August 16, 2025 • 58 mins
Pa'Ris'Ha and her international panel of Co-hosts summarize their impressions of Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD''s book Nonviolent Communication."
If judging others and ourselves results in harm, how does conscious communication through applying NVC resolve that? The Co-host share their experiences with applying these principles for clearer communication, better relationships and mutually beneficial solutions.
Join Pa'Ris'Ha and Co-hosts Gabrielle Thompson, Mt. Beauty, AUS; Tryna Cooper, Denver CO; Marianne Love, Melbourne AUS; Evelyn Yllada, Miami FL; and Geraldene Dalby-Ball, Sydney AUS as they summarize "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD. Tune in next week when they begin "The Heartmath Solution" by Doc Childre and Howard Martin.
https://www.loaradionetwork.com/quantum-leap
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/law-of-attraction-radio-network--1595897/support.
If judging others and ourselves results in harm, how does conscious communication through applying NVC resolve that? The Co-host share their experiences with applying these principles for clearer communication, better relationships and mutually beneficial solutions.
Join Pa'Ris'Ha and Co-hosts Gabrielle Thompson, Mt. Beauty, AUS; Tryna Cooper, Denver CO; Marianne Love, Melbourne AUS; Evelyn Yllada, Miami FL; and Geraldene Dalby-Ball, Sydney AUS as they summarize "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD. Tune in next week when they begin "The Heartmath Solution" by Doc Childre and Howard Martin.
https://www.loaradionetwork.com/quantum-leap
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/law-of-attraction-radio-network--1595897/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to the Law of Attraction Radio Network. Welcome
to Quantum Leap book Club. During the next hour, beloved,
my scientist Parisha and her guests from around the world
will read and discuss various best selling books with well
known authors. Every show will apply retention techniques designed to
help you to absorb powerful knowledge to effectively change your life.
(00:22):
Join us every week for a thought provoking hour and
re listen as often as you can.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
You will be delighted by what you learn and you
will be excited by the results. Are you ready to
take the Quantum Leap?
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Here's Parisha, Hello, and you're with us on Quantumly Book Club.
Our host today, Parisher is traveling and teaching, so you'll
be with our co hosts. There is myself Lay from Sydney, Australia.
We have Trina Cooper from Neiden, the Colorado. We also
(00:57):
have and trainer is a lifelong entrepreneur. We have Gabrielle
Thompson who is in Mount Beauty, Australia, and Gabrielle is
a psychologist and many other things in that beautiful part
of the world. And we have Evelyn from Miami and
Evelyn is with us today which is fantastic. And we've
(01:19):
got Marianne Love, clinical psychologist from Melbourne, Australia, and today
we're doing a wrap up and discussion about the book
that we've recently covered, Nonviolent Communication. So we will delve
into some of the questions, some of the applications, and
the idea of all that is to provide more information
(01:42):
and stories that can be of use in you applying
this in your every day. So I'll start with Trina
and some of the reflections you've had.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
Hi, this is Trina, and I'm actually in Broomfield, Colorado.
That's where that's where I am near Denver. Yeah, and
I start having all these pop ups show ups, so
I had to get rid of them in order to
actually come off of mute. So anyway, with this book,
Non Violent Communication, there's a couple of things that I
(02:18):
really really liked. One of them toward the end with
the appreciation piece. And I know last week grandmother had
suggested everybody do this on their own, get the book,
read the book and read this. But one of the
things I found was that that surprised me that compliments
(02:39):
could be judgmental and that you really needed to take
a look at your purpose for the compliment, And it
made a lot of sense to me that to use
compliments to celebrate, to celebrate what a person did, but
that they met your needs and that they made you
(03:00):
feel good, and that was pretty That to me was
pretty cool. I also felt like this author, after thinking
about it, you know, he really created in my opinion,
he created this book to really find more love and
more joy and to find a more peaceful way of
(03:21):
resolving any kind of conflicts or situations and to build relationships.
And he also it appeared with the way he wrote
things because he actually said this a couple of times
he had needs that he had to have met. And
I think that's what was really beautiful about this is
(03:42):
because for me, popping out of this was the fact
that I don't think I ever really looked at my needs.
I know, I was taught to stuff my feelings and
I know not to express them so much and to
really not ask for what I need to the point
of where I didn't even really look at what my
needs were that weren't being met. So I think this
(04:03):
is a key in this book for me anyway, is
that this has a lot to do with really learning
about what you're feeling and learning about the needs that
you need to have met, and that does take some
time and energy. And another really cool piece I love
the resources in the back of this book and there's
(04:25):
a really nice little summary. But I think for me
one of the pieces too was this differentiating between meeting
feelings and faux feelings. So just because somebody says they're
like they're feeling abandoned, is that really the feeling or
is it really that they're afraid and they're hurt and
(04:47):
they're bewildered, or they're frightened, or they're lonely. And so
when you take a look at those things, you can
look at you know, do they need the nurturing, do
they just need some connection, do they need an you know,
it's like asking them what they need, which is amazing.
And then what I'm finding with everyday use with this
(05:10):
is that you know, reading this book, we put new
neurons in And it was one of the things I
was at a conference this weekend and they said, you know,
once you see it, you can't unsee it, or once
you learn it, you can't unlearn it. And that's what
I found it. It's like, Okay, now that I've read this,
and I can see what this is. I'm catching myself
(05:31):
all the time. I'm I'm really paying attention to the
way I'm approaching things or the especially when i'm listening
to somebody or something that's going on. And you can
use this in everyday life all the time. But it
really feels to me like it brings in more kindness.
It's more from the heart. You have to be vulnerable
(05:53):
because it opens you up for connections with other people.
But mostly it's again going back and reform selecting on yourself.
And so it's like expressing in a way that really
connects you with another person where their needs are met
and sor are yourselves. And so that's kind of what
(06:14):
I had from you know, where I'm at with the book.
I think it's really cool and I can share a
message to something I'm thinking about with readers later.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Yes, I can hear lots of applicability in there, and
I think that's a key, a very key part of
this book and appreciating that sharing. And yeah, I too,
I had some information that compliments can be not always
useful for people as one of those external things that
then people crave. And I think I got that partly
(06:49):
from one of the other books that we read as well,
about when a child does a drawing and you stick
it up on the fridge and then say, oh, you're
so good, You're so good, You're so good, and to
switch that to say, you know, can you tell me
about the picture? And I think so many of the
books we do read on Quantumly Book Club have these overlaps,
(07:10):
and to just think when you're asking a young person
what was their thoughts and feelings or what was the
idea or the inspiration or what was interesting to them
about the choice of doing the picture that they did
or using the colors. It's moving more into that non
violent communication where there's an empathy and an interest to hear,
rather than just a outward almost band aid of making
(07:34):
parrot talk. You know, I'm going to talk like this
because it's the rote learnt one that we do. So
that great appreciate that Trainer and Gabrielle and not Beauty.
Speaker 5 (07:46):
Yes, what an amazing book. I have really dived into
it and put it into practice, both professionally and personally,
and I have seen changes immediately. When you change you speak,
how you address things, how you know yourself everything around
you changes and it is just brilliant. So what I've
(08:09):
found the most profound about the Non Violent Communication book
by Marshall Rosenberg is that the realization that we communicate
all the time, like whether we speak words and are
verbal or are writing. We have body language, we have gestures,
we have facial expressions, and they happen often unbeknownst to us,
(08:35):
but they express something and others picked that up. So
following on from that, my question was to myself is
do I actually know that I'm communicating all the time
and what effects my communication has on others? You know,
So it's about self awareness, observing myself and also observing
(08:57):
others because that is where the learning is. And then
the next question would be do I know that I'm
actually understood? If I realize what I'm communicating, can I
be sure the other person actually understood what I'm communicating,
because that is often a gap, Like there's a lot
of in my life and I can only speak from
(09:18):
that is there's a lot of assumptions that I'm understood
or that I understand others. So the point for me
there is checking in, you know, checking in what did
others actually get from what I'm communicating and when others
are communicating to me to learn to paraphrase and feedback
(09:38):
what I've heard to be clear, so bringing some real
clarity into communication. And with that a we take responsibility.
We respond with ability because we know what we're communicating,
we know what others are communicating, so the way forward
is clearer. We are empathetic then, you know, we really
(10:03):
try to put ourselves into the shoes of the other
person and come from the heart, which Marshall emphasizes quite often,
and that is in relationship to ourselves, in relationship with others,
and of course if we come into a conflict situation
and we might be able to assist. There so a
(10:26):
lot of self exploration to do. And in that I
found journaling about my values and needs really really important,
and I encourage everyone to do that because, like Trina suggested,
I can truly say many of us have never learned
(10:47):
or not been allowed to our childhood or even in
our relationships. We may have had patterns where we didn't
express our needs and our values, but it is so
important for our happiness. But underlying might be some unhelpful
beliefs that stop us from feeling we deserve happiness, so
that can block us in.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
The whole process.
Speaker 5 (11:09):
So I really find delving into needs and using the
lists in the book on the pages like forty nine
to fifty four about lists and feelings, to touch into
that in a sanctum and explore it, just become self
aware in a curious way. So the book has really
put me on a journey with that.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
I think that term of being put on a journey
with that is a powerful part of it, because like
all the books in Consummate Book Club, this is this
is not a one off. This is have those books
that you've read and keep them there ready, because these
are the ones that we're going to keep going back to.
So that's that's a And I love how you often
(11:54):
on our times here you'll share some of those notes
that you chosen to put on the sticky notes and
put them up around the place, And I think that
also is a great tool for keeping this as a journey.
And Evelyn, I did also want to mention too. I
(12:16):
didn't mention in Evelyn's introduction, but she's an amazingly creative
person and I always enjoy our times together.
Speaker 6 (12:25):
Okay, I'm back in Miami, just barely made it back,
and last night had been traveling and it's just been
wild going through different time zones. But anyways, this book,
like I mentioned last week, for me, it was just
one of those feel good books that even if you're
having a bad day and you just pick it up
and just start reading it anywhere, it just makes you
(12:48):
feel good. It just because it just makes so much
sense and it's such a simple read and he gets
so to the point that you know, you just have
those aha moments with it when you're reading this and
you're like, yeah, you know, it really is that simple.
And we tend to forget sometimes that it is that
simple because we tend to overcomplicate everything in our lives,
(13:10):
and so he brings you back to that. And just
like Trina mentioned earlier, one of the things that really
stood out for me also is that compliments being judgmental.
