Have you ever played the 'Would You…?' game by lets-split-up

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Would you cut off your pinky to get a million dollars?
Would you kill your cheating spouse to marry the man
of your dreams? Would you eat a dog turd to
win a year's supply of ice cream? See? These are
the sort of preposterous questions that make up the wood

(00:23):
You Game, which is like a deranged cousin of the
Would You Rather? Board game? But unlike the popular board game,
the wood You game as real world steaks stakes as
high as life or death or even higher. I found

(00:44):
this out the hard way with my sister Seti. Her
actual name is September, but everyone called her Seti, just
like everyone calls me Toby. My actual name is October,
and yes, we do hate our parents for this. Seti
was always competitive even when she was very little, but
I didn't understand how competitive until she invented the Wouldie game.

(01:07):
We played during boring summers at home. In the beginning,
it was just Seti, me our older sister, Jewles July
Eben color Jewels, and her best friend, Darren. Darren's the
one who added cards to the game structure. He was
kind of a nerd like board games, though he only
reluctantly played them with me and Seti, whom he found
too young and competitive. The game as it exists today

(01:30):
is largely Darren's construction. There are seven cards, always dealt
in order. Would you risk verb risk noun, two reward
verb reward noun, For example, would you kill your roommate
two cure cancer. Most of the time, the randomness of
the cards led to absurd sentences, less like truth or dare,

(01:53):
more like mad libs. Points were earned through guesses, with
fellow players trying to guess whether you would or would not.
Often the fun of the game revolved around players justifying
their choices, as in, sure, eating a dog turrdy would
be gross, but two minutes of gross is worth all
a full year of delish. It was silly, harmless fun.

(02:17):
The fact the game turned into something horrifying is my fault.
I knew even at the time I shouldn't have done
when I did, but I was. I was furious with Seti.
She'd pulled would you lick a cockroach to get a
day home from school? And she said yes. SETI said
yes to everything. I pointed out, it's ridiculous, she's lying.

(02:40):
She wouldn't do any of these things. I would Seti
about seven years old at the time. Balder fists. She
was trying very hard to be cool enough to play
with her older siblings and keep up with us. You wouldn't,
I snapped, sick of her lying. We went back and forth,
and finally I declared I was adding a new rule,
the challenge rule. Any player could challenge another player, and

(03:03):
then the challenged player would have to do the thing
that they'd said yes to. If they did, the player
who'd made the challenge had to give the reward a
day home from school. Meant that I'd cover for her
with our parents. Setti's face immediately took on a pink cast.
She clearly hadn't anticipated my making up this rule. I

(03:26):
cruel older sibling than I was challenged her to lick
the cockroach. It wasn't nice, I admit. The tears came
into her eyes. She looked at me in disbelief. Setti
always looked up to me, idolized me. I'd like to
say that in the moment, I'd regretted what I was
doing to her, but at the same time I was

(03:49):
just gloating. But little Seti wouldn't be beaten either. Darren
went and got a roach. He and Jules really should
have been shaperonnning better, but Darren was just glee at
the idea of anyone locking a cockroach. He pulled a
dead one from one of the traps and laid it
out on the napkin in front of her. Said, he's
lower lip quivered. Her big eyes lifted to mine. Then

(04:13):
she leaned forward, squenched her eyes, and stuck her tongue out.
The pink tip touched the roach. She licked it, declared Darren, delighted,
even as Jules cried ew and I exclaimed cross and
now I owed her a day off school. Triumphant, she

(04:33):
squished the dead roach in the napkin and tossed it
into the trash. I win, she said, Yeah, well you
licked a roach, which means you lose it life, I retorted,
I win, she declared again. From then on, the challenge
rule held, but I should have known it was a stupid,
dangerous rule. The next time we played, the very first card,

(04:58):
said he flipped had kill on it. She paused on
that card while Darren's mouth made an oh of suspense
and jewels and I exchanged troubled glances, including the kill card.
Was controversial. It sometimes resulted in hilariously absurd combinations, such as,
would you kill your butt to become a lost treasure?
To an adult, this sort of mad libs game's ridiculous.

