Pa'Ris'Ha and her international panel of Co-hosts conclude their exploration of "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD.
How can we free ourselves from layers of conditioning? Learning how to effectively communicate our meaning can release us from old self-destructive programming and help us to liberate others. Join Pa'Ris'Ha and Co-hosts Gabrielle Thompson, Mt. Beauty, AUS; Tryna Cooper, Denver CO; Marianne Love, Melbourne AUS; Evelyn Yllada, Miami FL; and Geraldene Dalby-Ball, Sydney AUS as they complete "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD on Quantum Leap Book Club.
https://www.loaradionetwork.com/quantum-leap
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/law-of-attraction-radio-network--1595897/support.
How can we free ourselves from layers of conditioning? Learning how to effectively communicate our meaning can release us from old self-destructive programming and help us to liberate others. Join Pa'Ris'Ha and Co-hosts Gabrielle Thompson, Mt. Beauty, AUS; Tryna Cooper, Denver CO; Marianne Love, Melbourne AUS; Evelyn Yllada, Miami FL; and Geraldene Dalby-Ball, Sydney AUS as they complete "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD on Quantum Leap Book Club.
https://www.loaradionetwork.com/quantum-leap
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/law-of-attraction-radio-network--1595897/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to the Law of Attraction Radio Network. Welcome
to Quantum Leap book Club. During the next hour, beloved
my scientists, Parrisha and her guests from around the world
will read and discuss various best selling books with well
known authors. Every show will apply retention techniques designed to
help you to absorb powerful knowledge to effectively change your life.
(00:22):
Join us every week for a thought provoking hour and
re listen as often as you can. You will be
delighted by what you learn and you will be excited
by the results. Are you ready to take the Quantum Leap?
Here's Parisha.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Greetings. This is Quantum Leap Book Club. I am your host, Parisha,
and my co hosts this week will be joining us
will be Alloway of Sydney, Australia, Marianne Love of the
I don't know if Marianne is on this week. No,
she's traveling, that's right, So mary Anne Love of Melbourne
will not be with us. But we have back with
(01:00):
us from France. Nonetheless, it's true Trina Cooper, and we
have Gabrielle Thompson, and we have Evelyn who is part
of our Miami group. I don't see it, Yeah, I see, Evelyn.
So we move forward this week with finalizing our book,
and we're only going to cover chapter thirteen today. We're
(01:22):
going to leave fourteen for you because I feel it's
worth you buying this book, using this book and actually
beginning to actually have a part of your life that
you've never realized was yours to have. And so I'm
hoping very sincerely that if you haven't already, that you
will go get this book. And it is called Non
(01:44):
Violent Communication, a Language of Life, and it's by Marshall Rosenberg,
who has a fantastic history of working in conflict resolution.
And see the success of actually using the process that
he talks about here, which is and he admittedly knows
(02:04):
this is not just his process. This process has been
used for many, many years and actually begin within our
governments to find ways to keep attention and interest in negotiations. Okay,
so it has a good history. When we're looking at
(02:25):
the completion of this particular book, he starts this chapter
thirteen with a little saying here by premier to Yaou Dichardan, Okay,
humanity has been sleeping and still sleeps lolled within the
narrowly confining joys of its closed loves. I feel that
(02:48):
that kind of sums it up that we have determined
what it is at some point in our life, especially
those of us that are mature at this point on
end time, and we have certain things that we've determined
are the loves of our life, and then we have
to look at then are we at the maximum of
(03:10):
the happiness we can have? Are we really evaluating our
days in what time we have in life with absolute
joyous conviction of everything being all right in us being
in control of that. And if we can't answer that
question with a positive and very strong yes, then there
(03:31):
are definite needs for this book in your life, because
this book helps first and uppermost the reader, not just
what the reader can do in the public eye or
in situations involving other people. The greatest work of this
book is inward with yourself and how you talk to yourself,
(03:52):
and how you begin to reveal hidden and suppress things
within yourself that actually do equate to you not having
the maximum happiness.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
That you want.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
We begin to settle to be nice people or good parents,
or we think better of ourselves because we're thinking of
other people instead of ourselves, and we begin so habitually
okay with that, especially as parents, that you begin to
accept that is your life. And then at that point
(04:26):
you have really stopped living God's intention or your birthright,
because your birthright is to be the maximum of what
you are in totality, not just as a parent or
a spouse, or a friend or a nice person or
an assisting person. And so when we begin to really
(04:51):
look in depth in this book, we begin to take
this book serious to ourselves and see our reactions to
everyone close to us and the roles that they actually
play in reality, and see how much of their roles
are dominating, are actually suppressing the individualness of yourself. And
(05:14):
if it isn't just the household relationships meaning deep family
and close family, look at your job. Look look at
what you do for income and what has become comfortable
for you there. As a business person, you know, the
business is definitely like I find so many people feeling
(05:34):
that you have to be in order to be wealthy,
you must own your own business. Well, I would say
to you, if you want to work harder for what
your wealth is, then own a business. Okay. Investments are
the easier, slower way to actually get to being that cozy,
wealthy person, all right, But actually working with this book
(05:57):
in relationship to your job and your businesses and your
relationships with every one of these people. Whether you really
know these people other than a name on your p
payroad list, they still have influence in your life and
you getting involved by actually bringing them into your business
(06:18):
through these discussions and listening to their gripes and their
complaints and their fears and everything else, do you truly
become a very powerful, very very powerful business. So with
all that said, this book is definitely something that fulfills
your spiritual development and your freedom into that or excels
(06:41):
in other areas of your life where you actually are
denying that you do not have the maximum happiness of
what you're living. Okay, So we start out actually this
week allowing Aloway to begin with us explaining chapter thirteen,
Liberating our Self else and counseling others. Alloway, you want
(07:03):
to give us your report.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
On that, absolutely, and what you've just shared leads so
well into the chapter, with the key part being liberating.
Speaker 5 (07:13):
Ourselves is what comes first.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
And indeed one of the key parts of chapter thirteen
is actually saying we can liberate ourselves from cultural conditioning.
So then where to ask what's the cultural conditioning? And
the cultural conditioning when you start to look, then you
start to find it. If you don't start to look,
you don't even know it's there. I think that's probably
(07:38):
one of the most massive things. And as you said,
you start uncovering things about yourself, including things you don't like.
But then you don't have to not like yourself because
you've found something that you don't like. And I think
that's important too. And how they've said this is the
cultural conditioning, so it's not an excuse. She can't say, well,
(08:00):
I don't like myself because of that, but but it
was because of this cultural conditioning. You don't even need
to go there. It's as you've taught us, name it,
claim it, and you can change it. And this is
what it's saying, go through a process. And he gives
an example where he was asked to sit with a
(08:21):
group in his psychiatry, a psychologist's role, that therapy role,
to sit with a group of patients and there was
a point there where one of the patients said something
and he said to the patient, you're not understanding me,
and another patient said, well, I understood what he said,
(08:42):
and in that moment he was able to have that
reflection that he had made an assumption from the cultural
conditioning that as the therapist he was correct and the
patient must be incorrect.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
And he captured that. So that's what is inviting us
to do.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Sure it And then he rephrased it and he said,
imagine if I had have said to the patient, I'm
not understanding the link there, can you help me? And
I just went wow, it's so simple. It also reminded
me of work by another person, Brene Brown, who just
does that. She just switches words. When someone says, my
(09:23):
mother never listens to me, Just switch it. I never
listen to my mother and you go, ah. So it's
inviting us, inviting us to look, and that liberates ourselves.
That's also part of caring for our inner environment and
our inner environment, and is asking what are our needs
and being He's also saying, in any role, be vulnerable.
(09:48):
Be vulnerable inasmuch as you're not coming as I'm the therapist,
or I'm the manager of the business, or I'm the
people and culture manager. It's I'm a human, I have needs.
You're a huge and you have needs. I'm potentially being
triggered by your needs and putting my own interpretations on.
So instead of that, I'm going to understand I've got
(10:08):
needs here and feel okay with that, and I'm going
to listen for your needs. And again he has a
super dialogue process then with replacing diagnosis with non violent communication,
and in that process there's even a role modeling in
there where once he's got some of the therapists in
(10:32):
the position of patients, one of the therapists keep when
he's asked, you know, do you understand this? Where's this
person's needs? He would keep analyzing it. And it was
one of the patients who'd gone back into the sitting
place of observing and who said, you just don't get it.
(10:53):
You keep analyzing rather than being in the feeling. And
I realized that's a cultural conditioning so strongly that I
could relate to as well. It's like to drop into
the feeling is seen as not professional. So there's a
place here where you remain professional, but open up because
(11:19):
the other person's empathy. You having empathy for another person
isn't going to come from an analytical diagnosis of where
they're at. And that was a big part of that,
replacing the diagnosis section and the training and.
Speaker 5 (11:35):
All through it. There's a beautiful story of.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
His grandmother that goes through this as well, where he
shares how open she was always in having other people
without judging them, and including a funny story called Jesus and
I'm sure one of the other co hosts will touch
on that one.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
All right, very very good, great report. What we want
to actually stress to everyone is this show is based
very much on you and what we feel by our
own work and by our own pursuits in our own
hunger that we share with you along the way. And
that's based on the fact that what brain development and
(12:17):
discovery has definitely made clear is that the brain has
to be constantly exercised and worked, and we have to
put new material, or at least material of some reward,
every day of our lives. So the reason we decided
on a book club, it wasn't so much that we
(12:37):
have lots of time to sit around and lounge around
and read. That is definitely not any one of us
on the show. Okay, we are active people. We are
very much in the field. We actually maintain schedules that's
way beyond eight hours a day, Okay, And yet we
realize that each time get we destermine a book, we
(13:00):
look at what's going to advance or what's going to
help the brain continue to reward and take us to
the levels of what we want as awareness and consciousness.
So therefore we chose books. I mean, I get a
lot of questions, and recently over the last two weeks
there's been some questions popping up again, why are you
(13:23):
guys doing a book review? Why don't you just do
a talk show? Well, because we want to make sure
that the talk that we're doing is taking you somewhere
other than the chatter of where we're at or trying
to entertain you with our personalities. While as I know,
you're very interested and curious about different personalities on the show,
(13:46):
we want to make sure that you understand the whole
reason that we do this. And nobody on this show
is getting paid. Okay, all of us contribute to this show,
all right, So we actually do this because we're including
you in our own growth and our own pursuit and
our own happiness. And we live very much to the
(14:08):
science what I call the spiritual sciences that have now
revealed what most of us have pursued all our life,
and at some point in the earlier part of our lives,
especially the co hosts and myself, we were considered extremist,
or we were experienced this, or we were quacks because
we believed in the quantum field. We taught and lived
(14:31):
the quantum field and the new spiritual sciences that have
made psychic perception and self awareness something very very natural,
something very accepted on the social level of mass consciousness.