Like I had never even thought of anything close remotely
to that. So I've been catching myself ever since. When
I'm complimenting it's like I actually have to take a
(13:33):
pause and think, it's like, Okay, how am I gonna
word this? That I'm really coming from the heart and
being you know, honest and not that I'm trying to
manipulate or someone get something out of this, you know.
So it's really interesting just with just that, even just
looking at that, the difference that it makes in our
lives to really be authentic with what we are saying
(13:57):
and how we are acting. And I think this book
is so big on that. So that's been a big one.
The active listening. Also, we have a tendency to listen
to answer, we don't listen to really listen. So when
we're and I've I've even caught myself many times in
that and I've and I've actually been trained better to
(14:17):
to do more active listening. And I think that's one
of the things this book really really emphasizes with the
non violent communication, that you need to really be there,
be present, be listening, not being in your head thinking
what am I going to answer back to this person? No,
because when you take those pauses to truly listen, you're
(14:39):
actually listening to what's actually not being said. And I
think that is so big and this book really really
teaches us that. And the other thing that, just like
Trina had mentioned earlier, it's about community to communicating my needs.
I had never thought about that either you know, well,
(15:02):
I'm always good to listening for other people's needs and
helping them with their needs, but I've never really known
how to communicate my needs and how to bring that
forward in a conversation and stuff. So seeing all that
and how he puts it has made such an impact
in my life. And I'm a person that doesn't always
(15:24):
ask for help or communicate like I need this. So
seeing how no, you can't assume, you have to ask
and you have to put it in your communication and
how much of a difference that is making is huge.
So yeah, I really did enjoy this book. It's one
of those that I will definitely have next to my
bed and keep it in my library all the time.
(15:46):
It's been a really good book.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
That's a great point too, that you can open it
on any page and there is something for you. And
I think not only the book has something on every page,
but it's for so many people, Like now that I've
read it and say, I'm going past the school pickup
zone and I'm listening to some of the parents talk
to their children and really selling myself, no judgment, just observe,
And then it's like, how do we get this information
(16:12):
into their hands, because while there is that observation, there
is an observation that there's not necessarily happiness being displayed
in what I saw a lot of lovely things too,
But it's like just feeling myself as a parent again
more and remembering those times of thinking, I'm really trying.
(16:33):
I think I'm doing my best, but I really feel
it's not good enough, and it's all the outcomes aren't
exactly in this idea of fairyland sort of idea, so
it must be something I'm doing wrong. So I think
I was thinking about that. And then on the same day,
a friend of mine went to the doctor and the
doctor told them a whole lot of stuff, and then
they were going through that, and I was saying, oh,
doctors had this information, they could listen more to the
(16:55):
person's needs, because actually they didn't need medication necessary that
they needed to be heard at that time, and they
weren't heard. They went to somebody else and they got
hurt and they were much better. And then then you
go to the news and you see the political sphere
and you go, are they listening to each other's needs?
So yeah, as you said, any page and pretty much
any aspect of life and on that I love to
(17:18):
hand over to Maryanne Love in Melbourne, Australia.
Speaker 7 (17:23):
I'm enjoying listening to you all. You're certainly fulfilling some
of my needs. I was thinking, this is a good
roadmap to happiness this book, if you think about it,
because he's helping us not only see when our needs
are not met, and then the emotions that might come
from a need not met, Like most of us don't
(17:44):
even consider the need. We'll just go I'm angry or
I'm upset. But if you actually look at that, there
are so many different needs that that could be about,
Like ten people experiencing anger could have ten different needs
not met underneath that. So it takes time to have
a look. So for ourselves, I'm saying it's a roadmap
to happiness because when we're fulfilled, like he's got on
(18:07):
page two hundred and thirty three, the feelings we have
when our needs are fulfilled, And that's also good to
be aware of, because what we want to do is
map our lives more and more towards feeling good. Right,
so then we also want to register when is that?
In what context is that? And so many people I
speak to who are, say, working in careers that they're
(18:30):
really not happy in couldn't really tell me why, and
they couldn't tell me the need not meant without some
deep exploration of that, And so I think it's really
helpful for us to kind of learn about ourselves. Like,
I know, I'm someone that likes some adventure, and if
I haven't had adventure for a while, I start to
feel a bit low and flat. And it's only because
(18:54):
I know that then I can go, gosh, I need
to include some adventure. Like if I'm mapping my year,
it has to have a map with adventure in it,
something new, something different, out of the box, an experience
I haven't had, And if I don't do that, I'll
feel the consequences of that. So it's sort of like
our unique ingredient. And for another person it wouldn't be adventure,
(19:15):
it would be something completely different for them. So it's
really important. You know, you could this is very good
obviously for resolution, this book could like I mean, that's
pretty much what it's all about. But then I was thinking, wow,
you know, we could really think about like what did
bring on that feeling of joy? What brought on that feeling?
Why am I optimistic today. What was it? I noticed
(19:39):
my managers yesterday at the office, We're really happy, like
they were having fun and bouncing off each other and
really joyful. And I realized, well that to that that day,
I mean, they've obastally got some things going on, some
good and not so good and things, but like everybody,
but that day, they had some training, and and I
(20:00):
wondered what was the impact of that training on their
overall well being? What need was met just by learning
something new, being recognized maybe for the situation they're in,
like leadership training, it was anyway, So I just wanted
to point out that is that it's also good to
(20:20):
think about the good times. And I've used this with clients.
I'm getting some great results, Like I'm super excited about
the results with some people because it's particularly like, let's say,
in a workplace situation where they've been in conflict, they
can actually see their needs, say to be heard and
(20:44):
the manager's need for autonomy is two different realities, and
they're never going to solve that through battling it out.
They're never going to find a solution to autonomy and
being heard through conflict. But once once my client can say, recognize, oh,
(21:04):
my manager really needs autonomy. Well, he can speak to that,
she can speak to that. She can say things like,
you know, it's ultimately your decision, but here's some things
that I think would be valuable for you to take
on board when you make your decision. Like I mean,
there are ways you can talk about it that meets
a person's need once you know what it is. So anyway,
(21:25):
there were just some things I wanted to share, and.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
That's a great point. I love it, think that it
is a way to happiness. And also when you were speaking,
I also had a little thought about how helpful that
is in relationships, not only at work, but when we
hear that there's quite a high level of let's just
call it room for improvement in people's chosen life partner
(21:54):
relationships or I mean, I've got a house with twenty
year olds in it, and there's a lot of the dating,
you know, the boyfriend, girlfriend, what worked, what didn't? And again,
ninety percent I would say, what I hear is the
rumbles would be needs not met. And you can almost
hear it when someone's on the phone to somebody else.
It's like, Oh, they're just really wanting to hear you
(22:18):
say ABC and you're not saying it, and it's like,
that's fine, you don't have to say it because they
want it. But as a third party sometimes it's really clear.
So I think, if it's really clear as a third party,
what am I doing in my own life where it's
really clear and I'm not seeing it? So and I think,
you know, it's been said a couple of times today.
(22:39):
This isn't super hard things, but I've found in applying
it what can be hard is number one is stepping
back for that moment and saying what is it? What
is it in this moment that I'm allowing an old
story to come forward, because that can be that can
(22:59):
really block all of the being open to another person's
needs because you're straight away on the defensiveness. So there's
things we can do before we get into a conversation.
And we've even looked at that in one about other
books that we've done in Quantumly book Club Path through
the Jungle, where there was prepare yourself, you know, get
yourself in a good space. So that's part of this
(23:20):
as well. So get yourself in a good space so
that you can be aware of what you're saying so
when I'm looking at that now, I'll I've actually said
to a few people now, there certain times of the
day that I can talk about, you know, potentially situations
that potentially have more emotional charge with them, so that
(23:41):
I can do them earlier in the day. So that
was one of my needs. And I think having not
expressed that all my life till I'm fifty three and
now doing it, and I realize how many times various
people in my life would bring problemish things to me
after eight pm, and it was like being able to
(24:04):
switch just to say that is it's just made things easier.
So it also made me see that the importance of
checking in with another person if it's a big conversation,
check in, check in with the timing of it, and
things like that. Yeah, but definitely a way to happiness
(24:27):
because you're also honest with yourself because when you switch
out of defense mode, because after a meeting, after meeting
with someone and say it's sort of compative, combative, you
don't feel, oh, that was really good. Well I don't
I feel a flunked there. That wasn't my best self
And so it could be redone. As it says in
(24:49):
the book, what's the service that I can do here?
And also there's that very important chapter of force. Using
force it really does mean being true to yourself. So
I think that's a big balance as well, be true
to yourself that you're not just saying I'm going to
give in to anything. Absolutely, put forward what needs to happen,
and do it in a way that you're listening for
(25:10):
the other person rather than combating with the other person.
Speaker 7 (25:16):
What's changing, I think all of that is asking them first,
Like if I'm defensive, like I've gone away on a
holiday with a family member or something, and that's the
best way to find out what all your buttons are
and you get like some reaction, then to actually stop
and not go with my situation, my feelings, how it's
happening to me, and actually seek to understand first. I
(25:39):
think to me that was the biggest initial reprogram is
to ask first, like and it's worked because you've got
to like be a little detective and try and work
out what is their need not being met when they
haven't really expressed it at all clearly, Like you can't
you don't know, Like it seems almost so unconscious for
everyone that you're kind of digging like more archaeologists or something,
(26:04):
trying to find the gem like. And I think that's
for me, the initial most challenging thing is to quit
query the need in them first to seek to understand.
Speaker 5 (26:17):
This is scar Yeah, I want to add to that,
that is, you know, Marshall Rosenberg really points at out
too that if we have the capacity to actually hold
others first, we may allow them to work through their
pain if we're showing empathy and we're really in the
role of understanding where they're coming from. Because what he
(26:40):
points out is when people are in a lot of
pain and that's you know, emotional pain mainly, they may
not be able to receive what we say anyway. So
you know, if if if someone says something and we
answer straight back, they may not have the capacity to
actually even hear us on a basic level. So if
we can sit with empathy and like you said, Marianne,
(27:03):
understand where their needs are, we can actually distress where
they are at and then there may be open to
actually listening to us in the process too. Yeah, and
I like that quote in his book too. Don't just
do something. Stand there, you know and not jumping in
trying to fix things attitude, But to say I'm just
(27:26):
standing here, I'm taking a deep breath, I'm being present
and I'm being present with you. And what a gift
that is? That big gift to others.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
It is. It's a big gift you give to others,
and a big gift to give to yourself. And one
little thing in there, and I'd love to hear from
Trina as well. One thing that comes to mind is
the importance of not evaluating the other person too much.