(05:20):
When I was ten, it was hilarious, but of course
the word could also result in some very bad combinations.
Set He kept drawing your sibling to win this game,
She paused, mouth quirking to the side as she considered

(05:43):
the cards invalid, declared Jeweles No, no, no, we could
still guess, said Darren, even as SETI slid her answer card,
a card that said yes or no, face down in
front of her Darren. Jules objected, but Darren was already
sliding his card forward as well. Jules and I followed suit,

(06:03):
and we all flipped them upright, darning. Jewles had guessed no,
my card said yes anew my dumb sister, and SETTI
hers also said yes, I knew it, I said, glaring quietly.
She smiled back at me serenely. Come on, bull's shit,
Darren said, while Jules elbowed him, but Daren ignored her

(06:25):
and growled challenge. No, said Jeules, Oh no, no, we're
not what Darren snap it's in the rules. If she
kills Toby, she wins the game. He ued study and
said poignantly, I'm not going to let her win by
cheating or bluffing. Enough, said Jules, My younger sister gathered
the cards in front of her, set both her yes

(06:47):
and no cards aside, and smoothed her skirt. There was
no red face this time, no crying or embarrassment. She
stood up, turned to Darren and said, why aren't you silly?
Don't you know it's just a game. Come on, Toby,
let's go. Something in my stomach unnodded as her fingers
intertwined mine. It was a relief to know that, despite

(07:07):
her competitiveness, my sister could recognize when a thing went
too far. Suddenly her arm curved around my neck, yanking
me back in a chokehold. I slapped at her arms,
fingers clawed and pulled at me as her face went
purple and my windpipe felt crushed and speckles blackened my vision.
Then she was off me, hauled back by Darren and
Jewels as she howled, let me go, let go, SETI

(07:30):
stop it hauled, Jewels said, he was still screeching as
they dragged her to her room. Jesus, he's batshit, growled Darren.
Jewles declared, no more games. If I kill Toby, did
I win? Panted Seti as they locked her in. I win,
say that I win. No, no one wins, Seti, screamed Jewels.

(07:52):
I can't believe I even have to say this. I'm
telling mom and dad, why do you have to be
so crazy? Christ? The game is suspended. You want to
It's over. There are no winners, and we were never
playing this fucking game ever again. So that was the
end of the wood you game. For many years, said

(08:12):
he found other games to play, of course, less dangerous ones.
She was really good at games and made a fortune
with gambling the lottery card tournaments investing you. Playing the
market itself is some sort of game, she told me,
and as with all such ventures, she tackled it with
a competitive spirit and almost unmatched skill. Though she did
suffer some stunning losses occasionally as a consequence of her

(08:36):
tremendous risks. She knew all the tricks of the trade,
shuffling tricks, sleight of hand, weighted dice, counting cards. Contrary
to what you might believe, she was actually a pretty
good sister. Most of the time, it was SETI who
took care of our parents, making sure their bills were
paid and their lawn mode and the big house always tidy.
She did a lot of the cookie and cleaning herself

(08:57):
before she'd do her makeup and go out for the
evening to the casino or for a drink with business partners.
She never went to college. Instead, she kept house for
our parents. But then, I mean, she didn't really need college.
We had wealth inherited from our grandparents, and said He
multiplied it neatly, managing investments for all of us. She

(09:18):
did this with complete transparency and fairness. And while she
sometimes gambled heavily with her own money, she never did
with ours, always putting it in investments according to our
willingness to embrace risk or security. And yet through my
college years, when said he was finishing high school, she

(09:39):
brought back the WOODU game, this time, being legally an adult,
she had no one to rein her in. I found
out about it from Keeter, another boy at her school.
He told me how she'd started playing with a group
of preppy senior friends. I tried to shrug this off.
Whatever we are all adults. Now, surely my sister would

(10:00):
go too crazy, right. It wasn't until later I found
out she'd changed the rules again. She and some of
the other seniors were playing one day when they decided
that the mad lib's aspect was no longer as entertaining
as when we were children, and that players should draw
until the cards issued a sentence that the majority agreed

(10:20):
made sense. Of course, even then, most of the results
were still things that couldn't actually happen, But others, like
would you eat bugs to get a winning lotto ticket?
Well not only perfectly valid combinations, but also easy enough
to both challenge and reward. And this is exactly what happened.
When Seti and her friends played. One of them claimed

