April 24, 2023 • 31 mins
Are you in a relationship with a narcissist? It's a very small population believe it or not. Dr. Wendy is also answering your relationship questions with her drive by makeshift relationship advice. Also are you in love? Here is how you can tell. Scientific facts about being in love. It's all on KFIAM-640.
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(00:00):
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you'relistening to KFI AM six forty, the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand onthe iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show and KFI AMsix forty. We're live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app. Just a reminder,follow me on social media. My social
is at doctor Wendy Walsh. That'sat Dr Wendy Walsh. I will be
(00:22):
going to social media, specifically myInstagram and TikTok to look for your relationship
questions. I'm not going to useyour name. It's okay. I'll keep
you anonymous. But if you havea question and want me to weigh in
with my drive by makeshift relationship advice, I'm happy to do that, all
right. I did mention earlier inthe show that if you're in a long
distance relationship there's a big red flag. One is well too, if your
(00:46):
partner wants to track you in someway and get passwords your social media to
really cyberstock you because they feel insecureabout the distance. Don't do it.
Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't sacrifice you. But the other
thing is, let's talk about thosesec explicit photos and videos. I'm going
to tell you a personal story aboutthis. Yes, even me. In
(01:07):
the early days before we even hadcell phones, when we had cam quarters
and VHS tapes, I had along distance relationship with a hunky actor who
was taping very far away, andhe begged me to produce a video with
him. Yep, just what you'rethinking, the two of us. Mhmm.
(01:29):
It was not pretty, just becausewomen are not visually wired. I
looked at him like that is gross, and he said, I love it.
I love it. So anyway,then we broke up and then spent
the months of terror in my heartand soul where I begged him to destroy
this video. He has assured meit's destroyed if it turns up on the
internet. Oh well, I'm anold lady now who cares. But he
(01:51):
has assured me that it is destroyed. But here's the worst thing. He
had to put salt on the woundbecause after I was nagging him and nagging
him and nagging him, in hisfinal like lettered goodbye. Yeah, we
wrote hard letters even before email tome, he said, I'm really mad
that I had to burn that videotape. Because there was other stuff on that
tape that I wanted. I know, what a jerke, right, what
(02:12):
a jerk. Anyway, it wasan excruciating few months of my life.
So I'm going to tell you rightnow, don't do it. Here's what
the law says about this. Ifyou send somebody a video, it is
now there's it's a gift. Youdon't own it. You gave it to
them as a gift. They canput it up on a revenge porn site
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if they want and make money offyour sexually explicit pictures. Now, the
new trick that guys are doing isin the heat of the moment, they
think it's cute and funny to pickup your phone videotape or take photographs with
your phone, and while you're lyingthere in the aftermath of glow because you've
had such a great time, theytext the pictures to themselves and now they
(03:00):
prove that you've just given them agift. It happens, It happens.
So I'm telling you, I don'tcare what kind of lung does this relationship
you're in. Do not send sexypictures or videos because you're going to be
applying for that job at the SupremeCourt someday and out it will come just
saying just don't do it. Imade the mistake. It was awful.
Don't do it all right. Ifyou believe the Internet, you would believe
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that a full eighty percent of menin relationships right now are narcissists. There
is an obsession with narcissistic personality disorder, and women all think they're dating a
narcissist. But narcissists only make upabout one or two percent of the population.
And so I want to break itdown. What are called narcissistic behaviors
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or features, and a true narcissist, a true narcissistic personality disorder. Right,
So basically, it's defined as apervasive pattern of grandiosity, either in
their own mind or how they behavea need for constant admiration. And the
big one, and this is wherewomen get a little crazy lack of empathy.
You see women fall in love withguys they're hooking up with, and
(04:09):
they think he's in love too,and then they can't figure out why he's
separated the sex with it anyway.They think he doesn't have empathy. And
men can separate it very easily andshow very little empathy, and there you
are having all your feelings of love. Now here's what the diagnostic and statistical
manual and mental disorder says that youhave to have five or more of the
following to actually been to be diagnosedas a narcissist. Five or more.
(04:31):
I'm gonna list you nine things yougotta have. Five One a grandiose sense
of self importance. Exaggerates achievements andtalents, expects to be recognized as superior.
Number two is preoccupied with fantasies ofunlimited success, power, brilliance,
beauty, or ideal love. Threebelieves that he or she is special and
(04:58):
unique and can be own understood withother high status people. Yeah, you
see a lot of the celebrities.They got to be in the club and
be with other famous people. Numberfour requires excessive admiration. Yeah, you
gotta kiss the ring. You gotto bow down to them. Number five
has a sense of entitlement, unreasonableexpectations of especially favorable treatment. Six is
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interpersonally exploitive. Oh yeah, thisone. They take advantage of other people
to achieve their own ends. Numberseven they lack empathy or unwilling to recognize
or identify with the feelings or needsof others. Eight they are often envious
of others or believes that other peopleare envious of them. Nine they show
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arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.Of those nine things, you have to
have five to be diagnosed as anarcissist. But narcissism is a spectrum,
and people can have one or twoof these things and have sort of narcissistic
features. Right, So, here'swhat a narcissist does in a romantic relationship.
In case you've ever been in thiscycle, it really is. I
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think it's an abusive cycle. Itstarts out with what some psychologists might call
an idealization stage. That's where theyit's too soon, too much, too
soon. They connect with you superfast, it's all about love. They
make you feel unique, they putyou on a pedestal. They love bomb
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that's what we call that love bombing. They make you feel like the most
special person and that it's sudden andintense. Then once they have you hooked,
they start to erode your sense ofself. This might be called the
devaluation stage, where the narcissist slowlymakes you feel totally insecure and devalued.
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They criticize you weird, a littlepassive aggressive behavior, backhanded compliments. Yeah,
that's pretty good for someone to earlywent to high school. You're pretty
smart, right, A little stufflike that, or stonewalling, ismissing,
cutting you out, they won't talkand you're so frustrated. Then there's the
repetition stage. They want to makesure that the devaluation is working. So
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what they do is they do aweird cycle of I call it warm fuzzies
and cold pricklies. So they startout being nice and then just when they
know they got you hooked again,they do negative behavior. And then you're
lying in hope for more niceness.So you stay clingy with the back and
forth. And finally, if you'relucky, I want to say this.