So I feel that my co hosts, myself and many
of you are actually the pioneers of this level, that
(14:54):
in our time we have come to realize that not
only were we diligent in ma maintaining what we had
to and even looked upon as outcasts of society, that
have now come full circle and reward us for actually
holding to those beliefs long enough that we now have
the science to prove every one of them. And in
(15:17):
that definitely suggesting and bringing to your attention books that
will continue to help you discover aspects of yourself and consciousness.
And any of you who actually know of a book
that you feel you have found extreme discovery, and please,
by all means let us know we would be very
(15:38):
interested in pursuing it, so in saying that again answering
your questions, this book is definitely one of the star
key elements of what I would say is necessary for
you to really really know yourself and the individualness of
who that self is. So again, it is this book
(16:00):
that we're suggesting that you get. Even though this is
our last week with it, we have started a study
group to where we're actually doing a zoom call each
Monday in the evening to actually deal with this book.
And from that I have already gotten several calls of
people who want to join us on this particular evening
(16:21):
or start such groups yourself, and I encourage you to
please start where you're at and actually include your family,
closest friends, and people who you feel this will make
a difference for it. So let us move on and
let Evelyn now tell us, Evelyn, what did you get
out of thirteen?
Speaker 6 (16:39):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Thirteen?
Speaker 6 (16:41):
Hi, Evelyn? Thirteen was a jewel and speaking about information
that changes on neurons. This was a really good chapter
for that, especially, I mean right off the first page
when he comes saying, not only have we never been
educated about our needs, we are often exposed to cultural
(17:01):
training that actively blocks our consciousness of them. That's incredible.
We tend to ignore that because we get so caught
up in those roles that culture has put upon us
that we forget that, no, that there's more to us
than just the roles that we are told that.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
We have to be.
Speaker 6 (17:21):
That we have to be the mother, we have to
be the daughter, we have to be the business person.
There are like you said in the beginning, we came
with each one of us with a purpose into this life.
And to know that this non violent communication can liberate
us from that and bring us back to that essence
of who we are is amazing to me. And one
(17:45):
of the things that he speaks about in this in
this chapter is about depression and how we can use
the NBC to get rid of the depression, and how
a lot of times depression is just us being alienated
of our own needs. Because we have these roles that
(18:07):
we think we have to be, we forget who we
really are and what we really need. And that's this
is the beauty that I found in this chapter that
he's reminding us again that to hear our own feelings
and needs and to empathize them with them, it freezes
us from from that depression. It liberates our mind and
we come back to the essence of who we are.
(18:29):
And just as simple as going we all have that
negative judgmental dialogue that we have in that internal one.
Just by changing a few words and going from that
negative talk and changing a few words and turning it
into a positive, it just takes you out of that
depression and it just changes the aspect of how you
see things and what you want to do, and it
(18:50):
actually inspires you to move forward with it.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And to me, that was so beautiful in this chapter.
Speaker 6 (18:57):
I think it's it's it just speaks so highly of
this work. And honestly, it's one of these This book
is one of those books that I just read and
it just makes me feel good every time I read it.
And that's not normal for me in most.
Speaker 5 (19:11):
Books because helps.
Speaker 6 (19:13):
I sometimes have issues with some self help books, but
this is one of them that just it's so simple,
but it's so simple that we tend to overlook the
simpleness of it.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
So he brings us back to it.
Speaker 6 (19:25):
And it just changes just our perception of ourselves and
of everything around us, just through knowing what our needs are,
feeling the feelings and just bringing empathy back into our lives.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And I think that is just amazing. It is, it is,
and I totally agree with you, and I, like I said,
at eighty three years old, I'd have to tell you
I have been on an eighty three year pilgrimage in consciousness,
and I would say along the way, this book has
been one of the flowering gifts that I feel have
(20:01):
dropped into my life. Okay, so it is something that
we're saying, please, there are still answers and some of
you who are actually in need of therapy. And I
don't mean that to be offensive to you, but that
you need somebody or something that will help you look
into things that you were putting off. Then let this
(20:22):
book be the private counselor that you need right now
that can actually help take you to a better place
than all of that, because you deserve to be in
that happy place. Okay, We're going to go now and
actually let Gabby bring us what her review on chapter
thirteen was, Gabby, what'd you get out of thirteen?
Speaker 3 (20:43):
A lot like out of every chapter? And I'll put
it together. I looked up the word liberation because he
said liberating, you know, and liberation definition is the action
of setting someone free from imprisonment, slavery or oppression. Release
and I thought, I want that. I want to be free,
(21:05):
you know, I want to have that sense. And of
course he talks about you know, internals imprisonment as well
and slavery to what we do and how we do things.
So in the chapter it starts talking about old patterns
of behavior and thinking that I think safely can assume
(21:26):
most people have, and they establish themselves over time for
different reasons, and they become familiar and in a way comfortable,
even if they don't give us the outcome we want.
So the question really is, ask yourself, is how I'm
behaving and thinking and what's happening in my life, in
(21:47):
my relationship with myself and with others, whether that's you know,
at work, at home, anywhere down the street, you know, politically,
wherever we're engaged. Is that still working for us? My
grandmother said, does it make me happy? And if the
answer is no, please no judgment, no self criticism, no blame.
(22:11):
It is what it is. But become self aware and
courageous and look at it. And then the process is
in the beautiful journey of this book comes into play
and he says, we find out what is of value
and of service to life. He always has very beautiful
ways of saying things that may not be easier easy,
(22:36):
you know, because things are long time ingrains in us sometimes,
but the conditioning can be reconditioned. Our brain is flexible.
We can make new neuron pathways and just stay with it.
And when we extend our vocabulary, especially to actually be
(22:59):
able to express what we feel and find our needs.
And I find the lists in this book really really
helpful for everyone to look at to actually expand our
vocabulary that we have. It's not just good or bad
and indifferent, it's terrific, it's you know, great, it's a
miserable like there's all these words that are pinpointing exactly
(23:21):
how we feel. And when we extend our feeling words
and look at the needs that we're allowed to have.
Needs are just who we are and for our happiness
that need to be fulfilled. They're not selfish in any way.
And in becoming more self aware, we can look at
our internal conflicts and as Evelyn said, you know, they
(23:45):
can lead to depression because they're again based on needs
that are not fulfilled. But we've got to be the
detective and find out he's got a beautiful example there
about a woman who holds two roles in her life
and she actually uses the non violent communication process to
explore each role. There's a career woman with her feeling
(24:06):
and needs and the mother with her feeling and needs,
and once she puts them out clearly, she can empathize
with both roles and then she can make strategies on
how to fulfill them better. So it's important to really
listen to our self talk, maybe use role play, and
(24:27):
show empathy for others and ourselves. And as Alloway said
in a psycho therapist practice, practitioners need to become open
to to actually bring their own authenticity into the practice
in sharing how they respond to what's been brought into
(24:48):
the room and not be too scared to do this. So,
in summing up, I feel, when we own our feelings
and we actually experience that others are being truly heard,
when we experience that we ourselves listen to ourselves really honestly,
then we can all relax and open up and our
(25:10):
inner pain that's often present can recede, and then we
can be able to hear others and actually move forward,
and I hope that's all that we all want, moving
forward and growing.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
It's very very good, Thank you, very very much. And
I'd like to point out that he has actually in
sharing the story of Iris. Okay. One of the things
that has come up over the last couple of days
with me is dealing with someone I love very much
and her relationship with her mother and being in a
situation where her and her mom are spending time together
(25:48):
a lot of the hurt feelings that she has had
to nurture over a lifetime in how critical her mother
can be and how indifferent her mother is to her
particular feeling or even her life, Okay, and being then
in a close proximity of spending what we would consider
intimate time with each other. All this stuff comes to
(26:09):
a spearhead. And what we tend to not look at
is in what we're looking at here in the languaging
is how are we handling confrontation. Because here's the truth
of the matter. It is important that you assert yourself,
that you actually stand up for your respect for what
(26:32):
you expect people to show and to demonstrate in interacting
with you. For you to constantly feel it's okay that
you take insult, injury, or abuse even through silence. Silent
can be very very abusive if it's used as a
means of punishment for something that you said or did
(26:55):
that someone doesn't accept or saying in conflict resolution, and
the book deals a lot with how to go out
around an out and out combat zone in doing the confrontation, Okay,
it still actually is based on asserting yourself. Whilst we're saying,
(27:16):
there's ways that you can interact with an attack or
with a person. Actually, maybe at this point it's so
habitual to them they don't even know they're hurting you
or being offensive or lack of consideration or anything. This
happens especially in families, Okay, and it work a lot
of times. If you've worked a very long time with someone,
(27:37):
you'll find the same kind of thing. It just becomes
part of the human element that the book is also
based in. You asserting yourself and the way to do
that that helps you maintain control as well as acceptance
of yourself and your role in that. Even when you
have to deal with actually saying things and pointing out
(28:01):
things that maybe you have never ever considered doing. And
he just gives you wonderful stories and examples on how
to go about doing that. And I suggest, because especially
working with this beloved, is that you script what you
want to say. Use the latest incident or the latest
(28:22):
particular period that something come up and what was said,
script how you wish you had handled that, and make
sure that you bring the opportunity back around. Okay, there
is a place to where you actually have to start
applying this and doing it, and an event that you're
(28:45):
with the people who you need to do this with.
What's the chances that you're with these people all the time?
One hundred percent? These are the people that you need
to work through this. This is where you become acceptant
or just none involved anymore in the abuse or the indifference.
So definitely in this particular chapter, I feel that on
(29:09):
page two six, and especially when he deals with the
story about Irish, he actually shows a point of that
and bringing that to the front that yes, while we're
saying non violent communication, we are talking about asserting yourself
and positioning yourself to where you do not allow or
(29:31):
accept abuse and mistreatment anymore. Okay, And that we move
on now and let Trina share with us what she
got out of thirteen. Welcome back, Trina. Maybe at some
point you can share what all the wonderful things were
that you found in France. Okay, yes.
