So
it's really our brain trying to do us a favor.
Speaker 7 (12:39):
But the brain, that's why we have to be able
to be present with ourselves beyond what the brain does
for us, because the brain should not be the driving force.
I mean, I know that sounds weird, right, but their
spirit behind the brain. There's presence behind the brain because
the brain is greatly prejudiced toward what is familiar to you.
(13:01):
And so one of the things we learn is how
to challenge our brain because it doesn't always give us
good information. It gives us repeating information we.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Might heard somebody. I had a new real scientist on
the show who said that the subconscious really tries to
guard you, and it doesn't like anything new and wants
to hold on to the old because of the repetition
that's happened there.
Speaker 7 (13:25):
That's right, absolutely, So we're not broken or wrong or
abusing ourselves intentionally. That's why oftentimes we need outside help
and support to show us a different lens, a different way,
wake us up, shake us out of familiarity.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
So we know a lot of people have been downsized
that you know, with the government here in the US.
I know, I got a lot of international listeners, and
I'm coaching a couple of those clients who said they
knew they should have left earlier, but they didn't have
the courage and that sounds like the data aligns with
what you just shared.
Speaker 7 (14:06):
Absolutely. And one of the things that transformation does to
us or for us as we really get deep into it.
Speaker 6 (14:14):
And this is how I try to guard my life
or God, my life.
Speaker 7 (14:18):
Right now is the having the ability to do without
the trigger of pain. I call that in my book
the addiction to pain. When the only time we do
something good for ourselves is when it's triggered by pain,
That's not how we.
Speaker 6 (14:33):
Want to live. We want to be in tune to
ourselves so that we don't need pain to move us. Right,
that's good, Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 7 (14:43):
And so so if we are, if we are still
in a state where we need pain to move us
in at least, let's move when we feel the pain
and to see it as an opportunity. Then because you
already knew it, so get mad for a second and
then face the fact that you're in the state of
your life where you still need pain.
Speaker 6 (15:05):
To move you.
Speaker 7 (15:06):
So, okay, you're the pain is now let's move on. Yeah,
let's not get stuck in here. Let's take it for
what it is and be on our way.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
So, you know, even self doubt or not trusting our
own intuition or saying while like you said, we learned
early some of us have not to trust our own
Oh that couldn't be God, or that couldn't be me.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Or talk about that a little bit.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
How does how can we tap into our own acceptance
of our own awesomeness and not doubt ourselves when it
comes to leaving stuff behind.
Speaker 7 (15:47):
So it's training our brain, because we just talked about
how to brain can feed us misinformation. So we have
to spend a lot of energy retraining. And I'm not
talking about affirmations. They help, yes, but affirmations help a
whole lot more when we put some actions behind them,
when we put some intention behind them, and we start
(16:08):
having some alignment. But we have to retrain ourselves. In
the book, in the seven Ex's book, there's a section
in there on seeds social Experiences of Emotional Disempowerment that
talks about how those early lessons, oftentimes are unintentional, but
(16:30):
contribute to our sense of disempowerment and doubt. When if
you're in a home where you maybe because of economics,
not because people are mean and don't want the best,
but people are working with what they got, so economics
may say, no, you never choose your socks or your
shoes or what you eat because we don't have enough
money for you to be considering your needs. Right, And
(16:51):
yet someone else says, from the time they're two years
old they start making choices in their life. That means
someone's empowering them to let them know that they into
control of their own lives.
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Some of us don't get that experience.
Speaker 7 (17:04):
Until we are out of the house wrong, sometimes in
our late twenties. And so now someone wants you to
make good decisions when you haven't even been allowed to
make decisions, And so we have to go back and
just understand what is there, how do they get there?
And then understand, oh, so if it got there like that,
(17:25):
then it's not really mine, it doesn't really belong to me.
Then I can let it go. I can get there.
But sometimes our brain, being what it is, wants to
cling to ideology simply because of where it came from.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
So you also mentioned self centeredness and how that's not selfish.
Expound on that and how what roads does that play
in us leaving stuff and relationships and ways of thinking,
I'm gonna throw that in behind that no longer serve us.
Speaker 6 (17:58):
Right, Oh, I appreciate that.