If you're lucky, comes the discardstage, where they just reject you completely
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or suddenly decide they have no usefor this relationship. I know it hurts,
but you're saved. Some people stayin these kinds of relationship patterns for
years and years. Sometimes it mayeven involve domestic violence. If this sounds
like you, I want you tocall or text the National domestic violence hotline
called the hot Line, because Idon't want you to stay in a dangerous
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relationship. But for the rest ofus, some people just have a few
little traits here and there. Hey, when we come back, I am
going to social media. I'm goingto answer your questions. If you would
like to send in a question,just follow me on Instagram at doctor Wendy
Walsh. That's at Dr Wendy Walsh. Then send me a DM You're listening
to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show onkf I AM six forty. We're live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You'relistening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from
(08:22):
kf I AM six forty. Welcomeback to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
kf I AM six forty. We'relive everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. And
this is the moment of truth.Going to social media to take your questions
about your relationship. Just to remindyou everybody, I don't have a license
to practice therapy. I'm not atherapist. I'm a psychology professor. But
(08:43):
i have read a lot about thescience of love, and I'm of a
certain age and have a certain degreeof wisdom. Yes, I'm your old
auntie, doctor Wendy Auntie, DoctorWendy. I think one of my nephews
calls me that. Actually, ifyou would like to send a question in
just the DM, what do wecheck in Instagram today mostly or TikTok or
Instagram TikTok, all of it?Okay? The hand Deliveryhe is at Dr
(09:07):
Wendy Welsh at Doctor Wendy Welsh,so I haven't seen these ahead of times,
so you never know what I'm gonnaread out loud. Here we go,
Hey, doctor Wendy says this person. I have communication problems, for
example, difficulty listening and understanding,difficulty assuming ownership, and difficulty reserving the
time and space to have healthy conversations. That sounds very Did you type that
(09:30):
out of a textbook? It doesn'tcome naturally to me and my wife?
Me and my wife, now Iknow that didn't come out of a textbook.
Oh oh, doesn't come naturally tome, and my wife is getting
sick of it. How can Iwork on my communication skills? Easy?
Go see a license therapist. Honestly, I learned to have emotional communication just
by seeing my therapist. I startedtherapy when I was pregnant with my first
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daughter. I was in and outfor eighteen years, and the level of
conversation that you have about emotions intherapy is the thing that teaches you.
And also the two of you couldgo to couples therapy and that person can
watch you talking to each other andsort of figure out where the mismatches what
you're missing out now. Highly recommendthat, dear doctor Wendy, being in
(10:20):
different stages of life is taxing onmy relationship. We're growing apart in terms
of interest and life goals. Wedon't feel connected and I can feel the
impact on our relationship. Are wedoomed? Nobody has a crystal ball,
Nobody can say if you're doomed ornot. It's very interesting that you say
you're in different stages of life.So I'm wondering if this is a May
(10:43):
December relationship, whether we've got anolder partner and a younger partner. You
know, I always say that arelationship is over when you stopped growing.
Have you stopped growing in this relationship? And here's the other thing. Healthy,
happy, long term committed relationships actuallyare predicated on the fact that each
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partner has to have permission to growseparately and then bring that new growth into
the relationship, back into the relationship, right, You got to head out
into the world and get stories totell when you bring home. You have
to be curious about yourself and yourgrowth. So you're talking about your interest
and your life goals. Let's talkabout interests first. You can have other
(11:31):
friends common interest friends for your interests, and then you can come back to
your relationship and tell your person aboutthat. But the life goal thing is
interesting because I think at least everyyear a relationship has to sit down and
you have to have a discussion aboutwhere are we going, what's our plan?
Are we on track for that?And you almost have to rewrite your
relationship contract from time to time.Anyway, I don't have a crystal ball.
(11:54):
I can't say if you're doomed ornot. But I'm wondering if you're
doing the work to try to bringthe connection back or are you outgrowing the
relationship? And only you will knowthe answer to that. Dear doctor,
Wendy, a little jealousy here andthere is normal. Well, we can
(12:15):
debate that, but excessive jealousy hasturned my relationship into a dreaded daily battle.
Listen to how you're talking about yourlove life, the person who's supposed
to support you, the wind beneathyour wings. You know, an exchange
of care has become a dreaded dailybattle. Then you go on to say
(12:39):
she is controlling, angry, andoverbearing. I think she lacks self esteem.
Yes, that's what pullice do.She is jealous regularly. How do
I get her to be more secure? I love? That's the question.
How do I get her to change? When are these people going to learn?
You're not supposed to change anybody else. You're not supposed to change their
(13:01):
behavior having a boundary? Is youchanging your behavior in reaction to them?
So it starts with making a request. Wasn't I just talking about this today?
You start by making a request.When she says where have you been?
Who have you been with whatever?You'll say it doesn't feel comfortable for
me to come home from work andhear you worry about me being unfaithful to
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you. I'm going to ask youto stop doing that. Then if she
doesn't follow the request, then you'regoing to say I'm going to walk out
of the room whenever I hear thisconversation because there's no validity to it.
And then you might even say toher if you want to get into therapy,
or you should go to therapy,whatever, you could do that too,
all right, just saying it's don'tdo the dreaded daily battle, nor
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is it. It's not your responsibilityto be your partner's therapist. You're not
supposed to heal them. That's dysfunctional, that's codependent. You're supposed to think
about what your needs are and havea very clear reaction, a boundary how
much you can tolerate what you're goingto do. Instead, because you're not
(14:13):
forced to stand in the same roomwith her and listen to this, you
can walk away from a human being. You can break up with them.
There's all kinds of things you cando if it gets that far. But
you need to think about where yourboundary is, where your tolerance level is,
and then from there make a decisionabout what your reaction is going to
be. But you will drive yourselfcrazy if you're just trying to change her
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dreaded daily battle. That sure doesn'tsound like a love relationship. That breaks
my heart. All right, I'mgoing to continue with your questions when we
come back. You are listening tothe doctor Wendy Walls Show, on KFI
AM six forty. I want toremind you that you need to go to
the iHeartRadio app. You need tosearch KFI AM six forty, and you
need to follow us. That's where, because that's where the world's all going,
(14:58):
right, that's where all the breakingnews is, right ka breaking news.
You need to follow us on theiHeartRadio app. Also, if you
ever miss any part of the DoctorWendy Walls Show, it's always on demand
right there on the iHeartRadio app.We'll be back with more. You're listening
to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand fromkf I AM six forty. Welcome back
(15:20):
to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show onkf I AM six forty. We're live
everywhere on that iHeartRadio app. Rememberthat, Hey, I know how much
you love talk radio. Before Iget to more of your social media questions,
I have to say something about theimportance of AM radio and I have
to share something. I actually don'thave AM radio in my new car.