(10:43):
he'd eat bugs to get a winning lotto ticket. She
challenged he ate several aunts, so Seti bought lot of
tickets until she had a winning one. Granted it was
only three dollars, but the cards hadn't specified, had they,
And that is how it began Seti herself becoming a
guaranteur of sorts anytime she played the game. She had

(11:05):
the money. After all, even back then, our family was
well off, and Seti already had a considerable sum saved
from her gambling and side hustles. I never knew what
else she did on the side, but I assume some
of it wasn't legal. She could afford to escalate the game,
so when a combination came up, like would you dump
your boyfriend to earn a new iPhone? Set he could

(11:26):
issue the challenge, and when her friend followed through with
the dumping, said friend would be gifted a new phone.
It was nonsense, risky, unhealthy, but not, I guess, more
than any other kind of gambling. Until it got worse.

(11:49):
Several years later, SETI had some friends over. I'd refuse
to join. I'd sworn to myself never to play this game.
SETI seemed to get even more competitive when I was around,
so I kept away from the group, watching from across
the living room. Turns kept passing round, and everyone was laughing, drinking.
Few people were smoking, but that wasn't really my business.

(12:09):
Mostly it sounded like absurd stuff. Would you kiss miss
Whittinger to save a litter of kittens? Groans? Miss Whittinger
was the principal at Seti's high school, and in games
of Kiss Mary Kill, she was universally the kill option.
Most discussion ensued about whether a litter of kittens would
actually die if the player said no to this, and

(12:30):
whether the price having to kiss Miss Wittinger was too high.
Seti considered the question, but intertwined her fingers and explained
that since the kittens were in the reward deck, not
the risk deck, the game would not put kittens in
harm's way. In short, kissing will mean you do a
good deed, but not kissing won't make you do a

(12:51):
bad one. She declared. Thus, if Scott, the player who
had drawn the combination, were to return to their old
high school to kiss the loso, Miss Whittaker, of kittens
would be rescued, but nothing would happen otherwise. Well, yeah,
but if I don't kiss her, some kittens somewhere might
not get rescued. So guess I got a kisser. Scott

(13:12):
grinned at the groans all around challenge, said SETI almost
automatically almost bored. Scott did indeed end up visiting the
high school on a made up errand and kissing the
principal on the cheek. She was suitably astonished at this
affection from the troublesome alum, but also rather touched, and

(13:32):
Seti honored her word and awarded Scott by saving a
litter of kittens that still occupies our parents's house, where
she devotedly looked after them. But that's not the reason
I'm telling you about this game. See. Shortly after Scott's draw,
another friend, Rosalinda, drew a combination that elicited quite a stir.

(13:56):
Would you cut off your finger to gain one million dollars?
Gasps and whispers all around? Everyone at that party knew
that if it was done, said he could potentially honor
the million. This was into her investing years. She had
the financial wherewithal for it. She had granted other gifts before,

(14:20):
but never to such an extravagant amount. The most she'd
ever given was a gift of a Bahamas trip. I
mean I totally do it, said Scott. No way, said
another friend. No way, I'd do that. But a million dollars,
said someone else. That one's a hypothetical, right, said another,
glancing tentatively at Seti, who just sat back holding her

(14:41):
drink with her eyes glimmering in a lazy smile on
her face. Well, obviously, said Scott, I mean, who's got
a million dollars to give, said he might. Yeah, right,
screw it, said Rosalinda, slamming her card down. I'm mean
make your picks. People. Everyone voted half yes, half no.

(15:02):
Rosalinda flipped her card yes. Everyone glanced at Seti, who
stood up quietly moved to the bar to pour herself
another drink, and then poured a glass for Rosalinda too,
a glass of strong stuff. She then moved into the kitchen,
where she opened a drawer, felt my heart rate increase,

(15:28):
moved to follow Seti and whose fingers glinted silver. She
sterilized the knife over a flame, then brought it to Rosalinda,
laying it out on a tray with napkins bandages the
first aid kit. Rosalinda's eyes grew wide as saucers. Oh shit,
whispered Scott, disbelieving everyone had gone utterly silent, appalled. I