Speaker 7 (18:00):
I love the concept of self centeredness like playing on
words too, because again, if we go back to what
people have taught us, the ideology that we're living by,
like if you be grateful for what you have, doesn't
mean you shouldn't want more, that you don't have a
right to desire. Right that consider other people's needs doesn't
(18:20):
mean that you shouldn't consider your own needs or put
your own needs first. And so the idea of being
self centered is how we get to leave everything behind
because those things that you pick up that are not
in your best interests always serves someone else's interests. So
(18:44):
when we become centered in self, then we can.
Speaker 6 (18:48):
Begin to move forward and centered in self.
Speaker 7 (18:51):
I do want to be really clear because people start
hearing that is selfish because they start overemphasizing boundaries or whatever.
Oh No, when you're centered in self, you that means
every problem you have is yours to solve. You don't
get the finger point because you're self centered. How am
I situated in this problem? What did I contribute to it?
(19:12):
Where is my power in it? So you don't get
to blame other people for outcomes? You know, you get
to set boundaries, but you also get to center yourself
in responsibility and self discipline and self care, all of
those things.
Speaker 6 (19:28):
So you keep the focus on you instead of the
external world.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
That's so good and vibrationally and energetically. I love you
know that last statement that you just made helps us
to take our energy, our emotions off of that person
or that situation and reclaim my power and use all
of that energy to create a new life, a new world,
(19:55):
a new version of ourselves.
Speaker 7 (19:57):
And I love that because I often refer to the
seven exes as psychological energies.
Speaker 6 (20:03):
That's really good, all of that.
Speaker 7 (20:04):
There's psychological energies, you know, hyper ego, complacency and doctrinations,
dignant relationships, just as you say, there's psychological energies that.
Speaker 6 (20:14):
We get stuck in.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
So I love it when you talk about and I said,
I want to just code depend we'll talk to endure.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Just hang in there, stand.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
By your man, don't you leave that good job, and
just smile through the silence.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Talk about that. I know.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Culturally, I've heard people say, well you know something, girl,
and ain't no good men I hear, or you know
it's hard when you get single, so all of those
beliefs they're not subconscious, are determining our behavior when it
comes to making a leap.
Speaker 7 (20:50):
Yes, that's so important and one of the things that
I came to realize on my own healing journey.
Speaker 6 (20:59):
And it took me a long.
Speaker 7 (21:00):
Time, even into my healing journey for the dots to
really connect my healing from disempowerment from the abuse.
Speaker 6 (21:09):
What I finally realized, and this was a game changer
for me.
Speaker 7 (21:13):
I finally realized that the biggest thing that I had
relinquished for survival was my right to dream.
Speaker 6 (21:23):
Oh, when safety became number one, because if you know,
if you have these experiences that compromise your safety, safety
becomes number one. When safety becomes.
Speaker 7 (21:37):
Number one, you don't spend a whole lot of time dreaming.
You're looking at the ball, make sure the ball doesn't drop, like, oh,
you know. And so I didn't realize that all of
my psychological energies were going into creating a world that
felt safe to me, not that made me feel like
I was growing or made me feel like I.
Speaker 6 (21:58):
Was working at my greatest human potential.
Speaker 7 (22:00):
No, the goal with safety, Now here's the trick for people,
And even when you ask survivors or trauma, and you
look at the way that we raise our children. That's
one of the things that we passed down in generational
trauma is this notion of safety. Everybody talks about how
safe they're children want their children to be safety. If
you think about Maslow's hierarchy, safety is at the bottom.
Speaker 6 (22:22):
Of the wrong.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Sure is, it's at the bottom of the wrong.
Speaker 7 (22:27):
So we're raising ourselves and our children to have the
least in life just to be safe.
Speaker 6 (22:33):
And we never get to the top of that wrong
of really.
Speaker 7 (22:39):
Having connecting relationships, much less self actualizing because we think
we've arrived when we find places that we could be safe.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Wow. And you know, when you said that, it reminded
me of a lot of people now because of just
what's going on globally. They're trying to find their place
and whether you know, I just got five more years
before I get out my pension, but just so unhappy
and afraid every day of work, right because they feel.
Speaker 7 (23:09):
Safe, because they feel safe, safe and sick but safe, right,
Safe and unhappy but safe, Safe and uncertain about the
future at the same time.
Speaker 6 (23:20):
But safe.
Speaker 7 (23:21):
So they're clinging to safety when we cling to this
material safety. One of the things that we're not doing
is putting our faith in whatever super being that we
think that.
Speaker 6 (23:33):
We're having a connection with. We're not put here to
live a world focused on safety. We're here.