(15:43):
This was a big problem for me. This is my job, this is
my work. Plus I love talkradio and I love KFI. So the
work around for me and I hopeit's the workaround for you sometimes if you
were ever in this situation is youcan download the iHeartRadio app and then use
Bluetooth to listen to KFI through thecar. That's what I do on a
regular basis. I listen to Handlein the morning all the time using that.
(16:06):
But we want to make sure thatAM radio stays in cars for a
very good reason. More than eightymillion Americans depend on AM radio. We
need it for our news, ourtraffic, weather, sports, and for
me, the most important thing isa community connection. Did you know that
AM radio is still the backbone ofthe emergency alert system if there's if anything
(16:30):
goes down, right, the Internetgoes down, your WiFi, your Bluetooth,
whatever. It is critical that wekeep AM radio in cars because this
is a free emergency service and itcould be your lifeline. Look if there
was a god forbid an earthquake andall the cell sites went down, what
(16:51):
are you going to do. You'regoing to turn on your AM radio.
You're going to find out where toget water to where it's safe to go,
etc. Now here's how you canensure that AM radio stays in cars.
You need to text the letters amAM AM radio to five two eight
eight six. That's five two eighteight six, that's the number, and
(17:12):
you just text the letters AM andthis will tell Congress that we need AM
radio to stay in cars five toeight eight six. I also want to
add that this message is from myheart, but also furnished by the National
Association of Broadcasters and KFI. Ibelieve very strongly in this. Okay,
(17:32):
let me get back to your relationshipquestions. These are from I believe Instagram
and a couple of them from TikTokAt. Doctor Wendy Walsh is the handle
if you want to follow me,Hey doctor Wendy. Watch I love how
they hey me, Hey, Hey, doctor Wendy Walsh. The monotony of
repeating the same activities daily with thesame person has become boring. My relationship
has become too comfortable and unimaginative.I don't want to leave it on board
(17:56):
to tears. How can I findmy fun in him again? You know,
my mother used to say when Iused to come in on the hot,
long summer days when I was sobored, I'm bored. I'm bored.
And she used to say, ifyou're bored, you're boring. Go
be exciting. Make some excitement.Okay, this is another question. How
(18:18):
can you get him to do something? You're saying, how can I find
some fun in him? Again?You know what researchers would say, take
him out, put your put yourspouse in any new novel situation. I
mean, you don't have to skyskydive or anything that exciting. You can
go to a museum, go hiking, to a garden club, a wine
tasting club I don't know, goto an AA meeting together, I don't
know. Just get him out ofthe house, go somewhere together, because
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they look different in a novel situation. You know, this is funny thing.
Did you know if a baby isless than eight months old, you
don't have to buy them new toys. All you have to do is move
the toys to a different room,and to the baby's mind, it's a
whole whole new toy place because it'sin a different schema and in the same
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way, your husband will look likea brand new toy if you just get
him out of the house doing somethinganything. But you are fifty percent responsible
for the boring in your relationship.So the question is what can you do
to be more fun and more happy? You know, you could put on
music and dance while you're cooking dinnerand something fun. I don't know,
(19:26):
liven it up, liven it up, as my mother would say. If
you're bored, you're boring. It'sterrible. Oh here's one I can totally
relate to this one, Hi,doctor Wendy. From a hey to Hi,
Hi doctor Wendy. I have beenmy boyfriend's barbie, and I hate
it. Nobody wants to be controlledor likes to be told what to do,
(19:48):
how to dress, or where tospend their money. He controls everything.
He oversteps my boundaries up, butI allow it. What can I
do? Always say this conversation aboutboundaries to day, and we had a
whole seg when we're talking about boundaries. All right, So he's not overstepping
your boundaries. He's overstepping your requests. He's ignoring your requests. That's the
difference. Right. So what youdon't have is a reaction to his boundaries,
(20:12):
right, you need to have.It's not a punishment. You need
to basically say, if you dothis, then I'll do this. Right.
So yeah, and there's that otherthing, but I allow it.
This is where you and your therapistsneed to talk about it is your fear
of losing him greater than your fearof having your own self respect, your
(20:38):
own sense of self, your ownability to control your life. If your
fear of abandonment is bigger, youwill stay his doormat. You will still
do what he says. You know, you've got to be strong because you
might be surprised. You might besurprised that he might actually like the new
you when you start to own thatnew word. No, uh huh,
(21:00):
that's a good word. But youalso can't just nag. You have to
do something like walk out of theroom, say no if he tells you
how to dress, wears something different, and see what he does. Just
see what he does. That's whatI say. All right, I think
I have time for one more,Dear doctor, Wendy, I got married
after knowing my husband for three months. Whoops. Then she writes, I
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know you're going to say it wasa mistake. Now I see. We
have differences in religion, politics,childrearing, and the basic definition of right
and wrong. We all grew updifferently with unique morals, values, beliefs,
and goals, but we don't seeeye to eye on anything. Can
we make this work although we areso different. Well, here's the answer.
Anything is possible as long as thetwo of you want to make it
(21:45):
work. If both of you wantit, and you mentioned childrearings, you've
got kids, you got a verygood reason for wanting to make it work.
I would highly suggest for you guysthat you get into couples therapy.
I believe absolutely that if both peopleput their mind to it. I've also
said before that a relationship can changeif one person doesn't want to go to
(22:06):
therapy but one person does, becausethat person can go and learn all kinds
of skills, tips, tricks,techniques, communication skills, boundaries, etc.
If you go to therapy. Soeven if you're going to say to
me, while my husband doesn't wantto go, he doesn't think we're that
different, then you go. That'swhat I say already. I love to
(22:26):
answer your questions. You could writeto me on my social media anywhere.
The handle is at doctor Wendy Walsh. That's at dr Wendy Walsh. Also,
if you want to join my Patreon, Patreon dot com slash doctor Wendy
Walsh. We do a Wednesday nightZoom group. That's a lot of fun,
and I post some blogs and stuffup there too, so you can
come on over there. All right. When we come back, where are
we going after this? Oh?How do you know you're in love?
(22:51):
Believe it or not? I getthis question a lot. How do you
know it's true love? I'll tellyou what science says when we come back.