Speaker 7 (29:48):
It was wonderful. What a fabulous place. So this chapter
Liberating Ourselves and Counseling Others I first found. I thought
it was interesting that he combined these two topics in
one chapter, that they almost could be two different chapters,
(30:09):
one about taking care of ourselves, one about working with
other people. And so I was kind of looking at
it from that standpoint, and I think all the co
hosts have covered this freeing ourselves from old programming, that
the old patterns, the old programs that we have really
(30:30):
can be destructive and when the old things, when the
negative things run through our head over and over again,
we can move ourselves into a place of depression. So
he says it requires a literacy of needs and the
ability to get in touch with ourselves, and that this
can be really difficult and it can take a lot
of energy, and a lot of people don't necessarily want
(30:51):
to take that time. I know, you know in the
past it was like, well what do you need? I
don't know. And as Gabby was saying the list in
here of the needs. This is what he's talking about,
find the words, find the literacy, know what it is
that you're looking for so that you can go after it.
(31:13):
And that's the first part of really dealing with this
inner conflict is being able to say, oh, this is
what I was really looking for, and then have real
empathy with yourself. And we've talked about this here before, grandmother.
You've talked about this that you know, not punishing yourself
for the old things, being appreciative about the fact that
(31:37):
what has happened in the past has brought you to
where you are today. And so this is something like
grab those lessons and run with them and be able
to hear your own feelings about things and what it
is you needed or what you need now. So this
is all about taking care of ourselves. And he gave
(32:01):
a story about the anger on the freeway and how
he used to see everybody as villains and he'd gets
so angry about things. But then he stopped and he said, Okay,
here's one of these negative one of these negative things
that comes up in my head and how angry I get.
So what is the need? Why am I getting so angry,
(32:22):
what is the need that needs to be taken care
of here? And he really came down to the route
that he was really afraid.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
He was afraid of.
Speaker 7 (32:31):
The way the people were driving. And then he stepped
a little further into this woman who was driving so slow,
and he started to feel the empathy, imagining that maybe
this person that was driving so slow, maybe there was
something going on, they might be afraid. And when he
did pass this person, it was an older woman who
(32:52):
was looking just petrified about being on the road. So
it really made him change the way he looked at
and the way he felt, and went back and looked
at himself and said, Okay, how do I feel about
this now? So again, diffusing the stress that we're feeling,
diffusing the tensions we're feeling by looking at our own feelings,
(33:14):
and then by emphasizing or empathizing with others. The second
part of this chapter, though, kind of jumps into the
counseling of others, and he does talk a lot about
the clinical side of things and working with the psychologists
and with some of the trained workers. But we also
(33:36):
have to think about the fact that we all find
ourselves in the position of counseling people. People come to us,
they share their stories, they want some suggestions or whatever,
And so taking this into consideration as we look in
the book, it's like his bottom line is we shouldn't
be sitting there diagnosing and coming up with things. We
(33:57):
should really be opening in our hearts and really listening
to what they're saying and asking them questions about well,
what do you need or how are you feeling, but
at the same time reflecting back on ourselves and saying,
what is this bringing up? How am I feeling? What
needs do I need to have?
Speaker 6 (34:15):
Met?
Speaker 7 (34:16):
And he does go through the stories with the psychologists,
and I thought it was so interesting. I think Eloway
shared one of them that was there. But he had
gone to a conference of mental health professionals and he
interviewed a patient in a presentation, a twenty nine year
(34:37):
old mother with three children, for about a half hour,
and after she left the room, everybody wanted to know, well,
how would you diagnose her? And he said, I'm really
uncomfortable with these kinds of questions, because really, how do
I know what she's thinking? How do I know what
she's feeling? The diagnosis. He made a point of saying, okay,
(35:04):
there's descriptions, but even people they don't all agree, All
of these scientists and workers, they don't all agree on
the diagnosis and what it actually is. So he's really
reluctant to apply these terms to anyone and he didn't
see how it would benefit the patient. He felt like,
(35:25):
what would benefit more is to actually begin to understand
them and listen to them, and here put himself in
their place and hear what they're saying and empathize with them,
because how is he going to respond to them? And
his questions were what is this person feeling? What is
(35:47):
he or she needing? How am I feeling in response
to this person? And what needs of mine are behind
my feelings? And then another key piece is what action
or decision what I request this person to take in
the belief that it would enable them to live more happily,
So really asking them the question, what do you think
(36:09):
you need to be happier? So there's a lot in
this chapter that I think is fabulous. And even if
you're not someone who's a licensed counselor, you find yourself
in those positions all the time, and so learning to
do these practices that learning this language, learning the questions,
(36:34):
and getting in touch with people is really important in
your life too, so I would suggest you know, paying
attention to that piece as well.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
I agree did a beautiful job there. And what I'd
like to suggest is that there is a workbook that
goes along with this book, and it is worth every
penny that you spend on it to actually get it
and use this workbook in actually starting with this class
and the others that have started up from knowing that
(37:06):
we're doing this class. I would suggest you have this book,
the workbook, and a notebook, a journal that you use
specifically for the work that you're going to be doing
with this and watching who evolves out of this. It's
actually a birthing. I can promise you this. I can
give you my word on this. There is a birthing
(37:27):
that takes place at the end of this book. If
you follow it and do it, the action is necessary
the doing of it, and that you actually come to
seeing who you are in the reality of all of
the things that you've taken on. There's so many layers
that we actually become as we grow and as time
(37:49):
moves us through different experiences, we become jaded and in
that jadedness. We end up in a very small part
of our consciousness knowing who we are and what we
really are about. So we busy ourselves with others. We
busy ourselves saying that we're doing for others and doing
our work. And in one of those things, I like
(38:11):
the definition that you gave to liberation, and i'd like
you to read it again, Gabby. When you looked up
the word liberation, what is liberation.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
The action of setting someone free from imprisonment, slavery, or oppression? Release?
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Okay? So, and what is it that we see as
the core work of what we all join together in
is liberation, isn't it? We have a project that we
call liberation And the definition of what she just read
is actually the core and the heart of why it
is ours to do. And I would say that in
(38:52):
reading this chapter saying that at the end of the book,
coming through all of the layers that you have to
peel away, but that is what comes of it, a
sense of freedom, of a certainty that is lacking in
the questions and the pursuits that we show on a
daily basis. And so definitely there's much to say in
(39:16):
what we can do in this book. So I'm going
to ask my co hosts, in knowing this, how do
any of you intent or do you have any intention
at this point of going forward with the book and
using it in what part of your life? Maybe your relationship,
maybe in your work. Gabby, you're obviously a psychotherapist, so
(39:39):
have you found any new tools or things you feel
you'll be adding to your practice?
Speaker 3 (39:45):
I already have. I was actually reading the book and
doing the online course before we started, so I had
my passion inside of me and it has been miraculous
because I use it in my own life. And today
I actually decided I'm going to put on a little
(40:05):
recipe card what he writes out on page seven of
the book, which is a process. You know, he says,
concrete actions we observe that affect our well being and
so on, And I'm going to carry that with me,
okay all the time. And because I have incorporated those
steps into my life everywhere. It's very clunky at the moment,
(40:27):
and I feel a bit awkward speaking in different ways
at the moment, but the result in using the non
violent communication process, you know, of observing state the feelings
that your needs and the concrete request you have. The
results that I see around me are incredible, incredible because
(40:47):
we're not confronting people with what we say. It's all
about us, so there's no defensiveness that happens, and people
relax and openness happens. And in my practice, I've pretty
much given everyone, every of my clients a little teaching
on this and referred them to the book and give
(41:09):
practice in session how they can speak differently so they
can have better relationships wherever they're seeking them, whether that's
at home or at work. And I see great results
people in session when they reframe what they want to
say into something that fits this process. They go, oh,
(41:29):
and I can see it. It is yeah. I can
only use the word miraculous. So I encourage everyone please
incorporate it into your life.
Speaker 8 (41:38):
I thought of you, and I know how you run
around and you do you do what I do. I
have my little postums, and I don't do it as
much anymore because my family actually began to have a
problem with it. In fact, my daughter had said to
me at one point, you know, Mom, are you trying
to wallpaper the walls now with all of your posts?
Speaker 2 (41:58):
Because I just had these things and everywhere. And you know,
for me, look, if anybody's been in my home, you'd
walk through my home and you'll think you're in a
museum because my home doesn't have a particular theme as
to what kind of furniture furnishings it's had. It's made
up of travels and life and it tells a story.
(42:20):
So you walking in the front door of my house
and walking back to the back of my house is
actually living through a lifetime eighty six years of just
absolute adventure and love and so everything has meaning and
so there's no place that your eyes can fall that
there is not a message to hear. And so for me,
(42:42):
I not only do that with the furnishings and the
wall hangings, but also with notes and stuff of things
that I'm integrating. Because remember that when you're pruning the brain,
that's what actually is happening. You're pruning, which means you're
cutting away some of the neurons. And in order to
do that, you have to be fierce. You really have
(43:04):
to be dedicated and extreme almost obsessive in order to
actually prune a neuron. So that means you have to
act about it, I mean constantly, Like I said, just
almost be possessed with changing it and doing it, so
that for a while, anybody that's close to you that
knows what you do may actually begin to have aggravation
(43:28):
or frustration with you because of it, because you do
have to go to that extent to prune that neuron,
and once it's prune, the newness of it actually moves
through the whole neural net. And so that in order
to become consciously conscious, you have to do the activity
(43:48):
and the daily work of seeing it. So for me
and obviously for you, Gabby, we see it being supported.
I have a little like if I have my appointment book,
one of the page in any of my books or
anything I work with through the day, I have those
little things that's there that the minute I open it up,
I have to read those messages to make sure my
(44:10):
mind is where I'm saying I'm at today, you know
what I mean. So I enjoy very much hearing you
say yes that you're making your little three x five
card doing that. That's cool exactly, and that's what helps
it happen. Okay, so let's see who else anybody else.
It's actually and as Trina said, every one of us
at some point, be a psychologist or in any field
(44:34):
of healing or the work we do, counseling or otherwise,
you are constantly being asking and people seek you for
information or advice or at least a reflection of something
going on in their lives. So do any of the
rest of you have something you would like to share
that you're seeing has come from your reading this book?
Speaker 4 (44:56):
This is Laway in Northern New South Wales of Astra
and it's on the point that you raised as well
that and was in the last chapter about force.
Speaker 5 (45:07):
You know, this is not.
Speaker 4 (45:08):
About just going I'm going to be so nice, I'm
not going to trigger anything.
Speaker 5 (45:12):
It's really not that.
Speaker 4 (45:14):
And I think that's an important point, and that's when
I've been working with myself because it's like, well, I
could have a non violent communication by just saying, well, okay,
fair enough, whatever, I'll work five days a week on
that instead of what I wanted to do. That's not
the outcome. So I think that's a really clear point.
(45:36):
And then how to frame that because if I mean,
I'm actively implementing the book as we go through these chapters,
and I'm doing it to various degrees. Some days there's
a big flunk. But the big flunk then lets me know, okay,
(45:56):
what did I not put in place? And that reflect
and revision is quite powerful because there's an immediate feedback. So,
for example, there was a situation yesterday about what's fair
or not fair, and each person's viewpoints came from a history.
