July 8, 2025 • 41 mins
This week, we’re imagining a rich-girl summer with the internet’s big sister turned bestselling author, Tinx. We discuss her debut novel Hotter in the Hamptons—a steamy, queer romance set in the glossy, high-stakes world of influencer culture, cancellation, and unexpected desire. Known for her “Rich Mom” starter packs and brutally honest advice, Tinx opens up about writing outside the male gaze, collaborating with a queer co-writer, navigating cancel culture, and the difference between performance and authenticity.
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Hotter in the Hamptons by Christina Najjar - find it HERE
Gossip Girl series by Cecily von Ziegesar - find it HERE
Girl on Girl by Sophie Gilbert - find it HERE
If in Doubt, Wash Your Hair by Anya Hindmarch
The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway - find it HERE
The Woman I Wanted to Be by Diane von Furstenberg - find it HERE
The Odyssey by Homer - find it HERE
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Danielle Robay (00:00):
Bookmarked by Reese's book Club is presented by Apple Books.
Hi.
I'm Danielle Robe and welcome to Bookmarked from Reese's book Club. Today,
we're getting hot and heavy in the Hamptons with Tinks,
and I want to ask you a question, when was
the last time you rooted for a heroine who was
(00:20):
a little messy, maybe even a little canceled.
Tinx (00:25):
The most interesting heroines that we are still talking about
are the Carrie Bradshaws, the Hannah horr Baths. The people
that are They're messy and they're working on themselves, maybe
sometimes actively and maybe sometimes passively. But again, I just
wanted girls to be able to see themselves in her,
because we're all working on things and we all have
(00:48):
blind spots.
Danielle Robay (00:50):
During COVID, when the rest of us were ordering workout
equipment that we rarely were never used and baking banana bread,
Tinx exploded on social media. She branded herself as TikTok's
older sister, and she built a following of over a
million people, dishing out dating advice and creating rich mom
starter packs that were so specific they were universally funny.
(01:14):
And five years later, Tinks is a New York Times
bestselling author and recently dropped her second book and her
first novel, Potter in the Hamptons. It's a queer romance
set in the exclusive New York beach community of the Hamptons.
And let me give you a little synopsis. Lola, who's
the heroine, was living the dream as an influencer in
New York City until a public scandal torched her career,
(01:37):
her following, and her seemingly perfect life. She gets canceled, okay,
so she heads to the Hamptons for the summer to
try and decompress. It's there that she's forced to reckon
with her long term relationship with Justin, a perfect on
paper pediatric oncologist who wants kids and a life back
in La but that's a future Lola's not sure she wants.
(01:58):
And then just across the hedges is her new neighbor, Ali,
the sharp tongue journalist writing a feature on her. They
have this unexpected electric connection and it forces Lola to
confront everything she was trying to outrun. And y'all, this
book is hot. It's smutty in the best ways, and
(02:19):
it's messy in the best ways. It's just a fun
summer read. So whether you're rolling out of bed with
a messy bun and grabbing a coffee like me, or
you're rolling up to a sheet restaurant with your girls
in the Hamptons, you're in the right place. Let's turn
the page with Tinx.
Tinx (02:38):
Tinx.
Danielle Robay (02:38):
Welcome to Bookmark.
Tinx (02:39):
Thank you so much. Thanks for having me before we.
Danielle Robay (02:42):
Talk about your book, which I really really enjoyed. I
want to rewind because you really burst onto the scene
with your rich Mom starter packs during the pandemic, and
they were so funny. But I was trying to think
about why they were so funny, and it's because they're
so observant and specific. I think, like almost more than
even a great novel would like describe these moms. If
(03:05):
you were to give me, like a rich mom starter
pack for hotter in the Hamptons, what would it be
like for anybody who's never been to the Hamptons take
us into that world.
Tinx (03:16):
I would say brown swamp farm, chicken fingers, Mazzoni pants,
and a vintage baby blue Bronco, maybe a bottle of
Hampton water Rose, things like that.
Danielle Robay (03:30):
Well, you've lived all over you were raised in London,
you spent time in La. Now you're in New York,
but you chose the Hamptons as you're setting for this novel.
What was it about that place that made you want
to set your first novel there.
Tinx (03:44):
I wanted to have it set in a rich mom location,
and the Hamptons they are a place that is shrouded
in mystery because people don't really know what goes on there.
And you know, there's obviously the places that you always
hear about, but behind the hedges there's this whole other
world of drama and wealth and mystery and intrigue. So
(04:07):
I thought it would be a really fun place to
set the first book, just because it's also like a
juicy backdrop, and you know, people want to know what
goes on there.
Danielle Robay (04:15):
There's definitely intrigue. Also, the book it lives up to
the name, like it is hot, it's romantic. Out of
all the genres, why plant your flag in romance?
Tinx (04:27):
I started reading a lot of romance a little over
a year ago just because it was so hot on
book talk, and you know, I read this article that
was like, it's one of the only categories that's growing,
and I enjoyed it a lot, but I didn't really
see my community represented, so to speak, and I wanted
to create something that was a little different. I wanted
(04:48):
the protagonist to be someone who was messy, because I
want people to be able to see themselves in her
and not have her be like a perfect princess or whatever.
I wanted her to be cool. I wanted her to
the brands that the girls who follow me they liked
to wear. I wanted her to go to the places
that they liked to go to or that they want
to go to. So I really just wanted to create
(05:09):
something that more represented the modern girl who is a
work in progress, likes sex, likes self exploration and improvement,
and it is just a little bit more interesting and vibrant.
Danielle Robay (05:24):
I didn't know this things, but you were a creative
writing major at Stanford.
Tinx (05:28):
I was an English literature major. Yeah, but we did
a lot of writing.
Danielle Robay (05:31):
I mean that's a real academic pedigree. That is no joke,
Like what came naturally to you when you were writing this?
And then where did you sweat writing this?
Tinx (05:41):
I think I really enjoyed the creativity of it all.
I always like to freewrite when I wake up as
a practice, and a lot of the times when I
was doing a Rich Mom that I'd posted on my Instagram,
it would just be because I wrote it growing up.
So I think the creativity, the references. I had a
very specific vision of how I wanted the book to
come across. You know. I wanted it to be full
(06:03):
of references and labels and brand names because that's just
kind of how I create a vision in my mind.
Per your point with the rich Mom starter packs, So
that was easy, and then where I struggled. I mean,
obviously I'm not queer, which is why I thought it
was so important to work with an amazing collaborator just
to get that lived experience, because that's obviously something I
(06:24):
don't have, so didn't attempt to try to do that.
Danielle Robay (06:29):
Did you pull from any classic inspirations or books that
you had read.
Tinx (06:35):
I read the Gossip Girl books growing up, and I
really loved how like they would put labels and bars
and restaurants. And at that time, there was no social media,
and I was obsessed with the glamorous girls in New
York and I had never been to New York when
I was reading those books, so I remember like writing
with pen and paper all the labels that you know,
(06:56):
the girls would wear and all the clubs and the
bars because they were all real. So I wanted so
badly to know about that world. And so it's obviously
different with social media now people have much more of
a window into whatever world they want to see into,
But I still wanted it to have that feel, just
in case there's some girl out there who's never been
(07:16):
in the Hamptons and she wants to know what it's
like and where everyone goes. So I guess that was
an inspiration for me.
Danielle Robay (07:22):
It's funny. I've never thought about that, but now that
you say it, I remember reading one of the Gossip
Girl books and Serena vander Woodson was They described her
wearing some poochy outfit. I'd never heard of poochi, and
I like remember looking it up and being like, what
is that? And it is fun to have specific references
that are real. Yeah, I want to talk about Lola.
She's your main character. She's the girl that you described
(07:45):
as messy and complicated. I really loved her as a heroine.
She's funny and she's layered, and honestly I thought she
was fierce too. How much of Lola is you and
how much of Lola is who you wish you were
if you could write your own romantic hero arc.
Tinx (08:03):
I think that her and I are very different people.
I think the only similarity that we have is that
we're both influencers. And I definitely wanted to explore my
job through the character of Lola, just because I can
get existential about it, and I think a lot about
you know, as time passes, how you become more muted
(08:24):
as a content creator, just because you do get more
brand deals and you do have more people watching you.
So I kind of wanted to explore that through her.
But in terms of personalities, were so different, and you know,
she's kind of annoying at some parts, like I wanted
her to make her that way. I think the most
interesting heroines that we are still talking about are the
Carrie Bradshaws, the Hannah Horvaths, the people that are They're
(08:48):
messy and they're working on themselves, maybe sometimes actively and
maybe sometimes passively. But again, I just wanted girls to
be able to see themselves in her, because we're all
working on things and we all have blind spots, Like,
for example, Lola doesn't really have any girlfriends, and she's
not really aware that that's like a problem until she realizes,
(09:10):
like at the end of the book, like, oh, I've
like put all of my worth in being in a relationship,
and like that's how I found my identity for so long.
It's really important to have girlfriends to explore a different
side of yourself and to be social and have that network.
Danielle Robay (09:25):
So to build on that. I am curious because Lola
deals with cancelation and that's the reason she goes to
the Hamptons. And it's after this offhand comment during an
Instagram live that the internet took offense too. You've had
to navigate being canceled. Was that cathartic at all to
write through Lolo's experience?