Like while you're doing that detective work, you're looking through
your own eyes determining their story. So you've got to
(27:58):
be very skilled, which I'm sure, Marianne, for you in
particular as a therapist, you are honed in on those
skills as well, and really being present in the listening.
I've had other people, for example, I've seen them say
to someone or that's because you're yeah, that's because you're
whatever it might be, that's because you're that's because you
(28:20):
went to university, you think like that or that. And
when you evaluate someone and put it on them and
say how it is, that can that's not non violent
communication because if they disagree, they can park up. So
sometimes it's that questioning and it could be I'm curious
to know. May that be because you've gone through the
university system, it's just a different way of asking or
(28:43):
you if you think like that because you went to university.
There's some skill in the investigator.
Speaker 7 (28:52):
I think that's a lot of practice to be a
good investigator to us with curious I like the curious
enquirer role, like to put that on and a curious
enquirer and to ask them for the need and seek
for the need, like not the evaluation so much, but
what's the actual need in a person? Yeah, it is
a skill definitely to genuinely find that out and.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
You don't know.
Speaker 7 (29:16):
I like the way he dives the examples in the
book about how he went about doing it. I think
it's worth reading all the stories because he doesn't know did.
He gives his best guess, Like, you know, you feel
the you feel like you're not being heard by me.
Your need for being heard isn't being mad? Or when
I said that, then you know you felt like I
(29:38):
wasn't listening to what's your reality right now? You're not
feeling understood? And a person will go yes or no
to that, Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have no idea what
it's like for me. They might say, you know, well
i'd like to understand, you know, like.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
Curious inquirer. I'm really glad you gave that phrase. It's
a good one to keep in mind when when applying this.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
And Trena there you go. Yeah, so much comes up
when you're working with people, especially when they're working through
issues like a with our little health clinic here, we
have a lot of people coming in trying to figure out,
you know, why exactly did I get this illness? And
(30:28):
you know, how am I going to get rid of it?
And is this going to work? And there's so much.
You know, we don't say we can heal or cure anything,
especially from the point that the human body does it.
It's more about in my opinion, it's more about balance.
But there's so many and they just want to talk
(30:49):
and I can always find you know, before it was
like I could always hear myself saying here's what I
want to say, or here's the situation, or here's a
comparison or whatever, and instead just being able to sit
because he makes a point in this about it does
bring stuff up in you and so it's not about
(31:09):
you it's not about what's going on there. It's about
being a really good listener and asking them questions. And
like Marianne said, that curious, that curious investigator. It's about
being very yeah, very open, very vulnerable. And what you
watch too, because you can watch the body language. As
(31:32):
Gabriella is talking about the body language with someone. They
may be saying one thing and thinking another, and especially
when they're looking for a solution, not necessarily maybe in
a conflict with one person to another person, but maybe
just the conflict of what's going on inside of them.
A lot of times, especially in friendships and stuff, someone
(31:55):
has something that's going on and they're really struggling with
something inside about you know, if I do this, is
it right? If I do this is it right? You
know what's going to be the biggest benefit and to
really sit and listen. So this book, Non Violent Communication
gives you so many different tools you can use. And
there's also this the there's a book study that's going
(32:18):
on right now on Zoom getting into this a little
deeper if people are interested with it, So taking it
a little bit, taking it a little bit different, and
it you know, for you to to make it deeper.
But also there's a work book that goes with this,
and in the back of the book it says a
lot about the author and about a lot of different books,
(32:40):
but there's really a work book that you can dig
into and have a little more practice, have a little
more time to work with these things. So I just
think it's really fascinating to watch how a person who's
had different scenarios in her life can find something so
(33:03):
brilliant to bring forward in the world. So many amazing
things come that way, and I think he's done a
fabulous job of turning in his needs into something that's
really benefiting a lot of people. So that's kind of
what I wanted to.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
Share, absolutely, and we'll go over to Evelyn in a moment.
Just touching though on what you mentioned about the book call.
So this is there is a book call, and if
you're in America, it's Mondays, so Arizona time, six point
thirty pm on Mondays, And it's a zoom based call
(33:42):
where there's a study of going through again going through
non violent communication with a lot of input how you
can apply it, and it's really about how do we
also get that energy out into the world. So the
more people that use the the better and payment is
by what we call love offerings. That's as you feel
(34:05):
the exchange, then that's paid, and that's paid through typically
through PayPal. There's also zell in other ways. So this
is one of the things that you can keep going
with outside of this book club, and that will be
an interactive one. So we'll give you the email address
to express your interest and I'll do it again at
the end of the show. So I get a pen
(34:27):
and paper ready for then or that's the word info.
I n F O at LFA, LIMA, C for Charlie,
F for Fox truck, HFO Hotel, D for Delta, that's
l C F HD dot org okay, and over to
(34:48):
Evelyn in Miami. Okay.
Speaker 6 (34:53):
So one of the things that I just remember now
that really stood up to meet with this book is
one of the I don't have the book in front
of me right now, so I don't have the chapter
to relate. But he's talking about how even he was
confronted by some gang members, and in the middle of
(35:13):
being confronted by by these violent gang members, he actually
used the non violent communication. And I'm reading this and
I'm like, is he insane, you know. I mean, I'm
reading he's setting up the story and he's saying, how
you know, he was like, either I could have got
into a bad way or just I chose to go
(35:34):
this way with the NONVI. I'm like, this dude is
really nuts. It's like, I mean, you're being confronted and
you are in that space in yourself, and you're so
you believe in this work so much that even in
facing danger, you're gonna start talking and and you're gonna
have communication. And I was like wow. And then I
(35:55):
flipped a page and I kept reading and it's like,
oh my god. And it was incredible. See how he
was able to turn the whole situation around. I was
flabbergasted with that. That was like, this is incredible, I mean,
and in my mind, I was like, either this man
is really crazy or this really really works, you know.
(36:17):
And to see that was what really got me to
get into this book even more, because I was like,
if you could actually believe in this and get so
good and practiced at this type of communication that you
are even able to use it in a situation like
(36:39):
that that you're in danger. Just like the story about
one of his students where she would had to confront
that violent homeless guy that he was really angry because
he didn't wasn't able to get a room in the
homeless shelter. And you know she turned it around by
using this, you know, this type of communicating. It was like,
(37:03):
this is incredible. I mean, if more people read this book,
if more people practice this, our world would be so
different right now. We wouldn't have these needless wars and
all this things that are happening in our world right now.
So I truly, like I said, and I keep saying,
(37:26):
and it's one of those books that just makes so
much sense. And I think the more you read it,
and you go back and reread passages by it, you
get so excited and like, I see so much possibility
in not only my life, but in our world thanks
to this book, thanks to seeing what he has put
(37:46):
out there. And I mean I'm at the point that
I'm buying them and sending them out to different people
giving them. I think these are going to be the
Christmas gifts this year. I think it's going to be
the perfect Christmas gift for everybody on my list. I'm
definitely putting it there for them and I think they
have it in different languages too, so that's great. So
you know, my all my Spanish speaking family members are
definitely going to have one. So yeah, this is one
(38:10):
of those books that I really got excited about.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
That's a super idea. And I must say, with these
twenty year olds in the house and having the conversations
while they make dinner, one of they're very into manifestation,
the three who were here, and they were saying that,
you know, they're at work. One of the works in
a you know, a car mechanic place, and they're like,
(38:35):
I just want to tell them all, but I can't
just tell them because it doesn't work like that, he said.
I tried, he said. It's like then you end up
being like the bit of the weirdo on the side,
he said, But it's it's like when you really really
want someone to know something because it's working for you
and you don't know how to say it. And we
discuss smorgasboard because we were also talking about young children
(38:58):
and medication and reflecting on schooling and how the teachers
were and it was really about having choices, more choices
to reach out for. And this book gives you that
and we discussed that word smaugas board, you know, a
table full of lots of different dishes, and yeah, there
might be medication might be a particular way for some
(39:23):
young people than being in a different sort of schooling environment,
right something else having a different diet might be again something.
So it was like, howard a parent because that was
a topic because this is topical in Australia right now,
the identification of ADHD. Who does it? That's a tension
deficit disorderous and who does it? And who diagnoses it?
(39:47):
And when does it go on medication and when does
it not? So that was a discussion. It was like, well,
at the moment, that's really one of the only things
in mainstream society that's on the table as a choice.
So they were saying, well, how do you tell people?
So you don't necessarily tell people, You put more plates
on the table so that they can know and take
from it and see if that's to their liking. So
(40:10):
this book, as you're saying, giving it out as Christmas
presents is a beautiful way to putting putting more on
the table for people to choose from. So that's great analogy.
Now we I did mention that book call. So I'm
just going to say the email address again and that's
to register your interest and then you'll be sent a
zoom link and sent the different ways to do your
(40:34):
love offer. Love offer, as I mentioned, is a donation,
So that's the word info I NFO at lc FHD
dot org and going through nonviolent communication. Now on this,
I know we're also sharing about how we're applying it
(40:57):
in our own lives. Is would anyone liked?
Speaker 7 (41:00):
It?
Speaker 3 (41:00):
Gives some examples of potentially recent things, recent applications and
the outcomes you've had.
Speaker 5 (41:10):
This is Gabrielle in Australia. Lots of examples, but I
just really want to share how I actually practice in
getting better at this. So what I while I personally
have started is because looking at the non violent communication
process of observing, stating feelings, stating needs and making concrete requests,
(41:33):
I've started to go out wherever I go and in
my mind state what I observe. Because it's not that easy.
Judgments flow in very very easily. So you might say, oh,
you're eating too much instead of saying even when I
talk to myself, you know, instead of saying I'm eating
too much, to say I just ate a big plate
(41:56):
of pasta because that is the fact. To much is
already the judgment, so for me to learn to just observe,
you know. So I'm working around the world making little
statements in my head, learning how to put that into words.