(15:52):
held my breath. Don't, I thought, don't? What should I
have done? Call the police? Even now, I wondered. No
one was forcing Rosalinda to do anything, and yet said
he sat back in her cushioned chair, idly swirling the

(16:15):
bourbon in her glass before downing it. Her eyes glimmered
over a smile as she raised her gaze to Rosalinda
and whispered challenge. Everyone was dead still, and then Rosalinda
picked up the knife. I'll spare you the description of

(16:42):
the aftermath of that. The wood you card had said
cut your finger off, but they had said nothing about
sewing it back on. Scott put Rosalinda's finger on ice
immediately after she cut it off, to the screams of
the other players. There were some accusations that said he
was sick at this all too far. Then Rosalinda's friends
rushed her and her severed finger to the hospital, where

(17:04):
it was reattached, And of course Rosalinda and her friends
were somewhat mollified that shortly afterwards a million dollars was
transferred to her bank account. In fact, when word spread,
others began seeking out my sister to play. And that

(17:25):
was when I put my foot down about playing in
the house. I said, our parents' house couldn't be turned
into a gambling den. That I didn't want murders or
matings under their roof and for them to have to
deal with cleaning up blood or whatever sick things happened there. Said,
he agreed to take her games elsewhere. I tried to
keep out of her business, but occasionally word leaked from

(17:45):
our parents or jewels or mutual acquaintances, and it seemed
like both the risks and rewards were getting bigger. But
when things really got out of hand, when I finally
put my foot down that it had to stop. Was
the first time someone died. Before COVID, the games had
involved physical risk, even naming, but had never included death.

(18:10):
I wasn't present for the lethal draw and only found
out later that the combination pulled was would you become
haunted by a terrifying ghost to save your child? This
particular game took place over Zoom during the height of
the pandemic, among a handful of players who won the
chance to play via lottery. At this point, said these
games were in high demand. As it turned out, one

(18:32):
of the players had an eldest daughter on a ventilator.
Now you'd think that any combination of having a ghost
would be inherently invalid, after all, it's not like said
he could conjure up the supernatural, But apparently the players
agreed to accept it as a valid draw, and the
devoted father played, Yes, anything for my kids, he said,
I viewed the recording on zoom later, and after the

(18:55):
father played yes, said He's eyes fluttered for several seconds
strange way, as if she were in a trance or
listening to something no one else could hear. Then her
eyes opened and she declared challenge. A few days later,
the daughter recovered. But it wasn't until said daughter messaged me,

(19:18):
begging me to intervene, that I understood how deranged the
game had become. The man who answered the door in
his bathrobe, had eyes red rimmed from weeping a week's
worth of beards, stubbling his gaunt face. Without a word,
he let me into his house, and as he shuffled
away from me, I noticed burn marks on the walls,

(19:40):
not in any obvious pattern, but here and there, marring
the walls. He pointed to a pile of framed photographs
stacked on the sofa. They had formerly been hung on
the walls, I realized, But he'd taken them down because
in every single photo he had been burned out the
rest of his family intact. That's how the wallpaper had

(20:04):
been charred. There was also I noticed a burnmark in
the shape of a handprint on his arm. While the
father wearily offered me tea. I picked up one of
the photos, the backing and part of the glass damaged
from the heat. Is he just the burn marks or
there's other stuff going on the lights, he whispered as

(20:28):
he starred the tea. Shrieks and bangs at night, handprints,
dreams and miss He pulled up in a drawer full
of children's drawings scrawled by his daughter and her siblings,
kept from when they were little, and all the drawings

(20:48):
he had been scratched out, and a blackened figure like
a shadow seemed to be looming behind him, its hands
on his shoulders. I mean, she's obviously hired somebody to
come and do all this, I said, you're probably having
nightmares from the stress. No way would I believe that
said he could summon a ghost. But I absolutely believe
she had the resources to make a man think she had.