You are listening the Doctor Wendy WalshShow on kf I AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio Appum, you're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh
on demand from kf I AM sixty. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walls
Show on KFI A M six forty. We are in the home stretch already.
(23:17):
I feel like we got through somuch magnificent sex. We got through
a lot of interesting questions. Wecleared up that question about whether you're dating
a narcissist, because most of themaren't narcissists. They're just selfish, you
know, not full diagnosis, butwe love to call them that. One
of the questions I get a lotis is this true love? Is this
(23:37):
really love? Am I experiencing love? Now? We know that love is
a thing, right, it hasbiological piece that has psychological piece, that
has sociological piece. The biological iswhat happens in your brain when you get
this cocktail of neurohormones that feel sogood, but also there's this psychological piece.
(24:00):
It reminds you of something familiar fromyour childhood, and hopefully you had
secure attachments in your childhood, sothis is a good thing you're replicating.
And then sociological it's like, ohmy god, they look so good on
paper, they have the right job, if they live in the right zip
code, they have the right politics, the same diet. Oh my god,
we're so much alike, right,So all of those things interplay when
it comes to love. I dobelieve there is no such thing as a
(24:23):
soul mate. It's not like thisone person. It's just that when your
brain gets this cocktail of neural hormonesand you see this person and you're really
attracted to them, you start tothink, oh, it must be my
soul mate. But that's part ofa delusion of love. There's been so
much research on the science of love. I'm going to highlight some of it,
and let's go through some scientifically provensigns that you're in love. Number
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one, believing that this one special, see that soul mate thing, so
once a lifetime that I'll meet thisperson. Actually believe that this person you
met is so unique and interesting.And actually one article in the Archives of
Sexual Behavior said that it shows it'sbecause of elevated levels in the central dopamine,
(25:15):
a chemical involved in intention and focusin your brain. So thinking your
lover, this person you met isspecial is part of the love recipe.
Then this focusing on the positive,all right, I would say not looking
close enough at the negative. Sowhat happens is love is actually a delusion
that makes your brain a little bitirrational. And when you first meet somebody,
(25:37):
they can do no wrong. Andin fact, any negative information that
you're presented with at the beginning offalling in love, you dismiss or refute
it in some way. There's beenlots of research to support this. But
here's another sign that you're in love. You're kind of emotionally unstable, all
right? Are you bouncing around betweenfeelings of euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness,
(26:03):
then sometimes anxiety, panic? Arethey going to call back? Is
it going to happen? Right?A racing heart, you've got it all
right. That's what it feels likeat the beginning emotional instability. Here's an
example. One time, I wasfalling in love with somebody as Machenga,
and I had a job at Iwas hosting anchoring the news at UPN and
(26:23):
the promotions guy. I know that. Every Wednesday, the promotions guy,
I give him my copy or Igo in and record some voiceover so he
does a promo for whatever my weekendshow is or whatever. And I had
lost track of the days of theweek. And I was driving in the
car with my beloved, the newhot guy that I was with, and
my guy called my promotions guy's like, where are you supposed to here doing
(26:45):
a voiceover? And I literally didn'tknow the day of the week or where
I was supposed to be, butI was in such a love cloud.
I remember literally saying to him,dude, we'll do it next week,
Like who cares about one. Itwas like someone had given me a drug
and I would high. And thatis so out of character for me.
I'm punctual, I'm reliable, Iget things done. Yeah, that's the
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emotional instability. What else intrusive thinkingwhere you can't stop thinking about the person.
That is a sign you're in love. I know you're going to ask,
but when is it an obsession andwhen is it actual love? It
depends on you know, it islove. It's all love. Even obsessions
are love. It's just that ifyour model for love from early childhood is
(27:30):
filled with, you know, somekind of pain or whatever, maybe you're
going to be more obsessed. Ohhere's another example of love. You kind
of start to become emotionally dependent onwhat that person does or thinks. You
might get a little possessive, youmight feel jealous. Sometimes you might deeply
fear rejection. You might have separationanxiety. You know what Doctor Helen Fisher
(27:55):
at the Kinsey Institute, she lovesto say that the areas that life up
in MRI machines in the brain whensomeone is falling in love, they are
the same areas that light up withlike a cocaine addiction. Right, it's
the same thing. It's like adrug dependency. Well, now it's an
emotional dependency. Here's my favorite one. You're planning a future together. Okay,
(28:18):
I know it's a joke. Theteenage girls practice, well we did
back in the day. They probablydon't do now. They used to take
their first name and the boy's lastname and do missus in front, right,
and they'd practice the signature like,this is going to be my future
signature. Me I just plan onhow much of a mortgage we could qualify
for. I don't know, butplanning the future, thinking in your mind
(28:41):
where it's going to go down theroad. You see, if it's not
real love, you're like, I'mhere for today, out tomorrow, not
planning a future. Another sign you'rein love is having feelings of empathy.
Right again. Doctor Helen Fisher discoveredthat there are significant patterns in brain active
for people who are in love.She calls them mirror neurons. Mirror neurons
(29:06):
where and you know when we talkto the sex researcher earlier, when she
was talking about this sense of you'rehaving great, magnificent sex and you don't
know where your skin ends and theother person's begin. And that comes from
having deep empathy and empathetic empathic connection. There, I'll get it out.
(29:26):
So if you're actually sensing and caringlike the other persons that they have a
bad day and you feel it inyour stomach, that's real empathy, and
that's a sign of love. Also, on the negative side, you'll get
a little bit possessive. Possessive feelings. Are you desiring sexual exclusivity? Are
you do you have extreme jealousy.I'm not talking about dangerous jealousy. You're
(29:49):
not turned into a stalker, right, You're not violating somebody's privacy. I'm
just talking about little feelings of Oh, they didn't call tonight, I wonder
where they are tonight. Yep,that's a sign that you're in love.