Speaker 7 (23:40):
I need to develop into our fullness and we don't
do that without taking risks.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
So true, And you know you mentioned Ma's law, you know,
and you mentioned self actualization. So if a listener could say, well,
you know, I'm just bored with this job. It's stressful,
I'm not really using my gifts and my talents. And
even though I'm afraid, and they can begin to tap
(24:07):
into self actualization. I can be creative, I can expand
is that what we're looking for?
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Doctor mcaer.
Speaker 7 (24:15):
Absolutely, And you take it slow if you need to
take it slow, and so don't take It's not about
what you do.
Speaker 6 (24:23):
It's about what am I becoming? Not what am I next?
Speaker 7 (24:26):
What do I need to become next? How am I
growing into myself? Because we always like, well what do
I do?
Speaker 1 (24:32):
What?
Speaker 7 (24:33):
I'm sure you get that question, well what should I do?
It's like, no, the question is what do you want
to become? Not what do you want to do? And
so sometimes that process is slow. It depends on where
you are. Like if you start running today, you're not
going to run a marathon next week. So are you
training for a marathon or are you training for a triathlone?
(24:55):
That depends on what do you want to become, not
just not just what's the next thing. And so that's
why you have to spend time with yourself and really developing.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
You got something in here so powerful this mic drop.
You talk about departure as healing. That when a person
chooses to spark depart that's healing unpacked that for us.
Speaker 7 (25:22):
Yes, So again, when we start having these conversations about
about transformation, people think about what they're adding. Right, we
want to add, we want to accumulate. We're going to
get more, whether it's more knowledge, more money, more of
more something. But it's not about where we're trying to go.
(25:46):
Because no matter how good of a roadmap I give
you to where you want to go, if you cannot
leave where you are boo. And so people are not
stuck trying to figure out how to get where they're going,
they're stuck knowing how to depart.
Speaker 6 (26:05):
From where they are.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
So for listeners, how can someone defined or tap into.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
Man, this no longer serves me. What would that look like?
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Right?
Speaker 6 (26:23):
What's the energy around?
Speaker 7 (26:24):
And spend some time doing it right Like, this isn't
the day manifestation in the day, but you can begin
to feel a difference in your life by small ships
of turning that attention within. Turn it within and look
at what do I want to become, which means what
do I need to let go of what's in my way?
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Like?
Speaker 6 (26:47):
What is in my way?
Speaker 7 (26:48):
So when I started, for example, working as an entrepreneur, like,
that's why I said, it took me a while to
understand my.
Speaker 6 (26:54):
Clinging to safety.
Speaker 7 (26:56):
I didn't know that I was making I did not
know I was making choices based on safety until I
started working as an entrepreneur. And I said, it slammed
me in a face. Oh, because you want to keep
making decisions that make you feel safe. Yeah, And it
took me a while to really slowly step away from that.
Speaker 6 (27:16):
It didn't. It wasn't an overnight shift.
Speaker 7 (27:19):
But that's why we have to keep watching and seeing
what's showing up. Because if we can see what's showing
up and what's blocking, we can then begin to let
it go and look for ways to let it go,
because when you start understanding what it is that you're
ready to release or depart from, not off of those
seven psychological energies in the book, right, then you know
(27:43):
what to make of the behaviors that you're doing. So
so so many times we're just sort of walking through
life and we don't know how to evaluate things. The
advantage of the seven exes is that it tells you
exactly what to evaluate.
Speaker 6 (27:59):
So when as things come in play, was this your ego?
Were you complacent?
Speaker 7 (28:05):
Were you living by indoctrination instead of your authentic self?
And so it gives you something to compare it to.
It gives you your checklist of what to watch, and
then you know you checking with yourself what your authentic
behavior is. I can't tell you that because I'm not you,
but you get to watch it once you know what
(28:27):
you where you really are.
Speaker 6 (28:28):
Trying to go.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
So let's talk about those seven exits behave you so
the people can understand what that would look like.
Speaker 6 (28:37):
Okay, so go down a list of them?
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Yes, well, which which other ones you feel like would
really pop out to people? Sure, say, hey, look I'm biased,
I love them all, but whatever you feel that I think.
Speaker 7 (28:53):
So the so the first one because one of the
nice things is again, because it's your journey, you get
to decide for yourself.
Speaker 6 (29:03):
But I know the one that.