And then as far as feelings goes, I use the
lists in the book on page forty four and forty five,
(42:21):
where one page says how we are likely to feel
when our needs are being met, and the other page
says how we are likely to feel when our needs
are not being met, And it's just quite profound. And
part of it is for me to increase my vocabulary,
and being from German heritage, I have a lot of
(42:41):
vocabulary around feelings already because Germans communicate quite explicitly. But
you know, instead of saying I feel great, to choose
a word and say I'm delighted or you know, I
feel inspired, and just introducing a word at a time
into your language, one that works for you, that has
a resonance. And also finding out when my needs are
(43:04):
not being met to say, well, feel hurt and going
there's a need not med what is it? And then
inquire in that. And you know, of course being still
taking lots of deep breath before I say anything, so
and have my little words with me. I have a
little card with me with the process. And he has
(43:25):
an example in the book about that too where the
father took the card out and said, hang on, I
need to read my card on my process of how
I will speak first before I say something, and then
make a request, you know, and to learn how to
make concrete requests and not general ones. You know, you
should be more tidy or whatever, but saying no, I
want you to pick up the clothes from the floor
(43:48):
and put them in the washing basket. So it's a process,
step by step learning for me.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
Great great to have a process, and that process in
the book is a powerful one. And as you said,
even just the first one, that first bit of that
internal if it's an internal internal dialogue, what are we
saying to ourselves? And how ladent is that at times
with the emotion or the potential negative saying you know,
(44:16):
I've eaten too much, that's straightaway judgment talk. So how
do we do that on ourselves and others to remove
the judgment and bring back the observation. That's a I
think even if we just did that that's a really
good start. I'd like to share too that what I've
brought in quite recently is to look throughout the day.
In the morning, what is what's something that's come to
(44:39):
mind that if I had my time again, I would
do differently, or what's the learning from that? And then
in the middle of the day again, take a moment
and say, just a quick review of the morning, what
would I have done differently or said differently in that time? Sunset?
And then before bed and checking in four times times
in the day enables me to go how much am
(45:04):
I using these principles of nonviolent communication? Because I found
almost all the things that I would redo were around
either the internal self talk or communicating or not communicating
with others, so that was a big part as well.
Then the choice to not communicate when a communication could
(45:27):
have occurred. So there's some of the reflections that are there.
So that's another little practice. You can bring this in
four times in your day. Now we're in our last
fifteen minutes. Yes, I was going to say, it'd be
great to just have some open discussion.
Speaker 7 (45:43):
This is Marianne from Melbourne, Australia. When Gabrielle was talking
I was thinking, wouldn't it be really interesting if we
don't speak about feelings and we only speak about needs.
And so let's say we're having this fun conversation with
somebody and we go, oh, my need for connection is
being met right now with you, and my need for
(46:07):
fun is being met right now, and then we have
a conversation that goes off a bit or my need
for being heard is not being met right now, you know,
And that we only speak to each other about our needs.
I think that would be really cool, and also as
a way of bringing the needs into our language and
(46:28):
into our conscious awareness as well. Yeah, anyway, Gabrielle helped
me think of that.
Speaker 3 (46:37):
I think it's a souper idea because you'd also have
those pause where you would realize you don't necessarily know
what needs not being met. And I think that can
be a powerful turning point to then go and look,
because you could have a whole lot of behaviors that
are based on the need not being met, and if
you don't know what needs not met, you might keep soliciting.
(47:00):
That's what we were saying too about the school when
the boys were really mucking up. They were really it
was the time to be acknowledged. They were in year nine,
which is fifteen sixteen year olds, and because they weren't
being acknowledged in any other way, they just marked up
so badly in a way that's comical now looking at it,
but that was a need not being met. They didn't know,
(47:22):
and the teachers didn't know. So the teachers actually got
their need met by putting these boys in the middle
of the whole school and making them kneel there and
stay there while everyone, you know, looked how bad they were,
focused on how bad they were, and these are the
people that are keeping you back from lunch. And so
they got their need net of tension, but it wasn't
(47:44):
quite in the way. Their need wasn't met, actually, but
the overall thing of being noticed definitely got met.
Speaker 7 (47:53):
That probably again understood and probably not. You know, I
find so many young people are just full of wisdom.
I know you do, too, Alloway, and they're just so creative,
like inspiring beings, and if we just ask questions and
really we're interested in the fact that they are really
intelligent little geniuses that they could teach us. And I
(48:17):
think so many young people must feel that they're not
heard and they're not seen, and that their intelligence isn't
valued because how often as adults do we really sit
and inquire, you know, with the wisdom of a four
year old, like and really want to know. I know
there are many parents that do, but I think they're
(48:38):
the system, the culture, and the system itself doesn't give
us that way generally.
Speaker 3 (48:48):
Yep. Well I can do is nod and say we
can we can change this, and we do change this
and this. These are the discussions that bring about change.
And that's why it's terrific to be on these new
books because you're get new thoughts, new neurons. After this,
there might be those aha moments and feel that extra
empowered to ask those questions. Like in one of one
(49:08):
of the examples in the book, he says he was
sitting with a group of people and they were all talking,
and then part way through he says, is anyone enjoying
this conversation? And it sort of stopped people for a moment,
and then others went, no, actually it's a bit boring,
and I just thought that's pretty cool. I sometimes just
(49:30):
avoid conversations that I know are really it's wherever they're at.
And I think now no, maybe it's the time just
to still be present and then just to ask a
question like that, be brave, what's the worst that can happen?
Invited you to be brave.
Speaker 6 (49:47):
What blew me away about that was that he actually
asked the speaker, the person that was doing other talking,
because I was the whole point, the whole social talking,
if he was being Internet ended, and even the speaker
was actually, no, I'm quite bored of what I'm talking about.
It's like I was like, Wow, that is brave. I
(50:08):
was like so many times I would want I would
want to do that myself, to just you know, really
ask people we were really really enjoying what's being said
right now or you know, what's going on. So that
was cool that those are the little gems from that
book that just you know, made such a difference, and
I think it makes such a difference.
Speaker 3 (50:29):
Yeah, there are a lot of little gems, which is
why I'm definitely doing, you know, going through it again.
And also for those of you who have that time
available Monday's six thirty Arizona time, jump in and be
part of the part of the discussing and application. Because
what we do in our homes, what we do in
(50:52):
our own self talk, what we do in our homes,
what we do in our workplaces has effect on a
global scale. And this book has this book while we're
talking about our personal work with it, the book gives
examples where he's been working with Palestine and with Israel,
He's been working with countries, he's been working with leaders.
(51:14):
He's been put into schools that are apparently the schools
that are you know, all the last hope for the
kids who are so off this and then in the prisons.
So this book gives you those high level applications with
demonstrated success. I really really encourage whatever aspect of life
(51:36):
you have, influence that you have this. You have these tools,
and it takes more than one reading because it takes application.
Speaker 4 (51:46):
This is Trina. I just keep thinking, you know, our
lads are really not long when you think of the
ground scheme of things, and we spend so much time
time in not really expressing ourselves and what we need
and or really communicating well with people where we'll we'll
(52:09):
fight or whatever. And it's like what if we could,
Like Mary Anne was making me think of it again
with her, you know, speaking needs instead. It's like, could
that really put more energy into doing some super positive
things or things that were definitely needed, instead of dancing
(52:32):
around for such a long time without really getting down
to the bottom.
Speaker 3 (52:37):
Of what needed to be said.
Speaker 4 (52:40):
Or what in a nice in a way that I
know a long time ago, grandmother Parisha had us, do
you know, have an agreement with somebody where we would
do a stop change and if the agreement was there
that someone was seeing us go to negativity into negativity
(53:05):
or doubt or something like that, and someone could just
say to you, stop change, it would stop that thought
process and you would sit back and go wait a minute,
and it didn't feel offensive because there was an agreement
there that someone could say it if they noticed, and
then you could talk about it. But how many times
could we be stopped? Like Evelyn just you know, brought
(53:29):
up how many times have we just sat there and
we kind of wasted time and not said anything because
we were going to be polite or you know, instead
of just saying, you know, maybe we can use our
time a little bit differently in this. So when you
think about the use of energy and where are we
really putting our energy this non violent communication and really
(53:54):
communicating what we need how we're feeling. That se to
me to be a lot more positive use. Again, now
it's a judgment, but a better use of our energy
than dancing around and fading through things when nobody really
understands what.
Speaker 3 (54:15):
It is we need. Yeah, yeah, it's a it's a
it's a big thing knowing your needs and being curious, curious,
inquirist to the needs of others. I know that when
we're when we go through these books, the idea is
that they bring bring tools, bring tools for all of you,
(54:38):
and that also brings us onto our the next book
that we're most likely to do. So this is this
is like a pre launch in that we're yet to
choose another book, but we've got a short list of
books and the idea is that with each of those,
what is it that you are able to get through
those when we read them. So we'll announce shortly what
(55:01):
our next book is. And one of the possibilities is
called thirty six four hundred BCE, and that looks at
the new technologies that are being able to look into
the Earth and use some of the satellite technologies and
have a look at those ancient civilizations like ancient Egypt
(55:24):
in particular and bring back some of the information. Some
of the questions have always been asked, but ask them
in a different way. And the book itself says it
will make you question everything about history. So that's one
on the shortlist. So listener on Quantumly Book Club as
we introduce our next book. And I like to before
(55:47):
we close, just go through again the email address to
express your interest to be on the book call where
we look again and active looking at non violent Communication
info at LCAHD dot org. And before we close for today,
in our last five minutes, it'd be super to here
a key point from each of our co hosts as
(56:10):
we close out today.
Speaker 4 (56:13):
This is Trina, and I guess my message goes back
to this about life being short and that we really
have a birth rate for joy and happiness. So take
the time to learn what it is that you need
and learn how to express it. And this book might
be one and there's probably one hundred others that will
help you along that path too.
Speaker 5 (56:36):
Terrific And this is Gabrielle and along the same lines,
we deserve to be happy journal if you're not totally
in line with that, which I'm doing as well, but
we deserve to be happy. And if your life doesn't
feel happy, if you have a relationship with yourself and
others doesn't feel happy, now is the time to change.
(56:58):
We can change any time, and this book is a
brilliant starting point.
Speaker 6 (57:05):
And this is Zeblin, Miami, Florida. And one of the
key points here is sometimes it is more important to
be authentic than to be polite. That being authentic brings
more of the happiness and enjoy the realness, and then
you're communicating your needs and you get to listen to
(57:27):
other people's needs. So definitely this book.
Speaker 7 (57:33):
This is Mary Anne from Elvin, Australia. My message is
to don't worry if your reactions seem a lot bigger
than the situation warrants, because there's most likely an old
trauma in there, an old need that wasn't met so
drastically that it's left a big emotional imprint which gets
(57:54):
stimulated in a current situation. So don't blame yourself for that.