Tinx (09:45):
Yeah, I think a little. I mean, I think that
nobody wants to hear, like an influencer complain. But I've
taken all my cancelations really hard. I'm a really sensitive person,
and I think something that is hard for me is
like feeling misunderstood. So I really wanted to capture like
that feeling of something just being so taken out of context,
(10:07):
or wanting to explain yourself more and not feeling like
anybody would give you a chance, or like that people
wanted to purposefully like misunderstand you. So it was cathartic, Absolutely, yeah,
it was. It was very cathartic, and I wanted to
do it in like a humorous way because I think
that's always the best way to get over something is
to a to write about it and be to turn
(10:28):
it into a joke and try to laugh in hindsight.
Danielle Robay (10:31):
Yeah, that's what SNL has been doing for fifty years. Yeah,
how do you reconcile feeling and being misunderstood?
Tinx (10:38):
I still struggle with it, Like I'd be lying if
I said I was at peace with all of it.
I think all the time about things I could have
done differently, things I still want to say. But I mean,
at the end of the day, it's part of the job.
And I think that you just kind of have to
keep going, Like do you have to just keep showing up?
If you think about the people who have twenty thirty
forty year careers in any sort of entertainment, they just
(11:00):
keep going, whether they're a movie star or a pop star.
They have bad albums, they have flop movies, they get canceled.
You just kind of have to just keep showing up
if you want a seat at the table. And also
I think about like how I view people who get
like smeared in the media or get canceled, and unless
(11:21):
they've done something really bad, which usually they haven't, because
we only cancel women for minor dumb stuff that doesn't
really have any consequence to it, it doesn't make me
think any differently of them, Like I judge them on
their work, and I'm like, ugh, it's them this week,
like could be me next week. You really never know,
which again speaks to kind of the silliness of cancel
(11:44):
culture and like the ineffectiveness of it.
Danielle Robay (11:46):
So yeah, So when you were promoting this book, you
were making me laugh because you kept saying that you
just basically did it because you wanted to make people corny,
like that was your tagline I did.
Tinx (12:02):
It was truly supposed to be a horny bea trade,
and then it got so like people got took it
so seriously and like, look, art of any sort is
supposed to create conversation, and I understand that very well,
but in its inception, it was supposed to be a
horny poolside read. I was inspired because some of my
followers were talking to me about like, oh tinks, like
(12:22):
I watch girl on girl, like what does that mean?
Or like, oh tinks, like sometimes I think about like
kissing my friend when I'm with my boyfriend or whatever
like and I was like, oh, this is like so funny,
and then these rich mom characters dropped into my head
and it was it's a fun pool side be trade
and I genuinely want everybody to be horny.
Danielle Robay (12:41):
Well, I think the chemistry and the tension building is
part of what makes this book so fun. So for
anybody who hasn't read it, it starts because Ali is
a journalist and Lola is going to be the subject.
It made me laugh because when I first started working
in journalism, I remember hearing Juliana Ransick, who was at
E at the time, and she was like, you never
(13:04):
mix business with pleasure, like you never sleep with or
date anybody that you're interviewing. And I took that to
heart so deeply. Thirteen years later, I've only done it once.
Tinx (13:13):
There you go, that's pretty good, Thank you, very good.
Danielle Robay (13:18):
But you give people advice on your podcast, So I
wanted to know what you think about the dynamic because
it's so fraught now that work relationship.
Tinx (13:29):
I mean, in general, I would say I agree with
Julian Ransick. Don't mix business with pleasure. It just gets
so messy. I feel like most of us, at least millennials,
we've all done it once because just so we've been
through it. And you know, Iegenz doesn't go to work,
so I don't know how that would ever happen for them.
But we've all had a forbidden romance. We've all had
someone where you know it's your colleague, or it's someone
(13:52):
that you hate, or it's something like that where you're
just like, I can't believe that I'm having feelings for
this person that feels ten times more naughty and irresistible.
And that's like a really relatable feeling that most of
us have experienced.
Danielle Robay (14:05):
Something else I've found myself reflecting on during the book
was the male gaze, because you have this romance between
two women, Ali and Lola, and then you have Lola
navigating her long term relationship with Justin, who you said
is perfect on paper, and Lola's not really sure what
she wants. And when you were writing about the relationship
(14:26):
with Lola and Ali, even though Justin exists, you get
to remove the male gaze from the equation. Last year,
the CEO of Hello Sunshine's. Her name is Sarah Harden.
She said something during a meeting about the male gaze
that I just, for a whole year have not been
able to stop thinking about how much of my life
have I been thinking about the male gaze? Do I
(14:49):
wear makeup for the male gaze? Do I dress for
the male gaze? How much of my life is about that?
Tinx (14:55):
What was it?
Danielle Robay (14:55):
I was so almost like jealous of this. What was
it like to explore desire with that lens?
Tinx (15:01):
It's really interesting. One of my friends who's a lesbian,
when I'm like, oh, I wish I was a lesbian
or whatever, she's always like, but imagine dating a woman
who's like just as equally emotionally intelligent and smart and
like she's like, it's even more intense in a good
and a bad way. And that's always stuck with me.
For one, and then secondly, I have such a difficult
(15:22):
relationship with the male gaze, as we all do. I'm
actually reading this book now. You would love it. It's
called Girl and Girl by Sophie Gilbert. Should read it.
It's all about like the conditioning that millennial woman had
and why our feminism is the way that it is,
and it got me thinking a lot about my relationship
with the male gaze. And for the most part, I'm
pretty like in girl world, Like my team is mostly women,
(15:45):
I speak to mostly women, you know, I create things
for women, but I'm still like deeply affected by the
male gaze. Like I like to feel wanted by men,
I like to feel sexy for men and all this stuff.
So it's like it's complicated, and I think part of
the joy of Hotter is that it is this little
bubble where it's just like a little break from it,
(16:06):
which is sometimes so nice. And also I think that
like I don't know, I think part of why Lola
secretly feels like I don't know if this is it,
but like she kind of knows Justin is there in
the background, so it's like somewhat of a safety net
in her mind. Like I don't think it's conscious. I
think it's subconscious, but like it's kind of there. But
(16:28):
she's in her own little bubble for the summer, and
that feels very freeing and different and kind of obviously
sparks this whole self exploration.
Danielle Robay (16:36):
There is a moment and it's sort of the searing
moment of truth, and it's said in the context of
Lola's relationship with Justin and trying to sort of image polish,
and I think Ali says there's no good girl prize. Yeah,
I really loved that quote. I've been thinking about what
it means to be a good girl or a quote
bad girl for years because that was such a trope
(17:00):
for us as millennials.
Tinx (17:01):
Totally, Yeah, what.
Danielle Robay (17:02):
Were you thinking about when you wrote that line.
Tinx (17:06):
I mean I think a lot about also what it
means to be a good girl and what it means
to be like done and by that I mean like
married to a great guy and like in the modern
farmhouse with the golden doodle, Like I think a lot
about that in terms of what it means to be
good as a good woman. With Justin, I wanted him
(17:27):
to represent like the guy who is literally perfect but
just not not quite right, like just something gives you pause.
So yeah, I guess I was thinking about that. And
also I wanted Lola to feel kind of like hurt
by Ali in that moment as well, and like very
seen in a very vulnerable way.
Danielle Robay (17:50):
I'm curious about what you just said, the perfect farmhouse
and the guy and all of that I've sort of
seen online your evolution in your opinion on marriage or
what it means. Yeah, it seems like now you feel
pretty open minded, like it's giving me Chelsea Handler vibes.
Tinx (18:09):
I love Chelsea.
Danielle Robay (18:10):
Is that accurate?
Tinx (18:11):
Yeah, I'm very open to life, like whatever is supposed
to happen is supposed to happen. And I think the
older I get, the more control that I give up,
which feels really good. Is kind of a control freak,
and I think that I've always been really interested in
women's end of the deal and like what they're getting
out of, say marriage, for example. And as I spend
(18:34):
more time in the weeds with all of these incredible
women of all ages who follow me and call me
and talk to me and we just discuss what's going on,
you know it will change your mind, like it really will,
just seeing everything up close and hearing stories. And for me,
I guess what it means is that I'll know it
when I see it, and I really will not jump
(18:56):
on board until I like what I see. And that's okay,
And that's not for everybody. Some people really want to
get married and that union is very sacred and important
to them and that's great and they should do that
and that's fantastic. But for me, it's more about finding
a partner who meets me where I am and wants
to build a life together. It's less about just like
(19:19):
getting the ring.
Danielle Robay (19:20):
I feel very similarly to you. I'm thirty four and single,
but I get anxious because I really want kids. Yeah,
and that's where my anxiety comes from. The marriage part.
I'm like, it'll come.
Tinx (19:32):
Yeah. That's kind of the unsolvable thing for women is
that we just don't have quite the same freedom if
we know we want kids. And I think, you know,
obviously IG freezing is an incredible option, but it's not
available to everybody. It's expensive, it's you know, very hard
on women's bodies. It's amazing, but it's not fool proof.