So we decided to put the conversation on hold and
(46:18):
go back and see what our needs are. And I
wrote I wrote a message just saying, you know, I
understand this is a scary time potentially, and there's new things,
there's fears about the outcomes, so we do need to
work together on it. And I would not normally done that.
(46:40):
You know, that's it's just a different way. And so
I realized in that instead of my usual cultural role
of I'm fine, whatever it is, I can push through it.
I'll make it work. You know this stoic, non vulnerable,
stoic self, which is a mask of you know, so
(47:02):
much going on underneath, to actually reach into the sort
of soft underbelly and go, well, i'm scared too.
Speaker 5 (47:09):
Jeff definitely shifted it.
Speaker 4 (47:12):
But as I mentioned, there's sometimes a flunk before and
to be okay with yourself, to realize that's your learning experience.
Speaker 5 (47:20):
What didn't I put in place? Go back and fix
the recipe?
Speaker 2 (47:24):
That's really cool. There's thing for sharing that and there
is something to say. And I want to make sure
that our listeners hear this. When you come to a
place in your life that you've had enough, that you
really have come to where you have the drive, the
(47:45):
hunger for want truth, you want clarity, you want real,
you want genuine and you know that that has to
start with you. You realize that you look around, maybe you
have a lot to be grateful for, and maybe your
life is wealthy in so many ways, and especially when
other people say, oh, you have so much, but you know,
(48:08):
deep down inside of you it's not enough, and that
there is an element that makes it all work that's missing,
and that that's self respect. That's you acknowledging the who
you are without all of the window dressing and without
all of the layers and jadedness of complications and people
(48:29):
and things. And I think that when you come to that,
that's where this book steps into your life. And you know,
and especially you l away and looking what you're going
through and rearranging your life through divorce, business and everything,
there are so many areas of conflict that have just
been allowed to go on and on, and finally, you
(48:51):
how you begin to deal with things is you just
let them pass. You hope that they'll go away the
next morning, or that the next day brings something else,
and you know it just doesn't work, you know. And
so basically looking at that, and I think, especially with
you and our relationship, I am so happy to see
the beauty that you are, the strength that you are,
(49:14):
and that the identity of who you are has come
to be so dominantly real that you can trust it,
that all of the promises broken, that all of the
times when there had been hope or had there even
been desired, that now you can see where you can
go and what you can make real. And that's what
(49:38):
has to come out of this book when people are
reading it, is that now it's time to just put
it in order and let everything be as it really is.
It works, all right, Ebie. Do you have anything you'd
like to add in what you're applying it for in
your particular place in life?
Speaker 6 (49:57):
Most definitely with me, I'm seeing how a lot of
that negative internal dialogue has subsided to the point where before,
like we were saying that sometimes we've get some bombarded
and we just want to ignore thing. That was my
usual way of doing things that I just would just like, no,
I don't want to see it, I don't want to
(50:18):
deal with it, and I would just get overwhelmed. And
all that working with this and understanding and knowing my
needs and my feelings about things has helped me overcome.
Especially in these past two or three weeks, I've been
really bombarded with like some big stuff and changes in
my life as well, and I've been able to sit
(50:39):
back and just look at it and just deal with everything,
and everything is just falling perfectly into the space that
it needs to fall into. I haven't been overwhelmed, I
haven't gotten into the anxiety. I definitely haven't had any impression.
And it's just a lot of that understanding my feelings
and my needs and putting my self respect first before
(51:02):
what everybody else is coming at me with. So it's
it definitely is amazing, And like I said before, it's
just one of those books that when I read it,
it just makes me feel good because it's like, Wow,
I have those aha moments and it's like, yeah, that's true.
You know, and it's so simple. Did I not see
(51:23):
that before?
Speaker 7 (51:24):
You know?
Speaker 6 (51:25):
It's like I get this. So it really has been
an amazing book for me. It really has, and it's
helped and I really really truly recommend it to everybody
that's listening.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
You need to get this book and just work with it. Great,
Great Trina, would you like to add a few minutetarium
to which what do you or how and if any
of you integrated the book into your life?
Speaker 7 (51:50):
Well, the first thing with this book, I'm definitely finding
myself catching myself when any kind of negative thought comes in.
It's like, oh, what's that all about? And where you know?
And it's like taking a look at it and saying,
what's trying to express at this point in time? Because
you know, every once in a while they pop up.
(52:12):
I recognize the fact that some of it's patterning, it's
old stuff, and or I can hear it in other people.
I've really been noticing. And one thing that really hit
me being in France and of course not speaking French
and some people just they didn't speak English, so it
was interesting. But having a woman that was really angry
(52:35):
about a group of us standing in front of her
store and talking to the guide in French, of course,
and I found myself going, what is it that she
really needs? What is really getting her so upset? So
I find myself asking these questions of myself and wishing
that I could speak French and have a conversation with
(52:57):
her and talk to her about you know, what is
it that you're really needing with this? Why are you
so upset with people standing right here? So I find
myself questioning things like that all the time, or noticing,
really noticing how violent some of the communications are. And
I would I really want some of my family to
(53:22):
read this and begin to practice, especially those that are
working in this center, because a lot of the people
that are coming in are coming in with a lot
of fear and anxiety, and this I think this book's
going to help a lot in being able to sit
and talk with people and be able to get them
to express really where they're at instead of you know,
(53:45):
the blaming of something else. But they sit and there's
always things that are going on. So it's just been it.
I just see where the potential of this and a
lot of people I've mentioned it to because I've been
talking it up with a lot of folks. They've all said, oh,
I read that book before, Why am I not using it?
(54:07):
Don't know, don't know why you're not using it. So
I've had people say I'm going to go back and
pull that out again.
Speaker 2 (54:15):
And so I think this.
Speaker 7 (54:17):
Is If so many people would take this to heart,
it could really change a lot in this world.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
I truly believe it.
Speaker 7 (54:26):
So I would encourage all, you know, everyone to get
it and work with it too. I'm going to order
the workbook and go deeper with it as well. Now
that Gabby's saying there's an online thing too.
Speaker 2 (54:40):
Maybe start to even start four or five people sitting
down reading, discussing it together. It would be something good
to come out of it. I've actually got the family
working with it, Tony and the girls, so it does.
It works if you can set everybody down and work
it together. What I want to share is like, but
Gabby and I had said on the notes, if you
(55:02):
go through the pages on the I'm going to use
the last chapter here. He has little markers on the
side that are in a shaded area that he finalizes
on each particular bold heading that he does. And I
wrote all of these down. One was we could liberate
ourselves from cultural conditioning. And for me that's real. That's
(55:23):
the number one and a heavy one because of different
beliefs within the Native American community, of which I have
twenty years of indoctrination in the earliest part of my life.
Actually seeing things that I want I have always had
a problem with and even have anger cropping up with
that I am definitely now looking into in a different way.
(55:45):
And then the next one is the ability to hear
our own feelings and needs and emphasize, ye empathize with
them can free us from depression. I think that that
it works well with a lot of people who feel
they don't get heard, and maybe being a person, I
(56:07):
know that I don't take time to listen to rhetoric
or people complaining and pity parties, so I know that
I can be very abrupt. I can actually come to
a place to where I can be rude enough to
say to a person, just please, I don't get out
of my face with that. I really don't want to
have to hear that, Okay, So basically I know I'm
(56:29):
going to have to look at that and see if
in that role, if I'm not expressing unhappiness and sadness
or even a form of depression, and my inability to
even want to sit and hear the same redundant complaints
or stories. Okay. And then the other little card I
have is focused on what we want to do rather
(56:49):
than what went wrong, okay, and that also is working
real well for me. And the other little card is
diffuse stress by emphasizing with us others. I don't know
that I have. I have really come to even understand that,
but I have it there, and I have all kinds
of question marks around it, but I don't have any
(57:10):
particular related experience with it. So it's one that I
have rewritten it three times and put it in three
other different places because I don't feel that for some reason,
I'm allowing myself to deal with that, okay. And then
the other little card that I have says, I emphasize
with clients instead of interpreting them. I revealed my I
(57:34):
reveal myself instead of diagnosing them, And I feel that
I do that a lot anyway, but I've found where
I can be better at that, in what I'm doing
and where I take it. And in closing, I'd like
to actually share how he ends this particular chapter with
(57:55):
the saying that Sam King, a philosopher, wrote, agree with this.
I don't think there's anything more powerful than gratitude, and
without it a person's life can literally become quite dark
and empty. And he goes on to say here, the
more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you
(58:16):
are a victim of resentment, depression, and despair. Gratitude will
act as an elixir that will gradually dissolve the hard
shell of your ego, your need to possess and control,
and transform you into a generous being. The sense of
gratitude produces true spiritual alcomy, makes us magnigmous, maiming us
(58:45):
large souled. I feel that my generosity and everything else
that I have in my life fits in that perfectly,
and it comes with gratitude. Okay, to be grateful for
and to know that you can is actually the base
of giving and what you give for and the generosity
(59:05):
about it. Without it, you are actually in denial of
the importance of what you are, Okay. So I like that,
and actually I share an interest in Eloway you mentioned
with the end of the book, which was the chapter
that I'm hoping you all will get the book and read,
which will be chapter fourteen. At the end of fourteen,
(59:26):
he tells a little story about his Jewish mother. And
remember that this man is a Jew, and that right
now I know a lot of his work is in
conflict with what's going on in Israel and definitely in Gaza.
So I found this very interesting because I find that
the Jews, I feel that are the most powerful people
(59:49):
in consciousness and in what they do in life, have
come to peace. In a word, they see the Christian
story of Jesus. We find peace with Jesus and allow
that existence. And I feel here his story is just
what I would see the icy on that cake. And
(01:00:10):
he says, here, one day a man named Jesus came
around to my grandmother's door. He asked for a little food.
She gave him more. He said he was Jesus, the Lord.
She didn't check him out with Rome. He stayed for
several years, as did many without a home. It was
(01:00:34):
in her Jewish way she taught me what Jesus had
to say. In that precious way, she taught me what
Jesus had to say, and that's feed the hunger, healed
the sick, then take a rest, never walk when you
(01:00:54):
can dance, make your home a craziness, a cozy. It
was in her Jewish way she taught me what Jesus
had to say, in her precious way. She taught me
what Jesus had to say. And I think anybody that
knows any Jewish families would have to realize that the
(01:01:17):
grandmother and the mother actually will feed you to you
burst in order to never allow you to leave or
enter their home without a feast, and in that way
actually falling out with what Jesus says in serving and
sharing and again in gratitude. Gratitude has to be expressed
(01:01:38):
in generosity. All right, I love you very much. We've
had a fantastic story, and we'll be discussing what our
next book will be on the next show because we
have not decided what that is yet. Okay, So meanwhile,
you stay close to this book and we hope that
you use it in your consciousness expanding work. Meanwhile, great
(01:02:00):
and powerful week, be happy Oco.
Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
Thank you for listening to Quantum Leak Book Club. For
more information where you can contact us, go to lay
Radio Network dot com, Forward slash, Quantum hyphen Lead have
a great week
You're listening to the Law of Attraction Radio Network. Welcome
to Quantum Leap book Club. During the next hour, beloved
my scientists, Parrisha and her guests from around the world
will read and discuss various best selling books with well
known authors. Every show will apply retention techniques designed to
help you to absorb powerful knowledge to effectively change your life.
(00:22):
Join us every week for a thought provoking hour and
re listen as often as you can. You will be
delighted by what you learn and you will be excited
by the results. Are you ready to take the Quantum Leap?
Here's Parisha.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Greetings. This is Quantum Leap Book Club. I am your host, Parisha,
and my co hosts this week will be joining us
will be Alloway of Sydney, Australia, Marianne Love of the
I don't know if Marianne is on this week. No,
she's traveling, that's right, So mary Anne Love of Melbourne
will not be with us. But we have back with
(01:00):
us from France. Nonetheless, it's true Trina Cooper, and we
have Gabrielle Thompson, and we have Evelyn who is part
of our Miami group. I don't see it, Yeah, I see, Evelyn.
So we move forward this week with finalizing our book,
and we're only going to cover chapter thirteen today. We're
(01:22):
going to leave fourteen for you because I feel it's
worth you buying this book, using this book and actually
beginning to actually have a part of your life that
you've never realized was yours to have. And so I'm
hoping very sincerely that if you haven't already, that you
will go get this book. And it is called Non
(01:44):
Violent Communication, a Language of Life, and it's by Marshall Rosenberg,
who has a fantastic history of working in conflict resolution.
And see the success of actually using the process that
he talks about here, which is and he admittedly knows
(02:04):
this is not just his process. This process has been
used for many, many years and actually begin within our
governments to find ways to keep attention and interest in negotiations. Okay,
so it has a good history. When we're looking at
(02:25):
the completion of this particular book, he starts this chapter
thirteen with a little saying here by premier to Yaou Dichardan, Okay,
humanity has been sleeping and still sleeps lolled within the
narrowly confining joys of its closed loves. I feel that
(02:48):
that kind of sums it up that we have determined
what it is at some point in our life, especially
those of us that are mature at this point on
end time, and we have certain things that we've determined
are the loves of our life, and then we have
to look at then are we at the maximum of
(03:10):
the happiness we can have? Are we really evaluating our
days in what time we have in life with absolute
joyous conviction of everything being all right in us being
in control of that. And if we can't answer that
question with a positive and very strong yes, then there
(03:31):
are definite needs for this book in your life, because
this book helps first and uppermost the reader, not just
what the reader can do in the public eye or
in situations involving other people. The greatest work of this
book is inward with yourself and how you talk to yourself,
(03:52):
and how you begin to reveal hidden and suppress things
within yourself that actually do equate to you not having
the maximum happiness.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
That you want.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
We begin to settle to be nice people or good parents,
or we think better of ourselves because we're thinking of
other people instead of ourselves, and we begin so habitually
okay with that, especially as parents, that you begin to
accept that is your life. And then at that point
(04:26):
you have really stopped living God's intention or your birthright,
because your birthright is to be the maximum of what
you are in totality, not just as a parent or
a spouse, or a friend or a nice person or
an assisting person. And so when we begin to really
(04:51):
look in depth in this book, we begin to take
this book serious to ourselves and see our reactions to
everyone close to us and the roles that they actually
play in reality, and see how much of their roles
are dominating, are actually suppressing the individualness of yourself. And
(05:14):
if it isn't just the household relationships meaning deep family
and close family, look at your job. Look look at
what you do for income and what has become comfortable
for you there. As a business person, you know, the
business is definitely like I find so many people feeling
(05:34):
that you have to be in order to be wealthy,
you must own your own business. Well, I would say
to you, if you want to work harder for what
your wealth is, then own a business. Okay. Investments are
the easier, slower way to actually get to being that cozy,
wealthy person, all right, But actually working with this book
(05:57):
in relationship to your job and your businesses and your
relationships with every one of these people. Whether you really
know these people other than a name on your p
payroad list, they still have influence in your life and
you getting involved by actually bringing them into your business
(06:18):
through these discussions and listening to their gripes and their
complaints and their fears and everything else, do you truly
become a very powerful, very very powerful business. So with
all that said, this book is definitely something that fulfills
your spiritual development and your freedom into that or excels
(06:41):
in other areas of your life where you actually are
denying that you do not have the maximum happiness of
what you're living. Okay, So we start out actually this
week allowing Aloway to begin with us explaining chapter thirteen,
Liberating our Self else and counseling others. Alloway, you want
(07:03):
to give us your report.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
On that, absolutely, and what you've just shared leads so
well into the chapter, with the key part being liberating.
Speaker 5 (07:13):
Ourselves is what comes first.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
And indeed one of the key parts of chapter thirteen
is actually saying we can liberate ourselves from cultural conditioning.
So then where to ask what's the cultural conditioning? And
the cultural conditioning when you start to look, then you
start to find it. If you don't start to look,
you don't even know it's there. I think that's probably
(07:38):
one of the most massive things. And as you said,
you start uncovering things about yourself, including things you don't like.
But then you don't have to not like yourself because
you've found something that you don't like. And I think
that's important too. And how they've said this is the
cultural conditioning, so it's not an excuse. She can't say, well,
(08:00):
I don't like myself because of that, but but it
was because of this cultural conditioning. You don't even need
to go there. It's as you've taught us, name it,
claim it, and you can change it. And this is
what it's saying, go through a process. And he gives
an example where he was asked to sit with a
(08:21):
group in his psychiatry, a psychologist's role, that therapy role,
to sit with a group of patients and there was
a point there where one of the patients said something
and he said to the patient, you're not understanding me,
and another patient said, well, I understood what he said,
(08:42):
and in that moment he was able to have that
reflection that he had made an assumption from the cultural
conditioning that as the therapist he was correct and the
patient must be incorrect.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
And he captured that. So that's what is inviting us
to do.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Sure it And then he rephrased it and he said,
imagine if I had have said to the patient, I'm
not understanding the link there, can you help me? And
I just went wow, it's so simple. It also reminded
me of work by another person, Brene Brown, who just
does that. She just switches words. When someone says, my
(09:23):
mother never listens to me, Just switch it. I never
listen to my mother and you go, ah. So it's
inviting us, inviting us to look, and that liberates ourselves.
That's also part of caring for our inner environment and
our inner environment, and is asking what are our needs
and being He's also saying, in any role, be vulnerable.
(09:48):
Be vulnerable inasmuch as you're not coming as I'm the therapist,
or I'm the manager of the business, or I'm the
people and culture manager. It's I'm a human, I have needs.
You're a huge and you have needs. I'm potentially being
triggered by your needs and putting my own interpretations on.
So instead of that, I'm going to understand I've got
(10:08):
needs here and feel okay with that, and I'm going
to listen for your needs. And again he has a
super dialogue process then with replacing diagnosis with non violent communication,
and in that process there's even a role modeling in
there where once he's got some of the therapists in
(10:32):
the position of patients, one of the therapists keep when
he's asked, you know, do you understand this? Where's this
person's needs? He would keep analyzing it. And it was
one of the patients who'd gone back into the sitting
place of observing and who said, you just don't get it.
(10:53):
You keep analyzing rather than being in the feeling. And
I realized that's a cultural conditioning so strongly that I
could relate to as well. It's like to drop into
the feeling is seen as not professional. So there's a
place here where you remain professional, but open up because
(11:19):
the other person's empathy. You having empathy for another person
isn't going to come from an analytical diagnosis of where
they're at. And that was a big part of that,
replacing the diagnosis section and the training and.
Speaker 5 (11:35):
All through it. There's a beautiful story of.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
His grandmother that goes through this as well, where he
shares how open she was always in having other people
without judging them, and including a funny story called Jesus and
I'm sure one of the other co hosts will touch
on that one.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
All right, very very good, great report. What we want
to actually stress to everyone is this show is based
very much on you and what we feel by our
own work and by our own pursuits in our own
hunger that we share with you along the way. And
that's based on the fact that what brain development and
(12:17):
discovery has definitely made clear is that the brain has
to be constantly exercised and worked, and we have to
put new material, or at least material of some reward,
every day of our lives. So the reason we decided
on a book club, it wasn't so much that we
(12:37):
have lots of time to sit around and lounge around
and read. That is definitely not any one of us
on the show. Okay, we are active people. We are
very much in the field. We actually maintain schedules that's
way beyond eight hours a day, Okay, And yet we
realize that each time get we destermine a book, we
(13:00):
look at what's going to advance or what's going to
help the brain continue to reward and take us to
the levels of what we want as awareness and consciousness.
So therefore we chose books. I mean, I get a
lot of questions, and recently over the last two weeks
there's been some questions popping up again, why are you
(13:23):
guys doing a book review? Why don't you just do
a talk show? Well, because we want to make sure
that the talk that we're doing is taking you somewhere
other than the chatter of where we're at or trying
to entertain you with our personalities. While as I know,
you're very interested and curious about different personalities on the show,
(13:46):
we want to make sure that you understand the whole
reason that we do this. And nobody on this show
is getting paid. Okay, all of us contribute to this show,
all right, So we actually do this because we're including
you in our own growth and our own pursuit and
our own happiness. And we live very much to the
(14:08):
science what I call the spiritual sciences that have now
revealed what most of us have pursued all our life,
and at some point in the earlier part of our lives,
especially the co hosts and myself, we were considered extremist,
or we were experienced this, or we were quacks because
we believed in the quantum field. We taught and lived
(14:31):
the quantum field and the new spiritual sciences that have
made psychic perception and self awareness something very very natural,
something very accepted on the social level of mass consciousness.
So I feel that my co hosts, myself and many
of you are actually the pioneers of this level, that
(14:54):
in our time we have come to realize that not
only were we diligent in ma maintaining what we had
to and even looked upon as outcasts of society, that
have now come full circle and reward us for actually
holding to those beliefs long enough that we now have
the science to prove every one of them. And in
(15:17):
that definitely suggesting and bringing to your attention books that
will continue to help you discover aspects of yourself and consciousness.