(21:11):
The defiled children's drawings especially left me chilled. How would
she identify which figure in the child's drawing was him?
Whoever said he had hired and chase him off? And
I promise that I would contact my sister in the
morning and put an end to this so called haunting.
The man seemed relieved by my assurance that all the
spooky effects were staged, Yet he also requested me not

(21:35):
to interfere. He was clearly anxious that if he didn't
let things continue, his daughter would fall sick again. I
tried to assure him that Seti didn't have that kind
of power and couldn't make her relapse, but he insisted
I keep out of it privately. I decided to speak

(21:56):
to Seti anyway she was overseas. However, the man killed
himself before she got back, hung himself from the staircase,
leaving his beloved daughter and her siblings to mourn. I
went to our parents' house for my sister the night

(22:17):
she returned. She'd barely gotten off the plane a half
hour earlier, but despite what must have been a weary flight,
she walked through the front door in a glitzy suit,
like she'd stepped out of Vegas. Seeing me, she spread
her arms wide and a greeting how could you, I snarled.
She dropped her arms, though her smile didn't falter. Toby, Dear,
I didn't. Whatever it is you're upset about, it was

(22:39):
the cards A ghost, SETI a terrifying ghost, she corrected,
of course it wasn't a ghost, SETI, I bellowed, shaking
with fury. The funeral had been two days ago. The
only terrifying thing here is you, for hounding a man
to death. You drove into this. It's you who fulfills
all the challenges, who delivers the rewards. You paid for

(23:01):
his daughter to get special treatment. I looked into it.
You couldn't guarantee it, but you did everything you could
to make sure she'd recover, didn't you, And when she did,
you made him suffer. He had to complete the challenge.
She pursed, her lips silent for a moment, and then
finally said, then what if I did? What if you did?

(23:23):
I couldn't believe her, Seti, You drove a man to
his death. You said that already she looked bored. So
I made a man terrified. He chose to kill himself. Bullshit.
You killed him as much as if you handed him
the rope. Oh, so he chose hanging, SETI, I paused
and added, low and serious, you have to stop this.

(23:47):
That stilled her. She was silent a moment, eyes shadowed
by the brim of her hat. Crimson lips pursed finally
curled to a smile. Make me huh, make me stop,
she repeated, and Langley took a chair at the coffee table,

(24:08):
indicating for me to do the same. I stayed in
horror as she pulled out a deck one game, she declared,
eyes glittering a duel. You win, I stop and never
play again. You can have your wish. No, Toby, people
pay thousands to play with me. You don't know what

(24:29):
a deal you're getting. Besides, it's the only way to
make me stop, she again indicated the chair. I just
stared at her, fists clenched. Why because Toby, dear, our
mother and father's beloved, who can do no wrong? Because
we never finished our game. I remember when we were little,
we started to play, but things went too far. We

(24:51):
couldn't end it. I won't be left at a stalemate.
Finished the game with me? Dear, is Toby golden child,
the one mom and dad always loved. Bet They loved
you too. They love me like the alcoholic loves the bottle,
a terrible influence that they secretly wish they could obliterate.
And it's true, I'm terrible, but perfect. Good. Toby win

(25:15):
against me and I will stop her eyebrows shot up reluctantly,
dread building in my gut. I sat down opposite her.
I threw out one more feeble argument. We don't have
enough players. I won't let anyone else get involved. We

(25:35):
don't need other players, she corrected. A dual game is
a two player version. It has a few extra rules,
like the double dare. That's where you take your opponent's
challenge and double it. So, for instance, if it were
would you kill a kitten and I accept, you'd have
to kill two? Great example. How are your cats, by

(25:55):
the way, all very well? As it happens, they haven't
been drawn into any games. She flashed a wicked smile
at me as one of said cats, oblivious to the
danger it would be in should set he draw any
cards that involved pets, came over and rubbed against her leg, purring.
She explained the rules of the dual game as she shuffled.
It was basically the same as the regular game, but

(26:17):
answers were scored differently. One point for yes, one point
for correct guesses, zero points for no, zero points for
wrong guesses, ten points for completed challenge. If a challenge
went unfulfilled, it was an automatic loss. If more than
one challenge was fulfilled for the same reward, only the
most recent challenge would gain the reward. The game would

(26:40):
continue until each player had drawn ten valid combinations, getting
points for saying yes automatically scus the game in your favor,
I observed, excuse the game in favor of playing more boldly. Yes, said,
he agreed, but it's still possible for you to win.
I glard. He allowed me to draw first. Would you