Just seek to understand and to resolve some of that
old pain.
Speaker 3 (58:10):
Powerfully effective and I'll keep that there for the closing.
So it is that time that we conclude our studies
and we appreciate appreciate you being with us and sharing
this time. You count, and you matter, and you always
make a difference. We look forward to being you being
with us next week as we go through potentially our
(58:32):
new book on Quantuantly book Club. Have a powerful week,
let your light shine and all good things to you.
Speaker 2 (58:40):
Thank you for listening to Quantum Leak book Club. For
more information where you can contact us, go to lay
Radio network dot com. Forward slash quantum hyphen lead. Have
a great week.
You're listening to the Law of Attraction Radio Network. Welcome
to Quantum Leap book Club. During the next hour, beloved,
my scientist Parisha and her guests from around the world
will read and discuss various best selling books with well
known authors. Every show will apply retention techniques designed to
help you to absorb powerful knowledge to effectively change your life.
(00:22):
Join us every week for a thought provoking hour and
re listen as often as you can.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
You will be delighted by what you learn and you
will be excited by the results. Are you ready to
take the Quantum Leap?
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Here's Parisha, Hello, and you're with us on Quantumly Book Club.
Our host today, Parisher is traveling and teaching, so you'll
be with our co hosts. There is myself Lay from Sydney, Australia.
We have Trina Cooper from Neiden, the Colorado. We also
(00:57):
have and trainer is a lifelong entrepreneur. We have Gabrielle
Thompson who is in Mount Beauty, Australia, and Gabrielle is
a psychologist and many other things in that beautiful part
of the world. And we have Evelyn from Miami and
Evelyn is with us today which is fantastic. And we've
(01:19):
got Marianne Love, clinical psychologist from Melbourne, Australia, and today
we're doing a wrap up and discussion about the book
that we've recently covered, Nonviolent Communication. So we will delve
into some of the questions, some of the applications, and
the idea of all that is to provide more information
(01:42):
and stories that can be of use in you applying
this in your every day. So I'll start with Trina
and some of the reflections you've had.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
Hi, this is Trina, and I'm actually in Broomfield, Colorado.
That's where that's where I am near Denver. Yeah, and
I start having all these pop ups show ups, so
I had to get rid of them in order to
actually come off of mute. So anyway, with this book,
Non Violent Communication, there's a couple of things that I
(02:18):
really really liked. One of them toward the end with
the appreciation piece. And I know last week grandmother had
suggested everybody do this on their own, get the book,
read the book and read this. But one of the
things I found was that that surprised me that compliments
(02:39):
could be judgmental and that you really needed to take
a look at your purpose for the compliment, And it
made a lot of sense to me that to use
compliments to celebrate, to celebrate what a person did, but
that they met your needs and that they made you
(03:00):
feel good, and that was pretty That to me was
pretty cool. I also felt like this author, after thinking
about it, you know, he really created in my opinion,
he created this book to really find more love and
more joy and to find a more peaceful way of
(03:21):
resolving any kind of conflicts or situations and to build relationships.
And he also it appeared with the way he wrote
things because he actually said this a couple of times
he had needs that he had to have met. And
I think that's what was really beautiful about this is
(03:42):
because for me, popping out of this was the fact
that I don't think I ever really looked at my needs.
I know, I was taught to stuff my feelings and
I know not to express them so much and to
really not ask for what I need to the point
of where I didn't even really look at what my
needs were that weren't being met. So I think this
(04:03):
is a key in this book for me anyway, is
that this has a lot to do with really learning
about what you're feeling and learning about the needs that
you need to have met, and that does take some
time and energy. And another really cool piece I love
the resources in the back of this book and there's
(04:25):
a really nice little summary. But I think for me
one of the pieces too was this differentiating between meeting
feelings and faux feelings. So just because somebody says they're
like they're feeling abandoned, is that really the feeling or
is it really that they're afraid and they're hurt and
(04:47):
they're bewildered, or they're frightened, or they're lonely. And so
when you take a look at those things, you can
look at you know, do they need the nurturing, do
they just need some connection, do they need an you know,
it's like asking them what they need, which is amazing.
And then what I'm finding with everyday use with this
(05:10):
is that you know, reading this book, we put new
neurons in And it was one of the things I
was at a conference this weekend and they said, you know,
once you see it, you can't unsee it, or once
you learn it, you can't unlearn it. And that's what
I found it. It's like, Okay, now that I've read this,
and I can see what this is. I'm catching myself
(05:31):
all the time. I'm I'm really paying attention to the
way I'm approaching things or the especially when i'm listening
to somebody or something that's going on. And you can
use this in everyday life all the time. But it
really feels to me like it brings in more kindness.
It's more from the heart. You have to be vulnerable
(05:53):
because it opens you up for connections with other people.
But mostly it's again going back and reform selecting on yourself.
And so it's like expressing in a way that really
connects you with another person where their needs are met
and sor are yourselves. And so that's kind of what
(06:14):
I had from you know, where I'm at with the book.
I think it's really cool and I can share a
message to something I'm thinking about with readers later.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Yes, I can hear lots of applicability in there, and
I think that's a key, a very key part of
this book and appreciating that sharing. And yeah, I too,
I had some information that compliments can be not always
useful for people as one of those external things that
then people crave. And I think I got that partly
(06:49):
from one of the other books that we read as well,
about when a child does a drawing and you stick
it up on the fridge and then say, oh, you're
so good, You're so good, You're so good, and to
switch that to say, you know, can you tell me
about the picture? And I think so many of the
books we do read on Quantumly Book Club have these overlaps,
(07:10):
and to just think when you're asking a young person
what was their thoughts and feelings or what was the
idea or the inspiration or what was interesting to them
about the choice of doing the picture that they did
or using the colors. It's moving more into that non
violent communication where there's an empathy and an interest to hear,
rather than just a outward almost band aid of making
(07:34):
parrot talk. You know, I'm going to talk like this
because it's the rote learnt one that we do. So
that great appreciate that Trainer and Gabrielle and not Beauty.
Speaker 5 (07:46):
Yes, what an amazing book. I have really dived into
it and put it into practice, both professionally and personally,
and I have seen changes immediately. When you change you speak,
how you address things, how you know yourself everything around
you changes and it is just brilliant. So what I've
(08:09):
found the most profound about the Non Violent Communication book
by Marshall Rosenberg is that the realization that we communicate
all the time, like whether we speak words and are
verbal or are writing. We have body language, we have gestures,
we have facial expressions, and they happen often unbeknownst to us,
(08:35):
but they express something and others picked that up. So
following on from that, my question was to myself is
do I actually know that I'm communicating all the time
and what effects my communication has on others? You know,
So it's about self awareness, observing myself and also observing
(08:57):
others because that is where the learning is. And then
the next question would be do I know that I'm
actually understood? If I realize what I'm communicating, can I
be sure the other person actually understood what I'm communicating,
because that is often a gap, Like there's a lot
of in my life and I can only speak from
(09:18):
that is there's a lot of assumptions that I'm understood
or that I understand others. So the point for me
there is checking in, you know, checking in what did
others actually get from what I'm communicating and when others
are communicating to me to learn to paraphrase and feedback
(09:38):
what I've heard to be clear, so bringing some real
clarity into communication. And with that a we take responsibility.
We respond with ability because we know what we're communicating,
we know what others are communicating, so the way forward
is clearer. We are empathetic then, you know, we really
(10:03):
try to put ourselves into the shoes of the other
person and come from the heart, which Marshall emphasizes quite often,
and that is in relationship to ourselves, in relationship with others,
and of course if we come into a conflict situation
and we might be able to assist. There so a
(10:26):
lot of self exploration to do. And in that I
found journaling about my values and needs really really important,
and I encourage everyone to do that because, like Trina suggested,
I can truly say many of us have never learned
(10:47):
or not been allowed to our childhood or even in
our relationships. We may have had patterns where we didn't
express our needs and our values, but it is so
important for our happiness. But underlying might be some unhelpful
beliefs that stop us from feeling we deserve happiness, so
that can block us in.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
The whole process.
Speaker 5 (11:09):
So I really find delving into needs and using the
lists in the book on the pages like forty nine
to fifty four about lists and feelings, to touch into
that in a sanctum and explore it, just become self
aware in a curious way. So the book has really
put me on a journey with that.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
I think that term of being put on a journey
with that is a powerful part of it, because like
all the books in Consummate Book Club, this is this
is not a one off. This is have those books
that you've read and keep them there ready, because these
are the ones that we're going to keep going back to.
So that's that's a And I love how you often
(11:54):
on our times here you'll share some of those notes
that you chosen to put on the sticky notes and
put them up around the place, And I think that
also is a great tool for keeping this as a journey.
And Evelyn, I did also want to mention too. I
(12:16):
didn't mention in Evelyn's introduction, but she's an amazingly creative
person and I always enjoy our times together.
Speaker 6 (12:25):
Okay, I'm back in Miami, just barely made it back,
and last night had been traveling and it's just been
wild going through different time zones. But anyways, this book,
like I mentioned last week, for me, it was just
one of those feel good books that even if you're
having a bad day and you just pick it up
and just start reading it anywhere, it just makes you
(12:48):
feel good. It just because it just makes so much
sense and it's such a simple read and he gets
so to the point that you know, you just have
those aha moments with it when you're reading this and
you're like, yeah, you know, it really is that simple.
And we tend to forget sometimes that it is that
simple because we tend to overcomplicate everything in our lives,
(13:10):
and so he brings you back to that. And just
like Trina mentioned earlier, one of the things that really
stood out for me also is that compliments being judgmental.
Like I had never even thought of anything close remotely
to that. So I've been catching myself ever since. When
I'm complimenting it's like I actually have to take a
(13:33):
pause and think, it's like, Okay, how am I gonna
word this? That I'm really coming from the heart and
being you know, honest and not that I'm trying to
manipulate or someone get something out of this, you know.
So it's really interesting just with just that, even just
looking at that, the difference that it makes in our
lives to really be authentic with what we are saying
(13:57):
and how we are acting. And I think this book
is so big on that. So that's been a big one.