Speaker 7 (29:05):
Is most important that most people will want to fly
through is hyper ego because we're like, no, I'm good,
I'm evolving, No, I know myself, and so we oftentimes
try to bypass the hyper ego. That's the first exit,
and it's the first one on purpose because it's most
important because as long as your ego is showing up
for you in relationships, at work, in your career goals, then.
Speaker 6 (29:30):
It's difficult to even see the other stuff. One of
the things that I say often is as we achieve,
the more we achieve, the more.
Speaker 7 (29:41):
Accolades we get, the fewer invitations we get to come
to the healing table. Oh so, because so and so,
what happens is that the ego starts getting inflated. And
even if we don't see ourselves as the ego is
not always arrogant. The ego is just protective. There are
(30:04):
a lot of ways that the eu. You know that
the ego shows up to protect us. It doesn't always
look like arrogance. Sometimes it looks like hiding and being
small because I've gotten enough. Sometimes it looks like who
you spend your time with or saying no, I'm.
Speaker 6 (30:21):
Gonna stay at home and be.
Speaker 7 (30:23):
A stay at home mom, and that way I don't
have to take those risks sometimes, So it shows up
in many ways, and so really getting into the hyper
ego and moving back from exiting hyper ego into your authentic.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Self and you can I share something that just happened
to me about two months ago. I went on a
cruise with three of my friends. It's the time join
the Morning Cruise and so so yeah, so for listeners internationally,
you know, it's a powerful cruise. They have a lot
of musicians, but during the day they have a lot
of powerful speakers. So I was with my bff. So
(31:01):
she said, Constant, it's this woman that's speaking on relationship.
You know, maybe you should go. And I said this,
and she knows me, and I said, well, you know,
I wrote a book on relationships. I don't want to
go to that seminar. I want to go to this
other seminar. And it came across very ego driven. She said,
(31:25):
I know you didn't mean that. And so doctor McCarry,
what ended up happening was the spirit just checked me, like, girlfriend,
you not all of that. And I ended up going
to the second relationship seminar and really connected with the
young lady and she said, I want you to mentor me,
you know, but that's a great example. It wasn't intentional.
(31:49):
I don't know everything about relationships, but that's what I said.
I wrote a book on relationships. I don't want to
go to that one. I want to go to another one.
So that was my ego.
Speaker 6 (31:57):
Right, Yes, I've been there and done that. I hear
you and look at you.
Speaker 7 (32:04):
You had someone around you to invite you back into yourself.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
That's me.
Speaker 6 (32:09):
You don't. We don't get a lot of.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
That, right.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
And she was she said, I know this is not
your intention, but this is what is sounding like I said,
I love it, Please forgive me. So that ego, that
first one is powerful. They're not sure that what's the
next one that we can take a look at the
next excit.
Speaker 7 (32:25):
The next one is silence and secrecy, and people love
that because people always say, who I didn't know you knew.
I didn't know anyone knew that. The heaviness of the
secrets that I carry we are carrying some heavy secrets,
and they sometimes they relate to childhood. But sometimes you're
seeing someone and you're you're in an unfaithful infidelity relationship,
(32:50):
people carry that secret.
Speaker 6 (32:52):
Or you're you've.
Speaker 7 (32:53):
Done something at your job that you know is not
completely ethical and you're carrying that and hoping nobody.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
Ever.
Speaker 7 (33:00):
When you're carrying these things that you don't want anyone
to ever find out, it becomes.
Speaker 6 (33:06):
Heavy for you. Your marriage isn't going.
Speaker 7 (33:09):
Sometimes you have a child who's addicted to drugs, like
anything that you're trying to keep out of being known.
Speaker 6 (33:18):
Release it.
Speaker 7 (33:19):
And I'm not saying release it by writing an article
about it, but release it. Know that that secret that
you carry is not yours. Because as long as you're
protecting a secret, then hyper ego has to be running
your life.
Speaker 6 (33:35):
So guess why I like to do that hyper ego first,
because we get this.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
You can see that that are.
Speaker 7 (33:40):
Under it, and so that silence and secrecy keeps us
from being our authentic self.
Speaker 6 (33:45):
So it's so important too.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
So let just say somebody who I know, someone who
worked for the federal gun for twenty one years and
she was all of that and is all of that,
but her secret was scared. I don't know what to do,
but she tried to show up like I got it
going on, when inside she's not. She's not the it
(34:09):
girl this time, she's in a new space. So when
we let go of secrecy, does that open us up
to empower us to leave situations and enter into new ones?