(19:52):
So I always think about that, you know, because a
lot of the girls who follow me and that we talk,
you know about this, they're like, tak some board with
the no timeline thing. But I want a baby, and
I'm like, yeah, that's really hard. I'm more like, I'll
want to have kids when I meet my person, if
that happens. But it's a really, really difficult thing.
Danielle Robay (20:12):
And Yeah, that's the unsolvable variable.
Tinx (20:14):
The unsolvable variable that I really feel for women who are,
you know, wanting to wait and meet someone incredible, but
also want to create, you know, life. So it's just
just another thing that women have to contend with on
the never ending list of shit that we have to
deal with that men don't.
Danielle Robay (20:32):
This book has a lot to say about how women
curate themselves online as well. What's your matrix for that?
Because you are extremely online and you also seem like
you're super self aware and thinking about what's good for
tanks and how your mental health is. What do you
think the difference is between self expression and self surveillance online?
Tinx (20:56):
I don't know. I mean, I, like I said a
lot of Lola's job and her journey with her influencing
is kind of a meditation for me because I think
about it so much, and I think I'm very inconsistent
with how I feel. Sometimes I'm like, I'm so embarrassed,
like about the stuff that I put online, Like I
look so ugly today, And then I'm like, no, it's
(21:17):
good for the girls to see that you can like
not have any makeup on and not put a filter
and still talk and then I'm like, oh my god.
But then men I'm dating are going to see me
looking ugly, and it's very complex and I don't have
the answer. I've definitely started sharing less just because I
feel like I need to take back my identity and
(21:37):
my life, and I don't know. It just feels like
I need to have a better balance in terms of
how much I share. But at the same time, the
things that get views are the most honest, the raw,
you know, unfiltered reviews of things. So yeah, it's really difficult.
It's a job with so much immediate feedback that it's
hard not to take personally as well, because you know
(21:59):
you're getting it in real time and it's also about you.
Danielle Robay (22:02):
It's so weird too, with the overlap of like the
guys you're dating versus the people you're serving are women.
Tinx (22:07):
Even like if I post a thirst trap, then people
will be like, I thought you didn't care about your body,
and I'm like, it's not for me, it's for the
dudes that I'm trying to get to text me. Like
Jesus Christ, girls taught me some slack. Like that's been
recently because I've been posting some thirst traps recently, and
I'm like, I don't, you know, And that's that's honest, right.
Sometimes I don't want to have a discussion about like
(22:29):
feminism and my body. Sometimes I do Monday mornings, call
me on my radio show. I'm ready to do it.
But on a Friday, when I want the guy I'm
dating to see me looking hot in like workout clothes,
lay me alone. Girls, I'm also just a girl out here,
you know. So I think that ecotomy is like something
that I struggle with sometimes.
Danielle Robay (22:48):
So I think that's really honest of you. There was
a lot of conversation online with Sabrina Carpenter's Yeah album cover,
and people were saying it was for the male gaze,
but she's so the girls, and so they felt sort
of betrayed, like there was this disconnect, and I was thinking, wow,
that's such a issue for women online across the board.
Tinx (23:09):
That album cover discussion was so interesting, and I, you know,
I think that it just depends how deep you want
to go on it. You know. Of course, I'm for
women doing whatever they want, and if they like sex
and if they like feeling sexy, then they should do
whatever they want. But after reading this book, which my
(23:33):
followers kindly recommended to me after the discussion of the
Sabrina because we discussed it a lot on my show,
I kind of understand more about like the roots of
that brand of feminism, which I by the way, I'm
the same way, Like I'm the one who's like, if
you want to be sexy, like if you want to
post a thirst strap, then that's empowering because like we're
(23:53):
the Boss's girls, like whatever. I you know, I'm embarrassed
to even try to articulate my thoughts on this, but
this book, really I did open my eyes to see
that for us millennial women, a lot of our feminism
was spoon fed to us to get us to buy things.
And that is really like like exploding my brain right now,
(24:14):
because that is me. I grew up on the Spice Girls.
Come to find out, the Spice Girls were created by
a father son duo who were like, they put out
an ad in the newspaper, you know, and in my head,
I was like, oh, the five best friends get together
and they all want to represent the different types of
girl you can be and like whatever, But even that
was just consumerism that resulted in a really great girl
(24:36):
band that we all love so much and have great
memories of I think we all thought like, oh, this
is the era of like girl power, but it was
just a way for to get women to buy more
things to make themselves feel pretty empowered.
Danielle Robay (24:48):
Okay, so you once said that romantic delusion is a
rite of passage. Yeah, I love the idea of delusion.
I think I am romantically delusional. My mom always says
I have rose colored glasses, and she doesn't say that
in a good way.
Tinx (25:02):
Oh no, that's a good way to be. I wish
I was more delusional. I'm like, too cynical is not
the right word. I'm just like a realist, I think.
But I think delusion is great.
Danielle Robay (25:12):
Why do you think you feel disillusioned?
Tinx (25:16):
I think people like underestimate the fact that I've literally
been listening to dating stories for four years every week,
NonStop and so and I love it. Like, don't get
me wrong, I want to be so clear, like I
love my job. I want to do it forever. But
I think just hearing my community come to me with
the stories of dating and experiencing myself as well, it's
hard to not absorb that. And my community specifically are
(25:42):
the most well rounded intelligent, they want the best for themselves,
they want the best for the world. They are thoughtful,
they work really hard, and I'm like, if these girls
are having it this hard, I don't even know what
to say, you know. And I also think, like, we're
just going through a paradigm shift right now, and I
follow Scott Galloway's teachings very closely, and it just data wise,
(26:05):
it is just more difficult to date right now and
it's hard. So any delusion, you've got hold on to
it because we all need some to survive in this era.
Danielle Robay (26:17):
I like a lot of what Scott Galloway says.
Tinx (26:19):
Yeah, he's great. I think the missing puzzle piece for
me is like, well, what are women supposed to do?
Like I'm like, I agree with everything you're saying, but like,
where the fuck does that leave us? Because there's a
lot of women who have worked on themselves in every
way possible. Women who are the first in their families
to go to college, women who are breaking the mold
at work, women who are managing directors, women who you know,
(26:40):
have gone to therapy and healed and done all the
shit and wake up at four to do pilates before
they go to their job and then do charity after work.
And I'm like, I hear you that men are like behind.
I can see it and I can feel it. But
what do we do about this huge gap for now?
Danielle Robay (26:56):
Yeah, So feel like as women, we had so many
great role model in the media as millennials, like I
think the Reese Witherspoon generation did such a great job.
Tinx (27:06):
Yeah, I mean exactly, like both in the characters we
had in our movies and then like the celebrities that
we had to look up to. We're just lucky, like
we just we did have so many models to be like,
Oh my gosh, that's great. I'm going to strive to
be that. And I mean even if you think about
like the movies we had, like Legally Blonde, like that
was such an inspiring movie for so many women and
(27:28):
it was such a like positive role model, and you
just don't get that for men, Like I think the
role models that you see today for young men are
very very extreme and they have a certain agenda and
there just isn't that much media or around just like
being a good guy totally.
Danielle Robay (27:55):
Okay, So you mentioned that you had a collaborator on
the project. Yeah, which I want to mention to everybody.
As a very common arrangement. A lot of very famous
writers have used ghostwriters, James Patterson, Tom Clancy, even Prince
Harry collaborated with a writer for his memoir Spare. But
I thought it was an especially thoughtful choice on your
(28:17):
part to bring in someone queer to help tell that
lived experience and that queer love story authentically.
Tinx (28:24):
Yes.
Danielle Robay (28:25):
On the flip side of everything, I just said, there
was a lot of talk online when your book was published. Yeah,
and I have to imagine that really hurt. People say
like a book is like a baby. Yeah, so you
put your baby out into the world, and then instead
of talking about the book, they're talking about this collaborator
and coming down on you. How did you feel about
(28:46):
the backlash?
Tinx (28:47):
Yeah, I mean I was really sad. I think that
a lot of people got totally the wrong end of
the stick and that they thought that I had really
bad intentions or I don't know, that it was somehow
like a negative thing and it couldn't have been further
from that. And like I said, I mean, I'm a
sensitive person and I think feeling misunderstood is really really
(29:08):
difficult for me. And I think that in the end
the books, the work whatever finds the people that it's
supposed to find. And I have an incredible, gorgeous, stunning,
smart community who read my book, and you know, a
lot of other people. And it's funny because a lot
of people are reading it now that it's summer and
(29:28):
they're like, I don't get why people were so upset
with you, Like I really liked the book, and I
was like, yeah, it's really not that deep. I don't
know what happened. But you know, that's the nature of
the internet sometimes is that the best intentions can be
really twisted. And yeah, I mean at the end of
the day, I think I know my intentions, and I
(29:49):
know my inspiration and I know how much work I
put into this book and my idea, and I think
that does count for something. Doesn't mean that it's not
painful to see people smear your name or whatever. But
you know, like I said, the book finds who it's
supposed to find.
Danielle Robay (30:06):
In hindsight, because I imagine like the initial impact is
heavy in hindsight. Do you feel any differently, No, I
mean not really, like I guess, no, it sucks. It's
like it's never great.