The active listening. Also, we have a tendency to listen
to answer, we don't listen to really listen. So when
we're and I've I've even caught myself many times in
that and I've and I've actually been trained better to
(14:17):
to do more active listening. And I think that's one
of the things this book really really emphasizes with the
non violent communication, that you need to really be there,
be present, be listening, not being in your head thinking
what am I going to answer back to this person? No,
because when you take those pauses to truly listen, you're
(14:39):
actually listening to what's actually not being said. And I
think that is so big and this book really really
teaches us that. And the other thing that, just like
Trina had mentioned earlier, it's about community to communicating my needs.
I had never thought about that either you know, well,
(15:02):
I'm always good to listening for other people's needs and
helping them with their needs, but I've never really known
how to communicate my needs and how to bring that
forward in a conversation and stuff. So seeing all that
and how he puts it has made such an impact
in my life. And I'm a person that doesn't always
(15:24):
ask for help or communicate like I need this. So
seeing how no, you can't assume, you have to ask
and you have to put it in your communication and
how much of a difference that is making is huge.
So yeah, I really did enjoy this book. It's one
of those that I will definitely have next to my
bed and keep it in my library all the time.
(15:46):
It's been a really good book.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
That's a great point too, that you can open it
on any page and there is something for you. And
I think not only the book has something on every page,
but it's for so many people, Like now that I've
read it and say, I'm going past the school pickup
zone and I'm listening to some of the parents talk
to their children and really selling myself, no judgment, just observe,
And then it's like, how do we get this information
(16:12):
into their hands, because while there is that observation, there
is an observation that there's not necessarily happiness being displayed
in what I saw a lot of lovely things too,
But it's like just feeling myself as a parent again
more and remembering those times of thinking, I'm really trying.
(16:33):
I think I'm doing my best, but I really feel
it's not good enough, and it's all the outcomes aren't
exactly in this idea of fairyland sort of idea, so
it must be something I'm doing wrong. So I think
I was thinking about that. And then on the same day,
a friend of mine went to the doctor and the
doctor told them a whole lot of stuff, and then
they were going through that, and I was saying, oh,
doctors had this information, they could listen more to the
(16:55):
person's needs, because actually they didn't need medication necessary that
they needed to be heard at that time, and they
weren't heard. They went to somebody else and they got
hurt and they were much better. And then then you
go to the news and you see the political sphere
and you go, are they listening to each other's needs?
So yeah, as you said, any page and pretty much
any aspect of life and on that I love to
(17:18):
hand over to Maryanne Love in Melbourne, Australia.
Speaker 7 (17:23):
I'm enjoying listening to you all. You're certainly fulfilling some
of my needs. I was thinking, this is a good
roadmap to happiness this book, if you think about it,
because he's helping us not only see when our needs
are not met, and then the emotions that might come
from a need not met, Like most of us don't
(17:44):
even consider the need. We'll just go I'm angry or
I'm upset. But if you actually look at that, there
are so many different needs that that could be about,
Like ten people experiencing anger could have ten different needs
not met underneath that. So it takes time to have
a look. So for ourselves, I'm saying it's a roadmap
to happiness because when we're fulfilled, like he's got on
(18:07):
page two hundred and thirty three, the feelings we have
when our needs are fulfilled, And that's also good to
be aware of, because what we want to do is
map our lives more and more towards feeling good. Right,
so then we also want to register when is that?
In what context is that? And so many people I
speak to who are, say, working in careers that they're
(18:30):
really not happy in couldn't really tell me why, and
they couldn't tell me the need not meant without some
deep exploration of that, And so I think it's really
helpful for us to kind of learn about ourselves. Like,
I know, I'm someone that likes some adventure, and if
I haven't had adventure for a while, I start to
feel a bit low and flat. And it's only because
(18:54):
I know that then I can go, gosh, I need
to include some adventure. Like if I'm mapping my year,
it has to have a map with adventure in it,
something new, something different, out of the box, an experience
I haven't had, And if I don't do that, I'll
feel the consequences of that. So it's sort of like
our unique ingredient. And for another person it wouldn't be adventure,
(19:15):
it would be something completely different for them. So it's
really important. You know, you could this is very good
obviously for resolution, this book could like I mean, that's
pretty much what it's all about. But then I was thinking, wow,
you know, we could really think about like what did
bring on that feeling of joy? What brought on that feeling?
Why am I optimistic today. What was it? I noticed
(19:39):
my managers yesterday at the office, We're really happy, like
they were having fun and bouncing off each other and
really joyful. And I realized, well that to that that day,
I mean, they've obastally got some things going on, some
good and not so good and things, but like everybody,
but that day, they had some training, and and I
(20:00):
wondered what was the impact of that training on their
overall well being? What need was met just by learning
something new, being recognized maybe for the situation they're in,
like leadership training, it was anyway, So I just wanted
to point out that is that it's also good to
(20:20):
think about the good times. And I've used this with clients.
I'm getting some great results, Like I'm super excited about
the results with some people because it's particularly like, let's say,
in a workplace situation where they've been in conflict, they
can actually see their needs, say to be heard and
(20:44):
the manager's need for autonomy is two different realities, and
they're never going to solve that through battling it out.
They're never going to find a solution to autonomy and
being heard through conflict. But once once my client can say, recognize, oh,
(21:04):
my manager really needs autonomy. Well, he can speak to that,
she can speak to that. She can say things like,
you know, it's ultimately your decision, but here's some things
that I think would be valuable for you to take
on board when you make your decision. Like I mean,
there are ways you can talk about it that meets
a person's need once you know what it is. So anyway,
(21:25):
there were just some things I wanted to share, and.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
That's a great point. I love it, think that it
is a way to happiness. And also when you were speaking,
I also had a little thought about how helpful that
is in relationships, not only at work, but when we
hear that there's quite a high level of let's just
call it room for improvement in people's chosen life partner
(21:54):
relationships or I mean, I've got a house with twenty
year olds in it, and there's a lot of the dating,
you know, the boyfriend, girlfriend, what worked, what didn't? And again,
ninety percent I would say, what I hear is the
rumbles would be needs not met. And you can almost
hear it when someone's on the phone to somebody else.
It's like, Oh, they're just really wanting to hear you
(22:18):
say ABC and you're not saying it, and it's like,
that's fine, you don't have to say it because they
want it. But as a third party sometimes it's really clear.
So I think, if it's really clear as a third party,
what am I doing in my own life where it's
really clear and I'm not seeing it? So and I think,
you know, it's been said a couple of times today.
(22:39):
This isn't super hard things, but I've found in applying
it what can be hard is number one is stepping
back for that moment and saying what is it? What
is it in this moment that I'm allowing an old
story to come forward, because that can be that can
(22:59):
really block all of the being open to another person's
needs because you're straight away on the defensiveness. So there's
things we can do before we get into a conversation.
And we've even looked at that in one about other
books that we've done in Quantumly book Club Path through
the Jungle, where there was prepare yourself, you know, get
yourself in a good space. So that's part of this
(23:20):
as well. So get yourself in a good space so
that you can be aware of what you're saying so
when I'm looking at that now, I'll I've actually said
to a few people now, there certain times of the
day that I can talk about, you know, potentially situations
that potentially have more emotional charge with them, so that
(23:41):
I can do them earlier in the day. So that
was one of my needs. And I think having not
expressed that all my life till I'm fifty three and
now doing it, and I realize how many times various
people in my life would bring problemish things to me
after eight pm, and it was like being able to
(24:04):
switch just to say that is it's just made things easier.
So it also made me see that the importance of
checking in with another person if it's a big conversation,
check in, check in with the timing of it, and
things like that. Yeah, but definitely a way to happiness
(24:27):
because you're also honest with yourself because when you switch
out of defense mode, because after a meeting, after meeting
with someone and say it's sort of compative, combative, you
don't feel, oh, that was really good. Well I don't
I feel a flunked there. That wasn't my best self
And so it could be redone. As it says in
(24:49):
the book, what's the service that I can do here?
And also there's that very important chapter of force. Using
force it really does mean being true to yourself. So
I think that's a big balance as well, be true
to yourself that you're not just saying I'm going to
give in to anything. Absolutely, put forward what needs to happen,
and do it in a way that you're listening for
(25:10):
the other person rather than combating with the other person.
Speaker 7 (25:16):
What's changing, I think all of that is asking them first,
Like if I'm defensive, like I've gone away on a
holiday with a family member or something, and that's the
best way to find out what all your buttons are
and you get like some reaction, then to actually stop
and not go with my situation, my feelings, how it's
happening to me, and actually seek to understand first. I
(25:39):
think to me that was the biggest initial reprogram is
to ask first, like and it's worked because you've got
to like be a little detective and try and work
out what is their need not being met when they
haven't really expressed it at all clearly, Like you can't
you don't know, Like it seems almost so unconscious for
everyone that you're kind of digging like more archaeologists or something,
(26:04):
trying to find the gem like. And I think that's
for me, the initial most challenging thing is to quit
query the need in them first to seek to understand.
Speaker 5 (26:17):
This is scar Yeah, I want to add to that,
that is, you know, Marshall Rosenberg really points at out
too that if we have the capacity to actually hold
others first, we may allow them to work through their
pain if we're showing empathy and we're really in the
role of understanding where they're coming from. Because what he
(26:40):
points out is when people are in a lot of
pain and that's you know, emotional pain mainly, they may
not be able to receive what we say anyway. So
you know, if if if someone says something and we
answer straight back, they may not have the capacity to
actually even hear us on a basic level. So if
we can sit with empathy and like you said, Marianne,
(27:03):
understand where their needs are, we can actually distress where
they are at and then there may be open to
actually listening to us in the process too. Yeah, and
I like that quote in his book too. Don't just
do something. Stand there, you know and not jumping in
trying to fix things attitude, But to say I'm just
(27:26):
standing here, I'm taking a deep breath, I'm being present
and I'm being present with you. And what a gift
that is? That big gift to others.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
It is. It's a big gift you give to others,
and a big gift to give to yourself. And one
little thing in there, and I'd love to hear from
Trina as well. One thing that comes to mind is
the importance of not evaluating the other person too much.
Like while you're doing that detective work, you're looking through
your own eyes determining their story. So you've got to
(27:58):
be very skilled, which I'm sure, Marianne, for you in
particular as a therapist, you are honed in on those
skills as well, and really being present in the listening.
I've had other people, for example, I've seen them say
to someone or that's because you're yeah, that's because you're
whatever it might be, that's because you're that's because you
(28:20):
went to university, you think like that or that. And
when you evaluate someone and put it on them and
say how it is, that can that's not non violent
communication because if they disagree, they can park up. So
sometimes it's that questioning and it could be I'm curious
to know. May that be because you've gone through the
university system, it's just a different way of asking or
(28:43):
you if you think like that because you went to university.