Speaker 6 (34:22):
It does.
Speaker 7 (34:23):
For one, it opens up relationships because one of the
things that happens when we're carrying that secret is that
we have to then be so so critical of the
relationships because we want to get into people that we
only have relationships with people we think can handle the secret.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Yeah, oh that's good.
Speaker 6 (34:43):
And then god a bed, we find some money and
we tell her the secret and they don't stay. Oh,
that feels like such betrayal because we're building relationships around
us secret instead of who we are authentically.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Yeah that's good. Ooh, this is juicy everybody. Yet, y'all
need to listen to this and make sure you share
this with some of your co workers, your family members,
your friends, share it on your timelines.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
Yeah, okay, what's.
Speaker 6 (35:10):
Somebody number here? Emotional dependency that when.
Speaker 7 (35:13):
I think people get like when you're constantly seeking validation.
It just keeps you living in somebody else's world and
not your own.
Speaker 3 (35:22):
That's good.
Speaker 6 (35:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (35:25):
And then the next one, similar to that number four
is stagnant relationships. And the thing about stagnant relationships that
I want to say that might be counterintuitive is that
stagnant relationships, the message is not to.
Speaker 6 (35:39):
Leave relationships that are stagnant.
Speaker 7 (35:41):
The message is really learning how to negotiate and navigate
relationships so that you can be in them to their fullest,
because you will learn to love people for who they are,
not for what they can do for you.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Should people stay in stagnant relationships, you know you've heard
the thing. Relationships are for a reason or season of lifetime.
So so does releasing and letting go of some old
relationships means that I'm aware that this no longer serves me.
Speaker 7 (36:17):
Right, which doesn't mean that you have to let that
relationship go. My idea is to forever relationship to leave
room for people to come and go.
Speaker 6 (36:28):
The body becomes.
Speaker 7 (36:29):
When we try to hold onto relationships and put them
at a specific place in our life. That's how most
relationships start to start to go wrong. With relationship, we
want to have a gazillion relationships. What most people will
tell you to say, I just want a few close friends.
Speaker 6 (36:46):
And so when you.
Speaker 7 (36:47):
Confine, it's like someone saying I don't even want to
make one hundred thousand dollars a year.
Speaker 6 (36:50):
That's enough for me.
Speaker 7 (36:51):
That's like no relationships are capital. You won't hear me
saying I just want a few close friends. I want
a gazillion friends. I want as many friends who are
willing to show up and give me something that I
can give in return.
Speaker 6 (37:04):
Now, it's about where we place people. But when we are.
Speaker 7 (37:08):
Leading living by ego and silence and secrecy, we only
have one place where our relationship and we and only
one person can fit there. Right, But when you live
your life fully, you have a gazillion places.
Speaker 6 (37:22):
Because you have your life is so full. That's why
I said, yeah, I do poetry, I do martial wives.
Speaker 7 (37:27):
I do because because I want a full life, and
I can accommodate people in so many different places in
my life that I don't have to say to you,
we can't be friends. I just put you over here.
I'm now at the center of my life. It's just
a couple of people, but I love them, especially in
(37:47):
this work. My work and your work too, depends on
negotiating these relationships with people constantly.
Speaker 6 (37:56):
And if I get to the point where I feel.
Speaker 7 (37:57):
Like where people feel like there's no room in my
life life for them, then I'm cutting off my nose
to spite my face.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
And I can hear my listeners saying, what about toxic relationship?
This person they call every day and they just talk
about their stuff and it's not mutual reciprocal. What should
people do about toxic relationships? And something else just came
to my mind. I know this is two questions. I know.
Oprah over the Holidays talked about not choosing not to
(38:30):
be involved with family relationships because they're toxic. Talk about
that a little bit absolutely.
Speaker 7 (38:37):
So the thing is, it takes two people to be
in a toxic relationship, right, And so I have people
who would be toxic in my life. But in order
for you to be toxic to me, you have to
be in my inner circle.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Right.
Speaker 6 (38:50):
I got you to people in my inner circle.
Speaker 7 (38:53):
So when I say I don't have toxic people in
my life, I really do.
Speaker 6 (38:58):
I have them, but they're out here. They're toxic.
Speaker 7 (39:00):
City do not affect my life because they can't be
in my inner circle. I'm not with my family either
at the holidays, haven't been for years. Right, So when
you find that's why.