You also sometimes feel out of control. Love is a risk. I believe
(30:10):
that part of the reason why somany people fall into these situation ships,
these undefined relationships, is because they'reso afraid of this feeling of being out
of control, being able to trustsomeone, being able to depend on somebody
else for their emotional needs to helpmeet and care for them. And I
tell you, jump in, takethe plunge. Love is the best drug
(30:34):
we have. It's free, it'sthe best thing for your health. Thank
you so much for being with me. It is always my pleasure to weigh
in on your love lives. EverySunday. I'm doctor Wendy Walsh. I'm
here on KFI every Sunday from sevento nine pm. You've been listening to
Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can alwayshear us live on kf I Am six
(30:56):
forty from seven to nine pm onSunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you'relistening to KFI AM six forty, the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand onthe iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show and KFI AMsix forty. We're live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app. Just a reminder,follow me on social media. My social
is at doctor Wendy Walsh. That'sat Dr Wendy Walsh. I will be
(00:22):
going to social media, specifically myInstagram and TikTok to look for your relationship
questions. I'm not going to useyour name. It's okay. I'll keep
you anonymous. But if you havea question and want me to weigh in
with my drive by makeshift relationship advice, I'm happy to do that, all
right. I did mention earlier inthe show that if you're in a long
distance relationship there's a big red flag. One is well too, if your
(00:46):
partner wants to track you in someway and get passwords your social media to
really cyberstock you because they feel insecureabout the distance. Don't do it.
Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't sacrifice you. But the other
thing is, let's talk about thosesec explicit photos and videos. I'm going
to tell you a personal story aboutthis. Yes, even me. In
(01:07):
the early days before we even hadcell phones, when we had cam quarters
and VHS tapes, I had along distance relationship with a hunky actor who
was taping very far away, andhe begged me to produce a video with
him. Yep, just what you'rethinking, the two of us. Mhmm.
(01:29):
It was not pretty, just becausewomen are not visually wired. I
looked at him like that is gross, and he said, I love it.
I love it. So anyway,then we broke up and then spent
the months of terror in my heartand soul where I begged him to destroy
this video. He has assured meit's destroyed if it turns up on the
internet. Oh well, I'm anold lady now who cares. But he
(01:51):
has assured me that it is destroyed. But here's the worst thing. He
had to put salt on the woundbecause after I was nagging him and nagging
him and nagging him, in hisfinal like lettered goodbye. Yeah, we
wrote hard letters even before email tome, he said, I'm really mad
that I had to burn that videotape. Because there was other stuff on that
tape that I wanted. I know, what a jerke, right, what
(02:12):
a jerk. Anyway, it wasan excruciating few months of my life.
So I'm going to tell you rightnow, don't do it. Here's what
the law says about this. Ifyou send somebody a video, it is
now there's it's a gift. Youdon't own it. You gave it to
them as a gift. They canput it up on a revenge porn site
(02:37):
if they want and make money offyour sexually explicit pictures. Now, the
new trick that guys are doing isin the heat of the moment, they
think it's cute and funny to pickup your phone videotape or take photographs with
your phone, and while you're lyingthere in the aftermath of glow because you've
had such a great time, theytext the pictures to themselves and now they
(03:00):
prove that you've just given them agift. It happens, It happens.
So I'm telling you, I don'tcare what kind of lung does this relationship
you're in. Do not send sexypictures or videos because you're going to be
applying for that job at the SupremeCourt someday and out it will come just
saying just don't do it. Imade the mistake. It was awful.
Don't do it all right. Ifyou believe the Internet, you would believe
(03:23):
that a full eighty percent of menin relationships right now are narcissists. There
is an obsession with narcissistic personality disorder, and women all think they're dating a
narcissist. But narcissists only make upabout one or two percent of the population.
And so I want to break itdown. What are called narcissistic behaviors
(03:45):
or features, and a true narcissist, a true narcissistic personality disorder. Right,
So basically, it's defined as apervasive pattern of grandiosity, either in
their own mind or how they behavea need for constant admiration. And the
big one, and this is wherewomen get a little crazy lack of empathy.
You see women fall in love withguys they're hooking up with, and
(04:09):
they think he's in love too,and then they can't figure out why he's
separated the sex with it anyway.They think he doesn't have empathy. And
men can separate it very easily andshow very little empathy, and there you
are having all your feelings of love. Now here's what the diagnostic and statistical
manual and mental disorder says that youhave to have five or more of the
following to actually been to be diagnosedas a narcissist. Five or more.
(04:31):
I'm gonna list you nine things yougotta have. Five One a grandiose sense
of self importance. Exaggerates achievements andtalents, expects to be recognized as superior.
Number two is preoccupied with fantasies ofunlimited success, power, brilliance,
beauty, or ideal love. Threebelieves that he or she is special and
(04:58):
unique and can be own understood withother high status people. Yeah, you
see a lot of the celebrities.They got to be in the club and
be with other famous people. Numberfour requires excessive admiration. Yeah, you
gotta kiss the ring. You gotto bow down to them. Number five
has a sense of entitlement, unreasonableexpectations of especially favorable treatment. Six is
(05:21):
interpersonally exploitive. Oh yeah, thisone. They take advantage of other people
to achieve their own ends. Numberseven they lack empathy or unwilling to recognize
or identify with the feelings or needsof others. Eight they are often envious
of others or believes that other peopleare envious of them. Nine they show
(05:44):
arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.Of those nine things, you have to
have five to be diagnosed as anarcissist. But narcissism is a spectrum,
and people can have one or twoof these things and have sort of narcissistic
features. Right, So, here'swhat a narcissist does in a romantic relationship.
In case you've ever been in thiscycle, it really is. I
(06:05):
think it's an abusive cycle. Itstarts out with what some psychologists might call
an idealization stage. That's where theyit's too soon, too much, too
soon. They connect with you superfast, it's all about love. They
make you feel unique, they putyou on a pedestal. They love bomb
(06:25):
that's what we call that love bombing. They make you feel like the most
special person and that it's sudden andintense. Then once they have you hooked,
they start to erode your sense ofself. This might be called the
devaluation stage, where the narcissist slowlymakes you feel totally insecure and devalued.
(06:48):
They criticize you weird, a littlepassive aggressive behavior, backhanded compliments. Yeah,
that's pretty good for someone to earlywent to high school. You're pretty
smart, right, A little stufflike that, or stonewalling, ismissing,
cutting you out, they won't talkand you're so frustrated. Then there's the
repetition stage. They want to makesure that the devaluation is working. So
(07:11):
what they do is they do aweird cycle of I call it warm fuzzies
and cold pricklies. So they startout being nice and then just when they
know they got you hooked again,they do negative behavior. And then you're
lying in hope for more niceness.So you stay clingy with the back and
forth. And finally, if you'relucky, I want to say this.