There's some skill in the investigator.
Speaker 7 (28:52):
I think that's a lot of practice to be a
good investigator to us with curious I like the curious
enquirer role, like to put that on and a curious
enquirer and to ask them for the need and seek
for the need, like not the evaluation so much, but
what's the actual need in a person? Yeah, it is
a skill definitely to genuinely find that out and.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
You don't know.
Speaker 7 (29:16):
I like the way he dives the examples in the
book about how he went about doing it. I think
it's worth reading all the stories because he doesn't know did.
He gives his best guess, Like, you know, you feel
the you feel like you're not being heard by me.
Your need for being heard isn't being mad? Or when
I said that, then you know you felt like I
(29:38):
wasn't listening to what's your reality right now? You're not
feeling understood? And a person will go yes or no
to that, Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have no idea what
it's like for me. They might say, you know, well
i'd like to understand, you know, like.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
Curious inquirer. I'm really glad you gave that phrase. It's
a good one to keep in mind when when applying this.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
And Trena there you go. Yeah, so much comes up
when you're working with people, especially when they're working through
issues like a with our little health clinic here, we
have a lot of people coming in trying to figure out,
you know, why exactly did I get this illness? And
(30:28):
you know, how am I going to get rid of it?
And is this going to work? And there's so much.
You know, we don't say we can heal or cure anything,
especially from the point that the human body does it.
It's more about in my opinion, it's more about balance.
But there's so many and they just want to talk
(30:49):
and I can always find you know, before it was
like I could always hear myself saying here's what I
want to say, or here's the situation, or here's a
comparison or whatever, and instead just being able to sit
because he makes a point in this about it does
bring stuff up in you and so it's not about
(31:09):
you it's not about what's going on there. It's about
being a really good listener and asking them questions. And
like Marianne said, that curious, that curious investigator. It's about
being very yeah, very open, very vulnerable. And what you
watch too, because you can watch the body language. As
(31:32):
Gabriella is talking about the body language with someone. They
may be saying one thing and thinking another, and especially
when they're looking for a solution, not necessarily maybe in
a conflict with one person to another person, but maybe
just the conflict of what's going on inside of them.
A lot of times, especially in friendships and stuff, someone
(31:55):
has something that's going on and they're really struggling with
something inside about you know, if I do this, is
it right? If I do this is it right? You
know what's going to be the biggest benefit and to
really sit and listen. So this book, Non Violent Communication
gives you so many different tools you can use. And
there's also this the there's a book study that's going
(32:18):
on right now on Zoom getting into this a little
deeper if people are interested with it, So taking it
a little bit, taking it a little bit different, and
it you know, for you to to make it deeper.
But also there's a work book that goes with this,
and in the back of the book it says a
lot about the author and about a lot of different books,
(32:40):
but there's really a work book that you can dig
into and have a little more practice, have a little
more time to work with these things. So I just
think it's really fascinating to watch how a person who's
had different scenarios in her life can find something so
(33:03):
brilliant to bring forward in the world. So many amazing
things come that way, and I think he's done a
fabulous job of turning in his needs into something that's
really benefiting a lot of people. So that's kind of
what I wanted to.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
Share, absolutely, and we'll go over to Evelyn in a moment.
Just touching though on what you mentioned about the book call.
So this is there is a book call, and if
you're in America, it's Mondays, so Arizona time, six point
thirty pm on Mondays, And it's a zoom based call
(33:42):
where there's a study of going through again going through
non violent communication with a lot of input how you
can apply it, and it's really about how do we
also get that energy out into the world. So the
more people that use the the better and payment is
by what we call love offerings. That's as you feel
(34:05):
the exchange, then that's paid, and that's paid through typically
through PayPal. There's also zell in other ways. So this
is one of the things that you can keep going
with outside of this book club, and that will be
an interactive one. So we'll give you the email address
to express your interest and I'll do it again at
the end of the show. So I get a pen
(34:27):
and paper ready for then or that's the word info.
I n F O at LFA, LIMA, C for Charlie,
F for Fox truck, HFO Hotel, D for Delta, that's
l C F HD dot org okay, and over to
(34:48):
Evelyn in Miami. Okay.
Speaker 6 (34:53):
So one of the things that I just remember now
that really stood up to meet with this book is
one of the I don't have the book in front
of me right now, so I don't have the chapter
to relate. But he's talking about how even he was
confronted by some gang members, and in the middle of
(35:13):
being confronted by by these violent gang members, he actually
used the non violent communication. And I'm reading this and
I'm like, is he insane, you know. I mean, I'm
reading he's setting up the story and he's saying, how
you know, he was like, either I could have got
into a bad way or just I chose to go
(35:34):
this way with the NONVI. I'm like, this dude is
really nuts. It's like, I mean, you're being confronted and
you are in that space in yourself, and you're so
you believe in this work so much that even in
facing danger, you're gonna start talking and and you're gonna
have communication. And I was like wow. And then I
(35:55):
flipped a page and I kept reading and it's like,
oh my god. And it was incredible. See how he
was able to turn the whole situation around. I was
flabbergasted with that. That was like, this is incredible, I mean,
and in my mind, I was like, either this man
is really crazy or this really really works, you know.
(36:17):
And to see that was what really got me to
get into this book even more, because I was like,
if you could actually believe in this and get so
good and practiced at this type of communication that you
are even able to use it in a situation like
(36:39):
that that you're in danger. Just like the story about
one of his students where she would had to confront
that violent homeless guy that he was really angry because
he didn't wasn't able to get a room in the
homeless shelter. And you know she turned it around by
using this, you know, this type of communicating. It was like,
(37:03):
this is incredible. I mean, if more people read this book,
if more people practice this, our world would be so
different right now. We wouldn't have these needless wars and
all this things that are happening in our world right now.
So I truly, like I said, and I keep saying,
(37:26):
and it's one of those books that just makes so
much sense. And I think the more you read it,
and you go back and reread passages by it, you
get so excited and like, I see so much possibility
in not only my life, but in our world thanks
to this book, thanks to seeing what he has put
(37:46):
out there. And I mean I'm at the point that
I'm buying them and sending them out to different people
giving them. I think these are going to be the
Christmas gifts this year. I think it's going to be
the perfect Christmas gift for everybody on my list. I'm
definitely putting it there for them and I think they
have it in different languages too, so that's great. So
you know, my all my Spanish speaking family members are
definitely going to have one. So yeah, this is one
(38:10):
of those books that I really got excited about.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
That's a super idea. And I must say, with these
twenty year olds in the house and having the conversations
while they make dinner, one of they're very into manifestation,
the three who were here, and they were saying that,
you know, they're at work. One of the works in
a you know, a car mechanic place, and they're like,
(38:35):
I just want to tell them all, but I can't
just tell them because it doesn't work like that, he said.
I tried, he said. It's like then you end up
being like the bit of the weirdo on the side,
he said, But it's it's like when you really really
want someone to know something because it's working for you
and you don't know how to say it. And we
discuss smorgasboard because we were also talking about young children
(38:58):
and medication and reflecting on schooling and how the teachers
were and it was really about having choices, more choices
to reach out for. And this book gives you that
and we discussed that word smaugas board, you know, a
table full of lots of different dishes, and yeah, there
might be medication might be a particular way for some
(39:23):
young people than being in a different sort of schooling environment,
right something else having a different diet might be again something.
So it was like, howard a parent because that was
a topic because this is topical in Australia right now,
the identification of ADHD. Who does it? That's a tension
deficit disorderous and who does it? And who diagnoses it?
(39:47):
And when does it go on medication and when does
it not? So that was a discussion. It was like, well,
at the moment, that's really one of the only things
in mainstream society that's on the table as a choice.
So they were saying, well, how do you tell people?
So you don't necessarily tell people, You put more plates
on the table so that they can know and take
from it and see if that's to their liking. So
(40:10):
this book, as you're saying, giving it out as Christmas
presents is a beautiful way to putting putting more on
the table for people to choose from. So that's great analogy.
Now we I did mention that book call. So I'm
just going to say the email address again and that's
to register your interest and then you'll be sent a
zoom link and sent the different ways to do your
(40:34):
love offer. Love offer, as I mentioned, is a donation,
So that's the word info I NFO at lc FHD
dot org and going through nonviolent communication. Now on this,
I know we're also sharing about how we're applying it
(40:57):
in our own lives. Is would anyone liked?
Speaker 7 (41:00):
It?
Speaker 3 (41:00):
Gives some examples of potentially recent things, recent applications and
the outcomes you've had.
Speaker 5 (41:10):
This is Gabrielle in Australia. Lots of examples, but I
just really want to share how I actually practice in
getting better at this. So what I while I personally
have started is because looking at the non violent communication
process of observing, stating feelings, stating needs and making concrete requests,
(41:33):
I've started to go out wherever I go and in
my mind state what I observe. Because it's not that easy.
Judgments flow in very very easily. So you might say, oh,
you're eating too much instead of saying even when I
talk to myself, you know, instead of saying I'm eating
too much, to say I just ate a big plate
(41:56):
of pasta because that is the fact. To much is
already the judgment, so for me to learn to just observe,
you know. So I'm working around the world making little
statements in my head, learning how to put that into words.
And then as far as feelings goes, I use the
lists in the book on page forty four and forty five,
(42:21):
where one page says how we are likely to feel
when our needs are being met, and the other page
says how we are likely to feel when our needs
are not being met, And it's just quite profound. And
part of it is for me to increase my vocabulary,
and being from German heritage, I have a lot of
(42:41):
vocabulary around feelings already because Germans communicate quite explicitly. But
you know, instead of saying I feel great, to choose
a word and say I'm delighted or you know, I
feel inspired, and just introducing a word at a time
into your language, one that works for you, that has
a resonance. And also finding out when my needs are
(43:04):
not being met to say, well, feel hurt and going
there's a need not med what is it? And then
inquire in that. And you know, of course being still
taking lots of deep breath before I say anything, so
and have my little words with me. I have a
little card with me with the process. And he has
(43:25):
an example in the book about that too where the
father took the card out and said, hang on, I
need to read my card on my process of how
I will speak first before I say something, and then
make a request, you know, and to learn how to
make concrete requests and not general ones. You know, you
should be more tidy or whatever, but saying no, I
want you to pick up the clothes from the floor
(43:48):
and put them in the washing basket. So it's a process,
step by step learning for me.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
Great great to have a process, and that process in
the book is a powerful one. And as you said,
even just the first one, that first bit of that
internal if it's an internal internal dialogue, what are we
saying to ourselves? And how ladent is that at times
with the emotion or the potential negative saying you know,
(44:16):
I've eaten too much, that's straightaway judgment talk. So how
do we do that on ourselves and others to remove
the judgment and bring back the observation. That's a I
think even if we just did that that's a really
good start. I'd like to share too that what I've
brought in quite recently is to look throughout the day.