Speaker 6 (39:12):
What do I want to be? Not what do I
want to do? What I want to do with you know?
What do I want to be?
Speaker 7 (39:19):
What do I want Christmas Day to feel like? And
then back up from there versus what am I gonna do?
Because I don't want to do this? Okay, start who
am I?
Speaker 2 (39:28):
What?
Speaker 6 (39:28):
How have I grown? Have I grown significantly this year
that I want to have a different experience on a
holiday than what I usually have? Then how do I
create that experience?
Speaker 7 (39:39):
Because you're an adult, you don't need anybody's permission for
where you are on December twenty fifth.
Speaker 6 (39:45):
You don't need anybody anybody's permission.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
I got you, you know I got you, and I
know we're going through the exus. But I'm just thinking
of all the emails that I get. So even when
it comes to a romantic re relationship, when a woman
or a man understands that this is not the in
my inner circle, romantic guide or my SPS, they call
(40:12):
it a specific person, special person, they should let that
go because they love themselves and they see Okay.
Speaker 7 (40:25):
If you cannot repair it now, I will tell you
I have dealt with a number of partners who thought
their relationship was done, and what I have found, more
times than not is that they had never clearly stated
to their partner their needs and or had never fully
(40:48):
seen their partners for their partner's needs. They had only
seen what they wanted their partner to be, and so
they never got to even see fully who their partner
was and what their partner was giving to them because
they are in this relationship with lack from a source
of lack, with the idea that somebody's supposed to do
(41:09):
something or give something to them. And so if that's
the case, then I only will ever see you for
what you give to me. So if I leave that
relationship and I take those same ideas into a next relationship,
it's not gonna matter.
Speaker 6 (41:24):
So I always come up that's right.
Speaker 7 (41:26):
So I always say, when when it's time for you
to lead, make sure that you're leaving, clear that you're
not leaving a person, that you're leaving that you are
exiting to open something up, not leaving for revenge or
leaving or teach somebody a lesson, or leaving because it's
(41:46):
their fault. Like I said, the first is that you
always have to know how you positioned yourself in that
relationship because when you do that, when it's time that oftentimes,
if you do that, you won't even have to be
the one to go.
Speaker 6 (41:59):
When you clean yourself yourself up. If that relationship is
not gonna work, if you.
Speaker 7 (42:04):
Clean yourself up, you will see it differently, and chances
are they'll go.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
You become nothing but the truth. That's nothing but the truth.
I always say, when you change, your relationship will change. Yes,
either it's gonna change for the better, or it's gonna
change it's not gonna work. So I will.
Speaker 7 (42:29):
Always say, instead of trying to decide should I leave
or should I go?
Speaker 6 (42:33):
What do I want to be in this relationship? Start
being that.
Speaker 7 (42:37):
Start the internal change and see how the relationship evolves.
And like you said, it will evolve where you will
get closer, or it will because that person will start
shifting to or it'll evolve where that person will will
will walk away because they will not stand. If you
want to know, if you're seeing in a light or
dark with the person, turn up your light and see
(43:00):
what that's good.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
That's good I heard Esther Hicks say something. Somebody was
asked saying to her, you know, my lover left me
and I feel so sad. And she said, your love,
it didn't leave you. Then she said, yes I did, Yes,
he did. He left me, and I'm sad and I'm lonely.
And she just said in a different way than what
(43:21):
you said, she said, no, you were add just a
higher vibration, and because you were walking and energetically at
a higher vibration, that relationship had to drop.
Speaker 3 (43:32):
Out of your life.
Speaker 6 (43:34):
That's right, that's right.
Speaker 7 (43:36):
I love that you want yeah, absolutely, so you know,
turn up your light.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
I love that. What's another exit? All right?
Speaker 7 (43:45):
So we're at relationships complacency, and that's really important, especially
for those high functioning transformers who who already have most
of what they want in life. It's easy to become complacent, right,
Just because you have more than your parents had, just
because you have more than some of your friends have,
(44:06):
does not mean that this is a place where you
stay stuck and where you just become satisfied.
Speaker 6 (44:13):
The question is still what is the work to do?
What is my next work to do? External work?
Speaker 7 (44:20):
Okay, so you've made the money okay, So what's the
internal work that you're doing. How are you sharing with communities?
What are you giving back? I don't know what the
work is. What are you afraid? What secrets are you
holding on to? What is your work? Don't just become
complacent with the way that things are because the accolades
are coming in.