Tinx (30:20):
It's I think that people just completely twisted it and
didn't get it. I mean, I was never gonna attempt
to write a lesbian character myself, not being a lesbian,
Like that's just not something that I think is appropriate. Like,
I think it's so important to hire queer people. I
think it's important to have queer people write queer characters
so that they are authentic and real. And it was
(30:44):
also like a great experience. I think that was like
another really hurtful aspect of this I don't know online
campaign was that it was a great experience, Like we
worked together, it was incredible. I learned so much. He's
an amazing writer. And to have it be like, oh, oh,
tinks you know did this or that, it's just like
I don't know. At some point, you just gotta gotta
(31:06):
walk away.
Danielle Robay (31:07):
What do you wish people understood about that creative partnership.
Tinx (31:11):
I think I wish that they knew that it was
a partnership that I wanted and that I thought was
the right thing to do, and that was the right
thing to do. And I'm proud of the collaboration. You know,
she's the first person that I think in the acknowledgments
like yeah, at the end of the day, people are
going to think what they're going to think, and you
can only know like your intentions are good and that
(31:34):
you feel like you did the right thing, and that's all.
Danielle Robay (31:38):
Well in Happy News. The book got picked up by
the Foster sisters as a page to screen adaptation and
it's an all women team. Every book to screen adaptation
has that one scene, that one line, that one moment
that the author refuses to lose. What's yours? What hill
will you die on?
Tinx (31:59):
Oh my god, I think I really want to see
Lola in the city. I mean, I know it's set
in the Hamptons, and you know, there's been talk of like, oh,
where do we start the show, Like is it just
a bubble in the Hamptons or whatever. But to me,
it's very important to see her in New York City
because that's her universe. And I love shows in New York.
I love when they're filmed in New York and when
(32:19):
you can see like the hot steam coming off of
the sidewalk in this summer, and I just have this
vision of her like blonde hair, big boobs, like tall, gorgeous,
like clomping across Soho and with Chloe dress and like,
I need to see that, like whether it's in a
flashback or whether it's in the beginning of the book.
That's just so important to me.
Danielle Robay (32:38):
As you're describing her, I'm like, which actress plays her?
Do you have anybody in mind?
Tinx (32:43):
Oh my gosh. Well, I've been asking my followers and
they have so many good ideas, And now I have
so many good ideas in my head. I'm like, I
don't even know. We'll see, but but.
Danielle Robay (32:51):
Who have they thrown out? I'm curious.
Tinx (32:53):
I mean, a lot of people have said Sydney Sweeney,
a lot of people have said Dakota Johnson. A lot
of people have said Megan Fahi or Fayee love her. Yeah,
we'll see. It's really fun. I'm just so excited to learn.
This is obviously my first TV show, and I just
can't wait to learn from the best. They are so
(33:13):
smart and so incredible, and we're gonna make it really good.
Danielle Robay (33:16):
It's such a great story. I've noticed a lot of
musical artists recently have changed their names to their government names.
The Weekend went back to Abel even her who I
Love went to Gabriella. And you've built a brand on
using the name Tinks, but your government name is Christina.
Do you ever feel like you'll be Christina publicly?
Tinx (33:36):
You know, I've thought about it. I've definitely started introducing
myself as Christina in my personal life just because I
feel like I want a little bit more separation from
what Tinks has become. But I don't know, I don't know.
I'd never say never. I could definitely see that in
the future.
Danielle Robay (33:53):
Wait, so when you would like go on dates, you
would be Tinks normally.
Tinx (33:58):
Yeah, I mean that's yeah.
Danielle Robay (34:01):
Yeah, so that is a big separation then.
Tinx (34:03):
Yeah. Lately I've just been like I need some space
from it all. I want to be Christina again.
Danielle Robay (34:08):
So Christina the book is a steamy, clear romance layered
with questions of identity and authenticity and sexuality. But my
favorite part of the book is that at its heart,
it's about a woman who's just figuring out who she is. Yeah,
and that is a journey that we have all been on.
(34:30):
It spoke to me, it's a journey I've been on
for sure. What did you discover about who you Christina
are while you were writing this.
Tinx (34:40):
I think that I discovered that I have a lot
more things to say, like I thought I was kind
of like running out of things to say, but I
feel like I am creating this universe and world. It
just made me hungry for more and that, you know,
like I said, I want to explore, you know, what
(35:01):
my followers are going through and what my community is
going through dating wise and personally, and how much I
enjoyed exploring that in a creative way. So that was
really cool and it definitely inspired me to create more.
Danielle Robay (35:13):
Yeah, so I love asking our guests what they've bookmarked
this week. It could be a weird fact, a fun quote,
something you've saved on Instagram, something you've texted a best friend.
What have you bookmarked this week?
Tinx (35:26):
I read an article in the New York Times which
was about I don't want to misname their rank, but
I think he's like a general or a soldier in
the army and he was. It's an opinion piece in
the New York Times, and it's called something like, I
am not who you would think would oppose the transgender band,
(35:49):
but here's why I do. Basically his story of being
in the army and him saying like he's an evangelical
Christian and has been in the army and you know whatever,
and why he basically is opposed the ban and why
he's resigning. And I just thought it was a very thoughtful,
interesting opinion piece. And I really thought it was well
written and very brave of this man to come forward
(36:13):
and write this. I'm always interested when people are able
to look at their belief system and look outside of
it and disagree with something that's in their belief system
and stand by that like that is just so inspiring
to me. And I really hope that a lot of
people read this piece because his thought process is very interesting.
(36:33):
So I would highly recommend everybody read that.
Danielle Robay (36:37):
You have this quote, I don't want to butcher it, but.
Tinx (36:39):
It's strong opinions loosely held.
Danielle Robay (36:42):
Yes, strong opinions loosely held. I love that.
Tinx (36:45):
I think that having opinions is what it means to
be human. But if you don't change your opinion based
on new information that you receive, then you're not smart
at all.
Danielle Robay (36:57):
Okay, we're coming up to speed read. It's one of
my favorite parts of the conversation.
Tinx (37:03):
Here's how it works.
Danielle Robay (37:04):
I'm going to put sixty seconds on the clock, and
I'm going to ask you a series of rapid fire questions,
Just say the first thing that comes to your mind. Okay,
what's a romance trope you'll defend with your life?
Tinx (37:17):
Oh? God, not ending up with someone?
Danielle Robay (37:21):
Romance trope that needs to be retired.
Tinx (37:24):
None of them. They're all valid, they're all great.
Danielle Robay (37:27):
If your twenties were a novel, what would the title.
Tinx (37:29):
Be, High, Highs and lo Lows?
Danielle Robay (37:34):
How about your thirties?
Tinx (37:36):
The Only Way is Up?
Danielle Robay (37:38):
Who's narrating your memoir audiobook?
Tinx (37:40):
Me?
Danielle Robay (37:42):
What is your favorite book to recommend.
Tinx (37:45):
When in doubt? Wash Your Hair by Anya in March.
Danielle Robay (37:48):
A classic novel you'd love to see reimagined.
Tinx (37:51):
The Sun Also Rises.
Danielle Robay (37:53):
What's a book that shaped the way you see the world?
Tinx (37:56):
Dvf's memoir. It's called The and I Wanted to Be
It's a really great book.
Danielle Robay (38:03):
Okay, we talked about dreamcasting for Lola. How about some
dreamcasting for Ali?
Tinx (38:10):
People have said like Audrey Plaza. Someone said Dakota Johnson
for her. I don't know. I'm just excited to see
what happens. But I have a few I don't want
to jinx in my head that I think could be
really good.
Danielle Robay (38:24):
Fair Okay, last one, what's the best book you've never read.
Tinx (38:28):
Oh my god, what have I not read? I've never
read the Odyssey. I need to read that. I thought
you were going to say that that's really that's great.
I haven't and I feel like I should. But I
almost want to be taught it. You know. It's one
of those books that, as a former English major, I
just crave being taught something. I'm like, let's go over
this paragraph for two hours, like please, that sounds so fun.
Danielle Robay (38:51):
Save I want to like annotate with all my different
color highlighters and write notes in the margins. Yeah, tinks.
Thank you for bringing Hotter in the Hamptons to our lives.
It was super fun for.
Tinx (39:02):
Me to read you.
Danielle Robay (39:03):
Thank you, Sam, and I appreciate your time.
Tinx (39:05):
Thank you for having me.
Danielle Robay (39:08):
That's it for this week's book club. If you want
a little bit more from us, come hang with us
on socials. We're at Reese's book Club on Instagram serving
up books, vibes and behind the scenes magic. And I'm
at Danielle Robe Roba y come say hi and df
me And if you want to go nineties on us,
call us. Okay, our phone line is open, so call
(39:30):
now at one five zero one two nine to one
three three seven nine. That's one five oh one two
nine one three three seven nine. Share your literary hot takes,
book recommendations, questions about the monthly pick, or let us
know what you think about the episode you just heard,
and who knows, you might just hear yourself in our
(39:52):
next episode, so don't be shy, give us a ring,
and of course, make sure to follow Bookmarked by Reese's
book Club on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you get your shows until then via in the next chapter.
Bookmarked is a production of Hello Sunshine and iHeart Podcast.
It's executive produced by Reese Witherspoon and me Danielle Robe.