If you're lucky, comes the discardstage, where they just reject you completely
(07:34):
or suddenly decide they have no usefor this relationship. I know it hurts,
but you're saved. Some people stayin these kinds of relationship patterns for
years and years. Sometimes it mayeven involve domestic violence. If this sounds
like you, I want you tocall or text the National domestic violence hotline
called the hot Line, because Idon't want you to stay in a dangerous
(07:57):
relationship. But for the rest ofus, some people just have a few
little traits here and there. Hey, when we come back, I am
going to social media. I'm goingto answer your questions. If you would
like to send in a question,just follow me on Instagram at doctor Wendy
Walsh. That's at Dr Wendy Walsh. Then send me a DM You're listening
to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show onkf I AM six forty. We're live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You'relistening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from
(08:22):
kf I AM six forty. Welcomeback to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
kf I AM six forty. We'relive everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. And
this is the moment of truth.Going to social media to take your questions
about your relationship. Just to remindyou everybody, I don't have a license
to practice therapy. I'm not atherapist. I'm a psychology professor. But
(08:43):
i have read a lot about thescience of love, and I'm of a
certain age and have a certain degreeof wisdom. Yes, I'm your old
auntie, doctor Wendy Auntie, DoctorWendy. I think one of my nephews
calls me that. Actually, ifyou would like to send a question in
just the DM, what do wecheck in Instagram today mostly or TikTok or
Instagram TikTok, all of it?Okay? The hand Deliveryhe is at Dr
(09:07):
Wendy Welsh at Doctor Wendy Welsh,so I haven't seen these ahead of times,
so you never know what I'm gonnaread out loud. Here we go,
Hey, doctor Wendy says this person. I have communication problems, for
example, difficulty listening and understanding,difficulty assuming ownership, and difficulty reserving the
time and space to have healthy conversations. That sounds very Did you type that
(09:30):
out of a textbook? It doesn'tcome naturally to me and my wife?
Me and my wife, now Iknow that didn't come out of a textbook.
Oh oh, doesn't come naturally tome, and my wife is getting
sick of it. How can Iwork on my communication skills? Easy?
Go see a license therapist. Honestly, I learned to have emotional communication just
by seeing my therapist. I startedtherapy when I was pregnant with my first
(09:54):
daughter. I was in and outfor eighteen years, and the level of
conversation that you have about emotions intherapy is the thing that teaches you.
And also the two of you couldgo to couples therapy and that person can
watch you talking to each other andsort of figure out where the mismatches what
you're missing out now. Highly recommendthat, dear doctor Wendy, being in
(10:20):
different stages of life is taxing onmy relationship. We're growing apart in terms
of interest and life goals. Wedon't feel connected and I can feel the
impact on our relationship. Are wedoomed? Nobody has a crystal ball,
Nobody can say if you're doomed ornot. It's very interesting that you say
you're in different stages of life.So I'm wondering if this is a May
(10:43):
December relationship, whether we've got anolder partner and a younger partner. You
know, I always say that arelationship is over when you stopped growing.
Have you stopped growing in this relationship? And here's the other thing. Healthy,
happy, long term committed relationships actuallyare predicated on the fact that each
(11:07):
partner has to have permission to growseparately and then bring that new growth into
the relationship, back into the relationship, right, You got to head out
into the world and get stories totell when you bring home. You have
to be curious about yourself and yourgrowth. So you're talking about your interest
and your life goals. Let's talkabout interests first. You can have other
(11:31):
friends common interest friends for your interests, and then you can come back to
your relationship and tell your person aboutthat. But the life goal thing is
interesting because I think at least everyyear a relationship has to sit down and
you have to have a discussion aboutwhere are we going, what's our plan?
Are we on track for that?And you almost have to rewrite your
relationship contract from time to time.Anyway, I don't have a crystal ball.
(11:54):
I can't say if you're doomed ornot. But I'm wondering if you're
doing the work to try to bringthe connection back or are you outgrowing the
relationship? And only you will knowthe answer to that. Dear doctor,
Wendy, a little jealousy here andthere is normal. Well, we can
(12:15):
debate that, but excessive jealousy hasturned my relationship into a dreaded daily battle.
Listen to how you're talking about yourlove life, the person who's supposed
to support you, the wind beneathyour wings. You know, an exchange
of care has become a dreaded dailybattle. Then you go on to say
(12:39):
she is controlling, angry, andoverbearing. I think she lacks self esteem.
Yes, that's what pullice do.She is jealous regularly. How do
I get her to be more secure? I love? That's the question.
How do I get her to change? When are these people going to learn?
You're not supposed to change anybody else. You're not supposed to change their
(13:01):
behavior having a boundary? Is youchanging your behavior in reaction to them?
So it starts with making a request. Wasn't I just talking about this today?
You start by making a request.When she says where have you been?
Who have you been with whatever?You'll say it doesn't feel comfortable for
me to come home from work andhear you worry about me being unfaithful to
(13:26):
you. I'm going to ask youto stop doing that. Then if she
doesn't follow the request, then you'regoing to say I'm going to walk out
of the room whenever I hear thisconversation because there's no validity to it.
And then you might even say toher if you want to get into therapy,
or you should go to therapy,whatever, you could do that too,
all right, just saying it's don'tdo the dreaded daily battle, nor
(13:50):
is it. It's not your responsibilityto be your partner's therapist. You're not
supposed to heal them. That's dysfunctional, that's codependent. You're supposed to think
about what your needs are and havea very clear reaction, a boundary how
much you can tolerate what you're goingto do. Instead, because you're not
(14:13):
forced to stand in the same roomwith her and listen to this, you
can walk away from a human being. You can break up with them.
There's all kinds of things you cando if it gets that far. But
you need to think about where yourboundary is, where your tolerance level is,
and then from there make a decisionabout what your reaction is going to
be. But you will drive yourselfcrazy if you're just trying to change her
(14:37):
dreaded daily battle. That sure doesn'tsound like a love relationship. That breaks
my heart. All right, I'mgoing to continue with your questions when we
come back. You are listening tothe doctor Wendy Walls Show, on KFI
AM six forty. I want toremind you that you need to go to
the iHeartRadio app. You need tosearch KFI AM six forty, and you
need to follow us. That's where, because that's where the world's all going,
(14:58):
right, that's where all the breakingnews is, right ka breaking news.
You need to follow us on theiHeartRadio app. Also, if you
ever miss any part of the DoctorWendy Walls Show, it's always on demand
right there on the iHeartRadio app.We'll be back with more. You're listening
to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand fromkf I AM six forty. Welcome back
(15:20):
to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show onkf I AM six forty. We're live
everywhere on that iHeartRadio app. Rememberthat, Hey, I know how much
you love talk radio. Before Iget to more of your social media questions,
I have to say something about theimportance of AM radio and I have
to share something. I actually don'thave AM radio in my new car.