And any of you who actually know of a book
that you feel you have found extreme discovery, and please,
by all means let us know we would be very
(15:38):
interested in pursuing it, so in saying that again answering
your questions, this book is definitely one of the star
key elements of what I would say is necessary for
you to really really know yourself and the individualness of
who that self is. So again, it is this book
(16:00):
that we're suggesting that you get. Even though this is
our last week with it, we have started a study
group to where we're actually doing a zoom call each
Monday in the evening to actually deal with this book.
And from that I have already gotten several calls of
people who want to join us on this particular evening
(16:21):
or start such groups yourself, and I encourage you to
please start where you're at and actually include your family,
closest friends, and people who you feel this will make
a difference for it. So let us move on and
let Evelyn now tell us, Evelyn, what did you get
out of thirteen?
Speaker 6 (16:39):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Thirteen?
Speaker 6 (16:41):
Hi, Evelyn? Thirteen was a jewel and speaking about information
that changes on neurons. This was a really good chapter
for that, especially, I mean right off the first page
when he comes saying, not only have we never been
educated about our needs, we are often exposed to cultural
(17:01):
training that actively blocks our consciousness of them. That's incredible.
We tend to ignore that because we get so caught
up in those roles that culture has put upon us
that we forget that, no, that there's more to us
than just the roles that we are told that.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
We have to be.
Speaker 6 (17:21):
That we have to be the mother, we have to
be the daughter, we have to be the business person.
There are like you said in the beginning, we came
with each one of us with a purpose into this life.
And to know that this non violent communication can liberate
us from that and bring us back to that essence
of who we are is amazing to me. And one
(17:45):
of the things that he speaks about in this in
this chapter is about depression and how we can use
the NBC to get rid of the depression, and how
a lot of times depression is just us being alienated
of our own needs. Because we have these roles that
(18:07):
we think we have to be, we forget who we
really are and what we really need. And that's this
is the beauty that I found in this chapter that
he's reminding us again that to hear our own feelings
and needs and to empathize them with them, it freezes
us from from that depression. It liberates our mind and
we come back to the essence of who we are.
(18:29):
And just as simple as going we all have that
negative judgmental dialogue that we have in that internal one.
Just by changing a few words and going from that
negative talk and changing a few words and turning it
into a positive, it just takes you out of that
depression and it just changes the aspect of how you
see things and what you want to do, and it
(18:50):
actually inspires you to move forward with it.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And to me, that was so beautiful in this chapter.
Speaker 6 (18:57):
I think it's it's it just speaks so highly of
this work. And honestly, it's one of these This book
is one of those books that I just read and
it just makes me feel good every time I read it.
And that's not normal for me in most.
Speaker 5 (19:11):
Books because helps.
Speaker 6 (19:13):
I sometimes have issues with some self help books, but
this is one of them that just it's so simple,
but it's so simple that we tend to overlook the
simpleness of it.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
So he brings us back to it.
Speaker 6 (19:25):
And it just changes just our perception of ourselves and
of everything around us, just through knowing what our needs are,
feeling the feelings and just bringing empathy back into our lives.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And I think that is just amazing. It is, it is,
and I totally agree with you, and I, like I said,
at eighty three years old, I'd have to tell you
I have been on an eighty three year pilgrimage in consciousness,
and I would say along the way, this book has
been one of the flowering gifts that I feel have
(20:01):
dropped into my life. Okay, so it is something that
we're saying, please, there are still answers and some of
you who are actually in need of therapy. And I
don't mean that to be offensive to you, but that
you need somebody or something that will help you look
into things that you were putting off. Then let this
(20:22):
book be the private counselor that you need right now
that can actually help take you to a better place
than all of that, because you deserve to be in
that happy place. Okay, We're going to go now and
actually let Gabby bring us what her review on chapter
thirteen was, Gabby, what'd you get out of thirteen?
Speaker 3 (20:43):
A lot like out of every chapter? And I'll put
it together. I looked up the word liberation because he
said liberating, you know, and liberation definition is the action
of setting someone free from imprisonment, slavery or oppression. Release
and I thought, I want that. I want to be free,
(21:05):
you know, I want to have that sense. And of
course he talks about you know, internals imprisonment as well
and slavery to what we do and how we do things.
So in the chapter it starts talking about old patterns
of behavior and thinking that I think safely can assume
(21:26):
most people have, and they establish themselves over time for
different reasons, and they become familiar and in a way comfortable,
even if they don't give us the outcome we want.
So the question really is, ask yourself, is how I'm
behaving and thinking and what's happening in my life, in
(21:47):
my relationship with myself and with others, whether that's you know,
at work, at home, anywhere down the street, you know, politically,
wherever we're engaged. Is that still working for us? My
grandmother said, does it make me happy? And if the
answer is no, please no judgment, no self criticism, no blame.
(22:11):
It is what it is. But become self aware and
courageous and look at it. And then the process is
in the beautiful journey of this book comes into play
and he says, we find out what is of value
and of service to life. He always has very beautiful
ways of saying things that may not be easier easy,
(22:36):
you know, because things are long time ingrains in us sometimes,
but the conditioning can be reconditioned. Our brain is flexible.
We can make new neuron pathways and just stay with it.
And when we extend our vocabulary, especially to actually be
(22:59):
able to express what we feel and find our needs.
And I find the lists in this book really really
helpful for everyone to look at to actually expand our
vocabulary that we have. It's not just good or bad
and indifferent, it's terrific, it's you know, great, it's a
miserable like there's all these words that are pinpointing exactly
(23:21):
how we feel. And when we extend our feeling words
and look at the needs that we're allowed to have.
Needs are just who we are and for our happiness
that need to be fulfilled. They're not selfish in any way.
And in becoming more self aware, we can look at
our internal conflicts and as Evelyn said, you know, they
(23:45):
can lead to depression because they're again based on needs
that are not fulfilled. But we've got to be the
detective and find out he's got a beautiful example there
about a woman who holds two roles in her life
and she actually uses the non violent communication process to
explore each role. There's a career woman with her feeling
(24:06):
and needs and the mother with her feeling and needs,
and once she puts them out clearly, she can empathize
with both roles and then she can make strategies on
how to fulfill them better. So it's important to really
listen to our self talk, maybe use role play, and
(24:27):
show empathy for others and ourselves. And as Alloway said
in a psycho therapist practice, practitioners need to become open
to to actually bring their own authenticity into the practice
in sharing how they respond to what's been brought into
(24:48):
the room and not be too scared to do this. So,
in summing up, I feel, when we own our feelings
and we actually experience that others are being truly heard,
when we experience that we ourselves listen to ourselves really honestly,
then we can all relax and open up and our
(25:10):
inner pain that's often present can recede, and then we
can be able to hear others and actually move forward,
and I hope that's all that we all want, moving
forward and growing.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
It's very very good, Thank you, very very much. And
I'd like to point out that he has actually in
sharing the story of Iris. Okay. One of the things
that has come up over the last couple of days
with me is dealing with someone I love very much
and her relationship with her mother and being in a
situation where her and her mom are spending time together
(25:48):
a lot of the hurt feelings that she has had
to nurture over a lifetime in how critical her mother
can be and how indifferent her mother is to her
particular feeling or even her life, Okay, and being then
in a close proximity of spending what we would consider
intimate time with each other. All this stuff comes to
(26:09):
a spearhead. And what we tend to not look at
is in what we're looking at here in the languaging
is how are we handling confrontation. Because here's the truth
of the matter. It is important that you assert yourself,
that you actually stand up for your respect for what
(26:32):
you expect people to show and to demonstrate in interacting
with you. For you to constantly feel it's okay that
you take insult, injury, or abuse even through silence. Silent
can be very very abusive if it's used as a
means of punishment for something that you said or did
(26:55):
that someone doesn't accept or saying in conflict resolution, and
the book deals a lot with how to go out
around an out and out combat zone in doing the confrontation, Okay,
it still actually is based on asserting yourself. Whilst we're saying,
(27:16):
there's ways that you can interact with an attack or
with a person. Actually, maybe at this point it's so
habitual to them they don't even know they're hurting you
or being offensive or lack of consideration or anything. This
happens especially in families, Okay, and it work a lot
of times. If you've worked a very long time with someone,
(27:37):
you'll find the same kind of thing. It just becomes
part of the human element that the book is also
based in. You asserting yourself and the way to do
that that helps you maintain control as well as acceptance
of yourself and your role in that. Even when you
have to deal with actually saying things and pointing out
(28:01):
things that maybe you have never ever considered doing. And
he just gives you wonderful stories and examples on how
to go about doing that. And I suggest, because especially
working with this beloved, is that you script what you
want to say. Use the latest incident or the latest
(28:22):
particular period that something come up and what was said,
script how you wish you had handled that, and make
sure that you bring the opportunity back around. Okay, there
is a place to where you actually have to start
applying this and doing it, and an event that you're
(28:45):
with the people who you need to do this with.
What's the chances that you're with these people all the time?
One hundred percent? These are the people that you need
to work through this. This is where you become acceptant
or just none involved anymore in the abuse or the indifference.
So definitely in this particular chapter, I feel that on
(29:09):
page two six, and especially when he deals with the
story about Irish, he actually shows a point of that
and bringing that to the front that yes, while we're
saying non violent communication, we are talking about asserting yourself
and positioning yourself to where you do not allow or
(29:31):
accept abuse and mistreatment anymore. Okay, And that we move
on now and let Trina share with us what she
got out of thirteen. Welcome back, Trina. Maybe at some
point you can share what all the wonderful things were
that you found in France. Okay, yes.
Speaker 7 (29:48):
It was wonderful. What a fabulous place. So this chapter
Liberating Ourselves and Counseling Others I first found. I thought
it was interesting that he combined these two topics in
one chapter, that they almost could be two different chapters,
(30:09):
one about taking care of ourselves, one about working with
other people. And so I was kind of looking at
it from that standpoint, and I think all the co
hosts have covered this freeing ourselves from old programming, that
the old patterns, the old programs that we have really
(30:30):
can be destructive and when the old things, when the
negative things run through our head over and over again,
we can move ourselves into a place of depression. So
he says it requires a literacy of needs and the
ability to get in touch with ourselves, and that this
can be really difficult and it can take a lot
of energy, and a lot of people don't necessarily want
(30:51):
to take that time. I know, you know in the
past it was like, well what do you need? I
don't know. And as Gabby was saying the list in
here of the needs. This is what he's talking about,
find the words, find the literacy, know what it is
that you're looking for so that you can go after it.
(31:13):
And that's the first part of really dealing with this
inner conflict is being able to say, oh, this is
what I was really looking for, and then have real
empathy with yourself. And we've talked about this here before, grandmother.