(40:17):
Production is by ACAST Creative Studios. Our producers are Matty Foley,
Aliah Yates, Brittany Martinez and Darby Masters. Our production assistant
is Avery Loftus. Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder are the
executive producers for a Cast Creative Studios. Maureene Polo and
Reese Witherspoon are the executive producers for Hello Sunshine. Olga Kaminwha,
(40:39):
Kristin Perla, Kelly Turner and Ashley Rappaport are associate producers
for Reese's book Club. Ali Perry and Christina Everett are
the executive producers for iHeart Podcasts, and Tim Palazola is
our showrunner.
Bookmarked by Reese's book Club is presented by Apple Books.
Hi.
I'm Danielle Robe and welcome to Bookmarked from Reese's book Club. Today,
we're getting hot and heavy in the Hamptons with Tinks,
and I want to ask you a question, when was
the last time you rooted for a heroine who was
(00:20):
a little messy, maybe even a little canceled.
Tinx (00:25):
The most interesting heroines that we are still talking about
are the Carrie Bradshaws, the Hannah horr Baths. The people
that are They're messy and they're working on themselves, maybe
sometimes actively and maybe sometimes passively. But again, I just
wanted girls to be able to see themselves in her,
because we're all working on things and we all have
(00:48):
blind spots.
Danielle Robay (00:50):
During COVID, when the rest of us were ordering workout
equipment that we rarely were never used and baking banana bread,
Tinx exploded on social media. She branded herself as TikTok's
older sister, and she built a following of over a
million people, dishing out dating advice and creating rich mom
starter packs that were so specific they were universally funny.
(01:14):
And five years later, Tinks is a New York Times
bestselling author and recently dropped her second book and her
first novel, Potter in the Hamptons. It's a queer romance
set in the exclusive New York beach community of the Hamptons.
And let me give you a little synopsis. Lola, who's
the heroine, was living the dream as an influencer in
New York City until a public scandal torched her career,
(01:37):
her following, and her seemingly perfect life. She gets canceled, okay,
so she heads to the Hamptons for the summer to
try and decompress. It's there that she's forced to reckon
with her long term relationship with Justin, a perfect on
paper pediatric oncologist who wants kids and a life back
in La but that's a future Lola's not sure she wants.
(01:58):
And then just across the hedges is her new neighbor, Ali,
the sharp tongue journalist writing a feature on her. They
have this unexpected electric connection and it forces Lola to
confront everything she was trying to outrun. And y'all, this
book is hot. It's smutty in the best ways, and
(02:19):
it's messy in the best ways. It's just a fun
summer read. So whether you're rolling out of bed with
a messy bun and grabbing a coffee like me, or
you're rolling up to a sheet restaurant with your girls
in the Hamptons, you're in the right place. Let's turn
the page with Tinx.
Tinx (02:38):
Tinx.
Danielle Robay (02:38):
Welcome to Bookmark.
Tinx (02:39):
Thank you so much. Thanks for having me before we.
Danielle Robay (02:42):
Talk about your book, which I really really enjoyed. I
want to rewind because you really burst onto the scene
with your rich Mom starter packs during the pandemic, and
they were so funny. But I was trying to think
about why they were so funny, and it's because they're
so observant and specific. I think, like almost more than
even a great novel would like describe these moms. If
(03:05):
you were to give me, like a rich mom starter
pack for hotter in the Hamptons, what would it be
like for anybody who's never been to the Hamptons take
us into that world.
Tinx (03:16):
I would say brown swamp farm, chicken fingers, Mazzoni pants,
and a vintage baby blue Bronco, maybe a bottle of
Hampton water Rose, things like that.
Danielle Robay (03:30):
Well, you've lived all over you were raised in London,
you spent time in La. Now you're in New York,
but you chose the Hamptons as you're setting for this novel.
What was it about that place that made you want
to set your first novel there.
Tinx (03:44):
I wanted to have it set in a rich mom location,
and the Hamptons they are a place that is shrouded
in mystery because people don't really know what goes on there.
And you know, there's obviously the places that you always
hear about, but behind the hedges there's this whole other
world of drama and wealth and mystery and intrigue. So
(04:07):
I thought it would be a really fun place to
set the first book, just because it's also like a
juicy backdrop, and you know, people want to know what
goes on there.
Danielle Robay (04:15):
There's definitely intrigue. Also, the book it lives up to
the name, like it is hot, it's romantic. Out of
all the genres, why plant your flag in romance?
Tinx (04:27):
I started reading a lot of romance a little over
a year ago just because it was so hot on
book talk, and you know, I read this article that
was like, it's one of the only categories that's growing,
and I enjoyed it a lot, but I didn't really
see my community represented, so to speak, and I wanted
to create something that was a little different. I wanted
(04:48):
the protagonist to be someone who was messy, because I
want people to be able to see themselves in her
and not have her be like a perfect princess or whatever.
I wanted her to be cool. I wanted her to
the brands that the girls who follow me they liked
to wear. I wanted her to go to the places
that they liked to go to or that they want
to go to. So I really just wanted to create
(05:09):
something that more represented the modern girl who is a
work in progress, likes sex, likes self exploration and improvement,
and it is just a little bit more interesting and vibrant.
Danielle Robay (05:24):
I didn't know this things, but you were a creative
writing major at Stanford.
Tinx (05:28):
I was an English literature major. Yeah, but we did
a lot of writing.
Danielle Robay (05:31):
I mean that's a real academic pedigree. That is no joke,
Like what came naturally to you when you were writing this?
And then where did you sweat writing this?
Tinx (05:41):
I think I really enjoyed the creativity of it all.
I always like to freewrite when I wake up as
a practice, and a lot of the times when I
was doing a Rich Mom that I'd posted on my Instagram,
it would just be because I wrote it growing up.
So I think the creativity, the references. I had a
very specific vision of how I wanted the book to
come across. You know. I wanted it to be full
(06:03):
of references and labels and brand names because that's just
kind of how I create a vision in my mind.
Per your point with the rich Mom starter packs, So
that was easy, and then where I struggled. I mean,
obviously I'm not queer, which is why I thought it
was so important to work with an amazing collaborator just
to get that lived experience, because that's obviously something I
(06:24):
don't have, so didn't attempt to try to do that.
Danielle Robay (06:29):
Did you pull from any classic inspirations or books that
you had read.
Tinx (06:35):
I read the Gossip Girl books growing up, and I
really loved how like they would put labels and bars
and restaurants. And at that time, there was no social media,
and I was obsessed with the glamorous girls in New
York and I had never been to New York when
I was reading those books, so I remember like writing
with pen and paper all the labels that you know,
(06:56):
the girls would wear and all the clubs and the
bars because they were all real. So I wanted so
badly to know about that world. And so it's obviously
different with social media now people have much more of
a window into whatever world they want to see into,
But I still wanted it to have that feel, just
in case there's some girl out there who's never been
(07:16):
in the Hamptons and she wants to know what it's
like and where everyone goes. So I guess that was
an inspiration for me.
Danielle Robay (07:22):
It's funny. I've never thought about that, but now that
you say it, I remember reading one of the Gossip
Girl books and Serena vander Woodson was They described her
wearing some poochy outfit. I'd never heard of poochi, and
I like remember looking it up and being like, what
is that? And it is fun to have specific references
that are real. Yeah, I want to talk about Lola.
She's your main character. She's the girl that you described
(07:45):
as messy and complicated. I really loved her as a heroine.
She's funny and she's layered, and honestly I thought she
was fierce too. How much of Lola is you and
how much of Lola is who you wish you were
if you could write your own romantic hero arc.
Tinx (08:03):
I think that her and I are very different people.
I think the only similarity that we have is that
we're both influencers. And I definitely wanted to explore my
job through the character of Lola, just because I can
get existential about it, and I think a lot about
you know, as time passes, how you become more muted
(08:24):
as a content creator, just because you do get more
brand deals and you do have more people watching you.
So I kind of wanted to explore that through her.
But in terms of personalities, were so different, and you know,
she's kind of annoying at some parts, like I wanted
her to make her that way. I think the most
interesting heroines that we are still talking about are the
Carrie Bradshaws, the Hannah Horvaths, the people that are They're
(08:48):
messy and they're working on themselves, maybe sometimes actively and
maybe sometimes passively. But again, I just wanted girls to
be able to see themselves in her, because we're all
working on things and we all have blind spots, Like,
for example, Lola doesn't really have any girlfriends, and she's
not really aware that that's like a problem until she realizes,
(09:10):
like at the end of the book, like, oh, I've
like put all of my worth in being in a relationship,
and like that's how I found my identity for so long.
It's really important to have girlfriends to explore a different
side of yourself and to be social and have that network.
Danielle Robay (09:25):
So to build on that. I am curious because Lola
deals with cancelation and that's the reason she goes to
the Hamptons. And it's after this offhand comment during an
Instagram live that the internet took offense too. You've had
to navigate being canceled. Was that cathartic at all to
write through Lolo's experience?
Tinx (09:45):
Yeah, I think a little. I mean, I think that
nobody wants to hear, like an influencer complain. But I've
taken all my cancelations really hard. I'm a really sensitive person,
and I think something that is hard for me is
like feeling misunderstood. So I really wanted to capture like
that feeling of something just being so taken out of context,
(10:07):
or wanting to explain yourself more and not feeling like
anybody would give you a chance, or like that people
wanted to purposefully like misunderstand you. So it was cathartic, Absolutely, yeah,
it was. It was very cathartic, and I wanted to
do it in like a humorous way because I think
that's always the best way to get over something is
to a to write about it and be to turn
(10:28):
it into a joke and try to laugh in hindsight.