(27:02):
dance with the rotting human entrails to earn a dream
vacation tame by the current standards of the game. I
started to put down my no card, but then remembered
I'd get zero points for it. Of course, if I
put down yes, SETI would manage to make those rotting
entrails appear, and I didn't even want to think about
whether they'd really be human or not. Aside and pushed

(27:28):
forward Yes, SETI also slid a card forward. Both of
us flipped. Both of us said yes, one point for me,
one for SETI for guessing correctly. I waited for the
inevitable challenge, but she only smiled. I got a challenge,
I asked, no, because you actually do it and you'll
get ten points, she replied, and obviously you'll get a
dream vacation too, but I'd rather save my money for

(27:51):
more interesting rewards. Seti's turn. She flipped the card slowly.
Would you fly to stinky toenails to gain your name
on Mars? Invalid? Obviously, she drew again. Would you sing
loudly to the President to save world peace? Another invalid combination?
SETI drew through more nonsense sentences before finally coming up

(28:13):
with a valid combination. Would you kiss a bowl of
diarrhea to get a year's supply of ice cream? I said,
such a dumb game, said, He smiled and pushed a
card forward. I rolled my eyes into the same. They
both flipped. Yes, of course you would, I said, Disgusted,
you could challenge, she offered, and give you ten points.

(28:35):
Fuck that. We went back and forth a couple more rounds.
My hands were shaking. Soon we got to challenges I
wouldn't do. I started playing, no, said he always played. Yes.
She was gaining points and didn't challenge me on the
rare times I drew something I felt I could do.
And then, as we approached the tenth round that would

(28:55):
end the game, said he drew a combination that bade
my breath. Can would you skin yourself to win this game?
Setti was already ahead. If I didn't challenge her, she'd win.

(29:17):
If I challenged her and she refused, she'd lose. The
smart play here would be to pick no. She wouldn't
risk anything. She was way ahead of me anyway. The
game would end on the next turn. All she had
to do was miss one point by playing her no card.
Playing yes was something only a complete idiot would do.
But Seti had never played no, not in any of

(29:40):
the turns we'd had so far. Would she know? Setti
looked me in the eye as she put down her card, smiled,
almost apologetically, with a little shrug. Ah. How that smile
infuriated me, the lightness of it, the willingness to throw
everything down in the stupid, idiotic, foolish game when she

(30:01):
was already guaranteed to win. I played my card. We
flipped them over. Yes. Fury course threw me. It was
like when we were kids all over again, and said
he would brazenly claim she'd do something outrageous when all
of us knew she really wouldn't. When she bluffed and

(30:22):
I called her on it and the words spat from
my lips before I could think to stop, Because how
dare she mock me like this, playing like her life
hardly mattered challenge. It was strange the expression that flickered
across Setti's face. Regret, fear, angst rage. For just a moment,

(30:47):
she reminded me of that little girl again, the little
girl who idolized me, who just wanted to be brave
enough to impress me until I called her out for
going too far, and every single time herself to rise
to my challenge. Remembering that I suddenly regretted my actions,
Setti's eyelids closed, fluttered, as if she were coming to

(31:08):
terms with what had just happened. Then, without a word,
she rose to her feet. My parents did a lot
of barbecuing in the summers, even the occasional pig roaster
carving up venison, I wondered with horror, among the many
implications in this grandly furnished house, they might have a

(31:29):
skinning knife, Seidi wait I cried, seizing her arm as
she turned around. I forfeit you, hear me, I forfeit
you in I withdrawing my challenge. What she stammered, you
can't forfeit. That's not how it works. Too bad. I'm done, Toby,
she shrieked, as I grabbed my jacket and rushed for
the door. You agreed to finish the game? Yeah, bite me.

(31:51):
I ducked out and slammed the door from inside, a
howl of anguish, high keening, practically inhuman. God said he
could be so scary. I hurry away, trying to force
the horrible, stupid game from my consciousness, trying to forget
how irrational said he could be. My phone buzzed, We're
not finished. We have one turn left, Toby. One turn.