You've talked about this that you know, not punishing yourself
for the old things, being appreciative about the fact that
(31:37):
what has happened in the past has brought you to
where you are today. And so this is something like
grab those lessons and run with them and be able
to hear your own feelings about things and what it
is you needed or what you need now. So this
is all about taking care of ourselves. And he gave
(32:01):
a story about the anger on the freeway and how
he used to see everybody as villains and he'd gets
so angry about things. But then he stopped and he said, Okay,
here's one of these negative one of these negative things
that comes up in my head and how angry I get.
So what is the need? Why am I getting so angry,
(32:22):
what is the need that needs to be taken care
of here? And he really came down to the route
that he was really afraid.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
He was afraid of.
Speaker 7 (32:31):
The way the people were driving. And then he stepped
a little further into this woman who was driving so slow,
and he started to feel the empathy, imagining that maybe
this person that was driving so slow, maybe there was
something going on, they might be afraid. And when he
did pass this person, it was an older woman who
(32:52):
was looking just petrified about being on the road. So
it really made him change the way he looked at
and the way he felt, and went back and looked
at himself and said, Okay, how do I feel about
this now? So again, diffusing the stress that we're feeling,
diffusing the tensions we're feeling by looking at our own feelings,
(33:14):
and then by emphasizing or empathizing with others. The second
part of this chapter, though, kind of jumps into the
counseling of others, and he does talk a lot about
the clinical side of things and working with the psychologists
and with some of the trained workers. But we also
(33:36):
have to think about the fact that we all find
ourselves in the position of counseling people. People come to us,
they share their stories, they want some suggestions or whatever,
And so taking this into consideration as we look in
the book, it's like his bottom line is we shouldn't
be sitting there diagnosing and coming up with things. We
(33:57):
should really be opening in our hearts and really listening
to what they're saying and asking them questions about well,
what do you need or how are you feeling, but
at the same time reflecting back on ourselves and saying,
what is this bringing up? How am I feeling? What
needs do I need to have?
Speaker 6 (34:15):
Met?
Speaker 7 (34:16):
And he does go through the stories with the psychologists,
and I thought it was so interesting. I think Eloway
shared one of them that was there. But he had
gone to a conference of mental health professionals and he
interviewed a patient in a presentation, a twenty nine year
(34:37):
old mother with three children, for about a half hour,
and after she left the room, everybody wanted to know, well,
how would you diagnose her? And he said, I'm really
uncomfortable with these kinds of questions, because really, how do
I know what she's thinking? How do I know what
she's feeling? The diagnosis. He made a point of saying, okay,
(35:04):
there's descriptions, but even people they don't all agree, All
of these scientists and workers, they don't all agree on
the diagnosis and what it actually is. So he's really
reluctant to apply these terms to anyone and he didn't
see how it would benefit the patient. He felt like,
(35:25):
what would benefit more is to actually begin to understand
them and listen to them, and here put himself in
their place and hear what they're saying and empathize with them,
because how is he going to respond to them? And
his questions were what is this person feeling? What is
(35:47):
he or she needing? How am I feeling in response
to this person? And what needs of mine are behind
my feelings? And then another key piece is what action
or decision what I request this person to take in
the belief that it would enable them to live more happily,
So really asking them the question, what do you think
(36:09):
you need to be happier? So there's a lot in
this chapter that I think is fabulous. And even if
you're not someone who's a licensed counselor, you find yourself
in those positions all the time, and so learning to
do these practices that learning this language, learning the questions,
(36:34):
and getting in touch with people is really important in
your life too, so I would suggest you know, paying
attention to that piece as well.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
I agree did a beautiful job there. And what I'd
like to suggest is that there is a workbook that
goes along with this book, and it is worth every
penny that you spend on it to actually get it
and use this workbook in actually starting with this class
and the others that have started up from knowing that
(37:06):
we're doing this class. I would suggest you have this book,
the workbook, and a notebook, a journal that you use
specifically for the work that you're going to be doing
with this and watching who evolves out of this. It's
actually a birthing. I can promise you this. I can
give you my word on this. There is a birthing
(37:27):
that takes place at the end of this book. If
you follow it and do it, the action is necessary
the doing of it, and that you actually come to
seeing who you are in the reality of all of
the things that you've taken on. There's so many layers
that we actually become as we grow and as time
(37:49):
moves us through different experiences, we become jaded and in
that jadedness. We end up in a very small part
of our consciousness knowing who we are and what we
really are about. So we busy ourselves with others. We
busy ourselves saying that we're doing for others and doing
our work. And in one of those things, I like
(38:11):
the definition that you gave to liberation, and i'd like
you to read it again, Gabby. When you looked up
the word liberation, what is liberation.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
The action of setting someone free from imprisonment, slavery, or oppression? Release?
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Okay? So, and what is it that we see as
the core work of what we all join together in
is liberation, isn't it? We have a project that we
call liberation And the definition of what she just read
is actually the core and the heart of why it
is ours to do. And I would say that in
(38:52):
reading this chapter saying that at the end of the book,
coming through all of the layers that you have to
peel away, but that is what comes of it, a
sense of freedom, of a certainty that is lacking in
the questions and the pursuits that we show on a
daily basis. And so definitely there's much to say in
(39:16):
what we can do in this book. So I'm going
to ask my co hosts, in knowing this, how do
any of you intent or do you have any intention
at this point of going forward with the book and
using it in what part of your life? Maybe your relationship,
maybe in your work. Gabby, you're obviously a psychotherapist, so
(39:39):
have you found any new tools or things you feel
you'll be adding to your practice?
Speaker 3 (39:45):
I already have. I was actually reading the book and
doing the online course before we started, so I had
my passion inside of me and it has been miraculous
because I use it in my own life. And today
I actually decided I'm going to put on a little
(40:05):
recipe card what he writes out on page seven of
the book, which is a process. You know, he says,
concrete actions we observe that affect our well being and
so on, And I'm going to carry that with me,
okay all the time. And because I have incorporated those
steps into my life everywhere. It's very clunky at the moment,
(40:27):
and I feel a bit awkward speaking in different ways
at the moment, but the result in using the non
violent communication process, you know, of observing state the feelings
that your needs and the concrete request you have. The
results that I see around me are incredible, incredible because
(40:47):
we're not confronting people with what we say. It's all
about us, so there's no defensiveness that happens, and people
relax and openness happens. And in my practice, I've pretty
much given everyone, every of my clients a little teaching
on this and referred them to the book and give
(41:09):
practice in session how they can speak differently so they
can have better relationships wherever they're seeking them, whether that's
at home or at work. And I see great results
people in session when they reframe what they want to
say into something that fits this process. They go, oh,
(41:29):
and I can see it. It is yeah. I can
only use the word miraculous. So I encourage everyone please
incorporate it into your life.
Speaker 8 (41:38):
I thought of you, and I know how you run
around and you do you do what I do. I
have my little postums, and I don't do it as
much anymore because my family actually began to have a
problem with it. In fact, my daughter had said to
me at one point, you know, Mom, are you trying
to wallpaper the walls now with all of your posts?
Speaker 2 (41:58):
Because I just had these things and everywhere. And you know,
for me, look, if anybody's been in my home, you'd
walk through my home and you'll think you're in a
museum because my home doesn't have a particular theme as
to what kind of furniture furnishings it's had. It's made
up of travels and life and it tells a story.
(42:20):
So you walking in the front door of my house
and walking back to the back of my house is
actually living through a lifetime eighty six years of just
absolute adventure and love and so everything has meaning and
so there's no place that your eyes can fall that
there is not a message to hear. And so for me,
(42:42):
I not only do that with the furnishings and the
wall hangings, but also with notes and stuff of things
that I'm integrating. Because remember that when you're pruning the brain,
that's what actually is happening. You're pruning, which means you're
cutting away some of the neurons. And in order to
do that, you have to be fierce. You really have
(43:04):
to be dedicated and extreme almost obsessive in order to
actually prune a neuron. So that means you have to
act about it, I mean constantly, Like I said, just
almost be possessed with changing it and doing it, so
that for a while, anybody that's close to you that
knows what you do may actually begin to have aggravation
(43:28):
or frustration with you because of it, because you do
have to go to that extent to prune that neuron,
and once it's prune, the newness of it actually moves
through the whole neural net. And so that in order
to become consciously conscious, you have to do the activity
(43:48):
and the daily work of seeing it. So for me
and obviously for you, Gabby, we see it being supported.
I have a little like if I have my appointment book,
one of the page in any of my books or
anything I work with through the day, I have those
little things that's there that the minute I open it up,
I have to read those messages to make sure my
(44:10):
mind is where I'm saying I'm at today, you know
what I mean. So I enjoy very much hearing you
say yes that you're making your little three x five
card doing that. That's cool exactly, and that's what helps
it happen. Okay, so let's see who else anybody else.
It's actually and as Trina said, every one of us
at some point, be a psychologist or in any field
(44:34):
of healing or the work we do, counseling or otherwise,
you are constantly being asking and people seek you for
information or advice or at least a reflection of something
going on in their lives. So do any of the
rest of you have something you would like to share
that you're seeing has come from your reading this book?
Speaker 4 (44:56):
This is Laway in Northern New South Wales of Astra
and it's on the point that you raised as well
that and was in the last chapter about force.
Speaker 5 (45:07):
You know, this is not.
Speaker 4 (45:08):
About just going I'm going to be so nice, I'm
not going to trigger anything.
Speaker 5 (45:12):
It's really not that.
Speaker 4 (45:14):
And I think that's an important point, and that's when
I've been working with myself because it's like, well, I
could have a non violent communication by just saying, well, okay,
fair enough, whatever, I'll work five days a week on
that instead of what I wanted to do. That's not
the outcome. So I think that's a really clear point.
(45:36):
And then how to frame that because if I mean,
I'm actively implementing the book as we go through these chapters,
and I'm doing it to various degrees. Some days there's
a big flunk. But the big flunk then lets me know, okay,
(45:56):
what did I not put in place? And that reflect
and revision is quite powerful because there's an immediate feedback. So,
for example, there was a situation yesterday about what's fair
or not fair, and each person's viewpoints came from a history.
So we decided to put the conversation on hold and
(46:18):
go back and see what our needs are. And I
wrote I wrote a message just saying, you know, I
understand this is a scary time potentially, and there's new things,
there's fears about the outcomes, so we do need to
work together on it. And I would not normally done that.
(46:40):
You know, that's it's just a different way. And so
I realized in that instead of my usual cultural role
of I'm fine, whatever it is, I can push through it.