Danielle Robay (10:31):
Yeah, that's what SNL has been doing for fifty years. Yeah,
how do you reconcile feeling and being misunderstood?
Tinx (10:38):
I still struggle with it, Like I'd be lying if
I said I was at peace with all of it.
I think all the time about things I could have
done differently, things I still want to say. But I mean,
at the end of the day, it's part of the job.
And I think that you just kind of have to
keep going, Like do you have to just keep showing up?
If you think about the people who have twenty thirty
forty year careers in any sort of entertainment, they just
(11:00):
keep going, whether they're a movie star or a pop star.
They have bad albums, they have flop movies, they get canceled.
You just kind of have to just keep showing up
if you want a seat at the table. And also
I think about like how I view people who get
like smeared in the media or get canceled, and unless
(11:21):
they've done something really bad, which usually they haven't, because
we only cancel women for minor dumb stuff that doesn't
really have any consequence to it, it doesn't make me
think any differently of them, Like I judge them on
their work, and I'm like, ugh, it's them this week,
like could be me next week. You really never know,
which again speaks to kind of the silliness of cancel
(11:44):
culture and like the ineffectiveness of it.
Danielle Robay (11:46):
So yeah, So when you were promoting this book, you
were making me laugh because you kept saying that you
just basically did it because you wanted to make people corny,
like that was your tagline I did.
Tinx (12:02):
It was truly supposed to be a horny bea trade,
and then it got so like people got took it
so seriously and like, look, art of any sort is
supposed to create conversation, and I understand that very well,
but in its inception, it was supposed to be a
horny poolside read. I was inspired because some of my
followers were talking to me about like, oh tinks, like
(12:22):
I watch girl on girl, like what does that mean?
Or like, oh tinks, like sometimes I think about like
kissing my friend when I'm with my boyfriend or whatever
like and I was like, oh, this is like so funny,
and then these rich mom characters dropped into my head
and it was it's a fun pool side be trade
and I genuinely want everybody to be horny.
Danielle Robay (12:41):
Well, I think the chemistry and the tension building is
part of what makes this book so fun. So for
anybody who hasn't read it, it starts because Ali is
a journalist and Lola is going to be the subject.
It made me laugh because when I first started working
in journalism, I remember hearing Juliana Ransick, who was at
E at the time, and she was like, you never
(13:04):
mix business with pleasure, like you never sleep with or
date anybody that you're interviewing. And I took that to
heart so deeply. Thirteen years later, I've only done it once.
Tinx (13:13):
There you go, that's pretty good, Thank you, very good.
Danielle Robay (13:18):
But you give people advice on your podcast, So I
wanted to know what you think about the dynamic because
it's so fraught now that work relationship.
Tinx (13:29):
I mean, in general, I would say I agree with
Julian Ransick. Don't mix business with pleasure. It just gets
so messy. I feel like most of us, at least millennials,
we've all done it once because just so we've been
through it. And you know, Iegenz doesn't go to work,
so I don't know how that would ever happen for them.
But we've all had a forbidden romance. We've all had
someone where you know it's your colleague, or it's someone
(13:52):
that you hate, or it's something like that where you're
just like, I can't believe that I'm having feelings for
this person that feels ten times more naughty and irresistible.
And that's like a really relatable feeling that most of
us have experienced.
Danielle Robay (14:05):
Something else I've found myself reflecting on during the book
was the male gaze, because you have this romance between
two women, Ali and Lola, and then you have Lola
navigating her long term relationship with Justin, who you said
is perfect on paper, and Lola's not really sure what
she wants. And when you were writing about the relationship
(14:26):
with Lola and Ali, even though Justin exists, you get
to remove the male gaze from the equation. Last year,
the CEO of Hello Sunshine's. Her name is Sarah Harden.
She said something during a meeting about the male gaze
that I just, for a whole year have not been
able to stop thinking about how much of my life
have I been thinking about the male gaze? Do I
(14:49):
wear makeup for the male gaze? Do I dress for
the male gaze? How much of my life is about that?
Tinx (14:55):
What was it?
Danielle Robay (14:55):
I was so almost like jealous of this. What was
it like to explore desire with that lens?
Tinx (15:01):
It's really interesting. One of my friends who's a lesbian,
when I'm like, oh, I wish I was a lesbian
or whatever, she's always like, but imagine dating a woman
who's like just as equally emotionally intelligent and smart and
like she's like, it's even more intense in a good
and a bad way. And that's always stuck with me.
For one, and then secondly, I have such a difficult
(15:22):
relationship with the male gaze, as we all do. I'm
actually reading this book now. You would love it. It's
called Girl and Girl by Sophie Gilbert. Should read it.
It's all about like the conditioning that millennial woman had
and why our feminism is the way that it is,
and it got me thinking a lot about my relationship
with the male gaze. And for the most part, I'm
pretty like in girl world, Like my team is mostly women,
(15:45):
I speak to mostly women, you know, I create things
for women, but I'm still like deeply affected by the
male gaze. Like I like to feel wanted by men,
I like to feel sexy for men and all this stuff.
So it's like it's complicated, and I think part of
the joy of Hotter is that it is this little
bubble where it's just like a little break from it,
(16:06):
which is sometimes so nice. And also I think that
like I don't know, I think part of why Lola
secretly feels like I don't know if this is it,
but like she kind of knows Justin is there in
the background, so it's like somewhat of a safety net
in her mind. Like I don't think it's conscious. I
think it's subconscious, but like it's kind of there. But
(16:28):
she's in her own little bubble for the summer, and
that feels very freeing and different and kind of obviously
sparks this whole self exploration.
Danielle Robay (16:36):
There is a moment and it's sort of the searing
moment of truth, and it's said in the context of
Lola's relationship with Justin and trying to sort of image polish,
and I think Ali says there's no good girl prize. Yeah,
I really loved that quote. I've been thinking about what
it means to be a good girl or a quote
bad girl for years because that was such a trope
(17:00):
for us as millennials.
Tinx (17:01):
Totally, Yeah, what.
Danielle Robay (17:02):
Were you thinking about when you wrote that line.
Tinx (17:06):
I mean I think a lot about also what it
means to be a good girl and what it means
to be like done and by that I mean like
married to a great guy and like in the modern
farmhouse with the golden doodle, Like I think a lot
about that in terms of what it means to be
good as a good woman. With Justin, I wanted him
(17:27):
to represent like the guy who is literally perfect but
just not not quite right, like just something gives you pause.
So yeah, I guess I was thinking about that. And
also I wanted Lola to feel kind of like hurt
by Ali in that moment as well, and like very
seen in a very vulnerable way.
Danielle Robay (17:50):
I'm curious about what you just said, the perfect farmhouse
and the guy and all of that I've sort of
seen online your evolution in your opinion on marriage or
what it means. Yeah, it seems like now you feel
pretty open minded, like it's giving me Chelsea Handler vibes.
Tinx (18:09):
I love Chelsea.
Danielle Robay (18:10):
Is that accurate?
Tinx (18:11):
Yeah, I'm very open to life, like whatever is supposed
to happen is supposed to happen. And I think the
older I get, the more control that I give up,
which feels really good. Is kind of a control freak,
and I think that I've always been really interested in
women's end of the deal and like what they're getting
out of, say marriage, for example. And as I spend
(18:34):
more time in the weeds with all of these incredible
women of all ages who follow me and call me
and talk to me and we just discuss what's going on,
you know it will change your mind, like it really will,
just seeing everything up close and hearing stories. And for me,
I guess what it means is that I'll know it
when I see it, and I really will not jump
(18:56):
on board until I like what I see. And that's okay,
And that's not for everybody. Some people really want to
get married and that union is very sacred and important
to them and that's great and they should do that
and that's fantastic. But for me, it's more about finding
a partner who meets me where I am and wants
to build a life together. It's less about just like
(19:19):
getting the ring.
Danielle Robay (19:20):
I feel very similarly to you. I'm thirty four and single,
but I get anxious because I really want kids. Yeah,
and that's where my anxiety comes from. The marriage part.
I'm like, it'll come.
Tinx (19:32):
Yeah. That's kind of the unsolvable thing for women is
that we just don't have quite the same freedom if
we know we want kids. And I think, you know,
obviously IG freezing is an incredible option, but it's not
available to everybody. It's expensive, it's you know, very hard
on women's bodies. It's amazing, but it's not fool proof.
(19:52):
So I always think about that, you know, because a
lot of the girls who follow me and that we talk,
you know about this, they're like, tak some board with
the no timeline thing. But I want a baby, and
I'm like, yeah, that's really hard. I'm more like, I'll
want to have kids when I meet my person, if
that happens. But it's a really, really difficult thing.
Danielle Robay (20:12):
And Yeah, that's the unsolvable variable.
Tinx (20:14):
The unsolvable variable that I really feel for women who are,
you know, wanting to wait and meet someone incredible, but
also want to create, you know, life. So it's just
just another thing that women have to contend with on
the never ending list of shit that we have to
deal with that men don't.