(32:13):
She carried on like that all night. I silenced my phone.
In the morning, I had so many messages I blocked her.
I fully expected calls from our parents, jewels, our mutual acquaintances,
email messenger, voicemails at work, maybe a singing, fucking telegram.
Said he had a huge network, and I knew my

(32:34):
sister had a thousand ways to contact me. There would
be no escaping her raft until the game was over.
And yet silence, not so much as a peep. It
was this complete absence of communication that unsettled me more

(32:56):
than anything. They called our parents jueles friends, but they
hadn't heard from SETI. Not wanting them to worry, I
lied to everyone and said I was just checking in
because it'd been a while. With every hour, the knot
of dread and my gut tightened. Finally, three days after

(33:17):
our fateful game, there came a knock at my door.
I'd been in a state of suspension for so long
that my first feeling was relief. At least we get
this over with. I went to the door, calling out,
who's there? With no response. I peeked through the peep hole,

(33:39):
but it was covered, just like Stady to play games.
Maybe it really was a singing telegram. I opened the door. Hello.
The word died on my lips, shifting from Hello to
hell in what, looking back, seemed chillingly appropriate. On the

(34:05):
threshold stood a costumed figure. She was reminiscent of the
Easter bunny, huge black eyes, plush fur around chipmunkish cheeks,
buck teeth, and maul fur, fluffy white belly. This wasn't
sophisticated like a costplay for Sona. No, this was more

(34:26):
like the mall grade Easter variant, vaguely creepy and unsettling,
like a costume theme park character, a chucky cheese animatronic.
I'd always had a dread of such characters, even as
a child. Something about the fakery of the costuming was
so off putting now that some unease prickled through me.
As the bunny spread its arms in a cudah pose,

(34:51):
I said, I stepped back and held open the door,
trying to ignore the small voice that wondered what I
might see if I lifted the mass off that bunny suit.
The bunny strolled in with an exaggerated happy stride, reminding
me again of a costumed character who could even tell
what was underneath such a suit. The bunny pulled out

(35:13):
two chairs from my dining table and patted one for me. Setti,
I said. The bunny pulled a card from a pocket
somewhere in its fur and held it up for me
to read. One more turn, How do I know it's

(35:33):
you to take off that dumb thing? A headshake? The
bunny pointed again to the card, exaggeratedly, tapping it and
nodding to me its suit. Its suits smelled faintly of
copper and maybe something else, sweat body odor. It was

(36:03):
more unpleasant than that, Like the smell of a dead
mouse that I've found once in a trap, rotting for days.
And I wondered what was under that suit. She wouldn't
have done it, would she She couldn't have and survived.

(36:23):
It's had to be an act to make me feel
make me think that she'd done something crazy. I looked
into those bunny eyes black mesh. I thought I could
just glimpse the whites of her eyes, faint gleam as
she looked out at me again, that coppery smell, And
as we sat at the coffee table, there was I

(36:45):
could see very clearly now blood dripping from the suit
of the bunny, a faint dribble of it. How badly
was she bleeding in there? Or was it all in act?

(37:05):
Would she even be bleeding still? Would blood really drip
through the costume? God said he'd fine. I'll play the
last turn and if I win, you'll take off that
suit and you'll be just fine underneath. All right, deal,
you'll be whole and fine. The bunny made a sound
in the affirmative. It was Setti's voice, but sounded wrong,

(37:28):
like the vocal cords was somehow deteriorated. It reached into
a pocket somewhere in the suit handed me the wood
you cards my turn, handshaking, I shuffled. I could see
now a couple of places where the mauve fur was darker,

(37:51):
wet with stains. But I can't be real, I thought,
no way that could be real. I swallowed the bile
in my throat and dealt the cards. Would you? My
hand trembled as I turned each other, disappear yourself, two

(38:15):
win this game, fuck disappear. Did that mean die in
my life or like witness protection, disappear? The meaning was unclear,
but I couldn't pick no. Or said he would win,
And somehow I knew what would happen. If she won,

(38:37):
She'd lift off her mask and underneath the would there
would be shuddering. I pushed forward my card, and the
bunny pushed forward hers. Then we flipped Yes. The bunny
spoke one word I tried not to imagine, and its

(39:00):
skinless tongue slurring, chelling. My heart quickened. Fine, I said, you, mom, Dad, jewels,
everyone we know you'll never see me again the rest
of my life. No matter how hard you look or
how you spend your resources to come after me, I
will not be found I'll be gone, and when I am,

(39:22):
I'll have won the game. As I spoke, I felt
the air shiver between us. It was as if something
had written my words in my soul. And I knew,
as deeply and suddenly and surely as I knew my
own name, that I would disappear so thoroughly, I would
effectively cease to exist. Somehow is incredibly calm about this. Goodbye, Setie.