I'll make it work. You know this stoic, non vulnerable,
stoic self, which is a mask of you know, so
(47:02):
much going on underneath, to actually reach into the sort
of soft underbelly and go, well, i'm scared too.
Speaker 5 (47:09):
Jeff definitely shifted it.
Speaker 4 (47:12):
But as I mentioned, there's sometimes a flunk before and
to be okay with yourself, to realize that's your learning experience.
Speaker 5 (47:20):
What didn't I put in place? Go back and fix
the recipe?
Speaker 2 (47:24):
That's really cool. There's thing for sharing that and there
is something to say. And I want to make sure
that our listeners hear this. When you come to a
place in your life that you've had enough, that you
really have come to where you have the drive, the
(47:45):
hunger for want truth, you want clarity, you want real,
you want genuine and you know that that has to
start with you. You realize that you look around, maybe you
have a lot to be grateful for, and maybe your
life is wealthy in so many ways, and especially when
other people say, oh, you have so much, but you know,
(48:08):
deep down inside of you it's not enough, and that
there is an element that makes it all work that's missing,
and that that's self respect. That's you acknowledging the who
you are without all of the window dressing and without
all of the layers and jadedness of complications and people
(48:29):
and things. And I think that when you come to that,
that's where this book steps into your life. And you know,
and especially you l away and looking what you're going
through and rearranging your life through divorce, business and everything,
there are so many areas of conflict that have just
been allowed to go on and on, and finally, you
(48:51):
how you begin to deal with things is you just
let them pass. You hope that they'll go away the
next morning, or that the next day brings something else,
and you know it just doesn't work, you know. And
so basically looking at that, and I think, especially with
you and our relationship, I am so happy to see
the beauty that you are, the strength that you are,
(49:14):
and that the identity of who you are has come
to be so dominantly real that you can trust it,
that all of the promises broken, that all of the
times when there had been hope or had there even
been desired, that now you can see where you can
go and what you can make real. And that's what
(49:38):
has to come out of this book when people are
reading it, is that now it's time to just put
it in order and let everything be as it really is.
It works, all right, Ebie. Do you have anything you'd
like to add in what you're applying it for in
your particular place in life?
Speaker 6 (49:57):
Most definitely with me, I'm seeing how a lot of
that negative internal dialogue has subsided to the point where before,
like we were saying that sometimes we've get some bombarded
and we just want to ignore thing. That was my
usual way of doing things that I just would just like, no,
I don't want to see it, I don't want to
(50:18):
deal with it, and I would just get overwhelmed. And
all that working with this and understanding and knowing my
needs and my feelings about things has helped me overcome.
Especially in these past two or three weeks, I've been
really bombarded with like some big stuff and changes in
my life as well, and I've been able to sit
(50:39):
back and just look at it and just deal with everything,
and everything is just falling perfectly into the space that
it needs to fall into. I haven't been overwhelmed, I
haven't gotten into the anxiety. I definitely haven't had any impression.
And it's just a lot of that understanding my feelings
and my needs and putting my self respect first before
(51:02):
what everybody else is coming at me with. So it's
it definitely is amazing, And like I said before, it's
just one of those books that when I read it,
it just makes me feel good because it's like, Wow,
I have those aha moments and it's like, yeah, that's true.
You know, and it's so simple. Did I not see
(51:23):
that before?
Speaker 7 (51:24):
You know?
Speaker 6 (51:25):
It's like I get this. So it really has been
an amazing book for me. It really has, and it's
helped and I really really truly recommend it to everybody
that's listening.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
You need to get this book and just work with it. Great,
Great Trina, would you like to add a few minutetarium
to which what do you or how and if any
of you integrated the book into your life?
Speaker 7 (51:50):
Well, the first thing with this book, I'm definitely finding
myself catching myself when any kind of negative thought comes in.
It's like, oh, what's that all about? And where you know?
And it's like taking a look at it and saying,
what's trying to express at this point in time? Because
you know, every once in a while they pop up.
(52:12):
I recognize the fact that some of it's patterning, it's
old stuff, and or I can hear it in other people.
I've really been noticing. And one thing that really hit
me being in France and of course not speaking French
and some people just they didn't speak English, so it
was interesting. But having a woman that was really angry
(52:35):
about a group of us standing in front of her
store and talking to the guide in French, of course,
and I found myself going, what is it that she
really needs? What is really getting her so upset? So
I find myself asking these questions of myself and wishing
that I could speak French and have a conversation with
(52:57):
her and talk to her about you know, what is
it that you're really needing with this? Why are you
so upset with people standing right here? So I find
myself questioning things like that all the time, or noticing,
really noticing how violent some of the communications are. And
I would I really want some of my family to
(53:22):
read this and begin to practice, especially those that are
working in this center, because a lot of the people
that are coming in are coming in with a lot
of fear and anxiety, and this I think this book's
going to help a lot in being able to sit
and talk with people and be able to get them
to express really where they're at instead of you know,
(53:45):
the blaming of something else. But they sit and there's
always things that are going on. So it's just been it.
I just see where the potential of this and a
lot of people I've mentioned it to because I've been
talking it up with a lot of folks. They've all said, oh,
I read that book before, Why am I not using it?
(54:07):
Don't know, don't know why you're not using it. So
I've had people say I'm going to go back and
pull that out again.
Speaker 2 (54:15):
And so I think this.
Speaker 7 (54:17):
Is If so many people would take this to heart,
it could really change a lot in this world.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
I truly believe it.
Speaker 7 (54:26):
So I would encourage all, you know, everyone to get
it and work with it too. I'm going to order
the workbook and go deeper with it as well. Now
that Gabby's saying there's an online thing too.
Speaker 2 (54:40):
Maybe start to even start four or five people sitting
down reading, discussing it together. It would be something good
to come out of it. I've actually got the family
working with it, Tony and the girls, so it does.
It works if you can set everybody down and work
it together. What I want to share is like, but
Gabby and I had said on the notes, if you
(55:02):
go through the pages on the I'm going to use
the last chapter here. He has little markers on the
side that are in a shaded area that he finalizes
on each particular bold heading that he does. And I
wrote all of these down. One was we could liberate
ourselves from cultural conditioning. And for me that's real. That's
(55:23):
the number one and a heavy one because of different
beliefs within the Native American community, of which I have
twenty years of indoctrination in the earliest part of my life.
Actually seeing things that I want I have always had
a problem with and even have anger cropping up with
that I am definitely now looking into in a different way.
(55:45):
And then the next one is the ability to hear
our own feelings and needs and emphasize, ye empathize with
them can free us from depression. I think that that
it works well with a lot of people who feel
they don't get heard, and maybe being a person, I
(56:07):
know that I don't take time to listen to rhetoric
or people complaining and pity parties, so I know that
I can be very abrupt. I can actually come to
a place to where I can be rude enough to
say to a person, just please, I don't get out
of my face with that. I really don't want to
have to hear that, Okay, So basically I know I'm
(56:29):
going to have to look at that and see if
in that role, if I'm not expressing unhappiness and sadness
or even a form of depression, and my inability to
even want to sit and hear the same redundant complaints
or stories. Okay. And then the other little card I
have is focused on what we want to do rather
(56:49):
than what went wrong, okay, and that also is working
real well for me. And the other little card is
diffuse stress by emphasizing with us others. I don't know
that I have. I have really come to even understand that,
but I have it there, and I have all kinds
of question marks around it, but I don't have any
(57:10):
particular related experience with it. So it's one that I
have rewritten it three times and put it in three
other different places because I don't feel that for some reason,
I'm allowing myself to deal with that, okay. And then
the other little card that I have says, I emphasize
with clients instead of interpreting them. I revealed my I
(57:34):
reveal myself instead of diagnosing them, And I feel that
I do that a lot anyway, but I've found where
I can be better at that, in what I'm doing
and where I take it. And in closing, I'd like
to actually share how he ends this particular chapter with
(57:55):
the saying that Sam King, a philosopher, wrote, agree with this.
I don't think there's anything more powerful than gratitude, and
without it a person's life can literally become quite dark
and empty. And he goes on to say here, the
more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you
(58:16):
are a victim of resentment, depression, and despair. Gratitude will
act as an elixir that will gradually dissolve the hard
shell of your ego, your need to possess and control,
and transform you into a generous being. The sense of
gratitude produces true spiritual alcomy, makes us magnigmous, maiming us
(58:45):
large souled. I feel that my generosity and everything else
that I have in my life fits in that perfectly,
and it comes with gratitude. Okay, to be grateful for
and to know that you can is actually the base
of giving and what you give for and the generosity
(59:05):
about it. Without it, you are actually in denial of
the importance of what you are, Okay. So I like that,
and actually I share an interest in Eloway you mentioned
with the end of the book, which was the chapter
that I'm hoping you all will get the book and read,
which will be chapter fourteen. At the end of fourteen,
(59:26):
he tells a little story about his Jewish mother. And
remember that this man is a Jew, and that right
now I know a lot of his work is in
conflict with what's going on in Israel and definitely in Gaza.
So I found this very interesting because I find that
the Jews, I feel that are the most powerful people
(59:49):
in consciousness and in what they do in life, have
come to peace. In a word, they see the Christian
story of Jesus. We find peace with Jesus and allow
that existence. And I feel here his story is just
what I would see the icy on that cake. And
(01:00:10):
he says, here, one day a man named Jesus came
around to my grandmother's door. He asked for a little food.
She gave him more. He said he was Jesus, the Lord.
She didn't check him out with Rome. He stayed for
several years, as did many without a home. It was
(01:00:34):
in her Jewish way she taught me what Jesus had
to say. In that precious way, she taught me what
Jesus had to say, and that's feed the hunger, healed
the sick, then take a rest, never walk when you
(01:00:54):
can dance, make your home a craziness, a cozy. It
was in her Jewish way she taught me what Jesus
had to say, in her precious way. She taught me
what Jesus had to say. And I think anybody that
knows any Jewish families would have to realize that the
(01:01:17):
grandmother and the mother actually will feed you to you
burst in order to never allow you to leave or
enter their home without a feast, and in that way
actually falling out with what Jesus says in serving and
sharing and again in gratitude. Gratitude has to be expressed
(01:01:38):
in generosity. All right, I love you very much. We've
had a fantastic story, and we'll be discussing what our
next book will be on the next show because we
have not decided what that is yet. Okay, So meanwhile,
you stay close to this book and we hope that
you use it in your consciousness expanding work. Meanwhile, great
(01:02:00):
and powerful week, be happy Oco.
Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
Thank you for listening to Quantum Leak Book Club. For
more information where you can contact us, go to lay
Radio Network dot com, Forward slash, Quantum hyphen Lead have
a great week
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