Speaker 3 (44:40):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
So good.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
Are we at the end of the exits? I don't
think so.
Speaker 6 (44:46):
We have indoctrination, passion and purpose. So in doctrination, I
think we just touched on a little bit living the
beliefs that have come to you instead of you.
Speaker 7 (44:55):
Making sure they're authentic. And then the last one is
passion and purpose. And that's it's just the idea that
we all want passionate and purpose. But when we make
it into a pursuit because we feel a lack, then
we've increased the problem, not solved it. We want to
we want passion and purpose to arise in us, not
(45:16):
to chase it.
Speaker 6 (45:18):
If you chase it, it's a problem.
Speaker 3 (45:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
So let's walk somebody through this. So if someone understands
and they're like, okay, doctor b car and Constance, I
know it's time for me to let go and move on.
What would that look like unpacked that for us? Would
they set an intention? What would that whole awareness and
(45:44):
walking that out look like?
Speaker 7 (45:46):
So that looks like sitting in the awareness. No one
likes his answer. They think it's the pan answer.
Speaker 6 (45:53):
Ever, no one likes it, but it's the truth.
Speaker 7 (45:55):
So if that is what you want, and if you
know today like today is the moment where I come
to the conclusion, I know I've done the work, I've
tried it, and I know I need to exit. So
if you look at the exits, the hyper ego, the
silence and secrecy, the emotional dependency, Okay, live in that
place of knowing, don't do like we like to Russian
(46:18):
do right, like, oh i'm here, I don't want to
be here, let me run off quickly.
Speaker 6 (46:23):
And so you're so busy trying to run off that
you don't really understand it.
Speaker 7 (46:29):
So live in the discomfort of knowing that this isn't
where you want to belong, to the point where you
can watch it and really bring some clarity to it
so that when you move it's smooth.
Speaker 3 (46:45):
I love that. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:47):
And so they will sit in in awareness or silence,
and then they will maybe accept and acknowledge yes, it
is time for me to make them mood. Thus the
spirit empowered them, so they're becoming. So it's not steps one,
(47:08):
two three for what's happening on the inside of people.
They know they need need to leave that relationship, they
know they need to leave that career. How what gives
them the courage or the empowerment to take that next
step forward?
Speaker 6 (47:22):
So one when you know it, if you sit in
the knowing, the courage comes, not the comfort, the courage.
Speaker 3 (47:34):
So that good.
Speaker 7 (47:36):
If you're waiting for the comfort to come, you're oversteay.
You don't want the comfort to come. You want the
courage to come. The courage is gonna come when you
focus on yourself, not what the other person did, not
what comes you wanted someone to do. You're not looking
to blame, but you're like, there's something more that I'm
(47:59):
going forward. I'm not here for revenge. I'm not here
trying to settle a score. I'm not I'm here because
something is calling me forward. So I move in peace
and gratitude, not you know, not in bitterness and revenge.
And then you'll you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, like we said,
(48:21):
order my steps in your word, then your steps will
be ordered when you can move that way. But when
you're moving trying to perform, you you're still out of balance.
Speaker 6 (48:34):
You want to move in alignment.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
That that word alignment, you know, I know what people
think it means. But what would that look like in
this situation of letting go of what no longer serves you,
when you align with with your knowing or aligned with
that intention, what would that look like?
Speaker 7 (48:57):
So focus on what the feeling is and sign and
look for signs. And there are always signs. There are
always signs if you look around. Now, don't look so
hard for them that you make up signs. Right, Yeah,
I've done that before.
Speaker 3 (49:13):
I got my.
Speaker 2 (49:14):
Hand that that was your ego.
Speaker 7 (49:16):
That wasn't the sign, right, But being still enough to
see what is aligned here is the what has the
universe put in in my sight that I can say, oh,
that's just what I was thinking about. There's gonna be
you're gonna feel some sense of alignment, or someone comes
(49:38):
up to you and suggests the idea that you were
still thinking about moving in that direction, or a door
opens to lead you there, or there's just some overwhelming
sense of peace for you that this is the right
thing to do. You're not guessing about it. There's a
sensation about it. Then that's a sense of alignment. But
(50:00):
oftentimes if you look, or I shouldn't say look, if
you sit still enough, you'll see and you'll that, oh, yeah,
that fits right in there. I didn't have to move
a finger for that to.