(15:43):
This was a big problem for me. This is my job, this is
my work. Plus I love talkradio and I love KFI. So the
work around for me and I hopeit's the workaround for you sometimes if you
were ever in this situation is youcan download the iHeartRadio app and then use
Bluetooth to listen to KFI through thecar. That's what I do on a
regular basis. I listen to Handlein the morning all the time using that.
(16:06):
But we want to make sure thatAM radio stays in cars for a
very good reason. More than eightymillion Americans depend on AM radio. We
need it for our news, ourtraffic, weather, sports, and for
me, the most important thing isa community connection. Did you know that
AM radio is still the backbone ofthe emergency alert system if there's if anything
(16:30):
goes down, right, the Internetgoes down, your WiFi, your Bluetooth,
whatever. It is critical that wekeep AM radio in cars because this
is a free emergency service and itcould be your lifeline. Look if there
was a god forbid an earthquake andall the cell sites went down, what
(16:51):
are you going to do. You'regoing to turn on your AM radio.
You're going to find out where toget water to where it's safe to go,
etc. Now here's how you canensure that AM radio stays in cars.
You need to text the letters amAM AM radio to five two eight
eight six. That's five two eighteight six, that's the number, and
(17:12):
you just text the letters AM andthis will tell Congress that we need AM
radio to stay in cars five toeight eight six. I also want to
add that this message is from myheart, but also furnished by the National
Association of Broadcasters and KFI. Ibelieve very strongly in this. Okay,
(17:32):
let me get back to your relationshipquestions. These are from I believe Instagram
and a couple of them from TikTokAt. Doctor Wendy Walsh is the handle
if you want to follow me,Hey doctor Wendy. Watch I love how
they hey me, Hey, Hey, doctor Wendy Walsh. The monotony of
repeating the same activities daily with thesame person has become boring. My relationship
has become too comfortable and unimaginative.I don't want to leave it on board
(17:56):
to tears. How can I findmy fun in him again? You know,
my mother used to say when Iused to come in on the hot,
long summer days when I was sobored, I'm bored. I'm bored.
And she used to say, ifyou're bored, you're boring. Go
be exciting. Make some excitement.Okay, this is another question. How
(18:18):
can you get him to do something? You're saying, how can I find
some fun in him? Again?You know what researchers would say, take
him out, put your put yourspouse in any new novel situation. I
mean, you don't have to skyskydive or anything that exciting. You can
go to a museum, go hiking, to a garden club, a wine
tasting club I don't know, goto an AA meeting together, I don't
know. Just get him out ofthe house, go somewhere together, because
(18:42):
they look different in a novel situation. You know, this is funny thing.
Did you know if a baby isless than eight months old, you
don't have to buy them new toys. All you have to do is move
the toys to a different room,and to the baby's mind, it's a
whole whole new toy place because it'sin a different schema and in the same
(19:03):
way, your husband will look likea brand new toy if you just get
him out of the house doing somethinganything. But you are fifty percent responsible
for the boring in your relationship.So the question is what can you do
to be more fun and more happy? You know, you could put on
music and dance while you're cooking dinnerand something fun. I don't know,
(19:26):
liven it up, liven it up, as my mother would say. If
you're bored, you're boring. It'sterrible. Oh here's one I can totally
relate to this one, Hi,doctor Wendy. From a hey to Hi,
Hi doctor Wendy. I have beenmy boyfriend's barbie, and I hate
it. Nobody wants to be controlledor likes to be told what to do,
(19:48):
how to dress, or where tospend their money. He controls everything.
He oversteps my boundaries up, butI allow it. What can I
do? Always say this conversation aboutboundaries to day, and we had a
whole seg when we're talking about boundaries. All right, So he's not overstepping
your boundaries. He's overstepping your requests. He's ignoring your requests. That's the
difference. Right. So what youdon't have is a reaction to his boundaries,
(20:12):
right, you need to have.It's not a punishment. You need
to basically say, if you dothis, then I'll do this. Right.
So yeah, and there's that otherthing, but I allow it.
This is where you and your therapistsneed to talk about it is your fear
of losing him greater than your fearof having your own self respect, your
(20:38):
own sense of self, your ownability to control your life. If your
fear of abandonment is bigger, youwill stay his doormat. You will still
do what he says. You know, you've got to be strong because you
might be surprised. You might besurprised that he might actually like the new
you when you start to own thatnew word. No, uh huh,
(21:00):
that's a good word. But youalso can't just nag. You have to
do something like walk out of theroom, say no if he tells you
how to dress, wears something different, and see what he does. Just
see what he does. That's whatI say. All right, I think
I have time for one more,Dear doctor, Wendy, I got married
after knowing my husband for three months. Whoops. Then she writes, I
(21:22):
know you're going to say it wasa mistake. Now I see. We
have differences in religion, politics,childrearing, and the basic definition of right
and wrong. We all grew updifferently with unique morals, values, beliefs,
and goals, but we don't seeeye to eye on anything. Can
we make this work although we areso different. Well, here's the answer.
Anything is possible as long as thetwo of you want to make it
(21:45):
work. If both of you wantit, and you mentioned childrearings, you've
got kids, you got a verygood reason for wanting to make it work.
I would highly suggest for you guysthat you get into couples therapy.
I believe absolutely that if both peopleput their mind to it. I've also
said before that a relationship can changeif one person doesn't want to go to
(22:06):
therapy but one person does, becausethat person can go and learn all kinds
of skills, tips, tricks,techniques, communication skills, boundaries, etc.
If you go to therapy. Soeven if you're going to say to
me, while my husband doesn't wantto go, he doesn't think we're that
different, then you go. That'swhat I say already. I love to
(22:26):
answer your questions. You could writeto me on my social media anywhere.
The handle is at doctor Wendy Walsh. That's at dr Wendy Walsh. Also,
if you want to join my Patreon, Patreon dot com slash doctor Wendy
Walsh. We do a Wednesday nightZoom group. That's a lot of fun,
and I post some blogs and stuffup there too, so you can
come on over there. All right. When we come back, where are
we going after this? Oh?How do you know you're in love?
(22:51):
Believe it or not? I getthis question a lot. How do you
know it's true love? I'll tellyou what science says when we come back.
You are listening the Doctor Wendy WalshShow on kf I AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio Appum, you're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh
on demand from kf I AM sixty. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walls
Show on KFI A M six forty. We are in the home stretch already.