In the morning, what is what's something that's come to
(44:39):
mind that if I had my time again, I would
do differently, or what's the learning from that? And then
in the middle of the day again, take a moment
and say, just a quick review of the morning, what
would I have done differently or said differently in that time? Sunset?
And then before bed and checking in four times times
in the day enables me to go how much am
(45:04):
I using these principles of nonviolent communication? Because I found
almost all the things that I would redo were around
either the internal self talk or communicating or not communicating
with others, so that was a big part as well.
Then the choice to not communicate when a communication could
(45:27):
have occurred. So there's some of the reflections that are there.
So that's another little practice. You can bring this in
four times in your day. Now we're in our last
fifteen minutes. Yes, I was going to say, it'd be
great to just have some open discussion.
Speaker 7 (45:43):
This is Marianne from Melbourne, Australia. When Gabrielle was talking
I was thinking, wouldn't it be really interesting if we
don't speak about feelings and we only speak about needs.
And so let's say we're having this fun conversation with
somebody and we go, oh, my need for connection is
being met right now with you, and my need for
(46:07):
fun is being met right now, and then we have
a conversation that goes off a bit or my need
for being heard is not being met right now, you know,
And that we only speak to each other about our needs.
I think that would be really cool, and also as
a way of bringing the needs into our language and
(46:28):
into our conscious awareness as well. Yeah, anyway, Gabrielle helped
me think of that.
Speaker 3 (46:37):
I think it's a souper idea because you'd also have
those pause where you would realize you don't necessarily know
what needs not being met. And I think that can
be a powerful turning point to then go and look,
because you could have a whole lot of behaviors that
are based on the need not being met, and if
you don't know what needs not met, you might keep soliciting.
(47:00):
That's what we were saying too about the school when
the boys were really mucking up. They were really it
was the time to be acknowledged. They were in year nine,
which is fifteen sixteen year olds, and because they weren't
being acknowledged in any other way, they just marked up
so badly in a way that's comical now looking at it,
but that was a need not being met. They didn't know,
(47:22):
and the teachers didn't know. So the teachers actually got
their need met by putting these boys in the middle
of the whole school and making them kneel there and
stay there while everyone, you know, looked how bad they were,
focused on how bad they were, and these are the
people that are keeping you back from lunch. And so
they got their need net of tension, but it wasn't
(47:44):
quite in the way. Their need wasn't met, actually, but
the overall thing of being noticed definitely got met.
Speaker 7 (47:53):
That probably again understood and probably not. You know, I
find so many young people are just full of wisdom.
I know you do, too, Alloway, and they're just so creative,
like inspiring beings, and if we just ask questions and
really we're interested in the fact that they are really
intelligent little geniuses that they could teach us. And I
(48:17):
think so many young people must feel that they're not
heard and they're not seen, and that their intelligence isn't
valued because how often as adults do we really sit
and inquire, you know, with the wisdom of a four
year old, like and really want to know. I know
there are many parents that do, but I think they're
(48:38):
the system, the culture, and the system itself doesn't give
us that way generally.
Speaker 3 (48:48):
Yep. Well I can do is nod and say we
can we can change this, and we do change this
and this. These are the discussions that bring about change.
And that's why it's terrific to be on these new
books because you're get new thoughts, new neurons. After this,
there might be those aha moments and feel that extra
empowered to ask those questions. Like in one of one
(49:08):
of the examples in the book, he says he was
sitting with a group of people and they were all talking,
and then part way through he says, is anyone enjoying
this conversation? And it sort of stopped people for a moment,
and then others went, no, actually it's a bit boring,
and I just thought that's pretty cool. I sometimes just
(49:30):
avoid conversations that I know are really it's wherever they're at.
And I think now no, maybe it's the time just
to still be present and then just to ask a
question like that, be brave, what's the worst that can happen?
Invited you to be brave.
Speaker 6 (49:47):
What blew me away about that was that he actually
asked the speaker, the person that was doing other talking,
because I was the whole point, the whole social talking,
if he was being Internet ended, and even the speaker
was actually, no, I'm quite bored of what I'm talking about.
It's like I was like, Wow, that is brave. I
(50:08):
was like so many times I would want I would
want to do that myself, to just you know, really
ask people we were really really enjoying what's being said
right now or you know, what's going on. So that
was cool that those are the little gems from that
book that just you know, made such a difference, and
I think it makes such a difference.
Speaker 3 (50:29):
Yeah, there are a lot of little gems, which is
why I'm definitely doing, you know, going through it again.
And also for those of you who have that time
available Monday's six thirty Arizona time, jump in and be
part of the part of the discussing and application. Because
what we do in our homes, what we do in
(50:52):
our own self talk, what we do in our homes,
what we do in our workplaces has effect on a
global scale. And this book has this book while we're
talking about our personal work with it, the book gives
examples where he's been working with Palestine and with Israel,
He's been working with countries, he's been working with leaders.
(51:14):
He's been put into schools that are apparently the schools
that are you know, all the last hope for the
kids who are so off this and then in the prisons.
So this book gives you those high level applications with
demonstrated success. I really really encourage whatever aspect of life
(51:36):
you have, influence that you have this. You have these tools,
and it takes more than one reading because it takes application.
Speaker 4 (51:46):
This is Trina. I just keep thinking, you know, our
lads are really not long when you think of the
ground scheme of things, and we spend so much time
time in not really expressing ourselves and what we need
and or really communicating well with people where we'll we'll
(52:09):
fight or whatever. And it's like what if we could,
Like Mary Anne was making me think of it again
with her, you know, speaking needs instead. It's like, could
that really put more energy into doing some super positive
things or things that were definitely needed, instead of dancing
(52:32):
around for such a long time without really getting down
to the bottom.
Speaker 3 (52:37):
Of what needed to be said.
Speaker 4 (52:40):
Or what in a nice in a way that I
know a long time ago, grandmother Parisha had us, do
you know, have an agreement with somebody where we would
do a stop change and if the agreement was there
that someone was seeing us go to negativity into negativity
(53:05):
or doubt or something like that, and someone could just
say to you, stop change, it would stop that thought
process and you would sit back and go wait a minute,
and it didn't feel offensive because there was an agreement
there that someone could say it if they noticed, and
then you could talk about it. But how many times
could we be stopped? Like Evelyn just you know, brought
(53:29):
up how many times have we just sat there and
we kind of wasted time and not said anything because
we were going to be polite or you know, instead
of just saying, you know, maybe we can use our
time a little bit differently in this. So when you
think about the use of energy and where are we
really putting our energy this non violent communication and really
(53:54):
communicating what we need how we're feeling. That se to
me to be a lot more positive use. Again, now
it's a judgment, but a better use of our energy
than dancing around and fading through things when nobody really
understands what.
Speaker 3 (54:15):
It is we need. Yeah, yeah, it's a it's a
it's a big thing knowing your needs and being curious, curious,
inquirist to the needs of others. I know that when
we're when we go through these books, the idea is
that they bring bring tools, bring tools for all of you,
(54:38):
and that also brings us onto our the next book
that we're most likely to do. So this is this
is like a pre launch in that we're yet to
choose another book, but we've got a short list of
books and the idea is that with each of those,
what is it that you are able to get through
those when we read them. So we'll announce shortly what
(55:01):
our next book is. And one of the possibilities is
called thirty six four hundred BCE, and that looks at
the new technologies that are being able to look into
the Earth and use some of the satellite technologies and
have a look at those ancient civilizations like ancient Egypt
(55:24):
in particular and bring back some of the information. Some
of the questions have always been asked, but ask them
in a different way. And the book itself says it
will make you question everything about history. So that's one
on the shortlist. So listener on Quantumly Book Club as
we introduce our next book. And I like to before
(55:47):
we close, just go through again the email address to
express your interest to be on the book call where
we look again and active looking at non violent Communication
info at LCAHD dot org. And before we close for today,
in our last five minutes, it'd be super to here
a key point from each of our co hosts as
(56:10):
we close out today.
Speaker 4 (56:13):
This is Trina, and I guess my message goes back
to this about life being short and that we really
have a birth rate for joy and happiness. So take
the time to learn what it is that you need
and learn how to express it. And this book might
be one and there's probably one hundred others that will
help you along that path too.
Speaker 5 (56:36):
Terrific And this is Gabrielle and along the same lines,
we deserve to be happy journal if you're not totally
in line with that, which I'm doing as well, but
we deserve to be happy. And if your life doesn't
feel happy, if you have a relationship with yourself and
others doesn't feel happy, now is the time to change.
(56:58):
We can change any time, and this book is a
brilliant starting point.
Speaker 6 (57:05):
And this is Zeblin, Miami, Florida. And one of the
key points here is sometimes it is more important to
be authentic than to be polite. That being authentic brings
more of the happiness and enjoy the realness, and then
you're communicating your needs and you get to listen to
(57:27):
other people's needs. So definitely this book.
Speaker 7 (57:33):
This is Mary Anne from Elvin, Australia. My message is
to don't worry if your reactions seem a lot bigger
than the situation warrants, because there's most likely an old
trauma in there, an old need that wasn't met so
drastically that it's left a big emotional imprint which gets
(57:54):
stimulated in a current situation. So don't blame yourself for that.
Just seek to understand and to resolve some of that
old pain.
Speaker 3 (58:10):
Powerfully effective and I'll keep that there for the closing.
So it is that time that we conclude our studies
and we appreciate appreciate you being with us and sharing
this time. You count, and you matter, and you always
make a difference. We look forward to being you being
with us next week as we go through potentially our
(58:32):
new book on Quantuantly book Club. Have a powerful week,
let your light shine and all good things to you.
Speaker 2 (58:40):
Thank you for listening to Quantum Leak book Club. For
more information where you can contact us, go to lay
Radio network dot com. Forward slash quantum hyphen lead. Have
a great week.
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