Speaker 6 (50:12):
Come my way.
Speaker 3 (50:13):
Yeah, I agree with that.
Speaker 2 (50:15):
And lastly, it looks like that when people make a
decision to that I'm gonna release what no longer serves them,
all kinds of options and creativity and experience. It's kind
of like what you said, I'm doing this, I'm a
marathon run, I'm over here. Is that what happens when
people really release what no longer serves them?
Speaker 7 (50:36):
Yes, I think the world looks different when you and
it's not all at once, right, we're all at nothing.
It's so important for us to be compassionate and patient
with ourselves and watch this evolution. Don't compare it to
somebody else, because oh the comparison alan will put you
back twenty steps, right, But just allow yourself grace if
(51:00):
nothing else happens in this releasing, If you can be
wherever you are without judgment. That is number one thing,
to be there without judgment. And that's why I say,
if you can just be in that space and be
aware without judgment, because here's the thing. As soon as
(51:20):
you allow judgment to set in, your mind will start
feeding you lies. It'll feed you lies about yourself, it
will feed you lies about other people, it will feed
you lies.
Speaker 6 (51:31):
About the world.
Speaker 7 (51:32):
So we can't afford judgment. We have to see it
through compassion and grace.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
That is that last sentence right there is so powerful
because so many people are like, well, I got to
look at my life and step into another version of
myself and I told somebody, you need to be first. Yes,
And like you said, in the being, you will know,
and I think in the knowing you already in power.
Speaker 6 (52:00):
Yes, exactly. Tell me all like what's because nothing's wrong
with you.
Speaker 7 (52:06):
And that's how I approach all of my relationships with
my clients is we have to start from the point that.
Speaker 6 (52:12):
There is nothing wrong with you. We're not trying to
fix you.
Speaker 7 (52:16):
We're trying You're interested in the elevation. That alone puts
you ahead of the game, your interest in elevation. But
there's nothing wrong with you. We're not trying to fix you.
So you love yourself with compassion and grace, without.
Speaker 3 (52:29):
Judgment, profound.
Speaker 2 (52:31):
So how can you know we're really made in the
perfection of God. We're really perfect? But I know you
know we're taught that you're so powerful? How can people
get your book? Tell us about your services? Where is
your contact information?
Speaker 3 (52:48):
I e.
Speaker 2 (52:48):
Your website, social media, all of the.
Speaker 6 (52:51):
Above, Yes, thank you.
Speaker 7 (52:54):
So I'm going to give two websites that are going
to be helpful for you.
Speaker 6 (52:58):
One is just my name.
Speaker 7 (53:00):
When you see that written and Rosinabacari dot com, and
that's my personal website.
Speaker 6 (53:04):
You'll see that's my personal and business website. But I
just started the seven EXS Institute.
Speaker 7 (53:13):
Could not happier, could not be happier. And so I
am starting all kinds of courses from certification courses for
coaching to personal transformation to leadership. And that is transformation
dot seven exits dot com.
Speaker 3 (53:35):
And that's e X I T S.
Speaker 7 (53:38):
Yes, the S on excess and the number seven is
spelled out, don't put the number seven transformation.
Speaker 6 (53:46):
Dot seven exits dot com.
Speaker 7 (53:50):
And so that tells you all the offerings on the
seven Excess Institute.
Speaker 6 (53:54):
I am so excited because I'm looking.
Speaker 7 (53:56):
Forward to working more with individuals because this last couple
of years I've doing more corporate work, which I like,
and I'll continue to do that, but I'm really looking
forward to getting back to working more with individuals.
Speaker 2 (54:08):
I love it. I love it. You are amazing. You
are just what we need for this season of the
year about provoking, spiritual but still strategic and intentional. Thank
you so much, Thank you.
Speaker 7 (54:23):
I really appreciated this conversation and I look forward to
us talking again.
Speaker 3 (54:29):
Absolutely so, everybody.
Speaker 2 (54:30):
I want you to listen to this over and over again.
Take notes and whatever jumps out at you that's the spirit,
listen to it, share it on your timelines, and as
I say, every week, you are the creator editor dot gone,
scriptwriter of your own day, of your own week, of
(54:51):
your own life.
Speaker 3 (54:52):
Every great week, everybody.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
Thank you for listening to, think, believe, and manifest constance.
Arnold will be back next week with another great show
just for you. For more information, please visit Fulfillingyourpurpose dot com.
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