(39:54):
I turned, grabbed my bag and walked out. I drove
to our parents' house to tell them that I love them.
Their extraordinary perplexed when I greeted them each with a
tight embrace, even more so when I begged them to
please look after SETI for me. I just hoped it
was enough to save my sister, that whatever was under

(40:16):
the suit was all part of the drama to draw
me in, and everything would return to normal after the game.
I just had to disappear. Who said Dad, It was
a bit hard of hearing Sei September. I told him,
Who's September asked Mom, No, Mom, I'm I'm talking about
set I stopped staring at the mantle. A few days ago,

(40:46):
I'd been here playing with SETI and the photos of
the mantle had been the same vacation trips as always,
goofy images of Seti, me and Jewels playing as children.
But now I was looking at the exist photos and
it was only me and Jewels. Mom meanwhile nudge Dad

(41:08):
and murmured, swee, do you remember how Toby used to
pretend to have a little sister. Oh gosh, that's right, Dad,
Brighton turned to me, and whenever you did something bad,
you'd blame it. On September, I was already out the door,
rushing back to the game. I declared I would disappear
from the present moment on I'd be gone but Seti.

(41:31):
I checked my phone, my email messages, but there was
no photographs, no text, no social media evidence that my
sister had ever existed, present or past. I called Jewels,
but she said the same thing as our parents, that
Seti was the imaginary little sister that I made up
to blame for the worst outcomes of a childhood game,
a game I designed, a game for which I am
the guaranteur, a game I have been hosting amongst various

(41:54):
groups and players for the past few years. And when
I at last got home and rushed inside, the bunny
was no longer at the table, but the cards were
still laid out, a note scrawled beside them on a
bloody napkin doubled there. People still contact me asking why

(42:28):
I ended the game. The truth is the napkin the
only proof of SETI written in her own distinctive handwriting
disintegrated with time, and I'm not even sure myself what

(42:48):
I believe anymore. But I'll tell you this. If anyone
ever offers to play the wood U game, no matter
the prize, do not do it. It's not worth it.

(43:09):
Learn from my mistakes, and never ever play the Witch
You game. He either. Kids. It's me, mister Creepy Pasta,
and we're currently entering fall, which means Halloween is right

(43:30):
around the corner. I just want to say thank you
guys for watching tonight's video, listening to tonight's episode of
the podcast, and to start expecting more audios as we
go closer and closer to the spookiest day of the year.
Once October starts, you know what that means. I'll be
having out a video every single day until Halloween itself,
and I expect to see you there. I mean it,
I expect to see you there for every video, for
every podcast episode, and I expect to see you like,

(43:50):
comment and subscribe and all that. Jazz Bell, what do
you do on podcast? So follow on Spotify. Yeah, that
for the month of October and especially so you missed
the thirteen day countdown. Also, I want to give a
huge thank you to everybody on this list of patreons.
Some of these amazing folks are Diana Kraus, Acid System,
Blake Rattler, Brandon Mendoza, Redda Crow, Cawtuna Chicago hit Man,
Corey Kenshent Crusader, Jocobo, Dakota Best, Daniel Poulson, Dante kN Kaid,

(44:12):
Enchanted Buns. That's to Bean Hadi's nephew Himbo, Jerry how
a Minute, Second Time, Inger, Girt Salstrom, Jay Curns, Jettis,
Pat mcmob, Mister Marcus Splitz, Psychomel Plant Pis, Red Shadow Cat,
Remember the Sun, Salty Surprise, Samar Ln Seclude, Simbas, Bloody
Mojo Sky, Harber Smiley, The Psychotic Sully Man, Tolly Sue,
Team LAO seventy six, The Demented Voice in Your Head,
The Chavez Brothers, The Jigger, Brus, Tommy Walters, Vice, Roy
Scorn William Wellington, You're bro Keegan Zubub and Shadow Gardens.

(44:33):
A huge thank you to you, guys, everybody who shows
up in the description down below, and as always, folks,
Sweet dreams,