Danielle Robay (20:32):
This book has a lot to say about how women
curate themselves online as well. What's your matrix for that?
Because you are extremely online and you also seem like
you're super self aware and thinking about what's good for
tanks and how your mental health is. What do you
think the difference is between self expression and self surveillance online?
Tinx (20:56):
I don't know. I mean, I, like I said a
lot of Lola's job and her journey with her influencing
is kind of a meditation for me because I think
about it so much, and I think I'm very inconsistent
with how I feel. Sometimes I'm like, I'm so embarrassed,
like about the stuff that I put online, Like I
look so ugly today, And then I'm like, no, it's
(21:17):
good for the girls to see that you can like
not have any makeup on and not put a filter
and still talk and then I'm like, oh my god.
But then men I'm dating are going to see me
looking ugly, and it's very complex and I don't have
the answer. I've definitely started sharing less just because I
feel like I need to take back my identity and
(21:37):
my life, and I don't know. It just feels like
I need to have a better balance in terms of
how much I share. But at the same time, the
things that get views are the most honest, the raw,
you know, unfiltered reviews of things. So yeah, it's really difficult.
It's a job with so much immediate feedback that it's
hard not to take personally as well, because you know
(21:59):
you're getting it in real time and it's also about you.
Danielle Robay (22:02):
It's so weird too, with the overlap of like the
guys you're dating versus the people you're serving are women.
Tinx (22:07):
Even like if I post a thirst trap, then people
will be like, I thought you didn't care about your body,
and I'm like, it's not for me, it's for the
dudes that I'm trying to get to text me. Like
Jesus Christ, girls taught me some slack. Like that's been
recently because I've been posting some thirst traps recently, and
I'm like, I don't, you know, And that's that's honest, right.
Sometimes I don't want to have a discussion about like
(22:29):
feminism and my body. Sometimes I do Monday mornings, call
me on my radio show. I'm ready to do it.
But on a Friday, when I want the guy I'm
dating to see me looking hot in like workout clothes,
lay me alone. Girls, I'm also just a girl out here,
you know. So I think that ecotomy is like something
that I struggle with sometimes.
Danielle Robay (22:48):
So I think that's really honest of you. There was
a lot of conversation online with Sabrina Carpenter's Yeah album cover,
and people were saying it was for the male gaze,
but she's so the girls, and so they felt sort
of betrayed, like there was this disconnect, and I was thinking, wow,
that's such a issue for women online across the board.
Tinx (23:09):
That album cover discussion was so interesting, and I, you know,
I think that it just depends how deep you want
to go on it. You know. Of course, I'm for
women doing whatever they want, and if they like sex
and if they like feeling sexy, then they should do
whatever they want. But after reading this book, which my
(23:33):
followers kindly recommended to me after the discussion of the
Sabrina because we discussed it a lot on my show,
I kind of understand more about like the roots of
that brand of feminism, which I by the way, I'm
the same way, Like I'm the one who's like, if
you want to be sexy, like if you want to
post a thirst strap, then that's empowering because like we're
(23:53):
the Boss's girls, like whatever. I you know, I'm embarrassed
to even try to articulate my thoughts on this, but
this book, really I did open my eyes to see
that for us millennial women, a lot of our feminism
was spoon fed to us to get us to buy things.
And that is really like like exploding my brain right now,
(24:14):
because that is me. I grew up on the Spice Girls.
Come to find out, the Spice Girls were created by
a father son duo who were like, they put out
an ad in the newspaper, you know, and in my head,
I was like, oh, the five best friends get together
and they all want to represent the different types of
girl you can be and like whatever, But even that
was just consumerism that resulted in a really great girl
(24:36):
band that we all love so much and have great
memories of I think we all thought like, oh, this
is the era of like girl power, but it was
just a way for to get women to buy more
things to make themselves feel pretty empowered.
Danielle Robay (24:48):
Okay, so you once said that romantic delusion is a
rite of passage. Yeah, I love the idea of delusion.
I think I am romantically delusional. My mom always says
I have rose colored glasses, and she doesn't say that
in a good way.
Tinx (25:02):
Oh no, that's a good way to be. I wish
I was more delusional. I'm like, too cynical is not
the right word. I'm just like a realist, I think.
But I think delusion is great.
Danielle Robay (25:12):
Why do you think you feel disillusioned?
Tinx (25:16):
I think people like underestimate the fact that I've literally
been listening to dating stories for four years every week,
NonStop and so and I love it. Like, don't get
me wrong, I want to be so clear, like I
love my job. I want to do it forever. But
I think just hearing my community come to me with
the stories of dating and experiencing myself as well, it's
hard to not absorb that. And my community specifically are
(25:42):
the most well rounded intelligent, they want the best for themselves,
they want the best for the world. They are thoughtful,
they work really hard, and I'm like, if these girls
are having it this hard, I don't even know what
to say, you know. And I also think, like, we're
just going through a paradigm shift right now, and I
follow Scott Galloway's teachings very closely, and it just data wise,
(26:05):
it is just more difficult to date right now and
it's hard. So any delusion, you've got hold on to
it because we all need some to survive in this era.
Danielle Robay (26:17):
I like a lot of what Scott Galloway says.
Tinx (26:19):
Yeah, he's great. I think the missing puzzle piece for
me is like, well, what are women supposed to do?
Like I'm like, I agree with everything you're saying, but like,
where the fuck does that leave us? Because there's a
lot of women who have worked on themselves in every
way possible. Women who are the first in their families
to go to college, women who are breaking the mold
at work, women who are managing directors, women who you know,
(26:40):
have gone to therapy and healed and done all the
shit and wake up at four to do pilates before
they go to their job and then do charity after work.
And I'm like, I hear you that men are like behind.
I can see it and I can feel it. But
what do we do about this huge gap for now?
Danielle Robay (26:56):
Yeah, So feel like as women, we had so many
great role model in the media as millennials, like I
think the Reese Witherspoon generation did such a great job.
Tinx (27:06):
Yeah, I mean exactly, like both in the characters we
had in our movies and then like the celebrities that
we had to look up to. We're just lucky, like
we just we did have so many models to be like,
Oh my gosh, that's great. I'm going to strive to
be that. And I mean even if you think about
like the movies we had, like Legally Blonde, like that
was such an inspiring movie for so many women and
(27:28):
it was such a like positive role model, and you
just don't get that for men, Like I think the
role models that you see today for young men are
very very extreme and they have a certain agenda and
there just isn't that much media or around just like
being a good guy totally.
Danielle Robay (27:55):
Okay, So you mentioned that you had a collaborator on
the project. Yeah, which I want to mention to everybody.
As a very common arrangement. A lot of very famous
writers have used ghostwriters, James Patterson, Tom Clancy, even Prince
Harry collaborated with a writer for his memoir Spare. But
I thought it was an especially thoughtful choice on your
(28:17):
part to bring in someone queer to help tell that
lived experience and that queer love story authentically.
Tinx (28:24):
Yes.
Danielle Robay (28:25):
On the flip side of everything, I just said, there
was a lot of talk online when your book was published. Yeah,
and I have to imagine that really hurt. People say
like a book is like a baby. Yeah, so you
put your baby out into the world, and then instead
of talking about the book, they're talking about this collaborator
and coming down on you. How did you feel about
(28:46):
the backlash?
Tinx (28:47):
Yeah, I mean I was really sad. I think that
a lot of people got totally the wrong end of
the stick and that they thought that I had really
bad intentions or I don't know, that it was somehow
like a negative thing and it couldn't have been further
from that. And like I said, I mean, I'm a
sensitive person and I think feeling misunderstood is really really
(29:08):
difficult for me. And I think that in the end
the books, the work whatever finds the people that it's
supposed to find. And I have an incredible, gorgeous, stunning,
smart community who read my book, and you know, a
lot of other people. And it's funny because a lot
of people are reading it now that it's summer and
(29:28):
they're like, I don't get why people were so upset
with you, Like I really liked the book, and I
was like, yeah, it's really not that deep. I don't
know what happened. But you know, that's the nature of
the internet sometimes is that the best intentions can be
really twisted. And yeah, I mean at the end of
the day, I think I know my intentions, and I
(29:49):
know my inspiration and I know how much work I
put into this book and my idea, and I think
that does count for something. Doesn't mean that it's not
painful to see people smear your name or whatever. But
you know, like I said, the book finds who it's
supposed to find.
Danielle Robay (30:06):
In hindsight, because I imagine like the initial impact is
heavy in hindsight. Do you feel any differently, No, I
mean not really, like I guess, no, it sucks. It's
like it's never great.
Tinx (30:20):
It's I think that people just completely twisted it and
didn't get it. I mean, I was never gonna attempt
to write a lesbian character myself, not being a lesbian,
Like that's just not something that I think is appropriate. Like,
I think it's so important to hire queer people. I
think it's important to have queer people write queer characters
so that they are authentic and real. And it was
(30:44):
also like a great experience. I think that was like
another really hurtful aspect of this I don't know online
campaign was that it was a great experience, Like we
worked together, it was incredible. I learned so much. He's
an amazing writer. And to have it be like, oh, oh,
tinks you know did this or that, it's just like
I don't know. At some point, you just gotta gotta
(31:06):
walk away.