(23:17):
I feel like we got through somuch magnificent sex. We got through
a lot of interesting questions. Wecleared up that question about whether you're dating
a narcissist, because most of themaren't narcissists. They're just selfish, you
know, not full diagnosis, butwe love to call them that. One
of the questions I get a lotis is this true love? Is this
(23:37):
really love? Am I experiencing love? Now? We know that love is
a thing, right, it hasbiological piece that has psychological piece, that
has sociological piece. The biological iswhat happens in your brain when you get
this cocktail of neurohormones that feel sogood, but also there's this psychological piece.
(24:00):
It reminds you of something familiar fromyour childhood, and hopefully you had
secure attachments in your childhood, sothis is a good thing you're replicating.
And then sociological it's like, ohmy god, they look so good on
paper, they have the right job, if they live in the right zip
code, they have the right politics, the same diet. Oh my god,
we're so much alike, right,So all of those things interplay when
it comes to love. I dobelieve there is no such thing as a
(24:23):
soul mate. It's not like thisone person. It's just that when your
brain gets this cocktail of neural hormonesand you see this person and you're really
attracted to them, you start tothink, oh, it must be my
soul mate. But that's part ofa delusion of love. There's been so
much research on the science of love. I'm going to highlight some of it,
and let's go through some scientifically provensigns that you're in love. Number
(24:52):
one, believing that this one special, see that soul mate thing, so
once a lifetime that I'll meet thisperson. Actually believe that this person you
met is so unique and interesting.And actually one article in the Archives of
Sexual Behavior said that it shows it'sbecause of elevated levels in the central dopamine,
(25:15):
a chemical involved in intention and focusin your brain. So thinking your
lover, this person you met isspecial is part of the love recipe.
Then this focusing on the positive,all right, I would say not looking
close enough at the negative. Sowhat happens is love is actually a delusion
that makes your brain a little bitirrational. And when you first meet somebody,
(25:37):
they can do no wrong. Andin fact, any negative information that
you're presented with at the beginning offalling in love, you dismiss or refute
it in some way. There's beenlots of research to support this. But
here's another sign that you're in love. You're kind of emotionally unstable, all
right? Are you bouncing around betweenfeelings of euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness,
(26:03):
then sometimes anxiety, panic? Arethey going to call back? Is
it going to happen? Right?A racing heart, you've got it all
right. That's what it feels likeat the beginning emotional instability. Here's an
example. One time, I wasfalling in love with somebody as Machenga,
and I had a job at Iwas hosting anchoring the news at UPN and
(26:23):
the promotions guy. I know that. Every Wednesday, the promotions guy,
I give him my copy or Igo in and record some voiceover so he
does a promo for whatever my weekendshow is or whatever. And I had
lost track of the days of theweek. And I was driving in the
car with my beloved, the newhot guy that I was with, and
my guy called my promotions guy's like, where are you supposed to here doing
(26:45):
a voiceover? And I literally didn'tknow the day of the week or where
I was supposed to be, butI was in such a love cloud.
I remember literally saying to him,dude, we'll do it next week,
Like who cares about one. Itwas like someone had given me a drug
and I would high. And thatis so out of character for me.
I'm punctual, I'm reliable, Iget things done. Yeah, that's the
(27:07):
emotional instability. What else intrusive thinkingwhere you can't stop thinking about the person.
That is a sign you're in love. I know you're going to ask,
but when is it an obsession andwhen is it actual love? It
depends on you know, it islove. It's all love. Even obsessions
are love. It's just that ifyour model for love from early childhood is
(27:30):
filled with, you know, somekind of pain or whatever, maybe you're
going to be more obsessed. Ohhere's another example of love. You kind
of start to become emotionally dependent onwhat that person does or thinks. You
might get a little possessive, youmight feel jealous. Sometimes you might deeply
fear rejection. You might have separationanxiety. You know what Doctor Helen Fisher
(27:55):
at the Kinsey Institute, she lovesto say that the areas that life up
in MRI machines in the brain whensomeone is falling in love, they are
the same areas that light up withlike a cocaine addiction. Right, it's
the same thing. It's like adrug dependency. Well, now it's an
emotional dependency. Here's my favorite one. You're planning a future together. Okay,
(28:18):
I know it's a joke. Theteenage girls practice, well we did
back in the day. They probablydon't do now. They used to take
their first name and the boy's lastname and do missus in front, right,
and they'd practice the signature like,this is going to be my future
signature. Me I just plan onhow much of a mortgage we could qualify
for. I don't know, butplanning the future, thinking in your mind
(28:41):
where it's going to go down theroad. You see, if it's not
real love, you're like, I'mhere for today, out tomorrow, not
planning a future. Another sign you'rein love is having feelings of empathy.
Right again. Doctor Helen Fisher discoveredthat there are significant patterns in brain active
for people who are in love.She calls them mirror neurons. Mirror neurons
(29:06):
where and you know when we talkto the sex researcher earlier, when she
was talking about this sense of you'rehaving great, magnificent sex and you don't
know where your skin ends and theother person's begin. And that comes from
having deep empathy and empathetic empathic connection. There, I'll get it out.
(29:26):
So if you're actually sensing and caringlike the other persons that they have a
bad day and you feel it inyour stomach, that's real empathy, and
that's a sign of love. Also, on the negative side, you'll get
a little bit possessive. Possessive feelings. Are you desiring sexual exclusivity? Are
you do you have extreme jealousy.I'm not talking about dangerous jealousy. You're
(29:49):
not turned into a stalker, right, You're not violating somebody's privacy. I'm
just talking about little feelings of Oh, they didn't call tonight, I wonder
where they are tonight. Yep,that's a sign that you're in love.
You also sometimes feel out of control. Love is a risk. I believe
(30:10):
that part of the reason why somany people fall into these situation ships,
these undefined relationships, is because they'reso afraid of this feeling of being out
of control, being able to trustsomeone, being able to depend on somebody
else for their emotional needs to helpmeet and care for them. And I
tell you, jump in, takethe plunge. Love is the best drug
(30:34):
we have. It's free, it'sthe best thing for your health. Thank
you so much for being with me. It is always my pleasure to weigh
in on your love lives. EverySunday. I'm doctor Wendy Walsh. I'm
here on KFI every Sunday from sevento nine pm. You've been listening to
Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can alwayshear us live on kf I Am six
(30:56):
forty from seven to nine pm onSunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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