Danielle Robay (31:07):
What do you wish people understood about that creative partnership.
Tinx (31:11):
I think I wish that they knew that it was
a partnership that I wanted and that I thought was
the right thing to do, and that was the right
thing to do. And I'm proud of the collaboration. You know,
she's the first person that I think in the acknowledgments
like yeah, at the end of the day, people are
going to think what they're going to think, and you
can only know like your intentions are good and that
(31:34):
you feel like you did the right thing, and that's all.
Danielle Robay (31:38):
Well in Happy News. The book got picked up by
the Foster sisters as a page to screen adaptation and
it's an all women team. Every book to screen adaptation
has that one scene, that one line, that one moment
that the author refuses to lose. What's yours? What hill
will you die on?
Tinx (31:59):
Oh my god, I think I really want to see
Lola in the city. I mean, I know it's set
in the Hamptons, and you know, there's been talk of like, oh,
where do we start the show, Like is it just
a bubble in the Hamptons or whatever. But to me,
it's very important to see her in New York City
because that's her universe. And I love shows in New York.
I love when they're filmed in New York and when
(32:19):
you can see like the hot steam coming off of
the sidewalk in this summer, and I just have this
vision of her like blonde hair, big boobs, like tall, gorgeous,
like clomping across Soho and with Chloe dress and like,
I need to see that, like whether it's in a
flashback or whether it's in the beginning of the book.
That's just so important to me.
Danielle Robay (32:38):
As you're describing her, I'm like, which actress plays her?
Do you have anybody in mind?
Tinx (32:43):
Oh my gosh. Well, I've been asking my followers and
they have so many good ideas, And now I have
so many good ideas in my head. I'm like, I
don't even know. We'll see, but but.
Danielle Robay (32:51):
Who have they thrown out? I'm curious.
Tinx (32:53):
I mean, a lot of people have said Sydney Sweeney,
a lot of people have said Dakota Johnson. A lot
of people have said Megan Fahi or Fayee love her. Yeah,
we'll see. It's really fun. I'm just so excited to learn.
This is obviously my first TV show, and I just
can't wait to learn from the best. They are so
(33:13):
smart and so incredible, and we're gonna make it really good.
Danielle Robay (33:16):
It's such a great story. I've noticed a lot of
musical artists recently have changed their names to their government names.
The Weekend went back to Abel even her who I
Love went to Gabriella. And you've built a brand on
using the name Tinks, but your government name is Christina.
Do you ever feel like you'll be Christina publicly?
Tinx (33:36):
You know, I've thought about it. I've definitely started introducing
myself as Christina in my personal life just because I
feel like I want a little bit more separation from
what Tinks has become. But I don't know, I don't know.
I'd never say never. I could definitely see that in
the future.
Danielle Robay (33:53):
Wait, so when you would like go on dates, you
would be Tinks normally.
Tinx (33:58):
Yeah, I mean that's yeah.
Danielle Robay (34:01):
Yeah, so that is a big separation then.
Tinx (34:03):
Yeah. Lately I've just been like I need some space
from it all. I want to be Christina again.
Danielle Robay (34:08):
So Christina the book is a steamy, clear romance layered
with questions of identity and authenticity and sexuality. But my
favorite part of the book is that at its heart,
it's about a woman who's just figuring out who she is. Yeah,
and that is a journey that we have all been on.
(34:30):
It spoke to me, it's a journey I've been on
for sure. What did you discover about who you Christina
are while you were writing this.
Tinx (34:40):
I think that I discovered that I have a lot
more things to say, like I thought I was kind
of like running out of things to say, but I
feel like I am creating this universe and world. It
just made me hungry for more and that, you know,
like I said, I want to explore, you know, what
(35:01):
my followers are going through and what my community is
going through dating wise and personally, and how much I
enjoyed exploring that in a creative way. So that was
really cool and it definitely inspired me to create more.
Danielle Robay (35:13):
Yeah, so I love asking our guests what they've bookmarked
this week. It could be a weird fact, a fun quote,
something you've saved on Instagram, something you've texted a best friend.
What have you bookmarked this week?
Tinx (35:26):
I read an article in the New York Times which
was about I don't want to misname their rank, but
I think he's like a general or a soldier in
the army and he was. It's an opinion piece in
the New York Times, and it's called something like, I
am not who you would think would oppose the transgender band,
(35:49):
but here's why I do. Basically his story of being
in the army and him saying like he's an evangelical
Christian and has been in the army and you know whatever,
and why he basically is opposed the ban and why
he's resigning. And I just thought it was a very thoughtful,
interesting opinion piece. And I really thought it was well
written and very brave of this man to come forward
(36:13):
and write this. I'm always interested when people are able
to look at their belief system and look outside of
it and disagree with something that's in their belief system
and stand by that like that is just so inspiring
to me. And I really hope that a lot of
people read this piece because his thought process is very interesting.
(36:33):
So I would highly recommend everybody read that.
Danielle Robay (36:37):
You have this quote, I don't want to butcher it, but.
Tinx (36:39):
It's strong opinions loosely held.
Danielle Robay (36:42):
Yes, strong opinions loosely held. I love that.
Tinx (36:45):
I think that having opinions is what it means to
be human. But if you don't change your opinion based
on new information that you receive, then you're not smart
at all.
Danielle Robay (36:57):
Okay, we're coming up to speed read. It's one of
my favorite parts of the conversation.
Tinx (37:03):
Here's how it works.
Danielle Robay (37:04):
I'm going to put sixty seconds on the clock, and
I'm going to ask you a series of rapid fire questions,
Just say the first thing that comes to your mind. Okay,
what's a romance trope you'll defend with your life?
Tinx (37:17):
Oh? God, not ending up with someone?
Danielle Robay (37:21):
Romance trope that needs to be retired.
Tinx (37:24):
None of them. They're all valid, they're all great.
Danielle Robay (37:27):
If your twenties were a novel, what would the title.
Tinx (37:29):
Be, High, Highs and lo Lows?
Danielle Robay (37:34):
How about your thirties?
Tinx (37:36):
The Only Way is Up?
Danielle Robay (37:38):
Who's narrating your memoir audiobook?
Tinx (37:40):
Me?
Danielle Robay (37:42):
What is your favorite book to recommend.
Tinx (37:45):
When in doubt? Wash Your Hair by Anya in March.
Danielle Robay (37:48):
A classic novel you'd love to see reimagined.
Tinx (37:51):
The Sun Also Rises.
Danielle Robay (37:53):
What's a book that shaped the way you see the world?
Tinx (37:56):
Dvf's memoir. It's called The and I Wanted to Be
It's a really great book.
Danielle Robay (38:03):
Okay, we talked about dreamcasting for Lola. How about some
dreamcasting for Ali?
Tinx (38:10):
People have said like Audrey Plaza. Someone said Dakota Johnson
for her. I don't know. I'm just excited to see
what happens. But I have a few I don't want
to jinx in my head that I think could be
really good.
Danielle Robay (38:24):
Fair Okay, last one, what's the best book you've never read.
Tinx (38:28):
Oh my god, what have I not read? I've never
read the Odyssey. I need to read that. I thought
you were going to say that that's really that's great.
I haven't and I feel like I should. But I
almost want to be taught it. You know. It's one
of those books that, as a former English major, I
just crave being taught something. I'm like, let's go over
this paragraph for two hours, like please, that sounds so fun.
Danielle Robay (38:51):
Save I want to like annotate with all my different
color highlighters and write notes in the margins. Yeah, tinks.
Thank you for bringing Hotter in the Hamptons to our lives.
It was super fun for.
Tinx (39:02):
Me to read you.
Danielle Robay (39:03):
Thank you, Sam, and I appreciate your time.
Tinx (39:05):
Thank you for having me.
Danielle Robay (39:08):
That's it for this week's book club. If you want
a little bit more from us, come hang with us
on socials. We're at Reese's book Club on Instagram serving
up books, vibes and behind the scenes magic. And I'm
at Danielle Robe Roba y come say hi and df
me And if you want to go nineties on us,
call us. Okay, our phone line is open, so call
(39:30):
now at one five zero one two nine to one
three three seven nine. That's one five oh one two
nine one three three seven nine. Share your literary hot takes,
book recommendations, questions about the monthly pick, or let us
know what you think about the episode you just heard,
and who knows, you might just hear yourself in our
(39:52):
next episode, so don't be shy, give us a ring,
and of course, make sure to follow Bookmarked by Reese's
book Club on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you get your shows until then via in the next chapter.
Bookmarked is a production of Hello Sunshine and iHeart Podcast.
It's executive produced by Reese Witherspoon and me Danielle Robe.
(40:17):
Production is by ACAST Creative Studios. Our producers are Matty Foley,
Aliah Yates, Brittany Martinez and Darby Masters. Our production assistant
is Avery Loftus. Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder are the
executive producers for a Cast Creative Studios. Maureene Polo and
Reese Witherspoon are the executive producers for Hello Sunshine. Olga Kaminwha,
(40:39):
Kristin Perla, Kelly Turner and Ashley Rappaport are associate producers
for Reese's book Club. Ali Perry and Christina Everett are
the executive producers for iHeart Podcasts, and Tim Palazola is
our showrunner.
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